AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 22 · 1 year ago

Stevie B Step 2 - Hope Dealer @ Spread The Word Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Can you hear us done kaywe're justgoing to use he first Hame, but what a beautiful blessing this young lady's listening from jailright now, and so why? Don't everybody just say: Hi Done T bles at Ou, GT, m, exence, somestrength and some hope from this hoerybody. My name is Steve B. I'm agrateful recovering alcoholic and a member of the Golden Text Group in Dany,Beach Florida. How Guy- and I saw a dear friend of Mine Chris, that haven'tseen in years hit lives all the way up. North Florida at we haven't seen each O.Ther is the funeral since our dear dear friend, Tony May, God rest his mad manrest from peace with how many years it Tilin you go to the Lord, but fortyyears you think forty eight years, forty Jonioterro, probably watching us fromthe big meeting in the sky and and Donna watching us from the the meeting down here, the big house and Dona Ou beet sover you doing good overthere. I am Prase gone well tonight. We're going to be talking about thesecond step and hope, and first of all, Tammy can't be here withUS tonight, Tammy Joe, which is Tommy's fiance, I'm sure your mom knows: Rightididn't break thethe ananeme there bout! If you didn't know, he got angame OCammon, but she can't be here with us becauseshe just had surgery and she's the really the backbone of this meeting,and so she wants to be here. So we're going to make sure that we take this orthis she gets so she's recovering from very extensive me surgery that she justhad two days ago and just yesterday, I'm sorry just Yestin to hays MondayMonday, just a couple days ago. So hopefully she's gonna get some juicefrom this. quit talk about God. Tonight, Wen Tal about God. Tonigt talk about gotoday, so, eighteen years I'll go when I wasin a recovery House with that gentleman right there Eddie, who just celebratedeighteen years this week on January, Thirteenh, eeddie and Mason our otherroommate. That can't be here tonight because he's got a cold or somin prettysickness and they went off to work and I was looking at my watch and itwas a quarter to Niney M and I came up with this amazing plans.He had thirty days of sobriety and I had hit some very serious botbos. I had.I don't know if Yo knewhs, because I had seven years and then I thought thatI could drink. I knew that if I never went back to drugs, I had I had drugsin the category of murder and I knew that if I never went back to drugs, Iwould be fun. I mean I had clear sheted my mind that drugs were bad and alcohol,probably bad, but I didn't feel I was. I was poerlous over aucol anymore.Around my fifth year sobriety. I decided that if I went if I left alcoholics tims and I drankexpensive wines- fine winds- If, if I bre, if I drank expensive conyacs butnot like alcoholically like if I had a drink and aftentin a drail Italian, I'mhalf Jewish and every time we have after dinne drinks in both religions,it's really a very good thing. We have and ie decided that in my fifth yearsobriety that that someday, I would be able to drink in after GINAND DRI. Ifantasized that I would be able to have whatwas that one drink that I wanted tohave...

Italian after Du Dinner, Drenknotnot,Sam Bucaamorad. We said that yes Amereda exactly one of the right. Iwantd I just I just felt like after having seven years sober that I wouldlike to have an Amarena, and so I came up with this idea d and it was like a full truthhypothesis, because I didn't have to prove it until I did, and I made it an assumption in my brainthat when I came into the program which was young, like you cirs like twentyone. Well, both of you guys, he, you know it's amazing. Both these gentlemencame in two thousnd n hundred and twenty two, and they both have aboutthirty years now. So anybody that says- or maybe even young Christian Wa, youAne Nineteen Youre Twenty One and you were twenty one. They both were twentyone, so I deed young people has said well this an I oh. This is great foryou, Antonett, that's leaving to go back to college tomorrow. These guysare, they were twenty one when they came in almost basically the same ageasyou and now they're, almost a thirty year somer, so they stayedsober all these years. I mean nobody claps for that. I think thats, prettyamazen. I think that's amazing, right you comin her you're coming at that age and everyone saying on, I still got more inme and I'm I've spilt more than you evons drankand and these guys sai thanks for sharing and they started and theystarted doing this program. Ther were they werean instrumental and Iki PA, which is young people and AA, or they can tak epot. Think is coldand key par and they started young people in Aa down herematter of fact, I saw Chris an at a convention of young people in Aa inManhattan. I went and visited him there, not that I was Ya young people, but ifyou know young people, you can still go, and so this Staye sover all these you we have. We have plenty of chairs youngman. We have plenty of Cher plenty of chars just come on plenty of cheers,okay and they stayed sober the entire time.There's still so there one white chip, guys they're, still sober today. Thirtyyears later, I think that's incredible. If there's young people in here tonightI know there is one of them is going back to college tomorrow. This is a perfect example of where youcould see that one day at a time with the program of alcoholics,ynonymous and of course, I believe, God that you cund stay sover for the restof your life regardmes at what e had left regardles so well don a AAn. Ifyou can call back regardless of your age, how young youare or my dad came in at sixty and now he's twenty seven years does not matteryeah, that's Al. Am I AAN I've been here for forty fouryears, we ya so regardless you have to get to thisplace where you feel you'R poerlous, and in my fifth year sobriety I did notfeel I was powerless over alcohol. I believe that I was going to be able todrink socially at th some types of drinks, and I knew I was going to beable to drink the pictures of Camakazi or Tokila or Anyi that kind o. But Ireally didn't think that I would be able to have a glass of wine. You knowlike an expensive glass of ine and I didn't know these things expensive.Thank you for using secure us goodbye bell hat was nice that she got to hearsome of that and she called from jail and that's really tat. I pray that that even the little bithelp- and I decided in my brain that, because Icame in at twenty one and all I did at college- was Drakemandog two thousandand twenty and and thunderbird that was a big drink. Where I was an and andthen I went right to crack and I missed...

...fine wine. I jumt, like I jumpe rightover fine ine, I d drunp te run jump right over havter Dinnin drink t, it'snot a lot of after dinner drinking when you're in college. First all did meanwhate you going to have Konak with Yo Raymond noties blon. Not so I thought, maybe because I skippedright over that, and I went straight to the Hart stuff that if I would havestopped at the fancy stuff, I would be able to have and a gentleman' type of alife, and I talked myself into that and I now I say that to say this isthat when I tried the gentleman's experiment, What's the big book saysthat you don't feel if you're an alcoholic, you should go out and trysome controlled drinking and to me I figured all drinking was controlledbecause I did not see myself any more. I was powerless overalcohol, so I didnot envision that. I was going to have a problem and I told my parents that Isaid to my parents: I'm going to drink again and both my parents Sai. We don'tthink it's a good idea. It's not like they freaked out, because I was twentyone. When I stopped drinking and now I'm thirty one and- and I have a new IAVE, an a wife and ahouse and is a different. So they said we don't think it's a good idea. Wethink he'm taking a serious chance. My Wife whohavd never seen me take adrink because we got married sober. She said to me: I don't think it's a goodidea and nobody thought it was a good idea. I went to my home group and theydefinitely didn't think it was a good idea. Th there wasn't one person,that's it. You know, I think, there's a great idea. This tilf sounds likereally intelligent. I need definitely try this. I mean it's Aright. If Iwould have been friends with Alback, then where's out yeah, I would havebeen like yeah. That's a great idea. You definitely try that yeah HEUdefinite should try that. But I didn't know him back then. So everybody acrossthe board said to me: Don't do it and I said thank you forsharing and I'm going to do it withen within one night, and I don'twant to make it sound like it was a twenty four hour period. Okay, becauseit wasn't within fifteen minutes. I drank and took zamics that' Zanexfrom the street. Like all you junkies, I had prescription. Okay, because I was, I was nervous:okay, I was a nervous recovering person and when you shoot as Muh stories as Iwas shooting in recovery, you get very nervous. So you need't take xaance. SoI was very unstable. Okay, I was big, but I was unstable. So I and I neverconsidered that a relapse, because sterid is like a grayer Eah. I wasbuying from gun in Mulio at the gymbut, but I thought it was a gray area and and my prescription I was legalthat was legal. That was definitely legal. I'm not saying it was legal totake it in the amounts I was taking in, but it was totally a legal prescription.I didn't go to the streets for my stuff, like some of you, people did within within five minutes of me havinga glass of a fine, Japanese rice, one in e Box Wutin five minutes. I acompanied that with a four of thelittle zannies that I had because someone said, if you have thoseyou put for hom together, they equal one and that made sense to me. So I putfour together to make one and seven years without a drink. My first fifteen minutes out of on the floor because I wasn't used todrugs and alcohol together. I Min I saw it on the on the bottle that youshouldn't do it together, but I had not had experience with it in a long time.You know, and so right on the floor, my wife had to revive me and I should haveknown then that this could go wrong right, listen, we should know, thenthis is probably not going to go well for us right, but now we try as best aswe can. We mix different things. We Sai only alcohol, you know only forment didnonformented. You know only in the...

...morning all be at night, just anit. Without so I I started tosee that Zanex with alcohol would be a problem so and I didn't want to have aprom, so I stopped with the alcohol. I said you know this is not good and Iwant to go back to AA. So Iwas just stayed on Thi Zamons, but you know youonly get one prescription legally. When you're, when you're thirty- and youdon't have Y- U O real serious mental problem, so then of course, then I hadto go tohulio from the gym to see the Geds End, and so I'm coming to meetingswhacked, I'm going to the twelve stephouse whack, my poor dad's takingme and then he's unwhacked you Kno, I'm drooling and and people took me outside Wendy,specifically, she took me outside she said because she was a nurse. She is anurse or she wasn't and she took me outside and she said h. You knowsomething's wrong on something very wrong and I really couldn't see it. I tellyou that, because when it comes to the second step coming to believe that apower grave, an ourselves can restores to sanity well, we have to at leastknow that we are insane to be restored back to sanity. We have to want tochange. I don't want to change. I was changing all the chemicals aroundyou know. I tried pop one time. That seemed like a terrible experience,because you know pot amtyouve been in the program for for long time, which,at that time I was, I was in the program we turned Ou was in the programten years you when you haven't had taught tenyears and then you have seven years of Aa and and then another a year and ahalf O ay. And then you go to small pots, not like you just like Oh yeah.This is so great you're. Like should I be doing this? Is Anybody looking at meus, maybe bi you know, and then you have like a terrible conversationanit'sruined. It's really ruined is a roun. You ruin a ruins. Your Pot smokangexperience it just Brus, okay, so lat that that idnt go check. Check, getthat off. The list. Try some Hoos in Egens, an e to you know: Holosen is inwhen you're in Yos and you go to a club and everyone's you know doing theirhead up and down and you're. I think I saw Michael T to Coka once and I'mgoing like, thit and and and everybody's looking at you like. Youknow you get to old, for this. Are you to Oldforwe're in our tey? Okay, you isnot your scene that no good that didn't work out for me right and then and thenone night, you know what happened any one night I was. I was whacked afterthe Copa and- and I came in and Tto my work. I know this is hard for you tohear mom o the truth, because it's not good, you know, and this ishow fall tonims I'm not going to make this a whole. I promise good right enthere's. No one grog right now. s want o just need to tellyo stories. As Icome to work, I'm going. I walk by the Hair Salon at my at the flea market andand and there's my friend he goes, he waes Jehy looke terriible and, I said,had a long nine. I told him about this substance that Ihad tried, which keeps you up all night. Suppose O be love. Do all NIG you, myhead was bobbing. I sweat all over myself, I'm hanging out with his youngshier chippers and, and he goes, you know what he goes. Hony whats you newLittle Tina. I don'tkwgoes youjust take a little team that you be fine, Hunty,don't word O te took, I lottlee cute Figir ow and puts in their look in thelittle bag and it gave MOU a little tean and just got I a wow, an thatsomeon I will listen. I will listen. That can be cocaine. I used to have aterrible problem: Ith COKA BCAUSE, that's not! Okay, I'd, Never Tev, Yo Coin this Tama O that seem fine. It's not like it had a poblem. You knowI 's not like it was from the store and it said Tis is team ef. This is fine.It was a bag with a finger now and you know- and I started out with Tina andthe next thing Yo know I'm around for Louderdallan and I got beat by I galaround town and I'm hanging out w hanging outside,DIG Nihe clubs and I'm like anybod got aigteena. Could you throw me a little to overhere?...

Hothe rough rough rough time, roughtime so so now I'm addicted to Tina and andall I wanted to do was have a glass of one. You know I gon haven am TetenaTrink, I'm aking outside the Game Night Cup Iao gn see Satina. It went down first wat out fast, okay,the whole life just discombobulated, so I figured I just I get right back in and so before my parents came down. Istarted going to meetings again and I' Get to Thursday and then and then I have an excuse togo out at you know I just couldn't get back in, but now I realize that I'm in sine thatI haven't seen behavion and now I start reaching out for help and and now myfamily intervenes is Nineeleven, they come down in and they they intercede. On my behalf now whathappened was I went back to my original drug choice, which I'm not going to getinto that now. There's no funny stories about it. My Wife, my beautiful brandnew wife, do want, I mean, but I don't know how to say that the Renway,because when ever time I say brand ew would make. I tell me I get him a lot it', just the same life I had. That isthe SID wiy right now I don't know what what I say new wife. It seems like. Ihave one differone now. It's just I've only had one wife for twenty years thatthes same wife I'm referring to now. I was just recently married to my newwife and, and she just couldn't take itself. Shecouldn't take the insanity of our home. She married soversteeve. She married goto the gym steeve. She married a chivarous steak, which means I was A. Iwas A. I was a good Fiancee d hold the door open. I believed in taking care ofa family bringing her family to Oll Disney World Shewse from C. She is fromColumbia, her familys from Colombia. I really I was a good guy. She married agood guy and within a year and a half of our marriage within one year and ahalf years, she got a bum UN. She got insanity Shin sign up foritsenter she's. I was a good guy that that stood by her and went to Columbiaand and had her family that Mu stay with us and took care of her parents,like that, were my parents and within a year and a half she had to flee thecountry, and this is not a joke. She fled the United States before nineeleven didn, obviously not knowing, and while she was there, nine elevenhappened and there was so wored for me inColumbia, because that the whole world was talking about the United States andmy family. We just lost my sister lost her closest friend in the whole worldin the towers, and so they couldn't fly down toFlorida to see what happened to their son, their only son, that was S, wassober seven years they couldn't fly down, so they had to drive down, and my wife was in Columbia and she's, like thirty one or thirtyyears old and and she rushes back to the United States to see what's goingon with me, because she could see somethings wrong and my parents aren'ttelling her that I'm destroying the HALFE. My parents didn't tell her thatI literally destroyed the House in my Paranoian delusions, total destruction, because I'm not a guy that like usesand like tuck myself into bed and, like you know, like wings fomtomorrow, I'm a guy that uses and knows that at any time the entire policeforce is rushing into the house like within seconds. I don't know how theyfind out so fast that it has always Gan rush, my house and D, and I hear them. I hear them onWauki Talkies. I hear much speakers. I hear him in the Bushes, I know they'vesurrounded the house, and and what am I going to do so I pull a pictur off thewall. I punch a hole in the wall, I...

...take my stuff and I stash it in thewall and I put the pictur up and I sit in front of the television and I actlike I'm watching TV. So when they come in they're the ones thatre going to beembarrassed. Gon Juest Watch the TV. I probably have a los suit, Ogat te and I just sit there. Ou Sweat, justtorn off my head and I'm just watching TV, and then I wi what you bi. I wantto say to why a you Barkinin here, just watching TV and but they don't come in and and then then, as I come down, Irealize no one's coming in and then I go to get my stuff and then I realizedthe wall. As you know, Michael, is hollow. It's not like a Safei Hin to me. Itlooks like a save you put the stuff in it looks like it should be there, and Itake the picture off to get my sin. It's gone. It's fallen down to thebottom of that wall. I'm not just going to leave it at thebottom of the wall. It's now time to take down the wall. The world comes down by the time my parents come to see thehouse. A lot of walves were not there arn, plus, because I was also into liningthiss with Tina. I would also have have these amazing ideas on how to do mybusiness and I would go to office depot and spend thousands at night and by allthese gadgets that in the morning was going to make sense, and I was going totake over the industial world with my new invention, but in the morning Iforgot why I had bought all these etlectronis. So when my parents walked into thehouse, it might tell the truth. The entire table was full of brandnew, Ounopened, electronics and then all the wires that coincide with trying to setup the electronics from the ninht before thousands of wires, which, while I'm cullocoding them withtin form, seems like it makes sense. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Iam exhausted T, but this is how it was. This is how it was it wasn't funny. Itwas disastrous. My wife leaves the country and then she comes back on herbirthday, not on her birthday, but on the weeklike righit surrounding her birthday and and she calls and shes SASsweetheart I'm here in the Miami anportn. It's a true story. My Dad Wuldtell you just like Gett hit and- and I can't stop doing what I'm doing Ican't stop. I want to. I want to put down the stuff and I want to get in thecar, and I want to drive to M my new wife. That's just the most beautifulLov, ing, caring, honest person, and I want to show up at the airport for her,and I want to show up clear eyed and I want to pick her up, and I want to showher that everything's, okay and a my parents would help me clean up thehouse every single morning and we would take Oll the Paraphernali and we put itin the shopping bag and would bring in to the publics and we'd get the housecleaned up, and I wanted to show her that I was okay, but I couldn't stop and she called me back an hour later.She was honey, I'm still here at the airport. What's going on a said, I'llbe right there and I was a bumb. She married soberSteve That went to the gym and she got a bum. And then then I called my dad mysixty my sixty six year old dad a sixty eight year old den, I said Dad. Can yougo down to the airport and Pick Up Sandy? He says why, Ist because I'vebeen in a car accident, and so my dad's got to get in the car,he thinks his son's in a car accident. He goes down to pick up my wife in theairport. It's three hours, she's been waiting there. She comes home, it's my dad, my mom andmy wife in my house. I come home two...

...days, late, malism, like look, you knowlike I haven't showred you two days, I'm like two days after the birthday.Now the balloon is like half Huliam and I walk in like Happy Birthday and my wife is just sitting there likeInde shes in TEUs like what's wrong, you see, that's what that's whatalcohol does to me. I have this illusion that I'm going tosin at a Mahogany bar with a leather actechate case. I don'tknow Ale ther Antashan his, but if I went back to drink and I would buy one- I wouldn't have anything in it, but Iwould sit at a bar Mahagiti bar with other lawyers. T not that I'm a lawyer,but I would I would sic with other lawyers and and we would talk aboutpolitics- I don't know about politics, but I ould I would learn just enough toTalp with lawyers that had attashan cases and I would I would sit next to them andthen we would. We just discuss intelligent things, but really what I ham is a guy thatthinks the police are going to rush in in any time to his house, and when Isee a carpet in the middle of the floor, I rushd the carpet. I hold the ends. Iroll myself up in the carpet and I hide in the corner in the carpet like a deadperson that you would, if you are killing someone- and I hide there- Ntithe police have left and I think it's the ingenious hiding blos and theycould never find me. So I want to be A. I want to be a one,conosseuer and and really what I am is just just agarden variety drunk, and so I got to get sover, so myparents bring me to a treeman center and they and that they paid for sevenweeks for me to go. Will the family pays for severen weeks for me to go andI go down there and I last five minutes after the treamen center five minutesafter seven weeks of treatment, I smoke fivedollars worth of drugs, fiveminutes after the Truson and then they brought drop me off atbark and then bark won't take me. Then they bring me to the fortloader ohospital and I do six days in the fourload of hospital first in the goodwing, which is the which is the chemicl dhependency wing.That's when you start off and there was a good wing and other people that weretrying to get sover and they brought meetings in there. And I was e goodwing and I made it a couple weeks and then I relapsed again and then theybring me over there to the to the cannidal Te pency wand. Then then, Igraduate to the Psychiatric Ford, I'm hanging out with the pseched. Now I'vegot pain per slippers and I got a gown, that's not matching in the back, I'm making Google eyes and a girl withskits off frending and think she's, hot and hats. For me because she's talking,I think, she's talking to me. I got my own issue, so I think this could be theone jhust coul be my soul name. She got the same. Gown got the same slippers, I think. Maybe this could work and then hen, watch, Jeff, Weinstein tothe psychiatric form and Jeff Winshe says to me he says: Would you like tocome? Live at my half wayuse your family sent me here. My parents sentthem. I said, no, I don't ant Tis a true star.I know s cin sound like I mad so, but in Ediil, Ta es a true Nin, I said Jef,I own a full house in Hollywood. Ind a interest in your eawhere. I am a fullhouse right. Donte Street- and he says to me, shows me therestraining order that my wife has withon against me and and shows me I'm not going hometomorrow. He says me you're about to be homeless tomorrow, Adand, I just want to be honest with you haI'm afraid of homelessness. Okay, I'm not afraid O homeless is when I'm ont arun, but when I have five days or four...

...days, sover and I'm in and I've beeneating and I'm showering nd and using toll the truth- and you tell me Oll- is-is theath freaks me out? Okay, I go so I I said a JE. Can you pleasetell me about you programs? It sounds very good e, meher and, and I go and I go to Liberty Housenow the reason I'm telling you the story is the first morning living there. I go toa meeting called victory, which is an a meeting victory one of the oldestameanngs in Broward County, and I meet that man right there and Victory MaHany right there with in blue shirt on and well it's at the sunshide con theternow. But it used to be on the right off of a brown and Third Avenue and whas that fifth and third and and he'sthere and I'm there and we both raise our hand for under thirty days, and itwas so cool because he had some time and I had some time and we meet eachother and and then I go home to the HalfwayHouse that night and he's my new roommate. We didn't know that and that's and that's where we start onfriendship and today, just to show you how God works these amazing miracles.Today you were theire guns, ere man to there. Today we went to the VictoryMeeting with my dad B cause. My Dad's been coming there with me for fifteenyears now and, and we gave each other eighteen year-Madali Soyou may have some people in yourhouse and we didn't always like each other e, any very dramatic and and andOh yeah. You are a drama, onantt Ta, but definitely es a drumperson and and and I'm highly emotional also sothe two of us together, we didn't always get along, but we've been Bevinthe closest of friends myself at Adi, a masion for the lasteiteen years, and this would happened some thirtyyears. I'm thirty days clean right, thirty days clean and it's Eightfifteen am and I'm looking at my watch and Irealized Eddie and Mason are not going to be back till like four five and I got a lot of time to get loaded and to and to bring myself down andshower and Shave D, and it maybe take a nap and by the time they come home I'lljust be like hey how'US your day and nobody'll know any different. But but I got one problem, I'm also aguy that doesn't go on a run when I'm broke. I know some of you do thatapplaud you. You go on a D run with nothing. I think. That's amazing! Yougowit like a shoe. What a yehow did he goin a Rud? He hadTA shoot ow Far yogin o Shoo Theymad, you work, but I'm a guy that needs to have somesome some juice behind before I wenf destroy my life, so I break the restraining order and Icall my wife and I say sweethearts. He already knows that BS anything an to sweethart when youGonto Wat, is fully going to be a BS storm and I go sut Adi, the SamSunlight. Three hundred, so I can call my sponsor in Californiaand Andis, a hundred N. ninety nine do and she says hold on and she puts me onhold because I think she's checking the back account.She actually joined the program of Alanon. While I was in detox and treatment, my mother Coachede,to go to Allenon, I first hole. She never asked my pent permission to go toAlmon. She just started going behind my back and and what happened was she gotone of these sponsors that told her to give me the money? Joking, my wifesponsor told her to give me hundred NIH o o. They set me up these people an ow.They set me up because because they wanted to see if I was full poopy,because my wife, because my mom and my...

...dad had brought my wife Sandra to getdivorce papers drawn up already, they had the divorce papers and and hersponsor said, give him the money. Let's see if the bumbs a liar right now givehim the money and they gave me the money they put iton my card. But the craziest thing happen in you. The craziest thinghappened. I've got this sponsor Jerry Baer right after Myrin H, Loxsmith, theBrowan County, mad gonrest is solthe just passed away with forty years ofsobriety sixt within the last six months. As a great man, I got myself this sponsored Jerry Beerand he said you'e going to storp praying on your knees in the morning and you are going to pray in your nieceatnight, but you are going to pray in a way that you're going to beg God tokeep you clean, soap and you're, going to thank him at night, like you'regrateful that he invited you to the table of sobriety, because if you cameinto my house and and you sat at my table and you grab food and you didn'tsay please and you got up from that table and you left and you didn't saythank you: Do you think I'd ever invite you back to my house again for dinnerand I said no, of course not. He said so. Why would God want to invite youinto his world of sobriety? And you have no gratitude and- and you didn'tsay please, why would yo invite your back tomorrow and to me that made senseso listen to the insanity of my life of the two people that live? It me that Iknow about I'm sure, there's a lot more, but the two that I know: There's good Steve and there's evil,Steve They'R, sover, Steve and there's getting waxte and who I feed lives andwho I start dies, and I had gotten on my knees that morning and I asked Godto keep me clean and sober, and I got off my knees and I planned the run.Isn't that amazing? So I get on my knees- and I say to God: God keemeGleen Sova, but as my knees are forty five degree angle, I plan on gettingdrunk there's going to be a time when you'regoing to have to make a decision that you're either in or you'R out. Justbecause you have the desire to use doesn't mean you need to I'm sure thatthese two young men here that are you know, they're still young but they're,not as young as they used to be. I'm sure that in the last thirty years,they've had lo plenty of times. I know my very I know both of them havethey've lost a fat, DADS and wives and and and jobs. I've been there with themthrough a lot of that stuff, so I'm sure that they had the thought ofdrinking the thought of drinking, but the thought of drinking is not enoughto actually put the drink in your hand, and it's certainly not enough for youto take the drink, because it's only a thought just like put the drink down isjust the thought, but I didn't care. I acted out on him and I knew I called mywife. She gave me the hundred nine nine dollars and I rushed down to the sprintstore on a federal highway and Brow Boulevard, and I said to the guy behindthe counter I need to be out of here in fifteen minutes. Give me the cheapestcell phone. You have and drew says to me, Stevie, be it's so good to see you.We saw you yesterday an victory. Welcome back, we missed you and see.God intervened in my life, even though I had planned on getting voted, but Ihad previously prayed and even though my plans were to get devastated, hisplans work to bring me to Savin and he senddrew in my line, who had justtexted today and said Gora just picked in my et e an do, and I just want tothank you for taking me outside eighteen years ago and see God intervened on my behalfwithout me, even knowing who he was and guess what I got when that happened.Guess what I had because all I could think about. Tell me for the firstninety days was, I thought of three things that my drug, a choice which I'mnot going to mention sheicide, because I knew I would nevermake it and drinking, and I knew that the onlything I have. I have that type of suicid bent in me, so them that that'snot a common thing. I'm not saying you must say. Well, I never thought ofSUISID. You may not o have that bent? Okay, you may have homlicide teen. Isee some of you in her that look more. Like homicide, people I'm more of asuicide people,...

...but so for the first ninety days, all Icould do was think about those three things, but at that moment when drewsaid to me, welcome back, we saw you yesterday ind victory and it was a guyfrom the sprint store. That said it to me, and it wasn't a guy in AAimmediately. What washed down to me was hope, you see hope is not the evidence ofthings. See Hope is what is not seen. It's something that you can see, butyou just wish it's going to happen, and I want to tell you what, even if youhave thirty years, plus sover do d, You have things going on you. It doesn'tmatter how long your sober hopelessness is a very common human condition. Youmay think. Well, when I get a certain amount of time of sobriety, I wouldn'tbe hopeless anymore. I want t tall you that asn't, false hopelessness can creep in your life atany time in your life, but God is a hope. Deal. That's right. I said not a dug dealerhe's a hope dealer. He don't give you a little bit of Tean of a littlefingernail and give you a little little take so that you're running around townthe way lookat at tail between you, Leag God, promises you a life beyondyour wildest ti, he's a hope dealing. But what do you? How do you Bybo? I'mKa Hi Bio? You Buy op one day to time. You know to call tense cursioneverything. One day and time you got to buy in every day, one INA time, I'm nota Gambler, I'm sixteen years off, Gamblin my dad is a twenty seven yearsold Gamlin, but every single time we start off the day. We get all our hopechips and we push push them Alin. Every morning. Today's the sixteenth, Ibelieve, the sixteenth of January two thousand and two when we start up inthe morning, we get all our whole chips. We sit at the table of God. We get onour knees and we say to God like this God. What am I going to do to them? What am I going to do Dan? We take allour hopethips and we just say I'm all in I'm not saying that my day wasperfect today because it wasn't. There was parts of my day to day that whenyou looked over at me you wou say Tisep man he's Ta spiritual giant. I saidreally he's really connect like when you saw him in this morning. Nancy Iwas I was. I was Ono spiritual high. It was good, then I went to breakfasstwith my dad and it was good and Jarry was good, was go. Everything was goinggood, then around one o'clock. I want to throw myself over bridging whatright down IM sitting off is my head of my handlike Adid everything just get to this levela and then guy comes in God always brings these amazing men in my life adwomen in my life, Doa send me a text or an email or phone call at the exacttime. I'm thinking what is wrong with my life and someone wil comeing and say:Did you read the Tu Stones for today? Diyou, look at pain, Ja, five Ih,eighty seven or eighty eight today. Did you see were sat upon awakening? We canwe review up t at we think about our plans for the day. Did you see what happened on Payin?Sixty three? Did you Stevi t do and then go what I saw n. You know they kno.I know what page sixty two is, but they just come in right at that moment andwith today was brandon a friend of my brand and and I was sitting hole on ofmy office and my head was in my hands. I didn't think about throwing myself upRidge, I'm just oking, I just hand my hand, I'm saying what am I going to dothis? Just I just cannot figure this out, and God sends in one of hiswarriors into my little office and he's got his a little book down and 's. Likedid you see this tap? I know wha what happened. He goes to jseon page sixtytwo, that this is the how of the wire in first of all, we had to plet putquit playing God. It didn't work and I cam on to say him. You know Darwell. Iknow what that pig said, but Butiu it just you know, God is in the whole business, and you may be in at place right now,where you're in your first Nin sixteen six months and you're like well. How isGod going to do with this mess? How is he GOINGNA UNDO this mess? I don'tknowbut hy just. Does we don't people that can never driveagain? They are theyth the state of Flora. Sad, you have never going todrive again. Your license is...

...permanently removed. You you MissVanessa, had been a a person that will never try to car as long as you live,and that's just the way that is e next thing, you know see him a couple yearsdown the road Ted driving the car. Hey. What I don't you know, I don't know:sothing happened, ther was a Glitton Te System Ho Jer said your amazing persongiving my license. I have no tickets I' heiyes. My insurance is only hundredtwenty Dars a month. I got a whole fullof car, a drums right over there. That happened Fi. How that happened. State of Floridasaid I could never adopt a baby. The man Tald me and said a man like youcan never adopt a baby in the state of Florida. We adopted my son on his first day inlife. His name is Joshu because in the Botom says, for me andmy house, we choose to serve the Lord, and for the last eight years and fourmonths we've had Joshua ND and we've chosen to serve the Lord with him. Just so, God will show off you see mymost beautiful righ here, Ha's my mother right, Dere she's. Seventy sixyears old he's got forty four years in to pro give her an see my onp right here, just so God justcan show off just to remind me that he's the ES, the the power that returnsme to sanity, I'm not the one that returns me n, the Sadday, I'm the onethat returns me to incentity he's the power that return to te just to showoff. Not only did he undo that I can adopt in the state of Florida, which Iprobably still can I've Ben Hip. I went today. They say: No, you still can'tI'm like Wut. This is my son. The like, I don't know how you gone just to show uff in my life, my son in eight years and eight monthsas about eight months of his life, he just brings out the same exact, haircolor, as my mom, just this just of God can just show off. When my mom and myson Walk Everybody says: Oh Wa, that's exactly that's your grandson! Exactlynow I can see hen when my sister comes down here in three weeks with her withher kids. Might Sumer look exactly like her kids now with the redhere for theexactly of the color of the same Freckon, sae, no same green eyes samelitter just so he could disso God to show off,and then I spent a lot of my time. I don't know about you. I spent some ofmy time. I spend a sume of my time thinking. How am I going to buy brain?U Now ridiculous stuff! You know ridiculous stuff, like like twenty fiveyears from now. How am I going to get Brit? You know what goys, like? Listenjust take care of the breakfast this morning and I'll give an example. Thismorning, Oh, I thought I had twenty more minutes.Okay, that's fine! That cock stopped in the middle of the meeting. That's fine!Okay, all right! A PROBLEM! I'm going to tell you a story anyway, this morning, you're leaving for acruise right now right now, right now, NANC! That's a Maz you leaving tomorrowmorning, yeah! Oh, that's so great and you're. Here Isaid Wan't you speaking Friday, though! Oh that's amazing! Is it what snows ana cruise ca, Soe Sisters Cruise Y, look at theblessing Mus tank Sally Nancy? Who Else Is Gong? Oh wonderful, lisabet's gone!All these, ladies, are going to hang out with a woman that has forty fiveyears of sobriety. That also came in at your age. Chrese. She came in a twentyone years. Old She's got forty five years. Her name is snow. Her dreamwants to travel the world, so she opened up a sober, a somber travel business and she takessover people all around the world. She's been in almost every country,she's been the Middle East she's and and this weekand she's going to takethe women to a silver sisters and listen. This and three weeks ago andthree weeks from now, I'm going withdrew right. There drew on Somabrother soberboll Summer Mol Cors, with...

Don that's got. Fifty three years isAroun, so that's good anway. Let me just wrap this wholething on God, Wonso God wants to wol you, yougotta, get out of the way. Em doing say goodbye, the dope dealer and sayhello to the whole deal ill. Se, you Guy Attention.

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