AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 10 months ago

Russell S. Step 12 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 12 from the Coral Room Zoom March 19, 2021

Hi Guys, my my name isRussell. I'm an alcohol could see you, guys. And so we're on ourlast step to twelve step and I'm going to you know, as always, I'm going to talk about something I've never spoken about before, something different. I'm always like experimenting. would be like my guinea pigs tonight. Idon't want you get up said. Well, you can get upset if you wantto. It's your alcoholic since you're prerogative to get upset. I don'tmean to upset you, you know, it's just something that happens most ofthe times whenever I speak. So I mean, that's the way it is. So I'm going to I'm gonna just talk about a little aspect of steptwelve, which also has to do, quite frankly, with step six,which, quite frankly, also has to do with step seven, which issomehow connected with step one. You know, one of the problemses is I,by the way, and I said was an alcoholic. I am analcoholic, by the way. I'm found, I said, a drink since Januarytwouy and five nineteen eighty one. So here's the deal. You know, when I've been doing these steps, for, you know, a longtime and when I first started doing them. You know, there's sort of likeso different than there's so unusual and so counter intuitive to the way Ithink. I don't take my inventory whenever I'm disturbed, I take your inventoryand I don't want to talk about me, I want to talk about you andI'll be damned if I'm going to write down stuff. And I'm notgoing to forgive that guy because he's the son of a bitch and he shouldn'thave done that to me. I would have done it to him and andforget about the God thing God has stuffed through with my life. Just giveme a good looking blond and I'll be okay, or give me money orsomething like that. I'm just none of these steps. There's nothing in thesesteps for me. I'm not going to concentrate on helping other people. I'ma typical alcoholic. I'm selfish the extreme, when give a shit about myself whenit comes right down to it, although I'm basically a good boy.So the steps are distinct. Of when when you start actually doing that,when you start actually doing them, you're very aware you're doing that. You'llsay things you're so old. I think, leam, you gotta sort of MuteYourself. I can't compete with you. You got to put yourself on youlamb. Thanks. So the bottom line is is that you know whenyou're doing a inventory step, you know when you're doing a third step,you know when you're doing a twelve step. You know. You're very aware ofwhen you're working the steps. You'll even say I was working the steps, or I did a third step where I did a second steppe. Iget a fourth, I did a fit step. You know when you're butas you do them over and over, no, no, no, Ohno, you develop a manner of living which demand's rigor songs. You developa manner of they become second nature. Now, when I say second nature, I do mean second nature. You don't think about him. You justlive your life that way. You just live your life. You don't wholdresentment, you just I don't know how to explain it to you, butI went from a guy who hated everybody and couldn't forgive everybody and I wouldforgive it the smallest light. That happened a week before. You know whatI mean to somebody that I really don't die and I don't. I don'tknow this probably is probably people I should resent around me, maybe at sometimessend me to a good abso do with my stability. I just don't rememberthem. I don't pay attention to though. It's just I do. I doit so much, this idea of not caring resentments, not hating people, loving on people, you know, the way of life, the heavierit's just something I've developed over a period of time. And I tell youwhat, you either develop this way of life or you become a hurting gator. Because when they say in the sixth step, that's in the seventh step. The way we get a new perspective is by repeated humiliations and the finalcrushing of our selfsufficiency, they're not kidding,...

...because when you try to live yourlife in this imperfect, crazy, flipping world with crazy selfish people allover the place, a lot of moving parts, a lot of stuff goingon, you try to live your life, if you don't develop a manner ofliving which demands rigorous honesty and develop an unselfish way of living, you'regoing to be pissed off a lot, you're going to be upset a lot, you're going to be depressed a lot. You're going to be angry a lotand you're going to be an unhappy give. You're gonna be saying thingslike I had a had a crappy year, I've had a horrible day, I'vehad it. Your life is going to suck big time. Let metell you something. So you're easy going to figure this thing out and startliving this life on a spiritual basis. You're just gonna have a sucky life. Even if you don't drink it, do doesn't matter. You can bein they're not drinking club and go to me. You have a sucking life. You won't be able. I'll tell you what. You won't be rocketedin the Fourth Dimension Existence. You won't be experiencing much of heaven or anyof that stuff. So the bottom line is is that. And here's thegreat news. Great News is it's possible to do this thing. You youcan't attain it, you can do it if you're focused that, if thisis what you want, you know, it says when, the when,the when, the when. The pupil is ready, the teacher will appear. If you want what we have and you're willing to go to any lengthto get it. Then you're ready to take you're not even ready to takethe steps unless you develop a weed, a group of people that you wantwhat they have and you will go any length to get you're just want goingto any you'll just do anything to get that deal. And in alcoholics anonymousthem to you. In the big book buil Dotson says this wine in talkingabout Bill Wilson and Dr Bob. He said I was sober but I knewthere was something more, something a person ought to have, a sort ofrelease happiness that I didn't have and I was trying to find the answer.And Bill Wilson was at my house and he said he said this. Hesaid the Lord has been so wonderful to me. Turn me of this doubledisease that I got to keep talking about and telling other people other people,and in Bill Dotson, who had been following Bill Wilson, said I've gotthe answer and called the golden text. Bill was very, very grateful forwhat he had had happened to me him and he gave all all, allgratitude, all credit to God and that statement. The Lord has been sowonderful me. Truly, this double disease that I got to keep talking aboutand telling other people. He said that was the golden text for him.He followed Bill Wilson a while around, and I can tell you this overmany, many years, I can't tell you how many times I would followJoe Snyder, Bob Sullivan, reo key. However, how many times I wouldfollow old timers, you know around how many takes? I can't tellyou how many clancy tapes, how many Sandy Beach Tapes? How many timesI would listen to people. I would go, I would drive two hoursto listen to a guy if he had what I wanted. Rot, andthis is after I'm five, six, seven, ten years sober. Ican't tell you how many times I would go to step series and I wouldfollow guys in steps series because I wanted what they had. It had nothingto do we drank, it nothing to do with drinking. I just wantedwhat they had. Most of the time I didn't even know what they had. I didn't know they have, but I knew they had something because oftheir testimony, the way they spoken, the way they were. I wantedwhat they had. I was sober five years, I was sober ten years, but I didn't have what they had. So I follow them around and Iremember I heard a guy once tell me the man and women you'll bein the next five or ten years will...

...depend upon the people hang out with, the books you read, and that's the deal. I would follow theseguys around all over place because I wanted what they had. So I whatI want to talk about tonight a little bit on the twelve step is,I don't know how many of you guys have a sponsored a lot of men, a lot of stuff. been doing this a long time. I wantto talk a little bit about something that so one of the things that happens, I'm sorry, let me, is when you start doing these things overand over and over again and they become a manner of living and it's likesecond nature in your life. Believe me, if I stopped going to meetings,if I start putting the work in it, I'll go back to myfirst nature and I want to do that. So I keep on doing what Ineed to do. One of the things I need to do is cometo me like this and share and try to see whether I can help otherpeople by telling them my experience. So the bottom line is, once youstart doing these things, a lot. you start seeing connections in both thereading that there's a line I have. For those who can get my emails, you know one of the quotes I have in my emails is from theOxford Group and the quote something like this. I'm doing it for memory. Aman can see a thing nine hundred and ninety nine times and not noticeit, and notice it and see it the thousandth time and notice it forthe first time. So if you've been an AA for a while, youunderstand that you can have a year of sobriety or three months sobriety and thesober and reading the Big Book and at Ten Years Sobriety, notice a sentencethere or a line or paragraph and all of a sudden pops out of youbecause it's relevant in your life and you see it for the first time.We all have these, like Aa Epiphanies, you know what I mean. Willbe at a meeting and somebody will say something and it's something you've heardtenzero times that went right over your head and all of a sudden you hearit and Bam, all of a sudden means something really special to you andone of the things that you start doing is you start connecting duts and themore you read and the more you try to carry this message, the moreyou try to teach it and the more you try to help people, themore dots you connect and the longer sober, the more and the more. Howdo they say? You get a new perspective by repeating humiliations and thefinal crush it. The more you're humiliated, the more you're beating down every time. I'm beating down every time. I don't necessarily listen. I don'tknow what kind of Alcoholis them you have, but I'm of the grave emotionally indisturbed category. You understand, other words, listen. I spend moneyI don't have, buying shit I don't need to impress people I don't like, and I do it over and over and over and over again. Iwas a math major. I was going for my PhD in Algebraic Topology whenI was ten years sober. And again I was broke because I was maxedout in every any every credit card, and I asked my sponsor and Iwas had good been going for my phd and I asked my sponsor, whowas a post office worker at the time, why was I always broke. Heexplained to me that when you spend more money than you make, yougo into debt. Roger, did you know that? Rogers like laughing atme like, well, everybody knows that. You know. Well, I didn'tknow that, Roger, young still, I'm saying, I didn't understand that. I was forty one years old and I was a math major andI didn't know that if it's not what you make, it's what you spend. And so I would buy a cadillac when really I can only afford aChevrolet, because somehow driving a cadillac maybe feel better and maybe feel better.Because when you're a nothing and you're always going to be a nothing and yougot to put something in your body like...

...alcohol to make it into an almostand almost the top of when you're constantly trying to do things, self destructivethings to make yourself look better or feel better on the inside, it doesn'twork, whether it's alcohol or whether it's spending money or whatever it is.So the bottom line is is I have to I'm one of these guys.It's not like I go broke once because I bought something I should have bought. I didn't need to buy that watch. It's not that I go I gobroke twice. I got to go broke for ten years, tenzero times, and spend money before and be rehumiliated and go through all sorts of worryand repeat humilia after repeated humiliation for ten years. All of a sudden Iwake up one day and I say, you know, I think, Ithink I'd better go on a cash s basis and stop spending all this money. I maybe I order, you know, refrain from buying this stuff. Youknow, I though it's I'm an alcoholic, that I don't change myways and until it hurts a lot over a period of time, and thenI start learning my less. So what happens is, over a period oftime, as you go through the repeated humiliations and the final crushing of yourself sufficiency, and if you happen at the same time be going a aand you happen to be hanging around people that have surpassed, are gone aheadand that emotional and spiritual level, you may find that you run into peoplethat become part of your wee where you say to yourself, man, Iwish I could be like Joe Sneider, I wish I could be like realkeys. I wish I could be like John Blenn. You know, youmay find yourself saying to yourself, I want what those guys have or thosewomen have and I'll do anything to get there. And you may sit mesaying that to yourself. Guess what, at Twenty Years Sober. I knowwe all think that the first step is for people who are just trying tostop drinking. Right, what does it say if you want what we haveand are willing to go to any leth? There's a step before the steps,isn't there? It's called the first a step before the steps is ifyou want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to getit, then you're ready to take some you're not even ready to take thesteps unless you want what we have are willing to go to any length toget it. Right. So you figure out a weed. You figure outI want what they have, I'll go to any length to get and whenyou first come in, the thing you want, the thing I wanted morethan anything else, is I came here. How many, raiser, and howmany you came here because they couldn't stop drinking? Three people? Fourpeople? Okay, so I came here because I couldn't stop drinking. Youknow what I wanted when I came day? You know what I wanted? Iwanted to stop drinking. I didn't want to stop spending, I didn'twant to stop poring around, I didn't want to stop, you know,Romancing, women are flirting. I didn't want to stop doing I wanted tostop drinking. And I got around people who were not drinking and I wantedwhat they had and I was willing to go to any length to get it. So I was ready to take the steps. We got that. Okay, so great, and I stopped drinking. Okay, so that's great. Sohere's the deal. Most people think the first step has to do withdrinking, and you would be incorrect if you think that. Yeah, itdoesn't. And if you want to know why people drink again, they drinkagain because they think the first step has to do with drinking. They thinkit's all that. There is drinking, okay, but the bottom line iswhat I found is the first step has to do with everything, because oneof the things that it says in the...

...big book, if I can findit, I got to try to find it. I just that he wroteit down here, so let me try to find it. Let me tryto find this thing that I wrote down the here's this great little line.It's actually right and bill story. I believe you're ready for this. Myfriend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs.What's that? What does that? Is that the twelve step? Well,they talked about that in twelve step, don't they? My friends emphasized theabsolute assas to him demonstrate these principles all my fears, particularly it was imperativeto work with others, as he had worked with me. Is that likethe twelve step? Faith without works his dead. Well, that's faith.That's like the third step in the eleventh step and all those other but butfaith without works is dead, dead faith, dead faith doesn't do any good.And how importantly true for the alcoholic, for if an alcohol failed to perfect? Okay, listen, it's not only having faith. You can havefaith up the WAZOO. It's not only having faith, it's not only workingthe steps. You've got to you ready for this? It gets really bad. You have to perfect and enlarge your spiritual life, to work and selfsacrifice for others. You know that means. That means ready for this. Akind only act once in a while isn't enough, is should I Iknow, I know you're like me. I have about ten dollar bills inmy car in a little trade there. Whenever I pull up to a lineand there's a guy there who's looking for money, I give my dollar.I never fail. I give my a doll. Sometimes I'll get up fivedepended, but I've I mean I do. I'm not pray, I'm just done. You. I do that. You know what my big book says. It says a kindly act once in a while. It ain't enough.It ain't enough. And by the way, if you don't do that, I'mashamed of you. But that's besides pot. Forget about that. Don'tworry, don't get upset, for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlargea spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, he could not survivethe certain trials and low spots ahead. There are trials and low spots aheadfor you guys. And if he did not work, he would surely drinkagain. If he drank, he would truly die. Then faith will bedead. Indeed, with us. It is just like that. If yousee somebody drink who's Sobrat a a, it's because they have failed to enlargeand perfect their spiritual experience. And you may say to yourself, well,why have they failed to enlarge and perfect their spiritual experience? I'm going toanswer that question for you, Cassandra. Have you ever asked yourself why didthat person drink? Have you ever answer as many of you ever asked herfor itself? Bad. Okay, I'm going to answer that question for you. Well, at least I'm going to try to give you my theory onthat. Okay. So, so, another words. Apparently, one ofthe things I have to do is I have to enlarge my spiritual experience.I got to get closer to God. And you know what they say inthe big book. They say once to make that decision for God, allsorts of remarkable things happen, being all powerful and give us everything we needif we stay closely and perform his work well, because he is the fatherwe are as children. We have a new employer. We have a newemployer. We have a new employer. He's employed us, he's are wehave a new job, we have a job. It's to be a maximumservice to other people. It's the love other people. It's the first Corinthiansthirteen thing. That's what they said.

They said and talked about the goodold times. The books that we found absolutely essential was first corinthians thirteen,sermon on the Bible Mount and the Book of James and First Corinthians Thirteen andthe book of James and all that stuff. It's talking about loving other people.We got to love people. You can't have a connection with God andand hate your brother. You can't. You can't have a connection with Godand hold hatred in your heart and for other people. You got to loveand you got out. You got to you got it and you almost can'tforce it. You might, you might have to take it until you makeit, but somehow, some way, that thing has to develop. Sowide want so, in other words, one of the things that has tohappen. You know, remember old buildots and I was talking about remember oneof the things. He said. It's in alcoholics down the number three.You can check it out for you can check it out. He said.I knew there was something more, something I had in got. I knewthere was a happiness these old times. They had a happiness, they hada release, they had something. person want to add. I was tryingto find the answer. Now you may find this hard to believe, butI don't think you will, because I think this group is a pretty solidgroup. There are people that come into a a that actually that want tostop drinking, that stop drinking and you're ready for this, you're ready.It's not enough. They want more. They want more. There are peoplethat come a day A and they'll do anything to stop drinking. They wantwhat we have. They'll do anything to stop drinking and they're ready to takecertain steps and they're ready to do anything to stop drinking. And they stopdrinking and it ain't enough. It ain't enough. They want more. Imay be talking to some of those people, you know. I mean, haveyou ever gone to a meeting to listen to somebody because you're saying,maybe this guy, maybe I'll hear something, maybe this guy has the answer.You understand? You know, I know guys that have twenty five yearsand they're following people around because the same well, maybe this guy, becauseyou know, I know I got this thing. I haven't had a drinkingtwenty five years. But I want more because there's something missing. You ever, you know what's Bill Wilson said? You know you can tell spiritual versionbecause they have spiritual dissatisfaction. No matter how much they get. They wantmore, they want to get closer. And so you know what happens.They develop a different weed, they develop another week. They go from onewee. Listen, I had incredible sponsors, I had incrediles. I love mysponsor, God bless them. They passed away. I have a newone now, you know. But Oh my God, I love Bob Sullivan. Bob Selvan sponsored everybody in the world. He'd run around the planet. Wego, we go get drunks bringing the detox. I mean, Ilove Bob Sullivan. You know what I mean. I need Bob Sullivan.I'm slivan passed awaymen had seven years with the Joe Snyder. Oh Man,incredible big Book Supper. Love God, but a big Book Supper really somethingunbelievable. I Love Them. I love the greatest guy in the world.He I have stories about. He's the one who said you're upset because you'reupsetable. Unbelievable. I still talk about him, I still steal his linesand told stories about them, but you know some he died when I hadeleven or twelve or thirteen years sober, and then I met John Glenn anda Bible Study and John Glenn, he was the Baptist preacher and he's studyingthe bottle. You knew the battle back and support. See, it's likesixty years. I love John Gon. I love John Benny. Classroom forlike fifteen years and then he died. And Real Keith. I love drugand each sponsor along the way. You know, we're to have each oneof my weeds that I put in my week. Each one had sobriety plus. They had sobriety plus something more than I didn't have that I needed atthe time. I pray that you always, wherever you are, whoever you are, you always have somebody in front...

...of you. You always have somebodyin front of you who say, man, I want that that guy has.You follow that guy around. You know, I want with that.You're going to be. You gonna be like Stalky Stalk, that sucker.You know what I mean, Stok that sucker. Yeah, I'm telling youto Sandrid's. I know I can tell the stalkers. You know what Imean the twirling eyes and all that, the psychotic stuff. You know,stalk the stalkers, you know. You Stalk that sir, stalk that sobriety, because you want what they have and you only go any length to getit. You show up at their house with a giant butcher knife. Youknow you put it there. When you tell them that to give it togive it up, give it up. I want that deal. Don't playgames with me. You know what I mean. Ash Don't let Ashley,don't listen to this stuff. I don't, you know, because you know Idon't want to get you all crazy, you know, but that's that's thebottom. You do that stuff. So, so here's the deal.We're all constantly doing the first step. If you ain't doing the first step, if you're not expanding your deal, if you're not looking for that nextperson, that next deal, you're just getting ready to drink again. Youdon't even know it. You do know whyfs, you're resting on your laurels. You're resting on your laurels. You know. You know you're saying,you're doing. You know they're saying. You know what the six step says? It says the men who were doing this thing, are trying repeatedly overa lifetime to grow in the image like this of their creator. It's alifetime job. You know where it says the guys who are going to loseare? They're the guys that settle. They settle there and they're not inthe rocket in the Fourth Dimension Existence Club. They're in the not drinking club.You know, and Ay there's a not drinking club. They get allexcited about people not drinking. Hey, they say things like get off myback. Get on my back, I've already been to me not. Believeme, I'm not having a drinking ten years. Get off my back.I don't even feel like drinking. You know, they get pissed off ifyou suggest they give you you do more. Okay. So so listen. Sohere's the deal. So I was sponsoring a guy who happens to me, God blessing me, have to be sober man. He's probably some twentyyears ober now. But when I first started sponsoring them and he was anotherlawyer and he and he was a very successful or very nice guy. Ilove the guy. Still Love my still sponsor, but and he sover manyyears and sometimes it takes got a prime to pump and hey. Then Iremember one day he tells the story of his own story. He had about, you know, two or three months to Briane. He had about twoor three months to Brian and I brought him to meet real ki who,as many of you knows, was a circuit speaker, Wonderful Guy, wasa mentor of mine, and we went to meet for stay, have asteak, have a steak over a sholes restaurant. I want him to meetmy friend. And you know what, three months I spansee and we wentover there to meet them and I'm sitting there talking to okay, from probablyout about thirty years at the time and I think I had about five orsix years at the time. This guy about three months, whatever it was, sea eight times and Oh keep us talking to me and the guys talkingand O'keith looks at me and says the following. I'm just telling you whathe says. He says and the guy is sitting right there and I'll keesays to me. He says, you know, Russia, wasting your timeof this guy. He's not going to stop drinking. The guy's got likethree months. He's in right next to me. He's got three months.He sitting right next to me. He was talking to Oki. says,Russia wasting time with this guy's not going to stop drinking. And it is. He wouldn't stop drinking. How did I keep see that? And Ididn't see that. Okay, so I woke up this morning. Yeah,I woke up this morning and I had something on my mind and I startedthinking about this thing I had on my mind. So I had to writeit down. So I wrote it down...

...and it had to do with thetwelve step and it had to do with sponsoring people and it had to dowith WHO's going to make it and who's not going to make it. Andso I said this thing. I just had to write it down. Itwas just drive me crazy. You know, sometimes you write things down and soI'm going to read, I said, well, I must. I guessI'm supposed to share this tonight. Well, again, we can sortof think about this and you could think about this. I tried to putit in chat, but you know, this group is very controlling, youknow what I mean. I hope I don't hurt their feel I hope Ihurt the field. They're very controlling. It's very nice. You know,I understand they want to stop cross talk, so they disabled chat. So youguys can't see Owen can see it, but he's the only one who cansee it. But I might put it in my email next time.You guys are got the email, so I'm going to I'm just going toI call it the next front, to you, but I'm going to readit to you. I'm going to read it slow and I'll read it againbecause I want you to think about it. Says for those of you who aresponsoring people, for those of you who are trying to help people,for those of you who are being sponsor, there's a little something for you tothink about. Thinking about the first step, thinking about the sixth step, think about seventh step, thinking about whether you're ready or not ready.And this is what I think O'Keefe was trying to tell me. You cannotcarry a message of God's grace to a man or a woman who only wantsphysical sobriety once they achieve physical sobriety. Now let me taste is. There'san old tone that says all generate all general generalizations are dangerous, including thisone. Now I know this is a generalization, but I watch you tolisten to the thoughts behind it. You cannot carry a message of God's graceto a man or a woman who only wants to stop drinking once they achievephysical sobriety. Unless he or she hears or sees through your testimony and behaviorsomething beyond not drinking, something they want and need to have and will doanything to achieve it, they will not be ready to listen to you ordo those things you suggest. You know, this AA is loaded with people thatare sober, that are not drinking. I call him the not drinking book. Now, the truth is I'm not putting them down because everyone,you know, there are two doors in egg. There's the not drinking doorand there's thousands of millions of people in front of that, and then there'sthe rocket in the Fourth Dimension Group. There's like three people in front ofthat one. You know what I mean, everyone until while somebody goes from thenot drinking door to the rocket in the fourth dimension door, they crossover. You know what I mean. They want more, but most peopleare just perfectly satisfied with not drink. You know, they just don't wantto do any more work. They don't. They're not here for extra credit.You know. I know in the big book that says we we encouragechurch membership. They're not into it. You know what I mean. They'regoing to try to do this thing their way. So here's the deal,then, I the extra presence. Unless he or she here's your sees throughyour testimony and behavior, something beyond not drinking, something they want and needto have and will do anything to achieve, they will not be ready to listento you or do the things you suggest. It's just true. Youtry, you try to push an alcoholic uphill when he doesn't want to gouphill. It ain't going to happen. Unless he wants when you have youknow you're going to hear a lot of...

...things like you don't understand. You'regoing to hear a lot of you don't understand, or I'm different, orget off my back, or you're going to be saying things I don't understand. Why doesn't my sponsor call me anymore? You're not going to see him inmeetings. He doesn't want what you now. He doesn't want what anyof us have. You have still, I'm saying, because he's not drinking. Okay, it says. It says so. It says something that unlesshe or she hears or sees through your testimony or somebody else's behavior, besomething beyond not drinking, something they want and need to have and was wanythingto achieve, they will not be ready to listen to you or do thethings you suggest. These are things that you suggest that are uncomfortable but necessaryto move spiritually forward, because they won't do it because they've already achieved thatwhich they desire, not drinking, not drinking. And you got a gazillionpeople in here will tell people that as long as they don't drink, that'sfine, they don't need to do anything else. Let me tell you something. You got a gazillion old timers. It's a for the plug of thedrug. Forget the God thing. Don't wear as you don't drink, you'reokay. There are a lot of people in a that will tell people thatas long as you're not drinking, everything's fine. You know, they'll tellthem and if you're of that persuasion where you want to believe that, that'swhy it's going to make me. They are not interested in what you have, but are instead now interested in obtaining those things they once had or werechasing before physical sobriety. You See, there are a lot of people tocome in here and they get sober and then I'm interested in what you havetherey. Look, before I got sober, I was I was a lounge lizard. I was chasing women. I chase them, I chase them,I chase them. Everyone's what. I caught one, I chase them somemore and Chay. I was chasing money. Anybody here every chase money. Iwas chasing position, I was chasing Romance, I was chasing sex.I was chasing material things, cars, vacations. Anybody ever chase material things? I don't know what Ti alcoholism you have. You know something. It'shard to give that up, isn't it? You know what it's like when you'renot drinking and you're hanging around a you're still chasing all that shit.It's pretty Shitty, isn't it? You spend a lot of time with yoursponsor, talking about her, talking about him, talking about your job,talking about your boss, talking about the money, talking about you. Spenda lot of time talking about how terrible it is to live a life whenyou're chasing all this stuff and you don't have it. You understand, youknow what I mean. It's terrible, really, it's a horrible deal.So it happens is a and you know something? It takes I'll tell youabout I got to tell about me. It takes a long that's the realalcoholism. That chasing all the idols in this world and all the things ofthis world and lusty after those things, lusting if those things, needing thosethings, that chasing that stuff. Man, that's us in God. Let metell you something. You can stop drinking your lust for everything around you, the fact that you need this and you need that. If you don'thave you'll be okay. And if you lose, if you feel sorry foryourself, that doesn't go away just because you put the plug in the Jug. You know something, it doubles an effort. You know something? Thatthing will cause you. You'll be in hand to hand combat with this worldand the people in this world chasing that Shit. That's the real alcohol.That's the alcoholism you had before you started drinking. That's alcohol to you.Listen, you had when you were drinking and you're still got it. That'swhat you're working on. That's the thing that's only cured by a spiritual experienceand ongoing, expanding spiritual experience. You...

...will have a miserable life, andthe bottom line is because you'll be chasing the women and Chasing Romance and andyou're not really had to make everybody else's life lisard. You'll be on yourfourth, fifth divorce or something like that. It won't be going well for you. You know that think tad takes a long time to get rid of. Well, there's a lot of people to come into here and they stopthe drinking and they pretty much think that they're self satisfy. They think that'sit. And let me tell you something. They run around looking for anything else. You know what, now that they're not drinking, you know they'redoing? There looking for the gown, they're looking for the guy, they'relooking for the car, they're looking for the boat, they're looking for thestring of Polo Ponies, they're looking for the mansion, they're looking, they'relooking for the bullshit. You know what I mean. They don't want whatwhat you what you have. They want what they had. They want whatthey were chasing at them before they had to get here and they would somehowsidetrack. They're like there you're digging their tunnel out of the jail, trying, you're trying to do their best to get as much money as possible andas much things as possible so that they could do is go do, goto fewer meetings and still feel good, because they ain't looking for the spiritualside of this deal. So the bottom line is is that they're not interestedin what we have. They're interested in what we had and, you know, some you're not going to be able to force them. You're not goingto be able to force them to desire if you want it, if youwant what we have, and or will we go to any length to getit. I can do a lot of things. I can't force somebody desirewhat we have. Listen, I can tell my story. They can goin and they can see other people. They might they it's a program attraction. They may be attracted. They may not be attracted what I have.They may be attracted with meal has or what Mitch has, what John hasor what do still has or, you know, sorry, what Charlie hasor what dawn has, or neither. They may be attracted. They maymeet Alice there and say, man, I want what that guy has orCassie, I want what they have. But I'm going to tell you something, if all they want is to stop drinking and that's it, and stayout of my sex life and stay out of my spiritual life and stay outof my religious libelsty out of my money, like they ain't expanding nothing and theyfollowing nobody and they don't need a sponsor. Why would they need asponsor? They're sponsoring themselves. And so one of the things that I hadto realize with the twelve step is number one, I have to do itno matter what. But my success at twelve step doesn't depend upon whether allof a sudden a light goes on in their eyes and it's Oh my God, thank you Russell, and everything like that. Am I feel you,doesn't depend upon that. My job is to just be available and not imposemyself on people, but expose myself to people to do what I'm doing here, you know, and and sometimes when somebody, and I it's very nicewhen people say Nice things. Russian really helped me out. He said,I want to help me out. It's nice to know, because it's niceto know I'm not necessarily wasting my time. There are some people hearing stuff,but I know, because I dealt with enough people, that I cangive the greatest pitch in the world to somebody and they look at me likeI'm stupid, you know what I mean. Or, better yet, what Iusually get is they hate my guts. You know, I get a lotof guys to come up and say, you don't used to hate you,but now I love you. I just listening. You know how youstay your Gods. Know I look, but the bottom line is is thebottom. That's my job is not to get people sober. My job andmy job is to try to carry a message, the message of my ownsobriety, message of God's to race and get this. My job is totry to carry the message. My job is not to carry the message.I used to think my job is to...

...carry the message. Now I leavethis room where you guys are at, I'm gonna go to another mean tryto carry different message. That's the same message, God's grace, but I'mgoing to leave this room. And I got a telephone call say Russ Idon't know what you said at that meaning, but every that living that meaning rightafter they got off me, went up and drank, got drunk.So I have no idea what the hell you said those people. Well,they all drank. You understand what I'm saying? Nobody. And I said, well, that's not my problem, that's not, not, not myproblem. On you know what I mean, because all because you know, myjob is not to carry the message. My job is to try to carrythe mess, and what that means is, I know that was probablythe worst twelve step meeting I did at the call Gables Group tonight, butlet me tell you something, it was the best twelve step meeting I coulddo that night. So if my job is to try to carry the message, let me tell is something. I did the best I could. Andif they all got drank, I'm gonna they all got drunk on Lamon God, that's God's but whether my message carries with everything a person you know,because you know something. I don't know what big book. It says thereis one who has all power. That was God. May You have itdoesn't say God has nine, nine percent of power. Russ I'm giving youone percent. I have no power to keep you sober or to like meor not like me or get what I'm saying or not get what I mean. I don't even know what you're hearing. I mean if there's like what isthere seventy six people of this meeting, you know is seventy. There's seventysix people meeting here in seventy six different things. If we, ifwe took you aside after the meeting and we started putting my kind you sowhat you hear? There'd be seventy six people saying all sorts of crazy stuff, and probably ten percent of them would actually get what I was saying right. You'd be here and you probably hear some really good stuff. You'd say. Some always said this. I didn't even say but that's what you heard. The bottom line is my job is to get out there and try tocarry the message and if I happen to be around somebody who's ready to hearthe message so that it helps him out, then get this. It's God that'sdoing it, but I get the credit. You understand what I'm saying? Always, Oh Russell help, it has nothing to do with me,you know, the only I did my job. I went in there andI did with the Lord and told me to do. He said go inthere and try to help other people because you love them and you're so gratefulfor being sober and the Lord's been so one for me. You've got tokeep talking about tell him other people. And you know, some they goout of this, oh they and somebody gets sober and everything like that,and I can't take credit for it. I never, I would never,oh my God, I would never take credit for anybody's sobriety. You knowsomething, when people say that, Oh, I got a great spile, yetI almost feel guilty. I feel like I have to apologize to Godbecause I stold frothing. You know, if you'll never hear me say Idid this right, is it's all gods. I'm always pointing towards it. That'sthe deal. So you know. But the point is we have toyou want to stay so and keep on doing you got it, you gotit. That's what I got to do. That's my job. My job isto be, is to be as much service I can to other peopleand to help other people, and as a result of that, I keepon getting this profound personality change. See, I get payment, I get paymentfor this deal. I'm know whether you guys listen, whether you got. Here's the great thing with you guys. Drink or not or get anything outof it. I get paid anyway. I don't get. I don't.It's not like a commission. I don't get a commission. You know. I mean. It's not like, well, three people stayed sober orone person is now going to Bible study. Whatever is this? So your commission? I'm yet I'M gonna, I'll get. That's not the deal.I get paid in full, whether you guys get sober. And what doyou think that I get paid in full, whether you because you want to knowsomething. Here's the real deal. If if I was actually worried aboutwhether somebody, what do you guys going...

...to drink and I oh, Iwouldn't be able to carry the message. I'd be sitting there worrying about well, I don't understand. What's Nicky going to think about me if I saythis? What's in need of thinking about me? Well, what's Roger Thinkingabout? What's Daniel going to think about? I'd be worrying about what you werethinking about me. Or you gonna, I mean, if I stop worriedabout that stuff now, I I'm not as going to start sucking onthe muzzle of a gun that I'll I'd be right back to the way Iwas forty years ago. We're knowing about what people think of I don't wantto lose that stuff. I like that. I like that fear. I likethat taken away, that fear of people and an I like not havingfear of people. I like just speaking my mind and let the Lord takeover and say what I'm going to say. Let's chip, what were they madeand let him do his job. That's how I want to do it. You know what I mean and you know now I'm now I have anotherspotsor I want what he has. I'm always looking for people. I'm alwayslooking for people in circumstances that have something to teach me. That's why Igo to why did you think I go to Bible? So I go totwo Bible Studies. I go. I go to to Bible Studies and sorry, I do all. Why don't? Because I want more. Why doyou think guy to keep on studying the bottle? Because I want more.You know, people say I'm spiritual and not religious. says, Hey,fantastic, I'm spiritual and religious. Why would your spiritual not religious God blesher. I'm spiritual and religious. How about that? You know what I mean. I got the whole deal. Loan okay, so God bless you.Thank you very much.

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