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AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 10 months ago

Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group 8/25/2021

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Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group, Miami, FL 8/25/2021  

Bother me any but then I found that that not only the guy wouldn't bother me, but everybody who is pissing me off in the entire world. That was like. That guy didn't bother me anyway either. So I became less bothered by the entire world and I felt better because one guy pissed me off, I figured out why I was pissed off and I got pissed me off anymore once the one I'm saying. So I realized the best thing to do for any alcoholic is I haven't walk away with the resentment. So I do my best to do that. You know, I don't mean to disturb people, it just n actually happens that way. It's not my fault. Also like, for instance, to what I'm doing now. You see, usually people read these things, they go to and I'm like doing whatever hell I want to do. You know, just I got forty years. They can't kick me out. You know, what do you think happens when you lose that fear of people in economical insecurity? What do you think happens? You stop worrying about what you stop worried about talking today because instead of you know the real problem centers on our line, on our body. It's not the drinking. We drink because it's the solution. The problem, real problem is, is that we're totally fucking crazy, and part of the craziness they called selfishness and self setting. US were dripped behind forms of fear and self ilusion and and one of the fears are, one of the things are is that people won't like us, and so we're constantly trying to get attention, to have people like us, and which means we're constantly thinking things like, you know, I think I said something. I'm not going to say that, or trying to figure out what the script is trying to you know, while we're also telling ourselves at the same time that we don't give a shit one of you think about it. So we live a life. There's like two people in here this the guy is like John Wayne, I don't give a fucking back you, when there's another guy in my mind who says Shit, I don't think they liked me. And when you live that way, it sets up some sort of friction. But if you drink and you have the freedom from fear and you do stupid Shit, you know what I mean. So the bottom line is the key is you want how do you get to the place after get sober, where you feel free to be yourself? And it's with the help of God. I mean that's the bottom line. People don't want to hear that, but that's another problem they have. That has to be alcoholism. With the help. It's with God's Hell. So what happens is, since most alcoholics are not ready to actually holly give themselves to that, because the original middle of the road solution, they're not. They don't really want to do it that way. We don't understand how to do it that way, you know, because the only reason we get in here in the first place is because we have the shit that pounds it out of us, which we ultimately learn, if he's stick around for forty years, is that's going to happen over and over and over again. That's going to happen over and over and over again. You're going to realize the first step on the sex, the first step on them, on the Romantis of the romantic six stuff, you'll get to the first step on me, on the money part. You'll get to first step. You will get to the point that five years, ten years, fifteen years where you're doing everything is supposed to do, an Aa and just still feel like craft and you'll be saying yourself, what the Fuck is wrong with me? And then, Wall Sun, you will be forced to do that one thing. Somebody will suggest you do some. You will either drink again or you will be miserable, or you'll go some or you'll be yet come ready and some banana will show up, some ESKIMO will show up the meeting and you'll ask him, what do you think I'll do? And he'll and he'll say something like you're to go to Bible study, and you'll be so miserable that you'll end up doing it, when that was the one thing you bowed you would never do and you'll end up doing in. Your whole life will change, because that's how we change. We end up doing shit. We we tell everybody we're doing everything, but the things that kill you, the things that will kill you in here to make you like this roll, is the things you're you're refusing to do. You understanding. It's the things that you refuse to do. The...

...extra credit ain't no big deal to doing the stuff that's the easy stuff. Or say you suggest this, it's the extra credit stuff that that people refuse to do out of pride. Intellectual Pride, as what that's what Bob Smith calls it. Intellectual Pride. He says, if you're if you have some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from doing this, I feel sorry for your heavenly father and them lay now. So the bottom line is is this is where we get beaten into submission over a period of time. But in any event, so that's a whole bunch of steps whipped into one thing. But they're all in there. But they even let me read this alcoholics anonymously, the fellowship and men, women share their experience strength, I hope, with each other that they me solve their common problems and up us to come from alcoholism. Only requirement is desire to stop drinking. He's to be an honest desire. That they took that out to put a good deal prout. Boss. There are no do is, a FEA trade and memor sure, with self appointed, their own contributions. They he's not a lot of insect denomination politics. Organization, Institution does not wish to engage any controversy. You know, the doorses to oppose any cause. Our primary purposes, stay sober, help other alcoholics who achieve society. And let's see what we got here. Did we do? Moments? We did moment aside, meditation, called bus for anything, God Rammans to accept the things I cannot say, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Somebody volunteered to how it works and somebody volunteer to do the traditions. I get then that's in their alcoholics. They have any okay, let me go. Let me keep on doing this. This is a closed beam. Will. That doesn't plot accordance with the seventh tradition. We are so spoid wrong. No, that's like that's later. Right. So I'd run through it. Okay, Lustle Alcoholic from the setting sea group. Hie To everybody. Here's the deal. Okay, I'm going to use like the surprise. This looks like a pretty good crowd here. There's a good crowd there. I know a lot of people. Good crowd here. You're all fully clothed. It looks sober. You know. Yeah, I'm people got over twenty years here. I won't. One Guy has over twenty years. How about over ten years? Okay, two guys over five years. Two more guys. Oh so a lot of you, guys like I, have under five years. That's great, because here's the deal. I'm going to I'm going to do the best I can to get through this. I have a short period of time. I'm going to cover like six or seven steps or something, and ain't gonna matter. Nobody's going to drink. It's all going to work out. It's all based on my opinion. I've been silver a little bit of forty years, work with hundreds of people. I'm I think I'm qualified, but it's my opinion. You don't have to believe any of it, okay. So, so don't worry about don't get me get mad at me. Do it, it doesn't matter, it's okay. Do whatever you want to go, okay, but I'm not telling you what to do. I want to try to tell him how folk what's to them. Okay, this is all going to be based on my experience. Here's what I'm doing. I'm going to read some stuff from the big book and from some Associated Literature and I'm going to talk about my life and my experience in my life, because I think that's important. Talk about your personal experience. I'm going to ask you a few questions and we'll see what we get some man chips and see how you guys do. Will see how smart you are. See when you get it, you can figure this thing out. So the problem, one of the problems that you have when you're doing a step series. I've been doing these things for like thirty five years. Order problems you having is a he's like a giant one room schoolhouse. You know, I used to go to you know how you go to like kindergarten, AI's it like a a kind of John Kindergarten. But the truth of the matter is is you know how you go to junior high school and then you go through grades, and then you go to high school and you go through grades and then some people go to trade school or college go through raids, and then post abaty group, you go through raids and like it, like I. So...

I would start taking, you know, Algebra, and then after such a guage or they I could take trigonometry. Then trigonometry I could take song called analytical geometry. Then after analytical John Lyttry, I could take calculates us and then after Calculus I could take calculus on manifolds. I could take, you know, I take all topology, I can take a whole bunch of other but you couldn't take the next you had things called prerequisites. You could go on to the next course until you go ahead and sit down. You guys. We you couldn't come on, go on to the next course until you took the course before. So whatever class you were in in college or high school or wherever you were in class, everybody was in the same class and had the same amount of time. The ten year olds were with the ten year olds, the twelve year olds were of the twelve year olds, the twenty year olds who were the twenty year olds. Everybody was at the same level. Not True with that. In alcoholics anonymous, you got guys with two days. You're talking to somebody with two days and talking to somebody twenty or thirty. I'm talking to somebody. I'm giving a message out having to do with my life and the third step. That is a message that has to do with my experience at ten years, twenty years, three years, forty years. With the third step, which the guy with two days here's it's like two percent of what I'm saying. Maybe identifies it maybe ten percent. The Guy with thirty years is saying I know exactly what that guy is talking about. Young Seller says so. So, if there's forty five people in this meeting now there's like forty five talks going out, not not to mention the fact that I've had men come up to me. He says, man, when you were at that meeting, you said the Turkey was on the roof, my whole life change. And I've never said the Turkey was on the roof. You know, I mean I talked a little poultry, but I never said that. You know. I mean I take credit for it anyway. You understand it, but but I'm what I'm saying. There are people saying hearing shit that I'm not even saying. But that's okay, because the whole person, that the person that runs this whole thing is got anyway. So if God thinks you need to hear this, I'll say check on the roof and you'll hear a Turkey in the base. You know. The point is is that if you walk out of and there are people I've done this all with that will come out after the same meeting, some guy will come up to me and say, man, when you said this, that really helped me. Another guy come up and he says, when you say that, really help me, and it will be two completely different things both of them. Don't get wrong, you know what I mean. And so you never know what people are getting out of means. So the bottom line is I was told I buy a guy the the best way to give a good aim and it's just trying to be as honest and since here as possible. So that's what I'm going to do. So here's the deal. I'm going to talk about the problem, the problem, and then we're going to talk about the solution. As for in terms of these are the the third step. Okay, that I found in model line. So here's the problem. We we know we the reason we getting here is because the alcohol. But alcohol is not really a problem. I rarely, if ever, I mean it happens from time to time. There may be a guy here nodding off who's drunk or something. The truth is we can't do anything for him. You won't hear a word I'm saying except maybe somehow get into the tea to outs here. You tell me, keep coming back and tell me how much we love them and maybe what will happen? He'll sober up and he'll come back. So the bottom line is is this is not about not drinking, although we're certainly when we first come in we think that's what it's about. We may think it's about not drinking for the first five years, for the first year. That's so much about. Don't drink, even if you're asshalts long, don't drink. Go to me. There's a white chip for not drinking. Here's a green chip, purple chip. You know what I mean. Anybody is five years. How many people are? It's so much about the not drinking thing that when you come here you barely notice, except untill a few months go by, that you're fucking nuts. You don't even notice. There's so happy about the not drinking thing. Nobody still have...

...the not drinking thing. You barely notice that you're crazy. Apparently noticed that that a flat tire drives you into a Freakin rage and you want to commit suicide. You know what I mean. You barely notice that you're not tightly wrap. you start understanding things like now I know why I freckting drink. Now I know why I drank. This is crappy. And of course, it says the book been wouldn't drink us. They like the effect produced by alcohol. The restless room won't discontent. Mostly can to get experienced sense of using comfort, which comes up once by taking a few. And so we're searching for pleasure and ease and comfort. We need to get laid, we need to have sex, we need to have a part that, we need to have a house, when need have a car, we need to get all those things, because of what we find is when we have that shit, it's almost as good as drinking, but not quite. Getting laid is almost as good as strengthen get in a nice car, a new cars almost good to strink. Getting money is almost as good strinting. Getting all this shit the run up is almost as good as drinking. But even when we have all that stuff and it's almost as good as drinking, it has a half life of white Bob sets. You get married and two years later you're getting the worst. You know you have a brand new car and you know five weeks later it's an old car and you got a flat. Anyway, you know what I mean. You get a Bush, you finally get a job and you make the job, you hate bass. I mean there is nothing in this world. The problem is you're always dissatisfied with your life and life is shit. But you're not your even though you're not drink. And if you're here for two or three or four months or five months or something like that, you may get to the point where you go to a meeting one day and all of a sudden you realize maybe you'll read the book. Now, when I first read the book, I write all about the Jaywalker, the drinker, the drinking, and every all about the drinking. But at some point in time, it may take three months and may take six months, make a hear, you'll be complaining about life, how life sucks, how your wife or your husband sucks, how the boss sucks, how life is crummy. You'll be complaining about that. They won't have anything to do with alcohol. We'll have to do with the fact that you hate freaking life and life is unfair and you're feeling sorry for yourself and your delusion. You do and you don't start and that about that time you might read the book again or you might have a good sponsor, you might go to a meeting and you might do all these things you say and all of a sudden you go to me and you hear that they're not talking about and you here at one year that all of a sudden you go to meeting feeling crappy and everything. You almost in here. Well, that was a weird meeting. They didn't mention anything about alcohol. They were talking about resemblings. Or you go to me and that alls don't mean they're talking about fear. You never heard that before. Also in the talk about relationships, you never heard that before, and say, what the Hell is this? This is alcoholics, because they're dealing with the real disease, not the symptoms. We're now dealing with alcohol Ismm a disease that centers in your mind, not your body. And then you might even get to the point where you have to probably you understand what they're saying in the third step. Then not only you powerless over alcohol, but you need to find some sort of power, whatever that is, that will restore you to what Santitay. So here's the deal. If you're not if you don't get restored to Saturday, this is a group that if you don't get read, if you don't get restored to Saturday, what are you insane? Very good, this is a very sharp it's like an advance about your really, you are in sanct okay. Now here's the problem. You might think that you do the third the second step, the third step of all these steps, and you might be under the opinion that after you do the steps one time or over period of week or whatever hell it is, that all of a sudden you get saying say, but stick around for a while and you're going to come to a point where it's going to be a little you know how they have that part of the book. Do not be discouraged. You know they have the part of what do not be discouraged. You may find it ten years or twenty years or twenty five years...

...or fifteen years or five months, whatever it is, that no matter how hard you can have many means you've been going to, you may find that you're feel crazy and may actually happen. Now, what are you going to do now? What are you gonna do? Good shot now. You so. Now all of a sudden you see this thing in the book and says this. It says the real problem is that you're selfish and you've ever thought of yourself is selfish. You're basically good boy, and my grandmother said you're basically good. You never thought of yourself just selfish and your self centered, whatever that means. I don't know that. I'm Nice Guy. You know, guy on the street will work for change. I give my buck, I give me two bucks, whatever it is. Highly Acts. I do nice things. I'm not. I'm not a fucking serial killer. You know, I'm not Adolf Hitler. That's pretty much my standard. That's not a Dolf Hitler. You're not a serial killer. I'm okay, okay, so you know I'm a rationalizer. I told I tell rationalize to myself, you know. And so what happens is, here's the deal. So you're trying to figure so it says this is what it says. Of It. It says you're selfish and selfcenter. That your drive. If you're not Paul, you guys are outcohol this, but you guys are alcoholics. Okay. Says you're selfish and self centered. You're driven. Driven meaning in meaning you can't help yourself. Driven means you can. They don't say you'd like this. Says you'R dre. What means is you're automatically you're a trigger to do stupid shit. As John Wayne says, life is tough. If you're stupid, it's even tough. You know what I mean. You end up doing stupid shit, putting the odds, turting people, divorcing people, saying, how the fuck did I get here? Why the hell do I do that? What's going on on? You can't figure it out. It's all toos, fault, of Stud fault. When helps on, you realize down the road that you're the asshole. You know what I mean, but it's not clear at the time because you're your best fan, you love you, you know I mean. You're not to do anything to hurt you. You're going to everything you do is designed to help you and everybody else. If only people realize how wonderful you are, everything would be okay. But life is such a bitch. Of people are so stupid, you know what I mean, and they're so and so what happens? Is is the deal. What happens is you read this. One says you're selfish and self centered. Now here's the problem. The first step a getting out of jails. Knowing your jail in the first player, you take the for you. You come in here and you joined the not drinking club. That's the club you've joined when you come in here. You don't join the rocket in the Fourth Dimension Club. You don't join that club where they talk about remarkable things you're going to happen to, the only wantful things you might not drain. You join the not drinking club, which is once you join the knock drinking club and you get to experience fear, anxiety, lust, blame. You know what I mean. You you get to experience every freaking problem you've had since you were three years old. Sober, sober, you ever say I need a drink. When I said that I needed to drink, I needed a drink. You know what I mean. Now you get to experience all the childish bullshit, spoiled, Brat Selfish, stupid, idiotic behaviors and thinking and attitudes that you think is you know, because you're an alcoholic. So your alcoholic is the only normal life. It's the only life you've ever known. You can't separate the two from the falls. You're just somehow, some way, pissed at everybody. You can't drive into the office without want trying to murder fifteen people on the way until the office. You want to. You're not going to divorce a wife of man killer. You know what I mean. You just kill people. You kill him in your mind. You know what I mean. That's son of a bitch. You're just nuts. Your ravished by fear and it's not your fault. Because here's the bottom line. You're an alcoholic. You are right and you're a brilliant and nobody knows a lot about life more than you. And if anybody tries to talk to you, you want to say very kindly, well, I appreciate your vice. Want you go fuck yourself. That you're pretty much attitude, even though some people are nicer...

...than us. They won't use the F word, you know, but accepting their minds or something like that. So the right. So that. So you're selfish and your self centered, although you don't really think so. You're selfish, yourself set, you're driven by a hundred forms of fear, but you don't think so, because you don't think you're scared of anything, because you say to be sound of a shit about what they think about'll be here about anything. And you sit in a room sober, and it comes in and somebody says you'd share the mean says I'm not ready, which is not called, which is code for I'm scared. What if I say something stupid? What have they laugh at me and you want to say something, but then you second guess yourself because you're an alcoholic. You're a second guesser. You're going back and forth, you're runsher are of ever, you're unsure of everything. You're completely unsure of everything. You second guess yourself all the time. Should I do this? Should I do that? Should I if I do this, the then'll do you know, if I do this, that he'll do that. Then he'll say that. Then they'll say that and if I did that, or why did I do that? And he should have done that, and it's like you're a fucking crazy you know it light and let me take some life is tough, life is stuff, and you used to be able to drink over right now you can't even drink. So you buy shit. You know, you spend money you don't have buying shit. You don't need to impressively. You don't like to make itself feel better because you're basically worthless, because you know you're, even though you're a doctor, lawyer, whatever it's, you got money in the bank, your movie star, whatever, whatever it is, you're talented, your bright. The bottom lines, you know deep down inside you're nothing. You know you're fucking knocking. You know you're always going to be enough and you know one day they might find out you're full of Shit. In Your Pallony, you're understilling saying. Used to put something in your body that turns you into an almost when you're nothing. Almost it's like top of the world, you know, and that's the deal. And so and so it says you're selfish and your self centered and you're driven by a hundred forms of fear and you can't even figure out one form of here and Evey had four forms. You be missing ninety cents, selfish self said, and we're delusional. We're delusional, which means your delusional. You see the world a certain way and nobody else sees it that way. You're like runs around. Either selfish self set and drink by a hundred fot fear, some loose, you self seeking. We step on the toes of others, we hurt them seemingly without provocation. They heard US seemingly without probably retaliate without provocation, and we finally realize, by the way, finally realizes maybe five or ten years down the road, because before we finally realize that, we say things store spots like you don't understand, you don't know what he did to me. You got to listen to my sight in the story. You know what I mean. You say you go in, you see, you see. You coming to see me, because I'm learning to say that. Bitch, Hyx, why my woe? Let me see my child and I say how Old Your Child? Five years old. That's so. You Are you paying child support? Says, you don't understand. He says that fucking has nothing to do with it. That bitch hates my life. Gouts. Well, doesn't that kid have done milk every day about how you feel? Doesn't the kid have to buy clothes? Get closer to day? WHO's paying for that right now? He says, why, suppose she is, but believe me, she even if I pay Chiles wi says. Well, why we try to experiment? Why don't you write her a letter and close to check for fifty months and say I apologize, I've been paying child support and I don't have a job now, but I'm looking for that. But every week I'm gonna GIE a check fifty and don't say anything else. Don't say let me see the kid, let's see what happened, to be an experiment. Held it, you'll prove that she's a bitch and in two weeks later coming he said, you wouldn't believe us. I want to see the kid because we're delusional. We don't know, understand that we're that. We're the assholes. Yeah, understand what I'm saying. We Don stand drive in my head before and we step of those are the metalied. Seemed that pervocation alcohol the self will right, but he doesn't think so. He thinks he's perfectly okay. So the guy over there. So I'm putting myself out to all you guys, which requires me to suppress anything that has about I'm worried about what you think about me because in the only reason I'm doing this, I mean, I can be at home watching bowling for dogs, because I love you and I want to try to help you.

I guess some one, and there's some Dan and back the room that's judging me said, Oh, who that skuy thinks he is, thinking that he's humble when he's so full of himself. He's arrogant for himself. He's jealous and arrogant. Ones it that, but that's okay, so I'll cool keeping. But we use doesn't think so. So, so then it says. So it says this, above everything, we must get rid of this selfishness. So, once you get dreaded, here's the test. Yeah, it says, above everything, we must get that, get rid of this selfishness that we must over kills us. So after the drinking goes, what do we have to get rid of? Well, well, how came only three people? I mean this was easy. Above everything, what do we have to get rid of? Above everything, Fish. Okay, this is what it says. Says, above everything, we must get rid of selfishness. God makes that possible. God, they is that possible? So kill you, God, get rid of it. God makes that possible. So what do you have to get rid of? What makes that possible? What's the one thing you never hear about? A name? What one think people are still talk about? What's the one word they don't want to use? What's the one word that, when somebody use it, they get pissed off? And that is because alcohols are fucking insane and they see what they want to see. Whenever they're told the truth, if they don't like it, it pisses the law. You know what that is? That's the disease. It's called being closed minded. It's called being prejudiced. We got to lose all prejudice, even against all eyes religion. It's called being cynical. It's called being you think you're smarter than anybody else. It's called being you're not going to let listen to anybody and tell them what to do because you got your own opinions, even though your best think of your best. They got me here, so God makes that possible. The right after that, the next page, it says this. When would since we sincerely take this position, the position of utterly abandoning ourselves, utterly abandon ourselves to God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Also, you know it says. It says being all powerful, being all powerful. It's not like it the deputy power or one are fifteen powers. Being all powerful. He will give you everything you need to live if you stay close to him. The performance work well, as a matter of fact, in the in the the thing we read, every every, every, every time we read with come in here. It says there is one that has all power. That's what it says. It said. Doesn't say they're sixteen. So just one that has all power. There you find him now. Well, well does it? Now here's the problem. Says now now Bill Wilson didn't like the God thing. He hated the God and he said, writes in his story. I hated God thing. I hated the idea of person relationship God. I could go for maybe some sort of you know, for I hated that idea. If you talk to me about it, I slash that. I ate it. Okay. So then his friend says, okay, you hate the idea of the God. gave the gold idea, the whole powerful God. Why should try this? Once you try this, why don't you just sort of like, like make up a God that you like? You know what I mean. Let's make up a god you like. God, they're just whatever you understand now, whatever it is, the fish, the furniture, the a group, your sponsor, and make up the God that you like. I can do that. Yeah, you can do that. So he does that and we all do that and I did that because we have no idea who god is and we don't like him anyway. So we make up a god in like no you know what he is, or we looks like already wants to do. We're just making them God. We like you, just going along with things just to get us in. But here's the problem. What you ultimately realize is the God that you decide to make God, to create for yourself.

Down the road, you may find that he's not the one that has all power. So you may find yourself chasing after God that's not going to give you the power to do things you need to do. So you may have to adjust just your idea of who God is and what he is understand, because you don't want to box with God because your arms are too short. And that's the deal. Okay, on the gods than so. So the bottom line is so. So then you go into this thing in the book where it says you got to utterly abandon yourself to God. You know what it says. It says, but we won't know you. The people wrote the book, He says. We don't know that. We can't be sure, but your real reliance has to be on him. He'll even show you hows it created the fellowship you great will even show you who to hang out with, see to what your relationship with him is. Writing. Great events will great events will come to pass, few and coinmeless others. So the problem is insanity and selfishness. The solution is God. So if we know what the problem is and we know what the solution is, what could possibly be the problem? Here's the problem for God. We're insane. The problem is we're insane and we don't want to do it. We bought. Well, why don't we do half measure? Let's just do half measures. I believe in God and my God and sex and God in this, God in that or, you know, God little here. I'll say this right breath. But here's the problem. That says half measures of ellas. Why? That doesn't sound good. I don't think nothing's good. Well, well, I'm done to take like a middle of the Road Slus, you know, I mean that Guy Russell. He's really fucking nuts. You know, he's like fanatical. You know what I mean? He's a fanatic, you know, and I heard he was a Christian to let's see worse, you know, because the Bible studies should like that. He's a fanatic. I'm not going to get fanatical. I'll take like a middle of the Road Solus, you know, I'll be like, you know, like I'll go on with the God thing, but also, you know, I want to be like you have to, you know, or the God thing, but the money thing, the God and money and all that sort of stuff. But then they got that thing. There is no middle of the road solution and I'm the middle of the road kind of guy. And then they got this shit in there in the big book that says God is either everything or he's so I got this book alcoholics, anonymous, that says it's all about God. The founders say it's all about God and they write this chapter in the book called Chapter to the Agnostics. Do you have any idea why it? Why would they write a chapter to people that don't believe? I mean, you everythink about that? Why don't they feel he had found in this say, they said, and they say this, they say, I from your code of morals. They even take this way, this is a this. Dr Young, you have to have the story about you got the young and Roland Hazard Rollan Hazard American doesn't rich family goes under the greatest psychiatrist. And why I am over to wherever the hell he goes, and England or whatever. Germany Dr Call Young, the brightest guy in the world. For six months he's worked with young. He says, now, knowing the inner the inner workings of my mind, drink. It's impossible. Nevertheless, in couple weeks he's drowne. He goes up, the doctor says, is there, what's the problem? What's going on? He says, listen, you got the mind of a chronic gout. Boll you're I've never been successful with that state of mind. Exists, by the way, you don't. Don't get put. He's talking about you. If you're an alcoholic and that state of mine exists, he says, is there no? Hope? None, he says. Well, once in a while, here and there, for not, something happens. It's a phenomena, which is like scientific word for miracle. They can explain it that these people change. You have some sort of incredible psychic change, says. Ideas, emotions, additudes that are the driving forces of their lives, driving towards the likes and something. The shift into one side and they become dominated by whole new different, whole doing different. It's like a different person. It's like a personality change, profound personality change. Even says at what point book? He says we're reborn. It's like with different people. And the guy says, well, what said about?...

He says it's like a God thing. Does it say? Take three pills, take the hey. I got his integrity bill. I got this pill that allow you to love your wife even though she called your names. I got this still that's got allow you to forgive the guy. Just look, get a finger. No, they don't have any of those pills around. You know they they there's some sort of God thing. So you got all that trap in the book. You know what I mean. Now you got chap to the agnostic from mere code of morals a better philosphy of life. But wait a second, my God is good orderly direction. Get it, Gee, Oh d just another way of not believing in God. Just now. The Way, I'm not doing it looking for the loophole, half measures. I'll say, just do good order the direction. If I can do good orderly fucking direction, I wouldn't be here in the first place. I just somehow, some way, you never want to give back the money. I forget I'm the titled to it. You know and I that bitch is not going to get it, you know. So the bottom line is is that, and here's the book. The book says if a mere code of morals, of better philosphy of life. But it helps me somber. A long time ago we be working one, but didn't help us because we didn't have the power to do that stuff. Left our alcoholic devices along the way. Somehow, some way, we always screw the couch. Somehow this God think works, the God idea works. That's why, why we wrote a book that we're going to talk about God. Has Anybody read Chaptain agnostics? You know what they say. Right after that we wrote a book were we're going to going to talk about God. You know, it says right after that, here's where everybody gets pissed off. Here's where about it gets pissed off. An a meaning. This is where people walk out of the meeting, you know, because he's talking too much. Better when the whole book is about God and the chapter is not on. You know, the you know the theme of the chapter in Gnostics is a fully on. This is the program. This sort of thinking must be abandoned. If you're an atheism, ignots this sort of thinking has to be of AA takes a stand. Now. You only takes a stand on the God thing. He's everything. There is nothing now. You guys don't realize that, because that's what Aa thanks, that's what the program is, that's how it was richly written. The books they found actually essential first to read with firstor it's in thirteen somewhere, and that in the book of James. You understand I'm saying. But if you only went to meetings and become enamored with the fellowship, you would be told that your spiritual, not religious, relious people are bad. You Got Sucial area. You understand what I'm saying. You would be told not to talk about the God thing. You might hurt the newcomer, notwithstandard fact that that's all they talked about between ninety thirty five and nineteen forty. And you would be told, the big book would tell you that it's all about God and utterly abandon yourself to God. And some people actually get that shit and they stayed Ober for thirty four years and they get rocked in in the fourth dimension of existence, because that they say, if you want to be rocking forth mentioned existence and experience much of heaven. The great fact is this is nothing less than God's got been the central fact in your life. You've got to be utterly convinced. They lives in a hard mind, in a way which is debraculous, and he's doing for you would you can't do for yourself. And your whole life has to be based on God center now, and you never apologize for God. Can never do it because all men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize with God. Do I'm demn saying you're like what you can do to change you, and that's what you're doing. A A. But in the fellowship about Boll says they don't do that because you're all scared ship. Listen, they and they, you start realizing that this isn't exactly well, people's anonymous, although I love the fellowship. You're not surrounded by a lot of wild people here. It surrounded by a bunch of insane people that don't want to do this, you understand, and a lot of steps in there somewhere. I don't know. So I got down on my knees. Let's do months so sincere as possible, and I said the first off so that you know that means.

That means I've completely stuff right. So how come I was a rocking, unforcemssion existence? How come I doing experience much of the Heaven? How come everything then change? How can I in the band of myself to do not? Because, unfortunately, I am what insane? Insane. It's not like I say I'm not going to it's a don't remember what you said, I'm not going to drink today and then you were drunk anyway. You ever, you ever really sincerely say I'm not going to drink today and then get drunk anyway? That's because you're insane. I mean, I understand. Why don't alcoholics? I understand. Do you understand anything I'm I'm in making any sense to you? Yes, so, even though you get down to your knees and you say the incantation, come on into my life and everything, you're crazy, even crazy for thirty, forty years, you don't get ah, you don't get UN crazy overnight. So you got some sort of change has to happened. So how does that work at so listen, listens, here, I'm gonna give a little hit. Now you know it's I mean, here's a little there's a little something for guys with twenty years and for ten years and for five years and for everybody who wasn't. So I'm thirty one years old, I'm a drinking I've ruined my life. It's December twenty fourth, it's it's new year, that's Christmas, one thousand nine hundred and eighty. I look in the mirror and I remember doing this. I remember this happening. I know whether there ever happened to anybody else, because alcohols have incredible ability to justify who they are and what they are. You can be broke, thrown out of your house, have the worst things happen you and somehow you're a fucking victim and there's nothing wrong with you and you're going to get your act together and everything's going to okay. If I only, if I only get that blond. You know what I mean. You know we don't live a miserable life. So it's December two thousand and twenty four and I look in the mirror. I've been going down here for a long time. I've been going down tore like this for a long time, you know, at forty five degrees and all sudden, I think the last and every day it would get worse and worse and worse. And I think by by the time that that happened in Christmas e I had like it was like the free fall, fall, and I look at mirror and I said to myself. I looked at myself, I said, who you kidding? Who you kidding? Your life is over. So, thirty one years old, my life is ruined, so ob it's never going to be better, better again. I'm hopeless, hopeless. My life is over and I believe it, no question about it. I turn out in Tevy. I'm all alone. You know, you know about alcoholic loneliness, is Feti. Pe can know about that, and some peace comes on. Such talk about Jesus, okay, and you want to change your life and all you know how the futures are, and this is what he says. He says, if you want to change your life and you want to start over again, since you want to get down, Jesu said, Jesus your life. Now I only tell this is my story. Doesn't that be your story? You do not become a Christian without in a Nano Second, a Nano Sec. I get down on my knees and I say the sinner's prayer, except Jesus into my life. Thirty one years old, I'm a traveling I'm a Jewish kid from great neck New York. Okay, I've never gone to church, I've never really read the Bible. I've not got two one step me not. Nobody's talking to me about it. I haven't read the Big Book. I'm down on my knees praying that Jesus coming to my life, and I was serious as a heart attack. Okay, so tell me how that happened, and I'm an open by the way. I was a total alcoholic. Tell me how that happened. I know how that happens. So let me tell you how that happened. Would tell you how that happened. I have to read you...

...something. Let go liberal. I'm going to reason. This is appendix. Do you have people talk about appendix to? I'm going to. I'm going to try to teach you some about a pendix too, but I don't think realized, and I can be wrong, but these my understandable presence to you know, everybody says appendix to is basically sort of tells you don't worry about the God thing. That's not what appendix to says, I'm going to prove it to you. You're reading it wrong. The term spiritual experience and spiritual weight and are used many times in this book which, upon campful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient to bring about recoverage and alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms. Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that these personality changes or religious experiences must be a nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals. Happily, for everyone, this condition is erroneous. In the first few chapters a number of sudden, revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not our intention to break such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in order to recover, they must acquire an immediate, overwhelming God consciousness, followed by at once by advanced change and feeling and outlook. Among our rapidly growing membership of thousands of alcoholics, such transformations, though frequent, are by no means to rule. Now, listen, here's the deal. Listen this. Most of our experiences are what the psychologist widing James Calls the educational variety. The educational variety because and this is why they're in the educational variety. They develop over a period of time. When I think about education, I think about learning, going to a book, being talks that. That's only partially true. In a that's only part yeah, you got a left from the means. Yet maybe something. Maybe you're getting some from listening to me. Maybe five years now, something will happen. You'll remember this and will seek then or something like that. Would even know where you got it from. Yeah, you'll do things and that'll sort of help out, but what costs me to get down on my knees and give it up for the first time? What would cause somebody, you know, my spons say, don't Robin Alous, desiperation. You know why? Because God had been educating. The education in AA, when you can educate in all this other shit, helps, don't mean selps, but here's when the education comes. When you get crushed, you're not here because you're smart, you're here because you got crushed. I want to tell you something. Crushing continues till you get it right, until you get closer to everything that happens to you, that God allows to happen to you, is designed like the sixth step and says when we come entirely ready, that's so crushed, okay, that we get rid of all this other stupid shit so we can grow in his image and likeness. And you know how I know that? I know that for two reasons. Passing the big book about polls. It's in the twelve and twelve. It says they were the way we get a new perspective, a new way of looking at things, just through the ready what it says repeated humiliation, in the final crushing of ourselves sufficiency, we learned the value of suffering. You know what the Book of James Says? That was a book that they have, this great book, that the Book of James. That's what our whole thing was based on, book the James. Most people won't read them, people say, because they're a Fox and just going. You know what I mean. Let me read you what the first...

...part of book of James Says. You know about this deal and we talked about an at. It's all about a whole things in there. You know. It says this is James Chapter One. When all kinds of trials and ten patients crowd into your lives, don't mean sent them as intruders. But welcome them as friends. Realize that they come to test your faith and reduce in you the quality of endurance. But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed and you'll find you have become men and women of mature character with the right sort of independence. And if, in the process any of you does not know how to meet any problem, is only to ask God, who gives generously to all men and women without making them feel foolish or guilty. And he may be quite sure, and you may be quite sure, that then that the necessary wisdom will be given to you. Here's the good part. You know that middle of the road solution there. I know half pleasures, you know where that comes from. But he must asking sincere faith, without secret doubts as to whether he really wants God's help or not. The man who trusts God but with inward reservation, inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. That sort of man or woman cannot hope to receive anything from God, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn. Half measures nothing, middle of the road solutions work. Utterly abandon yourself to God. You know, that's stuff. You know, not apologizing for him. Basically want that's what works and that's what you're going to be. And what what the point is is that for the next five years, ten years, I was ten years sober, when everything you possibly imagine egg when step series and like that, spunting people. And you know what, it'll keep you sober. It'll keep you sober. But the day will come in your life we'll be doing a lot of stuff and you will be on half and you won't know where to go and what the problem is. A ten years some guy bounce in my life said why don't you start calling the Bible Studies? And I didn't want to do it because I thought it was Antiaa or something without. Who knows what I thought, and I did it. You know why? For the same reason I got on my knees, to the same reason I picked up a like you, because I was desperiny. I needn't help, you know what I mean, and all of a sudden I did something that I did want to do. And so the great thing about alcoholics, anonymous, is we've got something called life. We've got something called alcohol. Life is a humbling experience and you'll either you'll either figure this thing out in here or somehow you'll figure it out a different way out there. So thank you very much. That's all.

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