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Episode · 1 year ago
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Episode · 1 year ago
Russell S. Step 1 at the Coral Room Zoom
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Well, hi everybody, my nameis Russell spats. I'm an alcohol can everybody hear me? You know,it'd be terrible to do this thing and then find out yeah, we webe good. So, as you could see who was it was Richard saidther'swe can't start because it's only a hundred people. And well, we're gonnahave a good time here. I want you to all the relax. I'mgoing to take this nice and easy, oven the same my first Rodeo.So, as you can see, I dressed up for the meeting. It'sgood for me to be at an a meeting. It's always good to meto do something like this. I am an alcoholic. I member the SouthDixie Group and I'm grateful to God for everything he's done for me in mylife, and it's always good to be here fully clothed and sort of likein my right mind. So let me tell you a little bit about whatthis first meeting is going to be about. I'm going to be doing twelve weeksof this and I promise you this is going to be based on myexperience. I had a sponsor who wants told me when a man with experiencemeets a man with money. The man with experience will walk away with themoney and the man with the money will have walked away with an experience.So I'm just going to talk about my experience and working these steps and turninto a man who I would like to think is working the life, livinga life, the kind of life we're supposed to live when we get sober. And this is just a little bit about my story and what I've notonly what I've experienced but what I've seen. I've done a lot of stuff inhere. I've sponsored a bunch of people, I've done a lot ofyou know, I've done the thing you do, but I owe everything Ihave today, which is what would I have today. The only thing Ihave today is is a relationship with God. He's a central fact of my life, which is I read the big book. Is the only thing youneed's only one thing that's necessary, only one thing that's necessary, and Iknow what that thing is. You find that one thing that's necessary and youhang on to that one thing and you have everything and you run around tryingto get everything else except for that one thing and you've got nothing. Nothingworks. Bill Wilson said when he was talking about emotional sobriety and I canpromise you that. I'll promise you two things. If you stay for thetwelve week shall hear. You'll hear me touch on every single step a lotof times. It just won't sound like it. I do things. Istarted doing step series when I was around seven years sober, if I Ior six or seven years over. When I first started doing the steps,it was more mechanical. Was a lot of mechanical stuff. You know,this is how you do the fourth step. is how I did a third step. You know, and you know that kind of thing because you knowwhen your first come in alcoholics anonymous, the steps are unusual, they're different. You know they're there. They run counter their counterintuitive. They run.You know, you walk around saying, Oh, I think I just dida third step. Oh that was coore step. Oh I think I justdid a twelve step. You know, you just sort of they're discreet andthere you're. You know when you're doing them, because you don't oh Ijust did a tensei you Wudn't. I did a ten step. Today Idid a fourth step. I did a you know, it's like wax onand watch it wax off when you when you do the steps for two thousandand twenty five thirty years. You don't. I don't want to say I don'tdo the steps. What I want to say is I live a lifeof a recovered alcoholic. I'd like to think I live. I live alife of one of the men, not one of the boys. There's apparentlya part, there's a place. You come to somewhere in alcoholics anonymous,with as a separation between the men and the boys, and the men,the men being those who are trying to grow in the image and likeness oftheir creator. They've quit the debating society, they've quit the half measures. Theyno longer worry about the Lord, it's prayer and where it comes from. They no longer worry about a lot of things that drive people crazy.And alcoholics anonymous, they you know you don't want to get involved. It'shard to even know when you're involved in half measures. What does that mean? Half measures? How do you know you're doing a half measures? Whatdoes it mean when they say it avails you nothing? You know, Idon't think half measures of value, nothing in my way of thinking. Andof course I have a disease that centers in my mind, not my body. So don't, don't trust my way, in my way. Of they canhalf measures. Should give you a fifty percent. Isn't it just successthat I'm drinking? How important is drinking...
...versus emotional sobriety? What does itmean to be emotionally sober? What's the real problem with alcoholic skill? Wilsonsaid the real problem with alcoholics is unhealthy dependencies. What's an unhealthy dependency?Do I have unhealthy dependencies when, when I stopped drinking and I'm no longerdepending on alcohol? Are there other things? What if I spend money? Idon't have to buy things, I don't need to impress people I don'tmind? Is that an unhealthy dependency? What if I depend on judging myselfand worrying about what other people think about me? What if I live alife where I'm always thinking about other people and what they think about what ifI'm what if I still aft fear of other people? It doesn't seem likecareer of other people. I just worry about what they're thinking about me orwhat they're saying about me or what they're going to say about it. Whatif I worry about what I look like. You know, am I defined bymy shirt? Am I defined by my hair? What if I worryabout what if I get involved in vanity stuff, worried about my weight,my hair looks? You know the book, the Samuel, it says God doesnot judge you by your appearance. God judge a man, a manand woman by by the nature of their heart. My sponsor said, whenyou talk to people, just remember your you know, everybody has a everybodyyou talk to probably has a broken heart, so deal with them in that fashion. What does it say? What does it mean when the big booksays we're selfish and selfcentered? What if you don't think you're selfish? Whatif you think you're just who should I trust? Should I trust my ownthinking? I should I trust the big book aboutoholics, anonymous they you know, the one of the things that says. It says why all this insistence onhitting bottom? And they say because no alcoholic is going to do orbelieve the things we say unless they think their life depends upon it. Imean have to stop the the drinking. After you stop the drinking, you'resober from five years or ten years or fifteen years. Are you still negotiatingthe program what does it mean to utterly and absolutely give Your Life to God? What does it mean in the big book what it says you're going tobe rocked in the fourth dimension of existence and experience much of heaven. Whatdoes it mean to be rocked in the fourth dimension of existence or experience?But how do you know you're being rocked in the fourth dimension of existence andExperience Much of Heaven? When they say the great fact is this and nothingless? What is the great fact and what does it mean? This ornothing less? Does it really mean it's this or nothing less? What ifthe great fact? What if? What if the great what if it meansthat the great fact is this and nothing less than this? What does itmean? Are you living a life where you're doing something less than the greatfact? Are you like negotiating the program do you think like you're doing aprogram because you're not drinking? You think that's it, that's the program ofrecovering. Are you working your program? Is Program you where you work inyour program? Are there a lot of programs? Is there only one programI don't know, but they said that in order to be locked into thefourth dimension of existence, what if they say existed. You have to makeGod the central fact of your life. What does it mean to make Godthe central fact of Your Life? Well, let me ask you this. Howwould you know if you made God the central fact of Your Life?How do you know when God is a central fact to your life? Whenit says God's got to be the central fact of your life and you haveto be convinced that he lives in your heart and mind in a way whichis miraculous. He's doing for you. What you can't do is a howdo you know when you're convinced? You know the ABIES and sees says we'realcoholics and we cannot manage your own lives. No human power can get rid ofthis alcoholism. Only God couldn't would if he was saw it in thenext line is being convinced. How do we know we're convinced? How dowe know where not managed in our own lives? How do we know?After a meeting and we're giving our lives to God and I think about Godthem, we get in our part and all of sudden start thinking about ourlives and how to manage things. Is that like manage your own life?You know when the big book says about everything, you must get rid ofthe selfishness. They're not talking about the drink. The same as selfishness.How do you know how to get rid of the selfishness if you don't knowwhat the selfishness looks like? You know and you know what the big booksays. Says God makes that possible. I mean there's there a way ofgetting rid of the selfishness without leaving God.
Now, how is God going?And then it says once we make the serious decision for God, allsorts of remarkable things happen. Would you like a room? Would you likeremark? What kind of sobriety you like? You want to kind of sobriety whereremarkable things are happening for you. Is it possibly be sober and nothappy? Do you think it's possibly sober and not happy with your sobriety?You know a vision for you. It says here and they're a a drinkand a problem drinker. Sober for a time. Doesn't say how long.It says says feel better, look better, I'm having a better time. Youever have a sponsor, somebody's sponsor? Or? Somebody say, do youget off my back. I'm not even thinking of drinking. I'm notworried about drinking. You think people think they're doing okay just because they're notdrinking? Think people sometimes use the fact they're not drinking as an excuse fornot shooting for more. So what it says? It says. He sayswe've I feel better, I'm look better, I'm having a better time. Hesays, we laugh at Sucks Salad. We know he's going to try theold game again because he's not happy with his sobriety. Is it possiblenot to be happy with your sobriety, to think and not know you're nothappy with your sobriety? He says soon he'll know loneliness is for you.Do they'll be of the jumping off place. You know, the twelve and twelve, says, unless until him, not Bolten accepts his alcoholism, whateverthat is. Whatever alcoholism is, apparently it's not the drinking does. Thebig book says the drinking is a symptom of the problem. It's a symptomof the alcoholism. The alcoholism, said US, in your mind, notyour body. I guess that means you have the alcoholism before you started drinkingduring you're drinking, and he even after you stop drinking. I mean itis not. What does it look like when you find out what it lookslike, when you find out what it really looks like, what it is, you know, unless until an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences. Are there consequences? To be an alcohol is sobriety be precarious of truehappiness? So Fun and not at all. Do you want to just not drink? Join the not drinking club. We're all in the not drinking clubright hey, by here want to pick up a white chip for not anybodyhere. WANT TO PICK UP A red CHIF for not drinking. Anybody youwant to pick up a blue chip for not draft? I'm going to goldanybody's birthday to day. You know, Oh, you remember, they're notdon't drink, even if your ass falls off. Is that what it's about? I'm not putting that down. I do believe what my sponsor says,especially with newcomers. If you go through the whole day and you fuck upeverything, you screw up everything, but you haven't had a drink, yoursuccess. But is that what a is? Is that what sobriety is. Whena guy with twenty, thirty, forty years says that guy's sober,is he mean? Does he mean the guy's not drinking, or is hetalking about something else? Are there different perspectives in a are did the difference? You know, the big book says. It says the way we get anew perspective is by repeated humiliations and the crushing of our selfsufficiency. That'show we get a new perspective. Of Far as drinking, we hit bottom, we have new perspective. We think drinking is okay. Then we hitbottom. Are All of a sudden we you know, we sit there andwe can't imagine a life without drinking and then we hit bottom and a weeklater we can't imagine a life drinking again. How does that happen? Is thata new perspective? Is that the only new perspective? It says repeatedhumiliations. Other words, is that the only hitting bottom when we stopped drinking? Are there other are there hitting bottoms as far as sex is concerned,hitting bottoms, as far as romance, hitting bottoms, as far as usingpeople, hitting bottoms, as far as depending of bond people, hitting bottomsas far as worrying about things and worrying about stuff and money and property andprestige. Are there other bottoms? How many? How many times? Letme ask them, if you get a new perspective every when you're humiliated andyou're crushed, how many times do you think a not oft can be humiliatedand crust during the space of a year? How many times going to alcohol bea humiliate and crush sober and the space of five years? How manytimes can alcohol being humiliated and crushed and space of ten years or twenty yearsor forty years? If every time you humiliated and crushed about anything, youget a new perspective on things, things look different, you know. Soas a guy with five years looking at things differently than a guy would twentyyears looking different different with things that a guy who has three weeks or nineteendays or forty years. This meeting, everything I'm saying in this meeting.How many different meetings are going on here? There are a hundred people in here? Are there are a hundred? Are these there only one meeting,or they're a hundred meetings? Are there are a hundred meetings going on?Just one meeting? If I took an...
...indepth inter took interrogatories and asked everybodywhat you heard at this meeting. How many people would come up with thesame thing. How many people are here in different things? How many peopleare hearing things that are going to change their life that I haven't even said? Do you think it's possible to go to a meeting and listen to atalk at a meeting and they talking to meet and come away and say,unbelievable, I never even thought about that, and then realize when you talk toperson that the person ever said that. You just sort of like it.You just sort of like connected a couple of DOTS and all sudden cameup with a thought and you go up to person. I'll never forget whenyou said that. You know what I mean. I said never said that. I mean, what's going on here anyway? You know what I mean. Does it have to do unlesson until an alcoholic except this alcoholism and altsconst what's a consequence of alcoholism? So my first wife, lobably young lady. She only made one mistake marrying me, but I mean, other than that, should a sweetheart. So my first wife, one Friday morning saidto me. I graduated with departmental honors and mathematics. I was going fora PhD and mathematics and Algebraic topology. You can't even add two plus totoday. But so my first why and then I went to law school andbecame the division chief in the states attorney's office. My first wife, thelovely Ronie, says to me one Friday morning as I'm all dressed up andI'm a sober physically as I am today, and I'm third young, like twentyseven years old. I'm driving in the office, I'm a division chiefin the state's Attorney's Office, I'm supervising attorneys, I'm trying murder cases,and she says this to me. I want you to listen to this iscomplicated. She says, if you come home one more time drunk, I'mleaving you everything that was important to me, my wife, my son, myhouse, everything is up there on the line, and she says this. It's twelve words. If you come home drunk one more time, Iam leaving you twelve words. So I get in my car and I drivefour blocks and I stopped at a stoplight and I say this to myself,what the hell did she mean by that? What the hell did she mean bythat? This disease sends is your mind, not your body. Youknow what the cont you know what one of the consequences I have with myalcoholism is that whenever I see here or read something I don't like, itconfuses me. I can have a hundred, forty six Iq you tell me.If you come on drop more time, I'm leaving you. I have noidea what the fuck you're talking about. It makes no sense to me whatsoever. You ever, if there's anybody here, of response to people?You ever sponsor people who seem to be smart and there's sober and you tellthem something and then they look at you and they say yes, but oryou don't understand and you never get the feeling that they're not there's there's mustbe something wrong that the communication could you being as clear as possible, butit apparently they just not it's just not connecting. Most people like that endup an Alani, because alcohols can drive you crazy. That's just a consequencesof being an alcoholic, because alcoholics do not understand English. They do notunderstand it when you tell them something they don't want to do. So whenyou have a book in the entire book and the freedom and the rocketed inthe fourth dimension of existence and losing fear of people and losing economic in securityand living an incredible life and the joy of living and God giving you everythingyou need, if you stay close to reformers, work well, doesn't work, doesn't work. God is everything or he's nothing. What's your decision goingto be? A mere code of morals, a better philosophy of life doesn't work. Good only direction doesn't work. The next right think doesn't work.That's a mere that's what our book says. That way. We wrote a bookwhere we're going to talk about God. And here's what the problem comes in. They say it in the book. It's a chapter to the agnostics.Listen to me, it's a chapter to the agnostics. They wrote itto the agnostics. There's what the chapter says. This sort of thinking hasto be abandoned. You got to stop...
...it. You come home drunk moretime. I'm leaving you. God is everything or he's nothing. And thenit says here alcoholics hate that. The happles in our neck drawb. Wedon't like it. And so you sit in a mean with a bunch ofpeople who are scared to talk about God because this to get it, otherpeople get mad at them because they worried about whether other people going to getmad. And you have people say, well, I don't like the Godwere, I don't like the Lord Spurr, I don't like this, I don'tlike and for twenty five years people sit around sober, talking, bullshitinga meetings and they're not free and they're not happy. You know why?Because when a book called Alcoholics anonymous tells you God is everything, worries nothing, that he's got to be the central fact of your life, you gotto utterly abandon yourself to him, they don't like it. So they don'tunderstand that the pisses them off. They're confused. It's the same mechanisms.When my wife said you come home, dropping words on on leaving, andI go what the Hell you mean by that? God is everything or he'snothing. Half measures avail you nothing. You know you can't love God andthat and you can't love God and the Gal and the world and the car. It's either all God or all world. Well, what happens if that bothersyou? You know, so you just stay sober and you're not happywith your sobriety, then you're not rocking the fourth end. You're trying tofigure out what's wrong with me. I'm twenty three years sober and you can'ttell your group because they think they're sober dose not to do the a twostep, you know what I mean. And you can't figure it out becausenow you've done everything you can do in Aa. You're sponsoring people and you'restaying sober and from time time you feel relatively happy, but you feel yourlike at a glass ceiling and you can't get any higher. You know,and you are really trudge in the road. It's a trudge and can't figure itout because you think you're doing everything and the truth is you're not doingshit, because you're not. Because the giving up the drinking is the easiestpart, the easiest part of this disease. That sentence in grants the symptom.The hardest part is giving your entire life to God. I know Ihave to is read the book. It says around a new basis of trustingline upon God is the father we have the children. You know, wenever apologize for God. All men of faith have courage. They trust theirGod. We never he lives. Let me read this. Let me readthis part. I mean we might as well start with the real stuff.You want to major on the mayor. You don't want to make you onthe right hey, you know how you do the for first step. I'mgoing to solve this problem for you on the first time. Anybody don't wantto know how to do the first step? DRINK, drink. I ain't kidding. Two rules in an only two rules. In order to get here, you got to drink. Don't be stopping prem with never rob an alcoholwith his desperation. Let me tell you something. If an Alcoholic d neverrobin alcohol in his last drink. If an alcoholic has not been convinced,you know what they used to say. We don't argue without bolt. Whosay tries some control drinking? Theast haven't get down on the knees and givetheir lives to God. And if you wouldn't do that and wouldn't get intothe meeting, and you know who did that? The guys that were convincedbecause they were drinking the end of the Rod. Drinkers. If alcohol hasnot convinced you that your powers over alcohol if it hasn't convinced you, youmay come in here and fool around with it for a year or two,or three, or five or ten, you know, but they listen,it'll be a temporary thing. So let me read this to you. Thisis on page sixty three, sixty two and sixty three. This is thehow and why of it. This is the how and why of it.What Hell does that mean? The great factor is this and nothing less.What does the Hell does that mean? This is the how and what.You're talking to alcoholics. You're talking to alcoholics. Have you ever said toa sponsor? Have you never had anybody say to you you don't understand?You ever tell somebody you know when the guy says to you, my girlfriendis using cocaine and heroin and bring it in into the House and shooting upin front of me and you and you say to the person, listen,you need to break off that relationship, and then the person says to youyou don't understand. You ever have that? I don't know. If you haven'thad that happened to you. Ha Been sponsored enough people. You evertell an alcoholic you know he really needs to start going to meetings? Youknow what I mean. If you want to stay sober, and he looks. He says you don't understand. I...
...mean, let me have some WHO'snot understanding? WHO's the one who's not understanding? So here's this. Thisis the how and want. This is how a Wi you know something onevery page of alcoholics and autost they say this is how and why would youjust don't see. You know what it says. It says, but still, we will not know you. And this is what the book says.He says, we don't know whether that's true or not. He says Godwill determine that. So your real reliance must be on him. He willshow you how to create the fellows. You be pray see to what yourrelationship with him is. Writing. Great, that of the best. You don'tcount this. Others. What the what can they mean by that?You know what I mean. What could that mean? What could all thatstuff mean? So this is the how and why of it. This isthe how why. It is a one page. You need have to readthe whole book. You don't they do in the big book. By theway, let me tell you what they do in the big book. Theyrepeat the same thing over and over again, threezero times. This is how it'sI'll just sum it up, for it is that one wi of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. Well, firstof all, how do you know you're even playing God? I guess youneed a sponsor, somebody to tell you that. And then, when thesponsor tells you you're playing God, you know you could say, well,you don't understand, it didn't work. Next, we decide that here andafter in the drama of life, and if you're an alcoholic, your lifeis fucking the dramatic. I'll tell you that. God was going to beour director. It's going to be our director. He is the principle.We are as agency. Is the father and we are his children. That'swhat it says in the biginess, the big book, is the father,we are true, you don't like the idea, he's the father. Way, you got to get over it. Get over it. That's the alcoholismtrying to keep you. That's alcoholism trying to keep you from getting fucking well, most good ideas are simple. Not for alcoholics they're not. Most goodideas are simple. And this concept was the key stone. This concept isthe keystone. It's the great fact that this is the key stone of thenew and triumphant arch through which we passed the freedom. How would you liketo be free? By the way, you know how I can talk likethis at a maybe God, because I can, because I can. Youcan't talk like this if you worried about people what they think about you can't, because you you got to filter everything through. Well, what are theythink of I say this, and what do I think about say that?When we sincerely took such a position? This is what happens if you reallydo this thing. All sorts of remarkable things. For how many people likeremarkable things happen. How many people with like you got a choice. Youcan neither do the not drinking club or the rocket in the fourth dimension.Remarkable things happen to how many people want the remarkable shit? Okay, afew, three. Three. We had a new employer, being all powerful. Apparently he's not a higher power, he's the highest power. How manyhighest powers can you have? Only one? So only one highest power? Isthat fifteen highest powers? Being all powerful, he will provide what weneeded if we kept close to him and performed his work. Well. Numberone, how you, how do you keep close to him if you don'tknow who the hell he is. Now, listen, listen, this is thisis like. I mean, I'm telling you DIS advanced, esoteric me, crazy shit. How do you keep close to God if you don't knowwho the hell he is? Now this, don't break your head over this.Don't think about it too hard. You just get pissed off or something. Is it possible to know who he is? Well, I know acouple of things about God that will tell you which is absolutely true. Numberone, he's all powerful. You know how I know that? Because thebig book says he's all powerful. He's not a higher power, he's allpowerful. My God is all powerful. You See, I have really seriousproblems. My problems are like not the minicipal problems you have. I havemajor ship, you know what I mean. So I need the highest power,not in the universe, outside the universe. He created the universe.It's been a robby. So I got the highest power gone and I'll tellyou about him sometime if you're really interested. If you kept you got to keepclose to him. How do I keep close to him? Does ithave some do with making them the central fact? And how do I makethem. The central fact. Does there's have something to do with that thingin the big book where the bit with the founder said we encourage church membership? Is that a form of trying to keep close to him and increasing consciouscontact? Could could that be why they say that? Yeah, but mygroup says I'm spiritual, not religious.
Apparently it's at a higher level ofspirituality if you put down religion. But how come in the big book,How come all the fountain this, except for just a couple, belong tochurches? How can they encourage church Medicare to place? How come they saywe lose all prejudice, even against the organized religion? We begin to seewhat those people were right. WHO's the sober person in alcoholics? Is itsober to put down or have a resentment against religion, whereas the person whowas sober, the person who has an open minded deal and even tries that? WHO's this so who's the emotionally sober one? WHO's the one who's freeof the resentment? I don't know. I'm just hey, listen, I'mjust reading from the big book. So I'm in. This isn't even me. Don't blame me for this shit. I didn't write this thing. Youknow what I mean. If I wrote it, we'd all be on theyacht with the playboy bodies. Let me tell you something, you gotta havea different program recovery. I can day that he provided what we needed ifwe kept close to him and performed his work. Well, what the helldoes he want me to do? Apparently, someone the book he says he wantsto be a maximum service to other people, into God, whatever thatis. What is that established on this footing, we became less and lessinterested in ourselves and our little plans and designs. Is that what Surpris?Is that what sobriety looks like, that you become less and less interested inyourself and your little and your look in your and your designs, your littleplans and designs. Well, if that's what real sobriety is that you're lessinterested in yourself and your little plans and designs, what am I supposed tothink of all these people that are all they want to do is talk abouttheirselves and their problems? What about all these people that are always worried aboutthemselves and their problems, the details of their lives and what's happening to himand what a sobriety look like, real sobriety. More and more, webecome interested in seeing what we can contribute to life, as we felt newpower flow in HMM, as we enjoy peace of mom mind, whatever thatis, as we discover we could face life successfully, as we become consciousof him presence. How do you know you're conscious of his presence? Howcan you become conscious of his presence all the time? We began to losefear of today, tomorrow, the hereafter we were reborn. What's that?All of that? What's that? rebordanse sounds a little churchy to me.I don't know. Well, I want you to report me now. Thisupset you. I want you to immediate reportment in New York. I wantyou to tell them that there's some guy in Miami, Florida, reading peopleexcerpts of the big book of alcoholics, anonymous, and it's hurting newcomers.Because, haven't you heard, if you read the big book of alcoholics anonymouswith feeling and you have you read it to him in a way that theycan't avoid it, you hurt the newcomer. Didn't you know that that hurts thenewcomer? To be told this stuff. You're hurting them. They're going toleave Aya and they're going to go. They're going to go. Well,I guess, drink, drink. I guess they'll drink and then they'llthey'll drink and they'll get arrested though whenever, and then they'll come back to AAand won't be such a big deal. But listen, because they'll be crushedor they'll die, but so they died. Listen, Alcohol Hey,you know we're about it. Alcoholics aren't said Hey, we're like about this. Common as dirt. You know, alcoholics don't you know? Come on, alcoholics, if we die, it's an accident. Leave me. Youknow it's an accident. Most of the times we've done. Listen, wherethe guys that crash a car into a family of for at a hundred milesper hour and they all die and we walk away with the brutes. Alcohollet me tell you something. After the thermonuclear war, you know, wheneverything is decimated, the only other left is cockroaches and alcoholics. You know, what's that show? What's that show with the dead people walking around?What's that showcoling with the dead people, the walking dead? You ever seethose walking dead guys. Those are all alcoholics that were in recovery at onepoint in time. Then get this thing. You know, Mike's laughing. Youdoesn't know what it's like. So so listener, I'm going to tellyou a story. So you see, this is like going to be painless. Okay, Panglein now, here's the here's the thing. Let me tellyou how. You know, they ask Jesus what. Why do you talkimparables? Why do you tell people stories? Why don't you just tell them straightout, and this is what he said. He said because you knowthey won't understand what I'm talking about. Those I talking parables. Let's Itell him a story. They would want of these do they won't really understandit because they're, you know what, because they're so defensive and they're onguard against everything. They won't accept somebody...
...talking to him, because the chiefcharacteristic of alcoholics is defiance. They don't like people talking to him because whenyou let Carl Manager wrote a book called man against themselves, said alcoholics aremen and when we're out of destroy themselves because deep down inside they think thepieces of Shit, they think they're unworthy. That's why they're always judging there inside, by the way other people look on the outside. They're always lookingat other people, always worried about if you're an alcohol er, please loveme. A haul it. Why won't you accept me? A haul it, I feel uncomfortable in this groupaholic. I used to say to my sponsor, I love people, I love being around people. I'm not scared ofif me, since I'm why do you always have to be fucking drunk tobe around them? Why do you always if you love them and you're notscared, why do you always have to be drunk to be around them?If you love women, you're not scared, but why do always have me drunkto ask them to dance? Why do you always have to be drunkto have sex if you love them? You know that is that's alcoholism.I mean we tell ourselves live we're delusional. It says we're delusional. We saythings to ourselves and other people like I don't give a crop what otherpeople think about me. What our whole life is about buying stuff and dressingourselves up and put in accouterments around ourselves and trying to prove to other peoplethat were better than them or good as them, and everything like that withthe greatest thing we fear is being humiliated or people laughing at us, youknow, and all we do is walk around tell on themselves lies. Whyes, you know, I don't give a proper they think about so I'm goingto I have a story to tell you. I'm going to tell you a story. Let me see what time it is. I don't want to know. Okay, so I'm to tell you story. This story, by theway, you know, there were a bunch of steps. I just talkedabout a bunch of steps. Yeah, well, I'm going to let you'regonna Forget. You see, here's the deal. You'RE gonna have to connectthe dots. I'm not going to do all the work on this deal.I'm seventy one years old, I'm old. I'm not gonna do all the workof this shit. You're going to have to connect the dots. I'mto tell you a bunch of stories. I'm going to tell you different thingsabout this book and about Your Life, and you're going to have to tryto figure this thing out. You know, some people are saying I think that'sabout the first step. Some people say it's the third step. Outof that's the ten step, thinking the other. That's that's the eleventh step. You know this would be. It's it's all there. You know whyit's all there? Because I am a product of alcoholics anonymous. See,I'm seventy one years old and I've been sober forty years. In alcoholics anonymous, going to means doing everything. So, no matter how screwed up I look, no matter how crazy you think I am, no matter how tolaugh, no matter how much you say this guy is off the wall,let me tell you something. I am a product of alcoholics anonymous. Iam a sober alcoholic and I am a propt. This is what you getwhen you immerse yourself and alcoholics anonymous and you make God the central fact ofyour life. You got to guy. That all he want? You know, Bill Wilson said an alcoholics anonymous number three. Check it out. Whenwhen build Dotson, the man on the bed, said, I knew therewas something more, there was something I haven't got, something a person oughtto have, and I didn't have the answer. And one day Bill Wilsonwas my my house reading tuna, fish or something. He didn't say tot fish say. But then we're eating lunch and he said to my wife. He turned my wife and he said, Henrietta, the Lord has been sowonderful to me, sure me of the Stubil disease, that I gotto keep talking about them and telling other people. Bill Wilson couldn't help himselffrom talking about God and the other people what he had done to him inhis life and build dots and said I have the answer and called it thethe golden text. Bill was very, very grateful to God for what hehad done for him in his life and he gave all credits to God andall he wanted to do was talk to other people about that, about that, that one thing about what God had done from it his life being thecentral facts saving him convinced about God. And Bill and and Dr Smith wasfarther along than he was. And that's the one thing that they don't want. And listen, you belong to a fellowship where that's the one thing theydon't want you talking about. I want you to get the G I wantyou to grit now. I'm not putting down the fellowship. I love thefellatim but it ain't well, people's anonymous. The fellowship is millions of people thatwant to stay sober and don't want to do any of this shit.Younger still. I'm saying. That's what you have to understand. You haveto unerstand there's a big book that tells you what the pure program is andthere's a fellowship that says don't fucking do that. You understand? That's whyyou sit in a meeting. That's why you read the Big Book and yousee all that shit they say and you sit in a meeting and you're scaredto talk about God and you're going to sort of look at a little schizophrenic. You know what I mean? You know one guy said. He said, I think you have a split personality. I said, I wish I couldget a doubt to two. I'd be okay. You get a littlecrazy because the big book talks all about...
God and the means. They say, don't talk about God, you'll scare with a new polt. So nowonder we're confused. We're confused. It's confusing, isn't it? See whathappened? They wrote one chapter in the Big Book, Chapter to the Agnostics, to tell people this is not the deal. A takes a stand ourstandards for God, and so they are now we allow agnostics in and atheistsin, like we all once were, under the guise of being tolerant,because you want to be tolerant. And all of a sudden, seventy,five years, eighty years later, atheist is an atheism and agnostics have takenover Aa, and the thing they're intolerant of is God. And so youreally have two as, who actually have three as. Anybody who gets myemail read that, that essay have in the email that was written the sand you have actually out an a where it's like the old time, awhere it's all about God, and then you have an AA of trying tostay sober based upon what they taught you when the treatment center, where youdon't really need God. It's just an option and there are consequences. SoI'm going to tell you a story which has to do by the way.Now this story is a true story. It's a true story. I wasgoing to a Bible study once, is a weird thing, and the guywas leader of the Bible Study told this story, and it was a truestory, to drive a point across, a point that's very important, thana a, and I was so amazed by the story and I didn't.I looked at it myself. I looked up in the dictionary and not toany encyclopedia. I Google did I will computed and it was a true story. And and so I went up to him. So I started using abecause it is a true story. It tells you who's going to it's astory that tells you who's going to make it an a and who's not goingto make it. Would you like to hear a story about WHO's going tomake it a name who's not going to make it? I'm doing. Wantto hear a story about WHO's going to make it who's not going to makeit? I'll tell your story. So I went up to the guy bythe way and I said, you know, I'm telling in the story and Aathat you told me five years ago. I'm telling you this story. Itwasn't a FIDAY. It changed my life. And he looks at meand he says, I never said that story. I said, I readyou said the stories is I never said it. I'm remember saying. Soit's like an amazing things, like you got thing. But he said onethousand eight hundred and sixty three. You want to find out about what thisdeal was all about. We got to go back to eighteen may, twentysix, eighteen, sixty gree if you understand this story, you'll understand allabout alcoholics. Anonymous, by the way, is there a part of the bookmy Miss Instance, says if you want when we have and are willingto go to anything, any lengths to get it, then you're ready totake certain steps. I am I quoting that right? You know I'm mad. Is that right? If you want we have and you're willing to goto any lengths to get it, then you're ready to take certain steps.That's right, Russell. Okay, thanks. So, in other words, whatthey're saying is, you know you're ready if you want what we haveand you're willing to go to any length together. You know you're ready ifyou want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to getit. So a lot of what you so, a lot of this dependsupon who your we is. You know who are you looking at? Whatif you don't want, will we have? What if you want will we have, but you're not going to go to any length together? What ifyou want we have and you're going at will we do like half measures orgo to some lengths together. Does that count? I mean it's like allin nothing. Is there all another? I mean there is. You know, you got to get rid of the old ideas. Is it really theresult is there, unless you got to go to any lengths to get it. You know what is any lengths? So in May of one thousand eighthundred and sixty three, there were these seven guys. I'm going to giveme their names, okay, because you got to remember their names are veryimportant. There was Thomas Kover, Henry Edgar Barney use, William fairweather,Henry Rogers and Bill Sweeney, and they were all in Bannock, Georgia.But bannock, where was it? It was bannocked. It was in VirginiaCity, outside of Bannock, Montana, and they were prospectors. It wasa problem to us. The second largest gold it's so happens later on thatthere was gold and silver up there. Anybody ever saw remember the ponder Rosaand you know that TV show. You...
...know there was gold out there wasthe second largest gold stripe, you know, but this is really before they weregolden. was in the Black Hills with the Indians and you're not allowedto go up there and get the gold. And all the miners were in Bannock, Montana, and they would go up to the hills and they wouldtry to mind for gold, get the money, and the seven on thatout in May of one thousand eight hundred and sixty three. This is afterthey found gold at stuttered mill. This is after, you know, Californiadeal these seven miners. There was it was a whole bunch of miners thatwent up into the hills and these seven miners were like a day late andthey started going up to the hills to the seven guys I'm talking about toget the to get the gold. Now, listen, trust me, this haseverything to do with you. This is everything to do with your life. I'm giving you the secret. I'm giving you the secret of alcoholics andI'm gonna give you the secret of your life right now. And some ofyou are going to understand it and some of you are not going to understandand some of you are going to understand it and then you're going to forgetit. Or you know what you're going to do. You're going to debateit, you're going to understand it and you're going to debate it, buta few of you are going to understand it and get it. You knowwhat I mean. You'll see. So the seven miners went out to mindfor gold and they got captured by the Endians. Now there was one ofthe guys was a half bread so he was okay. They captured them,but later on they escaped. Six of them escape. One of them stayedback and they were going back to bannock Montana. You know, they getresupplied and they camped at a particular place and build fair weather. One ofthe guys still fair weather and I think it was Henry Rogers. To Henryhad go was. Henry had saw some Rim rock and he started hitting theRim Rock, you know, while they were just there, and he foundgold. And so for the next three or four hours they were hitting theythey found. Imagine going in your backyard and you find fivezero dollars with thegold right there in the bat, I mean, and they start finding andthey knew they had hit a major strike the mother low. They knew it. But here's the problem. They didn't have the tools. They didn't havethe tools to mind the goal. And if they didn't have the tools,they couldn't work the claim and they were other worried about other people jumping theclaim at that time. So they made a solemn pack that they were goingto go with the town. They were going to sneak in the bag.You understand what I'm saying? They're going to get by the tools with thegold they have and everything like that, and nobody was going to say crap. Understand I'm saying? Nobody's gonna say nothing. You know what I mean, because they had hit the mother low. So they get they they get inthe bannock Montana. They go to buy the stuff. You know whatI mean. They go to buy the stuff. They get the stuff andthe plant is they're going to meet out about two miles outside of town atthe old oak tree. So they go about two miles out of town tothe old old tree and they notice that there's three hundred miners following them.Three hundred miners following them. So they knew somebody had spilled the beans.Somebody had said something. So Henry fairweather went up to the leader of thethree hundred people and said to them, I mean, who's spilled the beans? And they said this is what they said to him. They said nobodytalked. He says we could see it in your eyes. We knew.We looked at you, we knew you had hit the mother loan. Weknew you would hit the mother lode. We could just look at you andwe knew that you would hit the mother lode. And the reason I'm soberis because I've been hanging around. I've been hanging out with the miners.I've been hanging the mid with the miners. You know, you don't have tobe a genius, and alcoholics anonymous. You know, there's sobriety and theirsobriety. There's being dry, there's not drinking and there's being rocked inthe fourth dimension of existence. You know, thank God for some of the menI hung out I wanted what they had. I had no idea whatthey had, but I could see it. I knew they had hit the motherload. I knew they had hit the mother load. I hung outwith Real Keith because I knew he had...
...hit the mother load. I hungout with Bob Salton I knew he had hit the mother load. These guysthat hit the mother load and I hung out with them. The other guysare in the parking lot with the gals smoking your cigarettes, you know,trying to get laid, you know, whatever hell they're doing over there.I'm saying, I'm sitting with these guys are like sixty years old. They'refat like me, you know what I mean. They're chain smoke from camelcigarettes or something. I'm hanging out with these guys because I knew these guyshad hit the mother load. I knew they had been rocking and I knewthey had like Bill Wilson, they had something I knew a person should had. I knew there was something more, there was something I hadn't got.I followed these guys. I went to every step, mean this spot.They were speaking. I was there. They were speaking, I was there. We would get in a car, we would drive sixty miles. Hesaid Joe Snyder's speaking tonight and for water to real keeps doing a step seriestonight, you know, and Hi Aliyah, and we're up there. We werethere. We would follow these guys around, like people would follow BillWilson around, the Bob Smith around here, whoever plans it, you know,hung out with the guys, or you know what I mean, becauseI wanted what they have and I was willing go to any length to getit because apparently, even at that point in my life I had hit bottombecause I drank, because of drinking where I was willing go to any length, and that's what happened to me. I don't know I can talk aboutthis stuff we're talking about tonight. I don't know how to instill desire intosomebody who doesn't desire. I don't know how to force somebody to desire.I don't know how to force somebody to desire to be sober over a desireto have sex. I can't, I can't, I can't do that.I don't have the power to do that. You know I mean. I meanmy whole life was about get any dressed about getting dressed up on aFriday night or Saturday night looking for her. I wanted what she had. Iwas willingly or any length together. My whole that's my whole existence,is chasing after women, getting cars, buying stuff, getting buffed, youknow, everything like that so I could get that thing that would make mefeel like a man and feel okay, and that was my whole life.Nobody, there's no person in the world that could taught me out of anything. I was so loyal to that life. Something had to happen to me.They had nothing to do with thinking. It had nothing to do with thinking. So I had to hit some sort of bottom or something. We'restaying sober and more with these guys had was more important than sex, moreimportant than money, more important. So I haven't listened. How do youdo that? How do you how do you get an alcoholic to be Ican tell you this. I have people in my life that I sponsored thathave gotten there the easiest, that they're the easiest. People will roll thesponsor. They asked me a question. I tell them what I think andthey listened to me. Sometimes they do a little you don't understand, andthey got other people in my life. There ain't nothing to do. I'llgive the answer and they'll sort of laugh, or they'll get another sponsor and they'llsay, you don't understand. I don't chase after him, I don'ttry to fix some I'm trying to cure them, you know, because Idon't have the power to do that. I'm not gone, you know.I don't sit there and worry about it, what's going to happen, because thathappened. They put me an Alan on us. You know I'm goingto have that happen. You know our ladies perpetual revenge. You know Julie'slaughing shoes and know what it's like. But so let me sit a thirtyfive. I went five minutes over. You know I'll let you go foranother three hours. We're not going to do that. Okay. So that'syour rest for me at these prices, Norman. That's it.
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