AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 118 · 4 months ago

Stevie B. at the WICYPAA 2022 Convention

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. at the WICYPAA 2022 Convention, Milwaukee, Wisconsin April 21, 2022

Hi everybody. My name is tevb. I'm recovering alcoholic my home. That's of awesome stuff right there. So beautiful. Everybody. My name is Steven Bean, recovering alcoholic. My whome group is the Golden Text Group of Hollywood Florida, and I'm very happy to be here with you guys to night. Thank you to that panel that, even though after my sponsor canceled, Russell spats, because he has covid or had covid at the time, and he was going to be able to fly, I produced a tape and you guys pick me, so I really appreciate it. It's been really wonderful and and scary at the same time, because I haven't been to wikipat in. I haven't been to any of the pause in a long time, in like over, like twenty five or thirty years. And and you guys are definitely the wildest ikey PA that I've been to. And start we got yeah, yeah, and plus I was sitting next to the guy that says say it again, for the ten steps. Say it again, say it again. I and all the people last night I was next to that guy and which was scary for us right. I brought my friends here and we were scared. We were really scared. That's you. Yeah, I remember you last night and I'm still recovering from that. So, but the love that you guys have shown me and my friends and and getting to know George and Tina and getting to know Brian and Matt, I have Matt picked me up at the airport and Andre has just been really amazing. And that's what's so incredible about alcoholics. Anonymous. Yeah, the gentleman that has the one day. What's your name? They both have one day. Last really two days. And the gentleman, the people that have the one day. I was that guy twenty two years ago. I was the guy at the conference that got to sign big book. My wife had brought me there after I had seven years and just relapsed and I was totally out of my element and I didn't know if I was going to stop and she brought me to the into group banquet and I was the guy that got the book. So when you guys got the book tonight, I know how that feels. But I want to tell you if you stay sober, one day at a time, all sorts of remarkable things are going to follow and everybody in this room, from the person with the most time to Jeff, why just met, to George to Tina. We all do it the exact same way. Every single person in here does it one day at a time. Nobody has figured out any way. No one's taken in ten years. No one's doing it five years. No one gets a month. Today is the eighth of January, two thousand and twenty two, and this is the only day that any of us are ever going to have. It's not a dress rehearsal. I want to tell you that God is amazing. I was in the elevator. I'm from New York and from Long Island, New York and and and just me and another guy in the elevator and and I said you're going to go see the speaker and he says yeah, I'm on my way. I said Speaker is going to be great. And and then he goes where you're from, and I say, M I'm from New York, and he says, I'm in I have a friend here that went to treatment here in Wisconsin and and I think he's from New York. And and and he goes what part of New York you from? And I saent him from Long Island New York, and if you're from Long Island New York, it's kind of a big deal. It's not a big deal to you, but it's a big deal to ups. We kind of feel like the entire planet centers around Long Island New York, and I know it's not right, but but it's just the way it is. And so I went met Jordan, my new friend. He's from Long Island New York. Sixty days this, sixty days right, Jordan, mom mayor, and we're from the same area. How cool is that? We're in the middle of Wisconsin I meet Jordan. Were from the same area by one town, and and he's got sixty days and he's got this great, very cool sponsor that I just me and and that's how we do this thing. We follow the people that came before us. We don't have to invent this. But I didn't know anything about alcoholics anonymous. I never met anybody from alcoholics anonymous and I didn't drink and then became an alcoholic. I was an alcoholic be ever before I ever took my first drink. I had alcoholism before I took my first drink and I'm just just saying, for the respect of alcohols anonymis the old times that are here, that my story is not just about alcohol. Its alcohol and I did a lot of other stuff. So...

I'm not going to be getting totally into that stuff. But if I say that I was rolled up in a carpet because I thought the police were coming, it's not from Scotch. I'm not trying to disrespect anybody, but it just wouldn't make sense. And so you know what I really loved about the energy when you guys came up and did I love you? That the pot which is so cool, is that I never felt love. I was loved, my parents loved on me and I never felt it. I felt like I was from another planet. I knew they loved my sister and they loved me just the same and I couldn't feel it. I felt totally out of place in my neighborhood, in my block in New York, everything is separated by blocks and I felt like I was the only kid on the block that didn't fit in. So when I tell you that I needed to take a drink, I needed to take a drink because I had alcoholism by the time I was four. I was restless, irritable and discontent. I had it dis ease inside me the way that you guys carry yourself here and everyone's wearing life and as a loose garment. I never did that. I wasn't able to do that. I always watched to see what the next person was doing next to me, told that I could follow the lead of the person next to me. If I saw you doing it, then I did it. I never I never had an identity and, like Tina said last night, my first drugged choice was lying. I'm a master liar, but I know him in a room full of ex master liars, because if you don't feel good about yourself and in a lie you could be an almost or even a somebody, you're going to lie anytime you can, like Tina said, even when the truth would have sufficed would have been fine. So I was always lying. In My neighborhood, like I said, well, it's separated by blocks and it just so happened in my block everybody that was anybody had big brothers. There was the WAGONMAN's, the Mundingers, the Cohens, the woolies, everybody had brothers and I had a little chubby sister. So when you would walk up with it a playground and every one becoming it with their brothers, and I had my little sister holding my hand. You get no juice in my neighborhood if you bring you a little chubby sister with you, you get no juice. No one's picking you on for the team. You got, nobody backing you up, nobody showing you how to play sports. And I always felt one of the reasons that I didn't fit in my neighborhood is because I didn't have brothers. I was trying to develop reasons why I didn't fit in because I didn't fit in in my mind. And then we got a new coach that came to school, and I went to a big high school, like two thousand kids. We had a new coach and he looked at the roster and he sees my name and he says boy Arsky, which is my last thing. Says Boy Oarsky. Said yes, coach. He says, does your brother play for the Pittsburgh Panthers? Well, that's a very easy answer. If you don't have a brother, I'm just going to tell you right there. But I knew at that moment my life was about to change. So I said yes, I do coach. Now, all my friends that knew me my whole life and knew that I had a step brother that was a plumber from Massachusetts, they all knew that my brother didn't play for the Pittsburgh Panthers, but at that moment I took it on and it became my story. And I'm not telling you just it's not like a little antidote. What I tell you that I walked around with jerseys with my brotherhood with my last name on it, that when he got drafted into the NFL, it was like the greatest day of my life, because when you don't want to be you, you're willing to be anybody. Alcohol allowed me to be a somebody, or at least an almost and I never wanted to be me. I wanted so much to fit in that one day when my parents was one of the first days they were at home, my mother was in a terrible accident. She was in the hospital, my dad was at a funeral for a family member and I was twelve and the coolest kid in my neighborhood. His name is Kevin and Kevin is I wanted to hang out with Kevin because he was tough and and he was cool. And so I went over to Kevin and I ring the door bell and I said, would you like to well, what I said is, would you like to come play with me? But you can't really say that now, so you'd be...

...arrested. I said, would you like to hang out? You know, would you hang out with me? I'm just going to make it modern day and and and he said why would I want to hang out with you? And I said because I have guns. My Dad, may God rest his soul, he just went home to be with the Lord four months ago. My Dad was a Korean war hero. He fought on Port Chop Hill in the Korean War. And My dad, who passed away with twenty eight years in Ga and twenty one years in alcohols anonymous. We had guns and I was not allowed to play with those guns of my parents were around, and unless my parents were around. But that day, when I was twelve years old, I knew that this was something that Kevin might want to do, so I invited him over. When we started blow stuff up, yeah, yeah, and Kevin was into hanging out with me and we're blowing stuff up. But then Kevin got up and he was going to leave and I didn't want him to leave. I was willing to do anything not to be alone, and I was doing I was willing to do anything not to end the feeling of at least having a cool person hang out with me. And I said to Kevin, please don't leave. You could shoot at me, and I gave him the gun. I was doing alcoholic things before I ever took my first Rin, and I gave him the gun and at one in a million shot blew out my right eye. And while I was laying on the lawn and my little sister was crying and I was holding my eye in my hand, all I could do was think about how Kevin felt and if the kids at school would know that Kevin did it, he wouldn't like me anymore. And so for the next ten or twenty years I told everybody that it was a ricochet and I did it myself. My esteem was not even lowesteem. I had no esteem when I took that first drink. By the way, my parents are half Jewish and half Italian. Well, they're not half Jewish half Italian. There Jewish and Italian. I'm half Jewish and half a time they knew who they were. I don't know who I am, and so Jewish people drink a wine cold Mannishevi, it's Jewish table wine, and that was my first drink. It's kind of like grape juice and when I took that glass of that wine on one of the holidays, it was awesome. I started feel good about myself. I had an ease and comfort that came at once. As soon as that wine went into my stomach. I was like, wow, this is this is great, and I pursued that. I didn't get drunk, I pursued that feeling like everything was going to be okay and I pursued that for the next years and years and years, and if alcohol did for you, and I've told about alcohol in any form, don't get caught up on the word alcohol. I have alcoholism. The solution from my alcoholism comes from the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous that points me towards God and the twelve steps. And I don't want you to get caught up on the word alcohol. It doesn't matter why you're here, but alcohol in any form changes the way I feel from the inside. And when I changed for the way I feeled from the inside, I have an ease and comfort that can only come from that substance. And to this day I know that if I took one drink it would work for any type of social things. I last night being in this room, I could have used the drink. To be honest with you, I could have really used the drink. It was a touch and ghost situation for a little while. There would have been me and the two other guys with the book, but I didn't take a drink and I got through it, but drink would have helped. Now, if you understand what I just said, then you have alcoholism. If you understand what I just said, doesn't matter the substance that you use for alcoholism. I could use sex, alcohol, drugs, shopping, gambling, poor knock, I can use anything. I'm just being real. But with the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous teaches me as that's God has the answer to my lack of power problem. And this morning when I got to be in a panel with Tina, which was amazing. Yeah, you can cough for hers. He's incredible. We tell if I live here, teen and George would be my sponsors. I'm like Tina and George groupies. I'm Tina and George groupies. I'll tell you right now. You see me in the hall just following them around. When I was sixteen, I found other...

...things. Of course. I'm a product of the S. I'm from New York. We did a lot of cocaine back then. I just got to need a side. Really no other way to say that. I'm sorry about that, Jeff. There isn't really no other way to say that. I just got to put it out there because if I say I started snorting Scotch, is going to seem silly. Did a lot of cocaine, but I didn't do a lot of cocaine because it cocaine cost money. So I did a lot of cocaine on a waiter salary. There's not a lot of cocaine. That's as much cocaine as you can do, which is really not that much. And I'm in college and my hero, my hero of my whole life, is my uncle Jj. My uncle Jj went to university in Italy and learn and was in medical school learning how to be a doctor in a foreign language and at the same time he's learning how to be a doctor in Italian. He's learning Italian at the same time. To me that's like amazing, like I have trouble in English in America. You know, I'm saying like serious preper what I don't know. My uncle's my hero and when I was in the senior year of college, he had drowned on the bottom of a swimming pool. A multimillionaire doctor and Florida died alone in the bottom of a swimming pool. He went to a restaurant, ordered two bottles of Dom perir and you own it, and from loneliness he had alcohols. We didn't know. He died alone on the bottom of a swimming pool. Forty two years old. Had everything in the world to live for. Was Amazing and I inherited a bunch of money. And so I'm now in my senior. I'm in my senior, junior here college and I I like cocaine. I really like to smell of it at that time, and now I have money, and that's a problem. We put the two things together. That's a problem. I used to use to feel better about myself. Then I started living to use and I went home to see my grandfather, where Italians, and I went home on an Easter, on a Sunday, and my grandfather, Jac he says me, Stevie, and then he calls me over and and and. Back in those days would they would read the paper at the table on Sunday afternoons and read the newspaper. It's a great error. And he says, Stevie. I go yeah, GRANDPA, he goes, you see this? It was like the time of New Jack City. And he says, Stevie, never try this substance. If you tried this substance once, you'll become addicted. And I said definitely not, GRANDPA. Is that serious business? Right there? saidlet me see the paper so I can identify what not to use. There was a whole article about crack and instead, if you use it once, you become addicted. I took that paper to Manhattan, to Washington Heights. I was on the corners like as anybody's seen this substance. You know where I could purchase this. You tell me I can't do something that's gonna becoming that sounds like something I want to do. Fifty shot. You use this, you dial go blind, but you could get high. I like that. That's good odds. I'm going to try that. And they were right. I went from the president of my fraternity about to Graduate College Student Leaders Committee. All this time I wasn't I'm not saying I did well in school, but I'm a good talker and and and then I moved underneath the steps of my fraternity house, like literally underneath the steps so that I could pursue my drug of choice underneath the steps and I didn't come out for an entire semester. Everyone had graduated and left. It was me and another girl and another part of the house. She someone. They left her too. I came out. We saw each other one night where like you're still here. I'm like yeah, I was living under the steps. And so it's not like I had millions. I ran out of money and when it wasn't a problem until I ran out of money. When I ran out of money, I could see there was a problem. And I was a waiter at one of those destination resorts, like like dirty dancing, where they come and then they you stay with the tables all week and at the end they give it the tip, you perform on stage and everything. I was a waiter and one of those restaurant and one of those hotels in the Poconos of Pennsylvania and my my I was supposed to get a bunch of money at the end of the at the end of the summer, and and I got and I hit a deer. I know you have that situation...

...here with deer. It seems like an area that definitely could have some deer. And I hit a deer, truthfully, and I knocked out the whole side of my car and I called my parents. I'm listen, I'm about to get all the tips for the summer but I can't get to the resort and I hit a deer and I need money. And they set money up right away, fixed the car and then subsequently, every weekend after that I was hitting a lot of deer, a lot of deer. Every weekend was another deer, just wiping out the whole deer population of the POCANOS. Dear after deer. I was like the deer hunter. So that kept it going a little bit longer before I had to go home because I was broken before the deer scam. I go home and I tell my parents I'm an addict. We didn't have terms like alcoholic and I'm listening to them. I'm addicted to coughtn't him say I'm a I'm addicted to cook and it was shocking to my parents. We didn't have addicts in my neighborhood. We didn't have alcoholics in my name. None of my friends went to treatment. is a different era now. You understand like like now, in two thousand and twenty two, it's like the fourth option treatments. The fourth option got high school, College, trade, military and treatment. That wasn't like that back then, wasn't I one of the four things you picked with a guidance, counselor what are you gonna do? I'm going to do the treatment route. Seems like a good way to go. That's what Matt did. So, needless to say, my parents were relieved because they thought I was a moron hitting all the deer in Pennsylvania, like well, you at least you have a co King Prom and we can work with that. We can work with that, and so they researched. One of my cousins went to a place in in the middle of the United States. Now understand I tell this story around the United States, but I've never actually told that here in the middlewest. So it's you know, but I just got to be honest. Is What happened and one of my family members went to a program called Hazelden in Minnesota and and and I was a college guy, was about to Grad. I shouldn't know where Minnesota was. It's just stupid that I didn't. But I'd like the typical at this time. My cousin be Anny, type of guy that you know, like where you understand I'm saying. I like we're like muscle shirts everywhere, like like Guinea Ta's five gold chains. I'm like my cousin the any to the tea, I'm always in the gym. So we wearing these things called balloon pants, which are like pajamas, and my mother's she's like, you're going to treatment. I'm like, what's that? She gives me a tape of something called twenty eight days and, I'm sorry, cleaning sober with Michael Keaton. So this is what you're going you going to treatment. You got a drug from you own a treatment. So I started drinking in the house watching the movie, because we didn't there's no, we did not correlate any they were they were fine with that because we did not correlate alcohol was a drug. And I start watching the Michael Keaton Twenty eight days and and I say I can do that. It looks like that. One of the guys folks up. I was used to spring break. I'm from New York. We go down to Florida all the time. It seemed like it was going to be a good experience for me and so I packed the same way I do for spring breaking forward. I put in my muscle outfits, my Guineat, my little, you know, wind break er jacket, five hair gels and I'm set to go. And I arrive in Minnesota on February seventh two thousand, which was a year where they had in McDonald's they had negative hamburger, so if it was negat thirty seven degrees, they had a negative. They had a thirty seven heads and and I had never seen anything like this. I got off the plane and I it was like Fargo. I'd never say it was unbelievable. I'm like in a t shirt, my muscle pinch, which our pajamas. They whisked me off to has then for kids it's called was called Hazel it used to be called Hazelden Pioneer House. Now it's Hazelton young people's. That Matt told me, but I went there I was twenty one. I just turned twenty, I was twenty one. I was waiting for to get there and I just hit my twenty one birthday and I get to the treatment center completely frozen and I walk into the lobby, which I thought was like a hotel because I was used to hotels. My Dad was like a kind of a big deal and in Atlantic City, so I'm used to hotels. And I'm like, excuse me, concierge, what is this stuff on the wall with the steps and and and he's...

...like because, because I saw something that offended me and it was the word alcohol. It said we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become a man. I wasn't there for alcohol. I just turned twenty one. I hadn't even started drinking. I said, excuse me, I'm here for not the alcohol. I have a cocaine problem. We cold in advance. I have a thirty five thousand dollar check in my pocket. I'm not going to quit drinking. I'm not here for alcohol. The Guy said, well, we don't drink here. I said, obviously not. It's a treatment center. That's silly. Of course we don't drink here, but I'm going to drink after as it seemed like a waste of money if that's the end result, not not to drink. I'm not even here for that. The Guy said, well, you could leave. I'm from New York. You don't just throw the gauntlet down like that and me that I'm twenty or one years old and I got a three piece matching Gucci Lug is. I pick it up. I'm like, well, I'm gonna leave Jordan. You know what I'm talking about. Not going to be intimidated by some Bht tech in the lobby. Is that? Well, I'M gonna leave. He said, well, you go now. He knew that there was like a snow drift in front of the door, like the shining and that nobody leaves like four months in this weather. Even people that are prepared don't go outside here. And I stayed till the spring because it was frozen and I had no clothes. By the time it was spring, I had like three months and I'm like, well, I must just I might as well stay like Jordan is in a recovery house. My friend Matt went to fellowship. I went to a place called Pioneer House and I stayed in Minnesota and everything was going good and I found the fellowships. I was in both fellowships at the time because that's what young people did back thirty years ago. We went we went to all this different type of meetings and and I don't think we had I could be wrong, but I didn't got any young people Aa back then. I'm sure they had it, but I didn't see it. And and I got involved with some amazing groups in Minneapolis, Central Pacific Group, which is a group from clancy, who happens to be from Wisconsin. He started a group, Oh Claire, Wisconsin. He's incredible guy, and he started a group in California called the Pacific Group. And then I got involved with the Central Pacific Group. But what I mean by getting involved is I was involved in the fellowship. I love the fellowship. You know, I learned from Tina today is that if you don't have all three sides of the triangle and you only have two sides of the triangle, you're in a less than position. I only had two sides of the triangle. I'm doing fellowship. Basically, if I had one side, I was one side triangle. I was trying to think of the other. I had nothing. I was a one side. I wasn't, not even unless that Tina. I'm just like a stick. So I'm walking around Ay as a stick. And so I'm at my job and a girl says, I heard your sober I would tell of a problem with drugs and I'm eighteen months ober and and I have no defense. After for the first she says, I heard you have a your sober and I have a problem with drugs. And she was my drug or choice. And I said, well, wait, I didn't even know you can find that out here. So she was looking for me to help her and I instead I joined the misery party. I had no defense because I hadn't worked any of the steps. I really did fellowship. Guys, if you're here today, you think you could stay cleaned and sober for the rest of your life on fellowship? You can't. Fellowship is amazing, communities amazing, but if you put a car, broken car in a garage and you don't change it and you don't work on it, you don't do the steps and you're here for years and years and years, you stop broken car. And so I was eighteen months clean and I relapsed and now I relapsed into crack in Minneapolis in the winter. That's not act. Like going to school in Poconos in Pennsylvania, that's like no joke. In Minneapolis crack that's like no joke, because you like I'm like walking over Tundras to get to the crack house. I'm like, I got a pit, you know, I got that thing that you know outdoor get it was serious business. The winters here are serious business. And now I don't have mommy and daddy's money because they had joined a pro and called Gamina Narnon, which is like teach his parents not to fall from my stuff. And I'm like I'm freezing out there to like get to a meeting. I'm like I'm dying in Minnesota. They're like,...

...go to meeting it. I bet you just heated in the meeting. I'm like, you sent me out here, I'm dying, I'll never coming home. They're like, well, I didn't cure it, I didn't cause it. Sorry, I can't cure it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Alanon and Narnon and Gamin on saved my entire family's life. I just want to tell you. And they wouldn't let me come home. They wouldn't let me come home. I want to tell you thank you for the native American people in Minnesota because because the only place that would take me was a native American detox and I told him I was native American. So I want to thank you for having that. It can't coming over to ask me my tribe and I just, you know, told him I was cracked out. I just, you know, can't talk right now. By the time was like the fourth day. They had figured it out. They kicked me out, but I was four days clean and I crawled back to the Halfway House that had kicked me out and Uptown Minneapolis. I crawl back to them and I begged them to take me back in. I did not Mommy Daddy's money, but I begged him. I had been humiliated, I'd been crushed. I know where to go. Accept to you guys and you love to me. You welcome me back and I stayed in Minneapolis for another year. I was there for five years total, some very serious winters, and I am I'm in love with I'm in love with this area and was. How amazing is God that I haven't been here in twenty years. This is my twenty year anniversary. Week I celebrated twenty years on Monday and then God brings me back twenty years later to the area I got sober and I know it's not the exact area, but you know from New York and Florida this seems like the exact area and it feels like the exact area. I just think it's how amazing. And I know my sponsor was supposed to speak and he's one of the best speakers in the country and I get that, but God wanted me to be here and you'll get to hear Russell'spats another time because he's just amazing. And I got down to Florida to be with my grandparents and I stayed sober down there and I started going to meetings of alcoholics anonymous, and this time I worked the steps, but I didn't work them thoroughly. I did an amazing one, two and three. I did a great four, did a good five. I didn't have that much stuff in my five really to give because I was kind of young guy used for a year and a half or two years that I use the year in Minneapolis. So I had like three or four years of some good stuff, but where really wasn't a lot of good stuff and I really didn't really think the steps were. I mean, I know the steps are important, but I didn't think they're with that important. Like like Tina walks around with the service manual. That's like serious bizes. You walk around with a service manual. That serious bitch. She caressed it. You see, that's she arrested. The woman caress is a service manual. I didn't never seen that. And so I'm like kind of doing the steps light. It was a different programs, like not AA was another. It's like a plus B. I was doing the steps light and I'm like four years sober and I'm supposed to be working on my six step, four years older, supposed to be working on my fist ship six step. I get to the sixth step and it's like a paragraph. It's like it's like you take the book off the shelf, you look at the first five proposals. Did you do them like concrete? Yeah, he gets to the next thing and there's like a paragraph on the sixth step talking about defects of character. I didn't really have any defects of character. I kind of like my character. The only defect I had was crack and I gave that up like four years earlier. So I didn't really even think it was that important and it is. Humbly ask God to to remove your shortcomings. I was like wow, this is amazing. Look at this, this is amazing. And so I got really sick in a see, I have alcoholism and without an active program and alcoholics anonymous to treat my alcoholism, I will become sicker than I was even before the beginning. And when I was four and five and six, I was lying. At Ten, I told at ten or eleven, I told people my brother played professional football. At twelve I gave someone a gun and I had never even taken a drink and that person still lives in me. If I don't work an active program of alcoholics anonymous, I will get sicker and sicker and sicker. And so I'm like five years sobering, a sober and a but I'm not sober. I'm not sober at all. The definitions of sober is to be sober minded and I wasn't sober minded, I was just clean. And so I'm taking steroids and I'm like, I'm like, so, I'm like, I'm like like the Typical Sopranos, like want to be I got five gold chains. I'm talking with an accident. In every meeting I got my balloon pants on and my you know, no socks, shoes where. You just disgusting. And I'm punching people...

...in meetings. I'm headbutting guys in meetings sober. But I wasn't sober, I was just clean. And then I see you, I see what's going to fix this God size problem and I don't even know that I have a God sized problem because I'm praying to God. I'm praying to God in the morning. I'm giving him twenty seconds on my knees and I'm giving him twenty seconds at night. I'm like a God guy. Just going to aid doesn't make you a God guy. Just like having a gym membership. You don't go, he doesn't make you a gym person. But I'm like, I'm a God guy. I'm like picking up people on the street that are not my wife and pay and then I'm like I'm a God guy. I'm telling like women on the street, you really should get sober. You like, I'm a God guy. And so I worked in this in this mall in South Florida that had a full circus lions, elephants, show girls and I worked in the mall and so I saw one of the show girls. She was like spectacular. She had like the whole head dress and she was on an elephant and a trapeeze and I said, if I can get that girl, that could fix what's going on in here. You know, I was always trying to acquire. I had going to acquire the muscles and then I acquired the cars and then I acquired the businesses and I was trying to always acquire because if you don't have anything inside, if you don't if you're not stuffing God in your Gods size hole, then you're going to stuff all this stuff and you're going to find out that other stuff is not going to work. And then what's going to happen? He's either going to grow or you're going to go. You're either going to grow or you going to go. And I see I see my next hostage and she's gorgeous and she's not from this country. So now I have like a one up on her and I like pursuer, which back then was like stalking, but they didn't have the laws yet. And she finally submits. She's like exhausted. She's like fine, I'll marry you, and I marry her and we have a big, a a wedding and I'm covered in alcoholism. I have my friends from Minneapolis fly in, my friends from New York, flay and her family from Columbia come in and I'm sober five years and I'm I'm dripping of alcoholism. I'm so stark raving, not sober minded and but nobody knows because I physically haven't had a drink in five years and I have all the toys. So, from the outside, twenty nine years older, all the toys now with this beautiful wife. Nobody was able to tell me anything because I wasn't listening, and if you're not listening to someone giving your feedback, you're already falling to the big defect of character, which is pride. But I didn't want to hear it. So people tell me, you know, maybe you should work the steps again. I'm like the people say, I wouldn't take any suggestions. And so we're on our honeymoon and she was where are we going? And I said we're going to go to a New Orleans and she's not from the country, so she doesn't know what New Orleans stands for. I'm like it stands for jazz, and she's like, I like jazz. So we go to New Orleans and while we're in New Orleans we go to emeral lagassi's new restaurant, which is called Lolas, and it's when those fancy restaurants where the tables are right next to each other, and it's our first time together as newly married couple and I supposed to be staring at her, but I have alcoholism, so I'm like staring at her, but I'm also staring at me and I'm thinking she really got a good package of she's a very lucky person. And I'm just totally dripping of myself. And I noticed in the next table the people have ordered fine wine and it's and they're not drinking it, and I say to the food server, it's going on the table next to us. I don't tell my wife what I'm doing it. I'm like talking behind the menu and they go those people are drinking fine wine that needs to breathe first. See they had served the wine in a decanter, but they weren't drinking it, they were letting it breathe. I had never seen anything like that. I never seen wine that needed a breathe first. I went right from mad dog two thousand and twenty two crack. I miss fine wine. I'm like, what this fine wine that needs to breathe first? Jeff knows what it's done. Talking to my never seene that. You'd never seen it either, Jeff Right, I we never seen it. When you come in young, you don't know about fine wine. They needs to breathe first. And at that moment I knew I was not powerless over specific types of alcohol, or maybe any alcohol. I knew right there that I would be able to drink again. I would be able to drink again. It was never going to drink alcoholically. I was going to drink fine wine that needs to breathe first and I was going to order by the class and I...

...was going to say Pooley for say and for Foofoo, and I was going to be cool and like and I was going to be like this, and and and everything's going to work out. And I spent two more years in alcoholics anonymous, getting sicker intil the day I picked up my seven year Midiona, and I left and I tried to find fine wine and like thirty in an afternoon on a Thursday. I'm thirty years old. I have no idea what to find fine wine, but I already have an emmy that I'm going to drink that night. So I wind up getting hardboard box wine from a local Chinese restaurant and that was about as fine as it ever got. And because I'm not just an alcoholic, I'm an alcoholic of all varieties, the moment I used the wine, I remember that I had some pills in the house that said don't take with alcohol and I had never taken any more of them because I was sober. But as soon as I drank I'm like wow, that would probably be the right drugs to take with this drinking, and so I went and found the pills and I took the two together. First night out, seven years sober, first night out I did alcohol and drugs the first night. I feel like I'm an overchiever. I had given away the program just like that and I thought, you know what, if it gets bad, I'll come right back in. And it wasn't like that for me. As I told you, I was the guy that got brought to the into group banquet because I couldn't get clean. I lost everything in that year and a half. My beautiful new WIFE THAT MARRIED SOBER Steve. I totally abused our relationship. She escaped back to the country of Columbia. And when I'm and I'm just not a joke, I'm saying she escaped because she escaped the insanity. She didn't know I was doing drugs. She thought I was having a nervous break then, and I was, and I was taking drugs to handle that nervous breakdown in my mind. One night I was my friend told me that if you're already using drugs, if you're already using this Adex, don't you just try this happy pill that makes you love people more? And I make this seems like it should work out. And so I started taking this love drug and I'm like thirty two years old and I'm in a club and all night long and I'm like this all night long and going up and down and up and down and up and down and up and down, up and down, totally at you know, asphyxiating myself from sweating and just dying and and I didn't feel any more loving than I did before I took it. And I'm all shot out. I was jumping for twelve hours. I go to work in the morning and this guy's looks at me. He goes, what's wrong with you, Stevie? I go I took this love drug and I I was jumping for twelve hours. He goes, honey, come over here. What you need is some Tina. I go listen, no, no, I had a problem with cocaine one time. I can't have any cocaine. He goes, no, honey, this is not seen. There's not cocaine, this is Tina. He takes his little cue fingernail, puts in a little bag of Tina, gives it to me in my nose and I just I'm like wow, that's amazing, and that Tina took me all over town for the next four or five months. That Tina turned into I can beat me all over town. I'm standing on the outside the gay clubhouse is just like Hey, and I got some Tina. It was awful. Turn out was crystal Meth. I didn't even ask what it was. He's so told me. Was Tina sound easy enough for me? I became a crystal meth addict. The third two years old, I wanted to have one glass of wine. I'm doing crystal Meth, lost my mind. My wife leaves to the Country of Columbia. Eleven happens. I try to take my own life. I can't get off the crystal meth. She leaves, I get back on the crack. I'm sorry for all the drug took. I just got to be honest and then I'm going to I'm going to bring it right back. I'm sorry for I just got to tell you I was suicidal. I just couldn't get out of it. I wanted to have one glass of wine. It took me back to places and other places that I had never even been before, even in my previous addiction, in my s. It took me to places of that I don't even want to think about today. Two things I did. And my wife came back right after eleven and she says, sweetheart, I miss you so much. I said, sweetheart, I miss you so much, and I did miss her. And she was in the Miami Airport. She came in from Columbia. She was in the Miami Airport. She said, sweetheart, come pick me up and I said I'll be right there and I couldn't come pick her up. She was let all by herself in this country, all by herself. She just has me. I left her in the Miami Airport. It's a major international airport. She said, honey, where are yourself? Be Right there, and I couldn't pick her up. She calling back two hours later she said, Sweetet, I was stuck on stupid in the house. My Dad, mother and father knew there was a problem and they ran down from New York. They drove down because you couldn't do flights during the week of eleven and they try to help me clean up the house before my wife came home, so she didn't see the house to Stroy, because I'm one of...

...those addict I'm one of those alcoholics that when they use drugs, they become super paranoid and I destroyed our home. I rolled myself up in carpets, I called the police on myself, I put myself in ceiling tiles. I destroyed the home. I'm one of those guys that thinks the police are coming in at any time and they I know I got to hide my stuff and I take pictures off the wall and I punch holes behind there and I hide the stuff in the wall. I put the picture there and I act like I'm watching TV. So when the police come in now I'm like, what are you doing here? But then when the police don't come in, I know I got to get this stuff. And then I find out George knows this because he's in construction. I found out that the walls are hot art, not solid, and the stuff falls to the bottom of the wall. I'm like, I put it in the top of the wall, now it's in the bottom of the wall. Well, but you got to do you got to take that wall down. And I took the walls down and my wife came back to a completely destroyed home and she put me out of the House. She put me in a halfway house. That was not my first choice. I had a full house like a week earlier. Then they put me in a halfway house. I'm newly married, I can't go home. She served me with a restraining order. On my birthday. Everything had fallen apart because I wanted to have one glass of rival were one glass of wine. I wanted to be normal. Well, I found out to the program alcoholics anonymous, that I am normal. For me, I'm as normal as I'm ever going to get with your help, and I was in that halfway house and I called up my previous sponsor by the name of Jerry Bear, and he's a great guy in alcoholics anonymous, and he had told me that if I did certain things and work the steps and help people and did service and had a service commitment, that everything was going to work out in Jordan. What I want to tell you, if you're still here, raise your hand, if you're still here Jordan, what I want to tell you? All that stuff is true. You're going to have a life beyond your wildest dreams. One day to time it is all of them to come true. Yeah, and I'm in this halfway house and I'm having no account I'm not having any talk with my wife and I'm it's I'm thirty days clean, I'm thirty days sober, I'm going back to a I call my original sponsor, Jerry Bear, and he tells me to start praying all my knees in the morning. He says, Stevie, if I told you you come over my house and you came to my house and you came to dinner at my house and you ate the food in my house and you didn't say please for the Food and you got up from the table, you left and you didn't say thank you for the food. Do you think I'd ever invite you back again? I said no, Jerry, of course now he said so. Why would you be in God's World One day without getting on your knees in the morning and asking God for the gift of sobriety and then, at the end of the day thanking God for the gift of sobriety that you got for the day? Doesn't that make sense, Stevie, when you want to have gratitude for God, the reason you relapse as you had no gratitude. You weren't asking, you weren't thanking, you weren't doing anything that you took for granted with the program gave you. It's just, Stevie, the program alcoholics anonymous, and the disease of alcoholism is not like a flat footed cop that walks around the streets in New York with a doughnut in one hand had a cup of coffee in the other. The disease of alcoholisms like a secret service agent that walks down in and out of parties unnoticed, that speaks five languages, that knows how to use every weapon in the arsenal and if you have any respect for your recovery, you better have that much more respect for the disease of alcoholism. As if these are the things you're going to do. If you have a sponsor that makes suggestions, get another sponsor. I tell you that. I'm sure that Tina tells our people what to do. This is what we need to do to spell live. When I listen to how it works now it's not like with the way I used to listen to how it works and I loved the way you did how it works tonight. Who is that? Was that who read Howard? You are amazing, shot amazing, and I love the respect that you gave the how it works. I was sitting in dtops after Hab it seven years and I'm in paper slippers on Suicide Watch, with a gown that doesn't fit on my big butt and the guy comes in and he's reading how it works and I go, excuse me, how much time you have? He goes for years. I'm like for here, I'm like you before years. I just had seven years. I got a skiming. Ma just had seven years. He goes, emphasis on the had. You're in D tops. He goes, why don't you listen to dtops, not like when you get on a plane and you're listening to a flight attendant that tells you where the eggits are. Why don't you listen to how it works? Like the captain just got on and he said it's Fiftyzero feet and we're going down and here's the instructions that you need maybe not to die. And am I old? It seems like how it works might be important at that moment. Yo, man, okay. And so I started...

...to do things a little different. I started to prey on my knees and start a prey on my knees at nine, but I got about thirty days clean them in the halfway house. I do not this any happening any guys when you're early on. And I started to shower. I'm when you start with the first time you were showering, and I started to brush my teeth and I got my hair gel back, because I I came in with no hair Gel. was very, very emotional for me. And I got my hair Gel back and I'm about thirty days clean and I said to myself, you know what, I can get one more in. I could sneak one more in. I'm not going to go on a run, I'm just going to get high in the afternoon. I'm going to get high one more day, like I had to develop some type of junkie superpower, like I was going to be able to use one day and then I was going to tell people like when I picked up my one year, I'm sorry, when I in my first month, I just use one afternoon. I got like I had to develop some power, because that thirty days clean, and I called my wife, who has her straining order against me, and I said her, sweetheart, could I have a hundred and ninety nine dollars for a Samsung one thirteen hundred phone? It was like the first of big phone that you can like call out to California on and and my wife says hold on, and I figured, because I had always got her before, that she was going to that out. She was just checking the bank account. Turnout she had joint Alan on what's? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, what's without my permission? I just want to tell you. Okay, so she was like talking to her sponsor and their sponsor said give them the money. I think that's against the by laws, to be honest with you, and they gave me a hundred and ninety nine dollars. Why did they do that? Because her sponsor said, let's find out if the BUM is full of it right now and then we'll get the divorce papers. If he uses this to get high, you don't have to wait the year. Give them money now and they give me a hundred ninety nine dollars. And here's my plan. I was going to go to the sprint store and I was going to get a phone for fifteen dollars. I was going to buy that phone, I was going to call up to halfway house manager and owner. I was going to call my wife tell him I was at a meeting. I was going to go get the stuff. Then I was going to go drink a drink that I was going to take a nap and brush my teeth and when people came home from I'd be like this. From the halfway was hey, how is your day? And I just gotten up off my knees. You See, what's inside me till this day is good Steve and bad Steve. Who I feed wins, who I starved dies. If I feed good Steve by being in meetings with you and work in the steps and and being of service, and acting the Good Samaritan. Good Steve Wins. When I get up off my knees in the morning, I have a choice. My bid and good new friend Andre said it today. I have a choice to either do what I just prayed about or to do Steve's will. And I gotten up off my knees and I decided I was going to do Steve's will. I was going to go get high one more time, because I always want one more and I went to go get high and I listen with God. They've got so amazing I didn't even know them at the time. I'm praying to a god of my sponsors understanding and I asked my sponsors God to keep me clean and sober. And I got to the sprint store in the guy behind the counter says, Stevie be I saw you yesterday at the victory a meeting. Welcome home. The Guy Behind the counter at the sprint store is a guy from a a from the day be whore came to believe that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. Means doing different things and having different results and realize it's not you and you're not God and he's doing some amazing things, like I met the guy that knew, the guy from Long Island, Jordan, with sixty days from my same town, that I my sponsor got covid because I'm the one that's supposed to speaker, not that I want my sponsor that gets ober, but it was definitely meant to be that I came here to be with you guys and to meet Tina, to meet George, to meet this panel, because God on Seventeen of the big book, nothing happens in God's world by Chids. And so at that moment I meet drew and drew takes me out and we have a cup of coffee and I don't get high and I don't use and I still got the self. Not Today, I'm saying. You know, I had this cell phone and I didn't sell the cell phone and I start dating my wife and I'm not going to get on a tangent here. I'm just going to tell you that my wife brought me to church and I wasn't a church guy and I had a white light experience, and I'm not saying that's everybody's experience, but that's my experience. I had a white light experience and I met the God of my understanding about three months over and I've never been the same since my wife and you can clap for that at the bag. That's awesome. But on the same extent. But on the same extent, that doesn't mean that you have to have a white light experience, and in our big book it says that many of us have it by the educational variety. You don't have to have a white light experience. It's just Mike. It's just happened to me, and so things are starting to go incredibly for me in life is good and my wife and I are dating again and she's coming to pick me up at the halfway house and we're going on dates on the weekends and she invites me to come back and live in the house when I eleven months over, and I go back and live in the house and I come up with this great idea to turn the mattress over because I haven't been there in a year, and my wife is downstairs and she's cooking breakfast and and the smell...

...of coffee and and an eggs and not feet, because you know, when you live in a halfway house, even though it's wonderful, it's amazing. I don't think, if I'm not saying women have that same experience, but when you live with guys, it's a lot of feet, stuff and and so I'm like on my knees and I'm thanking God for my life and I decide to turn my mattress over and there's my stash that I had hit there in a blackout and for the first time in my life, I had for the first time in my sobriety, it was I was either going to us or it's going to rely on God that I just prayed to. Both those guys are in there to this day. And I called my wife and she came upstairs and we both started crying. I sold my drugged choice and I didn't use it. I was separated from alcohol. God did for me what I couldn't do for myself. I was only eleven months clean. I saw much drugged choice in my bedroom. My wife wasn't there. God will do for you what you can't do for yourself. It's supernatural what's going on in here. And I was overwhelmed with with like like you were overwhelm when you were reading. I was overwhelmed with the met with the incredible that I had seen my drugged choice and I was able to call my wife and she came up and she called her Alan on sponsor and we threw the stuff away at the at our supermarket garbage and I didn't have to pick up and life starts getting amazing and I'm sponsoring guys and I'm taking guys through the steps and I'm going to conventions. I go to I go to wiki Pae in Manhattan at the Mary a Marquis and I see that one of the biggest young people's conventions ever and I'm just on fire and I just love God and I love you guys and it's a big love fest and everything is going amazing and I'm just so happy what you guys did for me. I'm just so happy. The fellowship of alcohols anonymous is amazing. But then I put the work to do the steps, and so now I'm getting better and I find out that in steps six and seven, which is really the most amazing steps for a guy like me, that it were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character. Man, I thought my only defective character was drugs and alcohol. It turns out that that wasn't even the top two, that the seven deadly sins, the pride, the anger, the greed, the Gluttony, the envy, the lust and sloth. That was like my mantra. I needed to give those to God, otherwise I was going to get sick again. I didn't relapse at seven years because I had an alcohol problem. I relapsed at seven years because I have a me problem. And if I don't ask God to remove those defects of character, they're coming back, and now I got some money to make them bigger and they could just not only destroy me but destroy everything that I built through you guys in alcoholics, anonymous, and so I stood. So I'm like, God, remove this and God remove this, and he's removing this and then I get some new stuff, I guess from because when you get older, then you start having envy. I didn't have end me when I was young, because I was like young and good, look in my muscles. I didn't end be that. What's your name? No, no, not, you get beautiful. What's your name? Eric? Yeah, I am to you. I just want to tell I end to you and I don't like you at all. I was taking his inventory the whole night. I'm like he's got great muscles, he's got a cute Toush. I don't like them. Hey, I don't like any muscle guys. I hate him. I didn't have that twenty one years ago. I'm like, I was that Guy Twenty one years go. Now, like all my stuff is fallen. So I got like new defects that are coming all the time. I'm like, that has to be removed, and that has to be removed, and now that guy's got a better car me that's got to be removed, and and and and assist incredible process of pushing ballt beach balls down in the water at new ones pop up and then given that one to God and there's a new one and it's okay. This is an incredible process. No one's arrived. George hasn't arrived, Tina hasn't arrived, Jeff hasn't arrived, the guy that the oldest guy in here with a my friend Joe that I met, hasn't arrived. None of us have arrived it. We're all works in progress. But I want to tell you something, guys. I shoot for perfection. I don't shoot for progress. I shoot for perfection and I land that progress when I came in here this week and believe me, this some incredibly attractive been in women here. I could feel very low self esteem immediately. You guys are torking. I never seen twerquing beast. I'm a Christian minister. That was the first time I seen tworking was here. And then there was some music on yesterday that I had never heard of my entire life. I know. If you show me, I was in the corner just praying, just a p please lord take me from this. What I found out yesterday is that I have a lot of growth to go through. I found out yesay I have a long way to go. I learned some stuff from Tina, from the guys that were on the panel today, on Ray and Brian. I saw the tent step.

Brian's got what ten years? Twelve years, nine years? Brian showed me something in the ten step today that I had always thought was the I'm sorry, in the eleven stepp that I always thought was the ten step. I've been doing a ten step inventory my for the last twenty years. It turns out as an eleven step inventory. I just found out today. I wasn't like well, I got twenty years. He doesn't always saw. I was like, thank you, Ryan, I just saw something differently. I learned about the size of the triangle from Teena. I learned a I sponsor sponsors from Tina. I learned a buttch of stuff from andred. Today, I'm always constantly learning. If you're not constantly learning, I wanted to share something with you. Pride has returned. If you think you're all that in a bad good chips. Pride has returned. And Pride is the first of the seven deadly sins because it's the most powerful one that takes you out. Pride will kill you and it killed me and it killed my marriage. And Alcoholics Anonymis and Allen on saved my marriage and my father. He couldn't stand my voice. If I would speak my dad, it was like nails on a Chalk Board from my dad. The last twenty five years in my relationship with our dad has been unbelievably magical because of alcoholics anonymous. The last twenty years they didn't miss a meeting that I spoke at. They traveled the country with me. They couldn't wait to get to the next meeting with their son. That was so proud of me. My Dad's so proud of me. My Dad said to me before he died. He said to me, she said, baby, you are great. I'm so grateful that you're my son. Turns out I'm adopted. Never came into it, never came into play. My Dad loved me to the day the Lord called him home. We got to share alcoholics anonymous together. We've been over to a thousand meetings together my mom. My Mom's got forty six years. My Dad passed with a twenty eight years. My brother in law, I was able to help him get sober. He's got two and a half years and I was about eight years clean and we wanted to have a baby. My wife was a proud member about Alan on and Alan and I said saved our marriage and we want to have a baby. So we started doing baby making things, not that we weren't doing baby making things in the bigger world, but we got specific and nothing was working. We had to go to an infertility clinic and we had infertility treatments and and that didn't work. Then we had eggs donated from the country of Columbia, where my wife is from, and that didn't work. Then we hired a Serrogan and that didn't work. Let me tell you, that serious business when it's that's their job, that's their one job. Make a baby for you. That didn't work. And we finally get pregnant and I'm like walking. I we build the baby room and I'm walking around on clole nine and God is good and and and like nothing can touch me at that moment because, like you know, when God gives you what you want and nothing can touch you. And then we go to the clinic and and then and the nurse says, I'm sorry, I have what I mean. Sorry. What would you say? What she was I'm sorry, these things happen. I will, no, no, check it again, she says. I'm sorry. I said check it again. I'm an AA. I'm now in ministry, I'm sponsoring guys, I'm taking meetings all over the all over Florida. I'm doing whatever it takes. I'm acting the good. So I said, check it again. We can't have that doesn't even make any sense. People involve meeting people in a told me that God will never give you more than you can handle. That's not true. What I mean we can handle baby dying, but another person can only handle losing a job. That's not true, and this amazing person in a a said pray for the acceptance of God's will and with God strength, you're going to be able to get through it. That's true. That part town out to be true. We had a baby's room in the house. We'll get no baby, and that was tough. I'm ten years sober and that's tough. And turns out I was such an amazing guy in my first sobriety that I had been arrested for picking up a woman on the street. And my first sobriety that's what that's the type of man I was, and so now I am I my wife didn't know at the time we were dating. She didn't know, and so we got kicked out of the adoption and see, because I have charges for picking up a prostitute, which was a police officer, which is not good. I don't recommend, because that's the way a man that has untreated alcoholism operates in alcoholics anonymous. He operates on his basic instincts, my basic insturtings. Just take what I want because I didn't have God running my affairs. So now I'm in this sobriety and I'm ten years sober and I have to now clean up wreckage of an my previous sobriety from fifteen years earlier. And now we can't have a baby. And I want to tell you, when you get a no and you're an alcoholics anonymous, that's not a no,...

...that's a soft note. When you get it, know that you never gonna be able to drive again, that's not a know, that's a soft note. Let's say you never going to get a license. You never got to be a nurse, you never going to be a doctor. You have this felony charge. I have a six felony car crash, the only felonies I ever got. I got six on the same night. That's pretty impressive. You don't say I know, had ain't feelings. I got six in one night. I can't adopt in a state of Florida. But we called up this man and because, if you know this, experts in this room right, there's experts in a so he called up an attorney that we know by the name of Happy Bob in Florida. I know if you ever met him, and happy Bob is this really cool attorney who's not really attne anymore because you got caught with two kilos, but he was a great attorney at one time. That's why I so happy. And we called Happy Bob and we say happy, but don't report any of this. What I'm saying to the to the people, and and so happy Bob says, I want you to call this lady mind who can possibly help you. And I call it mindy, and Mindy is a Jewish woman from the next town up, which is called Bolca and Florida, and and we call it mindy. And like by this time, my wife and I are like over the top Christians. We got giant paintings of Jesus on the wall, we got the same Francis Statues, we got holy water, we got t shirts, bumper stickers, we got out, you know, cards if you come in the house. And I said to my wife, sweetheart, if Mindy's coming from Boca to be like in between us and the baby, maybe we should take giant Jesus down from the wall, just put like in the Cup turned St Francis around. Let's not be like so overthetop. So then when she puts in a report, these people are Wackos, and my wife said, we're not going to pretend. Who are not. And Minty comes into the House and she sees everything and she says, do you think that God gave you another chance? She sees I'm an AA ten years she see that I picked up a process to do fifteen years earlier. She sees all my six felony car crash. She sees but I got arrested for drugs during that six felony car crash ten years or twelve years earlier. And she says, you think God gave you? Know, how do you get a woman that's not a god, woman that comes in the houses? Do you think that God gave you another chance? God? And I said I know he didn't. She said so, how could I not give you another chance? And we get now, and now we get online to get a baby someday. I know if you know about adoption. That's why your storage touched me so much. Today you get on a long line and hopefully someone from the United States picks you, but God doesn't wait online and like a month and a half later, like a month and a half later, we tried everything, including surgue. Nothing worked for three years. A month and a half later, we get a call from the top of the United States in this part of the country and we go up and meet a mommy, a young mommy, and she holds up this beautiful white white baby, because you guys make some amazing white babies. This is like the area was some of the whitest babies are made. I'm sorry, it's just a true thing. And my wife is dark and I'm half, you know. And and so she says what would you like to name your son? We say Joshua, and she says why Joshua? We said because in the Bible Joshua hundred and fifteen says for me and my house we choose to serve the Lord. And she says, I'm not religious, and what I said to her is this. It just means that your son, our son, is going to grow up in a godly home where there's not going to be any alcohol, is not going to be any drugs, and for me and my house were going to choose to serve God. And she says that's a great answer. And a week later we come home with Joshua and on our law there's people from alcoholics anonymous. You know how this works. Team and George, people with signs welcome Home Josh a. A people took care of the House and the dogs and their signs and they gave us our first baby shower and they helped us raise my son. was on my my my chest, because I'm like forty five at the time and I'm walking around a with my little son and he's just it was a little head. Pick it out and he went to a thousand meetings in his first five years and you guys taught us how to raise a child. I would tell a little God's story on how God shows off, because God makes the Sundays, but then he puts the cherries on it. Just a wow you, and this is a sester while story. So, so, my so, our little baby, I told you he's like the Whitest, incredible little baby you've ever seen and also the baldest and around nine months he springs out the most gorgeous flowing red hair. You know doing you've met him. He has the most beautiful red hair and he looks exactly like my mom, easy exact twin of my mom. And then he springs out the most amazing freckles and he looks exactly like his cousins and like when my wife and I go to pick him up, when he was a little baby. We'd go to...

...the daycare, we'd have like three forms of ID. They wouldn't believe it that we were the parents. But my mom just walks in there like Oh, Mr Boy, arc your grandson's here. You look exactly like them. You see where he gets his looks from? God was shown off. He didn't need to give us a baby with red hair, but he did it. Just wanted us to remind us that he's in charge. And See, this is what I want to share with you. The big book says that if we stay close to God and perform his work well, if we stay close to God and perform his work well, all sorts of remarkable things will follow. And Tina said something amazing today and I totally agree with she said it's remarkable that we're even sober and alive today, and I agree with that. But he's going to do so much more than that. He's gonna do so much more than that. The journey that you're going to have an alcoholics anonymos the journey that I had in alcoholics anonym listen, I don't. I just had taste them. I'm from Long Island, New York. I am the typical Guinea from the movie support, from the TV show Sopranos, and when I gave my life to God, I have not cursed since, except a few times I've been angry, when I've been in my foot. I don't curse anymore. That's unbelievable. You can't order. You know Jordan, you can't order a piece of pizza in our neighborhood without cursing. If you walk to the Pizza Paula and you say give me a slice of pizza and you don't use the F curse, you don't get served. But God took the entire vocabulary way for me and he changed my tongue and he gave me a tongue that would work in alcoholics anonymous for me. For me, I'm not saying you can't curse and a it was just a defective character for me. I was cursing for everything all the time and acting like a soprano's walking around with a cigar out of my eye, walking around like a big shot, and he took all that from me and he gave me a new life. Didn't just give me a life, he gave me a new life. He didn't give me my previous life. He gave me a new life. You see, some people going to come into a and they're going to set up for sober. I just hugged Joe. I met him. I met the man yesterday when he just said, when he just stood up for was it thirty six, George? Thirty six, thirty eight? When he just stood up for thirty eight, I rushed into his arms like I've known him for ten years and told the man I love I'm like, I love you, George. That's the power of alcoholics anonmy I couldn't wait to rush into his arms to tell him I love them. For thirty I couldn't wait to rush over to be Jeff, who thought I was like a stalker, to tell him like, because he got sober, like when he was for and to tell him like it's so impressive that you sober like a thousand years and he's like thirty. And so that's the power of AA. And if you don't believe it, if you don't believe it, stay around and perform God's work well and see what happens. We have never met anyone in alcoholics anonymous that did the work and did not one day to time talk about a life beyond your wild streams, because there's people that you're going to meet in meetings and they have settled for sober. Settling for sobers like going to a buffet and grabbing your plate and going to the buffet and getting a Cruton and sitting down with your plate and a fork and a knife and you're eating your Creuton and people coming over to going how you doing, to go stick hanging in there and you're eating your Creuton because you're you're sober. And and then's people that have been rocketed to the fourth dimension in AA and they're like they have like lobster juice going on, like like, like, what is your name? Be Jean, right, Bejean, hey, beach. I was not going to settle for sober. If BEJEAN settled for sober, Bejan would drink. You got to settle for a light beyond your wild streams. We're eating lobster, we got primary pulling all over us, we got crap crab. We got there. We're not gonna just settle for sober. When I settled for sober, I gave another guy a gun and told me to shoot me, and I was sober twelve years at the time. Let me finish with this. This is what Dr Bob said, why I'm here today, why we do we're do, why we act the Good Samaritan every day in the twelve step. This with Dr Bob said. Dr Bob said I spent a great deal of time passing on what I learned to others who want and need it badly. I do it for four reasons. One, is a sense of duty. Want to. It's a pleasure. Three, because in doing so I'm paying my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me. I'm so emotion up here tonight, so amazing. I love you guys too, even the guy that did the thing with the ten. That guy haunted me all night. Do it again, do it again, do it again. I woke up all night long, I didn't sleep all night and I had to do a paddle every time head. Do it again, say it again. I've been affected by that. It is a pleasure...

...because, in doing so, I paid my debt to the man who took time to pass it on to me. That's what you guys are doing here. That's what the panels doing here, that's what the boots would you guys did this is incredible. Is Why we have the old timers that have been coming back for thirty, six, forty years, the coming back here because they're because they're giving it back. That's why, when they're standing up that they may be here for themselves, I'm not saying they're not. Of course we're here for ourselves too, but they're also saying that don't stay around, because this is what can happen to you and because every time I do it, I take out a little more insurance for myself. It gets a possible slip. Listen. If you think you're an atheist, this is Dr Bob. Don't get upset with me. If you think you're an atheist and agnostic, a skeptic of our or have any other form of intellectual pride would keeps you from accepting what's in this book, I feel sorry for you. The founder of the program is letting me know that my old ideas have to be crushed. I thought I had all the answers. Listen last week when I was I was at a meeting and the speaker came on and it was they were from the Chicago area and they said this, listen, how amazing that life is. Just last week. I didn't know I was coming here last week. Last week I was in a meeting with a person from Chicago and they were doing a poll. It was a different it was a church meeting, to be honest. So they were doing a poll and the pastor came out. She said, listen, who thinks that this is better than this? And she was doing a pole and then she said what's better? Chicago P's are deep dish or New York Pizza? And because I'm from New York, I stood up and I'm emphatically said New York Pizza. Right and and I want to tell something. I had never had Chicago Pizza. Listen to a contemp prior to investigation, I knew New York pizza was better because I'm from New York. Well, let me tell you what happened today. Let me tell you what happened today. Today I went to Luminatis and let me tell you, Jordan, we got nothing over the pizza here. It's unbelievable. I had a deep dish. Pizza will change your life. A week ago, I took a survey and made a big deal in front of the entire Church that New York pizza was better. A week later I'm at Luminatis. Then I got tears coming out of my one eye. That's the type of stuff that'll change your mind about that. You have all the ideas and everything you know. If you think you're an atheist, agnostic, a skeptic or of any other form of intellectual pride would keeps you from accepting this book. I'm so grateful to my sponsor, Russell, who showed me that there's not some false god of my misunderstanding, that there's a there's a creator of the universe. He's got a first name and it's God, and he told me I didn't have to be embarrassed about that and I could follow him. And until I believed in that creator of the universe, which we call God, which I call God, that I can follow his God, and Russell Spats, my sponsor, and Jerry Bear, my sponsor, they showed me the things in this book are true. And when my sponsor called me this last week, I didn't know. Is Wisconsin in with the winter, but it turned out to be amazing. This is the most incredible conference for me. I don't know about for you. I can't wait to hear the speaker in the morning listen to Doctor Bob said. But if you really and truly want to quit drinking, to the gentleman that has one day, I see him there. To the other gentleman I see you. If you really truly want to quit drinking and sincerely feel that you must have some help, we know that we have an answer for you. It never fails if you go about it with one half the zeal you have been in the habit of showing when you were actively getting another drink. Listen to with Dr Bob says. Your heavenly father will never let you down. God bless you guys. Thank you so much.

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