AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 11 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 11 from the Coral Room Zoom March 12, 2021

Hi everybody. My name is Russell spats. I'm an alcohol member the South Dinxia Room and it's pleasure and privilege to be here. You know I, some of you guys know, I got my second Maderna shot yesterday morning and the in the side effects have kicked in, so I feel like I have a mild taste of the flu. So if this doesn't, if this, this eleventh step, doesn't rocket you into the fourth dementia of existence, I'M gonna blame it on the pandemic. I'm pretty much blame in everything on the pandemic these days. I'm taking no responsibility for any of my actions, but I'm going to do the best I can. Okay, so I'm going to talk to them about the eleventh step and I listen. I haven't found necessary have a drink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. It's not a record round here, but it's a record for me and this is all about my experience, strength and hope. So you don't have to agree with any of this stuff. I'm going to just do the best I can to share what's happened to me in my journey from a man who believed in sex, drugs and rock and roll to a man who's on a completely different path these days. So getting I'll get into a little of that. You don't have to buy into any of this stuff. You don't have to feel threatened, you don't have to get mad and anything I said, it's not my intention to hurt anybody's feelings. It's sort of naturally happens whenever I talk. Not My not my fault. You know, don't take it too seriously, rules sixty two. Don't take yourself too seriously and remember, no matter what I say that and pissing you off, I'll probably change my mind by the end of the meaning say what did I say that? Anyway. So they it's only an AA meeting. You know we're not. You know we're not going to war here. So I'm just going to I'm going to suggest a few things that you make that I've sort of picked up all the last forty years. You know, there's a line I have. Any of you guys get my email, you know, one of the lines of my email from the Oxford group says a man can see something, can see a thing, nine can be confronted with a thing or see and thought the thing nine hundred and ninety nine times and not see it and see at the thousandth time and all of a sudden see it. And that's the you know, it's like when the pupils ready to teach her appears. My experience and alcoholics anonymous has been aligns and paragraphs, sentences that are in the big book that I read over and over and over again. At Twenty Years Sobriety, I read it and all of a sudden I understand it, or at least I see something else in it for the first time. For the first time. One of the things I have to understand there is there is a possibility, a possibility now that this disease my center in your mind, not your body. You understand what I'm saying. Most of the stuff I get and I hope it's true and you can call me on it. Side. Most of the stuff I'm given to you you'll find authority for it in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, the twelve and twelve or Dr Bob in the good old timers. So though it's I'm not dishing out anything. You're in talent your own opinion. Not until your own facts I'm not telling you anything that either I haven't experienced in my life or I haven't seen out of the big book. And so I'm not going to talk about drinking because drinking, trust me, is not the problem. I don't know how to solve a drinking problem. I can't help you with the drinking problem. I can express. I can tell my drunk a lot to somebody if they want to, if they come to the point of their life but they're entirely ready to get rid of the drinking. They'll get sober around me while I'm telling my mom fel stepping them and I'll start thinking it has something to do with me, because I gave such a great lead or something. But basically, people ultimately end up getting stover, staying sober and living an incredible life to the extent that they want to do it. You know, a Lincoln said most people feel as good you know. Basically, most people feel as good as they want to feel. You know, they basically you know you get to a point. You know that. The truth of the matter is I've spoken the many, many men and give them my best aa talking to possibly imagine, and they sort of walk away from the deal. I don't take it personally. They're just not ready. And then there are other people. They're ready. You can say anything to him and they're coming to a they're going to do things. So that's been my experience. Okay, it has is it has...

...more to do with where you're at and what I said. If God will, if God, if the word God chases you out of alcoholics, anonymous, you and I were suffering from a different disease, or at least let's say this way. Nobody was going to chase me out of alcoholics and office. I had drank my life into the toilet. I was thirty one years old. That though, my life was over. They were probably talking about God. They were probably talking about a lot of things. If you need an excuse to get out of a there's plenty of guys that will give you an excuse to get out of A. A. I don't know where you're going. I know where you're going. You don't have to drink again, and then you'll crawl back in if you're still alive, and it won't bother you anymore. You'll start doing what they tell you to do. You'll start following directions. So let me talk a little bit about what the eleventh step is and what it means to me. I've actually changed in the last forty years plus. So I'm at they're con person than I was when I walked in. So in order to talk about the eleventh step, I'm going to talk a little bit about the problem. Now. I'm solution Orient Okay, I'm a solution oriented guy. I don't want to deal with the thumb sucking crybabies. I want to talk about solutions. But you can't really get to the solution until you understand the problem. You got to understand the problem first and once you understand the problem you have a shot and understand the the solution. Okay, the first step and go getting out of jail is knowing you're in jail in the first place. Okay, so most people finally come to alcoholics anonymous when they realize that they're in an alcohol jail. You, they're in a jail and in bondage and they're powerless over alcohol and they think like I thought. Most people think that the problem is drinking alcohol and you might have to be set sober several months or years before you realize that you're insane, before you start really understanding what the second step means when it says you can be restored to sanity, saying people, people who are sound of mind, do not need need to be restored to sanity. Does that make any sense? Now let's if you don't understand that, it's it's going to take a much longer time to talk to you and I don't have time to talk about that now. But Trust me, if you have a problem with me calling you and saying you know, whenever you disturbed, no matter what the cause, there's something wrong we do. So talk to your sponsor about to put me on the list or something. Just another reason you'll have to deal with. But in any men, the truth of the matter is ultimately through the foid, ultimately when you put a plug in the jug and you stop drinking. What I have discovery is over forty years, over repeated humiliations and the final crushing of our selfsufficiency and noticing that life is a humbly and experience it and the unmanageability of my thought life and the craziness I occur I I get into. It occurs to me somewhere down the road that there might be something wrong with my thinking. There might be something wrong with my thinking. I mean I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. I mean I can tell this group this is like the men's of alcoholics. Anonymous, I'm talking, comes up to the Albert Einstein's alcoholics. Anonymous, and I understand that you're smart and there's I'm not calling you names, but there's a possibility that in some small way there might be something. I love that story on page thirty. Bother, they talk about Jim and say Jim was a wonderful, wonderful guy. He had a wonderful, wonderful business, he had an incredible wife, an incredible war record. You know, he was liked by everybody. He was incredibly intelligent in all respects. He was perfect except for a slight nervous disposition. And there's a possibility that if you're an alcoholic, you might be perfect at all regards, but you might be suffering from just a slight nervous disposition. You understand you might be. Might not realize if I just be nervous about a bunch of things. My sponsor once told me when I was ten years sober and I was working the steps, I thought I got son of a bitch. And when I told him about why I was upset, he explained to me that why I why I thought I was upset, was not why I was upset, that I was actually upset because I was upsetable. I forget. I learned that. So he told me that when I was ten years Ober, that I was I was upset because I was,...

I don't words. I was upset with life. You see, it's not that my life sucked, it's just that I suck at doing life. You, I'm said, said, I just suckered doing life, that's all, and I'm doing the best I can with what I got. And my sponsor once asked me why do you, why do you do the things you do? Why do you say the things? Just saying, I told him, I said, I said, well, that's just my person I said it in a proud way. I said that's just my personality. I was proud of my personality. And my sponsor said, well, Russell, let me tell you something. Your personality is killing you. So how would I to be? How would you like to get rid of the drink and be sober for a year sober? You know what I mean. And how your sponsor tell you your personality is killing you. You know what Doctor Young told Roland has it. When Roland has it, put himself in treatment for like a year or six months and anyone out, he started drinking again. He went their. Roland Hazard, WHO Rollan has it? What the Doctor Young, Call Young, one of the greatest psychiatrists in the world at that time, and he said, is there no hope? What's the problem? And Young said to him, he said, listen, you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have. I'm the greatest psychiatrist in the world and I am never been able to help anybody when that state of mind exists, such as in you. He says, is there? Is there no hope? He says, Oh yeah, here and there, once in a while these people turn around. They completely turn around. You're reborn, he says, he said, he said I they have a Jessee. Got To turn off your deal. They have a psychic experience, a psychic change, a substantial psychic change, where ideas, emotions and attitudes, which are, I the guiding forces of their lives so push the one side and they become they become dominated by a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes. Now I can tell you this. I came to alcoholics anonymous. I admitted I was palace over alcohol. My life was unmanageable. I didn't want to drink again. So to that extent, I became entirely ready to do whatever I had to do in order to stop drinking, which was a major change. But if you think for one second that major change had anything to do with my lust for women or sex, Romance, or my concern about money or concern about things, or what my house looked like, or getting a car or prestige or what you thought about me or being successful, you would be wrong. You know. If you thought for one second my getting to my knees and seeing the third step prayer got me to the point where I was completely focused on God and he became the centerpiece of my life, you would be wrong about that, you know. So here's what I want to do. I want to talk about the problem. Why do alcoholics have such a problem with spirit, with believing in God? Why do people in a meetings? By the way, we have a wonderful fellowship. It's a great fellowship. I love our fellowship. It's by the way. I'm not hurting anybody's feelings. But I want to something. Aa is not a fellowship. It's not. You did not join. Well, people's anonymous. UN said you did not join. Well, people's anonymous. Okay, there are millions of people in AA, at various points of sobriety, that have a lot of opinions, a lot of prejudices, and most of us, most of us, according to the big book, Ballk at doing this. We really don't want to do this stuff. And you want to know something. Not only don't we want to do it or do it as little as possible, we don't want alcoholics, listen to me, don't like being told what to do. I'm not talking about you guys. I know you guys are very willing and open minded, but most alcoholics don't like being told what to do. You know what they say. The chief characteristic of alcoholics are defiance. So you know, if you understand that, you're going to understand the problem. I'm going to read you a couple of things from the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous. So, no matter how bad this thing is, you get a little actual Aa. So let me read you a few things, a little, a couple of things from different chapters. Is the big book. Okay, it says the great fact is it's it talks about being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence and we experienced much of heaven and we've been rocking in the fourth dimension. Well, I don't ask this question really. How...

...many people would like to be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence? Want Three people? That may be. That may be the first problem. You know, five people? Five we got? We got sixty two people, and six people want to be rocking in the fourth dimension existence. The rest are are that. You know, the six step talks to. You know the six step talks about. It talks about the separation between the men and the boys. The men are those who are doing whatever they can, repeatedly over a lifetime, so they can grow in the image and likeness of their creator. You know what? Who? You know how it describes the boys. The boys or the girls are those who are willing to settle. Settle for less, settle for less. They're willing to settle for merely not drinking. Settle for merely not drinking and having a husband or wife. Settle for merely not drinking, having a husband, wife, a few bucks in the bank and a house. Settle for having a husband or a wife, a little romance, little sex, a few bucks in the bank and, you know, get to go on vacation. That's what the six step says. It says there's the man in and the women who try to grow in the image and likeness of their creator, and that God becomes the centerpiece of their lives and they're absolutely convinced that he lives in their hearts and minds, which in the way, which is the deed, miraculous, and he's doing for them when he can't do for himself, for themselves, that they that they above everything, they want to get rid of this selfishness. They know if they don't get rid of it, it will kill him and they know that only God will make that possible. So they make a sincere decision for God, and it says once we make that decision, being all powerful, God will give us everything we need if we stay close to him and performs his works well, and now we must see to it thought that are spiritual connection with God is right and everything will work out for us. I'll tell you what it says. It says, even if you don't know the founders, it says that because they can't control that you can read about them. It says God's in control about that and your real reliance must always be in God. He will show you how to create the fellowship we pray. You know. That's it says. It says see to what your relationship with him is. Writing. Great events will come to past you and God those others will be with you in the fellowship of the spirit. By the way, the entry fee to get into the fellowship of the spirit is this is different than the membership requirement of alcoholics and oneness. I mean there's a membership requirement. The only part membership is a desire to stop drink. You don't have to have an honest desire, I just want to stop drinking. Once you stop drinking, you're fine. But then there's something called the fellowship of the spirit. That's a whole different deal in the half. So let me read you a couple of things here and there are some people that don't want to do that. They want to you know, they're into all the other stuff, that just not into God's stuff. You know, that's okay, you know it's a free country. Then I'm until the that kind of spirit. They want to get crazy about this thing says. The great fact is this, and nothing less, that we have had deep in effect of spiritual experiences which have revolutionized our whole attitude towards life, towards our fellows and towards God's universe. The central fact of our lives today, the central fact of our listen the set. I want to repeat this just in case you missed it. It's possible for an alcohol to read something and missing. The central fact of our lives today is the absolute certainty that God, and I say God because they spell created with a capital city, means divinity. The central fact of my life today is the absolute entity that my creator has injured into my heart and to my life in a way which is deep miraculous. He has commenced to accomplish things for me which I can never do for myself. And if you're a seriously out the hulk as they are, you know what they say. There's no middle of the roadue solution. But what happens if you're a like a middle of the road type of guy? I'm like a middle of the road type of guy. What happens if you you know, I know they say. You know. You were out a new basis the base of trusting and relying upon God. But what if you don't want to get fanatical about this thing? You don't want to do it that way? You know I mean. I'm an alcohol all. I've got my program. You've got good program. You know what about that deal. So let me read you this. This is in chapter to the agnostics. If a mere code of...

...morals. By the way, this is our basic text. Let me stop here for a second'm ansome, this is our basic text. As every anybody ever been to an AA meeting where somebody apologizes for talking about God? Never heard say say something, look, I'm sorry to time that God and apologized for it. Have you ever had a feeling at a name that you shouldn't mention the word God, you should say higher power because you might offend somebody? Be Honest, if you ever sat among alcoholics at an amy? Have you ever been to a meeting where there's twenty people and they talk all about their problems, they talk all about their issues, they talk about alcohol, but not once do they mention God or prayer or faith? You ever had that happen? You ever get the feel and a meeting that it's not really polite to talk about God. Yet you ever have a sort of feeling in your mind sort of like, I don't know, like a schism, like sort of some sort of sky psychotic break where you see God on the wall and you see God in the traditions. They see God in the steps and you read God in the book, but somehow you sort of leave that we're not supposed to be talking about God because you might hurt somebody. Have I heard somebody's feelings? You never get that feeling. You ever actually sort of things yourself? I think there's something wrong here, something doesn't make any sense. The textbook talks all about God and says God is the answer and talks about God and I'm scared to talk about God. Are Even mentioned him at this meeting? They tell me I shouldn't mention it. Let me ask some you know what? You know what that does with alcoholics? Do you know what that does without pholics? When you, when you're when you have a book that says there is one who has all power and that one is God, may you find him now, now, when I'm done with this, I want you to look up in the dictionary the word now. I know you guys are pretty smart, you know what I mean. Anybody you know Edward, I know you think this is funny. Okay, I'm taking it so long. I want you to look up the word now, because back in the old days, between thirty five and thirty nine, you couldn't go to a meaningless you got down at your knees in front of about twenty people and gave your life to God. That's just a fact, because they meant now. They meant now. It was very clear when they went down. When you came to the alcoholics, anonymous, you are clear what these guys were all about. There was no question. Did some people walk out your but the people that stayed, I mean they were pre qualified. They met. Now there is one who has all power. That one is God. May you find him now. That's that's just what it says. Hey, that's a big book of alcoholics, anonymous. Listen, it's gets better than that. It says you're ready for this. You ever hear this? It says we're on the new basis of trusting you, relying upon God. We trust the infinite God instead of our finite selves. We never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. All men of faith have courage they trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead, we let him demonstrate in our lives what he could do for us. Never read. You know that's in. That's in the basic textbook about alcoholics, anonymous. You know what happens when you do draw join a group of people like the current Aa and you have a textbook that talks all about God and giving your life to God and finding God now and you have a fellowship that says don't do that and don't mention it. You know what that causes? You're ready for this. It causes something called doubt. Do you be t it causes something called doubt. You know what? When you're an alcoholic and it's telling you to turn your life over utterly, abandon your life to God, and you're in and you're listening to a group of people that are saying, do not do that. You can be an atheist and a doesn't matter. Do not do that, you know what that does. That works against you're doing what is necessary to be rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence. Because that's the second problem with alcoholics. You see it, and one of the one of the things that said in the twelve and twelve. If you understand anything about our DIS ease is a lesson or until and alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, his sobriety will be precarious and of true happiness. So find none...

...at all eating. And even though every one of you guys has said one time or another, I don't give a shit what other people think about me, the truth of the matter is your entire life focus is on worrying about what other people think of that. You have an incredible feel here of other people. And you know called young cal what's his name? Not His name, the psychiatrist said. Alcoholics, men, women, are out destroy themselves. Alcohols have this deep seated understanding that they're unworthy, that they're not as good as they're always trying to puff themselves up, get better, prove something to somebody else they don't like. God forbid anybody should look at them funny. You know who? Do you? You know? You don't know who you're dealing with. I'll show you. Alcoholic slip their entire lives wearing about with the people are going to think they're stupid or whether they're going to be embarrassed, or trying to control other people so they won't get hurt. And the bottom line is because we're so codependent, but sought because we're not only alcoholics where we're absolute cores for acceptance. I will do anything for you to accept you know what. I'm an alcoholic. That's my druggy choice. But you put me into a place where you using cocaine, I'll use cocaine, I'll use marijuana. You know, I'll fucking check and I don't care. I'll do whatever I got to do in order for you to accept me. You put me in the clan on a clansman. You know what I mean. What's mad? You have no business lot laughing at this. Let me tell you something. You know what you know. You don't know what it's like, believe me. You put me with thieves. I'm a thieve. You put them with attorneys. I'm an attorney. I'm going to do whatever I have to do so you're going to like me. That's my deal. And so when you're in alcoholics and anonymous and the whole point of Aa and the only people that make it to forty years, and not only make it to forty years or thirty years, but they make it with good purpose, and there they and they've been rocking the fourth dimension of existance. Have given their life to and their life revolves around God, and that's the deal. They've thrown it in. They've they've jumped into the deep end of the pool. They never they never apologize for God, they never worry about it. They're able to talk at meetings about God. Then have to say higher power, the great banana and anything like that. Nonsen the people that make it's a miracle that anybody makes it in the Sea of disbelief and doubt that we're logged into. Okay, now let's keep on going. So here's chapters in the agnostics. Now they rode chaptered to the agnostics because they were trying to explain that in a a I've not agnosticism was not favored. Let me explain something to you. Alcoholics anonymous takes a position on agnosticism. Alcoholics, anocels anonymous takes a position on atheism. The position is this, this sort of thinking must be abandoned. Now, the fellowship of Alcoholics anonymous position is you don't have to you can be an agnostic and you can be an atheist. It doesn't matter. Better you can do the program you don't need to believe in God. That's the position of the fellowship. You May I think it's a position of fellowship, but you can't hate God and not want to mention God and apologize for God and Tell People God is bad and then take sort of a position otherwise. I mean, that's like crazy thing. So let me read this thing. This is in chapter to the agnostics. If a mere code of morals are better philossic life for sufficient don't become alcoholism, many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we try and try. If a mere code of morals that are better philossom I could have saved us and wouldn't work. How many people have ever heard somebody say I'm not putting you down, if you do this, God is good orderly direction. God is doing the next my program my God is doing the next right thing. I mean, I'm an alcoholic. I knew have to do the next fucking right thing. I wouldn't be here, you know, if I knew a good orderly direction was. I can tell you something. I'm really good at good early directions. Laugh, to give the fucking money back. I can tell you that you ain't getting the money bad. It ain't happening. You know. I that the I'm just talking to listen. I'm just talking about our big book, the Basic Text, the actual program if a mere code of morals or a better ploff you life would have helped us, we would have found it a long time ago. But it did not help us. It did not. We can wish to be moral, we could wish me flot BHILOSOPHY competent. In fact, we can will these things, but all our life. But the needed power was there are human resources, as marshalled by the will, we're not sufficient. They failed utterly. Lack of power was our...

...dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. But where were we to find this power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That means we're in a book which we believe is spiritual as well as moral, and it means, of course, and it means of course, that we are going to talk about God. It means of course we're going to talk about God. And here's the next line. Here the difficulty arises with agnostics and, quite frankly, with most alcoholics. Many times we talked to a new man and watch his hope rise as we've discussed his alcoholic problem, explained our fellowship. But his face falls when we speak with spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we are reopened the subject which our man thought he had neatly avaided or entirely ignored. We know how he feels. We have shared this honest doubt and prejudice. Doubt and prejudice. Some of US have been violently anti religious. Others were. God brought up a particular idea of him with someone. I try to imprespond during childhood. Perhaps we reject the particular conception because it seemed inadequate. With that rejection we imagine we had abandoned God idea entirely. We were bothered and thought that faith in depends upon power beyond ourselves is somewhat weak and cowardly. Okay, you got that, so listen. If you're an AA and you're dealing with alcoholics anonymous, and you're dealing with alcoholics and alcoholics anonymous. One of the consequences of the DIS ease of alcoholics anonymous, one of the consequences of the insanity of alcoholics anonymous, is to defy God and hating God. And Hey, you understand what I'm saying. I don't know when you get it. So let me explain to this. If you have a real heart on or resentment against God, religion and churches or whatever the bullshit is, that's the dis ease talking to you. That's DIS ease. That's as much disease as a resentment, as anger as a lack of faith and inability to believe in God is part of the disase of alcoholics anonymous. It's part of the insanity. It's part of the insanity that will keep you forever in darkness. Never let you blast through, you know, and get you, you know, passed to the sixth and seventh step. That's that. That's not like a good thing. I know Dr Bob and Dr Bob in Dr Bob's nightmare says if you're an atheist or an agnostic or have some storm of intellectual pride which keeps you from yet forgetting this, from getting this deal. I feel sorry for you. Your heavily father will never let you down. Dr Bob, recognize that as a pathology, you know, a a and and anger towards God and inability to accept God a pathout. It wasn't a good thing, it wasn't even an intellectual thing, it wasn't even a smart thing. It was an indication of how dis eased and how insane the alcoholic was. And then it goes on to say, it says. Then it goes on to say, we have traveled this dubious path. Beg You to lay aside prejudice, even against organized religion. This is a big bug. We have learned that, whatever the you and frailties of various faiths, maybe those faiths have given purpose and and direction of millions people of faith. That a lot to my ideal with light is all about. Actually, we used to have no reasonable conception whatsoever. We used to use ourselves like cynically dissecting spiritual believes and practice, when we might have deserved that. Many spiritually minded persons of all races causing creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness we should have sought ourselves. Well, there's a lot more I could read you, as you know, in the big book. I'm not going to do it regarding God, because the big book is just filled with paragraphs like this. A man and in envision for you, it says every once a while a man a woman says feel better. Who is in drink from? Feel better, look better, having better time. We laugh at such salon. He know he's going to try the old game again because he's not happy about his sobriety. Soon he'll know loneliness is few do he'll be of the jumping off place. He'll drink again. Do you think it's possible for somebody have twenty years and feel lonely? You think it's possible, I have somebody at fifteen years and have that nervous disposition.

You think it's possible for somebody to have twenty years, twenty five years, and not be happy with their sobriety? I can tell you I know it's. I know it's post because I sponsor guys. You had twenty five, thirty years, and I sponsor people bet are not happy with this variety. And you know what the problem is. The problem is not the wife, the problem is not the money. The problem is always, always a non connection with God. It's always a problem with faith, Sandy Beach said. You know that that's the only problem, the only problem anybody ever has is a failure to connect with God, and the only solution is connecting with God. You know now the great thing is is the big book says God was your had to create the following. You create. The good news is is out of you know what, a hundred people and an Abe, maybe there's ten, that are focused on this shit. You choose who you want to hang out with. You. I can tell you this. The person will be in the next five years will depend upon a people, the people you hang out within, the books you read, and the books you read will depend upon who you hang out with. I can promise you that. You know, why is it that some people seem to find the answer? They chuck off the bullshit, they chuck off the doubt, they go full throttles and we got they did. You know, by the way, that the big book encourages church membership. You Bear anybody say I'm spiritual, not relig you ever see anybody they say I'm spiritual, not religious. Let me ask you this. What do you think about selfrighteous people? What do you think about people that think they're better than other people, smarter and more closer to God than of the what do you think about those people? You think they're sober. What somebody says I'm spiritual, not religious, and puts down religion. What do you think they're actually saying? Well, I'm better than religious people. They're kind of stupid and they're idiots. I am spiritual. Let me tell you something. There's one thing. After many, many years of being an alcoholic and learned about what's going on in me and who I am, what I am, I am not spiritual. I am not a spiritual guy. I know all about my life. I know all about my brain. I know I mean, maybe not all about I'm still learning. I know how I think, I know I feel. I am a material minded person. That's why the sixth step talks about money, property, imprestie each we don't want it, we don't want to say anything that gets money, propery and prestige, but we've made a mess to making our lives involved around that great and that's the thing that talks about you can actually have a belief in God. Unless you're a life centers upon them and depends upon them, you're nowhere. It's your belief will be barren. The whole point about the big book is to turn your entire life over to him. You know, and and and do his work well. And you can read all through the big book and say that, but you're not. You're not going to hear that necessarily in meanings. Well, you'll hear it here because that's what I talk about and other people talk about this. I'm not the only person, but most of the theeds you're going to go to they're going to get upset with you. God knows alcoholics the one people to get upset with them or laugh out of behind their back. Well, I'll tell you what a crummy life that is. I mean I live the life where worried about whether people are laughing at being talked about. That's a shitty like. That's not a sober life. That's a horrible life to live, a life for you're worried about. You know something I'm doing, you know what I'm concerned without concerned that I tell you the truth, and then I'm doing what God wants me to do. He wants me to carry the same message that Bill Wilson carry when he said the Bob Dots and the Lord has been so wonderful to me cure me of this terrible disease that I got to keep talking about and telling other people. I know he wants to kind of seeing message to you that Bob Smith cat tip character clarence, the room master, when he told Clarence, who was sitting on a bed, he was hundred thirty five pounds, and he said to Clarence, the first thing he said to this guy says, do you believe in God, Young Fellow? And Clarence said, what does that have to do with it? and Bob Smith said everything. Everything he says I guess I do. He says guess nothing. You either do or you're dumb. There is no middle of the road solution. Says I do. Good, get down in your knees. We're going to say a prayer to him right now. You would give your drinking problem over here. You know I'm you got I got to tell you. I'm I'm one of these guys that I'm convinced, after forty years of doing this stuff, there's no your program my program fifteen million programs, you know what I mean. There's a program recovery. You know, the big book says, really, have we seen the person fails who has thoroughly bollowed our path? It doesn't say do whatever the hell you want to do and everything's going to work out. And I know the Path is because I read Dr Botom the good old time, because I know what they were actually doing to the nineteen thirty five and one thousand nine hundred and forty five. I know what was going on in a and they were focused, they were single minded in this deal. So let me see. So I got nine minutes, so I'm going to...

...go through a fast nine minute. So I came in just like everybody came in. I was addicted to money, property, prestige, women, sex, all that shit. And I happened, I don't know whether it was I was blessed or whatever it is, I happen to linked up with people that were solid in this program. They were solid and I and they loved me, even though they used to beat the crap out of me. Sometimes. It's a spank me a lot, you know, and you're all heard some of those stories and used to. I graduated department a line of his, mathematx. I was going for my PhD and Algebraic topology. I became a laws the vision chief the state ATTURNER's office. My sponsor was a used car sales roan from Chicago and didn't even graduate the sixth grade and he told me I knew as much about life as a boat knows about his father. So they didn't have a great deal of respect for me and I love these people and I follow them around and they always pointed me towards God. And then when that sponsor died, I had I there was always another man to take his place. Then, after Bob Sullivan died, then Joe Schneider, another godly man, thirty five years serious about this program. He didn't worry about what other people thought about they had people listening to him and he was not ashamed to talk about God and he was not ashamed to read the Big Book and talk about this program and talk about God. And had me read sermon on the Mount, he had me read the Bible, he had me read different things. And then when I was about ten years sober, you know, and I hit that glass ceiling that some of us hid in a a where you're doing everything. I was in a good backman chair for two years. I'm speaking all the place, I was speaking at conventions, I was doing steps series and everything like that. I was sponsoring a lot of man and also I was doing the deal and I had hit that glass ceiling something I I wanted more and I didn't know how to get more. Didn't know how to get more, and some guy tapped me on the shoulder because I just couldn't get rid of that nervous I couldn't give me that nervous disposition. I still had something called Code. Even know what it's like. I had something called I didn't come here to be laughed at, cody. I got. I had something called anxiety. Anybody here ever having had anxiety? What you guys aren't understand what it's all about, because I had unlike bill, I see one part. I had serious problems, not the kind of bullshit problems you have built, you know, and I had serious problems and I would have anxiety. I would be up at three o'clock and when wearing about stuff. And you know something, I was sponsoring people, I was going to a lot of Aa means, I was reading the book. I was doing everything and I was still a basket pace. You know, I was like in a sea of trouble and every once in a while, everyone's why I'd experience the problems. You know, I would experience the promises for like a half a day a day, you know, six minutes, you know, here and there, but I didn't have them permanently. I can tell you that. You know, I was, I was in handhand combat with the planet earth. And what would happen is I go to a lot of meetings and I'd sponsor people, I do all this stuff, and it diverted my attention from my problems. But then once I stopped doing that and I turned back to my life, life was difficult for me. Some guy came up to me, you know, when the people's way to teach up. Her said you ever go to a Bible study? I said, Jewish gift from New York or whatever it is. I don't know if Bible studies you know. He said, you want to try this thing, I think you'd really like it somehow. And I was scared. You know what? I scared out. What if my aunt Joan finds them? What if my aunt Joan finds up now. She had been dead ten years, but she could find out, you know what I mean. And what did she finds out to put like the you know what, I need to put the curse on me. So I ended up going with this guy to Bible study and they were like forty men there and they would be between the ages of seventy and ninety years old and they've been studying the source material for the big book for thirty, forty years. And I sat next to a guy named John Glenn who ended up being my third sponsor. He was a Baptist Pastor, you know, worked in the jails and he had, he had fifty five years sobriety. He became my third sponsor. And then I say, he's told me, I say as I sat next to them with a Bible study and then I joined that church. Then I became a deacon of that church. Then they started ministry in that Church. Then he introduced to the other people in other churches can worship leading a Baptist church. Then I went all and then all I was doing is hang around a people hanging around different churches, studying the Bible. And you know what happens, by the way. You know what happens when everybody hang around is folcusing on God and folks on the Bible and talking about the big book. And I'll tell you what the big book did. What the Bible different me is I read the Bible of the Bible and I said myself, Holy Crap, they stole everything in here from the big book of alcoholics anonymous, and all of a sudden I saw a stuff like a good Samaritan and I studied stuff in the Bible and it...

...explained all sorts of stuff in the big book of Alcoholics and stuff that I even realize because I was reading the source of material that they were reading between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine, because it says really haven't seen for the fellows thoroughly followed up heath and in Dr Botom the good old timers. They said the books we found absolutely essential, absolute essential, will first with the thirteen some around the man of the book of change, and I was reading what they were reading when they wrote the Big Book and everything changed in my life. And then I read the big book of alcoholics anonymous. I saw in the big book it said we encourage Church membership, we encourage the founders say we encourage church membership. It's not obligator but we encourage. If you're going to do it, if you're going to get involved this, we're encouraging you to do that stuff. You ought to do it, you know, and it says it twice. It says most of us are members of such organizations. We encourage that stuff. The more you seek you something into hanging out with those people who warned and bashed with that thing. You know, he's like a kindergarten, a spiritual kindergarten. You know, you might want to graduate to high school or college or even postgraduate, it says, because you hang around people that are focus on that stuff, you know what will happen. You'll improve your conscious contact with God. You know why? Because you're always talking or thinking about them. Because if I'm talking about women, I'm thinking about women, if I'm talking about money, I'm talking thinking about money. If I'm talking about cars and bars, think about it. But if all the guys I'm around and talking about God and focus about God and the problems with God and how he's in your life and everything like that, all doing is think about God and then all of a sudden being rocking the fourth dimension of existence, because the great facts says that I have to set them my life upon God and all of a sudden, center and I'm waking up in the morning, I'm thinking about God. Throughout the day, I'm thinking about God and I don't thinking about God. And here I am with you talking about God because that's the only thing I really want to talk about. I can't help that. I've been warmed. Like I said to my first sponsor, I know what you're telling you. You're trying to brainwash. When he said, well, maybe your brain needs washing. And you know, by the way, you may think I've really gone over. You know, you know, you know I mean. I'm not exactly half measures right. You know what it says. This sort of thinking has to be then you know what's you know what it says. It says the result is nil until we let go absolutely. I guess I just let go. I'm not done yet, still running the race. Don't going crazy. I'm going from here to alive again for another hour and I'm going to be talking all I'm again as a Christian based post that deal, and I'll be talking to them about the Bible and the Big One and that's what I do. You know what I mean, and it probably sounds crazy. Becau is going to sound crazy to any alcoholic who suffers from this disease, because they want they have one foot in AA and they have one foot in God and they have one foot in the world, and the world will eat you up alive. As a matter of fact, if you've been in the world for a while, you know, you know I'm right, because the world's been eating you up alive because everything you're worried about, everything that's eating your launch, eating your liver, has to do with the world and things of this world, the people in this world, and you can't handle it. You can't handle it because you're alcoholics. Your brain is too little to you can't handle it. You don't want to be boxing with God. Your arms are too short. That's the deal and that's been my experience. And I'm not talking about a guy I'm going to and if I say this, I'm not talking about a guy who walked in here, you know, you know, out of the Baptist Church. I mean I was just Jewish geft from you and from great neck, whole island. You don't talking about. I believe in things like country clubs and women and money and all that sort of stuff. This is something that's happened over here to forty years, slowly being pushed and pushed and pushed, and all I can say is, Hey, I'm probably crazy, but I'm happy as a plan married forty years, seven grandkids for kids, self supported, your own contributions. Get to talk to people like you and I'll tell you know what I find. I'll tell you what I find. I had one guy come up to me, this is true, after day me and he says you Russ. I said, yea, SIS, I heard you're good speaking, but you talk too much about God. And ope that on my tombstone he talk too much about God, and I said because this sponsor, I guessn't told him that. And I you know what I find? No, I this is what I said to a friend of mine once. I said, you know, I guess if people are really offended by it and they don't want to hear it, I guess they'll stop asking me to speak. And all I know is I get asked to speak all over the all over the place. So apparently there is somebody with all these guys out there saying don't talk about God. Apparently somebody wants to hear the message of depth and wait. Somebody wants to hear your original message of alcoholics anonymous and not about the bullshit you know. Like you know. I...

I lost my car yesterday. Whatever hell they're talking about these days in a A. Somebody wants to hear about this stuff. I'll tell you what you want to. You want. I'll tell you what you want to. You want to end. Well, let me tell you something. Yeah, you're in your s and you're in your s and s. You don't want to cock around with this thing anymore. Let me tell you something. You don't want to end up sticking on your death bed one day trying to figure out what the third steps all about. You don't want it's a little bit too a. You don't want to try to figure out what faces all. You want to get that big lock down, solid, serious, you know, before you get to the time when things start falling apart on you. I'm already at that time. Everything's falling apart. So that's all I have to say. Thank you,.

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