AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 10 at the 12 Step House 7/15/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 10 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale, FL 7/15/2021   

Mine's Austin spats. I'm an alcohol remember the South takest a group. It's great to be here. Are you guys? Crazy guys? So I want to you know, I wish I could say I plan. I wish I could say plans. Did I say it was an alcohol what? You can't hear me. You can't hear me. That would be sheldon's fault. That would be sheldon's fault. He's turned the volume of and you hear me? Can y'all hear me? Okay, very good. Thank you. As a criszy. Okay, you know, I just I want to say a couple of shouts outs to some people. Wish I could say I plans something for you to night, but I never do because then I get nervous and try to figure out what I was going to say and you'll know what I'm going to say when I say it. Okay, I'M gonna I'll somehow, somewhere long, I'll tell you what I'm going to say and then I'll tell you what I'm saying and then I'll tell you what then I'll tell you what I told you. You know. So we'll figure that out. So I have the last year and a half or so. I don't even know how long I've been have. I've been on zoom, I've been out of these great I have this whole zoom family. We all develop, you know, since Godlishry had to create the fellshopy crape. So I have a lot of people all over the world. Now you know I'm we all get to meet people in different states, everything, all over the world. So I love these hybrid meetings because I get to invite all my my good friends from New York and New Jersey and all of the world. I see a bunch of these crazy people. This tony from Australia, from Sydney, and I didn't want to start naming names because there's too many of them. I'll leave somebody out and they'll get pissed off. They're so sick they'll get pissed off anyway. It doesn't even fucking mean anything. So so, but I got a whole bunch of them here from New York that flew down from New York for Trinny, who's also here with his wife and family. Where is Trinny with his wife and two children, who celebrateing three years? Okay, so I'm going to give a shout out for trainning. I want to also invite you, if you have a chance sometime, to say a prayer for Steve Boyarsky, who's in New York, New Jersey. His father passed away and they're having the funeral tonight. I know a lot of people aren't here on zoom because they're in New York, New Jersey, going to as far as funeral and and also, I'm sorry, prayers for Steve Schwertl and his wife, who was in on the line. Now it looks pretty good to me. It looks better than me, you know. I tell you, I mean God bless you, steeve. You know we love you. And and and prayers for Jay. I know he's going through a situation. And Jay's where are you, Jay? He's not going through a situation anywhere. He's fine now. You know. Pray for all you guys. So it's good to be here. So so I'm here to comfort to disturbed and disturb the comfortable. So let's start right out and do that shit. You know what I mean. Book of Deuteronomy, page. Okay, here's the deal. I haven't now there's some sort of there's a craziness going on here. Let me explain this to you. I am this is my eleven talk here and usually on the eleventh talking on the eleventh step. You get that? Well, whatever. You know, not that I'm actually doing the steps, but I mean that I'm. If this was a real step series, I'd be talking about the steps once in while. I touch on them. It's okay. But here's the deal. If this was a regular if I actually knew what I was doing, I have found less they have a drink since jazz, going two thousand five nineteen eighty one. So I've been doing step series like this for thirty years now. And and when I used to do them, you know, back when I was younger. I'm seventy two now, and and she's right. After I say seventy two, my mind goes blank. It's the dementia. So when I started doing these things thirty years ago, I mean you should, you really should have caught me when I had like ten or fifteen years. I was really good at this shit, you know, I could I was like right on top of the step, you know what I mean? Somewhere happened, somewhere around twenty five years sobriety. My brain went to mush somewhere around the time when I stopped doing the steps and started.

Well, what I say, because I believe this is true. This is my opinion. You know, basically, when I started living the steps, my life in the steps, living the steps, living a manner of living that demand rigorous honesty, where I was refraining from restraining myself from tongue and pain, where the tent step was not so much apologizing or making amends, but more shutting the fuck up. You know what I mean? We're not saying what I was going to say or not sending me email or not doing things, because it dawned upon me, and you know, these things take time with some people. With me a little bit more time because I'm smart, because when you're smart, your rationalize, you tall you some rationalized. It took me a lot longer because I operate like most of bhols operate on our feelings. So feelings sort of over over. They overwhelmed values. So you say things like go screw yourself, your son a bitch, I hate your guts. You know who doubt. You say shit which you probably shouldn't say, but you but your feelings, your feelings have you say it and then what happens is, well, if you didn't do that, I went to said that. So you justify. You have no control over your you, you, you, you don't drink anymore, but you have no control over your feelings. And, like most alcoholics, you worship your feelings. You think your feelings are important, you think they they're meaningful, they have the basis for life, sexual feelings, romantic field, the basis for life, and you never quite understand why you're always screwing up and hurting people and feeling crappy because instead of doing what's right, you do what you feel like doing and you always feel like what you're doing is right and you end up hurting a lot of people. But you don't give a shit because the only feeling you care about is yourself. Put your selfish and yourself sent and you driven my hundred fronts of yourselflue and selfseeking. You step with those of others, every talent they seeming me, that provocation, but you made decisions based on self, based upon watch say this. You make the decisions based on your selfish feelings, which would your position to be heard. You understand if somebody comes along and says, I don't really give a shit. What the fuck you feel like, you go over there and help that out of the person I don't give a shit with you feel like doing it. You make the coffee for the group and you run into characters like that, and some people pay attention to him because they don't want to drink, and some people blow him off. You und young stand what I'm saying. The ones that blow him off and up drinking never get this program. The ones that pay attention and do shit they don't want to do and up staying so for a long period of time and get better. And that's pretty much simply. But the deal is. But the deal but so the same. Well, people's anonymous, you know. I mean, that's all I'm saying. It's and so it takes a long time. So somewhere around twenty five years when I stopped like, in a sense, doing the steps like it was a it was a separate thing. I did. Oh that's a third step. Well, that's the second time, because it wasn't a third I wasn't turning my life over to God because I was living it, turned over life. I wasn't doing special things to turn about because I wake up the morning I'd be thinking about God and during the day I'd be thinking about God and I'd be playing him's or going to church, watching this or doing that, or hanging out people talk about God. So I was always thinking about God, but I didn't think about it as the eleven stepperds hobably was just, you know, in order to get get the things that most people in here will never have, you need to be willing to do things that most people will never do. And the truth is most people will do what they think of the steps in order to try to not drink, but they'll never immerse themselves in a manner of living where they utterly abandon themselves to God when they do what they're actually talking about in the book what Bill Wilson did when he said the Lord has been so wonderful to me currently, of the stubbles he's I want to keep talking about and telling other people, like when bought the Wabo said, if you're an atheist, agnostic, got some sort of perfectellectual pride that keeps you from doing this, I feel sorry for you. You're yeah, you're heavenly father will not let you down. You know, your reallylience has to be on him. When they never really get into the real deal. You didn't stand. They just sort of do a once over lightly or...

...five overlightly. But they're never going to do this because they're just going to take get out of their face. That's you're a program, not my program. Whatever hell that is, they say. You know what I mean. What happens is they don't stay sober. They drink after ten years, fifteen years, or they find themselves living a life of desperation, quiet desperation, which means that twenty years, the twenty five years to thirty years sobriety, to forty years sobriety. But they're lonely, but they're not happy with their sobriety, you know. But but at that point in time they're lost. They're lost in the wilderness because they haven't even. They don't even. They can't even summer up some summon up the desperation that a newcomer will do, to do something. They will not be able to get the humility to do what a new coming will do because they're so proud of they are not drinking. And so the time when they might have gotten on the knees and surrender themselves to God is really over. And then the cancer comes and the people die and the real shit starts happening and they're they're incredibly unprepared for that, because I've seen him die as believers and I've seen him die as unbelievers. You don't want to die, as I you're not don't want to die not knowing where you're going. It's a fearful thing. It's a fearful thing if you haven't figured out yet, if you're an alcohol if you haven't figured out yet that at three o'clock in the morning or two o'clock in the morning or your entire life, that the thing that you hate the most, that the most terrible thing is fear of the unknown. If you have been figured out that fear of the unknown and what's going to happen to you, it's the worst thing for an alcoholic to deal with, then you and I are suffering from a different disease, because I've been doing this, son of a bish by the numbers and I know the one thing I hate is worried about what may happen or what possibly may happen. What's going to happen when I don't have the answer and you know something, that's one thing would has to do with a sexual romance relationship, it's nothing. When it has to do with job, it's nothing. One has to do money, whole other thing. What has to with it? Going to live or die, and they nobody else and nobody getting out of this thing without, you know, alive. You're all going to go through it. You understand what I'm saying and I watched it happen. You know, I've seen other proof is in the pudding. Really. I've watched the people you know goes. I watch people both really incredible times difficult times as believers. I watched most the difficult times as nonbelievers. And I'm not you know, listen, I was born at night, but I wasn't born last night. I'm not stupid. I can see how each one handles it and I don't. I don't want to be that guy, you know what I mean, that's freaking out at fifteen years. But I don't know where to go. I have no idea where to go because I've done everything I think they're told me do an AA and it ain't working for me anymore and I don't even know how to to talk to about it not working for me anymore. That's even worse. I don't even know what's you now. If you're a newcomer, you know you got two or three or four years. We are not that prideful in your sobriety, you know, and that's scared you can you can throw up your hands. I need help. I know it's what's going on. You can maybe get somebody to sort of guide you and maybe you'll listen to him. Maybe you will go to Bible study. Maybe we'll pay attention to the big book of alcoholics anonymous, when it says we encourage church membership. You know, they say in the big book of alcoholics anonymous, we encourage church member that's what they said in the book. They put it in the book. You know they put it in the book. Rarely have we seen Fris fellas thoroughly five. They put in the book they say. This is what they say. is almost the exact words. We encourage church membership. We encourage you to get close, clurn closer to dot. So we encourage church membership. Most of us belong to such institutions. They don't tell you what church because they want you to congregate with people that are talking about God. It helps the eleventh...

...step. That helps you to get closer on closer. That's why they put it in the book. They couldn't left it out of the book. Yeah, they help that guy, the thegnd, the Atheist Guy, said, you know, it's we all that stuff. But they put that in the book. That said most of us are doing that. They put the book in some mine and then they had this line. He's a line they had. But it's optional. And the founders of ray say we encourage church membership. Most of us do this. You know, rarely have a seepers of fail who is thoroughly found up path. Most of us do this. We've been rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. We've experienced much of heaven. God is a central fact of our life. He lives in our hearts and mind the way, which is deep miraculous. You know where they talk about this stuff. They talked about the stuff a church, but synagogue. That's what they talked about this stuff. So the body and they say we encourage church membership. Most of us do this, they say, but it's optional. So you got two types of people in a you go to the type people that say it's extra credit. I understand it's optional. It sextra credit, but I'M gonna fucking do it anyway. I'm gonna do it anyway. Listen, there are people that play golf and then there are tiger woods. There are people that, you know, poall to they run track and then they are Olympian, Olympians, now the Olympians, but they do. The guys who get the gold crown, they work every every, every day to be far ahead of anybody who's in second place so they can win the gold crown, knowing they'll never get perfection, but they're shooting for the ten in sixth and sixth step parlance. In this group that would be called not settling for a personal idea of what good is, but settling for the idea of what we were we have to go, which is, in the mind of God, other words settling. That we have to do here is shoot for perfection, even understanding we will never get there. And there are people that do the sixth step. They're few and far between, says you know. There really are. The one that separates them from the boys. When they're called, a few are chosen. There are people that will shoot for that and they will do the extra credit shit they will do the extra credit shit. They will do the extra credit stuff. They will go to the church that we go to, the Bible, stuffy, well, the the twelve and twenty, the Dr Bobby Good Oldhimer says, and it's all over our literature, it says the books we found absolutely essential, or first Corinthians, thirteen, summer of the Mount of the book of James, absolutely essential. Really have seen presperlis sort of all pass. There are people that will read those books and study them because they're in for the end, they're in for the extra credit, they're in for the long run, they're in for any for the deal. You know what I mean. There are those people. There are people that are in those people are always talking about God. They want to listen to people are talking about God. They love to hear that stuff in a and then there are people then in the other type, people that hate people that talk about that Shit. They walk out of rooms and they hate people that's talk about that shot shit because they are not going to do it and they don't want to do it and they think you shouldn't talk about it, even though it's in the book. They don't want you to tell and don't want anybody do it because, I say, if, if that's what a becomes, they might have to do it and they don't stick around and they drink or then that happened with their sobriety and they don't realize the joy of with it. And unfortunately, because of AA and because of the consequences of our drinking, the consequences of alcoholism, unless until an alcohol accepts his alcoholism all its consequences, there's sobriety be precarious. One of the consequences of alcoholism is that we're codependent, not don't even know what code of pendent means, but I think it has some do is what we worry about. We worry a lot about what other people think about us, even though we tell ourselves you don't worry about we don't care what other people think about is. And so what happens is if somebody in a room looks at you would disdain or tells you we don't do the God thing, or you may heard other people, you fucking believe them, because the one fear and alcoholic...

...has that's should be on all your lists is a fear of the judgment of other people. And the only free the biggest freedom you get in the promises is you lose fear of other people and of economic consecurity, and most of us have that kinnected in security because we lose our car, job, we worry about what people think about us. So the point is the the victory in a a is losing fear of other people in their judgment upon you, and the death in a a is that we sit in groups of people. It ain't well. People's anonymous that tell us we ought to be afraid of them and not do what's really in the book, what's right in front of them, because you'll be judged badly. So at some point along that will along the way, you either have to decide who you're going to hang out with, and here's the great thing, it's a personal decision for you. Nobody's going to fish one with the other. You know there's going to be for every person like me, the saying go this way, there's another person says it's all bullshit, go that way, and you get to judge and the same address rehearsal what your life is going to be like. It's as simple as that. Whether you continue be scared of other people and being that bondage, which is even worse than the drink, as bad as the drinking, the bondage of worrying about what other people think about you. Or you're going to be free, you're going to do, you're going to know the new freedom of the new happiness. Then you get that choice. So many years ago, you remember Dr Young, you remember with Dr Young set my spons to. What do you do the things you do? Why do you say the things you do? Or, as I said, that's my personalities, as your personalities killing it. How do you ever read your person do you get rid of that, the personality that tells you about lots of fellows? Yeah, FA the one. I think it rid of the personality where you get in the crime? You say, I'm Mana. Wonder what they think about that meeting? I I don't like it. I think somebody worked or walk down. Think they like me or so? How do you get rid of that Shit when you've been living with that shit all your life? Okay, well, you can't. Only God could. How do you ever rid of drink? And Only God can do that. Only you know. Only God can do that. You don't turn away, you know you turn away from God. You turned towards God. You know, you got your choice. Curses are blessing. That's a deal. So the bottom line ISS. So I have this, so I have this. So over a period of time, and it takes time. It takes a lot of time, and a lot has to do with who you hang out with. I was told, the man and women you'll be in next five years old tend who you hang out with, the books you read, and, quite frankly, books I read were basically been based upon who I hang out with. What I did based upon it, who I hang out with and who I listen to and who I believe you know, and I don't know why I tended to hang out with these people rather than I guess it is problem with the traction. I wanted what that guy had. I wanted what alt Kennedy had. WHO's sign of cancer, and he always do, is trying to help other people. He was not talking about his cancer. He could have talked about his cancer. Is Nothing wrong talking about your cancer, you know, but he was talking about he was trying to help other people. How do you have you do that shit? How do you know you're dying? You don't have a few months to live and you go to meeting, you start talking about other people and trying to help them. Not even how. How do you? I couldn't do that. I couldn't. I couldn't do that, but I know I wanted. I knew there was something special about that. So, in any event, so apparently in Dr Young. But he says, he says he's talking to rolling hazard. He says ideas, emotions and attitudes that with God and changing of the personality. said it's a he said it's a some sort of psychic change. It's a God driven change. It doesn't even matter where you go to church or anything like that. Something happens. These people. Ideas, emotions attitudes that are the guiding force of these men's lives are push the one side and they become dominated by whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes, whole new idea. Is that what you want, it says. It says if you since it says we must get rid of the selfishness, we must ork kills us. God makes that possible. I'm sorry, I mean you're taught your own opinion on untill to your own facts. That's what the book says. God makes that possible and...

...it says, once we make a sincere decision for God, all sorts of amazing things happen. Being all powerfully, gives us everything we need if we stay close to him and perform his work. Well, that's what it says. That's what the book says. That's the program of recovery. I don't care what you think the pro you may think the program recovery has to do the four step. Now, you may think the program covery has to do with the fit step. Now, these are but tools we use, exercises, we take to the gym in order to get fit, in order to get the promises. You know, the program of recovery is not the barbels. You know we don't worship the barbels. You know, at the end of the prorecovery, what's supposed to happen is you're supposed to have some sort of abiding conviction and commitment to God. That's what the six step says. The men and the boys, the men of the ones that are repeatedly trying to do this so they can row in the image and like this their creator. What do you think they're talking about? What kind of mindset you have to how deluted? I know we're delusional, but how deluted do you have to be to honestly believe they're not talking about having an abiding, serious commitment to God and making him the centerpiece of your life when they say it over and over and over again? And of course they lie in the big book, but it's a good lie, it's a white lie. They what they do know when they're working with crazy people. Look, when you're working with crazy people, what you have to do is you do what I do. You Act crazy so that they feel, hey, that guy's crazy, I'm crazy. I like that guy. He's fucking crazy. But in the midst of acting crazy, you say the upward a couple of times. Its have like this guy. He's trying in the in the middle of acting crazy, once you am going for you, because what I'm doing to you says you say shit. That makes sense. So it's too fucking late. They can't take it out of their mind, you know, because they they allowed it in. You know what I mean? As I say, the guys fucking nuts, but he makes sense. I like what. Do you know what I mean? So that they do the same thing. In the big book. They say we don't want to deprecate material achievement. No, anybody wants to put down money. And then two lines later they say, but nobody's we are worth part of their life and running after, you know, Blonde's runets and red set heads and money and all it's it's all bad. You got to make God number one. I mean how many times they have to say, you know, you're okay, but you need to go to God. You're okay, but you need to go to God. Go okay, but you need to go to God. Go okay, but you need more God. You got increase your contact with God. How many times they have to say it? I mean how stupid canning out very stupid? Or is my as my wonderful philosopher John Wayne once said, what if life is tough, if you're stupid, it's even tougher. You know what I mean? So two thousand years ago? No, eightzero years ago, tenzero years, because what's his face to call young? Said these things have been happening along Moses. Anybody hear him? Moses very big in the Old Testament. I'm telling you, major hero, the old test of the whole Bible. Deal. If you Jewish, this one offends you. Don't worry about it is like a Moses thing, you know, and he was. He was like big on the Gaud God thing, by the way. He really was Bush that does not consume himself. Did all the stuff on up the Farawell was scared, you know. Then all this stuff. Did the first step? That all the steps? You know? So, no, seriously, did it? Did them all? Yeah, that Jesus came along sponsored twelve. You know the rest of the story. But in any event, the bottom line. So Moses in Deuteronomy. Look this up. Dunamon, Deuteronomy, thirty after he led the after all the stuff happened, all the miracles happened, all the curses on easy cabin leaves the Jews out of the Israelites, out of you know, into the deal in the desert. He's bout answer of the God the land. He's all. He's about to retire. Okay,...

...it's I'm telling you. He's leaving. Joshua, Joshua's Joshua's going about to take over. He's coming in. Okay, he's about to retire. So he gives a little speech to all the Jew he gives a little speech. It's in Deuteronomy thirty or to look it up. You don't have to. It's option, but I would do with a fun of you. It's actually has to do with the steps. It actually has to do with the test step. If you want to know some about tests, that you need to look at Moses is speech to the choose in Deuteronomy thirty. You know about the ten step. Did you know that? Well, I can promise you this. The founders of a need that because they studied the Bible just they came out of the Oxford Group. So I can promise you they knew it. But listen, if there's anything I know about alcoholics, they're very happy to remain stupid and not do more. They're brain happy. You know, they're lazy. They're happy to remain you know. What does it say? I have to do it? Nobody said I have to do it. You know religion bad. You know I'm spiritual. You're not spiritual. Where did you? Where did you get the idea your spiritual? Why do you think you go to all these means? You go to all these means so you won't fuck up because of all the temptations of the of the outside world. I take away from these meetings you're out there having sex, doing orgies doing all sorts of crazy shit. You know what I mean. You are not spiritual. Your evil. No, no, no, no, say that would pride. The Bible says the heart of Man is evil. If there's one thing, one of the things you got to learning here, it's not the bullshit yourself. Don't take yourself seriously. Don't bullshit self. Don't think to yourself when you say I'm spiritual, that you like own that territory, that you bought it. It's paid for and you can move away from these meetings and move away from sponsorship and go out there in that world with those people with the money, with the cars, with the jewelry, with the TV, with a movies, with all the temptations, and remain okay and not drinking ninety nine percent of the Shit you complain about, Anaa. That means going to means has to do with trying to deal with the outside world in that Shit, because you can't handle it. So when you're going to wise up? When he going to figure this shit out? So boses says this. It's called the speech of curses and blessings. He basically says this, if you continue to do what God tells you, to do, you're going to be prosperous and you can have incredible lives and you got all these blessings. But if you don't, you're screwed. Now, I read a lot of versions of the Bible. I read the King James Version, the King Jimmy version, you know. I read the N Iv, you know, the new international version. I use the ESV. I use a lot of versus different versions, because I want more. It's optional, but I want more, you know, because I want to be an Olympian. You understand what I'm saying. So I do that stuff. There's no version I found where Moses where it says Moses said. If you don't continue to do this, you'll be screwed. I just want you to know that. Okay, that's my own translation. Okay, but I want you understand something, and I believe this in my heart. It's an accurate translation. It's an accurate translation. I say that for you guys, because because I talk Al Key, you got to be able to talk out if you's, I'm gonna you know the a possible said I become all things to all men by using all means. I went son of them. You know what I mean? You got to talk Al Ki. You can't talk to Longshoreman and talk like your college professor at Harvard. You know what I mean. You got to talk like a Longshoreman. If I'm talking to alcoholics, I got to talk Al Key, which means I have to get crazy. You know what I mean. got an a little crazy. You know what I mean, because I know how we talk to ourselves, which is really the only person we ever have a decent conversation. But because who the hell? Because nobody...

...else understands. Right, you know what I mean. You know that nobody understands. So nobody so. So I want to tell you that's what it is. If you continue to do what God wants you to do and you do this thing, it's going to be nothing of blessings for you enjoy and if you don't, it's all hard. And we got a lot of people in here that are coming back. Or they'll say things like, well, this isn't my first time, or or I had eight years one time and then I blew it, or I had five years and then I blew it, or you know, I've been around a for thirty years, but I got three months. We got a lot of people nothing wrong with that. I'm glad you guys are here. But every one of these people that are that way, you know, are starting over or who started over their lives. Every one of these people who are doing that, who are that deal, if you ask them or if they talk to me, he's they'll say. You'll say and you say, why'd you go out? They'd say I stopped doing this, I stopped going to meetings, I stopped speaking to my sponsor, I stopped doing the they'll just tell you about how they stopped continuing. They didn't continue. It's the only different, the only thing that's new in the ten step. Continue to take personal in between my the inventory isn't new. It's we continue to take. We continue to take the same inventory we have a day. We learned the fourth step. We continue to take personal. Invent to it. When we were wrong, we probably admit it. That's the fifth step. Make a man's that's the ninth step. That's yeah, there's nothing new in the ten step except the word continued. For us, continued as a major, major word, because, no matter what you say as to why you couldn't do this thing or why you couldn't stay sober, no matter what you say to me. Well, this is the reason why my mother died. The parent he need a champooint. I couldn't. I don't care what you say. The bottom line is at the heart of it. After I wipe up all the bullshit, it's I stopped continuing. I stopped continuing. So now, being smart alcoholics, you say this. You're sitting there right now. Anybody ever hits say things like I'm going to stop drinking. Man, before I came there I said that a million times. I can never do it. Like pronouncing you're going to stop drinking, pronouncing you're going to stop drinking, like you have some power to stop. I'm going to have about this. I'm going to stop thinking about this shit. You ever you ever said tell you something. You're going to stop thinking about that stuff. And then it's another week long of thinking about it. You know why? Because you don't realize your power. You lost the concept of the fact that you need God to use your powerace. You can't. You can't stop thinking about it. If you can stop to thinking about it, you wouldn't be here if you could stop drinking. You wouldn't be here if you could stop worrying. You wouldn't be here if you could stop lusting after this world and the people this world. You wouldn't be here. If you could stop being lonely, you wouldn't be here. You're here because you can't stop it. You don't even know you can't stop it. That's one of the biggest problems have. Many are because you think you can stop it. You don't know you can't stop it. You can do the steps of that, you just don't know you can't stop it. You have not surrendered to the fact that you can't stop and you can't stop becauld, stop drinking again, stopped doing all this other stuff. It's plague you now. So what happened? So we'd come in here and we say things like, and I've said this. I've said this. I've heard guys talk about slipping. I had three five years. I say, well, I'm just never going to stop going to meets, because you hear it means why do people drink? Because they stop going to meets. Just so that's pretty simple. I'm gonna I'm just never going to stop going to meetings. But then all of a sudden you realize something that's really kind of fusing, that every one of these people. The Guy who had thirty years got a twenty years and it and one time Saturn audience like you did and said I'm just never going to stop going to meetings, and they stopped anyway. So you start thinking...

...apparently, maybe that's the problem. I think I can make a pronouncement and have it stick, and maybe the promises. I'm powerless over that stuff. And then you start late. And so what happens to me is later on down the road, at twenty five years or thirty five years, I actually start drawing connecting dots. And this is why maybe I don't talk about the steps, but I do talk about the steps, because I'm looking. I look past the mechanics of what you write down the names and you do this and you do that, and I'm past the mechanical stuff which you can get by open up book and see in a chart or all that sort of stuff and just following directions and I try to see what is the connection? Why is it that some people want? It's not that you stop going to meetings, I get that. Why do people stop going to meets? Why do people stop talking to this sponsor or pick the sponsors they pick? Why do people stop praying a mint. Why do they see it? And then I start drawing a connection between the second, the the the ten step, the continuing the conttinuations program that will tell whether you're going to have forty or fifty years of contented sobriety, and the seventh step and the six step, which separates the men from the boys, which has to do with making such a supreme commitment, more than a third step commitment, so that you're repeatedly trying for a lifetime to grow in the image and likeness of your Creator. And I see that there is a connection that that nothing in this world will cement you to this programmer of recovery and to this way of life against against the devils out there, the designs of the devil out there, nothing's going to nothing. Listen, guys, listen. If you don't commit yourself to the seventh step, to meet yourself to God, the blond's going to get you. It's going to get you, the Brunette's going to get you, girls, a good looking guy, the marriage is going to get you. The good look at the family is going to get you you don't cement yourself to the God that they're talking about in here and you make him the center piece of your life. The money's going to get you. It's not going to get you necessarily in a bad way. It'll get you in a way that you'll feel pleasure. You'll be running after, you'll you'll one day you will not go to the meeting because you don't have time, because you got work. One day you won't go to the meetings because you promised this gal this, you promise this gown. One day you won't go to the meetings because you know you have to do they'll be something out there that will draw you away, because you're out there twenty four hours a day. You're in here like one hour day if you're lucky, and you'll start peeling this thing off and you know something. You won't be immediately pounded, you won't be crushed. Good Shit will happen to you. You'll make money, you'll do well. The problems they get too well too fast, and you'll start thinking and you're not drinking and you're getting blessings and everything's going okay. They'll come that you're not going to meetings and you're not you don't have a sponsor, because you don't need a sponsor, because you don't have you don't have what we have, what we want, but you have what you wanted in the first place, which is the same shit you were chasing after before you got here, because that's what you really want. And then what'll happen? As you got the house, you got the car, you got this at all suddence, the war, an all sentence, cancer and all sense its off and you got no freaking place to go. You got no place to go. You can't run and hide because everything it's been puffing you up and hold you up is gone. And you can't go back to a because your pridle stop it from going back to head, because you ain't going to pick a bit. You can't call me sponsor because your prival stuff from going there. So you live a life of quiet desperation and you're alone, and that's the deal. And and maybe you'll just live miserable life, or more than, like it would usually happens, you end up drinking a drug. Maybe you go to psychiatrist gives you some Zannex, whatever it is. Next thing you know...

...you're on pills, you're drinking a drug and then you're in the a meeting one day picking up a white ship talking about how you stop twenty five years and you don't know what happened. And that's what happened because you didn't do the six step, because you weren't committed, because the bottom line is the reason they have the six step in there, the eleventh step and improving your relationship with God. It's goes to cement that holds you. It's not even the fellowship. Yeah, the fellowship will hold you in here for a while. You'll get friends and it's great to have a great fellowship. We have one here, but you know, some eventually you'll find a fellowship out there, because you pray fellowship eventually. If this fellowship isn't giving you the sacks or the money or the thing you think you need, you know on the real fellowship in here is the God fellowship. There's the God fellowship. So if the fellowship in here, if you're hanging around, you know there's two fellowships in here. Trust me, they're there. There are two fellowships. There's the God fellowship in the not God fellowship. People that want to hear about God and feel about finding God. The people they don't want to hear that Shit. You know, trust me, it's here, okay, and they're not, and the not and then not. God, Felshi don't really care about you, it really don't. You think they do. But it's like the fellowship of the Bar, but with coffee. It's like coming and I used to go to the bar every day at four o'clock. I love that fellowship. We drank. We was greatest fell I thought it's greatest fellowship in the world. It's not true fellowship. It's fellowship based upon mutual destruction. But there's another fellowship, President here and you decide what you decide, what you're going to join. Says God will show you how to create the fellowship with crave. God will show you to create the felloship crave. God will not show you how to great a fellowship that hates God. You understand. So you you you got to start reading behind the lines, to get a little discerning and find out what this thing is all about. And what you find out is that commitment to God and commitment to worshiping God and doing the things you really talk about this and fellowship with that that will make that completely cancels out the rest of the world. The rest of the world can't touch, you can't touch, you can't touch. You you last for thirty, forty years now. I felt a little I feel a little guilty. I feel like I should say something about the test that, although I actually feel I've already said a lot about the test, that you understand. Maybe what I think maybe the most importing about the test. that. But I want to tell you a couple things about the ten step. Then I could rest these to night. When I said, well, I told him so. So I had to reach back in my bag of tricks and go back to when I had like ten or twelve years sobriety. I said, well, when you were doing the ten step, when you were actually doing the steps, you know what I mean. What did you used to say? So this is so this is a t I'm going to give you two ten step stories. You know what I mean. So this is an official ten step beating. Okay, so it is, if I can remember, because now I know I forgot him. So when I was when I had about three or four years in the program, it's like thirty three, I don't know how older, thirty three, thirty four years old, I was working a law office. I had this secretary very, very prim and proper from England, don't you know. You know, speaking with the English language, Nice Looking, very English, very prim and property, you know, like like just that kind of stent. And and I'd like Mary poppins, you know, like well, like a very weird Mary poppins, maybe a little strange Mary poppins. But in any event, I had this secretary and I shared her with the boss, with a senior partner, and so one day I went up to speak to her because I had to dictate a letter, like sure, and she was on the phone. She was talking the phone one of those swivel chairs. I got to throw a chair here. What's your picture this? And I go up to and she's on the phone and this is what I hear. This is the words I hear. Oh, yeah, and then we got on the boat. Frank looks so cute in his Oh, he was in the shorts. He looks so cute. And and then we went out and we're going to make lobster on the beach and I was having such a good time and I'm standing there and I go like this, I go, I'm wait, I'm a sober alcohol you know.

I gave her thirty seconds, whatever it is, and and then I go like this, I go like this, I go because maybe she didn't knows me, but sometimes people overlooking. You know, I'm not noticeable. And she turned her back on me. She swibbled around, she said, she said, Leslie, I'm sorry, but there's somebody pestering me here and it's difficult for me to talk to you. Now I had about two or three years. Whatever thin veneer of sobriety I had upon me at that time fucking vanished like Perrochiuma blew it away. You know what I mean? Now I understand it. Maybe children here so close their ears. And I turned to her and I said listen to me now, this is before all this mail shown his his pig stuff. This is bad. You wouldn't believe this political correctness and everything. And I said, if you don't get off the phone, I'm to wrap that fucking phone around you neck and orry up the fucking window, which I don't believe you can do these days. It was effective, it was very effective. She got off her phone, I dick paid the letter and I started walking downstairs. So I'm walking downstairs and I'm thinking, I'm and and I'm telling you the fucking committee. She said this and I said that and I'm going to kill it. WHO The fuck? She thinks, yeah, I'm a blond, back and forth and that guy that. And before I got down the stairs, I hear this voice and it says you're wrong, you got to make amends. I said that ain't going to fucking happen, but SI, that ain't Dan, ain't going to happen. Ever, you got to make amends, and I just keep on thinking. It's just killing me. I know I got to do it. So I get to the bomb ses, I turn up and I walk up back the stairs and I look and I said now, I said I was wrong, I should never said that stuff to you, and she looked at me says I was wrong too. That's so she said. She said I was wrong too, and so that night I was home with my kids, playing with them instead of in a bar somewhere talking about as fucking secret to her and getting drunk there. That's the first ten step story. Well, I got to do is try to remember the second one. Oh, this is a good one. I like this one. Here's the second tense set story. So you see, I can actually see, see here's truth. I've actually done this shit. You know what I mean. It's true. So the second one is I'm with I'm in a car with my son. He's like twelve years ten years old, eleven years old, and I'm driving. I'm get to go to the bank and he, my son, is in the passenger seat. I'm in the driver seat. Im supposed to go to public spook up something. I have to cash check and I'm in the lane and there's like ten cars in front of me and I've got my law I got my law count with that bank. I've got all Myke. I got like four different counts at bank. I got for the law office and every like that. It's like ten cars in front of me and I see this lane that says commercial business all and there's nobody there. I'm a lawyer. I got my lost. So I got four counts with this bank. I peel around. I go to the commercial thing earlier. There is something like eighteen year old girl. Tell her there I handed my check. She looks and says, I'm sorry, sir, this is for a commercial accounts only. I said yes, I understand, I'm a lawyer. I have my law office is account with this thing. I got four count you can check.

So I'm a commercial customer. So He's just I'm sorry, we can't do that. I we can't do that. You'll have to go around away in line eighteen, you old girl. So I immediately whatever thin veneer of sobriety I had on me blows away and I say, what's your name? I tould the I'm an attorney. I'm going to crush your fucking ass card. What's your name? Doris? Doris what? I need to know your name and your boss's name. I said, I need to know this. So I start bullying this young girl. It's probably our first job. She doesn't buckle. She you know, Baha Blind, the same thing, and I say screw this and I go over to public side. Did whatever. I don't catch the check and I'm walking around public saying fucking girl when you can true, blah, blah. I'm going nuts and I get in the car. I drive back to the bank because it's just killing me. It's killing me because killed like that the wrong dudes of others. Fancy really just kill you. I'm dying. I go back in line, I go up to the guy said listen, I apologize. I was wrong for doing that, and she says, I mean I could. She said, okay, thank you very much. As that said, I drove home. That's not the end of the story. So I drive home. I'm not thinking about her anymore. I did that and I'm in my room doing something. I hear from the other side of the House my son, the eleven year old, talking to my wife and he's saying things like this, and then he drove back to the bank and he apologized to her. He was like blown away, he could believe it. You know, your kids watch this shit, they listen to this stuff, they pay attention to how you act. They're like amaze. You know what I mean. If you got kids, it makes a big difference. You know that's that's just too example that I listen to me. All my life, at least for the first twenty years, I was doing nothing but ten steps, because all my life I was screwing up, you know less. So I to be truthful with you, and you can say it's what I just don't I don't do it that much anymore because I just don't find myself feeling guilty or feeling bad or feeling like, Oh man, I don't have people living rent free in my house, my head, because one of the benefits, because if you look at the ten step, what it says, eventually you practice something called restraint of tongue and pain, because one of the benefits of the ten step is when you get over and over and over again making amends, at some point you say to yourself it's sort of clicks. I can't explain to your clicks like the book is, because says I'm sick and tired of making amends. You just get sick of apologizing and you say I'm just not going to do stupid shit. You know, and the Lord gives you the ability not to do stupid things, not all the time, but if you do, at least you know what you got to do, how to make amends, and so you live. It's a better life without people living rent free in your head. Okay, so thank you very much. God.

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