AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 3 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 3 from the Coral Room Zoom January 15, 2021  

My name is Russell spats. I'm an Alcolocko the CELTICSIA group and I haven't found that say I have a drink since January, twenty and two one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. It's good to be here with you, guys and I want to welcome everybody, some the New People. I said, Jimmy of Ryan's here. How unusual to have an Irish kid and alcoholics on, not on to s like sort of like as rare as hens teeth and and and he got and we got all these guys from the Bronx here. I mean, what is this? You know, I go to a men's meeting every day at noon called ment on track, and it's guys from all over the world, mostly guys that are there's guys from New York, New Jersey. It's all New Yorkers and New Jersey guys. A lot of them move down to the boat because you guys got to go to that means ment on track. We got like a hundred guys. They are seventy guys there. Most of them have over thirty years. They don't get round with my much. I could tell you that there's no craziness going on. It's that's the deal. You know, life's too short. You know, when you get to my eye, it's too short. You know, my sponsor used to say whenever you're disturbed, no matter what the cause, there's something wrong with you. So I try not to be disturbable. I used to have a lot of things that disturbed me. So listen, I'm going to I'm going to talk a little bit. This is top three. I've been doing these steps series ever since I was seven years some round thirty three years, and I used to call them step three or step two or that kind of stuff, but ever since the Alzheimer's said, you know what I mean, it's it's just way too much pressure for me to stay relevant and on topic. So I just call it talk three and it's always going to be a step three or step eleven or step six or step seven. It's going to be all over place. Besides, we got ninety five people in here, so there's actually ninety five meetings going on. There's people saying there's people here and stuff I'm saying that I'm not even saying. So whatever, I'm like wounded today. I just want to tell you, those of you who are at the four o'clock South Dixie me. You know, I II had a mouthful of Nova Cain and they did three cavities today and the Nova came is starting to wear off. But I'm some talking, kind of funny. I got to talk slow or else I had a biting my lip or something, and but now the pain is setting it and and and and even the heroin isn't working. You know what I mean. And City I haven't. I haven't had a drink. You understand what I'm saying. You can. You can do heroin, you know, you just can't drink. So it's not I'm going to talk a little bit about. This is my life. This is my life, has nothing to do with you. Don't even worry about it. My opinions, you know, based upon my experience with myself when others. So don't even worry about it. And that's the deal. It is not my intention. It is not my intention to insult or disturbed anybody. It's just something that sort of happens every time I speak. I don't I don't mean anything by it. It's not my fault and you can hate me, you can say I can't believe invited this guy and please put me on your list, you know, just put me right up there with Mr Brown or whoever it is, you know, and talk to your sponsor about me and pray over it and don't get upset about anything I say. I say all sorts of Shit. I've been so were a long time, been married forty years. My Wife's an Allen on our ladies, perpetual revenge for kids, seven grandkids, I say. I say a lot of stuff. I can't help it. I don't know where it comes from and and you know, there's no use get up said about anything I say, because I got to tell you, after I get off of this I'm going to say to me I'm going to change my mind about ninety percent of it. So I wouldn't unlike what the book says, I'm going to rely on anything I say about anything. So I'm going to talk a little bit about God. Now I got to be honest with it and, you know, sort of...

...like a lie, because most of the people that have ever gone to any of my means are heard takes. You know, I always talk about God and I don't talk a little bit about God, I talk a lot about God. And so, let's face it. That's what I want to talk about, but you know I'm sort of schizophrenic, and let me tell you what my problem is. This is sort of a way of apologizing to You'all before I start. Although our big book says we never it says we're on a new basis, the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We never apologize for God. All men of faith have courage. We never apologize for our belief in God. Instead, we let him demonstrate what he can do in our lives. Our big book says, the way we get rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence, the way we experience much of jet of Heaven and have joy coming to our lives. The great fact on how to do that is this, and nothing less that that our creator becomes the central fact of our lives, that we become absolutely convinced that he lives in our hearts and minds in a way which is indeed miraculous, and he's doing for us what we can't do for ourselves. And apparently one of the things doc young says he's doing for us, it's a phenomena, that's a scientific way of saying miracle, is that as alcoholics, we eat says this. The psychic change is that our whole personality, our ideas, our emotions and our attitudes are shifted over care at a time, shifted to a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes, and that these things are the guiding forces of our lives, almost causing us, driving us to say and do certain things. They're shifted and we are we become dominated by a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes. Whereas the big book says in Chapter Five, what our real problem, which centers in our mind, on our body? Not The drinking was just a symptom of this problem. Our real problem is that we're selfish and we're selfcentered and where driven, driven, compot compelled, driven by a whole, by by selfishness, self centeredness, by we're delusional. We step on the toes of others, they retaliate severingly, without provocation, seeming without we find, we find down the road that we made decisions, choices, decisions. It's hardly a choice if you're going to automatically do it anyway, because you can't help but taking the money. You can't help but cheating on your life. You can't help but thinking about yourself and feeling sorry for yourself. You can't help you can't help yourself from sending that email. You can't help yourself from winning the argument. You can't help yourself from having the last word. You can't help yourself from feeling sorry for yourself. You know, and it says, that we made decisions or choices that put us in a position to be heard. So now alcohol is you know. That's the way we are with self. Will Run. Riot has nothing to do with our intellect, because our emotions, in our feelings, which is...

...what we really worship. We worship our feelings. Yes, I blew up your house and killed your wife and shot your dog, but you shouldn't have made fun of me in front of those people. You know, we were a ship ours. You know our and that's the bottom line. We're selflowering riot, though we usually don't think so. We don't think so, though, and it says above everything, we must get rid of the selfishness. You see when people come in to a it's been my experience with myself and others and sponsor people. Everybody comes in through the door of the not drinking club are a rooms even look like bars, except in seat of serving Scotch or beer, there serving coffee. We sit around the bar, we drink the coffee. We talked our bullshit. We hang out with the same albumies we hung around with in the bars, as a matter of fact, the bars for us, that's our waiting groups, those people just waiting to get into alcoholics and we sit around with the same people, the same bullshit, the same stuff, drinking the coffee, and that's our and that's our you know that. That's the the don't drink club. And we talked about not drinking unless your ass falls off, and don't drink and go to meetings and we celebrate not drinking. It's all good, it's all wonderful, but apparently there's another club room and Aa there's a fellowship of a spirit mentioned in chapter one, hundred and sixty four. There's a fellowship of the spirit and those guys, whoever those guys are, for lack of a better term, I'm going to call them the men, and I'm going to call the the the other ones, the ones that are just in the not drinking club. You know, that's a stay off my back. I don't need to go. I haven't had a drinking ten years. I'm not even thinking about drinking. I mean I'm talking about there's a club, there's another fellowship and a a will call it the extra credit fellowship. There are guys that are not either for the extra credit. You know, you're in here to not drink. Get off my back. And it is the extra credit club, you know what I mean. They want more and the extra credit club is an interesting sort of deal. And that it says. It says some of the guys in that club said as they said, but we're not going to know you, Bill Wilson, Dr Bob in our big book says we don't know if that for sure, but you're the bottom line is God will determine that. Of course you're real. Your real your real relationship and your real reliance must be on God. He will show you how to create the felouse fellowship you pray. So the fact that I was told a long time ago that if you're me, get to the age of thirty five or forty and you have no idea why you're on the planet and you don't have a purpose in life, that's enough of a purpose to tear you away from running around trying to get sex romance, prestige and all the other level trinkets that you think you might need so you're not a worthless piece of shit. Because most alcoholics, like car manager said, alcoholics are out to his book man against himself on studed up suicide writing in the s. He said alcoholics are, many women, about destroy themselves. What what alcoholic, real alcohol, hasn't said these wonderful words themselves while lathering up in the shower on a piece of shit? Out of kill myself? Why am I such a loser whatever? What alcoholic has ever said to themselves a million times, if I only had that GLP, I only have that guy, if I was only married, if I...

...was only divorced, if I only have that job? What alcohol? Is it? A yes, butter and an if only, or and what? What kind of person is constantly saying themselves that the wake up of the morning to go sleep the knife? If only, if only I'd have this, I'd be okay. What kind of person is constantly telling themselves over and over again, I'm not, Oh okay, why is this always happening to me? They don't know who this screwing. I'll show them. You know what kind of person open over again, says things like I don't give a crap what they think about I don't give a crap what they think about me. Who says that kind of stuff? I don't know. I think it's probably I've learned over the period of years that the people that say I don't give a crap what they think about me and on one of them are people that worry all the time what other people think about them. They have that other paranoid they actually think people are actually thinking about them, which is an interesting thing. And the bottom line is that is the real disease. That's the DIS ease that centers in your mind and not your body, and you can't get rid of it with intellect because it's so imprinted on your brain, are your mind, that it's at a place where you can't touch with your the intellectual pride stuff, the intellector it's like who is in Roland Hazard, who put him sound self under the tutelage of Dr Young and the N S and after he was sober for aut six months or a year in the Best Treatment Center, you know, with Doctor Carl Young, he says to himself, now, knowing the inner working to my mind, drinking is impossible. Nevertheless, next line. He was drunk in a few weeks he went to Dr Young. Dr Young said to him very simply, how many doctors can actually say this to people? You know when to be great, if doctor said this to alcoholics. He said, you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never been able to treat somebody when that state of mind exists. He felt like the gates of hell were clamped down. Oh if we only had a few out psychiatrists that would tell alcoholics are true. What? What what Dr Young said? The Rolling Hassard? It's a phenomena, it's a miracle, it's a spiritual thing. You know why, to alcoholics have such a hard time, you know, accepting the spiritual, the God part of this program? Why? Why will we have a big book says God either is or he isn't, which your decision would be, when we have a book that basically said, has a chapter to the agnostics and atheists and they have the reason I have a chapter to the ast that alcoholics and an atheist is to tell him this sort of thinking must be abandoned, must be should be abandon must be abandoned. Doesn't give a an option. If a mere code of morals and a better philosophy of life would have helped us, we'd stay sober a long time ago, but such codes and morals never helped us. What does that mean? If that's true, if codes to then why is everybody thinking that good, orderly direction is what they're talking about when the big book says just the opposite, when it says that is not God good order, the direction is not God. Why does it? It's just good. Do the next right thing is not something we want. Why do people think that they can substitute that when the big book says? Well, you know, alcoholics are great at delusional thinking. They're great. Really is sort of like substituted words in that they don't like. You know, I'm...

...an alcohol unless and until an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, is sobriety be precarious? Why do I have people have precarious, precarious sobriety? Maybe one of the consequences of being an alcoholic is that whenever you hear something or see something or somebody tells you something you don't like, it confuses you, you hate them, you turn away and you change it. I know in my first life told me, if you come home, drop one more time. I'm leaving you twelve words. Pretty simple. The first thing I said to myself is, what the hell did you mean by that? I know, if you want to tell that, if you want to confuse an alcohol or get him to hate you, just say something he doesn't like. It's really simple. You know when they'll forget away why they's don't listen to you because they don't want to change. And that's the deal. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to talk of and the reason I'm sizophrenic and I'll tell you why I've been doing this thing. You know, I've been one of the reasons we change, you know, one of the reason we change this at all. This stuff I'm saying. You may think that's like an original deal, but those who know the big book and the Twelve and twelve and Dr bottom good old timer, know that all I'm doing is quoting from the big book of Alcoholics and on this and by from the basic material of our program you know that because you know that's what I'm doing. The reason I can do it is because I've done it's like wax on lacks. All I've done these steps. Somebody asked me whether I do the steps anymore. I said I don't know. I said I just live my life because when you do the steps, when you first come in, they seem discreet, they seem different. There's such a manner of living which there is a manner of living that which demands rigorous honesty, and there's a matter of living that demand's rigorous dishonesty. And I lived for thirty one years and for, quite frankly, maybe a few years after that, with a manner of living that demanded dishonesty. That's why you need sponsors, that's why you need inventory steps, that's why you need meetings for somebody somewhere, somehow to point out to you that you're living a dishonest life. You need that stuff because because the drinking they stopped, maybe the drinking with me stopped on January twenty five, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one, but the thinking, the personality, the delusional thinking, the craziness didn't stop on that day. The life of the dishonest life. And I didn't even know I was dishonest, because you don't really know what the real problem is. You think the problem is drinking and then you come in here in three months later you realize you're insane. You realize that the reason that they talk about, you know, finding a power that will restore you to sanity is because you're crazy. It may take three months, it may take four months, but one of these days you'll wake up three o'clock in the morning and you realize I'm nuts and I haven't added drinking six months. Everything's botting. Why am I so on happy? Why am I not rocketing forth the ment? What is my problem? Well, it's alcohol. That's the real now you get to experience alcoholism. I never experience is alcoholism when I was drinking. How can you experience Alcoholis when I'm drinking. You know, when I saw when alcoholics, when alcohol when alcoholism was three miles away from me, down the street, approaching me, I would turn to my friend and say I need a drink. And when I said I needed a drink, I needed a drink and I would chase the alcoholism a way. That's why I drink, because no woman, no car, no matter of money, no nothing worse. Quade as well acquires fass is just a few drinks so I drank it, but...

...you want to US something after I get put down the booze. The women work, the cars work, the money works and they can have the same disastrous effect. They never leave to happiness chasing those things. And how do you give up that stuff that bothers you from the next two thousand and twenty five years, you know, and hurting people, you know, how do you get a give up the thinking and that stuff? So the reason I'm going to the reason I'm sort of schizophrenic is because, believe me, I wasn't a God guy. I was I was going to be my my what I wanted to be was the you have torn my ant I wanted. I want the playboy yacht with all the bunnies and all the money and all the toys. You know, I don't need alcohol to be an Asso. I need alcohol to feel sorry for myself. Believe me, I walked into that bar with that goodlooking Gal and all the guy us looking at me and I felt like I was high as a kind. I get into that brand new car and I'm driving down the street, I think the whole world is looking at me. You know, I I I get money in my pocket, I think I'm a superstar. I go to the gym, I get buff and I get looking pretty good and I think nothing. I'm like unbelievable. By the same token, that wears off pretty quick and I don't have the God, I don't have the girl and I don't have the date. All of a sudden, feeling like a piece of crap, I get fired or the jobs and doing well. Now I want to kill myself. You know, the same up and down. I've never been able to find the decent way of living when I'm focused on the things of this world, and it seems to me I can't do anything but focus on the things of this world. Who's going to solve that problem for me when I don't even know it's a problem? I don't know of any other way of doing it. Everybody I know thinks that feels the same way. How's going to how am I going to solve that deal? And what happened to me in alcoholics anonymous? It's over a period of the years I changed, like we all change, according to alcoholics anonymous, by repeated humiliations and the final crushing over our self sufficiency. We got a new perspective and the only thing that's happened to me is, after forty years, I've just been crushed a lot of times, I've been humiliated a lot of times, I've gone through a lot of handhand common bat and I've learned a value of suffering. And every time I've suffered and every time I've been crushed and every time I've lost some mean old sponsor or some Group of people or some book, has always pointed me towards God. Went didn't me towards God, pointed me towards God. And I find myself at three o'clock in the morning saying God help. I find myself at twelve o'clock in the afternoon saying this Surrendy I find myself asking God's help. I find myself turning things over and turning things over and doing steps and turn things over. One day, twenty five years down the road, twenty five years down the road, I wake up one morning thinking about God because I'm going to church, as they recommend in alcoholics anonymous. You know they encourage did you know they encourage church membership? That's an interesting thing. The founders of alcoholics anonymous in two places say we encourage church membership. Most of US belong to religious organizations. I want you to listen. They didn't have to put that in there, but the founders of alcoholics, anonymous, said we...

...encourage church membership. Most of US along to religious organizations because we can help those people and we can get spiritual help there. And you got two alcoholics. You Got One alcoholic saying I can't stand the church, I'm spiritual, not religious, and you get another alcoholic saying I'm going to try that deal out because the founders encouraged it. When is open minded, one has lost all prejudice, even against organized religion. One still has a resentment. I don't care what you call in your language. I live a life of rigorous honesty. I know what a resentment looks like. I know what it means to be not open minded. I get it, okay, and over a period of time now I find myself in a situation, at seventy one years of age, where my life is incredible. I'm not saying it's perfect, it's just incredible and it's been very bit made very, very clear to me. That's incredible because I stopped turning things over to God and I started living it. Turned over life and I started focusing on God. And the reason why I focus on God and he's become the centerpiece of my life is because everybody I hang out with talks about God. In Aa I talk about God, my sponsor in the people I choose to hang out with talk about God. In the church, they talked about God. You know, I think about it, I read about godly stuff. I was told the man I'll be in the next five years will depend upon the people I hang out with, the books I read, and the books I read depend on who I hang out with. I clung out with guys that read the Bible and go to Bible study and and so I'm living a turned over life and I don't think I do the steps. I'm just living them. I'm just living them before I use so like it. If we through stay, Oh that was a fourth step, if it tends to Oh, I think I made amends there. Oh, that was like a twelve step, and all I know is it's just the way I live my life. Doesn't say you have to develop a manner of living which demands through us, honesty. What happens when you develop a matter of how long does it take to develop a manner of living? which demands were of us. Honesty. That becomes second nature. How long does it take for an alcoholic develop a matter of living where you're not envying other people, where you're not coveting what they have, where you're not saying things like I'll hold them? How long does it take the little matter of living where you stop hating people, where you start getting pissed all the time or get upset about everything that happens? You know what I could tell about somebody sobriety? You know what I tell about somebody sobriety by what makes some what what pisses them all? What does it take the getting crazy? You know, when my sponsors and the people I hang out with talk, say things like that person is sober, they're not talking about drinking. And why do I see guys that I talked to and I sponsor now that have twenty five and thirty and thirty five years that hit that glass ceiling and a a like the marble commercial, the old one smoking more, enjoying it less, that they're thirty years sober and they're not happy with their sobriety. What are they missing? You know, you know there's a line and vision for you it says this. It says once in a while, a drinker, a former drink, that says dry at the moment, dry at the moment. Try at the moment. Says feel better, look better, having a better time. We laugh, we smile at such sally. We know who tried the old game again because he's not happy with his sobriety. Soon he'll know loneliness, as few you do. Will be at the jumping off...

...place. You know what happens when you have a situation where you're twenty five years sober and you're doing every or or, like I was, nine or ten years sober and you're doing everything they tell you doing. A you in the WH banquet chairman two years in a row. You're sponsoring tons of people, you're doing step meetings, you're going to two three step means today. You're doing whatever you have to do. You're you're doing the a thing you love Aa and you get some point that, somehow, some way, even though you're doing everything, it's you. You know there's something more. You just can't get to it. You know, it's like it's like in the build dot and built like build dots and said an alcoholics anonymous number three. I knew there was something more, something a person ought to have, something to a release, a release, some sort of release, a happiness, something a person ought to have, and I was trying to find the answer and I was with Bill Wilson one day in my house. We were eating lunch and he turned to my wife and said, Henrietta, the Lord has been so wonderful to me, suring me of this terrible disease, that I have to keep talking about it and telling other people. And I realized, and that was his purpose in life, is entire purpose. And this was guy like me who worship money, stock market and everything and build dots and said he says. That was the golden text for me. That's what changed my life. Bill Wilson was was very, very grateful for what, for everything, God had given to him, and he gave all credit to God and he was so excited he was compelled to tell other people about it, sort of like the way I'm compelled to tell you about it, and not only that, not scared to do it, he wasn't apologetic about so I want to read you something from alcoholics and honess, you know, you ever see that thing? Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. That was written in nineteen thirty nine. In one thousand nineteen thirty five, a was started and it went on for four years. And then nineteen thirty nine they wrote a book and they say rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed power path. You do what we did, you'll get what we got. And, by the way, you know what else they said? They said half measures will value and nothing. They said there is no middle of the road solution. God couldn't what if he was? So they say God has all power. There is one who has all Paris. It didn't say the seventeen said there's one that has all power. You know what else they said? They said things like in the big book. They said things like once you sincerely, he says, you must get rid of selfishness. You must, or kills you. God makes that possible. When did God become a dirty word alcohol in the fellowship? When did people start beat feeling having a chill about talking about God because they worried about what the group would think about it? When people sit in a room and apologize for talking about God? Now I don't know my big book says it's as once we make that decision for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Being all powerful, they'll give us everything we need if we stay close to him. And performers work well, as work is to be a maximum service to other people. My Book says C to it. Your relationship with him is writing, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others. So when you're thinking about in nineteen thirty nine, so you may be saying to yourself, what does it mean to go to any lengths? It's not one any lays, it says. That's what they talk if you do what I mean, to do the thing thoroughly. I think it...

...man something to do with our choices. So let's talk about when they wrote that book, in Nineteen Thirty Nine, when they say, really, have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path? Just in case there are people here. Just in case, there are people here that are doing a, a like crazy, and they think they're doing aa and they're doing everything in egg. Maybe they have ten years or fifteen years and they're doing a but somehow, some way, they feel like there's something missing. Then maybe I know there maybe somewhere people like that here, because I was like that that nine years, or eight years, or nine or ten or eleven years. I was doing Aa, I was sober, I was carrying the message, I was sponsored with people and there was something missing and I didn't know what. So let me talk about next. Every time you hear the word, rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Let me talk. Let me talk to you for a second. You might want to get this book Dr Bottom, the good old timers, so you can see what their path was, so you can actually see what they were doing, because you may think that they were doing what we do now. You understand saying. You may think that they're doing what we're doing. So let me read this. This is page one hundred and one. Dr Bottom. The good old timers conference approved militarial on the other hand, we were taking them upstairs and getting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was very important. The surrender was more than important, it was a must. The surrender was more than important, it was a must. Bobby, who came into a and February of one thousand, nine hundred and thirty seven. We call that. After four or five days in the hospital, when you had indicated that you were serious, they told you to get down on your knees by the hospital bed and say and say a prayer to God, admitting you were pallous over alcohol and your life was unmanageable. Furthermore, you had to state that you believed in a higher power who returned you to Saturday. There you can see the beginning of the twelve steps, he said. We called that the surrender. They demanded it. You, who could not go to a meeting until you did it. You could not go to a meeting. That was the initiation. You couldn't go to me. They didn't believe you were serious until you did it. If I answer and you didn't make it in the hospital, you had to make it in the upstairs bedroom of the Williamson's house, dorothys E, we called the nineteen thirty seven meetings, when the men would all disappear upstairs and all US women would be nervous and worried about what was going on. After about an hour or so, down would come the new man, shaking white, serious and grim, and all the people who are already in a would come trooping down after him. They were pretty reluctant to talk about what happened, but after a while they would tell us they had a real surrender. That was a in nineteen thirty seven. Let me go on. Let's talk about Bob Smith, about Bobby Smith. So there's a guy named Clarence, the brew master. Let me see whether I can find this part. This is Claren so Bob Smith. This is how Bob Smith twelve step people. You know, Dr Bob Ere bed tells that all I had. Dr Bob is my sponsor. Here's how Dr Bob Twelve steps clarence the blue group. The broom asks who started the first group in Akron, a group, it says. Now Doc...

Smith came in later and took over. He sat on the edge of my bed. This is page one hundred and forty three. If you want to check on it see whether I'm telling you the truth. Docs left. Came in later and took over. He sat on the edge of my bed and said, well, what do you think of all this? Then he paused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know whether you're ready yet. You're kind of young. I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, no job, no clothes, no money. I didn't know how much more radio could be. We called Clarence. Still I had to convince them I was ready. You get that, you get the difference. Still, I had to convince them I was ready. You did the defense. Still I had to convince them I was ready. Not US begging them not to leave, not US begging them to join Aa. You know, I because these were low bottom drums. These were low bottom. You know why? It says the book. Why all this insistence on hitting bottom? Because nobody's going to really do this thing. Nobody's going to do this thing the way it's supposed to be done unless they think their life depends upon and so he said. Still I had to convince them I was ready. Then he asked. Then he asked, then Bob asked. First question, Bob Ass, you ever hear anybody in a room say, well, they had talk to me about God? How do you hurt people say they room if they had mentioned God when I came and I would let you ever hear sending something like that. How about this? Then bobby asked, do you believe in God? Dumb fellow, bring your Shit never you ever hear anybody. You ever hear anybody say don't talk about the Gods and new give me a chase somebody. This is what Bob Smith said. He says you believe in God, Young Fella. He always called me young. Felt that he called me Clarence. When called me Clarence, are you always in trouble? Then Clarence says, what does that have to do with it? And Bob Smith says everything. Everything. I guess. I do. Guess not that you you do or you don't? Yes, I do. That's fine, Dr Bob replied. Now we're getting someplace. All right, get out of bed and on your knees. We're going to pray. I don't know how to pray. I guess you don't. That's all right, just follow what I say and that will do for now. I did what I was ordered to do. I did what I was ordered to do. Repeated again, I did what I was ordered to do. Clarence said there were no suggestions. Dr Bob was always positive about his faith. Clarence, stead of someone asked them a question about the program his usual response was what does it say in the good book? Suppose he was asked what's all? The first thing. First, Dr Ball would be ready with the appropriate quotation. Seek you first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness at all things, and be add it onto you. Hey, listen, I'm just saying you're until your own opinion. Just on tell to your own fact. That was a from nineteen thirty five to nineteen thirty seven when they said really, I haven't seen person pills thoroughly followed our bath. That's what they were doing. Okay, now, do I want to change a? Absolutely not. I don't have to change A. I understand people coming in high bottoms. I understand people coming from treatment centers. That's okay. I mean I understand that people come in and they're not necessary and they don't want to believe in God and then or believe in this stuff and they're not ready to find I get that. I understand that. Doesn't doesn't concern me. The bottom line is I I understand that that a has instead of US trying to prove that we should be an a or prove to them that wrote, I understand that. We don't have to do we don't have to do the second step, in the third step to go to our first met I understand that. I understand the philosophy the A or the last eighty...

...years. House now change and they don't care. We don't care. I understand that. A's basically loffee is. You do your thing, I'll do my thing. You know, you want to be an atheist, you can be any want to be a nasty you be in agnostic. It's the saying God is in that importance. You know what I mean. If there is going to be a god, it's good thing they tell about in the big book. You'll figure it out. I understand they let you rock and roll around Aa for fifteen, twenty, thirty years, slip and slide and go all over the place until you maybe figure something out. Or maybe a ten or fifteen years you start reading this book and say maybe that's the problem, maybe these guys are actually serious about this stuff, maybe I'm not doing this as thoroughly as I think I am. May I understand that that that's the deal, that we can rationalize. I'm a rationalizer. I told myself rational life. I understand that. We don't order anybody to do anything, unless maybe you're their sponsor, and then I understand that they honestly follow your direction anyway. You know, because say has become a whole different animal. But I don't think, and I may be wrong about this, it is my theory. Even though we have changed in the fellowship was changed, I'm not sure that the disease is changed. I'm just not sure that the disease brought into our new agreement. I think they found an answer. I think they had found the way out. I think they found the way to not only get sober and not drink, but also be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. I know, you can come a day you're not do any of this stuff. You have believing God, and I don't come an a a. You can. You can stay sober physically for thirty five, forty years. They were relatively okay life and you know, and you know the suffer from a little lowliness or, you know, depression or whatever it is it is. I understand that some people are perfectly satisfied would just not drinking, going to meetings, hanging out of the fellowship. I know, I know what the sixth step means when it says, when it says the difference between the men and the boys are the men are the ones who are trying to come to a point where they remove anything between them and God and grow in the image and likeness of God. And the boys are the ones that settle. They settle this is good enough. I'm not drinking. Leave me alone. I understand what the differences between the men and the boys. I get that now. I understand that and I also understand that. It's like it's pretty much like a like a formula. You do certain things the way they do and you get certain results. Your substitute in. I mean, listen, instead of eggs, use egg beaters. Instead of cream, use milk. You know, I I understand. When you substitute, you may still get a chocolate take. It's just not going to check taste like the other chocolate cake. I understand that deal. I understand what really how we see perpetillos thoroughly followed. I understand the alcoholic personality, where the chief Chacteristic is the pliant that the first thing anybody wants to hear or say to me is, well, what the Hell do you know? Why should listen to you? You don't know anything. I'm going to do it. I understand why. I understand about the alcohol personality and you know it's sort of like Piston into the wind when I talk about this of stuff. But here's the good one, the good part. All I'm doing is talking about my life and what I found. I'm fulfilling my responsibility and reading to you, reading to you what it says in this book and what it says in the big book of alcoholics anonymous. Here's the great deal. I have fulfilled my responsibility. I feelfilled my purpose. My purposes is carried the message, the way I see it, in my life and this book, and whether they straightforward say in this book, you know, to whoever I'm talking to, that's my purpose and that's a purpose. That doesn't mean I can't run a law office,...

...that doesn't mean I can raise four kids and, you know, twelve and seven grandkids, or I can't, you know, be the involved Deacon in my church. I'm involved in a lot different things, but my primary purpose is to help other alcoholics and do a bill. Listen to you know, the Lord has been someone for me through me, this double seat I got to talk about and telling people what y'all do with it. You know, what Y'all do with it is up to you, you know, but I don't think he can honestly say ten or fifteen years down the road, if you can't stop drinking or if you're thirty years sober and you're happy. I don't think you'd ever say to somebody if you don't have if you haven't been seeking and aligning. Look, a's not a lie with any sect that I'm national religion, but in my opinion, if you're in here at some point of time, you better get your ass alive. You better. But you don't want to be a loose panning you know. You don't want to do one of these guys flown around not having an idea who god is, what he is or what he wants you to do. You know what I mean. I may be wrong about this, but at least here's the point. At least I'll walk away from this deal saying I did what you want to need to do. I did what Bill Wilson are me do you know? And I don't have to worry. I'm not worried about you know what Andrea things or Mike from the bronze things or Jimmy O'Brien thinks or anything like that. I don't sit there saying, did I piss off Poblem, you know, it does. Vinny not like me anymore. I have to do that, you know, that's the old way of that. I don't want that life anymore. That's the old life, trying to compromise who you are and what you are and change yourself into something else or drink yourself into something else so that people will love you because you're in such need of other people's love and all that sort of stuff. That's a losing deal. That's a losing bondage. You know what I what I I'm concerned about is I'm doing what the Lord wants me. That's it. So the bottom line is that's all I have to say about what. Whatever it has to do, and I think it may have to do the third step, I'm a thinking it's possible. At least you can't say, well, nobody ever told me this twenty years ago. Oh, I never heard about this. I wish I have been told. Wish somebody had told me about this. Okay, so thank you very much.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (131)