AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 7 months ago

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House 6/17/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 6/17/2021  

My Name's Russell spats. I'm analcoholic. I remember the South Dixia Group. I have found that should have adrink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one.And so I'm seventy two years old, married forty years. I got marriedafter I three months sober and my sponsors at three months. My sponsor don'tmake any major decisions and I didn't think it was a big deal. Imay have been wrong about that. I'm not sure. I'm trying to workit out. My Wife's a member of our ladies are perpetual revenge Alan onand she has great she gelt does a great alm on ten step. WhenI'm wrong, she probably admits it and it's good to be here. Iwas, you know, I went to I went to a meeting to before. I go to about four, five zoom meetings a day and and soI went to a meeting today at four o'clock, my South Dick Sea groupmeeting, and a lot of you guys go to it and and they werereading chapter out of the book. I don't know what it was. Astory. One of the stories was very good. You know. It's abouta gallop came in when she was sixty years old and she was now seventyfive, so I guess she had fifteen years and and she was saying shewas thanking God for the sobriety she had, as do I, and she said, you know, if it wasn't for sobriety, and I really enjoyedthe story, and she says, if it wasn't her sobriety, she justthe seventy year old woman, seventy five year old woman, sitting at homedoing needle point and watching bowling for Dollard Y. I got a little depressedbecause I was doing needle point that I was waiting for bowling for dollars tocome on. You know, pretty close, pretty close. So we're going totalk a little bit about step six and step seven, step eleven,step one, step three. So you'll hear whatever you're supposed to hear.I'm going to talk about whatever I'm supposed to talk about it. I'm justgoing to try to carry the message. I know how to carry the message. Not My job, just to try to do the best job I cantonight and try to sincerely share with you what my situation is. One ofthe problems is is that I'm got a little bit over forty years. Nota record around here, but a record for me. And, and youmay find this hard to believe, I don't think so. I've actually changedthem last forty years. I had one day once and I've had thirty daysonce, sixty, ninety, hundred and twenty a year. I had fiveyears once. My sponsor told me. Joe Schneidi said. He said ittakes five years before your head pops out of your ass, you know whatI mean? And I got five years and he was wrong about that.Takes About fifteen to twenty years. But but son then he said I don'teven consider you sober until you have ten years. And ten years I said, well, I guess I'm sober now. He's as I meant twenty and hehad twenty years and it wasn't and and I've changed. I wouldn't wantto have to, I wouldn't you know. And it was. It was great. It was great when I'd had twenty years and if somebody told meat thirty years I'd have to go back to twenty years, I shoot myself. You know, it was twenty years was for Shit compared to thirty years. Thirty were years was nothing compared to forty years. The reason I'm sayingthat to you is because you know that song. I got to be me. I got to be me, I got to share about you. KnowI'm going to share with you truthfully what I have in my heart. ButI think the Lord put in my heart for you. At seventy two yearsof age, after raising four children, sober and seven grandchildren and self supportedby my own contributions, I've got, I got to share with you mymind and my thoughts at seven two years of age and forty years sobriety andso I can't force myself to sound like somebody with one month, and Ican't force myself to sound like somebody with...

...five years, and I can't.I can't. I don't know how to do thirty years anymore or fifteen.All I can do is forty years, seventy years of age, grateful toGod, and tell you a little bit about my story, what I've learned, and I've learned a lot, just like many of you have. Youknow, some of you have ten years. If I said to you if somesome of you have thirty days, if I said you have you learnedanything in the last thirty days, you'd say yeah, some of you haveone year. If I said, well, listen, if I have you learnedanything in the last year, are you the same person you were ayou're going to say Oh, absolutely not. And some of you have five years. I said, let me ask you something. How would you liketo go back to one year? Say No way, Jose a. Youknow every year things change. So so I just want you to I'm justgoing to suggest you one thing. I mean, I can't tell you whatto do. I was talking to the former Attorney General United States, whowas a Christian guy'm a Christian guy and and doesn't mean you have to beChristian. Don't worry about I'm not. Don't get upset or crazy, buthe we happen to be that. And I said to him, I saidto him, I said, and he was in Washington DC, and Isaid, well, how do you deal with that stuff? He says,he says, you know, my God, the God of my understanding, whichis why the God of my understand says he doesn't allow me. I'mnot allowed. It is not part of my religious upbringing or my religion toimpose my religion on anybody. But it is my obligation to expose my religion, expose who I am. You probably hear little statements round a things likeI'm spiritual, not religious. I'm not spiritual, never have been spiritual mylife. I'm a material man, if there's one you one of the thingsthat's happened to me, you know, and DCS about good old timers,the books, the big book was written on thousand nine hundred thirty nine,and and and a started in on nineteen thirty five and the big book saysthat was here in nineteen thirty nine. Says rarely haven't seen a person ofvillas thoroughly followed our path, thoroughly followed our path, and their path wasnot reading the Big Book of Alcoholics, anonymous. The Path was reading theHoly Bible. Just you know, you're in tile at your own you're atoad's your own opinion, just not on tops your own facts. And itsays if you want we have any woman go any late to get then you'regoing to take certain steps. And and I was certainly never raised a religiousguy or anything like that, but I I am an attorney and one ofthe thing and I'd like to think I took the second step or I continueto take the second step, continue to take the Stevens second step. Iused think the second step was about being open minded about drinking. But letme tell you something. I have a lot of guys that come up tome that have twenty five years. SURPRITY spawns a lot of people. Igot guys today come up with twenty five years, thirty years sobriety and theytell me they're not happy with their sobriety and they're miserable. And I listenedto him for a few minutes and I say, let me suggest something toyou, and I suggest some to you, to you and they say you don'tunderstand. I'm not going to do that. So the second step isfor guys with thirty five years too, and maybe for forty years. Youknow what I mean, because the second step has to be be an openminded and we have a book that says we lose all prejudice, even againstorganized religion, everything. You know. It's in our big book. BillWilson said the next step is as emotional is emotional surprise. That's the nextstep, emotional sobriety. And he said we have a thing in our bookssays we we lose all prejudice, even against organized religion, we begin tosee where they're right and we adopt some of those deals. And all througha a in this country people just can't wait to bash organized religion and bestreligious people and make religious people sound like...

...they're stupid. And you're stupid ifyou're religious, you're stupid if you study the Bible. And because of abad upbringing or because of a shove down their throat of whatever the reason is, they have a resentment our hard heart off religion. But from my pointof view they're not sober. I don't want what they have, you know. I want what they talked about in the big book. I want whatBill Wilson had when he said the Lord has been so wonderful to me,cure me of this sebals. These I want to I want to keep talkingabout and telling other people I like. What I want what Dr Bob hadwhen he said if you're an atheist or an ignostic, have any kind ofintellectual pride that keeps you from reading what's in this book and understanding and acceptthat, and I feel sorry for you. You're heavenly but father will never letme down, let let you down. I want what it talks about inthe in the Dr Bottom, the good old timers when they said thebooks that we found absolutely essential, absolutely essential was first Clinthians thirteen, sermonon the Mount of the book of James. You know, I want what theold timers had and what a is all about, before it was watereddown because of our natural codependency as alcoholics. Because where the drinking is really asymptom of the problem, the real problems sends my mind, not mybody. And unless until alcohol accepts his alcoholism or all its consequences, thesobriety be precarious. And without question, one of the consequences of alcoholics iswe want people to like us and to love us and feel good about usand we want to blend. We're not leaders, were followers and we're alwaysthinking about what other people to think out of ours us, even though wetell ourselves, I'm give a shit what other people think about us. Wejust we are just going to do whatever we have to do to blend intopeople like us. And the bottom line is, as soon as we getthe feeling that there are people in here that Hate God, hate religion,hate that. We joined the club and we get scared and we're not goingto say anything about that deal because we don't want people to reject us,and that's not really a good thing. As part of the disease, ithas to do with fear of people in Economic Insecurity, which runs rampant,fear cross of fed runs rampant with alcoholics, and a life filled with fear,which is what I had for thirty one years and maybe for another twentyyears after that after being sober, is not a life worth living at all. I didn't I didn't come here to worry about what a hundred people inan a room think about may because I want to talk about the god ofmy understanding what he's done for me. You understand. I just didn't dothat. I didn't come here to talk about the six step, which separatesthe men from the boys. Separates the men from the boys. That's whatthey say. Listen, you don't have to leave me believe the big book, Our problem says it separates the men from the boys. Apparently there aremen and apparently there are boys. Now, the good news is I was aboy for many years in Aa and I became a man. I'm goingto talk a little bit about that. I'd like to think I became aman, you know, and in order to be a decide with you becomea man, there's a little test in the book to the in the Twelveand twelve. So I'm going to tell you the test. You can determinewhether you're a man or you're a boy. And the good thing is if youcould be a boy and become a man, and you could be awoman and become a girl, that's the good thing. And you could bea boy and remain a boy for thirty five forty years and you become thebe you could be a girl and remain a girl for thirty five forty years. You can be a seventy five year old girl or you can be aseventy five year old boy or you become a man in a a what atalks about them dies between the men and the boys, and I'm going toread you the stuff from the big book so you can make your own decisionthat way, one way or the other. You know what I mean. I'mnot going to'm just going to stick the facts, you know, becausethat's what I'm here to do. I'm here to talk about the six stuffand I have a little sign in my office and the sign says it's fromthe movie a true good few good man, and it says it says the truth. You can handle the truth. Remember Jack Nichols is wasn't. Saysyou want the truth, you can handle the truth. And if there's onething alcoholics can't handle is the truth. When my wife said to me,if you come home my first life you've come home drunk one more time,I'm leaving you, and I was as...

...sober as I am right now physically, and I drove my car three miles away and I stopped at a redlight and all of a sudden I said in my mind, what the helldid she mean by that? And I was like floored because I didn't understandwhat she was talking about. I learned that one of the consequences my alcoholismis that whenever I hear something I don't like, it confuses me, sometimesit pisses me off and I get mad at the person who's saying it andthen ten years like. It's happened to me many, many times, andalcoholics anonymous. They come up to me they say, you know, Iused to hate you, but now I love when I first heard you,I hated your guts. You know. So you know I don't I you'regoing to hate my guts. As a matter of fact, I asked mysponsor once, do you still get resentments, and he said get them, Igive them, and I couldn't believe it because I couldn't I couldn't handleif somebody didn't like me. And in the bottom line is is now Iknow I'm here to comfort the disturb the disturb the comfortable. So I'm goingto say some stuff and I'm not here looking for a popularity content. I'mgoing to say some stuff that's unpopular, because the truth is I'm Kon popularbecause when you're dealing with insane people that need to be in this restored tosanity, and your mind is in stained, is insane and your thoughts are insane, and you come to alcoholics anonymous and you happen to bump in tosomebody who's been given the grace and the beauty of this program to be becomesane and be able to see who I actually am, not who I thinkI am, but who I really am. The book tells me who I amdoesn't say I'm just got a few problems or I'm not. I'm abasically a good boy, like my grandmother said. The book says I'm selfishand I'm self centered and I'm driven by a hundred forms of fear, selfdelusion, self seek selfdelusion. My alcoholic life and thinking seems the only normalone. And if you think that alcoholism asking with drinking, forget it.Nobody in AA is drinking. They do drink and and some of you willdrink again. But if you drink, it won't be because you crave alcohol. It'll be because you because you can't handle sobriety, because you eat it, because you're restless. Eri will discontented because you haven't treated your alcoholism,which which has to do with how you think. That's why you will drink, and many people in here will drink. When you start separating out the menfor the boys, let me tell you something. Many of your callbut few are chosen. I got, I can count that. Two thousand, three thousand people I'll meet that slip and slide. Get Ten years andslip, twenty years and Slip Thirty Year in, slip five years and slipfinally come in and maybe they got twenty years and they're not happy with this. Sobriety. They're going through the third divorce. You know, they're worriedabout the worried about this, the worried about that. They're anxious to everyone person. I meet one person out of three thousand WHO's got over thirtyyears and is is experience the joint of joy of living in this last fearbill in economic insecurity. So I guess it's the you know, the sameaddress rehearsal. It's not like you get to eighty years old Thani been say, man, maybe maybe I should have done it. I remember that guywas speaking at that meaning maybe I should have done it that way. It'snot like you got to do over. You know what I mean. Youknow you got to do over. So you know, I'm just here toshare my the truth of my deal, and I'm going to read you acouple of things and I'm going to say a couple things. It's going toPiss you off, okay, but it's good to be pissed off, youknow, because whenever you disturbing, that what the cause or something wrong withyou. So if I piss you off I'm giving you like a spiritual inmourn. You see alcohol. You know, for instance, alcohol's like to sayI'm spiritual, not religious. I'm not spiritual. I'm exactly what theysay the book. I'm I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven bya hundred forms of fear, self delusion, some seeking. I step on thetoes of others. They retaliate, seeming that provocation. But I've learned. I made decisions based upon self, which puts me a position to beheard. so that alcohol a self forward, right though we usually doesn't think so. Above everything, he must get rid of his alcoholism, the thinking. He must or kills us. God...

...makes that possible. God makes thatpossible. That's who makes it possible. And no other way it's been ableto do it except for God. And that's what Dr Young told girls.That won't has here and there, once a while, here and there,once in a while. It's like a miracle. It's a phenomena. Theypeople have vitals, psychic, substantial changes in their life. Ideas, I'mmost as an attitudes that are guiding for their life are pushed one side.They become they become dominated by homely set of ideas, emotions and attitudes,which is what has happened to me over forty years, from going to bea a born again skirt chaser, lounge lizard to one who's chasing the Lordall over town and just wants to talk about God all the time. Andthis didn't and I didn't come in here saying, listen, is there anyway I can become a deacon in the Presbyterian Church and, you know,Love God and talk about him in front of a bunch of people and praythem all time? Can I? Can I possibly do that? You know, I walk on the alcohol. I didn't sign up for that crap.You understand what I'm saying. But that's what's happened over forty years and Ican't hide it, you know, and go Wilson didn't hid it and DrBob didn't hide it. You know why? Because they wrote a book and theytalked about sober people. They said sober people. It says our lifeis now devoted to God. We utterly abandon ourselves to God and we neverapologized, never apologize for our faith in God. They said all men offaith have courage, they trust their God. We never apologize with God. Welet him demonstrate in our life what he can do for us and whatwe had happened to us. And that's what men a faith do and that'swhat a mostly sober people do, and that's what the men do, whilethe boys say, well, we don't want to talk too much about thatbecause it makes me uncomfortable. And if it makes you uncomfortable, the axiomsays, is frial sactions, is something wrong with you. So you goout there and you make your fourth sepulist, a fifth step list, whatever this. You want to talk to your sponsor, talk to everybody and everylike that, and maybe one day, if you're lucky, you'll get downon your knees you'll say now I understand what the guy was talking about.And if not, I guarantee you life is humbling experience and life will letyou know exactly what's going on. I mean it really will, because we'rea self cleaning up it in here and every year, every two years,every three years, the booze comes through and Wif's out the bullshit. Andall those guys said, well, I'M gonna walked out of here for what'sGodar somebody said this robbing that's up. They got wipe the fuck out.They go to the prison, they die, they go to jail and a agets purified of the bullshit. And that's how it works in here.It's very simple. Okay, it's very simple around this deal, you know. So that's that's the deal. So I want to talk to you aboutthe real deal. So let me tell you don't first of all, wehave to get our definitions straight, the difference between the men of the boys. So let me read to you. And you know what the book says. It says this. It says, above everything, we must get ridof self you, when I ask my spons to explain what that men aboutthe alcoholism, about the selfishesstem self centeredness, because you spent the first ten yearsin a. You spend the first ten years and a just trying tolearn what this selfishness looks like, because you think if you're not drinking you'reokay. You're basically a good diet about bad breaks, the misunderstandings you'll likewhen people say you're blaming people everything. That and you got to learn forten years by repeating humiliations. I'm not making this shit up. I thisis quotes from by repeating humiliations and the final crushing our self sufficiency. Yougot to do the first step over and over, the palace step, overand over and over again. On Lust. You got to do it on Romance. You got to look good, do on you got to do iton on spending money. Don't have to buy shit, you don't need toimpress people you don't like. You got it. You got to do itover and over on every second of your life to wipe all that bullshit down. And it takes years to learn. I was insane about this. Iwas insane about that. You got to start giving up stuff. You knowwhy? You got to give it. You got to give up guys.You got to give up those redheads. Give them up. You've tried toscrew every one of them for last twenty, thirty years. You wanted something,got no where, you got drunk...

...girls. You got to give up. The man's not going to fix I'm telling you, I'm a man.I love men, I love hanging around men. You know, I feelfar sorry for any woman who's thinking some man's going to fix them. Ain'tgonna happen. You know what I mean. I have this vertical relationship with God, who I know who he is, I know what he wants me tobe, because I'm clear about that, and it helps me to have ahorizontal relationship and an intimate relationship and love other people, and that's allI need. Believe me, I'm addicted to more things than alcohol, andif you're an alcoholic alcoholist, you know I'll tell you that's the most obviousthing, because no woman, no car, no amount of money, no suitof clothes, no job, ever work quite as well and quite asfast as just a few drinks. And it worked every single time. Butyou know something, girl work to the sex work, to the romance work, to the car work, to the money work too, and so youspend the next twenty years, you know you do, chasing that Shit,worried about why you don't have that guy, why you don't have that girl,why you don't have that job, why don't have that money, beingconvinced if you only had that everything, and if only your yes butter,if only had this, only had that, if only this fly, if only, over and over and over again, you get the Shit beat out ofyou all the time till somehow your forced to your knees. Some peopledrink. Some people that just you know, get said about in depressed and Ifinally says, listen, there's one thing you can have right now,immediately. You don't need any money to bank. You can give your lifeto God. You mean, pray and do all that stuff that Guy Russellwas till you can do all that. You know what first things first meanDr Bob's way of shorthead saying seeky first. The King of God and his righteousault things will be added unto you. You know the big book says.It says once we may. You know, my sponsor told me whatthat selfishness thing send me says, Rust Wood. It basically means you don'tgive a shit about anybody except yourself. I said, I don't know,I like the way they say in the big book better. You know.You know what it says in the big book. It says it says onceyou make a sincere decisions. Now listen, the words sincere likes utterly, abit utterly abandoned. They use these crazy what's thoroughly utterly abandoned? Onceyou make a sincere decision, for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen.Being all powerful, he gives you everything you need if you stay closeto him and perform as well well. And how you're going to stay closeto him when the only thing you're doing is trying to figure out to getall that other bullshit into your life, worried about why you don't have itand trying to manage life so you get all that and giving lip service toGod lifts service to God, if, if at all, if at all. So here's what it says in step six, in the twelve and twelve. We're entirely ready to have God. You know, it's like being entirelyready to stop drinking. I became entirely ready to stop drinking, but Ididn't become entirely ready to do anything else, because there's an age just about drinking, handing out medallions. Don't drink anything, ass falls off. Imean you got to feel that all you have to his night light. Stayoff my back, I'm not drinking. You know, we're in tirade.Have God remove all these defects of character, to completely change. This is thisstep that separates the men for the voice. This is the step thattells you who are the real deal and who are the pretenders. Somebody askedme. Why does it take so long? Why does it take ten, fifteen, twenty years? I said, well, you know, maybe Godwants to sort of weed out the pretenders. Do you think it's possibly an alcoholicand a phony fig as possible? Do you think it's a possible tobe an alcoholic and phony and full of Shit? Possible? It's a fuckingqualification. It's a prerequisite. You know what I mean. You don't seeit in yourself, but you know good sponsor will see it. A goodsponsor will tell you about it, a good sponsor will confront you with it. You know you're full of Shit, like I'll grout told me when Itold him what my promises is. You know what I think? I thinkyou're full of Shit. Well, man, your Jesuit priest, I can saythat to me, as I think...

...you're full of Shit. And thenhe laid it on, told me why I was full of Shit. Iwent back hating them, hating them, I got down sounded that. Isaid, Holy Shit, he's right. This is the step that separates themen from the boys. So declares a well loved clergyman who happens to beone of the greatest friends he goes on. Well, I guess he missed thatpart about about people hating religion. Bill Wilson's judguit priests sponsors, mentor, you know, I guess, one of the greatest friends. Yeah,I'm spiritual and religious. He goes on to explain that any person capable ofenough willingness and enough honesty to try repeatedly stepsis on all his faults without reservationswhatsoever, has indeed come a long way spiritually, and this is what theymean by spiritually, and is therefore entitled to be called a man who issincerely. There's a since really again trying to grow in the image and likenessof his own creator. So if you're trying to grow in the image andlikes this with God, the men of the boys. All through the bookthey have a chapter to the agnostic. You don't the chapter agnostic says,but you see, one of the problems that I understand is that I don'tsee things the way they really are. I see things the way I wantit to be. So if you I I'll read something the book that meanssomething completely different than what I read, and I don't think it means onething. I mean I just think it means something else. And they havethis chapter agnostic and it says if a mere code of morals or better philosophyof life would have helped us. We've been sober long time ago, butsuch codes and morals did not help us. And then I have guys to tellme, and I understand these are stepping stones. You may have oneyear or two years and it's an eye. Have People that tell me that it'sgood, orderly direction, and the big book says just the opposite.The Big Book says if a mere code of morals, a better philops ofwife would have helped us. You know, we the commandments, all that's up, would have done a long time ago, but they never helped us. It's not enough. And you got guys, send your sober. Well, my I'm good orderly direction. Get at it, g Oh d,just the opposite of whether he says. But they didn't help us. Wehad to find a power. Our problem was powerless as we had to finda power, and that means we wrote a book that we're going to talkabout God, and then it says right, if that's here. is where wehave problems with alcoholics, because the boys and the girls that hackles intheir next stand up and they say screw you. And those are the oneswho aren't going to Nake it. They're going to get something, but ain'tgoing to be what we have. They're going to be a former path,form of surbriety without power, without power, you know what I mean, aform of sobriety without power. And so if I have twenty five percentof alcoholics that hate my God, I said, sure will. They saythey're going to hate me in the big book. They said they're going tohate me in the Bible. You know, that's what they say. They're goingto hate. You're going to talk about this stuff, you're gonna behated and if you're an alcoholic, you're going to hate so much to behated. You can be such a people pleaser, so worry about you willtoss God under the bus and you will not talk about God and you'll goin the other direction just because you want people to like you. Half measuresof Elis nothing. There is no middle of the road solution. God iseverything or he is nothing. What the fuck do you think that talking about? Really? What the Hell do you think they're talking about? Really?What do you think they're talking about when they say half measure. God iseverything or he's nothing. And I'll tell you know what it says in ChapterAgnostics. It says, you know, being an agnostic and an atheist.It says this sort of thinking must be abandon abandoned, must be abandoned,get rid of it. If you don't get past that, if your understandus with chapter Agnostistan saying, and they might as well set tests, thatcall our organization now not alcoholics, anonymous...

...agnostics, anonymous atheist, anonymous.So let me tell you the three types of atheists. There's three types ofatheists according to our literature. It and you to figure out which one youare or whether you're neither one. There's the atheists who say they're atheist.You got it. I'm an atheist. I don't believe in God. Youknow. I don't believe in God. You know. You know. Thebook says I can believe anything I want. That's the way they read the book. The book says I read a. They take the appendance to where whateveryour own conception of God is, because a is a spiritual kindergarten.Of course, some of US would like to get to like make me thefifth grade. But you know what, any they say that and they takethat appendix to and they hold up they say I can believe in anything,and so I decide I'm not going to believe in God, and they wipeout everything that's in the big book, Everything Bill Wilson says, where itsays encourage church membership, everything that. They wipe it all out and it'sswallowed up by atheism. Aa Endorses Atheism. It's a good thing and you couldbe one of those and see how life treat in, how your sprietygoes, or you can be an agnostic, which is a chicken shit atheist.That's what it is. An agnostic is a chipping in any event,whether you believe it's a chicken shit atheist or not, it's basically somebody saysI'm just not going to make the decision where I'm not ready to make adecision. I'm not saying I don't believe in God. I'm not saying Ibelieve in God. Half measure of the Ellis nothing, but listen, I'ma half measure kind of God. You know. I mean, you justyour but you had thrown in the same pot as the atheist, you're oneof the boys or one of the girls. And and then here's the third typeof atheist is the one you go to love. The are the onesthat say they believe in God but they live a godless life. They're shamedof God. They're ashamed of God. If they ever accidentally talk about Godin a meeting, they apologize. I know it says me. Never probablyapologize. They're never bold about they never proclaim God. The goodness Po Jazzsaid. They'll do the Lord's prayer, they'll do the you know, they'lldo the Lord's prayer, they'll do the you know serenity prayer. They'll saythey believe in God, but they their life is not about God, it'sabout themselves in the world. So let me read you something out of theseventh step, which I think you might with the bit set. What saysabout those people? This is not in the seventh step, this lack ofthat. When it talks about people that are are settling like six steps,settling, settling okay for former sobriety without trying to grow in the image andlikeness of their creator. This is what it says. It says this lackof anchorage to any permanent values. There's used to be an all the countryin western song. What was that song? I mean got this is happens.It says you got to believe in something or you'll fall for anything.Are Your if you make up your own rules, if your God is goodorly direction, or what you think your God is. By the way,if your God is good to lay direction, who's the one then who decides whoyour God is and what his rules are? Well, that would beyou. What a great and glorious idea. So if you decide it's okay tocheat on your wife or who around or something like that, that wouldbe okay because your God says you can do that. What a great alcoholicidea. The Liberty do whatever the hell you want to do because you can'tjudge me. Who was that? You've got your God and I've got myGod. You've got your program and I've got my program and that's that's agreat deal. You know, I would go for that one too. I'dbe pissed anybody said anything else other than that, especially if I was raised, I guess, in a home where they shoved religion down my thuck throatand I understand why those people who the...

...toughest this lack of Ad Anchorage.But this is what they say in the big book. This lack of anchorage, that any permitive values, this blindness to the true purpose of our lives, to trust in God, to give our lives to God, to abandonourselves to God and do be a maximum service to God and other people,produced another bad result. It's a bad result for just so long as wewere convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence,for just that long was a working faith in a higher power. Am Possible. Just because you say God doesn't mean it's impossible. This was true.Who, even when we believed that God existed. Now this is scary,this is true. You can't even get this. And even if you believethat God existed, we could actually have earnest religious beliefs which remained barren,barren without power, because we were still trying to play God ourselves. Aslong as we play self, reliance first January, reliance upon a higher powerwas out of the question. That basic ingredients. Of all you meant you, all of all, humility, a desire to seek him do God's will, was missing. Now Listen, I'm just reading stuff from the big bookin the twelve and twelve. I mean you may think this is my opinion, I'm just reading. You know what I'm doing. I had a galcome up me one day and she said, Oh, I love the way yousaid this. Then the other thing. I said, you mean the wayI read the big book was she said Yeah. I said, well, that's out of the big boy says yeah, but it's the way youread it. The way you read it. So I can't run away from it. I can't make believe it's not there. It's it's right in myface and I'm not doing any of that shit. I laugh and I rollmy eyes at guys that talk about God. I get uncomfortable when people talk aboutGod. I don't want to even consider having to give my life toGod. I didn't sign up for that stuff. I want a man,I want a woman, I want sex. So we had five minutes left,so I have to I have to do this. I'll see what Ican do it in five minutes. We're going to try to do this.I have to be a little piece of myself, because it says our storiesdisclose in a general way. What we used to be like. What happened? I believe this power, intestinoney, power in the story. So I'mgoing to tell you in five minutes my story about the sixth step or theseventh step, or the eleventh step, of the third step, well,the twelve step. I'm not sure what it is. She'll figure it out. Here's my story. I was beating down to a pulp, I wasbeating down to my knees. I thought my life was always done a goodbetter again. I was thirty one years old. I came on one nighton the seven twenty five nineteen eighty, Christmas Day, Christmas night, atthree at Christ three o'clock in the morning on Christmas to day, Guy cameon the TV. He started talking about Jesus. He said, if youwant to change your life, get down on your knees and give your lifeto Jesus. I got down on my knees, gave my life to Jesus. I said the center's prayer, you're with me so far, and andthat was that deal, which is not a big deal, and I'm notsaying everything changed. Is Math, but I'm not sure anything changed. Threepriests and a rabbity and come down with a bunch of donuts. Same wegot an a meeting going on here. As my fact, I continue todrink and it's not a big deal for a lot of you people, butfor a Jewish get from York, it was a big deal. I cantell you that. And I did that, and all I know is, thirtydays later, I looked up at the sea I said I after Iwas I almost killed myself an accent and told somebody else. On a hospitalGurney, I looked up and I said, God help me, and something happenedand something changed and something snapped in me. I got in alcoholics anonymus. I pick up a why atch you, I B I asked the man tobe my sponsor. This is like. I asked the man named Bob sowill be my sponsor, and he said this is what the deal is, Russell. He says, if you ever going to call me before youtake your first drink, not after. I don't want to hear from you. He said, I want you to take this twenty four hour book.The twenty four our book was as an incredible book I read for fifteen years. I still read it. It's basically a compilation of the big book andthe Holy Bible. He said, I...

...want you this twenty four our book, every day, each day, the day for the twenty four book theday. I want you to get down on your knees when you do itand I want you to say these words. God, please help me to besober just for today. I did it every day for fifteen years andthen I started reading other things, you know, and the bottom line is, and I don't know why. I don't know why I did that.I don't. I know they're gods in here. Say, well, Iwould have got another spots. I don't know why. Saw I wanted whathe had. I was willing to go to anything. Yeah, I walkedinto it a room. I'm a practicing lawyer. I'm a former division chiefof the states. Stays off. I put guys in jail. I tryand for first me murder. I'm a do this shit. I'm chasing womenall over town. I got down on my knees. I did that that. Go to a meeting. They say say this rny prayer. I sayit. They say hold hands for Lords, for I hold hands for the LauraLord's prayer. They they tell me if anything's going wrong in my life. So I'm say this rny prayer. If I ever get fucked up inthe mind the friend it goes crazy, just say God, grant me thisRandy acept things I cannot change, courage to change the said. Well,the problem was is I was newly sober and every five seconds I was fuckedup. Every five second shit was happening to my love and so I saidthe surendy prayer about threezero times a day. Okay, then one day and itwasn't working. It was working great, but sometimes it didn't work. Isaid, I have these crazy thoughts. He said, is what I wantyou to do whenever you have a crazy thought. What I want youto do is I want you to say God, please don't let me thinkthis way. So I had a crazy thought one day and I said God, please don't let me think this way, and the thought one way, HolyShit, this thing works, and another crazy thort, God please don'tlet me think this way, and it went away. And so now I'msaying this serendy prayer. I'm saying God, please don't let me think this way. I'm going to these meetings. You know I'm talking about God andthis is the way I'm being trained and all of a sudden one day,you know, I all of a sudden, one day I'm like ten years sober. I'm speaking all over town, I'm going to conventions and everything.You know, I'm doing service, I'm doing the whole bid. I've gotthese sponsors. He gets me a book. He says read the what's that?The sermon on the mound by what's his face? I'm reading sermon onthe Mount. I mean something the Bible. But I reached a glass ceiling.Things aren't going so well for me and I don't know what the promisesome guy tops on the shoulder and says you want to go to Bible study? I said no, I don't do that. It says why don't youdo it, and I'm thinking, I said I don't do it. I'lltell you why I didn't do it. I knew I didn't. I didn'tdo it because I was afraid. I was afraid what my Aunt Jone mightthink. She's been dead for twenty years, but didn't matter. I was afraidshe might come out of the grave. I'm afraid what they'll think about whatthey think about me and a a I don't think it's good in A. I don't think people like that in a I don't think you could saythat stuff in there. But somehow in my mind the book comes through.That fear should not stop me from going through with something like that, ifit may help me. So I start going to Bible study and now I'mstudying Bible with forty men, you know, most of which are seventy, eightyand ninety years old. been studying for forty years. I'm studying thesame shit that we're reading here, but the original source material that they werereading. And meanwhile I'm sitting next to a guy sit next to me andhe's, like said, sixty five years old. His name is John Glenn. He's a missionary, about this priest, that Baptist minister, and he's gotfifty years sobriety, or something like that. It's like sixty five,seventy years old or something. He's got like fifty years sobriety. And mysponsor dies, my second sponsor dies. I asked him to be my sponsorand then he issues me that Bible study. I joined that Church, I becomea deacon in that church. I started ministry there called the live again, which is like a toll step ministry. But we use scripture a lot andthen next thing you know, he interests me to another Bible study themBSF than three hundred men who are meeting all this sort of stuff, andall I'm doing is I'm talking as I'm sponsoring people, I'm reading the Bibleevery day, I'm I'm parent, hanging out with people, and and andnot only that, and the only people I'm hanging out with a guys thatare focused on God. And I read all of a sudden the big bookit says we says we encouraged in the...

...big book. We encouraged church membership, most of us, but long to these organizations. Why? Because thesewere guys that were men that wanted to know God, know who he isand they wanted to grow in their experience and increase their conscious contact with God. So if I wanted to increase my conscious contact with guys who wanted toget laid, I go to the playboy club and I talked about them.But conscious contact with guys that want to gamble, I go to Las Vegas, but upon a Prescott hang out with guys. I want to talk aboutGod. Well, I could go to a but they're not talking about Godand a. So I go to church. So I go to Bible Study andnow I'm talking about God. I'm hanging round with guys about God.I go down to eat with John Glenn. John Gole says, what are youdoing? I said I'm meeting a since can eat, since we gotto give God thanks. And all of sunny bows his head in front ofa denny's with a million different people there and he says this prayer is likea long prayer, not like thanks for the food and the Chow and Godbless this. And I know I'm looking around that other people because I'm worriedwhat they're going to think about me, because I still got that fear people. And all of a sudden, John Grant you will Glenn is my mentorand I'm loving on him and real chief and he's talking about God. Andthen me and Stevie go out to California and get into a bead. Hegets to do a bad car accident and almost everybody's killing this glass all overthe place and he talks about this and its testimony and John Glenn to takehim by the same the hand and John Gularz, a man with sixty yearssobriety, you know, takes him by the hand and while the glasses allover, the police are coming and people are almost dead, he says getdown and knees. They get down in the knees in the middle of thePacific coast highway and he prays to God and he praises them and thanks themfor our lives. And so those are the men I'm hanging around, notthe boys. Five years from now the person will become with the gun punt, the people you cut, you you hang out with in the books.You read the books, read Wid Punt to keep people you hang out with. You either hang out with the wise guys and the cool guys in here, the cool gals in here, but you'll find hang out with the realdeal, with the guys that were like the founders. So I'm going toclose up with one. And so now I'm reading Bible every day, I'mtalking to people, I'm hanging out the people I hang out with every dayfor lunch or sponsees and grand sponse's where we talk about the twelve sets andwe talked about the Bible. We having a live again meeting every Friday thatwe talk about the body of Bible Studies. I go to a meetings. Itell you know what I talked about. It a meanings. You'll never leavethis. I talk about God every meeting. That's all. I'm soboring. I just talked about this shit because nobody else is. So Idon't get all nervous. You go to another meaning, they'll talk about gratitudeor anger or whatever, relationships, which means sex, by the way.They've never if when somebody says we're gonna have a meet on relationships, they'renot talking about your relationship with God, they're not talking about the relationship withother people, they're talk about sex and romance, relationship, which is whateverybody in here craves, because that's what you think is going to fix you. Wrong, wrong, you know. That's the bottom line, and that'swho I hang out with. And all of a sudden I I myself everyday not turning my life over to God, but living a turned over life becauseI'm so involved in it and I'm so involved in the deal and Igo to maybe five zoo meet his day. All I talk about as God.You know, somehow it all gets back to God. I don't knowwhy, because said the big book told me. Since you do it,relationship with him is writing. Great events with come the best fel and countlessothers. And if that's alone, as it says, it says something very, very simple. It tells me something very, very simple. It saysthis. It says said something very set and simple. It talks about Oh, here it is, it's on my phone. I want to read thisone thing to you. Very interesting. This is out of the Bible.Says be at peace among yourselves, and we urge you, brothers and sisters, admonish the idol encourage the faint hearted, help the weak, be patient withthem all, see that no one...

...repays anyone evil for evil, butalways seek to do good to one another and to everyone. Rejoice, alwaysrejoice, always pray without ceasing. Pray without ceasing, get thanks and allcircumstances, for this is the will of God. And because I read that, I know who my God is and what he wants me to do.I am not confused. And he wants me to pray without seasons. Howdo you pray without ceasing when you think about the girls and the guy andeverything? And all I know is I wake up every day thinking about God. I go to means every day I think about God. I go outto launch, I hang out with people. They are talking about God. Idrive up here with a bunch of guys, I'm talking to them aboutGod. We go out to dinner, I'm talking about God. I goto this room much week for an hour about God. I'll go back,I'll drive on home, I'll talk about God and I'm like a fanatic.You know I mean. I'm a fanatic. So don't do what I do.You know what I mean, because then what happens is there's your loosefear of people in their economic insecurity and you'll begin to know peace and you'llknow the new freedom and the new happiness and you'll understand what these men weretalking about when they talk about the promises and new life and drinking. Won'tforget it, drinking when even we're not even talking about drinking this point.We're talking about being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence and experiencing much ofheaven. So you got a lot of people in here that won't be drinkingfor a while and you got one of two people that are being rocketed inthe fourth dimension of existence and experience much of heaven. And I'll tell yousomething. If that isn't true, if that is in something that you couldhave, then you should throw this big book away because they've been lying toyou. But I'm a person who's going to tell you it's not a lie. It's perfectly obtainable if you thoroughly follow their path. Thank you very much. I.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (97)