AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 2 months ago

Russell S. Talk 5 at the Sabal Palm Group 9/8/2021

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Russell S. Talk 5 at the Sabal Palm Group, Miami, FL 9/8/2021  

Story so you know, when I came to youknow after you stop drinking, you know most you guys know. This is likepreaching the fire. There's, probably some ing to be clear. You know the big book says alcohol is,but a symptom of our disease has a lot of symptoms. Besides out, besides theCOS, it says a lesson on albocincta alcoholism, you know accepts as alcoholics and allits consequences to Subito be precarious and true episode on at all.Apparently there are consequences to be an alcoholic. You are consequence to benot hal drinking's, just one step to one consequence: that's the smallestthing. It's the smallest thing you drink for about ten fifteen twentyyears you fall on your ass, you destroy yourself, you come in, you stopdrinking, and then you deal with the real shit for the rest of your life.You know because the real disease centers in your mind, not your body andthen you come in they immediately. The second step which has on to do withdrinking has to do with being insane at insane because we're supposed to berestored to sanity, you don't restore same people, sat an restore in Santpeople, the sanity and don't worry. If you don't know why you're insane or howyou're insane, because if you continue to live your life on this planet, thisfallen world the next ten fifteen twenty years, you will come to realizethat your nuts you'll realize that they're not now they're, not scienceand their praises is grazing there. There is not, as you are, they justdon't drink. You know, that's okay, they do other things. You know what Imean, but you'll realize somewhere during the whole process that they'redriving you crazy and it's a short fucking drive. Let me tell yousomething: they're driving crazy, and so you can sit around blaming them andsaying you know along us life being with this perversegeneration or whatever heck you want to say, or you can say how the hell am I goingto live in this world without treading and not blow. My flipping rain. You'll,hang around here long enough, they'll see that there are people herethat have been rocketers distance, that of lost far Bettin security and lost for people you see there arepeople that are sober, you'll, be sober and they'll be sober, but it would belike the difference between me playing golf and Tiger Woods. You know I playgolf to wit: place, that's a lie I don't play. I have dollclubs top balls every once. While I go out there, you know Tiger Woods playScot okay, you know the bottom line. Is this sober and there's? So you know theguys I used to hang out with that love me and I love them at thirty. Fortyfifty years I it was serious contempts. They warned a bunch of fifty year oldswith the emotional material with her angerton know. When I was a child, Icut like a child, I acted like a child. Have come man at the childish in a youknow, so the bottom line is this: all about growing up growth and maintenanceand growth of a spicionin and becoming an adult in growing the hell up. That'swhy, in the six step says, is a cept that separates the band from the boys?You know separs the men from the boys. It is by sponsor at a hundred a really.I don't know what they're meant hundreds of people in men's bodies that reallyacted like Im, something private. You know and chasing women chasing carschasing lay the son, all the ship they were tasting before they got here canhelp them and continuing to change it. Getting the bores, never having arelationship, always thinking about themselves. I com to crap out of anybody else, Don that deal myself personally andthat's that's a hard thing to even that's not as easy to you know. That'snot as easy as alcohol. Alcohol is pretty easy to. You may have to. Youknow: Do the dance room, two o three or four five or ten twenty years to that's,what get rid of it or you'll die drum for Israel, something like that. Butafter a while you just get sick and tired you drink enough. You'll havesome really bad. The wills will fall off the bicycle. That's a real shithappen and then you'll wake up one day, you'll be your month over and you'llrealize your crazy. You have ten...

...thousand voices, all bench and all itsten thousand thoughts coming. At the same time, all bad shit about you andother people you'll go to sleep. Thinking about that asshole! You wakeup! Thinking about that! Asshole you'll drive worthing about that, so you'll beBergey. People in your mind, you'll be saying things to yourself and outby,like they don't know who they're fucking with, and why is this alwayshappen to day? Life is Shit, I'm having a bad year. I be have a bad fuckingyear. You know what I mean, how you have a bad year. You know. Is that,like one right spot, you know something like im up he fit. I have I'm having abad day. I you talk, O I'm having a bad day have a bad day as yeah I said. Wasthis conversation be included in that, so this is no, so you're not having abed O would have get a bad five minutes to mine you're, like an alcohol, youlike a drama anything that you know how you doing I'm doing great. So you mustbe getting your own way leathern about a lot of USAND. I camein here. I didn't have a story. Nobody has what's your story with you, youhave no idea who you are. What you are what's going on. My story was: Stop Myfault, I'm not the brave. I don't understand, I'm an if only a yes butter.I had no clue as to who I was what I was. I had it all wrong. I was selfish.I was self set. No, I didn't know the Shit, the Shit I'm saying to you. Youknow where I got this out of the big book about Bosanti some guys started.This thing wrote down some stuff. They distorted the Bible. They wrote downthe state, they got sober, they got well, they got excited, they said whatdon't they do? They write this down and Bam. All of a sudden, they have thisthing that describes exactly what my promis, except, I don't think so. Yea Hang around, for you know three.Four, five, ten years you get, you get a new perspective based upon repeathumiliations, to find question. You self sufficiency as John Way myspiritual metters always said you know he always says this. He said you know,life is topping. If you're stupid is even tougher, so you keep on doing thesanction over and over again sober you get. The ship beat out of you. Thepeople hate you you're worried about other people, you're going. I have itall sorts of problems. You're broke as you spend money. You don't have my shit.You don't need to test to you, don't like to try to make yourself feelbetter because you're, nothing you're, always going to be in nothing putsomething in your body. Come in all Bo, almost you're, not that almost the topof the world is kind O for out. Okay, I'm sor, I'm not drinking with thattrick is wrong with the what's wrong with me, because you know you're better.You know times in a a first ten years. Twenty years you feel better, you lookbetter having a better time the thrill of the fora, but every oncein a while, like four five or ten times a week, youknow gathering up the cow, you saying Shit like Ted Yourself, your Levinsonlook around the shower to see hell, say so you're, the only one there. This is what you tell yourself everyother day, you're, either telling yourself to the great in the world.Want appreciate, no be o sense of wonder, l. You are or you're tellingyourself sithen. You got those two voices going. You know that some kindof emotional friction. You know a nervous disposition, it's a nervousdisposition, a couple shots of Scotch band and justwho comes together. You don't have that Shit. You know, but you're, not drinking scotch. Isthat doesn't work so that you got to sort of live with it say how do youlive? You like a a have a slit person on he said I wish get tame to I'm likeall over the place. I'm like Sybil. You know I got. Eighteen thousand thingsgoing on, I said what tells wrong it's called alcohol is that's what a Olim is.It's not the drinking as a matter fact, if you don't take care of thealcoholism. If you do you know it's not the crazy, it's not to crazy the craziness. You take the first drinkand yet have another month of tattle CIS. I got. I actually am a potentialhome, it's hard to tell that. Look at...

...a toekoely mentors for you. You know,yeah, give me another multi. You know it's a serious disease monee that on this is by the way. This is myunfortunate support. Emotional support. Okay, here you go. I need all the helpI can get on. Okay for those of you that thought this wasgoing to be like a regular, a meeting. I'm so sorry this point. Thank you verymuch, okay. So this is the deal, so you know so yourealize after a while you're just an you know, unfortunately Gabe well in AAand hopefully, if you ever get to the point where you have emotional sobrietyand the next frontier, but was the billsand said the real problem at boxes unhealthy dependencies, hopefully I'm to get to that point. I found to get tothat Boma, I'm ten years old, I'm saying one of my meto on saying whatthe Hell is wrong me, I'm paying your sober bill. Wilson wrote Bill Wilson,twenty three years over. I have it on my email and I said that point three isover. roties wrote it because he was going into a deep depression at twentythree years sober and if you really the same, he was basically saying whatFrickian with I'm an old time. I see other on Thomas we're, not drinking. Webeat the drinking game, we're in the drinking club and we're fricking. Nutswere crazy what's wrong and we had to figure out a twenty three years. Oberyou got to hit another Bob you'll find you out there you have to. There aremany, many other bottoms waiting for. You read the seven step they're allthere waiting for there's a bottom with the romance the bottom, with the sex,the bottom of the money, the bottom with the. Why don't you love me? Thebottom with you there's so many bottoms in this deal. You know until youfinally realize what you got it you. Nobody doesn't nobody wants tobecause because we all happen says half Pesellino, half a kind of guy, it saysGod is everything. We're got is nothing he says. Well, what do you meaneverything I mean I what's to get crazy about. You know you got to get rid ofyour old ideas. A result as delay know that I mean now. My old ideas arebecause they seem good to me and they're all fucking bull. You know whatI mean. How do you learn about your old ideas as you go along in life? You know,and sometimes you get to like a epiphany. You get some sort of a pipin.You know, like you know, amazing thing that happens at all. So you seesomething but just like it says. In dependence to most of our deals have todo with the most of our spiritual wakenings is of the educational variety,the educated. You know what you want to read. You know what the education theymay be for that he Barentin the appendant to listen everything, I'mgiving you her. I promise you the IT straight out of a big but of twelveand twelve. We talk a lot O now. I can say I fast because I've goneto the point of my life and I'm not perfect im that's last last time, but but the problem is when you startliving the a life and try to do this thing, even in acrappy way over and over again and get beaten down and beating down and beatendown with the sponsors to discuss that everything over peared of forty years you either drink or die or blow yourbrains out or get with the program. Once you start getting with the program,you don't you don't have to do the step,...

...you become the steps you just. Do you?Don't you don't sit around? I think I, Oh man, I was welty know you know thesethings that you so amazing you're just living your life like the big book, soyou come up and you can tell me about your life. It's right. It's allstraight out of the book, because you've read it so many times. You'vedone you a beating is the submission and that's the deal, but I don't thinkthere's anything of the that I got. People that come up on f do a talk andsomething like this one. I love it when you said this, you know was soincredible. I said you mean when I said selfish and selfsennes, that's the real basis for a problem in by hundred pons a feeopoline we stop in to a t oint. We see that basically probus been in ourselvesthat we contend to make decisions based on self, which puts us in position,hurts alcohol to Suan. Right, though we use those things so, but everything wemust get that that that so uster fills us to make a boy. Since you have, yousaid that you mean when I put the big O yeah, but it's it's like the way. Yousay you know what I mean. Oh you need, because you read it a million times,but you never really saw it. He yeah, but I now I see it is that because oneof the consequences of being a holsome three hundred times and never reallyread what the fuck it says, it is actually possible for an alcohol to betold by a judge or by a wife or something. If you do that, one moretime you come up to one one more time, I'm throwing you out of the House andOlole could actually drive three blocks away because I've donethis to a light and stop sober and say this. What the help you, because one of theconsequence of being not go, is on ye here, see your a told, something thatyou don't like it confuses you. You know what I mean now you can be areally national physicist. You got have degrees up the ASS and somehow life isvery confusing. When somebody tells you something that you don't want to getyou know, you start you don't even hear it. You say. Is this an and, as amatter fact that's pretty much? What you say to everybody is as a ruse to aa some guy wait friend. Looking on a that's, that's that's. If you're,not Botha's, what you think you see the world is a bunch of assholes and APthings that you don't have an the only God in a hap. You know you know whenyou live like that way and that's your life. That's way you digest the worldand guess what d you think you're normal your alcoholic life seems theonly normal one. You can't separate the toupet. You even see there's anythingwrong. Not only that you tend to hang around people that think of life, theexact same ways you do, they're your buddies, they're, the only people thatunderstand you. That's why I hung round Bo a the old bars. I potaters and youknow what's terrible. I still can't rather o get rid of it. I'm still Rohanaround alcoholic just can't get rid of it. This is like this is like our Bo.The bars and our con are just like it's like the waiting, Oframi anonymous. Youknow we just sort of hang around there. Do we get to know so you come in you,don't know you score some. What happen? We're very well defended right. Youknow, you're not going to tell me anything. You start talking to me aboutanything and you try to help you so robots you are. I am. I've got new poll,a Holland. In other words, when I read the book, I look for every looho everysuggestion. He let me tell you...

...something. The only thing I do with a ais when, if I ever get serious and get a sponsor, he says make the freakingcoffee and I make the coffee. You know you suggest I make the go on behind andan you tell me Bak the all you tell me to go to that thing. You know I got tobe. I have to have my head to do stuff, that's kind of alcohol. I have, and Idon't have a story. You know how I learn my stuff. You can tell people whothey are, what they are. I tell you now, you don't know me so what happens? IsYou sit in a room? You got a flank. It out sit in a room like this. Some guy s up here. Look I'm up hereand he tells a story and Lokins's how you learn a Yooung back. Idid that. The next thing you know you start thinking about o, I a Sud. Youhave a story. You have stories about how you were before you were drinking.You got stories about what happened while you were drinking and then everyday, every single day, because you're a Alco unfit for the planner, you gotstory, you got story at the story after story that happens to you and they'reall about victories over Alfo they're. All about I got into an accent and Iwas going to kill the gun bottle at a band. You know, and you got a story,and some of the stories are pretty incredible there. Your stories, you know, because we're just built thatway we're just insufficient whatever it is. It's like you know I, like some guy.I remember you said I loved it so much in so true, it's like it's like roll upand heaven the little babies were coming down this confiner belt. Youknow what I mean here. They calm down the command tel. All these littlebabies ready to go to Earth and God's up there with the with a spritzer. Youknow and he's you know, Bab. He setignano know the babies at some of the insulation, insolent from the Horse. Shit! That's going on!Do you got cause? You Got Therese seenmuch on out there. I mean incredible. Even if you don'tsee what's going on there, you turn out he'll suck, show you ship from a tsarmiles away. You know an they'll, tell you Shit, Moon, you know you guys whatright to you see the ship. That's going on out there, the crap o people likeyou know, and you know what happens to the God. So it is you the insulationgood, so you can handle the fucking bullshit with that hand or brains. Youknow what I mean, and so I'm coming down to Conan somebody that Creso Godhe says yeah. I go fucking right by you know what I mean. I don't get theinsulation, you know what I mean and how down here with you lack jobs. Youknow, and I got to handle that deal when you're wrestle serablediscontented. My problem isn't drinking. I drank fine. My problem is: What doyou do when you're sober and I have a real promise on how to I drink? Ialways get sober. It's like my kid needs are my enemy. My liver is killingme keeps on sobering me up. I was doing okay when I was drunk. So what happens so we don't have much.You know my Fatou say when a man was experience me. So man with money, theman with experience, I Walk Wat. The money, the man with the money won,walking away for an it in experience. So the only thing I've gotten overforty years is only thing. That's happened to me because I've beenbeating down. You know four times forty times morethan the guy who's got like thirty. Eight years you know I've just beenbeing down board. I made more screw ups. I've screwed up more I've had to learnmore lessons. You know the way we learn lessons over and over and over and overagain I touched the stone ten million times in. Maybe I shouldn't touch thatyou know, and then I learned them. I've been beat down and all sort of stuffand and that's the deal and you either learn the lesson of you drink an youdrug or whatever. It is that's the deal, that's how it works, but I have one thing: I got one thing Igot stories. I got fortyi. Seventy years old, I getseventy two years of storiot stories in...

...the drinking I got so many stories haveI got stories I forgot, and you know what they're all about they're allabout out cos. I know they're all about postis roll about me, I'm a fuckingalcoholic, so I can't tell a story without talkingabout alcoholism. If I tell a story when I was drinking should be a storyabout a Posada in, I told a story before I can get it's still going to beabout alcohol. I tell a story about what happened be there. My first year,so it's con be about alcohol. I just told the story Salabut me and I'm nottalking about talking about me, but the FOB line is that that old idea that I'mso unique that I can't even talk and they mean what do they think about me,because all I do is think about. Pin I either all I do. Is I either thinkabout me or tell myself I will give a ship with the thing of the you know. Ibounced back and forth I'll, give you sittin about me and then I think aboutwhat they're thinking about you know, and I do that deal for a while, whichis always fun. Then you get to go to sleep and thepeople in your head, renting et space in your head and so one of the one of the things. Sothe only have every time and they told me the only way to have a good day. Imean be sincere when you learn how to fake that. I got it. May you know so what I try to do is I just I I try to tell stories about like myalcohol is on. What's going on? Oddly enough, I mean you'll find this hard tobelieve. I tell a story about my. If I tell a story, no matter what story. Itell about myself whether it's when I was drinking but before I starteddrinking or anterior. Oddly enough, if you believe this, whenever I tell storyabout my life, it's a story about Holand. Maybe the surface has it. Wedeferentially, be somebody who says, and I identify because I'm an alcoholic- and I haveour poles and my our alcohol is, and one of the things that's graze were alllike twins. I know we all think were different, but this thing wouldn't work.If we were that diference, the only reason this thing works is because wegather up in the room, and I honestly tell Sara Oh shit. That's me. I didn'teven realize that that guy was talking. That's the reason it works, because I'mjust you a few years down the road get pounded a few more times. You know whatI mean, and so my stories are stories disclose in a general way what we usedto be like what happened? What we're like now so the greatest thing we'vebeen given is our stories and, let me say something or stories of well earned,it's all about life, how life treated us, what happened, how we were thinkingand how we didn't drink or maybe how we did drink and about this disease andalcoholism and somewhere down the road. You get the realization that alcoholism,the real disease does center, not your body and has to be in insane that's towe grown up, and you got this. You may have to hang in year ten fifty years tosee you know the first step, you gonna have jails, O R J in the first placereally out. She knows you're Jean many years, trakand didn't even know. I hada problem, then all of a sudden Bam. It's like a bright light and I got tostop drink. You know I'll do anything to start drinking, so you get out ofthat alcoholic cage that jail, and then you spend the next ten years realizingyou got a woman or a man problem or Romance Broune sex problem for a moneyproblem, or I got to have that thing problem or world proper. All that crap.You know, and it takes a long time to give it over that, because theiraddiction to bust, if I'm not using alcohol, I'm using the women. If I'mnot using alcohol, I'm using what do you think about if I'm not usingalcolite cars, I'm using the bar I'm using I'm using everything I can grabon Er get or Abe I'm a if Olier. If I only had this, I only had that. I onlyhave this and I grabbed this stuff because it works, because I, when Iwalked in the bottle that good looking...

...won, it was like looking at me. Youknow like Oh, I love this guy, I'm like drunk with wonderfulness. You know I'mdrunk with one of them. I think whether it probably goes through the samewalking with a Guy I'm rung with one, the all of a sudden I feel like I'mworthy because I feel like I'm worthy, because I need a man or a woman to feelworthy because deep Daman sign, I am totally fucking in worthy, but I'mnever going to show you that I'm going to act like I'm worthy right, Gillworthy the last thing I wanted to feel UN worth. That's why I'm never going todo a Meetin, they're gonna ask you do me. Do now, I'm not ready Aloot, forI'm scared, the all the gum stupid, because I know I'm stupid, then they'llsee em and I ain't going to do that. That's the way we live our lives and today we've done. I never really live in, never really rock it. In the fourthCoventin, we jist never really experienced a bunch of heaven andthat's the true alcoholism and that's a sad thing when you sit is twenty the ortwenty four or thirty years so Bert hasn't non over that Shit and thinks he to okay, I'm fine, howyou doing how you doing Bob Haines! I got a story for you. I got a story what's about the story about ten stepthat never happened on baby, it's a story about the penstep that happened too well and if it's a scribe at the entitate,also stared at the Fort, the taste we're wrong, probably a minute. So it'salso sorry Batista. It's also a story about the eight set. It's also a storyabout a night step and- and then we, you know it's about all that stuff. Soit's a story about the ten step, or maybe not it's about a story that tentater Ha. I think I don't know you're gonna, be youdecide what this story is or it'll be nothing to you so eight years ago. I think it's aboutI'm not sure rusts ones, a tryon Karigh. Let me try to figure out what the greatthing about rating about this disease, his lunch on the t. You know what Imean and you haven't- had a lobotomy you're going to be giving these storiesall the time you know and you just just wake up and smell the roses on givenyou're, giving all sorts of shit all the time. Just tell him a story aboutwhat's going on in your life, so I'm seventy two. Now I've got married fortyyears. What do you is what an on on the Lads Perenot on she? Probably men. Youknow what I mean and I got like four kids that I raised so ran seven grandkids, all three or four dos.I don't. I thasos contributions most time. So here's the deal so about eightyears ago. I don't know how long we tokays my wife was like Tony Sixty. I got all these great kids. You know Iran kids, I got one brankit name. Is One Gran I'll give you one Bradford cutas a butt we they're all like N. I don't like she's like four years old.Very true. You know my wife, my wife is tough, an three daughters and I got like five orsomething four randor, so I'm like...

...surrounded by all these women, you knowand and and they're great, but so one day, I'msitting in my Home Office website and I dravest kind of fishing. So whatkind of fish I fionna kind of fish a is selfish. I Tanger's the crap, that's how that'sthe stuff! I you know. You know the standard, wifestuff, you've, never changed. You know I to go that day and tell him whatyou're really like. I think I know but had an exit kind of stuff, so so she'sten sixty. So I said in my wife and it's a very strange thing: age is fortyfive now, but I don't know how that work, and I said so. What do you want to do? Whatdo you want to do on your hay? So I know what she's got a ile time, not somuch now, because the kids are all scattered but says why I want to go towith all the kids you know get all the kids go together. Kids, grand kids, so I I knew that was going to happen.So I said well big, a restaurant of much p. She pick some expensive Frenchthing or something I'm like prepared for that is the kindof stuff you got to do. You know one of the reasons I stay married for fortyyears. Let the singers so one always say you're right right,you're right! You know you are the worst husband you're you are. The firstselfish husband in the world is right again, you have a chance at all: Hey liketwice you'll, never take out the God, Hey third times a trio. Now like fourtimes, you know just don't argue and and and if shesays I need money, just give it to her. Give it jor just give her the money. Itdoesn't matter. It's last Nime. Let's give it to her you'll, be happy. If youjust a give the one, you know what I mean: that's an a and try and develop the ability donot have any clue of. What's going on around you. HOS are very, very alert to the waypeople look at them. The way they act and roll their eyes, everythingdeveloping is a lot of people. Like my wife thinks Sinile I have the mentionDon Song. She doesn't realize I for the steps for forty years to get the pointswhere I have been no cushat's going on. You know a me, no clue, you know she'dbe saying you might sponsors. I saw no people come up to and say what do youthink about this? I said I don't you know, I don't know, that's alterjust some protection, so she wants. When I get together, we go to the we goto th we're going to go to dinner. So I got all my kids. My grand got like not.Fourteen fifteen people go this dinner. I know it's on a bunch of money. Youknow what I mean, but that's, okay. I got some plastic. They they gave itback to me after I lost all my plastic. I don't know how that happened. Mysponsor an told me he said we to spend more money in the make going. Somethingcalled that I didn't understand that you know on me that I learned it aroundten years. Let that's why, by the way, that's what he said. I I said I don'tknow about the money than he says. Ten years, O Besans, I got anserousabsolutely. He said I said O said: earn more or spend less.

A third Otio know A. I was making a lot of money and it'salways broke is apparel. You know it has to not what you make you spent inan event. So the next thing that so she picks out this restaurant. They all putthe senote restaurant. I got in Magestrat, be okay, I think you knowwhat I mean and so on Senat the table and sees fourteen people and I'mlooking at the and I here's what I'm doing you a been in the situation in cowful. I don't look like I'm acting. I looklike I'm sober. This is a very is not say so, but I look like I'm so becauseI'm not saying I'm just sitting there believe it or not. When I'm with mywife and my family, I say you would recognize it. Mus Been Sendin to, as hehad seen thing a sad thing, I'm on the low down, because I don't want to makemyself are, as I say, anything trusting Ole Racist Poi. You know I mean don'ttap on to attack me. I you know I mean so I say nothing likeI'm, not even there. You know, because I know what I actually am for. Thatgroup is the Wallers I was now you know and that's God's okay. I don't like toa deal so I'm sitting there at the restaurant and and I'm captain, youknow looking at the ation twenty five or I'm lookin the average. You know forsix alof course, Andrea, a truismstereotomy. Can I have a shred cock tail? Twenty Five Bucks, Oh sure, hot awill, pay for it, no problem it one bit Tettira! You know what I mean: it'slike whatever you know, but I mean so this is my mind and whatever it is. wasthat, like thirty years, sober whatever it I'm thinking about? Okay, let me getthrough this. The kids and everything and all thestuff- and we come to the edge of the deal, a son and I give card, and then I got to go throughmy mind. Have the thing on through my mind I Oyouki get through that and so I'mdriving home I'm gonna go home with my walk were all put up and my daughterFiesko, you guys don't know, but I'm not goin explain much, but but awondershe's married a wonderful guy in the program Andshe's absolutely on to win athree gorgeous special eland. I told him I Arisaka home one day I was likeeighteen o t k like twenty years. Eighteen nineteen years old, one to ourhouse- and she noticed somebody Robert Robber man was was like breaking intothe window and he saw her and he started writingshe started running after a and she ran like like ten blocks and she tackletfinesse. She looks like your looks like Eric. That's the Esneh Guy, the policegame. SO THAT'S FANAID! You don't want to mess Erica Orbans, you know, and soin a event. So the bottom line is, is...

...that we get to the end and a e be the senseyou drive me for whatever reason I was driving toAsma wife and me and Vanessa Okay and is, is in the back. So one of thethings that I, my one of one of the things I have is on a coffee, a hole. Imean I'm Shaveth you with this. I I just love Boffin drink, a lot of coffee,Leven Pot. Nine in coffee in hope, go to sleep. You know, I don't understandit. It's like riddling or something you know I just just like yeah, it's just like realokay. So I say that I say I mean got a got a stop in public because it we'reout of cough and and and I she says- okay Stoppel get copyin.The message says so that I'll get the SITEBOT start car running in at I turn,and I say- and I said so Vanessa I drink folders, one hundred percent,plugging coffee, let's e portent something black es. You know it's gotlike an Arrow to yellow, go sit up its like in poona black part of the chartor something strongest coffee. They got that's. What I think is A. I pull up the public and she starts gota prices. AVANESE. Remember it's the folders plumes hisDad Dad. I said what he says. I heard you the first time you ask me one much,I'm not going pay for you. You know young step what I'm saying. I yeah sureproblem a Git me. So she goes in thirty seconds late. Shecomes out with the public bag. You know when its plastic bad a here. You notthank you very much. I drive her home and I drive home. It's like ten o'clockin nne N Thirty, eleven costante going maybe I'll make myself some coffee. Nowwhat I mean and I open up the pocky it's like the morning. I know what thecloth morning bland bullshit. I mean I'm telling you and I lie I'm thinking of my mind. You know I take everybody out and ever time you know I'm happy to doit. I spent nine hundred fucking box on everybody on me. I'M NOT GOIN T I ain't even looking sheunderstand. I'm saying all I want all I want is my flipping cough and, and I get to decapitate it evenworse as it makes it worse is this is after she says this ship to tell me onemore time, I'm not stupid. You know what I mean, something like what is shelike doing on purpose? I mean what is this shit? So I'm saying myself have you ever seen the movie, the IBosky I say to my son: This cannot stand, you know. No really. This is theuniverse. Is A stop. I'm not. I can't let her get away withthis she's sinking she's at home right now thinking she did me a favor afteryou tell the Shit, you know what I mean and she got the wrong. freaking coffeehave to tell me that shit about the bubby. This is not gonna. I'M gonnacall a Rop it's eleven o'clock, nine I'm pulling her up and I'm going totell her that he got the wrong game of coffee a soI'm gonna. Do so I started to go to call her up andthen all of a sudden is Tolkoochi. What's gonna an she's not going to hear it all thatshe's going to hear me say is I'm your father and I think you're a...

...and women should never have a man toldtheir los and certainly daughters should neverhave their father Tom, their leisure. They should be lifted up. So I don't like the O. I don't like the hotfoot about home,let's entend and so and here's the deal, and so it's terrible guess what is a yeah, and so that wasan amen I didn't have to make, and I know Godson e that haven't spokento their kids in ten fucine. They made the damn phone yeah. Is that ten? Ten before you answer them? If you read thetest, says I repead thirty two years in San, if you do this over and over again, itsays what happened. Is We hers something called the Strait of toling because, somewhere during the exerciseof doing the tent stuff making amends and doing the ten tuffo making amendsand doing to ten stuff and having all these people? I hear a Mak, the man,you ultimately get the point. You say I hate this thinking of mention. Youknow this is driving us and you learned this really important lesson that mostalcohols don't learn. It takes years to learn this. This is advance day. Youknow that if you don't do stupid Shit, you don't have to apologize. For isthat fucking amazing? It's like? If you don't spend the money you don't gobroke. If you don't say stupid shit, it's back to John Wayne, I feel to anif you so set and so from working this tent step. For you know thirty years I don't know what happened. I justdidn't make the phone call, so he that is the tense tat or it's a tense that that neverhappened me. Maybe I don't know, starts to tend step. I don't know what it is.Let's say what next life lodes now I will tell you this Ali told that story before a COMENSI. The Nes got hold e on tapes, but it wasn't was it. She only didn'ttalk so so potaty the way God worked. Shedid hear you know what I mean. What is like three years down the road, and sheonly didn't talk to me for four days. You know it wasn't as I can handle it.It wasn't so bad understand. So thank you burn.

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