AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 9 months ago

Russell S. Step 10 at the Coral Room Zoom

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Step 10 from the Coral Room Zoom March 5, 2021 - Abrupt ending due to accidental Zoom meeting closure

Hi, my Nameis Russi'm, an alcoholic higuys how you doing it's everybody, wonderful. So so, let's try to. Let's get this train,rob we're going to do this deal. I want you to I'm an alcoholic by theway I mention that it's true I am I'm found Testar havedrink since January, twenty F e thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So that's a good thing. That's a goodthing! So I'm going to talk about something, don't put any pressure on me.You know I just want you to know Kay. Can everybody hear me by the way Syesiink thanks, cody appreciate the thumbs up. You know. I just want you to know I'vebeen doing this thing, for I think I've been doing step series for like thirtyseven years now or something- and I want you to know in defense of myself-There was actually a time in my life where I actually spoke about the steps.I want you to know that I might be capable of doing it now. Idon't know you know hells bells. We don't know what's going to happen here,I'm just going to leave it up to the Lord and whatever's on my heart, butnow in my strange way of thinking, you need to understand something. I'mseventy, I'm going to be. I'M GOINGTA be seventy. Two. This month I haven't found their ave a drinking.Over forty years. I've raised four kids, seven grand kids self. You knowreselfsupporting through my own contributions. Most of the time I'vebeen through the Bullshid. You know I've been through the bullshit. Let MeTell You: I've been through I've been through the desert, I've throug, the desert. I've been inout back and forth. I've been through the deal. I've been in hand to handcombat with this disease for a long time, and- and you have to understand somethingyou know my perspective- has changed. You know my perspective has changed andand I've developed now this is dangerous. Stuff I've developed certainopinions. Based upon my experience. One of my sponsors us to tell me when aman would experience, meets a man with money. The man with experience willwalk away with the money and the man with the money will have walked awaywith an experience. So I'm Gono I'm going to probablyexpress some opinions now it may you know it may hurt some people's feelings.They may they may feel I'm wrong, and I can understand that you know, and it'snot my intention to hurt anybody's feelings. It's just something thathappens every time. I talk, so I can't help. But it's not my fault, don'tblame me and besides, if you get all pissed off about what I'm saying by the time, I'mdone with this thing, I'll, probably change my mind I'll say why did I saythat you know so rule sixty two, don't Tak yourself so seriously and rememberwhenever you disturbed matter what the cause there's something wrong with you,that's the spiritual axom I didn't make that I didn't make that stuff up. SoI'm going to promise you by the time we...

...get to the end of this thing, I'll be something in there, somethingabout the ten sepill probably be in there. I Ben doing this. I've beenactually doing the test up myself firsonally for a long time, sosometimes it's kind of hard to see what these steps are all about. You knowwhat you when you first come in there' such a mystery, and you know they's so unusual and theyre,so strange and there's such a different way of life and- and it says in the BigBook and the Twelve and twelve it says it says. The way we get a new perspective is byrepeated humiliations and the final question of our selfsufficiency andbelieve me, I have a PhD and repeated humiliationsand screwing up this thing, and so my perspective about the ten step haschanged. So I'm going to Sart, I'm going to start to give you my take onwhat the tent step, its all about from the point of view of someody whosseventee years old, has been doing it for forty years. You know, so it's notgoing to look like it's not going to look like a how to doa deal. It's not I'm not GOINTO. Tell you how to do the tent step or any ofthat stuff. I'm Gongto tell you, I'm Goingna go well. I'm gonna dig alittle deep in the Wal, I'm Gno a little deeper. I want to go underneathunderneath the ten step. Okay, so you give you a little bit more perspectivenow. This is my opinion. This is my perspective. I put a couple of things on in chatthat I really invite you to read. I mean if you take a couple minutes. I'mGona give you a couple reads to read it that have something to do with what I'mgoing to talk about tonight. Quite honestly, I'm sparing you guysTuscripture, I'm going to be going into that on I'm doing I alive again meetingat seen thirty, where I'm going to be going into the scriptural backing forthis. I'm not going to do it tonight at the ANA meeting. You know, but thebottom line is so. I want to talk a little bit t ten step so the tent step.Let me try remember what it actually says. It says sometine like continuedto take. What is it Ju, let's attent to lily? What's it say, Onne, you, se Wat.I tech upside intinue to take person inintor and when we were wrong promptlyan yeah H, that's what it said. That's what it says very good. Thank you verymuch. I'm old, don't make fun of me. You know so so it continue takepersonal invagery so that so listen, here's my te! This is the way I th NK.I maybe the longer I'm sober I'll, tell you the simplees say I think when theysay continue. Take personal inventory, there's saying that we continue to takethe personal inventory that we like we took in the fourth step. Os any. Does that make any senseanybody. I think it means continue to take personal invatory, because that'sthe only inventory I know about persol limitory that they teach me in the Fordstep and when we were wrong promptly when we wrong what would have to doprobably a bit so that sort of what to me sounds like steps, eight and nine,and then I think, if I remember...

...correctly, I have't read it. While Ithink when you take the setten step, you like continue to look for fear andyou continue to look for all these things. You continue to look for whereyou ere wrong and and and when you're wrong, you're supposed to admit it,you're supposed to talk to somebody right, it's almost like you're doingthe fith step again and and then e t where you were wrong. You're supposedto prompbly make amends or something am I getting this right. Tell me if I'mgetting this right, okay, so onothers, it's like continued to do all the stuffthat you've already done. I migh to Sandro. What do you think? Ithink it's continue to do all the stuff you've already done, how many think how many people thinkthat I might be right about that? Well, if you think I'm wrong, I don'twant to talk to you anyway, because I'm right, it's continue to do all thestuff you already done. So if it's continue to do all the stuff you'vealready done, then why do we en have a tens stuff,its Tomic and sense, to me trying to figure this thing out? Cant,what do we learn about the ten step? What's the tens to ball about? So letme tell you something after years of research into this deal, I actuallyhave forgete it out and I'm going to give you the secret about the ten step.This is what the ten step is about. Are you ready for this? It's about only onething. Only one day continued continued bus, I'm trying to blow this down foryou contan you it's about continue it's about continued. When you have tenyears, it's about continued when you have twenty years, it's about continued.When you have forty years it's about continued. Has Anybody ever gone to ameeting where somebody has slipped an they're coming back in and pick up alight chip you KNON'T AFETER ten years fifteenyears did, did you ever hear him say something like this? Well, I stopped going to meetingseveryams. Well, I stopped speaking to my sponsor. Well, I stoppe going to AA. Well, I stop praying for God to God.Well, I e you ever hear somebody after you start talking, no him about whathappened. Why you drink they talke about how they stopped doing stuff or or they didn't stop doing stuff? Theynever did the shit in the first place, youow there's the two ways of doing itnumber one. You never did this stuff in the first place. In that case, that'snot a ten step. You just never did it. You were never in the program anyway,but then there's apparently another type of person that stops continuing ets to have you ever said to yourself.I said this to myself one time at a meeting. I said I got, I got the answerhere. The answer is I'm just not going to stop see all these bozos. They stopped,...

I'm not going to stop. I'm never goneto stop. I said I'm never going to stop so, but but then you know here's whatI'm thinking I've seen guys for twenty thirty years drink again. So I'm thinking of myself that I thinkthat these guys were probably at what time at a meeting where they said, I'm never going to stop. What do you think? I think that theseguys were probably ot of meeting where they said. They're never going to stopdoing this stuff and they stopped so I'm not so sure making a a reallysincere, dramatic, powerful argument that I ain't nevergoing to stop. I'm not really sure that works with alcoholics. You understand. Has Anybody Ever saidbefore they game Daya, I'M GOING TO STOP! I'm not gonna, I'm not GOINNAdrink anymore. You ever do that. You ever say that I'm never going todrink out howd that work out for you work, Ouf, wher. Anybody ever take awhat do these thing? What do we do at the end of the year, the new years teal?Oh anybody make a new year's resolution. Omo lose fifty pounds. You ever do oneof those deals. I'm GNTO stop smoking. I'm Gonto stop visitg. How Dod thatwork out for you how you do so alcoholics, listen! HERE'S THE DEAL!Alcoholics! Don't do well at New Year's resolutions. Now alcoholics are great starters andShitty. Finishers. Sorry to use t word Shit. I actuallymade a bout of myself I'm going to stop cursing, but I haven't been able tofucking. Do that so what at can? I say I just can't do it, I just I'm sorry,I'm just you know there are people in Aa that are spirit. You know you everhear people say I'm spiritual, not religious, I'm spiritual and spiritual.I'm TAT, I'm not spiritual, I'M NOT! You know, I'm. You know. Yoever peoplesay well you're, not a bad person trying to be good. You're ASE, I'm abad person trying I'm the opposite, I'm a bad, I'm an evil, selfish bad person. I try to be good, but I fail all thetime. So my problem is based upon my Redan T.big book in my life is I'm a bad selfish person, but ever since I've been partning upand running with the Lord, I seem to try. I seem to love peopleand act better, see I'm a bad person who, if I, if I worship, God Somi Somehow I don't do shitty things now. You may think it's terrible tocall yourself a bad person, but for me it works. For me it works. I own who I am. I owndwhat I did to people I own. What I did...

...to my exwife. I won' say with someother guy or I'm basically a good boy or anything I own who I am and who Itend to be and all the consequences of being an alcoholic. You ever seen thebig book they seem, you know how they say they they seemd to be born. Thatway, I heard a guy speaking an Amin. Today he said I was born in alcohol. Ithink I was born an alcoholic I think I was born with you know.Unless senantal an alcoholic accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences,whatever those are, his sobriety will be precurious andtrue happiness, so fun, none at all. What does that mean? I mean I thoughtif I stopped drinking I'd, be okay and if I just said I'm, but maybe maybealcoholism has very littl to do with drinking what if drinking, is just like asymptom of alcoholism? What I su, what, if what F, what if thereal disease centers in my mind, not my body, maybe I have that Paul disease, where Idesire to be a good guy, but I'm always screwing up and earning people. What,if I have that disease, where I desire to do the next right thing, but I'm always doing shitty things topeople whatef? I have the disease where I want to do good, orderly direction, but I never seem to be able to carry itout over the long term. I mean what, if I have a disease whereI desire to always go to a meeting but part on parcel of the consequences ofbeing an alcoholic. Is I rest I will always always alwaysalways because that's what alcoholism is all about. It's a spiritual disease!What, if I have the kind of disease where I will always end up at one point or time resting onmy laurels, what of their right? What, if no matterhow hard I try and no matter what decision I make if I'm an alcoholic, I will at some point in time, ten yearsdown the road twenty years, ofoutdown the road because of the bigaries oflife, not necessarily bad things, maybe good things, whatever things but thenature of my disease. My disease is that I will stop and rest on my laurels. What? If what? If in the disease, whatwhat? If what? If it's true that half measures avail me nothing and what af part of my spiritual maladyis that I can never do anything but half measures what, if it's not about the Drankn,what it's? Just? What? If it's about...

...the fact that I am so spiritually unfit that no matter how hard I try over aperiod of time, some somehow I will always do half measures, let's screw up what, if you know they say there is nomiddle of the road solution. You ever hear that there's no middle of the roadsolution, I'm not making the shit up! Trust me, I'm not making this up, I'mgetting this from somewhere. What? If my alcoholism and I'm talking about myalcoholism, I mean I'm not talking about you guys so don't get offended,because I could tell you guys have like a milder form. You know what I mean:I've very verylent horrible for him. I don't laugh at me. Cody I've got aserious form of this disease. Unlike you cody, you know what I mean. What ifwhat of my disease is the kind of disease where, over a period of time,no matter how much I swear on a stack of bibles, no matter how much I promisemyself, no matter what I say to myself my own mind. I will always end up doing the middle of the road solution. I will always tend to do that wetl.What, if that's my problem? What's whatever my problem? Is I'm reallypowerless to do all this shit? Everything not only the not drinkingthe, not doing everything? What, if I'm just palace than what am I going to do?What, if it doesn't matter? If I tell myself, I'm never Goinga what, if Itell myself things like I'm used to telln myself stuff, I say Thos, youknow I used to say I say to myself things like this. I don't give a shit what they thinkabout me. I don't give it don'tgiv, crap Wat, hey think about me and let metell you something. I say that with a lot of drama, I can say that sincerely.Let me tell you something I could go to actor studio. I CONVINCE MYSELF: I have convinced myself that I'll givea shit when you think about me. You know what I mean, but the problem is is even though Itell myself that I can't stop thinking about what you're thinking about me. Well, what? If what of this disease ise kind of disease, where the actual disease tells you stuff that you wantto believe, but then you act completely opposite the way, and you have no ideawhy you do the things you do because you're lying to yourself all th tonewhat, if that's part of the disease, but I mean what, if that's all I'msaying you know, maybe this disease is biggerand stronger and more powerful and more under the surface than you even realizeit is maybe you're dealing with emotions andfeelings and stuff that well out of some sort of spiritual deficiency whereyou're doomed to failure? No matter what you think you see, so that's my disease, that'snot your disease, that's so that's the disease. I have. I have a disease whereI'm totally totally totally one hundred...

...percent powerless a pawlace of my emotions, powerless of my feelings. Paas Palace of myself talk parallel palace over being open minded, powerless over T, my self setterinness POWs of my selfishness, I'm selfish to the extreme who's going to save me from this bodyof death who's going to save me from how can I, if all this is true? It'strue for me, I'm not talking about you. I think you guys are probably in abetter situation, but for somebody like me, all those things are true. Youunderstand what I'm saying all those things are true. I cannot protectmyself from life. The worldly clamersige way too strong.For me, I have no control. I don't know whether I'm even going to be alive inan hour. I don't know, people are going to die. Stuff is going to happen somany moving parts of this world. I have no control over my life. I have nolimited limited control over my feelings, no control over you nocontrol over this meeting. I have no control over my thoughts, I'm no control over I'm. I amabsolutely power as a matter of fact, my situation is so bad. If I actually really understood mysituation, I probably be very depressed. I mean I would I'd be like depressed. Imean I am a self ityholic. There were times. I was very depressed, so here'shere's the interesting deal. If that is true, then why am I so filled with joy allthe time? Why Am ise filled with joy? Why do I? Why do a guy like me, who loves to HATE PEOPLE WHO LOVES TOMURDER PEOPLE IN THEIR MIND in his mind, whos selfish to the extreme who's, powerless Ofr? All this? Howcome? I live life, and I just I just love people. I love people and AE loveyou. You don't have to have a chip in your pocket to be my friend, I'm tryingto help people how the Hell does that happen? You Know Ho. How do you separate the men from the boys the wonfrom the girl? How does that? How does that Shit happen? Hows that how does that stuff happen?What does it say this when we sincerely took such a position? What's the position we sincerely give ourselves to God what does sincerely mean what doessincerely mean Welwinson sincerely took yea. These arethings you are to ask yourself. Have I sincerely given myself to God when we sincerely to such? You know why?Because what it says in the big book is...

...it says something like this. It says we must get rid of thisselfishness. We must or kills US am igh getting this lily. Am I getting thisright? Does it say that we must get the rid of this selfishtess? We must sort,kills us and then says this. It says God makes this possible. I mean Correctmy, doesn't say: Godmakes this possible. You ever see that part in the big bookwhere it says there is one that has all power. Doesit say, there's seven million that has all these powers or there's any God youmake up in your mind that has all these powers or seven point six billion pepgods that have all these, or does it say, there's one who has all this powerall the power you have no power over anything. There is one that has allpower that one is God you ever see that I might do. I got this right, Andre,Andrea, okay and then says: May you find him now? Did I anthony I get that right. TDOES,the big book say that, may you find him now? Yes, sir, so here's the deal. Ilooked up the word now because I wanted to understand what they were sayingbecause I'm an alcoholic you know and one of the consequence of being analcoholic is when somebody says something to you that you don'tunderstand you don't like it pisses you off, you know. So I didn't. I wanted tofind out what that meant. You know what I mean and now means now that's how serious they are. They say:Fine, God now now in the good old dayhes back in onethousand, nine hundred and thirty, seven and thirty eight, they understood that this was a giftfrom God and it was a miracle and they understood that. God was the mostimportant thing. That's why they wrote Thi Stupid Book that has got all overit, that they understood that atheism was bad. That agnocicism was bad; theyunderstood, that's why they wrote a chapters to the ignostics and the agentsaying this sort of thinking must be abandoned. They took a stand, they say, God eitheris or he isn't. What's your decision going to be, they said if a mere cot, Omorals or a better philosophy of life would have helped we'd be dead a longtime ago. We would have been well a long time ago, if gorter good, orderlydirection. If saying I'm going to do good aearly direction from now one inmy life I'm going to do the next right thing: men. If that worked, we wouldn'tneed God. We were but never work for us, never work trouties, because we'repowerless. We can make all the pronouncements in the world. We arefull of Shit. Alcoholics are full of Shit, they saythings in th, they say things as matter of fact. A lot of the guilt alcoholshave is for letting people down for making promises and saying things thatthey intend yeaevery, yeare and alcoholic says. I said I told him someand I really intended to do it at the...

...time, but I screwed up Yo everything.Now I know you guys, I'm looking at you guys. You guys are like Nice,alcoholics, NOI'm, looking Youryou're nice at. I trust you with everything,money and everything, but I'm the kind of alcohol where I would tell yousomething that I was going to do, and I would mean it you understand what I'msaying and then I would fuck you over Yah I mean I actually. I actually lied to people and made excuses anddidn't fall through and and not because of Thesof Alcohlim, because some likeevil guy selfsent guy- and I don't. I only give a I'll give a shit aboutanybody except myself, I'm the guy, they describeing the big.You know what how the guy they say. The Big Book says: I'm Selfsh and SelfCenator, I'm driven by a hundred forms of fear, so tolutionself seeking I stepon those of others they retaliate. I learned that I made decisions based onitself, which puts me in a position to be heard. I'm self will run riot and Iusually don't even think I have a problem, I'm that Guy I'm that guy. That's me they're describing me. Don'ttrust me with anything on that guy, that's the disease. I have has nothingto do with drinking nothing, to do with drinking tasto wit being one evil, not giving acrap bout anybody I can do whatever I want to anybody who I want to do it to,and you don't have any right to say anything to me because I'm just such a powerful, greatguy, I'm that guy, that's the that's thedisease. I have you know what I mean if that's not yourdisease than you and I have different diseases, you know, that's all's just adifferent deal. You know I have a bad form of thedisease of alcoholism, so I must get rid of this. It says Godmakes that possible possible. All said WHO's going to save me from this bodyof death, where I want to do the good I good. I want to do good things, but I'malways screwing up. God makes that possible. This thing's been around for many manyyears now in the old days, onethusand nine hundred an thirty seventhirtyeight, where they knew that you had a fine God. Now you could not get into ameeting reddock about the good old timers and Ey. They would have you getdown on your knees in front of everybody and say and give your wife toGod. You wouldn't get into a me anless. Youwill do that, that's how they prequalifi you when they had beatings in those daysthey laid it on the line right there, just like Dr Bob said to ClarenceSnyder when he said the class tider when he twelve steptem. He said thefirst question: He asked them young kids hundred a thirty five dices, youbelieve in God and Clarenceus. What does that Hav to do with it and Dr Bobsays everything everything now get down in your knees,we're going to pray to God, you give your life to him and Clarence said onknow W to do. This is I'll. Tell you what to do and Clarence says there wereno suggestion. I did what I was ordered to do back in those days. There was noconfusion, confusion...

...or doubt over what you had stepped into.You were going to do the God thing and you were going to get down on you eastand you going to do it or you weren't, going to be an alcoholics anonymous things have changed. Things have changed. The big book says in Trapto theAgnostics that this sort of thingin has to beabandoned. The Fellowship says you don't have to believe in God the big book says this sort of thinkinghas to be abandoned, God either is or e. isn't the fellowship says just do the next right thing. The big book says this sort of feeling.Thinking has to be abandoned, God either is or he isn't what yourdecision going to be. We never apologize for God. You know we giveourselves sincerely to him all sots of remarkable things, happend being allpowerful. He gives us everything we need. If we stay close to him andperform is work well, the big book says you know you don't have to do that. You don't have to do that. You know it's possible that you might be an alcoholsynomis andthink that and the reason why you ever hear people say well, don't talk somuch about the God thing. Don't talk so much about the God thing! Well, if youdon't talk about the God thing and you're not serious about the God thing,you will not know that the God thing is essential. No one do you have so many peopleunhappy in a unhappy in their sobriety confused, because when, when you have people the big booksays we encourage Church membership. The Fellowship says: I'm spiritual, notreligious. The Big Book says we lose all prejudiceeven against oranized religion. The Fellowship says a religion is bad. Religion is bad, we're smarter thanreligious people, we're spiritual, we just sort of own that territory we're just good people. As a matter offact, we are better than religious people. You talk about. You talk aboutthe height of self righteousness and narcisystem. Alcoholics actually thinkthey're, better and more righteous and just cleaner and more honest thanreligious people that go to church. That's the kind of bullshit we sellourselves. We tell ourselves that's kind of horse shit that goes on in the fell, but hey here's, the goodthing, the good thing there are some people that end up getting into aposition where they gto a desa time.

They go through a tough time andsomehow some way they actually start reading the big book. Maybe they get asponsor or they hear something they want something they haves. They developa wee if you want what we have and they link up with people that are focused onthis thing that have Someso Ave, somehow pierced the denial pierced, thethe the part where people are trying to you know, sort of drum down the Godthing and, and they somehow look at some of the stuff that is actuallybeing said. They read the Big Book. They read thepart where it says it's easy to let up on the spiritual program of Action,Restauauntal Worlds we're head of Patro, we do alcohols occurrent, we reallyhave its a delly Beeve convinsion, on the maintenance of our condition,spiritual condition. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God'swill into all of our activities. How can I that serve God? Thi will notmind be done. These are thoughts which, let's go with US constantlycontinuously. We can exercise our will power along this line. All we wish itis the proper use of the will, much as all been ready about receiving strengthand inspiration, a direction from him who has all knowledge and power. If wehave carefully followed directions, we have begun to sense the flow of hisspirit into us. To some extent we have become God conscious. We have begun todevelop this vital sixth step where Weborn Ey. You know what you know what I justquoted the big book of alcoholics anonymous. You know what that is, that's theprogram of ALCOHOLICSAC. I don't know what program you're doing. That's theprogram F, Alcoholics Analtis, and there are some people that getseparated out: they're called the men or the women. You know the men of theboys. So what does this have to do with step ten? This has everything to dowith step. Ten everything to do with continuing- I don't know why I haven't quiteforgeted out, maybe at fifty years, if I make it I'll figure it out why peoplewho focus on God, who actually believe this is a giftfrom God who believe like Bill. Wilson said the Lord has been so wonderful tome. Huaring me of the several disease. I got to keep talking about and tellingother people that gets so fanatical about the God thing are so gratefulabout. God believe so much that he's entered into his heart and their mindsind a deep way, which is a demiraculous he's doing for us Wan. We Cen do forourselves that have made God the central Factom in their life. I don'tknow why these crazy wack jobs. You know that believe that fanatical shildend up, never stopping going to meetings. Never stopping trying to helppeople become like mother Teresas run around. All they want to do is talkabout God. Oh how obnoxious, you know,...

...that's what I slipped into is terriblething. Don't do what I did you wind up like me, you know what I mean. You'byou'll be tripolar, happy joys and pree. These VIOLENC swings. You knowwhat I mean. I don't know why people that believe inthemselves that believe in themselves that try tomanage your life that believe that other people tha keep. I don't know whythey end up drinking or feeling Sarr for themselves or were they why they fail or theythey're they're, not happy with theirself. I don't know why people whobelieve in God who have made a decision to be a believer, why they never stop continuing? Whythey persevere. I know the book of James, which was themain book. They said they said in the DOCR Bobin th, the good old timers.They said the books, we found absolutely essentual. First cmintnthirteen sermon, oe Maune Book of James. I know the book of James Says he saysrejoice when you have trials of many kinds, because for those who endure inperst of IEAR, while looking at God, while looking at God and Folcuson amwithin those trials, will mature and they'll have a strongerfact that closeerfecture with God. I don't know all I knowis the books. They read basicallysaid: If you give your life over to God, sincerely take this position.Remarkable Shit will happen to you. If you don't you're going to slip away andlose, I don't know, but this disease is so powerful. Idon't even know why some people actually make it. I don't even knowlisten. I was never a God guy. I was you know. You know run out to the boy.I was a lounge lizard. I was running all over the bars looking for my nextvictim. Looking for her, who was going to make me be okay, I worshipped womenand money and cars and all that stuff I didnt. I never did anything deservethis. I never did anything that would end up saying well this guys so deaconin he prisonot Durina Jewish ket from Olong island from great neck. How I,how why wound up you know a deacon of Prestoryan Church and running aroundand doing all this AA stuff and talking like I have no idea. I have no clue nonzero. I know t there are some people that aregoing to wind up like this. I'm not the only one, hey, that's theexcite. Here's the exciting thing, I'm not the only guy. I now go to groups where there areother people like me. Well, not like me, they're, not insane.You know what I mean they're like not psychotic, you know but but sort oflike me, you know and and I'm like the comic relief forpsychotics.

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