AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 5 months ago

Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House 7/22/2021

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Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/22/2021   

My name is Russell spats. I'man alcoholic. Hi everybody. So we got like what? We got?Fifty three people on Zoom from all over the place. I got a lotof friends here, a lot of friends on zoom. I want to sayespecially. I want to call out and say especially high and so I'm sograteful to Steve Schmirgles with us on zoom here. So she must be there. I love you, Steve, and I'm always thinking about you and alwayspraying for you. She's on there. Okay, I'll bless you all.And I and I just came back from Georgia. I was here about fouror five days and went to a couple of what we call regular meetings likethis with are actually live human beings, not that the human beings on herearen't. Why? Well, I'm not sure when they're alive or not.Who knows? You know what? I made a few of them, butwho knows what's going on? I could be puppets. I know you're notpuppets. I meant mostly so. So it's good to be here. Isaid I was an alcohol member the Celtic Sea Group and we're this is thisis the twelve time I've been here and we're on step eleven. I'm notgoing to explain that, but well, it was one meeting we had whereit's birthday night for about forty five minutes and I give a ten minute talkon introductions of the fourth step. So so that's why we're on step eleven. So I think I'm going to talk about step eleven. Eis Am atfact, there's a there's a possibility I have been talked about step eleven orstep six or step seven, step three throughout this entire thing, and whoknows what I might have been talking about any of the steps. Who knows? You'll forget this thing out. I'll tell you how prepared I am forthis meeting. I am so prepared for this meeting that literally two minutes beforethe meeting started, I was looking up Shit, you know what I mean, and the big book and stuff like that, which is sort of likethey I don't know how many years there was a time when I I haven'tfound necessary to have his drink since January two thousand one thousand nine hundred andeighty one. So I've been around for a while, but there was atime. There was a time when I actually gave a proper one. WhatI was saying, what other people thought about me, which is a terriblesituation to be in, as anybody ever had that. Well, because that'spart of the disease, by the way. That's part of the disease. Worriedabout what other people think about you, their judgment about you. I knowit's part of the disease because they said when you get better, youknow when you get rocking. The fourth mission existed. Why I know it'sfar disease because one of the promises is fear of people and a backnock insecuritywill leave you. So if the promise is you won't know, you'll nolonger life afraid of what other people think about you, then I just partof the disease is having that fear. But there was a time, andI've had that fear all my life, because I've had this disease all mylife. I had that fear of what other people think about me. Youknow, commentagy wrote the book man against himself and I th s one ofthe top psychiatrist and he had a wholet. It was the whole book on suicide, which is what drink. It was all about, isn't it?Says Alcoholics and men women who have destroy themselves. That's what he says inthe book, in the chapter. It's a whole chapter on alcoholics. Hesays we're out there destroy ourselves. You know I mean deep down. Look, one of the old ideas that we have to get rid of. Allthe old ideas is or the result, whatever that is, results as nail. One of the old ideas is that. What is the old idea? Theregoes that senility again. So that nobody could ever understand me. I'mso unique, nobody's gonna know what I'm talking about. I don't even understanding. And then, you know, you come into here and after a while, you know it's short of all in here. You realize that everybody understandyou. But the first time I found people that understand me, you knowwhat I mean. And and so you ultimately have to go to a lotof meetings here a lot of people, and you talk at me and stufflike that. You realize that all you got to do is say anything thatcomes at your mind and you no matter if you thought it Fivezero, peoplethought it's like we're twins. You know, we don't look like everybody. Youknow, people come up to you, you know, and that black,that white, that fact they're skinny, and they say, you're talking aboutme. No, I'm talking about me, you know, but Imean, you understand that. And and one of the things that happens isas an alcoholic, that I've discovered is that every once in a while,no matter how well I'm doing material,...

...no matter how well I think I'mdoing spiritually, no matter how much time I have in the program every oncein a while the shower, driving the car or something like that, thisthought pops up to kill myself, I'm a piece of crap, I'll neverbe okay now, that thought arely pops up now and me, but itdoes from time to time, usually when I screw up or I don't youknow, something happened. So whatever. And and when I first came in, the idea that I'm worthless deep down inside, that I'm unworthy, I'mnot good enough, that one day, that incredible fear that everyone's going tofind out what a fucking phony I am. When I first came in, thatstuff came up all the time. And I'm an alcoholics on delutional.I can't separate the truth from a false. I tell myself thinks like I don'tgive a crap what other people think about me, when all I dois think about what other good thing about me. That's a that's the horrorof my life. I wish I didn't care what other people thought about me. And what happens is and you know, why do you think I spend money? I don't have the bi crap. I don't need to impress people.I don't even like. What do you think I mean? I'm not, you know, worried about what I said, going to say to meeting, or I don't say anything at a meeting because I'm worried about if Isay some people laugh at me. I think I'm stupid. Or then Isay some of the meeting, then I drop of the meet and I said, why didn't I say that? You know what I mean. And alwayssecond guessing myself. You know, and and you know some I had thatdisease when I was drinking. Writing about drinking is you know, booze willtake away the fear of people in five seconds. Man, I'll like.I know, I look at some gags. Man, he's gorgeous, you know. I'd like to talk to her and I'm going to talk there fivedrinks, man, I'm all over that Gal, you know what I mean, and I'm like, why Don Rice on her, you know, andhe done. That's what I fear. Your booze alcohol is the greatest wiperout of fear. But you know, the truth is that that feeling ofunworthiness that don't even admit I have because as an alcohol I'm I told myselfright. I rationalize, I tell myself, rationalize, I am perfectly capable ofhaving these feelings of inferiority or unworthiness and at the same time denying thatI have them. You know, I can hold two different thoughts in mymind. I can, and one part of mine, Say I am God'sgift to you, man. You know, if elevently everybody did what I did, I am so brilliant, I'm smarter than anything, on the smartestguy in the room, and on the other part of my brain I sayI'm piece of Shit. On them be okay, I might as well killmyself. And I can think both things at the same time, which setsup some sort of nervousness, you know what I mean. When they callit, what's that line I use? There's nervous disposition, of the nervousdisposition. You know, you drink alcohol, those things sort of whack come together, you know, and you're John Wayne or something like that, andyou know. But that's stuff, that less than stuff, that unworthy stuffwhich you can't quite place it or figure it out or you know. II'm seventy two years old. I've been program over forty years. I sortof it's so clear to me now stuff that was so unclear to me beforeI came Toutall Sans, or even for the first ten years, it's soclear to me, you know, and that's because us. Part of thealcoholism is not being able to see things clearly. And I think first forthen thirteam says we see through a glass darkly. You know it is.I have an alcohol alcohol Colli responsibile comingly says you don't know me, asis no, no, no, here's a deal. I absolutely know you. I can see through you. You don't know you, you don't knowyou the reason you keep screwing up and keep doing things and you can't understandwhy. And instead of listening me coming up and say this is why I'mscrewing up and you tell me why. You think you're screwing up and you'reall wrong, but you believe it. Always wrong, but never in doubt. You know what I mean. At some point in time, to getthe point, say maybe I don't know...

...shit, maybe this possibly my bestthine. You got me in here. And what I ultimately find out ismy alcoholism centers in my mind, on my body. I had it beforeI started drinking, I drank to get rid of it, and I hadit after I stopped drinking and it's there. And Ninety percent of stuff I don'teven know I have. I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven bya hundred for Hims of fear that I don't even know about. Ahundred forms, maybe a thousand forms. I'm delusional. There's no shot ofgetting rid of Selfugist I don't even know I have. We must get ridof it or kills us. God makes that possible. And so I gotthis crazy disease so and and and it's impossible for me to try to figureit out and I am part of my diseases. I so want to justfigure it out. I so I so don't want to go up to somebodyelse and ask them why I am so nuts and even if I ask him, as soon as they start talking, I said I don't want to listenthis bullshit. I so don't want to hear the truth. And if Ihear the truth, I don't want to accept the truth or I don't understandother don't accept the truth. I mean, this is this is a horrible thing, because it works in your brain. UNLESS, until alcoholic accepts his alcoholismand all its consequences, is sobriety precarious of true happiness, will findnone at all. The book spells it out. Unless you accept this thing. Consequent there are consequences to be an alcoholic and the promise to accept theconsequences I have to accept in my brain. Am I brain is dis eased.It's in a state of dis ease and I don't know, I don'tknow about you, but I don't have a spare brain. What I mayhave as a sponsor, where I may have as a mentor where I mayhave is somebody in my life who I respect to I want what they have, where I will actually listen to what they say to me and what theytell me, even though I don't understand it, where I listen to whatthey say to me and tell me to do, even though I don't agreewith it, where they listen to me and try to figure out what I'msaying and hang around me, even though that you think I'm wrong and theyhave no idea because they've been so beaten down that they've accepted the fact thatthey don't have an understandable word I'm saying. But they know one thing. Theydon't want to be in charge of their lives anymore. They give upthe go. So I find that essentially there are two kinds of people ina that I eive a sponsor, I run into. They're the guys thathave hit bottom, literally hit bottom, and they'll do anything to say soand they may see me out. I mean, I'm using myself, youunderstand, because I'm using my own experiences, my experience. Okay, so I'mnot trying to preach your teacher, I'm just telling this my experiences.The God comes up to me and he you know, and whatever I said, something's hit him, you know what I mean, and he's at thatplace where he's ready. If you want, we have and you're willing go toany length, then you're ready to take me and he's ready and hesays can we get together? He's finding the Baba Blah and I'd like tohe says, I'm sure finds this to anybody. What do you mean?Yes, say yes, the two hundred people want to call you up,you know, and and which is true. You know what I mean. Yougot a sponsor. Twenty two get to you know, and the bottom. I said, yeah, sure, what do I care? You know, as long as I don't have to actually work. You know, Imean. So as I say yes, and all of a sudden the guy, and it may be on a zoom meeting and maybe this means. Isay, well, what means to go? And I say well, I goto about, you know, three or four meetings a day on zoom. You can do that. Believe it or not, I do a lotof zoom stuff and I get I go to this, I do this,mean, I do that. mean. I said, why don't you?I'll give you a list of means. I go to. Want you toshow up. And all of a sudden the next day I'm out of meetingand the guys there and I'm always, believe it, not shocked. I'malways like in a state of surprise that the freaking guy actually showed up,you know what I mean. I say hey, it's good to see iteverything, they will go to the meeting. Then next thing happens. I goto the next meeting and the guys...

...there, and then I go tothe next meeting, the men's meeting, made the back on track with it. The Guy Is there and then for the next year the guys showing upat every meeting I'm at. I'm not saying because I'm so good or anythinglike that. And they happen to other people the same way. All ofa sudden this guy, I can't get rid of them because he is likeaddicted to whatever hell I'm dishing out, and all I'm dishing out is thebig book and about God and everything that. That's what he wants to hear that. I couldn't get rid of them with a shotgun, you understand whatI'm saying. And they stay sober and they go on and then they'll saysomething like Oh, what are you doing to Isa? I'm coming up here, and they'll show up at the diner or they'll do something like that.And they do that like I did with every one of my sponsors, likeI shadowed that. I stalked my sponsors. Stalking sponsors shouldn't be really unusual foralcoholics because, believe me, I started women all the time. Imean I was allowinged with it. I wanted what she had. I wasready go at at length to get it. You know what I mean? Iwas allounge Withz it, buddy. You know, I was persistent.You know, yeah, you're laughing, guys, you don't know what it'slike, but let me tell you, it was a serious problem. Butthat's I thought, a a, you know, Guru's and old timers andstuff like that, where like I used to go after women really, Imean I'm not ashamed of its true. And you know, and then,and then there's the guy who comes up and says, you know, listen, I'd like to hang around blabble by, and I said, I given themme that. I don't see him, I don't see him. And thenhe calls me up one day or I bounced into him and he's gota duy or he's got this and that that he says, remember me?Remember? We spoke? I said Yeah, no, I don't remember. Isaid when was that? Uses three years ago. We were in thethe we're in the towel step house and we have a long conversation. Youknow remember? I said no, I don't remember. It says yeah,I was about three years ago. I said, I'm sorry, unless II see, I don't really the truth is we may have had a threehour conversation. I'M NOT gonna remember unless I see all the time. Theysaid, I really want to do this thing now. I said, whatshould I do? I so we'll want to move with watch tomorrow. Watchme there and they don't show up. Well, they show up one time, they disappear. You know what I mean. And those are the twotypes of people. Basically, I see, you are the ones that really wantthis thing, and the dilettants, the they're like trying it out,you know, the bullshit artist. You loving way because because the truth isthere. But for the race of God goes you. You know, likeI said to my sponsor, I don't want to be here. Pretty said. Too late, Budd if you're in here, you've already busted. Hypocrite. You know, you say one thing, that you do another thing as partand parcels disease, but the people that get sober stay sober and gettingrocking in the fourth dimension and of existence. The people that don't join the notdrinking club, but are into the rock of the the Fourth Dimension Club. You understanding our experience. You much have the people that actually lose fearof other people, who actually Gild the disease, who really are reborn andhave a whole different line, who experience what Dr Young was talking about.Ideas, emotions, attitudes that where the God enforce, their lives are shiftedat the one side. They become dominated by home newstead of ideas, emotionsand attitudes. Those people who receive everything that I got to him, everythingthey need, that they stay close to him to perform his work well andare ready to perform his work. Those people are the people that stay soldfor thirty, forty years and they sponsor other people. And that's what happens. You know. I mean, it's so Misterry, so mystery with Godwill do what he's done for us, will do for you. It's nomystery. Who's going to make him? WHO's not going to make you?Can Stay so for it's twenty years and then drinks. You can feel sstay so for ten years and feel sorry for yourself and still not have anyemotionals to bride. has nothing to do with time and it has everything todo with time. But the bottom line is there reaches a point where timeis not enough to give real happiness and real choice. Just staying enough,you know, and that's the deal. And eventually something happens, something gives, and this has to do with the God thing, you know, andhas to do with the commitment and who you hang as so much has todo with who you hang out with. Who you hang out with in thebooks you reading, the books you read depends upon who you hang out with. Now, I don't know. I'm not going to say the words.I don't even use the word lucky anymore, blessed, given my background and howcrazy I am, I don't know...

...why I chose the men I choseto hang out with. I don't know, except for me, because I justcheck on it. You know, maybe I'm so much more advanced nowspiritually. I kind of stuff used to except me, but it doesn't.This happens every one. Time I yelled at somebody, I was like sarcastic. I mean, which is a trade I have. Sometimes it's I thejumping reviews and as somebody for the phone going off, I'll say something likeyou know, you know who can tell them that's going to make the meeting. People who's got their phone on. You can't keep your phone off foran hour during me don't expect to stay sober. Let's see you on myphone goes off. It's just so Ug fricking embarrassing. You know what Imean embarrassing. So I don't do that any I don't do that anymore.You know, the only thing you need to know to do a good ameans be sincere and what you learn how to fake that you got a name. So, but, but there was a time that make it hard lessonfast ride. It was the time what I start off saying that I reallyhad that part of the disease for many years, many years. I'm notsaying I'm totally over, for many years I had that part of disease whereI was so concerned about what other people thought about me that I get realnervous before I speak and I sort of plan out what I was going tosay, which is a big mistake because you'll lose it five seconds after youget up here. You're nervous and everyone like that. And then I secondguess myself after I got out. What do you think? What you thinkthat? How did you like it? Is that okay? Yeah, itwas good, really was. You know, I mean it's just such a horrorstory. You know what I mean to be so self involved and worriedabout this stuff, but it is what it is. It's the truth thatyou're an alcohol you're going to go through that for you know, three,four, five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, whatever. Hell,you're going to go through that stuff. And then, and then, andthen only. Only I wanted to clear, only because of my faith in God, only because of my faith in God and my knowing that, nomatter what happened, if I trusted in him, he would give me thewords to say. Was I able to turn that shit over, just getup blind and just start talking about what's on my heart. All the fearwent away and I think I gave better meetings, to be honest with you, for some reason, I don't know, maybe because it's not me talking.I'm just trusting in him, letting go. But that isn't not anatural thing for an alcohol it's not a natural thing for an alcoholic to giveup control over people and what he says and not worry about and everything likethat. And I pray for everything I say, but the words of mymouth and meditation my heart, the accept will do. My Lord, myGod, my Rockom and my readmion, the Bible, some big Bibe ofGod. So here some of that kind of worry about talking about the bibbleit a means because, Steve, it's like, what am I going toworry about? Some guy sit in the front roads and pay my Visa Card. You know what I mean. I'm just going to talk about what I'msupposed to talk about. And you know, there's so many people in a a. You got such a choice who you can be what you want withwho want you. You get such a bebby of choices. Youse, Iwanted what that guy want what back down and went told me my s twomonths sober and there was a guy adying of cancer and he was just bringingjoy to everybody's house. How hard and just talked about how much you lovedGod and Love The Lord and how everything was unbelievable. And he left.He let I had such great feeling about this guy and said my sponsor,you've heard about this guy out Kennedy and it said, man, I reallylike no. Group goes to Second Act with him. He says he's diningof cancer. I said can't, don't talk about the guy was speaking.Says he's dying of cancer uself. He's got like six months lay or somethinglike that. I said, yeah,...

...that was helping people. He wasn'theat. I said, I'm just telling you. In six months later hewas gone and I said, man, I wish I could have that outKennedy deal. I mean I don't be wrong. Not Drinking is something,but the Al Kennedy deal, you know that. Is that a? Isthat a is that a what you lose fear of, even don't you losefear? Is that a a where we're somehow is that possible? Is itpossible not to worry about what other people think about yet? Is it possiblyrocking in the Fourth Dimension Existence? What you're nine? Is Its possible experiencemuch of Heaven? I'm going. I'm reading this book. It's a basictext. It says this is what happened. Is it possible to fear people inthe fact and not consecured. Is it possible to lose the worry andthat? Is it possible? The book is all about that. They're readingthese promises in every meeting. They think it's so cool. Is it reallypossible? Because I see around me, it means people are just thumbsucking crybabiestalking about their problems and there's like one guy does one alt Kennedy. Isit possible? Because that's what I want. So what do I do? Ihang around the all Kennedy's. I hang around the Al Kennedy's. Theycan't get rid of me like glue. I hang around them. And somy deal now is I taught mostly about what I like I can call emotionalspride. You can talk about anything, but it's basically talking about God andbringing God into your life and having a fervent and absolutely in God. AndI talked about that at meetings because most of the meetings that I see,that I go to, people aren't talking about based upon my forty years experience, based upon what I know happens to be, based upon the book DrBob, the good old times, based on what I know. The programis all about the real program, not a light I know it's all aboutthis whole thing. Every page is about developing a faith in God that willsolve your problems and rock getting the fourth munch of existence. I am notinvolved in the not drinking, cloth in the plug a jug. Listen.So if there's some old croshey time or out there saying that's all I've be'not drinking I'm not involved in that. Although, as my sponsors say tome, if you go to the whole day and you screw up anything,you have going to drink or winner. And I believe that, and that'swhat you tell newcomers and that's what you tell old timers and that's what youtell everybody, because it's true. But in a sense, if that's theonly thing you got, you're going to be a sorry dude, because thisbook is not about not drinking. This book is about how to live lifeand experience the joy of living. They're not in a jail sentence, youknow, and I want the enthusiasm and the joy of living, which meanswe wrote a book because of a mere code of morals. Are Better passingthought blast Boston glofe put it. Help us with be sober. Long timeago. Didn't help us, because you didn't have the power to live likehuman beings and an incredible way, we did have I don't want to all, I just wish I was normal. Who the Frick wants that? Andhave you seen normal out there, home to work, home to living linesof flight, desperation? Who wants normal? I want extraordinary. What's wrong withextraordinary? What's wrong with God giving me this disease, this born ofmy flesh, so that I can learn the value of suffering overcome this stuff, okay, through repeatedly trying to do this thing and get closer to himand increase my contact with them so I can grow in the image and likemy creator. And I know what that image looks like now, because he'snot a fluffy thing or a fucking trade. You understand, because I don't knowhow to be a tree. You understand to saying it's a real deal, where I know exactly what he does and who he is and what hewants me to be like. And you wanted something. He's all through thebig book about Bolics, anonymous, and I know the books they're reading,when they read, when they wrote this thing, because I read Dr Bottomof good old times. I know what this thing is all about. Iread Dr Bottom of good old times. I read the part where they saidthe books that with a founder said the books we find absolutely essential, absolutelyyou read. Have you ever read that...

...thing? The book but says reallyhaven't scand person fails thoroughly followed our path. Do you guys think that what you'redoing right now has anything do what they were doing in nineteen thirty five? Whoa you want to read Dr Botom the good old timeers between nineteen thirtyfive and nineteen forty five and stuff like that. What they were doing?You couldn't go to a meaningless you got down you at least kne's and gaveyour life to God. You couldn't go to a meeting unless you got downto the knees and gave you a life to God. They were serious.You didn't have anybody and a means of that time. I can tell youthis. You have anybody a means. That's UNSERAID. Well, it's theysaid the God stuff. I wouldn't be here. You're right. You wantto be in there. You would. Were right, it's true. Youwould been out the door going to get another drink until you were begging toget it and begging to get down on your knees. Then said they werefocused. They knew exactly when you came in here, they knew exactly whatthis thing was all about and what they were chopping off it onto. Andthen we became enlightened and you dropped all that stuff. You know, letme read you something when you have my mouse. I need my mouse.Thank you. Is a mess. I want to read you something. Sothe books they found absolute essential. We're first against thirteen, sermon on theMount and the book of James. Now that's just not my works, that'sour book, that's our program the books that we found absolutely essential, ifyou want to thoroughly pod that, first twincand thirteen surrounding Mount, book ofJames. That's what the old timers said. Okay, so let me, letme just read something for it from you. Did you know that Aawas almost called the James Club of the Big Book of James? It's true. I mean you know, you have talk at your own opinion. Know, I tell your own facts. So let me read you something out ofChapter One, right off the BAT, out of the book of James.Don't worry, this won't hurt. Yet we'll hurt Ye, won't kill you. You know I mean. And believe me, when I leave they'll beplenty of guys to tell you it's all bullshit. So don't worry. Thatfollowed an and talk a little bit more about your sex life or relationships.By the way, when I've never been to a group, a a wherethey talked about where they didn't want to have a meaning on relationships, wewould all had to do with sex and romance. Isn't that right? Youever to read an a mean within one some of my relationships? It's alwaysabout boyfriend's girlfriend, sex and romance. Right. You know what our booksays, you know the six says, the one to separates men from thevoice. It says we don't want to say anything or deprecate the true achievement. But never have we, never have. We had a worse situation our livesand pinning our lives on what does this precede? Prestige, money andromance. And all they want to do at meetings is talk about their sexlife and the romance life and whether they have a boyfriend, girlfriend, thehusband or their lonely or shit, Shit like that. Well, they wantto do is talk about this, the disease, and why don't they havewhat they want? Why aren't they happy? Why don't why don't I have thisand why don't I have that? And why can't I get here?Why can't I get there? Here's the reason why? Because you're a freakinggoof push because, like John Wayne says, you know my favorite saying with JohnWayne, life is tough and when you're stupid it's even tougher. Youknow what I mean. So, yeah, so you want to hang around aa with. The whole thing is about focusing on God and glorifying Godand bringing glory to God and having a relationship with God. And the guysthat are doing that are being rocking in the fourth match of existence. They'regoing to the whole banquet and the people aren't are sucking the at thumbs andbeing pissed and that at the guys that are talking about that Shit, bythe way, because they don't want you to hear it, because if youhear it and you get a hold of this, maybe it'll go throughout aa they'll be talking about and they might have to do it and they don'twant to do it because the hackles in the next are standing up, likeit says in after the agnostics. That's why we wrote a book and that'swhy we have to talk about God. It's not a mistake. So here'sJames, book of James. There's a...

...cute little thing. So one ofthe problems I have before I get this, one of the problems I have isafter let's talk out. The eleven stepping has to do with increasing yourconscious contact with God. First you get some contact with them, you know, during the first three, four five months. Higher Power could be yoursponsor group. Then you sort of like increase a little how conscious contact.Then you go to more means, you hang out more people, increase alittle more, a little more, and then you know, maybe after ayear you got to increase a little more. Remember, every day you're heading on. Every day you're increasing. Right as you're increasing, you're changing.You're changing this because stocky young said that's how you get these psychic change.You don't change yourself. You can't change yourself. You're powerless over changing yourself. You can't stop thinking, you can't stop worrying, you cannot stop worrying. What you can do is you could say what I used to do.I got to stop worrying about this. You ever say I got to stopdrinking. I'm not gonna have a drink today. I'm not going to worryabout this thing today. I'm not going to think about this thing. Youcan do that and be abysmal failure over and over again. You're powerless overeverything I have here. People say, well, the only power I haveis how I react. No, you don't have power over that either.You don't have have a power over that either. He said. Well,the only power I have is the power of be to change him, reactto know. You don't have power over that. Eat. You have nopower, none, zero. There is one who has all power. Youmay have read this somewhere. It's actually in our literature. That one isGod. May you find him now. No human power can do it.You can't do it, you're thinking, can't do it. Only God cando it. They're serious about the God thing. So here's what the bookof James So so here's the problem I have. Here's the problem I had. So we have to forty. So listen. So every year I'm increasingmy contact with God, trying to increase my contact with God. How doI do that. I think about him, I pray about it, I followwhat I say in the book. I do what I hang around theseguys that are older than me. Maybe have twenty years on, maybe theyhave twenty years, twenty five years, thirty years. They talking about God. I guess sponsors that are talking about God. Each sponsor has more andmore of the God thing. You're into the God thing. Or we cango through all my sponsors what they did. So every month, every year,one day I'm next thing you know, they're sending me the church and allsort of stuff. I'm going to church, I'm going to Bible studybecause I want to keep my I want to hang around with people that aretalking about God. I want to tell about people could talk about God becauseI'm no longer in the spiritual kinder gooden. That a is because at some pointin time you're really got to get out of the kindergarten. After ten, fifteen years, you're really got to go to like high school. Youknow what I mean. Spiritual you want to go to high school. Youdon't want to have to a spiritual action with God at ten years that youhad a two months, because it don't work. It don't work. You'rejust not happy about your sobriety. And so at ten years all of asudden you get to a point where you maybe get maybe get hit down alittle, maybe get bashed at a little, and some guy says want you totry Bible study and all of send it's not such a stupid thing.You would initially don't want to do it because it's different than just getting theLapid. You would a egg, because in Aa they apparently hate the Bible. Well, I got that from the fellowship. The Fellowship is not theprogram you know. You know our fellowship is wonderful and I love it,but you know it's not. Well, people's anonymous. You understand what I'msaying. You got to watch out when you pick up from the God fellowship, they'll tell you all over place we'll here at church is bad. I'mspiritual, not religious. That means religious people are bad and not as religiouspeople are not that go to church and read the Bible. They're not asspiritually a tune to the music of the orbs that US alcoholics are. They'reout there looking to score, you know what I mean. They just theyjust act better than we do, but it's all bullshit. It's all youknow what I mean. So you go to these sponsors and they're all sudden, they're they're spiritual and religious, that...

...believe in this stuff. They're intothat stuff. They spend all their time praying, reading the Bible, tryingto figure out who God is and what God wants them to do. Likeinto that stuff where I can hang out with people who say, man,if they're talked about God when I was here howing. Why, yeah,you can hang out with those people that put doubt in your mind, whereyou can see in a meeting and the big book says we try to increaseour conscious contact with God, and the best way to increase your conscious contactwith God is hanging around with groups of alcoholics that tell you the God thingis stupid. That'll help you out, especially if you have that other consequencethat alcoholics have, that are codependent, where you worry about what other peoplethink about you. So the last thing you want is anybody in a laughingat you or rulling their eyes at you, because that would just kill you.Because the point is you want to blend that, you want to bea because you're, please love me, a hauling so hang out in agroup of people where it seems that all the sharp guys in the cool guystalk down about God on spirits of religious you think that you know, maybethe God thing is kind of overworked, the religious thing is overworked. You'renot going to talk about you going to worry about and all that sort ofstuff, and then you could be a slave. You'll be a slave toyour fear and you will never experience through that promise where fewer people that comeup againsecurity will leave you. And the reason I'm able to talk about thisI know you sit there and thinking, man, and nobody talks about theshit and a the way this guy's thought. And the reason I can talk aboutit because I'm not scared of you all. So this say no,this ain't dress rehearsal. You can live your life scared of people and whatthey think about you, or you can be free. You can be free, you can know the new freedom of the new penis, or you canjust continue to live your life, drive without drinking and think that you're reallydoing this thing. So this is from the book that sold. So thebottom line is is because of the something I've been so what what do youthink happens to you? If you're really work this thing and you want toincrease your conscious contact with God and you're one of the man you separate yourselfand the boys, and the bottom line is all you want is grow nearerwith your so your Creator, and you're constantly humbling on your knees, askingfor help and doing whatever you have to do in order to get there.Never no one, you'll never be perfect, but never settling, always striving forthe perfection that is in the Goud minds of God, where God isin a dirty word, where you you not only lose a fear of people, but you never apologize for God. You never apologize for God, becauseall men of faith, I. Have Courage. They trust their God.Because that's what you're writ in the big book Aboutohol as, anonymous. Soyou're less worried about when guy in front road thinks about you and more concernedwith whether or not to following with the pioneers in the big book about Folics, anonymous. What do you think happens when you do that, day byday for forty years? So this is what happens. You're looking at it. So don't get mad at me. Get Mad in the book alcoholics deatmad at Alcoholics. Anonymous. I am a product of working this program andI'm not the only one on the planet that works it this way. Trustme, I'm not the only guy. I don't know, maybe one ina hundred, one to two hundred or something many you're called if you're chosen. Okay, so here's the now we're going to get into it and wereside. Why? From chapter when? You're gonna like this. You havemy reading. When they the big book. If any of you lacks wisdom,if anybody here you know lacks wisdom, you're not sure and you want God'sanswer your prayer. You lack wisdom. Is What the book is James.I said. Any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God,who gives generously to all, without finding fault, and it will be givento you. How do you like that? If you lack wisdom, they don'tgive it to you. But but now listen to the butt. Thisis written two thousand years ago. But when you ask you must believe andnot have any doubt, because the one...

...who doubts God has doubting faith,is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. Thatperson should not expect to receive anything from God. Should not expect the receivedanything from God. Such a person is double minded and unstable in all theydo. So the next time you're concerned about why you're so freaking Whacko,leave this part of the book of James, who tells you why you're welco.Now let me ask something, How hee, we think that's a littleextreme. A comes a little strain. Don't you think he's not going togive anything? You mean, sort of like half measures avail you nothing.Is that a little extreme? There is no middle of the road solution.Is that a little extreme? God is everything or he has nothing. Whatis your decision going to be? Is that a little extreme? Once youmake it's a serious, sincere decision. For God, all sorts of remarkablethings happen. He will give you everything needed. He stay close to himand perform his work. Well, is that a little extreme? How aboutthis one? You ever hear people say don't say God to newcomers, don'teven talk about it. How about this one? On Page Idyer burn theidea into the consciousness of every man, every man that he cannot get wellwith God. This of anyone. The only condition is that he trust inGod and Clean House. Is that a little extreme? What about it?We are a new basis, the basis of trusting in God. We trustthe infinite God instead of our finite cells. We never apologized for God, neverwe let him demonstrate our lives what he could do for us. Isthat a little strain? I mean, how many status of that can youcount? I mean I can run a lot, about twenty more, andthey're all over the book about God. How about the six step? Isthat a little extreme? We don't settle, we shoot for perfection. How aboutthe other step? Constantly increase are our contact with God. Is thata little extreme? How about this? We encourage church membership. We encouragechurch membership. Most of US belong to such organizations. Is that a littlethey say it's up show, but most of us do it. Is thata little extreme? It's extra credit. It's extra credit. I mean thereal Lackos, the Olympians, the guys that are going for the gold,that settling. They would probably do it, but not the guys who say,well, let's I've already been to a meeting. You know, Idon't I'm not drinking, get off my back. Then I can do theydon't have to do it. You think there are. There are consequences tonot doing things. There are consequences also to going for the extra credit.I mean it is this extreme stuff reeling or is this what alcoholics anonymous isreally all about? You know, and is that what it's all about?folcuses on this stuff. I mean the person you'll become, and that's fiveyears, will depend upon the people who hang out when the books read.And you know something, if you're free in this program, free from alcohol, you get to choose who you want to hang out with. I cantell exactly what's going on you've based based on who you hang out with.I can tell what's going on with you based on how many, how manymeetings you're going to. When Bill Wilson said the Lord has been so wonderfulto me, an alcoholics not snumber. Three Lord has been so wonderful.May Turn me of this doubles these I got to keep talking about and tellingother people. Is that a little extreme?...

Bob Dotson didn't think it was extreme. He's called with the golden text. Listen, when Bob Smith, arefounder, said in the last chat, the last paragraph of his story,Dr Bob's nightmare. If you're an atheist, if you're an agnostic orhave some other sort of intellectual pride in your brain that keeps you from understandingwhat we're talking about in this book, I feel sorry for you. Ifeel sorry for people that don't understand this. What else can I feel? Yourheavenly father will never let you down. Is that a little extreme? WhenDr Bob visited Clarence, the brew Master, one of the original boundersof the Cleveland Group, in his hospital room and he was thirty five yearsold. He was I'm doing thirty five pounds, and Dr Bob Walked intohim and said you're pretty young. I don't know what you're ready and Clarencesaid, man, I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, didn'thave a job, don't have clothes and that money, didn't have anything.I don't know how much more ready I can be. Sales still, Ihad to convinced them and then he said to me, said second question.Do you believe in God, Young Fellow? I mean I'm talking, this isverbatim, right out of about you believe? And Got Second Question duringa twelve step called by talking about do you believe in God, Young Fellow? Well, I guess I do. Actually, what he said to himready for this, whether he said what he said to him, what heactually said to him. He said, what does that have to do withit? and Dr Bob's answer was everything. Everything. Don't get mad of me, you know get it. I'll tell you what. You know.Who'd understand this talk? You know who get this, though? Bob Smithwould get this. Tough Clarence, the BREWMASTER, would get this store.Bill Wilson would understand this, though. You understand the pioneers of alcoholics.Anonymous would understand this. Tall, you know, the priest that helped.You know, father at Downy, would understand this thought. Sam Shoemaker tohave understood this thought. A lot of people would have understood this thought.The people that you listen to on tape. Some people you would would you know? Sandy beach would have understood this. The people that you think are.You know that the people all Kennedy would have understood this store. SoI have to Clarence said the statement when box said everything he says. Hesays. Well, I guess I do. He says guess you're nothing. GuessNothing. You either do your don't know. He says I do.He says now we're getting somewhere. Get down on your knees by the hospitalthat get down on your knees. Get Down your knees. You got downon his knees and they any and he gave us life to God. Andthis is what Clarence said. He said there were no suggestions. I didwhat I was ordered to do. That's right. I did what I wasordered to do. That's the guy. I can tell the bullshit artist fromthe real guys. The real guys do what they're what they're told to do. The other guys sort of weight in their minds. I don't know.Do I do? I not doing it. I you know, because they haven'thad enough to drink, they still think they're smart. You know,it's real simple. It's not. It just have to put a few yearsand sponsor a few people and see what's going on around here and who lastwho does, and you can find out pretty much what the deal is.To get what most men don't have, you've and women don't have. Youneed to be ready to do what most men and women won't do. Thisisn't something that's handed to you. This is about going through suffering. Thisis about going through than doing. This about doing this is about doing stuffyou want to do. This is about doing stuff you don't want to do, you know. This is about doing stuff you like. This is aboutdoing stuff you don't understand. You know. This is about this is about youknow. I had a guy say to me, and I used tosay this, that alcoholics are like choke...

...it. I've changed, my momthey sure look like children, they saw act like angry ten year olds anything, but they're really not like children. Well, they're sort of like children, but they're more than children. There are certain subsection of children I callspoiled brats. Spoiled Brats, spoiled brats running around or whatever they want todo, thinking they're smarter than better than anybody. Arrogant, spoiled Brad that'swhat I'm post that's what thank God for alcohol. Thank you Jesus for alcohol. was for alcohol, I wouldn't be here. Listen, alcohol met.I don't. I don't hate alcohol. I love alcohol. It's it's thebest salesman we got out there. Every two years the alcohol comes through,wipes out all the bullshit, all those guys that say I'm never going todo that as a wham. They're gone there in jail and it's all oversome best friend alcoholic says. Do you imagine if everybody who was an alcoholicwho came in here where they did this thing or not, stayed? MyGod, we'd have fist fights in the aisles. You know what I mean, the horror story. But we get that booze. It just goes rightthrough and they disappeared. They're gone, you know. So I guess that'sall I have to say in the eleven step. Thank you very much.God Bless.

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