AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 12 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 12 from the Coral Room Zoom March 19, 2021

Hi Guys, my my name is Russell. I'm an alcohol could see you, guys. And so we're on our last step to twelve step and I'm going to you know, as always, I'm going to talk about something I've never spoken about before, something different. I'm always like experimenting. would be like my guinea pigs tonight. I don't want you get up said. Well, you can get upset if you want to. It's your alcoholic since you're prerogative to get upset. I don't mean to upset you, you know, it's just something that happens most of the times whenever I speak. So I mean, that's the way it is. So I'm going to I'm gonna just talk about a little aspect of step twelve, which also has to do, quite frankly, with step six, which, quite frankly, also has to do with step seven, which is somehow connected with step one. You know, one of the problemses is I, by the way, and I said was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic, by the way. I'm found, I said, a drink since January twouy and five nineteen eighty one. So here's the deal. You know, when I've been doing these steps, for, you know, a long time and when I first started doing them. You know, there's sort of like so different than there's so unusual and so counter intuitive to the way I think. I don't take my inventory whenever I'm disturbed, I take your inventory and I don't want to talk about me, I want to talk about you and I'll be damned if I'm going to write down stuff. And I'm not going to forgive that guy because he's the son of a bitch and he shouldn't have done that to me. I would have done it to him and and forget about the God thing God has stuffed through with my life. Just give me a good looking blond and I'll be okay, or give me money or something like that. I'm just none of these steps. There's nothing in these steps for me. I'm not going to concentrate on helping other people. I'm a typical alcoholic. I'm selfish the extreme, when give a shit about myself when it comes right down to it, although I'm basically a good boy. So the steps are distinct. Of when when you start actually doing that, when you start actually doing them, you're very aware you're doing that. You'll say things you're so old. I think, leam, you gotta sort of Mute Yourself. I can't compete with you. You got to put yourself on you lamb. Thanks. So the bottom line is is that you know when you're doing a inventory step, you know when you're doing a third step, you know when you're doing a twelve step. You know. You're very aware of when you're working the steps. You'll even say I was working the steps, or I did a third step where I did a second steppe. I get a fourth, I did a fit step. You know when you're but as you do them over and over, no, no, no, Oh no, you develop a manner of living which demand's rigor songs. You develop a manner of they become second nature. Now, when I say second nature, I do mean second nature. You don't think about him. You just live your life that way. You just live your life. You don't whold resentment, you just I don't know how to explain it to you, but I went from a guy who hated everybody and couldn't forgive everybody and I would forgive it the smallest light. That happened a week before. You know what I mean to somebody that I really don't die and I don't. I don't know this probably is probably people I should resent around me, maybe at sometimes send me to a good abso do with my stability. I just don't remember them. I don't pay attention to though. It's just I do. I do it so much, this idea of not caring resentments, not hating people, loving on people, you know, the way of life, the heavier it's just something I've developed over a period of time. And I tell you what, you either develop this way of life or you become a hurting gator. Because when they say in the sixth step, that's in the seventh step. The way we get a new perspective is by repeated humiliations and the final crushing of our selfsufficiency, they're not kidding,...

...because when you try to live your life in this imperfect, crazy, flipping world with crazy selfish people all over the place, a lot of moving parts, a lot of stuff going on, you try to live your life, if you don't develop a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty and develop an unselfish way of living, you're going to be pissed off a lot, you're going to be upset a lot, you're going to be depressed a lot. You're going to be angry a lot and you're going to be an unhappy give. You're gonna be saying things like I had a had a crappy year, I've had a horrible day, I've had it. Your life is going to suck big time. Let me tell you something. So you're easy going to figure this thing out and start living this life on a spiritual basis. You're just gonna have a sucky life. Even if you don't drink it, do doesn't matter. You can be in they're not drinking club and go to me. You have a sucking life. You won't be able. I'll tell you what. You won't be rocketed in the Fourth Dimension Existence. You won't be experiencing much of heaven or any of that stuff. So the bottom line is is that. And here's the great news. Great News is it's possible to do this thing. You you can't attain it, you can do it if you're focused that, if this is what you want, you know, it says when, the when, the when, the when. The pupil is ready, the teacher will appear. If you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it. Then you're ready to take you're not even ready to take the steps unless you develop a weed, a group of people that you want what they have and you will go any length to get you're just want going to any you'll just do anything to get that deal. And in alcoholics anonymous them to you. In the big book buil Dotson says this wine in talking about Bill Wilson and Dr Bob. He said I was sober but I knew there was something more, something a person ought to have, a sort of release happiness that I didn't have and I was trying to find the answer. And Bill Wilson was at my house and he said he said this. He said the Lord has been so wonderful to me. Turn me of this double disease that I got to keep talking about and telling other people other people, and in Bill Dotson, who had been following Bill Wilson, said I've got the answer and called the golden text. Bill was very, very grateful for what he had had happened to me him and he gave all all, all gratitude, all credit to God and that statement. The Lord has been so wonderful me. Truly, this double disease that I got to keep talking about and telling other people. He said that was the golden text for him. He followed Bill Wilson a while around, and I can tell you this over many, many years, I can't tell you how many times I would follow Joe Snyder, Bob Sullivan, reo key. However, how many times I would follow old timers, you know around how many takes? I can't tell you how many clancy tapes, how many Sandy Beach Tapes? How many times I would listen to people. I would go, I would drive two hours to listen to a guy if he had what I wanted. Rot, and this is after I'm five, six, seven, ten years sober. I can't tell you how many times I would go to step series and I would follow guys in steps series because I wanted what they had. It had nothing to do we drank, it nothing to do with drinking. I just wanted what they had. Most of the time I didn't even know what they had. I didn't know they have, but I knew they had something because of their testimony, the way they spoken, the way they were. I wanted what they had. I was sober five years, I was sober ten years, but I didn't have what they had. So I follow them around and I remember I heard a guy once tell me the man and women you'll be in the next five or ten years will...

...depend upon the people hang out with, the books you read, and that's the deal. I would follow these guys around all over place because I wanted what they had. So I what I want to talk about tonight a little bit on the twelve step is, I don't know how many of you guys have a sponsored a lot of men, a lot of stuff. been doing this a long time. I want to talk a little bit about something that so one of the things that happens, I'm sorry, let me, is when you start doing these things over and over and over again and they become a manner of living and it's like second nature in your life. Believe me, if I stopped going to meetings, if I start putting the work in it, I'll go back to my first nature and I want to do that. So I keep on doing what I need to do. One of the things I need to do is come to me like this and share and try to see whether I can help other people by telling them my experience. So the bottom line is, once you start doing these things, a lot. you start seeing connections in both the reading that there's a line I have. For those who can get my emails, you know one of the quotes I have in my emails is from the Oxford Group and the quote something like this. I'm doing it for memory. A man can see a thing nine hundred and ninety nine times and not notice it, and notice it and see it the thousandth time and notice it for the first time. So if you've been an AA for a while, you understand that you can have a year of sobriety or three months sobriety and the sober and reading the Big Book and at Ten Years Sobriety, notice a sentence there or a line or paragraph and all of a sudden pops out of you because it's relevant in your life and you see it for the first time. We all have these, like Aa Epiphanies, you know what I mean. Will be at a meeting and somebody will say something and it's something you've heard tenzero times that went right over your head and all of a sudden you hear it and Bam, all of a sudden means something really special to you and one of the things that you start doing is you start connecting duts and the more you read and the more you try to carry this message, the more you try to teach it and the more you try to help people, the more dots you connect and the longer sober, the more and the more. How do they say? You get a new perspective by repeating humiliations and the final crush it. The more you're humiliated, the more you're beating down every time. I'm beating down every time. I don't necessarily listen. I don't know what kind of Alcoholis them you have, but I'm of the grave emotionally in disturbed category. You understand, other words, listen. I spend money I don't have, buying shit I don't need to impress people I don't like, and I do it over and over and over and over again. I was a math major. I was going for my PhD in Algebraic Topology when I was ten years sober. And again I was broke because I was maxed out in every any every credit card, and I asked my sponsor and I was had good been going for my phd and I asked my sponsor, who was a post office worker at the time, why was I always broke. He explained to me that when you spend more money than you make, you go into debt. Roger, did you know that? Rogers like laughing at me like, well, everybody knows that. You know. Well, I didn't know that, Roger, young still, I'm saying, I didn't understand that. I was forty one years old and I was a math major and I didn't know that if it's not what you make, it's what you spend. And so I would buy a cadillac when really I can only afford a Chevrolet, because somehow driving a cadillac maybe feel better and maybe feel better. Because when you're a nothing and you're always going to be a nothing and you got to put something in your body like...

...alcohol to make it into an almost and almost the top of when you're constantly trying to do things, self destructive things to make yourself look better or feel better on the inside, it doesn't work, whether it's alcohol or whether it's spending money or whatever it is. So the bottom line is is I have to I'm one of these guys. It's not like I go broke once because I bought something I should have bought. I didn't need to buy that watch. It's not that I go I go broke twice. I got to go broke for ten years, tenzero times, and spend money before and be rehumiliated and go through all sorts of worry and repeat humilia after repeated humiliation for ten years. All of a sudden I wake up one day and I say, you know, I think, I think I'd better go on a cash s basis and stop spending all this money. I maybe I order, you know, refrain from buying this stuff. You know, I though it's I'm an alcoholic, that I don't change my ways and until it hurts a lot over a period of time, and then I start learning my less. So what happens is, over a period of time, as you go through the repeated humiliations and the final crushing of your self sufficiency, and if you happen at the same time be going a a and you happen to be hanging around people that have surpassed, are gone ahead and that emotional and spiritual level, you may find that you run into people that become part of your wee where you say to yourself, man, I wish I could be like Joe Sneider, I wish I could be like real keys. I wish I could be like John Blenn. You know, you may find yourself saying to yourself, I want what those guys have or those women have and I'll do anything to get there. And you may sit me saying that to yourself. Guess what, at Twenty Years Sober. I know we all think that the first step is for people who are just trying to stop drinking. Right, what does it say if you want what we have and are willing to go to any leth? There's a step before the steps, isn't there? It's called the first a step before the steps is if you want what we have and you're willing to go to any length to get it, then you're ready to take some you're not even ready to take the steps unless you want what we have are willing to go to any length to get it. Right. So you figure out a weed. You figure out I want what they have, I'll go to any length to get and when you first come in, the thing you want, the thing I wanted more than anything else, is I came here. How many, raiser, and how many you came here because they couldn't stop drinking? Three people? Four people? Okay, so I came here because I couldn't stop drinking. You know what I wanted when I came day? You know what I wanted? I wanted to stop drinking. I didn't want to stop spending, I didn't want to stop poring around, I didn't want to stop, you know, Romancing, women are flirting. I didn't want to stop doing I wanted to stop drinking. And I got around people who were not drinking and I wanted what they had and I was willing to go to any length to get it. So I was ready to take the steps. We got that. Okay, so great, and I stopped drinking. Okay, so that's great. So here's the deal. Most people think the first step has to do with drinking, and you would be incorrect if you think that. Yeah, it doesn't. And if you want to know why people drink again, they drink again because they think the first step has to do with drinking. They think it's all that. There is drinking, okay, but the bottom line is what I found is the first step has to do with everything, because one of the things that it says in the...

...big book, if I can find it, I got to try to find it. I just that he wrote it down here, so let me try to find it. Let me try to find this thing that I wrote down the here's this great little line. It's actually right and bill story. I believe you're ready for this. My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrating these principles in all my affairs. What's that? What does that? Is that the twelve step? Well, they talked about that in twelve step, don't they? My friends emphasized the absolute assas to him demonstrate these principles all my fears, particularly it was imperative to work with others, as he had worked with me. Is that like the twelve step? Faith without works his dead. Well, that's faith. That's like the third step in the eleventh step and all those other but but faith without works is dead, dead faith, dead faith doesn't do any good. And how importantly true for the alcoholic, for if an alcohol failed to perfect? Okay, listen, it's not only having faith. You can have faith up the WAZOO. It's not only having faith, it's not only working the steps. You've got to you ready for this? It gets really bad. You have to perfect and enlarge your spiritual life, to work and self sacrifice for others. You know that means. That means ready for this. A kind only act once in a while isn't enough, is should I I know, I know you're like me. I have about ten dollar bills in my car in a little trade there. Whenever I pull up to a line and there's a guy there who's looking for money, I give my dollar. I never fail. I give my a doll. Sometimes I'll get up five depended, but I've I mean I do. I'm not pray, I'm just done. You. I do that. You know what my big book says. It says a kindly act once in a while. It ain't enough. It ain't enough. And by the way, if you don't do that, I'm ashamed of you. But that's besides pot. Forget about that. Don't worry, don't get upset, for if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge a spiritual life through work and self sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. There are trials and low spots ahead for you guys. And if he did not work, he would surely drink again. If he drank, he would truly die. Then faith will be dead. Indeed, with us. It is just like that. If you see somebody drink who's Sobrat a a, it's because they have failed to enlarge and perfect their spiritual experience. And you may say to yourself, well, why have they failed to enlarge and perfect their spiritual experience? I'm going to answer that question for you, Cassandra. Have you ever asked yourself why did that person drink? Have you ever answer as many of you ever asked her for itself? Bad. Okay, I'm going to answer that question for you. Well, at least I'm going to try to give you my theory on that. Okay. So, so, another words. Apparently, one of the things I have to do is I have to enlarge my spiritual experience. I got to get closer to God. And you know what they say in the big book. They say once to make that decision for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen, being all powerful and give us everything we need if we stay closely and perform his work well, because he is the father we are as children. We have a new employer. We have a new employer. We have a new employer. He's employed us, he's are we have a new job, we have a job. It's to be a maximum service to other people. It's the love other people. It's the first Corinthians thirteen thing. That's what they said.

They said and talked about the good old times. The books that we found absolutely essential was first corinthians thirteen, sermon on the Bible Mount and the Book of James and First Corinthians Thirteen and the book of James and all that stuff. It's talking about loving other people. We got to love people. You can't have a connection with God and and hate your brother. You can't. You can't have a connection with God and hold hatred in your heart and for other people. You got to love and you got out. You got to you got it and you almost can't force it. You might, you might have to take it until you make it, but somehow, some way, that thing has to develop. So wide want so, in other words, one of the things that has to happen. You know, remember old buildots and I was talking about remember one of the things. He said. It's in alcoholics down the number three. You can check it out for you can check it out. He said. I knew there was something more, something I had in got. I knew there was a happiness these old times. They had a happiness, they had a release, they had something. person want to add. I was trying to find the answer. Now you may find this hard to believe, but I don't think you will, because I think this group is a pretty solid group. There are people that come into a a that actually that want to stop drinking, that stop drinking and you're ready for this, you're ready. It's not enough. They want more. They want more. There are people that come a day A and they'll do anything to stop drinking. They want what we have. They'll do anything to stop drinking and they're ready to take certain steps and they're ready to do anything to stop drinking. And they stop drinking and it ain't enough. It ain't enough. They want more. I may be talking to some of those people, you know. I mean, have you ever gone to a meeting to listen to somebody because you're saying, maybe this guy, maybe I'll hear something, maybe this guy has the answer. You understand? You know, I know guys that have twenty five years and they're following people around because the same well, maybe this guy, because you know, I know I got this thing. I haven't had a drinking twenty five years. But I want more because there's something missing. You ever, you know what's Bill Wilson said? You know you can tell spiritual version because they have spiritual dissatisfaction. No matter how much they get. They want more, they want to get closer. And so you know what happens. They develop a different weed, they develop another week. They go from one wee. Listen, I had incredible sponsors, I had incrediles. I love my sponsor, God bless them. They passed away. I have a new one now, you know. But Oh my God, I love Bob Sullivan. Bob Selvan sponsored everybody in the world. He'd run around the planet. We go, we go get drunks bringing the detox. I mean, I love Bob Sullivan. You know what I mean. I need Bob Sullivan. I'm slivan passed awaymen had seven years with the Joe Snyder. Oh Man, incredible big Book Supper. Love God, but a big Book Supper really something unbelievable. I Love Them. I love the greatest guy in the world. He I have stories about. He's the one who said you're upset because you're upsetable. Unbelievable. I still talk about him, I still steal his lines and told stories about them, but you know some he died when I had eleven or twelve or thirteen years sober, and then I met John Glenn and a Bible Study and John Glenn, he was the Baptist preacher and he's studying the bottle. You knew the battle back and support. See, it's like sixty years. I love John Gon. I love John Benny. Classroom for like fifteen years and then he died. And Real Keith. I love drug and each sponsor along the way. You know, we're to have each one of my weeds that I put in my week. Each one had sobriety plus. They had sobriety plus something more than I didn't have that I needed at the time. I pray that you always, wherever you are, whoever you are, you always have somebody in front...

...of you. You always have somebody in front of you who say, man, I want that that guy has. You follow that guy around. You know, I want with that. You're going to be. You gonna be like Stalky Stalk, that sucker. You know what I mean, Stok that sucker. Yeah, I'm telling you to Sandrid's. I know I can tell the stalkers. You know what I mean the twirling eyes and all that, the psychotic stuff. You know, stalk the stalkers, you know. You Stalk that sir, stalk that sobriety, because you want what they have and you only go any length to get it. You show up at their house with a giant butcher knife. You know you put it there. When you tell them that to give it to give it up, give it up. I want that deal. Don't play games with me. You know what I mean. Ash Don't let Ashley, don't listen to this stuff. I don't, you know, because you know I don't want to get you all crazy, you know, but that's that's the bottom. You do that stuff. So, so here's the deal. We're all constantly doing the first step. If you ain't doing the first step, if you're not expanding your deal, if you're not looking for that next person, that next deal, you're just getting ready to drink again. You don't even know it. You do know whyfs, you're resting on your laurels. You're resting on your laurels. You know. You know you're saying, you're doing. You know they're saying. You know what the six step says? It says the men who were doing this thing, are trying repeatedly over a lifetime to grow in the image like this of their creator. It's a lifetime job. You know where it says the guys who are going to lose are? They're the guys that settle. They settle there and they're not in the rocket in the Fourth Dimension Existence Club. They're in the not drinking club. You know, and Ay there's a not drinking club. They get all excited about people not drinking. Hey, they say things like get off my back. Get on my back, I've already been to me not. Believe me, I'm not having a drinking ten years. Get off my back. I don't even feel like drinking. You know, they get pissed off if you suggest they give you you do more. Okay. So so listen. So here's the deal. So I was sponsoring a guy who happens to me, God blessing me, have to be sober man. He's probably some twenty years ober now. But when I first started sponsoring them and he was another lawyer and he and he was a very successful or very nice guy. I love the guy. Still Love my still sponsor, but and he sover many years and sometimes it takes got a prime to pump and hey. Then I remember one day he tells the story of his own story. He had about, you know, two or three months to Briane. He had about two or three months to Brian and I brought him to meet real ki who, as many of you knows, was a circuit speaker, Wonderful Guy, was a mentor of mine, and we went to meet for stay, have a steak, have a steak over a sholes restaurant. I want him to meet my friend. And you know what, three months I spansee and we went over there to meet them and I'm sitting there talking to okay, from probably out about thirty years at the time and I think I had about five or six years at the time. This guy about three months, whatever it was, sea eight times and Oh keep us talking to me and the guys talking and O'keith looks at me and says the following. I'm just telling you what he says. He says and the guy is sitting right there and I'll kee says to me. He says, you know, Russia, wasting your time of this guy. He's not going to stop drinking. The guy's got like three months. He's in right next to me. He's got three months. He sitting right next to me. He was talking to Oki. says, Russia wasting time with this guy's not going to stop drinking. And it is. He wouldn't stop drinking. How did I keep see that? And I didn't see that. Okay, so I woke up this morning. Yeah, I woke up this morning and I had something on my mind and I started thinking about this thing I had on my mind. So I had to write it down. So I wrote it down...

...and it had to do with the twelve step and it had to do with sponsoring people and it had to do with WHO's going to make it and who's not going to make it. And so I said this thing. I just had to write it down. It was just drive me crazy. You know, sometimes you write things down and so I'm going to read, I said, well, I must. I guess I'm supposed to share this tonight. Well, again, we can sort of think about this and you could think about this. I tried to put it in chat, but you know, this group is very controlling, you know what I mean. I hope I don't hurt their feel I hope I hurt the field. They're very controlling. It's very nice. You know, I understand they want to stop cross talk, so they disabled chat. So you guys can't see Owen can see it, but he's the only one who can see it. But I might put it in my email next time. You guys are got the email, so I'm going to I'm just going to I call it the next front, to you, but I'm going to read it to you. I'm going to read it slow and I'll read it again because I want you to think about it. Says for those of you who are sponsoring people, for those of you who are trying to help people, for those of you who are being sponsor, there's a little something for you to think about. Thinking about the first step, thinking about the sixth step, think about seventh step, thinking about whether you're ready or not ready. And this is what I think O'Keefe was trying to tell me. You cannot carry a message of God's grace to a man or a woman who only wants physical sobriety once they achieve physical sobriety. Now let me taste is. There's an old tone that says all generate all general generalizations are dangerous, including this one. Now I know this is a generalization, but I watch you to listen to the thoughts behind it. You cannot carry a message of God's grace to a man or a woman who only wants to stop drinking once they achieve physical sobriety. Unless he or she hears or sees through your testimony and behavior something beyond not drinking, something they want and need to have and will do anything to achieve it, they will not be ready to listen to you or do those things you suggest. You know, this AA is loaded with people that are sober, that are not drinking. I call him the not drinking book. Now, the truth is I'm not putting them down because everyone, you know, there are two doors in egg. There's the not drinking door and there's thousands of millions of people in front of that, and then there's the rocket in the Fourth Dimension Group. There's like three people in front of that one. You know what I mean, everyone until while somebody goes from the not drinking door to the rocket in the fourth dimension door, they cross over. You know what I mean. They want more, but most people are just perfectly satisfied with not drink. You know, they just don't want to do any more work. They don't. They're not here for extra credit. You know. I know in the big book that says we we encourage church membership. They're not into it. You know what I mean. They're going to try to do this thing their way. So here's the deal, then, I the extra presence. Unless he or she here's your sees through your testimony and behavior, something beyond not drinking, something they want and need to have and will do anything to achieve, they will not be ready to listen to you or do the things you suggest. It's just true. You try, you try to push an alcoholic uphill when he doesn't want to go uphill. It ain't going to happen. Unless he wants when you have you know you're going to hear a lot of...

...things like you don't understand. You're going to hear a lot of you don't understand, or I'm different, or get off my back, or you're going to be saying things I don't understand. Why doesn't my sponsor call me anymore? You're not going to see him in meetings. He doesn't want what you now. He doesn't want what any of us have. You have still, I'm saying, because he's not drinking. Okay, it says. It says so. It says something that unless he or she hears or sees through your testimony or somebody else's behavior, be something beyond not drinking, something they want and need to have and was wanything to achieve, they will not be ready to listen to you or do the things you suggest. These are things that you suggest that are uncomfortable but necessary to move spiritually forward, because they won't do it because they've already achieved that which they desire, not drinking, not drinking. And you got a gazillion people in here will tell people that as long as they don't drink, that's fine, they don't need to do anything else. Let me tell you something. You got a gazillion old timers. It's a for the plug of the drug. Forget the God thing. Don't wear as you don't drink, you're okay. There are a lot of people in a that will tell people that as long as you're not drinking, everything's fine. You know, they'll tell them and if you're of that persuasion where you want to believe that, that's why it's going to make me. They are not interested in what you have, but are instead now interested in obtaining those things they once had or were chasing before physical sobriety. You See, there are a lot of people to come in here and they get sober and then I'm interested in what you have therey. Look, before I got sober, I was I was a lounge lizard. I was chasing women. I chase them, I chase them, I chase them. Everyone's what. I caught one, I chase them some more and Chay. I was chasing money. Anybody here every chase money. I was chasing position, I was chasing Romance, I was chasing sex. I was chasing material things, cars, vacations. Anybody ever chase material things? I don't know what Ti alcoholism you have. You know something. It's hard to give that up, isn't it? You know what it's like when you're not drinking and you're hanging around a you're still chasing all that shit. It's pretty Shitty, isn't it? You spend a lot of time with your sponsor, talking about her, talking about him, talking about your job, talking about your boss, talking about the money, talking about you. Spend a lot of time talking about how terrible it is to live a life when you're chasing all this stuff and you don't have it. You understand, you know what I mean. It's terrible, really, it's a horrible deal. So it happens is a and you know something? It takes I'll tell you about I got to tell about me. It takes a long that's the real alcoholism. That chasing all the idols in this world and all the things of this world and lusty after those things, lusting if those things, needing those things, that chasing that stuff. Man, that's us in God. Let me tell you something. You can stop drinking your lust for everything around you, the fact that you need this and you need that. If you don't have you'll be okay. And if you lose, if you feel sorry for yourself, that doesn't go away just because you put the plug in the Jug. You know something, it doubles an effort. You know something? That thing will cause you. You'll be in hand to hand combat with this world and the people in this world chasing that Shit. That's the real alcohol. That's the alcoholism you had before you started drinking. That's alcohol to you. Listen, you had when you were drinking and you're still got it. That's what you're working on. That's the thing that's only cured by a spiritual experience and ongoing, expanding spiritual experience. You...

...will have a miserable life, and the bottom line is because you'll be chasing the women and Chasing Romance and and you're not really had to make everybody else's life lisard. You'll be on your fourth, fifth divorce or something like that. It won't be going well for you. You know that think tad takes a long time to get rid of. Well, there's a lot of people to come into here and they stop the drinking and they pretty much think that they're self satisfy. They think that's it. And let me tell you something. They run around looking for anything else. You know what, now that they're not drinking, you know they're doing? There looking for the gown, they're looking for the guy, they're looking for the car, they're looking for the boat, they're looking for the string of Polo Ponies, they're looking for the mansion, they're looking, they're looking for the bullshit. You know what I mean. They don't want what what you what you have. They want what they had. They want what they were chasing at them before they had to get here and they would somehow sidetrack. They're like there you're digging their tunnel out of the jail, trying, you're trying to do their best to get as much money as possible and as much things as possible so that they could do is go do, go to fewer meetings and still feel good, because they ain't looking for the spiritual side of this deal. So the bottom line is is that they're not interested in what we have. They're interested in what we had and, you know, some you're not going to be able to force them. You're not going to be able to force them to desire if you want it, if you want what we have, and or will we go to any length to get it. I can do a lot of things. I can't force somebody desire what we have. Listen, I can tell my story. They can go in and they can see other people. They might they it's a program attraction. They may be attracted. They may not be attracted what I have. They may be attracted with meal has or what Mitch has, what John has or what do still has or, you know, sorry, what Charlie has or what dawn has, or neither. They may be attracted. They may meet Alice there and say, man, I want what that guy has or Cassie, I want what they have. But I'm going to tell you something, if all they want is to stop drinking and that's it, and stay out of my sex life and stay out of my spiritual life and stay out of my religious libelsty out of my money, like they ain't expanding nothing and they following nobody and they don't need a sponsor. Why would they need a sponsor? They're sponsoring themselves. And so one of the things that I had to realize with the twelve step is number one, I have to do it no matter what. But my success at twelve step doesn't depend upon whether all of a sudden a light goes on in their eyes and it's Oh my God, thank you Russell, and everything like that. Am I feel you, doesn't depend upon that. My job is to just be available and not impose myself on people, but expose myself to people to do what I'm doing here, you know, and and sometimes when somebody, and I it's very nice when people say Nice things. Russian really helped me out. He said, I want to help me out. It's nice to know, because it's nice to know I'm not necessarily wasting my time. There are some people hearing stuff, but I know, because I dealt with enough people, that I can give the greatest pitch in the world to somebody and they look at me like I'm stupid, you know what I mean. Or, better yet, what I usually get is they hate my guts. You know, I get a lot of guys to come up and say, you don't used to hate you, but now I love you. I just listening. You know how you stay your Gods. Know I look, but the bottom line is is the bottom. That's my job is not to get people sober. My job and my job is to try to carry a message, the message of my own sobriety, message of God's to race and get this. My job is to try to carry the message. My job is not to carry the message. I used to think my job is to...

...carry the message. Now I leave this room where you guys are at, I'm gonna go to another mean try to carry different message. That's the same message, God's grace, but I'm going to leave this room. And I got a telephone call say Russ I don't know what you said at that meaning, but every that living that meaning right after they got off me, went up and drank, got drunk. So I have no idea what the hell you said those people. Well, they all drank. You understand what I'm saying? Nobody. And I said, well, that's not my problem, that's not, not, not my problem. On you know what I mean, because all because you know, my job is not to carry the message. My job is to try to carry the mess, and what that means is, I know that was probably the worst twelve step meeting I did at the call Gables Group tonight, but let me tell you something, it was the best twelve step meeting I could do that night. So if my job is to try to carry the message, let me tell is something. I did the best I could. And if they all got drank, I'm gonna they all got drunk on Lamon God, that's God's but whether my message carries with everything a person you know, because you know something. I don't know what big book. It says there is one who has all power. That was God. May You have it doesn't say God has nine, nine percent of power. Russ I'm giving you one percent. I have no power to keep you sober or to like me or not like me or get what I'm saying or not get what I mean. I don't even know what you're hearing. I mean if there's like what is there seventy six people of this meeting, you know is seventy. There's seventy six people meeting here in seventy six different things. If we, if we took you aside after the meeting and we started putting my kind you so what you hear? There'd be seventy six people saying all sorts of crazy stuff, and probably ten percent of them would actually get what I was saying right. You'd be here and you probably hear some really good stuff. You'd say. Some always said this. I didn't even say but that's what you heard. The bottom line is my job is to get out there and try to carry the message and if I happen to be around somebody who's ready to hear the message so that it helps him out, then get this. It's God that's doing it, but I get the credit. You understand what I'm saying? Always, Oh Russell help, it has nothing to do with me, you know, the only I did my job. I went in there and I did with the Lord and told me to do. He said go in there and try to help other people because you love them and you're so grateful for being sober and the Lord's been so one for me. You've got to keep talking about tell him other people. And you know, some they go out of this, oh they and somebody gets sober and everything like that, and I can't take credit for it. I never, I would never, oh my God, I would never take credit for anybody's sobriety. You know something, when people say that, Oh, I got a great spile, yet I almost feel guilty. I feel like I have to apologize to God because I stold frothing. You know, if you'll never hear me say I did this right, is it's all gods. I'm always pointing towards it. That's the deal. So you know. But the point is we have to you want to stay so and keep on doing you got it, you got it. That's what I got to do. That's my job. My job is to be, is to be as much service I can to other people and to help other people, and as a result of that, I keep on getting this profound personality change. See, I get payment, I get payment for this deal. I'm know whether you guys listen, whether you got. Here's the great thing with you guys. Drink or not or get anything out of it. I get paid anyway. I don't get. I don't. It's not like a commission. I don't get a commission. You know. I mean. It's not like, well, three people stayed sober or one person is now going to Bible study. Whatever is this? So your commission? I'm yet I'M gonna, I'll get. That's not the deal. I get paid in full, whether you guys get sober. And what do you think that I get paid in full, whether you because you want to know something. Here's the real deal. If if I was actually worried about whether somebody, what do you guys going...

...to drink and I oh, I wouldn't be able to carry the message. I'd be sitting there worrying about well, I don't understand. What's Nicky going to think about me if I say this? What's in need of thinking about me? Well, what's Roger Thinking about? What's Daniel going to think about? I'd be worrying about what you were thinking about me. Or you gonna, I mean, if I stop worried about that stuff now, I I'm not as going to start sucking on the muzzle of a gun that I'll I'd be right back to the way I was forty years ago. We're knowing about what people think of I don't want to lose that stuff. I like that. I like that fear. I like that taken away, that fear of people and an I like not having fear of people. I like just speaking my mind and let the Lord take over and say what I'm going to say. Let's chip, what were they made and let him do his job. That's how I want to do it. You know what I mean and you know now I'm now I have another spotsor I want what he has. I'm always looking for people. I'm always looking for people in circumstances that have something to teach me. That's why I go to why did you think I go to Bible? So I go to two Bible Studies. I go. I go to to Bible Studies and sorry, I do all. Why don't? Because I want more. Why do you think guy to keep on studying the bottle? Because I want more. You know, people say I'm spiritual and not religious. says, Hey, fantastic, I'm spiritual and religious. Why would your spiritual not religious God blesher. I'm spiritual and religious. How about that? You know what I mean. I got the whole deal. Loan okay, so God bless you. Thank you very much.

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