AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House 7/29/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/29/2021  

My name is Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. Thank you very much. Remember the south takes of Group. I haven't found that. I haven't drink since January twenty fifth one thousand nine hundred and eighty eighty one. I tell you what old age. It's not for sisters. I can tell you that. So it's been a great pleasure being here with everybody. I'm looking for something. I'm looking up something into twelve hundred and twelve. I actually know if my memory, but I want to make sure I get this right. I don't want to get this thing wrong. Well, I'll probably you know, it's funny whenever I start looking up something that I've known and I've read for forty years, somehow I can never quite find that since six and seven, Romance, Presidius and Romance. Okay, so listen. It's great to be here. I want to say a hello to a bunch of people. I this is my understanding is that this room, this particular meeting, this step series, is the oldest step series in the state of Florida. I don't know, it's fifty, sixty years or something like that. I know I have been doing step series of this room for every year for approximately last thirty years. I and I think the I think when year I missed it was last year when we're all had this covid thing going on. And I want to say hello to all my friends who are joining us. Got About fifty three of them on zoom and in all the people in the room, and I know so many of you over the last thirty, forty years. You know, some believable. So many people I learned. I know I have. I made so many great friends that were like family in the last year on zoom. You know. I mean many, many people from all of the I want to I have a couple of people I want to Andrea from New York, who came down. Yeah, I got your right. And then there's cody from Atlanta and came down. God bless you, and bill well from I have no idea what you're from, Bill, Virginia, New Jersey, New Jersey, you know, super, Super Guy. I want to say how to Roy, who's here somewhere, who I've known for many, many years. Just be part of our group and I just saw him up here now, and all the guys, you know, Jimmy, who came up here with me, and Clark, you know, did you get your cell phone? They found yourself phone, Clark and and Joe, who just picked up, I think, ninety days and to so many people I know here. It's just such a pleasure. Now this is the thirteen talk. I think it's ever happened to me before. This is if you if you go, for those of you get the email or go on rocketed dot org, this will be the thirteen talk and this will be on step twelve. Now I'm not going to go and how that happened, but there's no legitimate reason for it. Okay. And and so it's good to be I'm going to talk a little bit about step twelve and my own way, I think if you're if you've been going to this, I mean I don't want you get ahead of me, but it's problem. Probably going to mention God, there is a possibility. Okay, and I'm probably going to get a little serious. I'M WE'RE gonna have a little fun. We've had a lot of fun. I've had a lot of fun. You know, I come up here with these guys. Is the way we do step serious. I we're going to do one in Boka in October for twelve weeks and then we're going to do the sable palm started in a week from now down in Miami. But this is what we do. We also to come up together, a whole group of us, and we either have dinner at Lester's here beforehand or dinner afterwards, you know, meeting after meet, and so this is the way I was always taught to do a a you know, not just to just come in and then you leave and it's you get the whole evening. So I really enjoy it. So we're gonna have a little I'm gonna have a little fun. We'll have a little fun, web some fun. I'm about you guys and and where we're and I'm Oh, yeah, that's it. Okay, thank you so much. Appreciate and so I'm going to I've got something I want to sort of share with you. I want to start to try to connect some thoughts. You know, I don't know with you been in ninety days or nine months or five years or twenty years, but I think I'm probably correct if I say whatever time you're in right now, you probably think of things differently. You probably have a different perspective on your life and who you are and your sobriety and what it all means, maybe on who god is or who isn't. Then you had like a year ago, or maybe even three months ago. You know, this is like a moving deal, where you're where as you as you as you do the steps. And not only that, let me tell you something. I'll say this has been my I'm going to talk about my experience. Doesn't Drib at yours. Don't worry about it. You don't have to do what I did. You don't have to be what I'm become. You're not to get involved in a this stuff, but my job is to share my experience, strength and help. So that's what I'm going to do. My spons used...

...to say, as you know, my when a man with experience gets man with money, the man with experience and walk away with the money. In the man with the money will walk away with an experience and and the greatest teacher. You know, I can read something. I can literally read a line in the big book and not see it. I can be one my wife's first wife said to me, if you've come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. On a Friday morning, as I left my house and my wife and my child. And she said, if you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you, which I later learned didn't mean she was leaving me. It meant she was kicking me out of the house, you know. And I'm leaving you. I drove three blocks to a light and I sat at the line. I remember thinking, what the Hell do you mean by that? It is a guy who graduated with departmental honors and mathematics. I was going to be a mathematist professor. I was going to get a page the ALGEBRAIC topology or something like that. I can't even add now you know, but I went to law school, became a division chief in the state's Attorney's office and and we she said that to me. I was about as physically sober as I am right now and I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. And you know in the twelve and twelve it says unlesson until in alcohol accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, the sobriety, the surbrietal be precarious of true happiness, will none at all. I was like that precarious sobriety of true happiness will no note at all. And apparently there are consequences to being an alcoholic. And and I thought when I first came to day that being an alcohol meant you couldn't stop drinking. That's what the first step, the only qualification for membership, is a desire to stop drinking. The only reason they hand out chips, as they say, you have three months or four months, the only day. They all the time, they was saying don't drink, go to meets. They called the entire group, the organization alcoholics, anonymous. I think that I can be excused for thinking that this has to do. It's like a giant not drinking club and that as long as you don't have a drink you're okay. As a matter of fact, my first sponsor said to me, Russell, you could fuck up the whole day, but if you have an add of drinking, you're an alcoholic. Your success and I believe that, and I do believe that. I do believe that. But you know, after forty years, after thirty years, after twenty years, after ten years sobriety, my thinking has changed a bit on that. It doesn't mean I think that's wrong. You know, it's like it's like the book of Ecclesiastics, you know where it says. You know, for every season there's a different deal. There's the season when you have three months and your entire life is about drinking and not drinking, the obsession. Six months and I till life. It's about drinking and I drinking. And then you have two years and your entire life is about money or no money. You got five years in your tire tire life is about sex or no sex, and then you got ten years and it's all about prestige or security and no security. That comes to time when it's not that drinking is an important it's very important, but there comes a time where it's not the drinking and that about about that time all day. And one of the consequences of my my drift, my alcoholism, is sometimes if I hear something, where I'm told something, I read something that I don't like, it confuses me. It doesn't matter how bran I am. You know, the big book says I can't separate the truth from the false part of the diseases. I'm delusional. I just can't even figure things out that are right in front of it. I can't separate the truth from the halls. My alcohol. Life seemed normal to me. Hurting people, yelling at people, being pissed off at people, being resentable seems normal to me. Use Tell me that I should change. You're not think that way. I say, no, that's because it didn't happen to you. If it happened to you like it happened to you'd feel the same way, because I believe everybody should feel exactly the way I feel. And and I am and and there's no other way of handling this except being angry or feeling sorry for myself. And I hang out with people in bars where I drank who felt the same exact way. They felt the same exact way. Everybody I knew that I liked thought like I thought. They talked like I thought. They said the same phrases. They said things like I'll show them they don't know who they're fucking with. You know, why is this crap always happening to me? I can't believe this bullshit. You know, it's all. They talked like me. I understood them, you know I mean, I thought the whole world talked like the guys in the bars. Wether were these church people. They're stupid, you know, seelfrighteous idiots.

You know what I mean. You know they're not smart. It spiritual and wonderful, like the guys at the yell by Lounge. You know what I mean. And so that's how I came to the alcoholics, anonymous beating down to my knee. And you know, somewhere along the line, I don't know what ro I was three months ober, other I six months ober. You know, somebody can shout this thing at you, yell this thing at I've been accused of yelling at people. Can believe that? And I admitted to what I said. I am yelling at I am yelling at people. You know what I'm yelling. I'm saying, wait the fuck up, wake up, one out of one of I think the statistics are. I don't even know where I got this. It was actually written in a journal, but it could be bullshit, but I was told only one half of one percent they could get, get stay sober over twenty years. That's one and two hundred. That tells me in this group there is one half of a person that's going to actually make it. No, it's not true. Every one of you can make it. Every one of you connect it. And not only that, I've actually witnessed people that have ten years and fifteen years and twenty years sobriety and they're not happy with their surbriety. Somewhere along the somewhere along the way, I started seeing things, because one of the consequences, I said, of this deal of mine thinking, if you tell me something that I don't like, I get mad at it, I get pissed at you, or I don't see it or I don't understand it. It's just not there. And so I pick up a book and I go to meetings and all they're talking about is drinking or not drinking. The only thing I see is about the Jaywalker. That makes sense to me and about the drinking. That makes sense to me. I'll see anything in there that has to do with God. You know, the only guy see that has to do with God is I make it my own God. And it doesn't matter. Who you've got is and nobody can tell you who you got is and nobody getting can tell you what you're an alcoholic. It's matter. Nobody can tell you shit. You know what I mean? That's what I said. In alcoholics anonymous, nobody can tell you anything. Understand you do whatever you want. To do in this deal and everything work out. I know there's this thing that says rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our steps pretty lately. Wrong. We're going to give clear cut directions. Well, one of the consequences of an alcoholics I'm not really good at following directions, you know. I'm just not, you know, and and I don't like people telling me what to do. The Big Book says I'm defiant. That's my chief characteristic. You know, you tell me this is what you need to do, I may not say it, but in the back of my mind I say go fuck yourself. That's just like a natural look, listen, I'm sorry I get up here. You know I love you all, you know, and I love Lord, but you know, the truth is I talked out. You know, there's a great line the Bible says I'd come all things to all men by whatever means possible. When son of something, sometimes you just have to talk out, you know, because in our minds, in our minds, I know every one of you is using the F word, every single one. You know, when the guy cuts in front of you with teaching the board the bird, you don't say, hot damn, I can't believe that actually happened. You know, so I don't die, I I talk out when I'm talking to alcoholics. You know what I mean, because I am an alcoholic. I'm not ashamed of being an alcoholic. As a matter fact, I'm grateful for being an alcohol I can't tell you how grateful I am that God thought enough about me that he chose to make me an alcoholic. I feel like the Apostle Paul, when he says he when he had these great revelations and he hit the joy of living and he was free and he was unbelievable and he lived an incredible life they're still talking about two thousand years later. And he says, to keep me from becoming conceited and full of myself, God gave me a thorn in my flesh. It was satanic. You never says what it is. We don't know what it is, because an alcoholism better feeling committing a thing. He says it was satanic. I pray to the Lord to take this thorn away. He and the Lord said to me, I will not take it away. That's the ant. The answer he got is I will not take this away. He said, I will not take it away because when you're weak, he put it in to keep from becoming conceived. When you're a weak I'm strong. You're strong, which what he meant was when you're weak, I'm strong in you, because if they took that thorn of Alcoholis Away with me, you know what I mean, as soon as I started, the money start coming in, as soon as people started smillowing me, I'll be off to the races of being a lounge listen, looking for the same crap I was looking for before I came in here. And you know, you know what happens to me. What happens to me a forty years. I'm just going to say what happens thing every once in all, not...

...so much anymore. After foot, not so much. I feel the alcoholism sort of come upon me. I feel I feel something happens or I'm at a point where all of a sudden the loneliness comes around about me, or the rage comes about me, or the anger comes about me, or the end becomes about me or the selfpity comes about me. Usually it only last moments and as soon as it comes about me, you know what I do. You do I just wrap my arms around God and I turned to him immediately, because you know what does to me when when I start feeling the alcoholism, all it tells me is he still hasn't removed that damn form. You know what I mean. And and and so it's a blessing to me because he's got me on a short leash and if you know anybody thing about a guy like me, I need to be on a short leash. The last thing I want is for him to take me off the leash and say go have fun. And you know I just love being on the leash, you know, and abassador for him. So I sponsored. I sponsor guy and he's got about twenty five years now I've had the privilege. It's part of my service. This is part of my service sponsoring many men. And I sponsor a guy and he's a pastor, he's got a PhD and divinity. It's good guy as a friend and I sponsor them. And when I first started sponsoring him, and one of the reasons you got is because his wife is complaining, everybody else is complaining and and he so he tells me this story, so I'm going to pass it along to you. It's just a little story. Little Story said something with a twelve step, and I'Ma tell you a couple of fun stories, well, some fun stories about twelve and sponsoring people and stuff like that, and then I'm going to in the last ten or fifty minutes I'm going to get serious. Okay. So so what happened is so he tells me that his wife was going to a psychiatrist to complain about him before he stopped drinking, to complain about him, about her husband's drinking, and he said I got to tell you this story by and he had had a drink in three or four months. He says, my wife went to her psychiatrist. She was just told me that and she told her psychiatrist. She says the psychiatrist asked, how's your husband doing, and she said the psychiatrist, he's not drinking, and the psychiatrist said he's not drinking? He says he stopped drinking. And the psychiatrist said, does he go to alcoholic sign? Says Yeah, he goes to all these meetings and he's not drinking. And then the psychiatrist said, does he have a sponsor? He says yeah, and he's obnoxious and the psychiats should said. You know, some people need of Naxious, some people need of nauseous. Some people need a noxious some people, some alcoholics, deep you repeated humiliations and the final crushing of their self sufficiency. Some people need to learn the value of suffering. Some people need to suffer. I'm one of those Bele and guess what, it ain't really option because I'm on a short leaf leashan alcohol and the life is a humbling experience. Like John Wayne says right, life is tough and if you're stupid it's even tougher. And I'm the kind of guy that I do stupid shit all the time, thinking it's right because I have grouches and I have brainstorms and all this sort of stuff, and I keep on getting slammed down and slam down, and somewhere around a fifth year I start saying things like I need to stop doing that Shit, you know, I need to stop spending money I don't have buying crap. I don't need to impress people I don't like. And then I do it again and again again. Then to go to a means and complain about not having money and they wake up three o'clock one say, and how am I going to pay this, the visa bill? How did I get in this jam? And then, at nine years sober, my sponsor explains to me, the Mac professor, that when you spend more money than you make, you go into something called death. And I said, Holy Shit, where do you learn this crap? Who Know? And then I read something in the big book and it says alcohol. You know this thing about the alcohol.

You got a metalion, you got a chimp. It says alcohol is only a symptom of the hey, it's a hell of a symptom, it's only a set. The real disease censors in my mind and not my body. And after being beaten up and beating up and beating up and beating up and beat it. You know, I play golf them, terrible golf, terrible golf. One of the things bill does is works with golf pros and everything like that. Is I'm terrible golf and I go out and you know, you're like, I don't know how many strokes are a good golfer hits on a golf course. Seventy two, but I hit a hundred and seventy two. The worst Golfer in the world. But every once in a while I get it right down the middle, like two hundred and twenty yards. I say, Holy Shit, I am Oh, I am tiger woods, and it keeps me coming back. And that's the way life is to me. To me the first ten years, constantly being beaten down, beating down, beating down, beating down. Every once in a while, right down the middle a hundred fifty yards, I say hey, this a thing is great. You know what I mean. God is great, you know. And but it gets better. It gets better as it goes along. And and I start and all of a sudden I start reading things in the big book that I never read before, reading things about what the book is all about, not about the drinking, because all of a sudden I don't have an obsession to drink. I don't want to drink. I may want to kill myself. Drinking maybe out of the question. You go through a period of time that's actually progress. When you want to kill you because you know the truth is, when you drink, if you're an alcoholic, it's really a form of suice. Ill Manage wrote a book, Man I guess himself, all about suicide. They said alcoholics, men, women who are out to destroy themselves to see. Just think about it, when you feel so lousy about yourself that you're ruining your life and you can't stop to the great thing about drinking is it's like dying, temporary, you see, many times I wish I was dead. I just want to skip the dying form, you know what I mean. You drink, it all goes away. It all goes away, you know, and I've sobered up many times. I mean your liberal do that for you, you know what I mean, and gets sober and then I'm back again it. So it's sort of like that deal. But the bottom line is is that as I go along, all of a sudden I start reading other things. That the big quell. I read something and it says there, it says there, and and sometimes I'll read it and I won't even understand it. Sometimes I'll read it and I won't even understand it. It says there is one who has all power, that one is God. May you find him now. Because anybody ever heard that? Have you ever thought about what that actually says? Now we read it all time, right, there is one who has all power, that one is God. May you find him now. Have you ever thought of what that actually means there's one that has all power. Does it say this three that has all power? Let's say it's fifty that has all power, because there's one that has all power. Not One is God, that you find him now. So it tells you a couple things. Tells you there's only one. There ain't fifteen. They may tell you. You pick your higher power. You pick your higher power, you pick this God, you pick that God. That's not the God they're talking about. That's going to keep you. You See, the reaches the point in time we're not drinking. Let Trust me on this. We're not drinking. It going to be enough. I want to tell you. I swear to God, you're going to find you'll remember this deal it maybe a ten years and maybe a twenty years. You know, learn all about disease. Is Come, being a preacher, a point in time where being a member of the not drinking club is not going to be enough for you. You're either going to drink again or be miserable. There's got to reach a point in time where you've heard everything that needs to be heard in alcoholics anonymous, and you've heard it fifty times. The reason point time where you've sponsored everybody. You've run around, you're doing everything and because you're running around and doing everything, you're not drinking because you're involved in the work. But you're not happy. You're not happy with your sobriety. You're not experiencing the joy of living. You have no idea what they're talking about. Then when they're saying you're being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence, of which you would not even dream, you're not experience that. You happiness, you're not experiencing the promise of fear of people in of economic insecurity will leave you as my fact. You're still scared of the money thing and you're still worried about what other people think about it's going to reach that point in time and, as matter of FAC most people will never experience getting rid of the fear of other people's judgment. Most people never get...

...the experience of dead. You're worried about the money or what worried about what other people think about. The big book says this. That's what it says. It says we never apologize for God. There are people in Aa that will read the big book and see those parts where it says there is one who has all power that when it's God and you find them now, they'll say the problem when must, above everything, must get rid of this selfishness with must or kills us. God makes that possible. There are people that will read the part and says learn a new basis of trust and relying upon God. Job and no job. You can always say sober as long as you trust God, but we won't know you. It doesn't matter. You real reliance has to be in God. Who'll even show who to heck you, who to hang out with? They're people that going to read the stuff in the big wood. Seating your relationship with him is writing a great events of best feel gunless others. They will read that stuff in the big book and they will incorporate into the lives that won't be scared of it. They'll read the part in the big book where it says we encourage you to go to churches and the synagogues and join religious organizations. It even says we will lose all prejuice even against those deals you know, and we will join it because it will help us and we can help other people. They'll read that, even though it says extra credit, and they won't worry about looking for Lupho's why they don't have to do it. They will do it because that's what the old timers did it and they wanted thoroughly and they will do it and they will speak about that and proclaim God and talk about God in the fellowship of Alcoholics anonymous, and they'll talk about them in such a way so they're not apologizing for it and they're unashame. And then there are people in a a that have twenty years that will tell those other those people, they ought to be quiet about it, don't talk about might scare with me, because they're scared. They're scared that if that gets around, they might have to do it and they'll use all sorts of excuses like you might scare with the newcomers, when, quite frankly, that's what the newcomers want to hear. That's what they need to hear. That's what Dr Bob and go Wilson was talking about. And when Dr Bob said to tend to clearance the broom master, he said you believe in God. He said, what is that up to? Within doc Bob said everything, get down the your knees, wing to Credit God. While I don't how to do it. I guess you don't just follow me. You know. That's what the bottom line is going to be. You'RE gonna have two touches of people in a the people that talk about God and the people that get angry about people that talk about God because makes some uncomfortable, and you're going to get to rub elbows and see both types of people and you get to decide what kind of sobriety you want, because I can promise you this, your sobriety and your future and your joy of living will absolutely depend upon which person you choose to hang out with. If you continue to want to be cool and defiance and not open minded and not grow, not only maintain maintenance and growth of a scroage condition, or will you choose to be the guy who's criticizing people that are talking about God? You'll find there's two there's two types. You'll get to determine who's scared and who's not scared, who's living a life of fear and learned about what people think of that, and who's really just focused on God, because it says in the big book of alcoholics anonymous is is if you want to be rocked in the fourth dimension, of existence if you want to experience much of heaven. The great fact is this and nothing less, that God's got to be the central fact of your life, that you must become convinced that he lives in your heart and mind with the way which the miraculous. And if that bothers you and the implications of that bothers you, you don't get mad at me. I'm mad me. I don't take it personally. You need to contact New York and tell him to take all that shit out of the big book aboutcoholics, anonymous, because it's all there, plus a lot more, plus a lot more really. So let me do about five minutes some some fun stuff and then get last timinute some heavy so I so I sponsored got named Kevin. You got to see. You got to have a lot of fun in a I'm sponsoring a guy named Kevin. Kevin was a great guy. I Love Kevin. I loved him. He lived with us for six months and I can't even describe. I don't want to take too much time this grime. And Kevin, Kevin was a great guy. You wanted so much to get sober. He kept on slipping. He had such problems. You always have problems with the women, as though big problems with women. A lot of guys have problems with women. And you know, listen, listen to me. Let me tell you somethingbout higher power. Let me just tell you about HP. HP is not God. I don't care what the big it's not. You know why? Course, a redhead with breasts is a higher power to me. Sure you're laughing. Tell you you don't know what it's like. TENZERO dollars is the higher power to me. A brand new MASERATI is a higher power to me. A job where I make a lot of money, Ni a prestige is a higher power to me. A nice suit of close the higher power. High paying jobs,...

...a nice suit of close. This entire world is a higher power to me. So let me tell you some of them. If I'm looking for a higher power, people could be a higher power to me. And you know something, when you come to day, more than likely what's going to happen is you're going to pick a person to be your higher power, and that's not bad. Necessarily, or group to be a higher power, and that's not bad. Necessary, because we're in kindergarten here. It's a bigger giant kindergarten. But the bottom line is is the bond. The bottom line is my problem. I got this great book called the Twelve and twelve and it says, where was that thing? It says, Oh, here it is. Certainly no alcohol can. Surely No member of a wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enter into a debate with the many who still so passionately cling to the believe that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life. But we are sure that no class of people in the world ever made a worse mess of trying to live by this formula. In alcoholics, for thousands of years we have been demanding more than our share of security, prestige and romance and Lom sense into that to romance. We seem to be when we seem to be succeeded, we drank dreams, so great dreams. When we were frustrating part we drank to oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. And the bottom line is is that I am a world class world whore. I am a whore for the world. I am part of my alcoholism. One of the consequism of alcoholism is I am a world whore period. And if you're not, if you don't understand that you're that, then I'll tell you something. You need some insight. You need to look some more inside into your life. I am a guy just like Bill Wilson. The worldly clamors of this world will pull me off to the side and I'll be drinking over that stuff or feeling sorry for myself over that stuff without before I know it, I'm in the land of self pity, I'm in the land of energy, I'm in the land I might as well kill myself. I'll never be okay, and it's all about the stuff in this world. I'm not strong enough. The higher powers in this world will overcome anything I have, unless there is something that can save me from not only the booze but the lust, the lust and the addiction to the women, the lust of the addiction to the to the sex, the lust in the addiction to the money, the lust in the addiction to the Prestige, the lust in the addiction to your approval of me. If that's I have fonts. I find some power that will save me from that power, and you know some it's not. You know what I need. I need the one who has all power. You guys probably get along in the assistant, deputy assistant power, but I have great emotional mythosaurs. I need the one who has all power, and my big book says that one is God. May you find him now. You know why people say HB in rooms? You know why? Because they don't want to be criticized, they don't want people looking at him funny. Just to say God, they know it'll piss some people off and they'll roll their eyes. And you know why they feel that way? Because they're scared of other people's judgment and they will never lose them. They will always be scared of other people. That's why they say it. That's why they won't say God. And you know why people use the word God and a a, not only because it's in big bookcase he's the one who has all power, because they're not scared, because they're focuses on God. And Somehow, some way, we have a sting called the six step. Six steps, the step that separates them boys, because there are men here in their boats, there are girls here and there are women. And what my book tells me is the men and the girls, the women, are the ones that repeatedly try this stuff for a lifetime so that they can repeatedly try to grow in the image and likeness of their creator, image and likeness of God. I know who god is. He's the one who has all power. Knowing that they will never be perfect, it will never be perfect, but they shoot for perfection like an Olympic good they keep on trying to grow in that image and likeness of their creator and as a result of that they change. They have a psychic change. Now, I don't know who your Creator is. I'm not going to tell you who it is, but I hope he's somebody that has all power. I hope he has all power. I don't know whether the treat has all power. I don't know whether nature has all power. Personally, a person,...

I don't think I'm nature. Nature is something within the universe. I don't know where a hurricane has all power. God am I understanding as power over the entire universe? He's outside the universe. He's stronger than anything. Because I need that kind of God, because, I said, crazy shit going on in my life. So I sponsored so I was sponsoring Kevin. Kevin Stories of Kevin Calls you out. One day. He would come, day, he would clean up, he would look great, totally clean, Eastwood Guy, and all of a sudden he would always the next thing you know, he's got three months and he's hanging as living with a guy who's got like fifteen months. Calls me that one night and he says Russell, Russell. I said what looked him? He says, last night, while I was sleeping, Annie was an Annie Jny, I'm changing the name, tried to stab me with scissors. So I say to Kevin. I say Kevin, when a woman tries to stab you with scissors in the middle of the night while you're sleeping, that's God's way of telling you it's time to move out of the house. Now. I know that seems obvious to you. I mean I know you're laughing about it. It listen to me. I know you're going to be shocked at this. It wasn't really that obvious to Kevin. Kevin said to me, he says no, Russell, you don't understand, which apparently I got a lot. I get a lot, apparently, and I'm a stead. Fact, I'm seventy two years old. I used to be brilliant, I really I have degrees on the wall, a testing to my brains, not with sad in fact, I'm sevent two years old and I got forty years, for over forty years sobriety, and I've been working this thing. Apparently one of the problems that happens as you, as you work this thing after forty years, is my Iq has been reduced because every time I try to tell somebody calls me up what my opinion is, because they asked my opinion. I'm always always making mistake of thinking that they're actually interested, but they asked my opinion and I tell them, the first thing they say is you don't understand. So apparently I'm not that bright. You understand what I'm saying. I'm not doing that well, you know. So the senility thing, you know, and and then he explosive rust. What about love? What about compassion? What? What about giving person what about tolerance? What about love and tolls? What about giving a person a second chance? Don't we give people second chances and a a you know, but we're not perfect, you know, and everything like that. And in the bottom line is is that. And next thing you know, I start thinking, Hey, maybe he's right, you know, and I'm thinking maybe I should check into Alan on. It's something sort of bothers me, you know. I'm just we have a power to drive people create and next day I know Kevin Straighton. So checking. Kevin gets sentenced to the state prison and at part of the sends, if he gets out, he goes to Avon Park, which is like a drum facility. Go Ed, you know, for like nine months whatever. You supposed to go there and dry out of whatever it is. And and so he does that. The only he's at eight one part for two, about through two or three months, and they they kick them out leave. He leaves because one condition he can't friendnize. or he meets a Gal and she's got like three months and she's got like three months, you know. So it's like really a match made in heaven, you know what I mean, because they both have something in common. They're both fucking crazy, you know what I mean. And it's like it's like if you're a bad driver, they say, well, I got something in comed with this gross is what she's an alcoholic to I said, Oh, it's sort of like if you're a bad drive and she's a bad driver, the rate should be less you know what I mean. And he calls me up. Were supposed to meet in Tamp at Burn Steak House and he doesn't show up and I say, Kevin, yeah, I said, where are you? Word Burns, were supposed to show up with your girlfriend, Danny, you know, and who's gorgeous really. She's going to show up and says Russell, you wouldn't believe this. So what CAPP he says, Annie is on the up upstairs on the balcony and she's holding a butcher knife and a bottle of OCCA and she's drunk and she's screaming at me. I said, Kevin, what is she screaming? He says she's screaming at me to leave. I said, Kevin, I want you to listen very careful. I want you to leave and come here. He's just Russell. Russell says, you don't understands. I know, don't get ahead of me, he says, you know, she's drunk, she's got a butcher Knight. What if she kills herself? How could I do this? I said, what is she doing now? She's keep screaming at me to leave. I said, Kevin, leave. Of course he didn't leave, and he was a physically sober as I am right now, and of course...

...he ended up drunk and arrested again and everything. So I don't want you to miss the fun of sponsoring other people. There is a connection. There is a connection. I want to read you something. You're going to find that there's a time when you're in Aa and you're doing everything in a you're doing everything they say in the book. Well, you really not doing everything in the in the book, but you think you're doing everything you saying the book. But what you really done? If you settled, let's they talk about a six stuffy since don't say you settle, and you're able to look somebody and I, no matter what they say, and say, listen, I'm not drinking. I'm not even thinking about right that off my back. You'll have to call you a sponsor that much. Or maybe you got a sponsor that doesn't rather your age. Get One of those sponsors that isn't nonxious. Don't get anybody's telling you shit you don't want here and you might turn to page sixty two in the big book. And I want to read these two paragraphs because one of the great things about alcoholics, anonymous, is many times. You know, we have a thing called the big book because it's a big book. But let me tell you, there are there are paragraphs and a a that tell you everything, everything you need to know about the big everything you need to know about the real deal here. And there are paragraphs of people don't even sit there, invisible paragraphs. I talked about this last week. There's two books. There's the book you reading and there's the invisible book. There are paragraphs of people don't even see. And even if they read them and they see them, you know what I mean, they don't really see him. It doesn't connect. They don't really read the words. They don't read them slowly. I've people come up to me after a meeting or after a talk I do and they say, man, I loved it when you said this and I said what said that? When you said this, I said you mean when I quoted the Big Book? He says yeah, yeah, but it's the way you say. I instand what they're saying. They read it but they never heard of the never put it together. So let me read you this. This is the how and why of it. How many? How many people want to want to remarkable life? How many people don't give a shit. They just want to stop drinking. And how many people wanted to remarkable life? It's not drinking and be rocket in the fourth smasion existence and no one new freedom in the new happiness. You know what I mean. How many people like that you are even going to hang around? You might as well go for them the real deal. So here's what here's what it says right around page sixty two. This is the how and why of it. This is the Holl and live it underlying that sucker. First of all, we had to quit playing God. He let me tell some when you start making up your own God, you're playing God. That's really a little bit too metaphysical systemological. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that here and after, in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. They're using the gew were they were in a shame. They never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. Instead, all men of faith have courage. They trust their God. Instead, we let him demonstrate in our lives what he can do with us, how we can work in our lives. Next, we decide that here and after this drama of life. God was going to be our director. He is the principle and we are his agency, is the father, we are his children. That's the way they describing God. Principal, agent, new employer. I say to a guy, you know, why don't you go to this meeting with meeting? The Says No, no, no, I got worked it. It doesn't matter. His life depends on why are you going to go? Your wife is given birth. He says, I can't. My employer says, I got to work. You know, people follow their worldly employer and think that's more important the worldly employer than the follow follow their the divine employer. They'll do the most outrageous things without him. Think of that. For a worldly employer that they won't do for a divine employer. He is the principle and we are as agency, is the father, we ares children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept, this concept, was the keystone, the main deal of the new and triumphant arch to which we passed the freedom. You don't figure out this deal, you don't figure out there is one of those all pad that one is God. You don't figure out the image of God, you don't figure out how can you grow in the image and likeness of God when you don't have is image, when it's a fluffy thing for you, because I guys just easily as a fluffy thing. How are you going to grow in the image and likeness of God when you have no idea who he is, what he wants you to be?...

The answers you're not when we sincerely took such a position. What does it mean? Sincerely took such a position? Well, it doesn't mean, you know, we just say, Oh, yeah, I believe in God, or you know, okay, when we sincere to all sorts of remarkable things follow. Okay, you want to talk about remarkable things. We had a new employer. There it is again being all powerful. Listen, here's the way it works. There's one who has all power. One may you find him? Now? Most people won't find them. Eighty percent of people that are in this thing probably won't find they'll find something that allow them to stay sober for ten, fifteen to twenty years. Some will never find some of them don't want to find. It's okay, I'm just really hey, I'm just reading this shit out of the big book. You know, I'm not making this stuff up. If you think it's obnoxious, then you're not calling me of noxious, you're calling people wrote this book of noxious. We had a new employer, being all powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work. Well. How are you going to keep close to him but you don't even know who he is? How you perform his work well when you don't know what his work is for you? You each has been given work to do. You're not here. You know, you say. Well, I'm not happy. Well, where did you get the idea that you were placed on the planet to be happy? I mean to be happy. Is that that? The most important thing, is that you not suffering be happy? Maybe you're placed here to do God's will. Maybe God's will for you is, even though you're not happy, to go down to a detox or go to a meeting and try to help somebody else. I don't know. I read a book that says, you know, his work for me is what I'm supposed to do as be a maximum help to other people. I read a book where it says I got to be the Good Samaritan, a kindly act once a while is in enough, you know, I got to go down and it's got to completely interfere with my life. That's what it says. That's when the book says she ain't. My phone will jangle at any time during the night. cabital call said you got to meet this Gal. I just think, yeah, I'll be handling people, I'll be going and I'll be driving an hour and a half up to this group. Next month. I'll be going over the book. But I read a book that says my life is about trying to help other people and has nothing to do with trying to figure out how I should be happy. Surprisingly, when I start throwing in his image and like this, I pray that's happening. I'm so far short of it. What happens is the funny thing, is all of a sudden I just want to do that. All of a sudden not going to mean he's just to stay sober. I'm going to meet to seem where I can help people and it becomes pleasant for me. Is Work well established. On that footing, we become less and less interested in our loves and our little plans a designs. More and more would become interested in seeing what we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discover we can face life successfully as we become conscious of his presence. Are you conscious all the time of his presence? You always think about God? You driving a car thinking about God, you walk on Street, think about God when you're going to sleep, or you think about God and you waking up and thinking about God. That sounds a little obnoxious right, well, I'm an obnoxious type of God. As we felt new power, we could face life successfully, as we can conscious of his presence. We began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, the half here after we were reborn. That's all you want us some that's all you need to know about where you have to be in this program. You know, don't let anybody bullshit you and saying God's not important. Don't let anybody feed you the crap that. Just do a good fourth step and a good fifth step and to do it six ten everything will be wonderful, and just don't drink, go to meetings, don't letnfeed you lot. You're early on, you knew you don understanding of this stuff. Go with a flow, you know, stick with the winners. Stick with the winners, you know, you don't have to listen and you look. I got forty years. I can't. I can't make believe that this is stuff I've learned after put ice did are I fucked up? Everything can possibly fucked up an a a, except drinking. You know what I mean. So I mean this is the laughter. Three months I got what? I can't talk like I have two days. I can't talk like I have ten years. I couldn't give this talk of twenty. I've got over forty years experience doing this stuff. I'm living in an amazing life because of God. I give him all credit, like bibbles and said the Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of his terrible disease. I got to keep talking about him, telling other people and I've been asked to talk about the twelve step. The twelve step is having had a spiritual wakening as a result of these steps. We tried to carry this message thunder autoholics. You tell me, what message should I be carrying to other alcoholics? What message should I be talking about with other album? Should I be talking about the message I had when I had three months? So I'd be talked about the message I had when I had ten years. What message...

...should I be talking about if I'm going to follow God's will? Should I be worried about some clown back there that doesn't like the fact that I'm talking about God or the tone of my voice? What message should I be can't worrying about when I know there's at least one guy here and one gal here that needs to hear this message, that wants to hear this message. Why should I care about the person that could give a crap about this message, who's going to drink anyway because they haven't even done step one? You know, my job is to carry the message of my sobriety, my experience strength at home, and that's what and that's what I've done tonight. Thank you very much.

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