AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 26 · 1 year ago

Stevie B Step 6 - Three-Piece Luggage @ Spread The Word Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Rat Wer Goin Cotim hi, your body, My name isstevebmrecovering alcoholic memory, Tedina golden text group in in inceFlorida Friday, nit great to be here with you guys, Don Tonni. We can tellabout step six and step seven and having being entirely ready to haveGod, remove these defects of character, and I'm re also doing the Tommy. Are we doing the principles heibehind the steps, so we're gointo be talking aboutwillingness which we spoke about a couple weeks ago right and humility Thas, a big one, ider, that's a tol order for anybod humilityis a tall order for anyone. That's a serious principle right there and I's going to take a lifetime of trying and failing and getting someand losing it, and maybe getting some successfinancially and then losing some humility and then maybe getting somesuccess in something else and then tey being excited and then you lose it and humility comes sometimes it goes. Hopefully it comes and stays that has not been my case. It's been alife long journey in the humility trying. So we will speak about some ofthat tonight for sure most, a lot of you guys, don't know mein here I'm glad to see a whole new room of faces. That's awesome! Anyonethat's here for thats! You want to see this Isi okayanyone, that's here withunder a year of sobriety, regnam Wow wow, let's give God a hand rightthere. So since that was almost the entireroom, okay, not the entire Rodas. We have gone and we have a Bunchof of oldtimers here. But since I was the majority of the room, I'm going to backup just a little bit so that you know a little bit about me. I am a drug addict from New York. Okay,not an ALCOHOLICI'm, a drug addict from New York and I have a side dish ofalcoholism. But my main thing is: I really appreciate drugs in all theirentirey, and so I came into the program attwenty one years old, specifically wet Ta drug problem. I did not want to giveup drinking and I would it was not in the top fifty things that I wasthinking about when I was twenty one years old. Okay, I got involved Inh onesubstance, an one substance. Only it was the S and and that substanceViketball was cokan. Yes and I love to ride that white cownboyright there and I'm sorry O Horse Anooy. I'm sorry. I had the wrong thing Erei like to ridethat white horse and it got really crazy for me and I went home and I told my parents,I said to my parents: I have a problem with this one substance: it wasn't, itwas it was it was it was. It was coke, but but I told my family had a problem and mygrandfather. He said to make sure that she never try this one substance and it was allover the papers. New Jack City just...

...came out. It was New York and in thepaper my grandfather JC at Sunday dinner were Italians and he said to beStevie. Never try this substance. If you do, it was on the pape with a frontline of the paper and then ine a one thousand nine hundred and ninety paperNew York Times No, Not New York Times. We wouldn't have had that somedhing inLong Island was going on a this voise oe. He no time together all right. Let's get back to themeeting. Okay and my grandfather had the paper e hisStevi, this substance. If you try this once you'll be addicted, don't ever trythis substance and when he said that something inside me just like jump forjoy, he was warning me not to go. Try Thisubstance and all I can do is take inside. Where am I going to find thesubstance? I haven't seen it so I basically took the paper into New YorkCity to where Tommy lives and I held the paper up and I said: Is Anybodyseen this sumthin front noon? I need to get some of hiscrack. I found I matter of fact: Tommy's anclesold it to me and- and I was Alf to racist and at twenty one years old Iwas hopelessly addicted os substance and I went into treament and I had onegoal in mind: to get off this stay off. This never go back to this, never goback to hard drugs again and- and I was going to have a great life- I was goingto be an aaas. I was that was not even in the in the the whole spectrof thingsI was never going to join aa because I don't have an alcoholic toow. I don'thave an alcohol RM. I had a one substance problem. I was going no go,handle it go back to college. I was a senior at Com and I went into thattrumen center and and it looked this, look like it was going to be a longhole like fig pantrick. You realize ere's not going to be some. Two secondthing is going to be a whole lifelong process. The Guy told me we don't drink and- and I was very disappointed- Iknew we weren't going to drink in treatment, but he told me aftertreament you don't drink one day at a time for the rest of yourlife, you won't drink what twenty one got? Five gold change matching threepiece: coochy luggage forehead of hair white teeth, ha joil coming in boat tubes. Are youkidding e, Mea, I'm not going to drink? Of course, I'm going to drink. I gaveme for one subince. Once sense is only I'm paying? U Thirty, five Zanddollarwith my dad's money, men Shor, you doi their good job and then fix me up cleanme up and get me back to New York. It turned out. It was going to belonger than I thought. I stayed soer eighteen months and just from this, just from the sheerfear of a relapse I stay. So you get batter matter BAC. You can stay sover along time on feet. It's not going to be quality sobriety, but you can staysover a long time if you, U stay sover in a long time on step, one that youmint, you are powerless over your addiction and then you can fill in someof the other steps, but you're going to need to admit to your innermost selfthat you're powerless over everything, otherwise you're just waiting to pickup again matter of fact. We don't really have togo on any further in this room full of New People. If you don't get this rightnow, there's really no reason to go on. You cannot admit to your Inimo selfthat your powerless over all substances you'll pick up again, simblas an I'mpowers over everything they invented new stuff since I've been in the provint sinceI've been importing now twenty seven...

...years with eighteen straight years, nowI'll tell you what happened and they have invented some new stuff on power,so they come out with stuff. Last week,I'm powers over thet. They have some stuff being made in Asiaright now. As a matter of fact, I had the coronavirus before anybody evenheard about the corotavirus. I was allergic to cures years ago, I'm parals O Corona Crad, a Jim bem alcohol in a saringe. Itdoesn't matter hook it up givme more. So this idea that I was going to beable to go and get off this one substance and get back to my life this.This came to a screeting halt, because at eighteen months I met this girl. Shetold me she was in Princess Band what she was. I was in Minneapolis and shesaid she had a terrible problem with this specific drug which I had not seenin Minnesota. I know was there, but it wasn't in the circles I was in becauseI was going to arcotics and II was an alcoholics, anonymous and- and I justdidn't see the SUBSENC and she said all right to you're an AA right, NI, justrelax. Okay and she said to me: I have a problem with drugs. Can you help me and I had only been doing quasi steps and when she said- and Isaid well what you know I ono? I wanted to be helpful. She said what what Isaid. You know, what is your drug, an choice? You know trying to be likethirdest and she said crack and I don't know. Maybe it's the first time I heardthe word in Minneapols, but something went off inside me and I said I havetwo hundred Dollas, I losthiras degree very quickly and then Bao my mouth, so I'm eighteenmonths clean and I'm not and then and what happened was an. Idon't know if you know this, but you can get off the elevator at any time. You don't have to keep going down. I see this people all ten. This I wasat a good place at twenty one I hadn't I was dabbling in Stirre but had reallyentered into the full world of steroid gain. I was of good sound minded, byng and and- andI got off on a very good floor- I told you I came tofar. I came to Minnesotawith the three piece matching whic. You love. I that's a good for to get off on. No, I got back in to Elvi. I pushed down right Tim. I went downwhen I entered into Liberty House nineteen years ago with my dear my bestfriend over there when I have eighteen years ago, when I entered into LibertyHouse, I had a three piece: winde o big, wonderful, Mike toite trees, anotherone from my Hande wering, another one for my shirt. It doesn't ev know the bag for pants,because I was Wearinghe, I traded in Trepiese Gucchi luggage forthree piece matching windisi bag, because I kept getting in the otherbeer and finding out there was another four and when I got to the bottom, forI got out started being you don't have to do that you're offthe hook. Everybody in here tonight is off the you never have to pick up again,no matter wha, even if you want to- and I've had plenty of reason. In thelast eighteen years to Pake up Havn't, I havea we there's a man isid this room. I alwaystalk about him. Whenever I see him Eddie and I were in the meeting, helost the love of his life. He meant the love of his life in alcohol SANDAMAS.They had an amazing marriage, they went everywhere together they held handstogether, they did everything together. She came down with cancer. She was deadwithin six months. We saw in him in a meeting the very next day. He neverpicked up he's in here tonight. Right now, so there's no reason to pick up, evenif you want to were totally off the Hok. The twelvesteps this program, alcoholics anonymous, has made away for us neverto go through any situation alone ever...

...again for the rest of your life, one night Eddieg, my friend over therehe was chaeling and on Wednesday night to the Recovery Bible studyand as hewas travelling to the recovery Boes Day, a person of walked off the sidewalk andwalked right into his car and died on the front of his car. There was nothinghe could have. Did a man dived on his car as he was driving the whole meetingemptied out and we went certain at the whole meeting, but about ten of US wentout and surrounded him, so he didn't have to be alone. In that situation, the man I'm referred to thet lost hiswife. He has not been alone in that situation. That's why he was in themeeting. So the principle behind step six iswillingness, because we have to be willing to let go of these defects thatare actually killing us and I was so full of defects. I don'tlike deep begs: I'm like you. The kid is here. You know I mean before Tommy. There was me te Sa and Ithought I was the pot I'm like. Why would I want to get rid of thesedefects? These defects make my personality. I love me the truth atmatters I didt love me. I wanted you to think I loved me. I was really alone attwo o'clock in the morning. I didn't love me when your whole life is a Fasam whenyour whole life is a game when your whole life is pretend- and you are twoo'clock in the morning, an the voices are screaming at you that you're a liarthat you are false, that you are not real, that you have nothing about youand there's nobody there to come back that, because the voices are yours,you're going to need to have a relationship with God, because you're going to have to knowwhat God says about you. If you're hering at two o'clock in themorning, loser Frak you'll never amount anything, you don'thave the education to amount to anything. You don't have any of theskills do amount. Anything and you'll never be anything. You have to knowwhat God says about you an two o'clock in the morning or you will reach foryour best friend, which is dras your alcohol. So what does God say about us? The bigbook says what his got say about he's. The big book says that God says he'sour father. Don't get up set wit needs in the book. They book says that God is our fallthere we are as children. You hear that Patricia he is thedirector we are is ages we werk for him. I see some of you little upset use youthing, I'm like making the stuff up. This is not made up. This is you're either going to come toGod on his terms or your terms. You Come to God on your term Thi's, notpretty SOS what God says in Te Bigbo, not myword. These are Gon. Do this? Is the big books Wor, I'm not saying Godfor, although of course I think it. I then any life Ron on self will is goingto be a disaster. Did you hear that Lora? Did you dear that anytime, that we think we got this humility goes like it man I got. Let me tell you humilityeis a funnything today. Jerry lends me a car and it's not really a car, like my carsin the shop, is not really card. Jerry lends me a car that is missing one ofthe kids. You know this, but it really isimportant to have all the Gim in a manual call. So one of the and then drew wasvideogoes. You know the first gear doesn't work, but if you you dosomething and he gave Mo some explanation on how to get it from zeroto to gear. Without going to the first...

...year I haven't figured his system out. They also told me, there's no airconditioning and don't roll down the window because it doesn't come back up so after the second mile I'm like thisis not going to work. This is not goingto work. This is notgood. I'M NOT HAYFELLING SOU! It's not going to work! I'm not going to go pickup my son in this and and and try to floor in to get to five miles an hour so humbly, and I really neen this I'mtelling you the truth humbly. I go to the rental car agency and the Guy saidto me and it's and it's after hours now and he says: What's call, would youidis not take any call as long as it's inexpensive and he said? Well, I don't really havea car on to get a car E. HAS LIF? Isn't I'm at I'm coming to you whatever car,you have I'Mbe good with it. He said I have. I have a damage cark and I go I'mgood okay. As long as it's inexpensive, I just needed for a couple F days, I'mgood. He said. Well, we do have one car here and it's it's a Camaro, a thought of Jana Insa,Commaro ss just came off the lines to get about five hundred mors power. Oly Car. We have your said that soundsexpensive. I'm not looking for a Spencer right now.I'm just want to look for anything. I woul take the damage cars, like my I'mGoin Na, give you this at a discount. He shows me the discount screen and itreally is a discount and and then he does this thing with the with the FOBan and the car starts itself. Johnas Zo, you have yo Havin es SAS yeah, it starts itself and it just justsounds like a master for oswarl walking to the car start. Ius and AL o sudden my humility just wentaway. I'm like that seems like a good carright there Eya. Don't you want to talk about thePROSICO? He I think that's gonna be just fine Ioik Rihtin, my price rahtright there, like five minutes earlier, I'm tellingH M to give me the call with no wheels. After I heard the engine I didn't evenanser the pric. I don't even know the price right now I drove it here tonight.I did a hundred and sixty on how o Gota canl with Houmoty, because thiss is serious thing and egowill kill you now. I know that about myself. One TimeEddie led me on Jaguar if he had rented a Jag one, and this is a true story-you know that's a true story: Anhe Ha rented a Jad war and and he did, and sowhy did you give it to me for the last day? Why is that? Oh Yeah, I'm keepin for a bunch of day.You gave it to me for the last Dan ive had for it welthere's a reason I had it and let mejust tell you what happened. I drove e forward and I'm very happyBurg, Gra Fon Bok. Thank you, gotn very, very greet fol. You don't whant, I'MDRIVING TO FORDAND! You stopp me Youasin for five Dollas, I'm not gejusta little bit, but when Eddie gave me the jacker the same guy, that asked mefor five dollars a day the day before when he gave it. The JAG Bar I was likepease Dyou, see I'm driving a cack ball s the same person the next day I adifferent car so that defect that I have that thathigh mindedness, that's something that's got to be removed because ego isedging God out, Egois Edgin Gota. Would you repeat that after me, enging Godout that's eagl and Eago when you edge God out? That means it's more about youand when you edge God out that meads,...

...the sunlight of the spirit is a longdistance away. You don't want to edge God out, because you has got outthere's more of you. Let's a IV and our prayer always needs to be moreof you, God less of me. So I know I got this thing in e, but Ialways forget the other thing that I have in thesecaggles Pattes Paes Pride, anger, greed, bloodny, envy, lust and slow. I got theseven deadies and you know what most of us in here we do and an honest assessment of ourselvesis these paggles need to be removed. Otherwise our sobriety usually goes bythe way of the rethe. If we don't remove them, our sobriety will beremoved. In my first sobriety abount my thirdyear, I remember, I told you the story you'e going to remember the thror Wat,I'm about Tho, say my third year, I start using steroins and I started using casualy IAND. I hund Ou with other guys. Thatsaid that these were not moded Maltmo. They were not mind and Moode Alldrngsunse. But for me it's a mind. It movealtering substancse because when I'm using steroids, I'm bringing in eagl I'm injecting eaglit's like I'm a well gone tof. The doctor said Youve Ego on TAP. I needsome ego and I started to get bigger and I staryou know, get larger and feel more powerful. That's a mind,altering substance. If, if one, if I'm feeling bigger and more powerful,because I'm taking some substance, that's a mind, alter substance, isn'tit it was doing the same thing that drugs was doing. For me, it was doingthe same thing that that white sumsans did for me in the S and S, and so Istarted to edge God out some guys in the program told me youknow what see because ecause you can tell when someone's doing stur emejustwant, let you and they said the you knoijsl offended or years g. What do you mean Bo doingsteoidsofquestion? Is that no so a I line, so I'm dishonest I'vealready now broken the first principle, the first step, which is honesty so nowI'm walking around in dishonesty. Now I have to now stop lying in the programand Sta. now break making a story about it. Well, how come you so big CREETA? How much creating you do? A lot tie O Creatin, you use it the good kind you seew, I just Gotto, have to keepgoing with the story. I don't even know Creatine, I ven never even beencreating, but I just started going with the story. Next thing you know one line leads to another line, leas toanother lie least to another die. Now, I'm being I'm practicing infidelitywith my girlfriend, I get arrested for picking up a prostitute coming out ofthe Fortloadeddal Men Group on Oakland Park on federal highway by ocom ParkBolbard. I get arrested for picking up a prostitute, WHOs Te police officer Veyandi'm, so I'm sober being arrestedfor solicitation for purchasing ot for sil and I owto jail somat. You go to jail under the influence.That's one thing when you go to jail, sober and see other people from thetwelve tufhouse that are drunk in the same sell as you and the'like. What areyou doing here and then I got to like now do another line, I'm here with theinstitutions Camitla. We removed into the jail...

...can't get out. I Gon not come on TAT now. My whole program is a lot and Ican't find the truth in anything. I'm doing in the truthwill. Send you freeand if you don't speak the truth, if you don't practice onestly your entireprobram will be destroyed and the defects of character, all came back,ranth came back, anger came back, which is rath and a ND and Lhust came backfull time and pride and envy, and then the next thing you know I'm seven yearssober and I need to take a drink, and when I told you that I was a pureaddict in the beginning, it turns out that I'm just a garden varietyalcoholic that it's not the substance that I useit's the syndrome that I have that makes me want to use whatever it is. Save alcoholism has nothing to do withthe substance. I take it's a syndrome inside me. That tells me I'm less then,unless I take something I'll, never be anything. So what's thepoint- and I'm never going to be like you, so I maght as well use somethingso at least temporarily. I could feel better. That's alcoholism, whatever thesubstance is it didn't matter, but when I relapsed hat seven years ofsobriety, it was alcohol and alcohol became my master. Now that I use drugs with the alcohol,of course, I'm a more person, I use I'm a real alcoholic, but I'm not a purealcoholic tat. Last year and a half that I wasout, I did things and went to places that I would never experience. I neverthought and twenty one years old when I got off on the very high floor in thetreatment center that was Hodi, Torty and Minnesota. I got on ot the veryhigh floor and by the time I was thirty four years old, relaxed here in Fortlauderdaln traveling in an out of rock houses and hanging outside of gaynightclubs, holping, someone o Folas ome crystal men Nyes I was looin for SuardadyokayKayyou got my number yeahs asother hanging on the sianywey on Januarythird, the week before I met that beautiful man there, God allowed me to come out of my hellthat I had put myself in, because I wanted the right to have a glass ofwine and within five minutes of within. Iwant you to hear this before in this thing, within five minutes, when wehave in a glass of line my mind, told me, I was seven yearssoler. The moment I took one glass of Japanese rice, one t wasn't even aclass. It was in a cardboard box, never made into a glass, and then you sowseven years. You can stop at a Glesse. I dring my first drink out of acardboard box from August mool, Chinese food, restaurant of Theroh, highway andHollo, and I drank that drink from a cardboardbox and within five seconds I remembere that I had pills in the house that wasprescribed to me during my dad's drowning and on the bottle of the pillsit said do not take with alcohol. I took a drink. I never thought aboutthose pills. The moment I took that drink instantaneously, it was like. Iwas an astral physicist I rememberd botow that I had upstairs. I went upthe stairs I took the bottle. I did the ZANEX with the alcoholan ban withinfive minutes. I knew I would never go back to drugs within five minutes. Iwas doing druks and with a year and a half I was doing Crysto, which I didn'tknow was Crispo and, and I Fina Relasit to crack so nextweek when we come back and we talk about step seven, and we do thisincredible prayer that we're going to all do together. I noticed some of theguys walked out when we started talking...

...about God earlier. Let me tell yousomething: If God sends you out of the program drugs, an alcohol send yourback if you're lucky, God should never send you out becausehe's the only answer to this problem that we have inside so next week we're going to do a prayertogether, it's called the seven steppar and it's going to be wonderful. It'sgoing to be magicale going to do it t swol we're going to do it together andwe're going to ask God to remove these horrible defects that we have theseshortcomings that are standing in the way of us being useful to others. AmenI'll, see you guys, nextll all right guys. I HAVE.

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