AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. Step 1 at the 12 Step House 5/6/2021


Russell S. Step 1 at the 12 Step House, Ft. Lauderdale , FL 5/6/2021

High money is Rustin scats. I'm an alcoholic group. It's great to be here, really is. This is, I think, my second hydervate step series. So we're something like experimenting This Day. I've got steamy over there on a computer and black up Lewis your so but he goes on this. Their fault, nothing to do with it. Just start telling charge. Are you want to say one thing as the way. That right, and remember the south takes a group and I have time. That sat in January, game one. I usually this is one of the groups. Usually once a year I come up. God I do a step series and the last years going on. But the coach to be guy. You want to if you don't want to go on out of a personal privilege, if you don't want to put just a couple minutes. I would just like to say something. It's that has something new with you guys, but it s to say Benny Bitty Bitty, then any Tel for it is actually on doom and he told me if I would mention them from the podium it would give me ten dollars. I mentioned man, we have no these are being m comes. We have no. These are BIS, but I don't see him condition to talks infrontation, maybe a few bucks, saying we don't have a couple ways. That an even talking around a long time. So what you guys have started we're gonna now. I've got this when I first came down Hoos anamous. I don't know how many people is a steps series. Now I don't a lot of funch. You guys have been one of money stepsters and you know it's hume. But you know when you go to most people when they go to stepster. And by the way, I want to tell you something. I don't know how many people know this. I when I was brought up on stepsters, I doing stepsters for thirty five years and various locations. Who dative ground hobbies, county and and when I when I was brought up on stepsters, following people around about steps series and and so I thought, because I was born on steps series and try to follow the people around, that I'm expected that they had set series all over the world. And I started traveling. I go to New York, I'd say wells their stepsters. I said whatever, we know what I was talking about, Jami. They I was on about how afforded they we don't know. We have speakers meetings in we have a discussion. Is Big Mote. We don't have any sceess and I think they're maybe having you know, I know this a whole bunch of more on the Internet and one of my mentors. I've had, you know, many wonderful sponsors and I'll talk about them. One of my mentors is way to keep and we had him. He came down from the Marina groupment of New York. We had can doing a bunch of stessters that roll over here built at catch me or they're excellence and maybe they're starting to do the SAS in other places. I think you're a great way to go for a new people and other people to learn and sort of like get the benefit of people that have been around for a long time. So in any of my first came to alcoholics are not so the way the sex series are supposed to supposed to run alcoholic. Several of these innsicipations. So you may just you probably think this is going to be went on step one. How people think of how many of you is going to be on step one? Great Dion, you know swansh you said when I first game us you don't rust. Really have to lower your expectation, especially when it comes downcolics, because you would expect you back to certain way and then they don't do what you think they should do, it you get all pissed off. And so I'm going to talk about whatever. I'm going to talk to see where that I'll probably mentioned something. That drink, and it's not really your problem. You know you're up. You know that. So and that's because I drink. It's really a symptom, you know, it's what they said. The BIG BOOT is only a symptom of problem. By the way, you guys are about the alcoholics and whenever it turned on the proud you've got, you guys ward about the Alcoholic Ten dollar crows. Now serious, what's what every renning me about that? Well, it's that alcohol is going to ten said has ten bucks. So I yeah, I asked you to devantage up on so I don't know, but he's had, because what happened is the first stuts of advantage, off he went on. I am musing. So the sign, though, it's a ten crews to the MAHAMAS. So guys, you know, walked in as one of our members, one of our members are going there. Walked in and he said I see a science as ten cruises the Momma's and he says we got guss. Yeah, this was this ten dollar crews to MOMMAS. He says, yeah, this is me. I got ten dollars to Mohammas. He says, yeah, that's what the side sets.

Is that? When I said I give you ten, do I get a crus to Mohammadans. You got ten dollars, he says. Was said, he sus, you're on the ship, you're on Mort you have the cruise your days. So the go jakes ten dollars out of his pocket. This is the guy, they say. You know, he's whack on the side of the head. He goes unconscious. Powers later he waves up in the build the bolstering, floating on like a haunting or something, no lands in sight and apparently floating eastward towards the Mohammads. And of course he saw cats, you know, and in this floating ring and everyone like that, and the sun is going down and he sees up ahead of him about a hundred yards another guy, okay, hand me. Now sees another guy, also with a baseball cap, floating eastward in the same type of you know, you know, floating. So he feverishly paddles over to the other guy, takes some about ten minutes and fro because of the other guy, he says. He says, do you believe this? You believe us? He says, yeah, this is ten, ten boxes. Yeah, he says, this is this, this is we're gonna die out. You'RE gonna die on you. The Sun's going down. I mean there's nothing side. Forgot. We're gonna do. There's no land. I said, we're going to die this. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's just they don't be along a since. He says. Yeah, about that, he says, but this isn't funny, this is criminal. This is absolutely criminal. What's kind of actually believes is yeah, yeah, I know, I know. So they just floating, floating, quoting, and all of a sudden the guy turns the gout baseball has says you think they see us on the group in terms and says, I don't know, they didn't last year. Member of our book says this is a serious because sometimes we who stoopid them tell over and over there, you know, my favorite quote. I know, I know you got to let me because you love the side I've every voted by John Wayne. Life is tough and he assume it is stopping my stock. So I don't even as an out and I'll say whatever it is. But I'm a talking about the disease of alcoholism. You know I wanted me, I was cold bots that. There was a statistic government back to self for you and it says what how many you can say about? How many people say so? It said one half of one percent of you to come day as one. Two want to say so for front of you, and I know a lot of you be so for twenty years. That aren't happy this bright don't sound like ring on. I don't who are not have to worry about that stuff. You just want, sure to know the guy that stay sober. But I know this. You know one of the things that happens when you can sold for a while. One of my spot is my first spots I've had for sponsors in the mentor's very close to all fantastic men, and one of the things my first cos us to save me bought some of Bob Sullivan, rider, John Glenn, real key and now apparently be on and you know, their own temporary you. Actually you can by temporary responsible believe there's no permanent ones. They don't die on you. They don't they ask your permission, you know, and that's the deal. But my Stilton piece of every one of these guys in my brain is that's how wonder they were. That's what I wanted to be like and and the bottom line is so. So my first sponsor said a lot of things. The one of the things the certainly Russ he said men put a man. He said you don't Russell when a man with the experience get tonail with money and mail with experience and walk away with the money. When they're with the money, will walk away with an experience. And I'm going to tell you something. But I learn is this. I was a hot shot. I was just I was like every other alcohol in here. I was smarter than her, wiser than a person in the entire planet. Okay, my favorite line was you don't understand. You know. You didn't have to in the whole sentence out personally words. You don't understand, you gotta listen to you don't understand. You know and and you know. That's that's the dealing. And one of them that happens without bolts. You know, alcohol, it says in a big book. And then lesson till Abol concepts. is alcoholism with all the consequences. You know there are consequences to be an alcoholics. Did you know that they're right? You're all. There are some consequences that have nothing to do with drinking. Has To do with insanity. Less till alcohol concepts. Alcohol is M'm which is in the drinking, which is not the drinking. This to me, alcoholism is not the drinking. It was the drinking. You guys speak here as a backpack. If you think out all of...

...this, is the drinking. I'm going to help you guys acumented to have the city guys a lot of money, a lot of time. You're ready the alcoholism as something drinking list. This is what you do. Just don't turn that to complicated. So drink. Okay then, really, I mean don't drink. You don't have to go to mean, you're not that smash your Jerry. You know, I just don't drive. Just gave you the answer. Don't drinks. Not when I tell you don't drink. My problem is not drinking. Now it has been high. I'm not a drinking problem, nor desire to drink, nor obsession to drink. And over for you and my accession to drink out Bhol and my desire drink got ball probably passed during the first three of all months. Now, I'm not saying once in a blue moon or something like that. The BOOT doesn't cross my mind like a flash and I'm discovered quickly. You're just on an alcohol and Saturday and stuff like that. But but it doesn't cost that. He hit more quite frantically than figured out my bank account and wing at that red hand or whatever, any any other thing that used to I used to. You know, listen, I'm an alcohol and a Selfdeea Hall it. You know. I can get dropped on anything and get drunk on redhead. You know I'm an alcohol because don't no amount of money, no woman, no car, no job, no suit of clothes, no new haircut, no, no, nothing ever worked quite as good or quite as fast as just a few drinks. I define you to have alcohol, drink alcohol and have to do for you a differently and stop you just say let to do it. It was the answer to all my problems, you know, and the unfortunate part of my life is that alcohol stop working in a real bad thing about my dealer is alcohol stopped working for me about ten years. Be Part of your life. Is stopped with me and I heard a lot of I'll tell you what it is. The an alcohol but it is the an alcoholic for something like this. I'll tell you when you know you got an alcohol when you start drinking against your will, when you wake up in the morning and you say I'm not going to have a drink today and my heart pot drink and your sincere just hears, when you wake up the Wednesday, I'm not going to buy alcohol today, and my body'clock in the afternoon you're walking down the wind see and spend two thousand any night sense to buy, you know, half down a bottle of Carlos Rossi Gandy and you sitting by the but you guys even over the record players, something that's vinyl, you know, he said, by your vinyl record play and playing all those great out the stars. I don't the lone room run, the blue rainy days among days, anything but Karen cartoner, thinking about all those gals and how they did. You go on, you know the name that you think will be about your funeral. You know you're yeah, you're lying it. You're not really bad. You're behind the tree. Doesn't send saying and all your former girlfriends are around them hoping you at all gilding and everything was in the way they treated. Do you know what I mean? And you know, and you're just drinking and listen to all that great music that pore me. You use it, you know, and they say to yourself. On that said, that's when is be an alcoholic. The Way from saying I'm not going to drink any drunk wake them, say I'm not going to drink an to say I'm not going to drinking any Dune and you don't want you come and all send the life. Can Stop Drinking. So you just your mind. You thirty one years old. You said you know your life is over. You know it's never going to get better again. Just hear the hell on, because you never got to stop drinking. You know, I'm I'm an out. I'm an alcoholic. About how the grave mental disordered type, you know, that kind of thing they talked about where they say you perfectly normal and all these steps to set a slight nervous disorder. You know I mean a slight nervous disorder, and so I guess that's the drinking thing. But what it says in the big book, when you don't, we work as alcohols buzz symptom of and I guess what they mean by that is, you know, I've seen thousands and thousands and downs people left four years like sponsored hundreds of people that stop drinking. I'm not sure I've ever heard of anybody. I don't know. If I don't know, so I can't correctly. Is the generalization. I'm not sure I've ever heard any person that has come to Aa with the desire to stop drinking that hasn't stopped drinking. What do you think about that? I'm going to anybody who's ever desired to stop drinking who was come. They who hasn't stop drinking for a week, for ninety days, for a year, for ten years, twenty six years, the l they start drinking again. They say things like I've been around a for twenty six years.

Well, I'm only sober for thirty days, but around. You know, I just blew ten years sobriety and I'm back. I'm back again, I'm picking up again and otherwise I've heard that all the time. So let me ask you something. In alcoholics and alcoholism is about drinking, how come everybody's it's Ober fifty years. I come. Very few people in a room now has forty years or fifty years, and we should have a lot of people with different years. And you know, because here's what happens. You're coming. I covered that. This is this is the benefit, I guess, of growing older. I'm just giving mics. It's just my experience. I can be wrong. I'm just all of my experience because that's all I am. All I have is my story. But the big book says is our stories disclose, and it's in a way it's our stories. You know, God's grace and what God can do for alcoholic is in our stories. You may not believe in God, you're not leaving God on him to show you know and listen to God. My instand. We will not allow me to impose my faith and I believe on you, but it requires me to expose who I am and because of an incredible program and incredible God, not only can I talk about God and not for me. I don't worried about what you like it. And let me tell you something. If you know anything about alcoholism, the real disease of alcoholism. You want to see what the real disease of alcoholism looks like, I'll give you a head it looks like you telling yourself that you don't think to shit about what other people think about if you remember said that to yourself, then you'll tell you something. You got a real problem. How about this? Have you ever said to anybody else that you don't give a shit with a defend? If you represent that to anybody else, you got a real boldage. You're a slave. You know you're slave. You're a slave to other people. They live in your head. You worry about with it. They did of that. You're worried about what they're going attend about. Somebody proposes that you do something. You got a job, where used to where you get a haircut, you do anything, and this is what you think. You said, well, do I want to do it? Yeah, I want to do it. would be good for me. You have you know. Can I do it? Yeah, I can do it. And then the point court is something like this. What would people think about me if I do it? And if the answer is, I don't know what they're got. Let me, are not you know you'll do. You'll just cancel it out, because if you're one of those people that that say I don't give us, keep on telling yourselves I don't give a crap what other people think about me. If that's what you do, you say that. Let me tell you something. People that really don't give a crap what other people think about them never say I don't give a crap what other people then about they say things like passing action. They don't say that. What happens in alcoholics anonymous is this. I comeing dowlcoholics anonymous because I can't stop drinking. That's the only reason I get you know, it seems like a good place to know. You know, mine buzzes in the name alcoholics anonymous. Your figure. If you can't stop drinking, that's where you know. And I come in here and I say I can't stop drinking, you know what happened to me. I had bond, they said. They said, why all this assistance on him gone? Because no BOL's going to make it. They're not going to do the things you're going to ask them to do unless they think their life behinds wine and everybody's bottom to be different than give you a small thing, you feel large thing of seven, twenty two, one thousand, nine hundred and eighty. I hit bottom. I hit my bottom. I became as a using six step language. I became entirely ready to have God or anybody remove the drinking problem. I was thirty one years all that to my life was over. You want to know what the you don't want to. If you remember, hit bottom on the first step. If you remember, found yourself at the point in your life where you can't stop drinking. You can't stop drinking your whole life. You moms around drinking and that's the way it is. And one day, one day, something happens. You can't even remember what it is that happened. They it's a small thing, maybe it's a large thing. And one day you get to the point where something snaps, something snacks and all of a sudden you have somehow become, you don't even realize this intellectually, because it's not intellectual thing, entirely ready to do anything to stop drinking. You're so ready to stop drinking that you'll even, I don't know, go to alcoholics anonymous. You'll even, I don't know, call up alcoholics anonymous you'll even tell somebody I need help, I can't stop Drin. Listen, you're so ready to stop meet drinking. You'll go to a meeting where you don't know anybody and you'll walk up to the part of room and pack up a white chip, almost like announcing to the public that you need help. That's how ready go be. And you will be so ready.

You will do that and you don't want to lappen. This is an amazing deal. You'll stop drinking, but you didn't know that that a Mary you'll sign. You'll be at a point your life when you have done everything to try and stop drinking and your powerless over the drinking. You can't stop drinking and something will happen and you don't even know what's gonna Happen. You try for a year to stop drinking the drunk, you can't stopping and all sudden something happens and you kind of the word where you're entirely ready to stop drinking. No, you're not thinking in terms of the big book or in terms of stats, but that's what happens, and it's not an intellectual thing. It's not because you figured something to has a matter of factor don't the door or not. You have don't idea what's going on. You are probably at the dumbest point in your life. It's not back. You're at the point in your life where, how about this, where you've actually stopped thinking. No, thoughts aren't necessary. You give it up. You don't know what to do, so you wind up in here announcing that you can't stop drinking. You take up a white chip and all of a sudden you stop drinking. And as you stop drinking, now you stop drinking and you don't like amaze and you know something happened. You don't even know what happened. Somebody said what happened. When even know what to say? You have to Fisher out fords that I don't know what day was. Day was blind, now I'm see. I see the one day I was dead. Now on the line. One thing, my life was like this and now my life was like that. And you may not like the idea of God, but you have no idea with a fuck actually happen, you know what I mean? So God's is good to deal as anything. You know what I mean. You're walking around. Hey, how bad. Even if you hate God, you'll sit in the meeting. As there's a ward's break, you'll sit there as they're saying this ranting bird, because you have re support your wife, you're in tongrated, do anything as long as you can stop drinking. And more than eighty else, you don't want to drink. So what happens is you go for a month and you don't drink and you go for and maybe you still have the obsession. You're not drinking, but everywhere you go to look at other people who are ever at home and that and that have a less ones for an out. And I mean that guys like you know. I mean that should be shocked, you know, and maybe you're not drinking. You just worried about what everybody else is drinking or not drink, you know. And after why you get sick and tired of that kind of obsession. And Son tells you Mus getting these and prayer to God as something movie of session because decided to drinking out party. It's just a thinking about you're going to shout with us. So somehow, you said it is a rounding prairie, follow instructions of all few orders and all some. One day you go for a whole day and all of a sudden around, not a fucking nine you see, hell, I'm going out drinking for a whole day. It's like a miracle. How did that happen? Then the next day you don't think about drinking and all sends. Got One year and you're not thinking about drinking. They got six years and you're thinking about drinking. wight's going pretty good. You know, couple bumps that everybody from Tom Maybe ten years. Nothing about drinking. All these down for you. You're having fun with the fellowship. You finally arrived. You got five years after ten years. That from you doing okay. And so you tell yourself, you don't tell yourself this out loud, you know, but maybe subconsciously, that you jared. I'm not really sure, because you know you can't be cured. You've heard that age, but I mean you're you're a pretty bit shit. Ye haven't I drink it for ten years? You haven't had drink for fifteen years. You haven't have drink for twenty years. You know, I mean you're an alcoholic, but you know your parts. Much to meet this year, you know what I mean. And so you still got to means. When you go com needed to leave nobody sponsor anybody. There's nobody needs asking anyway. You know, I mean you're not speaking the easings, you know, doing service, because you're not, because you're not drinking. Maybe you have a sponsor, maybe you don't have a sponsor, maybe you have a sponsor, but you never talk to because you haven't have really any problems and after all, you're not question. And then maybe you really stop going. So maybe only go to once and once in a while you got to meet it. I don't know what's going on. And then one day you have fifteen years and I don't know. You married something that whatever that kid is, and all of a sudden one day you start B and you go to a meeting finally, after about a year or two, if you make it back, and you're trying to explain. You trying to explain why you started...

...drinking. And here's the truth. That truth is you don't know why you started. Do you really have no clue? Who listened anyway, and who would listen to somebody who starts bringing after ten years anyway he goes. Are About as dumb as that guy who went out to cruise the second time I've seen. If they knew anything. They have ten years, then there I'm saying. But this is what they said, this is what they're thinking. They think they started drinking because they stop going to eating. I don't say things like that. We'll hear it at me. They'll say I stopped going to eating, I stopped speaking to my sponsor, right stopped continuing. It sounds pretty good to you because you hear it a lot of the means. But here's the problem. It doesn't really tell the story, because you say to yourself, is what you said. Well, I got to take it now. I'm never going to you hear this guy say I stopped going to meetings, and so what you say to yourself is, I just think you never going to stop going to means. I'm never going to stop going to meetings, so there's gonna be no problem. But then somebody explains you you see that guy stop going to means. I was at a meeting in the once and I heard him say, I'm never going to stop going to eating, and you start realizing that you didn't discover anything to anybody else. Does as matter Morelia, and you know, one of the old ideas that I used to have is that nobody could possibly understanding my problems are so my sof different who I don't even know what to tell people, how even explain them. They wouldn't understand anyways. I'm like alone. How do they possibly understand it? And so what happens is and you don't even know what to say or how to say it. But the bottom line is is you think you have these original ideas like I'm just never going to stop going to means. You don't realize that everybody in there just got anybody starts off serious, tells themselves this is easy. I never got stopped all the means, until the day comes where there's the red head, there's a good looking God, there's the house in the country, there's a new car, there's the job, there's a worldly climates, there's the mature things in the world. He's not. You literally stop going to means, you stops watching people, you're not drinking and you don't feel you know, some says watch going to these is no, I'm not feeling. Okay, I'm okay and you are okay. So you settled for not drinking because really drinking was the only problem really had and you don't like delibercally not go to he I mean Bill Wilson these days said used to say when they ask what you think people, they don't drinking, don't go the means, you would say, I have no use from you. They have no gratitude. Whatever that happen is and the bottom line is, but you get this feeling about you that you're feeling well and you're okay. You keep this day and everyone like that, and so you you just sort of start killing all Communis and you don't. And it's because the real question is why you people come in here and hear about that stuff for getting, stop going to beans and stop going with things they're supposed to do. That's the real thing. You ask, why does that happen? And the problem is this. The problem is is, in order to stay sober, there's a couple of things that I think have to take place with an outball. Number One, they have to understand what the disease is. So a lot of people don't understand it because you guys know with the second see we're going to bounce over, the second of a bounce back and forth. Second, third see. Let's take the second step now, the second step. Were all ready on steps. Came to believe that a power rating some story to stand right. Right, that that I get that right. You got a purse. Listen, I'm seventy two years old. I'm not that well, mostly enough. I've been tested, arden testing. That's so I'm saying. My wife tested this. I'm not drunking about this. You know, I don't have to back up. This is true, because here's the problem. Has Anybody here worried about stuff? I've ever had an anxiety. Everybody ever found themselves helping three put one, worried about shit? Have you ever found yourself worried about the same shit for a long period of time? Yes, have you ever find yourself, maybe it's some money problem, maybe it's email or mail problem, maybe it's a roll an problem, maybe it's a job problem and it's a huge problem. Maybe it's worried about what people think about the problem with the going to think about the problems. Can Happen. You ever find yourself worried about the situation a person you don't like for more than an hour? Yes, more than two hours. You ever find...

...yourself worried about the same situation for like a week? Ever sounding up the morning they got the same situation you ever waiting three block the morning think about the same situation for a week and not? You never get a sleeping then worry about that and you never say to yourself, then I've been thinking the same damn clouds for a week about the same day or thing. I don't think I'm getting it. I think you ever tell you something? I gotta Stop Thinking about this Shit. You ever tell you something you gottas like like what you ever I used to say I got to stop drinking. You ever ever tell you something? I gotta stopped drinking, I got to put this drink and I got a from every time your stuff, I get stopped thinking that stuff. How long is that resecon and then you start thinking about again? You ever think that maybe you're addicted to crazy fucking thing again? To think that that's a possibility, that's just like one thing. That's just like one thing. You know, by the way, you know what comes. You know he's if you are like that, you know what helps with that. Scott, no, it's it's US like not shit. Type of liquor, marijuana, drugs will health of that shit. But if you having to belong to an organization like this week, you can't drink. You can't drunk. You're like stuff with that shit. So so and I don't want you to think the best. Your only problem because apparently promised something. Being Selfish and selfcenter not I don't know what that is, but we're basically good people, right. You're basically go people. Right. Look up the word total to pravity. That's what my grandmother us to send the basically a most most listen will basically know some ways. You really understand what is says. You don't. Any says you're not. That's pretty good person. You basically an evil person. You're basically a self centered, even person. Your selfish and your self center. That's the way you are. Given any particular situation. Over a period of time, you made a couple of good of things, but eventually you're going to be selfish, your self centered. You're driven by a hundred forms of peer selfollusion, selfseeking. Your step up. Both been telling seem of that provocation, but in the end you basically hurt these people because you make decisions based upon selfishness. Could put you in a position to your yourself will run right or you give a shit. By when my sponsors playing that to menus is you don't get shit about anybody e's like yourself, and I prove it throughout my life. And I'm love to say to you that alcohol made me do all this shit. But most of the people I heard, I heard them and because the things I said and things I did in the when is one of them, I did in colds own sober, and I've heard many and same people, many in the same ways, sober in alcoholics, anonymous, that I had to make a manage for you, Atteste for know. That's that's that's what my problem is. My problem is you. Every people say I'm spiritual, not religious. Man. I wish I could be like them. Boy, I wish I could say I'm a spiritual I wouldn't care. I'm not spiritual, I'm a material man. I am a diked to. Everything is on to think that's a sex romance. You know what I mean. Women, cars, money. Yeah, sure, are you laughing? You don't know what it's like. I don't have that alcohol. I can walk into a bar with a good looking Gal and look how all those guys looking at me and I'm like drunk. I'm drunk trusting, I'm on top of the world. I'm the greatest. I could drive a randow Ferrari down the street with the windows down at the cigarette hanging out my mouth, with Sun with glasses on and sleeves rolled up, being twenty five years old and looking around like the whole world were going to me. And I'm drunk. I got a hundred thousand dollars back. I'm drunk with money. I spend more money I don't have, buying shit out of me pimpress people I don't like. You can possibly imagine I'm drunk. I don't need you know something. I'm an alcoholic, because nothing work better and faster than alcohol. But everything else in this world works. Work to cure the instanity. You know. Here's the problem. Here's what alcoholics don't understand. The second step will restore you. The second step just where we comfortable that there's a power that can restore us to stand. But here's the deal. The only way you can be restored to sanity is if you're insane in the first place. I don't really understand you. See, if you're already sane, you don't have to be restored to sanity. And so with the problem is is that you're an alcohol you're insane. You can be a world famous willing store and still be insane. You could be making millions of dollars and they find you ode and then, because you're insane, you could be...

...a world class happy and lose a million dollar contrast contact contract because you're insane. You mean president of the United States, and being sucked off by some intern, again, also cause you're fucking insane. You don't need to be insane. If you're an alcoholic, you have a disease that centers in your mind and not your body, and you're a fucking whack job. But here's the problem. You think you're okay, girl, okay. You think you're basically a good boy. You're basically okay. You atituating problems. You're five years so we're get off my back. You don't understand. Not Do is fine. I got a house, I'm not worried. But you're nuts and you don't even realize you're not. You know why, because yourself were right, though you usually know then. So you're not curing of alcoholism all you you have this incredible disease. Y bottom line is that's going to kill you. So you know. I mean, let's assume that. Here's the problem. You read the Big Book, but the truth is you've never really read the bit because you suffer from the consequences of unions. An alcoholic. So my first wife says to me, Wonderful Gal I was. I was I'm going to if only year and yes, butter, and you don't understand her, you don't have to stand me. I'm a yes, and my first wife, I was in I would you know my mind. I was allowing alien from the word go. Every Friday night, every Saturday night, every Sunday, every Wednesday, I'm going to laws, just looking for her, looking for the Gal that's going to make me okay. And I walked into class one day. He was Miami and I saw some Gal with long legs and beautiful smile and I said, man, and I could have that down. That would solve my problem. In the gratch of the brace storm, I was constant. You ever see yourself, if only ever to see me something only. I'm talking about sober. You ever said finally had that house, but only had that car fell lost counts. Well, in that girl, I only end it. You never you ever live an a only life. You ever live an if only life and then you get everything. And then, since I's learning to saying only, it's like the only words, temporarily it's got a real short on mine. So I said, if I can only had this Collon, do that. And so I got the gown and I got the job and she gave my wife and I get everything. I poor press to get that deal. Got Beat glass on my beach, other on the Horse country put block course you can' did rich and cheap in the state attorneys office trime murder cases. I have a whole bit and I had that deal and I never cheated on my wife. Never. Never. You know, I loved her. You know if I knew what Love was. And I sat in the bars and those hobicide detectives drinking, looking at those girls on the dance floor. Those blonds grew nuts and then hands, and I said only after that, one of those early great it's only out the single, but I can do anything because because I'm a man of integrity. So I'm just sitting there drink with them thinking about well, how great life would be only I cook you that while my wife is in a home with the baby, and I would only at two o'clock and more. And that happened all the time, all the time. So one day, one day, my wife, who would be for five years, apparently she noticed this. He actually notice this behavior. She was not happy about her. I didn't think it was anything wrong. I mean, I wasn't cheating on and I was just sitting the bar looking at the gals and wishing I could cheat on. The truth is, I didn't cheat on or not because I was in internity, because I was scared whatever. Who knows? Had nothing to you a they sly atiece of person, because I wasn't. And she says to me, I just want you to know, early in the morning on the soldiers I am right now, become home, drunk, more time on meat. And she said it to me like it. She was delivered of that. There was no fighting about it. She just walked away. I got in my car. I'm the soldiers. I am right now. I'm graduated. Part is not matters. I was going for my PhD's very graduate lost wet and division, cheap the city series office. No dunning. You know what I mean. This in the fact I knew everything. I knew everything and that's all I know. And I get to the first life, and I say this to myself. Far Words. If you come home...

...drunk one more time, I am leaving you twelve words. It's not fattening it. You can't take one word that, and I say this to myself, what the hell did you mean by that? I was like that and that's a consequence of gain an alcohol. That's it. That's problem you have in alcohol. That's nothing more. Those has to do with the disease that that senters in mind. I goovide. One of the problems have is that whenever you here, readers, hold that anything that you don't like, it confuses you and this world. If you fuck off as much as we do, behind yourself in the middle of the golf screen. For me, sport's the Moms, for the third or fourth time, you might find yourself, over and over again, say things like what the Hell's this all about, or how did I get here? How come on, Bro because you spend money, you know make you spend more money than you make. You go the day. You might find yourself with a crappy sort of life, and it's because you're insane talking about your drinking. You're going to drink, you're going to drink. Are you're going to live a miserable, soulber life and you're not going to be happy. Lets you push. You're insane and you don't realize and you think maybe after a whong with as f time, you think it's other people's fault or your wife's fault to your son Fall, whoever's fault it is. But the bottom line is, even even so, variety is crap with that and they're not going to stay in that page. And so one of the things that happens is which we pretty much you know, the truth of the matter is I find it almost impossible to talk somebody. You know, I could say a lot of things. I can talk about a lot of my experiences. I give you a drunk walk, I could do it. I got can tell you different things. Right now. The Times up. I'm to take about three more minutes. I can tell you different things that happened in my life. And then I drank blah blah blah, and then I drank blah blah blah, that I drank, blah blah blah, that I drank blah blah blah. Then I drank, I drank, I drank, I drank and at the end of my drank. You would the same things, like some people say things like man, I did that, man, I did that, I did that, and you identified. But you want to something. Even if you identify, that would not be enough to have you paper first step. It really wouldn't, really wouldn't be. Does in order to take the first step you have to have a desire, you know. I know that, just the big book says. I know you read this, but you never really read because you can postily look at something reading but not really read it. Because the big book says, if you want whom we have and you're willing to go to anybody you get, then you're ready to take certain steps. You're not even ready to take the steps and say you want when we have, and I can tell you all that. Alcoholis never like that. But if you don't want what I have, we have or somebody else has. You know, some people come here and they're not ready. They don't want we have. They want and ready to this what they have all they want what they had. They want to whorror around some more. They want to come here and look at the blond and say, look at that one over there in the corner. They want to get late. They want to have sex, they want to get a husband, they want to get a boyfriend, they want to get money, they want to take a tonuel out of this place because it's like a jail. They want everything, but the last thing they want is what some old, sudden he wrote guy has. They don't want that. They just want some leads for a little while. So then get their lives together and do the things that really they think make them happy. And you know something, I can't help them with that. You know, I could say a few words and maybe the next five times they go out, maybe they'll think back and say, I remember that guy and I wish I would be like that and I want that stuff. And then what'll happen is they'll start hanging around here talking to men or women that have been around for a long time. It's there smoking in the parking lot and bullshit in the round. But I can't bear to desire. Nobody be a desire. You just have to drink your way into the desire. You got to horry way into the desire. You just got to ruin your life away into the desire. That's what you got to do. You know what I mean? Side that's next the deal. But everybody you know I can't. I'm not going to say something here. Don't sometimes I like it's going to go on. Say then then I'm so for thirty years because russels fats gave some sort of talk, and that's the way. That's what happened. You're gonna get the point where just think becomes so important to you. You desire to have so much what's going on in here, which has nothing to do with sex, nothing to do with money, nothing to do with anything material that you've been running after. You want so much righting to hear that you will actually denounce and not even think that. Not even go for that stuff. You want this stuff. And I don't know how that happens. I know what happened in it.

But here's the problem. The problem is, even if that happens to you, all you'll be is in transition. will be in transition. You may get to the point where you want sobriety and emotional sobriety, woman, anything else, but you want to know something. You're just starting off with the deal and therefore the next five and fifteen, maybe twenty years you'll be you ever hear the one the big book half measures of elus nothing. You have your line the big book. There is no middle of the road solution. Never hear that. There is no middle row solution. Give you a line a big book. God is either everything or he's nothing. He's either everything or he's nothing. You ever had the one a big book? There is one of us all power. That what is God? You ever in a line in the big book it says above everything, must get with the selfishness. We must have fills. This God makes that possible. There seems no other way of getting rid of it. Every here the line of the big book where it says what you make this decision seriously. Also to remark what things happen? He will give us everything we needed to stay close to him and reform his work. Well, whatever, whoever he is and whatever his work is. Ever hear those ones? You, every one. Would they mean? You know what it means when it says there's going to will the road solution it needs. You can't be you half now and Jesus at the same time. That's right, I'll tell you what it means. It means you can't. You can't be wanting to follow God and you. God's work was for us is to help other people. Of the way up the morning and think about God and think about other people and trying to help other people. But they like about that and also worried about what you look like, what's going on down and what kind of what kind of posing with and be obsessed with that shit to the vanity stuff and what kind of car you drive or how much money you have. It's all in it's not. There's no meal on the road and I'm a mind of the road kind of God. Hey, listen, I'm going to get it all to God and that on a snatch that shit back. I'm going to throw in the towel and now a snack. Stats are going back and I'm gonna throw them off stricks to see what that was sax by the Guy for the next ten or fifteen years. So I love God, but look a bit at cant but I love God. Look at that blond. I Love God, but what about this? You know I mean. And then you will spend the next ten years, or maybe fifteen years, or many, maybe twenty years, years in hand to hand combat between the spiritual world and love of God. The most alcoholics. Don't you want to hear about because it says in a book is Your Real Alcoholic. You Hate God. That happens in next day. The people talk. So you sit to leading with the entire book and everything in the book is about developing every less you're with God, and you sit in the meeting where you're scared to talk about God because everybody in the Google's tools. You don't talk about God, will scare away the new conor, and so you know, sort of schizophrenic. It's hard to get help in a situation like that, where the entire big book is telling you one thing and the entire fellowship is telling you stay sober on our it. Don't talk about God. You don't talk about God because you might offend someone. One said so. The actual solution that's in the big book. The central fact to be rocket in the fourth dimension of existence, to experience much of matter. The great fact is that said nothing less, which means and nothing less, is that God has to become the centerpiece of your life and you have to be convinced that he lives in your heart and your mind, which is a a with actually in your heart in your mind. Make it all these things possible. But whatever you do, don't say it today. Don't see the last say, but you're really serious about the share, but you want some. Everyone's in a while, if you're lucky, if you're fortunate, but God is fortunate, will come to a meeting and they'll be a man. Maybe he's been going someting for a long time and he's no longer a slave to other people's thoughts. Don't sell say because you know something he's read supporting the process, lost fear of people and economic circumstances in security. He doesn't worry about it, about he's more concerned in his life to God and the only thing he wants about it is after he leaves. An a meaning that I leave anything on the table, that I tell him everything you want me down and awesome. You're that guy. Sly Shit. I never hur anyone about that, but something your mind says just so. I think this...

...is the shit they talk about in the bit book. I think is and you know something, those people that found that deal, they never ever drink. There's two doors in air. There's the not drinking door and there's a wind up of that door, and then there's the rocket in the fourth dimension, Gore, and there's four or five people on the back, that's say, and everyone's why you see somebody go from the not drinking club to the Rock and in the Fourth Dimension Club, you know what I mean. But you never see a cold the other way because when you get to the poem, you wrote Your Life to God and he's done the most important thing in your life and your and you get the joy of living. So you wake up the morning, you don't need anything else. You don't worry about a lot of other stuff. You you know you ain't going about your drinking is not even part of the Equat. It's not even a drinking you're just trying to look for other people, people that you can help. Like Bill Wilson said, the Lord has been so wonderful to make sureity of the stars. He's got to talking down tell the people. You can't help yourself from talking about this God once stolen before came today. If you don't know who you are, what you are, what the purposes of the planet, by Time Your thirty you're going to be in rock and I was going to rock something. I'm not the rock back. Who I am? What I am there and all it is somehow somewhere. I just followed these men, these men that found this thing, and I listened to him that I wanted more than anything else. That's something, because I'm smart, because I got to tell you something, when I was the smartest guy in the room, I was the drunkest stuff. I was the guy wasn't listening to that was money. So I know what was our first step? Second, third, Len Fo. What was that? Not Right? There's that's it. Yeah,.

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