AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 24 · 1 year ago

Stevie B Step 4 - Gimbels @ Spread The Word Group 2020 rocketed.org

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Everybody, my name is Stevhen Bi'm, arecovering alcoholic and I'm a member of the Golden Text Group of Indenian a out holcs anonymous, and thank you so much only thing I wouldlike to say is: Is Not my God? It's just gon yeahit's just got the thirdsteps, his God. As you understand it, he's got a first name. You know what itis. God does anybody have a seat for better. Sois that to say on the floor, I no. I can't do the mean like this come on onesene right. There he's got a grab that seat yea, but grat Te scen bring overto her bring that seat over Doa meeting over here with a veteran onthe floor, God's got a first name, it's gone, that's it! Then it's as I understandhim, and once I got that concept once Ifigured it out that that in alcoholics, adonymous, there'sonly like very, very few places, one I think in the Big Book of AlcoholicAnomas, that hat mentioned higher power, but there's over four hundred places inthe first four hundred and sixteen places in it frfor in the first fourhundred and sixteen pages that they mentioned, God created the universe,spurit of the Universe, Almighty, capital, H him. So as I'm reading the book it lookslike the the main focus for me is to find a power greater than myself, God that will change me so that I don'tso I don't remain the same person that I came in. As you see, no amount of time is going todo that. No amount of time is going to change.You saeing that I'm here six years, so I'vechanged is like a a person going into a garage and spending six years in thereexpecting to come out. A car time is just one of the recipes one ofthe ingredients in a recipe that would change you. Just one of the GREAS, butit's not the only ingred and I've known many people that have been sober manyyears they go away for a long term. They come out of whatever long termthey're in and they use again. Sothe person didn't have eight years yea.They had I years, but they remained the same person that they were eight yearsago. So our whole goal as we go throughthese steps and traditions with the tradition tonight tell me whens thetrage whati', sorry, what's the principl behind stedfort courage and yeah, what a you second guessingyourself, Oi'm, sorry, men to throw you curv here till I would tell about courage. Do youknow why the principale behind the FORSTEP is couraged, because it takescourage to write down you force tem right now, up until now it took honesty and it took faith and hope of a better life. But now itbecomes courage and I'm not going to ask you on who has written theirforestep in here, because during this time it always people always like toraise their hand. If you know what they haven't done it. So I'm not going toask you to do it so that you have to add something to your phace te for TEP.Anyone, if you haven't done your forestep andlet's say I'm just going to give you a time frame. It's not an exact size butsay you've been here three months and you haven't done your force ten. I wantto save you Wan. Why haven't Don you done your foresten,because no one w'll take you through it bout. Someone should take you throughand if don't want to take you through, you can get to the big book and you canopen up the pigup and I'll takl exactly how to do your forcetep as you'researching out the perfect sponsor if no one's available, say you're in ahalfway house or treaten sen you coming...

...in tonight and you feel like nobody'savailable. But you got some stuff and you need to get it out. You don't wantto drink again and you want to change. You can go right to the big book whereit talks about right after how it works and which we read tonight, and it'sgoing to teach you how to write down your force then, and the four step isbasically this. It's four columns. Obviously I it well it's not reallybefore Comong, but it's four different parts. The first one is resented. Youknow what resentme is resente. What is it resented matter thin? We really feelright. Any wheneyo feel the big fook says that resentent is the number oneoffender every time that person's name comes o horse your head or comes out ofyour lips you're. Like that's a reason I had a resument against the Hollowoodpolice department. They didn't do anything wrong, but inin my mind I thought I felt that they did something wrong until I read thepolice report that Jerry Got Mein by myself and is like wow, I really wrong,then I should be on their force Te, so anything that you have a resentmentthat you're refeeling, that you feel that its something and go all the wayback. Goin back to your kid, I recommend my sponsies that they startin the old days. They start when they're a kid get on your knees, gobefore you're right. You know, Yo, I'm gonna say something you're right gobefore your God, your concept, tof God, because because it's how you process,God go before God get on your knees and ask God to open up your mind to allyour resentments. If you don't and you're in a good mood, you're going todo one of these things, I've had many people, oh drew matter of factur. Weget this pickit up one year, drews entire forstep one day when it was in agood move, the entire force that all the four categories fear resentments. So all the stuff was on one page. He had the entire force. He was in agood moon Li. I really don't have any Resentante, I'm Gin, a good moon. Isaid well go back home and pray that the Lord opens up your mind to yourresentant and- and you raise your hand right now, I've being honest, Rasininright now, if you feel like you, don't have a lot of resentas reaching come on, be Hon, you feel you don'thave a lot of resenancs right. Well, if you really think about it andthink about the institutions, that's wrong! You think about politicians thatyou feel are cheating think about the country that may be sortof upsettingyou things in the country, Thet Departmentof motor vehicles. If you really start to go through a traffic, okay, don't tell me Oll Rese trave! Isee some of the way O drive its ridiculous. So you really- and you ask God toilluminate- If you ask God to show you all your resentments before you know it,you got a page of stuff that you didn't even realize: Okay Plus, without evenstarting in your family of Arti family of orgins, Wat, Mom, dad brothers,sister aund uncle man as if there should be some goodjuice in there Tis, because some good heat in there- and I ask God to open up my whole mindJack with thes, this million seats HEJEC, is no reason. Fos Ting, I askeGod to open up my whole mind what I was doing, a silly resentment that I had againstmy dad that I didn't even know it was a resent ant and he didn't really meananything by it. Well, because I ask God to help me remember all my resentmentsso that I don't I wouldn't have any energy behind. What does that meanenergy behind like when you see somebody and you resent them, it hurtsyou they pro, they miyht, not even know you have energy behind. So you see them.Oh, you see gel you hear them and then, and then you, this energy bind you wantto try to get as much energy away band energy away from any of these type offeeling. So I was thinking about my dad, my dad that adopte me that you guysknow stand he's just a most beautiful man, but my dad was a tough, tough, DadGat, my Dad's military dad and military dads are tough and they only know oneway: Discipline Discipline, honor,...

Tagre al like that kind of Surt en theywere N. like hey. Let me talk it. You about. I like, like car, Wald, just IDH,how it works, and so I was standing an attention fromthe time I was Threeh in my underwear, theyare pictures of I was standg inintention with S F put like when I was Trea. You know I mean, and so I hadsome stuff about that and then I remember one time I just needed. MyDaddy, I didn't need the sergeant and I curled up on his lap, and this is atrue story and I crulled up on his lap, and he told me I know this is goingtoseem silly, but it idn hurt me, and I didn't know it until I wrote it down onmy forestep, I curled up in his lap and he pushed me Awan, he said, get off me,you stick and you think that's funny, but it'snot funny because it hurt. So when I, when I wrote it down, it's funny to you because it didn'thappen to you, but it wasn't funny to me. I needed to write it down. You see it doesn'ten it most of theentire room just laughed, but to me it hurt now it doesn't have any power over mebut in, but when I first wrote it down, if you were o laugh and you were withinstriking distance from me, you wouldn't have laughed again on when I firstwrote that down and you were within this type of parameter. You Gota Watreal, quick, you ei a whap Reain Troa, because it hurt now when I say it, Irealized I was eight or nine or six or fine, and when I called up on his lap,I probably stent, we wouldn't have said wasn't like hi was trying to scar mefor life when you write that stuff down and then you go across the columns likewhere was I to blame in this situation? One of the COMS is: Where were you toblame? We have plenty of seats. Ut Ton of seats up here to ther. No, really,no reason for anyone to be staying. Is that your choice? No, not you is that your choice, er o, be standingius. Wot Prefers Tan Hereis Dandr. Also Youd like to Stan good, so there's going to be columns. One ofthe columns is what happened? Describe it the economists, what what did it effect whetter thataffect when my dad told me IA, Stanin, itfected myself estate? It really did affect my self esteem, somuch so, to this day, I'm Goin I'm GAA share someway to this day I take twoshowers a day. Maybe three and I don't have o CD, I'm alwaysworried about when he told me when I was six that I stay. It's a big dealfor me two to three showers every day. Now, not when I was Mon Crak, but Oh Christo, methefee noe thering. Thattime I forgot about that part of my forcetat I just hopefully Toratt anddidn Chout, but since then two or three showers a day, I'm veryconsciousof, so it left it. It left a mark on me left the mark of my soulwhen I gein to the column where, where is I to blame in in really the only part that I was intoblaming? Is I wasn't showered as a little kid because I was running aroundoutside, so it's that that real, a it doesn't have a lot of heat in that onecolumn, when you're six, seven, eight nineten, you really don't have a lot tobe blamed about now. Some of you guys have molistation, so you'e been you've, been molesty andworse you're going to need to write that down. You need to write it down because yougot to start giving some of that power away from the act from the act thathappened. You gotto write down. You got to write down this person's name, because when you share with yoursponsor, you want to be able to give that to you sponsor you want to be ableto give Tham to the Lord. At the same time now in the column where you were toblame absolutely, you know now nothing...

...in Te calmwere were to talk about youbeing molested. Where are you to blame? That's you just leave that blank andits intosesin Ana, because you had nothing to be responsible for that, butyou want to make sure that you share when you sponsor, so that you and yousponsor, can give that to God when you don't with the fifth step thatone thing that happened, it's going to have less power over you. It's going to have lesson. Poe, that'sreally the king of the fourth and Fishd TEP. You want to be able to get thestuff. That's out that you don't want garbage bracyou hand if you want tohave garbage you walk around the garbage. You bring gargage with Youerleadings you stink in people like wow. You have a lot of garbage. You seemlike a really garbage person that what h wants to be your friend got a lot ofGargegy and you like garbage. I don't Knowe Gar. I don't want to bring garags withAntoneam. You want to bring garbage with you, you gotta, get. You Got Ta,dump that stuff out thats why the tranchmain doesn't comeonce a year come twice a week because you got toget that stuff out and that's what we're doing in the fistet in the fourthand fish that forth his writing. Downfith step is given Wut. Do thefourth in fifty tonight and I's going to take courage. It's going to take courage to do this.Don't you think it's going to take hers to write down some of them. MOLESSATYOU ARRAE YOU! It's going to take courage to write down that. An you FIS in yourfo in your forecetead when it comes to resent, is Gong to take courage. Some of you guys are looking at himright now. Some of you guys have had the worst parents you could possiblyever imagine on the planet. You the word carents and your parents shouldn'teven be the word parent. You would put guardian and then you would put the word next toit with with parentases cychopath. Some of you have tit one ofthe one of the men inside of this room has a pcychopad Dad. Ias sponsored him for the last twelveyears. He had a cycle path. Thet. I don't know what happened to his dadat his dad, who can't see the R difference between wrigting wrong withus, a cyco Pant. They can't see the difference, Wiyou, a social panen.Sorry they can't see the differencen his dad was a social pep. He didnothing wrong. He said be bored to that family. He got a social path, then, if he carries that every single dayinto every single reaction into every single interaction with every singleman that even comes in contact with. What's going to happen, is he's nevergoing to have a rele goin healthy relationship with any men so he's going to need to give that to asponsor which he didn't give it to me, and he also gave met to his firstPonsit. So pray to got is he's a lot more freeof. Today's God does that makesense, e's a lot more freeor tothey. Now that's the resentent category.That's a big deal, the resentent! It's going to take courage! The next one I'mgoing to talk about because it's a big one for me is foryou. You don't have to raise your handbecause I don't know somebody you won't even be able to intefear category isseries business, fear of people real or imagine, Felif, fer situations,real or imagine fear of failure, real or imagined fear of institutions, fear ofsituations, fear of public fear, speaking fear being noticed, notnoticed for being made fun of fers. A big deal was a matter of fact.The big book says it's a driving force of most alcoholics and DRUGAC does'tthay drug ast, but alcohols it's a driving force anrstand. It'ssomething that really brings us to places that we don't want to go. We Sai,we do things to impress people that we don't even know and do things that Aveput our situations in jeopardy just because out of fear we'll stay with people that weshouldn't be with out of feever. I wasn't looking at Youtamme and Tomme e,so not in the beginning. Yes, in the beginning against, I wasn't crazy by thTiin, but crazy about now.

People stay in bad relationships,relationships that all continue to keep them using because they are fearful ofbeing alone they're, fearful of the other person being with somebody else,they're, fearful of being alone, they're feeling for theyre, never goingto meet Anyorese, so they'll hang on to a bad relationship, that's killing them, instead of being Alon, so wes hakingyour head like this. Yes, that's a fact. The world is full of bad relationshipsbecause e people fear people make bad decisions based on for you, so we got to put all that stuff in theCam. What's one of my big figures, oeything Jerry being around his big fiure ofmine, working on that one day, ta time, my God they're going to pop up? Is itTPEAKIN but T en? But I got major views. Oh I thin I'll, take a fear that jushappened recently. It's not Makir sayst need to be on force that Cagory, butI'm still very, very upset. Fot Myself and I have to let this go, don't knowhow I'm going to let this go, but one of my heroes, one of the guys that Ilove like I'm, a big Johnshabot to fane,okay, big, big, big fing. I did don't tell me abyt the scientagy and althiskind of stuff. Notn business is being fan. I'm big fan of in got all thosemovies, and I know it's dance move a not saying I got a perfect, but I know-and I certainly know its dance moves from greep slightly. I got the greaselightning down. Not is not a time to do it, but if Iwanted to, I could do it and a friend of mine no knew. I was a bigbig. Greece fan and invited me last month to go and be in a concert whereJohn Chavolta and Olivia Newon John Sang and we did a sing along with them,and everyone was dressed up like them and it w. As if you're a fan, it was abig deal anditwas like five hsand people, and Iwas only in the back somehow our taking toward the last row in the entiretheater, but IWAM still grateful to be there, but it meast. Literally the lastrow you go to the last ro of a concert, that's where I was sitting the lastroam, but as we were walking out, I just couldn't stop myself from goingto the front, and nobody was stopping me. So I just kept walking and Istarted to see theyre closer close to living new John. If you don't know whothat person is that's the other person, that's the starof of Greece and I just kept walking- andI was like as far as like John Golton, Michael Righty and John Cildos rightthing and then out of nowhere. He says who would like to come up on the stageand dance grease likening with me, and he looks right at me like I'mlooking at you, Michael and during and I had to whole outfit onor I had the t shirt I had the tee bird. I had the whole thing: Hair Preesd, op,ID long, Mer, hair back then before Jerry took told me to do all my sidesand cut away her and- and he looked right at me, my hero John, so boldenlook ahead at me. He said anyone like to come up and do grease likely I wantiTis Oo, my wife pushed me. I could move allthese years. I had invision myself doing Chris, like I had been in playsbefore I had played him before. I I mean I'm talking about a big Fan. Helooked right, aut ECAES. Anyone who wants to you, I was like this Uti can do, cannot do that. Iapparently have a fear of of dancing in public that currently have that fear.But there's a lot of fheiofer of heights have a horrible, crazy,irrational phoi of heights. That's what Avobi is it's a ration? It's a rational,ype of fear of HINTFL. You write those fears down. I have afear of failure. Big Time write him down, qed, get him out Sharem withsomebody and and then this was going to happen.You sponsors going to have few years to and then your sponsors can write, downysponsors and say this is what I a you.

Gon Ta feel better and and then you gotharms caused others you're going to need courage for thisharms cause them. You know why some of the harms you cause others cannot beundone some of the harms that you've caused.Other people cannot be undone. They can only be worked in the nintstep we making amend, but they can't be undon. You sold, so you stole Juliafrom a person's house and stole their airlooms to their grandmother or theirmother that they had in their family for generations, and you sold it at apoint shop for twenty dollars and now it's gone, you can't undo that you still need to come on. We gotplenty of OO running. You cannot do that. You still need to write it down,write it down. I know what hurts to see it. I know it hurts to see it but w what isgoing to be the principle in this step. That's going to help, carry you throughander courage. You would n't need curse, to write this stuff down and it hurtsit hurts when you say stuff that you've done to other people, it hurts youdon't want to say it. You think. If you don't mention it andyou just pretend it didn't happen wel this is important pay attention. I seesome of you fate now. I know some of the steps are going toactually take work and tit's just one of them. So that's why you fad nowbecause alcoholic sometimes we don't like work and then we just pase outwhen we really want to be on facebook Downto here in this, but ier this isreally really important. I is reall important pretending that I thing that pretendingthat something didn't happen is never going to work because at theworst time at two o'clock in the morning, when you're hanging on to yoursobriety, it's going to come back that ring that you sold that personthat you molested that thing that you did, that person, you punched thatperson you stole from that for all that stuff. You may put it down in a placewhere youwill never speak about it again, but at two o'clock in themorning, when you can't sleep, it's Collno, it's like you did this Yo, likeI didn't do that and hen thing you ne I she did and what you want to be able todo is share the burden with another person and with God,that's the Fiftet, the fifth step we admitted to God to ourselves andanother human being the exact nature of our wrongs, and you want to be able toget that out. There's nothing in my life to no there's there's regrets Ihave whet thebot says we will not regret the Passon or wish to shut thedoor on it. There is one regret that I have but other than that, and I'm surethere's more if I think about it other than that, there's nothing that keepsme awake at two o'clock in the morning, because I've shared every single,solitary thing. This is evect. I've shared every single, solitary, badthing. I've ever done in my life with another alcoholic and the top three worst things. I'veever done. I've shared with at least three people, an alcoholics and no IwasInn the church, but make sure that I get that stuff out. I don't want to bewalking all of a sudden, the voice, Coese te, your pieceof garbage with WHOsaid that you're a hypocrite you're alive I wantto. I want to make sure that those voices don't have any creedens, don'thave any a truth when thet when that kind of stuff says toe. Can I get me? Man Amen just me Jogree, and so that's that's the that's. Theharms caused other charagor. Let me give you a big one that I did. I worked at Gimbols when I was a kid give us as a majorpart dog partmment store Andry Hin, the story, gimos major departments tor and it was in Longisland, New York.Tommy. You remember Gimols was that before your time caseyou like a lip Bu people in my agecategory, we had kimbls Itas like before Itslik e sure you don't remember.Giv Us...

Kimbols is your member Kimels d from the Souto Efoo, when you're from the south. Everythingis either before walmater after on thatthat's. Your time. That's your timeframe is be before Jesus and Amter Walmar, that's a that's how they doeverythin. It was even before Walmart Day, that'sright before Walmart Charlie. We got plenty of chairs uphere. Man and I was working again withiutwas.Sixteen years old, it was my senior year Acolleg at high school Excuseng.Sixteen seventeen more like sixteen and and Tome giggles was a place wherethere was a lot of extra merchandise that I din't think was very salable, and I really felt thit was in my bestinterest for the company to get rid of a lot of stuff. It was never going tosell anyway, so you want to buy something and they got ta hold allthese racks of clothes that that that are in the way of good stuff.I felt almost like Robin Hood that I would at the end of the day I wouldfill up the. I was the garbage kid I would. I was in charge of garbage andboxes and all that kind of stuff, so I would fill up the the. What do you call shopping cart ofall different clothes that I wanted, that I didn't feel would sell and Iwould bring it out with the garbage and I fill up boxes and boxes andboxees of clothes. I mean of garbage with the clothing and on my own time Iwould come back outside of the dupper and I would remove it R fo for gimbls.I would remove all this merchandise and take it off their hands almost like Iwas a almost a buyer in a sense, but but not actually with any authority.So I would. I would take stuff that I wanted. I put it in my card. I put itbehind the dumpster at the end of the day I would go and I would pick it upand I would remove it from the property and- and I nivr really think much of itand as I'm doing my Tiste, my sponsor said me: You don't have a lot of theftin here. I know you n have a lot of theft inhere you. You show some rats and stuff that were Giveng to you, but Youre, oneof the few crack addits Ov e memeant tat really doesn't have any vent. I'mlike you know what I'm a very honest guy, I'm very Hongo. I haid a drugpromut, a very OAS going I mean when I was you know in high school, I spolt acouple things from gimbols. He said tell me about that and I started to dothe numbers. I mean how many nights that I take out: TRUCKOF, car loads ofclothing, electronics, lamps, hole home air cleaners. I mean I'mthinking myself. Why does it gambles need a whole home air cleaner? That'sso bring that home, Remon and and the reason I tell you that isI'm a thief, but before my Fishstep, if you wouldhave called me a thep, I would have been offended. I've been like and I'm not te, but I am the thief. Iwas a think. I stole for Gimbals big time and I owe gimbals a very seriousfinancial aments that I'll talk to you about a nice sad. I know you don'tthink it's funny, but the only thing that the only thing that counts indoing the steps is rigorous, honesty, no rigorous means absolute honesty. Iow Gim tose a mens and I'm going to talk O Tou about ninth andtent step onhow I did that the nint thin, when we do that, a couple weeks from hot I'mgoing to take how I made Amans Togins, also my friend John Rickabona, I wasthe manager of his store. He had a he had a fast food restaurant. I went toschool for a hospitality management. He had he managing his store and I stole alot of things from his store. I didn't feel it was stealing IC. Jus stillrolls of, and I'm truty I really didn't feel it was stealing I W uld. I wouldtake rolls of quarters and I would play...

...video games in his store in this placeduring the time I was supposed Tobe managing, but I'm talking about likevideo games for a long time. Back of the day we didn't have video games onon a device. You have to play it on a machine. I would take sleeves ofquarters and play. You know- Maybe W thousnd thirty Fort Fifty Sixtyarduring a shift. Well, I stole two things during that time. I stoll thequarters. I stole the time and plus I also stole cases in cases ofwin cream. Thit was a ice cream place, it's not very compassionate room. Is it but I didn't really steal the whipcream. I just dolt the gas out of the whip cree every day. Ole people would come in thenext day to get Sundays. Theyd onher a Sunday n Hi thing We'e just going O that's wrong. I did go back and make a mence toBurgas a company for that. That's the name of the restaurant. John Rickabon,so those are harms causethou. Those are a couple. Those are a couple, not sobig ones, I'm not sharing the ones that I would share with my sponsor, becauseI got some ones in there that you wouldn't laugh. I have some harms cause, others thatwouldn't let maybe you would byou work but other than Richard here. If I sharedyou, some real harms caused others. You feel sorry for that person, but youknow wha. You really feel sorry for me. I have some stuff in there I can't undoand iave some stuff in there. I can't forget- and I have some stuff fom there-that people that Ia've done into they won't forget. So when we go to the NIGNT step in thenext couple weeks, I'm going to talk to you about how to go back and make itright not make it forgotten, but makeing, runmy, men and now here comes the big category fora lot of us. Its sexual harms caused others not to be confuswith. All the sexyou've had in your life. That's not this kind of catgorn. Okay, this is sexual harms caused other isnot how many times you've hooked UN. This is the thing you did wrong that has to do with sex, and we don't want to talk about it.We're like I don't n, but you got it, you got it you've done it, oin give itaway and don't have to take it to with in the next meeting with you. Everybodyin here has sexual harms caused other everybody in here you say: I'm Averdien! Well, I don't know, I don't know what you did something as between you and God. You did something okay and you want towrite itgain. I got a whole bunch of stuff in my catbor stuff. I wish I didn't do stuff. Iwhish. I could take back actions that I did lies that I made promises that Imade that were completely broken, that, as I said, im weneuarlize people that Ihad become so that you would like me. So you would sleep with me and I wasn'tthat person people have cheated on people. I've lied that I've cheated onpeople that I've lived, that I've changed on it even when they calgled me.I still lied that that wasn't me and I broke myinterity across the board. I was wrong in a lot of situations over mylife sexually and I can't go back at fifty two and gofind the eighteen year old girl that I lied to when I was in college and BackTan en team was, was legal and said to her. Listen, I'm really sorry for thatthing that I did you know. I told you that I was going to be yours and Ialready had a girlfriend. I never called you. I can't go back and changethem because, because I don't know that person that person doesn't know me, I'msure they're, not thinking about me...

...today, but I'm gonna we're going to I'mgoing to share with you when we get to the ninth step nd on how we can makeamands and really really make Emmac like I ti like when it comes into nintstet faith without works. Is then you're going to do a lot of work andyou nice then, but what's going to be exciting, is and Nanci'll tell yougeneral tell you, Madam tell you anyone that's worth the night that man whenyou, when you're in the middle of e tnat step you're, going to really knowthat you're the real deal, two steps, ou're really going to know you're thereal deal. What is this step? Tho, fourth and fifth, step two steps, thefith step and the night them right. Man You're really going to know you thereal deal when you're in the middle of the FIFSTEP and you're telling someonethe worst things you've ever done. You'll know that you're not fankingAlcholics, not Y. I mean you. This is like something Youn just fluff into andalso when you get to the night step, and you go back to that person sayingsome of the cases I the semp one to do so would injure them or others, and yousit in front of another person Sai this and I wrong you. This is how I did itand I'm ready to make amends for IM. You know you're, not faking, you know you're in and that's why itsays I halfway through the Nice step that, if you you'll be amazed beforeyou're halfway through right, right, you'll be amazed before your havef way,dibecause your sitting there in front of the person you've harmed and you'retelling them you've ared them, and how can you make it right and you're likethere's an inner voice, saying to you like this man, you're really in this you're, really doing good, don't turn a don't Tarroun KA, walk on! You got Ta Dunk inthose Ar the fourcolms resentments, fears harms caused other and sexual harms cause them. Youdon't have to write down all the Times you try to have sex. That's not withthis Columnis Okauy. If you need Wut, you not higpad to figure that out. It's not about you. Having said it's about the things you did wrong that have to do with sexual conduct. It's going to limiate big time on whatyou need to share with your sponsor. Now you feel you need to write downevery single thing. You've ever done wrong has to do that. In your mind,that has to doin sexual and you feel like you need to share them with yoursponsor your sponsor, smart enough to tell you, after the third o fourthperson, where you were wrong, and you say no, no, I wasn't wrongi. I justwant to tell you that I met this person this guy and then we, your sponsorisGoin ta, be like this. This is not a cooking, you know it's not a SOA popl.We just. We just need to focus on the places you lie for someone else, andand did this and then y You'e going to move through amen, and this was goingto happen at the end of the at the end of the fourth visitit I gon Ta get to aplace where you're like. Why didn't I do I sooner? Why didn't I do it sooner? I wanteverybody that is in their current sobriety. That has already finished thefifth step. To raise a him. Wat is a good, that's a good amount ofpeople, that's good nout people, that's a good amount of people, Connor, that'sgreat man, I'm Gointa Preyieu, sponsor ever seen. Juters te Canoa Y, my truthful an Sayg that onceyou got that out, you were like so much you felt so much leaner. You felt somuch cleaner and you felt so much lighter and you're like why no doitSooer Yeah Yeah Yeah. I don't know what he said it Itis I's Serv foranhe has lik a wholthing yeah. You just want to get that stuffout. Now, I'm not going to ask you to raiseyour hand, because that would be silly, but some of you in here feel likeyou're, the worst person that ever walkd the planet. I want you noe done. SOMEFIS steps withpeople that have murdered and have committed murder, and I've done some fifses were somepeople that have committed other troscies. I want you to know that. There's no sin, there's nothing that you've done wrong,that God can forgive...

...weth he contrine heart, which means aheart that is really wants to be forgiven. So what's great is you'R off dog. Youare off the hooking, so am I we are off the hook. The big book says that wehave been reborn and that we don't have to be bound upin the stuff that we used to do because we're not the people we used to me. Wemay not be the people we want to be, but was certainly not the people weused to be, and that's good news ant- that in thatgood nows, that's real goods. So you don't have to carry this into alldifferent meetings and H, I'm the worst person that ever lived and no one'sever done. This and o no one's ever been to peep in Tom, and no one's everbeen to this place. If no one else was ever a Peepin time,they wouldn't have a name for it. Someone else did it before you and theynamed it who's that guy. Looking in the Winter S,Peope Tom n Thatshe's already been done. You're,not the first person to weare someone else's clothes, allthe ways they wouldn' do it whal. I heard of that BCOULSD have been donebefore so there's nothing that you ever done.That wasn't was not created by something that'v not got long ago. Sojust geti hat does that make sense, and then you can feel free and let me tellyou something: Everybody in here likes lice, scream everybody in this room, Ryan PayAttento is a poit one. Everybody in this room life ice scream.One time when I was in a group about fifty people, one guy raised his handsaid he didn't like ice cream ant, a careful scrutinae scritinzation. We sawthat he, like some other typh of frozen desert. It was like Sol Bay or Gelato,or exactly if it's procen and it's tastesgood is an ice cream. PROMUCT! That's right exactly so, just because someone in here likes Judy Fruity and someone in here likesrocky road, and so many here likes chocolate. Somebody like Vanil, we alllike ice cream in one whit formaum. So wereally have to just start to realize that alcoholics anonymous is neverexclusive. It's all inclusive alcoholics, a omis is onl, inclusive,never excus, you understand, and once we get to that place where we start towalk on this broad highway, we're going to start to feel like hey. We can dothis hand and hand together. We can do this hands again togain en we're notgoing to judge each other, we're not going to judge each other because we'regoing to help each other, and this is where we get into the spiritualprinciple of the spiritual principle behind this, which is courage, courage, the big book says Thatr, all men offaith, which is and a new manface is walking. IOU Do a man. Can you seen manof faith right there? All men of faith have courage. The big book says that all men andwomen of faith have courage. You know why men and women of faith have curse,because it takes faith and courage to say that you're, a manor woman of God, so wonderful, lad ast walked in rightin Thexa, exact, momen brother. Now, I'm serious! It's really it's awesomebecause because, but where you Yamaga, showing that your religious personright there shows how much courage that person has is a person of courage is aman of faith, and the big book says that we neverapologize for being men and women of fit. Wedon't apologize. I was in a mediam couple weeks ago with serein said atI'm, really sorry, I'm going to mention God in the meeting thisit you'resupposed to mention God, the men. The big book talks specifically abouthow your relationship with God will change you from the inside out and makeyou the person that you you not whan, O used to be the person that you want tobe...

...and I'm looking at a whole bunch ofchange people ana. I made fun of my friend Dave over there, but justplaying around with the walbarn thing, but as a change guy from when I met hima year, go change God and is going to take a lot of work. Iwant you to know that change is not easy. Can you just say that change isnot easy? I want you know. Thet change is noteasy, but with God all things are possible. Can you say that with God all things,Aposa matter of fact what my friend Jerry pointed out to me today and iusethat term friend now, because we I love him and he said to me: not only is itpossible it's probable with God all things are probable andthe last thing I want to leave you in this. You might be in a place right now,where you got no money coming in you're living with people that youdon't know, you're not related to you, don't even like them. They leavedishes in the sink you how D I get to this place in mylife, why o Leeping Nextro guy in Ulio and he leaves thishes in the Sigre Wet? This is what I want you to know all right, not Hooo, Sarah, whatever,whatever it is. Sorry, I offended whoe Iapois what Iwant to share with you. Don't look around your circumstances right now,which is what I got caught up in th, the geing of the week. I think you texte me, Jan then I gave Mo some said, textback and Jus. I Hey Praswel, I'm like whoas me. I have some fumb sucking criebaby textthat I had din't even know w. If I can get them, I could even text because Ihad both my thumbs in my mouth and I lwas text, er elected, don't look at your circumstances rightnow for where you're going to be in the next six months, because God does notwork in a vacuum. He's not looking at where you're at right now to see whereyou're going to go. However, like my friend Karl who I predicted would notbe here this week, because every single time on the second of the month at twoo'clock in the morning, he leaves to get his money and by tw Thirty Smokingcrack. However, Carl is the one that read how it worksthis week is one week after the second. What istoday's date? Today's, the sixth, it's four days after the second and Carlisstill with US Carl decided last week or two weeks ago,when we threw the Goblin out when we challenge him, then it was going to bea different second, even though the last four two t e last four seconds ofeach month, including him up where he was inside a hospital and the directorof the hospital text. Me Say you know this. Guy Carl and I go yeah, I'm notgoing to talk to them till the third, and he was gone on. The second Karl decided last week that he wasn'tgoing to use the past to predict this future that he was going to doeverything he needed to do in this present to dictate the future I'll seeyou next week. Gods willing will talk about the fits teh. I.

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