AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 4 months ago

Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group 8/25/2021

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Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group, Miami, FL 8/25/2021  

Bother me any but then I foundthat that not only the guy wouldn't bother me, but everybody who is pissingme off in the entire world. That was like. That guy didn't botherme anyway either. So I became less bothered by the entire world and Ifelt better because one guy pissed me off, I figured out why I was pissedoff and I got pissed me off anymore once the one I'm saying.So I realized the best thing to do for any alcoholic is I haven't walkaway with the resentment. So I do my best to do that. Youknow, I don't mean to disturb people, it just n actually happens that way. It's not my fault. Also like, for instance, to whatI'm doing now. You see, usually people read these things, they goto and I'm like doing whatever hell I want to do. You know,just I got forty years. They can't kick me out. You know,what do you think happens when you lose that fear of people in economical insecurity? What do you think happens? You stop worrying about what you stop worriedabout talking today because instead of you know the real problem centers on our line, on our body. It's not the drinking. We drink because it's thesolution. The problem, real problem is, is that we're totally fucking crazy,and part of the craziness they called selfishness and self setting. US weredripped behind forms of fear and self ilusion and and one of the fears are, one of the things are is that people won't like us, and sowe're constantly trying to get attention, to have people like us, and whichmeans we're constantly thinking things like, you know, I think I said something. I'm not going to say that, or trying to figure out what thescript is trying to you know, while we're also telling ourselves at the sametime that we don't give a shit one of you think about it. Sowe live a life. There's like two people in here this the guy islike John Wayne, I don't give a fucking back you, when there's anotherguy in my mind who says Shit, I don't think they liked me.And when you live that way, it sets up some sort of friction.But if you drink and you have the freedom from fear and you do stupidShit, you know what I mean. So the bottom line is the keyis you want how do you get to the place after get sober, whereyou feel free to be yourself? And it's with the help of God.I mean that's the bottom line. People don't want to hear that, butthat's another problem they have. That has to be alcoholism. With the help. It's with God's Hell. So what happens is, since most alcoholics arenot ready to actually holly give themselves to that, because the original middle ofthe road solution, they're not. They don't really want to do it thatway. We don't understand how to do it that way, you know,because the only reason we get in here in the first place is because wehave the shit that pounds it out of us, which we ultimately learn,if he's stick around for forty years, is that's going to happen over andover and over again. That's going to happen over and over and over again. You're going to realize the first step on the sex, the first stepon them, on the Romantis of the romantic six stuff, you'll get tothe first step on me, on the money part. You'll get to firststep. You will get to the point that five years, ten years,fifteen years where you're doing everything is supposed to do, an Aa and juststill feel like craft and you'll be saying yourself, what the Fuck is wrongwith me? And then, Wall Sun, you will be forced to do thatone thing. Somebody will suggest you do some. You will either drinkagain or you will be miserable, or you'll go some or you'll be yetcome ready and some banana will show up, some ESKIMO will show up the meetingand you'll ask him, what do you think I'll do? And he'lland he'll say something like you're to go to Bible study, and you'll beso miserable that you'll end up doing it, when that was the one thing youbowed you would never do and you'll end up doing in. Your wholelife will change, because that's how we change. We end up doing shit. We we tell everybody we're doing everything, but the things that kill you,the things that will kill you in here to make you like this roll, is the things you're you're refusing to do. You understanding. It's thethings that you refuse to do. The...

...extra credit ain't no big deal todoing the stuff that's the easy stuff. Or say you suggest this, it'sthe extra credit stuff that that people refuse to do out of pride. IntellectualPride, as what that's what Bob Smith calls it. Intellectual Pride. Hesays, if you're if you have some sort of intellectual pride that keeps youfrom doing this, I feel sorry for your heavenly father and them lay now. So the bottom line is is this is where we get beaten into submissionover a period of time. But in any event, so that's a wholebunch of steps whipped into one thing. But they're all in there. Butthey even let me read this alcoholics anonymously, the fellowship and men, women sharetheir experience strength, I hope, with each other that they me solvetheir common problems and up us to come from alcoholism. Only requirement is desireto stop drinking. He's to be an honest desire. That they took thatout to put a good deal prout. Boss. There are no do is, a FEA trade and memor sure, with self appointed, their own contributions. They he's not a lot of insect denomination politics. Organization, Institution doesnot wish to engage any controversy. You know, the doorses to oppose anycause. Our primary purposes, stay sober, help other alcoholics who achieve society.And let's see what we got here. Did we do? Moments? Wedid moment aside, meditation, called bus for anything, God Rammans toaccept the things I cannot say, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Somebody volunteered to how it works andsomebody volunteer to do the traditions. I get then that's in their alcoholics. They have any okay, let me go. Let me keep on doingthis. This is a closed beam. Will. That doesn't plot accordance withthe seventh tradition. We are so spoid wrong. No, that's like that'slater. Right. So I'd run through it. Okay, Lustle Alcoholic fromthe setting sea group. Hie To everybody. Here's the deal. Okay, I'mgoing to use like the surprise. This looks like a pretty good crowdhere. There's a good crowd there. I know a lot of people.Good crowd here. You're all fully clothed. It looks sober. You know.Yeah, I'm people got over twenty years here. I won't. OneGuy has over twenty years. How about over ten years? Okay, twoguys over five years. Two more guys. Oh so a lot of you,guys like I, have under five years. That's great, because here'sthe deal. I'm going to I'm going to do the best I can toget through this. I have a short period of time. I'm going tocover like six or seven steps or something, and ain't gonna matter. Nobody's goingto drink. It's all going to work out. It's all based onmy opinion. I've been silver a little bit of forty years, work withhundreds of people. I'm I think I'm qualified, but it's my opinion.You don't have to believe any of it, okay. So, so don't worryabout don't get me get mad at me. Do it, it doesn'tmatter, it's okay. Do whatever you want to go, okay, butI'm not telling you what to do. I want to try to tell himhow folk what's to them. Okay, this is all going to be basedon my experience. Here's what I'm doing. I'm going to read some stuff fromthe big book and from some Associated Literature and I'm going to talk aboutmy life and my experience in my life, because I think that's important. Talkabout your personal experience. I'm going to ask you a few questions andwe'll see what we get some man chips and see how you guys do.Will see how smart you are. See when you get it, you canfigure this thing out. So the problem, one of the problems that you havewhen you're doing a step series. I've been doing these things for likethirty five years. Order problems you having is a he's like a giant oneroom schoolhouse. You know, I used to go to you know how yougo to like kindergarten, AI's it like a a kind of John Kindergarten.But the truth of the matter is is you know how you go to juniorhigh school and then you go through grades, and then you go to high schooland you go through grades and then some people go to trade school orcollege go through raids, and then post abaty group, you go through raidsand like it, like I. So...

I would start taking, you know, Algebra, and then after such a guage or they I could take trigonometry. Then trigonometry I could take song called analytical geometry. Then after analytical JohnLyttry, I could take calculates us and then after Calculus I could take calculuson manifolds. I could take, you know, I take all topology,I can take a whole bunch of other but you couldn't take the next youhad things called prerequisites. You could go on to the next course until yougo ahead and sit down. You guys. We you couldn't come on, goon to the next course until you took the course before. So whateverclass you were in in college or high school or wherever you were in class, everybody was in the same class and had the same amount of time.The ten year olds were with the ten year olds, the twelve year oldswere of the twelve year olds, the twenty year olds who were the twentyyear olds. Everybody was at the same level. Not True with that.In alcoholics anonymous, you got guys with two days. You're talking to somebodywith two days and talking to somebody twenty or thirty. I'm talking to somebody. I'm giving a message out having to do with my life and the thirdstep. That is a message that has to do with my experience at tenyears, twenty years, three years, forty years. With the third step, which the guy with two days here's it's like two percent of what I'msaying. Maybe identifies it maybe ten percent. The Guy with thirty years is sayingI know exactly what that guy is talking about. Young Seller says so. So, if there's forty five people in this meeting now there's like fortyfive talks going out, not not to mention the fact that I've had mencome up to me. He says, man, when you were at thatmeeting, you said the Turkey was on the roof, my whole life change. And I've never said the Turkey was on the roof. You know,I mean I talked a little poultry, but I never said that. Youknow. I mean I take credit for it anyway. You understand it,but but I'm what I'm saying. There are people saying hearing shit that I'mnot even saying. But that's okay, because the whole person, that theperson that runs this whole thing is got anyway. So if God thinks youneed to hear this, I'll say check on the roof and you'll hear aTurkey in the base. You know. The point is is that if youwalk out of and there are people I've done this all with that will comeout after the same meeting, some guy will come up to me and say, man, when you said this, that really helped me. Another guycome up and he says, when you say that, really help me,and it will be two completely different things both of them. Don't get wrong, you know what I mean. And so you never know what people aregetting out of means. So the bottom line is I was told I buya guy the the best way to give a good aim and it's just tryingto be as honest and since here as possible. So that's what I'm goingto do. So here's the deal. I'm going to talk about the problem, the problem, and then we're going to talk about the solution. Asfor in terms of these are the the third step. Okay, that Ifound in model line. So here's the problem. We we know we thereason we getting here is because the alcohol. But alcohol is not really a problem. I rarely, if ever, I mean it happens from time totime. There may be a guy here nodding off who's drunk or something.The truth is we can't do anything for him. You won't hear a wordI'm saying except maybe somehow get into the tea to outs here. You tellme, keep coming back and tell me how much we love them and maybewhat will happen? He'll sober up and he'll come back. So the bottomline is is this is not about not drinking, although we're certainly when wefirst come in we think that's what it's about. We may think it's aboutnot drinking for the first five years, for the first year. That's somuch about. Don't drink, even if you're asshalts long, don't drink.Go to me. There's a white chip for not drinking. Here's a greenchip, purple chip. You know what I mean. Anybody is five years. How many people are? It's so much about the not drinking thing thatwhen you come here you barely notice, except untill a few months go by, that you're fucking nuts. You don't even notice. There's so happy aboutthe not drinking thing. Nobody still have...

...the not drinking thing. You barelynotice that you're crazy. Apparently noticed that that a flat tire drives you intoa Freakin rage and you want to commit suicide. You know what I mean. You barely notice that you're not tightly wrap. you start understanding things likenow I know why I freckting drink. Now I know why I drank.This is crappy. And of course, it says the book been wouldn't drinkus. They like the effect produced by alcohol. The restless room won't discontent. Mostly can to get experienced sense of using comfort, which comes up onceby taking a few. And so we're searching for pleasure and ease and comfort. We need to get laid, we need to have sex, we needto have a part that, we need to have a house, when needhave a car, we need to get all those things, because of whatwe find is when we have that shit, it's almost as good as drinking,but not quite. Getting laid is almost as good as strengthen get ina nice car, a new cars almost good to strink. Getting money isalmost as good strinting. Getting all this shit the run up is almost asgood as drinking. But even when we have all that stuff and it's almostas good as drinking, it has a half life of white Bob sets.You get married and two years later you're getting the worst. You know youhave a brand new car and you know five weeks later it's an old carand you got a flat. Anyway, you know what I mean. Youget a Bush, you finally get a job and you make the job,you hate bass. I mean there is nothing in this world. The problemis you're always dissatisfied with your life and life is shit. But you're notyour even though you're not drink. And if you're here for two or threeor four months or five months or something like that, you may get tothe point where you go to a meeting one day and all of a suddenyou realize maybe you'll read the book. Now, when I first read thebook, I write all about the Jaywalker, the drinker, the drinking, andevery all about the drinking. But at some point in time, itmay take three months and may take six months, make a hear, you'llbe complaining about life, how life sucks, how your wife or your husband sucks, how the boss sucks, how life is crummy. You'll be complainingabout that. They won't have anything to do with alcohol. We'll have todo with the fact that you hate freaking life and life is unfair and you'refeeling sorry for yourself and your delusion. You do and you don't start andthat about that time you might read the book again or you might have agood sponsor, you might go to a meeting and you might do all thesethings you say and all of a sudden you go to me and you hearthat they're not talking about and you here at one year that all of asudden you go to meeting feeling crappy and everything. You almost in here.Well, that was a weird meeting. They didn't mention anything about alcohol.They were talking about resemblings. Or you go to me and that alls don'tmean they're talking about fear. You never heard that before. Also in thetalk about relationships, you never heard that before, and say, what theHell is this? This is alcoholics, because they're dealing with the real disease, not the symptoms. We're now dealing with alcohol Ismm a disease that centersin your mind, not your body. And then you might even get tothe point where you have to probably you understand what they're saying in the thirdstep. Then not only you powerless over alcohol, but you need to findsome sort of power, whatever that is, that will restore you to what Santitay. So here's the deal. If you're not if you don't get restoredto Saturday, this is a group that if you don't get read, ifyou don't get restored to Saturday, what are you insane? Very good,this is a very sharp it's like an advance about your really, you arein sanct okay. Now here's the problem. You might think that you do thethird the second step, the third step of all these steps, andyou might be under the opinion that after you do the steps one time orover period of week or whatever hell it is, that all of a suddenyou get saying say, but stick around for a while and you're going tocome to a point where it's going to be a little you know how theyhave that part of the book. Do not be discouraged. You know theyhave the part of what do not be discouraged. You may find it tenyears or twenty years or twenty five years...

...or fifteen years or five months,whatever it is, that no matter how hard you can have many means you'vebeen going to, you may find that you're feel crazy and may actually happen. Now, what are you going to do now? What are you gonnado? Good shot now. You so. Now all of a sudden you seethis thing in the book and says this. It says the real problemis that you're selfish and you've ever thought of yourself is selfish. You're basicallygood boy, and my grandmother said you're basically good. You never thought ofyourself just selfish and your self centered, whatever that means. I don't knowthat. I'm Nice Guy. You know, guy on the street will work forchange. I give my buck, I give me two bucks, whateverit is. Highly Acts. I do nice things. I'm not. I'mnot a fucking serial killer. You know, I'm not Adolf Hitler. That's prettymuch my standard. That's not a Dolf Hitler. You're not a serialkiller. I'm okay, okay, so you know I'm a rationalizer. Itold I tell rationalize to myself, you know. And so what happens is, here's the deal. So you're trying to figure so it says this iswhat it says. Of It. It says you're selfish and selfcenter. Thatyour drive. If you're not Paul, you guys are outcohol this, butyou guys are alcoholics. Okay. Says you're selfish and self centered. You'redriven. Driven meaning in meaning you can't help yourself. Driven means you can. They don't say you'd like this. Says you'R dre. What means isyou're automatically you're a trigger to do stupid shit. As John Wayne says,life is tough. If you're stupid, it's even tough. You know whatI mean. You end up doing stupid shit, putting the odds, turtingpeople, divorcing people, saying, how the fuck did I get here?Why the hell do I do that? What's going on on? You can'tfigure it out. It's all toos, fault, of Stud fault. Whenhelps on, you realize down the road that you're the asshole. You knowwhat I mean, but it's not clear at the time because you're your bestfan, you love you, you know I mean. You're not to doanything to hurt you. You're going to everything you do is designed to helpyou and everybody else. If only people realize how wonderful you are, everythingwould be okay. But life is such a bitch. Of people are sostupid, you know what I mean, and they're so and so what happens? Is is the deal. What happens is you read this. One saysyou're selfish and self centered. Now here's the problem. The first step agetting out of jails. Knowing your jail in the first player, you takethe for you. You come in here and you joined the not drinking club. That's the club you've joined when you come in here. You don't jointhe rocket in the Fourth Dimension Club. You don't join that club where theytalk about remarkable things you're going to happen to, the only wantful things youmight not drain. You join the not drinking club, which is once youjoin the knock drinking club and you get to experience fear, anxiety, lust, blame. You know what I mean. You you get to experience every freakingproblem you've had since you were three years old. Sober, sober,you ever say I need a drink. When I said that I needed todrink, I needed a drink. You know what I mean. Now youget to experience all the childish bullshit, spoiled, Brat Selfish, stupid,idiotic behaviors and thinking and attitudes that you think is you know, because you'rean alcoholic. So your alcoholic is the only normal life. It's the onlylife you've ever known. You can't separate the two from the falls. You'rejust somehow, some way, pissed at everybody. You can't drive into theoffice without want trying to murder fifteen people on the way until the office.You want to. You're not going to divorce a wife of man killer.You know what I mean. You just kill people. You kill him inyour mind. You know what I mean. That's son of a bitch. You'rejust nuts. Your ravished by fear and it's not your fault. Becausehere's the bottom line. You're an alcoholic. You are right and you're a brilliantand nobody knows a lot about life more than you. And if anybodytries to talk to you, you want to say very kindly, well,I appreciate your vice. Want you go fuck yourself. That you're pretty muchattitude, even though some people are nicer...

...than us. They won't use theF word, you know, but accepting their minds or something like that.So the right. So that. So you're selfish and your self centered,although you don't really think so. You're selfish, yourself set, you're drivenby a hundred forms of fear, but you don't think so, because youdon't think you're scared of anything, because you say to be sound of ashit about what they think about'll be here about anything. And you sit ina room sober, and it comes in and somebody says you'd share the meansays I'm not ready, which is not called, which is code for I'mscared. What if I say something stupid? What have they laugh at me andyou want to say something, but then you second guess yourself because you'rean alcoholic. You're a second guesser. You're going back and forth, you'rerunsher are of ever, you're unsure of everything. You're completely unsure of everything. You second guess yourself all the time. Should I do this? Should Ido that? Should I if I do this, the then'll do youknow, if I do this, that he'll do that. Then he'll saythat. Then they'll say that and if I did that, or why didI do that? And he should have done that, and it's like you'rea fucking crazy you know it light and let me take some life is tough, life is stuff, and you used to be able to drink over rightnow you can't even drink. So you buy shit. You know, youspend money you don't have buying shit. You don't need to impressively. Youdon't like to make itself feel better because you're basically worthless, because you knowyou're, even though you're a doctor, lawyer, whatever it's, you gotmoney in the bank, your movie star, whatever, whatever it is, you'retalented, your bright. The bottom lines, you know deep down insideyou're nothing. You know you're fucking knocking. You know you're always going to beenough and you know one day they might find out you're full of Shit. In Your Pallony, you're understilling saying. Used to put something in your bodythat turns you into an almost when you're nothing. Almost it's like topof the world, you know, and that's the deal. And so andso it says you're selfish and your self centered and you're driven by a hundredforms of fear and you can't even figure out one form of here and Eveyhad four forms. You be missing ninety cents, selfish self said, andwe're delusional. We're delusional, which means your delusional. You see the worlda certain way and nobody else sees it that way. You're like runs around. Either selfish self set and drink by a hundred fot fear, some loose, you self seeking. We step on the toes of others, we hurtthem seemingly without provocation. They heard US seemingly without probably retaliate without provocation,and we finally realize, by the way, finally realizes maybe five or ten yearsdown the road, because before we finally realize that, we say thingsstore spots like you don't understand, you don't know what he did to me. You got to listen to my sight in the story. You know whatI mean. You say you go in, you see, you see. Youcoming to see me, because I'm learning to say that. Bitch,Hyx, why my woe? Let me see my child and I say howOld Your Child? Five years old. That's so. You Are you payingchild support? Says, you don't understand. He says that fucking has nothing todo with it. That bitch hates my life. Gouts. Well,doesn't that kid have done milk every day about how you feel? Doesn't thekid have to buy clothes? Get closer to day? WHO's paying for thatright now? He says, why, suppose she is, but believe me, she even if I pay Chiles wi says. Well, why we tryto experiment? Why don't you write her a letter and close to check forfifty months and say I apologize, I've been paying child support and I don'thave a job now, but I'm looking for that. But every week I'mgonna GIE a check fifty and don't say anything else. Don't say let mesee the kid, let's see what happened, to be an experiment. Held it, you'll prove that she's a bitch and in two weeks later coming hesaid, you wouldn't believe us. I want to see the kid because we'redelusional. We don't know, understand that we're that. We're the assholes.Yeah, understand what I'm saying. We Don stand drive in my head beforeand we step of those are the metalied. Seemed that pervocation alcohol the self willright, but he doesn't think so. He thinks he's perfectly okay. Sothe guy over there. So I'm putting myself out to all you guys, which requires me to suppress anything that has about I'm worried about what youthink about me because in the only reason I'm doing this, I mean,I can be at home watching bowling for dogs, because I love you andI want to try to help you.

I guess some one, and there'ssome Dan and back the room that's judging me said, Oh, who thatskuy thinks he is, thinking that he's humble when he's so full of himself. He's arrogant for himself. He's jealous and arrogant. Ones it that,but that's okay, so I'll cool keeping. But we use doesn't think so.So, so then it says. So it says this, above everything, we must get rid of this selfishness. So, once you get dreaded,here's the test. Yeah, it says, above everything, we mustget that, get rid of this selfishness that we must over kills us.So after the drinking goes, what do we have to get rid of?Well, well, how came only three people? I mean this was easy. Above everything, what do we have to get rid of? Above everything, Fish. Okay, this is what it says. Says, above everything, we must get rid of selfishness. God makes that possible. God,they is that possible? So kill you, God, get rid of it.God makes that possible. So what do you have to get rid of? What makes that possible? What's the one thing you never hear about?A name? What one think people are still talk about? What's the oneword they don't want to use? What's the one word that, when somebodyuse it, they get pissed off? And that is because alcohols are fuckinginsane and they see what they want to see. Whenever they're told the truth, if they don't like it, it pisses the law. You know whatthat is? That's the disease. It's called being closed minded. It's calledbeing prejudiced. We got to lose all prejudice, even against all eyes religion. It's called being cynical. It's called being you think you're smarter than anybodyelse. It's called being you're not going to let listen to anybody and tellthem what to do because you got your own opinions, even though your bestthink of your best. They got me here, so God makes that possible. The right after that, the next page, it says this. Whenwould since we sincerely take this position, the position of utterly abandoning ourselves,utterly abandon ourselves to God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Also,you know it says. It says being all powerful, being all powerful.It's not like it the deputy power or one are fifteen powers. Being allpowerful. He will give you everything you need to live if you stay closeto him. The performance work well, as a matter of fact, inthe in the the thing we read, every every, every, every timewe read with come in here. It says there is one that has allpower. That's what it says. It said. Doesn't say they're sixteen.So just one that has all power. There you find him now. Well, well does it? Now here's the problem. Says now now Bill Wilsondidn't like the God thing. He hated the God and he said, writesin his story. I hated God thing. I hated the idea of person relationshipGod. I could go for maybe some sort of you know, forI hated that idea. If you talk to me about it, I slashthat. I ate it. Okay. So then his friend says, okay, you hate the idea of the God. gave the gold idea, the wholepowerful God. Why should try this? Once you try this, why don'tyou just sort of like, like make up a God that you like? You know what I mean. Let's make up a god you like.God, they're just whatever you understand now, whatever it is, the fish,the furniture, the a group, your sponsor, and make up theGod that you like. I can do that. Yeah, you can dothat. So he does that and we all do that and I did thatbecause we have no idea who god is and we don't like him anyway.So we make up a god in like no you know what he is,or we looks like already wants to do. We're just making them God. Welike you, just going along with things just to get us in.But here's the problem. What you ultimately realize is the God that you decideto make God, to create for yourself.

Down the road, you may findthat he's not the one that has all power. So you may findyourself chasing after God that's not going to give you the power to do thingsyou need to do. So you may have to adjust just your idea ofwho God is and what he is understand, because you don't want to box withGod because your arms are too short. And that's the deal. Okay,on the gods than so. So the bottom line is so. Sothen you go into this thing in the book where it says you got toutterly abandon yourself to God. You know what it says. It says,but we won't know you. The people wrote the book, He says.We don't know that. We can't be sure, but your real reliance hasto be on him. He'll even show you hows it created the fellowship yougreat will even show you who to hang out with, see to what yourrelationship with him is. Writing. Great events will great events will come topass, few and coinmeless others. So the problem is insanity and selfishness.The solution is God. So if we know what the problem is and weknow what the solution is, what could possibly be the problem? Here's theproblem for God. We're insane. The problem is we're insane and we don'twant to do it. We bought. Well, why don't we do halfmeasure? Let's just do half measures. I believe in God and my Godand sex and God in this, God in that or, you know,God little here. I'll say this right breath. But here's the problem.That says half measures of ellas. Why? That doesn't sound good. I don'tthink nothing's good. Well, well, I'm done to take like a middleof the Road Slus, you know, I mean that Guy Russell. He'sreally fucking nuts. You know, he's like fanatical. You know whatI mean? He's a fanatic, you know, and I heard he wasa Christian to let's see worse, you know, because the Bible studies shouldlike that. He's a fanatic. I'm not going to get fanatical. I'lltake like a middle of the Road Solus, you know, I'll be like,you know, like I'll go on with the God thing, but also, you know, I want to be like you have to, you know, or the God thing, but the money thing, the God and moneyand all that sort of stuff. But then they got that thing. Thereis no middle of the road solution and I'm the middle of the road kindof guy. And then they got this shit in there in the big bookthat says God is either everything or he's so I got this book alcoholics,anonymous, that says it's all about God. The founders say it's all about Godand they write this chapter in the book called Chapter to the Agnostics.Do you have any idea why it? Why would they write a chapter topeople that don't believe? I mean, you everythink about that? Why don'tthey feel he had found in this say, they said, and they say this, they say, I from your code of morals. They even takethis way, this is a this. Dr Young, you have to havethe story about you got the young and Roland Hazard Rollan Hazard American doesn't richfamily goes under the greatest psychiatrist. And why I am over to wherever thehell he goes, and England or whatever. Germany Dr Call Young, the brightestguy in the world. For six months he's worked with young. Hesays, now, knowing the inner the inner workings of my mind, drink. It's impossible. Nevertheless, in couple weeks he's drowne. He goes up, the doctor says, is there, what's the problem? What's going on? He says, listen, you got the mind of a chronic gout.Boll you're I've never been successful with that state of mind. Exists, bythe way, you don't. Don't get put. He's talking about you.If you're an alcoholic and that state of mine exists, he says, isthere no? Hope? None, he says. Well, once in awhile, here and there, for not, something happens. It's a phenomena,which is like scientific word for miracle. They can explain it that these peoplechange. You have some sort of incredible psychic change, says. Ideas, emotions, additudes that are the driving forces of their lives, driving towardsthe likes and something. The shift into one side and they become dominated bywhole new different, whole doing different. It's like a different person. It'slike a personality change, profound personality change. Even says at what point book?He says we're reborn. It's like with different people. And the guysays, well, what said about?...

He says it's like a God thing. Does it say? Take three pills, take the hey. I got hisintegrity bill. I got this pill that allow you to love your wifeeven though she called your names. I got this still that's got allow youto forgive the guy. Just look, get a finger. No, theydon't have any of those pills around. You know they they there's some sortof God thing. So you got all that trap in the book. Youknow what I mean. Now you got chap to the agnostic from mere codeof morals a better philosphy of life. But wait a second, my Godis good orderly direction. Get it, Gee, Oh d just another wayof not believing in God. Just now. The Way, I'm not doing itlooking for the loophole, half measures. I'll say, just do good orderthe direction. If I can do good orderly fucking direction, I wouldn'tbe here in the first place. I just somehow, some way, younever want to give back the money. I forget I'm the titled to it. You know and I that bitch is not going to get it, youknow. So the bottom line is is that, and here's the book.The book says if a mere code of morals, of better philosphy of life. But it helps me somber. A long time ago we be working one, but didn't help us because we didn't have the power to do that stuff. Left our alcoholic devices along the way. Somehow, some way, we alwaysscrew the couch. Somehow this God think works, the God idea works. That's why, why we wrote a book that we're going to talk aboutGod. Has Anybody read Chaptain agnostics? You know what they say. Rightafter that we wrote a book were we're going to going to talk about God. You know, it says right after that, here's where everybody gets pissedoff. Here's where about it gets pissed off. An a meaning. Thisis where people walk out of the meeting, you know, because he's talking toomuch. Better when the whole book is about God and the chapter isnot on. You know, the you know the theme of the chapter inGnostics is a fully on. This is the program. This sort of thinkingmust be abandoned. If you're an atheism, ignots this sort of thinking has tobe of AA takes a stand. Now. You only takes a standon the God thing. He's everything. There is nothing now. You guysdon't realize that, because that's what Aa thanks, that's what the program is, that's how it was richly written. The books they found actually essential firstto read with firstor it's in thirteen somewhere, and that in the book of James. You understand I'm saying. But if you only went to meetings andbecome enamored with the fellowship, you would be told that your spiritual, notreligious, relious people are bad. You Got Sucial area. You understand whatI'm saying. You would be told not to talk about the God thing.You might hurt the newcomer, notwithstandard fact that that's all they talked about betweenninety thirty five and nineteen forty. And you would be told, the bigbook would tell you that it's all about God and utterly abandon yourself to God. And some people actually get that shit and they stayed Ober for thirty fouryears and they get rocked in in the fourth dimension of existence, because thatthey say, if you want to be rocking forth mentioned existence and experience muchof heaven. The great fact is this is nothing less than God's got beenthe central fact in your life. You've got to be utterly convinced. Theylives in a hard mind, in a way which is debraculous, and he'sdoing for you would you can't do for yourself. And your whole life hasto be based on God center now, and you never apologize for God.Can never do it because all men of faith have courage. They trust theirGod. We never apologize with God. Do I'm demn saying you're like whatyou can do to change you, and that's what you're doing. A A. But in the fellowship about Boll says they don't do that because you're allscared ship. Listen, they and they, you start realizing that this isn't exactlywell, people's anonymous, although I love the fellowship. You're not surroundedby a lot of wild people here. It surrounded by a bunch of insanepeople that don't want to do this, you understand, and a lot ofsteps in there somewhere. I don't know. So I got down on my knees. Let's do months so sincere as possible, and I said the firstoff so that you know that means.

That means I've completely stuff right.So how come I was a rocking, unforcemssion existence? How come I doingexperience much of the Heaven? How come everything then change? How can Iin the band of myself to do not? Because, unfortunately, I am whatinsane? Insane. It's not like I say I'm not going to it'sa don't remember what you said, I'm not going to drink today and thenyou were drunk anyway. You ever, you ever really sincerely say I'm notgoing to drink today and then get drunk anyway? That's because you're insane.I mean, I understand. Why don't alcoholics? I understand. Do youunderstand anything I'm I'm in making any sense to you? Yes, so,even though you get down to your knees and you say the incantation, comeon into my life and everything, you're crazy, even crazy for thirty,forty years, you don't get ah, you don't get UN crazy overnight.So you got some sort of change has to happened. So how does thatwork at so listen, listens, here, I'm gonna give a little hit.Now you know it's I mean, here's a little there's a little somethingfor guys with twenty years and for ten years and for five years and foreverybody who wasn't. So I'm thirty one years old, I'm a drinking I'veruined my life. It's December twenty fourth, it's it's new year, that's Christmas, one thousand nine hundred and eighty. I look in the mirror and Iremember doing this. I remember this happening. I know whether there everhappened to anybody else, because alcohols have incredible ability to justify who they areand what they are. You can be broke, thrown out of your house, have the worst things happen you and somehow you're a fucking victim and there'snothing wrong with you and you're going to get your act together and everything's goingto okay. If I only, if I only get that blond. Youknow what I mean. You know we don't live a miserable life. Soit's December two thousand and twenty four and I look in the mirror. I'vebeen going down here for a long time. I've been going down tore like thisfor a long time, you know, at forty five degrees and all sudden, I think the last and every day it would get worse and worseand worse. And I think by by the time that that happened in Christmase I had like it was like the free fall, fall, and Ilook at mirror and I said to myself. I looked at myself, I said, who you kidding? Who you kidding? Your life is over.So, thirty one years old, my life is ruined, so ob it'snever going to be better, better again. I'm hopeless, hopeless. My lifeis over and I believe it, no question about it. I turnout in Tevy. I'm all alone. You know, you know about alcoholicloneliness, is Feti. Pe can know about that, and some peace comeson. Such talk about Jesus, okay, and you want to change your lifeand all you know how the futures are, and this is what hesays. He says, if you want to change your life and you wantto start over again, since you want to get down, Jesu said,Jesus your life. Now I only tell this is my story. Doesn't thatbe your story? You do not become a Christian without in a Nano Second, a Nano Sec. I get down on my knees and I say thesinner's prayer, except Jesus into my life. Thirty one years old, I'm atraveling I'm a Jewish kid from great neck New York. Okay, I'venever gone to church, I've never really read the Bible. I've not gottwo one step me not. Nobody's talking to me about it. I haven'tread the Big Book. I'm down on my knees praying that Jesus coming tomy life, and I was serious as a heart attack. Okay, sotell me how that happened, and I'm an open by the way. Iwas a total alcoholic. Tell me how that happened. I know how thathappens. So let me tell you how that happened. Would tell you howthat happened. I have to read you...

...something. Let go liberal. I'mgoing to reason. This is appendix. Do you have people talk about appendixto? I'm going to. I'm going to try to teach you some abouta pendix too, but I don't think realized, and I can be wrong, but these my understandable presence to you know, everybody says appendix to isbasically sort of tells you don't worry about the God thing. That's not whatappendix to says, I'm going to prove it to you. You're reading itwrong. The term spiritual experience and spiritual weight and are used many times inthis book which, upon campful reading, shows that the personality change sufficient tobring about recoverage and alcoholism has manifested itself among us in many different forms.Yet it is true that our first printing gave many readers the impression that thesepersonality changes or religious experiences must be a nature of sudden and spectacular upheavals.Happily, for everyone, this condition is erroneous. In the first few chaptersa number of sudden, revolutionary changes are described. Though it was not ourintention to break such an impression, many alcoholics have nevertheless concluded that in orderto recover, they must acquire an immediate, overwhelming God consciousness, followed by atonce by advanced change and feeling and outlook. Among our rapidly growing membershipof thousands of alcoholics, such transformations, though frequent, are by no meansto rule. Now, listen, here's the deal. Listen this. Mostof our experiences are what the psychologist widing James Calls the educational variety. Theeducational variety because and this is why they're in the educational variety. They developover a period of time. When I think about education, I think aboutlearning, going to a book, being talks that. That's only partially true. In a that's only part yeah, you got a left from the means. Yet maybe something. Maybe you're getting some from listening to me. Maybefive years now, something will happen. You'll remember this and will seek thenor something like that. Would even know where you got it from. Yeah, you'll do things and that'll sort of help out, but what costs meto get down on my knees and give it up for the first time?What would cause somebody, you know, my spons say, don't Robin Alous, desiperation. You know why? Because God had been educating. The educationin AA, when you can educate in all this other shit, helps,don't mean selps, but here's when the education comes. When you get crushed, you're not here because you're smart, you're here because you got crushed.I want to tell you something. Crushing continues till you get it right,until you get closer to everything that happens to you, that God allows tohappen to you, is designed like the sixth step and says when we comeentirely ready, that's so crushed, okay, that we get rid of all thisother stupid shit so we can grow in his image and likeness. Andyou know how I know that? I know that for two reasons. Passingthe big book about polls. It's in the twelve and twelve. It saysthey were the way we get a new perspective, a new way of lookingat things, just through the ready what it says repeated humiliation, in thefinal crushing of ourselves sufficiency, we learned the value of suffering. You knowwhat the Book of James Says? That was a book that they have,this great book, that the Book of James. That's what our whole thingwas based on, book the James. Most people won't read them, peoplesay, because they're a Fox and just going. You know what I mean. Let me read you what the first...

...part of book of James Says.You know about this deal and we talked about an at. It's all abouta whole things in there. You know. It says this is James Chapter One. When all kinds of trials and ten patients crowd into your lives,don't mean sent them as intruders. But welcome them as friends. Realize thatthey come to test your faith and reduce in you the quality of endurance.But let the process go on until that endurance is fully developed and you'll findyou have become men and women of mature character with the right sort of independence. And if, in the process any of you does not know how tomeet any problem, is only to ask God, who gives generously to allmen and women without making them feel foolish or guilty. And he may bequite sure, and you may be quite sure, that then that the necessarywisdom will be given to you. Here's the good part. You know thatmiddle of the road solution there. I know half pleasures, you know wherethat comes from. But he must asking sincere faith, without secret doubts asto whether he really wants God's help or not. The man who trusts Godbut with inward reservation, inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. Thatsort of man or woman cannot hope to receive anything from God, and thelife of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn. Halfmeasures nothing, middle of the road solutions work. Utterly abandon yourself to God. You know, that's stuff. You know, not apologizing for him.Basically want that's what works and that's what you're going to be. And whatwhat the point is is that for the next five years, ten years,I was ten years sober, when everything you possibly imagine egg when step seriesand like that, spunting people. And you know what, it'll keep yousober. It'll keep you sober. But the day will come in your lifewe'll be doing a lot of stuff and you will be on half and youwon't know where to go and what the problem is. A ten years someguy bounce in my life said why don't you start calling the Bible Studies?And I didn't want to do it because I thought it was Antiaa or somethingwithout. Who knows what I thought, and I did it. You knowwhy? For the same reason I got on my knees, to the samereason I picked up a like you, because I was desperiny. I needn'thelp, you know what I mean, and all of a sudden I didsomething that I did want to do. And so the great thing about alcoholics, anonymous, is we've got something called life. We've got something called alcohol. Life is a humbling experience and you'll either you'll either figure this thing outin here or somehow you'll figure it out a different way out there. Sothank you very much. That's all.

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