AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 5 months ago

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House 7/29/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 12 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/29/2021  

My name is Russell spats. I'man alcoholic. Thank you very much. Remember the south takes of Group.I haven't found that. I haven't drink since January twenty fifth one thousand ninehundred and eighty eighty one. I tell you what old age. It's notfor sisters. I can tell you that. So it's been a great pleasure beinghere with everybody. I'm looking for something. I'm looking up something intotwelve hundred and twelve. I actually know if my memory, but I wantto make sure I get this right. I don't want to get this thingwrong. Well, I'll probably you know, it's funny whenever I start looking upsomething that I've known and I've read for forty years, somehow I cannever quite find that since six and seven, Romance, Presidius and Romance. Okay, so listen. It's great to be here. I want to saya hello to a bunch of people. I this is my understanding is thatthis room, this particular meeting, this step series, is the oldest stepseries in the state of Florida. I don't know, it's fifty, sixtyyears or something like that. I know I have been doing step series ofthis room for every year for approximately last thirty years. I and I thinkthe I think when year I missed it was last year when we're all hadthis covid thing going on. And I want to say hello to all myfriends who are joining us. Got About fifty three of them on zoom andin all the people in the room, and I know so many of youover the last thirty, forty years. You know, some believable. Somany people I learned. I know I have. I made so many greatfriends that were like family in the last year on zoom. You know.I mean many, many people from all of the I want to I havea couple of people I want to Andrea from New York, who came down. Yeah, I got your right. And then there's cody from Atlanta andcame down. God bless you, and bill well from I have no ideawhat you're from, Bill, Virginia, New Jersey, New Jersey, youknow, super, Super Guy. I want to say how to Roy,who's here somewhere, who I've known for many, many years. Just bepart of our group and I just saw him up here now, and allthe guys, you know, Jimmy, who came up here with me,and Clark, you know, did you get your cell phone? They foundyourself phone, Clark and and Joe, who just picked up, I think, ninety days and to so many people I know here. It's just sucha pleasure. Now this is the thirteen talk. I think it's ever happenedto me before. This is if you if you go, for those ofyou get the email or go on rocketed dot org, this will be thethirteen talk and this will be on step twelve. Now I'm not going togo and how that happened, but there's no legitimate reason for it. Okay. And and so it's good to be I'm going to talk a little bitabout step twelve and my own way, I think if you're if you've beengoing to this, I mean I don't want you get ahead of me,but it's problem. Probably going to mention God, there is a possibility.Okay, and I'm probably going to get a little serious. I'M WE'RE gonnahave a little fun. We've had a lot of fun. I've had alot of fun. You know, I come up here with these guys.Is the way we do step serious. I we're going to do one inBoka in October for twelve weeks and then we're going to do the sable palmstarted in a week from now down in Miami. But this is what wedo. We also to come up together, a whole group of us, andwe either have dinner at Lester's here beforehand or dinner afterwards, you know, meeting after meet, and so this is the way I was always taughtto do a a you know, not just to just come in and thenyou leave and it's you get the whole evening. So I really enjoy it. So we're gonna have a little I'm gonna have a little fun. We'llhave a little fun, web some fun. I'm about you guys and and wherewe're and I'm Oh, yeah, that's it. Okay, thank youso much. Appreciate and so I'm going to I've got something I want tosort of share with you. I want to start to try to connect somethoughts. You know, I don't know with you been in ninety days ornine months or five years or twenty years, but I think I'm probably correct ifI say whatever time you're in right now, you probably think of thingsdifferently. You probably have a different perspective on your life and who you areand your sobriety and what it all means, maybe on who god is or whoisn't. Then you had like a year ago, or maybe even threemonths ago. You know, this is like a moving deal, where you'rewhere as you as you as you do the steps. And not only that, let me tell you something. I'll say this has been my I'm goingto talk about my experience. Doesn't Drib at yours. Don't worry about it. You don't have to do what I did. You don't have to bewhat I'm become. You're not to get involved in a this stuff, butmy job is to share my experience, strength and help. So that's whatI'm going to do. My spons used...

...to say, as you know,my when a man with experience gets man with money, the man with experienceand walk away with the money. In the man with the money will walkaway with an experience and and the greatest teacher. You know, I canread something. I can literally read a line in the big book and notsee it. I can be one my wife's first wife said to me,if you've come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. On a Fridaymorning, as I left my house and my wife and my child.And she said, if you come home drunk one more time, I'm leavingyou, which I later learned didn't mean she was leaving me. It meantshe was kicking me out of the house, you know. And I'm leaving you. I drove three blocks to a light and I sat at the line. I remember thinking, what the Hell do you mean by that? Itis a guy who graduated with departmental honors and mathematics. I was going tobe a mathematist professor. I was going to get a page the ALGEBRAIC topologyor something like that. I can't even add now you know, but Iwent to law school, became a division chief in the state's Attorney's office andand we she said that to me. I was about as physically sober asI am right now and I had no idea what the hell she was talkingabout. And you know in the twelve and twelve it says unlesson until inalcohol accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, the sobriety, the surbrietal be precariousof true happiness, will none at all. I was like that precarioussobriety of true happiness will no note at all. And apparently there are consequencesto being an alcoholic. And and I thought when I first came to daythat being an alcohol meant you couldn't stop drinking. That's what the first step, the only qualification for membership, is a desire to stop drinking. Theonly reason they hand out chips, as they say, you have three monthsor four months, the only day. They all the time, they wassaying don't drink, go to meets. They called the entire group, theorganization alcoholics, anonymous. I think that I can be excused for thinking thatthis has to do. It's like a giant not drinking club and that aslong as you don't have a drink you're okay. As a matter of fact, my first sponsor said to me, Russell, you could fuck up thewhole day, but if you have an add of drinking, you're an alcoholic. Your success and I believe that, and I do believe that. Ido believe that. But you know, after forty years, after thirty years, after twenty years, after ten years sobriety, my thinking has changed abit on that. It doesn't mean I think that's wrong. You know,it's like it's like the book of Ecclesiastics, you know where it says. Youknow, for every season there's a different deal. There's the season whenyou have three months and your entire life is about drinking and not drinking,the obsession. Six months and I till life. It's about drinking and Idrinking. And then you have two years and your entire life is about moneyor no money. You got five years in your tire tire life is aboutsex or no sex, and then you got ten years and it's all aboutprestige or security and no security. That comes to time when it's not thatdrinking is an important it's very important, but there comes a time where it'snot the drinking and that about about that time all day. And one ofthe consequences of my my drift, my alcoholism, is sometimes if I hearsomething, where I'm told something, I read something that I don't like,it confuses me. It doesn't matter how bran I am. You know,the big book says I can't separate the truth from the false part of thediseases. I'm delusional. I just can't even figure things out that are rightin front of it. I can't separate the truth from the halls. Myalcohol. Life seemed normal to me. Hurting people, yelling at people,being pissed off at people, being resentable seems normal to me. Use Tellme that I should change. You're not think that way. I say,no, that's because it didn't happen to you. If it happened to youlike it happened to you'd feel the same way, because I believe everybody shouldfeel exactly the way I feel. And and I am and and there's noother way of handling this except being angry or feeling sorry for myself. AndI hang out with people in bars where I drank who felt the same exactway. They felt the same exact way. Everybody I knew that I liked thoughtlike I thought. They talked like I thought. They said the samephrases. They said things like I'll show them they don't know who they're fuckingwith. You know, why is this crap always happening to me? Ican't believe this bullshit. You know, it's all. They talked like me. I understood them, you know I mean, I thought the whole worldtalked like the guys in the bars. Wether were these church people. They'restupid, you know, seelfrighteous idiots.

You know what I mean. Youknow they're not smart. It spiritual and wonderful, like the guys at theyell by Lounge. You know what I mean. And so that's how Icame to the alcoholics, anonymous beating down to my knee. And you know, somewhere along the line, I don't know what ro I was three monthsober, other I six months ober. You know, somebody can shout thisthing at you, yell this thing at I've been accused of yelling at people. Can believe that? And I admitted to what I said. I amyelling at I am yelling at people. You know what I'm yelling. I'msaying, wait the fuck up, wake up, one out of one ofI think the statistics are. I don't even know where I got this.It was actually written in a journal, but it could be bullshit, butI was told only one half of one percent they could get, get staysober over twenty years. That's one and two hundred. That tells me inthis group there is one half of a person that's going to actually make it. No, it's not true. Every one of you can make it.Every one of you connect it. And not only that, I've actually witnessedpeople that have ten years and fifteen years and twenty years sobriety and they're nothappy with their surbriety. Somewhere along the somewhere along the way, I startedseeing things, because one of the consequences, I said, of this deal ofmine thinking, if you tell me something that I don't like, Iget mad at it, I get pissed at you, or I don't seeit or I don't understand it. It's just not there. And so Ipick up a book and I go to meetings and all they're talking about isdrinking or not drinking. The only thing I see is about the Jaywalker.That makes sense to me and about the drinking. That makes sense to me. I'll see anything in there that has to do with God. You know, the only guy see that has to do with God is I make itmy own God. And it doesn't matter. Who you've got is and nobody cantell you who you got is and nobody getting can tell you what you'rean alcoholic. It's matter. Nobody can tell you shit. You know whatI mean? That's what I said. In alcoholics anonymous, nobody can tellyou anything. Understand you do whatever you want. To do in this dealand everything work out. I know there's this thing that says rarely have weseen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our steps pretty lately. Wrong.We're going to give clear cut directions. Well, one of the consequences ofan alcoholics I'm not really good at following directions, you know. I'm justnot, you know, and and I don't like people telling me what todo. The Big Book says I'm defiant. That's my chief characteristic. You know, you tell me this is what you need to do, I maynot say it, but in the back of my mind I say go fuckyourself. That's just like a natural look, listen, I'm sorry I get uphere. You know I love you all, you know, and Ilove Lord, but you know, the truth is I talked out. Youknow, there's a great line the Bible says I'd come all things to allmen by whatever means possible. When son of something, sometimes you just haveto talk out, you know, because in our minds, in our minds, I know every one of you is using the F word, every singleone. You know, when the guy cuts in front of you with teachingthe board the bird, you don't say, hot damn, I can't believe thatactually happened. You know, so I don't die, I I talkout when I'm talking to alcoholics. You know what I mean, because Iam an alcoholic. I'm not ashamed of being an alcoholic. As a matterfact, I'm grateful for being an alcohol I can't tell you how grateful Iam that God thought enough about me that he chose to make me an alcoholic. I feel like the Apostle Paul, when he says he when he hadthese great revelations and he hit the joy of living and he was free andhe was unbelievable and he lived an incredible life they're still talking about two thousandyears later. And he says, to keep me from becoming conceited and fullof myself, God gave me a thorn in my flesh. It was satanic. You never says what it is. We don't know what it is,because an alcoholism better feeling committing a thing. He says it was satanic. Ipray to the Lord to take this thorn away. He and the Lordsaid to me, I will not take it away. That's the ant.The answer he got is I will not take this away. He said,I will not take it away because when you're weak, he put it into keep from becoming conceived. When you're a weak I'm strong. You're strong, which what he meant was when you're weak, I'm strong in you,because if they took that thorn of Alcoholis Away with me, you know whatI mean, as soon as I started, the money start coming in, assoon as people started smillowing me, I'll be off to the races ofbeing a lounge listen, looking for the same crap I was looking for beforeI came in here. And you know, you know what happens to me.What happens to me a forty years. I'm just going to say what happensthing every once in all, not...

...so much anymore. After foot,not so much. I feel the alcoholism sort of come upon me. Ifeel I feel something happens or I'm at a point where all of a suddenthe loneliness comes around about me, or the rage comes about me, orthe anger comes about me, or the end becomes about me or the selfpitycomes about me. Usually it only last moments and as soon as it comesabout me, you know what I do. You do I just wrap my armsaround God and I turned to him immediately, because you know what doesto me when when I start feeling the alcoholism, all it tells me ishe still hasn't removed that damn form. You know what I mean. Andand and so it's a blessing to me because he's got me on a shortleash and if you know anybody thing about a guy like me, I needto be on a short leash. The last thing I want is for himto take me off the leash and say go have fun. And you knowI just love being on the leash, you know, and abassador for him. So I sponsored. I sponsor guy and he's got about twenty five yearsnow I've had the privilege. It's part of my service. This is partof my service sponsoring many men. And I sponsor a guy and he's apastor, he's got a PhD and divinity. It's good guy as a friend andI sponsor them. And when I first started sponsoring him, and oneof the reasons you got is because his wife is complaining, everybody else iscomplaining and and he so he tells me this story, so I'm going topass it along to you. It's just a little story. Little Story saidsomething with a twelve step, and I'Ma tell you a couple of fun stories, well, some fun stories about twelve and sponsoring people and stuff like that, and then I'm going to in the last ten or fifty minutes I'm goingto get serious. Okay. So so what happened is so he tells methat his wife was going to a psychiatrist to complain about him before he stoppeddrinking, to complain about him, about her husband's drinking, and he saidI got to tell you this story by and he had had a drink inthree or four months. He says, my wife went to her psychiatrist.She was just told me that and she told her psychiatrist. She says thepsychiatrist asked, how's your husband doing, and she said the psychiatrist, he'snot drinking, and the psychiatrist said he's not drinking? He says he stoppeddrinking. And the psychiatrist said, does he go to alcoholic sign? SaysYeah, he goes to all these meetings and he's not drinking. And thenthe psychiatrist said, does he have a sponsor? He says yeah, andhe's obnoxious and the psychiats should said. You know, some people need ofNaxious, some people need of nauseous. Some people need a noxious some people, some alcoholics, deep you repeated humiliations and the final crushing of their selfsufficiency. Some people need to learn the value of suffering. Some people needto suffer. I'm one of those Bele and guess what, it ain't reallyoption because I'm on a short leaf leashan alcohol and the life is a humblingexperience. Like John Wayne says right, life is tough and if you're stupidit's even tougher. And I'm the kind of guy that I do stupid shitall the time, thinking it's right because I have grouches and I have brainstormsand all this sort of stuff, and I keep on getting slammed down andslam down, and somewhere around a fifth year I start saying things like Ineed to stop doing that Shit, you know, I need to stop spendingmoney I don't have buying crap. I don't need to impress people I don'tlike. And then I do it again and again again. Then to goto a means and complain about not having money and they wake up three o'clockone say, and how am I going to pay this, the visa bill? How did I get in this jam? And then, at nine years sober, my sponsor explains to me, the Mac professor, that when youspend more money than you make, you go into something called death. AndI said, Holy Shit, where do you learn this crap? Who Know? And then I read something in the big book and it says alcohol.You know this thing about the alcohol.

You got a metalion, you gota chimp. It says alcohol is only a symptom of the hey, it'sa hell of a symptom, it's only a set. The real disease censorsin my mind and not my body. And after being beaten up and beatingup and beating up and beating up and beat it. You know, Iplay golf them, terrible golf, terrible golf. One of the things billdoes is works with golf pros and everything like that. Is I'm terrible golfand I go out and you know, you're like, I don't know howmany strokes are a good golfer hits on a golf course. Seventy two,but I hit a hundred and seventy two. The worst Golfer in the world.But every once in a while I get it right down the middle,like two hundred and twenty yards. I say, Holy Shit, I amOh, I am tiger woods, and it keeps me coming back. Andthat's the way life is to me. To me the first ten years,constantly being beaten down, beating down, beating down, beating down. Everyonce in a while, right down the middle a hundred fifty yards, Isay hey, this a thing is great. You know what I mean. Godis great, you know. And but it gets better. It getsbetter as it goes along. And and I start and all of a suddenI start reading things in the big book that I never read before, readingthings about what the book is all about, not about the drinking, because allof a sudden I don't have an obsession to drink. I don't wantto drink. I may want to kill myself. Drinking maybe out of thequestion. You go through a period of time that's actually progress. When youwant to kill you because you know the truth is, when you drink,if you're an alcoholic, it's really a form of suice. Ill Manage wrotea book, Man I guess himself, all about suicide. They said alcoholics, men, women who are out to destroy themselves to see. Just thinkabout it, when you feel so lousy about yourself that you're ruining your lifeand you can't stop to the great thing about drinking is it's like dying,temporary, you see, many times I wish I was dead. I justwant to skip the dying form, you know what I mean. You drink, it all goes away. It all goes away, you know, andI've sobered up many times. I mean your liberal do that for you,you know what I mean, and gets sober and then I'm back again it. So it's sort of like that deal. But the bottom line is is thatas I go along, all of a sudden I start reading other things. That the big quell. I read something and it says there, itsays there, and and sometimes I'll read it and I won't even understand it. Sometimes I'll read it and I won't even understand it. It says thereis one who has all power, that one is God. May you findhim now. Because anybody ever heard that? Have you ever thought about what thatactually says? Now we read it all time, right, there isone who has all power, that one is God. May you find himnow. Have you ever thought of what that actually means there's one that hasall power. Does it say this three that has all power? Let's sayit's fifty that has all power, because there's one that has all power.Not One is God, that you find him now. So it tells youa couple things. Tells you there's only one. There ain't fifteen. Theymay tell you. You pick your higher power. You pick your higher power, you pick this God, you pick that God. That's not the Godthey're talking about. That's going to keep you. You See, the reachesthe point in time we're not drinking. Let Trust me on this. We'renot drinking. It going to be enough. I want to tell you. Iswear to God, you're going to find you'll remember this deal it maybea ten years and maybe a twenty years. You know, learn all about disease. Is Come, being a preacher, a point in time where being amember of the not drinking club is not going to be enough for you. You're either going to drink again or be miserable. There's got to reacha point in time where you've heard everything that needs to be heard in alcoholicsanonymous, and you've heard it fifty times. The reason point time where you've sponsoredeverybody. You've run around, you're doing everything and because you're running aroundand doing everything, you're not drinking because you're involved in the work. Butyou're not happy. You're not happy with your sobriety. You're not experiencing thejoy of living. You have no idea what they're talking about. Then whenthey're saying you're being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence, of which youwould not even dream, you're not experience that. You happiness, you're notexperiencing the promise of fear of people in of economic insecurity will leave you asmy fact. You're still scared of the money thing and you're still worried aboutwhat other people think about it's going to reach that point in time and,as matter of FAC most people will never experience getting rid of the fear ofother people's judgment. Most people never get...

...the experience of dead. You're worriedabout the money or what worried about what other people think about. The bigbook says this. That's what it says. It says we never apologize for God. There are people in Aa that will read the big book and seethose parts where it says there is one who has all power that when it'sGod and you find them now, they'll say the problem when must, aboveeverything, must get rid of this selfishness with must or kills us. Godmakes that possible. There are people that will read the part and says learna new basis of trust and relying upon God. Job and no job.You can always say sober as long as you trust God, but we won'tknow you. It doesn't matter. You real reliance has to be in God. Who'll even show who to heck you, who to hang out with? They'repeople that going to read the stuff in the big wood. Seating yourrelationship with him is writing a great events of best feel gunless others. Theywill read that stuff in the big book and they will incorporate into the livesthat won't be scared of it. They'll read the part in the big bookwhere it says we encourage you to go to churches and the synagogues and joinreligious organizations. It even says we will lose all prejuice even against those dealsyou know, and we will join it because it will help us and wecan help other people. They'll read that, even though it says extra credit,and they won't worry about looking for Lupho's why they don't have to doit. They will do it because that's what the old timers did it andthey wanted thoroughly and they will do it and they will speak about that andproclaim God and talk about God in the fellowship of Alcoholics anonymous, and they'lltalk about them in such a way so they're not apologizing for it and they'reunashame. And then there are people in a a that have twenty years thatwill tell those other those people, they ought to be quiet about it,don't talk about might scare with me, because they're scared. They're scared thatif that gets around, they might have to do it and they'll use allsorts of excuses like you might scare with the newcomers, when, quite frankly, that's what the newcomers want to hear. That's what they need to hear.That's what Dr Bob and go Wilson was talking about. And when DrBob said to tend to clearance the broom master, he said you believe inGod. He said, what is that up to? Within doc Bob saideverything, get down the your knees, wing to Credit God. While Idon't how to do it. I guess you don't just follow me. Youknow. That's what the bottom line is going to be. You'RE gonna havetwo touches of people in a the people that talk about God and the peoplethat get angry about people that talk about God because makes some uncomfortable, andyou're going to get to rub elbows and see both types of people and youget to decide what kind of sobriety you want, because I can promise youthis, your sobriety and your future and your joy of living will absolutely dependupon which person you choose to hang out with. If you continue to wantto be cool and defiance and not open minded and not grow, not onlymaintain maintenance and growth of a scroage condition, or will you choose to be theguy who's criticizing people that are talking about God? You'll find there's twothere's two types. You'll get to determine who's scared and who's not scared,who's living a life of fear and learned about what people think of that,and who's really just focused on God, because it says in the big bookof alcoholics anonymous is is if you want to be rocked in the fourth dimension, of existence if you want to experience much of heaven. The great factis this and nothing less, that God's got to be the central fact ofyour life, that you must become convinced that he lives in your heart andmind with the way which the miraculous. And if that bothers you and theimplications of that bothers you, you don't get mad at me. I'm madme. I don't take it personally. You need to contact New York andtell him to take all that shit out of the big book aboutcoholics, anonymous, because it's all there, plus a lot more, plus a lot morereally. So let me do about five minutes some some fun stuff and thenget last timinute some heavy so I so I sponsored got named Kevin. Yougot to see. You got to have a lot of fun in a I'msponsoring a guy named Kevin. Kevin was a great guy. I Love Kevin. I loved him. He lived with us for six months and I can'teven describe. I don't want to take too much time this grime. AndKevin, Kevin was a great guy. You wanted so much to get sober. He kept on slipping. He had such problems. You always have problemswith the women, as though big problems with women. A lot of guyshave problems with women. And you know, listen, listen to me. Letme tell you somethingbout higher power. Let me just tell you about HP. HP is not God. I don't care what the big it's not.You know why? Course, a redhead with breasts is a higher power tome. Sure you're laughing. Tell you you don't know what it's like.TENZERO dollars is the higher power to me. A brand new MASERATI is a higherpower to me. A job where I make a lot of money,Ni a prestige is a higher power to me. A nice suit of closethe higher power. High paying jobs,...

...a nice suit of close. Thisentire world is a higher power to me. So let me tell you some ofthem. If I'm looking for a higher power, people could be ahigher power to me. And you know something, when you come to day, more than likely what's going to happen is you're going to pick a personto be your higher power, and that's not bad. Necessarily, or groupto be a higher power, and that's not bad. Necessary, because we'rein kindergarten here. It's a bigger giant kindergarten. But the bottom line isis the bond. The bottom line is my problem. I got this greatbook called the Twelve and twelve and it says, where was that thing?It says, Oh, here it is. Certainly no alcohol can. Surely Nomember of a wants to deprecate material achievement. Nor do we enter intoa debate with the many who still so passionately cling to the believe that tosatisfy our basic natural desires is the main object of life. But we aresure that no class of people in the world ever made a worse mess oftrying to live by this formula. In alcoholics, for thousands of years wehave been demanding more than our share of security, prestige and romance and Lomsense into that to romance. We seem to be when we seem to besucceeded, we drank dreams, so great dreams. When we were frustrating partwe drank to oblivion. Never was there enough of what we thought we wanted. And the bottom line is is that I am a world class world whore. I am a whore for the world. I am part of my alcoholism.One of the consequism of alcoholism is I am a world whore period.And if you're not, if you don't understand that you're that, then I'lltell you something. You need some insight. You need to look some more insideinto your life. I am a guy just like Bill Wilson. Theworldly clamors of this world will pull me off to the side and I'll bedrinking over that stuff or feeling sorry for myself over that stuff without before Iknow it, I'm in the land of self pity, I'm in the landof energy, I'm in the land I might as well kill myself. I'llnever be okay, and it's all about the stuff in this world. I'mnot strong enough. The higher powers in this world will overcome anything I have, unless there is something that can save me from not only the booze butthe lust, the lust and the addiction to the women, the lust ofthe addiction to the to the sex, the lust in the addiction to themoney, the lust in the addiction to the Prestige, the lust in theaddiction to your approval of me. If that's I have fonts. I findsome power that will save me from that power, and you know some it'snot. You know what I need. I need the one who has allpower. You guys probably get along in the assistant, deputy assistant power,but I have great emotional mythosaurs. I need the one who has all power, and my big book says that one is God. May you find himnow. You know why people say HB in rooms? You know why?Because they don't want to be criticized, they don't want people looking at himfunny. Just to say God, they know it'll piss some people off andthey'll roll their eyes. And you know why they feel that way? Becausethey're scared of other people's judgment and they will never lose them. They willalways be scared of other people. That's why they say it. That's whythey won't say God. And you know why people use the word God anda a, not only because it's in big bookcase he's the one who hasall power, because they're not scared, because they're focuses on God. AndSomehow, some way, we have a sting called the six step. Sixsteps, the step that separates them boys, because there are men here in theirboats, there are girls here and there are women. And what mybook tells me is the men and the girls, the women, are theones that repeatedly try this stuff for a lifetime so that they can repeatedly tryto grow in the image and likeness of their creator, image and likeness ofGod. I know who god is. He's the one who has all power. Knowing that they will never be perfect, it will never be perfect, butthey shoot for perfection like an Olympic good they keep on trying to growin that image and likeness of their creator and as a result of that theychange. They have a psychic change. Now, I don't know who yourCreator is. I'm not going to tell you who it is, but Ihope he's somebody that has all power. I hope he has all power.I don't know whether the treat has all power. I don't know whether naturehas all power. Personally, a person,...

I don't think I'm nature. Natureis something within the universe. I don't know where a hurricane has allpower. God am I understanding as power over the entire universe? He's outsidethe universe. He's stronger than anything. Because I need that kind of God, because, I said, crazy shit going on in my life. SoI sponsored so I was sponsoring Kevin. Kevin Stories of Kevin Calls you out. One day. He would come, day, he would clean up,he would look great, totally clean, Eastwood Guy, and all of asudden he would always the next thing you know, he's got three months andhe's hanging as living with a guy who's got like fifteen months. Calls methat one night and he says Russell, Russell. I said what looked him? He says, last night, while I was sleeping, Annie was anAnnie Jny, I'm changing the name, tried to stab me with scissors.So I say to Kevin. I say Kevin, when a woman tries tostab you with scissors in the middle of the night while you're sleeping, that'sGod's way of telling you it's time to move out of the house. Now. I know that seems obvious to you. I mean I know you're laughing aboutit. It listen to me. I know you're going to be shockedat this. It wasn't really that obvious to Kevin. Kevin said to me, he says no, Russell, you don't understand, which apparently I gota lot. I get a lot, apparently, and I'm a stead.Fact, I'm seventy two years old. I used to be brilliant, Ireally I have degrees on the wall, a testing to my brains, notwith sad in fact, I'm sevent two years old and I got forty years, for over forty years sobriety, and I've been working this thing. Apparentlyone of the problems that happens as you, as you work this thing after fortyyears, is my Iq has been reduced because every time I try totell somebody calls me up what my opinion is, because they asked my opinion. I'm always always making mistake of thinking that they're actually interested, but theyasked my opinion and I tell them, the first thing they say is youdon't understand. So apparently I'm not that bright. You understand what I'm saying. I'm not doing that well, you know. So the senility thing,you know, and and then he explosive rust. What about love? Whatabout compassion? What? What about giving person what about tolerance? What aboutlove and tolls? What about giving a person a second chance? Don't wegive people second chances and a a you know, but we're not perfect,you know, and everything like that. And in the bottom line is isthat. And next thing you know, I start thinking, Hey, maybehe's right, you know, and I'm thinking maybe I should check into Alanon. It's something sort of bothers me, you know. I'm just we havea power to drive people create and next day I know Kevin Straighton.So checking. Kevin gets sentenced to the state prison and at part of thesends, if he gets out, he goes to Avon Park, which islike a drum facility. Go Ed, you know, for like nine monthswhatever. You supposed to go there and dry out of whatever it is.And and so he does that. The only he's at eight one part fortwo, about through two or three months, and they they kick them out leave. He leaves because one condition he can't friendnize. or he meets aGal and she's got like three months and she's got like three months, youknow. So it's like really a match made in heaven, you know whatI mean, because they both have something in common. They're both fucking crazy, you know what I mean. And it's like it's like if you're abad driver, they say, well, I got something in comed with thisgross is what she's an alcoholic to I said, Oh, it's sort oflike if you're a bad drive and she's a bad driver, the rate shouldbe less you know what I mean. And he calls me up. Weresupposed to meet in Tamp at Burn Steak House and he doesn't show up andI say, Kevin, yeah, I said, where are you? WordBurns, were supposed to show up with your girlfriend, Danny, you know, and who's gorgeous really. She's going to show up and says Russell,you wouldn't believe this. So what CAPP he says, Annie is on theup upstairs on the balcony and she's holding a butcher knife and a bottle ofOCCA and she's drunk and she's screaming at me. I said, Kevin,what is she screaming? He says she's screaming at me to leave. Isaid, Kevin, I want you to listen very careful. I want youto leave and come here. He's just Russell. Russell says, you don'tunderstands. I know, don't get ahead of me, he says, youknow, she's drunk, she's got a butcher Knight. What if she killsherself? How could I do this? I said, what is she doingnow? She's keep screaming at me to leave. I said, Kevin,leave. Of course he didn't leave, and he was a physically sober asI am right now, and of course...

...he ended up drunk and arrested againand everything. So I don't want you to miss the fun of sponsoring otherpeople. There is a connection. There is a connection. I want toread you something. You're going to find that there's a time when you're inAa and you're doing everything in a you're doing everything they say in the book. Well, you really not doing everything in the in the book, butyou think you're doing everything you saying the book. But what you really done? If you settled, let's they talk about a six stuffy since don't sayyou settle, and you're able to look somebody and I, no matter whatthey say, and say, listen, I'm not drinking. I'm not eventhinking about right that off my back. You'll have to call you a sponsorthat much. Or maybe you got a sponsor that doesn't rather your age.Get One of those sponsors that isn't nonxious. Don't get anybody's telling you shit youdon't want here and you might turn to page sixty two in the bigbook. And I want to read these two paragraphs because one of the greatthings about alcoholics, anonymous, is many times. You know, we havea thing called the big book because it's a big book. But let metell you, there are there are paragraphs and a a that tell you everything, everything you need to know about the big everything you need to know aboutthe real deal here. And there are paragraphs of people don't even sit there, invisible paragraphs. I talked about this last week. There's two books.There's the book you reading and there's the invisible book. There are paragraphs ofpeople don't even see. And even if they read them and they see them, you know what I mean, they don't really see him. It doesn'tconnect. They don't really read the words. They don't read them slowly. I'vepeople come up to me after a meeting or after a talk I doand they say, man, I loved it when you said this and Isaid what said that? When you said this, I said you mean whenI quoted the Big Book? He says yeah, yeah, but it's theway you say. I instand what they're saying. They read it but theynever heard of the never put it together. So let me read you this.This is the how and why of it. How many? How manypeople want to want to remarkable life? How many people don't give a shit. They just want to stop drinking. And how many people wanted to remarkablelife? It's not drinking and be rocket in the fourth smasion existence and noone new freedom in the new happiness. You know what I mean. Howmany people like that you are even going to hang around? You might aswell go for them the real deal. So here's what here's what it saysright around page sixty two. This is the how and why of it.This is the Holl and live it underlying that sucker. First of all,we had to quit playing God. He let me tell some when you startmaking up your own God, you're playing God. That's really a little bittoo metaphysical systemological. First of all, we had to quit playing God.It didn't work. Next, we decided that here and after, in thisdrama of life, God was going to be our director. They're using thegew were they were in a shame. They never apologize for God. Wenever apologize for God. Instead, all men of faith have courage. Theytrust their God. Instead, we let him demonstrate in our lives what hecan do with us, how we can work in our lives. Next,we decide that here and after this drama of life. God was going tobe our director. He is the principle and we are his agency, isthe father, we are his children. That's the way they describing God.Principal, agent, new employer. I say to a guy, you know, why don't you go to this meeting with meeting? The Says No,no, no, I got worked it. It doesn't matter. His life dependson why are you going to go? Your wife is given birth. Hesays, I can't. My employer says, I got to work.You know, people follow their worldly employer and think that's more important the worldlyemployer than the follow follow their the divine employer. They'll do the most outrageousthings without him. Think of that. For a worldly employer that they won'tdo for a divine employer. He is the principle and we are as agency, is the father, we ares children. Most good ideas are simple, andthis concept, this concept, was the keystone, the main deal ofthe new and triumphant arch to which we passed the freedom. You don't figureout this deal, you don't figure out there is one of those all padthat one is God. You don't figure out the image of God, youdon't figure out how can you grow in the image and likeness of God whenyou don't have is image, when it's a fluffy thing for you, becauseI guys just easily as a fluffy thing. How are you going to grow inthe image and likeness of God when you have no idea who he is, what he wants you to be?...

The answers you're not when we sincerelytook such a position. What does it mean? Sincerely took such a position? Well, it doesn't mean, you know, we just say, Oh, yeah, I believe in God, or you know, okay, whenwe sincere to all sorts of remarkable things follow. Okay, you want totalk about remarkable things. We had a new employer. There it is againbeing all powerful. Listen, here's the way it works. There's one whohas all power. One may you find him? Now? Most people won'tfind them. Eighty percent of people that are in this thing probably won't findthey'll find something that allow them to stay sober for ten, fifteen to twentyyears. Some will never find some of them don't want to find. It'sokay, I'm just really hey, I'm just reading this shit out of thebig book. You know, I'm not making this stuff up. If youthink it's obnoxious, then you're not calling me of noxious, you're calling peoplewrote this book of noxious. We had a new employer, being all powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed hiswork. Well. How are you going to keep close to him but youdon't even know who he is? How you perform his work well when youdon't know what his work is for you? You each has been given work todo. You're not here. You know, you say. Well,I'm not happy. Well, where did you get the idea that you wereplaced on the planet to be happy? I mean to be happy. Isthat that? The most important thing, is that you not suffering be happy? Maybe you're placed here to do God's will. Maybe God's will for youis, even though you're not happy, to go down to a detox orgo to a meeting and try to help somebody else. I don't know.I read a book that says, you know, his work for me iswhat I'm supposed to do as be a maximum help to other people. Iread a book where it says I got to be the Good Samaritan, akindly act once a while is in enough, you know, I got to godown and it's got to completely interfere with my life. That's what itsays. That's when the book says she ain't. My phone will jangle atany time during the night. cabital call said you got to meet this Gal. I just think, yeah, I'll be handling people, I'll be goingand I'll be driving an hour and a half up to this group. Nextmonth. I'll be going over the book. But I read a book that saysmy life is about trying to help other people and has nothing to dowith trying to figure out how I should be happy. Surprisingly, when Istart throwing in his image and like this, I pray that's happening. I'm sofar short of it. What happens is the funny thing, is allof a sudden I just want to do that. All of a sudden notgoing to mean he's just to stay sober. I'm going to meet to seem whereI can help people and it becomes pleasant for me. Is Work wellestablished. On that footing, we become less and less interested in our lovesand our little plans a designs. More and more would become interested in seeingwhat we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in aswe enjoyed peace of mind, as we discover we can face life successfully aswe become conscious of his presence. Are you conscious all the time of hispresence? You always think about God? You driving a car thinking about God, you walk on Street, think about God when you're going to sleep,or you think about God and you waking up and thinking about God. Thatsounds a little obnoxious right, well, I'm an obnoxious type of God.As we felt new power, we could face life successfully, as we canconscious of his presence. We began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, the half here after we were reborn. That's all you want us some that'sall you need to know about where you have to be in this program. You know, don't let anybody bullshit you and saying God's not important.Don't let anybody feed you the crap that. Just do a good fourth step anda good fifth step and to do it six ten everything will be wonderful, and just don't drink, go to meetings, don't letnfeed you lot.You're early on, you knew you don understanding of this stuff. Go witha flow, you know, stick with the winners. Stick with the winners, you know, you don't have to listen and you look. I gotforty years. I can't. I can't make believe that this is stuff I'velearned after put ice did are I fucked up? Everything can possibly fucked upan a a, except drinking. You know what I mean. So Imean this is the laughter. Three months I got what? I can't talklike I have two days. I can't talk like I have ten years.I couldn't give this talk of twenty. I've got over forty years experience doingthis stuff. I'm living in an amazing life because of God. I givehim all credit, like bibbles and said the Lord has been so wonderful tome, curing me of his terrible disease. I got to keep talking about him, telling other people and I've been asked to talk about the twelve step. The twelve step is having had a spiritual wakening as a result of thesesteps. We tried to carry this message thunder autoholics. You tell me,what message should I be carrying to other alcoholics? What message should I betalking about with other album? Should I be talking about the message I hadwhen I had three months? So I'd be talked about the message I hadwhen I had ten years. What message...

...should I be talking about if I'mgoing to follow God's will? Should I be worried about some clown back therethat doesn't like the fact that I'm talking about God or the tone of myvoice? What message should I be can't worrying about when I know there's atleast one guy here and one gal here that needs to hear this message,that wants to hear this message. Why should I care about the person thatcould give a crap about this message, who's going to drink anyway because theyhaven't even done step one? You know, my job is to carry the messageof my sobriety, my experience strength at home, and that's what andthat's what I've done tonight. Thank you very much.

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