AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 21 · 2 years ago

Stevie B Step 1 - Fine Wine @ Spread The Word Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Okay, what doesn't get much better than that? That's so beautiful. Everybody. My name is Stevee be I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic and a member of the Golden Text Group in Danny Beach Far and I'm actually going to have a two meetings going on. Both these guys from narcocks anonymous. So I'm going to speak real fast over here and then I'm going to translate real slow over here. Sorry, I got any Chris in any over here in the corner? We're going to watch them this if we're gonna have a great time during the series. Yeah, it's so. If you you are used to meetings that you have to hang in there to the end of the meeting, that should not be your experience during this series, however long it lasts, and God will determine that how long it last. But we're going to have a great time because if you've been let out of the gates of hell, like I have, and you were once lost and now you're found, if you were once trapped and now you're free, if you were once hopeless and now you have hope, if you were once a complete liar and now you have honesty, these are the principles that we're going to be talking about during the step series. And if you've been in any of my step series, which Eddie and I've been doing these now for the past eleven years together, the steps don't really change the experiences due but this time we're going to be talking about the principles behind the steps. And if you don't get the principles behind the steps, I'm explaining what happened and I'm going to give you a personal experience of someone that didn't get the principle of honesty the first time I was round and what happened that when I was around and what happened. So I'll get to give you my personal stories of being a dishonest guy in alcoholics anonymous, and I'm going to show you the results of that. And as a matter of fact, in this very room there's many of you, or some of you, that have had sobriety before. I mean I can just I can. It's like forty of you, as I just my mind is that have had sobriety before and relapsed as a direct results, as a direct result of not practicing these principles in all our affairs, as a direct result. I see, we have this impression that we come in, by the way, newcomers Raijing hand under ninety days, right hand, and they come on, wow, that's amazing, that's incredible. As we learn from our friend Paulie, and I don't know if he made it up or he got it from someone else, but the truth of the matter is, you are off the hook. I like that. You never have to pick up again, even if you want to, even if everything in your body is screaming out to you that you absolutely can't get through the day. You never have to pick a pick up again, even if you want to. I'm talking about being off the hook. HMM, talk about being off the hook. That is it's really off the whole. My My, my good friend John, he has a boat. Any fishes, and the only fishing I ever did in Long Island, New York, is from like like the side of we have these things called sumps and we have these things like little little lakes that not lakes, not even lake, like a pond. It's a pond, and so I'm familiar with pond fishing. Pond fishing is a very friendly type...

...of thing. You put a little bread on the end of the Hook and you throw the hook in and then you get a sunny, the sunny comes out and you sometimes you keep the sunny if you're adventurous, and most of the time you throw it back in. So I wasn't really familiar with with fishing, fishing, and then I went out with our friend John on his boat and and they have contractions on top of the boat where there's there's lines that go out behind the boat and as you're driving the boat there's lines in the water and I had never seen this type of thing before. And then I looked into this to the water that was on the boat that has like oxygen flowing in it, and I thought they had already went fishing. I said, you guys are already went fishing. They said no, that's the Bait. I said that's the Bait. The fish are like big fish. He said Yeah, that's the bank. I'm going to meet use those as like ballely who. I said, okay, that does sounds okay, that sounds good, and I watched him take these big hooks, big hooks. I'm used to little hooks where you put a little bread on it and then it's get like in the corner of the mouth. You just throw the fish back in, but they take these big hooks and then they take these big fish baits and they take the big Hook and they put it in the middle of this fish, big fish, and they put it out in the ocean. And and then there's other fish that are even bigger. They see this tasty morsel of a fish swimming around. They don't see the hook, they just see this tasty morsel of a fish and they and this what happened up while I was on the boat. These big fish coming, they eat these littler fish and they just swimming around and they look at the fish and they go wow, dinners like right there and they go and they get it. And then all of a sudden, this what happens. There's a giant hook in the little fish, but they didn't see it, because I just check and look at the fishes eyes and they get excited and the hook gets set in the big fish. The next thing you know that the real goes down. They bring the fish up that everybody screaming. They get up by beat that fish down, they throw it in a bucket. That fish was like a couple seconds ago, was just hanging out, swimming around the next thing you know it's on board. Someone hints it. What a mallet. It's rose in in a bucket that without water, and the fishes like what, what just happened? What does happened? This didn't. I didn't get any of this in school. How this happened? Well, listen, all US fishes that got caught and we're on the boat bleeding, got walked in the head, pants down. We are off the hook. Okay, you never have to do that kind of nonsense again. And as we go through this series, you're going to you and as you go through your sobriety you're going to have opportunities. letten up. This is really important. You're going to have opportunities, not in the series. I said a wrong, in your sobriety. You gonna have opportunities to get back on the hook because you're not looking inside the fish's belly to see the big hook. You're looking in the fishes eyes. You looking out the fish plane, cards at the Casino. You looking at the Cradam fish at the corner store out that should that should be fine, but that's not even in the drug that just that's should be fine. You're looking at other fish. That are nonalcoholics that don't have alcohol, drinking out nonalcoholic beer, and you're like, well, what is not alcohol per? That should be fine. I could drink no alcohol beer. Well, why can't I go to a Strip club? Everyone goes to strip club, you are it shouldn't be a big deal. Why can't I hang out on Friday night at the Harm Rock Casino? It shouldn't be a big deal. It's not a big deal unless you are interested in getting whacked, brought up out of your comfort zone, stuffed into a cooler that doesn't have water and go. The steps are going to help you to remember, as...

Tammy Joe said, you're off the book and the principles behind the steps and the and you guys getting all this when we get to the third step. We have a whole chart. Give here our third step. You never heard our third step. It's series. No, it's not the same as any know. You guys your third steps. One Line hours is a whole chapter. Thank you. The principles behind the steps. Tonight we're going to talk about honesty. Tell me time about on riggerst honesty, rigorous honesty, rigorous honesty. What type of honest? Honest but what type? No, honest. Well, WHO's helping this out? Sirie. Sometimes Serie just starts talking. It made it scares me. I mean think about what she's listening what she's taping if she just breaks in this talk in the middle of the conversation. Happens all the time. And if you got Alexa, that's a CIA situation. In my house we have everything that's run by Alexa and my son doesn't even know about a light switch. He did, you know, to my son's eight and he doesn't even know that there's lights, which he goes Alexa turn on the lights. One time we ran out of power and then Alexa that we didn't have Wi fi, and then my son's I would we can't turn the lights. Just more work. I'm four years sober and alcoholics. Anonymous. Did anyone's chairs open up yet? Couple of ladies just came in. We have a chair right over here in the middle area, next to Andy. I mean said at your own expense, right there in the middle and I'm four years sober and alcoholics. I'm three years sober and alcoholics. Arms and a beautiful man by the name of Mayer and my sponsors sponsor me and he's a member at the twelve step house and he goes to the meeting in the back of the eleven step group. May God rest his soul. And he's the Locksmith of the county and just a real mention of a person, just a a real great person. If you're not, you wish, if you don't know what that means, it's a great person. That's what that means. Great Person, stand up God. And he's taking me around to the meetings and he showed me the etiquette of alcoholics anonymous. He's taking me to the Pine Eylan Group, he's taking me this group. We go to this group, we go to this group, not this group specifically on Thursday night, but the group that's in the back. We go to the choose and night meeting where Jimmy's at, and and my sponsor myrons taking me all around. I just think he's amazing because I'm firmly planted in alcoholics anonymous. I'm firmly planted in believing everything that my sponsor says, that that either we're walking towards God or walking away from God, that we either walking towards your drink or walking away for a drink. There's no neutral in the program there's no neutral. If you're coasting, you're walking towards your drink. Now, when I say drink for the next twelve for however law God has us here, when I say drink for the next meetings, I want you to think, because we're in a so I'm going to say drink. But ninety percent of you in here are not pure alcoholics. Most of you in here are real alcoholics, but you're not pure alcohols. That is my case, Jeff. You're real alcoholic and your pure uncoled. Take it easy,...

...don't get yourself so excited. Okay, so you looking around and make sure in they're in the right place. You have alcoholism, yes, you do. But what I say drink, I want you to know that it applies to all substances across the board. Doesn't matter what you use. What I have is alcoholism. Alcoholism was what I had before I took my first drink. I was restless, irritable, discontent, maladjusted. Always wanted to be the next guy. If I was with Susie, I want to be with Sally. If I was a sally, I wanted to be with you know. I just wanted to always be somewhere else. I've played football, I want to know what the soccer guys are doing. I was playing soccer, I wanted to do that. If I was at this movie, I want to be that movie. If I was at a party, if I was at a party and I the and I was at a keg party, I was like, this party's lame, even though the party was great, I just wanted to move to the next party. Even before I ever got on any type of you know, drugs or situation, I always wanted to be somewhere else. I had alcoholism before I took my first drink. What alcoholism is is the reason we take our first drink. The moment I took my first drink, I had to sense in relief that alcohol could give me at once, you know, and the truth of the matter is there's very few things in life that work as good as alcohol for alcoholics. It's really true. If you're all bent out of shape and you take a shot of whatever the substance is you, if you're all bent out of shape and you're whirling around and you take a shot that, God bless you. Even stuff that should make you whacked. The moment you take that substance. If you have alcoholism, you're going to be like this for a moment of time. It could be a NIP Middlesecond, it could be five minutes or could be a half of whatever your drug of choice is. There is a sense of relief that only comes at once, right just there. Only comes at once from that product. When I was twelve years old, or what around that day's I don't know exactly when it was. Some people remember exactly what it was and that's then. That's awesome. I don't remember exactly what it was. My family's half Jewish and half Fatali, which comes with it its own set of problems, okay, and its own set of confusion, because have the families Jesus, the other half the families Mazza. So it's very confusing and you really try not to confuse it because if you say past the Manza on the praise that Jesus night is not very good. Doesn't go over very well. If you say praise Jesus on MOMS to night, not good, you know. So you need to really know what you're doing and when you're a kid you don't know what you're doing. And one of the days, one of the nights when I was feeling like less than we were drinking the my family, not me. I was drinking. I was twelve, eighten, something like that, and they would drinking manischevits Jewish Table One. You know what that is, Andrew? Mana chevis Jewish Table One. It's like the great juice that has alcohol and it's just the beautiful drink that Jewish people drink during the holidays. And we had over my juice side of the family and and my family was drinking the man of chevits and and I and I drank one glass of it, no big deal, and I felt at ease and comfort that came from that drink at once and I was like, Whoa this this I may have discovered something. You know, a lot of you guys have started with substance right out the bad and you got whacked and you threw up and you just knew you're going to go back to it, and that's that's true for a lot of people do. That wasn't my case. The first time I had a drink. It just was nice and took away some of the anxieties, the anxieties that I felt that I went when I went to the playground and all the kids seem to be better at sports than me. It took that away my anxiety that I didn't have big brothers to back me up in my neighborhood and my name. I'm I'm not going to go to the story about the brothers because you probably heard that story of you have been any one of my steps series about how I made up my relationship to...

...this brother that was in mine. You know, I said it was my brother and turns out he was not my brother and he was in the professional football league and and I claim to is my brother. And you know, it's all part of the low self esteem that I had when I went to the playground and I saw other kids with brothers behind them and I didn't have a brother, and I went home and I didn't get picked first. or I mean or sometimes worst thing that can happen to a guy, or maybe even a gown is you you do that line where you got to choose the team. Okay, that is the worst situation if you're in a place where nobody knows you and you came to the playground with a Chubby sister and not a big brother, and then you're whole new chubby sister's hand and they're like, Rocco Vito, you're the captains, and then they start picking all their friends with brothers and then they get to Steve with a Chubby sister and I get picked last. I'm already low self esteem at like eight. When I go home and I take a little shot of that right at that little shot of that cherry great wine, not Terry, I'm sorry, great one. When I go to take a little shot of that great wine, no problem. Totally at comfortable with myself. When I go over my parent, my grandparents, on Sundays and we have Sunday dinner and during Sunday dinner every Sunday we have that's Italian side. We have sauce and we have Pasta and and my dad and my grandfather they drink scotch. I don't drink Scott I go downstairs when I'm twelve with thirteen and I go into the bar and I drank all this sweet liquors. I drink the Galiano and the FRANGELICO and the AMA Reda. I drink anything that's that has an a at the end of it or an oh or anything that sounds like it's going to be fun. Hey, Scotch does not sound fun. When you're twelve, you see that looks painful. Vodka doesn't sound fun. Galliano, that sounds fun. So I drink anything that was Italian and fun. And the moment I would take a drink and I would sit in front of the TV. Back then, we didn't have a thousand channels. Back then you had a choice of four or five channels and with commercials you couldn't go like this Lee and you can go and go right through the channel, that right to the commercial. Know, the commercial was part of the whole experience. You know, you have to watch the whole whole thing. And then during that time when I had low self esteem, I would drink and I would feel better. Now, how do we get to AA? If that's the whole problem, that we have a maladjustment to our lives, how do we get to a? The problem is most of us in here, most of us, I'm not saying everyone. Everyone doesn't get to stay in a for the same reasons. Most of us in here suffer from an allergy in our flepsy manny. We go to take a drink that other people take with impunity, imputedy, means other people don't have a problem with it. We go to take a drink. is a drink of alcohol. We drink alcohol, we turned two different people chemically, we turning to instant different people that all of a sudden, our ideals, morals, things we were going to do for the day, everything that we had set out the moment we take one drink, our mind just say one thing and one word. Only know one word. You know that word is more or like that. One drink, one pill, one poke, one smoke, one SNORT. Our mind doesn't go. That was good. I'm see you tomorrow. The reason you're in alcoholics anonymous, is because your...

...brain Coegal m see more, I mentioned it. He needsily. That's a true addict right there. We use a substance sets off an allergy inside of our body, which then sets off an obsession and we have to do more. It's the great obsession, well, very abnormal drinker, that we're going to be able to drink normally because we now have sober brains. Most everybody in this room tonight has a sober brain. You know that means you didn't pour a substance in there today, so you actually think what you say. Fact. It isn't a fact, he's a fact. No, I won't. I want it to just some problem. I didn't know what you were saying. Theirs said crap. I like what? Eighteen years later, I can't even help you know. But he's from an a. You never can tell. Where was that before? You can throw help me out due more exactly. It's a great obsession that someday we're going to be able to use again, because right now you have a sober brain. If you haven't poured a substance into it today, you have a sober brain. Now I want to say something to you, everybody in this group. It disc talks over the next week's are not going to be for everybody, so don't get upset if people leave. Okay, this is not going to be elementary alcoholics, anonymous where you just come to a meeting and you don't be upset, you stay and watch what God does. In our mind, okay, in our mind is something that says to us, I can use again now. There's people in the are, just saw him just now, who got sober at Twenty One, twenty two and have twenty one twenty two years old, maybe even nineteen and he's got like thirty years of sobriety. So I want you to know that, even though your mind says to you you can use again, you don't have to use again because you're off the hook. And never believe the brain that is telling you that one is not going to be enough. And a thousand two men, because that that brain is the brain that got us here. So I'm hum four years in a am, three years in AA. Everything's going good and being sponsored by Myering and Lotsman of the county, may God rest his soul, just a beautiful man. And I start seeing the cracks in his foundation. I start seeing, like what is a sharp, a tank kid from Long Island doing when this kind of slow Jewish guy from Fort Lauderdale? He is not hip, slick and cool like me, and I am really very bright, you know, like Josiah. I'm like Super Bright, and in the beginning my sponsor was super bright, but then I started to get full of myself. You know what happens when you get about what? Maybe you don't know, but you get about three years and you're young. I'm twenty seven. I got to I got I'm twenty six and I got three years I start thinking myself, I'm not, I'm it. Got To say I really did. And I start taking substances to make my outsides look better. Okay, start taking steroids. I'm looking in the mirror. I'm like really got this thing. I'm still going to stop in alcoholics anonymous, I'm still going to come here to one meeting once a week, but I must spend a lot of time in the gym. I M spend a lot of time pursuing outside interest, which is girls, and I'm going to of course, money. Right, and the principles start...

...to go away one at a time. First principle was dishonesty. Honesty, yeah, that's a problem. The first principle that went away in my program at about four years was honesty, because I thought we only needed to be honest in not drinking. I didn't really I didn't realize when it said we need to practice these principles in all our affairs and the first principle is honesty, that they really meant that honesty was important. I thought it was a gray area, just like I thought was the steroids was a gray are. I'm like, stards, is not a mind or mood altering substance. It's really a nonissue, and dishonesty is really a nonissue. I'm going to Tom I like that I robbed banks, but when I said to whatever girlfriend I was with at the time that I was being faithful to her and I wasn't being faithful to her, that's called dishonesty. When I would do other things in meetings that I said I was doing and I was doing things that were not appropriate, that's dishonesty. And so dishonesty slipped into my program so I'm now. I'm now like trying to win this girl over. I see this girl work in the flea market and and back in the day, twenty five years ago, the flea market was the bomb on sunrise Bulvar and it had this amazing circus with elephants and tigers and trapeas and show girls and magicians and Kenny Rodgers would come in and Willie Nelson and and sign stuffed whoever the magician is, that famous guy, the guy that makes the plans that you know like important people came in right. Maybe wasn't that guy. Maybe we the guy just was copper, I Steve Copper, he was, but he could do tricks and and during one of the shows, one of the shows, I went there and I saw her. I shore she was on top of an elephant and she had beautiful outfit on and she had like wings, like an angel, and and I the way I remembered is there was, she was the star and I was like dumbfounded, you know. I was like wow, if I could get that girl, that would heal this God's size whole that I was trying to heal with steroids and fighting and cheating. You know, it's amazing. You're four years sober and you're young. What for your sober at any time, and even though your life is out of control, we're still going to give you him a dying up here and tell you're amazing. You could be a whore, you know, you be a horse thief, stole someone's Card in the parking lot and then you come up and here like that. You're amazing. You know you're amazing. That's why the coin says to thine own self be true. Great, you you to practice these principally that you gotta you gotta know who you are. And I had this God's size whole because I wasn't praying to God. I was praying to God. I don't want, I don't want to diminish that. I was praying to God. I was praying to God in the morning and asking him to keep me sober, and I was thanking him at night. And then the rest of the day I did what I wanted. I gave God my drugs and alcohol. I gave him my crack. Okay, how to give crack cocaine, because if you, if you did the things that I did on drugs, you definitely don't want to take that back from from from God. You know, I was a real free d you know, to mean I was a real whackle. Okay, I was did really crazy things out there and didn't know any different, because not like to have a course on crack, you know, and so I just feel know, this is what you do, and it was a bad situation for me, and paranoid was a real thing for me. Paranoia. I'm not one of these guys are can just chill out and go to the park and I see some of the...

...people with a stem at the park and they're like chilling watching ducks. No, that's not me. Okay, I'm the guy that's hiding behind an air conditioning unit and motel six that's only this big, and I'm like thinking, nobody can see me, and I'm like peeping out of the window and from four days on end and imaginary police are coming in and I'm rolled up in a carpet as a hiding place. And you know, it's been. Yeah, it's been. Yeah, we've been and and I'm not one of these guys that did it with other people, like you know, some of you people, because I had enough people in my own head. I didn't divide any else. Whole Party going on, just me and twenty seven of my friends and the police and the FBI and the CIA. I didn't even invite any other human being. It was a bad situation. So I when I finally got out of that, the first three years was just gratitude, gratitude, gratitude, grab I go to meeting, gratitude, gratitude. I'm just grateful. You know what happens with gratitude if you don't practice it, practice it. It's like a muscle. If you don't practice gratitude, you start taking it for granted. You stop taking gratitude for Grin you're like, yeah, I'm sober, so why you forget when you're rolled up in a carpet. You forget when you're when you're in Bar for the twenty second time. You forget when you were drunk and you're driving and you're standing in front of the Drug Cord and the Drug Corp Persons is I'm giving you one more chance. You Forget. That's why meetings are so important. Meeting makers don't make it, but meeting makers definitely have a better chance of making it. It's not what it's not I'm saying meeting makers don't make it. I'm saying meeting makers don't necessarily mean you're going to make it, but it certainly helps. And so we come here to hear about what happens when people don't come here. Number One, and we come here to get grateful. Chris had a year and on his year he went out for one day on his year anniversary, and and it almost, you know, it almost killed them because he felt that was really really he was lucky to come back in one day. And you'd say he's really, really lucky to come back in one day. Right, I feel is really really lucky and come back in one day. But guess what? You know what his ego told them, you know where having problem, if you can come back in one day. You could come back in one day. What's the big deal? One more time, try it one more time. said the whole that's what happened with me. I'm there on my I married the girl. I pursue her like back then, twenty five years ago, Stalker wasn't a common word. Now maybe be a different type of situation, but I pursue her, okay, and I pursue her daily, non stop. That show up about her. We work together. So I show up at her changing room, you know, because she's in the circus. Where you going, Daniel? I've got it, something to do. I'm go ahead, remind me of that movie we're God. I got I pursued. I pursued Sandra will all my my energy. Finally she just gave in. Finally, one day she just would. She just said fine, I'll go on a day with you and and I got it and we and we have a big a a wedding and a five years older and that my sponsors from New York come in, my people, my counselors from California come in, people from Minnesota come in. I had to sober up in many, many little cows and and we have a big A, a wedding and everything's going great. People from the twelve step there. Myrone was there and just great, and Nikki D was my photographer, Nicky D...

...and we'll what a great wedding. And I was and I was cold, stone, sober, crazy. I practice this. You don't understand what that means. Okay, I'm explained with that means. Okay, if we don't practice these principles in all our affairs before we pick up a drink, we're going to get crazy. And I was crazy at five years and I was thinking all about me and my insanity had returned and the steroids were not working and the girl was not working, because I got it. You know, when I'm in hot pursuit, during that time I'm in hot pursuit, I don't I don't realize how sick I am. But once I lasso you, once I take you hostage and get you in my house and and slammed the door and through the dead boats I got you. Metaphorically speaking. My Wife's Columbian. She doesn't put up with any nonsense. She still carried Ma Chetty into our marriage but, but metaphorically, I got her, I retained her, I she was married to me. Guess what happened? She was on a hook. Yeah, who said that? Terrible Person, Rob Gallo. And then I guess what happened on my wedding. On my wedding day, the Geping, God's sized hole opened up like the Grand Canyon. The steroids were not working. Getting the girl was not working. Being sober was not worth working. If you don't practice the principles and have a relationship with God in your sobriety, you're going to make statements like this, is this all? This is? Did I get sober to do this? I need to have some fun. I need to find balance. You're going to say those type of things. When you start saying those type of things, I want you to know, because you're going to be the last to know. Before you take a drink, I want you to realize that when you start saying these things, like I need balance and it is all I do, go to meetings, when you start saying that kind of stuff, really what you're about to tell yourself while you're embarks. How did I get here? Where are my shoes and where whose paper slippers are least. So, Uh Huh. So my my parents give us a most people in here know the story, but it's just very profound on how alcohols and return. Before I took a drink, my parents gave us a gift. We can go to any state. No, we we do anywhere for a honeymoon, not Hawaii. Know, within reason, because because I managed our store. So I was like giving seven days and and within reason. And so so I sent to my wife, let's go to New Orleans, and she doesn't know the country. She doesn't know the United States. She's from the country of Columbia. So she didn't know New Orleans is kind of like a code word for debauchery, you know. So I told her it's jazz. She loves jazz, as I told them dancing. She loves dance. I didn't mention top of this, and and alcohol. I didn't put that part on. And so we get there to New Orleans right and we're at the Cafe Dumon Andrew and we sipping coffee and just having a great time and I say to my wife, you know where in New Orleans it's very customary for New Orleans to to drink mimosas and it's our honeymoon and my wife doesn't drink. She hasn't. I think she's she's she had one drink or whole life. She had a drinking sixteen. She had a bad experience. She never drank again. And now we're thirty two thirty and we're on a honey when I'm trying to talk her in a drink and she's not drinking, I'm figuring my I married the wrong woman. I'm five years sober. I'm like what, I made a terrible choice. It scars not even going to be fun right and I don't...

...know that my alcoholism is returned. I'm taking her inventory. We go to our first inner, the first night at Emerald Lagassi's new restaurant called NOLA's, and in those fancy restaurants the tables are right on top of each other. And you know, I got to tell the story on how the three of us are looking at each other because it really is so true, because because it's our first dinner and she's looking at me and and I'm looking at me and and I'm thinking about me, it's like the three of us are having a dinner together and because it's all about me, you know, I'm thinking she really got a good catch, you know, she really did well. And and and I'm just dripping from Alcoholis and I look over the table next to me and there's a big decanter in the middle of the table with this big troop sticking out of it and Oh glass tube, and the people have wine in the middle of the glass decanter and I'm bothered by it because I never seen it before. And I called a server over and I said, what's going on with the people next to us, and the service says that those people are drinking fine wine that needs to breathe first. I'm thirty years old. I never or anything about that. I've come up with epiphany. If I would have went and stopped at fine wine instead of going from mad dog two thousand and twenty two crack, maybe I don't even be in the program. I passed right through fine wine that needs to breathe first. I've never even heard of it. If I would have stopped there, I wouldn't need to be in the program and instantaneously I became powerful over alcohol. I became powerful over fancy alcohol, I became powerful over wine that needs to breathe, for I forgot the first step, which is that we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives became unmanageable. I did a step in my head and said my life became a manager because a drugs, but it's not going to be unmanageable with I drink something that needs to breathe first. And if you are in this meeting tonight and for any reason, you cannot believe that you're powerless over all substances, including marijuana. It could. Yeah, I said, that's right, including Cradam, including non alcohol beer. We're powerless over all substances and I believe that in my heart today. That doesn't mean, when I say it, that I don't want to sneak out and try to drink a drink, because I do. That's the great obsession of every abnormal drink it. That's okay, but I have to believe that in my heart of hearts, that I'm powerless over alcohol in any form. And what helps for me is to believe that I'm an alcoholic. But that's not a requirement. You must believe that you're powerless. The requirement for AA is a desire to stop using drinking. At that moment I made a decisions, God bless you, that I would come back to Florida, I would go to my a group, which I love, and I tell the people an a a thank you, and then I would and I was going to try drinking, not crazy drinking, expensive drinking. And I came back to AA and they and they talked me into stain. As you know, please it's probably better you stay. And I stayed sober another two years. And what I say by that is is I stayed sober ISS in my six is six, in middle of my six and seven y are I smoked Marijuan. I smoke to join. That didn't fix the God's EZE whole. I had a prescription for x annex because I was so, so restless here, bull in discontent, and I went to a psychiatrist, Asad I'mbrests here, about discontent and I haven't had a drink at six and a half years. They prescribe his annex. It said maybe this would. That didn't work. Finally, after I picked up my seven year medallion, I went out and I tried some control drinking and let me tell you, that night it did work. For the first night that Japanese rice wine that I had it August Moon Chinese food...

...restaurant on Federal Highway in Hollywood, the finest wine I ever got to drink during my relapse. I think I saw Rob Gallo there. Actually that want that first night, that first drink, not the first night. Look at this eyeled already. Look up the dishonesty that just crept into my story. The first drink I had relief and in two seconds later I went got the ZANEX that I was prescribed and took for them, because one of them look like what's what is one of them going to do? Looks like such a little thing. And in my first night out of sobriety, I took four of the pills and I took that drink and I slammed into the surface of my house for the next year and a half. I'm going to tell you the story next next week, but the next year and a half was an absolute lead on the hook, total mess. If, what if? We don't get to see each other again, and I know we've already went over, but I just need to tell you this. The solution to our problems today is God. The solution to our problems today is God. However, sometimes, if you have alcoholism. God is going to be a longdistance call and in those times, and I hope they're not many times, I wish you a God conscious through your entire sobriety. But at the times when you feel like you can't reach out to God, you can reach out to us and for that momentary moment, we could be the peace of God for you, because I called up Chad today, who's got only a, you know, under ninety days, not only, not only, but under ninety days, and I mean only under night is, and he was the peace of God that I needed today. I needed to speak to him today at thirty when I reached out to God and I didn't feel God's presence and I reached out to Chad and Chad told me would be okay. He was the conduit to God for me at thirty tonight. So yes, the answer is absolutely and equivocally God. But along that journey God wants us to do this together and and next Thursday will speak about that. God less you.

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