AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 11 months ago

Russell S. Step 1 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 1 from the Coral Room Zoom January 1, 2021

Well, Hie everybody, my name's Russellspats SOM an Alcoholi. Can everybody hear me, you know it'd, be terrible to do thisthing and then find out no yeah, we wer Youe good. So, as you could see who was it was Richard Saidthis. Wecan't start because there's only a hundred people and well we're GON NA have a good time here.I want you all the relax, I'm going to take this nice and easyoven, the same life first Rodeo, so I you can see I dressed up for themeeting, it's good for me to be in an ane. It'salways gook o do something like this. I am an alcoholic, I'm none of theSouttixi group and I'm grateful to God for everything he's done for me in my lifeand it's always good to be here, fully clothed and sort of like in my rightmind. So let me tell you a little bit about what this first meaning is goingto be about I'm going to be doing twelve weeks of this, and I promise you this is going to be based. On myexperience, I had a sponsorly once told me when aman with experience meets a man with money. The man with experience willwalk away with the money, and the man with the money will have walked awaywith an experience. So I'm just going to talk about myexperience and work in these steps and train into a man who, I would like tothink is working a a life living a life, the kind of life we're supposed to livewhen we get sober- and this is just a little bit about mystory and what I've notly, what I've experienced. But what I've seen I'vedone a lot of stuff in here I've sponsored a bunch of people. I've donea lot of you know. I've done the thing you do, but I owe everything I havetoday, which is what would I have today? The only thing I have today is is arelationship with God he's the central fact on my life, which, as Igre the bigbook is the onlything you need et's. Only one thing, that's necessary.Only one thing that's necessary and I know what that thing is you findthat one thing that's necessary and Youl hang on to that one thing and youhave everything and you runing around trying to get everything else, exceptfor that one thing and you got nothing. Nothing works bill. Wilson said when he was talkingabout emotional sobriety, and I can promise you that I'll promise you tothings. If you stay from the twelvt week, Sheu'll hear you'll hear me touch on every singlestep, a lot of times. It just won't sound like it. I do things I started doing step serieswhen I was around seven years over five or six or seven years over when I first started doing the steps itwas more mechanical, it was a lot of mechanical stuff. You know this is OwCau do the fourth step. This is how I did e third step. You know, and youknow that kind of thing, because you know when you first come: Adowt taulsanonymous. The steps are unusual. They're different, you know theyrethere,they want ounter their counter into it. Like run th. You know you walk aroundSayi. Oh think I just did a third St. Oh, that was for T. Oh, I think I justdid a twelve tep. You know you just sort of Yeur, just screek ing thereyou're. You know what you're doing them, because you do. Oh, I just did a tenon,you owa. I did a ten step today. I did a fort step. I did it Iy Ow, you know it's like wax on and wwach Oubax off when you, when you do the step for thenty twenty five thirty years you don't. I don't want to say I don'tdo the steps. What I want to say is. I live a life of a recovered alcoholic.I like to think I live a lite life of one of the men, not one of the boys,there's apparently a a part, but there's a place. You come to somewherein out box anonymous, but there's a separation between the men and the boysand the men, the men being those who are trying to grow in the imageandlifess of their creator, they've quipped, the debating society.They put the half eagards. They no longer worry about the Lord's prayerand where it comes from, they no longer worry about a lot of things that dryepeople crazy and alcohols anonymous. They you know, you don't want to getinvolved, it's hard to even know when you're involved in half measures. Whatdoes that mean? Half measures? How do you know you're doing a halfmericanwhat? Does it mean when they say it avails you nothing? You know, Idon't think half matur s of Velly, nothing in my way of thinking. Of course, I have a disease thatcenters in my mind, not my body, so d, On't, don't trust. My way in my way ofthinking, half measure should give you fifty percent. Isn't it just success that I'm drinkinghowward is drinking? You know versus...

...emotional subriety? What does it mean to be emotionallysober? What's the real problem with alcoholicTi Wilson said the real problem? Alcoholic is unhealthy dependencies. What's an unhealthy dependence, do I have unhealthy dependencies when, when I stopp drinking and I no longerdependn onon alcohol- are there other things? What if I spend money, I don't have tobuy things. I don't need to impress people I don't like. Is that an unhealthy dependency? What if I depend on judging myself and worrying about whatother people think about me? What if I live alive, where I'm always thinkingabout other people, what they think about what, if im, what if I still havefear of other people, it doesn't seem like feure other people. I just worryabout what they're thinking about me or what they're saying about me, whatthey're going to say about t? What, if I worry about what I look like, then am I define by my shirt a I define by my hair. What, if I worry about what, if I getinvolved in vanity stuff worried about my weight, my hair looked, you know about the Sandel, it says, Goddoes not judge you by your appearance. God judge a man a man alone by by thenature of their heart. You know my sponsor said when you talkto people. Just remember your you know: Everybody has a everybody. You Talk to probably has abroken art so deal with them in that fashion. What is it s? What does it mean whenthe big book says we'RE SELFISH AND SELF CENTER? What, ifyou don't think yourself which, what, if you think you're just Togo wel? WHOSHOULD I trust? Should I trust my own thing, and I should I trust the bigbook ofout Box Anoos? They, you know the one of the things thit says it sayswhy all this insistence on getting bottom and they say because no Alcoholiis going to do or believe the things we say unless they think their lifedepends upon it. I mean after you, stop the Thedrintyafter. You Stop the drinking you're sober for five years or tenyears or fifteen years. Are you still negotiating the program? What does it mean to utterly andabsolutely give Your Life to God? What does it mean in the big book? Whatit says, you're going to be rocking the Fort dimensiond existence andexperience much of Heaven? What does it mean to be rocked in the fourthdimension of existence or experience? But how do you know F, you're, beingRocke in the fourth dimension of existence and Experience Much of Heaven?Well, they say the great fact is this and nothing less? What is the great fact, and what does it mean this or nothing?Lest? Does it really mean it's this or nothing less? What if the grate fact?What? If what, if the great what if it means that the great fact is this andnothing less than this, what does it mean? Are you living alife where you're doing something less in the greet fact, are you likenegotiating the program? Do you think, like you're doing he program is you're,not dranking, you think. That's it! That's the PROGRAMI'm of recovering.Are you working your program, jus program, you where you work in yourprogram, arethere a lot of programs? Is there only one program, I don't know ut. They said that in order to belocked in the ful dimetion or existence, what, if they Saiese Ya, make God thesental fact of re Lin, what does it mean to make God thecentral fact or o Your Life? Well, let me ask you this: How wouldyou know if you mad God, the central tact of your life? How would you know when God is thecentral fact of your life when it says God's got to be thesentral fact of your life, and you have to be convinced that he lives in yourheart and mind an way which is miraculous, he's doing feel what youcan't do his op? How do you know when you're convinced you know the ads andseason says wereout ox? We can ot manage your own live no human power. Anget rid of this alpholls m only got throug the wood if een saw and the nextline is being convinced. How do we know whe're convinced? How dowe know we're not manage Gen ern lines, Oen know after a meeting, then we'regiving our lives to God, and we think Ou've got them toget in our car and allof a Sude. We start thinking about our lives and how to manage things. Is that,like manager on lie, you know whan the big book says aboveeverything: We must get rid of the selfishness, they're, not talking Abou,the drink, the same that selfishness. How do you know how to get rid of thesuffrageness? If you don't know w at the SELFASHTHISS looks like you know, and you know the PEO booksays says: God makes that possible, I mean, is there a way of getting rid ofthe suffish this without believing I gone...

...now? How is God Gon and then it saysonce we make the serious decision, for God all sorts of remarkable thingshappen. Would you like a rem? Would you likeremark? What kind of sobriety you like you want Ed t e Pars, O Brity, whereremarkable things were happening for you? Is it possible to be sober and nothappy? Do you think it's possibly sober andnot happy with your surpriting? You know vision for you. It says here andthere a a a great ten of problem. Drinker sober for a time doesn't sayhow long it says says, feel better. Look Better, I'm having a better fine,you ever hade a sponsor somebody's sponsy or somebody say you get on myback ey. I don't I'm not even thinking drinking I'm lite worrieg aboutdrinking, you think people think they're doing. Okay, just becausethey're not drinking, think people sometimes use the fact that notdrinking as an extuse for not cheating for more so what it says. It says hesays: Weei feel better on. Look there, I'm having a better time. He says: Whe,you laugh its like Sala. We know he's going to try the whole game again,because he's not happy with his surpribe is a possible hop. Yo Happen with yoursobriety. You think and not know, you're not happy with your tride. Hesays soon. I no loneliness is or you do we'll be able to jumping off place. You know the twelan twelve says unlessatol notcohol an accepts his alcoholism, whatever that is whatever alcoholism is.Apparently it's not tedricting. EHERES the big book says the drink is ThaSeptem of the problem. It's a syptom of the alcoholism, the alcoholism censorsin your mind, not your body. I guess that means you have the alcoholismbefore you. You started drinking during your drinking and even after you'rejust stop dranking I mean. Is that what does it look like?What do you find out what it looks like when you find out what it really lookslike what it is you know unless intolan alcoholicaccepts his alpoholism and all its consequences, other consequences to bean alcohol is Surbribi, be precarious, ome, true happiness, O fun. Not at all. Do you want to just not drink? Join thenot drinking club, we're at all ther, not drinking club right a by here wantto pick hum a wide Chif for not anybody. Her want to pick up a redshit for notdrinking anybody. Yo want to pick up a blue chip or not drift. I Ben a goldanybody's birthdated it. You know. Oh you remember the not don't drink emen.If your ass fall on is that what IIS about I'm not putting that down? I dobelieve Wat. My sponsor says especially W H newcomers. If you go through thewhole day and you fuck up everything yeah, you screw up everything, but youhaven't had o drink your success, but is that what a is is tnot? Whatsobriety is when a guy with Tweanta thirty forty years says that Guy Sober?Is He men? Does he mean the guys not drinking, or is he talking aboutsomething else? No, are there different perspectives,af a an I, the DIFFERENC. You know the big booksays it says the way we get a new perspective is by repeated umiliationand the prushing of our selfsufficiency. That's how we get a new perspective offar as drinking we had bottom. We have new perspective. We think drinking isokay. Then we hit Botom an all of a sudden. We, you know, we sit there andwe can't imagine a life without drinking and then we hit bottom and aweek later we can't imagine a live drinking again. How does that happen?Is that a new perspective is that the only new perspective it says, repeated humiliations? Otherwords is that the only hitting Bontom when we stop drinking other other,either hitting bottoms as far as sex is concerned, getting bottoms as far asromance getting bottoms as far as Veutin people hitting bottoms as far asthe PEDINU Pon people getting bottoms as far as worriedg about things andworrying about stuff and money and propety and prestige other otherbottoms. How many? How many times? Let me ask somethng if you get a newperspective ever when you're humiliated and you're crushed? How many times do you thank anAlcoholtin, be humiliotand cross during the space of a year? How many times can alcoholic behumiliated, crush sober in space of five years? How many times can olhol be aUMILIONAND crust in space of ten years or twenty years or forty years? If every time you humiliate and crushedabout anything, you get a new perspective on things. Things lookdifferent. You know so as a Giy with five years, looking at thingsdifferently than a guy with twenty years, look in different different withthings that a guy last three weeks or nineteen days or forty years, this meaning everything. I'm saying inthis maning how many different meetings are going on Ahere there are hundred people in here. Thereare hundred others there, only one meeting or there are hundred meetngs. Are there a hundred madengs going on orjust one meet.

If I took an indepth inter, tookinterovatories and asked everybody what you heard t this meeting, how manypeople would come up with the same thing? How many people are here in differentthat how many people are hearing things that are going to change their life?That I haven't even said: Do you think it's possible Lotalmeetin and listen toa talk at a meeting and hey talking to me and come away and say unbelievable?I never even thought about that and then realize when you talk to personthat the person never said that you just sort of like in you just sortof like connected a couple of thoughts and all of the came up with a thought and you go up the person I'll, neverforget when you said that you know what I mean. I Sai never said that I mean what's going on here anyway. Youknow what I mean doesn't have to do it unless Han its Al Otolce, except isalcoholism and allts CONC. What's a consequence of alcholism, so my first life lovely young lady. Sheonly made one mistake, marry me, but I mean Otr than Thatso sweet art. So myfirst wife one Friday morning said to me I graduated with departmental honorsand mathematics. I was going for the PhD and mathematics and algebraic apology. You can't even add to plus two today,but so my first one and then I went to law school and became to de Vision,Cheep Ron, the state's tornens office, my first wife, the lovely Ronnie, saysto be one Friday morning as I'm all dressed up and I'm a soberphysically as I am today and I'm thirty young, like twenty seven years old, I'm driving in the office O'm adivision chief on the states turnes office, I'm supervising attorneys ontryimg murder cases, and she says this to me. I want you T, listen to this iscomplicate. He says if you come home, one more time drunk, I'm leaving you every Thang was important to me, mywife. My son, my house, everything is up there on the line and she says isit's twelve words if you come home drunk one more time, I am leaving youtwelve words. So I get in my car and I drive fourblocks and I stopp at a stoplight- and I say this to myself: What the Hell did she mean by that? What the hell did she mean by that this disease senses your mind, not yourbody, you know what the Co you know. What one of the consequences I havewhen Wy alcolism is that whenever I see here or read something I don't like it confuses men, I can have a hundred forty six IQ. Youtell me if you come home dromp more time, I'm leaving you. I have no ideawhat the fuck you're talking about. It makes no sense to me whatsoever you ever if thore's anybody here, aresponse to people, you ave responsor people who seem to be smart and there'ssober and you tell them something, and then they look at you and they say yes,but or you don't understand and you never get the feeling that they're not th'. There's must besomething wrong with the communication. Could you Bein as clear as possible,but it apparently they just not it's. Just not connecting most people like that end up in Allino, becose alcohols can drive you crazy,that's just the consequences of being an alcohol, because alcoholics do notunderstand English. They do not understand it. When you tell themsomething they don't want to do so. When you have a book in the entirebook and the freedom and the rocketing in the fourth dimension of existenceand losing fear of Peopen, let lose your economican security and living an incredible life, a d, thejoy of women and God giving you everything you need.If you stay close to rer formers work. Well, doesn't work doesn't work, God is everything or he'snothing. What's your decision going to be a mere code, O morals, a betterphilosopy of life doesn't work good, O early direction doesn't work. The nextright thing doesn't work. That's a Mir! That's what our book said that way. Wewrote a book where we're going to talk about God and here's where the problemcomes in. They say it in the book. It's a chapter to the ignostics. Listen toMa it's attapted to the ignostics. They wrote it to the agnostics. There's whatthe chapter says. This sort of thinking...

...has to be abandoned. You got to stop it. You come home trumk, more time, I'mleaving you, God is everything Wereis, nothing andthen siys here alcoholics. Take that the happles an our NECKDROB. We don'tlike it, and so you sit in aming with a bunch ofpeople who are scared to talk about God, Casthis toget at other people, getgmanad them ecause. They worry about what the other people Goin to get tad and you have people say. Well, I likethe DOT Rona like Lordspur. I don't like this. I don't like, and for twentyfive years people sit around sover fucking Bullshi a meetings and they'renot free and they're, not happy. You know why, because when a bookholled alcocs anonyous tells you, God is everything Weris, nothing thethe's got to be the central fact ofyour life. You got to utterly abandon yourself to him. They don't like it so leton understandthat that pisses them off theyre confuet's. The same mechanism iswhen my wife said you come on throwping Wat on in leaving, and I go what thehelp you mean by that God is everything or he's nothing? Half measures, availuenotting! You know you can't love God and Tan,and you can't love God and the Gal and the world and the car it's either allGod or all world. Well what happens if that bothers you,you know, so you just stay sober and you're, not happy with your sobriety, then you're not rocking the fort andyou're trying to figure out what's wrong with me. I'm twenty three yearssober and you can't tell your group because they think they're soberd,because you're not ng to do the ad to step. You know what I mean and you can't figure it out, becausenow you've done everything you can do in Aa, Youre, sponsoring people andyou're staying sober and from time time. Tou feel relatively happy, but you feeln your like at a glass ceiling and you can't get any higher. You know and youare really trusging the road. It's a trug Ou can't figure it out because youthink you're doing everything and the truth. Fish you're not doing shit because you're, not because the givingup the drinking is the easiest part. The easiest part of this disease thatsentoms in rites the symptom the hardest part, is giving your entireLeftto gone. o have t to is read the book. It saysaround a new bases of trusting line upon. God is the father. We had thechildren, you know we never apologize for God,all men of faith that courage, they trust their God. We got TA, He Lift O.Let me read this. Let me read this, for I mean we might as well start with thereal stuff you want to major on the maze you don't want to make you on theWRO, Hey. You know how you do the for first step. I'm GOINGTO solve thisproblem for you on the first time. Anybody Yo want to know how to do firstTEP DRINK DRIK. I amn kidden two rolls in a only tworoles. In order to get here, you got a drink, don't be stopping fime, neverrob an alcohol it his desperation. Let me tell you something: If an alcoholic,Never Robin Alccolcin was last trend. If an alcoholic has not been convinved,you know what they sused to say. We don't argue with out both to say, trysome controll Drintin. They used to Havepen, get down on theknees and give their lives to God. And if you Wultnto do that and Woeldn't getin the meeting, and you know who did that the guys that were convinced Tha's,they were tricking. They ran to the rold drinkers. If alcohol has not convinced you thatyour powers Aroulchol, if it hasn't convinced you, you maycome in here and fo around with it for a year or two or three or five and ten,you know, but they listen it'll be a temporary thing. So let me read this to this is on pagesixty fhre sixty two and sixty grat. This is the how why of it, this is teHolen Livit. What tell does that mean? The great fact is this and nothing wels.What is als is that this is Howi want you're talking to alcoholics you'retalking alcoholics. Have you ever said to a sponsor? Iyouve. Had anybody say to you, you don't understand you ever tell somebody. You know whenthe guy says to you my girlfriend is using cocaine andheroin and bringing it into the House and shooting up in front of me and youan you say to the person. Listen, you need to break off that relationshipand then the person says to you, you don't understand yea. You ever have that IOM. If youhaven't had that happen to you haven't sponsored enough people, you ever tell an alcoholic. You know hereally needs to start going to meetings. You know what I mean. If you want tostay, sober and hey looks a he says,...

...you don't understand, I'm. Let me ask some who's, notunderstanding WHO's, the one who's, not understanding.So here's this. This is the how an want this is ameline. You know something onevery page of alchols anauus. They say this is Ballen Wy, you just don't see.You know what it says it says, but still we will not know you, and this is what the book says. He sayswe don't know whether that's true or not. He says, God will determine that.So your real reliance must be on him. He will show you how to create theFellowyhou Befray, see to what your relationship with him is. Writing Greateet of the Bast Youn Count E OES. What the what can they mean Abou that you knowwhat I mean? What could that whot at all? That stuff mean you know. So this is the Hel. Why thiis Dow Wythis on one page, you N, have to read the whole Buk. You know they do in thebig book by the way Eday when they do in the big book. They repeat the samething over and over again three thousand times this is that isill just sum it up forit theris Theo lonfit. First of all, we had to quit playinggone well. First of all, how do you know you're even playing got? I guess you need to sponsor somebody totell you that and then wthe sponsor tells you you're playing God. You knowyou could say. Well you don't understand it didn't work. Next, we decided that here and after inthe drama of life and if you're not polf, your life is fucking. draumaticI'll tell you that God was going to be our director, so the AR director he isthe PRINCIPL. We are his ancients, he is the father and we are his children. That's what it says in the big. That'sthe big book, Heis, the father weareatual. You don't like the ideahe's the potem where you got to get over it get over. It that's the alcoholism trying to keepyou that's alcoholism, trying to keep you from getting fucking. Well, most good ideas are simple, not foralcoholics they're non most good ideas are simple, and this concept was thekeystone. This concept is the keystone. It's. The great fact is: This is thekey stuff of the new and triumphant arch do, which we pass fhe freedom. Howwould you like to be free by the way? You know how I can talklike this today? Maybe Bo God be, because I can because I can you can't talk like this.If you worrid about people what they think about you can't conyute, you gotto filter everythingn through well. What do they think of? I say this andwhat do I think if I say that when we sincerely took such a positionthisis what happens? If you really do this thing, all sorts of remarkable things fun. Howmany people like remarkable things happen how woul to do with life? Yougot a choice. You can either do the not drinking club. Well, the rocket in thefourth dimension. Remarkable things happen: Ye I'm going to be Wonte. Theremarkable shit, okay, few three three Oa: We had a newemployer being all powerful, apparently he's nota higher power, he's the highest power. How many highest powers can you have only one so only one highest, powerisnote, fifteen eyes, powers being all powerful. He will providewhat we needed if we kept close to him and performed jus work well, number one,how you? How do you keep close to him? If you don't know who the Leis nolisten? Listen! This is this is like I mean I'm telling you this advanced,Asso, Terik, crazy shit. How do you keep close to God? If you don't knowwho the hell? He is no Lise, don't break your head overthis, don't think about it too hard you just get pissed off or something is it possible to know who he is well. I know a couple f things aboutGod: that'll Tayl, you, which is absolutely true number one he's allpowerful. You know how. I know that because the big book says he's allpowerful he's, not a higher car he's allpowerful. My God is all patful. You See. I have really serious problems. Myproblems are like not the mindischool problems you have. I have major shit,you know what I mean, so I need the highest power, not in the universeoutside the universe. He created the Univers Bera S. I got the highest bower,Bonn and I'll. Tell you about him sometimeif you're really interested. If you capt, you got to keep close tohim, how do I keep close to him? Does it have somet do with making themthe central fact, and how do I make hem? The setral fact does Thi have somethingto do with that thing. In the big book where the Bi with the founder said, weencourage church membership, dies that a farm of trying to keep close to himand increasing honjious contact bout. Could that be why they say that yeah?But a group says I'm spiritual, not...

...religious? Apparently it's at higherlevel of spirituality. If you put down religion but how come in the big book,how come all the Foundin, except for just a couple, belong to churches? Howcan they encourage Tritometicam do place? How come they say? We lose allprejudice even against organized religion. We begin to see whate. Those peoplewere right, who's, the sober person in alcohol. Isit sober to put down or have a resentment agains religion, whereas theperson who was sober, the person who has an open minded deal and even triesthat te who's, the so who's the emotionally sober one who's, the onewho's free of the resent. I don't know I'm just Han. Listen, I'mjust reading for the DIP Bok, that's all I'MMA! This isn't! Even me.Don't blame me for this shit. I didn't write this thing. You know what I mean.If I wrote it, we don't be on the Yot wit, the play boy bonby. Let me Tay Yosomething Yo guy have a different program. revovery. I can day that heprovided what we needed. If we kept close to him and perform jus work. Well,what the hell does he want me to do apparently somewhere the book he sayshe wants BEA maxilum service to other people, unto God, whatever. That iswhat is thatit established on this footing. We becameless and less interested in ourselves and our little plans and designs is that what surpiis that what sobrietylooks like, then you become less and less interested in yourself and yourlittle and you look ind your in your designs, your little plans and designs. Well, if that's, what real sobriety isthat you're less interested in yourself and your little plans and designs? Whatam I supposed to think of all these people that all they want to do is talkabout theirselves and their problems. What about all these people that arealways worried about themselves and their problems on the Detailo, their lives and what'shappening to him, and what does sobriety look like real,soriety, more and more Wen be come Ich than seewhat we can contribute to like, as we felt new power flow in HMM as weenjoyed peace of mind whatever that is, as we discover we can face lifesuccessfully as we cancome conscience, afthein presence. How do you know you're conscious ofthis presence? How can you become conscious of hispresence all the time we began to lose fear of today to morrow the year afterwe were reborn? What's that all about? What's that reporn sounds a littlechurchy to me. I don't now well. I want you to report me now thisopset Al. I want you to immediately reportin New York. I want you to tellthim that there's some guy in Miami Florida reading people excerts of thebig book of Alcoholics ynonymous and it's hurting newcomers because haven'tyou heard if you read the big book of Alcoholsanonius with feeling and youwant, you read it to them in a way that they can't avoid it. You hurt thenewcover. Didn't you know that that hurts the newcomer to be told thisstuff, you're hurting them they're, going to leave a and they're going togo tyou're going to go? Well, I guess drink drink, I guess still drink and then they'll, they'll, drink and they'll love, get arrested, Tou whatever and thenthey'll come back toahey and it won't be such a big deal, but listen becausethey'll be crushed or they'll die, but so they die. Listen!Owcom, Hey! You know where about alcoholso an SA hey, we're like ABOT ISCOMMONIS dirt. You know I've also, you know come on alcoholics if we die it'san accident. Believe me, you know it's an accident most of the Times. We dolisten where the guys that crash a car into a family of four at a hundredmiles er hour and they all die and we walk away with the broots. I thought,let me tell you something after the Thermo Nuclear War, you know wheneverything is decimated, the only Nov Yo left, cockroaches and alcoholics. You know, what's that, show what's thatshow with the dead people walking around? What's that show ceing with thedead people the walking deat, you ever see OASwalking dead, guys. Those are all alcoholics that were in recovery at onepoint in time then get this thing. You know Mike's,lap and youdsn't know what it's likg. So so listen, I'm going to tell you thastory. So you see this is like going to be painless. Okay, Banwi! Now here'shere's the thing. Let me take out. You know they askJesus what why do you talk ing parable? Why, O you tell people stories Whydon't,you just tellhem straight out, and this is what he said. He said because youknow they won't understand what I'm talking about its like talking parables. Let's I tell thim the story they one ofthose. They won't really understand it, because then you know what becausethey're so defensive and they're on...

Guid against everything they won'taccept. Somebody talking to Hem, because the chief characteristic ofalchoholis is defiant. They don't like people talking to Hem,because when you let Carol Managert Rote a book called Managus himself said:Alcoholics. FOM, Menar wonmen are out destroy themselves because sleep downaside, they think the pieces of shit they think they're unworthy. That's whythey're always jugging their inside by the way other people look on theoutside they're, always looking at other people always worried about. Ifyou're an alcohol Youre, please lete me a hall it. Why won't you accept me aHollit? I feel I'm comfortable N. This groocaholic, I used to say to mysponsor. I love people I love being around people. I'm not scared. I wesaid the why Yo always have to be fucking drunk to be around them? Why Yo?Always if you love woman, you're, not scared. Why dd you always have to bedrunk to be around them. If you love woman, you're, not scaredof bit, why do you always have be drunk to ask them to dance whyd? You always have be drunk tooutsex. If you love them, you know that isthat's Alcoholisim I mean we tell ourselves, live we're delusional. Itsays we're delusional. We say things to ourselves and othe people like I don'tGee prop what other people think about me when our whole life is about buyingstuff and dressing ourselves, UPF and putting accoutraments around ourselvesand trying to proove to other people that were better than them, eras, goodas them, and everything like that. where the greatest thing we fear isbeing humiliated or people laughing at us, you know, and all we do is walk aroundTome ouselves lives. Why you know I don't Giv what co theythink about, so I'm O N. I have a story to tell youI'm going to tell you a story. Let me see what time it is. I don't wantto okay, so I'm gonnatellyoh story thisstory. By the way you know there were a bunchof steps. I just talked atbout a bunch of steps yeah. Well, I'm gonna, let you're gonnaa forget. You see here's the deal you're going to have to connect thedots, I'm not going to do all the work on this dea. I'm sevny, wonder Sol tI'm all Yeh, I'M NOT gonna! Do all the work of this shit you're going to haveto connect the thoghts to tell you a bunch of stories and gn?Tell you different things about this book and about Your Life and you'regoing to have to try to fiure this thing out. You know some people are saying. Ithink that's about the first tat. Some people said it's a third step out ofthat's atens step, they're gonna be thats, that's the eleven step. You knowthis Meits, it's all there. You know why it's all there, because I'm aproduct of alcoholics, anonymous, see I'm seventy one years old and I'vebeen sover forty years in alcohols, anomous Pona mes doing everything. So,no matter how screwed up I lok, no matter how crazy you think. I am nomatter how it Wen, no matter how much you say this guy is off the wall. Letme tell you something: I am a product of alcoholics, anonymous, I'm a soberalcoholic and I am aprod. This is what you get when you merse yourself, analchox anonymous and you make God the cential fact of your life. You got aguy, thate ally, you know Bil, Wilson Sen and op. AUSONAMUS number threecheck it out when went Bild. Dotson the man on the bed say I knew there wassomething more. There was something I haven't got something a person ought tohave, and I didn't have the answer and on Dhay built Milson was in my house,reading tuna fish or something he didn't said, toefor say, but then we'reEAVENG lunch and he said to my wife: He turned my wife and he said Henrietta.The Lord has been so wonderful to me. Surn me of the stembel disease that Igot to keep talking about them and telling other people bill Wilsoncouldn't help himself from talking about God and the other people what hehad done to hom in this life and build ots. Instead, I have the answer ocalled Tat. The the golden text bill was very very grateful to die for what he had done for him in hislife, and he gave all credit to God, and all he wanted to do was talk toother people about that. About that that one thing about what God had donefrom it, his life, the tesentral fact saving him convinced about God and Giand and Dr Smith was farther along than he was, and that's the one thing that theydon't want and listen. You belong to a fellowship where that's the one thingthey don't want you talking about. I want you to get the. I want you togreat. Now, I'm not putting down the FELLOTHIP, I love it Teltim, but itain't well, peoples anonymous. The fellowship is millions of people thatwant to stay sober and don't want to do any of this shit. You understand I'saying that's what you have to understand. You have to understand,there's a big buck that tells you what the Pur program is and there's afellowship. That says, don't fucking! Do that you understand! That's why yousit in the meeting. That's why you read the Big Book and you see all that Shit.They say and you sit. I the meeting and Jusrt scared to talk about God andyou're goingto sort of l get a little skitzo prenit. You know what I mean.You know one guy said you said: I think you HAV A split personality. I said Iwish I can get adapted to I'd, be okay, you get a little crazy because the bigbook talks all about God and the means...

...they say. Don't talk about God, you'llscare, with a newcome. So no wonder we're confused we're confused. It's confusing! Isn'tit see what happened? They wrote onechapter in the Big Book Chapter to the Agnostich to tell people. This is notthe deal, a takes, a stand, our standers for God, and so they are nowwe allow agnostic in and atheisin like. We all once were under the guys of being tolerant cause.You want to be tolerant and all of a sudden seventy five years.Eighty years later, atheis is atheism and agnosice oftaking over AED and the thing they're intolerant of isGod, and so you really have two, as youactually have three as anybody tets. My email read that that sa Havin e emailthat was written in the s and you had actually out and a where it's like the old time, a ang where it's allabout God, and then you have an AA trying to stay sober based upon whatthey taught you in the treatment center. Well, you don't really need God, it'sjust an option and there are consequences. So I'm going to tell you a story whichhas to do by the way. Now this story is a true story. It's atrue story. I was going to a Bible study. Once is a weird thing and theguy was the leader of the Bible, study, told this story and T it was a truestory to drive a point across a point. That's very important than Aa,and I was so amazed by the story and ive been. I looked at it myself andlooked up in the dictionary and everything not day encycle Vidia, myGoogle did, I look competiy it and, and it was a true story, and- and so I went up to him, so I startedusing e because it is a true story. It tells you who's Goingto, it's astory that tells you who's going to make it in Aa and who's not going tomake it. Would you like to hear a story about WHO's going to make it name who'snot going to make it? I'm Goinna want to hear a story about WHO's going tomake it he's not Gonto. Ba I'll tell you story so I went up to the guy bythe way- and I said you know I'm telling this story and Aa that you toldme five years ago. I'm telling you this story. It was in a FDI changed my lifeand he lookes at me, and he says I never said that story I said rat. You said the story says Inever said it on't Ember Sa. So it's like an amazing thing. It'slike the God thing, but he said Eighteen D, sixty three you want tofind out about what this deal was all about. We got to go back to eighten,may twsenty six eighteen sixtee grade. If you understand the story, you'llunderstand all about alcoholics anonamous by the way is there a part ofthe book, a Mi Mesis that says: If you want what we have and are willing to goto any any lents to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps. I I'm Iquoting that right. You know I mad is that right. If you want, we haveand your willingt go any lengths to get it then you're ready to take certainsteps. That's right! Russell! Okay, thanks! So so, in other words, whatthey're saying is you know you're ready? If you want what we have an you wint togo to anylant together, you know you're ready. If you want whatwe have and you willing to go to any length toget so a lot of what you so a lot of thisdependens upon who your we is. You know who are you looking at? What?If you don't Klow what you have, what, if you wan we have but you're not goingto go to Anylan together what, if you want, we have and you'regoing willing t do like half vensures or go to some lanths to get. Does thatcount I mean? Is it like all an nothing? Is there all enough I mean there is youknow you got to get rid of the hold bideas? Is it really? The result is ner.Unless you got ta go to any Lans to get it, you know what is Anylin so in May eighteen and sixty three there were these seven guys i'mg togive you their names. Okay, because you gotto remember theirnames, a very important. It was Thomas Kover, Henry Edgar, Barney yuws,William fairweather Henry Rogers, and Bill sweeny and they're all ambanicGeorgia butbanic. Where was I it Wasbanic, it was in Virginia Cityoutside Abhatic Montabe and they were prospectors. It was a Prot O us, thesecond largest goal it soit so happens later on that there was gold and silverup there. Anybody ever saw remember the Pondarosa, and you know...

...that TV show you know there was goaldout. There was the second largest gold stride, you know, but this is reallybefore they knew with gold and was in the Black Hills with the Indians, andyou aren't allowed to go up there and get the gold and all the minors were inBanic Montana, and they would go up to the hills and they wuld try to mind forGoald, get the money and the seven L on that in May on eight eenand sixty three. This is after they found Golte Sudermill. This is after you know. California deal these seven miners. There was. It was a whole bunch oflines that went up in the hills and these seven miners were like a daylayand they started going up to the Hillsto to the seven guys. I'm talkingabout to get the to get the Gold Ha was and trust me.This has everything to do with you. This is everything to do with your life,I'm giving you the secret, I'm giving you the secret of alcoholics and I'mGona Givng you the secret of your life right now, and some of you are going tounderstand it and soe of you are not going tounderstand, and some of you are going to understand it and then you're goingto forget it. Well, you know: you're toed, Dude, you're, going to debate it you're going to understand that andyou're going to debate it, but a few of you ere going to understand it and get it.You know what I mean you'll see so thes seven minus went out to might for goldand they got captured by the Indians. Now there was one of the guys was halfReed, so he was okay, they catched them, but later on, they escaped six of themescape. One of them stayed back and they were going back to BannickMontana. You know they gat be supplied and theycamped at a particular place and bill fair weather, wat or the guysstill fair weather, and I think it was Henry Rogers to Henry Ad. It washenryed saw some rimrock and he started hittingthe rimrod. You know, while they were just there and he found gold and so for the next three or four hoursthey were hitting th. They found imagine going in your backyard and youfind fivesanddolars with the goal right there. In the back I mean, and theystart finding and they knew they had hit a major strike, the motherlow theyknew it, but here's the problem. They didn't have the tools, they didn't have the tools to mind theGolt and if they didn't have the tools they couldn't work. The claim and therwere other worried about other people jumping the clame at that time, so theymade a solemn pack that they were going to go with thetown theywere going to sneak in the Mat. You understand what I'm saying: they'regoing to get by the tools or the voll. They have and everything like that andnobody was going to say, crack Oung Stan, I'm saying nobody's going to saynothing. You know I mean because they hit the mother alow, so they get they. They Gettin the BANICMontano. They go to buy the stuff, you know what I mean they go to buy the stuff they get thestuff and the plan is they're going to meet out about two miles outside of town at theold oak tree. So they go about two miles out of townto the old old Trad and they notice that there's threehundred miners following them, three hundred miners following them, so they knew somebody had filled thebeans. Somebody had said something so Henry Farweather went up to theleader of the three hundred people and said to hem I mean who spilled the beans and theysaid this is s what they said to him. They said nobody talke. He says wecould see it in your eyes. We knew we looked at you. We knew youhad hit the mother loan. We knew you would hit the mother love, we coan just look at you and we knew that you would hit them other love and the reason I'm sober is becauseI've been hanging around I've been hanging out with the minors. I've been hanging in the mid with theminers. You know you don't have to be a geniusin alcohols anonymous. You know this sobriety, ind theiessobriety, there's being dry, there's not drinkingand there's were being rocked in the fourth dimension of existence. You know, thank God, for some of themen. I hung out. I wanderd what they had. I had no idea what they had, but Icould see an I knew they had hit the Moher love. I knew they had hit themother load. I hung out with rail, keep...

Bas. I knew he had hit the mother load.I hund out with Bob Somen. I knew he had hit the mother low these guys thatget the mother Loa and I hung out with them the other guysferin the parking lot with the gals smoking, your cigarettes, you knowtrying to get laid. You know whatever Hel they're doing over there. I'msiting I'm sitting with these guys are like sixty years old, theyre fat. Likeme, you know what I mean ther chain mokin camel cigarettes or something I'mhanging out with these guys becas. I knew these guys. I hit the mother Lov. I knew they had been rocking an I knewthey had like the Wilson. They had something I knew a person should hadd.I knew there was something more thete was something I hadn't got. I followedthese guys. I went to every step min this, but they were speaking. I wasthere, they were speaking. I was there. We wourd get in the car who would drivesixty miles. He say Joe Sniders speaking tonight and forlwater rel keepis doing a step series tonight. You know and highly an were up there. Wewere there. We would follow these guys around. Like people would follow BillWilson Around Bob Smith, around R, whoever plans it you know, hung ut with the guys wor. You knowwhat I mean because I wanderd what they have and I was wially go to anywenttogether, because apparently, even at that pointin my life I hid bottom because I drank because the dranking robis only got anylength and that's what happened to me. I don'tknow I can talk about this stuff we're talking about tonight. I don't know howto instill desire into somebody who doesn't desire. I don't know how to force somebody todesire. I don't know how to force somebody to desire to be sober over adesire to have sex. I can't I can't I can't do that. I don't have the powerto do that. You know I mean I mean my whole life was about getting dressedabout getting dressed up on a Friday night or a Saturday night. Looking forher, I wanter what you had. I was wonly on an Lak together, my whole. That's mywhole existence is chasing after women. Getting cars buying stuff getting buff.You know everything like that, so I could get that thing. That would makeme feel like a man and feel okayten. That was my whole life. Nobody there's no person on the worldthat could talk me out of anything. I was so loyal to that one. Something had to happen to me. They hadnothing to do with thinking. It had nothing to do with thinking, so I hadto hit some sort of bottom or something were staying sobern. One of these guyguys had was more important than ses. Yor important that money more important. So Ive Wel! Listen. Howdo you do that? How do you? How do you get an alcoholic to be? I can tell youthis. I have people in my life that I sponsored that have gotten there. He,the easiest, Thintha the easest people who wonl a sponsor. They aske me a question. I tell thimwhat I think an they listen to me. Sometimes they do a little, you don'tunderstand and they got other people in my life. There ain't nothing. I do oute Te a en thell sort of way. Af for they'l get another sposor and they'llsay you don't understand. I don't chase after Hem, I'm gont try to fix theme. Idon't try to cure them. You know, because I don't have the power to bethat I'm Lik God. You know, I don't sit there and worry about it. What's goingto happen because that happened, they put me an Alemonus, I think, worse, andeath. You Know Ai gonna. Have that appen. You know our ladies are repetualrevenge. You know, Juli's laughing shit is know what it's like, but o en me say. Eight thirty, five! I went five minutesover. You know I like to go for another three hours:we're not gon to do that; okay, so that is ou reftet for me at these pricesNorbit, that's it.

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