AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 4 months ago

Russell S. with Stevie B. at the Golden Text Group 6/4/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. with brief share by Stevie B. at the Golden Text Group, Dania, FL 6/4/2021

Oh Boy, okay, thank you very much! Well,you know I love Mattie. You know I got to immensemeeting on every every day. My ever since soon came in my deal has been atsix o'clock in the morning almost every day, I'm at a a meeting where there'sabout fifty people that show up and we sing hymns and we quote scripture andthen at seven o'clock, there's another meeting that I go to and then at twelveo'clock and go to the mines meeting, there's anywhere between sixteen and ahundred and ten men, and like thirty percent of that I have over, like youknow, forty years or thirty years, they had a verst birthday party the day.This is the way it started out. He says: Okay, our first celebrant has twentysix years. That was the low man on the Totem Paul. You know up to fifty oneyears and I love hanging out with those I'm seventy. Two years old I've been soover a little over forty years. I love hanging around with those guys. Youknow it's over for us for short timers, it's audio, so I'm just trying to makeit through the meeting. You know what I mean, and so I love Maddie Maddie's inNew Jersey and said that Sheldon was supposed to be here, Helen welsome. Ihave all my zoom friends. I love you guys. You know that are on here now andhe was going to be doing this zoom. Think for me and I'm like letting himin and doing this double duty at the same time and try to figure that out somade's, not here Sheldon's, not here who else the C VD I've sponsored fortwo million years. You know who has advised everybody that I stealeverything from him he's not here now, of course, I understand that it isladies nited hooters. So I understand I mean I'm just saying you know I mean Idon't know you know, there's been a, but I think that I think he's. Probably he likes to dospecial evangelism down there. You know specials private evangelism,so in any event, look at. We don't show up I'm going to talk about you. That'sjust the way it is not behind your back. You know just put it on tape, you knowwhat I mean, and that is so so it's good to be I've. The idea, whatI'm going to say would just let the holy experience take over. He does abetter job than I do and you know so many things o through my head. You know,you know when you come a day, you don't really have much of a story and you don't even know anything aboutyourself. I mean that's the truth. You don't know anything. I don't know howmany of you are at the meeting last night. What you do is you know storyone. You see, you don't know that you know some sort of story, because thenature of alcoholism is were delusional. We don't know the truth from the falseand, and so you have some sort of story- you've been telling yourself it's likeit's, not my fault, I'm not to blame they're, all a bunch of assholes. Youknow I wouldn't have done to damn. If they didn't do it to me, and if onlythis, if only that- and you know you just the victim and you come in here-your whole life you've been a victim, you can all sign for yourself, you feltjustified and everything you did and you're absolutely sure of it and that'syour story and that's going to kill you. You know my sponse used to say what yesay. He said, why do you do things to, and this is after I got sober, I mean Iwish I could blame alcohol and everything I did all the crap I did inmost of the people. I heard I cord in Cole one sober I wish I could say Idrank and that's why I lied. I drank that's. Why I didn't show up. I drankthat's why I made an excuse. I'm drank, I drank that's why I didn't pay themoney back after ten years. You know what I mean, because I was drunk thewhole time. I wish I could say that I could the only thing drinking drink. Itdidn't cost me to do any of the bad stuff most of the stuff I did to herpeople. I did colds on sober and many of the actions and attitudes. I hadthat allowed me to hurt people her people. I did him after I stoppeddrinking cold stone over. Thus the ten stuff and everything like that, theonly alcohol allowed me to do is live in my sorry as self. While I was doingit and just drinking you know, drink it, drink to guilt, away, drink, the fearaway and all that sort of stuff, so the bomb is of my spot said. Why do you dothe things you do? And I say why is my personality? You know my sparklingresise wit. Your personality is killing you. You know how do you I know how tostop drinking. How do you? How do you stop your person? I've been living withmy person I can want. I was thirty one at the same thirty I can. He thought Iwas a pretty good guy, most alcoholics, God they finally closed up booters. Youknow you don't show up, you know the meaning start today. You know you don'tshow up you're going to have cast some. I am afraid you're going to have to asksomebody else about that. You know I'm not going to clean on, but I heard theyeah. I was wondering why you weren't here and I want, and then somebodypointed out its ladies noted Hooters, and so I was giving you an sort of likean excuse absence, because I know you. I know you were suffering for Jesusdown there and you know trying to spread the Gospel as a spread, thethat's where the sine I understand. What's going on Kay, I get it. Sothat's it we're not a globe. What are we? You know we roll sixty, two, don'ttake yourself to serious one. So so he said yea I mean. So how do youchange your personality? I mean I can stop drinking, how you change yourattitude and the way you are and that kind of stuff, and that only takesabout twenty five thirty years and it's the truth by the way. I'm telling youthe truth, but you can ignore it and...

...laugh and get at it, but they used tosay when I came in, they would say thing my sponsor said to me: I don'tconsider. I don't talk a lot about drinking, Imean I could tell you drunk stories. I goin to do a drunk along you'll, say:yeah he's a drunk. You know I mean you have to be crazy. To show up thesemeans if you weren't an alcoholic, but I mean I can tell you trumble stories,I'm not gonna. Do that because that's not really the problem. You know forevery two thousand people. I have met over forty years for every two thousandpeople, maybe more that I have heard because I've nevermet anybody. I'm sure there's, probably some pert people out there. I don'tknow everybody in Hay, but I've never met anybody, nay, who comes to an amenthat doesn't stop drinking. I'm not not've never met one person that comesto at a mean, picks up a wide ship with desire, stop and doesn't stop. They mayonly stop for a week. They may stop for a month. They maystop for five years. They may stop for ten years. I know guys as of for twentyyears. I know guy it stop for thirty years and they drink again. To that, I can't tell you how manypeople, how many times I've heard the story. I was sober for ten years andthen I drank I mean. Maybe you haven't gone to enough meetings. If you haven'theard those stories, I remember the first time I saw a guy like thirtyyears pick a white chip. I was like dumb fat, I mean we only have two rulesin here. You got to drink to get here what you had here you supposed to stop.You know, but I mean the bottle. I mean when I saw a guy with thirty years pickof white chip. I was see what I thought was this. This is why I honestlythought this. I was crazy. I thought you come in here and you pick up awhite chip and then you never drink. In I mean I did one day at a time. I Ansihave to one day in time, but it never occurred to me that after you stopdrinking, you would go back and then I would see these men going back. Allthat you see it all the time. I three years and I stopped go to me and Aga. Ihad five years. I stopped go to Mi, I got ten years and then I drank I hadtwenty years. I had fifteen years on t and they say things sort of make usfeel better like well. I stopped going to methus. Oh that's the key, that'sthe cut I'll just you know what I said. I said I'll just never stop going tomeetings, and then you realize that these bananas that drank again and onetime we're sending him my scene. They they were saying the same thing, I'lljust never stop going to meetings and they stopped hotly clamors whateverbecause they stopped. So just you know saying to yourself I'll. Never stopgoing to beating is like saying to yourself I'm not going to drink anymore. I never said I'm not going to drink anyI've never said, I'm never going to drink again. Every time ever somebodysaid I'm never going to drink again they drink. I know why they drink,because they have lost the concept that their powerless Arauco so who needs Godwho needs relation? WHO NEEDS CHURCH WHO NEEDS JESUS? Who needs any of thatstuff? I made a decision, I'm never going to drink. Again. I need to go tomedia. I can do Vancey, toted, hooters or something I don't know. I know whereI want to go. You know whatever I hear people saying they're never going todrink again, they've totally miss. How do you keep that? First? How do youkeep that attitude? I had because I'm an egotistical, selfish arrogance, sonof a bitch. That is me. How do you keep that attitude that I had when I stood up in front offifty people? Fifty people didn't even know me. You know. Thirty, one years old, theform of division sheet of the State Cares Office, Major Crime Prosecutor onfor my pot, my man as a mathematics. My Phan, I was ran to Ojen how you standup in front of peep, the brightest guy in the room. How do you stand in fromup in front of people? Be Fifty people, you don't even know and so to walk tothe front room and pick a white ship and declare basically that you needhelp, because you can't stop drinking? How do you? How do you get I'll? TellYou you get that point you get desperate, never rob in alcoholisdesperation, never on an abois lasting, but here's the gate. My sponsor saidyou know the problem is alcohols. They get too well too fast. You know you getall the stuff back. You got a l toys back Lak, you start dring. How do you?How do you keep that attitude? That fear fear of the Lord is thebeginning of Wisdom. How do you keep the attitude of fear of the drink asthe beginning of wisdom? Understanding your palace understand. Listen. Thereis one who has all power that one is God period period. There is one of is all power that oneis God. God has all the power you real reliance has to be on God. You knowthat a new guy coming in here needs to knowthat need to hear that you don't need to hear that more than a new guy got,but ten years go with five years give with three months. I would forty years need to hear it andbelieve it and understand it. You know so he can give his life to Godsing to relationship with him as running great events will come PatHulan, countless others, so we can make a serious decision for God, because ourreal problem is alcoholic selfishness. We must get rid of it or I'll kill us.God makes that possible not to drink in the drinking. You listen for everythree thousand people that drink again and drink again and come back again andget three years together. Five years gether one guy one guy was over thirtyyears...

...and for every one guy with over thirtyyears, for every twenty guys over three years, three guys that have happy contentedsurprise: Twenty seven guys that are sucking onthe barrel, a done and lonely. You know they get sober, they don't getrocket in the fourth dimension existence and not experiencing much ofheaven. You know their heart is in full for theLord, you know I was told if you, if you get the ENTON thirty, you have noidea why you're on the planet and who you are you're, going to be to acermany se erotic, and I was one naronic son Bitch. When I came here, Igot to tell you something I came here as bright as I was. I had two neuronsworking the way in good bye to each other and others in to buy you. Thatwas it I was it was over for me. So I'm going to I'm going to talk a little bit.I like to talk about sobriety, emotional sobriety. You know I meanbecause the truth is the truth is when somebody drinks, I I know all about thecraving crap. Let me Tae something there's not a person in here that has aproblem with the craving. I know all about it, you're analcoholic. You can't think the first. I know there's not one person in here.That is a problem with craving alcohol. I'll tell you what it does say in thebig book and says it says, but we won't know you he just. We can't be sure ofthat because you really realize so. Your real realize has to be with God.He will show you how how to he will show you how to connect with thefellowship you cray did you know you crave fellowship. Did you know that andyou create fellowship so bad you're, going to Felshin with somebody you'reeither going to fellowship with us or fellowship with levers or you're goingto fellowship down at down in hooters you're going to fell ship with somebody?You know what I mean or even worse, you're going to felt with yourself, andlet me tell you something: the worst person you ever want to have aconversation with. I you now. Let me tell you something else andhere's your problem. The only person you ever talked to is you. The only person we have to talk to isto you have incredibly in unbelievable conversations with you. Sometimes yougot like five or ten years in you. They're all fucking psychotic, you have you now you wish. You couldnot talk to you. It's three o'clock the morning you're talking to you. If youcould only stop talking to you and the only way you can stop talkingto you is, if you're talking too Jesus the Urfel Human Jesus, because the oneway to get rid of that because you wanted somebody sup, we can't separatethe truth from the forest. Rap of life seems the only normal one. It seemsnormal, it's normal for us to talk to ourselves all the time we say things like. I can't believethis crap is happening to me. This is a bunch of crap. They can't do that to me.They don't know who they're crowing with I'll show them. If only I had this,I be okay. I inly had that I'd be okay. You know this. Was this way you I'm abig. I can't believe you know it never works out. For me, Imean, I know the conversations you have with you I'll, never going to be. Okay, I'm a piece crap, I'm Losin as well.Tell myself this thing getting going to work for me, what the Hell is wrongwith me. I don't you have all these great conversations with you, you don't enow where they govern whatthe hell, the hat cop conversation come from. How do you expect to act and feel andreact to people what you've lived thirty years for years, fifty years andevery day, every hour of the day, you're conversing with yourself? Thatway, so you say well, you know I sort of seewhat you're saying and you know, you're right, that's a little! That's whathappens to that is my life, that is my wife, but how do I stop it? My sponsus to say I Dantini is sober,sober sober emotionally. You know when old time is talk about some but they'renot talking about not drinking. Nobody here has an alcoholic craving ifyou drink, if you got and drink tonight, it's stop because you crave alcohol. If you drink tonight, he drinks tenyears now. It's not because you have crave alcohol. It's because you have noprogram, and you have work to pro about balls at alcoholics anonymous and it'sbecause you have no connection with God right. That's why that's why we have toconstantly improve what connection with God, because you want to know something.The devils out there like a roar line, look at the the bower you and you gotto put out the full arm, O God, you get strong with them every day, because youwanted something diseases getting stronger and you can't let up, and you want to some on so loo soon asyou let when you drink it's, not because your mother died, your cousingot sick right. It's because, because I've seen people here with his badsituations are worse and they don't drink because they believe in the Lordand they trust in the Lord. You know that's the deal and theybelieve they believe like. It says in the book that if we make a sinceredecision, for God also is remarkable things happen. Being all powerfulthey'll give you everything you need to. You stay close to the performance morewell and they believe that for year after year after year of the year, sothey finally hit the six step. The six Te bring their given everything to God.The the Saxe step is the real third step, the third that the third step youget down on your knees. To give you a...

...life to God, you read the prayer, youknow you got to say: Oh I've done it already, no I'm taking from here God.Thank you Bo very much. I find on third step on the pope. You know what I meanand then you you know you throwing the town and you snatched it back, rippedoff strips and thought that was satisfying. You know what I mean youknow and that's it thanks toy out of my sex like stay out of my money spendingmoney, you don't have bind crap, you don't need to impress people. You knowwhy you know stay out of this and don't mind that, and you do your program I'll,do my program and nobody's got a program because nobody's doing theprogram, because what they're doing is they're doing what they want to do and I'm going to look at the God of myown understanding. You know the God that be asily get some men. I allows meto get away with all sorts of bullshit. You know what I mean is that's okay, you're, okay, problem,a eon doing it. You know you know not having a sponser, that's really talkingyeah, I mean there's this disease is so incredible, but that's what it says. God will giveme everything. I need. I stay close to my formers book. Well, it is runningnew base. The space of trust me line upon God. It says we never apologizefor God and Hay. All they do is sit around a shame, O being talked aboutGod. They sit there skin to say God they say higher banana. You know theguy this to pickle. You know whatever it is, don't say: God, God did you say:Jesus they'll shoot you. You know I because they're ashamed to talk aboutGod, because they're scared of what other people think about them. Thosepeople, let me tell you a little secret. A little tell you a little secretanybody here. You have to raise your hand because you're not going to do itanyway, because you're scared to, but if I was to say how many people areworried about what other people think about them, raise your hand and the other ones are wires. I no serious. Why do you think that areyou know they are as her authors, all my boss to is tell themselves and otherpeople, don't give sure what other people think about me? Why do you think they ask to why theydo? What do you think they say the way they do? Why do you think they have?Ninety percent in? If you have him, come up here and speak for no o they'llsay I'm not ready. That's Alcohol Co from I'm, not I'm scared, I'm scared,I'll stool. They laugh at me, I'm de they are they're. All scared, they'rescared to raise their hands to say, they're scared, you they come into my house as I'mworried about this. I'm worried about that. I'm worried about this. I said Iunderstand what you got. You Got Fer Says No. I didn't say that I'm justworried I just so were delusional is selfish. Was Self set were filled withit? To tell ourselves lies we tell everybody, I don't give a crap outother people. Think about me. That's Guy Thoes! Nobody! I don't give a shitabout anybody, you know what I mean and you ultimately realize if you want tolive in the truth, is that people that are constantly telling themselves thatthey don't care about what other people think about them. All they do is worryabout what other people think about, because people that really don't care.What other people think about them. Never say I don't care what otherpeople think about it. They never have that conversation. They say things likepass the catch up or where we going for dinner. They did ever say that stuff.You know, and I go to meetings and people skin.They don't even know, they're scared there in bondage they thought it wasalcohol. I wasn't Alcobola cohol ISM, which goes on way after the Alpha, andso, if they drink again, is because they're scared for they're worried orwhat's going to happen to me, and that goes on and on and on and on, and theonly thing that can release you from so the people that are scared to talkabout. So you know why they say the big book about Box Ananas. We neverapologize for God. We never apologize, for God all been a faith of currents,they trust their God. You haven't demonstrating our lives or you do youknow what they say in the big book, because they never will die for God, because they would never exchange ofGod because they talked about that all the time and talked about the Bible andthe three books they found absolutely essential. First, in the end, thirteensermon the mount and the Booga James and a a is just filled with a bunch ofcowers masked by the idea that they don't wantto hurt anybody's feelings. Well, they don't want to chase the way.The newcomer, I can tell you this. Sometimes when you know they say, alcoholics havemilked motives. Sometimes you know we have virtuousmotives, but they're always gien by mixed motives. If you want to, if youwant to talk about people, then sit around and worry about whatother people think about them. That refused to talk the truth about what'sgoing on here, because it worried that somebody might walk out the door andcohabit say you know, like I Russell he said this and he made me drain listenby the way. If anybody wants to use this talk as us for drinking, be my yes,I I bet my guess. Please come back in here and say you know. I was doinggreat and then Russell said this and he pissed me off and I drank and let emsay that's fine and you know I mean there are people that will believe thatshit there's nobody that could have said anything an alcoholic Anos when Icame in to get me to drink. You know why, because I never wanted to drinkagain, because if you were looking for an excuse to drink after coming day, atrust me just read the big book I does...

...read the Tween to just get a sponsoractually tells you is just read that talk about the girl times when they gotthem on their knees. They couldn't go to a meeting unless they did got ontheir needs and give their Leon just read tout about a girl time this.When the first question Bob Smith, when he's when he's patching somebody, hedid it with clan sniders in the box he walked, and he says you blieve God,young fellow and Clarence said well. What does that have to do with it? BossBen said this everything he says. Well, I guess I Nele said yes,nothing, you either! Do you don't? There is no middle of the road solutionyet measures? Well, YOU NOTHING ZERO! You do you don't want gus enjoy. I said:Well, I guess now we're getting somewhere get down the knees, we'regoing to pray. Well, I don't know how to pray. Well, I suppose you don't, butI'll take you through it. I get down on. You said to wear no suggestions. I didwhat I was. I did. What I was told to do. He came day bet, one thousand ninehundred and thirty five, one thousand nine hundred an thirty nine. That'swhat Aa was all about. That's what they were doing. I guess they were doing itall wrong. If you get my email read that that essay from the s which iscalled a strong cup of tea, you know it's all about. What'shappened to a ever since ever since it first started the changes that havehappened in alcoholics anonymous. What here's the good news, the goodnews is- and I promise you this- There are people in a a that are doingit. The way was being done in one thousand nine hundred and thirty nine probity. There are the the survivors,they are the six step or the ones that separate the men from the boys they'rethe ones that are trying repeatedly repeatedly to do everything you can doso that it can drow and the image of Lingas there. I'm not making this stuffof this is our text. This is our o know. What program you have. That's ourprogram constantly trying to grow an image in likeness of your Creator. I doknow you crater is it's probably the door knob you know I mean we may would be a fat door. Not youknow what I mean. What can I tell you? I mean I don't know what the deal is, but I know what the book says about thewhole thing, so hate of the things I'm going to do, I think, is I'm going totell a couple of stories. You know you can't you know Hafter. You know youcome to have those stories. It says our stories disclose in the term way weused to you know what we have he's like. A giant box as a wrench I at every nutthat watch through the door. You know what I mean you know if I was to tell Iremember one time, because I was speaking around the circuit andeverything and just for the heck of it. You know because the problem with go,you know you learned. Your story, you know was so well defended. You can't goup to an alcohol and say you're, a bananer, crazy or something like that.The way we get is you got to flank them. You know you're in a room. You hearsome guy talking some gal talking, some guy talking. You say to yourself thatguy is nuts and then all of a sudden you say holy Shit. I was doing thatlast week. You know what I mean it. Just other people tell your story andyou think that craze then say wait a second, that's what I was doing. Youknow that's how you learn out grig and every day, once you adopt this thingstories happen you go to a group, you wouldn't believe what happened. Thishappened in that happened and my you know my wife did this a like someone.So did that and I did and I would usually yelled and I didn't yell andscream or something happened or or you know not, as my as you say, nine out often things that you think you're going to happen are going to happen and theone thing has got a happen. Is God and given? Then you haven't, and you knowyou know your boss is going to fire you. You know it's going to fire, you andyour hand sleeping about a week and you'll finally get on your knees. Youread God, God please help me, I'm going to turn this over to God and you gonext day and he gives you a raise his. Oh, my God. There is a God. You can.Let say you go, God exists, God is here until next Tuesday and then you'reworry to get about something else. Then next Wednesday- and you do that forabout thirty years until you become convinced I get saysin the big book- and God becomes the central fact of real life, because inorder to be rocked the fort men in existence, so experience much forheaven. The great fact is this and nothing less, which I think meansnothing less that God has become the central factor to lie number one, themost important thing: the central fact, which means you think about them allthe time he prays them all the time. You'll talk about him all the time bill.Wilson said the Lord has been e Bill, Wilson stead and no pals down somethree. Look: it up. Alcholic some S, number three build dots in the guy inthe bed, so I knew there was something moresomething that hadn't got something a person or to have, and I was trying tofind the answer and I was sit in my house at Bilbos and bias. An tol lookedat my wife and said Henrietta. The Lord has been so wonderful to me.Curing me of this Tome disease that I got to see talking about and tellingother people he says I got the answer bill. Wilson was very very grateful foreverything that happened to him and he gave wall credits got. I got the answer.It's called it. You call this this, the gold, the text, be that's a GoldenTaxera, all credent, O God all credit to God, be God be God of the Bible, andyou want to know something because that's what they were studying there,they knew what they were talking about. You come a day a you got down on yourknees. You Walk in there you're reading the Bible. There was no mistake as towhat they were talking about when he said the Lord has been so wonderful tome. They they were whatthey were...

...unified. There was no mistake about thedeal back then, and that's the deal. The Lord has beensome one to me, German and I'm in a group of people, everybody sitting ontheir hands, scared to say anything about God, because people might laughat them and I'll. Take you as a secret. If you're worried about, if you'reashamed of gone, you worry about talking about doing trust me on this.You will never. You will never realize the promise of losing fear. What otherpeople think about you. Now that probably says the promises atsexual lose fear of financial insecurity and fear of her. What doesit say? Fear of people omand, economical security, if you're, becauseeconomic and security is fair people, because when I used to worry aboutlosing the car losing the house in the back of my Ansi, it was always whatwill people think if I'm not driving a Mercedes? What will people think if Ilose my house, what will people think it's all about her people? Youunderstand what I'm saying and the bottom line. Is You know I'm not myshoes, I'm not my clothes, I'm not my car, I'm not any of that stuff. Anymore! I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I understand with the fears I understandwho I am now you understand who you I am and who he is, and the bottom lineis. Is that you, if you are, if you are sitting in an AA room, reading the a abig buck and sober because of God and reading the words that they have a bigbook? God is everything or he is nothing. Is Everything or he is not?Listen, is your choice? What is your choice to be? He is everything or he isnot a that's in God. That's in Capaneus, I'm going to give you a hint is a handchaptet that at alcoholic there's a hand in the chapter when it talks aboutalcoholism and agnostics and Atheus. It says this sort of thinking must beabandoned. I'm thinking there's a possibility whenthey say God's everything or is nothing I'mthinking there there I think, in the coming down on the everything to side Youngerstun I mean I may not say it, but I prettythink that, especially when doctor Voban doctor bout nightmare says ifyou're in the atheist and agnostic have some sort of intellectual pride whichkeeps you from understanding what we're trying to tell you, I feel sorry foryour heavenly body will never let you down, I mean sometimes it weren't sonice about it. They're pretty blunt and people are still wandering around. Youknow trying to figure out. What's this thing all about, how am I going tochange my person? I am I goin to stop being worried about what people thinkabout me and they're never going to do it. You know why, because if you can'tgive your heart to God- and you can't say, if you can't say I am nothing, heis everything and tell of the there's a one thing to say the Lord's prayer.There's another is another thing. You know what I mean to save this writingprayer. It's another thing to say: Oh yeah, I believe in God even the sevenstep says you can say you believe in God and your belief will be barrenbecause he doesn't really encompast your entire life and your life isn'twrapped around him and it's a whole other thing to proclaim. God it's a whole other thing. You know whyI can proclaim about Limitis M. I don't talk much different. Anybody knows me.Some of you guys have been at my means knows that I talk like this at regularAmano know that you know I talk like this a regular, a meanings. You knowwhy, because I'm not scared of them. I don't think- and you know if theylaugh at me if they rolled their eyes or whatever thing I don't I don't. Idon't judge myself. I want a couple of people in a n a an a a a M and e: Don'teven pay my visa bill or thinking about it. You know what I mean we're going tobe drunk in three weeks anyway. You know what I mean: I'm not worried aboutthem. How do you get there? How did I get there because I'm smarter when Iwas the smartest guy in the roles, the drunkest guy, in the room? Okay, we only get a twenty minute slip,so I've been talking to I'm taking a couple stories because our stories justgoes into general way what we used to be like what happened. I made a listone day. I was doing nothing and I ha been speaking around and you know thehardest part for me is after forty years thing with this way, and you guysto this there's some guys who, with a lot of time, some of a little time. Youknow that every day something happens to you when you're trying to work thisprogram, you trying to work it to have something happen to you and all of asudden. You come out of the other, and it's like a miracle. You can't want togo to me and tell him this happened. That happened. You wouldn't believewhat happened this happened. God is Great. You know what you you know thatand and so you constantly are accumulating stories, your own personalstories about your life and when you got up here in the sharingconnect at stories, the problem doesn't re doesn't come knowing the story. The problem has youhave too many stories? You want to tell them this story. You want to tell himthat story, you tell him three stories and the time is over and so oh I wantto tell you this other story. You know what I mean they're like children. Ohmy God. I love that that left the baby over there. You know and my problem is- I got room for like fivestories and then that's it. It's a nos macaco. You know, and I got I got onestory. I called the fifty year store it's a story. That's the mostrationalist change in my life, miraculous change in my life in thesame story, and it took me fifty years...

...o to get it fifty years, I'm not goingto tell him now bes. I really have time to tell the fiftie story, but I mean ittakes a whole hour to tell the fifty year story. Believe it or not. You knowI'm not gonna tell, but I, but I want to tell you a couple stories, becauseour stories are testimony or test. We let that's what it says to a book. Hesays when a Ponses God we let our we left what we we let ourselves and ourstories demonstrate what God has done for us. You understand, and you knowwhy they ask Jesus once. Why was this man crippled? Why was this man made to be analcoholic? You know. I now know why I'm an alcohol. You Know Al Poms when theyfirst come in. They ask themselves a lot O in questions that are not goodquestions because they'll never understand them. You know they'll, never understand them. They ask. Why am I an alcohol to worryabout? Why am I alcohol? Why am I not? I was just driving them crazy. Youcan't explain it to him. Just like you can't explain to them like it says onthe big book for later on. As you get mature, it says things we learn thevalue of suffering yeah. We had that some that we learn the value you everget this in a big book. The way we get a new perspectives by repeat umiliatiNs to find a cushion of ourselves sufficiently. You ever seen the bigbook in a well oven says it says it says: Pain is necessary. It's thegrowth point by Payin Ye Tryin to tell that to a guy who's got one week whosewife left him and kit left him and he's broke and he's living on the street say:Oh you're learning the value of suffering, see how that's working out. You knowwhat I mean. No, they need encouragement, they say. Listen. Youhaven't had a drop to get your winner man, but you know the recepit in timeafter you go through stuff, just like in book of James, which is one of theprimary books they use. Where you understand that the trials and theassimilations as your rejoicing, if you doing and you persevering your focus onGod, you become closer to him and you grow and you get stronger so by thetime you know how you learn, how to be broke and not drink, to be broke andnot only not drink but to help other people. While you re o Bro, you knowhow you learn: How to broke, broke and not drink and help other people in loveon other people and don't let to keep you up at night and turn it over todoing now. You you got to be broke, I'm you got to be broke, not one time notthree times, maybe over ten to twenty or thirty years about five thousandtimes before it is on its that thing gets no big deal. You know you got yougot to go through. You got to go through the jungle. You got to get beatup. You know, that's the deal, that's what has to happen so they used to saywhen it came in and said. Well, after five years you hatoms out of grass orsomething like that POPs out my sponsor said I would continue to oversated tenyears and I got ten years. I said: Well, I'm sober now he is nine and twenty.You know what I mean and I go to meetings where guys say something, andI understand it. They say I didn't realize what this thing was really bad.Until I had twenty five years, I go to meetings where guys say I didn'trealize what was going on here until I had twenty five years and I'll have a guy come up to me andI'll have five or ten years and you'll start worrying and crying aboutsomething. That's going on in his life that he really can't share da meansbecause he's got ten years and everybody looks up too many sponsors,people and they'll say no say, listen, don't worry about you, gonna be okay,you'll meet you, just don't Drinkin go to means and you do what you're doingyou're doing the whole thing and do it and I said you're going to be okay. Hesaid Yeah Yeah en fifteen years. It's going to be it's going to go away astrusties ll be fine. You know the state gingle, they think kind of. Maybe I'mWan, it's sort of like a nervous givth. You know what I mean the thing in hemay be telling because it doesn't work like a Scotch here's. The Way Scotch works, whackwhack, I'm king of the jungle. I walk into. I walk into a bar there's ahundred people. I'm worried about what they're going to think about me, butthey're going to like me, but they're not going to like me with it on beaccepting the group whack wat. I feel like I only freaking group now, I'm incharge, I'm the president of the group, you know, there's a good looking Galthere. I want to ask her to dance. I want to ask you: Do a whole bunch ofother things as I want what she has I'm going to go anywhere to get it, but I'mscared that she's gonna Laugh at me. I'm scared just gone. I take thatScotch. I go. What lack I go. Torch is get out of here and says: Hey you'relost honey. You know, I mean it's the greatest stuff of the world, I'll tellyou something you may have to go to fifty or sixty meetings to get the sameeffect of like one jigger of Scotch. You know so. Okay, fifteen minutes left twostories get on this thing, two stories, becauseevery story has truth in it. So I'm going to call this looking forLeos and following the minors these. These are true stories. It has to do with my life and it has todo with alcoholism, and you know you'll get out of whateveryou'll get out of it, but I can tell you that well, I can tell you this thetruth, and I was just thinking about these things I and it involves it. Youknow some and and it's about alcoholism, it's about recovery and it's about whatit takes and how to do it and I'm not even sure itinvolves alcoholics or maybe it does. I don't know you'llfigure it out.

You know maybe it'll mean something tomaybe you'll. Never Forget it. Maybe ten years now you'll still be saying,remember this guy told the story about the minors about Leda. You know what Imean. Maybe you never know right. Maybe it'll pish, you off, that's even better. You know if I'm not pissing twentypercent people, I'm talking about I'm not saying Shit. You know what thnetgrowth I had is. I had was walking out on me and said that guy an answer wasthe Olite, because what happens when you hate somebody- and you know whathas to happen- is you're going to drink. Unless you somehow resolve that you doa force a on, because whatever you do determine on what he cost some wrong.When you you're talking to your sponsor you get than you nee you try toMesalliance. That got was right, you know and then you think guys come onsays I used to hate you. But now I love you. You know so here's the deal so in the s then I can is a true story. By the wayyou can look it up. I forget some of the names like Henry Fit. The featherwe fair weather- and you other- was all these names of people, and I forgetthem. I should look them up one day, but there was in Virginia City and itwas actually Dana Bata Montana that was this was after the California GoldStrike. There was a secondary gold strike in Montana and Bana Montanaaround with the Virginia City area was, and they it was one of the largest goldand silver strikes in the United States, and it was. It was next to Indianterritory where the crones were and white men, and you know non Indians,weren't allowed to go there and there were these. These three hundred minersthat went up there to mind for gold and the whule send my seven minders. Iforgot one: Guy's name was Barney, the other guys that was Henry Fair weatheror stuff like that, and and they didn't get with the three hundred,so they left it. You know, after the three edes left, they left followingthem and they got capture is true story. They got cashun Indians, you look upgrasshopper, Quick Creek, that's where they found they started finding the go.They got captured by the Cro Indians and what happened was they got held there and then theyescaped except one. Guy was like a half grete stay behind your somebody, theyescaped and they were going back to Badinant Na to get supplies andeverything like that and they camped at this spot. It was called Grass Hopecot,and so they were just sitting there and one of the minors. I think it was fairweather Barney when I started to so some rimrock started getting in anykind of gold and so for the next three or four hours, they're lookin. At athing they they found like about a thousand dollars with gold. No, I mean,I know what that means and that's one of thousand dollar as a thousanddollars, and I don't I don't know what that means to you. If you went intoyour backward yard and found a thousand dollars lying on the ground. You knowwhat I mean, but it was a big deal because they knew they had hit a motherload a major van, but they also knew that unless they, unless they workedthe claim somebody they could lose it, so they had to get back in the Mandinand they had to get tools and utensils and come back and they gave everybodygave him a Sol promise that they wouldn't say anything to anybody. Yougot it, so they go. Henry trappit they used to say is my feels to God. Theonly way to keep the secret among three people is to have to die so the so theywent back to. They went back to Badama they loaded up with supplies. They saidthey were to be the old O tree. They went to the old old tree and threehundred miners followed them and he knew fairweather knew somebodyhad filled the beans. So he goes up to the league. I was leading to threadedpeople and he said some who spilled the men. He says who toldhe says nobody. He said nobody, he said nobody, he says. No, we can see it inyour eyes. We knew you had hit the mother loan. We could just look at youand we knew you would hit the mother love. You know the secret of my spies. I'vebeen following the miners for forty years as right. I've been following themine, I don't follow the snippers. I don't find the guys in the park laddersmoke and to talk about anyway. I don't follow all the bullshit artists andhere all the APO. You know the same vol peoples, an ontos. Have your fine thatout. You know. I followed the man, you know who are who I followed, the menwho are talking to talk and walk in the walk and trying. I follow the servants. You know, because that's the leaders,because there are leaders in here you may not like it to trust it certainthere's you always spot a leader they serve, they serve that's what they doneed to serve. They carry God's message and they serve and they don't worryabout anything else. They don't hang around with the bullshit. You know Imean that's what it is and I follow the minors. That's that that's that and that's thetruth. You know and when I first came me there I thought well. This is allabout Osmosis, just hanging around the right guys and it's true and then Irealized. No, you got actually do shit, you know, and if you follow the rightguy, you will do the stuff because they won't allow you to get away with notdoing the stock. You know what I mean...

...before step the fist that you'll haveto do what you got to do, and so that's what the situation is, and the secondstory is so I'm always looking for the miner. I'm always looking for the manwho I want with it says what is it you know hit's a step for the sets that youknow that if you want what we have and you will o got anyway together andyou're ready to take you hey, listen, you don't have a wee, you don't havesomebody you want what they have, that you don't want what they have. You wantwhat you used to have. I want what you used to have well you're, not readywilling to go an lay together. You rebel, you got to find yourself a weein here. I don't care, it is say I want with that. I had a lot of wees because who you following. Do you hangaround and that's five years going to be where you going to be it's gonna,it's going to term the books you made and where you going to be so one day one day, I'm I'm you know when I was about ten oreleven years over, I started going to Bible seven and I'm a Jewish kid. I'm not evengoing to go into that. So I'm a juiced from great night one island, but that'stit going to Bible study so jess on my live. It's hold, that's a whole otherstorys three hours long and I'm LIUTA's the deal. I have to tell it. You knowyou can see it, but the bottom way tell it. I can I demonstrate it. You knowI'm standing up there talking about it. I'm demonstrate what am I got to tell Igot on my nees. Give it like to Jes on the seven twenty one thousand ninehundred and eighty or you got to do see me talk, listen to me for five minutes.You know where I'm coming from. You have to tell anybody if you love theLord and you love people and you feel with the whole bag on up to say. Oh,let me explain this to you. You know, as you got guys in there saying whatthe Hell is going on with that sort of a bitch. You know what I mean come on. That's crazy stuff is prale aumption. You know because you're not because it has nothing to do with you.That's nothing to do with you. So I'm I'm driving in my car and you know I used to go to mean soshe was I used to go to means because I I didn't want to drink and there isnothing nothing wrong with going to meetings because you don't want todream. I probably spent five to ten years going to mean because I I want todrink. I would say things like I needed this mean it and you know so. I stillgo to means concern want to drain, but that's not the primary that I now meanit's not a Gose, I'm a big shot, er. I think I will never drink on his MATICA.I absolutely believe that, with my disease I can be drunk in an hour. Ican walk out of here an hour late be drawn up if that happened. He said well,it's just like he said you know what I mean if I'm not in God's grace, and I'mnot doing what he what I believe. If this he'll give me everything over theS, Wut stay close to m performers work. Well, I know what his work is is whereis very similies being that sub service to him and other people carry thismessage. Other people love in other people, assume everybody. You knowtreat everybody like. They have a broken art because they probably do you know they have a broken heart. Youknow love on them. Sometimes love on em can be like what I call them lovingsarcasm. You know I call my sponsor, so I got a flat fire on. He grew I saw,and I have a five times old. You have a car O. Oh my boss is an ass, he said: Well,you want a job. I stopped calling the son of the bitch, and I know I knowwhat he's going to say so, I'm driving around in my car, so I started goingthe Bible ten, because I wanted more because I get the glass ceiling. I wasgoing to do a million beans sponsoring a million guys GANUA chairman for twoyears in a row, a d eight years on the relay you know going to meetings, youknow, speaking in different parts of the country and doing all that did. Iwas doing it and I had hit a I had a I did. A ceiling were where I wasn't drinking, but itwasn't. I felt stuck some guy suggested. I go to Bible Studies, so I don't go. Iwas studies because isn't that I don't think they improve that in a a I don'teven know where I got that from. I got it from some guy who sort of rolled hiseyes. I guess, as I was still worried about what people think about me, but somehow I got in my head, some sort ofspiritual epiphany that I should never stye should never not do something,because I'm scary, because I I'm scared. So I went to the Bible study. It's okay. I, like children, a my mom was an alcoholic. You know and I love to see Mommy's anddaddies in a doesn't bother. Me was me when they're,not here, but a but a men, so I I went to this so I wasgoing to Bible study, so I had in my car I'd have the big bout, the twelveand twelve. I have a huge Bible. Send them me out and I pull up to this drycleaner, which was at my house next to my house. At that period time you cansee my house from dry cleaner. I pull up the drive in and there's this kidthere he's like sixteen years old, and I can't even explain this to you. Istill don't understand today when I see it and he was wearing his jeans by hisknees, as anybody ever seen. This have you ever seen it. I don't evenunderstand how they hold them up. You know my stuff starts moving downbecause I'm fat and my stayin now and I got to pull it out. You know how do howdo they keep somebody's gonna have to explain to me the secret of that hethere literally on their knees and...

...they're walking around with him. Youknow he was doing that and he and I was ticking on my eye and he says he says he a I got one of those it was you seewhat I'm doing he was pointing. I got one of those. I said what I was is oneof those and he was po ha big Red Tan, James Bible. There you need a Bible, he says yeah. He saysI said you ever read it. He said. Oh Yeah e o really understand it much. Isaid: What's Your Name Says My name is Leo. I said Leo. You see that houseover there over all teses my house. I said every Thursday morning at seventhirty, I go to a Bible study. I said if you're at my house tomorrowmorning, which is Thursday and morning at seven thirty, I will take you to theBible stay where they read it and you can learn some stuff. He said really, Isaid absolutely and then I left- and I forgot all about Leo- forgot all aboutthem. Okay, it's true story. So I'm because let me say something:I'm out there to try to love on other people and try help o them be a macroomservice. You don't have to have me die in your pocket for you to love you forme to try to help you. You know I mean that's just the way it is you know, andand and so I the next morning I wake up it's around seven fifteen and I'mwalking out the door, and I have forgotten all about Leo and there's Leo.We sitting by my comer. You know he's got like a Bible and he's sitting by mycar. I said: Hey how you doing he says fine.I said I song ready for the Bible, say says: Yes, so I drive over the Biblestudy. There's about thirty guys. There, these are most the old guys. You know Iwas the youngest guy was like forty forty five, something like that. Youknow something like that and is a guys like a seventy eighty hard core. Youknow serious, you know Christians and everything like that and my sponsorsthere at Jon Lenny had like sixty years in the program, but he was you know theserious gyt's this guy down. Now you understand these guys are all there rethere ban a pack they're ready to go. You know what I mean audio, you know Imean it there's serious contenders. They know the back Bible back in thehere. The Skin Balems like sixteen years old, is like he's like red meat.You know, I mean they're like so excited to see him, and so he sitsthere and we go through the entire. I don't know what we reading. He gothrough the entire thing everybody talks or whatever it is, and they readthe deal and at the very as he raised his cane says yeah. He says I thinkJesus was an alien and so yeah yeah. I just so. You know whatthey said, they say: Hey keep coming back, you know what I mean a Christians, you know they keep comingback here. You know they love you. So I gets in my car and I'm driving away andhe said so. We did you, I, as that. I said they loved you. They love it. YouKid that you were great you're fantastic, so I'm I'm driving him backand he says. Could you give me your favorite, I said sure no problem hesays, would you instead of taking back to? Would youtake me over to my house? I said your have no problem that I said you have totell me how to get there and he said so. We start driving and he starts tellingme about himself that he's a young kid. You know he's just on sixteen year oldkid you know, he's guy's got a single mother. He's got a three year oldsister from mothers has from another guy. It's not married. You know it'slike one of those deals and he's working at the deal and he doesn't haveany man in his life. You know the guide them just a young, sixteen year old kidtrying to find out what about frickens going on in the world. You know what Imean and trying to figure things out and and do this kind of stuff. So Isaid okay, so how do I that he says- and he said well- make all you when Iget the houses well keep on going down over the stops? I go down the startidewe'll make it right. So I make a ride and he says: Go on then make a laugh,and you know the right left ride left and we do this for about ten minutesand about seven miles down the road. You know ten finsen miles down. Theroad is that's my town. I was over there and so you know just so. I saidto kid I said so I had to get to my house. He said Iwant you got up the three thirty in the morning he showered and he walked in. Heactually got to my house like forty five minutes earlier, because he didn'twant to miss me, and I got guys in a you know. They'llsay you know we be my sai say sure. It's a once coming down to my group.It's Don Miami says I as too far. They want to know what it takes to getthis thing. They want know what it takes to getthis thing: okay, what it gets get, so you got to have the heart of a lion yougot to hang out with the liners. You gotta have a heart of the molios,I'm always looking for the Vos, I'm always hanging out with the miners. SoGod bless you. Thank you very much. Everybody stede recovering alcoholic.This is my home group, the Golden Text Group so honor to have Russell here andgreat to see some of the guys that we know online a great to have a Michael charnel coming in fromthe Ukraine, and I send New Jersey Shore. So this is what I want to sharewith you twenty years ago it in January,...

I had a slit into Christmas and I got high one more time underneaththe stairs of my house. My parents found me there was Januarysecond and and I caught a six felony car crash deal, and I said to my dad. Isaid Dad take me down to this meeting that I had a bit at while I was intreatment down there, because it was this Guy Rustle and hewas doing a step series and I knew that it was something different. I had justhad seven years, but I just knew there was something different in what Russellwas saying and when I walked in that room. Thatday and I sat down- and I was only a couple hours soger and I had just as Isaid, I just relapsed Russell opened up the Bible it in a meaning. I knew it's going tobe bad stuff. I now I've seen it. I've seen people johnny seen that we've seena PAT, see people a bump, the Bible on a and that's it. They take them outsideand they tarandfeather him hanging up with it. Thine and ERASO startedtalking about. You have to act, the Good Samaritan in the good semaritesfrom our twelve step. You got to act, a good Samarand ever did, but he read theGood Samaritan out of the Bible and my jaw dropped and I realized I hadbeen in a different a for six and a half years. I had been an a with a godof my m, my understanding, which was misunderstand, and I knew right there in the rightthing that I wanted what he had and I started following him from a halfway house in a rented car up here in on Davy Road and ninety five, and Istarted following him and going down there and going to Bible stares withthese old guys and traveling to California, with these guys travelingto California, with his sponsored good, John Glen and B wherever he said, goeven on the week that my grandmother passed away, my God Rosser so was thesame week that we were going on a conference celebrare recovery twentyyears ago and Russell said you could still make it and I blew out there bymyself and not with all the guys and I've been following him around for the last nineteen and a half years,God's willing it'll be on twenty in January. This is what I want to tell you, as Ialways tell you every single week. This is not for the people that aretrying to get this by our Moses or as most is or but most. This is for the people that want tofollow and know that you're a minor and that'swhy your face is your minor a we saying that James that they'll never sit inthe same road with me again, every wit just abut when you know that you knowthat you know that or for me that Jesus is my Lord, a saver. Okay, I, this is aa, but this is our a group in that in our group. Our deal his we just say when you know God the Real God, the Godthat Russell described you're not going to be able to containyourself you're going to be so excited to be around people like this, becausethey're telling the truth and the truth will always set its free and Russell says that I'll git you upfor Piso of first well I'll, tell you this. If you're excited about the Lord,if you're not excited about God, why are you following to God you'refollowing I mean really, if you are thirty forty,fifty sixty years old, that saint a dress, rehearsal and you're, not ex soexcited about God, and what he's done for you that you can't help and talkabout it and I feel sorry for you if you're not for plain man, if you're,not if you know, I feel sorry for you. If you're not excited about your God,so excited that you talk about and what it means. Is You don't really believeyou have a God and Rosses? If you believe you out of God, you be goingnuts and that's a different type of a. Howlong did your mom have what twenty five years my mom had nine nineteen years?Nine listen his mom had as in a pas this and alcohol and is famous personatheist and alcoholics anonymous in the in the what do they call that group,the re think grade thankers? They were anything but anything, but I I could throw him so I mauwe could goon the show on the road with just me just throwing them all his own storiesright. So, let's think about so once Agate.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (82)