AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 4 months ago

Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House 7/22/2021

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Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/22/2021   

My name is russell, spat it i'm analcoholic everybody, so we got like what we got.Fifty three people on zoom from all over the place. I got a honored, her alot of friends on zoon. I want to say especially i want to call out and sayespecially high, and so i'm so grateful the stee murgles with us on zoom. She must be there. I love you stave and i'm alwaysthinking about you always praying for you she's on there. Okay, god bless youall, and i and i just came back from georgia. Iwas here for about four or five days and i went to a couple of what do you call regular meetings likethis with they're? Actually live human beings, not that the human beings onhere aren't why well, i'm not sure when they're alive or not? Who knows youknow what i mean a few of them, but who knows what's going on ca me puppets? Iknow you're, not puppets. I met most of em, so so it's good to be here. I saidi was in athol, remember the sottise group and we're on this. Is this is thethe twelfth time i've been here we're on step? Eleven, i'm not going toexplain that, but well, there was one leaving we hadwhere is birthday night for about forty five minutes in geta. Ten minutes talkon introduction to the fore step. So so that's why we're on step eleven. Soi think i'm going to talk about stefen. As a matter of fact, there's a there's,a possible i've been talkin about step, eleven or step six or step seven stepthree throughout this entire thing, but hosewith you, i might have been talking about any of the steps who knows:you'll fite this thing on i'll, tell you how prepared i am for this mate,and i am so prepared for this meeting that literally two minutes before themeeting started. I was looking up shit. You know what i mean in the big buckand stuff like that which is sort of like the i don't know how many yearsthere was a time when i yea i haven't gone. This are to have a drink since january, twenty one thousand ninehundred and eighty one. So i've been around for a while, but there was atime there was a time when i actually gave a rap. What what i was saying,what other people thought about me, which is a terrible situation to be in as anybody ever had that because that's part of the disease bythe way, that's part of the disease worried about what other people thinkabout you? They judgment. That's. I know it's part of disease because theysit when you get better. You know when you get wropped in fort o. My sheexists an i know it's pobbles, because one of the promises is fear of peopleon the back. Not in security will leave you so the promise is you won't upyou'll, no long in life, afraid of what other people think about you. Then ijust part of the diseases having that fear, but there was a time and i've had that year, all my life,because i've had this disease, all my life. I had that fear of what otherpeople think about me. You know commentator locatum againsthimself in t s, one of the top psychiatrist and he had a whole. It wasa whole book on suicide, which is what drink. It is all about, isn't it so as out box and men and women worehave destroy themselves. That's what he says in the book in the chapter is awhole chapter on alcohol. She says with out to destroy ourselves. You know imean deep down, look one of the old ideas that we have to getherin all theold ideas or the result. Whatever that is result, as no one of the old ideasis that what is the old idea? There goes thatsenility again that nobody could ever understand. I'm so unique nobody's gonna know what i'm talkingabout. I don't even understanding, and then you know you come into her andafter a while you know it's short will on here. You realize that everybodyunderstands you the first time i found people that understand me. You knowwhat i mean and, and so you ultimately have to go to a lot of meetings. Thereare a lot of people and you talk at me and stuff like that. You realize thatall you got to do is say anything comes in your mind and you no matter if yousaw it five sand. People start it's like we're twins. You know we don'tlook like everybody. You know people come up to her. You know in that black,the white, the fact there skinny in this e you're talking about me. No i'mtalking about me. You know, but i mean you understand that and and one of thethings that happens as an alcoholic that i've discovered is that every once in a while, no matter how well i'm doing material,...

...no matter how well, i think, i'm doingspiritually, no matter how much time i have in theprogram every once in a while a shower driving the car or something like that.This thought pops up, i out to kill myself on the piece ofcrap i'll ever be okay. Now that thought rarely pops up now inme, but it does from time to time. Usually, when i screw up- or i don'tyou know something happens or whatever and and when i first came in the ideathat i'm worthless deep down inside that, i'm unworthy. I'm not good enough now, one day that incredible feel thateveryone's going to find out what a fucking phony i am when i first came in that stuff came upall the time and i'm an apotome delusional. I can'tseparate the two from the falls. I tell myself things like. I don't give a crapit other people. Think about me when all i do is think about what other godthink about me. That's a that's a horror of my life. I wish i didn't carewhat other people thought about me and what happens is, and you know whydo you think i spend money? I don't have the by crap. I don't need toimpress people, i don't even like what do you think i mean i'm not. You knowworried about what i said going to say the meeting or i don't say anything ofthe madi, because i'm worried about. If i say some people laugh at me. I thinki'm stupid or then i say some of the meeting they're on top of the me- and isaid why did i say that you know what i mean there, always second guessingmyself, you know and- and you know some i had that disease. When i was drinking working about drinking, is you know,bozewell take away the fair people in five seconds man? Oh yeah, i looked atsome guys as man she's gorgeous. You know, i'd like to talk to her a o talk to her five drakes man, i'm allover that gal. You know what i mean and i'm like why don rice on her. You know,and he does that's what i fear ye boose alcohol is the greatest wiper out offear, but you know the truth. Is that that feeling of unworthiness that idon't even admit i have because, as an alcoholic i m, i told myself a irationalized it to myself rationalized. I am perfectly capable of having thesefeelings of inferiority or unworthiness and at the same time,denying that i have them. You know i can hold two different thoughts in mymind. I can in one part of my say i am god's gift to you, men. You know if iwe ve, everybody did what i did. I am so bram, i'm smarter than i be in thesmartest guy room and on the other part of my brain i say i'm piece of shit ona belcaro as well kill myself and i can think both things at the same time,which sets off some sort of nervousness. You know what i mean, what do they callit, or what's that line i use here nervous disposition, nervous, dispise,you know you drink alcohol, those things sort of whack come together, youknow, and your john wayne or something like that and you know, but that stuff,that less man stuff that unworthy stuff, which you can't quite place it orfigure it out or you know i well i'm seventy two years old i've been aprogram over forty years. I saw it it's so clear to me now stuff that was sounclear to me before i came dot all sanser even forthe first ten years. It's so clear to me, you know, and then that's becausepart of the alcoholism is not being able to see things clearly, and i thinkfirst wit, the end thirteen says we see through a glass darkly. You know you hei have an alcohoic alcoholic responsible come in. He says you don'tknow me. I says no, no, no years a deal, i absolutely know you i can see throughyou, you don't know you, you don't know you the reason you keep screwing up andkeep doing things, and you can't understand why and instead of listeningme coming up and say this is why i'm screwing up- and you tell me why youthink it's screwing up and you're all wrong, but you believe it always wrong, but never in down. Youknow what i mean at some point in time.

I get the point to say. Maybe i don'tknow shit. Maybe this is possible in my best thinggot in here and when i otiate find out is my alcoholism. Sensors on my mind,not my body. I had it before i started drinking. I dread to get rid of it andi had it after i stopped drinking and it's there and none of us so the stuff.I don't, even though i have i'm selfish, i'm self centered, i'm driven by ahundred forms of fear that i don't even know about a hundred four platethousand forms. I'm delusional, there's no shot of getting rid of theself. Just i don't even know i have. We must get rid of it or kills us. Godmakes that possible, and so i got this crazy disease so and it's impossiblefor me to try to figure it out, and i am part of my diseases. I still want tojust figure it out. I so i so don't want to go up tosomebody else and ask them why i'm so nuts, and even if i ask him as soon asi start talking, i say i don't want to listen this bullshit. I seldom want tohear the truth. If i hear the truth, i don't want to accept the truth, thoughi don't understand, i don't accept the truth. I mean this is this is a horrible thing,because it works in your brain unless into on a balkees as apples and all itsconsequences is surprised, be precarious of to hapines of in not atall the book spells it out. Unless you would set this thing constantly, thereare consequences to be an alcoholic and the promise to accept the consequencesi have to accept in my brain and my grain is diseased, it's in a state ofdisease- and i don't know- i don't know aboutyou, but i don't have a spare brain. What i may have is a sponsor where imay have, as a mentor where i may have is somebody in my life, who i respect,who i wanted to have, where i will actually listen to what they say tothee and what they tell me, even though i don't understand it, where i listento what they say to me and tell me to do h, even though i don't agree with it,where they listen to me and try to figure out what i'm saying and hangingaround me, even though that you think i'm wrong, and they have no ideabecause they've been so beaten down that they've accepted the fact thatthey don't have a understand of a word, i'm saying, but they know one thing:they don't want to be in charge of their lives any more. They give up thego. So i find that essentially, there are two kinds of people in the that ieven sponsor. I run into they're the guys at a hit bottomliterally hit bottom and they'll. Do anything to say so andthen make see me out. I mean i'm using myself, you say because i'm using myown experience is my experience. Okay, so i'm not trying to preach her teacherand i'm just on this, my experiences, the guide comes up to me and you know, and whatever i said,something's hitting you know what i mean he's at that place. Where he'sready. If you want what we have and you willgo to a length that you're ready to take me and he's ready- and he says ican we get together, he's fighting the bah blah blah and i like to he says, osure. Fine, i a the tandy. What do you mean? You say yes to two hunder peoplewant to call you up you know and, and which is true. You know what i mean.You got a sponsor twenty to get to you know and the bottom i said, yeah surewhat do i fear you know as long as i don't have to actually work. You know imean so i say yes and all of a sudden, the guy and it may be on a zoom meeting,and maybe this man i say well what means you go and i say well i go to about you, know three or fourmeetings a day on zoom. You can do that believe it or not. I do a lot of zoomstuff, and i can i go to this, and i do this mean i do that man. I said whydon't you i'll give you a list of means, i go to once you show up and all of asudden the next day, i'm at a meeting and the guys there and i'm always believe it not shock.I'm always like in a state of surprise that the freaking guy actually showedup. You know what i mean: it's a hey, it's good to see and everything they'llgo to the me and then next thing happens. I i go to next me and the guysthere...

...and then i go to the next men, themen's being, maybe the back on track with men. The guy is there and then the next year, the guysshowing up at every meeting in that i'm not saying because i'm so good oranything like that and they happen to other people in the same way, all of asudden, this guy, i can't get rid of him because he is like addicted to whateverhell. I'm dishing out and all i'm dishing out is the big book and aboutgod and everything, that's what he wants to hear that i couldn't get ridof him with a shot done. You understand what i'm saying and they stay sober andthey do want to then they'll say something like what are you doin to? Isaid i'm coming up here and they'll show off at the diner they'll dosomething like that, and they do that. I, like i, did with every one of mysponsors, like i shadowed that i stopped my sponsors stocking sponsorsshouldn't be really unusual for alcoholics because believe me, istopped women all the time i mean i was allowed to listen. I wanted what youhad. I was ready on an link to get you know what i mean. I was a lounge licitbuddy, you know, i was persistent, you know yeah you'relaughing guys, you don't know what it's like, but let me tell you, it was aserious problem, but that's i i stopped a a you know: garous and old, timersand stuff like that. Where, like i used to go after women, really i mean i'mnot ashamed of it because his dream and you know and then and then there's theguy who comes up- and he says you know. Listen i like to hang around blah blahblah and i said, give him to me. I don't see him, i don't see him and then he calls me upone day or i bound in to him and he's got a dy or he's got this and that thathe says remember me remember. We spoke, i said yeah. No, i don't remember. Isaid when was that he says three years ago we were in the we're in the topstep house. I mean a long time or since you don't remember, i said no, i don'tremember he says yeah. I was about three years ago. I said. I'm sorry mass,like i see i don't really, the truth is we may have had a three hour time. Sat,i'm not gonna. Remember unless i see all the time he so i really want to dothis thing now. I said what i do i so we want to me. We've watched tomorrowwatch me bat and they don't show up well, they show up one time theydisappear. You know what i mean and those are the two types of people,basically a cena, the ones that really want this thing and the dilatis the y.U there like trying it out, you know the bullshit artist. You know i mean iwant to say bullshit on, i say in a loving way, because because the truthis diferent for the grace of god goes et. You know, like i said to my sponsor.I don't want to be a hippity said to lake, but if you're in here you'vealready busted hypocrite, you know you say one thing that you do. Anotherthing is part in part of the disease, but the people that get sober stay soand get rocket in the port dimension of existence. The people that don't jointhe not drinking clot but are into the rocket in the fourth dimension club youunderstand, are experiencing much ram. The people that actually lose fear ofother people will actually deal with it. I these who really are reborn and havea whole different line who experienced what dr young was talking about. Ideas,emotions atitudes that were the guy who porch their lives, are shifted, the oneside they become dominated by one set of ideas, emotions and antus thosepeople who receive everything that i toni everything they need. They stayclose to him to perform his work well and are ready to perform his work,those people by the people that they soak for thirty forty years and theysponsor other people. And that's what happens you know i mean it's no mystery.So miss me what god will do what he's done for others. He'll do for you, it's no misbe who's going to make himhim he's not going to make you can stay sufferin twenty years in the drink. Youfeel i say so for ten years and feel sorry for yourself and still not haveany emotional surprise has nothing to do with time and it has everything todo with time, but the bottom line is that reaches a point where time is notenough to give real happiness and real choice. Just staying enough, you knowand that's the deal and eventually something happens. Something is- and this has to do with the god thingyou know and has to deal with commitment and who you hanging at somuch as tilt where you hang out with who you hang out with in the books youread in the books, you read the bent upon who you're hanging out with now. I don't know, i'm not going to saythe words. I don't even use the word lucky anymore, blessed, given mybackground. How crazy i am. I don't...

...know why i chose the man i chose tohang out with. I don't know is that for me as if just check on it, you know,maybe i'm so much more advanced down aspiritually, a kind of stuff you to it. Sebt doesn't this happens every onetime i yelled at somebody i was like sarcastic and me, which is a trade ihave sometimes in the gentle milkin at somebody for the phone going off i'llsay something like you know. You know, when you tell em that's going to makein the meeting people got their phone on. They can't keep your phone off fornow or staring o me. Don't expect to stay sober and let sin on my phone goeson, but just so freaking embarrassing. You know what imean as i don't do that i don't do that any more. You know. The only thing you need toknow do good a means pesente and what you learn, how to fake that you got itmade so, but but there was a time that make it hard left and fast right. Therewas the time what i start off saying that i really had that part of thedisease for many years. Many years i'm not saying i'm totally over but manyyears i had that part of disease where i was so concerned about what otherpeople thought about me that i get real nervous before i speakand i sort of plan at what i was going to say, which is a big mistake becauseyou'll lose it five seconds after you get up here, you're nervous andeverything like that, and then i second guess myself after i got out of me.What do you think? Would you think? How did you like them? Is that okay yeah?It was good, really wasn't. You know, i mean it's just such a horror story. Youknow what i mean to be so self involved and worried about this stuff, but it iswhat it is. It's the truth degree at bolt your going to go through that, foryou know three, four: five, ten fifteen twenty years, whatever hell you goingto go through that stuff and then and then, and then only only i want to todisplay only because of my faith and god only because my faith and gone am i knowing that, no matter whathappened, if i trusted in him, they would give me the words to say. Was iable to turn that shit over just get up linesand just start talking about? What's on my arm, all the fear went away, and i think i gave better meetings tobe honest with you. For some reason i don't know, maybebecause it's not me talking, i'm just trusting in him letting go, but that isa not a natural thing for an alcohol. It's not a natural thing for an alcoholto give up control over people and what he says and not worry about it. Andeverything like that and i pray before having met, i say, butthe words of my mouth and that titian my heart be except l you, my lord, mygod, my lot of mind and mind. I e some of that kind of worried about talking about thebible day means because steve it's like what am i going to worryabout. Some guy sit in the front road. Does it pay my visa card? You know whati mean, i'm just going to talk about what i'm supposed to talk about, andyou know there's so many people in a a you have such a choice. So you can bewhat you want it who want you. You get such a baby of choices you, so i wantto want that guy. I want my back down. I went to me my stem on sober and therewas god dying of cancer and he was just bringing joy to everybody'shelp hard and just talk about how much he loved god and love the lord and howeverything was unbelievable and he left he let i hadsuch a great feeling about this guy and i said my sponsor you've heard aboutthis guy out kennedy and i said man i really like no group goes to second alethe me said he died at cancer. I said come down, talk about the guy wasspeaking says: he's died at cancer, imshi got like six months lave, orsomething like that. I said yeah. That was helping people. Hewasn't. I said i'm just telling. Yet in...

...six months later he was gone and- and isaid man i wish- i could have- that el kennedy de i mean go on me wrong. Notdrinking is something but the outten deal. You know that is that a a is thata a is that a what you lose fear of even donty loose fear. Is that a where were somehow? Is that possible? Is it possible not to worry about whatother people think about you? Is it possibly rocking in the fort dimensionexistence which would not is possible experience much of heaven, i'm goin ireading this book, it's a basic text. It says this way happen. Is it possibleof fear people in their back an o ten stired? Is it possible to lose theworrying that is it possible? The book is all about that they're reading thesepromises and every meeting they think it's so cool. Is it really possiblebecause i see around me, it means people are just thumbsucker privatestalk about their problems and there's like one guy there's one out kennedy.Is it possible because that's what i want so what do i do? I hang around the altcadedis. I hang around the al tenetes. Theycan't get rid of me like glue. I hang around them and so my deal now is. I taught mostlyabout what i like i get in called emotional sprite to at anything, butit's basically talking about god and bring a god into your life and having afervent and absolute belief in gone, and i talked about that at meetingsbecause most of the meetings that i see that i go to people aren't talkingabout based upon my forty years experiencebased upon what i know happens to be based upon the book. Dr bob, a good oldtime is basically when i know the program is all about the real program,not a a light. I know it's all about this whole thing. Every page is aboutdeveloping a fit in god that will solve your problems and rock get an reportmachin existence. I am not involved in not drinking cloth in the plug of thejug. Listen. So if there's some old crashity time erout there say it's all about they're, not drinking. I'm not involved in that,although, as my sposo say to me, if you go to the whole day and justgrow up anything, you have a drink or winner, and i believe that and that's what you tell new comers andthat's what you tell old times and that's what you tell everybody, becauseit's true, but in a sense, if that's the only thing, you've got you're goingto be a sorry do because this book is not about not ranging this book isabout how to live life and experience the joy of living they're, not in a jail sentence. Youknow, and i want the enthusiasm and the joy of living, which means we wrote a book because ofa miracle morals. A better passable loss to i put t help tis with me over along time ago, didn't help us because we didn't have the power to live likehuman beings in an incredible way we didn't have. I don't want to all i justwish. I was normal who the frick wants that. Have you seen normal out there onthe work home to living lives of five desperation who wants normal? I wantextraordinary what's wrong, with extraordinary, what's wrong with god,giving me this disease, the thort of my flesh, so that i can learn the value ofsuffering overcome this stuff. Okay, thou repeatedly trying to do this thingand get closer to him and increase my contact with them, so i can grow in theimage in life. My creator- and i know what that image looks like now, becausehe's not a fluffy thing or a fucking train. You understand, because i don'tknow how to be a treat, you understand to say it's a real deal where i knowexactly what he does and who he is and what he wants me to be like, and youwant something he's all through the big book about bolts, anonymous and i knowthe books, the reading when they read when they wrote this thing, because iread dr boma got all times. I know what this thing is all about. Iread doctor botom of it all times. I read the part where they said the booksthat were the founder, said the books we tamed absolutely essential.Absolutely you read: have you ever read...

...that thing in the book which saysreally have can person bill as thoroughly ball up half? Do you guysthink that what you're doing right now, as anything t, do what they re? Onthousand nine hundred and thirty five whoa, you ought to read doctor one goodold tonics, be t e, housie hundred and tirty five honin, ten and forty fiveand stuff like that, what they were doing you couldn't go to a meaningless.You got down your little knees and gave you a life to god. You couldn't go to ameeting unless you got down in the knees and gave your life to god, theywere serious. You didn't have anybody in a means of that time. I can tell youthis. You have anybody a means that time said? Well, i say you so the godstop. I wouldn't be here you're right you want to. In na you we like it's true. You would beenout the door going to get another drink until you were begging to get it andbegging to get down on your knees. You understand they were focused. They knewexactly when you came in here. They knew exactly what this thing was allabout and what they were chopping off a on to and then we became enlightened and you dropped all thatt stuff. Youknow, let me reach you something when he at my mouse. I need my mouth.Thank you this matter. A lot a reason, some so the books theyfound absolutely essential, were first coat, tens, thirteen sermon on themount and the book of james. Now, that's just now my works. That's ourbook! That's our program, the books that we found absolutely essential ifyou want to thoroughly fond that first quint thirteen sermon man but the james, that's what the old timers say. Okay,so let me let me just read something from you: did you know that a a wasalmost called the james club of the big look at james? It's true, i mean youknow you can tat your own opinion on cold, your own facts. So let me readyou something out chapter one right off the bat out of the book to james. Don't worry! This won't hurt you a hero kay. You know what i mean andbelieve me when i leave they'll, be plenty guys to tell you it's all bolshi,so don't wait that follow down and talk a little bit moreabout your sex life for relationships by the way when i've never been to agroup in a where they talked about where they didn't want to have a meanon relationships where we all had to do with sex and romance. Isn't that right, yeah en to a rease,an aving with the ones of my relationships, it's always aboutboyfriends, girlfriend sex and romance right. You know what our book says. Youknow the success says the one that separates merica boys and says we don'twant to say anything or deprecate the true achievement, but never have wenever had. We had a worse situation in our lives and pin our lives on what isthis precede prestige, money and romance, and all they want to do at meetings istalk about their sex life and the romance life, and whether e gon t havea boyfriend girlfriend the husband or the lonelier checkshill, like that. Allthey want to do is talk about this, the disease, and why don't they have what they want.Why aren't they happy? Why don't? Why don't i have this and why i don't wantto have that, and why can't i get here? Why can't i get there? Here's thereason why, because you're a freaking boof but because, like john wayne, says youknow, my favorite state same with john wayne, life is tough and when you'restupid, it's even tougher, you know what i mean so yeah, so you want to hang around aday. A with the whole thing is about focus on god and glorifying god andbring in glory to god and having to relationship with god and the guys thatare doing that are being rocking in the fourth machen existence, they're goingto the whole banquet and the people aren't or sucking their thumbs andbeing pissed, and they ad at the guys that are talking about that shit by theway, because they don't want you to hear it, because if you hear it and youget a hold of this, maybe it'll go throughout a a they'll. Be talkingabout and they might have to do it and they don't want to do it because thathappens in the next are standing up like it says in tacke the agnostics.That's why we wrote a book and that's why we have to talk about god. It's nota mistake! So here's james book, a...

...james, there's a cute little thing. Sowhat are the problems i have before? I get is one of the problems i have after.Let's talk about the alete step, it has to with increasing your consciouscontact with god. First, you get some contact with them. You know during the first three fourfive months higher power could be your sponsor root. Then you sort of likeincrease a little your, how conscious contact. Then you go to more mens angaround more poy increase, illmo a little more and then you know. Maybeafter a year you got to increase a little more remember every day, you'reheading on every day, you're increasing right as you're, increasing your changingyou're. Changing this, because do young said that's how you get these psychicchange. You don't change yourself! You can't change yourself, you're,powerless over changing yourself. You can't stop thinking. You can't stopworrying. You cannot stop worrying what you can do is you could say what i usedto do. I got to stop worrying about this. You ever say i got to stop drinking, i'm not going to have a drink today,i'm not going to worry about this thing today. I'm not going to think aboutthis thing. You can do that and be a visita failure over and over againyou're powerless over everything. I have heard people say well. The onlypower i have is how a we at. No, you don't have a power over that either you don't have a power over that either. You said well, the only power i have isthe power of be to change a reacted. No, you don't have power over that. You have no power non zero. There isone who has all power. You may have read this somewhere, it's actually inour literature. That one is god. May you find him now? No human power can do it. You can't doit. He think you can't do it only god to do it, they're serious about the god,then so here's for the book of jane. So sohere's the problem. I have here's the problem, i ask so we have to afford itso listen so! Every year i'm increasing mycontact with god try to increase my contact with god. How do i do that? Ithink about him. I pray about it. I follow what i say in the book. I dowhat i hang around these guys that are old of them may maybe have twenty yearson, maybe the twenty years. Twenty five years. Thirty years the talk about god,i get sponsors that talking about god, he sponsor haves more and more of thegod thing they're into the god thing, the a go through all my sponsors, whatthey did so every month every year, one day, i'm next thing you know they'resending me to church and all sort of stuff, i'm going to church, i'm goingto bible study, because i want to keep my i want to hang around with peoplethat are talking about god. I want to tell about people to talk about god,because i'm no longer in the spiritual kindergarten that a is because at somepoint in time you really got to get out of that kindergarten. After ten fifteenyears, you've really got to go to like high school. You know what i meanspiritual you want to go to high school. You don't want to have the samespiritual evection with god at ten years that you had it two months because it don't work, it don't work, you're, just not happyabout your sobriety, and so ten years, all of a sudden, youget to a point where you may be get, maybe get hit down a little, maybe abash down a little and some guy says wants you drive, boba study and all ofa sudden. It's not such a stupid thing. You initially don't want to do itbecause it's different in your skin to lepany would a had because in a a theyapparently hate the bible. Well, i've got that from the fellowship.The fellowship is not the program. You know you know or felsite wonderful andi love it, but you know it's not well. People's anonymous young stand. Whati'm saying you got to watch out what you pick up from the god fell. Shipthey'll tell you all o play o your church is bad, i'm spiritual, notreligious! That means re lives, people or bad an not as that religious peopleare not that go to church and read the bible they're, not as spiritually atune to the music of the orbs that hus alcoholic song they're outthere looking a score. You know what i mean they just they just act better than wedo, but it's all bullshit! It's all! You know what i mean. So you go to thesponsors and they're all a sudden there,...

...their spiritual and religious. Theybelieve in this stuff they're into that stuff. They spend all their time, praying reading the bible trying tofigure out who god is and what god wants him to do like into that stuff, where i can hang out with people whosay man if they talk about do wen, i was here i would laugh, you can. Hangout with those people that put doubt in your mind where you can see an a meeting and thebig book says we try to increase our conscious contact with cod and the bestway to increase your conscious contact with. God is hanging around with groupsof alcoholics that tell you the god thing is stupid. That'll help you out, especially if youhave that other consequence that alcoholics have that are codependentwhere you worry about what other people think about you. So the last thing youwant is anybody in a laughing at you or rolling their eyes at you? Thus thatwould just kill you because the point is you want to blend and you want to bea toucher. A please love me a haulin, so hang out in a group of people whereit seems that all the sharp guys and the cool guys talk down about god onstill o religious. You think that you know, maybe the god thing is kind ofoverworked. The religious thing is of work, you're not going to talk aboutyou, gon worry about and all sort of stuff, and then you can be a slave you'll be a slave to your fearing, and you will never experience therethatpromise where fewer people in the canopian security will egan and thereason i'm able to talk about this. I know you sit there and think man,nobody talks about the shit in a the way, this guy's thought and the reasonto talk about it, because i'm not scared of you all. So this say this saying: dress, o ursel:you can live your life, scared to people and what they think about you oryou can be free. You can be fraid, you can now the newfreedom of the new happiness or you can just continue to live your life drywithout drinking than think that you're really doing this thing. So it's fun the book that so so thebottom line is, is because of the stuff that i've been to. So what? What do youthink happens to you if you really work this thing and you want to crease aconscious condent with god and you're one of the man you separate yourself inthe boys and the bominis. All you want is grow nearer with your, so yourcreator and you're constantly humbling on you and he's asking for help anddoing whatever you have to do in order to get there. Never knowing you'llnever be perfect, but never settling, always striving for the perfection thatis in the god minds of god, where god is in a dirty word. Where you, you notonly lose a fear of people, but you never apologize for god. You neverapologize for god, because all metepec have currig. They trust their god,because that's what you're hitting the big book about bals anonymous, soyou're, less worried about on god, front rod, thinks about you and moreconcerned whether or not the phone with the pioneer here sit in the big book.Mat balls anonymous. What do you think happens when you do that day by day forforty years? So this is what happens you're looking at it. So don't get mad at me, get mad in thebook. Altho det, maned alcohol sanam. I am a product of work in this programand i'm not the only one on the planet that works it. This way. Trust me, i'm not the only guy, i don'tknow, maybe one in a hundred one, two hundred or something man, your call, if you are chosen okay, so, but now i'm going to get intoit. He oif any of you lack wisdom. I anybody here, you know lax wisdom,you're, not sure, and you want god to ants your prayer, your lack wisdom, theis what the book of james, i said, any of you lack wisdom. You should ask godwho gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. How do you like that, if you lackwishen it'll, give it to you, but but now listen to the butt. Thiswas win two thousand years ago, but when you ask, you must believe and not have any doubt,...

...because the one who doubts gone asdoubting faith is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect toreceive anything from god should not expect to receive anything from god.Such a person is double minded and unstable in all. They do so the next time you're concerned aboutwhy you're so freaking whack up. We is part of the book, the change hetells you why you're wat. Now, let me ask something: how do we think that's alittle extreme? I come o. Is it spring? Don't you thinkexactly you do anything you mean sort of like half measures ofvalue. Nothing is that a will extreme. There is no middle of the road solution.Is that a little extreme? God is everything or he is nothing.What is your decision going to be? Is that a little extreme once you make it to serious sinceredecision of god, all sorts of remarkable things happen? He will giveyou everything needed. You stay close to him and perform his work. Well. Isthat a little extreme? How about this one? You ever hearpeople say, don't say god to newcomers, don't even talk about it! How aboutthis one? On page, ninety eight burn the idea into the consciousness ofevery man every man that he cannot get wellregardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trusts in god andclean house. Is that a little extreme? What about we are a new basis, thebasis of trusting in god we trust efined god, except our finiteselves. We never apologize for god. Never we let him demonstrate our lives. Whathe could do for us is that a little extra i mean how many statements of that canyou count. I mean i can roundle off about twenty more and they're all overthe blunk about god. How about the six step? Is that alittle extreme? We don't settle. We cheat for profession, i'm about theardest that constantly restart our contact with god. Is that a littleextrame? How about this? We encourage churchmembership. We encourage church membership. Most of us belong to suchorganizations. Is that a little they say it's option, but most of us do it.Is that a little extreme? It's extra credit. It's extra credit. I mean the reallacost, the olympians, the guys that are going for the gold not settling.They would probably do it, but not the guys who say well. What'si've already been to a man, you know i don't e y? U n, i'm not drinking getoff my back, then i can do. I don't have to do it. You think there are. There areconsequences there not doing things. There are consequences. Also to goingfor the extra credit i mean it. Is this extreme stuffreeling or is this? What alcohol in omas is really all about? You know isthat what it's all about focis on this stuff i mean the personyou'll become and that's why years will depend uponthe people hang out when the books read, and you know something if you're freein this program, free from alcohol you get to choose who you want to hang outwith. I can tell exactly what's going on you base base. Bon wit, you hang outwith. I can tell what's going on with you, based on how many how manymeanings you're going to when bill wilson said the lord has beenso wonderful to me and alcoholic on as number three lord has been so wonderfulmake sure in me of his tumble es. I got to keep talking about and telling otherpeopleis that a little extreme...

...bob dosson an. I think it was extremehe's called with the golden text. Listen when bob smith are founded said in thelast chat, the last paragraph of his story, doctor bobson, lightmans you're,an atheist if you're an agnostic or have some other sort of intellectualpride in your brain. That keeps you from understanding what we're talkingabout in this book. I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for people that don'tunderstand this. What else can i feel your heavenly father will? Never letyou down is that a little extreme when dr bob visited clarence the bruemaster, one of the original bounders of the cleveland group in his hospitalroom, and he was thirty five years old, he was a hundred thirty five pounds anddr bob walked into him and said you're pretty young. I don't know what you'reready and clarik said man. I was down to a hundred and thirty five poundsdidn't have a job didn't have close and that money didn't have anything. Idon't know how much more ready i could be sell stole. I had to convince themand then he said to me said second question: do you believe in god youngfellow i mean i'm talking? This is verbatim right out of bout. You believein god second question during a twelve step. Call by talking about do youbelieve in god, young fellow well, i guess i do actually what he said to him ready forthis. What her he said, what he said to him, what he actually said to him. Hesaid: what does that have to do with it, and dr bob's answer was everything everything? Don't get mad at me, you know get iti'll. Tell you what you know who to understand this top. You know who getthis top bob smith. We get this don hires e brumas i get the storm bill.Wilson would understand this thong unstand, the pioneers of our box andims, will understand, was talk. You know the priest that helped you know. Fatherad dallen would understand this tom. Sam shumaker would have understood this,though a lot of people would have understoodthis, though the people that you listened to on take something peopleyou would watonwan the beach would have unestopped that you think are you knowthe people out kennedy would have understood this star. So after clarence said the statementwhen boxes said everything he says he says. Well, i guess i do he says, guessthe anthene, nothing you either do you don't? He says i do says now we'regetting somewhere get down on your knees by the hospital bit get down onyour knees, o down your knees. You got down on hisknees and then and- and he gave us life togod- and this is what clarence said he saidthere were no suggestions. I did what i was ordered to do thatright. I did what i was ordered to do. That's guy. I can tell the bullshitarts from the real guys the real guys do with they're what they're told to dothe other guys sort of wahed in their mind, so i don't know do i do i not doat you because they haven't had enough to drink. I still think they're smart, you now it's real simple! It's not itjust at the fun er a few years and sponsor to people and see what's goingon around here and who last who doesn't you can find out pretty much what thedeal is to get, what most men don't have you and women don't have you need to beready to do what most men and women won't do? This isn't something that's handed toyou. This is about going through suffering. This is about going throughthin doing this about doing this is about doing stuff. You want to do thisis about doing stuff. You don't want to do you know this isn't at doing stuff. Youlike this is about doing stuff y. You n't understand you know this is about this is aboutyou know. I had a guy say to me and i...

...used to say this- that alcoholics arelike children. I've changed my mind. They sure look like children. Theystart at like angry ten year olds. Anything but they're, really not likechildren. Well, they're sort of like children, but they're more than choken.There are certain subsection of children. I call spoil brats spoiled brats spoiled bland ruin around, do whatever they want todo. Thinking they're, smarter than better than anybody. Arrogance spoil bread. That's what i that's what i got for alcohol. Thankyou. Jesus was brow. I wouldn't be here, listen al comic! I don't i don't hateapple. I love apple. It's it's the best salesman. We got out there every two years. The alcohol comesthrough wipes out all the bullshit. All those guys are said, never going to dothat as a wam. They're gonethere is jail and it's all over. Some bestfriend alcohol says: do you imagine if everybody who was an alcoholic who camein here where they did this thing or not stayed like god, we'd have fistfights in the isles. You know what i mean the horror story, but we get that booze.It just comes right through and they disappeared. They're gone, youknow, so i guess that's all i have to say onthe eleven step. Thank you very much. God be a.

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