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Talk 2 from Russell S. Step Series Tuesday nights at the South Dixie Sober Way Out Group, Miami, FL started June 2022.
Episode 120 · 1 month ago
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Episode 120 · 1 month ago
Russell S. Talk 2 at the Sober Way Out Group 6/28/2022
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
Talk 2 from Russell S. Step Series Tuesday nights at the South Dixie Sober Way Out Group, Miami, FL started June 2022.
My name is Russell. I'm an Alcoholic Russell Guy. I'm seventy three years old and I've been sober, I guess, forty one years, in my forty second year, and it's good to be here and and we're gonna talk about something. Don't try to turn me down. This is talk to I'm gonna talk session numbers number two. You know, my my sponsor, when I first came in, he said, you know, Russ you gotta lower your expectation. You would expect the mic to go certain ways, people say things a certain way, things to happen. You're constantly getting these resemblages. The lower you wreck plays. So I'm gonna talk about whatever the word puts in my heart to talk to you about it. Ye know, I was just thinking. You know, fifty seven years ago I was working on sendy and I street like about ten blocks away from here a plate. But no, not at I was at the playboy club, but that was a whole other story and it really and actually it sort of fits in. But at a place called then Sonia Motors. It's all over there. And Uh, I was I was about sixteen or seventeen years old and we were delivering. I would be on the back of a garbage truck, different delivering garbage. And and so that's a well, you know, uh t s Eliott says in the four PAT trains. He says we will not cease our exploration and in the end of all our exploring will come to the place where we began, having known the place for the first time. So here I am, what is it? Fifty seven years later, forty one year sober, and I know a few things. I'M gonna try to share him with you. And it's like the PHARMER's commercial. We know a lot because we've seen a lot. I've just seen a lot of stuff in my own life and different things. So I'll just try to share it with him. We'll see where this thing goes, you know what I mean. And it's just UN amy. And we're not it's not like the battle of the Bouldr, you know, we're not invading Iraq or anything. It's just another a. You know, it's how to get through this deal and at these prices you can't expect a whole lot. So I'm I'M gonna reach a couple of things from different sources. Uh and UH. It's gonna have to do with step two in three and eleven and six and seven. And you know, at this point in my life, you know, I used to when I first came in, you know, the steps were all new and different than you know, I'd say to myself I didn't understand them, I didn't know what the hell they were doing. I didn't know why or how whatever. And then when I started getting with the flow, you know, the jargon and the steps and everything, then I then then, you know, you start doing them deliberately and you start beginning real knowledge about him. Say, Oh, I think I just did step three. Well, that was like a step twelve. Yeah, some guy would ask me the direction of the room. It's that what the like doing step twelve, you know, doing step six, I'm doing step four. And you know, after the first twenty years and twenty five years of doing these things, you know, all that faith in the backgrounds and I just lived my life and I was I was not doing the steps. I was living the steps, not consciously, it was just, you know, you know, you do, especially the ends step, you know, because you make amends enough times. You know, like John Wayne said, life is tough and if you're stupid, it's even tougher. And Uh, you know, you do stupid things enough time and you make amends enough times, you get sick and tired and make an amends for the same bullshit you always make amends for, and you you come to an incredible epiphany, and the epiphany is this that if you don't do stupid ship, you don't have to make amends. So where you used to say something, you keep your mouth shut and you know, then you don't have to take an amends. And when you used to send an email, you don't send email and then you don't have to make ammends. You need me louder, okay, for who the hard of hearing in the back, the back, those guys. Oh, those guys ain't gonna make it anyway. What are you talking about? It look at Damn. Okay, I'll talk a little bit louder. So and then I'm gonna talk a little louder. You know, you're just hosting my security. You mean you know they came in emotional security and what is you know? So, in any events, so I'm at the so I'm gonna read a few things from and it's gonna have a little bit of stuff and I'm not gonna talk about drink and I we did the first step. I talked five minutes about drinking. There's two rules in a I told you that first rule. You gotta drink to get here. A second rule. Once you get you're supposed to stop. I don't know how to stop. I can't stop anybody for drinking. You know, if you have a doubt in your mind, if you're not sure, if you don't think you're an alcoholic, I'm not gonna convince you. You know what I mean. I'm not even gonna try to convince you. Quite frankly, I'm gonna let you learn about my sponsor. US To say, don't rob an alcohol of his desperation. Every alcoholic has to have his last drink. You know what I mean, and I you know they're saying the good old days. Read Dr Bob, reading the Twelve and twelve says. We don't argue with alcoholic. Say, why don't you try some control of drinking? I don't know how you did the first step. I drank myself into the first step. Trust me, you drink enough you'll eave a die, kill somebody else from wind up in prison and or something you'll figure this thing out. And Uh, we have a's like a giant. You know. First of all, this isn't exactly well, people is anonymous. I just want you to know that. And a is like a giant self cleaning of it.
Every year or so, the alcohol comes through and cleans out all the fucking bullshit, you know what I mean. All the wise guys, all the guys say this is bullshit. All the guys say, I'M NOT gonna get on my knees, I will do that. They just sort of like go to prison, you know what I mean. They die, you know, they get drunk again and it just keeps on happening over and over, and that's how we purify the race. You know, that's only purified. That's do you know what a would be like? God forbid they do away with alcohol. Can you imagine what a would be like if all the alchemy stuck around, no matter how crazy they were? You know, Oh my God, the fistfights and ship going on, you know. So our greatest friend is alcohol. It's got me here, and you know what keeps me here? And Uh, and what wipes out all the bullshit, you know, every when it comes along. So I'm not going to convince you or even trying to convince you. Come up to me, you call me up and I'm your sponsor. You coming me up three o'clock one and say I'm gonna commit suicide. I said, you gotta wake me up for this and I hang up the phone. I gotta read about it in the paper, for God's Sakes. You know what I mean, and that's the deal. So I'm not gonna talk about it. I'm not gonnabody. Drunk a lot. This is all faithful lot stuff. What you notice? One of the things you notice after being sober for a long time there's a lot of people drink after they get sober. You notice that. You guys, some of you guys, may not notice it that much because you have been around that long. You may think people stop drinking and they stay stopped, but you know the truth is they drink after one year, they drink after five years, they drink after the ten. In fifteen and twenty years I have dealt with and seeing more people drinking after getting an appreciable time in eight than people who drank with less than one year, and that's because they never really did with alcoholism. They never recover from alcoholism. They come in here and they joined a group called the not drinking club and instead of going to the bars, they come here and they have coffee and they make friends and they feel good, and then they stopped drinking. Things start going well for them and they say I'm off the racism, I'm cured, and they stopped going to the meetings. So they don't take it seriously and then they're drinking yet and that's the way it works, because they never really recover. So I like to talk about emotional sobriety, which means I'm gonna talk about God, which is what the book is all about, and that's what we're gonna talk about, because if there are many faith to logs, is there are drunk a logs, there'll be a lot of people with eleven years or more that don't drink. They get into the program. But so I'M gonna I'm gonna quote a few things from you, I'm gonna read a few things. They all have to do with this deal with alcohol. Is this deal? Somehow? They all have to do with it. And you guys are smart people. I mean you're alcoholic, so you know how brilliant you are and uh, it's Oh, those it didn't read in the Time magazine, those brilliant alcoholics. Yeah, but in any event, what we think we're, we think we're smart. That's all they counts. And so I'm gonna read a few things and, uh, and I'll let you figure it out, because you know, the truth of the matter is you're gonna have to figure it out. I'm just gonna lay it out. It's gonna be laid out there in front of you and and some of you're gonna hear what I have to say, some you're gonna hear someone I have to say. Some of you was gonna are gonna hear ship. That I'm not even saying. You know. It's gonna head stuff in and UH, some of you guys sit there and saying this guy is full of ship. I should be up there talking. I know everything. It's okay. It doesn't mean that I just laid the ground. I just do my job, because the book says very simply, God will give you. Once I make a sincere decision with God will give me everything I need. If I started to stay close to the performers, worked well, and his work for me is to sincerely and honestly try to share with you whatever about stays sober, not drinking and being rocketed in the fourth dimension of existence and knowing peace and you know, that's the deal. That's what I want to talk about because, because not drinking, it's a great thing. But how about not having fear? How about not worrying about what other people think about I'd be pretty cool in it. How about being able to talk into ambauty without being scared or walking away and not feeling like you're an idiot? How about not all react into situations? How about not waking up at three o'clock when he's worried about the money? How about not feeling lonely you're feeling like? How about not feeling like you're a loserus you're not have a girlfriend or a boyfriend or you haven't been late in six months. How about? How about not worrying about why you don't have a new car or a car or any car or anything? How about just how I'm not worrying. How about the not worrying? How about the worrying thing? You guys so are you guys sober? Have you been acquainted with alcoholic worrying? Has Anybody that had been acquainted with what it's like to be a sober alcoholic in this world and worrying? Is Anybody, any of you guys, ever acquainted with anxiety? By the way, that's fear. Some guy came to my office one day in Alcoholic and he said he's worried about this and he's worried about that, and he's worried about this and he's worried about that. I said, I understand what you're talking about. It that I said, you have feared and he said no, I didn't say that, I'm just worried. That's a true story. I'm not making that up. The first step in getting out of jails to know you're a jail in the first place. How are you gonna get rid of fear but you don't even know you're fucking have it? You know what I mean? When your whole life is worrying about crap and you don't even know your whole life you're riddled with...
...fear, the corrosive threat, and you don't even know you have fear because you think you're just worried and you don't even know. Now you're real, which is really the real disease that centers in your mind, not your body. Something shot. You're not drink, but how are you gonna get rid of the anxiety? Are you gonna get rid of that stuff? So I'm at a meeting one day and I don't know how many years, like threety eight years ago or something like that, and the sunset group I'll not forget. And I'm at this meeting. There's certain things that happened to you as you stay sober that you just remember. I mean, I can't remember, I can't remember five hours ago, but I remember this meeting thirty eight years ago, and that's sort of way it is. Not The way it is meeting. You remember something that happens maybe years ago, a mother, but you don't remember. You can't remember yesterday and uh as. I mean it's some guy at the sunset room on a Saturday morning and I used to go with my sponsor a bunch of other guys and we'd all go to sizzler afterwards. It was eleven o'clock meeting. Actually got there early and they served breakfast and then you a little meeting and then after the meeting we'd all go to says. Let me have lunch and some guy share and he said I'm brand I'm relatively new or brand new or something like that, and he says he's told this really sense. You know, he's new, he doesn't have any friends, nobody befriends him. You can't find anybody to talk to him and he's all alone and he's lonely and he doesn't know what he's doing and he's scared and all this. It was like sad, it was like being for a day. You know, that's it was like. My heart was going out to him. You didn't have any friends. And so after the meeting, I I went up to him, I approached him. I said, listen, my name is Russell, me and a bunch of guys in my sponsor go over the sitzler right after this and we hang out together. Why don't you come with us? He said, no thanks, I'm gonna go home and watched dad. He said no thanks, I'M gonna go home and watch TV. And we were both physically sober, you know what I mean. And I turned to my sponsor because I didn't understand, you know, because I didn't understand what alcoholism was all about, the real disease, and he said Russell. Listen to me. Some people want help, some people want to change and some people just want attention. And you'RE gonna need to learn who wants attention and who wants really to get help and change. And you've got people in any meetings and they're you know what the meetings going on, they're checking out there text or their sex, then texting whatever they're doing. They talk into the honey, they're you know, these are not people that are interested and growing up, you know what I mean. These are people that are just they have to be filling the space, but they're not serious about this deal and you need to recognize that. You need to recognize that and sponsors and other people and so you don't waste your time a lot of people. So I'm gonna read up to three things and uh, and the first thing I'm gonna read is page one hundred on his bill season, and this is from a comes of age and it's a little thing from Bill Wilson which has a lot to do with this disease and a lot. Here's the deal. Make believe just for this hour, just for this hour, you know what I mean, and then you can forget about make believe. That whatever I'm telling you is the Gospel, is the truth, okay, and then you can go out and say, well, that was a bunch of bullshit, you know what I mean, and throw it away, you know, because it's all from a material, and the material, you know, they say, really haven't seen. Prince Fahilh has thoroughly followed our path. Do you ever worry? What you ever wonder what their path was? Well, you have to readuct about the good old timers. Talks about what they were doing between nineteen thirty five and nineteen forty. Would you like to know what their path was? You guys think their path is what goes on in here at these you think the path. You think what they were doing between nineteen thirty five and ninety nine. There's some resemblance to what we do here today. And you think that a has not changed in the last eighty years. That's what you think. You might be wrong. You might what. Have you read a book about a between nine? You said, man, this is nothing like what I'm experienced today. What would you do then? With rarely have you seen the Prinson of hill has thoroughly followed on death. What would you do if you felt if you read a book about what they were doing, you said, I and on that path at all. What would you do? That's a good interest, that's an interesting thing. It's drugged into really obviously seen the Prinson of bill has thoroughly followed our path. And I asked you this question. What have you read? A book that was written in Nineteen, you know forty, or you know nineteen forty, all about everything they did between nineteen thirty five, nineteen forty one or something like that. Before they've rather been putting. You said, man, I'm not doing this crap at all. The guys who wrote if you want to be rocking in the four to mention of existence, experiencing much of heaven,...
...well, you might say to yourself, well, I'm not drinking, but I'm not always happy and I'm worried a lot and everything like that. How do we getver do that? I said maybe, maybe I have to do the stuff they were doing back in nineteen thirty nine. Now, what would happen if you thought that? But you said, but I don't want to do that stuff. But if you said I don't want to do that stuff, I think I shouldn't have to do what they did and I should get what they got anyway. You know, like, uh, you know, like like, for instance, I believe there's a place called Planet Russell. I'm just stuck in the wrong plan on Planet Russell and Planet Russell, I don't have to be disciplined to do what they did. You understand what I'm saying? I can do whatever the hell I want to do, he says. Really, I've seen prince bail. It has thoroughly followed up path, you know, and and and it says they cannot willet, they cannot conform themselves to this program because they're constitution and caboull. Being honest, I live on Planet Russell, where I can do whatever the hell I want to do and I still get what they got. You know what? What if? What if we're at what we're actually doing for the first ten or fifteen or twenty years is not what the book says we're supposed to do, but basically what we want to do. Do you think it's possible? Do you think it's possible that we could do what we want to do and pick out certain things that we're never gonna do? I'll give you an example. In the book it says it says this is what the founders said. Right in the big book says we encourage Church membership. Hey, listen, don't stole me just to call it New York and home. Take that out of the book. We encourage church membership. And then it says, it gets em better. It says most of US belong to such organizations, organizations where the whole thing is about people meeting and talking about God. You know the thing, you're not supposed to talk about an a a right, but we suggest that you go to a and you also join organizations where there's no alcoholics, where they're all focused on the one thing in common is not the drinking, but they talk about God. We encourage that. Look up the word encourage. It means where. where? We're encouraging you to do that, and we all do that. Now, what if you say, yeah, but that's optional enough to do that? What? What does that say about you? It says, you know what it says. Our chief characteristic is the pianist. I'll tell you what it says about you. It says you're not humble. You have no humility because you can't follow directions. It says you're childish, you don't want to follow, which is okay, God and a God it. If you can't be childish and a, where the hell can you be childish? You know what I mean. But but it also means that if five years down the road you drank, or if ten years down the road, you're not happy, or if somehow you're not getting everything you think you should be getting out of this, you can't say I don't understand, I'm doing everything. You can't blame a you can't blame the founders. Can't do that. Well, you can. Alcoholics are greater blaming people. I want to send to my sponsor. You know, I think I might have told you so. I'm like people. I said my sponsor I was having a bad day. So a bad hour. Who knows? I'm an I have a bad minute or something, because alcoholics have bad minutes. And they said, I'm having a bad year. My Life is shot, you know, and you know when I you know, I got a flat tire. My life is over. You know. No, this program, the program is not working. I'm doing everything. I'm doing everything you're supposed to do an a, and it's not working. And he said, yeah, alas, says, when you must be one of the rare ones and I said I was one of the rare ones. He says, yeah, they're. Obviously it's not working. Even one of the real ones. So I'm thinking I've been trying to tell him, I've been saying things to him like you don't understand. I'm different and he's finally coming around to see my particular problems are different than these other guys. And I said the Raal ones. He says, yeah, you're one of the rare ones. I said, well, what's that? He says when they talk about it every meeting you go to. I said what he says, they talk about it every meeting you go to. I said they did never talk about it the meanings I go. He says, yeah, every mean you go they talk about it. I said, I swear I've never heard him talk about it. At least it's don't they say? Rarely have we seen a person for L Lewis, the early fought up head. You just told me you're doing everything and it's not working for you. So obviously one of the rare ones. You're one of those guys where a a will not work for you. You need to leave an this is my sponsor. Tell me, I need to leave because it's not gonna work for you. And he's the only ye ever worked me and he's excommunicating me from alcohol, he's excitling me from the me means,...
...and I sat there like somebody killed my my my new puppy or something. I really took them seriously, because when you're in alcoholic you don't you have no sense of humor whatsoever. You do and UH. And he said no, no, no, listen, you don't have to leave a but don't tell me you're doing everything and it's not working for you. I said, first of all, you're not drinking, it's working and secondly, have you done your fourth step? We'll know. I haven't done that. So that's what we think we're doing it. We tell ourselves we're doing everything because we like the coast, we like the rest of our laurels. We don't want to do more. We don't want to do more. So we say I'm doing everything, you know, and we're not doing everything. You know. We gotta be disciplined, we gotta be whipped like dogs, you know. So so I go to law school and I'm sitting in the law school and it's orientation. There and there's like three people there and these the guys, are like the sharpest whips. And because you don't get in law school because you're dumbing. And then they're all sitting there, all smart, ask guys and and the demon law school says, look to your right and look to your left. One of those guys won't be here in six months. As serious as hard at that end, in six months a third of the group is like God, they couldn't hack it, you know what I mean? And so and so I mean. I understood the concept that, uh, this is serious ship and not everybody makes it. So I come into alcoholics anonymous and my sponsor at thirty. When I come to a my sponsor. I was supposed to be spid, graduated the Partmentth loners and mathematics. I was going for my PhD in Algebraic Topology side, go to law school, National Science Foundation, fellow, all that sort of stuff. Smart Guy, and I was supposed to be sponsored by Albert Einstein or Jesus or something like that. Whole thing fell through and they gave me some used card salesman that didn't even read to wait the sixth grade or something. It was like it was very pathetic, but I unfortunately, by the time I got here, I had only two neurons working. They were waving goodbye to each other and it was a sad situation. I was very vulnerable and uh, and so he uh, he says to me, he says this line. He looks at me and he says, I don't remember a lot of stuff, my first one said, but there's certain things I remember. That's part of my memory. And he said, you know, Russ many are called, a few are chosen. Many are called, a few were chosen, and it was like the law school guy, you know what I mean. And I didn't quite understand that. It's from the Bible, scriptural, scriptural. Many have called, a few were chosen, and the the indication was in my mind. I didn't quite understand it because I hadn't been to a for years and years and years or decades. So I didn't see the the matriculation. I didn't see I didn't see all the people falling out. On my experience, my experiences, should come day and you stopped drinking, you stay stopped. I didn't have experience watching guys picking up. I had five years and then I picked up by ten years and then I picked up by twenty years. When I picked up, I didn't have the experience with people drinking after they're sober, because everybody was talking about the craving. But the craving is what happens when you take the first drink and then you crave another one. I'm taking I know about that, because you look at me. I know about that with Lazy Potato Chimps. But the bottom line is I understand craving. But but, what? But, but if you're sober ten years and you haven't had a drink, what's the craving that caused you and you're going to anys to pick up a drink? Man, it has nothing to do with craving. It has to do with the fact that you haven't overcome over alcoholism. And then I reading the Big Butt that alcohol drinking is but a symptom of it. It's a symptom of the disease. The real disease centers in your mind, not your body. You're crazy, you're insane. promenaders said alcoholics to Ben Women who are out to destroying themselves. Yourself destructive. And so I get here, I get and I somehow slowly but surely you get the idea that just because you're not drinking doesn't mean you're gonna make it? I mean there's a clear indication to the newcomers and everybody for the blood and the plugging the jug. Don't drink, even if your ass falls off, go to meetings, drink and drink and drinking. There is such an emphasis. We have anniversaries that they're not drinking, not drinking, that it's it's understandable that you think that all you have to do is not drink, one day at a time and you're a winner. My sponsor, Joe Snyder, told me that rush you can funk up the whole day. If you don't drink one day and if you don't have a drink, you're a success and I believe that and I believe it today. I would tell any newcomer that today. But you have a clear indication that as long as you're not drinking, you're okay, you've made it, and the bottom line is is not drinking is not the success with the disease, when they say you'll be rocking in the fourth dimension, you'll experience much of heaven, you'll you'll learn heaven, you'll be your life would be propelled to heaven. You'll know peace as if you do. When they say that something's just they're not talking about not drinking. Not Drinking as a whole different deal. And you hold...
...me. Learned that there's really two sort of sections of A. There's the not drintion club, which nine percent of people are in, and then there's the rocket of the Fourth Dimension Club. All different deal. It's called the fellowship of the spirit. It's the last line. You'll meet some of us in the fellowship of the spirit. It's a whole different deal. You recognize him as you go along and here you recognize some people. You all said, man, I wish I had with yeah, you don't want anybody even know what they have. And so that I understood that there was a a, a, a slipper. And then I read the book, a book, and I wish I could find it, but where it was all MES statistics and a and they said only one half of num percent make over twenty years. That's like one and two hundred. I mean he's been around for eighty years. Why don't we have like twenty five guys with forty years in here? I mean I got forty one. I got forty one years. Okay. How many? How many people have over forty one in yere forty years in here? How many people have over erety years in here? No one. How many people have more than twenty years in here? Three? Four. You would think if this thing really worked right, this whole room would be mostly guys with over twenty, thirty years and would be a few newcomers. Right, but you want to know. Many are called but few are chosen. Look to your right, look to your left. One of you guys aren't going to be here in six months. It Ain't gonna happen. I mean, I hate to give you the bad news. You know, I don't know who it's gonna be. The biggest son of a bitch, the most recalcilitrant, defiant son of a bit that hates God and hates this whole thing and thinks I'm full of ship because stays sober for forty years and be given this speech? What do you is this asshole Russell and and and some born again guy who's like really found God, could be drunk like go through I don't know what the deal is. I can't. I haven't figured it out. I'm not in charge. There's something else going on here that's inscrutable, you know, but there's it's like a funnel. I mean I want you to imagine a funnel, a giant funnel, where every fucking crazy person in the world that's an alcohol is thrown into this funnel. You don't even have. They used to have. The definition used to be, if you're an alcohol, it's look not sixty percent people in the funnel don't even want to be here in the court order, do you know what I mean? So they haven't even made that said. They don't even even think of the utobhol things just never get through it, you know what I mean? And a few people just, you know, think they're having some bad time. So I'll go there and then I'll get something that I'll go out again. But but the truth is and and they used to have. Part of the funnel used to be to get into the funnel. It used to be the definition to be you have an honest uh, what's the definitely honest is an honest is what's the A is a fellowship the men and women who should their experienced right the hope of each other. And it says the definitions. You gotta have. It used to be you have to look in the book. Used to have an honest desire to stay sober, and then they took out the word honest because too high a bar for outbows hoot. So we're talking about fleeting fucking thought. You know what I mean. You got a bad Saturday night, they throw you in the throw you in the funnel. But you guys know what the funnel looks like. Let me tell you something. It goes down right and I even gets narrower and narrower, and now it gets real narrow. It gets real narrow and then at the end is like like one or two people. Pop them down, you know what I mean. And you got an alcoholic saying I ain't going there. Don't push me there, don't get you take your invatory. Don't take my inventtroy. You have your program, I have my program. They all die. They all die, and the guys that are left for forty years, in thirty years, they pretty much have similar program you know what I mean. I mean not all them as loud as I am, but if you get them into a corner they're all doing the same fun and kind of stuff. They're living the steps they're not turning their lives over to God. They're they're living God centered lives. You know, they don't have to do anything special to turn their life over to God. All they're doing is thinking of God. He has become the central fact of their lives. That's what the book says. It says, it says the great fact is this and nothing less, that God has become the central fact of our lives. They're not fighting it, they're not mad. They don't get angry at people who are talking to God and big book meetings. They don't roll their eyes, they don't won't roll their eyes when people are talking about God and big book meetings. They don't make fun of them or anything like that. You know, all that's okay, sorry, but you know, they don't. They don't do that. They they're they're they're excited. They want to hear more about that. They said, tell me more. That's what I want to hear. Man. I don't hear that in any of the a means I go to.
...they never talked about God the way you do God, the Bible, the ages. I go but I said that's funny they talk about but all the leadings I go to at least one guy is talking about so it's like a narrow way. It becomes narrower and narrower. You know what I mean, because you understand what the real problem is. So let me read you a couple of things and then you get to the sixth step, and then you know what the sixth step says. It says you talk about getting analysis. This is the step that separates the men from the boys. Here's where the narrowing stops. You're in. You're in the not drinking club. Now let's see if you can handle a sixth step separate the men from boys. And you know what that's about. Repeatedly do the doing these things so that you can grow into the image and likeness of your Creator. It's hard to grow in the image and likeness of cloud or the invisible man or a tree or crab, you know what I mean, or some sort of bullshit thing you made up in your mind. You gotta start getting serious, you know. You gotta start getting serious. Yeah, you see. So you guys sort of laugh at that. You don't like the God thing. You don't like where I'm going with this because you have a feeling I'm gonna take you in a direction you don't want to go. Yeah, direction I'm talking about it's gonna take you to four years sobriety and being happy with your lives. You don't want to go in that direction, the line, because you're arrogant and you're full of yourself. You know, you don't want to follow directions, and so we're gonna let you do whatever you want to do and live your life based upon your own intentions, based upon your own will, because you've been doing such a great job of it. It's been working so well for you. Okay, so here's the forgotten amount, and this is Bill Wilson. You want to listen to this, Bill Wilson? When I was a child, I page one dred of you see, it's confidence proved, by the way. There's no confidence disapproved. Did you know that all they did was read the Bible and should like that hasn't been disproved by the conference. You know comference approved is. Does anybody know what conference proved is? I'm not putting it down and you know, anybody you know what the definition conference proved is? Books that a makes, books that a makes money over at builds that a makes money on. When I came in, everybody was reading the twenty four book. There was no daily everybody for twenty years there was reading the twenty four hour book. It was a combination of the big book and the Holy Bible, which is what they were doing between nineteen and only up to the nineteen, okay, and and everybody was reading it. And then a came out with a book of their own called daily reflections. We pay a few bucks and go say hey, nothing wrong with that. And Hazelton brought up the rights to the twenty four book and all of a sudden all the a rooms dropped the twenty four hour Bouh. Everybody had stayed so much at that time and they only pushed daily reflections because it was how ference approved. I want you to think about that. You know, very spiritual ship going on here. You know, it's like aline. You know it's it's got a product, that he's got a product. It's a big boat. You know, you buy one, you send other people and day buy. Nothing wrong with that. But don't be worried about the conference approved the disapproved stuff. You know, and and and it's and Dr Bob the good old timers, says, the books we found absolutely essential. We're first comman in thirteen seven on the mountain, the books in the book of James, those are the books they read. They found it absolutely essential. Look, when I was a child that acquired some of the traits that had a lot to do with my insatiable craving for alcohol. M Hmm, some of the traits had a lot too, with my insatual craving for alcohol. Do you want to know what they were? You want to hear about him? Would you like to hear about okay, M he says, I acquired some of the traits that had a lot to do with my instatial crane for alcoholism. You know, people say, well, why am I? You ever said why am I an alcohol tell it. So this is why. Okay, I'm gonna tell you why you're an alcoholic right now. This is there ain't gonna be anything. You're not gonna get anything better than this. Okay. I was brought up in a little town in Vermont under the shadow of Mount Aolis and early recollection. Recollection is that of looking up at this vast and mysterious mountain, looking up at the mountain it's mysterious. I can't figure it out, wondering what it meant and whether I could ever climb that high. You know. But but I was presently distracted. The next time you uses were distracted. It has to do with worldly clambers. I was distracted by world of climbs. That's why I I was presently distracted by my aunt, who has a fourth birthday present, made me a plate of Fudge.
Fudge. For the next thirty five years I pursued the fudge of life and quite forgotten about the mountain. So what's your fudge? Okay, let me tell you what your fudge is. Everything. Everything, the sex, the romance, the cars, the money, the acceptance by other people, the love, the praise, everything in this world you're addicted to. As a matter of fact, Bill Wilson when he wrote them, twenty and twenty years sobriety about emotional sobrieties. Of the real problem with alcoholics is unhealthy dependencies, because once you put the plug in the Jug, all you do is think about him, her, sex, you, money, job, whether they'll like you, when they don't like you, how you look. You know, it's all buying ship. You don't need what money. You don't have to impress people you don't like. It's all about why don't they likely while I get in, while I not get in? When am I gonna have a girlfriend? When am I gonna Boyfriend? When we get about it's all about the stuff. Every complaint is about the stuff, every every feeling sorry is about the stuff, because you're addicted to stuff. Alcohol. I'm an alcohol because no woman, no no car, no amount of money ever worked quite as fast. That's alcohol and so I drank it. But you want to know something, all that other stuff works. The new car worked, the girl worked, the sex worked, the romance worked, the money worked for a short period of time, just like the alcohol. You get drunk on that for a short period of time and then, all of a sudden. But the problem is you get drunk on that and then it's gone. Then you have to go through all the other ship that happens when it's gone. You know, then you gotta go through the worry, you gotta go through the remorts, you gotta go through the Self Pity, you gotta go through the Blaine, you gotta go through on a piece of craft kind of stuff and all that stuff and feel you know because all because, because you your entire vision of yourself, who you are and what you're on is depending upon what people what do you think people think about you? It's not what you think about yourself, because you know you're a piece of ship. That's why you tell you something. Your piece of ship all the time. That's why you drove around of guards. I don't a loser. I want to kill myself, you know. That's why you tell yourself bad ship. So what you do is you run around and gather up stuff, them things and do stuff so you can prove that's why you gossip behind people's not not uh backs. That's why you turn your friend, you like Guy Prades an as. Yeah, that guy's are right around, because bike by like talking about other people. If you're an alcohol and you talk about the ship that that's going on with them, what happens is that somehow makes you feel superior, it makes you feel better. You understand, but you don't realize it's actually ruining your mind. Somebody sponsors said we're in a we don't. We don't talk behind people's fact about other people, unless you have something good to say about somebody. Once you just shut up. said that in front of other people who hurt my feelings but humiliating me so bad, because all I did was bars and talk about other people and look at yeah, and you know, you made me feel so bad I stopped talking about other people. You stopped talking bad about other people. All of a sudden you gotta and you'd like to talk like I do. You gotta talk about good stuff. You Stop Yourself. You know, you stop yourself. Sound like say that because, like my sponsor said, not say that. Now you gotta talk about other stuff, so that means you gotta talk about good stuff. you start talking about good stuff about other people. All of a sudden you start thinking good stuff. you start thinking about good stuff about other people. All of a sudden you start thinking good stuff about yourself and you start feeling better and you have no idea that the reason you feel better is you're no longer talking a bit, thinking or talking a bad shit about other people. Now, how are you gonna get ready to that when your entire life is talking about other people and thinking about about other people, when you're addicted to that, it centers in your mind, not your body. I was in alcohol and ad alcoholism way before I took my first drink during my drinking and after my drinking, and that only when I look. It's never gone completely, but I mean it was really you know, how do you find out about this stuff? By staying sober, by repeated humiliations and the final question, by constantly, over a period of time, get get you know, a here's the deal with A. I'm sort of skizofrenic on A. talked about this today. One part of me wants to say it's the most incredible thing in the world. It's the most wonderful thing in the world. It was. I want to tell the new you can't believe how incredible your life is gonna be. That's what I tell him. He's sitting at the he's sitting there in the in the car room, and he's all bummed out because he's got three months. Is a lot of life, is like he says. Let me tell you somethbody, you don't drink and you go to means and you won't. You won't. Let me tell you something. It's all gonna be wonderful. Everything's gonna be Great. It's be Unbeli and I believe it, and I say it like I believe and he says, really says, I'm telling you, you just don't drink and you go to means and everything's gonna be great and I believe it. And then I get in my car with my ten years and I drive away. I said, when the Fund is gonna be good for you, Russell, you know when you gotta stop worrying about the money, when you gotta stop worrying about it. But when you gotta stop worrying about this, when do you stop it? And then, and then what Hap? And so it's a combination of feeling grateful and wonderful...
...and fantastic with this great organization, and then there's three o'clock in the morning you want to blow your brains out. You know what I mean? It's like it's like the best of times and the worst of times. It's like there's no fear, worse and alcohol fear. You can't drown it, you can't do anything, you can't drink it, you can't smoke it, you can't snore it away. The worst thing you can do is maybe you call up your sponsor and he said you right about five minutes. You gotta run around all the place, go to a million means just to get rid of some sort of fear and nine, nine, and Attendi ship that you're thinking that aint or to happen. The one thing that's gonna happen is gonna be different, but you just can't get rid of the fear, the corrosive thread, and that's the alcoholism and that's the disease. So then again, so it's the fudge. So I go to so I go to, uh, page one, forty five. I think I've read this last week. When I'm reading it again. What were they doing? What was their deal? What was this thing all about? If Amer code of morals is a better philosophy of life, what we've been sober a long time ago, it didn't help us because we lack of power. Good early direction. Yeah, this is what you do. Three o'clock in the morning. You have no money in the bank, you have four kids. They're for closing on your house. You don't know what you're gonna do. You're worried about losing your house, you're worried about there's no money on the horizon. You're worried about what people are gonna think about you if you lose your house at three o'clock in the morning and all of a sudden says I know what I'll do. Good, orderly fucking direction. Y'All, just do the next right thing. You know, you just tried that and see how that works out for you. I'm gonna tell you you're gonna get down on your knees and pray like a son of a bitch. Doc Smith, Doc Smith, Bob Smith, that's our founder, came in a little later and took over. He sat on the edge of the bed and has said, well, what do you think about all this? Then he paused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know if you're ready yet. You're kind of young. I was down to a hundred three three pounds, no job in the closed no money. I didn't know how much more ready I could be. He would call Clarence. Still I had to convince them I was ready. Then he asked, do you believe in God, Young Fellow? I said, what does that have to do with everything? Everything, this is the first contact he has everything. See Down here here, somebody would come up to Dr about and say shut up, don't talk about the God. He said everything. I guess. I do guess nothing. If you do, you don't guess I do. That's fine, Dr Bob replied. Now we're getting somewhere. All right, get out of bed and get on your knees. He was in hospital. To get on your knees. We're going to pray. I don't know how to pray. Well, I guess you don't. That's all right, just follow what I say and that will do for now. I did what I was ordered to do. There were no directions. You know, I tell somebody, this is what you need to do, you know they don't want to do it. I said now, thank listen. Fun Getting the sponsor doesn't matter to me. I don't need to argue. I didn't get into this game to argue with people. I thought you wanted what I had. This ain't a fucking debating society, I'll tell you. They knew what they were getting into. There was no fooling around. But here the way we are right now, because with gentler and softer and everyone like that, we'll let you flop around for about twenty or thirty years, coming in and out everything, before you figure it out for yourself, because we love you. Dr Bob was always positive about his faith. Dr Bob was always positive about his faith. Clarence said, if someone asked him a question about the program his usual response was, well, what does it say in the good book, the Bible? Suppose he was asked what what's all this? First thing's first thing about. You know what it's about. By the way, Dr Bob would be ready with the appropriate quotation. Seek you first, the King of God and his righteousness, and I don't think to be added onto you. So then then. So I come down and I started looking at all this stuff. Them one of the things I read, one of the books I read at ten years so were they pushed me off into the Church and Bible and stuff like that. So that's part of my deal. And I started reading all the books that they were reading, everything like that. And, as I said before, they said they say this is one of the things they say. One of the things they put your book gold may learn, they'll take my word for it or you won't, is the entire big book is really based upon the Bible. If you actually knew the Bible and you read the Bible, when you read the Big Book, you said it is the Bible. You know, I hate to cull you in on that because I know you all hate the religious thing and everything, even though it says we have no you know, we what does it say? We lose all prejudice and they say, well, love clergyman and all that sort of stuff. I don't want to let the cat I don't want to ruin it for you. I don't want to be a spoiler, but that's the deal. But you just stay in your own little world, thinking that Bill Wilson put this whole thing up and you know he's God, came down, put it in his mind. Whatever you want to say. But so then the and the and the in DC clock Goldtime has said the books they found absolutely essential. That means, well, I don't know what absolutely essential is. Essential meats essential, as really essential says. It's like really essential.
Okay. So so it was first gring to thirteen and sermon on the mouth. So then you read sermon on the mouth in two thousand years ago about a sermon that Jesus did, and this is what it says. You're ready, you're gonna like this. This is cool. Enter through the narrow gate, the narrow gate, for why does the gate and broad as the road that leads to destruction and many enter through it, but small is the gate and narrow, the road that leads to life, and only a few find it. Many are called when fever chosen. Do you think Bill Wilson thought that thing up? You know, it's a narrow road, which is why we have only one person in her eyes over forty years, and what four people in the hero I have over three years and none of that. You know, that's what the deal. It's a narrow road and you're gonna get to tread trudge that road of happy destiny. It's gonna be like you know what's gonna be like. It's gonna be like an a car wash. You're gonna get you know what a car wash is. You're gonna Hook yourself to the you know what is that? The conveyor belt, and you're gonna go into the a car wash, because out there in the world you know something like you're doing this thing of firing line at live ammunition. You're spiritually wrestle, wrestling with all the lust of this world and things you want and things you think you have to have, the things you're losing to all the craft that goes on that crazy mind of yours that you're worried about, which is the real alcoholism that senters your mind and trying to forget how get rid of it. Because how can you get rid of it? Because that's the way you've been thinking all your life, thirty years, forty years, you can't help but think that. And every person you hang around things in the same way. The people in the rooms aren't thinking the same way. You can't even find something that thinks soberly. They're all worried about this ship. You know, they're saying. I know, I can't say I have the same thing. My wife, my girl up in the car, whatever the job, it's all hard on a car. So it's a giant Harror story. Trying to stay sober and you're figuring out how to stop. The Guy Bounced the fire a hundred dollar check on me. I'm yelling at everybody. Five und check. FIDER, I got three or five underd dollars. Five hundred dollar check. Sponsor comes up to me. He says, what's your dealing is this guy bouncing five dollar Jack I can't believe about five in dollar Jackneys, he says, said I have. I said he says, well, how would you feel it didn't bond you? I said, I understand. The question. I said, how would you feel with De Bondy? I said, I swear, Bob, I an understanding questions. This question simple. How would you feel with dead body? Then you know what? What do you mean? I swear I don't. He says, listen, it's simple. How would you feel if it didn't bondy? You? Do you ever have somebody say stop worrying about it? And you said, if it happened? He do you feel the same way? Because I believe that. I believe that everybody would feel just like I feel. Everyone's wanted me to. Guy In a and he's got cancer and he's not worried about it and he's had I said, what the Fund is going on with that? What is with that? Well, he's sober. He's commercially sold. He says, how would you feel it? So I said well, I say, well, if it didn't bother me, I feel fine. He said, there you go, and he walks away. How do you do that? It doesn't bother you. Stuff. How do you have cancer and it doesn't bother you? How do you get fire? It doesn't bother you. How do you have no any other night? It doesn't. How do you do that? Deal I mean, that's that's that's a different deal, and that's what you get to do for the next ten, twenty three years, while you learn a new perspective by repeating humiliations to the final question of your self sufficiency. How you get to take the first step? Over and over again, it bought over and over again, not on drinking, but I'm thinking, I'm worrying on on on on, being addicted to the women, the men, the cars, the money, the job, the the the acceptance everything, being addicted. How do you that's the true alcoholism. That's why people drink after eleven years. That's why drinking people drink out for five years. That's why people mind up not happy with their sobriety. Here and then once in a while a former drink that says feel better, look better, having a better time. We laugh it so, Sally, you know, we'll try the old game again because he's not happy with his sobriety. A lot of unhappy Alcoholis a lot of alcomists think they're happy and they're just waiting for the worst thing in the world to happen and they're gonna go out there drink or get depressed. And so what does this book. What does everything and this thing all about? What? What? Why? Does bomb say? What does the book say? What does the entire book what did Bob Say? He said what does it have to do with what does God have to do with it? You know what he said. Everything you know. The big book says God is everything where he's nothing. There's no middle of the road solution. You're going down that now. There's no middle of the road solution, half measures of value, nothing. You gotta get rid of all those old ideas. What old idea? Every fucking idea you have in...
...your mind, the old ones, the ones that you walked in here with, the ones that you have right now, listen to me, the ones that are telling you this guy is fullish it. You know, when you say this guy fullish it, you know why you're saying fullish it. Because you've got an old idea and you don't want to give it up and you're gonna suffer because of it. That's what's gonna Happen. You're gonna suffer because of it. I'm gonna be cheering you on. You know what I mean. I suffered. Why shouldn't you suffer? You know what I mean, and you know what it says. This is gonna lead you to a faith that works. You know, you know. We're on a new basis, the basis of trusting and reallying of God upon God. All that of faith have courage. They trust their God. We let him demonstrate in our lives when he can do for us, he says. At once we grew up, we began to outgrow fear. But you gotta put God number one in your life. How do you put God number one in your life? But I'll say one way. You do it. You start reading about, you start thinking about and you hang around people that talk about you. Hang around people that talk about it and you stay away from the losers that are talking like they're cool. Stay away from cool people. You know, God is cool. God is like really cool. Let me tell you something. You want to be cool, you talk about God, the the uncool people will run away from you. You guys that are going to drink again, drug again, only interested again inlaid and stuff like that. Look at their cell phones or something. They are you're gonna be around. It's gonna be a whole different deal, different other fellowships, the kind of culture if they had in nineteen thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, three, eight, thirty united before they were hit down, everybody knew what was going on and what the deal was on that. Okay, so that's, you know, getting understand. Second Step. You're insane and the only way to get out of being insane is God's gonna get you out of being insane. You understand. He's gonna do that deal for you. Without him, you ain't getting out of that insane because you're gonna keep on thinking with your mind. Your mind bad, your mind mind bad, okay, bad mind needs to be replaced by the mind of a orange attack. That would be a good mind. You know, I'll just step up, okay, thank you. Not.
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