AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 9 months ago

Russell S. Step 7 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 7 from the Coral Room Zoom February 12, 2021  

Russell spats I'm an alcoholic, it'sgreat to be here, dit, the Seeyou guys. Look at you guys, Wel I'll, tell you they. We've calmed the world to find thesickest alcoholics possible. Get them all one place. It's amazing! So listen!Would you guys like to do you? Do you want to be entertained?Or would you like the truth, Bas, entertainment? You know, Thetruho NOWAYMST, Pope don'tunderstand is that an alcoholic is a very s person. Did you know that Ifigured you guys would see both. So I'm Gonta give you some truth about my lifeand about the sevent step and I'm going to entertain because anybody hereremember a comedian named Jack. Benny. Look these youngsters! You got a lot ofyoungsters here, Jack Baty, so I'm going to play you a Jack Benny thingthat I got off Youtube. I usually just sarted telling, but I'mgoing to see what you guys can hear this, hopefully Yi'll be able to hearit. So just listen! It's only forty one seconds low, okay, this Jack Bennyt.This is here we go YESYOUHAEO YOU L! I Ti you oin Bo your life I' Piky di anybody, hear that yes, tos up fo Jack Benny Sas yourmoney and you like your money or your life, Jack Benny says I'm thanking I'mthanking. So that's the problem, so the big bookof alcoholics anonymous says this. You know by the Way Sandybeach once made this statement great speaker, great fantastic, Aa Guy,they recitees, he said, there's only one, there's always only one problem for alcoholics. There's always only one problem foralcoholics separation, from Don separation from God and there's always only one solutionfor alcoholics. There's always only one solution for alcohols, a connection to God. Now it may take you five, ten fifteenwo thsandand twenty five thirty years to come to the understanding that thatstatement is the truth, especially if you have an alcoholicpersonality like mine. But if you stick around for about forty years or so orthirty years or twenty five years, you will come to understand that now what the big book is actuallytalking about is seem to it that your relationship withhim is right. So great events can happen in your life. That what it's really talking about ismaking a decision, for God a quality decision, so they'll give you everything you needif you stay close to him and perform his works. Well, you really understand that if you're inAa you never apologized, for God, younever apogize, for God that all men, a fate, hat courage, they trust their God. Instead they let them demonstratingtheir life. What he can do for them. You'll understand that in alcoholics,anonymous...

...who disabled the chat- and why did theydo that? I don't like that. Well, anyven! It's it's this! It's this nesnecessity for alcoholics to have total control because they're scared, youknow, so that's why they disabled the chafies. I was going to add somethingon it, but apparently they'R stull there we go! Don't do that, okay, so on anyment, so the bottom lineis she'll. Read that big book and and when you actually read the black andwhite part- and you actually consider the stuff that you really don't want tosee. You'll see something and chapter to the ignostics. That says, if a mereCote of morals or Benophilosophy of life would help us we'd be sover a longtime ago, but didn't help us and then you'l ther people in a talk about goodordrly direction or do the next right thing. You Lot people and al about good, onlydirection and do the next right thing, but you'rl redingly, big Bok, which isour basic text which dones it. If a mere code of morals or a betterphilosophy of life or the work we be wonl a long time ago, it didn'twork that those coasts didn't work for us, you'll read, we had to find a powergrating tha ourselves that would restore us to Siun. That would work,and that means we have to. We have a book where we have to talk about God and then you'll see at the very end,and then it will say when it's Falking to the agnostics and the alcoholic andthe and the atheus you'll say this line ill say this sort of thinking must be abandoned. This sort of thinking must be abandoned. This sort ofthinking must be a band seven words. This sort of thinking must be abandondother words to be sober and get all the meeting potatoes. Out of this thing,this sort of thinking must be abandoned and then you'll see in chop that stoksinl say here's where alcohol Hav a problem, the halfles Om their next stand upbecause they don't want to talk about ine and you'll. Go to an a group and you'llhear people talk about how theire eight years sow they're anostic, so theydon't like the God. Thank there's too much talk about God and Gos and you'llbe kind of confused, because Sheu'll say I just read this book where it's achapter to the agnastic in says this sort of thinking must be abandoned. Itsays good only direction doesn't work for us. You know Mercoe Mall and I readthis book and at the very end, the last line inthe chapter to the anostics. It says this God either is or he isn't. What isyour decision going to? Be God either is or he isn't. What is yourdecision going to be and then you'll read Dr Bobn, the girltimers when he comes around to it in about ten or fifteen years, when youwant more and you'll see where Dr Bob was twelvestepp in Clarence roommaster and he walks in on him and the first thingthat Dr Bob says to Clarence who's on a bed weighs a hundred a thirty fivepounds doesn't have ay money doesn't have any job and he looks at Clarence ahe says. What do you think about all this and Clarence says I don't know andthen the first question Dr Bob asked him. Is this? Do you believe in God, youngfellow and Clarence says what does that have to do with it and Dr Bob says everything everything and then Clarence says? Well, I guess Ido and then Dr Bob says yess nothing.

You either do t you don't what is yourdecision going to be you either do or you don't and he says well, I do hesays good now we can start get out of the bed and get on your knees. We'regoing to pray to him. He says I don't know how to pray. I guess you don't that's! Okay, youjust you just listen to me and fall along and Clarence gets down on theNIES by his hosptal bed and does a prayer to God help thim with hisdrinkon and then and then Clarence says thefollow. He says I did what I was ordered to do. Therewas no suggestions and then you'll go to an AAD and we'llhear somebody say we don't talk about God, because it's cares away the newcon and so you'r. You have a book thattalks all about God. It says we're on the new basis, the base of trustingrelying upon God. You know that's what it says. It saysyour real reliance. We know you don't know what you'll meet us. Your realreliance has to beyon him hill. Even show you how to create thefelloshipgrade he'll even show you who to hang out with and Youl have a book that talks allabout Don says. There is one of us all power thatone is dode Wen. You find him now now. May you find them now? HALF MEASURESAFBLUS! Nothing there is no middle of the road solution. There is no middleof the road solution. You know that's the bottom line andthen the ABS and ses. You know that we can't we can't manage Orol live. Nohuman power can help us only God couldn't Wut if he was sougt and at the end of chapter ton, Agnastitan says God eitheris or he isn't. What is your decision going to be? And you say I'm thinking, I'm thanking I'm thanking and the reason why you're thinking isthe same reason: Jack Benny is sinking because you don't want to give up themoney you don't want to give up the sex. You don't want to give up the romance. You don't want to give up the cars. You don't want to give up the life. Youdon't want to give up your independence and Youre Abilliy to do whatever youwant to do to whoever you want to do it to you, don't want to give up becauseyou're an alcoholic and your defiance, because that's thecheap, the chief characterisc man, alcohol. You are selfcentered in the ASTRATenity extreme, although you don't realize yourself seter, you don'trealize yourself, you don't think yourself send you'll, do yourselfishyour delusion Ye! That's what the book says. It says you can't recognize thetrue from the false, your alcoholic life, your alcoholic life, which Ildemands a life or rigorous dishonesty, you're, a rationalizer. You tell youself ratioalized, your alcoholic life seems the only normal one to ou to youto yell at people to hate people to get upset when you're not getting your ownway that, like a spoiled ten year old to live life with a feeling that younever you'r, never geting what you want, you're, always being screwed you're avictim. You can't believe the spull Shit, they don't know they don't knowwho they're dealing with I'll show them. You know who Nell you think you'retalking to live en. Like O, you live a life in conflict with the world and you're upset because who wouldn'tbe upset with all the bullshit. That's going on out there and nobody listensto you and if they, if they only did it...

...your way, everything would be okay butthey're, always pissing you off, you know what I mean, and you know you're the smartest personin the world and you're the best person in the world, but every once in a while. You hear youhear a voice and it says you're an Asshole, you aught to kill Youso. So for some reason you need to run theentire universe. You think you have the power to do it. You yelld somebody, youKnoug, but you're, just not happy, no matter what you do to get something onyou just not a, and the problem is, that is your lifeand it seems normal to you. You do not have to go to any meetings. You do nothave that a e, a sponsor to be a total and complete asshole and think only ofyourself. It seemd it seems so natural to play the VIC. It seems so natural tofeel sorry for yourself it seems so natural to be pissed off and people allthe time hell. I can murder fifty people before I got in the work in themorning, just by driving along the Expresso. It seems so natural to saythings like I'm having a bad day, I'm having a dead bad week. This has been ascrewed up yeah. I Hate I hate my life thisis a screwed up year. You know whatI mean and all you do. Is You wake up andwound say if I only had that Gal, if I only had romance, if I only had money,if I only had a different job, my boss was only a jerk. You are a victim ofcircumstances and no matter how hard you try, the world doesn't seem to bechanging, you're, just surrounded by idiots. You know and that's that's thelife of an alcohol and- and you Kdon't understand, what's going on because youstopped drinking five years ago and you wake up at three o'clock in the morningand you're nervous, an you're worrding, your anxious and you're going crazy and you knowwhat can't be the drink, so you figure out what it is and all of a sudden youstart learning something about alcoholism, that it had that thetrinking is just the symptom that the real disease centers. In your mind, notyour body and even though the fellowship is greatit time for certain things. It really is not exactly well people's anonymous. You hear a lot of you hear some truthin the fellowship and you hear a lot of bullshit, but the bottom line is the big book dissupposed to be the one thing that you can trust and the big book says a lot of stuffand then the Golshion so tells you don't worry about that? Stuff! Don't worry about that view, but here's Someig, but your sit you'rein the debating societ. You know y. It says there is no middle of theroad solution, but you sort of like the middle of the road. You know, half Figho the bill isnothing, but you sort of figure out half peasures give a fifty percent. Youknow you just not ready you're like Jack Benny you're like Jack, Benny,your money or your life, you just don't whant you're thinking, you're thinking,you're trying to figure this out, and so what happens is is like it says inthe twelve and twelve in Stepsex it says we start getting a newperspective, a new perspective and the way we get this new perspective. Thatsis you're going to like this. You Don like this. The way you get it is notbecause we're smart because we're all brilliant we all. I know the one thingI know is I this is I'm like looking at guys andmen. You guys are so brilliant. It's UNBE, I believe, you're brilliant. Iknow you're right. I know you know you're brilliant. I know you know thatI don't understand. I know that you can't like to say rusly, you don'tunderstand, T I'm different. I know you can't want to tell me that, okay,because I don't know he doesn't know me, you don't know me. I understand that Iknow Idon Knowyo, you're different and you're bringing. But what happens iswhen you continue to live your life. The way you live it because, as they sayin the big book,selfish the selfsed sentenness driven...

...by a hundred forms of pear, you livethe life of the dishonest alcohol because you can't help it becauseyou're powerless not to live a selfish life because you're driven to do it andyou make decisions based upon self, which puts you in a position to beheart and you do it over and over and over and over again, even after youstop drinking, even after you going to meeting even if they aft Youre tryingto do this thing and you just don't get it and you don't so. So what do youcall somebody who is constantly screw it up constantly messing up five years,ober still not feeling good ten years, so we're still not feeling good, stillscrewing up still trying to run around and play the game and path measures,your money or your life? What do you co? Well, what I call t is, I call himalcoholics, that's what I call him alcoholics justbeing alcoholics. You know it's just about alcoholism, but here's the greatthing. The great thing is: If life is a humbling experience andhang around wife long enough, you will get what's called a newperspective on things. Your mind will change. Now I came to a when yourthirty one, when I was thirty one years old, when you live the life when, forthirty one years you try to avoid being hurt, you try to run the show. You tryto anticipate everything you try to you, try to protect yourself, you try tocontrol people, you you you trying to do whatever you have to do to getcontrol to get everything. If only I had this, if only I had that I'd be.Okay and it's so TNAT, in other words, if anybody was ever come up to me andsay something like this, you know you ane not to do that, butyou know what not I say: Well, Yeah Yeah, no one Wul, you know, but you seeyou know some. If it happened to you the way it happened to me, you do thesame thing, because you don't even see a different way of doing you don't evensee a different way of living life. I tell my sponsor some guy just bouncethe poter doll checking on me to bounce the five hundred dollar check on me.Bounce the five hundred dollar check them. So I'm thinking about this guy for twodays, I'm going to kill him. I can't believe that he did it. I can't get itoff my mind, he's not being hurt. I'm killing myself. My sponisor comes up tome after I'm wirning about this thing for two days, I'm three years sober,and he says this to me Russ. He says he says Russ. How would you feel if itdidn't bother? You, and I said I understand the question he says: How would you feel if itdidn't bonder you I said I don't understand. I didn't understandthe question. He says the question simpile Russell. How would you feel,but ten bothee I mean what do you mean? How would I feel if it didn't bother methat he bounced the five inded doll check on me yeah? How would you feel upit didn't bother you that be bout so for wi all check on. How would I feel if it didn't bother methat idounts e Po, all Chackin me say yeah, that's the question. How would Ifeel if it didn't bother me that he bounced te five Hunde Olla check on me?He said Yeah, that's the question says well. Well E. didn't bother me. I feelfine says there you go when he walks away. I says there you goand he walks away. How do how do you deal with somebodywho is so stupid that he doesn't understand that everybody would be upset if somebody bocs thefite of the oll check, but here's the problem? I would run into guys at Aathat had cancer terming, the cancer and the were UPSAT. What do you dol when you' run intosomebody who has terminal cancer, and then I oset? What do you Rean do whenyou run to people that are that just lost their job and then notupset? What are you doing? You re running the people that have realproblems and they're not upset you look...

...at them, and sometimes some people saysomething like this man. I wish I could be like that guy. I wish I could be like that guy. What do you do when you're sitting in aroom hand, you hear somebody Youve a testimony Reliev and he talkes aboutsome of the things that happened in his life and how he overcame them. I thevictory and he's got twenty years or thirty years or whatever heck it is andyou're. Listening to this craft tat, this person left through and you say,Holy Crap Iou Iwish. I could be like him. I wish I could be like it. You know the big Bok says says: If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length toget it, then you're ready, you're ready if youwoN'twe have- and you know it's really really important- not to drink. Not Drinking is like realimportant. It's like essential. I don't want anybody to think well he's puttingdown the not drinking thing and a is a great noch. Raking Club pray, notdrinking bove, I mean they give you Medallians, they say, don't drink, anyass falls off and all this this stuff, you know great great club. But let mesay this to you: There is much much more if you want it, there's much much more. If you want it, but if you don't want it you're going to be a member just of thenot dranking cob in one day, you're going to drink again, because your life is going to behorrible and, like it says in the book when, when you say I'm not eventhinking about drinking they're, going to laugh at your Salay you're, going totry the old game again because you're not to be happy with your surprise, youcoan be ten years sober and lonely. You'RE GOINNA BE FISSIN. U OVERLORENTA!You just o! You GNNA be fifteen years sover and you can be lonely you'regoing to be lonely, you're going to be separated and you're going to be reallysort of discouraged, because you'll have been doing everything they say:Tou, Doin, AA and you'll be sober for ten or fifteen years and you'll be miserable and then one day you'l and maybe youwon't Trik or maybe O will drink. Maybe 'll be one of these guys that come inand talk about how you were sober for fifteen years, and now you got ninemonths. Maybe you don't have that deal Don, no or maybe be one of these guys that say:Whill I've been around DAA for thirty five years and I'm coming me up on mynineteth day or Nin. You know something like that. Maybe you'll do it that there's more. If you want it now, an alols anonymous number three, it says to follow, and this is Clarenc. This is bill, dots and the man on the bed. Ifyou see the man on the bag, which is the title of that that paintinges cameto believe and I'm going to read this from cage oe hundred an ninety one, it would be hard to estimate how muchAa has dune for me. I really wanted the program and I wanted others to go long.I wanted to go along with it. I noticed that others seem to have such a release, a happiness, a something that I thoughta person ought to have. I was trying to find the answer. I knewthere was even more something I hadn't got, and I remember one day a week ortwo after Ihad come out of the hospital bill. Wilson was at my house talking tomy wife and me: You ever go to a meeting and heare'somebody, your runn ing to somebody in a meeting, and you just say to yourself: You know:you're sober,...

...you know, you're sober and you knowthey're sober, but you somehow sens that they have something that youhaven't like raft yet youave you ever get that feeling that there are people in Aa that have goteinto a point where not only theire sober but they're they're unafraid. Not only are they sober, but theyactually don't care, one other people think about them, because Thei'rselfesteem their feelings about themselves are really little to do withwhat you think about them, but other people think about them. I mean you ever run into people on AAthat theyre sort of seem like they're wearing life like loose garmen they're,not upsetable. They don't seem to get upset a lot about things, they're, notcomplaining a lot as a matter of fact, r, the kind of people you run into thatwhenever you leave their presence, you always feel better. Somehow they always have the rightthing to say they always you know that kind of deal. You say man, I don't know. What's goingon, I'm sober and he's sober word you it's like. I talk about Tiger Woods,hey. We both play golf but he's playing a different game that I'm playing. Iknow that you know, and you say you wish you had what he had et. You don'teven don't even know what he had. You don't even know what he has. You don'teven know how to get it, and so you keep on going through theserepeated humiliations or repeated humiliations. These rompetedUmiliations, you got a new perspective, a new perspective. You learn the valueof suffering and all of a sudden, you start you start. Maybe looking at this wholedeal a little bit different, and then you realize that somewhere in the bigbook and then and then this is what this is. What he says in here he saysbill was at my house talking to my wife and me: We were eating lunch and I waslistening and trying to find out why they had this release that they seemeto have. You know the release, the new freedom, the new happiness. You know we get to the point where weget relieved of worrying about money, worring about what other people fear ofpeople and e actonotic and security will leave you isn't that? What it's Imean. Let me ask something: Is the Big Book? Is it a paccalize? Is it all? Arewe foolish we're just following a book that it's all bullshit is? That is that you think there's anew freedom. I mean I'm not talking about just freedom from drinking.That's, that's the smallest part of this deal. You think, there's a newfreedom. Really, you think, there's a new happiness, happiness Youv, neverknow you think, there's something called thejoy of living where, even if you have terminal cancer, yyou've just somehowgot joy in your heart. You thinking it's possible not to thinkabout yourself all the time or tell yourself what los you are. You thinkit's possible to lose far people and the judgment you think it's possible tolose fear of economic and security. I mean you think, is it really possiblethen now come you got ten years, O Briting to wake up at three o'clock themorning worried about money and how come whenever you're worriedabout something's mind you got all these people live in rekfory and yourbrain. What does he think about what is Sai? What am I going TA o? How come youdoing that? You got five years. You got ten years. You got fifteen years. Whyre you still doing that Shit I mean. Do you think it really exists?I don't know, maybe it's a bunch of bullshit. I don't know what says ittalks about in the book. It says well, this is what this guy was looking for,we're eating lunch and I was listening and trying out why they had thisrelease that they seem to have bill. Looked across at my wife and said toher Henrietta. The Lord has been so wonderful to mecuring me of this t now Lord Dispelle, with the cabllel you know, and we had the Lord has been sowonderful to me. churing me of this terrible disease that I just want tokeep talking about it and telling other people he couldn't stop talking aboutit. He was so excited, Hey, listen! You...

...know some I identify I identify. I thought I think I Hav the answer billwas very very grateful that he had been released from this terrible thing, notonly the Booz, the terrible thing of the fear of allthe other bondage to things in this world, grateful that even released fromthis terrible thing and that he had, given God the credit for having done itand he's so grateful Thaut it he wanth to tell other people about it. Thatsentence. The Lord has been so monteful to me. threaing me of this terribledisease that I just want to keep telling other people about it. It'sbeen a sort of Goldin text for the a program in for me, so I guess what happened with BillWilson. Is He made the decision? He made the decision, your money or your life, your money or God, the woman Ar God the Sax Ar God thePrestige Are God, God Er Manmon? I guess he stopped thinking. I guess hestoped saying I'm thinking about. He said I'm choosing God I choose Gon, I'm going to Bak God, thecenterpiece of my life and then all of a sudden. What happens is when thathappens. You happen to read this thing in thebig book where it says we will be rocketed into the forth temas an theyever seen. This part it's in the Big Bul yever season. We will be rocketedinto the fourth dimension of existence. We will experience, Heaven WillExperience Heaven and be wrogg in the fourth omention distance and then rightinto that it says the great and a cantalized. Great fact is this andnothing less, which I think means correctmy. If iwrong that it's this andnothing less than this, you got it now. Wasn't this is complex stuff and I tknow you guys are smart and I'm taking it slow. I know you guys get you know,but there may be somebody who snuck in her that didn't pass the IQ test. Youknow what I'm doing Thatso I want to make sure they understand it. It saysthe great fact- and it must be a very important fact, because it's a greatfact is this and nothing less than this- that God has become the central fact ofour life. Our Creator has become the central fact of our life and that weare convinced that he lives in ar heart and mind in away which is indeed miraculous doing for us what we can't do forourselves now I don't know about you. I took thatThirt Seid. I got down on my knees. I did the stuff y pall directions youwhen I was about five or six one sober. I did that third STEMP or three or fourmonths, ik CA. Remember it's been a while, but I got to be honest with you.I don't think I was convinced. I think I was still doing the middle ofthe roads W. I know I wasn't goodmince. You know why, because I spent a wholeCRA. I spent a lot of time trying to do the a deal and a lot of time worryingabout money, property and prestige. I spent a lot of time doing the A ye alot of time in anxiety. Now I can tell by you guys I'm likepreaching the Fli, because none of you guys have ever worried about that stuff.None of you guys have never worried about money. proply oppretines, none ofyou guys have ever said. Why? Aren't I married? Why don't I have a boyfriend?Why don't I have a girlfriend? When am I GOINGNA BE BETTER? When is this thinggoing to work? T me know I can tottell I'm dealing with people that havealready been rocketed to plut out I mean you're like in yet, but justengagyou should run into somebody whos...

...it aa who's got like some difficulties.You understand, you know I'm just sort of telling you got to watch out forthose people because they may think that it will never happen from that'swhy they sayin the book. Do not be discouraged. No on a among us e able tofind do not be discouraged so what happens so we finally get tothe point where we stop saying. I'm thinking see to the extent you see the problemis you know, as heyve ever heard them say anything INA. As ever ante heardthis half measures of l US nothing. You ever hear that now. Listen! Let me explaim to you whatthat means. That means now listen! This is dig shit. Half measures get younowhere. Half measures get you nowhere. You knowwhere it gets. You it gets you dry, it gets you dry, it gets you dry, it never gets. Yousober now we're delusional. We say you're sogood, because we need encouragement because we're sensitive, and Iunderstand that there are new people. You know we clap for March N, so hesina grade, but when people would thirty forty years, who are sober say that guyis sober trust me, they don't mean he's just not drinking. I mean it's like a little secret. Whenyou hear it, somebody wet about thirty forty years saying that Guy Sover, theydon't mean he's just not drinking, because there's a lot of people notdraking in alcoholics, anone you're talking about a man who has decided to live his life, hisentire life is lived in such a way that he wants togrow in the image and likeness of his creator. THEU're talking about a mans wastotally embraced God before everything else in the world. It's the mostimportant thing in his life. You know how. I know that, because the sixthstep, which is by the way one of the twelve steps, says we came to the Pood, we want Godto remove everything that separates us from him and a wellknown Clergygan says that isa man or a woman who has reached the point where they want to grow in theimage and likeness of their creator. The whole focus on life is about God. They don't like up focused on the money.They won't wake up. They don't they don't do the turned over thing. Youknow you ever did the turned oven. I did that. I practice that you got Tapractice that for twenty twenty years turn it on the return on retur out. Youknow before you turn it OV. If yhou allows you before you turn it over youFEL ous. You know it. You feel ou before you turn ov money feel lousyonce you turn it over to God, you don't feel so bad right. That should give youthe first hand. You know what I mean that this thiy wore. So what happensyou to turn over and turn it over and turn of it? And then one day you get socrazy. You start doing het ready for this. The extra credit shit. You knowthe stuff that you don't have to do. You know you know when the big bookheres what happens to the big book and says we encourage Church membership.Did you know they say that twice you know they not only say we encouragechurch membership, they say it twice. Then I only say that they say most of us belong to suchorganizations. You know why you know why, because they wanted to get evencloser to God, so they wanted to hang around people in their lives. Who werebelievers? Maybe they would tach something instead about people in theirlives. A were talking about money, probaby and sex. So they said that andthen they say this break line, here's the wone, they say. Of coursethis is not a ligatory and that's a line for youngeralcoholics...

...that are still thinking about making adecision. You understand what I'm saying thingsnot SOT obligator, so you've got the founders of AA, who said rarelyhaveny't seen a person falled with US thoroughly followed our bat thoroughlyfoulowd on hate and given giving themteselves utterly abandon themselvesto God and saying that we all belong to churches and to Sena Gods, and wehighly recommend it and we suggested and we encourage it. And then we gotyou sitting there in the middle saying I'm thinking it's not obligatory andthat's like extra prefit stuff, but somewhere along the line. There aresome people that decide that they don't want to just want to Tho, not drinkingclub, because the only enqirement membership is the desire and I drinkdoesn't have to be an ONI socie. They took that out. It says, but there'sanother fellowship in a it's called the fellowship of the spirit and that's awhole different membership requirement. Okay and apparently there's some peoplethat actually get the point of time. Like Ti Docson said says: I knew therewas something more something they hadn't done, something a person oughtto have and they make a decision for God, and so the people that have not GottEnto that point wherh they're ay to make a decision. For God they read theBig Book One way they read it one way they see certain things, but there's alot of things. They don't see, there's a lot of things they read, but they saythat's not from me. They do everything they're supposed to do in AA. They doall the busy work. They do all the spaership they run around. They doeverything except for the stuff they don't want to do, except for the stuff they don't want to.Do they don't Avo. They don't realize that the stuff that they don't want todo that they're saying as optional. It's the stuff that bill milson and DrBog did now ask yourself this question. If we, if we don't have to do thatstuff, if we don't have to do any of that stuff think about this for asecond because you're very bright, I know this. Why would they put it in theBigbok if they know God pisses off people and they're, saying it's notobligatory that you go to church, we encourage it. Why would they put it inthe Big Butk? Now I'm going Ta give you the answer. They put it in the big book because youraive this because that's what they did because that's what they did rarely Howa Sen person faild and wasthoroughly called up her, so you Wu can even do what they did or not to what they did. You understand I mean this. I'm tryingto symplify Thi thing, I'm trying to bring it down. So if you do what theydid and you want to get closer to God- and you want to get rid of all yourdefensive charcter somewhere along the line, asyou're doing everything you canto do that and focus I on God, it's a humbling experience, you'regoing to get to the Prot, where you're going to be find yourself talking to God, Alon you're, going to find yourself humbly asking him to remove all this other stuff from your life. It's not even going to be about todrink it anymore, although it's always about the drinking, because if youdon't do it the drinkin there, but it's really not about to drinkn you're, going to be asking God to helpyou grow up. Now you get closer to him, because the big Buk says they'll, giveyou everything you need if you stay close to him and perform his works. Well, it's going to be clear to you what hiswork it. His work is going to be to be able o servant Ta help other people andyou're going to find yourself all of a sudden going to meetings, not becauseyou cuote need a meeting because it...

...ain't going to get that bad for you,because you're not turning you're, not turning thing things over you're living.What's called the turn overline, you see. Always things always work whenyou turn them over to God. When you turn it over, you may have to gothrough a lot of Shit wits fin to finally turn it over. But I'll tell youwhat you never have to turn your life over to God. If you never turn awayfrom them, this is advanceship. I understand P.You never have to turn your life over to God, wor training over to Dode, ifyou've never turned away from God. So if God is the most important thingin your life, it won't really hurt you that much when the girlfriends with theboyfriend leaves. If, God is the most important thing your life, it may hurta little. You may have a little bit of problem at it. Won't hurt you that muchit'll never rob you of your happiness. If you lose the job, because youllthink that he's going to give you ho yourbelieve that he's Goingto give Yeu everything you need. You stay clomefrom reform, smokwell and you're, going to know that the reason you lost thatjob is because there's a better job down the road or God wants to give yousomething better. You're, Gon, no blieve that Shit now the other peoplein they are going to think you're fucking nuts. No, I want to. I want totell you, if you're going to fall, if you're going to do what on Doin, whatI'm suggesting people are going to laugh at you, they Han a laugh at you, you're, goingto talk they're going to criticize you, but you're not going to worry aboutthem, because this is the gindows you're not going to care what theythink. It's going to be an amazing freedom from that bondage. When youdon't care what they think you understand. As a matter of fact, youmight actually have a little fun sort of driving crazy. You know you, youknow what I mean you might. You might feel like if I'm not jussting of forgetting people crat twenty five, seven people crazy in Amedian- maybe I'm notsaying anything worthwhile. You know that's possible to I don't know, andthen one day you wake up and you won't be experienced the promises here in theair once in a while you'll be experiencing them all the time you want to have to worry about,praying and meditating, because your life will become a prayer you'll. Wake Up. Thinking about God.You'll go to sleep thinking it back you'll, go to work, thinking, Bout God,you'll be on the toilet. Thinking about God. It'll become absolutely obsessiveto you, thinking about God and want to be close to God. But the problem isit'll, be an obsession. It will be an addiction but there's no dilotoriousconsequences. Because what will happen is you will feel ready? Drinking willbe last hing, your woare about to be feeling good. You with me, you got it!So what I happene is you. Your life will consist of humbling Morninghan to remove all thesekeep and asking them to te Littl and Prayinto Hem. You know and listen hey if this sounds weird toyou and strange and crazy. What yitprobably does, because it's nothing like the old wife. You know what theysay about. The old lifke is what they say about the old life. They say thepeople that do not make it are people who cannot or will not involve themselves ind Livein, a lifewhich the Manis triggerous honesty. They can' honestly see what this bookreally meens Bot what it says. They think that this big book- you say youknow they think they think this book his big book, this big Buk. They think it's about not drinking when they read it all they read aboutis not drinking theyas, Ma Lick, they get pissed offand people like me. They talk about. You know emotional sobriety. You know if hi Wilson had the problemwith the alhol sards as unhealthy pepetencies bondage other things when you get allupset you're not upset about the booms. You're upset about the girlfriends ofthe boyfriend of the wife, O the...

...husband or the job or the money, or allthe other things in this world that you have no control over that. You thinkyou need for your happiness or to be okay or to show off what a pump up yourego or to make you feel like you're, a big shot or something like that. That'swhy you're upset that's where the alcoholisum hit you. It hits you atthat place and your bondage to all the other things what you've always had,which you've always had. You just didn't notice it, because you would dobusinyn drinking drinking jus drinking the feelings away, but now that you're not drinking nowyou get that now you get to feel all the other addictions, all the otherobcessions and now you're figuring yourself. Howdo I stop thinking about this? How do I stop doing this? How do I stop? And youknow what the deal is God's, the answer they talk about in the seven seven tesix step, whit says we don't want to deprecate material chievement, butnobody's made a worst job of doing this thing. It says you can say you believein God, it ain't going to help, because your whole life isn'tbased upon himyou're, not letting them Runin your life, Lik unyour life he's not theCenipese evet. It's not enoup the whole hands everyonce, while Siv, wor par orsa Yeai believe in God it has to do with how much you think about him inyour life. You see the centerpiece of your life, Hey, listen, you know someyou! This is I'm thiis. All these quotes are right, oun of the big book,believe it or not. These quotes. I'm saying nine percent is stuff. I'nmsaying to you, even though it's part of my experience is right out of the bigbook of alcoholics anonymous our basic text, it's our basic text. Now you mayhave read the bitt about twenty or thirty times and never seen this stuff,but trust me, it's all there making God the central fact of your life. You know and you're gonna have people that sayyou talk too much about God and everything, but that's a whole deal. That's the whole deal in this thing. That's what six and six and seven theycall them old, timer steps. You know why, because no matter how many timesyou do the steps, that's the engine, you'll law, six and seven, giving upthis world giving up the things of this were all focusing on God. You know I'm I'm GNNA endtist by Sayng.You know I'm seventy one years old and I got to be honest: Witho, I'm not thehealth, I'm not complaing, I'm not the healviest guy in the world. You knowwhat I mean I mean I got every day I waken up with another pan. Now Myteether, my feacer going and but but although my body is being weakened, although my body is being weaken, I gotto tell you something my spirit. I have never felt happier in my life. You know for some strange reason whenyour body starts to. I remember a time when I was eighteen, nineteen twenttwety five years old. I thought I'd never dine a thirt years old. I thoughtI had the world bon te Lusas that was Gong Na, be a stupid, shot. Supershotstar, I was going to run the world. I ws Gon of the Master of my face, I'm TeCaptin of my soul. You know I mean, and now I can't even get out of that. Youknow Mani, gotta, roll out of bed N aparenly, make it to the bathroom andyou kno have a cane I use sometimes, and I've never been more excited and happy about my life, because thegreat thing is is then- and they say the Bible Wen on week- he's strong inme when I'm no longer thinking that I'm conqering the world and all this sort of crap that we thinkabout you know I mean I can focus more on him focus more on him. That's the wholedeal. So that's all. I have to say.

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