AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 121 · 2 months ago

Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sober Way Out Group 7/5/2022

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Talk 3 from Russell S. Step Series Tuesday nights at the South Dixie Sober Way Out Group, Miami, FL started June 2022.

My names Russell's pats. I'm an alcohol I had such a great meeting planned for you guys. I'm a member of the South Dixie Group. I'm seventy three years old in my forty second year society, and I can't tell you're very sober and very discerning always, and I had, I had an incredible meeting plan for you guys. As a matter of fact, I want to be the entire thing in my line. It was so good I was I was incredibly impressed. Unfortunately, I'm seventy three and I do I am seen all and I forgot the whole things because so the the second best that whatever. We'll see what comes up. And so now this is that. We called this the third session. I don't call it the third staff or any of that stuff because I'm all over the place. That just whatever Lord puts on my heart, whatever I think I want to say to you, say it. And but I can promise you this. You know, when you've been doing these things for forty one years, when you've been working this problem, you know when I first came in and you know how it is when you first come in. And I'm sure we have newcomers flier Um. It's all different and it's all strange and it's all new and you, you, you're just trying to learn the jargon, you know, turning it over and it's just trying to figure out what the hell they're talking about. And then, and then, when you start realizing what they're talking about, you start working the steps. They're all mysterious, you know. I mean you're saying, I don't evenunderstand why I have to do these things. And they caught for you, for the group, whatever the heck it is. It doesn't make any what does that have to do with staying sober? And you just sort of do it because of the one of the consequences of being an alcohol because you want people to like you. So you start making friends in the group and you want them to like you and you want to be accepted. So the same thing, that the same sort of mechanism. You know that you want people to like you and you want to blend in. That caused you to do stupid ship things. Actually, and he here. If you want people to like you and you want to respect you, will cause you to do good things, healthy things, even against your will. So you wind up doing things so it's just funny. You want your sponsor to like you and he asked you to do something stupid, but you do it anyway and you know your friends are doing and so you and what happens is the kind of stuff that we're really deficits out there can actually be helpful in here. So you know, when you start doing these steps and you do these things and, as true alcoholics, you can't stop thinking. You just you just you refuse to stop thinking because you don't like the God thing too much. You don't really like either you hate it, or maybe you don't like it a lot and you don't want to push it on you deep down inside, although you really don't realize it, because it's part of the alcoholic personality, because our chief characteristic is defiance. That means me defy everybody. We Defy God with the five man we you know, we say things like you work your program I'll work my program. We don't give a ship, but we'll do it. You know, we all work the same program. We do everything the big book tells us to do, except the ship. We don't want to do. That's that's your program, your program Iss you do everything and a you do it all thoroughly, except for the ship you're not doing. I mean, the big book says we encourage Church membership. It says most of US belong to such organizations, and the reason for that is for many reasons I'm not gonna go and do one of it is because that's the one organization that they'll know you'll go to where, unlike our organization here, our fellowship, they'll push God on you. You'll be surrounded by people all to do what is talking about God. They may be talking about defects of character whatever, but it's all God, God, and so you reach a certain point and say it'd be good for you to hang out with them folks, because you might start getting what we're really trying to tell you here instead of reeling against it. But as a true alcoholic who really rebels that stuff, that's what chaptain agnostics is. Chaptain agnostics is a chapter written to atheists, and Agnostis that agnostics that say, if a mere code of morals do the next right thing, good orderly direction with everyone to do, if a mere code of morals would have worked with them a sever a long time, if they don't work for us, because for us it's like it's like going on a diet. You ever go on a diet? I've done about a thousand times. You know. It's like I'm gonna do the next right thing on it never works because somehow, somehow, our heart is only somehow we just find it really difficult to refund the money. You know what I mean? We we mean well, but when push comes to show, we end up doing the selish. And so we had to find a power greating ourselves at work in our lives which somehow operates in such ways so that we do good stuff even when we don't want to do good stuff. And it says, therefore, we wrote a good book that spiritual and means of course we're gonna talk about God. We're of course we're gonna talk about God. Of course that's something, but we're gonna talk about God. And then it says the next line is but here's where the trouble starts, because with alcoholics...

...the hackles in internet go up, and that's likely the cash because they don't want to hear that ship. And so even though you don't realize what they're saying, because you're sort of gloss over, you don't realize what the books actually saying. What it's actually saying is when you hate God and you dislike people that talk about God and you don't want to do anything happen to do with God, that is a consequence of being an alcoholic. I want to try to make it clear. They don't say that's a good thing. It's like they say this sort of thing, it has to be abandoned, you gotta get rid of it. They say drinking is but a symptom of our disease. Are Really real disease. We get rid of the symptom of drinking, but the real disease centers in our mind, and there are certain things that centers in the alcoholic's mind that are part and parcels of the disease of alcoholism that will keep you forever feeling crappy about yourself other people. And one of the things is we don't want to talk about God and we hate God. So we got a lot. We we got a program where the entire program is about building a relationship with God. Seeing your relationship with him is right. Great events will happen. Make a decision for him, serious decision. Also the market. Things happened. We're on a new basic space of trust and relying upon God. We never apologize for God. All in a friend of the courage, what you know, we let him demonstrate our lives that you do it. All this stuff God's stuff, you know. And we have a fellowship where people can't wait to tell you to shut up and don't talk about God. We have a fellowship which I love, but it aint well, people, is anonymous. It's millions of people that have the disease of alcoholism. Now you've decided which don't want to hear about God and they want to figure out how to do it on their own. But they'll never say that, you know what I mean, and they're jumping up down in the moment you mentioned God. They say, listen, don't talk about that. I don't like the Guy who talk too much about God. He was on talking about God, you know what I mean. He was on talking about God, not realizing that by saying that we are actually we're actually basically hurting people. We're actually people telling people do not go in the direction that the big book is talking about, not understanding that. You understand what you UNDERSTANDE. Read the CHAP, the agnostics. You try to, you'll figure it out if you have eyes to see, because one of the consequences of me an alcohol is whenever you hear something, see something or read something you don't like, it confuses you at the release you might hate it, like when my first wife said, you come on Dronk one more time, I'm leaving twelve words. If you come home drunk, neither. One More Time I am leaving you twelve words, no fat if you come on dropping more time on leaving you. I graduate the pomic the lawns of mathematist one for my PhD, and how it's very topology. A lawyer, you know what I mean, a law professor. She tells me that early in the morning I'm a sobers am right now, I drive out the or get to my first lit light and I say to myself, what the funk do you mean by that? I don't understand what she's talking about. You see that? That how how you cannot I everything that I that was important to me or shouldn't been important to me, was right up there on the line and I came home drunk that night and that was the end of the five year managedst my house. My wife lost everything because I didn't understand these words. If you come home drunk one more time, I'm leaving you. I didn't understand them. It was too complicated. So it shouldn't be of any because I didn't understand them, because because they had to do with drinking and what whatever problems you had, it couldn't be about my drinking, because that would have to do with stop and drinking that it would it confused. I was confused about it. So what you need to understand and I was confused about that. Sober, physically sober, I'd love to say alcohol. Listen, I'm basically a nice guy. Alcohol, maybe alcohol made me do these things. It's alcohol's fault. You know when I did this and when I did that. It's all alcohol. I'd love to blame everything on alcohol. But the truth is, even after I got sober, even before I got sober, I heard many of the people in my life, maybe the same ways, doing the same ship, cold stones, Ober, making decisions so over, based on self. But then a lot of stupid ships sober, you know what I mean, and a lot of stupid decisions sober. All alcohol did was allow me to live with my sorry as self without blowing my brains out. You know, because you feel so fuilty, guilty and crappy about that. So the bottom line is we have this very interesting deal. We have a world where nobody talks about God. It's all about the cars and the women and the men and the romance. It's all about the stuff, the things we gotta we gotta pro we got a program in the book alcoholics an honest which is pushing you to God, ever so gingerly or gently or sometimes in a tough way. The whole book, every word is about God,...

God, God, God, God, and we've got a fellowship that wants to put the brakes on that. Now it's like the bucket of crabs I was talking about last week, the way you keep a crab in a bucket. If you're going crab, they should throw another cramer two in there, because as soon as the first grab starts crawling out, the second grab grabs them and pulls him back in. So as soon as you're in here for a year or two or five or ten or whatever, and maybe you're having to be listening to somebody, could be immedical, be somebody else, and they say maybe I'll try that God thing. I don't like that. You start talking about God. The first thing that happens is you have to go overcome the fear of talking about God because you know you're not supposed to, because somebody told you you're not supposed to, or you saw somebody else talk about it and you heard a guy in the back room saying, Hey, if I felt that they said that to me, I would have left, or you see somebody talking about it, and so you get very quick the idea they even though God is all over the steps and God is somewhere and everyone's guy like me comes in and talks about about you very quickly, because alcoholics are very perceptive. If you're an alcoholic, you or please love me a haul it. Don't hate your Halo. Please accept me a Hauli please think I'm great. Hold. Please don't talk me on my Blackcoholic, you got all that holic things going on because, as thoughts Carl manager said, alcoholics are men and men women have destroy themselves because deep down inside you have an absolute, absolutely feel you're totally unworthy. You know you're a piece of ship and you're a phony and you're so scared that they're gonna find job in your piece of ship or phony and you have no self worth, no feelings, can't be balled, no self worths. Can't go about against the crowd. You understand what I'm saying. You can't do that. So you're never even do anything where there's a possibility that in any way somebody might talk about you behind your back, because that would kill me, because you know you're a piece of ship, which is why you're telling yourself every one. So, while I'M gonna ask Alan to kill myself because you're talking about that to yourself, because that's really what you think about yourself. So you're always trying to put stuff out there and show how great you are, how wonderful you are. That's why you talk about people behind their back and character assassinating them. Because when you feel like a piece of crap, if you could talk about somebody else behind their back to somebody else and they agree with you, if somehow, if you put somebody else down, it makes you feel superior. But people that know who they are and are not and are not and their and their identity and who they are isn't based upon whether some guy in the first row isn't even pay their piece of their lights, but it's their identity is because they know that their relationship with God and God loves them and they love God. People like that. They don't gossip about them the people behind their back. They don't walk around feeling ship. You understand, and that's what the big book is all about, to get to that place where you lose fear of people, and that cannot insecurity. But you'll never get that until you go through the God. You see that. That's why it says didn't we have a new basis, basis of trusting me, lying upon time. That's why they say he is the father, we are the children, he is the employer. You know, we are his agents. He's the principal where his agents. Most good ideas are simple, and this is, and this is what they say, the archway of freedom that we walked through in order to get everything in here. And then we come into the bucket of crabs or the spiritual kindergarten, only to find that nine who sented, people who don't want to talk about anyway, who are pointed out in the captain of the Agnostis how that happens in the next go up and I said, don't talk about that, you you're killing people. When it's just the opposite, because the guy who's gonna run out the door because you heard the word God, he's leaving anyway. He's leaving. Let me tell you something. They were probably talking about God. I'm sure that we're. When I came in, I wasn't going anywhere. You know why? Because I had taken the first step. More than anything, I didn't want to drink. Yeah, I'm just lucky that Christians didn't come together. Not Against Christians, but I need out of the air over the Tim Berging right now. You know what I mean. So the bottom line is is that we have this program where it's pushing into God and talking about God in in a so in a gingerly way. So it's not to offend you, because they know how how scared you are about that whole thing. Bill Wilson knew about it. If you read, talked about the good old time. You said some great stuff in there about what was going to before they wrote the Big Book. And one of the lines is is Bill Wilson got a blowback on the God thing and he went up to Henry others. Simon says maybe we shouldn't talk about God or religion or anything like that because, you know, blah, blah, blah. You know, they don't like it and they got mad at me and everything because he was Bill Wilson was an alcoholic. What a fucking idea. You know. He was an alcoholic and he he started feeling bad and and Henry, a life, Henry had a sidling, said to him. He says, look, Bill, the only reason you're soul now because the white life experience, because God came into your life. If you don't talk about God, you might told be the KTEST fut or something. And he says, he said. Bill ultimately agreed. I mean, listen, if you're scared of people and you want to only say things...

...that are gonna make you, make them happy and make them like you, not only do I feel sorry for you, but I don't call that sobriety, I call that bondage. That's why, that's why Dr Bob, in the last chapter of his story, said if you're an atheist or an agnostic of some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from understanding what the funk we're trying to tell you, you hear you idiot? I feel sorry for you. Your heavenly father will never let you down. I mean, wait the funk up, wake up, really, what do you think they're talking about in here? I mean, you know, how many things do I have to quote? I mean, have you actually read the Big Book? Of course you haven't. You've only read the parts you like. You ditched all those other parts. Finship, all the God parts. Half God has everything or he's nothing. You sort of right over. That sounds good. Not to you. There are, you know, half measures of value, nothing half measures. You must have the old guy. You must work, kills you. What's your old ideas? What do you think about God? And I don't like people who talk about to God. Think that's an old idea. To get the funk rid of it. Get rid of it. If it's, is it your idea? Is it youth that doesn't like talking about God? Is that your idea? You don't like people talking about God, screaming about God and stuff like this. I'm saying about God. You don't like that. You know whose idea that is. That's your funking idea. That's an old idea. Get rid of it it. Get rid of the idea. You must get to the old ideas. You must art, kills ut Hay half measures the value nothing. We you know me. What do you think they're talking about? You want to be rocking in the fourth dimension existence. You want to experience. Oh, you just want to not drinking club. You just want to be not drinking and four around. You don't want to, you don't want you want you just want to be normally. You don't want any extract every life. Have you actually looked at normal people? You're going to all these natives. You paying money so you can be normal. I mean they're like living lives of quiet desperation, and I mean a sent Ling for nothing. You want, why not? Why not shoop for extraordinary? Why not shoot for being rocket in the fourth dimension of existence? You know what exists. It's in the book. It says why not shoot with it? It says we we will get he says we'll get rocketed in the fourth dimension of experience and experience much of heaven. How's that? Why don't you experience much of Heaven? We will know peace. It's easy, I can tell you how to do it. You know, the great fact is this, and nothing less. Make God the center piece of Your Life, making the central fact. Oh, you guys didn't read that, or you did read it and just said it didn't apply to you, M because you're different. Maybe you just never took the second step. Maybe you just have to temporary investigation. Maybe there's just to be one of nine of the people that aren't going to drink before the twenty years sober, because we talked about this last week. Only one half of one percent make over twenty years. They's been around for like ninety years. I'm the only guy here with how many other people have forty years here? How many people have over thirty years? Nobody. You think they'd be forty people with forty and thirty and twenty years and everyone like. There's nobody, because it's like a giant funnel. All the whack jobs come in here, they stick around for three years, two years, five years, ten years, fifteen years, twenty years. They don't conform. They continue to hang on to their old ideas. The funnel gets smaller and smaller and smaller and then like one percent, so it drops out at the end and they're happy, joyous and trade and the and the God thing doesn't bother them at all because they've been transformed, they were reborn. That's what it said that they book, we were reborn. That's the Dr Bob says. Ideas, emotions, attues that, with the guiding force of these men's lives, are pushed on one side and become then they become dominated by I hold you set of idea as, emotions and attitudes, the whole word. That's what happened to me. Why might you think I was talking like this? You know, forty, you know, forty two years ago, when I was hanging around the playboy club looking for the blonds, prudents and redhead I think I was screaming, you know, come to God, you know, or something of that ship. You know. Listen, I've been transformed. I was transformed by the power of this program transformed because I wanted this thing. So when I come up here, what am I supposed to do? What am I supposed to do? I'm supposed to tell you stuff that so you'll like me, or are I supposed to tell you the truth now, unfortunately for you, since I don't care really what you think about me. I mean a sense I got in a sense. The truth is, I'd like you to hear this. I say to someone, you know, before me. They said, is anybody here will talk to new company? Well, you know, I'll talk to the newcomer. I love newcomers, but you know who I also love? I have a heart for guys from ten, fifteen, twenty years during the year, nine years, five years that got up their heads up their ass. They don't know what they're doing and they don't feel good about their sobriety and the happy and then I'm gonna tell you that I've never got to talk about...

...meetings because they have intellectual pride and they weren't nobody to go from. Let me have a suppose you've got like fix fifteen years and you're going through a divorce or you're lonely. There don't do money problems where the world isn't tregued. You're right and you're going to meetings and you're doing everything you're supposed to do any and it's not working for you. Except you can say you're not drinking, which is a big, big deal. At least you're not drinking right now, but you're not happy with your sobriety. Where is it? What does the God like that go? You know something people say, does anybody will sit around his talk to new comers. Listen, I'll talk to the guy with fifteen, twenty years. I'm talking here to talk that way. I don't have to keep on hearing at meetings. Well, I had I've been around a for thirty years. I've got ninety days now. I've been around for forty years. At first, give me twenty years ago, I got six months. Now, Oh, I had seven years and then I drank. I had eleven years and then I drunk. Had Twenty years and then I drank. I don't have to hear that ship anymore, because not only are there drunk a lot, there's also faithful lot. It's going on here, which is what the book is all about. They have to take away the alcohol. I mean it really, it's really simple with that. Two rules. You gotta drink to get here, you know, don't rob an alcohol his desperation. Every alcohol cast have his last drink. I don't want to stop people from drinking prematurely, some guys as well. If you don't grab them, stop, stop them, they might die. And said, well, you know, ship, they die every days. We're about as common as dirt. You know, I knew you then who were specially? Now they're gonna die. You know something, I'll tell you where they're gonna die. They'RE gonna die if they don't get to the point where they become so convinced that they're powerless that they will do anything, they will go to any length to stay. So that means doing stuff that they don't want to do. You know what? You know what Chapter Agnostic says? It says you got a problem to God thing, get the funk over it. Stop being an idiot. You know those guys will say to you, don't talk about the God thing and say read the big book to his sponsor and leave me a home. You know, nobody's gonna kick you out of here because you're talking about the God thing. I saw. In any event, now we're gonna now, now I'm gonna get serious, serious, I get serious. Okay, so in anyway, so the deal with this is a is a very interesting deal. Um, when you when you first come in here, you know everything is so new and different, like we're talking about before, and when you and when you're doing the steps you know you're doing, first of all you don't know how to do these steps. You have no idea what they're talking about. Fourth step to step, then you start doing them. The third step, fourth step, whatever the heck you do, and then you know you're doing it. It's so clear because it's so different than what you usually do. Oh, you know what happened? I did a tense step today. Let me tell you. I'm telling you. I did a tense step today, I did a third step, today, I did a fourth step. Day, I did an inventory today, you know I did the second, I did the third. Year. You know what you're doing. You can explain to the group what you're doing this step to do. So you do it. You know, for two years, five years, ten years, twelve years, fifteen years of doing these things and for some reason you stopped saying I did the third step, that took step, the fourth step. I mean because you're like sort of like it's like wax on, wax off. Your whole life is doing these steps. They just sort of mentioned to one giant Globby Milkshakee step. You know what I mean. It's like you don't you, you're not, you're not, you're you become the big you become. You're not doing you you become that deal automatically without even thinking, because that's what you've been doing all along and that's the deals so you know. So so all of a sudden, every step you just start connecting to dice and the first step is connected, the twelve step is connected, the sixth step, you know, and you're you're just living your life here. It's not even something that's different or unusual. Hopefully, if that's the case, you know because you've been overtaken by a power yours sault. Listen, so you should woun't expect. You have forty on just doing years of doing this, you're gonna get anything else by what what you're getting from me, because if you're trying to think, what's what? What is with this guy? What's with this guy? As I've been working on this program for forty one years and, unfortunately for you, if you work this thing like a Sun Bitch, you're gonna wind up just like me. Now I'm a character. I understand and I haven't you know, I'm a child attorney, you know, for Vose, and I can talk me which a couple of words together. And you may not be just like me. You may not sound like me, you may not yelling scream, may not say the word fun, you know, may not do any of that stuff, but in your heart, in your heart in your own way. The most important thing in your life, the central fact, will be the Lord. And when you hear somebody else talking about God in your life, you will not be pissed off, you'll say. He'll say get him, yeah, of my love with you. Yeah, hit him harder,...

...hit and harder, you know, or whatever. You'll do it in your own way, but it'll be clear that God is the central fact of your life. You'll be convinced that he lives in your heart and mind in a way which is deep, miraculous, and you know why. And you won't apologize for your faith in God. You'll never apologize for your faith in God because all men and women of faith have courage. They trust their God, because that's what you will turn into. You will no longer turn into a God denier or one of these spiritual atheists. They're spiritual, and you have a lot of spiritual atheists and agnostics. They say to believe in God, but they don't really. He's not the same piece of their life. They won't talk like this because matter, they hate people to talk like this. You know why? Because I'm if I'm right, if I'm right, then they may have to do it. And how horrible would that be? A bad deal, right, right, to get rocked thinking this way, you have to be rocking in the fourth dimension. So we have this fourth measure exists. So here we have this little school out it's like a one room schools. So here's the good. You know, when I went to school we had, you know, I you know, first grade, second grade, Third Grade, fourth R in fiddends, and then I go to high school, Tenth Grade Limigus. But then I go to college, you know, and I go to you know and I take the first college class in the second rade and they all have pre requisites. You know, if you're gonna take up, if you're gotta take trigonometry, you gotta Take Algebrad Alsborough. Then you have to take algebrade geometry, then you have to take triggen alme trees, then you have to take calculus and the multivariable calculus and then all sorts of things. So you get up to maybe PhD level and stuff like that, and you're doing and everything has and you get pushed on and on and on you go on and so when you go into class with people, I'm just talking mathematics now, where they're studying multi variable calculus or you know, you know all that sort of stuff, whatever that they're doing with. Everybody else has gone through all the same stuff. They don't take it from the first grade and put you in a class of multivariable calculus, you know. They don't put in a class where you're doing a refin. I take and everybody gives me to do a multi variable capitalists. You understand, you gotta go through a whole level of things, and so you get to college and then then Phd Work and then you know whatever it is, and that's the deal. But here, here we got the one month olds and we got the one day olds and we got the guys with five years and the Galas who ten years and the Galas of twenty years and you guys with forty years, you know, and they're all makes them one room school has. And so I'm talking about stuff where some people are gonna have one day, they're gonna get one thing out of it, some people are gonna have six months another thing out of it. Hopefully the guy with twenty years will get something else out of it. You'll see, not what I'm saying. You're not listening to what I'm saying. You're listening to what you're hearing. What you're hearing may not even do what I'm saying. I used to think if I walked out of an a room with one lousy thing out of an hour hot and I know that's the way it works because I speak a convention, I speak of different people come up and you just Oh, I love when you said this. You know I'm saying. I even say that, but you know, yeah, you know, I always say you know, you know, I love when you say and then like ten people come up and they all say they love something I said, and it'll all be a different something. You know, one want to say this thing. Well, they because they all got something different out of it, because they've got something else going on inside of them where they see what they need to see and they want to see what solve their problems. And the people that can't stand the God and everything, you guess what, they don't get nothing out of it, or they gotta resented against them and they walk out and they say, Hey, that's something that this is such a bullshit. We're not in religious song and says we're not alive with everything. They think of every reason why they should discount me. But the problem is, unfortunately for them, they can't fucking get me out of their minds. That's once you have that resentment and you're picking at it, then you gotta do you're gonna you're gonna drink, or you gotta do an inventory staff and you gotta talk to your sponsor. You, I gotta pray about it, and then, I don't know, they come up to me six years later and say, you know, I used to hate you, but now I love you. To Hate God and now I love God, so I don't even care to hate me. As a matter of fact, somebody tells me you people hate your guts. I say, thank God, they've been listening to me. They heard what I had to say. You know, right, above everything, we must get what does it say? It says, above everything, must get rid of this selfishness. God makes that possible. Too Big. You guys weren't there to say that, too guy. Bad you guys weren't there to tell Bill Wilson take that God thing out because he's killing the newcomers. Too Bad. You weren't there. Too Bad you weren't there. What they said, things like God, when they say things uh, he say.

Once we make a sincere this is later on. The third step is just making a decision. That's a big difference between making a decision and I'm gonna tell you the difference. I'm gonna try to tell you the difference. Most people just make a decision for God. It ain't enough, it ain't good enough. What I mean it's but you know something, you know what it is. It's progress. If you get on your knees and you make a decision for God, it's progress. Right. It's better than holding that attitude I'll never do this, I'll never do that or its. It's like progress, but it's not a sincere decision for God. A big difference between decision for God and Decision. Sincere decision for God. Let me tell you the difference. Decision for God you're gonna drink again. Sincere decision for God, we fall down the fun you understand what I'm saying. Sincere decisions for God is six steps stuff. The one that separates remember the boys, the man and the women are those who are sincerely trying repeatedly for a lifetime to grow in the image and likeness of their creator, God, who the capitals say that's a sincere decision. Your whole life is focused on growing in the image of God and you want to know who god is, because he will give you everything you need if you stay close to him and performance work well, and you know that's gonna happen and you believe that. And so all of a sudden you're not thinking about, you know, getting laid, you're not thinking about the money, you're not thinking about all the craft in this world that you think about the tribes and you're crazy. And when I say you're not thinking about it's not a perfect thing. Of course you think about it, you worry about it. You don't got a thing from the IRSH. You think about it, but it doesn't affect you anymore. It's like peplon ship. Happens to you. You don't like it, it's not good, but it's okay because you've still got that relationship with God and he's the most important thing and you know what it's all gonna work out. So your whole life of changes, you see, and it's because you've made a sincere decision with God. But before you may the sincere decision for God, before you're separated out and become the man and the women. You don't mean the real deal. Okay, and the one percent. You know what I mean. You're just operating under making a decision for God. There's nothing wrong with that. That's what the third step is all about. You may think it's like people think it's the biggest stepic door. No, not really. A lot of people make concision about that and a lot of people get on their knees. How you know, they say, you go to the big book, you get on your knees and you you say, if there's a step, prayer, Lass. But a minute. I got on my knees. I said third step, prayer. I think I was sincere. I mean, I really want to do it. I know how to do it. I didn't want to drink and I thought it was tied in the drink. I want to do it because I want to drink again. Who knows why I want? You know, they save motives without bolics. Sometimes it's virtuous, sometimes it's Bullshit's usually it's mixed. All I know is I get it. I closed my bathroom door. I locked it just in case somebody walked them from the street. You know, I don't want to see me down on my knees. I got down on my knees, I said the third step prayer. I was as sincere as I could be that three months or whatever it is. I stood up, I opened up the door, I walked out and everything like that. And why did I why did I do it that way? Well, because I was like, uh, scared somebody might see me. You may think it sounds a little crazy. I was embarrassed that somebody might think that I did that. Listen, by the way, listen. I've gotten over that. I got I got over there. You know how you get over that embarrassment about God? You know how you become you reborn, you become a new person, you become young man, you stop worrying about other people internect. The only thing to worry about what he thinks. To that, you become bold and you have courage, because I'm gonna take that courage. So you could either be a thumpsucking try maybe your entire life and worry about what other people thing about you, or you can have courage and be a real man or a real woman. You understand your choice. It ain't a dress rehearsal, you know what I mean. It's the real deal, right. So I got down on my knees and I said made a decision for God, a decision to take. Well, my decision was, what is it? So to give my life whatever that third step thing says, you know, give my life and move over the care of God. I laughed because we so don't do it right. You don't do it. I mean you made it's good that you got down when you know it takes a long time to get pounded into submission. You know, I need a decision. Thirty years ago to go on a diet. It was a fucking sincerius decision. One on the actings die, lost forty pounds, then started pizza. Two years later I made another decision to go on a diet and then some other diet lost somebody no gone off the Diet.

I mean a decision to go to the gym. I bought on the other thing in the gym and I started going to gym. Went to the gym for six months and now it's not going to the gym. I've made so many sincere decision. It's costly decisions in my life. I made a decision get married, so death to a Sparton that. I got divorced. I made so many decisions in my life. You understand. You know what make a decision is for an alcoholic's total bull it's total bullshit. It's bullshit. We make decisions all the time that we don't live up to. It. We can live up to because you don't have to need power to live up to it, getting down your young knees and taking the third step. At least you've done it. You know what I mean. At least you've done it. You know, how do you make a decision? How does an alcoholic make a decision? He gave his life to God, really seriously and make it stink. How do you make a decision, a sincere decis and, like they say later on in the blood where you're repeatedly trying to grow in the image and likeness of God, not doing the next right thing or good orally direct, but growing the image and likeness God and try to find out how God is and actually doing even the extra credit in the book, doing everything in the book Um and Dr Bob and the good old timers. And if you really want to know where this thing came from, what they're talking about on page I think it's one hundred, maybe one hundred three page before that. Now a started ninety five big book writing. Nineteen thirty nine in the big book. They say, really, ever seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path? Where it is thoroughly? They have where it's like thoroughly? Not My calf has. I say to my sponsor, I'm a month so, two months over, five months off. I can't remember where it is. A long time ago. I said he wasn't working. You Remember Day of the day when you think he is not working for you. It's just not where. You're not doing well. I said, Hey, it's not working, I said in my sponsor. I said I'm doing everything, I'm doing everything, I'm doing it thoroughly, I'm doing everything. It's not working. And that's that whole one and let two, and I think I want to throp with you guys. If I didn't, I'M NOT gonna go through it now. It's too long. He said you must be one of the rare ones. And then he pointed out, really, I've seeing the person fails thoroughly. You're obviously rare. He does work for you, does you may hey, you do not want to commit suicide, because he's the only I said, don't tell me you're you're doing everything. You're not doing everything. What about the fourth step? So, whatever you feel, you're doing everything, everything in a and it's not working for you. Let me, let me give you a suggestion. Here's the suggestion. You're wat chances are you're not doing everything. H You know, I got guys that come in here again and they said, this time I'm doing right, I'm gonna do the perfect fourth step, I'm doing the perfect fifth step, I'm gonna really do that, I'm gonna do this, I'll do that. I said, non, no, it's not the ship going. I see what he says. What should I do? Is says, why don't you try doing this ship you weren't doing? How about the ship you wanted to why don't you go to church and studied the Bible and like they did back in good old days? Why don't you just what about this? Why don't you do this? And want you to do that, and why you gotta? Why don't you do the ship that you didn't want to do because you're worried that people would laugh at you? I made it's just the thought and and by the way, it's conference approof I'm gonna Tell Indians the conference and proof, because in doctor about the good old timers, which is published by a a, so they make money on it. They make money on it because so it's therefore conference proved. You understand what I'm saying. They don't make money on the Bible. So it's not so much conference proof, but it's not conference this approof as a matter of fact. Unfortunately, for that they'd have to destroy most of their books in order to get out of that one. Because in doctor about the good old timers, it says right in black and white, between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine, we said rarely would see first trailers thoroughly followed our path in ninety nine. What was their path? and Dr about the good old timers, and they say with their path was the books be found absolutely essential to read for sobriety. We're first come against thirteen seone on the mountain, the book of James. There you go. So now you're into the book of James, which nobody reads. And you know why they don't read it? Not because it's found in the book and anything. They don't read it because because they're alcoholics and the defiance and they don't like being telling what to do, so they end up drinking again. They don't understand why, and the reason why it is because they've been athiests and they don't want to do it and they don't want to grow up and they don't want to be disciplined and I want to be treated like children, and they are children and they're little spoiled brats, you know what I mean. They don't like being told what to do. They want to figure it out themselves so they could be God, you know what I mean, and therefore the whole thing and losing. That's the deal. And so they have this thing called the book of chains, which I'm gonna read to you part of it right now so you can understand where this big book came from and what the whole thing is about. It's all confidence approved...

...us, by the way. Did you know that they were gonna call us and not a they would call us to James Club? Did you know that? Okay, so here's what it says. They're gonna like this. This is James Chapter One. You know, lack of stuff. I want your listeners. You know, these half measures avail us. What? Definitely nothing. You know where that came from. Half leasures avail US nothing. You'RE gonna learn where that came from. There is no middle of the road solution. You're Canna hear where that came from. This is what they were studying before they wrote the big book. Consider it pure joy, brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of any kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith producers perseverance. That perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all, without finding faults, and it will be given to you. Now here we go. Here's the good part. What what did it say? If you want to grow, and you want to grow in your faith, you know don't despise trials and tribulations, just keep on persevering and focus on God and your faithful grow. What does it say a big book? The way we got a new perspective is unbelievably painful, by repeating humiliations. The final question of our self sufficiency. It's something you have to go through in order to grow up and become an adult instead of a three year old. But here's the next thing. It says. You don't like this. Half measures avails nothing. That you want to think half measures gives it right. You don't like to get rid of old ideas, but he's always nailsily I go after you don't like that stuff. Right, let's see what it says here. But when we ask God, you must believe and not doubt, not doubt. It must be serious belief, serious faith and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from God. Such a person is double minded and unstable, and all that. They do half measures of value, nothing, so you say to me. Okay, so I want this faith. I want this kind of faith where I do sit around worrying, where I could be my own man, where I can grow up. I want this faith. How do I get it? How do I get it? Because you're in a true alcohol if you'd like to get it, like, how about tonight? How about time? How about you walk out of there whatever you you're like glowing. You know it's unbelievable. How about why does Russell just give to me like right now. Okay. So let me tell you how I got it. Can I tell you how I got it, because I always we got about five as I was like five minutes. How I got it? So when I was about two or three or four years sober, I started speaking around town and doing things, you know, steps, series and ship like that, because because I had a big mouth and I'm lawyer and I can put a couple of words together and for some reason people liked it and maybe I was actually working on program I don't know what I was doing. But Harriet Rawls, who had about thirty or forty years in the Carl Gables Group, said, you know, Ross I've heard you talked and I like what you have to say. We would like you to do the steps at the car room and Carl Games, which was a big room back then, you know, like hundred hundred of you would come there at night. Sober people like I had some twenty years attorney, you know, and then we want to kids the steps in the car room. I said, Oh really, and I said you know, and I was a little nervous, you know, because I've never you know, big group, Major Group. At about four or five years I said, okay, I'll do it, he says Dallas. And I gotta tell you something. This is what Harriet told me. I'll never forget. She said at the Carl Gables Group. When you do the steps, you speak for an hour, you don't speak for twenty minutes and then turn it over. You don't speak for fifteen a minute for forty five minutes and turn over you speak with the entire hour period. Can you do that? And I said sure, I can do that. I can do it. I could do that. You know I mean I'm such a bullshit artist. You know I can do that. So the night comes where I show up the car room and, uh, and I'm supposed to talk about something. I can't remember. One of the nights I don't. It was the third step and second step. I'm at the car room and there's about like here. It's like on a eighty people or with ninety people, whatever. It is the car room and it's it's this time of night. It's an eight thirty meeting and they're all there and they're also looking at me and I'm up there and I don't even know how old that was. You don't go back like around the fifteen. I'm seventy three now, whatever it was, but like forty years ago, whatever it was, thirty five words. I can't do the math. I'm not gonna do that well anymore. So I get up there. It's an...

...eight thirty meeting and it's at nine thirty. It's at nine thirty. I'm speaking for an hour, I think it was on the third step or whatever was on. And I started talking to them and I had read the Big Book Million Times and I had underlined the twelve and twelve and I knew everything. I knew shit about the third step. Let me tell you something you can't even I mean I knew stuff that they didn't even have in the book. I I was like Mr Third Step. So I got it there and I started talking. I started giving them the greatest third step meeting in the freaking history of alcoholic unbelievable. They only had take that one, you know what I mean. And I talked and I talked and I talked about everything I'm to do the third step in the big book and I talked about everything that had to do with the third step in the twelve and twelve and I talked about third step shared. I mean they had never possibly seen before, you know what I mean, or heard before on the planet. You know. And UH. And when I was done, when I was finished squeezing myself like a lemon, there was no just and I told me everything about the third step. And they're all looking at me like you're looking at me. When I look at the clock, it's five to nine. You guys ever spoken in front of people? No fear of people and speaking and I speak about one of it's like one of the great furious people have. I want you to try to imagine, if you can, how I felt when I said every possible day and I get say on the planet earth and Harry Rawls is they're looking at me and I finished talking and it's five to nine and they're all sitting there to hear what I'm gonna say next, and there ain't no fucking next. So I'm sitting there. I'm sitting there and I'm panicking. I am absolutely panicking. I mean I really am. Can you imagine? You're sitting there with all these people looking at yet and I have I I have no idea what I can say. I am drained. I'm not even sure I can speak the English language. I think I'm gonna Start Speaking in tongues or something. I know that's gonna Happen, and I'm a Jewish kid and you are I want to do that. And so this is what this is what happened. I don't even know why this happened. And I said because, let me tell you, somewhere you're stuck in that situation, you'll find that this ship will happen to you. I said, close my eyes it. God help me, God help me to myself, and I started talking for another thirty minutes. M I have no idea what the funk. I said, meeting's over. I walked outside. One of my friends come to some he says, Hey, that was great, so I said, I said him, you can't make this ship up. I said, well, what do you think about that thing in the middle? This is what do you mean the thing in the middle? You know where? You know where. I didn't say anything, right, I said. He said, I don't know what you're talking about. The thing in the middle where I stopped talking, you know, and there was like a pause. I didn't say anything. He said, Oh, I thought it was some sort of dramatic pause or something. That's how you learned about the third step. That's how you learned about faith in God. You Trust Him. If you turn it over to him, you get yourself in a draft Jackpot that you know nothing in the world will ever save you. You forced you. You try to think your way out of it with a million thoughts, and the only thought you have is maybe I ought to kill myself or high or something, and then you finally say, God help me. The last thing you say is God help and all of a sudden the miracle happens. The miracle happens, and then you go to your group and you say things like you wouldn't believe it just happened today, and you tell him a story. You got a story. Now I got another story. You know what I just thought. You know what I just told you. That's a story I have. Not only did it work and they give me more faith than God, but it gave me a story to tell you when I do a third step, maybe right now. You do that enough times well, under different circumstances, over four years. Over four years, you become convinced. You become convinced and you become rocket fourth dimensional existence. So thank you very much, bet.

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