AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 6 months ago

Russell S. Step 4-Intro at the 12 Step House 5/27/2021

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Russell S. Step 4-Intro at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 5/27/2021

Okay, my name's russels spat summonAlcohol Iday Rhey, I'm here for the case I don't know wow it's good to see everybody here.It's Gritones, I known him for seven years. You know and it's wonderful to see new people andpeople that have just come in and I just love being here. This is more likethe twelve step room. I E E, Yes, and if I remember correctly, this is likethe oldest step meeting they used to announce. This was the oldest step babyin the state of Florida or something I don't know what it is. But I mean it'slike been around for doing it for longer, I'm forty years old, it's beenlonger than I've been sober, so it's been around for a long time, soit's say yea great privilege to be here and we're going to do a littlesomething I don't want my. They said it's a for step thing and I'll I'llmention the for step. Hey I mentioned it pustas. You know, we've been talkingabout the insanity and all sorts of stuff of alcoholism and the real dealthat you guys going to be working on. You know because after you stopdrinking, you know what you find to have is about and you find out aboutthe real disease. You Work for fifteen twenty yearsdrinkin and you find out after twenty twenty five years of drink or whateverit is. You finally find out that you are addicted to alcohol. You can't stopdrinking. You got an alcohol problem, then youwalk the day, a and and after listening to a few people, ifyou're lucky enough, if your blessed them, you say my name is Soleton, I'm analcoholic, an you say, I'm home, I'm home and you stop or drinking it's all wonderful and then, after a few months you findout that that's not even the problem, an find out! You're crazy! You don't know how crazy you are, but you really don't it's impossible tosee how crazy you are, because you can't learn a that crazy until youexperience crazy over a long period of time under different circumstances, youhave to go through love affairs and be crazy. You got to go through being broke andbeing crazy. You guys go through disappointment. Onbeing great, you got a lot of meeting a lot of shitty people and be crazy. Yougot a lot of meet a lot of people that are not Shitty, but you think they'reshould and he as that's the wrong doing some others fancy or real. That's likeimaginary shit. You got to go CAZER, imaginary ship and after ten or fifteenyears, and you got a you, get a sort of glimpse of the size of the craziness. You know, and you and you hear a fewspeakers, it's an that. Guy's crazy and you said sit. I was doing that lastweek and you sort of like all coles lessuntil he you understand and then all of a sudden you get like all of a suddenthat ten years sober, you finally see the second staff for what it is. We see that we have a there's. A power Gansett canrestore us to Saturday. So I was always looking at the power better than us andI never looked at the fact that I was insane that that's I was insane. You know, gotta call from somebody to day who wasa year. Sober and they were going crazy. You know one of the things that happensis when, after a while, you sort of you learn this stuffexperientially, you can't learn it logically. You can't learn it logicallybecause to learn it logically, you would have to run through raises yourbrain...

...now. Let me try to explain this assimply as I can, if you're crazy running through your brains does notwork, because you see the real profit withouto see, the drinking is just a symptom of the disease. Why is that guy drinking because he'scrazy, so you stop drinking and the crazinessdoesn't go away. You just start getting arrested for D Y and then three or fourfive or six years or ten years down the road whatever it is. That issue youlook back and you realize that the craziness that you feel the fear youfeel the hatred you feel the resentment. You feel the ten thousand thoughts thatrun through your mind at a million miles, poral bad thoughts about hersomething other people, the spending money. You don't have the by Shit. Youdon't need to impress with your life the the comparing your inside withother people's outsides and saying nobody can understand mee. How can Ieven talk about it? I can't talk. You know on all the crazy machinations ofyour mind. You know you realize somehow wait a second I've been like this eversince I was eight years old and you realize that you were analcoholic before you started drinking. You were just waiting for the Keithsubstance, whether you cocaine, alcohol, whatever, so that you could go fromcrazy to latome. What Blato is I drank for thenoble art of getting bombed? I didn't now listen, it is true. Iinitially drive to get to that feeling that spot where I really didn't give ashit. What other people think it out me, but the truth is only on. I always seemto overshoot that spot. You know what I mean. I would go from really feelinggood to Bloto and then, after a while I would start drinking. I would go likestraight to la I express some lot, but you want to so that was okay, becauseyou want to something because Blato was a lot better than down here on thefucking planet. With all the INS understand, I'm saying and the problem was not the dread, thedressing, the dredging became the problem, the biggest problem. So tostart thinking was the problem. The problem was my thinking, and so what happens? Is You come inhere and you stop drinking and how you're stuck with defending and thethinking and the fact? And if you're alcoholic one of the great things aboutalcohol is. The reason I drag is because no woman is no carmo amount ofmoney, no BOT, no nothing ever work quite as well, and quite as fast asjust a few drinks works fast. For me, you know in sobriety, in a a and the programdoesn't work as fast as Scotch. You may have to go for to three hundredand seventy meetings over a period of two years to get the same feeling thatyou now like a bottle of Scotch on the GIN like five seconds. You know what Imean you may have to go through a lot of pain, but what happens is as you gothrough these experiences you know, and the problem is, if you don't deal withthe alcohol is on theism. If you only deal with the drinking, if you come aday only for the drinking without question, you will drink again, and so you come in here and you hearpeople say things like this. I had seven years and then I drank orguy told me. I said you don't have thirteen years and then I drank I got I had six months of then I drive I got twenty years in then I drained,and you realize that for every two thousand or three thousand people youmeet, who came in here and got sober physically sober over a period of yearsor months or whatever, so they can't blame the drinking on the fact of thecraving. You know because the craving...

...is you have drink, then you haveanother drink, you have another drink and I mean like that. They kept lamethe drinking on the fact that they crave becausethey had a drink because because right before they took the first drink at tenyears, they were sober, and so you realize the problem of thatthout is that they have a state of mind where they're, a restless, PERATLAdiscontented sober. So the problem is you're going to drink,even if you're sober, if the only thing you're working on is not drinking yeahto be sure. The first month, the first two months, the first six months offirst year, they're handing at somebody medals for not tractive the Colbaton,not drinking so much yeah, Yeah Freddy you kill three nuns and a booze. Youknow what I mean and you rake the chicken that's true, but you didn'thave a drink to. I now hey your wit. Let me tell you something: You know itis true: It's all about don't drink, even if, as falls off and you startthinking it's it's only about the drinking and a magical thing happens,no matter what you go through, no matter how bad it is, no matter how badyou feel. You can't sleep. You can't sleep, you guys you're going nuts, youdon't drink and somehow some way you spiritually change, but the truth isthere does come a time in every alboline life and a real big time whenit gets around a six step that separates the men from the boys or insediment of the boys of the women from the girls, the ones that want to drink from the ones who are not going todrink, see what the six that really is. Is itcept? You know how the sexte says: This is the step that separates the men fromthe boys. This is the step that separates those that will not make it and not be rocked in the fourth mentionexistence from the ones. That will I mean that's just I'm just on theafter forty years. That's just the truth, and even if you somehowi get tothe point where you have twenty years sobriety physical sobriety, you won'tbe experiencing much of heaven. You won't be rocked in the four to Michalexistence. You won't lose fear of people on the back on of insecurity,you'll just be drawing, and that's been my experience andalcoholics and of us for every two three sand, people youmeet, that has get sober and everybody gets over an a I mean. I know everybody,but you know truth is most people come here, get some for a month six months ayear or something like that for every two thousand and threethousand there's, maybe one guy that was got thirty years and not everybody else. Thirty yearshas thirty years contented sobriety because they're not working on thedisease because their delusion, because they're insane. So I have this book, which I now assumeeverything in it is the truth. Let's make believe, since this is an aa meeting that everything in the book is the truth. Wouldn't that be amazing?How about this? Let's try this for the next, whatever distending o many woods.I'm doing this thing, no matter what you think in your wonderful brain andwhatever. I think that the big book is right. It's the basic text, it's thebook. We all agree on right. So, let's assume that if we have a choice betweenwhat you think and what the big bunk says, we're goingto do with the big, for instance, the big book says: Half Measures A Ballas,nothing. I ever said that see that you think this is what you think: HalfMeasures of value. Fifty percent I'l tell me that's what you said:that's what the six steps all about people who settle people get off my ass.I'm sober don't, but you know ah well, there's a great if you get my emailthere's a great fan that was w. One...

...thousand nine hundred is called thestrong to cut comet and said when a start going downhill and gettingbordered down is when alcoholics realized realized, because we're verysmart and we're very lazy, and we balk at everything you know what I mean whenalcohols realized for the first time that they could stay sober and theydidn't have to do any of this shit. Listen to men right when I first startit was low loan drugs. They thought they were going to die. They wouldn'tlet him get into the rooms unless they got on their knees and that's got soand when they got in here ease they were praying. They were using the Bible,so they found absolutely so they were fanatical. They were crazy. It was noneof this well Fatefuller, not God, stuff, because you didn't get in or don't yougot that in Tenes and gave you you know that's the way it was not five. Ten,fifteen years later, people were coming in to hospital, they were come and theystarted realizing alcoholic on stupid. That people were staying, sober and notdoing the foreste. We were staying, sober, not doing the fist that peoplewere staying, sober and going only one or two meetings a week, they're notgoing to be intent and people are saying: What's alcoholics realized thatthey could stay physically sober and they were here to stay, sophis callysober you couldn't talk to them. You can't say: What's our chiefcharacteristic is defiance, but chief characteristic is the fine, so SeroAlcoholic? Well, maybe she got it. I says: Hey get on my back. I haven't had a drink in two years. IHAVEN'T ATTRACTED THREE YEARS: I'm not trying to you know what I need to stayup to my back. Have you learned for so I'm working on. You know which is Acholoe for stakes. Inever go. Do it ain't never going to happen once alcoholics realized thatthey could stay so over and they were settling for that and they hey, listen,you're, raping fifteen chickens and a banana and whatever it is, and you gotseven years and don't say and they're gonna they don't care, Hey, come up orget your Megasus. What we selebrate here is physical sobriety, but the bottom line is: is that after awhile the bottom, the bottom way is, is nobody gets away with anything? That'sright, nobody gets away with anything. You can run that horse only so far, andthen the drinking happens. So the divorce happened, so the jail happened.So the something happens, and so this guy calls me up today- and he says thisis a true story- we're not going to talk about a four step. Now I'm goingto do that next week, going to have more time, but we're going to talkabout something, so the guy calls em up and he says I had thirteen years andthen I drive and on I have it here, because let me tell you, let me tellyou something this disease, but we said the big books right. It says: here'sthe real disease, there's the real disease and I'm not pointing my finger at you,but I am because you're in a- and you said, you're alcoholics and I'm analcohol, and I is what the Buk says it says: Resselah your self set, I dis'Bey self delusional. You knowwhat means to be delusion. Your of I N, O R or not your way of thinking seemsnormal to you. It's normal. It's normal! You feel sorry foryourself is no. You think I set else's pole, it's normal for you to tellpeople go fuck yourself. It's normal few do not keep a clear space on it'snormal for you, no matter how what you are when your wife says to you. If youcome home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you it's normal, for you soberto say what the La a normal in that's normal, fronaalcoholic for a genius, someone who's a genius to say when they hear something.They don't like to be confused. Listen when you're dealing withsomebody who...

...the job or the wife or something saysyou do that, one more time you going to jail an they say the popsy talkingabout you, know and they're sober they're, not drinking it's not becausethey have an alcohol prom. It's because they're, crazy and the problem isalcoholics. Don't understand how crazy they are, so it s were selfish withself set with you. A hundred forms of fear were delusional. We step on toesof US their retaliate without provocation. We have no idea why thisis happening to us and alcohol. The self will run right, though we usually,as I think so, because he's made decisions he's learns based upon self,which puts them in a position to be burnt. So it's like above everything wemust get rid of the selfishness. But how can you get rid of something whenyou don't even know the what it is? How do you get rid of a selfishness whenyou don't think you're selfish when you think you're, basically a good guy whenbasically evil? You know and left your own dog well? Well, I asked my sponsorwhat that paraenses, what it means is you don't ee shake about anybody excepthis, but I understand that because I thought I was a big Nice Guy. I mean Iwould tell me I said: I'm not a O Fabler, I'm not a murderer. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH!My standards by the way you know an! We tell ourselves, stop that so the guywith thirteen year years, who drank and we're very well defended. GodForbid, you go back up to an alcohol that hasn't been slammed on to hisknees or facing life on prison men and try to tell him something about himself.Get ready he's going to tell you everything he knows about your mother.You know what I mean it's going to happen, we're not really nice top. Whenit comes to people telling us about ourselves, we have to learn the hardlife. So this guy says to me says: I've gotthirteen years, I have thirteen years and then I drank and said, and now I got a e and I said ye thirteen years in track.He said Yeah and it said so so yeah. I was TUK over thirteen yearsand I say to him this because I'm sober a long time and I'mnot the smartest guy in the world. I know a little bit about disease. I saidyou weren't, so he says no, I was sober. I said no, youwanted to sober. It's go, I was sober. He says. I said you were not sober.Listen to me, sober people who have thirteen years do not drink, do not drink. Do you understand that? Because, if sober people drink thenwe're all in a ship load of try so for people drink on some of thepeople don't drink, he was trying, it was dry, you were drop, you were,you were what you're saying you were physically sober, but you aren't spiritually sober. Youare mentally sober. You aren't emotionalist sober, you word, or else you wouldn't havedrank and he says well yeah. I guess I says well, I did get complacent well, Iwas a little complain. I wasn't then, all of a sudden the truth starts comingout yeah. I stopped going a de Yeah in all of a sudden but the in all of asudden when confronted and he listens and he learns and that's the otherthing you needs alcohol. Not only do you have to have the sickness knowledge,you have to be physically sober, but you have to be experiencing all sortsof problems and bullshit that's affecting you so badly thatyou're going nuts that you realize your crazy and then the next thing is. Yougot to be in a position where you're surrounded by mentors or sponsors orrooms where you can save leaned, they could say whatever they say to pointyou in the right direction, which may take months or years so this guy's been telling it he'sdelusional he's been tellingg, H m.

This is the story es, and this is whythe force step is so important because we are delusional. We look backon our lives and we tell ourselves lives. We realize is what it says. We realizethat we have made decisions based upon self, which puts us in a position to behurt and the truth is you can get sober physically, but you don't quiteunderstand why you're in the Jack Clot you're in when my sponsor said to meyour best thing in your best. They got you in this jam when my sponsor said. Listen that youknow as much about life as dog knows about his father, but my sponsor said:How do you do sit? Why do you say the crap? You say- and I said well, that'sjust my personality. He said well, you got to get rid of that personal becausethat's what's killing you, I don't understand what the ely was saying,because I was a lawyer. I was successful. I made money, I had a wife,I had a child had a home which I left and I burnt commented said: Alcoholismman when were out destroy themselves. Here's the problem. I had everything,I'm brilliant, I'm wonderful based upon what the world thinks. I'm looking goodand I'm a fucking basket case, so I didn't know who was backing allthe decisions of my life. Oh Yeah. That was me so and I have no idea and that's partof the fourth, that's what we're going to get it next Mont, we till about fourand five there. I've got to have some sort of clear, understanders, okay,you're, saying I'm crazy, you're, saying I'm making decision. Last myself,I need to see what that looks like. I see it to assure an extent when peopletalk, a guy, tells a story and did this. I do oh man, I do that. Oh Man, I didthat. I did that, but I need to sit down. I need to map it out, so I cansee holy Shit. I really am I I need to get the point where I was feeling I wasfeeling like. I was a victim, I'm a victim. Why are they treatinglike this? To get the point says man. I can't believe that people are stilltalking me. I was such an asshole. I need to see this thing for really whatit is and that's what the force that was all about. So it's like I'm telling this guy whatthirteen years I said you were never sober. You Hol, you were dry, that's what you were. You were drying,you were just waiting for a drink and he and- and he says this is what hesaid. He is man you're right you, it's like it's like this thirteen yearsslips and then one year sober- and he tells me this lie that and something'sbeen telling himself all the time. I had thirteen years and you had nothing. You had nothing. You weren't sober youweren't, sober the way Old Tigers, think about sober emotional sobriety, real problem with Orcas Corte, the nextfrontiers, emotional sobriety, the real problem with alcoholics. You know it,you know what Nobisse says is unhealthy dependence. You didn't understand howscrewed up you were or how what bad shape you were or how you was becauseif you understood how you were still under the last of alcoholism in anysecond, you could have gone to your crazy would understood that, and if you understood that aboveeverything you have to get rid of it else, you would dive and God makes it apossible. You have fifteen years row and you went to drag, but you are under a misapprehension because people told you don't worryabout the God thing they said: Hey, don't turn go to means everything willbe okay and that's what they do you bought into, and you didn't realize what you were inthe room that there were a whole bunch of people that were saying I drank atto two years. I drank out for five years. I drank after ten years, andthere was one guy who had like thirty or forty years they was talking aboutemotional pride was dimensioni alcohol. He was talking about the sickness andthe craziness he he was talking about the real disease. That centers in yourmind, not your body right, so I'm in a Egwin. This story. I waslike the end with a true story, but these all these stories, here's agreat thing about these stories that...

...happen in our lives that they don'tteach us something. Don't they some of the stories. Some of the stories teachus something, and then, five years later, when we tell the same story,they teach us something else. Because is we grow our perception changes? Weget a new perception because we, your Nulatos, you say man, so this storytells me something several things. It may tell you something five years nowyou may think about the story and may tell you something else, but it's abouthard disease. I was working real, like I did eightyears on, relire lay is what happens is if you call day county Florida, a a youcall, a g three o'clock in the morning every an I worked really from from notlike nine or eight o'clock at nine on Friday night until like nine o'clock,the next one on Saturday, so for a few years of anybody called them.Alcoholics anonymous two o'clock, an onty three o'clock in the morning fouro'clock in the morning. Looking for help e, they got me, which is why, overan eight year period of time, nobody got sober as I don't like. I don't likepeople disturbing. You know what I mean. You know the big book that says thisone line that says our first example is a friend. Shall we call Jim this manhas a charming wife and family. He and he inherit a lucrative ODOBE agency. Hehad a commendable world war record, he's a good sales man, everybody likesJim. He is an intelligent man normal so far as we can see, except for a nervousdisposition. That's me. I've got a little bit of anervous disposition. This is a rite problem, so im on relay one night and I got a call from a gown and she'sphysically solem and it's two o'clock in the morning and she says my name soand so, and I said yes in help Jesus listen. I am a nurse as a matter of fact. I am more than nurse. I have I'm adoctorate. I have a doctorate in nursing, a PHTA, nursing, okay and Iteach nursing and I supervised nurses and I'm under Prin, which, if you knowanything about that, that's she's apparently gone to trouble with drugsor alcohol, whatever dis and so she's being supervised, and I'm a singlemother with a child and- and he says, and I haven't- had a drink in a yearbut but yesterday I says I had a drink, he he says, then I am very, very concerned.He says you know I M, I watch you know, I'm obviously very you know well readvery educated. I've been through proven, I very a I've, got a Ph and- and I needto know because if I drink and they find out I'll lose my license I'll losemy child I'll lose my job I'll lose everything. So I need to ask you for help. If youcould help me and give me some Divane, he says, but there's only one thing: Idon't want to hear anything about alcoholics anonymous a so I said. Well, listen and I add thatseven years a time I said, listen, we got two problems to pros. That's the first problem is this: Youknow I'm seven years over, I'm going to turn to myself a professional guy andthe problem is, I couldn't stop drinking and I came to a a and Istopped drinking and the only thing I've done is not drink, go to meetings,work, the steps and do the program the A and that's why I'm sober. So if youget on the phone with me- and you ask me for Plan B, I don't got to plan, be there's noconversation because I wil not plan be. She says I understand that he says well,what's the second problem my said well, the second problem is you called Alcoholic O. I...

...a example of alcoholic brilliance. That's why we're so that's the diseaseof alcoholism. That's why we drink again because we're crazy and he one ofthe keys to seeing exactly where the disease is and how we're crazy. Evennow, I need to see how I'm crazy, now, with three years, I'm crazy. Now, withfive years. I'm pretty you know the Guy Holme up, think she was all scrollyevery one year. I said how much Tongass I got one year I said you got one yearand you're crazy and you're depressed. I said Yeah. This is that's what one year feels like, I adon't pad it. I said you're exactly what I I mean. Sometimes we need tounderstand. You think you put the blond in the Jug and you think everything'sgoing to be wonderful. I'm never gonna have a bad moment some ten times. Youneed to hear listen you're experiencing the disease, but you called me- and Iknow this- you have in a drink says no. I says you're doing great, you know youdon't work. The program is Goin work. Sometimes we need to e. We need tolearn as we go along keep on learning what the disease looks like and whatthe four step is the first step. One of the thing is: that's the spotlight intowhat how crazy it's the learning experience as to how crazy you are thefirst step in getting out of jail is know when you're in jail in the firstplace. Okay, you figure it out, he Nanachajail. So you get that taken care of now I got to figure out about the lost kill.Now you got to figure out about the the envy jail and the greed jail and theVanity Jail, and why can I have this? Why can't I own this? They got tofigure out about all those other jails and bontage that you're fighting withthat all part of alcoholism. You know, let me tell you something a goodlooking read head for me: It's like a bottle of Scotch Rom works. You guys don't know what it's like whenwe telaba no os about a rope heart. So, thank you very much. GOBLETS.

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