AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 7 months ago

Russell S. Step 9 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 9 from the Coral Room Zoom February 26, 2021  

My name is Russell Spats, I'm anAlcoholi, remember the South Dixi Group in Miami Florida. It's good to see theusual suspects here. Go to see you guys. So, let's see whether Coan do somethingaround step. Nine will don't hold me to it. I don't like pressure. Don't putpressure on me. Well, do something here at least nobody'll drink for an hour.You know at these prices don't expect too much from me. I haven't found that sat I've drinksince January, twenty one tusand, nine hundred and eighty one and there's a great sayng by TS, Lewis and the four quatranse sayswe will not seise our exploration. We will not cease our exploration atthe end of all our exploring. We will come to the place where we started.Having known the place for the first time I put a little a little ditty a little.I actually put the secret of alcoholics. Anonymous is probablyseveral secrets. There are actually several secrets andalcoholics anonymous that people don't really find out about until they havethirty forty years, so I've disclosed one of the secrets to give you guys aheads up. You know you know one of the one of the thingsthat says in alcoholis anonymous in the twelve and twelve ITD says unless thanuntil we know that no good can come to any alcoholic, no good. You know thatalmost sounds like you know that part of the book where it says half measures of value, nothing yeah,You v Youever hear thatp. You know letme consider this. There is apossibility that there's stuff actually said in the big book out in the open,not secret. I mean stuff right out of the open that people read every singleday and they don't understand what they'rereading do you think that's possible? Do you think that you could read a line,a simple line in the big book and hear it and it sounds good and youthink you understand it, but you don't understand it at all. Dig is possible, read a line in the bigbook and think you understand it and then, twenty years later, after twentyyears of experience and working with people working yourself, all of asudden see it for the first time. That's what hes Lewis said it says atthe end of all our exploring, we will come to a place where we began, havingknown the place for the first time. You know a lot of this stuff that I knowtoday and I'm not saying I know everything I mean I'm just like atsquare zero. I'm barely scratching the service, but a lot of things. I seetoday after forty years, a work in this thing and working withother alcoholics. I saw to see in the rear view mirrors. You know my sponsormy first sponsused to say when a man woutd experience meets a man with money.The man with experience will will walk away with the money and the man withthe money will have walked away with an experience. But you know I think, that's maybe true.Sometimes, what's that saying, going n around Aa there's some sort of sayingAy, the guy who's, the most Soberis, the guy got up earliest in the morning,or something like that. You ever hear that Sain, I don't even know. I can'tremember what it is. It's like forty years doesn't mean Shit. You know whatI mean: it's like you know, whoever Guy Wel I hape to get up at threethreethirty in the morning this morning, but but yeah you know, there's something to do.There is a reason for eight hundred years the Jews were kept captive by the Egyptians as slaves, and God, if you read the Bible, if Youebelieve in this stuff sent Moses down an unlikely character, there's a wholestory about that peer den Bernie Bush sent them down. There talk to Pharaohto get get e, the slaves out of Egypt...

...and he finally relected after all theplagues and everything, and so they were going out of Egypt. You some ofyou guys, Mag, you ever hear. Did you hear this story? It was in all thepapers. Maybe you saw, the movie is a movie and an event so and then they followed something called theShacana cloud. What happened is the Jews, like three million of them cameout of Egypt and they were going to the promised land you with me the promiseland. Now let me tell you the deal on this now you need you need to listen tothis, because this has a lot to do. If you understand this, this has a lot todo with your alcoholism. bcause all alcoholism is, is itsslavery. That's all it is, is just slavery.You're a slave nominally to alcohol, you're, not only asleeped to alcohol,because Alcoholis Ays, just a symptom, you're a slave to a way of life. This is Gong. Ta led Youto, thePromised Land to the promises, the ones that get it are those who that are ableto develop a way of living that the man's rigorous honesty don't botherworrying about that. You don't know what that is, but I mean trust me: Youhave no clue. You only think you know what it is you're going to know a newhappiness. Don't even worry about that! You don't even know what that is. Youknow why, because it's new, it's not like the old happiness. When you got acar you got later whatever that deal was with you, you got laid, you gotdrunk whatever hell. It is that's an old happiness. Youe Gonno know a newhappiness. You know what I mean, and so so the bottom line is is says thepeople that cannot get it, those who are constitutionally incapable, we ofbeing honest with themselves. You know what the and we don't know whothey are well. I know this. This is what they see in the big wok. They saythey seem to be born. That way. I can't help bit if you don't like that there,as some people that are just of a certain way that they're just nevergoing to get this. It's going to happen, you're going to run into them. Theymight even stay sover for twenty five. Thirty years, they're not going to getit they're not going to get to the promise Lik they're not going to get tothe promise land. That's all I get to they'll, get everything except thepromises. They'll get everything they'll join thenot drinking club they'll be able to pick up a fifty year, medallion say:Haven't I drink in fifty years and they'll be as lonely and as dry as theywere when they walked in the door. You know what I mean, I mean that'sjust the way. The I don't know. I can't tell you all I know. Is there some stepcalled the six step that separates the men from the boys. I don't know, I'mjust GOINGNA buy the listen. Don't blame me, I'm just reading the material there's some step that separates s, menfrom the boys and it says what it says in this step. Is it says that the menor the women don't accuse me of being sexist? I got enough of that. For mydaughters, you know what I mean three daughters. I mean it's unbelieve, it'sunbelievable the abuse I take, but the bottom line. I don't want to go intothat, but the bottom line is this: What the at what the book says is it saysthe men or the women are those who repeatedly try these things, so theycan grow in the image and likeness of their creator. These are people that have made theircreatod the central part of their lives. These are people that have becomeconvinced that God lives in their hearts andminds in a way which is indeed miraculous. These are people that at the end ofchaptiisnostic and say God o there he is, or he isn't what your decisiongoing to be: they've decided for God, they've decided for God, they've decided for God. Did you knowby the way Thir saying ha? Well, people's an nonest. This fellowship didyou know that there are people in Aa that a never decide their popl. Theythat have been a year sobriety that have never decided for God.

Do you know that there's a chapter, theBIS big book that says chapted to the ignostics and it's a chapter writtenspecifically to the ignostic Satheus, and let me tell you a little secret: it doesn't encourage being an fan.ATHEA stor, an ignotian obnoxious, obnoxious, Agnostin, doesn't encouragethat. Doesn't encourage I'm serious as a matter of fact what it says it saysof a mere CODEM youver. You ever hear how about this. I don't want to hurtanybody's feelings. It just happens. I don't want to hurt anybody. Feelingswit just happens. So I can't help it so here's the deal you know- and I didthis sometimes because sometimes you got to fake it until you make it. Okay,Yeaewe heard the term good, orderly direction. How D Youe heard Racar an ifyou've heard good ordaly direction? People use that in place of God right, that's the way they use it. They saygood ordrly direction and they think that that's what the big book istalking about right, you get it good, orderly direction. You have to be toobright on this G ohd, good, orderly direction, so they say: that's like God,but you see. Let me suggest something to see. One thing you got to understandabout alcoholics is were delusional. You know what it means to be delusional.It means our alcoholic life seems normal. It means commentager satalcohols for men and women who are out to destroy themselves. We hate our weate each other. You know what we're rationalizes. We tell ourselfrationalized. We Lie to Ur ourselves, we tell ourselves, we don't give a shit.What other people think about us and our whole lives are devoted to worryabout what people think about us and so and so what happens? Is We have this book that says God either is or it is, andwhat yhoeur decision going to be? We have this book that says if a merenoysis, this is my don't blame me just tellen the rip of the Big Buckit saysif a mere cod of morals, if a Mirk, now you guys, you guys all understandEnglish right, you know I'm a Atorny, something worse wit. Now, listen, I'mnot making this thing up. Look there's nothing up! My Sleeps! I got shortsleeves, I'm in Miami. I am not this isn't a trick. Listen this we're goingto do this low. We're GOINGTO go through the big book. Slowly, almostlike Byo S, they go through slowly. If a mere code of morals or a betterphilosophy of life would have work for us, we would have been sober a longtime ago, but such codes and morals did not work. Aryou. Are You guy? Not your head? Ifyou're getting? This did not work, therefore, because they did not work.We have to talk about God and right after that. The next line is here'swhere alcoholics with the hapkles in their neck, stand up, which I'veveentold means to get pissed off. You probably seen it, meaning Thiolthols get pissed off Oyou ever see, alcoholsin meanins get pissed off atGod. They try to use every other word higher power, the banana whatever theell it is. You know what I means when an alcohol gets pissed off about God.What he's really trying to say is. I want to show you what my disease lookslike when he says I'm spiritual, notreligious. That's an alcoholics way of saying he's got a higher formalcoholics who don't like to be self righteous, but he's really saying is: Iam better than religious people. I am much better because I am spiritual. Iam a spiritual person, that's pretty much fullshit by the way,there's no alcoholic, that' spiritual. If we were spiritual you wouldn't behere. You know what I mean we'd, be we down to the airport with a tambourine.You know alcoholics are material people; all we care about is getting laidgetting money getting the car getting this. That's why you go through twentyyears of bullshit worrying about all that stuff, because the worldly clamerswill kill you, because all you think about is the shit you need to have inorder to be okay, so you can blast out of this freaking place. You know what Imean Ye. Believe me. If you're an alcoholic you're, not I said to mysponsor, I I don't want to hold hand...

...say Lords feaecause. I don't want to bea hympocride. He said too late by the time you become out Olk youbusted hypocrite. You busted through that sucker. You know, so it says of a mere coto morals. At abetter pholosof life would have helped us wbe some now listen. Let me explainthis to you. You guys look pretty bright to me. You know I'm like fo,listen, good, orderly direction is a mere code of morals or a betterphilosophy of life. You get this listen me. Do the next right thing: It's a mere code of morals or a betterphilosophy of life. The Ten Commandments is a Mercodomorals at we couldn't do that. We couldn't do that. To take a manmentsthing. You Ain't going to be able to do the other thing. Trust me you're, notgoin. You know, there's Gointo come a time whene. You should give Back Thomoney, you're, going to fiure out how you don't have to give back to money.There's a comp of time where you should make an apology, you're going to figureout where you really don't have to make an apology. There's a come! Af Time where you'regoing to say, I really shouldn't send this email you're going to send thatsucker. This is come a time where you shouldshut your fucking mouth and you're going to say something real, stupid andrip somebody's heart out. You know why, because your problem centers in yourmind, not your body, you cound, stop drinking, but you can't stop thinkingand you want to know how you think you think selfishly, because you're selfish,in other words it says, you're, selfish and yourself, settered and you'redriven driven means it's not like a free choice. You can't help but fuck up,because you know why, because now here we get to thethe secret, the firstsecret in alcohols anoms, that nobody knows, because it's not an anthon, it'snot in the first hundred and sixty four pages. That's why you guys don't eventeach it, but maybe you'll start doing it now. This is the first secret thatyou need to know that most dewcomers Y newcomeriming first ten years, don'tunderstand and it's right up here. I put it in the chat twice because I knowthat people- here's the first secret in alcoholics, anonymous many- do not comprehend many that do not comprehend. This is inthe forward. The first edition that the alcoholic is a very sick person. Many do so. In other words, if you'rean Alcoholi, you are very, very, very sick and your sickness centers. In your mind,not your body has nohing to do with the alcohol. The alcohol is a symptom ofyour craziness, it's a symptom. Once you stop drinking the alcohol you're,still a very sick person, because you you, because you're selfishand yourself centered. This has nothing a h drinking. Let me tell you something:I was the biggest asshale, the biggest selfish guy thinking about myself,Hurey people. When I was sober, I heard people's feelings. Idisappointed people when I was sober. You know when I was a nice guy when Ifelt good when I was drunk. That's why I drank I drank because no woman, nocar, no amount of money. KNO! Nothing eveer worked quite as good, and quiteas well, and quite as fast as just a few drinks, and so I drank it and thenit stopped working for me and I thought the problem was boozed, because allthese problems, I man, I stopped working and now all of a sudden, I'mback to square one square. One is I'm an if only ear an a yes butter, I'mlooking. If I only had that girl, I be okay. If I only had that car I'd beokay, if I only had that money, I be okay. If I only have that job I'd beokay run around the PLANAR. Looking for the worldly CLAMIS, looking for thethings that make me feel okay and I put them in my life- and I be okay for whata week a month, one year and ton' OFA sudden I'd leave that wife or the kid and then all of a sudden, the marriagewasn't working, because she didn't appreciate me and then all of a sudden,I needed a new job, because the judge the because the boss didn't appreciateme and all of a sudden offside needed a...

...new car, because this car was crap, itwas a used car and all of a sudden, I thought why can't people do what I want.I want them do. Why won't they do it my way, because if only they would do inmy way be okay and the real problem was, is I was a Badana? I was crazy. I wasnuts. I was insane insane that second step. That's exactly right and I thinkthat's what I was a banana okay, insane Yunstan and the problem was that's when I that's why I have tostart coming to believe. That's how that's Goin to restore me, the sanity.I got to be restored to Sandi and I've got forty years, I'm thinking maybe bynext Tuesday. It may happen. There's a possibility, probably not you know, butand I'm a very sick person and the problem is, is unless then it'sall an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all itsconsequences. I surprised to be for Caris and one of the consequences ofbeing an alcohol one of the consequencos being tat calk. Is Youdon't realize how sick you are you don't because it says we're delusional.It says this is what it says with self yourself, setted, with driven by ahundred forms of fear, selfdelusion self seeking to us our alcoholic life.The way we think usually seems comfortable for us. We don't have to goto meetings to. I don't have to go to meetings to live a dishonest life. I'mhave to go to meetings to just think only about myself. Ido' need a sponsorto tell me just think ovenly about myself. I think only about myself andgive a shit only about myself and worry about myself. Naturally, that's mynatural way of being because I'm material and I'm selfish and I'mdelusional we step at those and they reretalent, seemingly withoutprovocation. But we see that we make decisions based upon self. I don't sitthere and say I'm not going to show up, because Ionly give a shit about myself. I don't say I'm not going to pay backthe money, because I only give a shit about myself. I don't say I'm going to rip this Gau'shard out an I'm going to say something to her and she's. Gonto. Be sorry shescrewed around with me, because I don't give a shit about my because I onlygive a shit about myself. I just do it thinking I'm doing the right thing,because that's just how sick! I am because many don't comprehend,especially alcoholics, that if you're an alcohol you're a very sick person, you know you're, very sick and, and nownow the way alcohol works is I drink alcohol and let me tall you somethingBam. Amediate amediately. I feel great two fast shots, Hey I'm together, youknow what I mean sobriety. You know you may have to goto fifty abns get the same feeling like one jigger of Scotch gives you you knowwhat I mean. It's a longer deal the SLAVER, the slavery, the bondage,the slavery to the thinking alcoholics ourself will run riot. Allwe want to do is think about ourselves were. Were we're going a thousand milesfo, where Sevwa were right to here? Ske, we don't think so. We don't think sobecause most don' o comprehend that an Alcoholi is a very sick person. We justthink we have a bad drinking problem. We don't think we're. It says aboveevery. It says what it says in the book is. It says it says where we've made decisionsbased onself, but so supposition. You heard above everything we must get rid of theSELFARH SAS. She can get rid of the drinking. How do yo get rid of theselfishness I mean I was I came in when I was thirty one years old. I've beenselfish and Elfsetter for thirty one years, intensely industrial, streingt, selfishand self centered walking out on a wife and kid because I wanted to go out withother women telling myself we're just growing in different directions fordifferent people. You know no integrity, you know hurting other people right,left us and sideways. Tell Myself, I'm...

...a good guy doing selfish tings thirtyine years, half measures of value, nothing,there's no middle of the road solution, I'm the middle of the road kind of guy. Unless you get rid of your old ideas-and I don't even know what my old fucking ideas are. The result is Nell and I don't believethat because I believe half measures of value, fifty percent and I'm satisfiedand fifty percent. Now, of course, the six step says: If you're, if you're oneof the men you're trying to grow in the image and likeness of God of yourCreator, okay, which is perfection you're, trying to do that thing, butthey say most alcoholics won't do it because they want to do what they wantto do read the six step. Is they want to settle, wantto, settle and once they get off myback UPV BIN to me get off my back, I'M NOT DRINKING! I'm not Gento trying, I'mnot even thinking about Drin get off my back. You Dont, they don't want anyextra credit yeah. I know they encourage Church ofevership because they say above everything we must get rid of thisalcoholis amd. We much or it kills us God makes that possible. Getting closerto. God makes that possible improving your conscious contact with God makesthat possible. You know, let God be the central facto your life it'll, protectyou from worldy clamors it'Llyou'll grow you'll. Have that Syh, profoundpsychic, personality change or ideas, emotions and attitudes which were theguiding force of your life will be shove. The one side and you will you'llbe dominate by homeen set of ideas, a most of h attitude. You might even getto the point where you don't have fucking list. You don't wake up with me.If only the only thing you basically become addicted to do is maybe go to ameetings and look for people to help which may sound like a bad addiction,but it's actually a good addiction, because there's no dilotoriousconsequences. What happens is when your whole life turns into try to help otherpeople and trust me Youw'll never run out of people to help because threpeople like they have a broken heart because most of them do and they'relonely, and when you get to the point where theonly thing you're interested is sharing this thing trying to carry this messagehaving a spiritual wakening. So your whole life is devoting to try to carrythis message when you wanteto honestly understand that you make a decision forGod. Okay, like it says in the big book, it says, making a sincere decision,then all SOS of remarkable things will happen, be because being all powerful.He will give you everything you need if you stay close to him and perform hiswork well and guess what his work is: Gess, what your job is to be a maximumservice to other people. So when you get to that point, whereyou're obsessed with trying to Hu help other people and carry God's message,th other people's life to free them from being slaves. When that happens toyou, you know what I mean. You won't be an if only yoar any S, butter andworried about whetre you going to get later. You have a boyfriend, agirlfriend, a romance or all that a shit that they say we base our life on.That kills us in the sixth step. What does it say, money propertyromance all that crap. You know, which is precisely the by theway everything I'm telling you they don't the the fellship doesn't like itdoesn't mean I'm down the fellwship, I like the FELSHAP, but it ain't well,people's anonymous. Remember, there's a big book of alcoholics anonymous, whichis the program and then there's a fellowship of alcohols. Ananus made upof a lot of people that would rather not do it. Tdon't want to do as little as possibleto go to has few meetings as possible. They don't want to get crazior jump inthe deep end of the pool. They want to do as little as possible and stay soverand stay from the drinking be relatively okay. They INJ interested inthe extra credit stuff, so hin the big book when they say weencourage way in the big book. When the when the founders say we're on a newbased vase of trusting Belign upon God, we never apologize for God. We have no prejdice against religion,even organized religion. We begin with is we begin to see where they're rightand we try to adopt those things. We...

...encourage church membership. Most of usare members of church, but it's not obligatory. You UNERSTAND, you don'thave to do it because you know that'll scare, the shit out of you, because youreally don't want you, because the happles and your nect going up, but weall do it and we encourage it. We never apologize for all menof faith.have courage, they trust their God. They let him demonstrate their lives,what he can be at once we outgrow fear by the way. That's not fror me, that'sactually in the big book of alcoholics anonymous. You may have either skippedover it or maybe you didn't realize exactly what they were trying to tellyou. The program was about. Don't do this? Listen! Don't you dothis in a meeting, I'm a professional! You know I can do this and get awaywith it. You know what I'm talking about. Don't you try it you'll get theshit slamm down of you. You understand what I'm saying, but I want to tell youjust o understand most people the way they work a program. is they doeverything they's supposed to do except the stuff they don't want to do, but if you want to get if you want toget Pastd to not drinking club and get into the rocket in the Fourth DimensionClub, if you want to do that stuff, you may find yourself having to do theextra credit stuff do the stuff that the founders did the. Why would theyput that Shit in the bi? Listen if it's not obligatory, think about this. Ifit's not obligatory and e know pisses off alcoholics, why do you think BillWilson and those guys Poutd even put in the big book? We encourage churchmembership, te Lise the mate. If it's not obligatory and they know would pissyou off. Why do they put in the big book? We encouraged rich membership.You know why I got the answer for you because that's what they did because that's what they did. You know that part of big but youveread the part where it says really HAV WE SAN person fail who has thoroughlyfollowed our path, it doesn't say: Do Whatever Hell you want to do. Does itit says: That's what they did. This is advanced DA. You know, and youcan report me, you know if you want it, you know if it's bothering you in anyment, so the juwds come out of. WHERE WERE WE AAT the Jews? They come out ofEgypt, their slaves, just like were slaves. Alcoholism were slaves in ourmind. It's a three week walk to the promiseland ye I'sand, maybe four, maybe a month. Okay, give them three threemonths: they stop in an eight days in or whatever it is whatever. It is.Three million people that walk over Tho promise land but they're following God,Theyre Filig, God the follow th. If you read the Boto folling God, you know,and forty years later, forty years later, you know why it took the Jews fortyyears. You know why. God Len thim around I the desert for forty years,because a you know, because by the time they got, God got into the promise landall the slaves that were brought up in Egypt. They were all dead, except for afew people that slave mentality was gone after forty years of Gong to the desert,go through th, hard times and trustingy God that slave mentality was gone and the guys that were going inthepromise land had never known slavery. They were born in the desert man. Theywere ready to rip rape and run man. They were they were there. They wereman, they were focused on God. God was on their side, they were ready, so I just want to let you know you'regoing to be fine in about forty years. It's going to work out for you that lave en tall its going to be overlisten actually F. If you're really into this thing. Thank you. Willyau MIappreciate it. If you really into this thing that should make you feel good,because if you got ten or fifteen years and you're thinking, you're a loser andthings aren't going okay and you want to kill yourself because you'rediscouvraged, you know what I mean you'll say Holy Shit. Maybe it's not sobad, maybe I'm exactly where I'm...

...supposed to be trudging around in theSini. You know what I mean you know trudging around, but I'm following theright guy, I'm following Gode, I'm doing I'm going to these meetings, I'mnot drinking it's getting better! I get a little taste. He does give you alittle taste. Doesn't he so here's the deal? So I should mention some about thenight step. Don't you thin so in the so here's the deal. I just put this inchat. So in Dr Bob, the good old timers, if any of you guys ever want to go, youknow how alcoholiic say. I really want this thing. Yeuver here an OUTFOC say Ireally want to do this thing. You have eighty percent of that has vullshid,but the point is they really want to do it until you tell them to do it andthen they don't want to do it. So if you really want to do this thing, letme point something out to you. So you can connect some dots, okay and by the way, nothing I'm saying isobligatory. We're not I'm not getting Paie, I'm just telling you. This iswhat was like for me. This is what happened is what I found s. If you wantwhat I have you may want to do it you don't have to you know it's in the book,I'm giving you all the authority, you can say, forget it. That's his that'shis way of doing things. I got my way. I don't care, it's not like it's, notmy life. You know listen! This is this is not a dress rehearsal. You got onelife guys, you know this is your life. You got to be eighty years old, youdon't get this thing, you miss it. You sel shit. I should have done that deal.I should have listened to that gotten. You know too late, you know so sorry,so the Bobomi is, but I'm telling you you're not going to be able to saynobody told me this stuff you're, not G. Ten years from now, when your thumbsucking cry baby and you find you're, not gon Bo, say GE. I only wishsomebody would have told me this shit. You know what I mean. You know, becauseI'm telling you so and Dr Bob, the good old timers and I'm giving you the sites,the reverences. This is what they say. This is the exact thing. They say Ithink it's forvag e say the books we found. This is in the first four years.You know AA was tart. One thousand nine hundred and thirty five well was tar, ousand, nine hundre, ndTirty, five, the big bookreally I've seen pervills thoroughly foll on Bethwrittn. I one thousand nine hundred and thirty nine published in thirty nine between thirty five and thirty, notwhere they say really havwe seen prirson fellows thoroughly folle onpath. The one thing they weren't doing isthey weren't reading the Big Book? Now, if you understand that that'sgoing to require a lot more time than this meeting has to offer, but trust me,the things that they were doing were not reading the Big Book. They weredoing other things and they're reading other books and what it says in DCR BomGirl Times. It says the books we found absolutely esential absolutely essential. Does anybodyunderstand what the word essential means so listen, whatever essential means,which I think means essential, absolutely essential means like reallyfricking. Essentially you know what I'm talking about like absolutely essentialthe books. They found the absolutely ensential where first cominttheinthirteen you ought to check it out. You know if you're interested in doing whatthey did sermon on the Mount and the book of Janes. We 're almost called the James Club.You would make now, if you ever start getting into reading scripture, which Idid in my eleventh year, because I wanted more. I was stuck. I REAC,that glass cealing, I don't know how many people a E. I know there arepeople in here because I know a lot of the stories on lot of these people. Iknow there Ane People Tho have gotten into twenty three years to thirty years,twenty years, the fifteen years and they reache that glass ceiling wherethey're going to meetings and they're not drinking but they're, not happywith their sobriety. You know the big book talks about there here and therean alcoholic drie the moment says, feel better. Look better, have a better time.We laugh at such sally. You know he's going to try the old game again becausehe's not happy with his sobriety, so nol Kno onlithess is you do to be atejumping off place. There are reasons why people drink after fifteen twentythirty years and that kind of stuff happens. The reason is not because thethirsty for alcohol, it's because they're thirsty for relief from thisCromas life, because life is a is...

...crapsute to them because they hatetheir life and they're not happy with their sobriety, because all they haveis their driv from alcohol, but their life sucks, so they drink. And if youthink it's insane, it is insane. If you think it's suicidal, it is suicidal.You know, if you think it's self destructive, it is selfdestructive, butthey would rather drink and try to drink and forget all this. Theycontinue to live that crummy sober life. So if you want to be one of thosepeople, you can be one of those people, you'R Not Hav, to rocket in the fourthdimension of existence. Youdon' have e experience much of haven. You don'thave to h a e the promise land of the promises. Do that do whatever you wantto do. It's your life. So here's what it says in sermon on theME. So if you ever get into reading scripture, which is what they weredoing, you will find that the Bible stole the Ento. The entire Bible wasstolen from the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous very sad, very hepleagiarized Oll thing. You know what I mean. I know they think most peoplethink bill. Bolsa wrote the Big Book He Didn Heplace the Word Sin withdefective character. It S it's just a whole big thing. You know a lot ofthings he had to throw in there like good, Samarin and stuff like that. Sohere it is it's right here in chat. This is in Matthew Five. Now you remember what the big book saysis number one. You must get rid of the selfish THAs. You must have it kills.You God makes that possible. You know itsays that right and- and it also said, Scott EitherEsor is and what your decisions going to be, and it says in the and it saysin the elevent step that we've got to get a more conscious contact with God.Get closer to him. Close to him see him he's got to be God's, got to get topoint where God is realer to you, guys God has got to be realer to you than the blond with the good body. Ladies Godasbe got to be realt to you, then the husband you want to have, God has got to be Realat to you thananything. That'll tear you away from this deal. Your desire to get closer to, God hasgot to be Realit to you, then any desire you've ever had on the planetfor the things of this planet before or else those things will rip you away and cause you to have depression. If your job is Reallyr to you, yourboss is realler to you. The people in your life are Reala toyou, then God, then you will live a sad sad life and you'll never get rid of the fear ofother people or Economican security. And you know, U know something, there'sno fear so bad as sober fear. It doesn't feel better. Soberfielddoesn't feel better than necessarily drunken Fr. You Il you will dosomething. Maybe it'll just be chocolates. You know who knows, but thebottom line is so this is what so, if you want to get closer to God, becausethe Psychic Change Whas is caused by God, because by the way in case Iforgot this, you are powerless and there is by the way one who has allpower. There's, there's seven point: six billion people on the planetthere's not seven point six billion gods, there's one who has all power. I knowthere's one because the big book says: Let's make this decision. Also a someremarkable things happen being all powerful. He will give us everything.Another word there's one and he's all powerful, there's not twenty that areall powerful because by definition there's one, that's all power full andthe one that's all powerful. We call them God we don't call him God we don't try, F, Yo, don't call themgood orly direction. That's a mere code! A better philosophy of life doesn'twork for us because at three o'clock in the morning, when you have cancer andyou're dying and you're alone, good...

...orallthe direction just doesn't fit thebills buddy. I don't know how to explain it to you, you're, going to reach a point of yourlife, for this could be some bad shit happening, we're all going to die,you're going to get sick and Gonyo get covid people goingto die, and let metell you something: the God thing: Ain't going to work. OFOR you at three o'clock in the morning, you're going to be missing something sohere's what it says in Sermin Onmat, which was the thing they foundabsolutely essential. But I tell you this is the carpons ar talking, but Itell you that anyone who is angry with his brother will be subject to judgmentagain. Anyone who says to is brother Rocker will be subject to the SanHedron, but anymoe says you. FOL will be omens if you curtse out your brother.If you have an argument with them you' just you know you do the alcoholcthing. So if you are offering you guilt of the altar, if you want to get closerto God, if you want to get closer to God and there you remember that you have aresemtment against your brother and he has a resentment against you. Leave your gift at the altar beforebefore the altar go and be reconciled to your brother, then come and see me.I don't want to be seeing your ass. I don't want you coming up to me. I don'twant to. I don't want the pretenders. I want the real deal don't be coming upto me when you've just lashed out of your brother and you have a resentmentagainst your brother, don't be coming to me to make things all right. Youknow what I mean you want to pray to me Sayne. Please give me the courage tomake things ride. My brother, you fix on that crap with your brother, then Iwant to hear from you you're. The guy want to hang out with you know, that's who I want to be now.Listen. You may not like that kind of God, I'm just reading what it I'm. Not,and and by the way, if this bars somewhat of a similarity to steps eightand nine and four there's a reason for that, because the founders before they wrotethe big book we're reading this stuff and that's what they were doing and the sermon of themount is just thesteps, the the Surmo, the steps are just the sermon serme the life setforth in the Semmon of the Mounth, I'm sorry you're entill your opinion, justnot anolg your own facts, that's what was going on, so I'm Onna and it this way sort of. Sowhen I got divorced for my wife, my first wife and I had a five year oldson and he's like forty five now and I was supposed to take him to thezoo. I 'd been promising him for weeks to take him to the zoo. Now this is just one story, but this isreally my life. This is why I was this is who I was you can call itselfish? You can call it Selfside, you call ass. All you call, I don't carewhat you want to call it. This is who I am. This is why I really am. This is why I really am I'm not the guyin the office with the iplonbut this. This is made. It's probably not you,but this is me, so I promised my son. I pick him up atnine thirty ten o'clock to Tak him to Hzo. He said Daddy really saysabsolutely we're going to zoo, and I want to tell you something I intendedto do it. I honestly intend to do it and at around eight thirt in themorning I got ta call from Sally. You know, coubond. I met the nightbefore at the bar and she said Russell me and the girls are going off on aboat. We would like to invite you along so now I start thinking and I'm as sober sober at eight thirtyin the morning. Thinking about this dilemma, as I am right now talking toyou, I'm thinking my son who's. Five, sixyears old was looking for me, standing...

...by door waiting for me to take thim tothe zoo or sally my son or sex, my son or Booe, my sonor the boat. Let me tell you some. I must have debated that for like fifteenseconds and it was anchors away anchors away. I was gone. I was out thedoor I didn't. Even I don't even think I called up my son. I'm thinking youknow, Oh stop it Cindy. I don't Neav that crap from you, youknow shaking the head like them like you know, you'r. So much better. Youknow. So you remember. I can see you guys onthe zoom thing. You know you can see all this stuff, the SNICK ind bullshid.You know so I went out of the boat and I drankWus. Let me tell you something: You know who lives their life like that:bums live their life like that idiots live their life like that ungrateful, selfish people of theirlihes and that's what I was. I was a bum in a three piece suit and I'm goingto tell you someone. You live a life like that, you feel guilty, even if youdon't think you feel guilty because you are guilty, you may look it on the outside, but onthe inside man, there's a portrantadorand gray that looks like apiece of crap and you're going to drink, and you knowwhy you going to drink, because when you live your life like an assholeyou're going to drink when you live, your life, hurting people and doingstupid shit you're going to drink. That's the deal, that's what's going tohappen and that's what I did I drank and I deserve to drink, and I didn'tdeserve a happy life. You know you say to Youself. Why can'tI be happy why the hell should you deserve to be happy? Why should you bean asshole all your life and disappointing people and do whateverthey want to do? What makes you think you deserve to be happy? Listen, you need to pray. You know youneed to pray for pray, the don't b. You know when you say life is not fair. Letme tell you some folks. The last thing you want is fair. The last thing you want is to get whatyou deserve. Youdon want that believe me. It ain't going to be pretty itain't going to be pretty, and so I come in to alcoholicsanonymous and I want to know. When am I going tobe happy and you know nd and you know deep downinside, if you have that constitutional, what do they say? Constitution abilityto be honest with yourself, here's the problem, everyone o you remember every stupid,Shitty thing you've ever done. It doesn't go anywhere. It's not likeon the plan of Mars, so you're lathering up on the shit inthe shower and all of a sudden. You hear this voice you're an asshole youhare to kill yourself, you're driving you car, you hear thisspot you're such a loser, you're, never going to be okay, why you even fown yourself you'reconstantly sabotaging yourself and you're, beating yourself up becauseyou're judging yourself all the time and you don't need people to tell youyou're an asshole you're stupid, because you're telling yourself you'restupid all the time always looking for that, if only orthat thing to make yourself feel better and that's what even when you're, notdrinking and that's the true alcoholism, that's the deal you're living with inyour that's the deal, that's what you're dealing with that doesn't goaway in one year, two years or ten years. You know, because you love to send youlearn to sit. You yearn to Sen. You just want to the bottom line. Is Tenyears sober you want that new car twenty years sober you want that newwat! You want you want! You want! You need O phonly! You just can't get awayfrom the desire to do stupid shit to make yourself feel better fast, becauseit's so much easier easier. It's such...

...an addiction to the things of thisworld, the worldly clamors such an addiction, and it's just like in yourmolecules, you know, and if you're an alcoholic, it's even worse, you knowyou're with me and there's only one thing: that'll tear you away from thatdeal is and this incredible desire. Tis graded, like Gias An said, the Lord hasbeen so wonderful to me. Turmmeo this tebleseas. I got to keep talking aboutand telling other people only one thing, and that is to get so close to God thatyou want to please him and the only way you can do that reallyto really ultimately do. That is not only do everything thiy Sey in the bookand the pray in the meditated church the whole bit, but you also got to makeamends to people. You got to start doing. You got to makehim because he's already said it SOM on the mount. You don't want to talk toyou unless you're going to do like he tontage sit in the bullshit artists orthe pretenders he's interested in people that are serious, he's not interested in your bullshit.Oh I'll, never do it again. He doesn't want o year I'll. Never do it again.He's want to hear I'm sorry, you Kno Jus, want to say: Well you don'tunderstand it's the woman that made me. Do it. Here's 't when Hoer there hewants to see you fix up what you fucked up. Does that make any sense you want youto fix up with your fucked up and stop doing it. So you go out and you make amend toyour son, you make a man stall, these people Bu, you do all that stuff andall of a sudden, you noticed down the road that you stopped for saying badshit about yourself. Well, every once in a while, you getinto an argument and you get mad and you say something and then you driveaway and all of a sudden you're saying to yourself on such an asshole there.It goes again there. It goes again. You know I'm such an Assole, they be close to God. You know what yougot to Doand, you go back and you do the ten step or the whatever the Nigft,whatever you want to call. It O'l care some step sermon on the mountstep withme and that's the deal and you that over and over again, for Idon't know twenty five thirty years, forty years, it has an effect it has, it has aneffect. It has an effect. It really takeseffect. You know it's one thing when you do it,for you know a year when you do it for five years, you knowfor ten. You know you do O thirty. Forty years, you know it works, it hasan effect. I mean really at five years. Why should you feelbetter than me at forty years? I mean. Would that be fair? I mean I'mjust saying we would that be fair. If I do this shit seriously for fortyflipping years, why should you feel better than me after five years? That Ifeel is unfair right cynty, I think that's unfair. Icould be wrong about that. I GE WRONG: Don't get bad at me! Okay, that's it!I'm done it's over.

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