AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 9 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 9 from the Coral Room Zoom February 26, 2021  

My name is Russell spats. I'm an alcohol member the South Dixie Group in Miami, Florida. It's good to see the usual suspects here. Good to see you guys. So let's see whether we can do something around step nine. Will I don't hold me to it. I don't like pressure. Don't put pressure on me. We'll do something here. least nobody will drink for an hour. You know, at these prices, don't expect too much from me. I haven't found enough to have drink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. And there's a great saying by T S Lewis and the four quatrains. He says we will not cease our exploration. We will not cease our exploration. At the end of all our exploring we will come to the place where we started, having known the place for the first time. I put a little a little ditty, a little I actually put the secret of alcoholics anonymous. It's probably several secrets. There are actually several secrets and alcoholics anonymous that people don't really find out about until they have thirty, forty years. So I've disclosed one of the secrets to give you guys a heads up. You know, you know one of the one of the things that says in alcoholics anonymous, in the twelve and twelve, it says unless and until we know that, no good can come to any alcoholic. No good. You know, that almost sounds like, you know that part in the book where it says halfmeasures of value nothing. Yeah, you ever hear that? You know? Let me consider this. There is a possibility that there's stuff actually said in the big book out in the open, not secret, I mean stuff right out of the open, that people read every single day and they don't understand what they're reading. Do you think that's possible? Do you think that you could read a line, a simple line, in the big book and hear it and it sounds good and you think you understand it but you don't understand it at all? Think as possible. Read a line in the big book and think you understand it and then twenty years later, after twenty years of experience and working with people, working yourself, all of a sudden see it for the first time. That's what t s Lewis said. It says at the end of all are exploring, we will come to a place where we began, having known the place for the first time. You know a lot of this stuff that I know today, and I'm not saying I know everything. I mean I'm just like it's square zero. I'm barely scratching the service. But a lot of things I see today, after forty years of work in this thing and working with other alcoholics, I sort of see in the rearview mirrors. You know, my sponsor, my first sponse used to say when a man with experience and meets a man with money, the man with experience will will walk away with the money and the man with the money will have walked away with an experience. But you know, I think that's maybe true sometimes. That what's that saying going on around a a? There's some sort of saying a the guy who's the most sobers, guy who got up earliest in the morning, or something like that. You ever hear that sound? Even I can't remember what it is. It's like forty years doesn't mean Shit, you know what I mean? It's like, you know, whoever got why happen to get up at three, three thirty in the morning this morning. But but yeah, you know, there's something to do. There is a reason. For Eight Hundred Years, the Jews were kept captive by the Egyptians as slaves and God, if you read the Bible, if you believe in this stuff, sent Moses down and unlikely character. There's a whole story about that. peered in, Bernie Bush, sent them down there talk to Pharaoh to get get the the slaves...

...out of Egypt, and he finally relented after all the plagues and everything, and so they were going out of Egypt. You, some of you guys, may you ever hear? Did you hear the story? It was in all the papers. Maybe you saw the movie. There's a movie and an event. So and then they they followed something called the Chicana loud. What happened is the Jews, like three million of them, came out of Egypt and they we're going to the promised land. You with me? The Promised Land? Now let me tell you the deal on this. Now you need, you need to listen to this, because this has a lot to do if you understand this. This has a lot to do with your alcoholism, because all alcoholism is is it's slavery. That's all it is. It's just slavery. You're a slave, not only to alcohol. You're not only a slave to alcohol, because alcohol, says, just a symptom. You're a slave to a way of life. This is going to lead you to the Promised Land, to the promises the ones they get it, or those who that are able to develop a way of living. That the man's rigorous honesty. Don't bother worrying about that. You don't know what that is. But I mean, trust me, you have no clue. You only think you know what it is. You're going to know a new happiness. Don't even worry about that. You don't even know what that is. You know why? Because it's new. It's not like the old happiness when you got a car, you got laid, or whatever that deal was with you. You got laid, you got drunk, whatever hell it is. That's an old happiness. You're going to know a new happiness. So you know what I mean. And so so the bottom line is it says the people that cannot get it, to those who are constitutionally incapable all of being honest with themselves. You know what the and and we don't know who they are. Well, I know this is what they see in the big book. They say they seem to be born in that way. I can't help it if you don't like that. There's some people that are just of a certain way that they're just never going to get this. It's going to happen, you're going to run into him. They might even stay so for twenty, five, thirty years. They're not going to get it. They're not going to get to the promise like they're not going to get to the promised land. That's all I get to they'll get everything except the promises. They'll get everything. They'll join the not drinking club, they'll be able to pick up a fifty year medallion say I haven't I drink in fifty years, and they'll be as lonely and as dry as they were when they walked in the door. You know what I mean? I mean that's just the way that I don't know. I can't tell you all I know. Is there some step called the six step that separates the men from the boys? I don't know. I'm just going to buy the listen, don't blame me, I'm just reading the material. There's some step that separates the men from the boys and it says what it says in this step is it says that the men or the women. Don't accuse me of being sexist. I got enough of that from my daughters. You know what I mean, three daughters. I mean, it's unbelieve it's unbelievable the abuse I take. But the bottom line, I don't want to go into that, but the bottom line is this. What the what what the book says is it says the men or the women are those who repeatedly try these things so they can grow in the image and likeness of their creator. These are people that have made their creative a central part of their lives. These are people that have become convinced that God lives in their hearts and minds in a way which is indeed miraculous. These are people that, at the end of chapter, agnostics and say God, there he is or he is, and what's your decision going to be? They've decided for God. They've decided for God. They've decided for God. Did you know, by the way, this saying well, people's anonymous, this fellowship, did you know that there are people in a a that may never decide their people, they that have many years sobriety, that have never decided for God? Do you know that this a chapter in the BIS big book that says...

...chapter to the Agnostics, and it's a chapter written specifically to the Agnostics, atheists. And let me tell you a little secret. It doesn't encourage being an an atheist or an ignosia, obnoxious, obnoxious agnostic. Doesn't encourage. That doesn't encourage. I'm serious, as a matter of fact, what it says. It says if a mere code of Ye. Ever hear that? How about this? I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. It just happens. I don't want to hurt anybody feelings. That just happens. So I can't help it. So here's the deal. You know, and I did this sometimes, because sometimes you got to fake it until you make it okay, you ever hear the term good orderly direction? How do you? Have Heard Rachel? And if you've heard good orderly direction, people use that in place of God. Right, that's the way they use it. They say good orderly direction and they think that that's what the big book is talking about. Right, you get it, good orderly direction. You have to be too bright on this. G Oh d good orderly direction. So they say that's like God, but you see, let me suggest something to see. One thing you got to understand about alcoholics is we're delusional. You know what it means to be delusional? It means our alcoholic life seems normal. It means commentager set. Alcohols for men and women who are out to destroy themselves. They we hate our we hate you know what? We're rationalized, as we tell us. Olf Rationalizes. We lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves we don't give a shit what other people think about us, and our whole lives are devoted to worry about what people think about us. And so and so we what happens is we have this book that says God either is or it is, and what should decision going to be? We have this book that says, if I'm mere, now, listen, this this is don't blame me. Just tell them the rip up the big bucket says, if I'm mere, code of morals. If a mere. Now, you guys, you guys all understand English, right. You know I'm a attorney, something worse with. Now, listen, I'm not making this thing up. Look, there's nothing up my sleeves. I got short sleeves. I'm in Miami. I am not this isn't a trick. Listen this, we're going to do this. We're gonna go through the big book slowly, almost like BYOC. They go through slowly. If a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life would have worked for us, we would have been sober a long time ago. But such codes and morals did not work. Are you are you getting? Not your head, if you're getting this. Did Not work. Therefore, because they did not work, we have to talk about God. And right after that the next line is here's where alcoholics with a hackles in their neck stand up, which I've been told means they get pissed off. You probably seen it, meaning it's alcoholics get pissed off, I'll have you ever see alcohols and means get pissed off at God. They try to use every other word, higher power, the Banan or whatever the hell it is. You know what I means. When an alcohol gets pissed off about God, what he's really trying to say is I want to show you what my disease looks like. When he says I'm spiritual, not religious, that's an alcohols way of saying he's got a higher form. Alcoholics who don't like to be self righteous, but he's really saying is I am better than religious people. I am much better because I am spiritual, I am a spiritual person. That's pretty much bullshit. By the way, there's no alcoholic that spiritual. If we were spiritual, we wouldn't be here, you know what I mean, we'd be we down to the airport with a tambourine. You know, alcoholics are material people. All we care about is getting laid, getting money, get in the car, getting this. That's why you go through twenty years of Bullshit, worrying about all that stuff, because the worldly clamors will kill you, because all you think about is the shit you need to have in order to be okay so you can blast out of this freaking place. You know what I mean? If Bolivia, if you're an alcoholic, you're not. I said to my sponsor, I don't I...

...don't want to hold hands Lord Fer, because I don't want to be hypocrite. He said, too late. By the time you become alcoholic, you busted hypocrite. You busted through that sucker. You know. So it says. If a mere code of morals and a better for loss of life would have helped us with be some. Now, listen, let me explain this to you. You guys look pretty bright to me. You know I'm like creature. Listen, good, orderly direction. It's a mere code of morals or better philosophy of life. You get this, listen, me do the next right thing. It's a mere code of morals or a better philosophy of life. The Ten Commandments is a mere code of morals. We couldn't do that. We couldn't do that. To Take Commandments thing. You Ain't going to be able to do the other thing. Trust me, you're not going. You know, there's going to come a time where you should give back the money. You're going to figure out how you don't have to get back the money. There's a come of time where you should make an apology. You're going to figure out where you really don't have to make an apology. There's a come of time where you're going to say, I really shouldn't send this email. You're going to send that sucker. This is come of time where you should shut your fucking mouth and you're going to say something real stupid and rip somebody's heart out. You know, whine because as your problem centers in your mind, not your body. You could stop drinking, but you can't stop thinking and you want to know how you think. You think selfishly because you're selfish. In other words, it says you're selfish and your self centered and you're driven. Driven means it's not like a free choice. You can't help but fuck up, because you know why, because now here we get to the secret, the first secret in alcoholics, anonymous, that nobody knows because it's not an anthon. It's not in the first hundred and sixty four pages. That's why you guys don't even teach it, but maybe you'll start doing it out. This is the first secret that you need to know, that most newcomers, by newcomer I mean first ten years, don't understand. And it's right up here. I put it in the chat twice because I know that people here's the first secret in alcoholics, anonymous. Many do not comprehend. Many that do not comprehend. This is in the forward to the first addition that the alcoholic is a very sick person. Many do so. In other words, if you're an alcohol you are very, very, very sick, and your sickness centers in your mind. Not your body. has nothing to do with the alcohol. The alcohol is a symptom of your craziness. It's a symptom. Once you stop drinking the alcohol, you're still a very sick person because you see you, you, because you're selfish, in yourself centered. This has nothing with drink it. Let me tell you something. I was the biggest asshole, the biggest selfish guy, thinking about myself, hur any people when I was sober. I heard people's feelings. I disappointed people when I was sober, you know, when I was a nice guy, when I felt good, when I was drunk. That's why I drank. I drank because no woman, no car, no AMOTA, money, no nothing ever work quite as good and quite as well and quite as fast as just a few drinks. And so I drank it. And then it stopped working for me and I thought the problem was booze because all these problems, I mean, I stopped working. And now all of a sudden I'm back to square one. Square one is I'm an if only, or in a yes butter, I'm looking. If I only had that girl, I'd be okay. If I only had that car, I'd be okay. If I only had that money, I be okay. If I only had that job, I'd be okay. Run around the planet Earth Looking for the worldly clamors, looking for the things I will make me feel okay, and I put them into my life and I'd be okay for what a week, a month, one year, and then all of a sudden I leave that wife and the kid, and then all of a sudden the marriage wasn't working because she didn't appreciate me. And then all of a sudden I needed a new job because the judge, the the because the boss then appreciate me.

And all of a sudden, offs I needed a new car because it's called was crap. It was a used car, and all of a sudden I thought, why can't people do what I want? I wanted to do, why won't they do it my way? Because if only they would do it my way, be okay. And the real problem was is I was up banana. I was crazy, I was nuts, I was insane, insane. That second step. That's exactly right, and I think that's what I was a banana. Okay, in saying you understand. And the problem was that's when I that's why I have to start coming to believe that it's power that's going to restore me to sanity. I got to restored to sanity. Now I've got forty years. I'm thinking maybe by next Tuesday it may happen. There's a possibility. Probably not, you know, but and I'm a very sick person. And the problem is is, unless and until an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, surprised of beak for carrots. And one of the consequences of being an alcohol one of the consequences of being an alcoholic, is you don't realize how sick you are. You don't because it says we're delusional, it says this is what it says with self, yourself centered. Were driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, selfseeking. To us are our alcoholic life. The way we think usually seems comfortable for us. We don't have to go to meetings to I don't have to go to meetings to live a dishonest life. I don't have to go to meetings to just think only about myself. I don't need a sponsor to tell me just think only about myself. I think only about myself and give a shit. Only about myself and worried about myself. Naturally, that's my natural way of being, because I'm material and I'm selfish and I'm delusional. We step at those and they re read talent seemingly without provacation, but we see that we make decisions based upon self. I don't sit there and say I'm not going to show up because I only give a shit about myself. I don't say I'm not going to pay back the money because I only give a shit about myself. I don't say I'm going to rip this Gal's hard at and I'm going to say something too and she's going to be sorry she screwed around with me, because I don't give a shit about my because I only give a shit about myself. I just do it thinking I'm doing the right thing, because that's just how sick I am, because many don't comprehend, especially alcoholics, that if you're an alcohol you're a very sick person. You know you're a very sick and and now the way alcohol works is I drink alcohol and let me tell you something. Bam, immediate, immediately, I feel great, too fast shots. Hey, I'm together. You know what I mean. Sobriety you know, you may have to go to fifty eight means get the same feeling like one Jigger Scotch gives you. You know what I mean. I hate it's a longer deal. The slavery, the slavery, the bondage, the slavery to the thinking alcoholics are self will run riot. All we want to do is think about ourselves. where, where we're going? A thousand mills are were self will were on right, though. Here it's key. We don't think so. We don't think so because most owned to comprehend that in alcohol is a very sick person. We just think we have a bad drinking problem. We don't think we're it says above every and says what it says in the book. As it says. It says we're we've made decisions based upon self, puts us a position. You heard, above everything, we must get rid of the selfishness. You can get rid of the drinking. How to get rid of the selfishness? I mean, I was I came in when I was thirty one years old. I've been selfish and self centered for thirty one years, intensely industrial strength selfish and self centered, walking out on a wife and kid because I wanted to go out with other women. Telling Myself, we're just growing in different directions. Were different people, you know, no integrity, you know hurting o the people right, left, US and sideways. Tell Myself I'm a good guy...

...doing selfish things. Thirty one years, half measures of value, nothing. There's no middle of the road solution. I'm the middle of the road kind of Guy Unless you get rid of your old ideas, and I don't even know what my old fucking ideas are. The result is nil and I don't believe that, because I believe half measures of value. Fifty percent, and I'm satisfied with fifty percent. Now, of course, the six step says if you're if you're one of the men, you're trying to grow in the image and likeness of God, of your Creator. Okay, which is perfection. You're trying to do that thing. But they say most alcoholics won't do it because they want to do what they want to do. Read the six steps. They want to settle. I want to settle and once they get off my back. I've been to me. Get off my back. I'm not drinking, I'm not even trying, I'm not even thinking about drink. Get off my back yet oft they don't want any extra credit. Yeah, I know. They encourage church membership because they say, above everything, we must get rid of this alcoholism. We much more. It kills us. God makes that possible. Getting closer to God makes that possible. Improving your conscious contact with God makes that possible. You know, let God be the central factor your life. It'll protect you from worldly clamors. It'll you'll, you'll you'll grow. You'll have that psych profound psychic personality change where ideas, emotions and attitudes which were the guiding force of your life will be shoved the one side and you will you'll be dominated by home and set of ideas, of Musch to thattitude. You might even get to the point where you don't have a bucket list, you don't wake up with me. If only the only thing you basically become addicted to do is maybe go to a meetings and look for people to help, which may sound like a bad addiction, but it's actually a good addiction because there's no dilatorious consequences. What happens is when your whole life turns into trying to help other people, and trust me, you'll never run out of people to help, because true people like they have a broken heart, because most of them do, and they're lonely. And when you get to the point where the only thing you're interested in is sharing this thing, trying to carry this message, having the spiritual awakening, so your whole life is devoting to trying to carry this message, when you want to honestly understand that, you make a decision for God, okay, like it says in the big book and says making a sincere decision, then all sorts of remarkable things will happen because, being all powerful, he will give you everything you need if you stay close to him and performance work well, and guess what his work is? Guess What Your Job is? To be a maximum service to other people. So when you get to that point where you're obsessed with trying to Hu the help other people and carry God's message of the other people's life to free them from being slaves, when that happens to you, you know what I mean, you won't be in if only or any yes butter and worrying about whether you're going to get laid or you have boyfriend, girlfriend or romance or all that other Shit that they say we base our life on. That kills us in the sixth step. What does it say? Money, property, Romance, all that crap you know, which is precisely the by the way, everything I'm telling you. They don't the fellowship doesn't like it. Doesn't mean I'm down the fellowship. I like the FELLOSHIP, but it ain't. Well, people's anonymous. Remember, there's a big book of alcoholics, anonymous, which is the program and then there's a fellowship of alcoholics, anonymous, made up of a lot of people that would rather not do it. They want to do as little as possible, to go to those few meanings as possible. They don't want to get crazy or jumping the deep end of the pool. They want to do as little as possible and stay sober and stay from the drink and be relatively okay. They and interested in the extra credit stuff. So when the big book, when they say we encourage way, in the big book, when the when the founders say we're on a new base based of trusting relying upon God, we never apologize for God. We have no prejudice against religion, even organized religion. We begin with it. We begin to see where they're right and we...

...try to adopt those things. We encourage church membership. Most of us are members of church, but it's not obligatory. You understand. You don't have to do it, because we know that'll stear the shit out of you because you really don't want you because the happles in your neck going up. But we all do it and we encourage it. We never apologize for all. Men of faith have courage. They trust their God, they let him demonstrate their lives when he can be at once. We outgrow fear. By the way, that's not for me. That's actually in the big book of Alcoholics. Anonymous. You may have either skipped over it or maybe you didn't realize its exactly what they were trying to tell you the program was about. Don't do this, listen, don't you do this in a meeting. I'm a professional. You know I can do this and get away with it. You know what I'm talking about. Don't you try it. You'll get the shit slammed out of me. You understand I'm saying, but I want to tell you just to understand most people, the way they work program as they do every being is supposed to do, except the stuff they don't want to do. But if you want to get if you want to get past the not drinking club and get into the Rock and in the Fourth Dimension Club, if you want to do that stuff, you may find yourself having to do the extra credit stuff, do the stuff that the founders did there. Why would they put that shit in the listen, if it's not obligatory, think about this. If it's not obligatory and I know pisses off alcoholics, why do you think Bill Wilson and those guys put even put in the big book? We encourage church membership. Now, listen to me. If it's not obligatory and they know would piss you off, why do they put in the big book? We encourage church membership. You know why? I got the answer for you. Because that's what they did, because that's what they did. You know that part of the big what you ever read? The part where it says really, have we seen in person fail who has thoroughly followed our path? It doesn't say do whatever hell you want to do, does it? It says that's what they did. This is advanced Ay, you know, and you can report me, you know if you want. You know if it's bothering you in any man. So the Jews come out of we were at the Jews. They come out of Egypt. They're slaves, just like we're slaves to alcoholism. We're slaves in our mind. It's a three week walk to the Promised Land, John said, maybe for maybe a month. Okay, given three three months, they stopping in eight days in or whatever is whatever it is three million people. They walk up the Promised Land, but they're following God. They're following God, the following if you read the boy, the following God. You know, and forty years later, forty years later, you know why it took the Jews forty years. You know why God let him around to the desert for forty years because at you know how, because by the time they got, God got into the Promised Land, all the slaves that were brought up in Egypt, they were all dead except for a few people. That's slave mentality was gone. After forty years of gold through the desert, go through the hard times and trusting in God, that slave mentality was gone and the guys that were going in the promised land had never known slavery. They were born in the desert. Man They were ready to rip, rape and run. Man, they were, they were there, they were man, they were focused on God. God was on their side. They were ready. So I just want to let you know you're going to be finding about forty years. It's going to work out for you. That's slave mentality. It's going to be over. Listen. Actually, if if you're really into this thing, thank you, William. I appreciate it. If you really into this thing, that should make you feel good, because if you got ten or fifteen years and you're thinking you're a loser and things aren't going okay and you want to kill yourself because you're discouraged, you know what I mean, you'll say, Holy Shit, maybe it's not so bad, maybe I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be,...

...trudging around in the Sini. You know what I mean. You know, trudging around, but I'm following the right God. I'm following God. I'm doing I'm going to these meetings, I'm not drinking. It's getting better. I get a little taste. He does give you a little taste, doesn't he? So here's the deal. So I should mention some about the night step, don't you think so? In the so here's the deal. I just put this in chat, so in Dr Bob, the good old timers. If any of you guys ever want to go, you know how alcoholics say, I really want this thing. You ever are an Alcoho say I really want to do this thing. You know eighty percent of as bullshit. But the point is they really want to do it until you tell him to do it and then they don't want to do it. So, if you really want to do this thing, let me point something out to you so you can connect some dots. Okay, and and by the way, nothing I'm saying there's obligatory. We don't. I'm not getting pay I'm just telling you. This is what it was like for me. This is what happened, is what I found is if you want what I have, you may want to do it. You don't have to. You know it's in the book. I'm giving you all the authority. You can stay forget it. That's his that's his way of doing things. I got my way. I don't care. It's not like it's not my life. You know, listen, this is this is not a dress rehearsal. You got one life, guys. You know this is your life. You got to be eighty years old. You don't get this thing. You missed it. You Sell Shit. I should have done that deal, I should have listen to that got, you know, too late. You know, so sorry. So the bottom is but I'm telling you, YOU'RE NOT gonna be able to say nobody told me this stuff. You're not. Ten years from now, when your thumbsucking crybaby and you fight, you're not being able to say, Gee, I only wish somebody would have told me this shit. You know what I mean. You know because I'm telling you so in Dr Bob, the good old timers, and I'm giving you the sites, the references. This is what they say. This is the exact thing they say. I think it's for a maiden. They say the books we found. This is in the first four years. You know a we started in nineteen thirty five. Well, it started nineteen thirty five. The big book really Iver Seen Philis, thoroughly followed up. Hath written in Nineteen Thirty Nine, published in thirty nine, between thirty five and thirty note where they say really, I've seen person of pillows, thoroughly followed up path. The one thing they weren't doing is they weren't reading the Big Book. Now, if you don't understand that, that's going to require a lot more time than this meeting has to offer. But Trust me, the things that they were doing, we're not reading the Big Book. They were doing other things and they're reading other books. And what it says in Dr Botom good old time, because it says the books we found absolutely essential, absolutely essential. Is Anybody understand what the word essential means? So listen. Whatever essential means, which I think means essential, absolutely essential means like really freaking essential. You know what I'm talking about? Like absolutely essential, the books they found absolut essential, or first cominthians thirteen. You go to check it out, you know, if you're interested in doing what they did. Sermon on the Mount and the book of James. We're almost called the James Club. You're with me now. If you ever start getting into reading scripture, which I did in my eleventh year because I wanted more, I was stuck. I reach that glass ceiling. I don't know how many people have. I know there are people in here because I know a lot of the stories are a lot of these people. I know there are people that have gotten to twenty three years, to thirty years, to twenty years, to fifteen years and they reached that glass ceiling where they going to meetings and there not drinking, but they're not happy with their sobriety. You know, the big book talks about there here and they're an alcohol drive the moment says feel better, look better, have a better time. We laugh at such sally. We know he's going to try the old game again because he's not happy with his sobriety sooner no. Loneliness is if you do to be of a jumping off place. There are reasons why people drink after fifteen, twenty, thirty years and that kind of stuff happens. The reason is not because they're thirsty for alcohol. It's because they're thirsty for relief from this crumb ass life, because life is a it's crapshoot to them,...

...because they hate their life and they're not happy with their sobriety because all they have is their drive from alcohol. But their life sucks, so they drink. And if you think it's insane, it is insane. If you think it's suicidal, it is suicidal, you know. If you think it's self destructive, it is self destructive. But they would rather drink and try to drink and forget all this. They continue to live that crummy sober life. So if you want to be one of those people, you can be one of those people. You're not be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. You don't have to experience much of heaven. You don't have to hit the promised land of the promises. have do that. Do whatever you want to do. It's your life. So here's what it says in sermon on them. So if you ever get into reading scripture, which is what they were doing, you will find that the Bible stole. The end, the entire Bible was stolen from the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous. It's very sad, very they plagiarized whole thing. You know what I mean? I know they think. Most people think go Wilson wrote the Big Book. He didn't. He placed the words sin with defects of character. It's it's just a whole big thing. You know a lot of things he had to throw in there, like Good Samaritan, stuff like that. So here it is. It's right here in chat. This is in Matthew. Five. Now you remember what the big book says is number one. You must get rid of this selfishness. You must have it kills you. God makes that possible. You know. It says that right and and it also says God either is or isn't what your decision going to be. And it says in the end, it says in the eleventh step, that we've got to get a more conscious contact with God, get closer to him, close to him, see him. He's got to be. God's got to get some point where God is real to you, guys. God has got to be realer to you then the blond with the good body. Ladies, God is be got to be really to you, then the husband you want to have. God has got to be real to you than anything that will tear you away from this deal. Your desire to get closer to God has got to be real it to you then any desire you've ever had on the planet for the things this planet before, or else those things will rip you away and cause you to have depression. If your job is realer to you, your boss is realer to you, the people in your life are real to you than God, then you will live a sad, sad life and you'll never get rid of the fear of other people or economic insecurity. And you know, as know something, there's no fear so bad as sober fear. It doesn't feel better. Sober field doesn't feel better than necessalily drunken fear. You will, you will do something. Maybe it'll just be chocolates. You know, who knows? But the bottom line is so this is what. So if you want to get closer to God, because the psychic change which is caused by God, because, by the way, in case I forgot this, you are powerless and there is, by the way, one who has all power. There's this even point six billion people on the planet. There's not seven point six billion gods. There's one who has all power. I know this one because the big book says, let's make this decision, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Being all powerful, he will give us everything, another world series one and he's all powerful. There's not twenty that are all powerful, because by definition there's one that's all power full and the one that's all powerful, we call him God. We don't call him geod, we don't try. You don't call him good orly direction. That's a mere code. A better philosophy of life doesn't work for us, because at three o'clock in the morning, when you have cancer and you're dying and you're alone, good or...

...all, the direction just doesn't fit the bills. Buddy, I don't know how to explain it to you. You're going to reach a point of your life for this could be some bad shit happening. We're all going to die, you're going to get sick and you get covid. People going to die. And let me tell you some the geod thing ain't going to work for you. At three o'clock in the morning. You're gonna be missing something. So here's what it says in sermonarm out, which was the thing they found absolutely essential. But I tell you, this is the carbon are talking but I tell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgment. Again, anyone who says to his brother Rocco will be subject to the San Hedron, but anymore says you fool, will be. Other words, if you curse out your brother, if you have an argument with them, if you just you know, you do the alcoholic thing. So if you are offering your guilt of the the altar, if you want to get closer to God. If you want to get closer to God. And there you remember that you have a Esembine against your brother and he has a resentment against you. Leave your gift at the altar. Before, before the altar, go and be reconciled to your brother. Then come and see me. I don't want to be seeing your ass. I don't want you coming up to me. I don't want it. I don't want the pretenders. I want the real deal. Don't be coming up to me when you've just lashed out at your brother and you have a resembin against your brother. Don't be coming to me to make things all right. You know what I mean. You want to pray to me, saying please give me the courage to make things right my brother. You fix up that crap with your brother, then I want to hear from you. You're the guy want to hang out with. You know, that's who I want to be. Now, listen, you may not like that kind of God. I'm just reading what it I'm not and and by the way, if this bears somewhat of a similarity two steps eight and nine and four, there's a reason for that, because the founders, before they wrote the Big Book. Were reading this stuff and that's what they were doing, and the sermon of the mount is just the STA ups. This the the sermon. The steps are just a summon some of the life set forth in the summon of the Mount. I'm sorry, you're entild. Your opinion, just not intelid your own facts. That's what was going on. So I'm going to end it this way, sort of. So when I got the wars for my wife, my first wife, and I had a five year old son and he's like forty five now and I was supposed to take him to the zoo. I've been promising him for weeks to take him to the zoo. Now this is just one story, but this is really my life. This is who I was. This is who I was. You can call it selfish, you can call it self said, you called Asshole, you call I don't care what you want to call it. This is who I am. This is why I really am. This is why I really am. I'm not the guy in the office with the PLOMA. This is this is me. It's probably not you, but this is me. So I promised my son I pick him up at nine thirty, ten o'clock, to take them to the zoo. He said, Daddy, really is absolutely we're going to zoo. And I want to tell you something. I intended to do it. I honestly intended to do it. And at around eight during the morning, I got a call from Sally, you know, cute blond I met the night before at the bar, and she said, Russell, me and the girls are going out on a boat. We would like to invite you along. So now I start thinking, and I'm as sober, sober at eight thirty in the morning, thinking about this dilemma as I am right now talking to you. I'm thinking my son, who's five six years old, was looking forward me standing about don't waiting for me to take them to the zoo, or sally my son,...

...or sex my son, or booze my son, or the boat. Let me tell you something. I must have debated that for like fifteen seconds and it was anchors away, anchors away. I was gone. I was out the door. I didn't even I don't even think I called up my son. I'm thinking, you know, I'll stop it, Cindy, I don't need that crap from you, you know, shaking the head like I'm like, you know, you're so much better, you know. So you remember. I can see you guys on the zoom thing, you know, you can see all this stuff, the snicker and bullshit, you know. So I went out of the boat and I drank because, let me tell you something. You know, who lives their life like that? Bums lived their life like that. Idiots live their life like that, ungrateful, selfish people of their lights. And that's what I was. I was a bum in a three piece suit, and I'm going to tell you someone you live a life like that, you feel guilty, even if you don't think, you feel guilty, because you are guilty. You may look good on the outside, but on the inside, man, there's a portrait of door and gray that looks like a piece of crab. And you're going to drink. And you know why? You're going to drink, because when you live your life like an Asshole, you're going to drink. When you live your life hurting people and doing stupid shit, you're going to drink. That's the deal. That's what's going to happen, and that's what I did. I drank and I deserve to drink and I didn't deserve a happy life. You know, you say yourself, why can I be happy? Why the hell should you deserve to be happy? Why should you be an asshole all your life and disappointing people and do whatever they want to do? What makes you think you deserve to be happy? Listen, you need to pray. You know you need to pray for pray. Don't you know? When you say life is not fair, let me tell you some folks. The last thing you want is fair. The last thing you want is to get what you deserve. You don't want that. Believe me, it ain't going to be pretty. It ain't going to be pretty. And so I come into alcoholics anonymous, and I want to know what am I going to be happy? And you know and and you know deep down inside, if you have that constitutional what do they say constitution ability to be honest with yourself. Here's the problem. Every once you remember every stupid, Shitty thing you've ever done. It doesn't go anywhere. It's not like on the planet Mars. So you're lathering up on the Shin the shower and all of a sudden you hear this voice. You're an Asshole, you ought to kill yourself. You're driving your car. You hear this, but is such a loser. You're never going to be okay. Why are you even flowing yourself? You're constantly sabotaging yourself and you're beating yourself up because you're judging yourself all the time and you don't need people to tell you you're an asshole, you're stupid, because you're telling yourself you're stupid all the time, always looking for that if only or that thing to make yourself feel better. And that's what even when you're not drinking, and that's the true alcoholism. That's the deal you're living with and your that's the deal. That's what you're dealing with. That doesn't go away in one year, two years or ten years. You know, because you love to send you learn to sit, you yearn to Sind, you just want to the bottom line is, ten years sober, you want that new car. Twenty years sober, you want that new wife. You want, you want, you want, you need, if only. You just can't get away from the desire to do stupid shit to make yourself feel better fast, because it's so much easier. Easier. It's such an addiction to the things of this...

...world, the worldly clamors, such an addiction, and it's just like in your molecules, you know, and if you're an alcoholic it's even worse. You know. You're with me and there's only one thing that I'll tear you away from. That deal is in this incredible desire, this grated like bills and said the Lord has been so wonderful to me for me of this terrible's he's I got to keep talking about and telling other people only one thing, and that is to get so close to God that you want to please him. And the only way you can do that really, to really ultimately do that, is not only do everything I say in the book and the praying, the meditated church, the whole bit, but you also got to make amends to people. You got to start doing you got to make them, because he's already said it. Some of them out you don't want to talk to you unless you're going to do it. Lay they heat's not interested in the bullshit artist or the pretenders. He's interested in people that are serious. He's not interested in your bullshit. Oh, I'll never do it again. Here's the one. Here I'll never do it again. Is One to hear. I'm sorry, you know, this is want to say. Well, you don't understand. It's the woman that made me do it. He isn't one here that he wants to see you fix up what you fucked up. Does that make any sense? You want you to fix up with your fucked up and stop doing it. So you go out and you make amends to your son, you make amends to all these people. You do all that stuff and all of a sudden you notice down the road that you stopped fits saying bad shit about yourself. Well, every once in a while you get into an argument and you get mad and you say something and then you drive away and all of a sudden you're saying to yourself, I'm such an asshole. There it goes again, there it goes again. You know, I'm such an asshole. If it close to God, you know what you got to do. And you go back and you do the ten step for the whatever, the night, whatever you want to call it, don't care. Some step sermon on the mount step with me, and that's the deal. And you that over and over again for I don't know, twenty five, thirty years, forty years. It has an effect. It has it has an effect. It has an effect. It really takes effect. You know, it's one thing when you do it for, you know, a year. When you do it for five years, you'll for ten. You know, you do it for thirty, forty years, you know it works. It has an effect. I mean really, at five years, why should you feel better than me it forty years? I mean, would that be fair? I mean I'm just saying we would that be fair? If I do this shit seriously for forty flipping years, why should you feel better than me after five years? That, I feel, is unfair, right, cindy? I think that's unfair. I could be wrong about that. I'll be wrong. Don't get mad at me. Okay, that's it. I'm done. It's Ober.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (133)