AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 25 · 2 years ago

Stevie B Steps 5 & 6 - Shame Kills @ Spread The Word Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Hi everybody. My name is Steve Be I'm recovering alcoholic and a member the golden text group in Danny Beach Parta and tonight we have a lot of material to cover. I'm very excited. I got four books and so it's going to be in a grid. It's going to be going to definitely try to cross throw a lot of it. Tonight is step five and six, so that's very exciting. And we're going to be talking about integrity, trust, love. Nobody get juiced up in the front row here. Love You, I said love all or okay, May I do some translating with my brothers over there? And No, no, this is not a lost group. Is Not a lost group. And we're also going to talk about four steps. Six, we're going to talk about willingness. Say Willingness? Yeah, so we got we can talk about integrity and trust and love and willingness. Okay, yeah, it's going to be other now. It's a lofty goal and we're alcoholic, so we'll probably get just through with the serenity burn. My good friend Rob Palong, Rob P, sorry, almost broke herndamity, is here from New York, Brooklyn. Still Rob Queens Queens please in the house. We sold it up together twenty seven. How many years you got now, rock? Twenty seven years. Twenty six years. We sold it up together twenty six years ago, Robb we sold it up together twenty six years. I had seven years. I relaxed. Rob Didn't. And so he's here and he's here tonight visiting from New York and as rob always does, where whenever he travels he's hits like almost a meeting a day. Very, very cool. Oh Jay, the's a motorcycle guys to the's a Harley guys. Somebody want to get with them at a hardy guy in the back. So why such why so much material are we going to cover tonight? Because we've been speaking for three weeks on step four and five. One of the weeks was medallions and which was great and we had all the beautiful medallions. So it really didn't get to hit on it too much. But tonight we're going to talk about dumping that stuff moving on and getting right into six. So last week we spoke about step four and five and, and this is not a test, but just asked that anyone do step five. Since last week, did anyone actually physically share with a sponsor around by minister, since like, okay, nobody, but I wanted to share what you just do it. where? What? Okay, just do it, get for get out there. Get a sponsor. My Matt just got a great sponsor by the name of man and and man. You take them too quick. You take them through direct get them there, do the things that you do and pass on what you've been so freely given. And I know you know how to do that, so I'm certainly not telling you how to do that. See, why would we want to carry the garbage in our past, from our past into our present? We don't write. We want to feel free. We want to have that new freedom and the new happens. What's up my room? We want to have new freedom and a new happiness. So in order to do that, in order to get to a place where we don't regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it, we have to share it with another human being in God, otherwise we're going to feel like we're the dirtiest. Hey, Kenny, this seats all over Kennet, one of the anybody got to see you over here from my good friend Kenny. We got them over here, right next to John. We got this. So many seats here, guys. Nobody needs to be standing. Come on, we got all these seats right. Kenny's Tried County Kenny,...

...now Try County Katy. Right there, Kenny, I don't think I will ever get over listening to you talk to the main commissioners of the state and telling them that you felt that you needed to have approval to go north for Scooba Diavon. I don't think I will ever forget that. Okay, I will never forget that. As long as I did. That was let me taste that. When you have the guts of God, which is what Kenny did, we were sitting in front of a board today. I can't really tell you what type of board is what I'll breaking his anomity. I'm not going to. But we were sitting in front of a very impressive, scary board and and Kenny was appealing to that board to be able to travel to other counties. And I was trembling there, and I've never been in from because the people that went before us they said to the people, well, we are going to revisit this in two thousand and forty. I mean I'm going man petition, but that seemed like a lot of years passed now. So I kind of went up there like trembling, and and Kenny did. Wasn't trembling because Kenny had his eye on God. I had his eye. I had my eyes on the commissioners, but he was looking passed the commissioners. And Kenny said in his speech that one of the reasons I could beely came out. I could. I thought I was in a movie, he said. And and and, commissioner, I also want to let you know I've been recently certified for Scuba diving and sometimes the water is just better up the coast. He said this to the same people that told the people before us. Will we visit this in twenty years? But God does what God does, and God and he got it granted and he could go scuba divver anywhere he wants. Man, that's all God. A guy that can swim across the pool the Scuba Divon up the coast. There's a God story right there. If you don't believe in Almight, right there. Who? So the the fifth step is not anything that you want to hold up on. Okay, I believe the fourth step can be written in a weekend. Some people believe the fourth step can be written in a night. I've seen people do their fourth and fifth step in a car ride from Minneapolis to Wisconsin. I've seen him do the entire step that. I've seen him do it with one of the most famous sponsors in the United States clans and he sponsors over five hundred people over the last fifty nine years of his sobriety and he's done fifth steps with people from state to state. So there is no right way to do it. Anyone that tells you need to spend months on a fourth step, writing months of stuff down. That's just not the way. It was dumb. Now I know that's the way we do it and I'm not even saying it's wrong. If that's the way you do it, I'm not saying that's wrong. I'm saying you may want to get your stuff out immediately. You may be so burdened by the things you've done you know it's just going to go quickly over. We talked about less that we have last week. Fear, resentmance, sexual harms caused others and harms caused others. You might be so burden on what you've done in the past that you just want to give it that redness to done. You may do one, just get that move on. Why carry there's nobody perfect on the planet, on this planet now there's nobody perfect. so that means everybody has fallen short of the glory of this program and falling short of the glory of God, including your...

...sponsors, including the priest of the Minister of the rabbi you're speaking to. They have fallen short, trust me. So we have an opportunity to unload our burden. What a cute dog did is what kind of dog is that? Oh, awesome, Nice. We're just talking about dogs in the way here. So I so let me just give you a little bit of a little bit of my experience and strength. My sponsor was a very serious guy, is a very serious guy. I had three sponsors in my life. One of them are Myron, is already in heaven. He's the Locksmith from Broward County. May God rest his soul. He just died with almost forty years of sobriety. And my two sponsors right now are Russell spats from Miami and Jerry Bear that currently lives in Tennessee, these are serious men. They believe in serious fifth steps. Every sponsor I this is just a little side don't just doesn't mean anything. Might just give you a little every sponsor I've ever had has been Jewish. I believe that Jews don't pull punches. So I'm get him then, and I'm like this, and just tell me the truth, right, and they always do, whether you like it or not. And so my sponsored, Jerry Bear, he said, I want you to fly out to California. You know, we were living together. He said, I want you to fly out to California and you're going to have an amazing experience being a Christian guy. He said he was going to take me, even though it's Jewish, he was going to take me up to the mountain in California and they have this incredible cross in the redwood forest on top of the mountain and he was going to take me. We were going to do it underneath the cross. Well, I want to tell you none of that happened. I didn't get close to the cross and we never got under the cross. We never got near the cross. And on the way to the cross he said without going and you know, I just traveled seven hours from far to San Francisco. But we just he just ran out of steam and he said, but I'm what I'm going to do is I'm going to take you to the Pacific Coast highway, which is very special. If you've never seen him, that's the highway along the Pacific coast where you get to see the beautiful water and they have the cliffs and everything very beautiful. But as we were going I realized it just didn't no cliffs here. It looks like this rest stops. He goes, well with you're right, we're going in the wrong direction. So we never got to the Pacific coast. So we didn't get to the Cross and we didn't get to the Pacific coast on our way in the wrong direct direction. I don't know how meant back. Probably back then, twenty years ago, they maybe didn't have the little compass and we were supposed to be going west, but we went east. No coast. So he said pull over and I said, but Jerry, this is a rest stop, and he goes, he have a pole. And so in the middle of one of those little towns and in in like country area, we pulled over like next to a like a country store, and where there was trucks and and and tourists and to me it seemed like a very odd place to do the fifth step. It didn't seem like there was a lot of seclusion, and there wasn't. He were right in the middle of a ten foot piece of grass where people were walking their dogs. He put said put the chairs down and I was looking at my spoons and I was thinking I'm about to tell my deepest, darkest secrets here, you know, right here, like right in the middle of crackebar and but that's it. I mean, listen, God knows what he's doing and maybe I needed to not think I was so special that I needed to be brought up on top of a mountain under a cross. Maybe what I needed in my fifth step was just do it on a ten foot piece of grass in front of a country store in the middle of we don't know where we were, Pedaluma, I think, with smells like the cheap and so as I'm doing my fifth step and I'm telling my deepest, darkest sexual secrets in my entire world, I see this one woman. She must have cleaned bias like twenty...

...seven times, you know, and she wanted all the different parts of my fist that she wanted to take it with her and her puppy. And you know what? I found that it just wasn't that serious for me. I'm not saying yours isn't that serious. What I thought was my deepest, darkest secrets really could be told at a rest on. It wasn't. It doesn't need to be the perfect fifth step, it just needs to be a fist that now I'm not saying that I divulge everything right there in that in that public area, because we did three places in our in the fifth step. We went to a private woods that said no trespassing and he told me jumped the fence, so we did in there, and then we did wind up in a spiritual place, in a little river bank that was spiritual and and and that's where I'm I'm going to share the lat the next part of my fist deep with you with what I said. But what I want to say is are it was. It was amazing, even though rest stop was amazing. When we jump the fence, it was amazing, and and the last part when I told them my deepest darkest was amazing. Why does it all amazing? Because I needed to get it out. You need to get it out. You need to get this stuff out. We're talking about integrity. The only thing that's going to count in your fifth step is integrity. What is integrity? Truth. Integrity is doing truth when no one's watching. That's integrity. Doing the right thing when no one's watching. That's integrity. No one greats you on your fifth step. Raise your hand. Of you had the best fift stuff in here. Nobody cares. I'll tell you who didn't have a good fif step. Raise your hand. And he was sober before and now you just coming back. You didn't have a good fifth step. See, that's only reason. That's the only thing you can that. That's the only thing right there. But nobody cares. If you had the best, you just didn't do good. Your said, Patrick, you could have told it all. And then, if you got new sin, that comes in our new defense of character. Call him peace sponsor to go. Listen. I'm sitting all over the place. I need to share this so that you're not carrying new burdens. Because what kills an alcoholic? You guys don't over there tell me in spooning or something, what kills an alcoholic faster than even resentment. I know the present. It is the number one fender. So who, sir, secrets and shame. Shame kills alky's shame kills atticts. I know a young man that was sober two years. He looked like a bronze God, walk out of Amalk, out of a magazine and he contacted a treatable disease, not truable, but totally treatable. He contacted a treatable disease and because he was shameful about it, he took a shot and killed him. Then, in twenty four years old, he's gone from Shin where he could have came to me as to say the know what. It could have been an incredible testament, chap. You know, when I was out there, I use some needles and stuff, and now I have this, this treatable disease. It's not cure about because treatm one. I want you to know you can still recover right now. He could be a spokesperson for this treatable disease instead of an instead of a story, you could be a testimony. But Shane killed them and Shane kills. So I'm not willing to go down then. Right, I got enough mental illness. Without Shane. I gotta I go without shame. I got enough stuff without walking around with a ton of shine. Need to get that stuff out, and that's really what we're going to talk about it right now. So and I would come about getting that stuff out integrity and and why any Chris, you you're with us now, right. You've crossed over to the into the sweet spot. You're not. You're in. You're here now, aren't? You here? Right here now? Okay, well, for tonight. Tonight you're in an he's come here to support me. He's good on end and enemy lines. We got two enemy lines right there. We got Chris and Russell from narcotics, anonymous. There's this is how they started the program spies. That's how they started in spying us. They're going to bring it back to their their home pond tomorrow, to the mother ship tomorrow. This is what they...

...were doing in the AA. So the reason that this step is the reason that this step right, Robert will tell you the reason that this step is not share with your sponsor. It doesn't say share with your sponsor and it doesn't also, it doesn't also just say share with God. The reason it says that we share this with another human being and God is for this specific reason, I'm going to tell you right now. We were done with my fifth step and I and my sponsor said, did you leave anything out? And I said no, and and he said just take a moment. Did you leave anything out? I said, well, I was. I'm still partaking this one behavior. I don't think it's a big deal. And he told me that's not a big deal, unless you want to drink again and it's also illegal. Now this is something I was going to admit from my fifth step because I figured I was just going to bring it to God. No big deal, not a big deal. Then it really don't, don't. You do not have to use your minds like it was something you know, really great, because it wasn't. But it was something I shouldn't have been doing. When I share with my sponsor, he knew it was something I shouldn't have been doing. When I shared it with my brain, my brain said this is fine, just bring it to God, it's not a big deal. That's why we have the three person the holy trinity watching us. In the fifth step, we have our sponsor, or, rabbi, a pastor, a minister, something that we really trust, because that's the other half of the principle behind the step, is trust. And then we bring it to God, between the three people that are there, sponsor, God and you. You're going to you're going to have an amazing experience. Amen, and that's really and and really what is Amen Means? A Amen needs we believe in we agree with God, and that's all it means. We agree with God. So we'll get nervous. I see some of the both grown. That is done. Fits over there. All right. So so now we're going to go. We're going to talk about love. We're going to talk about love, and some of you and some of us, not. Some of you, some of us, have confused love with all the wrong places. Tomorrow is what holiday, the love holiday, right, it's the love holiday, and I want to read you a little bit about love and I wanted to see see if they see, if this is anything that you're doing right now when you when you think of love, and I'm told my love for your roommates. I'm talking about love for your parents, I'm talking about love for you and children, I'm talking about love for your your fiance, your husband, your wife. My parents have been married fifty one years who? Sometimes, though, I no, I'm just saying, sometimes you fight. Do you see? You guys a disagreat. But yeah, that's ready. My Dad left a month ago for an hour. He said this is it. I mean he didn't go anywhere, he just left, but he didn't go anywhere. I'm still on the living I'm done. Comes and he goes. I'm dune away. You going? I don't know, but I'm done here. But let me tell you why he didn't leave. This is what First Corinthians says and this is what they were reading when they were writing the big book. One of the one of the chapters. It says love never gives up. Remember, if you're in a divorce, when I told about what you think about the love that you have now,...

...which I'm at the love for your parents, to love for your children, to love for your part. It's not just one love. There's three loves. And and and the love for your wife or your husband. That's just one love. That's that's one love. But there's other love, that brotherly love. Feel a love is a God. They love on conditional love. And then there's a rotting love, which some of you have definitely honed your skills in that area that's called Heroes Love, but where we're just all my love right now. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than self. You, guys, are perfect example that. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love wants what it has. Love does instruct. It doesn't have a swelled head. Love does enforce itself on others. Love isn't always me first. Where you going? What are you doing? Sit Down, why, it's guy. Are you? Oh? The fans too much for you? That? Yes, just speak amongst yourselves. Let's get back to the love, please. Love doesn't fly off the handle. Love doesn't keep a record of wrongdoings. When someone asked for forgiveness, in love, they forgiven. They don't keep a record of wrong doing. That's love. Love doesn't make others grobble. Love doesn't take pleasures in people's sorrows. Love puts up with anything. Trust God. Always, always, look for the best. Never look back, keep going to the end and not beautiful. That's big. I didn't. I didn't give you the traditional love that you heard before, love never fails and all that, because I wanted to give you a different love tonight. This is the message. This is called the message. Anyone can read the message. Any faith can read the messages. It's open to all faiths. And what? Why would I bring up love tonight on the sixth step? I'll tell you why. Love is the exact opposite of our defects. And tammy asked me to do this. Tammy in this group asked me to do this and they said, we really you just finished the step series on Tuesday night. Please don't do the same exact thing you just didn't and I don't want to do the same. I want to do something different. I want us to open up our minds. Alcoholics. Anonymous is just a spiritual kindergarten. But while we're in kindergarten we could do more than just figure paint. We don't have to leave the program, we could. We can enhance the program we're already in. Okay, so let's put away our finger paints and pick up our brushes and let's start talking about some things that will keep us excited about staying. Obviously, robber twenty seven years or twenty six years has figured out a way to be excited about what he's doing. Traveling, going to different meanings. My mother with forty four years. She's found the ways to be excited in the program my dad would twenty seven years this month, next next month. So next month, twenty seven years, this year is excited about doing new things, because you got to keep yourself in an exciting mode. So when it comes to love and it comes the defects, they're on the exact opposite of the spectrum. Tonight we're going to talk about being entirely ready to have God odd remove your defects of character. Are Detailed of being entirely ready to have God remove our defects of character. And the big book started the twelve and twelve said this is the step that separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls. The sixth step, if not done right, will how you use again.

You know what, you don't have me relapse after seven years. Not a thorough six and seven step. You know what had shared. You'll relapse afterwards. Eleven years, six and a half years, the same thing. A non affective six and seven step. Six and seven are so big that your defects of character will not only take you out, but they actually could make you commit suicide. That's how big six and seven off and we glance over them. The meedings like who I'm praying for patients and I drive the speed limit to try to see if God give me patients. That is not enough. Driving the speed limit because your sponsor told you drive a speed limit. It's not going to save your life, I mean unless you drive super fast and they say your life like Terry drives incredibly ridiculous and fast. But where are we're going to the creator of the universe to ask him to remove these defects of character that most of them had us drink to begin with. And if they didn't have US strength to begin with, they will certainly have you drink after you've been sober. There are so many people that I know that gamble themselves out of sobriety and sex themselves out of sobriety and lie themselves out of sobriety and cheat them with sums out of sobriety and take steroids out of to get them out of sobriety. Me included all the above that I just said and the Gods size hole in me got deeper and deeper and deeper, my anger got more and more and more, and then nobody could tell me anything and when nobody could tell you anything in the EGO is out of control. You've edged God out with ego. The next thing you'll do is you'll take the thing that works best, and that's howcohol. Alcohol will cure your defective character problem faster than any other substance, and then it'll light a fire to it like a gasoline. Guess you don't like a guess like a six years of sobriety by Jay, by brooding. Where you going? Yeah, I should hope so. You speaking about defects of character. You guys can be existed. AMV At six years of sobriety after you left, rob at six years of spready, I was so full of defects of character that I actually needed to take a drink. Well, I actually needed to take a drink. That's how restless, eared to and discontent I had become. Without making God my center, to the central fact of my life. He was not the central fact of my life. As a matter of fact, he was a distant relative in my life. I would get down on my knees in the morning and I would pray to God to keep me clean sober, and then I wouldn't speak to him till the very end of the nine. The entire day I did whatever I wanted. I gave him alcohol in the morning and I thanked him at night and during the day acted anyway that I wanted. And if that's it, then you're not practicing these principles in all your affairs. I wasn't practicing these principles in most of my affairs. A drink will be a welcome reprieve from the mental illness. So when it comes to step six, I'm very, very serious about step six, but the big book doesn't help us. This is a specific case where we're going to need strong sponsorship. Why doesn't the big book help us? I'll tell you why. When it comes to the sixth step, it's only a half of paragraph and you may make the same mistake I made, and I think like this. The fifth step is pages and pages. Right, Freddy. The fifth step is pages and pages. There's charged is Mr Brown, he sleeps around you. I mean this charts. I get to the sixth step, it's like take this book off the shelf. Have you skipped on any of the steps? Let's go on to seven. You like? Well,...

...probably it doesn't. Think it's probably not that big of a deal. What do you think happen in the in the big vote, when came to step six? I'll tell you what happened. They flew, they glue. That's what happened. One hundred men and women that had recovered from the seemingly hopeful state of mind that some of them drank in the next fifteen years of company the big book. A whole bunch of the originals drank and they said, you know what, we need to write another book quick and we need to do some elaboration on a step that is going to save your life. But we only gave it a half paragraph and they wrote the twelve and twelve. So, when it comes to having the twelve and twelve in the big book side by side, when you say rip that it's important to have both, you need both and you need a sponsor that knows that defects of character will kill you and says you, Haye, listen, we're gonna get the six step, but it's only little half of paragraph. The name, but Wante rest of your sobriety. But yeah, and then we got a twelve and twelve. We also have another mood called drop the Rock, and we're going to be working on this for the rest of your life. And Steve, when you were twenty five you didn't have the same defects you have when you're fifty two. So we're going to now, at twenty five, we're going to be working on pride and we're going to be working on an eagle. When I came in at twenty five, my big ones were pride and Eagle. Now they're envy, jealousy and other ones. How did what? I didn't have envy and Jealousy back in twenty five. That's because I thought I was king in the world. I was. Why was I jealousy you? I was me. You Jealous of me. My chief defective character at two five to thirty one was pride. I was King of the him, King in the world. When I when I saw that titanic thing, I'm like, that's me. Now that I've been sober eighteen years and I'm going to and I'm a I'm over fifty now. My one of my biggest things is I have to be careful of comparison, and comparison kills comparison kills you know why comparisons like this. You go in a marathon and you don't know where anybody started and you don't know where anybody finishes. We met last night. Read. Yeah, you don't know where anybody starts and you don't want to know any finishes. So you're riding the marathon, you're in that sorry, you running the marathon. You're running the marathon and someone whizzes by you and you're like, Moma, what the heck just happened there? That guy's older than me, he's fatter than me, he has got no hair and that guy just whizzed right by me. What am I doing wrong? Then the next thing you know, that you know is that a couple miles later, your whizzom by him and turned out he had just started. Another guy that dead you just passed by and you're like, look at that guy, he's so slow, he's never going to finish, and you zoom buy him. Next thing you know, he's already finished and he's sipping tea and he had had a great time and you got another fifteen miles ago. That's why we cannot compare along the journey, because you don't know where another person started and you don't know where another person finishes. Some people start their first year sobriety the Lord takes them home and that was their whole race. Some people are blessed, like my parents, to be in recovery their whole lives. You don't know what time you have and you don't know how much you're going to get done. So every day in our sobriety we have to put forth a maximum effort. There is no coasting in sobriety, I don't think. And in this meeting I'm surrounded by people like long term sobriety, young people that came in at in their teens that have now almost thirty years or more. It shows me this, this race cannot be calculated by comparison and it can't be compared by what you drive or how you look or have the pant you...

...fit in them, although tonight I'm fitting into some good pants, but but that wasn't always the case. Okay, so you can't compare your insides with other people's outsides and you can't compare your wallet with anybody else's or your bank account with anybody else's or watch this your program with anybody else. Now, what if we use the big book as the tool that it is, and in the first one hundred sixty four pages cannot be refuted. And I'm not saying I am. I'm saying what. Let's use this as our ground rules. Here's the ground rules. Step six. Let's go to God now and let's make a list of the defects of character that we have. What Argy, the pride, the anger, the padles. These are the PADIOS, padiles. Can you say paddles or paddles? Say Paddles, rob trying to say from Queens paddles. Better, forgot about pads. Doesn't Beatles sounds like beagles when he says in Paddles a this pride, anger, greed, gluttony and the lust and sloth. paddles. Okay, those are the seven deadly sins. Those are the main topics, but in beat underdelete those topics. There's many, many defects of character. My brother drew here that just picked up one year, which I'm so proud of them, and tonight I want to give an example of a person that is completely working, having God work on his defects of character all year, for one year. You got to hear this story. This is an impressive story. For one year, drew has been waiting for this night to go to his home group in front of his men, to receive his one year Madonne tonight. And he had all planned and he already told all the guys. Tonight I'm going to the aside men's group, I'll pick it up, my one year and Dan it's I've been waiting all year for this, I've worked all year for this and I'm going to be there tonight. And his sponsor, which is me, asked him to come here tonight. And I want you to know within six seconds of that text, not six minutes, not like me, and would been six hours. I would have been sending it, set the leading in writing, crumbling it, calling different people. How dare him? Within six seconds, because pride has been a serious problem in his life before and in any time in Ken within six seconds he said to me, no problem, I'll be at the twelve step house tonight. I love you. Now, when you have God directing your show, when you have direct God directing your life, and one of the main things that's having your sponsor in your life as being a representative of God, of not of God, but as a person that is working with you, through God and your sponsor, to ask you to do something. We're not all the time excited about it, especially if you wait for a year for this night. But drew is here tonight. You know what's happening right now, in this exact meeting, at this exact time, pride is being crushed in drew. It's being D D escalated, as his chief characteristic. And didn't, we did tell you something's any given day's very pifel, but not tonight. Tonight he has taken pride and he's brought it up to the altar, the proverbial altar, and he's sacrificing pride. And how's he doing that? By surrender. You know what happens when someone says something to us that we don't like it? We want to smash them and we want to lash out to them and we want to take them and we don't. We answer in love, because love doesn't. Love doesn't bully, and love doesn't keep a record of wrong, wrong, wrongdoings,...

...and run, run and love doesn't. Love doesn't prance around and love doesn't strug. I know love covers a month. Those to the sins, of course, but love also doesn't force itself on another. When someone slams you and you love on, you know what you just did. You just slaughtered anger. You See, the way that we have our defective character removed from us. are is not by wishing. I'm really working online. Procrastination. Really working online was the big one. I always here at meetings. I'm really working on my patience, working on my patients. How's that going for you? What that's because you're never going to get to work on your patients. God is going to remove your impatience, and hows that? Howes that happen? Sacrifice, and the spiritual principle behind all this is trust. Well, what is it? What is seven? I'm sorry, forget it can't controls. No, it's gotta be willingness. I'm six. Willingness. It's got to be willingness. Willingness has got to be six, Tommy. What is its willingness? No, it's got to be willingness. Yes, seems this willingness, because you have to be willing to surrender the things that you thought were amazing. Listen, when I came in, still on any given day, my pride can kill me, and the defects of character that I came in here with sometimes I love them, like do you raise your hand? You love anger. Sometimes come on beyond. Someone bumps into you and you're like what and you and you go into that conclude for a second. You go into that anger could for a second and then you remember that you're a man or woman in alcoholics anonymous and we practice these principles in all our affairs and, having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this Menshis to everyone. And then you want, you want to go, and then someone cuts you off and you like this, I see I'm not alone in these areas. I was having dinner tonight with my eight year old. This is always shocking to me. This is always shocking to me. Now I'm going to share this with you young generation and not pointing things, but I just want to share this with you so maybe you can see how this affects someone in his son. I'm having dinner with my eight year old in a restaurant tonight and I'm the same fancy restaurants as are, you know, Readil, you know five and dime restaurant. But the guy in the next thing, talking to his friend, was F Kerson the entire time I'm in just in the next table. My son's eight. I know he's going to be here and then, but still it's shocking to me. I can make a decision at that point to take my stuff or do I say stuff? I say something's you could go in many different way. Well, I'm not going to say meanly. I'm going to say what I mean and I'm not going to say me I'm not going to come over like a big shot. I'm going to come over and and say, Hey, remember that time we did that in with those with those people in Miami with the vote, and they were doing that and I went over and I say hey, come on, guys. Yeah, but it was easy. You know, Ruffian, you can tell there was going to be a serious situation. Look like the entire front row over here and and they were just blasting ms music and families around and I said Cong as, we have families right away, and they took a well, they took a well. But so I had to make a decision tonight, just an hour before I got here. What was I going to do? Was I going to make a stand that was going to embarrass myself, on which I did a month ago, I embarrassed him. We were at a circus and I embarrassed him and...

I embarrassed my my wife. or Am I going to do this the right way? Tonight? I made a decision to sacrifice my pride and to sacrifice my anger and I prayed and he was a great thing in Mirca happened and they stopped cursing. But if they didn't, this is what I was prepared to do. I was prepared to leave. I was prepared to walk out with our stuff to go, because I a couple different things. I don't want to sacrifice my serenity, number one. I don't want to embarrass my son like I did a month ago, and I also don't want to embarrass my God. I don't want embarrass my God. But always we're bringing stuff up to the table and we're taking it off and then we're going to end here on step six, but I'm not going to see you next week. That's why I'm trying to pack a lot of stuff on a lot of stuff did the process of recovery is never adding to it's taking away. Everything you have inside you right now can take you to the finish line. You have enough strength you have enough love, you have enough faith, you have enough courage, you have every one of these principles all in you. You just have to exercise them like a muscle. What has to be taken away is all the non spiritual things that try to to try to take away these. Step one is honesty. You you want to surrender dishonesty, love off you want to surrender anger and a quick it just in case you knew to the program in this book right here, what or it doesn't doesn't mean if you to do for the project reminder in this book here, which is our twelve and twelve in the eleventh step is the eleventh step, prayer. You know what, we're just going to do it. Let's say. We're going to do it. You have to go, go, we're just going to do it. I want you to hear is just in case. You may get into a situation this week and you may not even know that you can be like this. Lord, make me a channel of that peace, that where there is hatred I may bring love, that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness, that where there is discord, I may bring harmony, that where there is error, I may bring truth, that where there is doubt, I may bring faith, that where there is despair, I may bring hope, that where there are shadows, I may bring light, that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted, to understand, then to be understood, to love then to be loved. For this by self forgetting, that one finds, and it is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awake, is to eternal life. Amen. I'll see you, guys in June. We are going to have a bradiating here next week. You will be a great speaker.

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