AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 8 months ago

Stevie B at the No Perfect People AA group, Woodinville , WA 4/18/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Stevie B. at the No perfect people AA group, Woodinville , WA 4/18/2021

How you doing, everybody? Myname is Stevie be I'm recovering alcoholic and I'm a member of the Golden TextGroup in Dania Beach, Florida's great to be here with you guys tonight.I just want to ask you to do one thing. If you are willingto be a sponsor, if you've worked the twelve steps and you're willing tobe a sponsor. It's just something I'm throwing out. That's not the GroupA requirement that, but I'm just asking if you've worked the twelve steps andyou willn't beat a sponsor, will you please stand up, if you guys, if you can just stay standing, okay, and if you, ifif you're willing to be a sponsor, stay standing. Okay. What youare and if you don't have a sponsor today, I'm not going to askyou to stand up if you don't have a sponsor, but I'm going toask you to look around, because today you can leave with a sponsor andthese are the people that you can leave with. Men with the men,I would I would suggest, and women with the women, okay. Otherwisethat's a different type of sponsorship. Probably want a different meaning okay, thankyou guys so much. Thank you very much. So, as I said, I'm from south Florida and someone very, very kindly told they put out thatI was from South Beach, which is so much cooler. I knowyou guys don't know that, but South beach is like speedos and and thebathing tooth that go, what's that called? Hang when they go up to buttthe BA? That that's South Beach. Okay, and that's like Versachi's mansionand Ferrari's and Lamborghini's. And then I'm north of that. I'm inDania. None of that. Okay, we have to wear full bathing suits. So, but I'm really, really excited to be here tonight because mymessage is a specific message about someone that was completely lost to the world ofdrugs and alcohol. And I just want to say three things in the beginningso you don't get offended as the tall goes on. I am going tomention drugs in a general way, of course, knowing that this is alcoholicsanonymous, and I'm going to be absolutely cognizant that this is alcoholics anonymous,but I am not a pure alcoholic. I'm a real alcohol okay, soif I said I was peeping out of a window for three days because theScotch. It's not going to make sense. You know, I'm just that wasa so you're going to have to fill in it because you don't wantto. I don't want to appear like a Wacko. Okay. Number twois you're going to hear about God, but don't get offended. It's he'sall over the big book. The first one or sixty four pages is goingto point you directly to God. So I'm going to mention God night.Don't leave. And the other thing is we may go a little over.So if you have to leave at the time that you usually leave, I'mnot going to be upset. No one's going to be upset and I'm goingto do my very, very best to pack thirty years of information into athirty men. Do may my very very best. But I do want tosay I fluow up here six and a half, almost seven hours to speakhere tonight. So if I go a couple minute, don't get upset.You know, it was a long flight. Okay, when I got asked tospeak by the trusted term, which I really appreciate it, he askedme if I would like to go to Washington and I was during the electiontime. I thought that would be very, very cool to see the capital andall that kind of stuff, and then I found out it was Washingtonstate and I'm in like right over Miami, and if you do them, it'sfar. Okay. So those are the three things. I just wantto just get it out of the way. I'm from. I'm I live inFlorida, but I'm from New York, and if you know anybody from NewYork, if you are if you are from the first of all,is there anybody from New York in here? Okay, great, okay, perthat's it. One person for the whole place from New York. There'sother people from New York with their probably a statute of limitations hasn't run out, so then I raising their hand. So if you're from New York,you know that New York, the northeast, totally different than the northwest. Verypeople here are nice. We've spent the last two days around Nice people, even when I was doing crazy things on the road, not intending to. There's a lot of different things here. Nice people. No one beeping,they see what's going on, they let you in the lane. Okay, very, very nice people. The northeast is a different type of people. They are they're also waving at you, but in different type of hand signals. And so when we got here today, I would my I saidto my wife, I said I'm sorry we got here on Saturday. Isaid to my wife, this is such a wonderful era to be in andsuch great alcoholics. Anonymous, I know that. I just meant two oldtimers here. They coming tonight to the meeting. They usually go to themeeting up the street and they have combination of eighty, over eighty years ofsobriety. The two of them their cousins. Yeah, yeah, one of themis for sure named Jim, for sure, and the and the otherone, I think for possibly, is Dave. Am I right? Daveand Jim? Yeah, and one of them is cranky and the other onesvery, very nice. So you got to be careful. Okay, Iwouldn't just approach. Approach with the caution. That's all I'm saying right that.You know, here we go. You See, I'm saying, thisis where we go. So it's great to have old timers in here becausewithout the old timers we wouldn't know what to do that the responsibility has beenpassed on to us. Okay, so my situation is this. I feltless than my entire life. If you were here yesterday in the Church,I'm sorry some of the same talk.

Obviously it's the same person that you'regoing to hear some of the same stuff. It's the same story, but Ifelt less than my entire life. I don't have alcoholism because I dranka lot and became an alcoholic. I have alcoholism because I was restless,irritable and discontent and alcohol fixed that for me. It's not the other wayaround. Alcohol is actually the answer to my problem, not the problem tomy answer. When I drank, I immediately felt a sense of relief tothe problem that I already had. When the kids in the playground were pushingaround the merry ground this way, I pushed it the other way. Whenthey wanted to play kickball, I wanted to play soccer. When they wantto play soccer, I wanted to play football. When they were talking toSally, I wanted to talk to shoosie. I always felt different and it hadnothing to do from the outside. It was coming out of me fromthe inside. So when I took my first drink it was like a salve, it was like a medicine for sick person. But before I took myfirst drink I was restless, irritable and discontent, as I said, butI was also very lonely. I was lonely in a house where everybody saidI love you. I didn't grow up in a dysfunctional home. The onlydysfunctional person in the home was me. They told me they love me.I didn't believe them. They told me I was welcome, I didn't believethem. They said we were a family. I didn't believe them. When Christmascame in, everyone was doing the tree. I felt separate. Itwas always me and the family. So that went into school and and italso showed up in my insecurities and and then. So I started to putsome reasons why I have insecurities, and one of the reasons I felt thatI had insecurities was because everybody my block in New York, and New Yorkis separated into blocks, okay, neighborhoods, so to speak, and everybody onmy specific block they had by the way, I just want to letyou something. Know that I told the people yesterday. I'm going to letyou guys know, but you look like you can handle it. This iskind of the wet section and you're going to see some stud like, Idon't know if you've been a sea world will out with the SHAMU. Soyou're in that section, all right, so do the best you can.Okay, good stuff is going to be flying out. Well, I feltthat my problem, first of all, was that everybody on my block hadbig brothers. The WAGONMANS, the woollies, the moundingers, the Cohens, theyall had big brothers. So when they would walk over to the playgroundwith big but when you walk to the playground with big brothers you have representation. They know that you probably know how to play sports and even if youdon't, your brothers are backing you up. I had a little chubby sister.So when you walk to the playground with a little chubby sister, youget no juice. In my neighbor you get no juice. Nobody's like Oh, there Stevie, and there's the guy, there's a brothers with the guy,there's the there's the boy arski's. No, you get nothing. SoI immediately was low self esteem. In My neighborhood and I felt that itwas because I had a little sister and not three big brothers. Everybody inmy neighborhood three big brothers. So that was like one of my first thereason I tell you that that was one of my first situations with low selfesteem. And then a new coach came into the school. It's all bythe way. I know some of the stuff. Is You going to say? Is this true? Everything in my story is my story and that's what'sso incredible about the way that it was, what it was like and how it'slike now. This is my story. Each of US happen the story twoGerman that I mentioned earlier. Their stories happened over forty years ago.Praise God. If you're here today for the first day, you're already livingin your next story. If today is day one, you're all already creatingyour story. You're already in what it's like now, part from one dayto where you can get to forty four years and get to fill my grandsponsors name is dion. He has fifty three years. My sponsor, Russellspats has a forty years in this sobriety. In a couple months. I'll havetwenty years, praise God. But the person that came in here todaythat has one day. You're already living in it's not you're already past thethe terror of not coming in. And so when the coach came to school, he picked up the roster and he looked and it was brand new andhe said Boyarsky. He got to my last named Boy Arsky, and hesaid Steve Boyarsk. I said yes, coach. He said there's your brotherplayed for the Pittsburgh Panthers. Now this is a very easy answer if youdon't have a brother, you know saying number two. If your brother doesn'tplay for the Pittsburgh Panthers, it's another very, very easy answer. ButI saw my whole life to change right there that I said yes, coach, he does, because I wanted so...

...much to be somebody else that Iwas willing to go through the ridicule of my close friends that knew that mystepbrother was a plumber from Massachusetts and not playing on the on the Pittsburgh Pants. I did not care. This was a way out of being me.My whole life I've been looking out a way out of being me. Someof you in here do not relate to what I'm saying, because you arevery comfortable being you, and good for you. I have never been comfortablebeing me or by the way, she liked the shirt. That's the nameof the group. For you guys, I want to know the name ofthe group. No, perfect people. That's the name of this group right. You See, I were shirt. You didn't even comment on it.I brought a shirt up to your meeting with your that's fine. I've alwayswanted to fit in and at that moment I had a brother that played forthe Pittsburgh Panthers. Even though Jerry Boyarsky, who's a real person, it's notmy brother, I started buying jerseys, I started clipping newspapers. When hewas drafted into the NFL, it was one of the greatest days ofmy life. My parents, they didn't understand the reason I was wearing thejerseys and all that is that was telling people in school that Jerry Boyarsku becauseit doesn't say Jerry Boyarsk and it just says boyars gunning. They just thoughtI was a fan because of the name. They didn't know I was telling everybodyin the school that he was my brother. I always wanted to besomebody different because of the low feelings, of the low selfesteem feelings, andI know some of you guys can relate to that. There's the toughest kidon my block. His name is Kevin and I always wanted to hang withKevin and he was the toughest guy. He was a year older. Everybodyfeared him and I wanted to hang out with him and I had something thatnobody else in the neighborhood had. Thirty, five, forty years ago. Wehad guns. I know that that's very common in this area. Isaw there's a lot of shooting animals going on. My friend Brian has gotbig heads coming off a wall in his house like a moose or or azebra. I think it's a lot of shoot but but where I'm from inNew York, there's not a lot of shooting going on in my little neighborhoodand there's not a lot of guns. Okay, you have to have alot of permits, but my dad was a Korean War veteran, a herothat Ford on Pork Chop Hill and we had guns and none of the otherkids in the neighborhood had guns and I was told never to touch the gunsunless my parents were there for supervision. But at this specific day, Iwas twelve years old and my mother had a terrible accident and my dad wasat a funeral for one of my family members and I was alone in thehouse with my nine year old sister and I knew I had access to theguns and if they weren't in a safe and I went to Kevin's house andI said, would you want to come out and hang out with me?Then he said why? And I said because I have guns and we couldblow stuff up, and he said yes and he came out. We andhe was hanging at we hung out and we were just blowing up cans likekids do, shooting at birds like kids do, and he got bored andI saw him leaving and I, as I was watching him leave, Iwas feeling like please, don't leave. I didn't I couldn't say that.Of course you can't say that. So I said, thisten, don't leave. He says I'm leaving. I said you could shoot at me. SeeI was. I so didn't want to be alone and I so did notwant to be left in my own feelings and my own skin that I waswilling to have him shoot at me and we play. And it's not likeI wasn't shooting at him too. I was shooting at him, but hedidn't get the game. The game was to shoot next to each other.He shot one shot and a one in a million shot came in and blewoff, blew up my eye. And I'm twelve years old and now I'mthe kid that lost his eye to a pellet gun situation and now I'm insurgeries for a tire year. Now my feelings are feeling different. Now they'recompounded by the kid that has one eye, the kid that the parents wouldn't theyseem I told you, don't play the gun. That's the kid.And then a year out of school and then feeling different than putting being,being put on drugs for the pain, for the surgeries, for the forI was a one of the first kids to get, one of the firstyoung people to get laser surgery back thirty, forty years ago. And and andnow more feelings of feeling different. Now, when I take my firstdrink, which was an answer to a problem that I had inside, Itook my first glass of wine and that wine worked, that wine worked.I wasn't the kid with the one eye. I wasn't the kid that didn't haveany big brothers, I wasn't the kid that felt different because I wasa time with a whether Jewish last name or Russian last name, I alwaysfelt whacked, I always felt different,...

...but when I had a glass ofwine, I didn't raise ahead of you understand I'm saying. Yeah, alcohol, alcohol, it's the greater lixir. It makes you feel like everything's goingto be okay. It's the rapacious creditor, as one of our books said,it takes and it takes and it takes and it only appears to giveback. So I'm fifteen, I'm sixteen, I'm seventeen, I'm drinking. IsNo big deal. I'm doing some other stuff. Obviously I'm a I'ma product of the S and S, s, s, s and S, and in New York s and s is is other stuff. It's alcoholand other stuff, and it's and I got and I get off to collegeand I'm doing alcohol and other stuff and not a big deal, not aline, a lot of problems. And then I go home and I seemy grandfather John cast gone and he's he's a full blood at the time,right out of the movies, and we're sitting at sunny did Sunday dinner.I'm coming in from college and he's reading the paper and that's what we didback then. They read the paper at the table. I don't know thatyou know what I'm talking about. Reading the paper was a big deal atthe table and my grandfather JC, he picks up the paper and he looksat the article and it was during a time of a movie called New JackCity, and he says, Stevie, you see this, don't you evertry this substance. If you try this substance, you'll become instantly addicted.I'd never tried that substance. When he said don't try that substance, Isaid no, GRANDPA would never try that substance. I took that paper,I went into the middle of New York City like a paper boy. Iwas like, has anybody seen this substance? Where can I get this substance?And everything changed. I became a I went from a social user toa kid that was underneath the stairs in his fraternity house and stay there forsemester. I was a kid that was dibbling and dabbling into it until Ibecame a kid that was completely and utterly changed from the inside out. Itwas no more that alcohol was the great fixer. It was now I wastotally addicted to a substance that was actually had changed me as a person fromthe inside out for bad things. It was no more that it was ayou know, because alcohol is fun and then alcohol is fun with problems,and then alcohols problems. You know, the only thing that I could tellabout drugs is different than alcohol is it's skips a lot of the different parts. It just goes from fun too problems pretty quickly. That's the only difference. It's just it's just a it's just a faster acting alcohols really what itis. So I in one summer I became like completely addicted and then Iwent I was on my way home to tell my parents that I was completelyaddicted and and but I ran out of money. So that's when I knewI had a problem when I ran out When I ran out of money,I'm like, this is a serious problem. And so, because Iwas in a rural area of Pennsylvania and there was a lot of deer.I didn't see any deer here to is this deer season? Is there alot of deer? Yeah, there's a lot of deer and where I wentto school in Pennsylvania's the same type of areas in the woods and there's alot of deer. And I did hit a deer, that's true. Idid hit a deer and and when I ran out of money, I calledup my parents and I said this I'm in the middle of. I usedto work at one of those resorts that you see, like the dirty dancingresorts, where the people would go and you stayed for the week. Iwas a waiter that waited on them for the week and at the end ofthe week you get the tips and I would and I got into a car. I got into a deer accident and it wrecked the side of my car. Now we're not familiar with deer where I'm from. So I called myparents I said, I wreck my car. If you got to send some moneyup, otherwise I'm going to lose this amazing job and I'm working allthis, all this time to get this money from these families and my parents. They sent Western Union money for the car for the deer accident. Sothat that kept me going for a couple months. Every week I was hittinga deer every week. Okay, I took out. If I would havehit as many deers I claimed a hit, I would be in the newspaper.I would at every week I was calling home. I hit another what. When I finally came home to tell my parents that I what needed adrug Rehab, my mother was like, thank the Lord, we thought youwere an imbecile, we thought you on more on. I had never metanyone to when. I never met anyone that went to alcohol Druberhab. Thatwas not popular back thirty years or there's not a it's not a thing thateverybody did. So my parents called another person they knew about a place thatwas in the middle of the United States, in Minnesota, called hazeled in foryoung people. I was twenty one. My Dad was kind of a bigshot. He was a he was...

...in he was an organized gambling mymother was leave it leave it like that. My mother was a professional. Shewas one of the first women chiropractors in the state of New York.She was a she was a big deal she was a big deal doctor,my uncle was a big deal doctor, my dad was a in a typeof an organization and and and here I am. I'm addicted. And sothey call up the center. We don't have insurance. My Dad gives mea check. I go out to the center. Before I go out tothe center, my mom makes me watch on a VHS tape twenty eight.She know. She makes me watch clean and soul with Michael Keaton. Shegoes, this is where you're going watch the movie. It seems like it'sgoing to be fun. There's a there's like a lake situation, there's milkshakes, there's a romance, there's a dance. It's February seventh and they send meout to Minnesota. I had never been west of Pennsylvania. I didn'tknow anything west of Pennsylvania. I know that sounds ignorant and yes it is, but I only knew three states. A New New York knew. Iknow four states, New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania and the and oneof the boroughs of New York, which is Florida. So I knew thosefour states and every time I went down to Florida, we I wore thesame thing. I wore a Guinea T, which is like a cutoff Italian typeof Tshirt, five gold chains, a lot of hair gel and andand and some balloon pants, like muscle balloon pants. That's when we woreback then. So that's what I packed for react. Now, I don'tknow if you understand any about Minnesota in February. It's not Florida like Iwas used to Minnesota. Whether is something that you have to experience it toreally understand. If you seen the movie Fargo, you understand what I'm talkingabout. So I arrived in balloon pants, which are basically put Jamas for peoplethat go to the gym, and I have my Guinea ta on,my full five Gold Change, my hair Gel and and I'm like, Whoa, you get up the plan and you get smacked in the face with coldthat you've never experienced. It's really shocking. And they and they whisked me offto this treatment center and I get inside the trims Sarain. That's whereI see the steps. I see the word alcohol. First Time in mylife I see the word alcohol. It says we were powerless over alcohol,that our lives had become unmanageable. I wasn't there for alcohol. I justturned twenty one. I was not there for alcohol, I was there foranother substance. I said to the guy, which I had been to a lotof hotels because my dad is a big shot, so I thought itwas like concierge. I said, excuse me, I'm not here for theno alcohol part of the program I'm here for the other substance part of theprogram and the Guy said, well, we don't drink here. I said, understand, we don't. That's obvious. We're not going to drink in adrug where you have okay, but I'm going to drink when I getout. I'm not here to not to learn how to not drink. Ididn't even I didn't even really get into the swing of drinking. I justturned twenty one and and the guy said, listen, you could leave now.I'm from New York, okay, so in New York when something's notgoing our way we just raise it up an octave. So I said,listen, I'm about to leave. He said, well, you can leave. I said no, no, maybe you didn't understand me. I'm aboutto take my twenty five thou dollar check from stand Boyarsky and I'm about toleave that he wasn't impressed. I was not the first want to be gangsterthat he ever met. Okay, so I pick up my three piece matchingGucci Luggage to leave and I realize why he was not nervous for me toleave. There was a snow drift that had just completely closed the lodge likethe shining and nobody was leaving there. And the reason I tell that story. It's comical, but the reason I tell the stories. That's how Icame to alcoholics anonymous. Whether your wife ordered, or husband ordered or policeordered, or if it's just so cold you cannot go outside, it doesn'tmatter. You're here and you're off the hook and you never have to drinkagain, no matter what, even if you want to. You have arrived. We when people come in, we say welcome home, because there isan answer. There's there. They said, there is a solution to our problemand the problem is not alcohol. The problem is the reason we drankalcohol, and alcoholics anonymous will address that, because alcoholics anonymous is going to pointyou to a god of your understanding which is going to heal you fromthe inside. So that when you want to drink, you're going to havea power greater than yourself that's going to help you not to drink, becausethe drinking was the problem to begin with and it's going to fix the problemthat made you drink to begin with. That amazing. I thought this wasabout drinking. It wasn't about drinking. is about my thinking that lack ofpower is my dilemma. I don't have any powers, so I drink andthen I think that's the answer and then...

I become addicted to that something.But that was never the answer to begin with, because I was a whacklebefore I ever started drinking. I told a guy to shoot me before drinking. I'm glad you find that a step funny. It's a very weird crowd, this Washington people. So here I am and I'm sober because it's freezingout and I'm wholly unprepared for the outfit and I stayed sober about four months. Its thought out and I was going to I was just going to goback to drinking and my parents joined this amazing program called Alan on and theylearned all these credible things like tough love situations, and they wouldn't let mecome home and I stayed sober about eighteen months and I didn't work the stepsand I didn't have a sponsor. I had a sponsor. I had asponsor, but it was because he had a car, but I really didn'twork the steps. And and of course, when I came in contact with mydrug of choice, while I was in Minneapolis with first time, someonesaid to me I heard you're in the program and I said I am,and they said, well, I have a problem with and they mentioned myspecific substance that I was addicted to, and then it was off to theracist for me and I threw that eighteen months out the window because I didn'thave any roots. If you don't have any roots and something comes, abig wind comes or rain comes or snowstorm comes, you don't have any roots, you the roots are going to get pulled up. And I have anyroots. I hadn't worked the steps. I wasn't doing service. I wasdoing surface service. Anything that could I can show up in the front.If I could be in the front and look good, I'll do their service. If it's some girls are coming in, I do servants. But I hadno roots. So I relapsed and now I relapsed in a foreign citythat was foreign to me, in real city, not college, and nowI'm in a city with trying to get my drugged choice in some really badparts of town of Minneapolis, and it was really bad. And then Iwent to add I pushed, I got back on the elevator and I pushedit down, button down, because you can always go lower, you canalways go lower. So I got in the elevator and I went lower andsome yets that I would I said, will never happen to me, theyhappen to me and I went lower and I can't get it to every storythat happened out there because some are really, really dramatic and tragic, but itwas. It was dramatic enough to shock me back into the program peoplewould say, don't mention God too much because you're gonna scare people out ofthe programming. Were you? Where the people going to go? This isthe answer to our problem. Where the people going to go without this?We are going to we're going to die, we're going to perish. We peopleare dying every single second. This is our answer. I understand peopleare finding but where we're going to go? This is it. This is asolution. So I was offended. So I left and then I'll callkick my button. I came back in and then I walked in my tailbut to my legs. I said, you guys were right, I can'tdo this. And then, because they were, they were old timers,serious old timers, clancy I and some of those guys who had the privilegeof knowing Smitty, Dr Bob Son, I had the privilege of getting toknow with my wife, Jerry Bear, Peter Marianelli. They were very lovingto me. They said, shut up, sit down, we have no interestin hearing anything about you because you have no answer to any of thequestions we have to answer. Was a different time, very loving during thosedays. It was coldly about you movement. I don't know if you heard aboutit, and they didn't want to hear anything about me. That's allI'm saying. And so I sat down and I listened and they told meabout a God that I didn't understand. And then, and then I wantedyou to know that water seeks its own level. So you have to becareful who you following, alcoholics, anonymous, you have to be careful who youfollow. Okay, my sponsor that I picked was a degenerate like me. When I found out the guy went to strip clubs and he would care, you know, and would like that type of Guy, I'm like,you're perfect you, I want you to be my sponsor. When in themiddle of my fifth step, we left and went to a strip called that'sthe type of guy that I asked to be my sponsor. So it didn'twork. Obviously didn't work, and I friend. I eventually got a guyby the name of Jerry Bear. He's incredible, amazing man with the yearsand years of sobriety. And Jerry said to me, Stevie, I'm notimpressed with you. He said the disease of alcoholism is not like a flatfooted cop that walks around the streets of New York with a doughnut in onehand and a cup of coffee in the other. The disease of alcoholism islike a secret service agent that walks around the rooms of alcohol, that walksaround the rooms of alcohol hall. It's anonymous, unnoticed that knows how touse six different weapons, that knows how to speak ten different languages. Ifyou have any respect for your sobriety, better have that much more respect forthe disease of alcoholism. So listen up, this is warfare. Every day you'regoing to get on your knees and you're going to ask God to keepyou clean and sober. If I invited you over my house and you andyou came over my house and you sat at my dinner table and you tookthe food and you didn't say please for the Food and you got up fromthe table and you left the house and...

...you didn't say thank you for thefood, do you think I'd ever invite you back again? I said no, Jerry. He said so. Why would you be in God's world oneday sober without asking please in the morning and saying thank you at night?And I got that. I understood to be saying I was showing no respectto the too. I was showing no respect to God. I wasn't sayingplease in the morning and I wasn't thanking about I was taking it for granted. This is not something to take for granted. I guarantee the old timersout of here for night. They don't take things for grant. You nowI know that they have a home group on Monday nights that they don't missexcept there at another meeting tonight. So they're still not missing. Forty twoyears and forty four years. They understand how serious this thing is. Thisis not a disease that goes away. Until we get laid out and Istarted to have some respects, start to pray on my knees to a Godthat I didn't know, to a God that I understand, but my sponsorsaid to did it, so I to do it and I did it.And then about thirty days into my sobriety, no, no, I'm sorry,I apologize. I got I got ahead of myself, but that's agood story, but not now. And then I stayed sober about five years, but I didn't work the steps. I worked a couple of steps andnothing really seriously. I was kind of like a step, like a tasterof the steps, instead of a cut, instead of a digesting the steps,and I got sicker and I got sicker and I got sicker. Ijust wanted the reason I asked you to stand up, if you're a personthat wants to sponsor somebody, is I just really think it's important that wework the steps because if we leave here the same people we came in here, we're going to go back to drinking again, or it's going to bea miserable life or we just going to be hanging in there. You know, if I bring a car to or a garage and the car stays inthe garage for six years and nobody works on it, it's still broken.And so it doesn't matter the length of time of sobriety you have, ifyou don't do the inside job, if you don't do a very thorough asix and seven, you're going to get sick and sick and sick. Andso I was getting sicker and sicker. I wasn't asking God to remove mydefects of character, because I like my defects of character, because anger isa comforting thing to me. I like the ability that, if I don'tlike what you say, to hit you. I like that. I thought thatwas something cool about me. It wasn't cool at all. It gotme sicker and sicker and I had this wrestless, irritable and discontent feeling again, because alcohol is not my problem. You'd think after five years of sobrietyand being twenty eight years old, that I would have been better. Youcan't be better unless you fix the problem. Alcohol is not my problem. It'sthe reason I drank, the problem I it's the antidote to why Iused. And so I became sicker and then the God's size hole became biggerand bigger and I was putting everything inside the God size olds, steroids andmuscles and money and Nice cars girls. And then I saw the one thatwould fix everything. I saw the one that was going to fix everything.And I worked in this mall and this mall had a circus that went onevery day of the week and it was a real circus and there was elephantsin the Circus and tigers in the circus and the most beautiful show girl thatI ever saw, and she was on an elephant and she came in withthese beautiful feathers and I was and I was sick and I said, ifI could get that girl, I'm going to be well and she's going tofix my problem and that's going to fix my problem. And I got thegirl and it didn't fix my problem. And so we're on our honeymoon andI'm trying to get her to drink and she's not drinking. She's sober.She's not going to drink, but I just think that if she drank,our marriage would be better. We're only married a day and she's not drinking. And and I get us, I get US tickets to Emerald Lagassi's newrestaurant, fancy restaurant, New Orleans. She doesn't know about New Orleans.She's from the country of Columbia. She doesn't know that there's a lot ofdrinking and a lot of nudity going on in New Orleans. I don't tellher. I tell her it's about jazz. So we're in EMERALAGASSI's new restaurant andin the t now you guys are all going to know what this is, because you guys are from wine country, so that a lot of times whenI go around them and talk in different states, they don't know whatI'm talking about. You guys will get this in a second. And inthe table next to me, while I'm on my honeymoon, supposed to belooking at my wife, but we have too many conversations going on the tablebecause I have alcoholism completely on top of me and I'm thinking about her andI'm thinking about me and I'm thinking about what a good catch she got andit's like a conversation of multiple voice is going on and then there's a peopleat the table and they poured wine in a decanter and nobody's drinking it.I never seen that. I never seen that. So I call over thefood server and and I say behind the menu, what's going on next tome, and she said those people are drinking fine wine that needs to breathefirst. I was like what? There's...

...fine wine that needs to breathe first. I went right from mad dog two thousand and twenty two hard drugs.I miss fine wine that needs to breathe first. If I would have stoppedthere, I wouldn't need to be an AA and at that moment, Ibet I lost my willingness to be powerless over alcohol and I became powerful overfine wine and fine and things like that in my mind. And if you'rehere today and you don't believe that your powerless or alcohol, you're going todrink again. If you think that you have power over alcohol and you firmlybelieve that inside, unfortunately, and I'm going to take it unfortunately, you'regoing to have to go out and try some control drinking and I don't wantanyone to do that. I became powerless over the substance that I never tried, which was fine wine. And I believe for the next two years,from my fifth year to my seventh year, that I could drink sociably like agentleman, as long as I didn't cross over to hard liquors or todrugs. And I picked up my seven your medallion and alcoholics anonymous. Iwas thirty years old. I was happily married to this beautiful wife, butI wasn't happily married to the beautiful wife. Could how can I be married,happily married to the beautiful wife if I'm not happy about me? AndI went on and I went and I looked for fine wine. This citywouldn't be hard. The entire cities wine, but where I'm from in South Florida, you have to know where to look for fine wine and I couldn'tfind it. So if I ordered Japanese rice wine in a box and that'sas fine as it ever God, two dollars and fifty cents later I lostseven years of sobriety. And of course that didn't work because because the Godsize hole that I had in my end me was not going to be fixedwith fine wine, Japanese wine, any crack, cocaine or any other substancewas not going to fix the problem I hand inside me, because what Ihad was a lack of power. That was my dilemma problem and I neededto put inside this godsize whole what it was intended for, which was God. so the Japanese rice wine did didn't work, and then the pills didn'twork, and then other substances didn't work and I still went to a onpills. I went to am pills because I felt as long as I wasn'tdrinking, I was allowed to be an AA. And so I'm slurring mywords in a go to my home because only people I knew were an a. can you imagine not going to a sober I can. It was horrible. It was horrible and I was the last to know and every Thursday I'dpick up a chip and I'd get through the week. And it got worseand worse and worse and my beautiful new wife had to leave because for herown sanity, she had to leave back to her country of Columbia, becauseI destroyed our new home, I destroyed our finances, I destroyed our marriage. She would wait up all night waiting for me to come home. Iwouldn't come home because alcohol told me where I was going to go that nightand alcohol did not tell me to go home to my new wife. Alcoholtold me where to go and it was my master. And if you understandwhat I'm saying, you're in the right place. Alcohol is my master.When I ingested in my system, I'm not powerless over alcohol unless I ingested. Unfortunately, I'm powerful not to ingest it unless I change. And howam I going to change? I'm going to have a person relationship God ofmy understanding and I'm going to work the steps, and some of my characterdefects I'm going to give to him immediately and then other ones I'm going tobe willing to have him take along the way. And that's what happened.I was completely miserable and she put me out of the House. She joinedthis secret program like my parents did twenty years earlier, called Alan on.It's like this group of terrorists, basically, and they gave her all this typeof terrorist language that she didn't cause it, she can't cure it,and another C that was not very welcoming to me, and you can controlit and she put me out of the House and she showed me with arestraining order and I had to go to a halfway house, which was notmy choice. The Guy came to the psychiatric hospital that I was in andhe said, would you like to come to my halfway house? I said, I own a full house in Hollywood. He said, well, this isa restraining order, you're not going back home, and I said,please tell me about your amenities and I want up going to this halfway house. And I started praying on my knees, like my sponsor said, and Istarted thanking him at night on my knees, like my sponsor said.And about thirty days into my sobriety, I got I thought, you knowwhat, maybe I maybe I'm maybe I over thought this thing, maybe Ididn't have such a big problem, maybe I could use one more time.Mind you, I lost my wife, I signed away my house, Igave away my sobriety, I'm in a halfway house with people that are notmy family, that with men with stinky feed and I'm I'm completely miserable,but maybe I have one more use in me. And I came up withthis idea. I was going at and but I didn't have any money.I appreciate people that go on runs with no money. I think you guysare the people are do that. My had he is off to you,but I need to have some money if I'm going to go drink. So, because I didn't have any money, because I didn't have any job,because I didn't have a wallet, because...

I didn't have anything, my mywife would give because I was a bum, my wife gave me a card,a money card, and I called my wife up and I said,could you give me a hundred ninety nine dollars on the money card so thatI can get this special phone that calls the California, if you know,alcoholic, a madness. But she had joined Alan on. I didn't know. She never has my permission. So she tells me to hold on.She calls her sponsor and her sponsor says give the bum the money and theyset me up. They set me up and she puts a hundred ninety ninedollars on my card and I'm only thirty days sober and I run to theto this sprint store to buy a phone so that I can call my wife, so that she knows that I'm at a meeting, so she doesn't callthe halfway house owner. And I got this whole thing set up and Ithink I've developed some time but junkie super power where I could use for acouple hours, take a shower, brush my teeth and when the other peoplefrom the house come in, I go hey, how is your day?And I don't tell anybody. And this is what God does for me,because God always shows up even when I'm not prepared. And I run tothe sprint store and I say to the guy behind the counter I need tohave the cheapest cell phone you have and I need to be out of herein fifteen minutes. And the guy behind the cell phone camera, cell phone, I said, I I'm sorry, cell phone store says, Stevie Bwelcome back. I saw you yesterday at the victory a meeting. We've missedyou. And the guy behind the counters from Aa. And God does forme what I can't do for myself. And step two, and it did. It was like step two, I R I'm not saying it was stepto like a neon lights, but step two came to believe that a powergranted myself could restore me to Sanurday. It's doing different things differently and differentthings happen and then you go wow, that's God. My wife and Iwere here in June in Washington, Seattle, Washington, on our way to Alaskaduring Covid we snuck out of the state. Nobody knew. We didn'teven tell anybody. We got on a plane, we came to Washington,we went to Packwood, we didn't tell anybody. People thought we were justat home quarantining and we flew incognito to Alaska. When we came back,we wanted to do all the things in Seattle that you guys have to offer. We wanted to go to the needle and the Tu Lui, whatever theguys named a famous artist, a class place, and we wanted to seethe Pike's market and we wanted to do all this stuff right, but itwas closed. You guys take covid very seriously and I respect that. Myhats off to you. I'm in Florida. We don't do much. When Igot here the whole state was closed. You Know How god amazing is?I I spoke at a meeting a couple months ago in middle of Florida. That's away from my house and I got to meet the incredible people thatjust happened to be visiting from from Woodenville in Florida at the same time inan a meeting. I got to meet these in mega incredible men and theysaid would you come and share your story in Washington? I knew it wasWashington state. I was just telling a little joke earlier. And I gotto come back to speak to people in Woodenville and do all the things Icouldn't do in June. And I'm not a world traveler. It wasn't likeI was going to come to a state twice, in the farthest state inthe whole world from Miami. That's what God does. He shows off,he puts cherries on the Sunday. He wants to wow us. In Aathere's two different camps to the people that are just hanging in there and they'rethe people that get how incredible this thing that really had. We seen aperson fail who has followed was thoroughly followed our path. When you thoroughly followthe Bat, you get what those men got. I want what they haveand I'm willing to go to any leathy to get it. So when theysay, would you like to fly up to I'm like yes, the otherpeople when they met me in the middle of Florida. It was on aThursday. Who drives four hours to an AA meeting on a Thursday at sixo'clock? We do. And you know what I got out of that?I don't even did we get dinner? We got dinner. We did getdinner. We did get a dinner. I get so much more, though, and so I'm one year sober, I'm two years sober, I'm likeeight years Ober, nine years over, ten years sober. And my wifeand I we want to have a baby and she's the love of my lifeand we want to have a baby and we're in our S and we builda baby room in the house and but we can't get pregnant. So wego to a clinic and and we do everything that you can do in aclinic and then and that doesn't work, and then we have eggs donated andthat doesn't work, and then we hire a surrogate. That almost always works, that's their job. It didn't work and we have no baby. Andthen we get pregnant and we're walking around on cloud nine and we're like youknow, going to meetings and I'm like, we're pregnant and it's the greatest timein our life and we zippity doods...

...just great and and we go tothe clinic and we lost the baby and I'm devastated. I'm devastated because bynow I'm in Ministry, I'm sponsoring six, seven guys, I'm taking meetings forfree into treatment centers every single night of the week. I'm doing everythingthat I'm supposed to. I've changed my life. I've worked a six step, I've worked the seventh step. I'm asking God to remove these defects ofcharacter. I'm not cursing, I'm doing everything that's Aunti New York, I'mgoing out on my way, I'm doing everything that's Auntie me and we stilllose the baby. And a well meeting person and alcoholics anonymous tells us,and I understand as well meeting and he tells us, that God only givesyou what you can handle. And that's the wrong thing to say because youdon't want to hear that God just gave you a baby dying. But thenanother person in alcoholics anonymous, because alcoholics anonymous filled, is filled with wisepeople beyond their years said, bad things happen and God will give you thestrength to get through it and just pray for the acceptance of God's will.And that's the fact, because bad things happen, people are going to die, that you wouldn't believe that the best people die and God will give youa strength to get through it. And our baby died and God gave usa strength to get through it. And that night my wife was at Alanonand I was at my meeting and I cried for as long as I neededto cry and she cried for as long as she needed to cry, andalcoholics anonymous held my arms and they hugged me until I stopped crying, whateverdiamond that was, and Alan on hugged her, and of course we're alsomembers of a church and they hugged us on Sundays and whenever we would gothere, and we got a community around US hugging us. But we werecrying and we were broken and we just couldn't get have a baby. Andthen we get into an adoption agency and we pay the money to be inan adoption agency and then we got asked to leave the adoption agency because inmy first sobriety. Before we were married, I was arrested for solicitation and now, if you know what that means, it's not a good thing. Youdon't want to have solicitation on your record that meets you try to pickup somebody that's not your wife. And we got asked to leave the adoptionagency and now we can't have a baby and now we can't adopt. AndI you know, in alcoholics anonymis is amazing because there's so many people thathave expertise. We have firemen in here, we have doctors, we have lawyeryears, we have adoption, we have money people. I wouldn't recommend, you know, asking that many people for relationship advice, but we haveexperts in alcoholics anonymous that are amazing. And I called up this guy,happy Bob, that used to be this very powerful attorney in south Florida beforeyou got caught with three kilos, and I said, Bob, do youknow if there's anybody that can help us get a baby, to find anadopted baby? And I know there's an adoption guy in here. I LoveI love that shirt. I'm totally with you and we're adoption people to andany and he tells me about a Jewish woman in Boca named Mindy, andI just get the reason. I mention a religion. I'll tell you why. Because by this time in our ten years, in my ten year ofSobriety, I'm like Super Christian. I got bumper stickers, t shirts,banners, statues and and and I'm like the overthetop guy, you know,the guy you a point that and I'm going to have this Jewish person that'sgoing to come in the house and I said to my wife, should wetake giant Jesus down? Okay, because giant Jesus is not going to begood. If this is our one shot, if this is our one shot giantJesus, that just put him in the closet just for this little fiveminutes here. Okay. And my wife is so wise. My wife sayswe're not going to change who we are. If God wants us to have thebaby, we're not going to pretend who are not. She's so wise. And Mindy comes in and she and she says, do you think Godgave you another shot? And I said I know he did, and shesaid so, how could I not give you another shot? And she sighesoff on the home study and we get approved. And if you and myfriend will tell you that that's only now. You get into a long line,a long line, a long line. You got to eight years maybe,but God goes to the front of the line and we get a calla month later for a baby that's a up here in the northeast by Canada, and we fly out here and we and we see our son on dayone and our son's tell me, mommy, she says, what would you liketo name your son? And we say we would like to name ourson Joshua. And she says why Joshua? And I say because in the Bibleand Joshua and fifteen says, for me and my house, we chooseto serve the Lord. And she says, well, I'm not religious, Isaid, so, I'm just want to let you know your son's goingto grow up in a godly home. And two weeks later we take Joshuahome to our house and there's people from alcoholics anonymous on our lawn with signswelcome home. They had been taken care of our house, they've been takencare of our dogs and that people of alcoholics anonymous showed up and people ofalcoholics anonymous gave us our first baby shower and they showed me how to bea dad and they showed my mom, my wife, how to be amom, not that she didn't know how to be a mom, but wewere older and we hadn't been around kids for like for centuries. And theyand alcoholics anonymous came around me and I...

...don't. And I go to six, seven meetings a week. So my Joshua, our Joshua, would cometo meetings with me. Our Joshua go to conventions. I would speak atconventions, he'd be on, on in the act. We be like speakingagain. And and JJ grew up in alcoholics anonymous and what I want totell you is that when he was nine months, and some of you guysremember the story from us, say when he was nine months, he sprungout with the most beautiful red hair. And the reason he sprung out withthe most beautiful red hairs because God loves to show off and my mom,my mom, has the most beautiful red hair. It just happens to bethe exact color and the exact flow of my son's hair. So when mymom goes to pick up Joshua at the at the daycare, they're like,oh, Mrs boy as he come out in. Josh was ready. WhenSandy and I go to pick up our son, we have to give threeforms of ID. See, God is always just, he's going the extramile and and he's looking the while us. And this trip isn't it an exampleof that? I got to meet the pastor of this church, justincredible man. I got to meet his beautiful wife, I got to meettheir friends. I got to meet my new, really, really close friendwho I just met, Ryan, because you can meet people in alcoholics anonymous. They could be your friends for the rest of your life. Car ishere tonight. Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to me to break youran anonimity. I get to meet people in this area that I would havenever met if it wasn't for God and alcoholics anonymous. And I just wantto tell you one more story. You know, there's people that are settlingfor the croutons off a day. They see God is going to give ussobriety if we if we ask for it. He wants to give us sobriety.But some people will stop right there. They'll just stop it. Sober,they'll stop it sober, like when we had buffets before covid there's there'sa salad and there's crutons and then there's a prime rib and there's crack craband then this fresh salmon and there's there's everything on the buffet and people thatare willing to just settle with sober they stop at Cruton and they grab theCreuton and they're sitting in their chair and they're eating their crutan and it's food. Don't get me wrong, it's food and it's and it's good, andsobriety is good. And if it's just a cruton you want, that's great. You could stay at Cruton. But I want to take God wants togive us so much more what he's given us over the last nineteen, it'sgoing to be twenty years in Jenuy. What he's given us is a pieceof mind and understanding that he's going to take care of us, no matterwhy, even when everything's going wrong in that area, everything's going to goright in this area, that he's got a plan and he's got a purpose. And I was able to because of my relationship with God, I wasable to start a program called JAC's House in South Florida. It's the onlyfaith based program of its type in south Florida, because it's not popular tohave anything faith based in South Florid and so we got to start a programcalled JAC's House. My wife started a program called the Grace House, andwe get to do this full time. Full time help people not to die. But I tell you, some people choose used to die and over thelast four or five years we've went to over a hundred funerals. We havea totally treatable disease. It's totally treat but one hundred percent of the time, really have we seen a person fell who has thoroughly followed our path.Those gentlemen will tell you the path is the path of God. It's onehundred percent works one hundred percent of the time. And I have to tellyou some I'm a very, very, very satisfied customer alcoholics, anonymous Alanon our relationship with God. That's what we have. Our House is full. We have a full house. We only have one son. Praise gotto be ten this week. It's amazing situate. You know how excited weare about Joshua, but our house is full because we have people in aa in our house and we people on all in our house. We havegot in our house. We have a phone calls coming in and if you'rein a place where you are bored in Aa, it's just because you're notsponsoring any good or you're not doing enough to just get out. Are somuch work to do. It's so fun, it's so fulfilling. It takes careof mental illness. Obviously. You See, I should be on fiveor six different medications, but I'm not. I'm not on five or six medicationsbecause this is my medication. Today I started out on my knees andwhen I go home tonight, God willing, I'll have another sober day I'll finishon my knees. God bless you, guys. Thank you so much.

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