AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 5 months ago

Russell S. Step 5 (talk 6) at the 12 Step House 6/10/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Step 5 (talk 6) at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 6/10/2021  

Russell Spats Alcoholic so and I'm a member statistic grouphave on a seven drink since January, twenty and nineteen eighty one whatever you know some people call it emotional sobriety.My Wife Calls It senility. Who knows we'll see I'm going to talk alittle bit about the fifth step means I'm going to talk about the seventhstep, which means someone to talk about thesixth there and the Third Stan second step, fourth step and the twelve stuff. So all I can do is it's all gotten veryconfusing to me, and sometimes when things are confusingto an alcohol like me, what happens? Is She just sort of give up trying to figure it out? You know, because every time I went to, I graduated part Molares inmathematics, and I was going for my pht. That was my plan to go for my page inAlgebraic, apology and Mathew Max had side of law school and, and so I used to do a lot of thinking.Now I you're an alcohol. U should understand this because alcoholic oraim pulsive thinkers- I mean it's bad thinking about yourself and otherpeople in no. It's no good thing and you could spend years and years andyears trying to stop thinking. I mean- and I know many guys have beenhere throughout the step series, and so especially you've been here for thesecond step and the fourth step in the introduction of the four steps. So I'mnot going to go into explaining anything about insanity or the truenature of disease of alcoholism, which really has little to do with a drink inthe drinkings, just a symptom of our disease, but the real nature senses inour mind on our body and the way we think the compulsive unhealthy way. You know I think BillWilson said the real problem with out Holt is on healthy dependencies oneverything depends he's on romance and other people, and I I'm a blamer, I'm acomplainer, I'm a victim. I feel sorry for myself and pissed off and that's just half theshit. You know what I mean and I don't need to drink alcohol to have thatgoing. For me, let's say: That's like my natural state, that's my naturalstate of affairs. I was like that before I started drinking when I wasthirteen twelve eleven ten years. I just never saw anybody that looked assensitive as I felt. I never saw anybody in my life that looked like ahat en juck hated in justice as much as I hated injustice. You know- and I wasalways comparing my inside everybody else's outsides and you guys alwayslook like you were slipping cool and I always found felt so in act and notgood enough, and so that's the way I was before I started drinking. I guessthe big book calls a restless, Eril discontent and I don't Ki what you callthrow whatever words on to there's more words than that to get throw on it. Istarted drinking and what drinking does is my deal? is nothing works as well asjust the few drinks. You know it just relieves all that stuff, it all sort ofcomes together. You know what I mean and you go from. I don't know Archiebunker to brad pit and five nine, seven o o s e Hel and the women, and even ahave sacks and all that sort of stuff- and you know I was told once towhatever you used alcohol do anything you lose the the lose ability to dothat same thing without the alcohol, whatever you use, alcohol to dance, rap,sex or anything a romance or anything like that. Is that haste in the mix?And you can't do that without the ALCO. You need to have it in order to justfunction, and- and so I was in a book before Istarted drinking during the drinking- and I and you know some- I got the samedie after I stopped drinking. I had the same disease that I've ever ever sincefrom the ages. One to thirteen. You...

...know I still got that deal going on. You know the self pity the selfloathing, Dr Carl Young. What was it not Carl Young was craul manager, saysand met against himself says in the book out: Vot A man, women not have todestroy themselves. You know from time to time. They're, just you know justeverything's normal, except to slight nervous. This position just from timeto time be driving the car, and you hear this voice and says you'reworthless. Piece of Shit you might as well kill yourself is that sort ofcomes out from somewhere. You look around to you, saying that Shit Dudyou're, the only one in the car. You know what I mean and and apparently Iwas told anybody who's on the plane who reaches the age of twenty five Urdhrand doesn't have in idea of who they are, what they are or what the purposesin life is going to be to a certain extent in the Rock, and I was oneneuronic son of a bitch when I got here, I could tell you, I can't inticementsrooms, I tun the rons work on their way in to body each other, and I was t wehave an interesting thing in this Otso. So one of the things that happened isafter you been, you know. They say what you have to s. You have to develop amanner of living. A Mat is like a manner of living. Ihave a manner of living. You know if you're an active alcoholic without aprogram. Trusting you have a manner of living. Yaou ever noticed that before you cameday you had a man or of living you ever notice before you come in,maybe looking back or maybe why you in it that to you, your alcoholic lifeseemed the only normal one. I mean it was sort of normal for you to be pissedoff with people normal for you to get angry normal for you to feel sorry foryourself normal for you to, you know, be jealous of people, the enbas normal.Did you ever notice that you, the way you live before coming into program waswas normal to you and that it was always always the same type of thinking,all the say, always same type of anger. All this always the same type of drama.All you ever noticed that that it was that you were consistently fucked up itwas it wasn't like it wasn't like? Oh Man, that's an original thought. Never!Never! Never did that before you know ever you ever seen, so I ain't nevergoing to do that again thanks. You did it again and again and again and againand again and again and see my probis. I didn't here's the thing I didn't evenknow. I had a problem because when you normally are fucking insane when to use the afford, because we havethe New People here, I want to make sure that they understand they're notin church. This I'll probably also talk aboutJesus, but but now it'll be okay, because I usethe fords so say: Well, east, I'm out in church, you know is trying topromote anything or anything. So you let your guard down then, what's tolike you already have so it's in there. You know what I mean. So in any event,so I love to plant seeds. I don't need to Piss people off it. Just it's anatural thing. It happens when I talk. I can't help it, but luckily for me,like my spotter said when I said you ever get resentments that get them, Igive them. You know ninety percent of the stuff. I got ninety percent of thethe the things that happened to me, where I learned she and a A. I learnedthat at the tail end up being pissed off at somebody who said something thatI even liked, because at least I was listening to itand it rocked my life. You know I said how that some who doesn't know me howhave I he think he is. He isn't, though, and after about a week of that andpraying everything, I said, only shit he's right. It's right. I learned thingabout myself because that's the way we are with the fiance, and so one of the things that happens is wehave a way of life and it's a matter of living which the manage rigorous dishonesty, I'm arationalized it I tell myself rationalized. I tell me myself shit.That is not true, but I think it's true. I mean I hate people in the way they dothings to me. I hate the way the world is. I hate the way you are, if onlypeople would agree with me, if only I get I won't set the mine said. How areyou doing, I said I'm doing great this...

...is you must get in your wrong way, butI was you know what I mean. Then I wasn't get my way and I was pissed. Youknow and- and you know I just have a manner of living- a La manner ofthinking that feels comfortable to me, and so it says in the big book aboutboss and honestly things sort of weed in and we have it says when the guysaid, when doty young said you have the mind to dodge call to Rollin hazard. Ifyou have read the big book, I'm starting on to be a little lost, am Iwant to read it and you'll recognize this? He says rolling are as it whohave been sober for about a year under the tunals of the greatest doctor inpsychist in the world, and he said to himself now knowing this is what Rolandthe Alky said now, knowing the inner workings of my mind drinking isimpossible. You know, you might say yourself ever three months or one yearor six years or ten years, I've got it now, drinkings impossible. I'm not going todrink, I'm not perfect, but at least I got it now and then he drank again it's. Nevertheless, he was struck er afew weeks to went back to the doctor. He said he said understand, what'swrong with me and Dor Yung said to him the following: I wish more doctorswould say this. I wish more doctors Ronin. This is whathe said and we have a big book, which means we agree with this big book. Ibelieve that everything had said in the big book is true. I found I'mdiscovered over period of time in inspirent. It's true, even though Idon't think how about this, even though I don't agree with it, it's true, youknow doesn't mean it's the truth. Doesn't matter whether I agree with itor not. You know, and so I have this book called alcohol in thisis what do young told to me said you have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. Nopolis M. is aprogressive, chronic disease get scores over in your period time, since youhave the mind of a chronic alcoholic and if you're an alcoholic, you havethe mind or a chronic Athol, you know what I mean he might as well he's theyput in the boo because he's talking to you because one of our old ideas isthat where you need, you know, we say things like I, you don't understand, I'm different, you don't know me, youdon't know how many times you know the truth is. I do know you. The onlyperson who doesn't know you. Would you that's how we have sponsors willactually know us. You know because they've been through the wars and theyget us, you don't get you, and so he said you have the mind of a chronicAPOC. I have never been successful with an Athol with this sort of state ofmind exists, he says, is there no hope he says yeah here there once in a whilethings happen to these people? They we call them phenomena. That's like ascientific word for miricle means. We have no idea that they change. Theychange you know when they do drinking next day, they're not trick one day,they're born around they're. You know they're selling themselves and theirsoul, and everything for for applause or whatever it is next day. Then, onone day, they're scared. The next day they have courage whenthey were children, that's the when they their children next day, they're,men and women. You know one day: they think theirpiece of Shit, the next weapon the next day. You know they don't think that way.Any more. You know they just say it's just American. We don't understand whywe can't do it with drugs. Really can can't do what Sochi doesn'twork doesn't last, since you have the mind of chronic opal,we did so phenomenal. He says he says they have some sort of profound. Ifhers a go. Profound personality change, not the it's, not the alcoholdeficiency, it's not the lack of alcohol. It's something called a profoundpersonality change. Now I think I spent the first ten orfifteen years in Aa and I'm sure I'm spending some more time. Even now Imean you know O, but definitely the first ten years in a a learning, whatthey'll feel what alcoholism the disease is actually all about, because you come day and nothing wrongwith this not wanting to drink and why you take a Coolis M as something dowith drinking because it happens to be in the name, alcoholic alcoholism. Youknow what I mean, so you think it as...

...something with drinking. So you stopdrinking, you get you for. You feel better. You know what I mean and youthink that you've now conquered alcoholism and you're in a group calledalcoholics anonymous. So you know what has to do with alcohol, and you hearwhen you first come in the first month. I fear for two years you hear peoplesay don't drink any in as falls off there, ain't no problems so big that arick. What can take it worse? You see they're having birthday parties. Howmany years to you have three months for months or like we did say, O the meneverything is about out. All you hear is about alcohol is, and you know I gota here. I got two years and everything like that and then every once in awhile every once in a while, I call up a guy and I've sponsored them and he'sbeen missing for about a week baby's been on vacation. I said this happeningonce and I said Jack I said you know I haven't seen your weight. I said.Welcome back, I said: Let's go to meeting time and Jack says to me. He says he says:Listen I just got a home on Conti said: Hey Jack am been doing me a week. Let'sgo to night, told me and he says: Hey Russell. I love you but get off my back,I'm not even thinking about drinking two hours. Late Jack was drunk. How about that? How about that- and youknow somebody he said- I'm not even thinking about drinking here's, thegreatest thing he was sincere. Some Guy Starts Y. You know some guyssponsor some says them. Son O bitches at Jeminey chip me out the money I'mgoing to show that they don't know who the hell they're dealing with. I said:I'm gone, something you don't get rid of his bullshityou're going to drink. This is bullshit, I'm not goin to drink their assholesand I'm going to prove it in the Bah Blah Blah three hours later he's arrested by thepolice he's drunk, don't even know he was going to drink.I knew he was going to drink. You know what I mean. I know it's a son. Wouldyou often find out, as you got, people that have a year sobriety to yours,arity, five years sobriety, ten years Brida and they drink again after ten orfifteen years, thirty years Sorit, when an alcoholic who has experienced theincredible stuff in this program, drinks after he's been sober and helives right before he drinks. Listen. This isthis amazing stuff. This is like post, gradual right before he drinks thatalcohol he's physically sole he's, not drinking because he's crazy, an alcoholhe's trating because he's never understood the true nature of ourdisease. He never got a one. He never got a handon what the disease of alcoholism really is, and so he isn't drink and he's tryingto get late or if he isn't drinking he's spending money he doesn't have theby Shide doesn't need to impress people isn't like to make himself feel betterif he is a drinking he's doing something else. That's self destructiveand so car young says once you lap on to this this power. That comes from God,which I says you have a profound personality change. So my spit said:Why do you say this stuff? You say: Why do you do this stuff? You do this is.Why do you do this? I said. That's just my personality says with yourpersonality is going to kill you, but I haven't had a Grantoun, theperson. I was going to kill you and then he says, ideas, emotions andattitudes that are the guiding forces of thesemen's lives are past one side and they become dominated by whom set of healthyideas, emotions and attitudes or later on the big book and says thatthere are selfish and their self centered and they're driven. They use abetter word than guidance, driven, compulsively driven. It's like they'reon automatic pilot to the toilet. You know what I mean: they're, driven their selfish self sented, driven byhunter forms of fear, self volution self seeking most, if not all, of which they don'teven know they have self delusion. That means were deluded.I let's make believe how about this forget about me. Let's make believe nowI prove theself to me in my life. So it's one thing to listen to some guy,like me, talking the podium and that forty years of this liked it's anotherthing when you prove it to yourself...

...over and over and over again because ofyour actions, and you constantly get repay humiliations, the find ofcrushing them self division. And it's another thing: When you go for the nextten years, beating the shit out of yourself and losing and losing losinguntil one day you wake up, and you realize something that they've beentelling you for the last ten years and say Holy Shit. They were right, you know, and then you realize they'reright and then you spend the next five years. Try to get rid of that to you anred, it's not as easy as the alcohol. Is it not as easy to get a of the lustas the alcohol yeah? I know you believe if you only had a man only had a woman.If somebody only loved me, if I only had romance you know the worldlyclamors, if I only had a new car, if I haven't now, I had to is hard to ever othat stuff. When it's so clear to you that that's the answer- and it sayswhat is it say in the Mon says: Selfcontrol our alcoholic life andthinking seems the only normal one. You know it says it says what we ultimatelylearn. Ultimately, learn means ten. Fifteen twenty years down the roaddoesn't mean three months or that we made decisions based on selfwhich put us in in a position that he heard so alcohol is self, will Erinright whatever that is. He may take ten years on. That is, though he usuallydoesn't think so. So, if you don't think that, if youdon't think anything, I'm saying is true: You're perfect because alcoholicsare defied and their first sense is saying: that's Poltinin, an O mad, soI'll catch in five years, and then you, let me know how it's working for you,what you learn last five years, so ther's got to be some sort of Protonpersonality change, which you can't do by thinking. What I was seking wouldsolve this problem. So apparently I have to develop a manner of livingwhich demands rigors honestly. So it's not just the not drinking. It's not just the, not thou shalt, notit's the develop a manner of living where your whole life, the man's rigorsthat you just can't you just you just become a whole different person. They did me not drinking becoming awhole different person, you know and all that stuff. So one of the things that happens earlyon is you keep turning it over. You develop some sortof sense of God. You don't even know who god is, but you sort of go alongfor many reasons made me. Maybe you go along for one reason all O bons goalong with the God things they want people to like them. Another addiction.You know. Please love me, please don't re Jack Me. Please think. Please lookgood t! I want to look good. I want people like me, they're all holdinghands all the whole hands they're all saying they believe in God, I'll set itwitto. You think it until you make it your fakin until you make you tak itfor twenty years. An to you make it problem. Is You may get some relief butyou're not going to get the relief until you make it until you do utterly abandon yourselfto God, which is what they're talking about a boot until that happens? Okay, that may takea long time to happen. That's not a bad thing, that's pretty much. Most of UStakes a long time. Usually you find a person with you know. I've said thisbefore I've got run into two thousand people, revery two sand, people ICA whoare not drinking and maybe not drinking, but have had several slips. I had fiveyears on. I slipped that two years I slept and I have three years and Ilived and five months and I slept- and you know I'm for every two thousandpeople like that and there's nothing wrong with that. You know they madenaked. You know over to. I have one I found, maybe one guy who has thirtyyears sobriety and it's contented suprise because they talked about here andthere and he and the big mother says an alcohol being dry at the moment. Youknow we're all alcoholic drive at the moment. This is in vision, fool hereand there, alcohol and Alpha Dry at the moment. We're all dry at the momentsays feel better. Look Better, I'm having a better time. We laugh at such Sala y know he's goingto try the whole gate. The whole new, where he's going to try the the gameagain because he's not happy with his...

Friday soon or no loneliness O. I would think if you feel better, youlook better your having better time you're, saying: Hey, isn't this, Inever going to drink again. Every time I met somebody who says, I'm nevergoing to drink again, they're always trink. How about that? Now I don't knoweverybody in the world. There's probably some God here with forty yearssaying. I say that all the time and I'm that's okay, I'm just on you every timeI've met somebody. It was pronounced that they're never going to drink again,they've conquered it. They always drink in that you know why, because theydon't have humility, they're, not humble they don't knowwhat the Word Palace needs, because they're not prowess because they are inlarge and control. Every time I've met somebody who hasthirty forty years. You know they'll be the first one totell you. I can be drunk any hour. Why aren't you drunk because of God's grace in my lifebecause they know that up to them they would be drunk, but they understandtheir powers of Este. So it's some sort of manner of living, trying to figureout what this matter of living is trying to figure out what thisalcoholism looks like how old ideas you got to get rid of.You know you reach it in the big book. It sounds absolutely preposterous.There is one who was all power that what is God, but you find him now- halfmeasures vally enough. Half that I figure half measures give me fiftypercent, because I mean I'm so round that I said I'm. You know I'm probes toperfection. Half me measures geving that and they say what is this shitabout unless you get rid of old by this, it was always nailed until you like goabsolutely Aleko of what absolutely I mean, they can't possibly mean that Imean I'm an alcoholic, that's one of the time on sens Alan alcolite asalcoholism and all its consequences fry to be prepared. I to happen, is to findout at all. What's an old idea, what are some of the consequences? How aboutthis? My wife tells in one day you come home drunk in more time, I'm leavingyou I'm a sober. As I am right now getting my car. I drive away, I get tothe first lice what the fuck you mean by that come on dunking. What on come up, drunkthat wine that night five year marries down to bes. I lost everything becauseI didn't understand the state. I didn't. I just didn't understand the statementand I'm a bright guy. You know and because I didn't understand that one ofthe consequences of being a chronic alcohol is whether you hear somethingyou don't like it confuses you. It doesn't matter how simpler you youjust get confused. They can't need that. You can do that gods, everything areas,nothing. What does that mean? What do you mean got? What does that mean? God to everythingor it's nothing and here say hand, here's a crazy part. If you read itmost people don't read it. They say in chapter the nostics where it says thatwe're in talking to agnostics in talking to atheist. It says this sortof thinking must be abandoned, it's got to be abandoned and then they say at the ran. God iseverything or he's nothing? My personal thinking is reading the entire chapter.I think I you know saying it's got to be abandoned, say that alcohols aredefined, that happis on the next grow up you know and that we be it says. Iffo Mar Code of morals have deft lost of life would help us would be sober longtime ago, but they didn't help us, that's why we need God help selfishness,and so we must give it in Selfis. We must or kills us God makes thatpossible. My personal feeling is when they say God is either everything ornothing a comes down on the everything side. I'm thinking that that's possible. I'mnot thinking they're, really giving you a true choice there. You know I meanthat's just my thinking, you know is a living human being reading the big bookabout vaults anonymous, and yet there are people in out box anonymous andwhen they say what are they saying them, they say we never apologize for God,and people are care to talk about God in a just cat. Talk about God, it's onthe track, because they don't want people. Why don't why these kids talkabout Ben? Oh, they might scare away the new comedy as not to with them.They like you, want Friten, the newcomer, they're Gonta run out thedoor. He said the word God and I don't know where they running to themark. An is runout door. You know run...

...back in with a new different attitude. So here is the problem. Yeah. We werein a run on one room, School House here, you know here's the deal. Try to you know when I was going to school andI was doing the mathematic sting. We had three requisites the way I workedin colleges I would take Algebra. Then then, when I took out to rot very derAlgebra rat, I was ready for trigging. They have to trig in on check, say howyour break geometry. then. If that would take capitals, then multivariable capitals and analytical geometry. You know and then it would goon and on and on until I graduated and I go for my pig, you know whatever theheck I was going for. You know that kind of thing and in here, but here's aand I would be in classes with people that were at my level. You understand,because I couldn't understand: Analytical Geometry. If all I had wastrigonometry you UN Cerin, because there were a lot of stuff. I had totake S, and so, if I was in a Penton, antipolitical geometry, they had alltaken all the pre represents before the bed my class, but as like a run oneroom classroom. We got people with thirty years and twenty years andfifteen years, people that have done steps all over the place and we gotpeople out like three days. They were all meeting in the same classwith, and so some guy with thirty years is hearing me in the year. Ter He Serinone thing. The one got a three days here and me he's hearing another thing:Who knows what Hell's going on here? You know I'm just throwing out stuff,you know, because that's all I have to do, but you hear what you're supposedto hear and if you want to hear something itsays, go the way God works. Dowlson says: If you want him in at ill, comeyou always times that you want to an so. I always assume you broach shit out andstuff happens, because I am not responsible for carrying the message.I'm only responsive for trying to carry the message, which means that I'm didprobably I'm going to try to do the best job. I can, on the fifth step,probably a be a lousy job that olthat job I can do tonight. So what happens is after many manyyears of doing this stuff I have developed into an individual and I'mnot perfect than I have my foibles and everything I've developed into a personwhere I've started to connect thet dots. You know some of you guys been herelong enough. I don't even think you have to be in here a long time you canbe in here a month and you connect some dots o be close to this, or that I meanthey may be rudimentary dogs. You know you know you may got somebody, so youdon't hang out on the boars, but do you mean? Why can I I'm not going to drinkI'll drink o cold? He says you know when they start talking about the oldlines about Ye hang out with slippery people. You know if you go to a BOTTA's,the old line you go to a babe shop, three or four times, eventually goingto get a hair cut and all of a sudden, you start connecting those friends that you want to hang outwith. You don't see any problem with cause they're the only best friend youever had you start to necking. Those friends would possibly drinking againyou're sitting in the back of the room. You see some good looking blonde aBrunette and he sadia sponsor look at her. You say you sponsor that. ForTwenty Years I sat in a bar hinting guys in the rib saying I her water. Twenty years. Okay, I comein the year I send in the back room at my spot. Servers. Look at that one. Hesays Russell a what Youse to drink. I said Scotch.What kind of Scotch Jambe said you see that one she's a bottle of Jane, be foryou, she's bolled jam Scotch with legs. You saw the chuckle and then you sortof like get it. You start to get it. I don't know how you get it. It's like aGod thing and all of a sudden you connect, lust and envy and went andromance with drinking, and if you're, the tin of guy was were more thananything else. I didn't want to drink, it's sort of. Like I don't know, it's sort of like salt,Peter, it's sort of like conation. So after years and years and years ofall this stuff piling on and all the stuff that's happening. What happens ifyou connect so many dots and you see so many things that you instead of workingthe steps.

You just live your life, because you do the lot you develop thelife which the Mans for Gus Honesty and your life you're. Not You, it's not thebig. You become the big one. You just operate and think and do a certainthing and they happen to be talking about it. Bois did YEA. I do the andthe way I actually am, but the truth is I'm also a at half. So I don't continueto do certain things. My mind will go, I'm not sure to this disease. All Ihave is a daily retreat contingent upon. You know my spiritual condition andthat's a deal so you start connecting dots. So whathappens when you start connecting dogs with this deal? What happens is whenyou, when you look at what you I was told long time ago, and it's true thatyour attitude in your mind will change about all this stuff. Everything willchange as you start connecting jobs and you it's in one of the books that theyfound absolutely essential and alcoholics anonymous, absolutelyessential. Betwene N T, I T I e one thousand nine hundred thirty nine. They don't push it in a anymore betweennine and thirty O and five on thousand nineteen, thirty, nine and forty orforty five. They push. It was first Mindin, thirteen and first comtesthirteen said we see through a glass darkly, but soon all be will be reveal and one of the problems I all have isthey're so confused because they don't understand themselves. They don't heareven worse than they don't understand themselves. They think they dounderstand themselves, but they don't understand themselves and we spendyears and years doing four steps and ten steps and fit skeps and everythingjust to try to pull away the covers. So we can see who we really are see, who we really are and what wereally are and see. We don't want to really hear who we really are thespiritual ax him is whatever disturbed, no matter what the cause there'ssomething wrong with us, but the old way of living is whatever I'm destonmatter. What what the cause there's something wrong with you there'ssomething wrong with you and I can believe me I I can spend a wholelifetime telling everybody, while you're an asshole and proven beyond itto the exclusive evil down. Yes, I shot your dog and till your wife, but youshould have called me a some of it. I can do that and it makes sense to me-and I think, you're stupid. If you don't understand that and how do youget an alcoholic to move from that to get to the point say: I'm the on theasshole? How do you change? That's like amiracle thing when you deal with the personality thatbasically wants to say, do you want to go screens, so it has something. So somehow allthese things are linked up. It has something to do with humility, so one of the definitions of humility Ihaven't written here somewhere. I can get this thing to work. Humility comes from the Latin word, youmill, I mean what does this have to do the first day? Well, maybe it has someof Omine your a couple times. Humility comes from the Latin word Humilis,which literally means low. If you feel humility in front ofsomeone, you feel small is scheme of things. Someone who spends his lifecaring for others shows humility or Lisa Trust, ED, certain Perrens, although it's related to humiliation,which makes you feel low in a bad way. Humility is usually used to talk abouta lack of ego in a religious contest, and that iswhat I'm talking about right now and a religious context. Don't they in they did the founder,saying that they go to your men, the Pan, which says we encourage churchmembership. There wasn't one in to Wilson told but simple religious sieteidea. I I don't have prejudice against religion. You know why, because I'msober, I'm emotionally sober and my big booksays we lose all prejudice. Even against organized religion, I don'treally know what kind of program you have. I don't know what kind of BigBook for reading my Big Book says. We lose all precise. You can gestorganized religion. I see a guy railing...

...against religion, s and a religion welit in his bullshit, I'm looking a guy who's, not sober as far as timeattorneys. Not so you know why, because he got a resentment and he's hang andhe's hanging tough and he's not going to listen to a leg, but he doesn't knowanything about the second stuff. He doesn't know anything about opiniones.He is closed. I can get up thirty years. He's got a problem. He's got a problem because he's nothoping to what the big book is saying where it says you lose all prejudice when you are a self center ego,Egotistical, arrogant, alcoholic in your defiant- and you have a big booksays we lose all prejudice even against organized religion, and you persist toannounce everybody. How religion is shift you understand, all you're doingis stealing poison to the new person and telling him anybody talks aboutreligion. Is An idiot even though Bill Wilson and all the people here all theydid was they relied on people like father, you K, O L K. You know likelike a Dalin like Sam Shema, that we came out of the Oxford Group and theyand you can read if you read the history, but these guys, who are justsitting around on their their throne of contempt, telling you how bad it is. So thebottom one got out. Religion is in a religious context. Humility can meanrecognition of self and relation to God and subsequent submission to God, which is what I is all about,submission to God. Once you make a sincere decision. Also, it's aremarkable tense happens to ship. For God, you know patrol will give youeverything you need to stay close to the formers work. Well, this is, in myopinion, this is our. This is our program recovering. I know you'resaying you're working your prom recovery try ours, it might work outfor you try ours. So let me read a couple.Things might go a little bit O er. Let me read a couple o things. This is tapseven. Since this depise specificallyconcerned Suff of humility, we should pause to consider what humility is andwhat the practice of it can mean us instead of the attentats. Indeed, theattainment of greater humility is the foundation Conciva of each of as twelvesteps. It's the foundation principle of each of cats as false, including theforce then including the VISITA, including the eleven there for withoutsome day radiumite. No alcohol can stay sober at all. Nearly all ads have foundtoo that, unless they develop a much more of this precious quality than maybe required just for sobriety, they still have much chance having muchchance of becoming truly happy. How many people like to be sober andfeel sorry for themselves be sober and be lonely. He sober and not be happyand have the joy of living. I mean you really want that deal without it. Theycannot live to much useful purpose or in adversity, be able to summon thefaith that can meet any emergency and one of the definitions, one of thethings is knowing who and what you are, as it says in here Humilitye. In termsof your relationship with God, I'm going to read you two other things. Youknow one of the interesting things that I find with the fifth step. You know I mean the truth. Is that youall know a little bit about my background. You don't have to be likeme, you don't have to do what I did a ten year, O subibant more. I neededmore because I wanted more. I want to know more about God, and so I startedreading the books that they read. You know that in dobody girl time just saidthe book we, the books, that we found absolutely essential at first contendthirteen sermon on the mane with the jams. So I started studying those onceI started studying the Bible because they said that's what I did and I reada book says really haven't seen. Pert fell, who has thoroughly followed ourpath, so I started doing exactly what they were doing be one thousand ninehundred and Tirty Ne Hounte, thirty, nine n nine, ten forty and I stoppedworrying about what the people in the room store O me because I had turnedaround. I realized that you guys aren't even paying my visa bills, so I anworry about what you care and the interesting thing, the more I focusedon God, the more I went on with about God, somehow and apparently the somerelations with this less. I worried...

...about your judgment and set me readyfor this. The more I focused on God and be became consciously aware all thetime of who he was and what it was and what I was like bill. Wilson said the Lord hasbeen so wonderful to make sure in me of this troubles, he's that I keep talkingabout and telling other people the more. I want to talk about God, the one I Iwanted. I want to learn about God, the more I wanted to hang out with peoplethat were talking about God. Those are, and unless I worried about you when yougot mad at me or didn't like me, which to me was a new freedom and a newhappiness, because my entire life were worried about what you werethinking about me. Even though like say, I don't give a ship what you thinkabout me, my life is worried about, but why are they looking me that way? Whywould why the lap me when I lost lost the concern about what you thoughtabout me? It was like a incredible. It was like a new freedom. It was like anew happiness. It was like, I lost fear of people and an economic and security,and everything like that which I now come to think of it. I think that's inthe big book of our box Ovis, it's called the promises and nobody in a wasexperiencing the promises, because everybody was worried about talkingabout God, because they were worried about what other people think aboutthem, and they didn't understand that. There's a there's, an absoluteconnection between not talking about God and not giving you got life to Godand continuing to be scared of other people in their judgment, because youmake people your God, you make the group, the Tulsa Group, your God, youyou make your popularity to God. You understand what I'm saying or maybe not so I'm just going to read you toothingand one of the things that's interesting about the first step is formany many years I could. I could take in five seconds had did the fist I didn't know if I was going to do into,I did the Foreste, if you haven't heard it it's on. Take the fourth step in theintroduction of four step, because you should listen to that, but the bottomline is, I do fist. The very simply. I want to see a psychiatrist because Ifelt comfortable with him and I read my fore set to him and he read his. He. Heprepared him several times and he read his note. He's funny can never sayanything but out all you know or something like that, and I can rememberwhat he said to me when I said to him, but I shared the whole thing within andI finished my fit step and then I went to a meaty and some guy was a this stepmean some guy said. I know one thing about the fifth step. What said youcan't do with a psychiatrist, I LOUSI got all mad at him and I sat said helook at this and he pointed out of the book and says perhaps our doctor closemass friend. Perhaps I docker a psychologist, he says, don't worryabout him, it's just an alcoholic opinion. He was not was talking aboutyou know and what I've heard what I used to doand what I always used to do as I always used to say you know I hearpeople say this is how I did the fist that I talked to Joe. I thought that CharlieI talked to Joe. I talked to another human being, you know I did all theytalk about who they talk to. Okay, and you know, here's the interestingthing. The entire book is about billing. Your relation with God, see to whatyour relation with God is right, see at your relation with. God is right. Thewhole thing is about your relationship with God. That's where the power comesfrom, there is no man or woman or a person can really give this alcoholismonly God couldn't what, if you saw, only God couldn't would have. He wassought, yea a be fit step and it says admitted to God to our selves and the other humanbeing. The exact major are wrongs and everybody talks about the fist. TAPwants to talk about the other human being, and nobody wants to talk about God when the number one of those threepeople- God myself, another Manine, the number one deal is admitting to God,your faults and the first person they talk about. Is God and the most important one is God, andthe hope is. Is that if you admit to another emending you'll be out of yourmouth, you'll be admitted to yourself and you'll also be able to complainwith God. But nobody wants to talk about the God part,...

...because we have a precise against Godand a boltons when that's the real deal, they miss the whole point of the fifthstep of Alcolisati us, but they didn't miss it. I think back.I one thousand. Nine hundred and thirty five or thirty, six or thirty seven, so I'mgoing to close this off by reading a couple things just for laps and giggles.Just just have a bit because I got nothing. You know better to do. This isfrom Dr Boden Good Old Times. You might want to pick up this Buf, but those youthink that you're worked in the POGONO and one I like to do this just to upsetpeople. So it's not. My Anthi is what was going on. You know every man you goto, they say really I've seen for the fills sorle. For our part, this is whatthey were doing when they wrote this really when they wrote really, I vosseen the person failed. It was thoroughly followed our path. This is what they were doing. This iswhat they're doing you would best be advised when you hearthat over and over again listen to what they were doing were actually doingwhen they wrote that so you're not confused, and it says the following is on pageone hundred of our conference approved material. On the other hand, we were taking them upstairs and givingthem getting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was a veryimportant part. The surrender was more than important. It was a must bobby whocame into a in February thousand nine hundred and tirty seven. We called thatafter five and six days in the hospital, when you had indicated that you wereserious, they told you to get down on your knees by the bed and say a prayerto God admitting you were powerless over alcohol and your life wasunmagical. Furthermore, you had the state that you believe in the higherpower would return you to Saturday there. You can see the beginning of thetwelve steps. We call that the surrender how about this they demandedit. They demanded it. You you couldn't go to a meeting untilyou did it. If by accident you didn't make it inthe hospital you had to make it in the upstairs bedroom over the Williamson'shouse Darky as an recall, one thousand nine hundred and tirty seven meetingswhen the men would all disappear upstairs and all of us women would benervous and worried about what was going on after a half an hour or so Danwould come. The new man shaking white, serious and gram and all the people whoare already in a would come trooping down. After them, they were pretty welocked in to talk about what had happened, but after a while they would tell usthey had a real surrender. I often wonder how many people thatcome in now would survive an experience like that. The people wrote that book the founders.You know who said this is founders day. Isn't it all you guys would say man ifI was only sponsored by Bill Wilson or Dr Bob? You know Doctor Bobby said, ifyou're an atsinas about some sort of intellectual pride, to keep you howthis book at You Star for You, because you heavily for when that be Leven.Like you down, I feel sorry you if I was only sponsored by Dr Bob BillWilson. If I you know, I finally had them, then I'd be okay. Bull Shityou'll be running out the door. Maybe again your has down in the name thosepeople that came in they knew exactly what was going on. There was nothing inthere, but you scare away the new comer there's the deal. The last thing I'mgoing to read is this fine. This is Dr Bob, twelve stepping clarence the bruemaster. Let me read this did this is how Dr BobTwelve step people dock Smith now clarence is like thirty,five years old, he weighs like a hundred thirty five pounds he's a drunk.He can't stop drinking he's in the hospital hospitalized. So Clarence ofDr Bob Walks in the same dock Smith...

...came in later in took over. He sat onthe edge of my bed and said. Well what do you think of all this? Then hepaused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know if you're ready, yet you're kind of young. I was down to ahundred thirty five pounds. No job, no clothes and no money. I didn't know howmuch more ready I could be recalled. Clarence still I had to convince them.I was ready. I want to listen to still. I had a convinced them. I was ready, soI had convinced we sit here, trying to beg people not to drink, worried aboutthey might go out the door convince them there on stand that they're ready. You know when I came in they say to me:Hey once just go out and have a drink o you get the fuck out of here and have atrain. I don't I hear your bullshit, I don'tknow, I guess. Are we time to rink software? I don't know whether it'sgood or bad, I'm just telling you what they did. It says still I had toconvince them. I was ready, then he said first question from Dr Bob's Lips:Do you believe in God you fer? He always called me young fellow, whenhe called me Clarence. I knew I was in trouble. Then Clarence says Clarencesays this: What does that have to do with it? Dr Bob says everything everything I guess he wasn't worriedabout, scaring away the newcomer. I guess I do guess nothing, I do you door you don't. Yes, I do. That's fine Bob replied now we're getting someplace all right, get out of the bed and on your knees were going to pray. I don't know how to pray. I guess youdon't, but that's all right just follow what I say and that will do for now. Idid what I was ordered to do. Clarence said there were no suggestions. Do Torbat was always positive about hisfaith. Clarence said: If someone asked him a question about the program isusually sponsor as what is it saying the good one suppose he was asked. Whatis this first things? First, you guys ever see sides of road called firstthings. First, you ever know what the where that came from so next time yousee it. Let me tell you where it came from Dr Bob be ready with her perfectquotation, seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and allthese things shall be added. Unto you go I'll. Tell you what next time you decide that you reallywant to work a proem recovering. You really want to work this thingseriously, instead of a bullshit wit or a live or any of the other stuff.That's going around that they're teaching a treatment centers wherethey're teaching you know, devoid of God, a form of religion without power,a form of religion without power. Next time you want to try, you want todecide that you're, going to you're going to take the fifth step in thesixth step seriously and you're going to separate your some in men boys, youthink about what this program is all about and what they were actually doing,according to literate, one thousand nine hundred and thirty, five to onethousand nine hundred and thirty nine, and so next time you hear all the stuffin the big Bob. You don't filter through what some guys telling you inthe back of the room, we say: Don't scare was the newcomer you think aboutwhat they were actually doing in this program, because I'm going to tell you somethingthere are set there are. There are other programs today and alcohol, anAmas that have nothing to do with out Polson on this. That's nothing to do with out bolts andIm, and people are suffering because of him and because of that people, tenyears of Drinkin, the people are fifteen and twenty years of drinkingand people have three months of drinking. You know why, because becausewe have a new a a now and the new way is now and not instead of guying peopleand let him know what a is all about: it's let him flounder around and drinkand drug for twenty or thirty years until they figure it out. If they don'tdie. Now you don't have to believe me, don'tbelieve me, you say well that says a Pinon read the books, there's nothing!I said here that isn't right out of the...

...book out box, anonymous right out ofthese books to tethe bucks. You know, of course, you're in at Bok. You mightread something like I said. You know her and say it confuses you. You knowread the Black and white in the box o what it says. So, thank you very much.WOT.

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