AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 7 months ago

Russell S. Step 11 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 11 from the Coral Room Zoom March 12, 2021

Ivery Bundy myname russells spats I'man alcoholi member, the south dinse root, and it's pleasure and privilegeto be here. You know I suddenyo guys know. I got my second Madurna shot yesterday morning and the and the side effects have kicked in. So I feel, like I have a mild caste of the flu. So if this doesn't, if this this elevent step doesn't rocket youinto the fourth dimensio of existence, I'mgoinna blame it on the pandemic. I'm pretty much playinging everythingon the pandemic. These days, I'm taking no responsibility for any of my antions,but I'm goingto do the best. I can okay, so I'm going to talk, t them about theeleven step and I listen. I haven't found a Tisday ave a drainsince January twentyt, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one- it's not arecord round here, but it's a record for me- and this is all about myexperience, strength and hope. So you don't have to agree with any of thisstuff. I'm Gointo just do the best I can to share. What's happened to me inmy journey from a man who believed in sex drugs and rock and roll to a man who's on a completely differentpath, these days so get e I'll get into a little of that you don't have to buyint any of this stuff. You don't have to feel threadened. You Don' have toget mad and ating. I said it's not my intention to hur anybody's feelings. Itcert. If aturally happens. Whenever I taught not my not my fault, you know,don't take it to seriously role. Sixty two don't take yourself tooh seriouslyand remember no matter what I say that andpissing you off I'll, probably change my mind by the end of the Meetan say.Why did I say that anyway? So it's only an aaneedy. You know we're not. Youknow we're not going to war here. So I'm just gonna, I'm going to suggest afew things that you make that I've sort of picked up over the last fory years.You know there's a line. I have any of you guysget my email. You know one of the lines in my email from the Oxford Group says:a man can see something can see. A thing night can can be confronted withfinger, seeand, tougp, te thing, nine hundred and ninety nine times and notsee it and see at the thousandtth time and allof a sudden see it and that's you know it's like when the pupils ready toteach her appears. My experience and alcoholcs anonymous has been lins and paragrap sentences that are inthe big book that I read over and over and over again at twenty years sobriety. I read it andall of a sudden I understand it, or at least I see something else in it forthe first time for the first time, one of the things I have to understandis there is a possibility, a possibility now that this disease might center. In yourmind, not your body, you understand what I'msaying most of the stuff I get, and I hopeit's true and you can call me Ou of side most of the stuff I'm giving toyou you'll find authority for it in the big book ofAlchols. Anonymous, the twelve and twelve or Dr Boble Goo all time itsalthou its. I not dishing out anything your intalent, your own opinion, notuntil yourown facts. I'm not telling me anything that either I have an experience in mylife or I haven't seen thout of the BOOT book, and so I'm not going to talk about drinkingbecause drinking trust me is not the problem, I don't know how to solve e drinkingproblem. I can't help you with the drinking problem I can express. I cantell my trunk log to somebody if they want to if they come to the point oftheir life, that they're entirely ready to to get rid of the drink and then'get sober around me. While I'm telling my mom fals, sheving them and I'llstart thinking, it has something to do with me because I gate such great leador something, but basically people ultimately end up getting stoverstaying, sober and living anicredible life to the extent they want to do it. You know aim Lincoln said most people feel as good. You know. Basically mostpeople feel as good as they want to feel. You know they. Basically you knowyou get to a point. You know that the truth of the matter is IA spoke tomany many men and give them my best Aa talk, I ou possible. Imagine and theysort of walk away from the deal. I don't take it personally, theyr justnot ready, and then there are other people, Theyre Ready. You could sayanything to him and they're coming TA and they're going to do thing. Sothat's been my experience. Okay, it has.

Is it has more to doal with whereyou're act than what I said if God wall, if God, if the word Godchases you out of Alcoholics Anamas, you and I were suffering from adifferent disease, or at least let's say this way. Nobody was going to chaseme out of alcohol anose. I had dragged my life into the toilet.I was thirty one years old, that's what my life was over. They were probablytalking about God. They were probably talking about a lot of things. If youneed an excuse to get out of her, there's plenty of guys. thatw'll giveyou an excuse to get out of AA. I don't know where you're going. I know whereyou're going you gont have to drink again and then you'll crawl back in ifyou're sill live and it won't bother you anymore, Yo you'll start doing whatthey tell you to do. You'll start following direction. So let me talk a little bit about what theeleven stepis and what it means to me. I've actually changed in the last of forty years plus so I'm a differentperson than I was when I walke in so. In order to talk about the elevenstep, I'm going to talk a little bit about the problem. No I'm solution,Orientd, okay, I'M A solution, oriented guy! I don't want to deal with thethumbsucking pry baby. So I want to talk about solutions, but you can'treally get to the solution until you understand the problem, you got tounderstand the problem first and once you understand the problem, you have ashot in understanding the solution. Okay, the first step in go getting outof jail is knowing you're in jail in the first place. Okay, so most peoplefinally come to alcoholtsanonus when they realize that they're in an Alcohiljail you there, there is a jail and in bondage and they're powarlous overalcohol, and they think, like I thought most people think that the problem is drinking alcohol and you might have to be s sober severalmonths or years before you realize that you're insane before you start reallyunderstanding what the second step means when it says you could berestored to sanity. Sane people, people who are sound amind, do not need to be restored to sanity. Does that make any sense? Now,as if you understand that it's it's going to take a much longer time totalk to you? I don't have time to talk about that now, but trust me. If youhave a problem with me, calling you and saying you know whatever you juststarted in what the cause is something wrong with you. Some talk to yoursponsor bad, to put me on the list or something it'just another resent you'llhave to deal with, but in any mean the truth of the matter is ultimatelythrough the foil. Ultimately, when you put the plug in the Jug and you stopdrinking, what I have discoveryd is over forty years, overrepeatedhumiliations and the final crushing of our selvs sufficiency and noticing thatlife is a humbly experience and the unmanageability of my thought, life andthe craziness I occur. I get into it accurs to me somewheredown the road that there might be something wrong with my thinking. Theremight be something wrong with my thinking I mean I don't want to hurtanybody's feelings. I mean I can tell this group. This is like the Mensa ofalcohol icsynaris and to I'Mjotin the Alberline side of Alcholsynamus, and Iunderstand that you're, smart and there's I'm not calling you names, butthere's a possibility and in some small way there might be something. I lovethat story. I'm page thiry five, an they talk about Jim and say Jim was a wonderful, wonderfulguy. He had a wonderful, wonderful business. He had an inredible wife, anincredible war record. You know he was like by everybody. He was increediblyintelligent in all respects. He was perfect, except for a slight nervousdisposition and there's a possibility that if you're analcoholic, you might be perfect Han all regards, but you might be sufferingfrom just a slight nervous disposition. You understand, you might be you mightnot. Realie somemid just be nervous about a bunch of things. My sponsoronce told me when I was ten years Ober and I was working the steps I thoughtlike a son of a bitch and when I told MEM about why I was upset, he explainedto me that why why I thought I was upset was not why I was upset that Iwas actually upset because I was upsetable. I think I learned that so he told methat when I was ten years sover that I...

...was I was upset because I was dont newwas, I was upset with. Like you see it's not that my wife sucked it's just that I suck at doinglife. You know I'm Sayingso, I just suck it doing. Wife, that's all and I'mdoing the best I can with what I got and my sponsoronesask me. Why do you? Whydo you do the things you do? Why do you say he thing you saying I told him I said I said: that's justmy person. I said it in a Brownway. I said that's just my personality. I wasproud of my personality and I sponsor said Well Russ. Let me tell yousomething: your personality is killing you. So how OIS THAT TO BE? How would youlike to get rid of the drink and be sober for a year sover? You know what Imean and how your response o tell you. Your personality is killing. You know what Dr Dun told. Rollan hasim when Rolan hasn't put himself in treatment for like a year or six months,and then he went out and he started drinking again. He went to Molan Adar Lik. He Roman has o on to Tock YoungCalli young one of the greatest psychiatris in the world at that time and he said, is thet ahope. What's the problem n young said to him he said: listen, you have themind of a chronic alcoholic. I have I'm the greatest psychiatrist in the worldand I an ever been able to help anybody when thatstate of mine exists, such as in you, he says. Is there? Is there no opensystem yeah here and there once in a while? These people turn around? Theycompletely turn around. He eborn. He says he said he said they have AyouGurnoff your deal. They have a psychic experience, a psychic change. Asubstantial psychic chain were ideas, emotions and attitudes which ry the guiding forces of their lives, so pushthe one side and they become they become dominatedby a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes. Now I cantai this. Icame dowos anonymous. I admitted I was Paaseo Ralhol. My Livwas a managemene. I didn't want to drink again. So to that extent I becameentirely ready to do whatever I had to do in order tostop drinking, which was a major change, but if you think for one second, thatmajor change hat an'ything to do with my lust for women or sex romance or my concern about money or concernabout things or what my house look like or Gett in a car or prestige of whatyou thought about me or being successful, you would be wrong. You know if you thought for one second,my getting to my knees and Saing the thirstep prayer got me to the pointwhere I was completely focused on God and he became the center piece of mylife. You would be wrong about that. You know so. Here's what I want to do.I W I want to talk about the problem. Why do alcoholics have such a problemwith spirit with believing in God? Why do people in a meetings? By the waywe have a wonderful fellowship? It's a great fellowship. I love our fellowshipit's by the way. Ju, I'm not hurting an vicenowings, but I want explain. SOMETHI AA is not a fellowship; it's not. You didnot join well people's anonymous young sat. You did not join wellpeople's anonymous. Okay, there are millions of people in Aa at variouspoints of sobriety that have a lot of opinions, a lot of prejudices and mostof us most of us, according to the big book, Balk at doing this. We really don'twant to do this stuff, and you want to know some. Not only don't we want to doit or do it as little as possible. We don't want alcoholics, listen O me,don't like being told what to do. I'm not talking about you guys. I knowyou guys ere very willing and open minded, but most alcoholics don't likebeing told what to do. You know what they say. The chief characteristicofolchhocs are defiance, so you know if you understand thatyou're Goin, to understand the problem, I'm going to reach a couple of thingsfrom the big book of Alchols Anonyos. So, no matter how bad this thing is youget a little actual Aa. So let me read a a few things. A little a couple of things fromdifferent chaps es the big book. Okay, it says the great fact is it's: It talks about being rocketed into the fourthdimension of existence and we experienced much of heaven andwe've been rocking in the fourth dimension. Well, I ont ask thisquestion really...

...how many people would like to be rocket into the fourthdimension of existence, an three people? Well, that may be. That may be thefirst problem. You know a five people proba, we got, we got sixty two peopleand six people want to be rock in thefourth dimension existence. The rest are that you know the six step.taughts o you now the six step parks about it, talks about the separationbetween the men and the boys. The men are those who are doingwhatever they can repeatedly over lifetime, so they coan grow in theimage and likenhiss of their creator. You know what you know, how itdescribes the boyds, the boys wor, the girls are those who are willing tosettle, settle for less, settle for less they're willing tosettle for merely not drinking sell for meally, not drinking and having ahusband or life settle for merely not draking having a husband, wife, a fewbucks in the bank and the House set Ol for having a husband or a wife a littleRomance Little Sax, a few bucks in the bank, and you know you got to go on vacation. That's what the six step says. It says:There's the men and the women who try to grow and the image anlikeness their creator and that God becomes the centepiece of their lives.Then theyre absolutely convinced that lives in their hearts and minds whichin the way, which is indeed raculous and he's doing for them what he can'tdo, fom himself for themselves that they that they th above everything theywant to get rid of this selfishness. They know if they don't get rid of Thetey'll, kill them, and they know that only God will make that possible. So they make a sincere decision for God,and it says once you make, that decision being all powerful. God willgive us everything we need if we stay close to him and perform ace his workswell, and that we must see to it tha that our spiritual connection with Godis right and everything will work out for us I'll. Tell you what it says it says.Even if you don't know the founders, it says ecause, they can't control thatyou can read about them. It says God's in control about that, and your realreliance must always be in die. He will show me how to create the Fullishould be prayd. Ounow, that's WHA. It says it says seeto what your relationship with him is. Writing great events will come to pastyou and com is, others will be with you in the fellowship of the spirit by theway the entry feed to get into the fellowship of the spirit is. This isdifferent than the memsership requirement of alcoholics and onnous. I mean there's a membership requirement.The only quat membership is a desire to stop drinking. You onl have to have anhonest desire. I just want to stop drinking once you stop drinking youfine, but then there's something called the fellowship of the spirit. That's awhole different deal and a half. So let me read a couple of things here andthere are some people that don't want to do that. They want to. You, know they're into all the otherstuff that just got into God. Stuff. You know, that's, okay, you know it'sfree country, ther, not intote! That kind of Spiritt Theydon't want to getcrazy about. This thing says the Grat fact is this and nothingless that we have had deep, in effect, Om spiritual experiences which haverevolutionized our hole, attitude towards life, towards our felvs andtowards God's universe, the cental fact of our lives. Today, the central factof our L, listen, the SE. I want to repeat the jistication mystic it'spossible for an alcohol to read something to missit the central fact ofour lives. Today is the absolute certainty that at God-and I say God, because they spelke great whete, the capital Sing meansdivinity. The senxual fact of my life today is the absolute senty that mycreator has entered into my heart and to my life in a way which is themiraculous he has commenced, to accomplish things for me, which I cannever do for myself and if you're a seriously hapaholk asthey are. You know they say, there's no middle of the robe solution, but what happens if you're, like a middle of the Ron type of guy, I'mlike a middle of the Road Tipe of guy? What happens if you, you know? I knowthey say you know we're on a new basis, the based oftrusting and relying upon God. But what, if you don't want to getfanatical boutthis thing? You don't want to do it that way. You know I meanI'm an ALCOHOLC. I've got my program, you got good program, you know what about that Toyou. So letme read you this. This is inchapter to the ignostics...

...if a mere codo morals, by the way, thisis our basic test. Let me stop here for second, I MANA SOM. This is our basictax. has every anybody ever been to an a meeting where somebody apologizes fortalking about God, Eve ever heard s say something Woith,Thi'm, sorry, tos Ti God and apologized for it? Have you ever had a feeling at an ame that you shouldn't mention the word Godyou should say higher Powen, because you might offend somebody be honest. Have you ever sat amongalcoholics and an Ay? Have you ever been to a meeting where there's plentypeople and they talk all about their problems? They talkd all about theirissues. They talk about alcohol, but not once do they mention God or prayeror faith. You ever had that happe. You ever get the Feelin a meeting that it'snot really polite to talk about God, Yeh! You ever have a sort of feeling inyour mind, sort of, like I don't know like a skhizul like sort of some sortof sky, Psychonic Brak, where you see God on the wall, and you see God in thetraditions- and you see God in the steps- and you read God in the book,but somehow you sort of believe that we're not supposed to be talking aboutGod, because you might hurt somebody, i Hurd somebody's feelings. You ever got that feeling you ever actually sort of thingsyourself. I think there's something wrong here. Something doesn't make any sense. The textbook talks all about God andsays: God is the answer in to talk about God and I'm scared to talk abouttheoder. You mention him at this Menin. They tell me I shouldn't mention it. Let me ask someting o you know what youknow. What that does with alcoholics. Do you know what that does without pox,when you, when Youre, when you have the Bok that says there is one who has allpower and that one is God? May you find him now now when I'm done with this, Iwanct you o look up in the dictionary the word now. I know you guys are pretty smart. Youknow what I mean and you real you know and when I know you think this is funny.Okay, I Neven Takin Io. I want you to look up the word now because, back in the old day in thrtyfive nd, thirty nine you couldn't go to a meetingles. You Got Boun of yourkneecs in front of about twenty people. A D gave your lacke to God, that's justthe fact because they meant now they met. Now. It was very clear when theywentit out when you came with owtbolts ananest, you were freer. What theseguys were all about. There was no question. Did some people walk out sure,but the people that stayed I mean they were prequalified they met. Now there is one who has all power that oneis God. May you find him now? That's that's just what it says: Heythat's a big book of Alcoholis anomous. Let's Sey, it's gets better than that.It says you ready for this. You ever hear this. It says we're on the new base of Trustanyreline upon God. We Trust Infinite God. Instead of ourfin ineselves, we never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. Allmen of faith have courage, they trust their God. We never apologize for God.Instead, we let him demonstrate our lives. What he could do for us, neverread! You know, that's Im, that's in the basic textbook about ASNAMAS. Youknow what happens when you Ju do join a group of people like the Carriaa, andyou have a textbook that talks all about God and giving your life to Godand find he god now, and you have a fellowship that says: Don't do that anddon't mention it. You know what that causes you're ready for this. It causessomething called doubt: Do Ou b take it causes something called doubt. You know what, when you 're analcoholic and its telling you to turn your life over utterly abandon yourlife to God and you're in and you're listening to agroup of people that are saying, do not do that. You can be an athus today. Doesn'tmatter, do not do that. You know what that does that works against you'redoing what is necessary to be Rockidin into the fourth dimension of existence, because that's the second problem withalcohols. You see it and one of the one of the things that said: Inthe, Twelveand twelve. If you understand anything about our disease is anlesson or a tellan alcoholiaccepts, his alcoholism and...

...all its consequences, his sobriety willbe precarious and, if true happiness so find none at all, even and even thoughevery one of you guys has said one time or another, I don't give a shit. Whatoother people think about me. The truth, O matter is your entire life focuses onworrying about what other people think about. You have an incredible fear of otherpeople and, if you know, calm young coma, what's his name, not his name,the psychiaus said alols men. Women are have to swiy themselves. Alcoholis. Have this deep seatedunderstand that they're unworthy that they're not as good as they're,always trying to puff themselves up, get better prove something thansomebody else they don't like? God Forbid, anybodyshould look at them funny. You know who do you? You know you don't know whoyou're dealing with I'll show you alcoholics live their entire lineswearing about whete. The people are going to think they're, stupid or wheethey're going to be embarrassed or trying to control other people, so theywon't get hurt and the bottom line is because we're socodependent the Saut, because, where notothe alcoholics, where we'reabsolute cors for acceptance, I will do anything for you to accept. You knowwhat I'm an alcoholic, that's my drug, an choice, but you put me into a place,wet using cocaine, I'll use cocane, I use marijuana. You know I'll fuck inchick en I don't care I'll do whatever I got to do in order for you to acceptme, you put me in the clan on the clansm, you know what I mean: Lhet's man, you have no business laughing atis. Let me tell you something: You know what you now, you don't know what it'slike believe me. You put me with thiedes on a thiet. You put he with eattorneys on an attorney I'm going to do whatever I have to do so you'regoing to like it. That's my deal, and so when you're in alcoholics, anonymousand the whole point of Aa and the only people that make it Tok forty years andnot only make it to forty years or thirty years, but they make it withgood purpose and the're and they've been rocking the forth omention ofedistance AF, given their life and their life revolves around God, and that said you they thrown it inthey they jumped into the deep end of the pool they. Never they neverapologize with. Not They de worry about it. They're able to talk at meetingsabout Thad then have to say higher power, the great banana anything likethat. Nosins, the People Hav, it's a miracle that anybody makes it in theSea of disbelief and doubt that we're logged into okay. Now, let's keep ongoing so here's chapters in ignostis. Now they wrote chapter to the agnostics because they were trying to explainthat in Aa I'd not anosticism was not favor. Letme explain: somethiyou alcoholics anonymous takes a position onagnosticism alcoholics annotlos, a anonymous takes a position on atheism.The position is this: This sort of thinking must be abandoned. Now the fellowship about Bolsanomasposition is you don't have to you can be an egostic and you can be an Athiis.It doesn't matter, you can do the program, you don't need to believe inGod. That's the position of the fellowship. You may not think it's a PYCIIC elship,but you can't hate God and not want to mention God and apologize for God andTil People. God is bad and then take sort of a position. Otherwise I mean that's like crazything. So let me read this thing. This is achapter to hagnostics. If a mere coto morals are better Plosof life for sufficient, don't come aucoholism. Many of us would haverecovered long ago, but we found codes and philosophies did not save ust, nomatter how much we tro ad Trie. If a mere coteo morals, an a Bettr closs ofthe life, would have save us. An Wenn em work. How many people have everheard somebody say: I'm not putting you down. If you do this, God is good, orderly direction. God is doing the next. My program I gotis doing the next right thing. I mean I'm an alcoholic. I now have todo the next fucking right thing. I wouldn't een, be here. You know. If Iknew at good oraly direction was I can tell you something, I'm really good agood Orly directions. I I have to give the fucking money back. I can tell youthat you ain't getting the money bad, it ain't happening, yeah that did EAH. I'm just talking.Listen, I'm just talking about our big book, the basic text, the actualprogram. If a mere CODA morals or a better Blanchin, I would have hout us.We would have found it a long time ago, but it did not help us. It did not. We could wish to be moral.We coullitially physical, philosoty competen. In fact, we could will thesethings, but all our light, but the neede power was't. There are humanresources as marthaled by the Willwere,...

...not sufficient. They failed utterlylackup power. WAS OUR GILEMMA? We had to find a power by which we cand live,and it had to be a power grading ourselves, obviously, but where re weto find this power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Well,that's exactly what this book is about. Well, that's exactly what this book isabout. It's main object is to enable you to find a power greater thanyourself a to solve your problem. That means were Rin a book which we believeis spiritual as well as moral, and it means, of course- and it means, ofcourse, that we are going to talk about God. It means, of course, we're going totalk about gawd and here's the next line here the difficulty arises withignostics and quite Frankmen, with most alcoholics many times we talk to a newman and watchhes hote rise as we discussed his alcoholic problemexplained our Fellowshin, but his face falls when we speak with spiritualmatters, especially when we mention God for we have reopened the subject whichour man thought. He had neatly avaded or entirely ignoridg. We know how hefeels we have shared tdishonest out and prejudice down and prejudice. Some ofUS have been violently Hansy religious totus, where God brought up aparticular iea an with someone I try to impress Mon during childhood. Perhapswe reject e particular conception. ECAESn't seem danatequate. With thatrejection we imagine, we had a Bandone God ideentirely. We were bothered andthought that faith depends upon power beyond thourselves is somewhat weak andcowerly. Okay, you got that so listen if you're in AA and you're deal withoutHax, anonynous and you're dealing with alcoholics and alcols anonymous, one ofthe consequences of the diseaves of alcoholics anonymous. One of theconsequences of the insanity of alcohols anonymous is to defy God and Hatin. God and Hey. You understand what I'm saying.I don't know whether you get it. So let me explain to this: If you have a real hard on orresentment against, God, religion and churches or whatever Gullshit is that's the disease talking to you, Tats Dis, eave, that's as much diseaseas a resentment as anger as a lack of faith and immability to Believ in God,is part of the disease of alcohols, an AI. It's part of the insanity. It'spart of the inside Dholl hit you forever in darkness. Never let you lastthrough you know and get you you kN W past to the sixth and seven step. That's that! That's not like a goodthing. I know Dr Bob and Dr Bob and Dr Bob's nighttere says if you're anAthist or an dagnostic or have some sorm of intellectual pride which keepsyou from yeah forgetting this from getting this deal. I feel sorry for you,your heavinly father will never let you down Dr Bob recognized that as ahothology, you know a an anger towards God and innagily alcept od a put fo. Itwasn't a good thing, it wasn't even an intellectual thing, it wasn't even asmart thing. It was an indication of how diseased and how insane thealcoholic was, and then it goes on to say it's say, then it goes on to say we avetravlin, this dubious path beg you to lay aside pregudice, even againstorganized religion. This is the big Buk. We have learnedout whatever the UN frautis of various fate. Maybe those fates havegiven purpose and Milon and Thrett the millions people would fake on a lotchwine get wit. Life is all about. Actually we used to have no reasonableconception whatsoever. We use to use ourselves like cynically disecting,spiritual leves and practic wher Yo might have observed that many Spiritalyminded persons of all races, Coso creens were demonstrating a degree of stability, happiness and usefulness. We should have sought ourselves. Well, there's a lot more. I could readyou as you know, in the big book, and I'm not going to do it regarding God,because the big book Thas just filled with paragraphs like this, a man in vison few. It says everyoncein a while man, a women, says, feel better wois in drint them o feel betterlook better. Having better at time we land at such Sallin me know he's goingto try the old game again because he's not happy about his Urrie soon. No nowloneliness is you. Do he'll be able to jump it off place hit'll drink gain. Do you think it's possible for somebodyto have twenty years and feel lonely? You think it's possibly if somebody Havfifteen years and have that nervous...

...disposition, you think it's possible for somebody tohave twenty years fworty five years and not be happy with their sovriety. I cantell you, I know it's. I know it's PAXA becide spocor Gods, yead twenty fivethirty years and I sponsor people that are not happy with this variety, andyou know what the problem is. The problem is not the life problems ut themoney. The problem is always always a non connection with got it's always aproblem of Fath Sandy Beach said you know the that's the only problem. The only problem anybody ever has is afilure o connect, lith God and the only solution is connected with God. You know now. The great thing is: Isthe big book says: God Was Sari Crate, the Polisia pray?The good news is is out of you know what hundred people in Naby, maybethere's ten that are focused on the shit. You choose a you want to hanghout with you kno. I can tell you this. The person you'll be in the next fiveyears will depend pon the PVEU, the people you hang out within the booksyou read and the books you read will depend on who you hang out with. I canpromise you that you know. Why is it that some people seem to find theanswer they shut off the bullshit they chuck off the Dolt. They go fullthrottoans a we got the did. You know by the way that the big book encourages church membership. Ye me or anybody say, I'm spiritual,not Relyteng d. You ever see anybody Ansay, I'm spiritual, not religious. Let me ask you this. What do you thinkabout selfriteous people? What do you think about people thatthink they're better than other people, smarter, more more Closein od than whatdo you think about those peop? You think they're solver when somebody saysI'm spirital out religious and puts down religion. What do you thinkthey're actually saying Weli'm better than religionssghopthey're kind of stupid and Theire Idiots? I am spiritual. Let me Kay ysomething thirs one thing after many many years at the inding alcoholic, anlearied about what's going on, I me why I'm what I am. I am not spiritual. I amnot a spiritual guy. I know all about my life. I know all about my brain ad.Now I mean maybe not all about I'm still learning. I know how I think Iknow I feel I am a material minded person. That's why the six step talksabout money properly and prestige. We don't want, we don't want to say, antinno gets money, propy and PRESTIGES, but wee made a ness to making our livesinvolving around that grat and that's the thing that talks about. You canactually have a belief in God, unless your life centers upon them and dependsupon them your nowhere. It's your belief will be barren. E whole point about the big book is toturn your entire life over him. You know and and do his work well and you can bead all Thong the big bookand say that, but you're not you're, not going to hear that necessarilyinmediens. U You'll hear it Heere, because that'swhat I talk about and other people talk about this, I'm not the only person butmost of the needs. Youre toin t go to they're going to get upset with you. God knows how cops te one people getupset with them W or laugh at hem behind their back. Well I'll tell youwhat crummy life that is. I mean I live elife where I werre about where thepeople are laughing at being talk about. That's a Shitty Liht, that's not asover life! That's a horrible life to live a life for you're, worried aboutyou know something! I'm you know what I'm concerned without concerned that I tell you the truth and then I'm doing what God wants me todo. He wants me to carry the same messagethat Bill Wilson Carri when he said the Bob Docks, and the Lord has been sowonderful to me, tur me of this couple disease that I got to keep talkingabout and telling other people. I know we want to kind of Sen message to youthat Bob Smith cat pat carried to clarence the room master when he toldplans who was sitting on a bed. He was a hundred thirty five pounds and hesaid Toclare a the first thing. You said to this guy says you believe inGod, young fellow and Clarence said what does that upto do with Im and BobNet said everything everything he says. I guess I do hesayds guess nothing! You either do we you don't? There is no middle of theroad solution says I do good get down on your knees, we're going to say aprayer to him right now. You Wan give your drinking problem over again. You know, I'm you not. I gotto tell you,I'm I'm one of these guys that a e convinced ha forty years of doing thisstuff. There's no your program, my program, fifteen million programs. Youknow what I mean. There's a program recovery. You know the big book saysreally have wou seen the person fals wis thoroughly bought on Hatf, itdoesn't say, do whatever the hell. You want to do and everything's going towork out, and I know at they hat this because Iread doctabob the little timeeas. I know what they were actually doing inoe thousand nine hundred andthirty five, one thousand nine hundred and fortyfive. I know what was going on and a and they were focused. They weresingle mined in this deal.

So let me see so I got nine minutes, soI'm going to go through a fast night then so I came in just like everybodycame in. I was addicted to money, property prestige. Women sets all thatShit and I happend I don't know whether itwas I was blessed or whatever is I happen to link up with people that weresolid in this program. They were solid and, and they loved me, even thoughthey used to beat the crap out of me. Sometimes its Ju Spank me a lot. Youknow and you've all heard some of thosestories. ESED TA I graduated teparmmen Te Loes Math Max.I was going for my PhD and altigrated thopology. I became a war O thevisionchief, the SAFTERN's office. My sponsor was a used car salesman from Chicago d. Heeven graduate the sixth grade and he told me I knew as much about life as adog knows about his father, so they didn't have a great deal ofrespect for me and I love these people and I followd them around and theyalways pointed me towards Gode, and then, when that sponsor died, I hadey. There was always another man to take his place. Then after Bob Salvondied, then Joe Snider, another Godlymam, thirty five years serious about thisprogram. He didn't worry about what other people thought about him. TheyGat people listening to him and he was not ashamed to talk about feeling andhe was not ashamed to read the bifok and talk about this program and talkabout God and it had me read sermon on the mout. He had me read the Bible eHav me read different things and then, when I was about ten years sover, youknow- and I did, that glass ceiling, that some of as Inn Aa, where You'edoing everything I was Ointo, go backmin Chaver for two years, I'mspeaking all over place, I'Mwa speaking at conventions, I was doing step seriesand everything like that. I was sponsoring a lot of men and also I wasdoing the deal and I had hit that glass ceiling, something I wanted more and I didn't know how toget more, didn't know how to get more and some Giy tap me on the shoulder,because I just couldn't get rid of that nervous. I couldn't give me thatnervous disposition. I still had something called Yeah Code,her it's like. I had something called it and I come here to be laughat Bo. I had something called anxiety. Anybody here, O having ad anxiety whatyou guys aren't ven do stand what it's all about, because I have unlike bill.I see you one bart. I had serious problems, not the kind of Boshopproblems you have Te. You know mean I had serious problems, hand I would haveanxiety. I would be up at three o'clock and on worring about stuff, and youknow something I was sponsor: Fing people I was going to a lot of anens. Iwas written the book I was doing every day and I was still abasket fin. You know I was like in a C of troubleand every once in a while everyone's while ou experienced the problem, youknow I would experience some promises for like a half a day a day. You knowsix minutes, you know here and there, but I didn't have them permanently. Ican tell you that you know I was. I was in Hadand comment with the planator and what would happen is ie, go to alot of meetings and I'd sponsor people. I do all the stuff and it diverted myattention from my problems, but then, once I stopped doing that and I turnedback to my life, life was difficult for me. Some guy came up to me. You know whenthe People Tra to teach up here, so you ever go to a vival study. I said Tujish Ki from New York. Whatever it is,I don't know ie studies, you know he says you'R Ano Trison. I think youreally like it somehows and I was scared. You don't want to scate outwhat of my aunt Jon Finds Ou. What if my an gee finds her now she hadbeen dead ten years, but she could find out. You know what I mean and whetershe finds out to put Mike The you know what I need put the curse on me. So Iended up going with this guy to buy the study and there were like forty menthere and they were p between the ages of seventy and ninety years. Old andthey'de been studying the source material for the big book for ThirtyForty Years, and I sat next to a guy named John Gwen, Wenther op being mythird sponsor. He was a Baptist Pastor, you know worked in the jails and he hadhe had fifty five years sobriety you begane my third sponsor and then I sayhe told me. I says I satnext to Hem n, the Bible, Stary and then I joined that church. Then Ibecame a Diconin that church and I started administering that church thanthe AD. So Du Tote, other people, other churches came wirshinly their BaptissChurch, then I went all and then all O thestudent is hanging around gay Aghpeople hanging around different churches, studying the Bible, and youknow what happens by the way. You know what happens when everybody Wi Hanearound is focusing on God and Folksalan vible, and talking about the big bookand I'll, tell you what the big book did. What the BOT E it for me is. Iread the BIB, the Bible and I said Myse Holy Crap. They stole everything inhere from the big book of out Hoks Anomos and all of a sudden. I saw stufflike the good samaid and I started...

...stuff it, the Bible- and it explainedall sorts of stuff in the big book, ofh alcoholics, an on stuff that int evenrealize, because I was reading the source material that they were reading:Betwee, O n nine Tunede, andthirty fie, one thousandnine hundred andtirty nineECAS, I says, really haven't seen for fillows thoroughly fought of the Haitand the doctrbon wiotal timers. They said the books we found absolutelyessential after the sentraal first winth and thirteen surround the Matt ofthe Book, O Chaine and I was reading what they were reading when they wrotethe Big Book and everything changed in my life. Andthen I read the Big Book Obout Colsonans. I saw in the big book itsaid we encourage Church membership, we encourage the founder say we encourageChurch Menatur, it's not abligatore, but we encourage, if you're going to doit and you're going to get volesly. Where encourage you can do that stuff,you ought to do it. You know, and it says it twice. It says most ofus are members of such organizations. We encourage that stuff. The more youseat yourself into hanging out with those people who aren't enbashed. Withthat thing, you know as like a kindergarten ar spirtal kindergarten.You know you might want to graduate to high school or college or even postgraduate. It says, because you hang around people that are focused on thatstuff. You know whatill happen, you'll improve your conscious contact with God.You know why, because you're always talking or thinking about h m, becauseif I'm talking about women, I'm thinking about Wenind up, I'm talkingabout money, I'm talking thinking about money. If I'm talking about cars, anbars think about it, but of all the guys, I'm I'm around ar talking aboutGod and focse about God and the problems with Gode and how he's in yourlife and I'm like that all doing thing ioutcom and then all of a sudden I'being procketiv forth mention of existence, because the great fact saysthat I have to send to my wife upon God and all sudd its sent it and I'm wakingup in the morning. I'm thinking about Bod. You have the day, I'm thinkingabout God an and I om figure bact on and Youre Iam with you talking aboutjob, because that's the only thing I really want to talk about. I can't help it. I've been warmed. LikeI said to my first sponsor, I know what Youre founding you trying to brainwashand he said: Well, maybe your rain needs washing, and you know by the way you may thinkI've really gone over. You know you know you know, I mean I'm not exactlyhalf measured right. You know what it says. This sort of thinking has to bothe hand. You know W it's, you know what it says. It says the result is nil.Until we let go absolutely. I guess I just like: Go, I'm not done yet still running the racsSto Goi'm crazy, I'm going from here to alive again for another hour and I'mgoing to be talking. Oi'm again is a Christian based, POLTEP, deel and I'llbeen talking to them about the bitle and to Bigon, and that's what I do. You know what Imean and it probably sounds crazy o this is going to sound crazy. Anyalcoholic whe suffers from this disease because they want they have one foot inAA and they have one foot and gone they one foot in the world and the worldwill eat you up a line as a matter of fact, if you've been in the world for awhile, you know you know I'm rining, because the world's been geving you upalive, because everything you're worried about everything. Els Eatingyour launch eating your liver has to dol with the world and things of thisworld in the people in this world, and you can't handle it. You can't handle it because you'reAlcoholis, your brain, is too little to you can't handle it. You don't want tobe boxing with God. Your arms are too short, that's the deal and that's been my experience and I'mnot talking about a guy. I'm Goin te end. If I sayg this, I'm not talkingabout a guy who walk in here. You know, you know. Out of the BAPTISS church, Imean I was a Jewish git from new an from Greatnetlol island. You know whatI'm Talkn Tbout, I believe in things like country, clubs and women and moneyand all that sort of stuff. This is something that's happened over pare toforty years, slowly being pushed and pushed and pushed, and all I can say ishey, I'm probably crazy, but I'm happy ith Ta clan married forty years, seven grandkids,four kids, SOLV suppoint for my own contributions,get to talk. People like you and I'll tell you know what I find I'll tell youwhat I find I have one got come up to me. This is true after it am, and hesays you Russ, I said Yeah says I heard you was goin o speaking, but you talktoo much about God. I mean hope. That's on my tomestone. He talkd too muchabout God and I sai because thes sponsor, I gets Hav told them that, andI you know what I find out I this is what I said to a friend of mine once Isaid you know, I guess if people are really offended by it and they don't want to hear it, I guess they'll stop asking me to speakand all I know is I coul askd to speak all over the all over the place. So apparently there is somebody withall these guys out there saying don't talk about that. Apparently somebodywants to hear the message of death and way somebody wants to hear youroriginal message of alcoholcs anonymous...

...and not about the bullshit. You knowlike you know. I lost my car yesterday, whatever Hel they're talking aboutthese days in Thaya. Somebody wants to hear about this stuff. I'll, tell you what you want t you wantI'll. Tell you what you want to you want to head you. Well, let me tellyou something that you're in your fort you're in yours and es you don't wantto tolk around with this thing anymore. Let me tell you something: You don'twant to end up sicking on your deathbed one day, trying to figure out what thethird steps all about you Kdon't want to it's little bit to way you don'twant to try to figure out what faces all you want to get that bing, lockdown solid serious. You know before you get to the timewhen things start falling apart on you, I'm already at that time, everything'sfalling apart. So that's all I have to say thank you.

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