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AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 month ago

Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group 8/25/2021

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Russell S. Talk 3 at the Sabal Palm Group, Miami, FL 8/25/2021  

Botany, but then I found out that notonly the guy wouldn't want me, but everybody who was pissing me off in theentire world that was like that guy didn't bother me any either. So I became less bothered by the entireworld and I felt better because one guypissed me off. I figured out why I was Pissedon. I T I e often that's the one saying so I realized thebest thing to do for any alcoholic is. I have walk the way with resentment, so I do my best to do that. No, I don'tneed to disturb people. It just actually happens that way. It'snot my fault so like, for instance, to what I'mdoing now. You See. Usually people read these things that go to and I'm likedoing whatever hell. I want to do, but I was like a forty years like can kickme out. You know what do you think happens whenyou lose that fear of people in Economics in security? What do youthink happens? Stop worrying about what you stopworried about talking today, because, instead of you know the realproblem senses in a mind, not our body, it's not the drinking we ere causes thesocial. The problem real problem is, is that would be totally fucking, crazyand part of the craziness that called selfish distance of sudden. Is Wedriven my unerform of fear and self illusion, and one of the fears are oneof the things are: is that people won't like us, and so we constantly trying toget attention to have people like us and which means we're constantlythinking things like you know, I think I said so not n say that or trying tofigure out what the script is and trying to you know, while we're alsotelling therselves at the same time that we don't give a shit what to thinkabout it. So we live a life. There's like two people in here there's the guyis like John Lane. I give fun, but do it there's another guy in my mind whosays Shit, I don't think they like and when you live that way, it sets upsome sort of friction, but if you drink, if you have the freedom from here andyou do stupid Shit, you know what I mean so the bottom like is, he is youwant? How do you get to the place after get sober where you feel free to beyourself and it's with the help of God? I meanthat's the bottom line. People don't want to hear that, but that's anotherproblem they have at has to the alcoholism it with the help its with God tell sowhat happens is since most alcohols are not ready to actually wholly givethemselves that, because there is no middle of the road solution, they'renot they don't really want to do it that right or I don't understand how todo that. But you know because the only reason we get in here in the firstplace is cause. We have the ship that pounded at us which we ultimately learn.If he, the Groun for forty years, is that's going to happen over and overand on that's going to happen over and overand o you're going to realize the first step on the sacks, the first step onthe on the Romanite romantic stop you'll get to the first step on on themoney part you'll get to the first step up. You will get to the point that fiveyears, ten years, fifteen years, where you're doing everything o's supposed todo at a a and just to feel like crap and just be say yourself what the fuckis wrong and then one in you will be forced todo that. One thing somebody will suggest you this: you will either drinkagain or you will be visable or you'll, go on something or you'll be get comeready and some banana will show up some estimate shop. The meeting and you'llask him: What do you think I will do and he'll and you'll till say somethinglike you to go? The Bible, study and you'll be so miserable that you'll end up doing it. When thatwas the one thing you vowed, you would never do and you'll end up doing inyour whole life, an change because that's how we change co end updoing shit. We tell everybody we're doing everything, but the things thatkill you, the things that will kill you in here the make your life as well isthe thing your you're refusing to do young solon. It's the things that yourefuse to do the extra credit ain't, no...

...big deal to do doing the stuff, that'sthe easy stuff or so suggest this. It's the extra credit stuff that that peoplerefuse to do out of prime its lectual prime, that's what that's! What BobSmith calls it intellectual probly says if you're, if you have some sort ofintellectual product, keep on the doing this, I feel sorry for your heavilyfather, em. Let I down so the bottom line is, is this is wherewe get beaten into submission over a Gret of time, but in any event, that'sa whole bunch of steps lived into one thing, but they're all in there, butthey even let me read this Altho an I was the fellowship and men. Women sharetheir experience, wit, the hope of eachother, that we solve the CON PROMSand I post not follow. Some only requirement is desire to stop drinkingesben. Honest Society took that out to fling a deal prop bass. The are noDusar feramor herself port, your own contributions he's not alive an sect,denomnation Politics Organization institution that does not wish toengage any controversy. United dorses her pose that a close, our primarypurposes stay sober, help, other alcoholism, chief sobriety and, let'ssee what we got here, did we do a mise moment aside, meditation fall as FrangoRamis to accept the things like a a the courage to change of things I can andthe wisdom to know the difference somebody wanted to how it works andSomebody Volga to do the traditions I get. Then that's their alcoholic, soyou have I okay. Let me go. Let me keep on doing this. This is a close beingthat doesn't placards with the seventh edition. We are self poitron. Ah, no,that's like that's later. I I done so. I run through it. Okay, also alcoholand the septic group hi to everybody. Here's the deal, okay, I'm going to use.Like the surprise. This looks like a pretty good Prad here, there's a goodgroud there. I know a lot of people good crab here, you're all fully glow.You look sober. You Know We got im Ole got how over twenty years here I won,and one guy has over twenty years how about over ten years, okay, two guys over five years to more guys, Liyo guys, like I haveunder five years, that's great because here's the deal I'm gonna, I'm gonna,do the Best I can to get through this. I have a short period of time and theTurel like six or seven steps, or so inert ain't going to matter nobody'sgoing to drink. It's all going to work out. It's all based on my opinion. I'vebeen solve a little bit of forty years work with hundreds of people on. Ithink I'm qualified, but it's my opinion. You don't have to believe anyof it. Okay, so so don't worry about don't get ma. Get that in me. Do it itdoesn't matter. It's okay! Do whatever you want to okay, but I'm not tellingyou what to do. I want to try to tell how pop what to do okay. This is longgonna be based on my experience, he's what m doing I'm going to read somestuff from the big book and from some Associated Literature, and I'm going to talk about my life andmy experience in my life, because I think that's important point by yardingpersonal experience, I'm Goin t ask you you questions and we'll see what we getsome answers and see how you got well see how smart you are see when you getit. You A forger, this thing out, so the problem, one of the problems thatyou have when you do in a step series. I've been doing these things for, likethirty five years on a problem even is as like a giantbut room school house. You know I used to go. You know how you go to likekindergarten as in like a can John Kindergarten, but the truth of thematter is, is you know how you go to junior high school and then you gothrough grades and then you go to high school and you go through grades andthen, when some people go to trade, school or college bolting reads andthen postgate you go the raids and an like it like I so yeah I would start taking. You knowAlgebra and then after I took Gouree, I...

...could take Tricomie, then Trigeno Itriand take some call, analytical geometry. Then after a Aliena tree I could takecouncils and then after calculus I could take calculus on manifolds liketake. You know, I take a Topology, I you take a whole bunch of eating, butyou couldn't take the next. You had things called prerequisits. You couldgo on to the next course. Until you go ahead and sit down, you guys youcouldn't come on, go on to the next course until you to course before so,whatever class you were in in college or high school or wherever you were inclass, everybody was in the same class and had the same amount of time. Theten year olds were, with the ten year olds, the twelve year olds were thetwelve year olds, the twenty year olds. We were the twenty year olds. Everybodywas at the same level, not true if they in alcoholicsanonymous. You got guys with two days you're talking to somebody with twodays and talk some twenty or thirty. I'mtalking to somebody I'm giving a message out having to do with my lifeand the third step. That is a message that has to with my experience at tenyears, ten years three years, forty years with the third step, which theguy with two days here is like two percent of what I'm saying, maybeidentified you to maybe ten percent, the guy with thirty years is saying. Iknow exactly what that fans posita young Sir said so. So if there's fortyfive people in this media now, there's like forty five ports going out now,not to mention the fact that I've had men come up to me. He says man when youyou were at that meeting. You said the Turkey was on the roof. My whole lifechanged and I never said the Turkins on the roof. You know I mean I talked alittle poetry, but I never said that you know I mean I I take credit for itanyway. You understand what it, but, but I'm what I'm saying there arepeople saying hearing shit that I'm not even saying, but that's okay, becausethe whole person that the person that runs this whole thing is about anyway.So if God thinks you need to hear this I'll say chicken on the roof and you'llhear a Turkey on the base. You know the point is: is that if you walk out of it-and there are people, I've done this all without come on after the samemeeting, some guy will come up to me and say man when you said this, thatreally helped me and another guy come up it. He says when you say that reallyhelp me and it would be two completely different things. Both of them don'tget wrong. You know what I mean, and so you never know what people are gettingout of means. So the bottom line is, I was told by a guy the best way to givea good aim and is just try to be as honest a series possible. So that'swhat I'm Goin to do so. Here's the deal I'm going to talk about the problem,the problem and then we're going to talk about the solution as far in termsof these a be the third step. Okay, that I found them, Oeis here's theproblem. We know the reason we get in here is supposed to alcohol, butalcohol is not really a problem, I rarely. If ever I mean it happensfrom time to time, there may be a guy here, nodding off he's, drunk orsomething the truth is we can't do anything for him. He won't hear a word,I'm saying in sad, maybe somehow get into the deetoor yet tell me he comingback and tell him how much we love them and maybe what will happen? He'll soberup and don't come back so the bottom line is is this is notabout not drinking, although were certainly when we first come in. Wethink that's what it's about. We may think it's about not drinking for thefirst five years for the first year, it's so much about don't drink. Even ifyou ask fall on don't dren go to me, it's a white chip for not drinkinghere's, a green ship, purple chip. You know what I mean. Anybody was fiveyears. How many people is it? It's so much about the not drinking thing thatwhen you come here, you barely noticed, except that so a few months go by that you're, fucking nuts, you don't even know it's just so happyabout the non drinking thing. No body's...

...to be er, not drinking thing. Youbarely notice that you're crazy apparently noticed that that a flattire drives you into a freaking rage and you want to come in suicide. Youknow what I n, you barely notice that you're not tightly rapid. you startunderstanding things like now. I know why I am fractint now I know why grantthis is crappy and, of course it says the book better women drink as theylike the effect produced by alcohol. The rest of Cerimon does contentus lycan be get experienced sense of using comfort which comes at once by takingview, and so we're searching for pleasure and ease and comfort. We needto get laid. We need to have sex, we need to have a part Ed. We need to havea house when we have a car. We need to get all those things because of what wefind is when we have that Shit. It's almost as good as drinking but notquite getting late is almost as good asManton get in a nice car. A new car is almostgot men. Getting money is almost in Popacton. Getting all this shit thatrun up is almost as good as drinking, but even when we have all that stuffand it's almost as good as drinking it has a half life of life boneset you getmarried and two years later, you're getting the war. Yet now you have abrand new car and you know five weeks later it an old car and you get a planany you know what I mean you got a voice. You finally got a job and youhate the job you hate boss. I mean there is nothing in this world. Theproblem is you're always dissatisfied with your life, and life is Shit butyou're not drinking, even though you're not Tris, and if you're here for two orthree or four months or five months, or something like that, we may get to the point where you go toa meetin one day and all of a sudden you realize. Maybe you read the booknow when I first read the book. I we reading all about the the Jay Walker,the drinker, the drinking and every long I the drinking, but at some pointin time it makes take three months to make take six months. My Taher you'llbe complaining about why how life sucks out your wife or your husband sucks howthe boss sucks how life is crummy you'll be complaining about that theywon't have anything to do with outcome will have to do with the fact that youhate, freaking life and life is unfair and you're feeling sorry for yourself.You delude you you and and you'll start, and that about that time you might readthe book again or you might have a good sponsor. You might go to meeting andyou might do all these things. You say and all of a sudden you go to me an youhere that they're not talking and you here at one year that all of a sudden you goto Mesa feeling crappy and everything you all a side here. Well that was aweird meeting. They didn't mention anything about alcohol. They weretalking about resembance. What you going to me and then Olson I talk aboutfear. You never heard that before all of a sudden, her talking aboutrelationship, you never heard that before and say what the Hell is this.This is how vonse, because they're dealing with the real distance, not thesymptoms, we're now dealing with alcoholism, a disease that centers inyour mind, not your body and then you might even get to the port where yougot what you understand, what they're saying in the third stay, then not onlyyou powerless over alcohol, but you need to find some sort of powerwhatever. That is a that will restore you to but Saturday. So here's the deal, ifyou're, not if you don't get restored or to sanity. This is a group. Then, ifyou don't get re, if you don't get restored to sanity, what are youdifferent insane very good? This is the very sharp O. it's like a Bayou are inSan okay. Now here's the problem. You might think that you do the third,the second step, the third seven all these steps, and you might be under theopinion that, after you do the steps one time or over period of week orwhatever hell it is that all of a sudden, you get sane sane, but stick around for a while and you'regoing to come to a point where it's been be a little. You know how to e.have that part of the book you're not being discouraged. You know they havethe part, but do not be discouraged. You may find that ten years or twentyyears, twenty five years or fifteen...

...years or five months whatever it isthat no matter how hard you've been many means you've been doing to, youmay find that you're still crazy and they actually happen now. What areyou doing do now? What are you going to do to shot now? You saw now all of a sudden. Yousee this thing in the book and says this. It says the real problem was thatyou're selfish and you got to Tut yourself and selfishyou're. Basically, good boy and my grandmother said you're. Basically, younever thought of you, some just selfish and yourself sending whatever. That means. I now to Nice Sky.You know I die on the street, we'll work for change. I give them a buck andgive them two box whatever it is highly acts. I do nice things, I'm not I'm nota fucking seral killer. You know, I'm not Adolf Hitler. THAT'S PRETTY MUCH!My standing at not at Ol fitly, not a serial killer, I'm! Okay! Okay! So youknow I'm a rationalizers to myself, you know, and so what happens is here's thedeal so you're trying to figs? It says this is what it saysabout. It says: YOU'RE, selfish and self: send that your dream, if you're a not pal,you guys are Olcott, you guys are alcholic yeah, okay, it says you're,selfish and self centered you're, driven driven, meaning and meanyou can't help yourself driven men, you they don't say you'dlike this says your trip. What means is your automatically you're trigger to do?Stopis? As John Wayne says, life is tough. If you're stupid, it's eventougher. You know what I mean you end up doing stupid ship, putting jonshurting people, divorcing people, saying how the fuck that I get here whyI held I do that. What's going going on, you can't figure it out. It's Saltosfall a sad club when a home sudden, you realize down the road that you're theasshole. You know what I mean, but it's not clear at the time because you'reyour best fan, you love you. You know I mean you dont have to do anything tohurt you you're, going to everything you do is designed to help you andeverybody else. If only people realized, how wonderful you are, everything wouldbe okay, but life is such a bitch of people are so stuped. You know what Imean and they're, so it, and so what happens? Is this the deal? What happensis you read this one says your selfish and self centered now here's theproblem, the first step of getting out of jail is known. Your Jill. In thefirst place you take the for you, you come in here and you join the notdrinking club. That's the club. You joined when you come in here. You don'tjoin the rocket in the fourth dimension. Lo, you don't join that club where theytalk about remarkable things. You're going to happen, the only one ful thingis, you might not to train. You join the not drinking club which is once youjoin the knock drinking club and you get to experience, fear anxiety, lust,blame. You know what I mean you get to experience every freaking problem.You've had, since you were three years old, sober sober you ever say. I need a drank when Isaid that I needed a drink I needed to drink. You know what I mean. Now youget to experience all the childish, Bullshit Spoil, Brat, selfish, stupid,idiotic, behaviors and thinking and attitudes that you think is you know, becauseyou're not home, so your alcohol, like is the only normal life. It's the onlylife you've ever known. You can't separate the two from the falls you'rejust somehow some way kissed at everybody. You can't drive athe office without want trying to murder fifteen people on the way to theafter. You want to you're not going to divorce your wife, man, your fuckingKillin, you know what I mean. You just kill people, you kill them in your mind.You know what I mean: That's not of a bitch you're, just nuts you're ravagedby fear, and it's not your fault, because here's the bottom way you're,not all. You are right and you're a brilliant and nobody knows a lot boutlife more than you. And if anybody tries to talk to you, you want to sayvery kindly well, I appreciate your bison to a fuck you. So that's yourpretty much attitude. Even thoughsome...

...people are nicer than others that won'tuse the upward you know, except in their minds or something like that, sothe O, so that an so you're selfish and your self center. Although you don'treally think so. Your selfish is self side, you're driven by a hundred formsof fear, but you don't think so because you don't think they're scared ofanything because you say to be so. A Shit have elateth me or about anything,and you sit in a room, sober and it comes in, and somebody says you char.The ME says: I'm not ready, which is alcohol, which is cold for a I'm scared.What if I say something stupid what if they laugh at me and you want to saysomething, but then you second guess yourself, because you got out popyou're, a second guesser you're, going back and forth you're UN share of thatyou're unsure of everything you're completely unsure of everything. YouSecond Guess Yourself, all the time should I do this. Should I do that?Should I, if I do this, the bed Ili do this then he'll do that then he'll saythat thing he'll say that if, if I did that or why did I do that, and heshould have done that and it's like you're fucking crazy, you know it.White and Wan me say: Some life is tough. Life is stuff and you used to be ableto drink out right now you can't even drink, so you buy shit. You know youspend money, you don't have binst, you don't need to impress people, you don'tlike to make yourself feel better because you're basically birthless,because you know you're in even though you're a doctor lawyer. Whatever Tisyou got money in the bank, your movie star, whatever, whatever it is, you'retalented, your bright with the bottom lines. You don't deep down the side,you are nothing, you know, you're fucking, nothing! Youknow you're always going to be in nothing. You know one day they mightfind out you're full of shit in your pony. You understand what I'm sayingyou used to put something in your body to turn you into an almost when you'rea not at all. Most is like top of the world. You know and that's the deal andso and so it since you're, selfish and yourself centered and you're, driven bya hundred forms of fear, and you can't even for out one form ofyer and EF. You had four forms, you'd be missing. Ninety cent selfish selfthan and we're delusional with delusion of which means your delusional. You seethe world a certain way and nobody else sees it that way. You like runs aroundin the selfish of set and drink by a hundred font fears some pollutions ofseeking we step on the toes of others. We hurt them seemingly withoutprovocation. They heard US seemly, without probably they retaliate withoutprovocation, and we finally realized by the way finally realizes maybe five orten years now we re because before we finally realize that we say things torespans like you do understand, you don't know what you did to ten, you guy,listen to my sight in store. You know what I mean you say you go in you see.You see you coming to see me because I'm a worrying to say that bitch I s Y,my one. Let me see my child and I say how wants your child fiveyears old? An so. Are you paying child support? IsYou don't understand? You said that fucking has nothing to do with it. Thatbit. Has My life got. What does that kid have done it now every day or nothow you feel doesn't it? I have to find clothes get closer. There he'spaying for that right now. I says why I suppose she is but believe me, even ifI pay Chinesian, we try an experiment. Why don't you write her a letter andclosed trap for fifty months and say I apologize and I've been paying childsupport and I don't have a job now, but I'm looking for that. But every weekI'm going to be a check for fifty dollars and don't say anything else,I'll say. Let me set again: Let's see what happened to be a experiment. Hasthat Wud you'll prove that she's a bitch and two weeks later coming. Hesays you wouldn't believe it. You know, because with delusional, we don't nowunstand that, where the where the Asshole, you understand what I'm sayingwe don stiff you, my head e Fat. If we supper those are the metalistperfection. Alcoholic is suport, but he doesn't think so. He thinks he'sperfectly okay, so the guy over there. So I'm puttingmyself out to all you guys, which requires me to suppress anythingthat has about I'm worried about you. Think about me because in the onlyreason I'm doing this I mean I can be at home watching bowling for dogs bus.I love and I want to try to help me.

Yes, someone and there's some I dan andback the room. That's judging me said: Oh Ho, let's guy thinks he is thinkingthat he's humble when he's so full of himself is Zarinsea, lous and arrogant, onethat but that's okay, s an alcohol on, but we use doesn't think so so so thenI says so it says this above everything. We must get rid of this selfishness. Sowhat you get dread, here's the test. It says above everything we must get toget rid of this selfishness that we must overkill us. So after the drinkinggoes, what do we have to get rid of well home? Only three people- I meanthis was easy above everything. What do we have to get rid of above everything?Okay, this wasn't said so is Bob Everything we must get re theselfishness God makes thatpossible. God makes that Possil kill you and Godget e God makes that possible. So what do you have to get rid of? What makes that posse? That's the onething you never hear about the name. What one thing people as tin talk about.What's the one word they don't want to use. What's the one word that whensomebody uses it, they get pissed off, and that is because alcohols are fuckinginsane and they see what they want to seewhatever they're told the truth, if they don't like it, if this is a long,you know what that is. That's the disease, it's called being closedminded, it's called being prejudice. We got to lose all prejudice even againsta live religion. It's called being cynical, it's called being you think,you're smarter than everybody else. It's call being you're not going tolisten to anybody and tell them what to do because you've got your own opinions,even though your best thing on your best, they got me so God makes thatpossible the right APP that the next page it says this one would, since wesincerely take this position, the position of utterly abandon ourselves, utterly abandon ourselves to God. Also, it's a remark. What things happen also, you know it said it says it says,being all powerful being all powerful he's not like thedeputy power, a hundred and fifteen pounds being all popul. He will giveyou everything you need to live if you stay close to hand and performhis work. Well, as a matter of fact, in the in the B,the thing we read every every every every time we read we come in here andsays there is one that has all power. That's what it says it said. Does itsay this? Sixteen, so just one that has all power. May you find him now well, but does it now now here's theproblem says no, no, no bill. Wilson didn't like about them. He hated theGod and he said right in his story. I hated God thing. I hate the idea ofperson relation God. I could go for baby, some sort, O ver. I hated thatidea. If you talk to me about it, I slash that I hated okay. So then hisfriend says: Okay, you hate the idea of God a Ol idea, the whole Touto God. Whydon't you try this? Why should try this? Why is you just sort of like like makeup a god that you, like you know what I mean is make up a god. You, like God, dojust whatever you want to stink out whatever he is, the fish, the furniture,the AA group, a sponsor, make up the guy that you like. I can do that yeah!You can do that. So he does that, and we all do that, and I did that becausewe have no idea who God is, and we don't like him anyway, so we make up agod, be like you know what he is or who looks like a real e wants to do it justmaking a God. We love you just go in along with things just to get us in,but here's the problem. Would you ultimately realize is the God that youdecide to make up...

...to create for yourself down the road.You may find that he's, not the one that has all power, so you may find yourself chasing afterGod. That's not going to give you the power to do things you need to do so. You may have to adjust a just your idea of who, God is and what he is understand, because you don't want tobotch with God, because your arms are too short and that's the deal okay onthe God think so so the bottom line is so so then you go into this thing is abook where it says you got utterly abandon yourself to God. You know whatit says it says, but we won't know you. The people wrote the book. He says wedon't know that we can't be sure, but your real reliance has on him. He'lleven show you hasn't create. The fell should be pratol even show you who tohang out with see what your relationship with him is. Writing GreatEvents. Will great events will come to pass foul town with others, so theproblem is insanity and selfishness. The solution is God. So if we know what the problem is- andwe know what the solution is, what could possibly be the problem? Where is the problem and forgot we're insane? The problem is we'reinsane and we don't want to do it we bomb well. Why do we do half measure? Let'sjust do half peasant, I believe in God and money the guide in sects, and godof this not in that you know, got a little here I'll say this rat brat, butthere's the problem that says half mass o villas lot that doesn't sound good. I don't think nothing's good well! Well,no I take like a middle of the road is ichou know I mean that Guy Russell he'sreally fucking us. You know he's like fanatical, you know what I mean he's afanatic. You know, and I heard he was a Christian too. Let's see work, you knowbecause the Bible study shout like that. He's a fanatic, I'm not going to getfanatical I'll. Take like the middle of the Rosales. You know I'll be like youknow like I'll go home with the God thing, but also you know I want to belike you have to you know, or the God thing, but the money thing, the Godmoney and all that sort of stuff. But then they got that thing. There is nomiddle of the road solution and I'm the middle of the Ron kind ofguy, and then they got this shit in there in the big book that says, God iseither everything or he's. So I got this buck alcoholics anonymous.That says it's all about God, the found Er say it's all about God and theywrite this chapter in the book called Chapter to the Agnostics. Do you have any idea, whether why wouldthey write a chapter to people that don't believe I mean you ever think about that? Whywould they feel they had on this say they said, and they say this. They sayif a mule code of morals, the Vun take this way. Is I his Dr Young Remade, thestory about Gothe Young, a Rollin, Asad, welling hazard, American Disn't, richfamily goes under the greatest psychiatrist. Why Im over to whereaving Helle goes and England or whatever Germany? Dr Call Young, wasbrightest guy in the world for six months, he's working with young. Hesays now know what the inner the inner workings of my mom and drakesimpossible. Never less than couple weeks he's prone goes up. The doctorsays his Dar. What's a problem, what's going on, he says: Listen, you got themind of chronic apol yeah. I've never been successful with that state of myexist by the way you don't he's talking about you. If you're an alcohol that'sbeen o mine exists, he says, is there no hope none? He says well, once in awhile here and there I put not something happens, it's a phenomenonwhich is like scientific word for miracle. They can explain it that thesepeople change. You have some sort of incredible psychic changes as ideas,emotions, attitudes that are the driving forces of their lives dyingforwards. One lives at some of I shift into one side and they become dominatedby home and different whole do different. It's like a different person.It's like a personality, Chang, profound personality change, even saysI one boy Loki says well reborn, it's like with different people,...

...and the guy says well, what's thatabout? He said is like a God thing. Is I in three pills take to a againsthis integrity bill? I got this till that allow you to love your wife andknow she called you name. I got this kill. That's got why you? No forgivethe guy just fictive a finger. I Don T H v. They don't have any of those pillsaround. You know ter, some sort of God thing, so you got all that crap in the book.You know what I mean now you got Chaponne from Mere Coto morals, abetter plassy life, but wait a second. My God is good. Orderly Direction, getit Gee, Oh d, just another way of not believingthe God just another way, I'm not doing it.Looking for the loophole and pleasures I'll say just to good or of thedirection, if I can do good or a really fucking direction, I wouldn't be herein the first place. I just somehow someway never want togive back the money. I forget I'm entitled to it. You know- and I didthat bitch is not going to get it. You know. So the bottom line is just thatand here's the book. The book says if a mere cot o morals are better flossylife would helps so were a long time ago. We made word in one of the butdidn't help us, because we didn't have the power to do that stuff. Let ouralcohol devices along the way somehow some way we always rule the pooch. Somehow this God thing works, the Godidea works. That's why why we wrote a book that we're going to talk about Godas anybody read Captin nostics, you know what they say right after thatwhen we wrote a book where we're going on Dona talk about God. You know it says right over that here's,where everybody gets pissel yous, where everybody gets piss boffina ED. This is where people walk out of themeeting. You know because he's talking too much better time when the wholebook is about God. The chat is not on. You know that you know what the themeof the chapter a nostics is anally on. This is the program. This sort ofthinking must be abandoned if you're in a thesin,not in this sort of thinking as to be a a a takes, a stand. Now you only take astand on the God. Thanks everything or is nothing now you guys don't realizethat, because that's when Aa thinks that's what the program is. That's howI was writ riginally written the books. They found actually essential first toagree with fir, serene third, some on that in the book of James. Youunderstand what I'm saying, but if you only went to meetings and become inAmore with the fellowship, you would be told that your spiritual, not religious,ligious people are bad. You got so CIARA. You understand what I'm sayingyou would be told not to talk about the God thing. You might hurt the newcomernot with stand. In fact an that's all. I talked about between nine ten, athirty five and nineteen forty, and you would be told the big book would tellyou that it's all about God. I don't really abandon yourself to God, andsome people actually get that shit and they stay over. For thirty. Four yearsand they get rocked in the Fort Dimension Existence because that he sayif you want to Berock in worth mention assistance and experience a bunch ofheaven. The great fact is: This is nothing less than God's got to be thecentral fact in your life. You've got to be utterly convinced that lives in ahard mind in a way which is de Miraculous and he's doing it. You, whenyou can't do for yourself and your whole life, has be based on God, Sendinnow and you never apologize for God. You never do it, because all matterfans have courage. They trust their God. We Never Palato deminoughts you can dois to change you and that's what you re doing away, but in the fells of Moutpotass. They don't do that CIS girl a shot, listen! If then, you start realizing that thisisn't exactly well people's anonymous. Although I love the Bellati you're, notsurrounded by a lot of world people, it's around by a bunch of insane peoplethat don't want to do this, you understand and a lot of stuff in there somewhere. Idon't know so I got down on my knees. I just domyself a inseres possible and I said the first Efen so that you knowthat means that as have completely...

...sefting right so how come? I was arockinghorse much he I'll come everything then change howcome. I have been a band of myself to be in because, unfortunately I am what insane insane. It's not like. I say I'mnot going to its. Don't remember what you said: I'm not going to drink todayand then you were drunk anyway yevery ever really Sin Cilly, say I'm notgoing to drink today and then get drunk anyway. That's because real same I mean I understand. Why don't I Iunderstand you understand athinking any sense to you. So, even though you getDamons- and you say the incontential, my life and everything you're crazy, Icrazy for thirty forty years you don't get over. You don't get UN crazy overnight, so you got some sort of change has taen.So how does that work out? So listen! Listen! This here, I'm gonna give alittle hit now. You know I mean here's a little there's a little something forguys for twenty years, a Poteein for five years and foreverybody is so I'm thirty, one years old, I'm a drink. I ruined my life, it's December, twenty. Fourth, it is New Year inChristmas in one thousand nine hundred eight. I look at the Mirror- and I rememberdoing this- I remember this happening. I don't know hether it ever happened toanybody else was alcon some incredible ability tojustify who they are. What they are, you can be rope grown out of your house. Have the worstthings happen, you and somehow you're a fucking victim and there's nothingwrong and you're going to get drag togetherand everything's going to okay. If I only if I only get that bone, you knowwhat I mean. You know we don't live a miserable lot. So it's December ten,twenty four and I look in the mirror. I've beengoing down here for a long time. I've been gone down on like this for a longtime. You know at forty five degrees and all of sudden, I think, the lastand every day it would get worse and worse and worse, and I think by by thetime that that happened in Christmas, he I had like it was like a free fotball and look atBerrand. I said to myself, I looked at myself, I said: Who are you siding? Who you said your life is on so thirty one years old, my life is ruined. It's over. It'snever going to do that, the better again, I'm hopeless, hope a life is on and, I believe, noquestion, but I turned on a TV, I'm all alone. You know you know about howFalesa some police comes on a set Funato and you want to change your lifeand all you know how peace are and is what he says. He says if you want tochange your life and you want to start over ten seallike the on these deceptions in o O. I only tell this is my story: Does thatbe your or you have to go piston without in a nano? Second, a nano sick. I get down on my knees and I say thesits play except in my life on the trial, I'm a Jewish kid from great neck NewYork. Okay, I've never gone to church. I've, never really read the by I've notgot to wine step, be not nobody's talking about it. I haven't read theBig Book, I'm down on my knees, praying that Jesus coming to mine- and I wasserious as a heart at that. Okay, so tell me how that happened, and I'm a anby the way. I was total altoro me how that hat. I knowhow that happened.

So let me tell you how that happened. Iwould say how that happened. I have to read yourself: Let go a little to I mean e. This isappendix to Ye. Have people talk about a Pendix till I'm going to I'm going toto teach us some hot, a pendit, but I don't think realize that I'd be wrongwith this. My understandable present to Yo everybody says appendix to isbasically photo. Tells you don't worry about the God thing. That's not what I had the two sides, I'm going to prove it to you. Thereading is wrong. The term spiritual experience andspiritual wakening are used many times in this book, which, upon campelreading, shows that the personality change sufficient real about recovered,not Polis, has menopastic itself among us in many different forms. Yet it istrue that our first printing gave many readers the impression that thesepersons naite changes for religious experiences, Muntins of sudden andPeccatur up evil apply to everyone. This conditions erroneous in the first few chapters, a number ofsudden revolutionary changes are described though it was not ourintention to grave such an impression. Many alcoholics have neverthelessconcluded that, in order to recover, they must acquire an immediateoverwhelming God consciousness, followed by at once, by a vast changeand feeling and Alba among our rapidly growing membership of thousands ofalcohol. Such transformations so frequent are by no means to rule now.Listen, HERE'S THE DEAL! Listen! This most of our experiences are what thepsychology wing James Calls: the Educational Variety, the educationalvariety, because- and this is why the in theeducational variety they develop over a period of time. Now, when I think about education, Ithink about non going to a book in towards a that's only partially true in a that'sonly part yeah, you get a lot from lenience to get. Maybe something maybeI'll get something listening to me, maybe five years now. Something willhappen to remember this and we'll see ben or something like that. Wouldn't eknow where you got from yeah you'll do things and that'll sort of help out, but what cost did he get down on myknees and give it up for the first time I love we causesomebody, you know most much as they don't rob an APOC desperation. You knowwhy, because God had been educated, the education in a a when you caneducate a all this other shit. DOLTS, don't mean selves, but here's when theeducation comes when you get crushed you're, not here because is morningyou're good because you got rushed. I want to tell you something crushing,so you get it right until you get close to everything thathappens to you, that God, allels appen to you is design like the six step sayswhen we come in tile, ready in so crushed today that we get rid of allthis other stupid shit, so we can grow in this inviladed. You know how. I knowthat in no happorth big a bout at it in the Wendovers, they went the way we geta new perspective. A new way of looking at things is through ready what it says, repeatedhumiliation in the final cushion of my selfsufficient. We learned the value of suffer. You know the book. James says that wasa book. They had this great buck, the book of James, that's what our wholething was based on, but the James Most people won't read in people, say ee,ther or homes, and just on do it, you know what I mean. Let me read you whatthe first part of the book of James...

Says you know about this deal. Wetalked about it name to it's all about a whole things in there. You know itsays this is James Chapter One, what all kinds of trials and temptationscrowd into your lives. Don't me sent them as intruders, butwelcome them as friends realize that they come to test yourfaith and produce in you the quality of endurance, but let the process go on until thatendurance is fully developed and you'll find you have become men and women ofmature character with the right sort of independence and if in the process, any of you doesnot know how to meet any problem is only to ask God who gives generously toall men and women without making he am feel foolish or guilty, and he may bequite sure- and you may be quite sure, that the that the necessary wisdom willbe given to you. Here's the good. You know that middle of the road solution.Now I know half measures you know where that comes from, but he must be askingsincere fate without secret doubts as to whether he really wants God's helpor not the man who trusts God, but with inwardreservation. Inward reservation is like a wave of the sea carriedforward by the wind one moment and driven back the next, that sort of manor woman and not hope to receive anything from God and the life of a man of dividedloyalty will reveal instability at every term. Half measures, no mile road solutionwere utterly abandon yourself to dine. You know that stuff, you know notapologize important base, an that's what works and that's what you're goingto be and what what the point is is that for the next five years ten yearsI was ten years sober when everything is possible. Imagine an step series andlike that Sponson people- and you know what it'll keep yourself it'll, keepyou sober, but the day will come in your life. We you'll be doing a lot ofstuff and you would be on hat and you won't know where to go and what theproblem is, and ten years some Hoi bounced in my life at lunch and starton the Bible study- and I didn't want to do it because I thought it was Auntaor something whatever. Who knows what I I and I did. You know why, for the samereason, I got on my knee the same as I think was: a life has had a Desani needto help. You know what I mean and all of a sudden I did something that I did want to do, and so the great thing about alcoholicsanonymous is we've got something called life. We've got something called out:Life is humbly, expand you'll either you'll need her figure. This thing outin here or somehow, you'll figure it out a different way of then. So. Thankyou very much. That's a.

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