AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 24 · 1 year ago

Stevie B Step 4 - Gimbels @ Spread The Word Group 2020 rocketed.org

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Everybody. My name is Steven B, I'm a recovering alcoholic and I'm a member of the Golden Text Group ofin Dania of alcoholics anonymous, and thank you so much. Only thing Iwould like to say is it's not my God, it's just God. Yeah, it's just God. The third step, says God, as you understand him. He's got a first name. You know what it is. God. Does anybody have a seat for Betterans? So it does that to sit onthe floor, and I can't do the meaning like this. Come on, one seat right there. It Scott A. Grab that seat, yeah, but grabbed the scene and bring it over to her. Bring that seatover. I'm doing a meeting over here with a veteran on the floor.God's got a first name. It's God. That's it. Then it's as Iunderstand them. And once I got that concept, once I figured itout that that in alcoholics anonymous there's only like very, very few places,one, I think, in the big book of alcoholics anonymous, that itmentioned higher power, but there's over four hundred places, in the first fourhundred sixteen places in it, for in the first four hundred sixteen pages,that they mentioned God. Creative, the universe, spirit of the Universe,Almighty capital h him. So as I'm reading the book, it looks likethe the main focus for me is to find a power greater than myself,God, that will change me so that I don't so I don't remain thesame person that I came in. As you see, no amount of timeis going to do that. No amount of time is going to change you. Saying that I'm here six years, so I'm changed is like a persongoing into a garage and spending six years in their expecting to come out acar. Time is just one of the recipe, one of the ingredients ina recipe that would change you. Just one of the ingredients, but it'snot the only ingredient. And I've known many people that have been sober manyyears. They go away for a long term, they come out of whateverlong term they're in and they use again. So have the person didn't have eightyears? Yeah, they had eight years, but they remained the sameperson that they were eight years ago. So our whole goal is we gothrough the steps and traditions, with the traditions tonight. Tell me what's thetrisition? I'm sorry, what's the principle behind step forth courage. And Yeah, what second guests in Yourself? I'm sorry, I I mean to throwyou a curve there. Tonight would tell him about courage. Do you knowwhy? The principle behind the four step is courage? because it takes courageto write down your for step right now. But until now it took honesty andit took faith and hope of a better life. But now it becomescourage. And I'm not going to ask you on who has written their forstep in here, because during this time it always people always like to raisetheir hand. If you though, they haven't done it. So I'm notgoing to ask you to do it so that you have to add something toyour friends to for step. Anyway, if you haven't done your for step, and let's say I'm just going to give you a time frame. It'snot an exact science, but say you've been here three months and you haven'tdone your for step, I want to say to you why? Why haven'tdone you done your for step, because no one will take you through it. Well, someone should take you through and if no one will take youthrough it, you can get to the big book and you can open upthe big book and they'll tell you exactly how to do your for step.As you're searching out the perfect sponsor if no one's available, say you're ina halfway house or treatment center. You...

...coming here tonight and you feel likenobody's available, but you got some stuff and you need to get it out. You don't want to drink again and you want to change. You cango right to the big book, where talks about right after how it worksand which we read tonight, and it's going to teach you how to writedown your for step. And the four step is basically this. It's forcolumns. I'm sure it's. It was not really for calm, but it's. It's four different parts. The first one is resented. You don't resentment. is resented. Was Resent the man? Anything? We re feel right,anything, why we feel? The big book says that resentment is thenumber one offender. Every time that person's name comes o horse your head orcomes out of your lips, you like that's a resentment. I had aresentment against the Hollywood police department. They didn't do anything wrong, but inmy mind I thought, I felt that they did something wrong. Until Iread the police report that Jerry got me about myself and I was like wow, I really wrong them. I should be on there for step. Soanything that you have a resentment, that you're re feeling, that you feel, that is something. And go all the way back goal it, backto your kid. I recommend my sponsors that they start in the old days. They start when they're a kid. Get on your knees, go beforeyou're right. You know you're I'm going to say something. You're right.Go before your God, your concept of God, because because it's how youprocess God, go before God, get on your knees and ask God toopen up your mind to all your resentments. If you don't and you're in agood mood, you're going to do one of these things. I've hadmany people. Oh, drew manafact you he gets. Pick it up oneear drew's entire four step one day when he was in a good mood,the entire four step, all the four categories, fear, resentments, self, all the stuff was on one page. He had the entire force. Hewas in a good mood. So I really don't have any resembles.I'm going a good mood. I so will go back home and pray thatthe Lord opens up your mind to your resentments. And if you raise yourhand right now, I be honest, rage am right now. If youfeel like you don't have a lot of resentments, Jane, come on,be honest. You'd feel you don't have a lot of resentments right. Well, if you really think about it and think about the institutions that's wronged you, think about politicians that you feel are cheating, think about the country thatmaybe so upsetting you, things in the country, that department of motor vehicles, if you really start to go through a traffic okay, don't tell meyou don't resent traffic. I see some of the way you drive. It'sridiculous. So you really, if you ask God to illuminate, if youask God to show you all your resentments, before you know it you got apage of stuff that you didn't even realize. Okay, plus, withouteven starting in your family of origin, family of origins, what mom,Dad, brother, sister and uncle? Man, that's so there should besome good juice in there. Just should, because it's some good heat in there. And and I asked God to open up my whole mind. Jack, would there's million seats here Jack, there's no reason for you stand.I asked God to open up my whole mind when I was doing it,a silly resentment that I had against my dad that I didn't even know itwas a resentment and he didn't really mean anything by it. was because Iasked God to to help me remember all my resentments so that I don't Iwouldn't have any energy behind it. What does that mean? Energy behind likewhen you see somebody and you resent them, it hurts you. They they mightnot even know you have energy behind it. So you see them,Oh, you see Oh, you hear them, and then and then you'rethis energy behind you want to try to get as much energy away, badenergy, away from any of these type of feelings. So I was thinkingabout my dad, my dad that adopted me, that you guys know stayand he's just the most beautiful man. But my dad was a tough,tough dad. Okay, my Dad's military dad and military dad's are tough andthey only know one way. Discipline.

Discipline are pretty you know, likethat kind of stuff. And they were I'm like, Hey, let metalk about you, about it, like hey, like Carl was just didthe how it works and so I was standing at attention from the time Iwas three in my underwear. They have pictures of it. I was stayingin Atency to sit foot dude like when I was three, you know Imean. And so I had some stuff about that. And then I rememberone time I just needed my daddy, I didn't need the sergeant, andI crawled up on his lap, and this is true story, and Icrawled up on his lap and he told me. I know this is goingto seem silly, but it it hurt me and I didn't know it untilI wrote it down on my four step. I crawled up in his lap andhe pushed me away and he said get off me, you stick andyou think that's funny, but it's not funny because it hurt. So whenI when I wrote it down, it's funny to you because it didn't happento you, but isn't funny to me. I needed to write it down.You see, it doesn't it? Most of the entire room just laughed, but to me it hurt. Now it doesn't have any power over me, but in the it but when I first wrote it down, if youwould have laughed and you were within striking distance from me. You wouldn't havelaughed again when when I first wrote that down. If you were within thistype of parameter, you get a whack real quick. You you know Watright you throte, because it hurt. Now when I say it, Irealized I was eight or nine, or six or five, and when Icrawled up on his lap, I probably stand. You wouldn't have said itwasn't like it was trying to scar me for life. When you write thatstuff down and then you go across the columns, like where was I toblame in this situation? One of the columns is, where were you toblame? We have plenty of seats, ton of seats up here to there'sno really no reason for anyone to be staying out. Is that your choice? No, not, you easy. Is that your choice? Starting tobe standing? Just what? Prefer stand. You're standing also. You like tostand. It's good. So there's going to be columns. One ofthe columns is what happened. Describe it. No, the column is what what? What did it affect? What did that effect? When my dadtold me I stand, if affect my self estate? It really did affectmy selfesteem so much so to this day, I'm going to share some way.To this day I take two showers a day, maybe three, andI don't have OCD. I'm always worried about when he told me when Iwas six that I stay. It's a big deal for me. Two tothree showers every day, not not when I was smoke crack, but ohChrista meth invy know. But during that time I forgot about that part ofmy four step. I just obliterated and didn't shower. But since then twothree showers a day I'm very conscious of. So it left. It left amark on me and left the mark on my soul. When it getsto the column, where where was I to blame in it? Really theonly part that I was in to blame it is I wasn't showered as alittle king because I was running around outside. So it's not that really. Idon't it doesn't have a lot of heat in that one column. Whenyou six, seven, eight, eight, nineteen ten, you really don't havea lot to be blamed about. Now some of you guys have moldsstation. So you've been you've been molested and worse. You're going to needto write that down. You need to write it down, because you gotto start giving some of that power away from the act, from the actthat happened. You got to write down. You got to write down this person'sname because when you share it with your sponsor, you want to beable to give that to your sponsor. You want to be able to giveyou that to the Lord at the same time. Now, in the columnwhere you were to blame, absolutely, you don't know nothing. In thecalm we're talking about you being molested,...

...where you to blame. That's youjust leave that blanket. That's a that's an ending, because you had nothingto be responsible for that. But you want to make sure that you sharewith your sponsors so that you and your sponsor could give that to God whenyou're done with the fifth step, that one thing that happened. It's goingto have less power over you. It's going to have less power. That'sreally the key of the fourth and fifth step. You want to be ableto get the stuff that's out that you don't want garbage. Raise your handed. You want to have garbage. You walk around a garbage you bring garbagewith your meetings. You Stink and people are like, wow, you havea lot of garbage. You seem like a really garbage person. Nobody wantsto be your friend. You got a lot of garbagers and you like garbage. I don't have garbage. I don't want to bring garbage with the Antonyam. You want to bring garbage with you. You got to get yougot to dump that stuff out. That's why the Trans Man doesn't come oncea year, comes twice a week, because you got to get that stuffout. And that's what we're doing in the fifth step, in the fourthand fifth step. Fourth is writing down, fifth step is given them. Weregoing to do the fourth and fifth tonight and it's going to take courage. It's going to take courage to do this. Don't you think it's goingto take courage to write down? Some of them molessed, you are raped, you. It's going to take courage to write down that in your fistsand your for in your fourth step, where it comes to a resentments,it's going to take courage. Some of you guys, am looking at himright now. Some of you guys have had the worst parents you could possiblyever imagine on the planet. You have the word parents and your parents shouldn'teven be the word parent you would put Guardian and then you would put theword next to it with with parentheses, psychopath. Some you have that.One of the one of the men's side of this room has a psychopath.Dad. I've sponsored in for last twelve years. He had a psychopath that. I don't know what happened to his dad. That is dad to can'tsee the difference between right and wrong, but that's a psychopath. They can'tsee the difference. Video a sociopath. I'm sorry, they can't see thedifference. Three his dad was a sociopath. He did nothing wrong. He saidto be bored to that family. He got a sociopath that. Ifhe carries that every single day into every single reactions, into every single interactionwith every single man that ever comes in contact with, what's going to happenis he's Never gonna have a relevant, healthy relationship with any men. Sohe's going to need to give that to a sponsor, which he did giveit to me and he also gave it to his first sponsor. So praiseGod. Is He's a lot more freer today's good's. That makes sense.He's a lot more freer today. Now that's the resentment category. That's abig deal. The resentment. It's going to take courage. The next oneI'm going to talk about, because it's a big one for me, isfear. You don't have to raise your hand, because I know that's someof you won't even be able to, but the fear category is serious business. Fear of people, real or imagine, Felix. Fear of situations, realor imagine. Fear of failure, real or imagine. Fear of institutions, fear of situations, fear of public, fear of speaking, fear of beingnoticed, not noticed, fear being made fun of. FERE'S A bigdeal. That's a matter of fact. The big book says it's a drivingforce of most alcoholics and drug accts, doesn't? They drug acts, butalcoholics. It's a driving force and staying it's something that really brings us toplaces that we don't want to go. We sit, we do things toimpress people that we don't even know and do things that will put our situationsin jeopardy just because, out of fear, will stay with people that we shouldn'tbe with out of fear. I wasn't looking at you, Tammy,and Tommy, you just he was different. Not In the beginning. Yes,in the beginning, yesst I wasn't crazy about Tommy, but I'm crazyabout that. People stay in bad relationships,...

...relationships that will continue to keep themusing, because they are fearful of being alone. They're fearful of theother person being with somebody else. They're fearful of being alone, they're feelfulthe never going to meet anywhere else, so they'll hang on to a badrelationship that's killing them instead of being alone. So of you shaking your head likethis, yes, that's a fact. The world is full of bad relationshipsbecause people feel you. People make bad decisions based on fear. Sowe got to put all that stuff in the common which one of my bigfears. I'mthing Jerry being around as big fear of mine. Working on thatone day to time. My God, I'm in they're going to pop ups. It speaking. But but I got major fears. Oh, I'll sayI'll take a fear. That just happened recently. It's not major's doesn't needto be on a four step category. But I'm still very, very upsetablemyself and I have to let this go. I don't know how I'm gonna letus go. But one of my heroes, one of the guys thatI love like. I'm a big John Travolta Fan, okay, big,big, big fan, and don't tell me about scientology and know those kinds, that noney business. Is a big Fan, big fan of it.Got All those movies and I know it's dance moves. Not Saying I gota perfect but I know and I certainly know he's dance moves from Greece.Lightly, I got the grease lightning down, not as not a time to doit, but if I wanted to, I could do it. And I'mfriend of mine, no knew I was a big, big grease fan, and invited me last month to go and be in a concert where JohnTravolta and Olivia Newton John Sang and we did a sing along with them andeveryone was dressed up like them and if you're a fan of was a bigdeal. And it's like five thousand people and I was all the way inthe back. Somehow our take it to where the last row in the entiretheater, but I'm still grateful to be there. But I means literally thelast row. You go to the last row of a concert. That's whereI was sitting, in the last row. But as we were walking out,I just couldn't stop myself from going to the front and nobody was stoppingme, so I just kept walking and I started to see their closer,closer, living new John. If you don't know who that person is,that's the other person, that's the star of Greece. And I just keptwalking and I was like as far as like John H Volton, Michael Righthere, John Volta was right there. And then, out of nowhere,he says, who would like to come up on the stage and dance greaselightning with me? And he looks right at me like I'm looking at you, Michael, and during and I had the whole outfit on or you andI had the t shirt, I had the tea Burd, I had thewhole thing, hair, gree stuff. I'd longer hair back then, beforeJerry took told me to do all my size and cut off my hair.And and he looked right at me. My Hero, John to Volten lookaread at me and said anyone like to come up and do grease lightning?I want. I didn't coop. My wife pushed me I couldn't move allthese years I had envision myself do in grease light. I had been inplays before, I had played him before, I had ever, I'm told him, on a big band. He looked right at me. Goes anyonethat wants to do all they that I can do can. I knew them. I apparently have a fear of up dancing in public. That apparently havethat fear, but there's a lot of fear. I have a fear ofheights. I've I have a horrible, crazy, irrational phobia of heights.That's what a vote is. It's a ration, it's a rational I havea fear of heights. You write those fears down. I have a fearof failure, big time. Write them down, okay, get them out, sharing with somebody and and then that this was going to happen. Yousponsors going to have fears to and then your sponsors going to write janity sponsoris going to say this is what I...

...got and you going to feel better. And and then you got harms caused others. You're going to need couragefor this. Harms caused, though you know why. Some of the harmsyou cause others cannot be undone. Some of the harms that you've caused otherpeople cannot be undone. They can only be worked in the ninth step.Would make an amends, but they can't be undone. You sold so youstole Julia from a person's house and stole their heirlooms to their grandmother or theirmother that they've had in their family for generations and you sold it at apawn shot for twenty dollars and now it's gone. You can't undo that.You still need to come out. We got plenty of room run you.You can't undo that. You still need to write it down. Write itdown. I know it hurts to see it. I know it hurts tosee it. But what what is going to be? The prince will inthis step that's going to help carry you through Andrew, courage. You're goingto need courage to write this stuff down. And it hurts. It hurts whenyou say stuff that you've done to other people. It hurts. Youdon't want to say it, you'd think if you don't mention it and youjust pretend it didn't happen. Well, this is important. Pay Attention.I see some of your fad now I know some of the steps are goingto actually take work, and this is one of them. So that's whyyou fade now, because alcoholic sometimes we don't like work and then we justphase out when we really want to be on a facebook down stad hearing this. But every this is really, really important. This is really important.Pretending that, I think that pretending that something didn't happen is never going towork because at the worst time, at two o'clock in the morning, whenyou're hanging on to your sobriety, it's going to come back that ring thatyou sold, that person that you molested, that thing that you did, thatperson you punched, that person you stole from that put all that stuffit. You may put it down in a place where you will never speakabout it again, but at two o'clock in the morning, when you can'tsleep, it's calling you. It's like you did this, you like Ididn't do that, and any things that you know you did. And whatyou want to be able to do is share the burden with another person andwith God. That's the fifth step. The fifth step we admitted to God, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our wrongs, andyou want to be able to get that out. There's nothing in my lifeto know. I there's there's regrets I have with big book says we willnot regret the passion or wish to shut the door on it. There isone regret that I have, but other than that, and I'm sure there'smore of I think about it, other than that, there's nothing that keepsme awake at two o'clock in the morning because I've shared every single solitary thing. This is a fact. I've shared every single solitary bad thing I've everdone in my life with another alcoholic and and the top three worst things I'veever done I've shared with at least three people in Alcoholics anonyms in the church. But make sure that I get that stuff out. I don't want tobe walking all of a sudden other voice because either hear a piece of garbagewith WHO said that? Your few your hypocrite, you're a liar. Iwant to I want to make sure that those voices don't have any credence,don't have any truth. When that when that kind of stuff says to me, can I get me a man? Amn just means you agree, andso that's that's the that's the harms caused other categories. Let me give youa big one that I did. I worked at gimbles when I was akid. Gibbles was a major apart the partmer store. Andrew, you hitthe story. gimbles made to department store and it was in Long Island,New York. Tommy, you remember Gimbeles? Is that before your time? That'sbecause you like eleven, but people in my age category we had gimblesis like before. It was like be sure you don't remember Gimble's? GIMBALS. Is You remember gimbles? Day from...

...the south, build before Walmart.When you're from the south, everything is either before Walmart or after law andthat's that's your time. That's your time frame. Is being before Jesus andafter Walmart. That's okay, that's how they do everything. It was evenbefore Walmart, David, that's right before Walmart, Charlie, we got aplenty of chairs up here, man. And I was working at Gimble's Iwas sixteen years old. It was my senior year of college at high school. Excuse me, sixteen, Seventeen, more like sixteen. And and tome gimbals was a place where there was a lot of extra merchandise that Ididn't think it was very salable and and and I really felt it was inmy best interest for the company to get rid of a lot of stuff itwas never going to sell anyway. So if you want to buy something,and they got a hold all these racks of clothes that that that are inthe way of good stuff, I felt, almost like Robin Hood, that Iwould at the end of the day, I would fill up the I wasthe garbage kid. I would I was in charge of garbage and boxesand all that kind of stuff. So I would fill up the the thewhat he calls shopping car of all different clothes that I wanted that I didn'tfeel would sell, and I would bring it out with the garbage and Ifill up boxes and boxes and boxes of clothes, I mean of garbage,with the clothing and on my own time, I would come back outside of thedupper and I would remove it from from from for Gimbals, I wouldremove all this merchandise and take it off their hands, almost like I wasa almost a buyer in a sense, but but not actually with any authority. So I would I would take stuff that I wanted I put it inmy card, I put it behind the dumpster. At the end of theday I would go and I would pick it up and I would remove itfrom the property and and I never really think much of it. And asI'm doing my Bistep, my sponsor sent me you don't have a lot oftheft in here. I know you don't have a lot of theft in here. You sold some rings and stuff that were given to you, but you'reone of the few crack addicts I've ever met that really doesn't have any theft. I'm like, you know, I'm a very honest guy. I'm veryhonest guy. I said a drug from a very honest guy. I meanwhen I was, you know, in high school, I stole a couplethings from gimbals. He said, tell me about that, and I startedto do the numbers. I mean how many nights that I take out truckcar loads of clothing, electronics, lamps, whole home air cleaners? I mean, I'm thinking myself, why is it gimbles need a whole home aircleaner that's to bring that home moving and and and the reason I tell youthat is I'm a thief. But before my face step. If you wouldhave called me a thief, I would have been offended. I've been likewow and I'm not a thief, but I am a thief. I wasa thief. I stole from gimbals big time and I owe gimbals a veryserious financial amends. That'll talk to you about in a ninth step. Iknow you don't think it's funny, but the only thing that the only thingthat counts in doing the steps is rigorous honesty. No rigorous means absolute honesty. I owe gimbals an immense and I'm going to talk to you about nineand ten step on how I did that the ninth time. When we dothat a couple weeks from now, I'm going to tell you how I madea men's the gimbals. Also my friend John Ricabono, I was the managerof his store. He had a he had a fast food restaurant. Iwent to school for a hospitality management he had been managing his store and Istole a lot of things from his store. I didn't feel it was stealing.I SIS still rolls of I'm truly I really didn't feel it was stealing. I would, I would take roles of quarters and I would play videogames in his store, in his place,...

...during the time I was supposed tobe managing. But I'm talking about like video games. For a longtime, back in the day, we didn't have video games on a device. You have to play it on a machine. I would take sleeves ofquarters and play, you know, maybe twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty dollars during a shift. Well, I stole two things during that time. I stole the quarters, I stole the time and plus I alsostole cases and cases of whip cream. It was an ice cream place.It's not very compassionate room, is it? But I didn't really steal the whipcream, I just told the gas out of the whip cream every daywhen people would come in the next day to get Sundays. They all areSunday and the thing we're just going to that's wrong. I did go backand make amends to Burg as a company for that. That's the name ofthe restaurant, John Rickabone. So those are harms caused, though. Thoseare couple. Those are a couple not so big ones. I'm not sharingthe ones that I would share with my sponsor because I got some ones inthere that you wouldn't laugh. I have some harms caused others that wouldn't letmaybe you would be your warped but other than Richard here, if I sharedyou some real harms caused others, you'd feel sorry for that person. Butyou know who you really feel sorry for me. I'm some stuff in thereI can't undo and I've some stuff in there I can't forget and I havesome stuff in there that people that I've done it too, they won't forget. So when we go to the ninth step in the next couple weeks,I'm going to talk to you about how to go back and make it right, not make it forgotten, but make it right. Amen. And nowhere comes the big category. For a lot of us, it's sexual harmscaused others. Not to be confused with all the sex you've had in yourlife. That's not this condom category. Okay, this is sexual harms causedothers. It's not how many times you've hooked up, this is the thingsyou did wrong that have to do with sex, and we don't want totalk about it. We're like, I don't know, but you got it. You got it, you've done it. Own It, give it away anddon't have to take it too with it in the next meeting with you. Everybody in here has sexual harms caused other everybody in here. You sayI'm a version. Well, I don't know how, I don't know whatdone. You did something. That's between you and God. You did something, okay, and you want to write it down. I got a wholebunch of stuff in my category. Stuff I wish I didn't do, stuffI wish I could take back. Actions that I did, lies that Imade, promises that I made that were completely broken that, as I saidthem when new, are lies. People that I had become so that youwould like me, so you would sleep with me, and I wasn't thatperson. People have cheated on, people have lied that I've cheated on,people that I've lived that I've cheated on, and even when they caught me,I still lied that that wasn't me and I broke my intergrity across theboard. I was wrong in a lot of situations over my life sexually,and I can't go back at fifty two and go find the eighteen year oldgirl that I lied to when I was in college and back then in teamwas was legal, and say to her this and I'm really sorry for thatthing that I did. You know, I told you that I was goingto be yours and I already had a girlfriend. I never called you.I can't go back and change them because because I don't know that person,that person doesn't know me. I'm sure...

...they're not thinking about me today.But I'm going to, we're going to. I'm going to share with you,when we get to the ninth step, on how we can make amends andreally really make commands like you did. Like when it comes to the ninthstep, faith without works is dead. You're going to do a lot ofwork in your nice step, but what's going to be exciting is,and Nancy'll tell you, Jenneral tell you, mad I'll tell you anyone that's worththe ninth step. Man, when you when you're in the middle ofthe nine step, you're going to really know that you're the real deal.Two steps. You're really going to know you're the real deal. What isthis step? The fourth and fifth step. Two steps, the fifth step andthe ninth step. Right, Matt, you're really going to know you're thereal deal when you're in the middle of the fifth step and you're tellingsomeone the worst things you've ever done, you'll know that you're not faking alcoholics, anonymous, I mean you. This is like something you don't just fluffinto. And also when you get to the ninth step and you go backto that person, in some of the case is a simple one to doso would injure them or others, and you sit in front of another personsay this and I wronged you. This is how I did it and Iwill, I'm ready to make amends for it. You know you're not fakingit. You know you're in. And that's why it says it halfway throughthe Nice step that if you you'll be amazed before your halfway through. Right, right, you'll be amazed before your halfway through, because you're sitting therein front of the person you've harmed and you're telling them you've harmed them andhow can you make it right? And you're like there's an inner voice sayingto you, like this, man, you're really in this, you're reallydoing good, don't turn back, don't hurt around, keep walking bold.You gotta dump in later dropping. Those are the four columns. Resentments,fears, harms caused other and sexual harms caused others. You don't have towrite down all the Times you try to have sex. That's not what thiscolumn is okay, you need with you on ipaid to figure that out.It's not about you having sex, it's about the things you did wrong thathave to do with sexual conduct. It's going to limit big time on whatyou need to share with your sponsor. Now, if you feel you needto write down every single thing you've ever done wrong, that has to dothat. In your mind, that has to doing sexual and you feel likeyou need to share that with your sponsor. Your sponsors smart enough to tell youafter the third or fourth person where you were wrong in and you sayno, no, I wasn't wrong in it. I just want to tellyou that I met this person as guy in the movie. Your sponsor isgonna be like this. This is not a cook you know, it's nota soap opular. We just we just need to focus on the places youlied to someone else and and did this, and then you're going to move throughit. Amen. And this was going to happen at the end ofthe day, at the end of the fourth fifth step. You'RE gonna getto a place where you're like, why didn't I do a sooner? Whydidn't I do it sooner? I want everybody that is in their current sobrietythat has already finished the fifth step to raise your hand. Well, it'sa good that's a good amount of people. That's a good a amount of people. That's a good amount of people, Connor, that's great, man.I'm going to pray for your sponsor. Ever Seen Your Fist? Connor?I'm I my truthful and saying that once you got that out, youwere like so much. You felt so much leaner, you felt so muchcleaner and you felt so much lighter. And you're like, why I doit sooner? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know what he said,but it's yeah, he's a surfer an, he has like a wholething. Yeah, it. You just want to get that stuff out now. I'm not going to ask you to raise your hand because that would besilly, but some of you in here feel like you're the worst person thatever walk the planet. I want you knock. Done some fifth steps withpeople that have murdered and have committed murder, and I've done some fifth steps orsome people that have committed other trustees. I want you to know that there'sno sin, there's nothing that you've done wrong that God can forgive witha contrite heart, which means a heart...

...that is really wants to be forgiven. So what's great is you're off the hook. You are off the hook, and so them on. We are off the hook. The big booksays that we have been reborn and that we don't have to be bound upin the stuff that we used to do, because we're not the people we usedto be. We may not be the people we want to be,but we're certainly not the people we used to be, and that's good newsand that good news. That's real good news. So you don't have tocarry this into all different meetings and that I'm the worst person that ever livedand no one's ever done this. And know we no one's ever been apeep in Tom and no one's ever been to this place. If no oneelse was ever peep in town, they wouldn't have a name, for someoneelse did it before you and they named it, like who's that guy lookingin the windows? People Tom Seen that? He see's already been done. You'renot the first person to where someone else's clothes. Other ways there wouldn'tbe oh, I heard of that could have been done before. So there'snothing that you ever done that wasn't was not created by something that not Godlong ago. So just get it out. Does that make sense? And thenyou can feel free. And let me tell you something. Everybody inhere likes ice cream. Everybody in this room, Ryan, pay attention isa poor one. Everybody in this room likes ice cream. One time whenI was in a group about fifty people, one guy raised his hand said hedidn't like ice cream. If to careful scrutinies, scrutinization, we sawthat he liked some other type of frozen dessert. It was like Soul Bayor Gelato or exactly. If it's frozen and it's taste good, it's anice cream problem. That's right, exactly. So, just because someone in herelikes duty fruity and someone in here likes rocky road and someone in herelikes chocolate, somebody here likes Vanelle, we all like ice cream in oneway in form of done. So we really have to just start to realizethat alcoholics anonymous, is never exclusive. It's all inclusive. Alcoholics anonymous isall inclusive, never exclusive, you understand. And once we get to that placewhere we start to walk on this broad highway, we're going to startto feel like, Hey, we can do this hand in hand together,we can do this hands again together. We're not going to judge each other. We're not going to judge each other because we're going to help each other. And this is where we get into the spiritual principle, of the spiritualprinciple behind this, which is courage. Courage. The big book says thatall men of faith, we just had a new man of faith is walking. How you doing, man, and to see it, man of faithright there. All men of faith have courage. The big book says thatall men and women of faith have courage. Do you know why? Men andwomen of faith have courage? because it takes faith and courage to saythat you're a man or woman of God, so wonderful that you just walked inready to think that exact moment. Brother, no, I'm serious,it's really it's awesome because because aware of Yamaka, showing that your religious personright there shows how much courage that person has as a person of courage.It's a man of faith and the big book says that we never apologize forbeing men and women of faith. We don't apologize. I was in amedium cuple weeks ago with someone said, Hey, I'm really sorry, I'mgoing to mention God in the meeting. Listen, you're supposed to mention God. Let mean the big book talks specifically about how your relationship with God willchange you from the inside out and make you the person that you you notwhat you used to be, the person that you want to be. AndI'm looking at a whole bunch of change...

...people in here. I made funof my friend Dave over there, but just playing around with the Walmart thing. But as a change guy from when I met a mere going to changeGod and it's going to take a lot of work. I want you toknow that change is not easy. Can you just say that change is noteasy? City, I want you to know that change is not easy,but with God all things are possible. Can you say that with God allthings a possible? It's aboutter of fact, with my friend Jerry pointed out tome today, and I'd see use that term friend now, because welove them, and he said to me. Not only is it possible, it'sprobable. With God, all things are probable. And the last thingI want to leave you in this you might be in a place right nowwhere you got no money coming in, you're living with people that you don'tknow, you're not related to, you don't even like them. They leavedishes in the sink. You know, I how did I get to thisplace in my life where I'm sleeping next to a guy named Julio and helaves dishes in the same well, this is what I want you to know, all right, not Julio, Sarah, whatever, whatever it is. Sorry, I offended Julio. I Apologize. That's what I want to share withyou. Don't look around your circumstances right now, which is what Igot caught up in the beginning of the week. I think you texted me, John, and I gave you some said text back and Jen's I praise. Well, I'm like, woe is me, I give you some thumbsucking crybaby text that I had. I didn't even know how if I canget them. I could even text because I had both my thumbs in mymouth and I would texting like this. Don't look at your circumstances right nowfor where you're going to be in the next six months, because God doesnot work in a vacuum. He's not looking at where you're at right nowto see where you're gonna go. However, like my friend Carl, who Ipredicted would not be here this week because every single time on the secondof the month, at two o'clock in the morning he leaves to get hismoney and by thirty he's smoking crack. However, Carl is the one thatread how it works. This week it's one week after the second. Whatis today's Day? Today's the six it's four days after the second and Carlis still with us. Carl decided last week or two weeks ago, whenwe threw the gauntlet out, when we challenge him, then it was goingto be a different second, even though the last four two the last fourseconds of each month, including a month where he was inside a hospital andthe director of the hospital text me say you know this Guy Carl, andI go yeah, I'm not going to talk to him till the third andhe was gone. On the second. Carl decided last week that he wasn'tgoing to use the past to predict his future, that he was going todo everything he needed to do in his present to dictate the future. I'llsee you next week, God willing, will talk about the fifth step andthe sixth. I'M.

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