AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House 7/22/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 11 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/22/2021   

My name is Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. Hi everybody. So we got like what? We got? Fifty three people on Zoom from all over the place. I got a lot of friends here, a lot of friends on zoom. I want to say especially. I want to call out and say especially high and so I'm so grateful to Steve Schmirgles with us on zoom here. So she must be there. I love you, Steve, and I'm always thinking about you and always praying for you. She's on there. Okay, I'll bless you all. And I and I just came back from Georgia. I was here about four or five days and went to a couple of what we call regular meetings like this with are actually live human beings, not that the human beings on here aren't. Why? Well, I'm not sure when they're alive or not. Who knows? You know what? I made a few of them, but who knows what's going on? I could be puppets. I know you're not puppets. I meant mostly so. So it's good to be here. I said I was an alcohol member the Celtic Sea Group and we're this is this is the twelve time I've been here and we're on step eleven. I'm not going to explain that, but well, it was one meeting we had where it's birthday night for about forty five minutes and I give a ten minute talk on introductions of the fourth step. So so that's why we're on step eleven. So I think I'm going to talk about step eleven. Eis Am at fact, there's a there's a possibility I have been talked about step eleven or step six or step seven, step three throughout this entire thing, and who knows what I might have been talking about any of the steps. Who knows? You'll forget this thing out. I'll tell you how prepared I am for this meeting. I am so prepared for this meeting that literally two minutes before the meeting started, I was looking up Shit, you know what I mean, and the big book and stuff like that, which is sort of like they I don't know how many years there was a time when I I haven't found necessary to have his drink since January two thousand one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So I've been around for a while, but there was a time. There was a time when I actually gave a proper one. What I was saying, what other people thought about me, which is a terrible situation to be in, as anybody ever had that. Well, because that's part of the disease, by the way. That's part of the disease. Worried about what other people think about you, their judgment about you. I know it's part of the disease because they said when you get better, you know when you get rocking. The fourth mission existed. Why I know it's far disease because one of the promises is fear of people and a backnock insecurity will leave you. So if the promise is you won't know, you'll no longer life afraid of what other people think about you, then I just part of the disease is having that fear. But there was a time, and I've had that fear all my life, because I've had this disease all my life. I had that fear of what other people think about me. You know, commentagy wrote the book man against himself and I th s one of the top psychiatrist and he had a wholet. It was the whole book on suicide, which is what drink. It was all about, isn't it? Says Alcoholics and men women who have destroy themselves. That's what he says in the book, in the chapter. It's a whole chapter on alcoholics. He says we're out there destroy ourselves. You know I mean deep down. Look, one of the old ideas that we have to get rid of. All the old ideas is or the result, whatever that is, results as nail. One of the old ideas is that. What is the old idea? There goes that senility again. So that nobody could ever understand me. I'm so unique, nobody's gonna know what I'm talking about. I don't even understanding. And then, you know, you come into here and after a while, you know it's short of all in here. You realize that everybody understand you. But the first time I found people that understand me, you know what I mean. And and so you ultimately have to go to a lot of meetings here a lot of people, and you talk at me and stuff like that. You realize that all you got to do is say anything that comes at your mind and you no matter if you thought it Fivezero, people thought it's like we're twins. You know, we don't look like everybody. You know, people come up to you, you know, and that black, that white, that fact they're skinny, and they say, you're talking about me. No, I'm talking about me, you know, but I mean, you understand that. And and one of the things that happens is as an alcoholic, that I've discovered is that every once in a while, no matter how well I'm doing material,...

...no matter how well I think I'm doing spiritually, no matter how much time I have in the program every once in a while the shower, driving the car or something like that, this thought pops up to kill myself, I'm a piece of crap, I'll never be okay now, that thought arely pops up now and me, but it does from time to time, usually when I screw up or I don't you know, something happened. So whatever. And and when I first came in, the idea that I'm worthless deep down inside, that I'm unworthy, I'm not good enough, that one day, that incredible fear that everyone's going to find out what a fucking phony I am. When I first came in, that stuff came up all the time. And I'm an alcoholics on delutional. I can't separate the truth from a false. I tell myself thinks like I don't give a crap what other people think about me, when all I do is think about what other good thing about me. That's a that's the horror of my life. I wish I didn't care what other people thought about me. And what happens is and you know, why do you think I spend money? I don't have the bi crap. I don't need to impress people. I don't even like. What do you think I mean? I'm not, you know, worried about what I said, going to say to meeting, or I don't say anything at a meeting because I'm worried about if I say some people laugh at me. I think I'm stupid. Or then I say some of the meeting, then I drop of the meet and I said, why didn't I say that? You know what I mean. And always second guessing myself. You know, and and you know some I had that disease when I was drinking. Writing about drinking is you know, booze will take away the fear of people in five seconds. Man, I'll like. I know, I look at some gags. Man, he's gorgeous, you know. I'd like to talk to her and I'm going to talk there five drinks, man, I'm all over that Gal, you know what I mean, and I'm like, why Don Rice on her, you know, and he done. That's what I fear. Your booze alcohol is the greatest wiper out of fear. But you know, the truth is that that feeling of unworthiness that don't even admit I have because as an alcohol I'm I told myself right. I rationalize, I tell myself, rationalize, I am perfectly capable of having these feelings of inferiority or unworthiness and at the same time denying that I have them. You know, I can hold two different thoughts in my mind. I can, and one part of mine, Say I am God's gift to you, man. You know, if elevently everybody did what I did, I am so brilliant, I'm smarter than anything, on the smartest guy in the room, and on the other part of my brain I say I'm piece of Shit. On them be okay, I might as well kill myself. And I can think both things at the same time, which sets up some sort of nervousness, you know what I mean. When they call it, what's that line I use? There's nervous disposition, of the nervous disposition. You know, you drink alcohol, those things sort of whack come together, you know, and you're John Wayne or something like that, and you know. But that's stuff, that less than stuff, that unworthy stuff which you can't quite place it or figure it out or you know. I I'm seventy two years old. I've been program over forty years. I sort of it's so clear to me now stuff that was so unclear to me before I came Toutall Sans, or even for the first ten years, it's so clear to me, you know, and that's because us. Part of the alcoholism is not being able to see things clearly. And I think first for then thirteam says we see through a glass darkly. You know it is. I have an alcohol alcohol Colli responsibile comingly says you don't know me, as is no, no, no, here's a deal. I absolutely know you. I can see through you. You don't know you, you don't know you the reason you keep screwing up and keep doing things and you can't understand why. And instead of listening me coming up and say this is why I'm screwing up and you tell me why. You think you're screwing up and you're all wrong, but you believe it. Always wrong, but never in doubt. You know what I mean. At some point in time, to get the point, say maybe I don't know...

...shit, maybe this possibly my best thine. You got me in here. And what I ultimately find out is my alcoholism centers in my mind, on my body. I had it before I started drinking, I drank to get rid of it, and I had it after I stopped drinking and it's there. And Ninety percent of stuff I don't even know I have. I'm selfish, I'm self centered, I'm driven by a hundred for Hims of fear that I don't even know about. A hundred forms, maybe a thousand forms. I'm delusional. There's no shot of getting rid of Selfugist I don't even know I have. We must get rid of it or kills us. God makes that possible. And so I got this crazy disease so and and and it's impossible for me to try to figure it out and I am part of my diseases. I so want to just figure it out. I so I so don't want to go up to somebody else and ask them why I am so nuts and even if I ask him, as soon as they start talking, I said I don't want to listen this bullshit. I so don't want to hear the truth. And if I hear the truth, I don't want to accept the truth or I don't understand other don't accept the truth. I mean, this is this is a horrible thing, because it works in your brain. UNLESS, until alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, is sobriety precarious of true happiness, will find none at all. The book spells it out. Unless you accept this thing. Consequent there are consequences to be an alcoholic and the promise to accept the consequences I have to accept in my brain. Am I brain is dis eased. It's in a state of dis ease and I don't know, I don't know about you, but I don't have a spare brain. What I may have as a sponsor, where I may have as a mentor where I may have is somebody in my life who I respect to I want what they have, where I will actually listen to what they say to me and what they tell me, even though I don't understand it, where I listen to what they say to me and tell me to do, even though I don't agree with it, where they listen to me and try to figure out what I'm saying and hang around me, even though that you think I'm wrong and they have no idea because they've been so beaten down that they've accepted the fact that they don't have an understandable word I'm saying. But they know one thing. They don't want to be in charge of their lives anymore. They give up the go. So I find that essentially there are two kinds of people in a that I eive a sponsor, I run into. They're the guys that have hit bottom, literally hit bottom, and they'll do anything to say so and they may see me out. I mean, I'm using myself, you understand, because I'm using my own experiences, my experience. Okay, so I'm not trying to preach your teacher, I'm just telling this my experiences. The God comes up to me and he you know, and whatever I said, something's hit him, you know what I mean, and he's at that place where he's ready. If you want, we have and you're willing go to any length, then you're ready to take me and he's ready and he says can we get together? He's finding the Baba Blah and I'd like to he says, I'm sure finds this to anybody. What do you mean? Yes, say yes, the two hundred people want to call you up, you know, and and which is true. You know what I mean. You got a sponsor. Twenty two get to you know, and the bottom. I said, yeah, sure, what do I care? You know, as long as I don't have to actually work. You know, I mean. So as I say yes, and all of a sudden the guy, and it may be on a zoom meeting and maybe this means. I say, well, what means to go? And I say well, I go to about, you know, three or four meetings a day on zoom. You can do that. Believe it or not, I do a lot of zoom stuff and I get I go to this, I do this, mean, I do that. mean. I said, why don't you? I'll give you a list of means. I go to. Want you to show up. And all of a sudden the next day I'm out of meeting and the guys there and I'm always, believe it, not shocked. I'm always like in a state of surprise that the freaking guy actually showed up, you know what I mean. I say hey, it's good to see it everything, they will go to the meeting. Then next thing happens. I go to the next meeting and the guys...

...there, and then I go to the next meeting, the men's meeting, made the back on track with it. The Guy Is there and then for the next year the guys showing up at every meeting I'm at. I'm not saying because I'm so good or anything like that. And they happen to other people the same way. All of a sudden this guy, I can't get rid of them because he is like addicted to whatever hell I'm dishing out, and all I'm dishing out is the big book and about God and everything that. That's what he wants to hear that. I couldn't get rid of them with a shotgun, you understand what I'm saying. And they stay sober and they go on and then they'll say something like Oh, what are you doing to Isa? I'm coming up here, and they'll show up at the diner or they'll do something like that. And they do that like I did with every one of my sponsors, like I shadowed that. I stalked my sponsors. Stalking sponsors shouldn't be really unusual for alcoholics because, believe me, I started women all the time. I mean I was allowinged with it. I wanted what she had. I was ready go at at length to get it. You know what I mean? I was allounge Withz it, buddy. You know, I was persistent. You know, yeah, you're laughing, guys, you don't know what it's like, but let me tell you, it was a serious problem. But that's I thought, a a, you know, Guru's and old timers and stuff like that, where like I used to go after women really, I mean I'm not ashamed of its true. And you know, and then, and then there's the guy who comes up and says, you know, listen, I'd like to hang around blabble by, and I said, I given them me that. I don't see him, I don't see him. And then he calls me up one day or I bounced into him and he's got a duy or he's got this and that that he says, remember me? Remember? We spoke? I said Yeah, no, I don't remember. I said when was that? Uses three years ago. We were in the the we're in the towel step house and we have a long conversation. You know remember? I said no, I don't remember. It says yeah, I was about three years ago. I said, I'm sorry, unless I I see, I don't really the truth is we may have had a three hour conversation. I'M NOT gonna remember unless I see all the time. They said, I really want to do this thing now. I said, what should I do? I so we'll want to move with watch tomorrow. Watch me there and they don't show up. Well, they show up one time, they disappear. You know what I mean. And those are the two types of people. Basically, I see, you are the ones that really want this thing, and the dilettants, the they're like trying it out, you know, the bullshit artist. You loving way because because the truth is there. But for the race of God goes you. You know, like I said to my sponsor, I don't want to be here. Pretty said. Too late, Budd if you're in here, you've already busted. Hypocrite. You know, you say one thing, that you do another thing as part and parcels disease, but the people that get sober stay sober and getting rocking in the fourth dimension and of existence. The people that don't join the not drinking club, but are into the rock of the the Fourth Dimension Club. You understanding our experience. You much have the people that actually lose fear of other people, who actually Gild the disease, who really are reborn and have a whole different line, who experience what Dr Young was talking about. Ideas, emotions, attitudes that where the God enforce, their lives are shifted at the one side. They become dominated by home newstead of ideas, emotions and attitudes. Those people who receive everything that I got to him, everything they need, that they stay close to him to perform his work well and are ready to perform his work. Those people are the people that stay sold for thirty, forty years and they sponsor other people. And that's what happens. You know. I mean, it's so Misterry, so mystery with God will do what he's done for us, will do for you. It's no mystery. Who's going to make him? WHO's not going to make you? Can Stay so for it's twenty years and then drinks. You can feel s stay so for ten years and feel sorry for yourself and still not have any emotionals to bride. has nothing to do with time and it has everything to do with time. But the bottom line is there reaches a point where time is not enough to give real happiness and real choice. Just staying enough, you know, and that's the deal. And eventually something happens, something gives, and this has to do with the God thing, you know, and has to do with the commitment and who you hang as so much has to do with who you hang out with. Who you hang out with in the books you reading, the books you read depends upon who you hang out with. Now, I don't know. I'm not going to say the words. I don't even use the word lucky anymore, blessed, given my background and how crazy I am, I don't know...

...why I chose the men I chose to hang out with. I don't know, except for me, because I just check on it. You know, maybe I'm so much more advanced now spiritually. I kind of stuff used to except me, but it doesn't. This happens every one. Time I yelled at somebody, I was like sarcastic. I mean, which is a trade I have. Sometimes it's I the jumping reviews and as somebody for the phone going off, I'll say something like you know, you know who can tell them that's going to make the meeting. People who's got their phone on. You can't keep your phone off for an hour during me don't expect to stay sober. Let's see you on my phone goes off. It's just so Ug fricking embarrassing. You know what I mean embarrassing. So I don't do that any I don't do that anymore. You know, the only thing you need to know to do a good a means be sincere and what you learn how to fake that you got a name. So, but, but there was a time that make it hard lesson fast ride. It was the time what I start off saying that I really had that part of the disease for many years, many years. I'm not saying I'm totally over, for many years I had that part of disease where I was so concerned about what other people thought about me that I get real nervous before I speak and I sort of plan out what I was going to say, which is a big mistake because you'll lose it five seconds after you get up here. You're nervous and everyone like that. And then I second guess myself after I got out. What do you think? What you think that? How did you like it? Is that okay? Yeah, it was good, really was. You know, I mean it's just such a horror story. You know what I mean to be so self involved and worried about this stuff, but it is what it is. It's the truth that you're an alcohol you're going to go through that for you know, three, four, five, ten, fifteen, twenty years, whatever. Hell, you're going to go through that stuff. And then, and then, and then only. Only I wanted to clear, only because of my faith in God, only because of my faith in God and my knowing that, no matter what happened, if I trusted in him, he would give me the words to say. Was I able to turn that shit over, just get up blind and just start talking about what's on my heart. All the fear went away and I think I gave better meetings, to be honest with you, for some reason, I don't know, maybe because it's not me talking. I'm just trusting in him, letting go. But that isn't not a natural thing for an alcohol it's not a natural thing for an alcoholic to give up control over people and what he says and not worry about and everything like that. And I pray for everything I say, but the words of my mouth and meditation my heart, the accept will do. My Lord, my God, my Rockom and my readmion, the Bible, some big Bibe of God. So here some of that kind of worry about talking about the bibble it a means because, Steve, it's like, what am I going to worry about? Some guy sit in the front roads and pay my Visa Card. You know what I mean. I'm just going to talk about what I'm supposed to talk about. And you know, there's so many people in a a. You got such a choice who you can be what you want with who want you. You get such a bebby of choices. Youse, I wanted what that guy want what back down and went told me my s two months sober and there was a guy adying of cancer and he was just bringing joy to everybody's house. How hard and just talked about how much you loved God and Love The Lord and how everything was unbelievable. And he left. He let I had such great feeling about this guy and said my sponsor, you've heard about this guy out Kennedy and it said, man, I really like no. Group goes to Second Act with him. He says he's dining of cancer. I said can't, don't talk about the guy was speaking. Says he's dying of cancer uself. He's got like six months lay or something like that. I said, yeah,...

...that was helping people. He wasn't heat. I said, I'm just telling you. In six months later he was gone and I said, man, I wish I could have that out Kennedy deal. I mean I don't be wrong. Not Drinking is something, but the Al Kennedy deal, you know that. Is that a? Is that a is that a what you lose fear of, even don't you lose fear? Is that a a where we're somehow is that possible? Is it possible not to worry about what other people think about yet? Is it possibly rocking in the Fourth Dimension Existence? What you're nine? Is Its possible experience much of Heaven? I'm going. I'm reading this book. It's a basic text. It says this is what happened. Is it possible to fear people in the fact and not consecured. Is it possible to lose the worry and that? Is it possible? The book is all about that. They're reading these promises in every meeting. They think it's so cool. Is it really possible? Because I see around me, it means people are just thumbsucking crybabies talking about their problems and there's like one guy does one alt Kennedy. Is it possible? Because that's what I want. So what do I do? I hang around the all Kennedy's. I hang around the Al Kennedy's. They can't get rid of me like glue. I hang around them. And so my deal now is I taught mostly about what I like I can call emotional spride. You can talk about anything, but it's basically talking about God and bringing God into your life and having a fervent and absolutely in God. And I talked about that at meetings because most of the meetings that I see, that I go to, people aren't talking about based upon my forty years experience, based upon what I know happens to be, based upon the book Dr Bob, the good old times, based on what I know. The program is all about the real program, not a light I know it's all about this whole thing. Every page is about developing a faith in God that will solve your problems and rock getting the fourth munch of existence. I am not involved in the not drinking, cloth in the plug a jug. Listen. So if there's some old croshey time or out there saying that's all I've be' not drinking I'm not involved in that. Although, as my sponsors say to me, if you go to the whole day and you screw up anything, you have going to drink or winner. And I believe that, and that's what you tell newcomers and that's what you tell old timers and that's what you tell everybody, because it's true. But in a sense, if that's the only thing you got, you're going to be a sorry dude, because this book is not about not drinking. This book is about how to live life and experience the joy of living. They're not in a jail sentence, you know, and I want the enthusiasm and the joy of living, which means we wrote a book because of a mere code of morals. Are Better passing thought blast Boston glofe put it. Help us with be sober. Long time ago. Didn't help us, because you didn't have the power to live like human beings and an incredible way, we did have I don't want to all, I just wish I was normal. Who the Frick wants that? And have you seen normal out there, home to work, home to living lines of flight, desperation? Who wants normal? I want extraordinary. What's wrong with extraordinary? What's wrong with God giving me this disease, this born of my flesh, so that I can learn the value of suffering overcome this stuff, okay, through repeatedly trying to do this thing and get closer to him and increase my contact with them so I can grow in the image and like my creator. And I know what that image looks like now, because he's not a fluffy thing or a fucking trade. You understand, because I don't know how to be a tree. You understand to saying it's a real deal, where I know exactly what he does and who he is and what he wants me to be like. And you wanted something. He's all through the big book about Bolics, anonymous, and I know the books they're reading, when they read, when they wrote this thing, because I read Dr Bottom of good old times. I know what this thing is all about. I read Dr Bottom of good old times. I read the part where they said the books that with a founder said the books we find absolutely essential, absolutely you read. Have you ever read that...

...thing? The book but says really haven't scand person fails thoroughly followed our path. Do you guys think that what you're doing right now has anything do what they were doing in nineteen thirty five? Whoa you want to read Dr Botom the good old timeers between nineteen thirty five and nineteen forty five and stuff like that. What they were doing? You couldn't go to a meaningless you got down you at least kne's and gave your life to God. You couldn't go to a meeting unless you got down to the knees and gave you a life to God. They were serious. You didn't have anybody and a means of that time. I can tell you this. You have anybody a means. That's UNSERAID. Well, it's they said the God stuff. I wouldn't be here. You're right. You want to be in there. You would. Were right, it's true. You would been out the door going to get another drink until you were begging to get it and begging to get down on your knees. Then said they were focused. They knew exactly when you came in here, they knew exactly what this thing was all about and what they were chopping off it onto. And then we became enlightened and you dropped all that stuff. You know, let me read you something when you have my mouse. I need my mouse. Thank you. Is a mess. I want to read you something. So the books they found absolute essential. We're first against thirteen, sermon on the Mount and the book of James. Now that's just not my works, that's our book, that's our program the books that we found absolutely essential, if you want to thoroughly pod that, first twincand thirteen surrounding Mount, book of James. That's what the old timers said. Okay, so let me, let me just read something for it from you. Did you know that Aa was almost called the James Club of the Big Book of James? It's true. I mean you know, you have talk at your own opinion. Know, I tell your own facts. So let me read you something out of Chapter One, right off the BAT, out of the book of James. Don't worry, this won't hurt. Yet we'll hurt Ye, won't kill you. You know I mean. And believe me, when I leave they'll be plenty of guys to tell you it's all bullshit. So don't worry. That followed an and talk a little bit more about your sex life or relationships. By the way, when I've never been to a group, a a where they talked about where they didn't want to have a meaning on relationships, we would all had to do with sex and romance. Isn't that right? You ever to read an a mean within one some of my relationships? It's always about boyfriend's girlfriend, sex and romance. Right. You know what our book says, you know the six says, the one to separates men from the voice. It says we don't want to say anything or deprecate the true achievement. But never have we, never have. We had a worse situation our lives and pinning our lives on what does this precede? Prestige, money and romance. And all they want to do at meetings is talk about their sex life and the romance life and whether they have a boyfriend, girlfriend, the husband or their lonely or shit, Shit like that. Well, they want to do is talk about this, the disease, and why don't they have what they want? Why aren't they happy? Why don't why don't I have this and why don't I have that? And why can't I get here? Why can't I get there? Here's the reason why? Because you're a freaking goof push because, like John Wayne says, you know my favorite saying with John Wayne, life is tough and when you're stupid it's even tougher. You know what I mean. So, yeah, so you want to hang around a a with. The whole thing is about focusing on God and glorifying God and bringing glory to God and having a relationship with God. And the guys that are doing that are being rocking in the fourth match of existence. They're going to the whole banquet and the people aren't are sucking the at thumbs and being pissed and that at the guys that are talking about that Shit, by the way, because they don't want you to hear it, because if you hear it and you get a hold of this, maybe it'll go throughout a a they'll be talking about and they might have to do it and they don't want to do it because the hackles in the next are standing up, like it says in after the agnostics. That's why we wrote a book and that's why we have to talk about God. It's not a mistake. So here's James, book of James. There's a...

...cute little thing. So one of the problems I have before I get this, one of the problems I have is after let's talk out. The eleven stepping has to do with increasing your conscious contact with God. First you get some contact with them, you know, during the first three, four five months. Higher Power could be your sponsor group. Then you sort of like increase a little how conscious contact. Then you go to more means, you hang out more people, increase a little more, a little more, and then you know, maybe after a year you got to increase a little more. Remember, every day you're heading on. Every day you're increasing. Right as you're increasing, you're changing. You're changing this because stocky young said that's how you get these psychic change. You don't change yourself. You can't change yourself. You're powerless over changing yourself. You can't stop thinking, you can't stop worrying, you cannot stop worrying. What you can do is you could say what I used to do. I got to stop worrying about this. You ever say I got to stop drinking. I'm not gonna have a drink today. I'm not going to worry about this thing today. I'm not going to think about this thing. You can do that and be abysmal failure over and over again. You're powerless over everything I have here. People say, well, the only power I have is how I react. No, you don't have power over that either. You don't have have a power over that either. He said. Well, the only power I have is the power of be to change him, react to know. You don't have power over that. Eat. You have no power, none, zero. There is one who has all power. You may have read this somewhere. It's actually in our literature. That one is God. May you find him now. No human power can do it. You can't do it, you're thinking, can't do it. Only God can do it. They're serious about the God thing. So here's what the book of James So so here's the problem I have. Here's the problem I had. So we have to forty. So listen. So every year I'm increasing my contact with God, trying to increase my contact with God. How do I do that. I think about him, I pray about it, I follow what I say in the book. I do what I hang around these guys that are older than me. Maybe have twenty years on, maybe they have twenty years, twenty five years, thirty years. They talking about God. I guess sponsors that are talking about God. Each sponsor has more and more of the God thing. You're into the God thing. Or we can go through all my sponsors what they did. So every month, every year, one day I'm next thing you know, they're sending me the church and all sort of stuff. I'm going to church, I'm going to Bible study because I want to keep my I want to hang around with people that are talking about God. I want to tell about people could talk about God because I'm no longer in the spiritual kinder gooden. That a is because at some point in time you're really got to get out of the kindergarten. After ten, fifteen years, you're really got to go to like high school. You know what I mean. Spiritual you want to go to high school. You don't want to have to a spiritual action with God at ten years that you had a two months, because it don't work. It don't work. You're just not happy about your sobriety. And so at ten years all of a sudden you get to a point where you maybe get maybe get hit down a little, maybe get bashed at a little, and some guy says want you to try Bible study and all of send it's not such a stupid thing. You would initially don't want to do it because it's different than just getting the Lapid. You would a egg, because in Aa they apparently hate the Bible. Well, I got that from the fellowship. The Fellowship is not the program you know. You know our fellowship is wonderful and I love it, but you know it's not. Well, people's anonymous. You understand what I'm saying. You got to watch out when you pick up from the God fellowship, they'll tell you all over place we'll here at church is bad. I'm spiritual, not religious. That means religious people are bad and not as religious people are not that go to church and read the Bible. They're not as spiritually a tune to the music of the orbs that US alcoholics are. They're out there looking to score, you know what I mean. They just they just act better than we do, but it's all bullshit. It's all you know what I mean. So you go to these sponsors and they're all sudden, they're they're spiritual and religious, that...

...believe in this stuff. They're into that stuff. They spend all their time praying, reading the Bible, trying to figure out who God is and what God wants them to do. Like into that stuff where I can hang out with people who say, man, if they're talked about God when I was here howing. Why, yeah, you can hang out with those people that put doubt in your mind, where you can see in a meeting and the big book says we try to increase our conscious contact with God, and the best way to increase your conscious contact with God is hanging around with groups of alcoholics that tell you the God thing is stupid. That'll help you out, especially if you have that other consequence that alcoholics have, that are codependent, where you worry about what other people think about you. So the last thing you want is anybody in a laughing at you or rulling their eyes at you, because that would just kill you. Because the point is you want to blend that, you want to be a because you're, please love me, a hauling so hang out in a group of people where it seems that all the sharp guys in the cool guys talk down about God on spirits of religious you think that you know, maybe the God thing is kind of overworked, the religious thing is overworked. You're not going to talk about you going to worry about and all that sort of stuff, and then you could be a slave. You'll be a slave to your fear and you will never experience through that promise where fewer people that come up againsecurity will leave you. And the reason I'm able to talk about this I know you sit there and thinking, man, and nobody talks about the shit and a the way this guy's thought. And the reason I can talk about it because I'm not scared of you all. So this say no, this ain't dress rehearsal. You can live your life scared of people and what they think about you, or you can be free. You can be free, you can know the new freedom of the new penis, or you can just continue to live your life, drive without drinking and think that you're really doing this thing. So this is from the book that sold. So the bottom line is is because of the something I've been so what what do you think happens to you? If you're really work this thing and you want to increase your conscious contact with God and you're one of the man you separate yourself and the boys, and the bottom line is all you want is grow nearer with your so your Creator, and you're constantly humbling on your knees, asking for help and doing whatever you have to do in order to get there. Never no one, you'll never be perfect, but never settling, always striving for the perfection that is in the Goud minds of God, where God is in a dirty word, where you you not only lose a fear of people, but you never apologize for God. You never apologize for God, because all men of faith, I. Have Courage. They trust their God. Because that's what you're writ in the big book Aboutohol as, anonymous. So you're less worried about when guy in front road thinks about you and more concerned with whether or not to following with the pioneers in the big book about Folics, anonymous. What do you think happens when you do that, day by day for forty years? So this is what happens. You're looking at it. So don't get mad at me. Get Mad in the book alcoholics deat mad at Alcoholics. Anonymous. I am a product of working this program and I'm not the only one on the planet that works it this way. Trust me, I'm not the only guy. I don't know, maybe one in a hundred, one to two hundred or something many you're called if you're chosen. Okay, so here's the now we're going to get into it and were side. Why? From chapter when? You're gonna like this. You have my reading. When they the big book. If any of you lacks wisdom, if anybody here you know lacks wisdom, you're not sure and you want God's answer your prayer. You lack wisdom. Is What the book is James. I said. Any of you lack wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all, without finding fault, and it will be given to you. How do you like that? If you lack wisdom, they don't give it to you. But but now listen to the butt. This is written two thousand years ago. But when you ask you must believe and not have any doubt, because the one...

...who doubts God has doubting faith, is like a wave of the sea blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from God. Should not expect the received anything from God. Such a person is double minded and unstable in all they do. So the next time you're concerned about why you're so freaking Whacko, leave this part of the book of James, who tells you why you're welco. Now let me ask something, How hee, we think that's a little extreme. A comes a little strain. Don't you think he's not going to give anything? You mean, sort of like half measures avail you nothing. Is that a little extreme? There is no middle of the road solution. Is that a little extreme? God is everything or he has nothing. What is your decision going to be? Is that a little extreme? Once you make it's a serious, sincere decision. For God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. He will give you everything needed. He stay close to him and perform his work. Well, is that a little extreme? How about this one? You ever hear people say don't say God to newcomers, don't even talk about it. How about this one? On Page Idyer burn the idea into the consciousness of every man, every man that he cannot get well with God. This of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and Clean House. Is that a little extreme? What about it? We are a new basis, the basis of trusting in God. We trust the infinite God instead of our finite cells. We never apologized for God, never we let him demonstrate our lives what he could do for us. Is that a little strain? I mean, how many status of that can you count? I mean I can run a lot, about twenty more, and they're all over the book about God. How about the six step? Is that a little extreme? We don't settle, we shoot for perfection. How about the other step? Constantly increase are our contact with God. Is that a little extreme? How about this? We encourage church membership. We encourage church membership. Most of US belong to such organizations. Is that a little they say it's up show, but most of us do it. Is that a little extreme? It's extra credit. It's extra credit. I mean the real Lackos, the Olympians, the guys that are going for the gold, that settling. They would probably do it, but not the guys who say, well, let's I've already been to a meeting. You know, I don't I'm not drinking, get off my back. Then I can do they don't have to do it. You think there are. There are consequences to not doing things. There are consequences also to going for the extra credit. I mean it is this extreme stuff reeling or is this what alcoholics anonymous is really all about? You know, and is that what it's all about? folcuses on this stuff. I mean the person you'll become, and that's five years, will depend upon the people who hang out when the books read. And you know something, if you're free in this program, free from alcohol, you get to choose who you want to hang out with. I can tell exactly what's going on you've based based on who you hang out with. I can tell what's going on with you based on how many, how many meetings you're going to. When Bill Wilson said the Lord has been so wonderful to me, an alcoholics not snumber. Three Lord has been so wonderful. May Turn me of this doubles these I got to keep talking about and telling other people. Is that a little extreme?...

Bob Dotson didn't think it was extreme. He's called with the golden text. Listen, when Bob Smith, are founder, said in the last chat, the last paragraph of his story, Dr Bob's nightmare. If you're an atheist, if you're an agnostic or have some other sort of intellectual pride in your brain that keeps you from understanding what we're talking about in this book, I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for people that don't understand this. What else can I feel? Your heavenly father will never let you down. Is that a little extreme? When Dr Bob visited Clarence, the brew Master, one of the original bounders of the Cleveland Group, in his hospital room and he was thirty five years old. He was I'm doing thirty five pounds, and Dr Bob Walked into him and said you're pretty young. I don't know what you're ready and Clarence said, man, I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, didn't have a job, don't have clothes and that money, didn't have anything. I don't know how much more ready I can be. Sales still, I had to convinced them and then he said to me, said second question. Do you believe in God, Young Fellow? I mean I'm talking, this is verbatim, right out of about you believe? And Got Second Question during a twelve step called by talking about do you believe in God, Young Fellow? Well, I guess I do. Actually, what he said to him ready for this, whether he said what he said to him, what he actually said to him. He said, what does that have to do with it? and Dr Bob's answer was everything. Everything. Don't get mad of me, you know get it. I'll tell you what. You know. Who'd understand this talk? You know who get this, though? Bob Smith would get this. Tough Clarence, the BREWMASTER, would get this store. Bill Wilson would understand this, though. You understand the pioneers of alcoholics. Anonymous would understand this. Tall, you know, the priest that helped. You know, father at Downy, would understand this thought. Sam Shoemaker to have understood this thought. A lot of people would have understood this thought. The people that you listen to on tape. Some people you would would you know? Sandy beach would have understood this. The people that you think are. You know that the people all Kennedy would have understood this store. So I have to Clarence said the statement when box said everything he says. He says. Well, I guess I do. He says guess you're nothing. Guess Nothing. You either do your don't know. He says I do. He says now we're getting somewhere. Get down on your knees by the hospital that get down on your knees. Get Down your knees. You got down on his knees and they any and he gave us life to God. And this is what Clarence said. He said there were no suggestions. I did what I was ordered to do. That's right. I did what I was ordered to do. That's the guy. I can tell the bullshit artist from the real guys. The real guys do what they're what they're told to do. The other guys sort of weight in their minds. I don't know. Do I do? I not doing it. I you know, because they haven't had enough to drink, they still think they're smart. You know, it's real simple. It's not. It just have to put a few years and sponsor a few people and see what's going on around here and who last who does, and you can find out pretty much what the deal is. To get what most men don't have, you've and women don't have. You need to be ready to do what most men and women won't do. This isn't something that's handed to you. This is about going through suffering. This is about going through than doing. This about doing this is about doing stuff you want to do. This is about doing stuff you don't want to do, you know. This is about doing stuff you like. This is about doing stuff you don't understand. You know. This is about this is about you know. I had a guy say to me, and I used to say this, that alcoholics are like choke...

...it. I've changed, my mom they sure look like children, they saw act like angry ten year olds anything, but they're really not like children. Well, they're sort of like children, but they're more than children. There are certain subsection of children I call spoiled brats. Spoiled Brats, spoiled brats running around or whatever they want to do, thinking they're smarter than better than anybody. Arrogant, spoiled Brad that's what I'm post that's what thank God for alcohol. Thank you Jesus for alcohol. was for alcohol, I wouldn't be here. Listen, alcohol met. I don't. I don't hate alcohol. I love alcohol. It's it's the best salesman we got out there. Every two years the alcohol comes through, wipes out all the bullshit, all those guys that say I'm never going to do that as a wham. They're gone there in jail and it's all over some best friend alcoholic says. Do you imagine if everybody who was an alcoholic who came in here where they did this thing or not, stayed? My God, we'd have fist fights in the aisles. You know what I mean, the horror story. But we get that booze. It just goes right through and they disappeared. They're gone, you know. So I guess that's all I have to say in the eleven step. Thank you very much. God Bless.

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