AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 3 months ago

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House 7/29/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/29/2021  

My name is Russell spat some in alcohol.Thank you very much. Remember the Subjict O. I haven't done this, so I'vebring since January twenty. If, on thousand nine hundred eight e one, Itell you what old age is not for sites. I can tell you that, so it's been a great pleasure in here with everybody, I'm looking forsomething I'm looking up something in the tween twelve. I actually know if my memory, but Iwant to make sure I get this right. I want to get this thing wrong, Eloi's funny when, if I start lookingup something that I've known and I've read for Forty Years Somehow I can never quite find it. I okay, so listen! It's great to be here.I want to say hello to a bunch of people. I this is. My understanding is that thisroom this particular meeting is step series is the oldest step series of thestate of Florida on over the fifty sixty years, or something like that. Iknow I have been doing step series of this room for every year forapproximately last thirty years and I think the I think one year I missed itwas last year when we're all o this ovid thing going on, and I wint to sayhello to all my friends who are joining US got about fifty three of them onzoom and done and all the people in the room, and I know so many of you overthe last thirty forty years. You know son believable, so many people I learn.I know I have I made so many great friendsthat were like family in the last year on zoom. You know I mean many manypeople from all over the I want to. I have a couple people I want to Andreafrom New York who came down yeah. I got your right and then there's cody fromAtlanta and came down. God bless you and bill wellfrom. I have no idea where you're from the Virginia Are you New Jersey, New Jersey, Super Super Guy? I want to say how to wait who's heresomewhere, who I've known for many MIT years. Justpart of our group- and I just saw him up here now and all the guys you knowJimmy who came up here with me and Clark. You know: Did you get your cellphone? They found your cell phone for it and and Joe who just picked up. Ithink nine as to so many people that I know here. It's just such a pleasure now this is the thirteenth talk. Don'tthink it's ever happened to me before this. If, if you go for those who youget the email or go on rocket dodor, this will be the thirteenth talk, andthis will be on h, step, twelve, I'm not going to go and how that happened,but there's no legitimate reason for it. Okay and- and so it's good to be er,I'm going to talk a little bit about step, twelve and my own way. I think if you, if you'vebeen going through this, I mean I don't want you got ahead of me, but it'sproblem probably going to mention God: There's a possibility. Okay and I'mprobably going to get a little serious, we're gonna have a little fun. We'vehad a lot of fun. I've had a lot of fun. You know I come up here with these guysis the way we do step series. I we're going to do one in Boca in October fortwelve weeks and then we're going to do. Sable pom started in a week from nowDan of Miami, but this is what we do. We also had to come up together, wholegroup of us, and we either have dinner and lesters here beforehand generatewith you. Men have to meet, and so this is the way I was always taught to do aa you know. Not just you just come in and then you leave and it's you get the whole evening, so I reallyenjoy it. So we're gonna have a little I'm going to have a little fun, we'llhave a little fun. We have some fun. I now about you guys and and we're whereand I'm Oh yeah, that's, okay, thank you so sit, and so I'm gonna I've got something Iwant to sort of share with you. I want to start to try to connect somethoughts. You know I don't know whether you'vebeen in ninety days or nine months or five years or twenty years, but I think I'm probably correct if Isay whatever time you're in right now, you probably think of thingsdifferently. You probably have a different perspective on your life andwho you are and your spriting, what it all means, maybe on who, who god is orwho isn't then you had like a year ago or maybe even three months ago. You know this not like a moving dealwhere you're, whereas you wat as you as you do the steps anomaly that, let metell you something I'll tell you. This has been my I'm going to talk about. Myexperience. Doesn't job with yours? Don't worry about it. You don't have todo what I did. You don't have to be what I'm become you're, not to getinvolved in a this stuff, but my job is to share my experience right to help.So that's what I'm going to do. My a...

...sponsors to say you know my what a manwith experience I get a man with money. The man with experience and walk awaywith the money in the band of the money will walk away. With an experience andand the greatest teacher you know I can read something I can literally read aline in the big book and not see it. I can really when my wife's first wifesaid to me if you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you on a Friday morning, as I left my houseand my wife and my child, and she said if you come home drunk one more time,I'm leaving you, which I later learned didn't mean shewas leaving me. It meant she was kicking me out of the house, you knowand I'm leaving you. I drove three blocks to a light and I sat at the line.I remember thinking what the Hell do you mean by that this is the guy who graduated with thepomeloes and Matama. I was going to be a mathematic professor. I was going toget a PDA, gerate theology or something like that. I can't even add now youknow, but I went to law. School became a division chief in the state'sAttorney's office and, and she said that to me I was about as physicallysober as I am right now and I had no idea what the hell she was talkingabout, and you know in the twelve and twelveit says once in Alan Alcohol accepts his appalsand all its consequences. The sobriety is a Ri Al, be precarious of truehappiness will know. None at all. I was like that precarious sobriety,true happiness, will know not at all, and apparently there are consequencesto be in an alcoholic and- and I thought when I first came day, thatbeing an Alcobola, you couldn't stop drinking. That's what the first ten e e,the only qualification membership is a desire is not drink. The only reasonthey hand out chips, as they say. You have three months of four months: Theolerday think all the time they was saying don't drink now to means theycalled the entire group, the organization alcoholics anonymous. Ithink that I can be excused for thinking that this has to do it's likea giant, not drinking club and that, as long as you don't have adrink, you're. Okay, as a matter of fact, my first sponsor said to meRussell: You could fuck up the whole day, but if you have at one drink inyou're, an alcoholic, your success, and I believe that- and I do believe that Ido believe that, but you know after forty years afterthirty years after twenty years after ten years sobriety, my thinking haschanged a bit on that it doesn't mean. I think, that's wrong.You know it's like it's like the book of Ecclesiastics. You knowwhere it says you know, for every season, there's a different deal.There's the season when you have three months and your entire life is about drinkingand not drinking the obsession six months and I tie likens about drinkingor not drinking. Then you have two years and your entirelife is about money or no money. You got five years in your tire. Entirelife is about sex or no sense, and then you got ten years and it's allabout prestige or security and now security. Now there comes to time when it's notthat drinking, is it important it's very important, but there comes a timewhere it's not the drinking and that about about that time, all andone of the consequences of my my dreamy alcoholism is sometimes, if I hear something or I'm toldsomething, I read something that I don't like it confuses me. It doesn'tmatter how bright I am. You know the big book says. I can't separate the twoon the false part of the disease. As I'm delusional, I just can't evenfigure things out that are right in front of it. I can't separate the truthof the halls. My Altho life seems normal to me. Hurting people, young andpeople being pissed off in people being resemble seems normal to me. You tellme that I should change and I think that way I say no O. that's because itdidn't happen to you if it happened to you like it, happed me you'd feel thesame way, because I believe everybody should feel exactly the way I feel andand I'm and there's no other way of handlines except being angry or feelingsorry for myself, and I hang out with people in bars where I drank, who feltthe same exact way. They felt the same exact way everybody.I knew that I liked thought like I thought they talked like. I thoughtthey said the same phrases. They said things like I'll show them. They don'tknow who they're fucking with you know. Why is this crap always happening to me?I can't believe this bullshit, you know it's all they talked like me. Iunderstood them. You know I mean I thought the whole world pop, like the guys in the bars ether. Were these church people they'restupid, you know Self Righteous Idiots.

You know what I mean. You know they're,not smart, it's spiritual and wonderful, like the guys at the Alibi, lounge, youknow what I mean, and so that's how I came to alcohol anonymous beating downto my knee, and you know somewhere along the line. I don't know whether Iwas three months over other is six months over. You know somebody canshout this thing at you yell this thing an I've been accused of yelling at P,Lea, and I admitted to what I said I am yelling at. I am yelling at people. Youknow what I'm yelling, I'm saying. Wait the fuck up wake up one out of one of I think the statistics are. I don'teven know where I got this. It was actually written in a journal, but Icould be pull shit, but I was told only one: a half of one per cent make up getget stay over over twenty years. That's one and two hundred that tells me in this group is one halfof a person. That's been actually make it now. It's not true. Every one of youcan make it every one of you convicted and not only that I've actuallywitnessed people that have ten years and fifteen years and twenty yearssobriety and then not happy with their surprise somewhere along the somewhere along theway. I started seeing things because one ofthe consequences I said of this deal of my thinking this you tell me somethingthat I don't like I get mad at it. I get pissed at you or I don't see it orI don't understand it, it's just not there, and so I pick up a book and I go tomeetings and all they're talking about is drinking or not drinking. The onlything I see is about the j Walker that makes sense to me and about thedrinking that makes sense to me I'll see anything in there. That has to dowith God. You know the only thing I see that has to do with God is I make it myown God and it doesn't matter who you've got it and nobody can tell you who you got itand nobody can even tell you what you're an alcoholic as matter. Nobodycan tell you a shit, you know what I mean. That's what I said an alcoholicsanomos. Nobody can tell you anything understand you do whatever you want todo in this deal and everything work out. I know there's this thing that saysrarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our stepspretty late later on we're going to give clear cut directions. Well, one ofthe consequences of an alcoholic. Is I'm not really good at followingdirections? You know I'm just not you know and- and I don't like peopletelling me what to do. The Big Book says: I'm defined. That's my chiefcharacteristic. You know you tell me this is what you need to do. I may notsay it in the back of my mind, I say: Go Fuck Yourself, that's just like anatural look. Listen I'm sorry! I get up here, you know, I love you all. Youknow, and I love Lord, but you know the truth. Is I talk out, you know, there's a great line of Iwasays: I'd come all things to all men by whatever means posible some some.Sometimes you just have to talk out. You know, because in our minds in our minds I know every one of you isusing the word every single one. You know when the guy comes in front ofyou with Tucu the board, the bird you don't say hot to him. I can't believe that actually happened.You know. So I don't I talk out when I'm talking to alcoholics.You know what I mean, because I am in no I'm not ashamed of being an alcoholicas a matter fact, I'm grateful for being an alcohol. I can't tell you howgrateful I am that God thought enough about me that he chose to make me an alcoholic.I feel like the impossible when he says when he we have thesegreat revelations and he kept the joy of living and he was free and he wasunbelievable and he lived an incredible life they're still talking about twothousand years later and he says to keep me from becoming conceited and follow myself. God gave me a formin my flesh was satanic. He never says what he is. We don't know what it is,but the Natalis M that I feel in combining I thought he says it wassatanic. I prayed to the Lord to take this Lord away and the Lord said to me.I will take it away. That's the affane he got is. I will not take this away. You said I will not take it away because, when you're weak, he put it in to keep from becomingconceited when you're weak, I'm stridore strong, which you wady mens when you're weak, I'm strong in you, because if they took that thort of outholes away with me, you know what it's me as soon as I started. The moneystart coming in as soon as people start smiling me I'll, be off to the races tobe allowed to listen. Looking for the same crap, I was looking for before Icame in here, and you know you know what happens to me. What happens to meo forty years, I'm just going to say what happens to me e every once in awhile, not so much anymore after food,...

...not so much, I feel the alcoholism sort of come upon.I feel I feel something happens to roundat a point where all of a sudden the loneliness comes round or the ragecomes about, or the anger comes about me or the end becomes about or the selfpity comes about me. Usually it only last moments and soon as it comes aboutme, you know what I do. I do. I just wrap my arms around God and I turned tohim immediately because you know it does to me when,when I start feeling the alcoholism, all it tells me is, he still has some removed that damn,for you know what I mean and and and so it's a blessing to me because he's gotme on a short leash and if you know't any by anything about a guy like me, Ineed to be on a short leash. The last thing I want is for him to take me offthe leash and say: Go Have Fun, and you know I just love being on theleash. You know and the Bassetto for him. So I sponsored I sponsored guy and he's got about twenty five yearsnow. I've had the privilege part of my service. This is part of myservice, an sponsoring many men and I sponsor a guy and he's a pastor. He'sgot a PhD in divinity that's good guy. As a friend and Isponsor him and when I first started sponsoring him and one of the reasonshe got his because his wife is complain. Everybody else is playing in him, and so he tells me this story, so I'mgoing to pass it along to you. I was just a little story: Will Orsi some? Doit the twelve step and I'm Goin tell you a couple of funstories, some fun stories about t, twelve and sponsoring people and stufflike that, and then I'm going to in the last ten or fifty minutes, I'm going toget serious okay. So so what happened is so? Hetells me that his wife was going to a psychiatrist to complain about him before you stopdrinking, to complain about you about her husband's drinking and he said I got to tell you the storyby and he hadn't had a drink in three or four months. He says my wife went toher psychic. She was just tell me that, and she told her psychiatrist. She says psychiatrist asked. How isyour husband doing and she said the psychiatrist he's not drinking and the psychiatrist said he's notdrinking. He says he stopped drinking and the psychist said: does he go to alcohol, so says yeah? Hegoes to all these meetings and he's not drinking, and then the psychist is said:Does he have a sponsor? He says yeah and he's obnoxious and the psychic should said you knowsome people need obnoxious. Some people need obnoxious. Some people need obnoxious, some people, Somehow Bob the yourepeated humiliations and the final cushion of their selfsufficiency. Some people need to learn the value ofsuffering. Some people need to suffer I'm one of those people and guess what it ain't really option, because I'm on a short leaf, lesionalcohol and life is a humbling experience. Like John Wayne says right, life istough and if you're stupid, it's even tougher and I'm the kind of guy that I dostupid shit all the time. Thinking it's right because I have grouches and Ihave rain storms and all this sort of stuff and I keep on getting slam downto slam down and somewhere around the fifth year. I start saying things like: I need to stop doing that Shit. You know I need to stop spending money,I don't have bind crap, I don't need to impress people I don't like, and then Ido it again and again again then, to go to Amiens and complain about not havingmoney, and I wake up three o'clock more and saying. How am I going to pay thisthe BESOM bill? How did I get in this jam and then, atnine years sober? My sponsor explains to me the map, professor, that when youspend more money than you make you go into something called death and I sayHoly Shit. Where do you learn this crap o? No and then I read something in the bigbook and it says alcohol. You know thiss thing about the alcohol. You gota Metallian, you get chivy says alcohol...

...is only a symptom of the hey, it's ELMsimp. It's only a s, the real disease censersin my mind, and not my body and after being beaten up and feeding up andfeeding up and feeding up and feed. You know I play Golf Im terrible golfterrible golf. One of the things still does works with golf pros andeverything like that. I'm terrible golf and I go on and you know you like, Idon't know how many strokes a good God for hits on a Golf wore seventy two,but I hit a hundred and seventy two, the worst goffer in the world, but every once in a while. I get itright down the middle. Like two hundred and twenty yards, Isay Holy Shit. I am Oh, I am tiger woods and it keeps me coming back andthat's the way life is to me to me the first ten years constantly being beaten down, beatingdown, beating down beating down every once in a while right down the middle,a hundred and fifty yards, I say: Hey this. A thing is great, you know what Imean and God is great you know, and but it gets better. It gets better as itgoes along and, and I start and all of a sudden, Istart reading things in the big book that I never read before. Reading things about what the book isall about, not about the drinking because all of a sudden I don't have anobsession with drink, I don't want to drink. I may want to kill myselfdrinking may be out of the question you go through a period of time. That'sactually progress when you want to kill you because youknow the truth is when you drink. If you are not home,it's really a form. O Manage wrote a book man against himselfwell about suicide. He said almose women who are out to destroy himself sosee just think about it when you feel so lousy about yourselfthat you're ruining your life and you can't stop o the great thing aboutdrinking. Is it's like dying temporary? You See I many times I wish I was dead.I just want to skip the dying for you know what I mean you drink. It all goesaway. It all goes away. You know, and I've sobered up many times. I mean yourliberal. Do that for you, you know what I mean and gets over and then I'm backagain. So it's sort of like that deal, but thebottom line is, is that as I go along all of a side, I start reading otherthings o the big bone. I read something and it says there itsays the R, A and and sometimes I'll read it, and I won't even understand it. Sometimes I'll read it and I won't evenunderstand it says there is one who I was all pout, that one is God that you find him nowas a bad ever heard that have you ever thought about what thatactually says. I we read it all the time right. Thereis one who has all power that one is God how you find him now? Have you ever thought of what thatactually means? There's one that has all power. Does it say this three that has allpower say it's fifty that has all power,which is this one that has all pound o one. Is God that you find him now? So it tells you a couple things tellsyou there's only one the rain. Fifty they may tell you, youpick your higher power. You pick your higher power. You pick this guy, youpick that guy, that's not the God! They're talkingabout that's going to keep you. You see the recusant in time we're not drinking. Let Trust me onthis. We're not drinking it going to be enough. I want to tell you I swear to Godyou're going to find you'll. Remember this deal. It may be a ten years andmaybe a twenty years, you're gonna learn all about disease is going o Beina P, a point in time where being a member of the not drinking club is notgoing to be enough for you you're, either going to drink again or bemiserable this guy to reach a point in time where you've heard everything thatneeds to be heard in Alcoholic Nonos and you've heard it fifty times. Thereason point time where you sponsored everybody you've run around you doingeverything and because you're running around and doing everything you're, notdrinking, because you're involved in the work, but you're not happy you're, not happy with your surprisal you're not experiencing the joy ofliving. You have no idea what they're talkabout then, when they're saying you're being rocketed into the fourthdimension of existence, which you would not even drink, you non experience that you happiness, you're not experienced in the promiseof fear of people in of Economica Security Willeva, as matter fact,you're still scared of the money thing and you're still worried about whatother people think about it's going to reach. That point time, and as a matter of fact, most people willnever experience getting rid of the fear of other people. Most people neverget the experience of de worried about...

...the money or what worried about whatother people think about the big book says this. That's what itsays. It says we never apologize for God. There are people in a a that, will read the Big Book and seethose parts where it says the rest. One of was all power that what it's got meFightin, we'll say the probe. We must love, everything must get to theselfishest mustard kills. US God makes that possible. There are people thatwill read the part says we're in a new base of trusting deline upon God, joband no job. You can always stay sober as long as you trust one, but we won't know you. It doesn'tmatter you real reliance, hastain God hill even show who to hack you who tohang out with there are people that e going to read the stuff in the big wordset relation with him as writing: Rateres Govin's others. They will readthat stuff in the big book and they will incorporate into the lives thatwon't be scared of it. They'll read the part in the big book where it says weencourage you to go to churches and the CINICO and join religious organizations.It even says we will lose all prectice even against those deals. You know, andwe will join it because it will help us and we can help other people they'llread that, even though it says extra credit and they won't worry aboutlooking for loopholes- why they don't have to do it. They will do it becausethat's what the old timers did it and they wanted thry and they will do itand they will speak about that and proclaim God and talk about God in thefellowship of Alcoholics. Anonymous and they'll talk about them in such a way,so they're not apologizing for it and they're unashamed, and then there are people in a a thathave twenty years that w tell those other those people they ought to bequiet about it. Don't talk back might scare with me,because they're scared, you're scared that if that gets around, they might have to do it and they'll use all sorts of excuses,like you might scare, with the newcomers when, quite frankly, that'swhat the newcomers want to hear. That's what they need to hear. That's what DrBob and but Wilson when Dr Bob said to ten to clans theroom master. He said you believe in God he said what was that appen to with himduckboard everything get down the Neeson God. Well, I don'tknow how to do it. I guess you don't just follow me. You know that's what the bottom line isgoing to be: YOU'RE gonna have two times of people in a the people thattalk about the God and the people that get angry about people that talk abouthis God makes them uncomfortable and you're going to get to rub elbowsand see both types of people and you got to decide what kind of surprise youwant, because I can promise you this your sobriety and your future and yourjoy of living will absolutely depend upon which person you choose to hangout. If you continue to want to be cool defiant and not open minded and not grow, notonly maintain mantinean growth of a scrach condition, or with you choose tobe the guy who's criticizing that are talking about you find there there's two times: You'll get the determined who's, scaredand WHO's, not scared, who's, living, a life of fear and worried about what dopeople think about, and who's really just focused on God, because it says inthe big book of alcohols and Anomos is, is if you want to be routin. The fourthdimension distance. If you want to experience much of Heaven, the greatfact is this and nothing less. That God's got to be the central fact ofyour life that you must become convinced that he lives in your heartand mind in the way which be miraculous, and if that bothers you and theimplications of that bonders you you don't get mad at me. Badmen take itpersonally, you can to contact New York and tell them to take all that shit outof the big on a althaeas there's. It's all there, plus a lotmore plus a lot more really. So let me do about five minutes, somesome fun stuff and then get last ten minutes, I'm heavy. So I so Ispose got in Kevin. You get this! You got to have a lot of fun in a I'msponsoring to go name. Hevin Covin was a great guy. I love cabin. I love helived with us for six months and I can't even describe I don't want totake too much time to driving can. But devin was a great guy. You wanted somuch to get sober. He kept on slept and he had such problems always hadproblems with the women as a big promise of women. A lot of guys haveproblems with the I and you know, listen, listen me. Let me tell yousomething about higher power. Let me just tell you about H. P, H, p is notGod. I don't care what the big is. Not You know why? Because a red head with breasts is a higher power to me. Show you're laughing. Tell you youdon't know what it's like. Tensed dollars is a higher power to me,a brand new MASERATI is a higher power to men, a job where I make a lot of money and Ia prestigious a higher power to me,...

...a nice suit to close the high pole highpaying jobs. Am I suit the clothes this entire world is a higher power tome. So let me take some them. If I'mlooking for a higher power, people could be a higher power to me,and you know something when you come to more than likely. What's going tohappen, is you're going to pick a person to be a high pound and that'snot bad natally or group to be a higher power? That's not bad necessary becausewe're in kindergarten. Here it's a bigger giant kindergarten, but thebottom line is is the bond. The bottom line is my problem. I got this great book called the Twelveand twelve and it says where was that thing? It says Oh here it is certainlyno alcohol and surely no member. They wants to deprecate material achievement.Nor do we enter into a the babe with many who still so passionately cling tothe belief that to satisfy our basic natural desires is the main object oflife, but we are sure that no class of people in the world ever made a worsemess of trying to live by this Poulam alcohols for thousands of years. Wehave been demanding more than I share of security, Prestige and romance andlum sex on to that to romance. We seem to be when we seem to be succeeded. Wedrank dreams, so greater dreams when we were frustrating part with drankoblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted, and the bottom line is is that I am aworld class World Hor. I am a horror for the world. I am partof my alcoholism. One of the consequence of my alcoholism is, I am aworld poor period and, if you're, not, if you don'tunderstand that you're that then I'll tell you something you need someinsight. You need to look some more inside in your life. I am a guy justlike Bill Wilson. The worldly clamors of this world will pull me off to theside and I'll be drinking over that stuff or feeling sorry for myself overthat stuff without be before. I know it, I'm in the land of South Pitty, I'm inthe land of Andy, I'm the land I might as well kill myself I'll, never be okay,and it's all about the stuff in this world, I'm not strong enough. Thehigher powers in this world will overcome anything I have unless thereis something that can save me from not only the bus, but he the lost the lustand the addiction to the women. The Lost in the addiction to the to the sex,the loss in the addition to the money, the lust in the addiction of thePrestige, the lust and the addition to your approval of me. If Thet's, I havefive side find some power. Thou will save me from that power, and you knowsome. It's not. You know what I need. I need the one who has all power you guys probably get along in theassistant deputy a system power, but I have grave emotional lifters. Ineed the one who has all power, and my did book says that one is God. May you find him now? You know why people say H, B in rooms. You know why, because theydon't want to be criticized, they don't want people looking at them.Funny this I say God. They know it'll Piss,some people off and they'll roll their eyes, and you know why they feel thatway, because they're scared of other people's judge and they will never lus them. They willalways be scared of other people. That's why they say it. That's why theywon't say God- and you know why people use the wordGod in a a not only because it's a big bookbecause he's going- who is all power because they're not scary, because their focus is on God and somehow some way we have a stanhopesix step. Six step is a step that separates meneaseman here in your er girl here in the women, and what my book tells me is the manand the girls. The women are the ones that repeatedly try this stuff for alifetime so that they can repeatedly try to growin the image and likeness of their creator image of likeness of done. I know who god is he's one of us allpower, knowing that they will never be perfect. It will never be perfect, but theyshoot for perfection like an Olympic God. They keep on trying to grow inthat image in likeness of their creator, and as a result of that they change.They have a psychic change. I don't know who you created is a atake years, but I hope he's somebody that has all power. I hope he has all power. I don't knowwhether treas all power- I don't know...

...what the nature is all power.Personally personal, I don't think I o nature. Nature is something within theuniverse. I don't know whether hurricane has all power got at myunderstanding as power over the entire universe. He's outside the universe he's stronger than anything, because I need that kind of God,because I saw crazy shit goin on my life, so I sponsored so I was sponsoring KavinKevin Store, so Kevin Calls me out one day. He would come day he clean up. Hewould look great total, like clines to guy and all of a sudden he would all ofa sudden next thing. You know he's got three months and he's hangin he'sliving with the guy's got like fifteen months cause me up one night. He said Russell Russi said what what a what a he says.Last night, while I was sleeping Annie, was an Anne Jony. I'm changingthe in tried to stab me with scissors, so I say to Kevin, I say Kevin when a woman tries to stab you withscissors in the middle of the night, whileyou're sleeping that's God's way of telling it's time to move out of the house. I know that seems obvious to you. Imean I know you're laughing, that it listen to me. I know you're going tobe shocked to this. It wasn't really that obvious to Kevin Kevin said to me. He says: No Russell,you don't understand is apparently I get a lot. I get a lot apparently, andI was Stefan seventy two years old I used to be briant. I really I havedegrees on the wall attesting into my brains, not we say in fact I'm seventyyears old and I got forty years some for or forty year sobriety and I'vebeen working. This thing comparant hate of the problems that happens asyou as you work. This thing after forty years is my Iq has been reduced because every time I try to tellsomebody calls me up what my opinion is because he asked my opinion. I'm alwaysI was make the mistake of thinking that they're actually interested, but theyask my opinion and I tell them the first thing they say. Is You don'tunderstand so, apparently I'm not that bright. You understand what I'm saying:I'm not doing that. Well, you know so the sinile thing you know and and thene e c Russ what about love? What about compassion? What what about giving person? Whatabout tolerance? What about love and tolls? What about giving a person asecond chance? Don't we give people second chances in a a you know, butwe're not perfect. You know, and everything like that and and the bottomline is, is that and next thing you know, I start thinking. He maybe he's right. You know and I'm thinking, maybe I should checkinto Alamon or something it sort of bothers me. You know I'm just we have a power to dry people can andnext thing I don't even strengthen so checking Kevin, get sentenced to thestate, prison and a part of the sense if he gets out. He Goes Avon Park,which is like a drunk facility. Go ahead. You know for like nine months,whatever our supposed to go there and dry out of whatever it is and and so hedoes, that deal he's an a one park for two got through two or three months andthey they can come out. He leave. He leavesbecause one condition he can't for at night. So he meets a Gal and he's gotlike three months and she's got like three months. You know, so it's likereally a match made heaven. You know what I mean, because they both havesomething in common they're, both fucking crazy. You know what I mean andit's like it's like. If you're a bad driver, they say. Well, I got somethingto come. This girls is what she's an Alhollon. I said. Oh it's sort of likeif you're a bad drive and she's a bad driver, the rate should be less. Youknow what I mean and he calls me out we're supposed tomeet in Tamp at burned steak house and he doesn't show up- and I say Kevin Cai said: Where are you where Frenchwas supposed to show up with your girlfriend anny? You know and who'sgorgeous, she's gonna show up and says Russell. You wouldn't believe this sowatch him. He says and he is on the up upstairs on thebalcony and she's holding a butcher knife and a bottle of act and she's drunk andshe's screaming at me. I said Kevin. What is she screaming? Hesaid she's she's screaming at me to leave. I said Kevin. I want you to listen, very careful. I want you to leave and come here. Hesays Russell Russley says you don't understand. I know don't get ahead ofme. He says you know. She's drunk she's got a Bush, an IT. What if she killsherself? How can I do this? I said what is she doing now she's screaming at meto leave. I said Kevin Leave. Of course he didn't leave and he was asphysically sober as I am right now and...

...of course he ended up drunk andarrested again everythings. I don't want you to miss the fun of sponsoringother people. There is a connection. There is aconnection. I want to read you something you're going to find that there's atime when you're in a a and you're doingeverything in her and you're doing everything. I saying the book wellreally not doing everything in the end the book, but you think you're doingeverything saying, but but what you've really done? This yousettled, I say talk about a six step is don't say so and you're able to look somebody,and I no matter what they say in say this, I'm not drinking, I'm, not eventhinking about train get off my back, you have to call you a sponsor thatmuch or maybe you got a sponsor, it doesn't Ravel your age get one of thosesponsors that isn't noxious, don't get anybody's telling you shit,you don't want her and you might turn the page sixty twoon the big one, and I want to read these two paragrams, because one of the great things aboutalcoholics anonymous is many times. You know we have a thingcalled the big book. Is it such a big buck? But let me tell you there are.There are paragraphs in a a that. Tell you everything everything you need toknow about everything you need to know about the real deal here and there areparagraphs that people don't even sit: they're, invisible, pagrams. I talkedabout the SISS week. There's two books is the book you reading, there's theunvisible one. There are paragraphs that people don't even see and even ifthey read them and they see them, you know what I mean: they don't really seehim doesn't connect. They don't really read the words. They don't read themslowly. I've had people come up. T me after ameeting or after a talk, I do and they say man, I loved it. When you said this, and I said what said that when you saidthis, I said you mean when I quoted the Big One. He says yeah yeah, but it'sthe way. He saying I understand what they're saying: they've read it, butthey never heard of they never put it together. So let me read you this. This is the Howaniver, how many, howmany people want to want a remarkable life? I'm on people don't give a shit.They just want to stop drinking and how how many people want him a remarkablelife, stop drinking and be rocketed the sportsmanship existence and no one knewfreedom and in new happiness. You know what I mean. How many people would likethat I even got to hang around. You might as well go for the the real deal.So here's what here's, what it says I you're on a sixty two. This is the howand why of it. This is the hell alive in underlinethat sucker. First of all, we had to quit playing God, and let me take some when you startmaking up your own God, you're playing God, that's really a little bit toometaphysical, just bogile N. first of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work next. We decided that here and after inthis drama, wife, God was going to be our director and they're using the GE work. Theywere in a shame they never apologized for o. We never applaud just O God.Instead, all men of faith have courage and trust they're gone. Instead, we lethim demonstrate in our lives what you can do with us. How was working ourlives next, we decide that here and after this drama life, God was going tobe our director. He is the principal and we are hisagents. He is the father. We are his children, that's the way they'redescribing God principal agent, new employer. I say to a guy: You know why,don't you go to this meeting with meeting it? He says? No, no, no! I gotworked it, it doesn't matther. His life depends on what are you going to go?Your wife is given birth. He says I can't my employee says I got to work.You know people follow their worldly employer and think that's moreimportant in the world. The employer than the follow follow their the divine employer. The they'll do the most rageous thingswithout even think of that for a worldly employer that they won't do fora divine player. He is the principle of we ars agency. Is the Father WearsChildren? Most good ideas are simple in this concept. This concept was thekeystone. The main deal of the new and triumphant arch to which we passed thefreedom. You don't figure out this deal, you don't figure out. There is one ofthose all pond that was God you don't figure out the image of God. You don'tfigure out. How can you grow in the image and likeness of God when youdon't have his image when it's a fluffy thing for you, it'slike guy, just he's like is a fluffy thing. How are you going to grow in theimage and likeness of God when you have no idea o? He is what he wants you tobe.

The answer is you're. Not when we sincerely took such a position,what does it mean sincerely took such a position? Well, it doesn't mean you know, we justsay: Oh yeah, I believe in God, or you know, that kind of when we concilo allsorts of remarkable things, fall. Okay, you want to talk about remarkablethings. We had a new employer there. It is again being all powerful, listen,here's the way it works. There's one O was all power. One day you find him nowmost people won't find. Eighty percent of people that are inthis thing probably won't find they'll find something that allow them to staysober for ten fifteen twenty years. So I will never find some of them.Don't want to find it's. Okay, I'm just re! Hey, I'm just reading thisshit out of the big one. You know I'm not making this stuff up. If you thinkit's obnoxious, then you're not calling me obnoxious, you're calling peoplewrote this book obnoxious. We had a new employer being allpowerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and perform justwork. Well, how are you going to keep close to him, but you don't even knowwho he is. How you can perform is worth well whenyou don't know what his work is for you, you lichas been given work to do. You're, not here O, you say: Well, I'MNOT HAPPY! Well, where did you get the idea thatyou were placed on the planet? To be happy, I mean to be happy. Is that thatthe most important thing is that you not suffering? Be Happy, maybe you'replaced here to do God's will maybe God's will for you, as even thoughyou're not happy to go down to a detox or go to a meeting. Try to helpsomebody else. I don't know. I read a book that saysyou know his work, for me is what I'm supposed to do is be a maximum help to other people. I read a book where itsays I got to be the Good Samaritan, a Kilia once a while was in enough. Youknow I got to go down and it's got a completely interfere with my life.That's what it that's! What the book says Shan My Phone Will Jangle at anytime. During the night, Kavita Call said you got to meet the call I justthin, y'ill be handling people I'll, be going and I'll be driving an hour and ahamp up to this group next month, I'll be going over the Bob. I read a bookthat says my life is about trying to help other people and that's nothing todo with trying to figure out how I should be happy. Surprisingly, when Istart growing in his image and like this, I pray that's happening so farshort of it. What happens is the funny thing is all of a sudden. I just wantto do that. Obviously, I'm not going to mean it's just to stay sober, I'm goingto mean so here I can help people and it becomes pleasant for me- is workwell established on that footing. We become less and less interested inourselves and our little plans and designs, more and more would come interested inseeing what we could contribute to life as we felt new power flow in as weenjoyed peace of mind as we discover to face life successfully as we becomeconscious of his presence. Are you conscious all the time of hispresence? You always think about God, you drive any car thinking about God.You Walk on street. Think about God when you going to sleep or you thinkabout go when you waking up and thinking about God. That sounds a little noxious right.Well, I'm an a noxious type of guy. As you felt new power, we could facelife successfully, as became conscious of his presence. We began to lose ourfear of today to morrow and the half year after we were reborn. That's allyou want to know something. That's all you need to know about where you haveto be in this program. You know, don't let anybody bullshityou and saying God's, not important. Don't let anybody feed you, the crapthat just do a good four step and a good fit step in to do six andeverything will be wonderful and just don't drink and go to meetings. Don'tfeed you lot! You're early on. You knew you don't understand. Any of this stuffgo ver the flow you know stick with the winner. Stick with the winners. Youknow you don't have to listen to you. Look I got forty years. I can't. Ican't make believe that this is stuff I've learned to have to play. I did a Ifunk them everything you can possibly plunged up an AA except drink. You knowwhat I mean. So I mean this isn't lafter three months I got. I can't talklike I have two days. I can't talk like I have ten years. I couldn't give this talk to twenty.I've got over forty years experience doing this stuff, I'm living in anamazing life because of God I give him all created like bills and said theLord has been so wonderful to me curing me of his terrible disease. I got tokeep talking about him telling other people and I've been asked to talkabout the twelve step. The twelve step is having had aspiritual wakening as a result of these steps. We tried to carry this messageto the AUTPOL. You tell me what message should I be carrying to otheralcoholics? What message should I be talking aboutwith other out? Should I be talking about the message I had when I hadthree months so I you talked about the message I had when I have ten years.

What message should I be talking about?If I'm going to follow God's will, should I be worried about some clownback there that doesn't like the fact that I'm talking about God or the toneof my voice? What message should I be a worried about what I know there's atleast one guy here and one gal here that needs to hear this message that wants to hear this message. Whyshould I care about the person that could give a crop about this messagewho's going to drink anyway, because they haven't even done step one. You know my job is to carry the messageof my sobriety, my experience, Tradin hope and that's what this and that'swhat I've done tonight. Thank you very.

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