AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 21 · 1 year ago

Stevie B Step 1 - Fine Wine @ Spread The Word Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Much better than thatthat's, sobeautiful everybody, my name is Stev B. I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic anda member of the golden text group in Dany, Beach, Florida and I'm actually going to have twomeenis going on both these guys from norcox anonymous. So I'm goinn speakreal fast over here and then I'm going to translate real slow over heresorry. I got any Chris in any EG over here,inthe corner er, Gonta watch them Ti we're Goin to have a great time duringthis series, and so, if you, you are used tomeetings that you have to hang in there to the end of the meeting. That shouldnot be your experience during this series, however long it last and Godwill determine hat how long it las, but we're going to have a great time,because if you've been let out of the gates of hell like I have, and you were once lost and now you'refound. If you were once trapped and now you're free. If you were once hopelessand now you have hope if you were once a complete liar andnow youe AV honesty. These are the principles that we'regoing to be talking about during the step series and, if you've been in anyof my step series which Eddie and I've been doing these now for the pasteleven years together, the steps don't really change. Theexperiences do but this time we're going to be talking about the principlsbehind the steps and if you don't get the principlesbehind the steps, I'm explaining what happened and I'mgoing to give you a personal experience of someone that didn't get theprinciple of honesty. The first time I was round and what happened that when Iwas around and what happened. So I'm going to give you my personal storiesof being a dishonest guy in alcoholics annins, and I'm going to show you theresults of that and, as a matter of fact, in this very room. There's manyof you for some of you that have had sobriety.Before I mean I can just I can is like forty of you. I I just my mind that have had sobriety before andrelased as a direct results as a direct result of not practicing theseprinciples in all our affairs. As a direct result, ou see, we have this impression that wecomin by the way newcomers raising an under t es Ragh Hind a Nig come on wow.That's amazing! That's incredible! As we learne fromour friend Poli and I don't know if he made it up or he got it from someoneelse, but the truth of the matter is you are off the hook. I like that. You never have to pick upagain, even if you want to even if everything in your body isscreaming out to you that you absolutely can't get through the day.You never have to pick an pick up again, even if you want to I' Talkin about being off the hook hhowabout being off the Hoom. That is it's really of Tolmy, my good friendJohn. He has a boat, any fishes and the onlyfishing I ever did in Long Island. New York is from like, like the side of wehave these things called SUMPS, and we have these things like little litlittle lakes, O not lakes, not even leg like a pond, it's a pop, and so I'mfamiliar with ponds, fishing, Pon,...

Fishingis, a very friendly type ofthink. You put a little bread on the end of the Hook and you throw the hookin and then you get a sunny, the suny comes out and you sometimes you keepthe Suny of your adventureus and most of the time you throw t back in. So Iwasn't really familiar h with fishing fishing and then I went out with ourfriend John on his boat and and they have contraptions on top ofthe boat, where theethere's lines that go out behind the boat and as you'redriving the boat there's lines in the water and I'de Never seen this type ofthing before and then I looked into this to the water that was on the boatthat has like oxygen flowing in and I thought they had already went fishing.I said you guys already went fishing and said no, that's the bat. I said:That's the ban. The fish are like big fish. He said Yeah, that's the Bank Nwe're going to make use those as like bally who I soi, okaythat thats, Soud,okay, that sounds Lik and I watched him. Take these big hooks big box. I'm usedto little hooks where you put little bread on it and then is get like in thecorner of the mouth e, just Drov the fish back in, but they take these bighooks and then they take these big fish bats and they take the big Hook andthey put it in the middle of this fish big fish and they put it out in theocean and and then there's other fish that are even bigger. They see thistasty morsel of a fish swimming around. They don't see the hook. They just seethis tasty morsel of a fish and they and this woat happened o. While I wason the boat, these big fish come and they eat these little of fish and theyjust swimming around and they look at the fish and they go wow dinners likeright there and they go and they get it and then all of a sudden this whathappens, there's a giant Hook in the little fitch, but they didn't see itbecause they just Chakin a look at the fishes eyes and they get excited andthe hook gets set in the big fish. The next thing you know, tha the real goesdown. They bring the fish up, it everybody's screaming they get up. Theybeat that fish down, they throw it in a pucket that face was like a couple seconds agowas just hanging out swimming around the next thing. Youknow it's on board someone hint Yo what a mallet throws in in a bucket, thatwithout water and and the fish is like what what just happened is happen. This didn't, I didn't getany of this in school or how this happened. Well, listen all os fishes that gotcaught and were on the boat. Bleeding got whapped in the head pants down. Weare off the hook. Okay, you never have to do that kind of nonsense again andas we go through this series, you're Gonno you and, as you go through yoursobriety, you're going to have opportunities. LISTEN UP! This isreally important. You're going to have opportunities, not in the series I sitar on in your sobriety, you' Goin, to have opportunities to get back on thehook, because you're not looking inside thefishes belly to see the Bigok you're. Looking in the fishes eyes, you lookingoat h the fish playing cards at the casino you looking at the Crad and fishat the corner, store, Oh that shoul. That should be fine, but that's noteven as a drug that just that should be fine you're. Looking at other fish thatare non alcoholics, that don't have alcohol drinking out Non Alcoholic Beerand you'r like well. What is non Alcho e that should be fune. I can drink downalcohol fegod. Well, why cant? I go to a strip caul! Everyone goes your strip,co! You! A this shouldn't, be a big deal. Why can I hang out on Fridaynightit the hardrock casino? It shouldn't be a big DS. It's not a bigdeal. antheless. You are interested in getting whacked brought up out of your comfort tone,stuff into a cooler that doesn't have...

...water and go. The steps are going to help you to remember as Tammy Joe said, you're Al do and the principales behind the stepsand the and you guys getting all this when we get to the thirdsten. We have awhole Jordo hear our third set. You never heard Arthor San in series. No, it's not the same as Ane know youguys Yo your stirt steps. One Line. Ours is a whole chant the principles behind the steps tonight.We're going to talk about honesty. Then we com, Aout, on reallerstonse,rigorous, onesty, rigorous honesty. What type of honest honest, Boltip, noonest, wos, helping us outh serie, sometimes Cyrie just starts talking tome. It stares me. I mean think about what she's listening, what she's taping,if she just breaks in his TALP in the middle of the conversation, happens allthe time and af you got Alexa. That's a CIAsituation in my house. We have everything, that'srun by Alexa and my son doesn't even know about a life switch. He Didn, youknow my son Ai't an he doesn't even know that there's Lice Wen she' goesAlenta turn on the lines. One time we ran out of power and thenelected, we didn't have wifin and then my sof, like we can't turn lines. Jus M work, I'm four years, sover an alcoholicsanonymous, did anyone's chairs open up yet couple.Ladies just came in, we have a chair right over here in the middle area.Next to Andy, I mean sit at your own pense right there in the middle and I'm four years sober and Alcoholic, I'mthree years, sover an ALCOHOLC MS and a beautiful man by the name of Myran. Mysponsors sponsor me and he's a member at the twelve stem house, and he goesto the meeting in the back of the Levin Step. Groov may God rest his soul andhe's the locksmith for the county and just a real mensh of a person just areal great person. If you're, not Jewish, I you don't know what thatmeans. It's a great person, that's what that means great person, standup God and he's taking me around. So themeetings and hes shown me the etiquette of alcoholics, anonymous he's taking meto the Pine Island Group he's taking me to this groom. We go to this group. Wego to this group, not this group specifical. On Thursday night B, thegroup W T that's in the back, we go to the tusay night meeting, where Jimmy'sAd and and my sponsor Mirans taking me all around. I just think he's amazing,because I'm firmly planted an alcoholics anonms, I'm firmly plantedin believing everything that my sponsor says that that either were walking towards God orwalking away from God that we either walking towards a drink or walking awayfor a drink. There's no neutral in the program, there's no neutral if you're coastingyou're walking towards a drink. Now, when I say drink for the nexttwelve, however long God has is here when I say drink for the next meetings, I don't want you to think of becausewe're in Aso I'm going to say drink, but ninety percent of you in here arenot pure alcoholics. Most of you in here are real alcoholics, but you're,not pure alcoholic. That is my case. Jeff Youre, real alcohol and yourpureacled. Take it easy, don't get...

...yourself so excited. Okay, see lookitaround a make sure in theire own the right place. You have Alcoholis, yes,you do, but when I say drink, I want you toknow that it applies to all substances across the board. Doesn't matter whatyou use? What I have is alcoholism. Alcoholism was what I had before. Itook my first drink. I was restless irritable discontent. Malajustid alwayswanted to be the next guy. If I was with Susie, I want to be with Sally. IfI was a sally I wanted to be with you know, I just wanted to always besomewhere else. I've playin football. I want to know what the soccer guys aredoing. I was playing socccer. I wanted to do that if I was at this movie, Iwant to be at that movie. If I was at a party, if I was at a party and and thePand I was at a keg party, I a I was like this partys lane. You, though, theparty was great. I just wanted to move to the next party. Even before I even'rgot on any tope of you know, drugs or Situati. I always wanted to besomewhere else. I had alcoholism before I took my first drink. What alcoholismis is the reason we take our first Tun the moment I took my first rink. I hadha sense and relief that alcohol could give me at once. You know, and thetruth of the matter is there's very few things in life that work as good as alcohol for alcoholics. It's really true, if you're all bentout of shape and you take a shot of whatever the sustance his you, ifyou're all bent out of shape and you're wiraling around and you take a shock atGod- bless you even stuff that should make you what the moment you take that substance. Ifyou have alcohols and you're going to be like this for a moment of time, it could be animiddle a second, it could be five minutes, it could be a half O. whateveryour drug of choice is, there is a sense of relief that only comes at once.Richel a only comes at once from that product. When I was twelve years old or whataround that age, I don't know exactly what it was. Some people rememberexactly what it was and that's then that's awsome. I don't remember exactlywhat it was. My familyis half Jewish and half a town which comes with it.Its own set of problems gained its own set of confusion because half thefamilies Jesus tether have e families Moa. So it's very confusing and youreally try not to confuse it, because if you say past Amaza on the praise ofJesus night is not very good, doesn't go over very well. If you say praiseJesus on Monternight, not good, you know. So you need to really know whatyou're doing and when you're a kid you don't know what you're doing and one ofthe days one of the nights. When I was feeling like less than we were drinkingmy family, not me, I wasn't drinking. I was twelve eight, an something likethat and they were drinking manashevits Jewish Table One. You know what that is.Andrew Manacheri's Jewis Table One. It's like the great juice that hasalcohol and it's just a beautiful drink that Jewish people drink during theholidays, and we had op on my Jewerts side of the Family D and my family wasdrinking the manashevits and and- and I drank one glass of it, no big deal andI felt at ease and comfort that came from that drink at once, and I was likeo this is this. I may have discovered something. You know a lot of you guyshave started with substance right out the bad and you got whacked and youthrew up and you just knew youe going to go back to it and that's that's truefor a lot of people. Do that wasn't my case. The first time I had a drink, itjust was nice and took away some of the anxieties, the anxieties that I feltthat I went when I went to the playground and all the kids seem to bebetter at sports than me. It took that away my anxiety that I didn't have bigbrothers to back me up in my neighborhood and my name. I'm not I'mnot going to go up to the story about the brothers, because you probablyheard that story. YOUHAVE BEEN INA one...

...of my step series about how I made hemmy relationship to this brother that wasn't mine. You know, Isaid it was my brother and turns out. He was not my brother and he was in theprofessional football league and I claimed it was my brother and you knowit takes all part of the low selfesteem that I had when I went to the playground- and Isaw other kids with brothers behind them and I didn't have a brother and Iwent home and I didn't get picked first or I mean,or sometimes worst thing that can happen to a guy or maybe even a gaw. IsYou go you do that line where you got to choose the team? Okay, that is the worst situation. Ifyou're in a place where nobody knows you and you came to the playground witha Chubby sister and not a big brother and then you're holdg, you chubbysister's hand and they're like Rocko Rido, you're, the Captin, and then they start picking all theirfriends with brothers and then they get to Steve with a Chubby sister, and Iget pick last, I'm already low selfesteem at like eight when I go home and I take a little shotof that ru an that little shout of that chary great ine, not jarry. I'm sorrygreat one when I go chank a little shot that great wine no problem I' totally at comfortable myself whenI've ovel my parent, my grandparents on Sundays, and we have Sunday dinner andduring Sunday dinner every Sunday. We have that Fitan side we have sauce andwe have Pasta and my dad and my grandfather they drink scotch. I don't drink Scot. I go downstairsWhene, I'm twelve with thirteen and I go into the bar and I drank all thissweet linquors I drink the Galiano and the friend Jelitgo and the Amaret Idrink anything. That's that has an a at the end of it or an on or anything thatsounds like it's going to be fun and Scotch does not sound fun when you'retwelve, you see that looks, painful, Faka doesn't sound fun Galiano thatsounds fun, so I drink anything that was Italianand fun and then the moment I would take a drink and I would sit in frontof the TV back. Then we didn't have a thousand channels back. Then you had achoice of four or five channels and with commercials you could go like thislay and you can go and go right through the channel the right to the commercial.Now the commercial was part of the whole experience. You know you had towatch the whole whole thing and then, during that time, when I had littleself Esteam, I would drink and I would feel better now. How do we get to AA? If that's the whole problem, that wehave a a mal adjustment to our lives? How we get to aim? The problem is mostof us in here most of us, I'm not saying everyone. Everyone doesn't getto stay in ag for the same reasons. Most of us in here suffer from an alogy in our flet rightManni. We go to take a drink, that other people take withimpumunityimpunity, neans. Other people don't have a problem with it. We go to take adrink, IIS, a drink of alcohol. We drink alcohol. We turned into different people chenically. We turn into instantdifferent people that all of a sudden our ideals, morals things we were goingto do for the day. Everything that we had set out the moment we take onedrink our mind, just say one thing and one ward, Don Oly Know One word. Youknow that where it is more Hu, like that one drink one pill, one park, one smokeonce nort our mind doesn't go. That was good.

I see you tomorrow the reason you're in alcohols ananymousit's because your Gran Coego se more. I mentiond it hi es Ole. That's a true addit right there. We use a substance, sets off an allergyinside of our body, which then sets off an obsession, and we have to do more. Is the great obsession, a very abnormaldrinker that we're going to be able to drink normally, because we now havesilver brains. Most everybody in this room tonight has a sober brain. Youknow hat. That means you didn't Por assosancs in there today. So youactually think. What did you say? Fact it is TFAC ES afect.I Wont I wanted totheres no problem. I don't know what you was Sa d sacracklike Wa eighteen years later. I can't even helpyou but osfocantellwhere was that before you help me out, er Mor exactly it's a great obsession that somedaywe're going to be able to use again because, right now you have a soberbrain. If you have impored a substance into ittoday you have a sober brain now. I want to say something toeverybody in this group it. This talks over the next weeks are not going to befor everybody, so don't get upset if Yeou believe. Okay. This is not goingto be elementary alcoholics anonymous where you just come to a meeting andyou don't be upset you stay and watch what God does in our mind. Okay, in our mind, is something thatsays to us. I can use again now there's people inhere. I just saw him just now who got sober at O, thouend, O unred twenty twoand have twenty one twenty two years old, maybe even nineteen and he's gotlike thirty years of sobriety. So I want you to know that, even though yourmind says to you, you can use again, you don't have to use again becauseyou're off the hook and never believe the brain that istelling you that one is not going to be enough in a thousand to men, because that that brain is the brainthat Gotus here Song Im four years in Aam three yearsin a everything's going good and being sponsored by Myr and Loxman, the county,may God rest his soul. Just a beautiful man and I start seeing the cracks inhis foundation. I started seeing like what is a sharp, a Tan kid from MallIslan doing with this kind of slow Jewish guy from Fort Lauderdale.He is not Hinc, licking cool like me, and I am really very briht. You knowlike Josi, I'm like super bright and in the beginning my sponsor was superbright, but then I started to get full of myself. You know what happens whenyou get about walk. Maybe you don't know, but you get about three years andyou're young, I'm twenty seven I got to. I got I'm twenty six and I got threeyears. I started thinking myself. It gotitin Ireally didand. I starttaking substances to make my outsides look better: okay, starte takingsteroois and looking Inthe Mirror. I'm like really got Tostin, I'm still going to stop an alcoholicsanonymous. I'm still going to come here to one meting once a week, but I'm Gont spend a lot of time in the gym in spend a lot of time pursuing outsideinterest, which is girls and I'm Gonta.

Of course, money right and theprincipals start to go away one at ha time. First principal was dishonesty.Honestly, yeah has a problem. The first principle that went away inmy program at about four years was honesty, because I thought we onlyneeded to be honest in not drinking. I didn't Realle, I didn't realize whenit said we need to practice these principles and all our affairs and thefirst principle is honesty that they really meant that honesty was important.I thought it was a gray area. Just like I thought was the STARRAS was a grayer.I'm like starns is not a mindor mood. OL theree substance, it's really anonissue and dishonesty is really a non issue. I'm gonna tell my like that. IRob Banks, but when I said to whatever girlfriend I was with at the time thatI was being faithful to her and I wasn't being faithful to herthat's cold dishonesty, when I would do other things inmeetings that I said I was doing, and I was doing things that were notappropriate, that's Tishonesty, and so this honesty slipped into my program.Somei. I'm now I'm now like trying to win this girl over. I see this gir workin the flea market and back in the day twenty five years ago, the flea marketwas the bomb on sunrise, Bullbar, and it had this amazing circus withelephants and tigers and trapes and show girls and magicians and KennyRogers would come in and Willie, Nelson and and side Stu wherever the magicianis that famous guy, the guy that makes the planes you knowlike important people came in right. Maybe it wasn't that guy, maybe wetheguy just was comperiing Steve Coppery, it Wasbu culd, do tricks and, and during one of the shows one of theshows I went there and I saw her. I sow shewas on top of an elephant and she had beautiful outfit on and she had like wings likean angel and the way I remember it is there wasshe was Stopp and I was like dumpfounded. You knowIAS like wow. If I could get that girl that would heal this godsize hole thatI was trying to heal with stheroids and fighting and cheating. You know it's amazingyou're for Yoar, sober and you're young or for your silver at any time, andeven though your life is out of control, we're still going to give you AMA dyingup here. Tell you you're amazing, you can be a Hor, you know, Yo be ahorse. Stefe stole someone's Card in the Party Lote, and then you come uphere like that. Got You're amazing. You know you're Amazin! That's why the coin says to thine ownself, be true, okay! You! You took practice thesePrincipa, like that, you gotta, you got to know who you are, and I had this Godsize hole because I wasn't praying to God. I was praying to God. I don't want.I don't want to diminish that. I was prayting to God. I was praying a god inthe morning and asking him to keep me sober, and I was thanking him at nightand then the rest of the day. I did what I wanted. I gave God my drugs and alcohol I'l gave Hem my crack. Okay, howd, OGiv Crapo Cane, because if you, if you did the things that I did on drugs, youdefinitely don't want to take that back from from from God. You know I was areal freey deep. You know what I mean. I was a real wacgl. Okay, Iowa didreally crazy things out there and didn't know any different because notlike to have a course on crack. You know so I just figure. This is what youdo and it was a bad situation for me and paranoid was a real thing for me.Paranoi, I'm not one of these guys who can just chill out and go to the park,and I see some of people with a stand...

...at the park and they're like chilling awatching ducks o. that's not me, Ai'm, the guy, that's hiding behind an airconditioning unit and Motel six. That's only this big and I'm like thinking.Nobody can see me and I'm like deeping out of the window and from for days onin and imaginary, police are coming in and I'm rolled up in a carpet as ahiding place and as ben Ye Beyeah e'vn, and I'm not one of these guys that didit with other people. Like you know, some of you play Bouti because I hadenough people in my own head. I ain't Dividin, Myatwn, seven, my friends andthe police and EFBI andcidu Ne o IE Youcan B situation. So when I finally got out of that, thefirst three years was just gratitude: gratitude gradit to grab. I go tomeeting Gratud Gratitin go I'm just grateful. You know what happens withgratitude. If you don't practice it practice it. It's like a muscle. If youdon't practice gratitude, you start taking it for granted. You stop taking gratitude for Grenyou're like yeah, I'm sober so wha. You forget when you're rolled up in acarpet, you forget when you were when you're in Bar for the twenty secondtime you forget when you were drunk and you ere, driving and and you'restanding in front of the drug court and the drug cort person, saysies em, giveyou one more chance. You forget, that's why meetiegs are soimportant meeting makers don't make it, but meeting makers definitely have abetter chance of making it. It's not what I thought I'm saying:Medi Meggis, don't make it I'm saying meeting makers, don't necessarily meanyou got to make it, but it certainly helps, and so we come here to hear about whathappens when people don't come here number one and we come here to getgrateful. Chris had a o e Hou and on his year Ho went out for one dayon his year anniversary and and it almost you know, it almostkilled them because he felt that was really really. He waslucky to come back in one day and you'd say he's really really lucky to comeback in one day. Right, I feel is really really loockant come back in oneday, but guess what you know what his Eago told them. You know where theyhave a problem. If you can come back in one day, you could come back it one day. What'sthe big deal one more time, tryt one mor time said the O. that's what happend with me! I'm therea my I'm marryind the girl I pursue her like back then twenty fiveyears ago, Stockir wasn't a common word now maybe be a different type ofsituation, but I pursue her okay and I pursue her damy nonstop that short at her. We work together. SoI show up at her changing room. You know because she's in the surfacewherer you going Daniel have got I something to do. Remid me of that movie, Wi IV, Gottgoipesume, I pursued Sandre wilall, my my energy. Finally, she just gave in finally one day she just whuld. Shejust said fine I'll go in to day with you and and I got and and we have a big AA wedding andI'm five years old and that my sponsors from New York comein my people, mycounselors from California comeing people from Minnesota, come in. I hadto soberup in many many low cows and and we have big a wedding andeverything's going great peopl from the twelve tuf ther Miron was there andjust great and Nicki D was my...

...photographer in tegine and Ewhat agreeweining in and I was, and I was cold stone, sober crazy. I practiced you don't understand what Imean: okay, I'm explaind with that means OKA. If we don't practice these principles,ind all our affairs before we pick up a drink, we're going to get crazy and I was crazy at five years, and Iwas thinking all about me and my insanity hade returned and the steroidswere not working and the girl as not working, because I got her. You knowwhen I'm in hot pursuit. During that time, I'm in hot pursuit- Idon't. I don't realize how sick I am, but once I last so you once I take youhostage and get you in my house and and slam the door and do the dead bolt. I goto, metaphorically speaking, my wife's Colombiand. She don't put upwith any nonsense, she's still carrying Machiti into our marriage, but but metaphorically I got her. Iretained her. She was married to me Iguess what happened. She was on aHookyea saidthat, terrible person, Roa, and then I guess what happened on mywedding on my wedding day, the gaping God sized hole opened up like the GrandCanyon, the steroids were not working, gettingthe girl was not working. Being sober was not working if youdon't practice the principles and have a relationship with God in yoursobriety, you're going to make statements like this is this all thisis dad. I get so to do this. I need to have some fun. I need to find balanceyou're going to see those type of things when you start saying those type ofthings. I want you to know because you're going to be the last to knowbefore you take a drink. I want you to realize that when you start sayingthese things like, I need balance and is all I do go o meetings when youstart saying that kind of stuff. Really what you're about to tell yourself,while your embarkes? How did I get her? Where are my shoes and where, whosepaper slippers are these so Uuh show my parents give us some? A mostpeople in here know the story, but it's just very profound on how alcoholis, inreturn before I took a Drenk, my parents gave us a gift. We can go toany state, no WEC. We do Anyweye for Oonywoo, not Hawaii. You know withinreason, because because I managed our store, so I was like given seven daysand and within reason, and so so I said to my wife: Let's go to New Orleans and she doesn't know the country she isin Khow the United States she's from the country of Columbia. So she didn'tknow. New Orleans is kind of like a code, wordfor depochroom, you know. So I told his is jazz. She loves James,I told her dancing, she loves things I didn't mention toplus and and alcohol.I didn't put that part on, and so we get there to New Orleans right and theWoreat, the Cate Jumon Andrew and was shipping coffee and justhave a great time, and I say to my wife: You know we're in New Orleans it's verycustomary for ne orlands to to drink mamoss and it's our honeyroon and mywife doesn't Trik. She has an antange. She said she had one drinker whole lote.She had a Drinkin. Sixteen. She had a bad experience, O she never drank againand now: WER THIRTY RE, thirty and Wene. On a hundred. When I'm trying to talkher in a drink and she's, not drinking, I'm finkuring, I married the wrongwoman. I'm five years, Sho, I'm like what I made a terrible choice. Is Girls Not even going to be fun right,and I don't know that my alcoholism is...

...returned, I'm taking her inventor, we go to our first in of the firstnight at Emerald, Legasi's new restaurant called Nolas and in those fancy. Restaurants, thetables are right on top of each other, and you know I got to tell the story onhow the three was looking at each other, because it really is so true becausebecause it's our first dinner and she's, looking at me D and I'm looking at me and and I'mthinking about me, it's like the three of us are having a dinner together.Because it's all about me, you know I'm thinking she really got a good catch.You know she really did well and I'm just dripping from Alcoholis, and I look over the table next to meand there's a big decanter in the middle of the table with this big troopsticking out of it and Oh glass dupe and the people have wine in the middleof the glass decander and I'm bothered by it, because I never seen it before, and Icalled a serverover, and I said, what's going on with the people next to us,and the service says that those people are drinking fine wine that needs tobreedhe. First, I'm thirty years old. I never hearanything about that. I come up with Apiphany, but I wouldhave went and start at fine wine instead of going for man dog, twothousand and twenty to crack. Maybe I don't even be in the program I passe right through fiveine thatneeds to bread. First, I'V, never even heard of it. If I would tave stoppethere, I wouldn't need to be the program and insantaneously I becamepowerful over alcohol. I became powerful over fancialcohol. Ibecame powerful over wine that needs to breathe, for I forgot the first step,which is that we were powerless over alcohol that our lives becameunmanageable. I did step my head and said my life became a mager because ofdrugs, but it's not going to be umanageable Wif I drink something thatneeds to breathe first, and if you are in this meeting tonightand for any reason you cannot believe that you're powerlous over allsubstances, including Marijuana Inyeah. I said that's right, including crap, including nonalcohol,Pare, we're powerless over all substances, and I believe that in my heart todaythat doesn't mean when I say it that I don't want to sneak out and try todrink a drink, because I do that's the great obsession of every abnormaldrinket, that's okay, but I have to believe that in myhearter heart that I'm porilous over alcohol in any form and what helps for me is to believethat I'm an alcoholic but that's not a requirement. You must believe thatyou're powerless the requirement FRAA is a desire tostop using drinking. At that moment, I made the decisions. God bless you thatI would come back to Florida. I would go to my a group which I love, and Itell the people in AA. Thank you and then I would and I was going to trydrinking, not crazy, drinking expensive drinking and I came back to Aa and they and theytalked me into staying as a you know: ple, it's probably better. You stay andI stayed sover another two years and Whan I say by that is, is I stayed?SOBERISH in my six middle of my six and seventyeari smoked Marijuan, I smoked to join that didn't fix the God size whole. Ihad a prescription for zannixs because I was so so restless, irritable anddiscontent, and I went to a psychiagrist I sa I'm Ger seserritivewith discontent and I haven't had a drink in six and a half years. Theysupescribe I anex e SA, maybe this wath that did work. Finally, after I pinked up my sevenyear medallion I went out D. I tried some controldrinking and let me tell you that night it did work for the first night...

...that Japanese rice line that I had anAugust Moon, Chinese food restaurant on Federal Highway. In Hollywood, thefinest wine I ever got to drink toard, my relas. I think I still rob gallow there artuay that on that first night, that first drink, not the first nighlook at this. I lied already look of the dishonesty that just crept into mystory: The first drink I had relief and in two seconds later I when got theZANEX that I was prescribed and took for them, because one of themlook like what 's. What is one of them Gongto do looks like such a little thing and in my first night out of sobriety,I took four of the pills and I took that drink and I slamed it to the surface of my house for the next year, and I have I'm goingto Ta the story next next week, but the next year and a half was an absolutelyon the hook total mess. If WHATIF, we don't get to see eachother again, and I know we've already went over, but I just need to tell youthis. The solution to our promise today. IsGod the solution to our promps to day? IsGod, however, sometimes if you have alcoholsm, God isgoing to be a long distance call and in those times- and I hope, they'renot many times. I wish you a God, conscious through your entire sobriety,but at the times when you feel like you can't reach out to God, you can reachout to us, and for that momentary moment we couldbe the peace of God for you, because I called up chat today. Who'sgot only a you know under ninety days, not only not only but under ninety DAS,and I mean only underninedays, and he was the piece of God that I neededtoday. I needed to speak to hen today at fivend. Thirty, when I reached Oupto God- and I didn't feel God's presence and I reached out to chat andChad told me would be okay. He was the Condo to God, fom me at five thirtytonight, so yes, the anteras, absolutely andequivocally God, but along that journey, God wants us todo this together and and next Thursday will speak aboutthat goes.

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