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AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 9 months ago

Russell S. Talk 9 at the Solutions Group 12/1/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. Talk 9 at the Solutions Group, West Dixie Club, Miami, FL 12/1/2021

Okay, Hi guys. My name is Russell Spats and I'm an alcoholic, a Halo, a lot of other things that I haven't found necessary to have a drink since January twenty five, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So I'm in my forty one year and I'm just going to talk a little bit about something. Will forget this out as we go along. Don't put any pressure on it. I I think I spoke last week about, well, was supposed to be about that night step. I don't know whether it was or not. I think I mentioned the ninth step at one point and even though it was the eighth talk, I've been told that I so today I'm going to probably talk about the ten step, and this is all my opinions. You understanding? I believe I'm right, though you have to follow it and but it is my opinion say you don't. Yet you're not to get upset and upset if you want to. Not Really. You're an alcohol here until we get upset, and alcoholics have a nervous disposition. They're like sensitive. They get touching. I'm getting away with all sorts of bullshit. You can't imagine the Shit I've Ben Get Away with twenty five years on the downy step stage for like twenty five, thirty years. How many guys know Stevid? Everybody knows Steven Bean's sponsor, stevie. And stevie tells the story. Is a frout of his story. He's he's a great speaker. He's great teacher too. He's got about, I don't know, twenty, twenty three years, twenty five, he's got twenty this month. It's a good guy, good guy if you ever have a chance to listen to him. So he tells the story. I first met Stevie. The reason I'm thinking about this in this group twenty years ago I was doing a step series and this group twenty years ago, I think I've done a step series in this group every year for twenty years. They apparently either forget what hell I'm talking about it that they haven't learned their lesson. I don't know what the story is. And this group of the Bob Group and Twelve Stup House, and so stevie tells US story. This is TEV story. I was there when it happened, but that he was sitting, I think, somewhere over there and I started doing the step series and I opened up the Bible and he was sitting with his father, because I do shit like that. It's about Christ and I open up the Bible like you've got just to see who gets pissed off, because that's how I can tell whether somebody's really sober or not. Reason the way I could tell whether somebody sobers. What gets some pissed off. You know what I mean, because some shit like that kids pissed. Thought not ahead, but anyway. So so I hope the bye. I think I was open. You know what it was? It was the part, the part, because the big book is all about the Bible and the only want to bust your buttons, but they are because I've been around here for over forty years and I read all the material and I god through all the bullshit. We'd talked to. You know, Bill Wilson said an alcoholics atwymous only three. The Lord has been so wonderful to meet. Clearing me of this doubles these guy I got to keep talking about. UN tell him that telling other people, you know chap two agnostics says, of the mere code of morals or better philosophy of life, would help us we've been so for a long time ago. But that's those codes don't help us. We you wish to be sober. They don't help us. So we read a book. We because we're it. We don't have the power to do this stuff, no matter how proud we are. We don't have the power. So we wrote a book where, of course we have to talk about God. And then it says this. As soon as they say that's a here's where we run into trouble, because alcoholics get pissed off, but when they say alcoholics get pissed off on what you read between the line. Sick alcoholics get pissed off. Arrogance, stubborn alcoholics get pissed off. But Wilson, get this thought, Dr Bob to get this off. When Dr Bob said, if you're an atheist or an Agnosta, grab some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from understanding who we're trying to tell you in this book. I feel sorry for you. Haven't lease. Father will never let you down, Bob. They can get missed off. The founders of alcoholics anonymous for the first four years. They wrote the Big Book in in Nineteen thirty nine eight we started in nineteen thirty five, they said, really, I've seen a person field who was thoroughly followed our path. Thoroughly followed our path. That's in. You do what we did. You get who we got. They started in thirty five they were the big book and thirty nine they were not reading the Big Book. You understand that unch? He started in thirty five, four years later, three nine, they said, rarely, I've seen theirs and field who has thoroughly followed our path. In thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight and thirty nine they were not reading the Big Book. Is Everybody understand that? So what would they reading?...

So, Dr Bobom the good old timers say the books we found absolutely essential. You know, the word essential means. I don't know what it means by figured. That's the sense. I have no idea. We have to look it up. I think it means essential, you know. So I'm some wild guess. You know I'm an attorney the home words going, I think means essential and I think absolutely essential means real fucking essential, really essential books. They say that were absolutely escil were first Corinthians, thirteen, the book of James and Sermon on the Mount and First Britian Thirteen was written by the Apostle Paul, who wrote through think books out of the Bible. Of course, you can go all through the big books. Of course, if you don't know the Bible and you haven't studied the Bible, and you by the way, I wanted to let you know, you don't have to study the Bible. You're not to read the bobble. You have to any of the shit. I mean, you don't have to thoroughly follow their path. Don't worry about it as the wavery you want to do, you know, but but it says. The bottom line is is that if you read the book book, they're constantly if you happen to have studied the Bobble, know it. You will notice that the big book is just a restatement. It's like the Bible for dumbs. Let's a during tiles your own and till your own opinion. You just on touch to your own facts. When they say in the big book you've got to be the Good Samaritan every day and you say, well, why do you have to be a good error? You know what I mean and you know it's a capital G, capital ass. You know they're referring to a story in the book, a loop, and good deed, Conti Act once in a while is enough. They're referring to a book, a Loup, and they go through all that be because they were reading the book, book, a little book, a loop book, a loop book of Loup at that time. So what happened to me is now I an get involve day this stuff. I can a Jewish gift from New York and in the Decemberb of twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty is my story. Got A lot of guys are this. I got to a point where I had just ruined my life. Ruined my life, I'm not going into details, but you know, ruin my life be through drinking and being basically an asshole, because I don't need alcohol to be an asshole. Trust most of people I fucked over in my life I did a cold, stone, sober by making decisions based upon self, which put me in a position to the earth because some cell phone and ride. You know, it says, above everything, must get rid this out boat, this selfishness. We must throw our kills us. God makes that possible. I was a selfish, self centered bring that's what I was, that's what I am. See, one of the great things about staying so for forty one years, this is no forty years and being my forty one year is I have no longer any tense that I'm basically a nice boy. My grandmother used to tell me you're basically a nice boy, whatever the hell that means. I love my grandkids, for the truth is, I wasn't a nice guy. I wanted what I want when I want. You know what I mean. That was sorry for anything. Idea if I tell you I'm sorry, but I really mean is better. Forgive me. You know it, because if you don't forgive me, I'm going to say, well, I said I was sorry. What the Hell is wrong with you? Because you're supposed to say, well, that's okay, don't worry about it. I'll give that rap. My wife and shot my Gol. You know, it's okay. You know, and I didn't listen. I was you know, all I wanted was I was a guy who was roaming through the bars a lounge lizard, looking at every female I can find. I wanted what she had. I was going to go to any length to get it, and everything was wonderful for me, as long as I got my own way. You know, it's a simple as that. My sponsor said to me one day, he said how you going? I said I'm doing race, as you must be getting your own leg and I was. An hour later I wasn't, and I was pissed off, you know, and I'm a selfish and I'm self setting. I don't have a clue when you're drinking, when you're drinking, where you're active alcohol. I don't think act of alcoholics have a crew as to house screwed they are. Not a clue, not a clue as to how screw up there are. They basically, I think act of alcoholics basically think the world is screwed up, everybody's an asshole, everybody's full of Shit. They know, they don't know. There's SCOODS. It's your screwed up. You know. You know our spiritual axiom. Whenever you're just stertaing out, what the cause? Is something wrong with you? My scroll tracks. And whenever I'm just sterting matter, what the cause, there's something wrong with me. What my scroll tracks is, whenever I'm just stert Midael, cause there's some wrong with you. And you, and you, and if only, I mean if only a yes butter, if only my wife would be okay, if only this would happen, if that only other people would change. If only, if only, if only, I'd be okay. And and I heard a lot of people. Got Married to a wonderful Gal. The you know, she kicked me out after five years because I because I kept on leaving her and going out and drink and and looking for women. You know, I didn't cheat on her, I didn't have the guts do that. I just stayed up to four o'clock in the wonted looking at women, saying, if only I had that one, I'd be okay, only had this one, I'd be okay. I know. That's the deal. So the bottom line is, but then I come in to...

...a a and this is I just basis upon my experience. This is my personal experience. Now I've come to Real I've come to learn one of the indsays unless until an alcohol accepts his alcoholism, all it's constance has is sobriety to be precarious of true happiness and find none at all. And there are many there's there are consequences to be in an alcoholic. They now the drinking is not even the drinkings bullshit side a big deal. You know, I don't even know how to help somebody who's got a drinking problem. So they want help. I mean, that's the truth. I'm not gonna tell my story, but I told people my suff you know, if somebody's ready to do this, if they become entirely ready to give up alcohol, you could belch and they'll come to alcoholics anonymous. If they're not ready to come in here, you could tell them your story. You could bring fifteen people in the penguin in and they're walking out the door. You know, it's as simple as that. You know, I don't have the power to stop so somebody from drinking. There is one who has all power. That what is God, you know, he's it's not like he's got like ninety percent and he gave me ten. I don't know. You know, people call me on this SIS. Could you talk to my husband? I said, well, haven't called me. This is all. He's not all. You can't help them them. I'm Russell, I hear you got a drinking problem by wife. They asked me to call you that. Thank you. Go FUCKERSLF. You know, the bottom line is this and so so alcoholics are so, you know, it's it's it all, it's all inside job. So I can't, you know, all I can do is talk about my experience and one of the old ideas I have, one of the drinking is the least, because the drinking is a symptom, it says in the book. It basically separates the drinking out from alcoholism. I mean, we think alcohol's the problem because they talk so much about it. AD A A, don't drinking if your assphalts off, you know. And after all, the name of the organization is alcoholics anonymous, so you figured it must have something to do with it, right. But what the big book clearly says is our real problem at is sensors on our mind, on our body. Alcohols put a symptoms. These we got a lot of symptoms. You've got a lot of consequences. One of the consequences is hating people, hating yourself. Calmentag, you said alcoholics a minimum, we're out destroy themselves. You just, you know, that's why, when that's why you're sober and you still, you know, do the feel we're, you know, just still driving your car and Alsend your this voice. You're an asshole. You already I'm an asshole. Already killed myself. I'm such a fucking loser, I'm such a pray. What's the use? You know? That's why you then turn around to you saying that Shit to you're the only one in the car. That's you talking to it, that's you talking to you about what you really think about yourself. And that voice doesn't come from mores if you that's from deep down inside of you, and it's constantly going. That's why I always have to have a girl, a car, money this time. The other thing because you know you're a piece of shit. Unless you have something to brag about, a show about you, you're constantly trying to prove yourself to other people, improve yourself to yourself, that you're not an asshole, but it's not work because you basically think you are. You know, that's just a consequence of being alcoholic. Is something. Get disturbed that. There's a lot of consequences in alcohol. It you don't like people telling you what to do. I'm there's so many consequences. There's so many unhealthy consequences. Lusting for everything in the world actually believing that all this shit you've been chasing after is going to make you okay, you doing it, you know, and then you get it and hate it, lose it. It's just rest a seriable, a nervous disposition. I said in my sponse, I said I'm sense of these is no great artistems if you're just, you know, alcoholics. So in any that. So here I come in to alcoholics, anonymous in one of my old ideas is that I'm different. I'm like you need, I mean you got alcoholism, but you know the saying I'm I got Alcoholis and I'm like you need, you can, nobody can possibly understand me, which is a great thing to tell yourself, because then you can't connect with anybody. What's used to talk and you're all alone. You get to feel lonely and Ph sorry for yourself and self pity and all that sort of stuff, and then you come day here all these people talk and everything like that, and you realize that I did that, I did that as about. That's how that's how we get our stories. That's how we learned about ourselves, because you can't go up to an alcohol and start talking to him because he's so well defended. You know. You know it says I you know somebody would talk to me about my drinking. You know, I told you. Come up there and say I think you have a drinking problems, because I can see from where your stand, if I want to be anes that, so I can see from weirds, and you think I have a drinking problem, but I don't have a drinking problem. I drink because I have problem. As a fact, my drinking matches my problem in pretty soon I drink, my problems are going to go away and I won't have to drink anymore. So I appreciate your advice from much more. Fuck Yourself. That's pretty much. You know what I'm going to tell you. If you're comes to me and talk. You want to talk to me about my drink and I'm talk about everything I know about you and your mother. You know, that's the bottom and that's what are you laughing at. You know it's like. But you know what of the things I want to touch, because you think nobody understand. Then you come in here and that's how we learn about...

...ourselves. You know, some guy stands as seeing at a meeting, starts charing and said some sort of goofy thing about himself and you say in your mind, you say in your mind you know, he can't tell you. You can't say you know, you're a man. You say in your mind, that guy's fucking crazy. And he said, Holy Shit, I was thinking about last week. You know what I mean. That's how you learned about yourself. I did that. I did that, and then you will send you get all these stories about yourself and start learning about yourself and what the deal is. So and but, but what I think happens and so. So now I know, and this is I'm this. I'm just going to give you a little secret. I'm going to tell you a secret and a a secret and probably figure it out, but I'm going to just say it right out so everybody knows about you know. I speak of conventions like that. You got to adventure speak, couple thousand guy speak, because that you know. People said, he you get nervous. I said, now, I don't never get names. I probably didn't want time. I don't get nervous. I'll tell you how not to get up. I said what I've described. Discovered the secret, an old idea that I had got them. We're all twins. Yeah, we're all exactly only. That's why this fucking thing works, you know what I mean. Even the ones that don't think they're like me are fucking exactly like me. Whatever I say, whatever I did do, it's like we're all eat, we're fat within, we're white with life, don't matter. Women, come on me, since you're talking about me, man, come on, you're talking about me. You talk about no, I'm just talking about me. Want to go to you want to do a good a talk. Just don't. But I don't care what that was. You know, I've seen about eating good babies the other day. If I've guts, come up, I think that. I think that shit too, you know. You know, come up. Let's tell them what's on your mind, where you just say Shit, you know what I mean, even if they'd they'll just have a laugh about so they take another crazy shit, you know, and just say whatever's on your mind. You say what's on your mind, that it's sick and it's crazy, that talks. They'll talk to they'll realize that you just like them. You talk about what's on your mind, that she gets sober and you get relative'll say. Then I wish I could be like him. Just just don't fucking line. Just be transparent. How can it? Alcoholic? Be Transparent, though, and you don't know what the fuck you are doing or who you are or what your purpose is on the planet earth. You got no clue. You like an unguided missile, run around following your penis or your vagina or whatever. It is all over the place. It's all about the women and the men and the set. You go to an aim and AA meeting where God is all over place, where they see you with your relationship with image right and great events come beast. You don't talk from others. We're on a new base based of trust, of me lying upon God. We never apologize for God. Never. All men of faith have purged. They trust their God. You, like him, demonstrate our lives. What do you do for us, he says, will we? But we will mean you? We cannot be sure. God will determine that. So we're real reliance has to be on God. He will leave to show you how to creek the fellowship. You cray. Let no man say job and no job and getting sober. If you trust in God, God, God, God, all over the place. And they said we have a U I'd like that being on relationships, they start talking about fucking boyfriend girlfriends. You got the sickest you know, the saying. Exactly. Well, peoples, anonymous. The whole book is about God, it's all about the Bible, it's all through it and everything. It's all about the this is the step that separates the men from the boys. Very few boy very few men, whole bunch of fucking boys. You know what separates the men from boys? You know, they say it is the man who's trying repeatedly throughout his entire life, it will take a lifetime, to grow in the image and likeness of God. That's the difference people who are worshiping God, following God, loving God. You know what it says the book. It says you see, sincerely give yourself to God, utterly abandon yourself to God. Also, it's remarkable things happen. Nothing markable's going to happen to you. You may say sober for a little while and you're ten years at the years. You're going to drink again or be miserable. Nothing remarkable's going to happen. You're not to be rocketed in the fourth dimension existance. You're not can e Sperence, much of heaven. You're not going to lose fear of people, infecting nothing in security. They'll never lose fear people. You'll always worry about what you're saying to a means. You'll never talk about God, you'll never proclaim God, you'll never do this shit, but you'll be more worried about some goof who sit next to you, does and pay your fucking Visa Bill, then what he thinks about you. Then being concerned with your Creator, the man who lose all prejudice, even against organized religion. In the big book, where they knew people are going to be pissed them, they said we we encourage church membership. Why did they put that in the big book? Why do they say in the Big Book We encourage Church membership? You know why?...

Because that's what they did. Found there's also for a couple of them. They all belonged. They said many of most of us do that stuff, because that's what they did, and so they said it. Because there's always this little alcoholic battle is because one of the consequences of being an alcoholic. You're an alcoholic her. Please love me a haul like don't talk behind my alcoholic don't make fun of me, a Haula, because there's nothing that a that a sick personality that feel shitty about itself and feeling said it's unworthy. There's nothing that a sick, unworthy, shallow personality hates more than anything else then being treated like they're condescending or they're sick or rolling their eyes out. So you spend your entire life trying to get people to like you and making sure you don't say anything that might might but they that might that where they might not like you, may not look at you. What a shitty way. I loved that way for many years. I lived that way for ten years, fifteen years after coming to day. What a shitty way to live. What bondage? You know, first start of getting out of jail. You I know jail in the first place. Most people even don't. Don't even know they have that problem. You know why I can talk about this shit like this? Because I can talk about this shit like this because I don't really give a shit what you think about me. I know we always say I don't give a shit what they think about me. I know if you're alcoholics you say that all the time. But you know why? You say, you say it because you care so much about what other people think about it. I mean alcoholics, you know, rich when people start saying down you're shit. What they think about me that way, I give a shit with anythink about me. But they're those people that really don't give a shit with the people think about them. Don't say to themselves, I'm give a shit with the dinnervates. They pass to sugar or somebody else say that. So you got your choice. You go with the life of fear and do the life of hope. You can live a life, you know, where you're free of all this shit and you don't worry about what other people think about you. Just worried about being who you are, and that's kind of toughed in when you don't even know who you are. clueless right. I was told why, by the time you reach twenty five, you don't know who you are. While you're on the planet, you could be, to a certain extent, neurotic. Most alcoholics in Eurotic. I was one of the botics, some of fish. I can tell you that. I hadn't have a clue. So the bottom line is is that? So this whole thing is about. So I was twenty years we started off this deal. You know, I've sort of slightly seen. I'm I'm seventy two years old, so kind of little see all. So I forget sometimes when I'm going. But so twenty years ago I was here and steved was here. A sponsor him, and he's He. You know, the big book says. What's the big book says? If you wanted to rock and fourth mansion. The great fact is this. Nothing less than this, nothing less than this. God has become the central fact of your life, the central fact of you, as matter do. You didn't even say you believe in God and you believe his barren if your whole life is in based on God. You know most people in the they have, even if they believe in God. He's got he's in the truth with the spare tire. He's in the trunk with the spirit tie. That's what it is, in the trump with the spare tire. You know something terrible comes you, you know you take it out. You know you take them out of the trunk. You know. You know. You don't talk about it that much because you don't want people to be upset with you. And somebody gave me some sort of bullshit. And they they told you that scare away the newcomer. Nobody is ready to stop drinking is going to be scared away from it, and nobody wants to stop drinking. It's clear to take the first of his being the God hasn't been to scare anybody. Way. I can yell Jesus all over plays. Nobody's gonna be scared away to want to stop drinking. They were probably because said also the shit. No, I wasn't going anywhere. I didn't want to drink. This is the only I had no other place. That where they that's okay, they can leave. You know what, the booze will bring them back or they'll die, and ain't no big deal. Where alcoholics were about as common as dirt. You know what I mean. We don't die. We killed families of for we do head on collisions, family of floors die. We Walk Away with like a bruise, like cockroaches. You know, after the weird attacks, he'll be Austin cockroaches. Don't worry about scaring away anybody's bullshit and some sort of bullshit at just so much bullshit goes out of here because you know why? The bullshit goes on. You know why they you know why the big book talks all about God and the twelve and twelve talks all about God and talked about the good old time. Starts all about God. And you know why people in here who have five, ten, fifteen years say don't worry about the God thing, forget the God thing them. You know why they do that? Because they don't want to do it. so you decide whether you want to be the man of the boys or whether you want to do this shit seriously or you just want to, you know, do Aa live and play games with this shit and be one of these guys that have five that you know that. You know one of the things I've learned in here. You know many people I've seen in the last forty years that go out and drink again after three months, after three years, after five years, after ten years, after twenty years,...

...after thirty you know many people I see. They did a study once. I wish I could could have kept this because I had it and I don't know whether this is true or not. They say, how many people stay sober for twenty years stray? One and a half of one percent. One and two hundred stay so from over twenty years and of those they're not all happy. You know, it said the big book here and then once in a while and alcoholic drive mom says, feel better, look better, having been a time. You know, he's not happy with the sobriety. Who Soon the time they have tried the all again. You don't most people game again. You know, most people I sponsor are in their twenties or thirty s. They I get calls from people I you know, ask me in the sponsor they're like twenty five years sober and they hear my shit and they say I'm not happy, I'm having problems. They can't talk to anybody. The groups. I cancel the people they get twenty five, thirty years their old time is and they're missing something. They're missing God and they can't get him in the rooms. They can't talk down by the roads because the rooms aren't talking about because they're being the room scared to talk about you know. And and that's the deal. That's this. So what does this have too, the ten step, because I'm going to tell you that. I'm going to fill you out on that, because one of the things that happens is, as you're while the other thing that happens is they have to come a day egg and you stop drinking because you think drinking is the problem. You think drinking is the problem. Now you stop drinking now. In this group, it seems to me that most of you guys are physically sober. You drink because you're fucking nuts. That's why you have the second step restore you to sanity, because you're insane. You drink because you hate life. Men and women drink because they like the affect with these by alcohol, their rests there will discontented. You're fucking crazy and you can't stand sobriety. If you like sobriety, you wouldn't drink. You drink push a hate sobriety. So now you have to say, and you before you took your first drink, you are fucking nuts. Then you drank and you didn't feel so nuts, and then you went around, found a lot of other people who is nuts as you, that drank like you, and hung out with them, and your alcohol light life seems the only normal one. You can't separate the two from the falls, and all of a sudden you feel good for a little while and then you go fucking nuts again. Because of the drinking. You think you're you're drinking problem. You think you're an alcohol coming here. You stop drinking right and now you stop drinking. Now you're not drinking. Now you're just nuts. Now you're back to insanity again, without the booze. So after then, everybody's different and may take a month to two or three or four, but unless you're schizophrenic or brain dead, after three, four or five or six months you come to this conclusion. I'm fucking crazy. You realize you're crazy. Now you got a real problem because in a meanings all they're talking about is drinking and then talk about not drinking and you're not drinking and your problem is you're crazy. And the real problem is you're crazy and you know what the fuck is wrong with you. You have no idea why you're crazy. You just know you're not feeling good. You're up, you're down, you're up, you're down, you're up, there down. That's like the first hour, you know what I mean. And you're all to place and you're trying to figure out what the Hell's wrong and the tongue do steps and do shit that you don't understand. What you're supposed to be doing. Everyone's wily mentioned God, you understand that, and it's confusing. And as time goes on, the first ten years, I'll say the first ten years, let's say. Let's say, if you're fortunate or lucky or blessed, you might run into a sponsor or an older member of Alcoholic synops. You knows what the hell he's talking about. You may start following you besides, when you start following them, and you may start doing something really strange. You want to start drinking, which is what I did, which is crazy because I'm like every other alcohol coming a fine Arragan asshole that thinks he's smart. Radswood partment's all honas mathematical for my alogy, by PhD and Algebrated to apology, was law professor of the whole bit, you know, and I think I'm smart, but I was beating down so bad I alcohol that I didn't want to drink getting I was scared, so I follow around us used car sales. Then told me to shut up and I told him here's all my degrees and he looked at me said well, Retel thermomous ammigreation, you know they did it those and so I just followed this guy around. He told me do this and do that, and I started following directions, following directions, even though I make the coffee. I made the cough and I don't even know why. That has to do with not drinking, but I started making the coffee. You understand. So you do that stuff to make the call. And what happens is is you go along. Like it says the bit book, the way we got a new perspective is by repid humiliations in the final question of our self sufficiency. And every day you get crushed and crushed and crushed and crush and crush. And the way you learn, and that the first ten, fifteen years you're just learning how crazy you are. Because now you're sober physically you can sort of like think and now and it's not like one of these everyone's Wong. You'll have an epiphany, you'll realize something, you'll hear somebody in the group, you'll come...

...to a conclusion, read something about yourself, but it's like a slow freaking Crocki. I mean Jesus, it's not like drinking. Drinking, you have a couple of shots and you're like Brad Pitt. You know what I mean, Hey, hey, you might have to go to a means for five years to get like one idea is to how fucked up you are. You know what I mean as a yeah, I have to go two thousand meetings, you know, every the figure this thing out right. You see, that's the deal. So, but the point is, as time goes on you'll learn more and more about what about yourself. You'll learn about more and more about yourself and who you are with yourself. But all of a sudden, the mystery of these steps, the mystery of faith, the mystery of God, the mystery of this. That the other thing you stop. Hopefully you stopped. I mean at first you try to use your brain, which is bad. Whenever I've dealt with anybody who's got big problems, they always start off by this. You know, I was thinking it's a way, whoa? He said, no, I was. I said, would you say? He's just why I was thinking. I said, let me guess, you Canna tell me something real bad? He said Yeah, well, I was thinking about it. I said, Hey, who told you you could think it was not ting about the thing from thing. I said. Now, listen, I got forty years, you got like three months. Whose brand would you like to use on this? They think personally, saying like use yours. I said that's good, let's do that. Okay, and we talk a little while. They learned a little something, and I say, you don't have this thing. I said, Whoa, Whoa, because I don't want to get them talk, because this disease might be fucking contagious. You know, I mean, what if I got? What if I start listening to them? What am I start listening to them and also I start thinking, you know, like you think. I don't want that shit to happen. You know what I mean? I don't want that prep so that's the deal. So that's what I'm so. So here's when it would happened. So It's Im you using your brain, you're doing all that stuff. You goofles Hell and you're trying to figure this out and as time goes on, you learn slowly and slowly and slowly a little bit more about yourself and who you are with problems are and hopefully you and you do get better. Hopefully you get better, but in truth is some people just drink again. They don't really get this thing. And so you say to yourself, you try to say to yourself, why is it that some people, and there's a lot of people. Let me tell you something, they get ten, fifteen years and then not happen. I mean, why is a person who goes to a meetings for ten years, or fifteen years or twenty years? Well, thank you. Why is a person who goes to a meetings for ten years, of fifteen years or twenty years pick up a drinking? Then, you know, right before they pick up that drink they've heard everything you've heard, that read, everything go up. Right before they pick up that drink, they're sober. You understand. Right before, whenever you hear a person say, I had three months and then I drank, but if your person say, Wi, I've been around Ay for twenty four years, I got ninety days. Now, whenever you hear person say I had five years and then I drive seven years and then I drank ten years and because I drank, every one of those people, right before they drank, they were physically sober. Then I drinking because they have a craving something. I had a crazy they got their drinking because they're crazy. They're insane. They've heard everything you've heard. You know what I mean now you can say the old day line is says, well, I stopped going in the meetings, so stop going to meetings. That's why you do. But here's the deal. Why do they stop going to meetings? You're saving there. You're saying, well, I got this thing down, I will never stop going to meetings. But you don't realize that those same guys that drank again at one time, I sin. We are saying. They're saying I never going to stop going to meetings, and yet they stopped and they're going to why did they say? You got to get into why they stopped going to meetings. Well, it's a person with twenty years stop going to meetings. It's stop doing this stuff. Maybe a little bit different, deeper than that, you know, may not be as logical. Maybe you know when Dr Bob said you have some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from this intellectual pride that will keep you from understanding. That is when you think that, when you believe only the shit that makes sense to you, you understand. Why do I make coffee? Why do I when you do stuff that makes sense to you, but you don't do stuff that doesn't make sense to you? When you read stuff in the big book that makes sense to you and do the discard stuff that doesn't make sense to you. So you really encourage church membership. We all did that, you know, and you discard that because it doesn't make sense to you. So you don't do it. You Take it sex with your credit. You read stuff that says half measures of alue...

...nothing. God either is everything or is nothing. You understand what I'm saying. May God sends to Your Life, and you read that, but you discard it because it doesn't make sense to you, because what makes sense to you is you got to get the money and the girl in the car, whatever it is that makes sense. So you don't do it and you ultimately realize, or you may never realize, but people ultimately realize, is the stuff that keeps you sober, the stuff that changes you from the insane person the same person. This is stuff that doesn't make sense to you. And when you start doing the stuff that doesn't make sense to you instead of just doing the stuff you makes sense to you, you might have a shot, a stand around for for years and be rocking in the fourth dimension existence. Now, don't worry about what that makes sense you're not. I'm just didn't. Just trust me on this. That's what I found out, that my life today is not based on logic or what makes sense to me or stuff like that. They suppoted based. It's based upon my faith in God, which isn't taught, it's caught. You either get it or you don't. You know I mean, I don't know how to give it to you. All I can do is tell Mych so what does that have to do with the ten? Well, nor to understand what that has to be. Test that you got in sense about six step, which is what I started talking about. So tevb is sitting there and I'm going back to see twenty years ago and I started and I opened up the Bible because I was reading. I was reading that part. I was, I guess I was on twelve step, where it says a comedy act once in a while. We must be the good Samarian every day. So what's the Good Sumarian? I says from the KLOOT. Most people they will never read it. I Open Up, I read about the book good smart. I'm not going to read it to you or anything like that. So I read about the Good Samaritan. So it's probably the first time that anybody will ever hear the goods Mann Stevie turns to his father. This is the story. Now. He says they're going to winch this guy. They're going to kill him. You can't do that in a whatever. Okay, I've gotten worse since then, but he's still sober. He's happy as a clan. He's being rocked in the fourth to churn existence he's in. pread are you is incredible. Guide's incredible Guid so here's the deal. How let's the only words that are different in the ten step. So it's continue to take personal inventory and when we're wrong, probably the continue to take personal into personal induventory is the inventory took the fourth step. Continue to take the in the turn of the fourth step for stepping the way we did the inventory. The for step, which I will going. It talks to about making amends and talks about making amends when we're wrong, probably admit. It talks about confession, it talks about the fifth step. That's all. The test step. The only word that's different than the ten step. See, I start connecting dots. You got to. You got to connect dots and sometimes the dots aren't apparent. The only word that's different about the test step. The operative word is continue. And you know continue as important because most people, if they come to an a room they say I drank, they will say because I didn't, I stopped talking to my sponsor, I stopped having a sponsor, I stopped going to mean I stopped continuing. So you're thinking if I only could not stop continuing, then I could be okay. But why do I? Alcoholics stop continuing, and I'm afraid to tell you. I'm not afraid to tell you. You know what are things that happens to me. It's part of alcoholism. It's part of our disease, by the way, are disease is if you are an alcoholic, you have a lot of these old ideas, and one of the old ideas you want people like you. Everybody wants people like you. Don't want people lay you don't want people to walk out and say, you know, I put your name Casey, so Casey isn't one people and I says, did you see that Guy Casey, and Askhole. You know, Casey doesn't want that happening. You know I like you. Can Say I'm not saying that, I'm just using you as an example. You know what I mean. We don't want that. We want people say, and and you said, I Casey Man, he's the greatest guy in the world. You know what I mean. You see, you see, you're like, you feel better about that, right. See, that problem. The thrill of victory to the acne, the feed that act to probavictory again, you're know, now you're okay, hess, great guy, he's and some of these gradies a nice guys, getting good sense of you know, I love case you know. So that's so, that's what we want. Right. So, since that's what we want, we want the applause of other people who want the prestige, money, properly, romance, prestige, since we want that. When we're speaking in a mean or hanging out with a people, we have this choice. Do I tell people what I really think or I tell people what they I think they want to hear? Do I tell people...

...what I really think or I tell people what they really want to hear? So so sometimes when happen is you got a group of five thousand, sixty hundred thousand, what doesn't matter? And this little voice in my head says, I don't say that, lets say that Shit. You know what I mean. Oh, why did you say that Shit? You know, I'm three guys left. You know, don't say that Shit. And there's another voice say, but that. But why don't you just tell him the truth? You know what the truth is. You've been lived with. The truth is what you've been loved. You know what the truth is. At least you know what your truth is. That's what the pain of the big bucks or why don't you just tell them the truth? They can say go fuck yourself, they can say whatever they want to say, but at least you'll walk out and say I told the Truth and some guy you know six years now say you know, you saved my life when you said the chickens on the roof or something like that. You know you'll have done your job, which she told the truth. But in order to do that you have to have courage. Right, we're going to get that shit. If you're an alcoholic, where your coward? You know when you're basically a coward. You know you're a whore for the World World War. You know what I mean. You'll do anything. I have no integrity. So the deal is this? So, so, why don't people continue? So I'm going to give you an answer to one of the answers. I'm not sure this is all the answers. This is just one answer I have for you right now. In order to give you the answer, I'm going to go back to the book of Philippians and Phlippians three, and not because you have to Christian and Jewish whatever it is. You Common Jewish cript in New York and you know and, but I'm also a deacon in President Church, so I'll go forge that one out. But that's another story that won't go into. And this was written twozero years ago by the Apostle Paul, who, by the way, wrote thirteen books out of the Bible, who's a big deal. And you know how it says principles, people not. What does it say? Person People not, personality. What does it personality? What does the Damn thing say? What? What? Okay, this is a print. This is a spiritual principle and it's the spiritual principle of the sixth step, the one that separates the men from the boys. The the men continue, the boys don't continue. The men continue. The men never stop, never stop. The boys always stop. The people who go to Aa to not drink always drink. The people to go to AA, so they don't so they won't drink, always end up drinking or suicide. Were feeling sitting about themselves. It is certainly personally okay, and I probably did for the first five years, ten years to nine percent time go to meets because you didn't want to drink. I'm sure I did it. I know I did it, as I didn't want to drink that day and I was scared not to go. But if you don't find a different reason to go to a, you don't want a different reason to go to a, you're gonna be doing what's called hard time and a. You know this. You know. I'm a lawyer. I'm Crim a lawyer. I both prosecuted and defended guys that go away to jail for life imprisonment. Twenty years, thirty years, forty years, means nothing. I see it all the time. Ten years, fifteen years, you know, going away. There's hard time. You know you can do ten years. Hard time, you know, and you can do ten years and it's rolls off your back, I believe me. There there's hard time, there's hard time and A. It's hard time going day, going Ay means it just cross out one more day, just one more meeting. Check, check, check, and not getting better but not drinking. There's that kind of a and then there is going to meet. It's excited, just so like just like being rocketing for measure, not being able to let me going to five me I go to for me is a day with zoom. You go to form me to day. I was going to for me to day before for Zoom, before zoom. I've got to one in the morning. I'll be going to one at twelve o'clock. For noon I've I've got one thirty on the way home. I went to a means like it once at the bar. You know, I'm just what. I'm sitting there with a guy on five, six years sober. We're in Danny's on a Saturday night after naming. He's brand new, you know. I say, Hey, how do you like the mean? He says, Hey, yeah, it's great. What do you do for fun? I didn't have the heart till I was having a great fucking time. You know. What...

...do you mean? This is an caught me and Benny's. What do you mean? How much better to be? So this is what the apossible all said. He's awesome balls. He's talking about him something. Now. This guy was like like the number one guy, and Christen, you know I mean. If you don't, you have big Christian to do it. He was like a big deal. You know what I mean. As far as spirituals concern, and this is what he said. There's a whole background him. I'm not going to go in too he went to school. He's like a PhD. Had A lot of shit going for. This is what he said. says. Yet, my brothers, I do not consider myself to have arrived spiritual. I haven't arrived spiritually, nor do I consider myself perfect, but I keep going on. I keep going on grasping ever more firmly that purpose for which God grasped me, make me. My brothers, I do not consider myself to have only grasp even now, even now, from all over them, he says, but I do concentrate on this. I leave the past behind it, with hands out stretched to whatever lies ahead, I go straight for the goal. My reward the honor of being called by God. The Big Book Says Twelve. The twelve in the big book says and says God will give you everything you need if you stay close to them. Performers work well, as work is to help other people. The sixth step says this is a step that separates the men from the boys. And then they just repeat. But the Apostle Paul said twozero years ago. Now you would know this. Who you don't read the Bible. I know it because the ten years sober I wanted more and my sponsor and some people said much been a Bible study, and I sorry, going to Bob Stud read the Bible and everything. This book became technical, and then then I realized where this stuff came from. And this is what it says. This is step that separates the men from the boys, so declares a well loved clergyman who happens to be one of as greatest friends. A clergyman happens to be one of the greatest friends. Z that dowling judgment. He goes on to explain that any person, any person capable enough, of enough willingness to honestly try to repeat it. Sep Six on, all his four false becoming tirely ready to get rid of everything that standing in the way. You know, the women, the man, the romance, the bullshit, the money, will it's the honestly tried to move steps. It's on all his faults, without any reservations whatever. Has indecome a long way spiritually and is therefore entitled to be called a man who was sincerely trying. Like the Apostle Paul, this is what he said, to grow in the image and likeness of God. Will follow God and all the old timers, I know. I think I'm going to count myself in there and all the sponsors. I respect that. I know it wasn't about drinking and join them strow. They'll tell the new guys they just don't drink. Going to me, you will be okay, but for them it's not about drinking their life. That's a good it's got about trying to grow in the image and likes is of God and doing God's work. It's about being a missionary through God. It's about God being the new employer. He's the father. Where the children? It's about following and for all the boys in Aa's it's about well, don't worry about the God thing. Don't talk so much about God. You'll scare with the newcomers. Don't worry about that. Just do another four step, just to another twelve step. All those people that come in for the Eighteenzeroud time. This time I'm really going to do the perfect fourth step, not a going to fucking help you, because that was the problem the first place. I'm really going to do a third step that that's not going to help you, because you did. Your problem is is that you don't want to give it up for God. You want to keep God in the trunk be pulled up out only in cases of emergency every that's why you walk into an a room and you'll hold answer Lord's prayer, you'll say serny prayer, something like that, and then you put them back in the trunk and you go out, you know, running around trying to manage this world. They'll never get you'll never get there. You know, there comes a point of time where it's not about the drinking anymore. It's about it's about loving God, it's about giving yourself entirely to God, because people that believe in God and have a fervent belief in God and a passionate belief in God and believe that they were saved and putting this plan in the way they are right now not to make them happy or to make money, but so they can help other people and their desires of doing his work. You want to know something, and they're into that Apostle Paul stuff and they're into that six step stuff. You know,...

...some they don't fucking quit. They don't fucking quit. They don't quit. You can calm religious for acts, but they don't drink and they're happy. The rest of people run around a saying well, maybe if you do a for supper, since theyver in twenty style, whatever the hell they're doing, trying to figure out why it's not working for them. It's because every time they go to a meeting and somebody says the word God, they roll their eyes and they walk out the door, stuff like that. They never going to work for that. They never going to lose fear of people and I could not be insecurity because our whole life is about what people think about him and how much money they have in the bank and how they can show off and what they can have. Now, listen, you won't hear talk like this, I'll bet on it, anywhere else in Ay. You want to hear talk like this, well you probably will. I'd like to. I hate that. I know there are other people that believe what I believe and Ay, but but it ain't going to be prevalent. You know, they go be prevalent, but at least I've done my job. You understand. So. And now you can't say, after ten years or twenty years, who drinking? You can't say, well, nobody ever told me, I never heard they just doesn't work. You just start to say, well, there was one guy said something really crazy. I thought he was a nut and I didn't do it. I didn't think he was serious. You know, that's what you'll have to you'll be like one of those guys like I will come up to me and you'll say, you know, I used to hate you, but now I love you. But at least I can say to myself, instead of caving in and telling them the stuff I thought they would like to hear, I just told them the truth. You with me? Okay, that's my story.

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