AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House 6/17/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 6/17/2021  

My Name's Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. I remember the South Dixia Group. I have found that should have a drink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. And so I'm seventy two years old, married forty years. I got married after I three months sober and my sponsors at three months. My sponsor don't make any major decisions and I didn't think it was a big deal. I may have been wrong about that. I'm not sure. I'm trying to work it out. My Wife's a member of our ladies are perpetual revenge Alan on and she has great she gelt does a great alm on ten step. When I'm wrong, she probably admits it and it's good to be here. I was, you know, I went to I went to a meeting to before. I go to about four, five zoom meetings a day and and so I went to a meeting today at four o'clock, my South Dick Sea group meeting, and a lot of you guys go to it and and they were reading chapter out of the book. I don't know what it was. A story. One of the stories was very good. You know. It's about a gallop came in when she was sixty years old and she was now seventy five, so I guess she had fifteen years and and she was saying she was thanking God for the sobriety she had, as do I, and she said, you know, if it wasn't for sobriety, and I really enjoyed the story, and she says, if it wasn't her sobriety, she just the seventy year old woman, seventy five year old woman, sitting at home doing needle point and watching bowling for Dollard Y. I got a little depressed because I was doing needle point that I was waiting for bowling for dollars to come on. You know, pretty close, pretty close. So we're going to talk a little bit about step six and step seven, step eleven, step one, step three. So you'll hear whatever you're supposed to hear. I'm going to talk about whatever I'm supposed to talk about it. I'm just going to try to carry the message. I know how to carry the message. Not My job, just to try to do the best job I can tonight and try to sincerely share with you what my situation is. One of the problems is is that I'm got a little bit over forty years. Not a record around here, but a record for me. And, and you may find this hard to believe, I don't think so. I've actually changed them last forty years. I had one day once and I've had thirty days once, sixty, ninety, hundred and twenty a year. I had five years once. My sponsor told me. Joe Schneidi said. He said it takes five years before your head pops out of your ass, you know what I mean? And I got five years and he was wrong about that. Takes About fifteen to twenty years. But but son then he said I don't even consider you sober until you have ten years. And ten years I said, well, I guess I'm sober now. He's as I meant twenty and he had twenty years and it wasn't and and I've changed. I wouldn't want to have to, I wouldn't you know. And it was. It was great. It was great when I'd had twenty years and if somebody told me at thirty years I'd have to go back to twenty years, I shoot myself. You know, it was twenty years was for Shit compared to thirty years. Thirty were years was nothing compared to forty years. The reason I'm saying that to you is because you know that song. I got to be me. I got to be me, I got to share about you. Know I'm going to share with you truthfully what I have in my heart. But I think the Lord put in my heart for you. At seventy two years of age, after raising four children, sober and seven grandchildren and self supported by my own contributions, I've got, I got to share with you my mind and my thoughts at seven two years of age and forty years sobriety and so I can't force myself to sound like somebody with one month, and I can't force myself to sound like somebody with...

...five years, and I can't. I can't. I don't know how to do thirty years anymore or fifteen. All I can do is forty years, seventy years of age, grateful to God, and tell you a little bit about my story, what I've learned, and I've learned a lot, just like many of you have. You know, some of you have ten years. If I said to you if some some of you have thirty days, if I said you have you learned anything in the last thirty days, you'd say yeah, some of you have one year. If I said, well, listen, if I have you learned anything in the last year, are you the same person you were a you're going to say Oh, absolutely not. And some of you have five years. I said, let me ask you something. How would you like to go back to one year? Say No way, Jose a. You know every year things change. So so I just want you to I'm just going to suggest you one thing. I mean, I can't tell you what to do. I was talking to the former Attorney General United States, who was a Christian guy'm a Christian guy and and doesn't mean you have to be Christian. Don't worry about I'm not. Don't get upset or crazy, but he we happen to be that. And I said to him, I said to him, I said, and he was in Washington DC, and I said, well, how do you deal with that stuff? He says, he says, you know, my God, the God of my understanding, which is why the God of my understand says he doesn't allow me. I'm not allowed. It is not part of my religious upbringing or my religion to impose my religion on anybody. But it is my obligation to expose my religion, expose who I am. You probably hear little statements round a things like I'm spiritual, not religious. I'm not spiritual, never have been spiritual my life. I'm a material man, if there's one you one of the things that's happened to me, you know, and DCS about good old timers, the books, the big book was written on thousand nine hundred thirty nine, and and and a started in on nineteen thirty five and the big book says that was here in nineteen thirty nine. Says rarely haven't seen a person of villas thoroughly followed our path, thoroughly followed our path, and their path was not reading the Big Book of Alcoholics, anonymous. The Path was reading the Holy Bible. Just you know, you're in tile at your own you're a toad's your own opinion, just not on tops your own facts. And it says if you want we have any woman go any late to get then you're going to take certain steps. And and I was certainly never raised a religious guy or anything like that, but I I am an attorney and one of the thing and I'd like to think I took the second step or I continue to take the second step, continue to take the Stevens second step. I used think the second step was about being open minded about drinking. But let me tell you something. I have a lot of guys that come up to me that have twenty five years. SURPRITY spawns a lot of people. I got guys today come up with twenty five years, thirty years sobriety and they tell me they're not happy with their sobriety and they're miserable. And I listened to him for a few minutes and I say, let me suggest something to you, and I suggest some to you, to you and they say you don't understand. I'm not going to do that. So the second step is for guys with thirty five years too, and maybe for forty years. You know what I mean, because the second step has to be be an open minded and we have a book that says we lose all prejudice, even against organized religion, everything. You know. It's in our big book. Bill Wilson said the next step is as emotional is emotional surprise. That's the next step, emotional sobriety. And he said we have a thing in our books says we we lose all prejudice, even against organized religion, we begin to see where they're right and we adopt some of those deals. And all through a a in this country people just can't wait to bash organized religion and best religious people and make religious people sound like...

...they're stupid. And you're stupid if you're religious, you're stupid if you study the Bible. And because of a bad upbringing or because of a shove down their throat of whatever the reason is, they have a resentment our hard heart off religion. But from my point of view they're not sober. I don't want what they have, you know. I want what they talked about in the big book. I want what Bill Wilson had when he said the Lord has been so wonderful to me, cure me of this sebals. These I want to I want to keep talking about and telling other people I like. What I want what Dr Bob had when he said if you're an atheist or an ignostic, have any kind of intellectual pride that keeps you from reading what's in this book and understanding and accept that, and I feel sorry for you. You're heavenly but father will never let me down, let let you down. I want what it talks about in the in the Dr Bottom, the good old timers when they said the books that we found absolutely essential, absolutely essential was first Clinthians thirteen, sermon on the Mount of the book of James. You know, I want what the old timers had and what a is all about, before it was watered down because of our natural codependency as alcoholics. Because where the drinking is really a symptom of the problem, the real problems sends my mind, not my body. And unless until alcohol accepts his alcoholism or all its consequences, the sobriety be precarious. And without question, one of the consequences of alcoholics is we want people to like us and to love us and feel good about us and we want to blend. We're not leaders, were followers and we're always thinking about what other people to think out of ours us, even though we tell ourselves, I'm give a shit what other people think about us. We just we are just going to do whatever we have to do to blend into people like us. And the bottom line is, as soon as we get the feeling that there are people in here that Hate God, hate religion, hate that. We joined the club and we get scared and we're not going to say anything about that deal because we don't want people to reject us, and that's not really a good thing. As part of the disease, it has to do with fear of people in Economic Insecurity, which runs rampant, fear cross of fed runs rampant with alcoholics, and a life filled with fear, which is what I had for thirty one years and maybe for another twenty years after that after being sober, is not a life worth living at all. I didn't I didn't come here to worry about what a hundred people in an a room think about may because I want to talk about the god of my understanding what he's done for me. You understand. I just didn't do that. I didn't come here to talk about the six step, which separates the men from the boys. Separates the men from the boys. That's what they say. Listen, you don't have to leave me believe the big book, Our problem says it separates the men from the boys. Apparently there are men and apparently there are boys. Now, the good news is I was a boy for many years in Aa and I became a man. I'm going to talk a little bit about that. I'd like to think I became a man, you know, and in order to be a decide with you become a man, there's a little test in the book to the in the Twelve and twelve. So I'm going to tell you the test. You can determine whether you're a man or you're a boy. And the good thing is if you could be a boy and become a man, and you could be a woman and become a girl, that's the good thing. And you could be a boy and remain a boy for thirty five forty years and you become the be you could be a girl and remain a girl for thirty five forty years. You can be a seventy five year old girl or you can be a seventy five year old boy or you become a man in a a what a talks about them dies between the men and the boys, and I'm going to read you the stuff from the big book so you can make your own decision that way, one way or the other. You know what I mean. I'm not going to'm just going to stick the facts, you know, because that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to talk about the six stuff and I have a little sign in my office and the sign says it's from the movie a true good few good man, and it says it says the truth. You can handle the truth. Remember Jack Nichols is wasn't. Says you want the truth, you can handle the truth. And if there's one thing alcoholics can't handle is the truth. When my wife said to me, if you come home my first life you've come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you, and I was as...

...sober as I am right now physically, and I drove my car three miles away and I stopped at a red light and all of a sudden I said in my mind, what the hell did she mean by that? And I was like floored because I didn't understand what she was talking about. I learned that one of the consequences my alcoholism is that whenever I hear something I don't like, it confuses me, sometimes it pisses me off and I get mad at the person who's saying it and then ten years like. It's happened to me many, many times, and alcoholics anonymous. They come up to me they say, you know, I used to hate you, but now I love when I first heard you, I hated your guts. You know. So you know I don't I you're going to hate my guts. As a matter of fact, I asked my sponsor once, do you still get resentments, and he said get them, I give them, and I couldn't believe it because I couldn't I couldn't handle if somebody didn't like me. And in the bottom line is is now I know I'm here to comfort the disturb the disturb the comfortable. So I'm going to say some stuff and I'm not here looking for a popularity content. I'm going to say some stuff that's unpopular, because the truth is I'm Kon popular because when you're dealing with insane people that need to be in this restored to sanity, and your mind is in stained, is insane and your thoughts are insane, and you come to alcoholics anonymous and you happen to bump in to somebody who's been given the grace and the beauty of this program to be become sane and be able to see who I actually am, not who I think I am, but who I really am. The book tells me who I am doesn't say I'm just got a few problems or I'm not. I'm a basically a good boy, like my grandmother said. The book says I'm selfish and I'm self centered and I'm driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, self seek selfdelusion. My alcoholic life and thinking seems the only normal one. And if you think that alcoholism asking with drinking, forget it. Nobody in AA is drinking. They do drink and and some of you will drink again. But if you drink, it won't be because you crave alcohol. It'll be because you because you can't handle sobriety, because you eat it, because you're restless. Eri will discontented because you haven't treated your alcoholism, which which has to do with how you think. That's why you will drink, and many people in here will drink. When you start separating out the men for the boys, let me tell you something. Many of your call but few are chosen. I got, I can count that. Two thousand, three thousand people I'll meet that slip and slide. Get Ten years and slip, twenty years and Slip Thirty Year in, slip five years and slip finally come in and maybe they got twenty years and they're not happy with this. Sobriety. They're going through the third divorce. You know, they're worried about the worried about this, the worried about that. They're anxious to every one person. I meet one person out of three thousand WHO's got over thirty years and is is experience the joint of joy of living in this last fear bill in economic insecurity. So I guess it's the you know, the same address rehearsal. It's not like you get to eighty years old Thani been say, man, maybe maybe I should have done it. I remember that guy was speaking at that meaning maybe I should have done it that way. It's not like you got to do over. You know what I mean. You know you got to do over. So you know, I'm just here to share my the truth of my deal, and I'm going to read you a couple of things and I'm going to say a couple things. It's going to Piss you off, okay, but it's good to be pissed off, you know, because whenever you disturbing, that what the cause or something wrong with you. So if I piss you off I'm giving you like a spiritual in mourn. You see alcohol. You know, for instance, alcohol's like to say I'm spiritual, not religious. I'm not spiritual. I'm exactly what they say the book. I'm I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven by a hundred forms of fear, self delusion, some seeking. I step on the toes of others. They retaliate, seeming that provocation. But I've learned. I made decisions based upon self, which puts me a position to be heard. so that alcohol a self forward, right though we usually doesn't think so. Above everything, he must get rid of his alcoholism, the thinking. He must or kills us. God...

...makes that possible. God makes that possible. That's who makes it possible. And no other way it's been able to do it except for God. And that's what Dr Young told girls. That won't has here and there, once a while, here and there, once in a while. It's like a miracle. It's a phenomena. They people have vitals, psychic, substantial changes in their life. Ideas, I'm most as an attitudes that are guiding for their life are pushed one side. They become they become dominated by homely set of ideas, emotions and attitudes, which is what has happened to me over forty years, from going to be a a born again skirt chaser, lounge lizard to one who's chasing the Lord all over town and just wants to talk about God all the time. And this didn't and I didn't come in here saying, listen, is there any way I can become a deacon in the Presbyterian Church and, you know, Love God and talk about him in front of a bunch of people and pray them all time? Can I? Can I possibly do that? You know, I walk on the alcohol. I didn't sign up for that crap. You understand what I'm saying. But that's what's happened over forty years and I can't hide it, you know, and go Wilson didn't hid it and Dr Bob didn't hide it. You know why? Because they wrote a book and they talked about sober people. They said sober people. It says our life is now devoted to God. We utterly abandon ourselves to God and we never apologized, never apologize for our faith in God. They said all men of faith have courage, they trust their God. We never apologize with God. We let him demonstrate in our life what he can do for us and what we had happened to us. And that's what men a faith do and that's what a mostly sober people do, and that's what the men do, while the boys say, well, we don't want to talk too much about that because it makes me uncomfortable. And if it makes you uncomfortable, the axiom says, is frial sactions, is something wrong with you. So you go out there and you make your fourth sepulist, a fifth step list, whatever this. You want to talk to your sponsor, talk to everybody and every like that, and maybe one day, if you're lucky, you'll get down on your knees you'll say now I understand what the guy was talking about. And if not, I guarantee you life is humbling experience and life will let you know exactly what's going on. I mean it really will, because we're a self cleaning up it in here and every year, every two years, every three years, the booze comes through and Wif's out the bullshit. And all those guys said, well, I'M gonna walked out of here for what's Godar somebody said this robbing that's up. They got wipe the fuck out. They go to the prison, they die, they go to jail and a a gets purified of the bullshit. And that's how it works in here. It's very simple. Okay, it's very simple around this deal, you know. So that's that's the deal. So I want to talk to you about the real deal. So let me tell you don't first of all, we have to get our definitions straight, the difference between the men of the boys. So let me read to you. And you know what the book says. It says this. It says, above everything, we must get rid of self you, when I ask my spons to explain what that men about the alcoholism, about the selfishesstem self centeredness, because you spent the first ten years in a. You spend the first ten years and a just trying to learn what this selfishness looks like, because you think if you're not drinking you're okay. You're basically a good diet about bad breaks, the misunderstandings you'll like when people say you're blaming people everything. That and you got to learn for ten years by repeating humiliations. I'm not making this shit up. I this is quotes from by repeating humiliations and the final crushing our self sufficiency. You got to do the first step over and over, the palace step, over and over and over again. On Lust. You got to do it on Romance. You got to look good, do on you got to do it on on spending money. Don't have to buy shit, you don't need to impress people you don't like. You got it. You got to do it over and over on every second of your life to wipe all that bullshit down. And it takes years to learn. I was insane about this. I was insane about that. You got to start giving up stuff. You know why? You got to give it. You got to give up guys. You got to give up those redheads. Give them up. You've tried to screw every one of them for last twenty, thirty years. You wanted something, got no where, you got drunk...

...girls. You got to give up. The man's not going to fix I'm telling you, I'm a man. I love men, I love hanging around men. You know, I feel far sorry for any woman who's thinking some man's going to fix them. Ain't gonna happen. You know what I mean. I have this vertical relationship with God, who I know who he is, I know what he wants me to be, because I'm clear about that, and it helps me to have a horizontal relationship and an intimate relationship and love other people, and that's all I need. Believe me, I'm addicted to more things than alcohol, and if you're an alcoholic alcoholist, you know I'll tell you that's the most obvious thing, because no woman, no car, no amount of money, no suit of clothes, no job, ever work quite as well and quite as fast as just a few drinks. And it worked every single time. But you know something, girl work to the sex work, to the romance work, to the car work, to the money work too, and so you spend the next twenty years, you know you do, chasing that Shit, worried about why you don't have that guy, why you don't have that girl, why you don't have that job, why don't have that money, being convinced if you only had that everything, and if only your yes butter, if only had this, only had that, if only this fly, if only, over and over and over again, you get the Shit beat out of you all the time till somehow your forced to your knees. Some people drink. Some people that just you know, get said about in depressed and I finally says, listen, there's one thing you can have right now, immediately. You don't need any money to bank. You can give your life to God. You mean, pray and do all that stuff that Guy Russell was till you can do all that. You know what first things first mean Dr Bob's way of shorthead saying seeky first. The King of God and his righteous ault things will be added unto you. You know the big book says. It says once we may. You know, my sponsor told me what that selfishness thing send me says, Rust Wood. It basically means you don't give a shit about anybody except yourself. I said, I don't know, I like the way they say in the big book better. You know. You know what it says in the big book. It says it says once you make a sincere decisions. Now listen, the words sincere likes utterly, a bit utterly abandoned. They use these crazy what's thoroughly utterly abandoned? Once you make a sincere decision, for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Being all powerful, he gives you everything you need if you stay close to him and perform as well well. And how you're going to stay close to him when the only thing you're doing is trying to figure out to get all that other bullshit into your life, worried about why you don't have it and trying to manage life so you get all that and giving lip service to God lifts service to God, if, if at all, if at all. So here's what it says in step six, in the twelve and twelve. We're entirely ready to have God. You know, it's like being entirely ready to stop drinking. I became entirely ready to stop drinking, but I didn't become entirely ready to do anything else, because there's an age just about drinking, handing out medallions. Don't drink anything, ass falls off. I mean you got to feel that all you have to his night light. Stay off my back, I'm not drinking. You know, we're in tirade. Have God remove all these defects of character, to completely change. This is this step that separates the men for the voice. This is the step that tells you who are the real deal and who are the pretenders. Somebody asked me. Why does it take so long? Why does it take ten, fifteen, twenty years? I said, well, you know, maybe God wants to sort of weed out the pretenders. Do you think it's possibly an alcoholic and a phony fig as possible? Do you think it's a possible to be an alcoholic and phony and full of Shit? Possible? It's a fucking qualification. It's a prerequisite. You know what I mean. You don't see it in yourself, but you know good sponsor will see it. A good sponsor will tell you about it, a good sponsor will confront you with it. You know you're full of Shit, like I'll grout told me when I told him what my promises is. You know what I think? I think you're full of Shit. Well, man, your Jesuit priest, I can say that to me, as I think...

...you're full of Shit. And then he laid it on, told me why I was full of Shit. I went back hating them, hating them, I got down sounded that. I said, Holy Shit, he's right. This is the step that separates the men from the boys. So declares a well loved clergyman who happens to be one of the greatest friends he goes on. Well, I guess he missed that part about about people hating religion. Bill Wilson's judguit priests sponsors, mentor, you know, I guess, one of the greatest friends. Yeah, I'm spiritual and religious. He goes on to explain that any person capable of enough willingness and enough honesty to try repeatedly stepsis on all his faults without reservations whatsoever, has indeed come a long way spiritually, and this is what they mean by spiritually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely. There's a since really again trying to grow in the image and likeness of his own creator. So if you're trying to grow in the image and likes this with God, the men of the boys. All through the book they have a chapter to the agnostic. You don't the chapter agnostic says, but you see, one of the problems that I understand is that I don't see things the way they really are. I see things the way I want it to be. So if you I I'll read something the book that means something completely different than what I read, and I don't think it means one thing. I mean I just think it means something else. And they have this chapter agnostic and it says if a mere code of morals or better philosophy of life would have helped us. We've been sober long time ago, but such codes and morals did not help us. And then I have guys to tell me, and I understand these are stepping stones. You may have one year or two years and it's an eye. Have People that tell me that it's good, orderly direction, and the big book says just the opposite. The Big Book says if a mere code of morals, a better philops of wife would have helped us. You know, we the commandments, all that's up, would have done a long time ago, but they never helped us. It's not enough. And you got guys, send your sober. Well, my I'm good orderly direction. Get at it, g Oh d, just the opposite of whether he says. But they didn't help us. We had to find a power. Our problem was powerless as we had to find a power, and that means we wrote a book that we're going to talk about God, and then it says right, if that's here. is where we have problems with alcoholics, because the boys and the girls that hackles in their next stand up and they say screw you. And those are the ones who aren't going to Nake it. They're going to get something, but ain't going to be what we have. They're going to be a former path, form of surbriety without power, without power, you know what I mean, a form of sobriety without power. And so if I have twenty five percent of alcoholics that hate my God, I said, sure will. They say they're going to hate me in the big book. They said they're going to hate me in the Bible. You know, that's what they say. They're going to hate. You're going to talk about this stuff, you're gonna be hated and if you're an alcoholic, you're going to hate so much to be hated. You can be such a people pleaser, so worry about you will toss God under the bus and you will not talk about God and you'll go in the other direction just because you want people to like you. Half measures of Elis nothing. There is no middle of the road solution. God is everything or he is nothing. What the fuck do you think that talking about? Really? What the Hell do you think they're talking about? Really? What do you think they're talking about when they say half measure. God is everything or he's nothing. And I'll tell you know what it says in Chapter Agnostics. It says, you know, being an agnostic and an atheist. It says this sort of thinking must be abandon abandoned, must be abandoned, get rid of it. If you don't get past that, if your understand us with chapter Agnostistan saying, and they might as well set tests, that call our organization now not alcoholics, anonymous...

...agnostics, anonymous atheist, anonymous. So let me tell you the three types of atheists. There's three types of atheists according to our literature. It and you to figure out which one you are or whether you're neither one. There's the atheists who say they're atheist. You got it. I'm an atheist. I don't believe in God. You know. I don't believe in God. You know. You know. The book says I can believe anything I want. That's the way they read the book. The book says I read a. They take the appendance to where whatever your own conception of God is, because a is a spiritual kindergarten. Of course, some of US would like to get to like make me the fifth grade. But you know what, any they say that and they take that appendix to and they hold up they say I can believe in anything, and so I decide I'm not going to believe in God, and they wipe out everything that's in the big book, Everything Bill Wilson says, where it says encourage church membership, everything that. They wipe it all out and it's swallowed up by atheism. Aa Endorses Atheism. It's a good thing and you could be one of those and see how life treat in, how your spriety goes, or you can be an agnostic, which is a chicken shit atheist. That's what it is. An agnostic is a chipping in any event, whether you believe it's a chicken shit atheist or not, it's basically somebody says I'm just not going to make the decision where I'm not ready to make a decision. I'm not saying I don't believe in God. I'm not saying I believe in God. Half measure of the Ellis nothing, but listen, I'm a half measure kind of God. You know. I mean, you just your but you had thrown in the same pot as the atheist, you're one of the boys or one of the girls. And and then here's the third type of atheist is the one you go to love. The are the ones that say they believe in God but they live a godless life. They're shamed of God. They're ashamed of God. If they ever accidentally talk about God in a meeting, they apologize. I know it says me. Never probably apologize. They're never bold about they never proclaim God. The goodness Po Jazz said. They'll do the Lord's prayer, they'll do the you know, they'll do the Lord's prayer, they'll do the you know serenity prayer. They'll say they believe in God, but they their life is not about God, it's about themselves in the world. So let me read you something out of the seventh step, which I think you might with the bit set. What says about those people? This is not in the seventh step, this lack of that. When it talks about people that are are settling like six steps, settling, settling okay for former sobriety without trying to grow in the image and likeness of their creator. This is what it says. It says this lack of anchorage to any permanent values. There's used to be an all the country in western song. What was that song? I mean got this is happens. It says you got to believe in something or you'll fall for anything. Are Your if you make up your own rules, if your God is good orly direction, or what you think your God is. By the way, if your God is good to lay direction, who's the one then who decides who your God is and what his rules are? Well, that would be you. What a great and glorious idea. So if you decide it's okay to cheat on your wife or who around or something like that, that would be okay because your God says you can do that. What a great alcoholic idea. The Liberty do whatever the hell you want to do because you can't judge me. Who was that? You've got your God and I've got my God. You've got your program and I've got my program and that's that's a great deal. You know, I would go for that one too. I'd be pissed anybody said anything else other than that, especially if I was raised, I guess, in a home where they shoved religion down my thuck throat and I understand why those people who the...

...toughest this lack of Ad Anchorage. But this is what they say in the big book. This lack of anchorage, that any permitive values, this blindness to the true purpose of our lives, to trust in God, to give our lives to God, to abandon ourselves to God and do be a maximum service to God and other people, produced another bad result. It's a bad result for just so long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence, for just that long was a working faith in a higher power. Am Possible. Just because you say God doesn't mean it's impossible. This was true. Who, even when we believed that God existed. Now this is scary, this is true. You can't even get this. And even if you believe that God existed, we could actually have earnest religious beliefs which remained barren, barren without power, because we were still trying to play God ourselves. As long as we play self, reliance first January, reliance upon a higher power was out of the question. That basic ingredients. Of all you meant you, all of all, humility, a desire to seek him do God's will, was missing. Now Listen, I'm just reading stuff from the big book in the twelve and twelve. I mean you may think this is my opinion, I'm just reading. You know what I'm doing. I had a gal come up me one day and she said, Oh, I love the way you said this. Then the other thing. I said, you mean the way I read the big book was she said Yeah. I said, well, that's out of the big boy says yeah, but it's the way you read it. The way you read it. So I can't run away from it. I can't make believe it's not there. It's it's right in my face and I'm not doing any of that shit. I laugh and I roll my eyes at guys that talk about God. I get uncomfortable when people talk about God. I don't want to even consider having to give my life to God. I didn't sign up for that stuff. I want a man, I want a woman, I want sex. So we had five minutes left, so I have to I have to do this. I'll see what I can do it in five minutes. We're going to try to do this. I have to be a little piece of myself, because it says our stories disclose in a general way. What we used to be like. What happened? I believe this power, intestinoney, power in the story. So I'm going to tell you in five minutes my story about the sixth step or the seventh step, or the eleventh step, of the third step, well, the twelve step. I'm not sure what it is. She'll figure it out. Here's my story. I was beating down to a pulp, I was beating down to my knees. I thought my life was always done a good better again. I was thirty one years old. I came on one night on the seven twenty five nineteen eighty, Christmas Day, Christmas night, at three at Christ three o'clock in the morning on Christmas to day, Guy came on the TV. He started talking about Jesus. He said, if you want to change your life, get down on your knees and give your life to Jesus. I got down on my knees, gave my life to Jesus. I said the center's prayer, you're with me so far, and and that was that deal, which is not a big deal, and I'm not saying everything changed. Is Math, but I'm not sure anything changed. Three priests and a rabbity and come down with a bunch of donuts. Same we got an a meeting going on here. As my fact, I continue to drink and it's not a big deal for a lot of you people, but for a Jewish get from York, it was a big deal. I can tell you that. And I did that, and all I know is, thirty days later, I looked up at the sea I said I after I was I almost killed myself an accent and told somebody else. On a hospital Gurney, I looked up and I said, God help me, and something happened and something changed and something snapped in me. I got in alcoholics anonymus. I pick up a why atch you, I B I asked the man to be my sponsor. This is like. I asked the man named Bob so will be my sponsor, and he said this is what the deal is, Russell. He says, if you ever going to call me before you take your first drink, not after. I don't want to hear from you. He said, I want you to take this twenty four hour book. The twenty four our book was as an incredible book I read for fifteen years. I still read it. It's basically a compilation of the big book and the Holy Bible. He said, I...

...want you this twenty four our book, every day, each day, the day for the twenty four book the day. I want you to get down on your knees when you do it and I want you to say these words. God, please help me to be sober just for today. I did it every day for fifteen years and then I started reading other things, you know, and the bottom line is, and I don't know why. I don't know why I did that. I don't. I know they're gods in here. Say, well, I would have got another spots. I don't know why. Saw I wanted what he had. I was willing to go to anything. Yeah, I walked into it a room. I'm a practicing lawyer. I'm a former division chief of the states. Stays off. I put guys in jail. I try and for first me murder. I'm a do this shit. I'm chasing women all over town. I got down on my knees. I did that that. Go to a meeting. They say say this rny prayer. I say it. They say hold hands for Lords, for I hold hands for the Laura Lord's prayer. They they tell me if anything's going wrong in my life. So I'm say this rny prayer. If I ever get fucked up in the mind the friend it goes crazy, just say God, grant me this Randy acept things I cannot change, courage to change the said. Well, the problem was is I was newly sober and every five seconds I was fucked up. Every five second shit was happening to my love and so I said the surendy prayer about threezero times a day. Okay, then one day and it wasn't working. It was working great, but sometimes it didn't work. I said, I have these crazy thoughts. He said, is what I want you to do whenever you have a crazy thought. What I want you to do is I want you to say God, please don't let me think this way. So I had a crazy thought one day and I said God, please don't let me think this way, and the thought one way, Holy Shit, this thing works, and another crazy thort, God please don't let me think this way, and it went away. And so now I'm saying this serendy prayer. I'm saying God, please don't let me think this way. I'm going to these meetings. You know I'm talking about God and this is the way I'm being trained and all of a sudden one day, you know, I all of a sudden, one day I'm like ten years sober. I'm speaking all over town, I'm going to conventions and everything. You know, I'm doing service, I'm doing the whole bid. I've got these sponsors. He gets me a book. He says read the what's that? The sermon on the mound by what's his face? I'm reading sermon on the Mount. I mean something the Bible. But I reached a glass ceiling. Things aren't going so well for me and I don't know what the promise some guy tops on the shoulder and says you want to go to Bible study? I said no, I don't do that. It says why don't you do it, and I'm thinking, I said I don't do it. I'll tell you why I didn't do it. I knew I didn't. I didn't do it because I was afraid. I was afraid what my Aunt Jone might think. She's been dead for twenty years, but didn't matter. I was afraid she might come out of the grave. I'm afraid what they'll think about what they think about me and a a I don't think it's good in A. I don't think people like that in a I don't think you could say that stuff in there. But somehow in my mind the book comes through. That fear should not stop me from going through with something like that, if it may help me. So I start going to Bible study and now I'm studying Bible with forty men, you know, most of which are seventy, eighty and ninety years old. been studying for forty years. I'm studying the same shit that we're reading here, but the original source material that they were reading. And meanwhile I'm sitting next to a guy sit next to me and he's, like said, sixty five years old. His name is John Glenn. He's a missionary, about this priest, that Baptist minister, and he's got fifty years sobriety, or something like that. It's like sixty five, seventy years old or something. He's got like fifty years sobriety. And my sponsor dies, my second sponsor dies. I asked him to be my sponsor and then he issues me that Bible study. I joined that Church, I become a deacon in that church. I started ministry there called the live again, which is like a toll step ministry. But we use scripture a lot and then next thing you know, he interests me to another Bible study them BSF than three hundred men who are meeting all this sort of stuff, and all I'm doing is I'm talking as I'm sponsoring people, I'm reading the Bible every day, I'm I'm parent, hanging out with people, and and and not only that, and the only people I'm hanging out with a guys that are focused on God. And I read all of a sudden the big book it says we says we encouraged in the...

...big book. We encouraged church membership, most of us, but long to these organizations. Why? Because these were guys that were men that wanted to know God, know who he is and they wanted to grow in their experience and increase their conscious contact with God. So if I wanted to increase my conscious contact with guys who wanted to get laid, I go to the playboy club and I talked about them. But conscious contact with guys that want to gamble, I go to Las Vegas, but upon a Prescott hang out with guys. I want to talk about God. Well, I could go to a but they're not talking about God and a. So I go to church. So I go to Bible Study and now I'm talking about God. I'm hanging round with guys about God. I go down to eat with John Glenn. John Gole says, what are you doing? I said I'm meeting a since can eat, since we got to give God thanks. And all of sunny bows his head in front of a denny's with a million different people there and he says this prayer is like a long prayer, not like thanks for the food and the Chow and God bless this. And I know I'm looking around that other people because I'm worried what they're going to think about me, because I still got that fear people. And all of a sudden, John Grant you will Glenn is my mentor and I'm loving on him and real chief and he's talking about God. And then me and Stevie go out to California and get into a bead. He gets to do a bad car accident and almost everybody's killing this glass all over the place and he talks about this and its testimony and John Glenn to take him by the same the hand and John Gularz, a man with sixty years sobriety, you know, takes him by the hand and while the glasses all over, the police are coming and people are almost dead, he says get down and knees. They get down in the knees in the middle of the Pacific coast highway and he prays to God and he praises them and thanks them for our lives. And so those are the men I'm hanging around, not the boys. Five years from now the person will become with the gun punt, the people you cut, you you hang out with in the books. You read the books, read Wid Punt to keep people you hang out with. You either hang out with the wise guys and the cool guys in here, the cool gals in here, but you'll find hang out with the real deal, with the guys that were like the founders. So I'm going to close up with one. And so now I'm reading Bible every day, I'm talking to people, I'm hanging out the people I hang out with every day for lunch or sponsees and grand sponse's where we talk about the twelve sets and we talked about the Bible. We having a live again meeting every Friday that we talk about the body of Bible Studies. I go to a meetings. I tell you know what I talked about. It a meanings. You'll never leave this. I talk about God every meeting. That's all. I'm so boring. I just talked about this shit because nobody else is. So I don't get all nervous. You go to another meaning, they'll talk about gratitude or anger or whatever, relationships, which means sex, by the way. They've never if when somebody says we're gonna have a meet on relationships, they're not talking about your relationship with God, they're not talking about the relationship with other people, they're talk about sex and romance, relationship, which is what everybody in here craves, because that's what you think is going to fix you. Wrong, wrong, you know. That's the bottom line, and that's who I hang out with. And all of a sudden I I myself every day not turning my life over to God, but living a turned over life because I'm so involved in it and I'm so involved in the deal and I go to maybe five zoo meet his day. All I talk about as God. You know, somehow it all gets back to God. I don't know why, because said the big book told me. Since you do it, relationship with him is writing. Great events with come the best fel and countless others. And if that's alone, as it says, it says something very, very simple. It tells me something very, very simple. It says this. It says said something very set and simple. It talks about Oh, here it is, it's on my phone. I want to read this one thing to you. Very interesting. This is out of the Bible. Says be at peace among yourselves, and we urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the idol encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient with them all, see that no one...

...repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice, always rejoice, always pray without ceasing. Pray without ceasing, get thanks and all circumstances, for this is the will of God. And because I read that, I know who my God is and what he wants me to do. I am not confused. And he wants me to pray without seasons. How do you pray without ceasing when you think about the girls and the guy and everything? And all I know is I wake up every day thinking about God. I go to means every day I think about God. I go out to launch, I hang out with people. They are talking about God. I drive up here with a bunch of guys, I'm talking to them about God. We go out to dinner, I'm talking about God. I go to this room much week for an hour about God. I'll go back, I'll drive on home, I'll talk about God and I'm like a fanatic. You know I mean. I'm a fanatic. So don't do what I do. You know what I mean, because then what happens is there's your loose fear of people in their economic insecurity and you'll begin to know peace and you'll know the new freedom and the new happiness and you'll understand what these men were talking about when they talk about the promises and new life and drinking. Won't forget it, drinking when even we're not even talking about drinking this point. We're talking about being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence and experiencing much of heaven. So you got a lot of people in here that won't be drinking for a while and you got one of two people that are being rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence and experience much of heaven. And I'll tell you something. If that isn't true, if that is in something that you could have, then you should throw this big book away because they've been lying to you. But I'm a person who's going to tell you it's not a lie. It's perfectly obtainable if you thoroughly follow their path. Thank you very much. I.

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