AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 4 months ago

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House 6/17/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 6-7 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 6/17/2021  

My name is Russell Spats, I'm analcoholic. I remember the Coptic group I havefound no t have a drink since January, twenty one tousand, nine hundred andeighty one, and so I'm seventy two years old married forty years I gotmarried after a three months, sober and my sponsors at three months. My sponsordon't make any major decisions and I didn't think it was a big deal. I mayhave been wrong about that. I'm not sure I'm trying to work it out. MyWife's, a member of our ladies, are perpetual revenge Alenan and she has great she get. Does a greatalmon ten step when I'm wrong. She promptly admits it and it's good to be here. I was you know Iwent to. I went to a meeting to for I go to about four orfive zoo minus a day, and- and so I went to a meeting today at four o'clock,my self tacere meeting and a lot of you guys go to it and and they were readinga chapter out of the book. I don't know what it was a story. Oneof the stories. It was very good. You know I was about a Gallo came in whenshe was sixty years old and she was now seventy five. So I guessshe had fifteen years and and she was saying she was thanking God for thesobriety she had as to I- and she said you know if it wasn't for sobriety, andI really enjoyed the story and he says if it wasn't for sobriety. She just bea seventy year old woman, seventy five year old woman sitting at home, doingneedle point and watching bowling for dollars. I got will depress because I was doingneedle point that I was waiting for bowling for dollars to come on. Youknow pretty close, pretty close, so we'regoing to talk a little bit about step, sex and step seven step eleven step, one step three, so you'll hear whatever you're supposedto hear I'm going to talk about what ever I'm supposed to talk about. I'mjust going to try to car the message. I don't know how to carry the message,not my job, just to try to do the best job I can tonight and try to sincerely share withyou. What my situation is. One of the problems is is that I'm got a littlebit over forty years, not a record around here, but a record for me and-and you may find this hard to lieve- I don't think so. I've actually changedthem the last forty years. I had one day once and I I had thirty days once sixty ninety hundred and twenty a yearI had five years once my sponsor told me Joe Snide said he said it takes fiveyears before your head pops out of your ass. You know what I mean and I gotfive years and I was wrong about that takes aboutfifteen to twenty years, but but so then he said I don't even consideryou sober until you have ten years and I had ten years I said. Well, I guessI'm sober Nisas, I'm an twenty and they had twenty years and I wasn'tand and I've changed I wouldn't want to have to I- wouldn't you know- and itwas was great. It was great when I had twenty years and if somebody told me a thirty years, I'dhave to go back to twenty years. I shoot myself, you know I was twenty years was for ship compared tothirty years. Thirty weird years was nothing comparedto forty years. The reason I'm saying that to you isbecause you know that's song, I got to be me. I got to be me I got to shareabout you know I'm going to share with you truthfully what I have in my heart,when I think the Lord put I my heart for you at seventy two years of age after raising four children, sober andseven grandchildren and self supported by my own contributions. I've got I gotto share with you my mind and my thoughts at seven, two years of age and fortyyear sobriety, and so I can't force myself to soundlike somebody with one month.

I can't force myself to sound likesomebody with five years, and I can't I can't I don't know how todo thirty years anymore or fifteen. All I can do is forty years, seventy yearsof age, grateful to God and tell you a littlebit about my story. What I've learned I've learned a lot. Just like many ofyou have. You know some of you have ten years. If I said to you, have some someof you have thirty days. If I said you have you learned anything in the lastthirty days, you'd say yeah. Some of you have one year. If I saidwell, listen, if I have you learned anything in the last year, are you thesame person? You were your go say, oh absolutely not, and so, if you have five years I said,let me ask you something: How would you like to go back to one year say no wayOse, you know so every year things changed so so I just want you to I'm just going tosuggest you one thing I mean I can't tell you what to do. I was talking to the a former attorneygeneral United States, who was a Christian Gomarist, an guy and a anddoesn't mean you have to be Christian, don't worry about, I'm not don't getupset or crazy, but he we happened to be that and I said to him. I said to him I said, and he was inWashington D C and I said well, how do you do with that stuff? He says he saysyou know my God, the God of my understanding, which is my we got of myunderstands he doesn't allow me I'm not allowed. It is not part of my religious up, brain or my religion to impose my religion on anybody, but it is my obligation to expose myreligion exposed, who I am. You probably hear little statements aroundday. Things like I'm spiritual, not religious, I'm not experience, neverhave been spiritual. My Life, I'm a material man. If there's one you one ofthe things that's happening, you know, and dock o good old timers the book theBig Book was Rone Thousand Nine hundred and thirty, nine and and and a start inthousand nine hundred and thirty five and the big book says that was nineThryne, as rarely I've seen the person villas thoroughly followed our path thoroughly. Fouled Up Hath and their path was not reading the BigBook of alcoholics anonymous the Path was reading the Holy Bo. Just you knowyour intill, your own, your attach your own opinion just on to your own facts, and I says: If you want, we have andyou will go to any lay to get. Then you take certain steps and- and I wascertainly never raised a religious guy or anything like that, but I'm anattorney and one of the thing and I'd like to think I took the second step Er.I continue to take. The second step continue to take this seens of secondstep. I just think the second step was about being open minded about drinking,but let me tell you something: I have a lot of guys that come up to me thathave twenty five years, surprise pons a lot of people. I got a guys today comeup with twenty five years, thirty years sobriety and they tell me they're nothappy with their sobriety and they're miserable, and I listen to her for afew minutes, and I say let me suggest something to you andI suggest some to you to you and they say you don't understand, I'm not goingto do that. So the second step is for guys forthirty five years too, and maybe for forty years. You knowwhat I mean, because the second step has to be be an open minded and we havea book that says we lose all prejudice even against organized religion. Youever even you know, t send our big book bill. Wilson said the next step isemotional is vocal. Surprise, that's the the next step emotional sobriety,and he said we have a thing in our books says we we lose all prejudiceeven against organized religion. We begin to see where they're right and weadopt some of those deals and all through a a in this country.People just can't wait to bash organized religion and bast religiouspeople and make religious people sound...

...like they're, stupid and you're stupidif you're religious, you're stupid. If you study the Bible and because of a bad upbringing because itwas shut down their throat of whatever the reason is, they have a resemblingor hard part off for religion, but from my point of view they not sober. I don't want what they have. You know I want what they talk about inthe big book. I want with Bill Wilson Hack when he said the Lord has been sowonderful to me, trimmy, the Sebela I want to. I want to keep talking aboutand telling other people I like what I want. What Dr Bob had when he said. Ifyou're an atheist or an agnostic have any kind of intellectual pride thatkeeps you from reading, what's in this book and understand it and accepted,and I feel sorry for you, your heavenly father will never let me go. Let letyou down, I want what I talks about it in the DrBob in the good old time is when they said the books that we found absolutelyessential. Absolutely essential was first quintin thirteen sermon on theMount in the book of James. You know I want what the old timers had and what ais all about before it was watered down because of our natural cod epens asalcoholics, because when the drinking is really a Septon, the problem, thereal problem sends my mind, not my body and unless until an alcohol accepts asalcohols and all its consequences, the sobriety be precarious and withoutquestion on the consequence of outhauls is want people to like us and love usand feel good about us. If we want to blend we're, not leaders were followersand we're always thinking about what other people are thinking of ours us,even though we tell ourselves on give a shit what other people think about wejust we are just going to do whatever we have to do to blend in to peoplelike us, and the bottom line is as soon as we get the feeling that there arepeople in here that Hate God, hate religion, hate that we join the cluband we get scared and we're not going to say anything about that deal,because we don't want people to reject us and that's not really a good thingas part of the disease. It has to do with fear of people and EconomicaSecurit with runs rampant fears to cross a Fedra rampin without halts anda life filled with fear, which is what I had for thirty one years and maybefor another twenty years after that, after being sober, is not in life worthliving at all. I didn't. I didn't come here to worryabout what a hundred people in an a room think about me, because I want totalk about the god of my understanding. What he's done for me, you understand,I just didn't do that. I didn't come in here to talk about the six step whichseparates the men from the boys separates the Macon from the boys.That's what they say. Listen, you don't have to leave me believe. The big bookor Proane says it separates the men from the boys. Apparently there are menand apparently there are boys. Now the good nose is. I was a boy for manyyears in a and I became a man, I'm going to talk a little bit about that.I'd like to think I became a man, you know and in order to be decidedwhat you become a man there's a little test in the book to the in the twelvecloves. I'm going to tell you the test. You can determine whether you're a manyou're a boy and the good thing is. If you could be a boy and become a man andyou could be a woman and become a girl, that's the good thing and you can be aboy and remain a boy for thirty five. Forty years and you become, you could be a girl andremain a girl for thirty five. Forty years, you're gonna be a seventy fiveyear old girl or you gonna e, a seven five year old boy or you become a man in a a what a talksabout the the I seen, the men and the boys and I'm going to read you the stufffrom the big book. So you can make your own decision that way, one way or theother. You know what I mean: I'm not Goin, I'm just going to stick to thefacts. You know, because that's what I'm hereto do, I'm here to talk about the six step and I have a little sign in myoffice and the side says it's from the movie a true, a few good men, and itsays it says the truth. You can't handle the truth. Remember Jack Nicholsis wasn't sister, you want the truth. You can't handle the truth and ifthere's one thing I co can handle is the truth. When my wife said to me, ifyou come home, my first life, you come...

...on drunk one more time, I'm leaving youand I was as sober as I am right now physically and I drove my car threemiles away and I stopped at a red light and all of a sudden. I said in my mindwhat the hell did she mean by that and I was like Ford because I didn'tunderstand what she was talking about. I learned that one of the consequences,my alcoholism, whenever I hear something I don't like it, confuses me-sometimes it pisses me off and I get mad at the person who's saying it andthen ten years, like it's tapped to me many many times in outbalances, they come up to me. They say you know Iused to hate you, but now I love. When I first heard you, I hated your guts,you know so you know I don't you're going to hate my God. So, as a matterof fact, I asked my sponsor once: Do you still get resentments and he saidget him. I give him and I couldn't believe it because I couldn't Icouldn't handle. If somebody didn't like me and and the bottom line is asnow I know I'm here to comfort to the stird to disturb the comfortable. SoI'm going to say some stuff and I'm not here. Looking for a popularity fun, I'mgoing to say some stuff, that's unpopular because the truth isuncoppered use when you deal with insane people that need to be in torestore the sanity and your mind is in stain, is insane and your thoughts areinsane and you coming down can addams and youhappen the bump into somebody. Who's been given the grace and the beauty ofthis program to become sane and be able to see who I actually am not, who Ithink I am but who I really am. The book tells me who I am doesn't say:I'm just got a few problems or I'm a not I'm. Basically, a good boy. Like mygrandmother said, the book says: I'm selfish and I'm self centered and I'mdriven by a hundred forms of fear self delusion, Sulcat self delusion myalcoholic life and thinking seems the only normal one and if you think thatalcohols and ask Thou with drinking forget it, nobody in a a is drinking,they do drink and he and some of you will drink again. But if you drink itwon't be because you crave alcohol it'll be because you did because youcan't handle sobriety because you eat it because you're restless erablediscontent because you haven't treated your alcoholism, which which has to dowith how you think, that's why you will drink and many people in here willdrink. When you start separating out the memothe boys, let me tell you something many a call, but few are chosen. I go.I can count out two thousand three sand. People all meet that slip and slide getten years and Slip Twenty Years in slip. Thirty is in slip five years in slip,finally come in, and maybe they got twenty years and they're not happy withthe subrident going through the third divorce. You know they're, worriedabout the worried about this to worried about that they're, an anxious everyone person I meet one person out of three thousand who's got over thirtyyears and is his experience to join of joy of living and his lost fear of people in economicinsecurity. So I guess it's The you know the sameaddress rehearsal. It's not like you get to eighty years old and diffen sayMani. Maybe maybe I should have done it and Iremember that guy was speaking at that meaning. Maybe I should have done itthat way. It's not like you got to do over. You know what I mean. You knowyou got to do over. So you know I'm just here to share the truth of my dealand I'm going to read you a couple of things and I'm going to say a couple. Thingsare going to pish you off okay, but it's good to be pissed o. You knowcause whenever you disturbing out of what the cause theres something wrongwith you. So if I piss you off, I'm giving me like a spiritual in Marin, you see alcohol, you know, for instance,alcohol is like to say I'm spiritual, not religious, I'm not spiritual, I'm exactly what Isaid the Bo, I'm I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven by a hundred formsof Fer self delusion subst seeking I step on the toes of others. Theyretaliate seem with that provocation, but I learned I made decisions based onself, which puts me in position to be heard so now fall as self forward rightthough he usually doesn't think so above everything he must get rid of hisalcoholism. The thinking he muster kills us. God makes that possible. Godmakes that possible. That's who makes...

...it possible and no other way it's beenable to do it, except for God, and that's what do young told girls at wellhas here and there once in a while here and there once in a while. It's like amiracle: It's a phenomena. They people have vital psychic, substantial change in their life ideasand motions and attitudes that are the guiding for their life are pushed toone side. They become they become dominated by whole new set of ideas,emotions and attitudes, which is what has happened to me over forty years from going to be a a a born again skirt, chaser, loungelizard to one who's chasing the Lord all over town and just wants to talkabout God. All the time, and this thing nat and I didn't come in here- SAYING:Listen! Is there any way I can become a deacon in the Presenterai Church andyou know, Love God and talk about him in front of a bunch of people and praythem all the time. Conoce, possibly do that. You know I walk on alcohol. Ididn't sign up for that. Crap. You understand what I'm saying, but that'swhat's happened over forty years and I can't hide it. You know and go Wilsondenied it and Dr Bob didn't hide it. You know why, because they wrote a bookand they talked about sober people, an they said, sober people. It says ourlife is now devoted to God, w we utterly abandon ourselves to God and wenever apologized, never apologize for our faith. In God they said all men offaith have courage, they trust their God. We never apoise with God. We lethim demonstrate our life, what he can do for us and what we had happened tous and that's what men of faith do and that's what a mostly sober people doand that's what the men do while the boys say well, we don't want to talktoo much about that, because it makes me uncomfortable and if it makes youuncomfortable the am says the Steelta is something wrong with you. So you goout there and you make your fourth step. Let your fifth step list. Whatever isyou want? It talk to you a sponsor talk to everybody and everything like that,and maybe one day if you're lucky you'll get down on your knees. You'llsay now. I understand what the guy was talking about and if not I guaranteeyou life is homeland experience and life will. Let you know exactly what'sgoing on. I mean it really will because were I self clean over in here andevery year, every two years, every three years the booze comes through and lite out,the bullshit and all those guys said. Well, I'm going to walk out of herefrom what's gone, or somebody said this Rio that up they got wiped the fuck out.They go to the prison, they die, they go to jail and a a gets purified of thebullshit and that's how it works in here. It'svery simple: okay, it's very simple around this steal. You know! So that's that's that's thedeal, so I want to talk you about the real deal. So let me tell you: Let mefirst of walk. We have to get our definition straight. The difference bethe men of the boys. So let me read to you and you know what the book says. Itsays this. It says above everything we must get rid of the sell you when Iasked my sponso explain what that meant about the alcoholism about theselfishest and self setness, because you spent the first ten years in a ayou spend the first ten years in a a just, try to learn what this selfish.This looks like because you think, if you're, not drinking you're, okay,you're, basically a good die. You Bout, bad breaks and misunderstandings you'relike what people say: You're blaming people and everything like that, andyou got to learn for ten years by repeated humiliations, I'm not makingthe Shit Up. I this is quote em by repeated humiliations and the finalcrushing ourself Avisitin. You got to do the first to over and over the Polesstep over and over and over again on lust. You got to do it on Romance. Yougot a look, God do on. You got to do it on on spending money. You don't havethe by Shit. You don't need to impress people, you don't like you got. You gotto do it over and over on every second of your life, the wife. All thatbullshit out and it takes years to learn. I was insane about this. I wasinsane about that. You got to start giving up stuff. You know why you gotto give it. You got to give up guys you got to give up those red heads. Give them of you've tried to screwevery one of them for the last twenty thirty eas. You wanted something got.No. Where you got drunk...

...girls, you got to give up the man's notgoing to fish. I'm telling you I'm a man I love, then I love hanging roundmen. You know, I feel fir sorry for any woman who's thinking some man's goingto fitch them ain't Goin to happen. You know what Imean right. I have this verticalrelationship with God who I know who he is. I know what he wants me to bebecause I'm clear about that and it hopefully to have a hard result, a relationship and anintimate relationship and love other people and that's all I need believe me- I'm addicted to more thingsthan alcohol and if you're an alcoholic Acolus, you know I'll tell you that'sthe most obvious thing: There's no woman, no car, no amount of money, nosutor clothes, no job, every work, quite as well, quite as fast as just afew drakes, and it worked every single time. But you know some of the girlwork to the sex work to the romance work to the car work to the money worktoo, and so you spend the next twenty years. You know you do chasing thatShit, worrying about why you don't have thatguy? Why you don't have that girl? Why you don't have that job? I don't havethat money being convinced that you only had that every and, if only or ayes butter, if only had this only had that. If only this I only I only I overand over and over again, you get. The ship beat out of you all the time till somehow you're forced your knees,some people doing some People Tho just you know, get sad about and depressedand if finally says listen, theres one thing you can have right now:immediately you don't need any money to bank. You can give your life to God. You mean pray and do all that stuff.That by Russell was til yea. You can do all that. You know what first things first madeDr Bob's way of shorthand saying: seek you first, the King of God and hisrightes. All things will be Headin UN to you. You know the big book says itsays. Once we a you, my sponsor told me what that selfraising sand. He saysRuss what it basically means. You don't give a shit about anybody exceptyourself. I said I don't know I like the way they say in the big book better.You know, you know what it says in the big book.It says it says once you make a sincere decision now, listen the word sincere,like utterly a utterly abandoned. They use these crazy winds thoroughlyutterly abandoned. Once you make a sincere decision for God, all such aremarkable things happen being all powerful, he gives you everything youneed if you stay close to him and perform his wealth well, and how areyou going to stay close to him when the only thing you're doing is trying tofigure out to get all that other bullshit into your life, worried about?Why you don't have it and trying to manage life? So you can get all thatand giving lip service to God, let service to God, if it, if at all, if atall so here's what it says in step, six inthe twelve and twelve we're entirely ready to have gone. Youknow it's like being entirely ready to stop drinking. I began tirely ready tostop drinking, but I didn't become entirely ready todo anything else because Tis, an age just about drinking handing out Madalin don't drink any ofthe ASS falls off. I mean you got a feeling that all I Haf to is not likestay O. my back, I'm not drinking. You know we're in Tirade of God. We moveall these defects if character to completely change. This is this stepthat separates the men for the voice. This is the step that tells you who arethe real deal and who are the pretenders. Somebody asks me: Why does it take solong? Why does it take ten fifteen twenty years I said? Well, you know,maybe God wants to sort of weed out the pretenders. Do you think it's possibly an alcoholicand a phony thingis Posso? Do you think it'spossible to be an alcoholic and phony and full of Shit possible? It's a fucking qualification to pre requisite you know what I mean.You don't see it in yourself, but you know a good sponsor will see it. A goodsponsor will tell you about it. A good sponsor will confront you with it. Youknow you full of Shit. Like all grow, told me when I told him my problems. I,as you know what I think I think you fully shit. Well, man you're jug, Wat priest. Howdid you say that to me, as I think,...

...you're full of shed and then he laid iton told me why? I was full of Shit. I went back hating him hating him. I gotdown a Samon bad. I said Holy Shit he's right. This is the step that separates the manfrom's voice, so declares a well loved clergyman. Who happens to be one of asgreatest friends. He goes on. Well, I guess he missedthat part about about people hating religion do Wilson's judge, would priest assponsors mentor- or you know- I guess one of a's greatest friends, yeah, I'm spiritual and religious. He goes on to explain that any personcapable of enough willingness and enough honesty to try repeatedly stepsix on all his faults without reservations whatsoever hasindeed come a long way spiritually, and this is what they mean by spirituallyand is therefore entitled to be called a man who is sincerely there's asentirai trying n to grow in the image and likeness of his own creator. So, if you're trying to grow an imagein life as we got the men and the boys all through the book, they have achapter to the agnostic. You don't attack to nosed says, but you see oneof the problems that I understand is that I don't see things the way theyreally. I see things the way I wanted to be. So if you I'll read something in thebook, that means something completely different than what I read and it thinkit means one thing I mean: I just think it means somethingelse, and they have this chap Tagnos IC and it says if a mere code of morals ora better philosophy of life would have helped us we've been sober a long timeago, but such codes and morals did not help us, and then I have guys that tellme- and I understand these are stepping stones. You may have one year or twoyears and Pitai people that tell me that it's good, orderly direction andthe big book says just the opposite. The Big Book says: If a mere code ofmorals, a better follay wife, would have helped us. You know we, thecommandments, all that stuff would have done a long time ago, but they neverhelped us it s, not enough, and you got guys Tan, your so sober. Well, my I'mgood orderly direction. E Ad it g o day, just the opposite of whether he says,but they didn't help us. We had to find a power. Our problem waspowerless. Is We had to find a power? And that means we wrote a book thatwe're going to talk about God, and then it says right of that here iswhere we have problems with alcoholics, because the boys and the girls, thehapples and their next stand up and they say screw you and those are the ones who aren't goingto make it they're going to get something. But Iain't going to be what we have they're going to be a form of PA form ofsurvive without power without power. You know what I mean aform of sobriety without power, and so, if I have twenty five percentout call that hate, my God, I sure they said they're going to hate me in thebig book. They said they want to hit me in the Bible, you that's what they say:they're going to hate you're, going to talk about this stuff, you're going tobe hated and if you're an alcoholic you're going to hate so much to behated. You can be such a people, please just so worry about. You will toss gotunder the bus and you will not talk about God and you'll go in the otherdirection. Just because you want people to like you, half measures of L S, nothing. There isno middle of the road solution, God is everything or he is nothing. What thefuck do you think they're talking about really what the Hell do? You thinkthey're talking about really? What do you think they're talking about when they say half, as God, iseverything or he's nothing and I'll tell you know what it says in chapternostics. It says you know being agnostic and an I this. It says thissort of thinking must be o band. Abandoned must be abandoned, get rid ofit. If you don't get past that, if you're unstand us with captin noses tosane and they might as well set Testa call our organization now notalcoholics, anonymous agnostics,...

...anonymous atheist anonymous, so let me tell you the three types ofatheist there's three types of ages: According to our literature and you to figure out which one you areor whether you're, neither one there's the atheists who say, they'reAtheus you got it, I'm an atheist. I don'tbelieve in God ye, I don't believe in God. You knowyou know the book says I can believe anything. I want that's the way theyread the book. The book says I relate it. They take the appendants to her,whatever your own conception of God is because he is a spiritual kindergarten.Of course, some of US would like to get to like make te the fifth grade, butyou know I mean they say and they take that appendant to and they hold up anthey say I can believe in anything, and so I decide I'm not going to lieve inGod and they wipe out everything. That's in the Big BookEverything Bill Wilson says where it says: Encouraged Church membership,everything they wipe it all out and it's swallowed up by atheism a aendorses. Hatheist, it's a good thing and you could be one of those and see how life treats you an how yourFriday goes or you can be an agnostic which is a chicken shit atheist s. What is an agnostic is a trip in anevent whether you believe it's a chicken Shid atheist or not. It'sbasically somebody says I'm just not going to make the decision where I'mnot ready to make decision. I'm not saying I don't believe in God, I'm notsaying I believe in God, Death Mensuel as nothing, but listen, I'm a halfmeasure kind of guy. You know I mean you just, but you had thrown to thesame pot as the Atheus you're, one of the boys or one of the girls and thenhere's the third type of atheist is the one that you're going to love. They are the ones that say they believein God, but they live a godless life, they're ashamed of God, they're ashamed of God if they everaccidentally talked about God at the meeting they apologize. I know it sayswe never pause. They apologize, they're, never bowled about they neverproclaimed God. He've gone is put to a they'll. Do theLord's prayer they'll, do the you know, they'll. Dothe Lords prayer they'll, do the you know, Surraya they'll say they believein God, but their life is not about God, it's about themselves in the world. So let me read you something out of theseventh step, which I think you might what the bit Seton says about thosepeople. This is not in the seventh step. This lack that, when it talks aboutpeople that are are settling like six steps, settling settling okay forformer sobriety without trying to grow in the image of like this o theircreator. This is what it says. It says this lack of anchorage to anypermanent values. There's used to be an all the country in western song. What was that song? I magots washappened. It says you got to believe in something or you'll fall for anything or you if you make up your own rooms,if your God is good or Ly Direction, what you think your God is by the way, if your God is good to adirection who's the one then, who decides who your God is and what itsrules are? Well, that would be you what a great and glorious idea. So if you decide it's okay to cheat onyour wife or Horrud, or something like that, that would be okay, because yourGod says you can do that. What a great alcoholic idea, theLiberty Do, whatever the hell you want to do, because you can't judge mebecause that you've got your God and I've got my God. You've got yourprogram and I've got my program and that's that's a great deal. You know Iwould go for that. One too I'd be pissed. Anybody said anything elseother than that, especially if I was raised, I guess ina home where they shoved religion on my...

...thought throat, and I understand whythose people are the toughest. This lack of a anchorage, but this is whatthey say in the big book, this lack of Ankas any permanent values. Thisblindness to the true purpose of our lives, to trust in God to give ourlives to God, to abandon ourselves to God and do be of maximum service to Godand other people produce another bad result. It's a badresult for just so long as we were convinced that we could liveexclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence. For justthat long was a working faith in a higher power am possible just because you say God doesn't meanit's impossible. This was true even when we believe thatGod existed now. This is scary. This is true. You can't even get this thing,even if you believe that God existed, we could actually have earnestreligious beliefs which remained barren barren without power, because we werestill trying to play guard ourselves as long as we play self reline. First, aJanuary reliance upon a higher power was out of the question that basicingredients of all Yuman you all of all humility. A desire to seek him do God'swill was missing. Now, listen, I'm just reading some from the Big Buck intwelve and twelve I mean you may think this is my pin.I'm just treat you know what I'm doing. I had a gill come up me one day and shesaid. Oh, I love the way. You said this than the other thing. I said you meanthe way. I read the Big Book. What she said Yeah Isaid: Well, that's out of the big boy, says yeah, but it's the way. You readit the way you read it, so I can't run away from it. I can't make believe it'snot there it it's wide in my face and I'm not doing any of that shit. I laughand I roll my eyes at guys that talk about God, I get uncomfortable. Whenpeople talk about God, I don't want to even consider having to give my life toGod. I didn't sign up for that stuff. I want a man, I want a woman. I want sex,so we have five minutes left. So I have to. I have to do this I'll see what I can do it in fiveminutes. I'm going to try to do this. I have to give you a little piece ofmyself because it says our stories disclose in a general way what we usedto be like what happen. I believe there's power and testimony power inthe story. So I'm going to tell you in five minutes my story about the sixthstep, with a seven step or the eleven step of the third step. Well, the twelve step, I'm not surewhat it is, you'll figure it out. Here's my story. I was beating down toa pulp. I was beating down to my knee. I thought my life was always done tobetter. Again I was thirty one years old. I came on one night on seven:Twenty nine teen n Eighty Christmas Day Christmas night at three of at Christ,three o'clock in the morning on Christmas. Today a guy came on the TVhe started talking about Jesus. He said if you want to change your life, getdown on your knees and give you life to yes, I got down on my knees, give mylife to Jesus. I said the sin is prayer. I you're with me so far and and thatwas that deal which is not a big deal and I'm not saying everything changedas not that much for anything changed. Three priests and a rabbit didn't comedown with a bunch of donuts and we got an am meeting going on here. As amatter fact, I continue to drink and it's not a big deal for a lot of youpeople, but for a Jewish get from New York. It was a big deal. I can tell youthat, and I did that and all I know is thirtydays later I looked up at the seen I said I after I was. I almost killedmyself in an accent and told somebody else on a hospital Gorny. I looked upand I said God help me and something happened and something changed andsomething stopped in me. I got into a hole saams. I picked up awatch it. I asked a man be my sponsor. This is like I asked a man named Bob,so would be my sponsor, and he said this is what the deal is Russell. Hesays, if you ever going to call me before you, take your first rank notafter I don't want to hear from you. He said I want you to take this twentyfour hour book, the twenty four our book was as an incredible book. I readfor fifteen years. I still read it: It's basically a compilation of the bigbook and the Holy Bible. He said. I...

...want to me this twenty for our bookevery day, each day the day, the twenty four book for the day. I want you toget down on your knees when you do it- and I want you to say these words, God,please help me to be sober just for today. I did it every day for fifteenyears and then I started reading other things you know, and the bottom line is-and I don't know why I don't know why I did that- I I know they re guys in here,say well, I would have got in another spot. I don't know why. So I wantedwhat he had. I was willing to go to any lad. I walked in to today room I'm aprancing lawyer, I'm a form of division. She for the state. Seio I put dies injail. I try him for first, we murder, I'm alone. Do the Shit, I'm chasingwomen, all over town. I got down on my knees. I did that theygo to a meeting, they say say this rapper, I say it they say hold and forLords, for I hold hands for Laura Lord Spare. The they tell me if anything'sgoing wrong in my life is some save this ready prayer. If I ever get fuckedup in the mind, if Ranei goes crazy, just say: God grant me this rangeexcept things. I cannot change courage. He changes a said. Well, the problemwas, is, I was nearly sober and every five seconds I was fucked up. Everyfive second shit was happen to my Levin, so I said the Rey prayer about threethousand times a day. Okay, then one day and it wasn't working, it wasworking great, but sometimes it didn't work. I said I have these crazythoughts. He said this. What I want you to do whenever you have a crazy thought.What I want you to do is I want you to say God, please don't. Let me thinkthis way. So I had a crazy thought one day, and Isaid God, please don't. Let me think this way in the fall one way holy Shit.This thing works and another crazy for God. Please don't let me think this oneand I went away, and so now I'm saying this rindy prayer, I'm saying God,please don't. Let me think this way, I'm going to these meetings. You knowI'm talking about God, and this is the way I'm being trained in all of asudden one day. You know all of a sudden one day, I'm like ten yearssober. I'm speaking all over town, I'm going to conventions and everything youknow I'm doing service, I'm doing the whole bit. I've got these sponsors. Hegives him a book. He says read the what's that the sermon on the mount bywhat's his face, I'm reading servant on the mouth. I mean some of the Bible,but I reach a glass ceiling. Things aren't going so well for me and I don'tknow what the promise some guy caps on the shoulder and says you aught to goto Bible Study. I said now. I don't do that. I says why? Don't you do it? I'mthinking I said I don't do it I'll, tell you why I didn't do it. I know I Ididn't do it because I was afraid I was afraid what my aunt Jone might think.She's been dead for twenty years, but didn't matter. I was afraid she mightcome out of the grave, I'm afraid what they'll take t. What do they thinkabout me in a a? I don't think it's good in A. I don't think people likethat in a I don't think you could say that stuff in an but somehow in my mindthe thot comes to through. That fear should not stop me from going through with something likethat. If it may help me so I start going to a Bible study and now I'm staying Bible with fortymen, you know, most of which are seventy. Eighty and nine years old beenstudying for forty years. I'm studying the same shit that we're reading here,but the original source materials they were reading and meanwhile, I'm sitting next doorguy sing. Next to me and he's like sixty five years old. His name is JohnGlen He's a missionary, a Baptist priest, Bat Baptist minister and he'sgot fifty years sobriety or something like that. It's like sixty five,seventy years old or somebody's got like fifty years sobriety and my sponsor dies. My second sponsordies. I ask him, be my sponsor and then he interes me that Bible StudyI joined that Church. I become a Digon in that church. I started ministrythey're called the live again, which is like a tolse ministry, but we usescripture a lot and then next thing you know he intus met another Bible studythan BS F and three hundred men who are meeting and all this sort of stuff- andall I'm doing is I'm talking. Is I'm sponsoring people I'm reading the Bibleevery day, I'm I'm parent hanging out with people and and not only that andthe only people, I'm hanging out with a guys that are focused ou on God, and Iread all of Aa sudden the big book that...

...says we says we encouraged in the bigbook. We encourage church membership. Most of US belong to theseorganizations. Why? Because these were guys that were men that wanted to know,God know who he was and they wanted to grow in their experience and increasetheir conscious contact with God. So if I want to increase my con consciouscontact with guys who wanted to get laid, I'd go to the place bone club andan talk about them, but conscious contact with guys to want to gamble. Igo to Las Vegas, but I want to Tree Scot hang out with dies. I I want totalk about God. Well, I could go to a but they're, not talking about God anda so I go to church. So I go to Bible Study and now I'm talking about God,I'm hanging around with guys about God. I go down to eat with John Glen John Gesays. What are you doing? I said I mean is an e just we got to give God thanks and all of a sudden. He bows his headin front of a denny's with a million different people there, and he saysthis prayer is like a long prayer, not like thanks for the food and the Chowand doubles this guy, I'm looking around at other people, because I'mworried what they're going to think about me, because I still got that fear.o people and all of a sudden, John Grantie Gun is my mentor and I'm lovingon Ham and Rao kief and he's talking about God, and then me and Steve Go outto California and get him to a bar. He gets to do a bad car accident andalmost everybody's killed this glass all over the place, and he talks aboutthis and is Desmond and John Glen Takes Him by the SAT. The hand and John goes abandon with sixty yearssobriety. You know, take him by the hand while the glasses all over and thepolice are coming, and people are almost sad. He says get down in he's.They get down in the tees in the middle of the Pacific Coast highway and hepraised the God and he praises them and thanks them for our lives. And so those are the men I'm hangingaround, not the boys. Five years from now the person willbecome will depend upon the people you you hang out with in the books you readin the books, read I depend on to keep people hang out with you, either hangout with the wise guys and the cool guys in here the cool galls in the year,but you'll find hang out with the real deal, with the guys ever like thefounders. So I'm going to close up one, and sonow I'm reading Bible every day, I'm talking to people and hanging outthe people. I hang out with every day for lunch for sponse and grand sponse,where we talked about the twelve sets, and we talked about the Bible. Wehaven't alive again me and every Friday night we talked about the bar. We HaveBible Studies. I go to a meetings. I tell you know what I talk about it. Anymeanings, you'll, never leave this. I talk about God every maybe it Toni, I'mso boring. I just talked about this shit because nobody else says so: Don'tget all nervous, you go to another meaning they'll talk about gratitude oranger or whatever relationships which mean sex by the way they've. Never if,when somebody says we're, gonna have a mean on relationships: they're nottalking about your relationship with God, they're, not talking aboutrelation with other people, they're talking about sex and romancerelationship, which is what everybody in your craves, because that's what youthink is going to fix you wrong wrong. You know that's the bottom line andthat's what I hang out with and all of a sudden I find myself every day, notturning my life over to God, but living a trend over life because I'm so involved in it, I'm soinvolved in the deal, and I go to maybe five zoo mitas day. All I talk about isGod you know some at all gets back to God. I don't know why, because said thebig book told me says he wouldn't relationship with him is riding greatevents for dome the Bast Feal, countless others, and if that's aloney is it says it sayssomething very, very simple. It tells me something very, very simple. It saysthis, it says said something very sean simple. It talks about. Oh here it is it's onmy phone. I want to read this one thing to you very interesting. This is out of the Bible, says be atpeace among yourselves, and we urge you, brothers and sisters admonish the idoland courage. The faint hearted help the...

...weak, be patient with them all see thatno one repays anyone evil for evil, but always seek to do good to one anotherand to everyone. Rejoice, always rejoice, always pray without ceasingpray without ceasing get thanks and all circumstances forthis is the will of God, and because I read that I know who I god is and whathe wants me to do. I am not confused and he wants me to pre ridout seasons.How do you pray without ceasing when you're thinking about the girls and theguy and everything and all I know, is I wake up every day? Thinking about God, I go to means every day I think aboutGod. I go out to lunch. I hang out withpeople there talking about God. I drive up here with a bunch of guys,I'm talking to them about God. We go out to dinner, I'm talking about God. Igo to this row, I speak for an hour about God. I go back I'll drive on homeand I'll talk about God and I'm like a fanaticyou know. I mean I'm a fanatic,so don't do what I do. You know what I mean because then what happens is, is you lose fear, O people and erectedeconomic and security and you'll begin to know? Peace andyou'll know the new freedom of the new happiness and you'll understand what these menwere talking about when they talk about the promises of new life and drinking long forget it rundrinking one even were not even talking about drinking. This point we'retalking about being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence andexperiencing much of heaven. So you got a lot of people in here thatwon't be drinking for a while and you got one or two people that arebeing rocket in the fourth dimension of existence and experience. Much ofHeaven and I'll tell you something if that isn't true. If that isn'tsomething that you could have, then you should throw this big book away becausethey've been lying to you, but I'm a person who's going to tell you it's nota lie. It's perfectly obtainable, if youthoroughly follow their path. Thank you very much. I.

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