AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode · 1 year ago

Russell S. with Stevie B. at the Golden Text Group 6/4/2021

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S. with brief share by Stevie B. at the Golden Text Group, Dania, FL 6/4/2021

Good, oh boy. Okay, thank you very much. Well, you know, I love Maddie. You know I go to immense meeting on every every every day my ever since zoom came in, my deal has been at six o'clock in the morning, almost every day I'm at a meeting where there's about fifty people that show up and we sing hymns and we quote scripture, and then at seven o'clock there's another meeting that I go to and and at twelve o'clock I go to the men's meeting. There's anywhere between sixty and a hundred and ten men and like thirty percent of them have over, like, you know, forty years or thirty years. We they had a birth, birthday party the day and this is the way it started out. He says, okay, our first celebrant has twenty six years. That was the lowman on the Totem Pole, you know, up to fifty one years, and I love hanging out with those I'm seventy two years old. I've been so over a little over forty years. So I love hanging around with those guys. You know, it's over for us with short timers. It's audios. I'm just trying to make it through the meeting, you know what I mean, and so I love Maddie. Maddie's in New Jersey and sand that sheldon was supposed to be here helping with zoom. I have all my zoom friends. I love you guys, you know that are on here now, and he was going to be doing this zoom thing for me, and I'm like letting them in and doing this double duty at the same time and trying to figure that out. Sol Addie's not here, Sheldon's not here. Who Else? The CVB, who I've sponsored for two million years, you know, who has advised everybody that I steal everything from him? He's not here now. Of course I understand that it is ladies knighted hooters. So I understand. I mean, I'm just saying, you know, I mean, I don't know. You know, there's been taught, but I think what he's I think he's probably he likes to do special evangelism down there, you know, specialist, you know, private evangelism. So in any event, look, if you don't show up, I'm going to talk back to that's just the way it is. I'm not behind your back, you know, just put it on tape, you know what I mean. And that's it. So so it's good to be I have no idea what I'm going to say with just let the Holy Spirit take over. He's does a better job than I do. And so many things go through my head. You know, you know when you come today, you don't really have much of a story and you don't even know anything about yourself. I mean that's the truth. You don't know, and I don't know how many of you are at the meeting last night, but you do is you know story one you see. You don't know that. You know some sort of story, because the nature of alcoholism is we're delusional. We don't know the truth from the false. And and so you have some sort of story you've been telling yourself. It's like it's not my fault, I'm not to blame. Or all a bunch of assholes. You know, I would have done to them if they didn't do it to me, and if only this, if only that. And you know, you just a victim and you come in here. Your whole life you've been a victim. If it will, sorry for yourself. You felt justified and everything you did and you're absolutely sure of it and that's your story and that's going to kill you. You know, my spons used to say what he's a he said, why do you do the things to it? This after I got sober. I mean, I wish I could blame alcohol on everything I did, all the crap I did, on most of the people I heard a card him a cold stones ober. I wish I could say I drank and that's why I lied. I drank. That's why I didn't show up. I drank. That's why I made an excuse. I'm drank. I drank. That's why I didn't pay the money back after ten years. You know what I mean, because I was drunk the whole time. I wish I could say that. I can't. The only thing drinking, drinking didn't cost me to do any of the beds. Most of the stuff I did to hurt people I did cold stones Ober, and many of the actions and attitudes I had that allowed me to hurt people hurt people, I did them after I stopped drinking cold stones sober. Thus the ten stuff and everything like that. The only alcohol allowed me to do is live my sorry as self while I was doing it and just drinking. You know, drink at a drink the guilt away, drink the fear away and all that sort of stuff. So the bombs of my sponse said, why do you do the things you do? And I Sall I was my personality, you know, my sparkling Parsonlysis. What your personalities killing you? You know? How do you? I knew how to stop drink out. How do you? How do you stop your person I've been living with my person. I can when I was thirty one, at the same dirty I could have thought I was a pretty good guy. Most alcoholics good. They finally closed the hooters. You know you don't show up. You know the meeting starts today. You know you don't show up. You're going to have to ask some I am afraid you're going to have to ask somebody else about that. You know I'm not going to please an all that, but I heard. Yeah, I I was wondering why you weren't here and I wot and then somebody pointed out it's lady snided hooters, and so I was giving you an ex sort of like an excuse absence, because I know you. I know you were suffering for Jesus down there and you know try and to spread the gospel that's spread, that that's where the centers are. I understand what's going on. Ok, I get it. So that's it. We're not a GLUB LOT, are we? You know, we rule sixty two. I don't take yourself too seriously, so the guy. So he said. You know. I mean. So how do you change your personality? I mean, I could stop drinking. How do you change your attitude and where you are and that kind of stuff? And Not only takes about twenty, five, thirty years. And that's the truth, by the way. I'm telling you the truth. But you can I ignore it and laughing giggle about it.

But they used to say when I came in, they would say that. My sponsor said to me, I don't consider I don't talk a lot about drinking. I mean I could tell you drunk stories and can do a drop the log. You'll say, yeah, he's a drunk. You know, I mean you have the crazy show up these means if you were an alcoholic. But I mean I can tell you trunk a long stories. Don't like to do that because that's not really the problem. You know, for every twozero people I have met over forty years for every twozero people, maybe more, that I have heard because I've never met anybody. I'm sure there's probably some people out there. I don't know everybody, but I have never met anybody they who comes to an amy that doesn't stop drinking. I've never, not, never met one person that comes to what a mean, picks up a light chip with the desire to stop and doesn't stop. They may only stop for a week, they may stop for a month, they may stop for five years. They stopped for ten years. I know guys that stopped for twenty years. I know guys that stopped for thirty years and they drink again. To that I can't tell you how many people, how many times I've heard the story I was sober for ten years and then I drank. I mean maybe you haven't gone to enough meetings if you haven't heard those stories. I remember the first time I saw a guy who like thirty years pickable a white chip. I was like dumb, fat. I mean, we only have two rules in here. You got to drink to get here. What you had here supposed to stop, you know, but I mean the bottom. I mean when I saw a guy with thirty years pick up a white chip. I was see. What I thought was this. This is what I honestly thought this I was crazy. I thought you come in here and you pick up a white chip and then you never drinking. I mean I did one day at a time. I understand I have the one day at a time, but it never occurred to me that after you stop drinking, you would go back. And then I would see these men going back all that. You see it all the time. I three years and I stopped going to me. It's like I have five years, I stopped going to me. I got ten years and then I drank. I had twenty years. I had fifteen years on here and they say things sort of make us feel better like well, I stopped going to meet you hope that's the key. That's the key. I'll just you know what I said. I said I'll just never stop going to meetings. And then you realize that these bananas that drank again at one time. We're sitting in my scene and they say they were saying the same thing. I'll just never stop going to meetings, and they stopped. World the clamors whatever, because they stopped. So just, you know, saying to yourself I'll never were stock. Going to meetings is like saying to yourself I'm not going to drink anymore. I've never said I'm not going to drink any I've never said I'm never going to drink again. Every time I have somebody said I'm never going to drink again, they drink. I know why they drink. Because they have lost the concept that their powers over alcohol. So who needs God? WHO NEEDS RELIGION? WHO NEEDS CHURCH? WHO NEEDS JESUS? Who needs any of that stuff? I've made a decision. I'm never going to drink again. I don't need to go to meet it. I can evangelized dount at hooters or something. I don't know, I know where I want to go. You know, whenever I hear people saying they're never going to drink again, they've totally missed. How do you keep that? First, how do you keep that attitude I had, because I'm an egotistical, selfish, arrogance son of a bitch, that is me. How do you keep that attitude that I had when I stood up in front of fifty people? Fifty people didn't even know me? You know, thirty one years old, the form of division chief for the State Attorney's Office, Major Crimes Prosecutor. going. For My partma honors in Mathematics, my PhD, and Il was break some I wasgly. How do you stand up in front of Peet, the brightest guy in the room? How do you stand it from up in front of people, Fifty people you don't even know, and sort of walk to the front room and pick up a white ship and declare basically that you need help because you can't start drinking? How do you? How do you get, I'll tell you, get that point. You get desperate. Never Robin Alcoholics desperation. Never Robin Alcoholic his last thing. But here's the key. My sponsor, you said you know the problem with alcoholics. They get too well too fast. You know, you get stuff back, you know, toys back back, you stop drink. How do you? How do you keep that attitude of that fear? Fear of the Lord, is the beginning of wisdom. How do you keep the attitude of fear of the drink is the beginning of wisdom. Understanding your palace, understand, listen. There is one who has all power. That one is God, period, period. There is one of us all power. That one is God. God has all the power. Your real reliance has to be on God. You know that a new guy coming in here. It needs to know that, needs to hear that. You know who needs to hear that more than a new guy? God would ten years. Guy would five years. God with three months. That would forty years. Need to hear it and believe it and understand it, you know, so he can give his life to God. See the relationship with him is rinning. Great events would come pass you and kindless others. So we can make a serious decision for God, because our real problem is alcoholic selfishness. We must get rid of it or old kill us. God makes that possible. Not to drinking. The drinking. You listen for every threezero people that drink again and drink again and come back again and get three years together, five years together, one guy, one guy with over thirty years.

And if for every one guy with over thirty years, for every twenty guys with over thirty years, three guys that have happy, contented sobriety, twenty seven guys that are sucking on the barrel of the gun and lonely. Yea, you know, they get sobered, they don't get rocket in the fourth dimension of existence and I experiencing much of heaven. You know, their heart is and full for the Lord. You know, I was told if you if you get the age of thirty and you have no idea why you're certain extent, in erotic, and I was one of the neurotic son of Bitch. When I came here, I got to take something. I came here as bright as I was. I had two neurons working there waving goodbye to each other. You know, there's a goodbye. You know. That was it. I was it was over for me. So I'm gonna I'm going to talk a little bit. I like to talk about sobriety, emotional sobriety. I you know I mean, because the truth is. The truth is when somebody drinks, I know all about the craving crap. Let me tell you something. It's not a person in here that has a problem with the craving. I know all about you're an alcoholic. You can't take the first I know. There's not one person in here that is a problem with craving alcohol. I'll tell you what it does say in the big book. It says it says, but we won't know you. It's just we can't be sure of that, because you real realize. So your real reliance has to be with God. He will show you how to, how to, he will show you how to connect with the fellowship. You cray. Did you know? You Crave Fellowship. Did you know that? And you've cray fellowship so bad you're going to fellowship with somebody. You're either going to fellowship with us or fellowship with believers, or you're going to fellowship down it, down the hooters. So you're going to fellowship with somebody, you know what I mean. Or even worse, you're going to fellowship with yourself. And let me tell you something. The worst person you ever want to have a conversation with is you. Now let me tell you something else, and here's your problem. The only person you ever talked to is you. The only person you ever talked to us you. You have incredibly in unbelievable conversations with you. Sometimes you got like five or ten years in you. They're all fucking psychotic. You have you. You wish you could not talk to you. It's three o'clock morning, you're talking to you. If you can only stop talking to you, and the only way you can stop talking to you is if you're talking to Jesus, if you're fellshion with Jesus, because the one way to get rid of that because you wanted someone. Except we can't separate the truth from the false. Or Alcoholic Life seems the only normal one. It seems normal. It's normal for us to talk to ourselves all the time. We say things like I can't believe this crap is happening to me. This is a bunch of crap. They can't do that to me. They don't know who they're screwing with. I'll show them. If only I had this, I'd be okay, if I only had that, I'd be okay. You know this would this is what. Yeah, I'm a big I can't believe. You know it never works out for me. I mean, I know the conversations you have with you. I'm never going to be okay, I'm a piece of crap. I'm a lose on as will kill myself. This thing I'm going to work for me. What the Hell is wrong with me? I don't you have all these great conversations with you. You don't you know when they come from? What the hell did that COT conversation come from? How do you expect to act and feel and react to people when you've lived thirty years, for years, fifty years, and every day, every hour of the day, you're conversing with yourself that way. So you say, well, you know, I sort of see what you're saying and you know you're right. That's that's what happens to that is my life. That is my life. But how do I stop it? My sponse used to say, I don't consider you sober. Sober sober emotionally. You know, when Old Thomas talk about sober, they're not talking about not drinking. Nobody here has an alcohol craving. If you drink, if you want to drink tonight, it's not because you crave alcohol. If you drink tonight, if you drink ten years now, it's not because you have crave alcohol. It's because you have no program and you haven't worked the program. Alcohols that alcoholics anonymous, and it's because you have no connection with God's right. That's why, that's why we have to constant and prove our connection with God, because you wanted us something. The Devil's out there like a roar online. Look at the devour you and you got to put out the full armor of God. You've got strong with them every day because you wanted some of the disease is getting stronger and you can't let up and you wanted someone salt loose soon as you let when you drink, it's not because your mother died or your cousin got sick. Right. It's because, because I've seen people in here with this bad situations or worse than they don't drink because they believe in the Lord and they trust in the Lord. You know, that's the deal and they believe. They believe, like it says in the book, that if we make a sincere decision for God also, it's remarkable things happened to being all powerful, they'll give you everything you need if you stay close to the performance work well, and they believe that for year after year, after year after years. So they finally hit the sixth step. The six step bring the given everything to God. The the six step is the real third step, the third step, the third step you get down on...

...your knees to give you a life to God. Don't read the prayer. You know you got to say, Oh, I've done it already. Now I'll take it from here. God, thank you righting very much. I find done. Third step on the pope, you know what I mean. And then, you know, you throw in the towel. Then you snatched it back, ripped off strips and thought that was satisfying. No, you know, and that said, thanks. They out of my sex, like, stay out of my money. Spend the money you don't have behind crap. You don't need to impress people you don't like. You know, stay out of this and don't mind that. And you do your program. I'll do my program. And nobody's got a program because nobody's doing a program, because what they're doing is they're doing what they want to do, and I'm going to look at the God of my own understanding, you know, the God that they may sally get something with, allows me to get away with all sorts of bullshit, you know what I mean. Says that's okay, you're okay, problem going keep on doing it, you know. You know, not having a sponsor. That's really talking. Yeah, I mean, there's this disease is so incredible, but that's what it says. God will give me everything I need if I stay close to my performance book. Well, it says around a new basis based of trust me lying upon God. It says we never apologize for God. In a all they do is sit around, a shame to being talked about God. They sit there scared to say God. They say higher banana. You know the guy that this the pickle. You know, whatever it is, don't say God, God, may you say Jesus? They'll shoot you. You know why? Because they're a shame to talk about God, because they're scared of what other people think about them. Those people, let me tell you a little secret, a litt tell you a little secret. Anybody here, you have to raise your hand, because you're not going to do it, anybody, because you're scared too. But if I was to say how many people are worried about what other people think about them, raise your hand. And the other ones are liars. Why don't know the serious? Why do you think they don't? You know they are because they're alcoholics. All alcoholics who is tell themselves and other people I'll give a shit what other people think about me. Why do you think they have the way they do? What do you think they say the way they do? Why do you think they have ninety percent of me. If you ask him come up here and speak for now, they'll say I'm not ready. That's alcohol code from I'm not I'm scared, I'm scared. I'll still the laugh at me. I'm saying they're all they're all scared. They're scared to raise their hands, to say they're scared. You know, they come in my office as I'm worried about this, I'm worried about that, I'm worried about this. I said, I understand, when you got you got fearouss no, I didn't say that. I'm just worried. They're just so. We're delusional because selfish with self said, and we're filled with the LUSIA. We tell ourselves lies. We tell everybody I don't give a crap out other people think about me. That's got doesn't nobody. I don't give a shit about anybody. You know what I mean and you ultimately realized, if you want to live in the truth, is that people, they are constantly telling themselves that they don't care about what other people think about them. All they do is worry about what other people think about it. Because people that really don't care what other people think about them never say I don't care what other people think about they they never have that conversation. They say things like pass to catch up or where we going for dinner? They did never say that stuff. You know. And I go to meetings and people are skinning. They don't even know. They're scared. They're in bondage. They thought it was alcohol and it wasn't. Alcoholics alcoholism, which goes on way after the alcohol, and so if they drink again, it's because they're scared for they're worried or what's going to happen to me? And that goes on and on and on and on, and the only thing that could release you for so the people that are scared to talk about so you know why? They say in the big book of Alcoholics, anonymous, we never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. All that our faith and courage. They trust their God. You let me demonstrate our lives what he would do. You know why? They say in the Big Book? Because they never apologize for God, because they were never exchanged of God, because they talked about God all the time and talked about the Bible and the three books they found absolutely essential. First corinthianserteen sermon on the Mount and the book of James An AA is just filled with a bunch of cowards masked by the idea that they don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. Well, they don't want to chase them with the new coming. I can tell you this. Sometimes, when you know, they say alcoholics have mixed motives. Sometimes you know we have virtuous motives, but they're alway hidden by mixed motives. If you want to if you want to talk about people that sit around and worry about what other people think about them, that refused to talk the truth about what's going on here because they're worried that somebody might walk out the door and, God forbid, say, you know that Guy Russell, he said this and he made me drink. Listen, by the way, if anybody wants to use this talk asn't excuse for drinking, be my guest. I'll bind be my guest. Please come back in here and say, you know, I was doing great and then Russell said this and he pissed me off and I drank. And let us say that's fine. And you know, I mean there are people that will believe that Shit. There's nobody that could have said anything in alcoholics anounce when I came in to get me to drink. You know why? Because I never wanted to drink again. Because if you're looking for an excuse to drink after coming day A, trust me. Just read the big book. Let's read the twelve to just get a sponsor that actually...

...tells you this. Just reads what talked about the good old times, when they got him on their knees. They couldn't go to a meeting unless they they got on their knees and give them the just read that about the good old time is when the first question Bob Smith when he's when he sponsored somebody, he did with Clara Sneyder. It's the book. He walked and he says you believe in God. Young Feller and Clarence said. Well, what does that have to do with it? Box Smith said this. Everything he says. Well, I guess I do. He said. Guess Nothing. You either do or you thought. There is no middle of the road solution. Yeah, measures, well, and nothing. Zero. You to do we're getting somewhere. Get down the knees, we're going to pray. Well, I don't know how to pray. Well, I suppose you don't, but I'll take you through it. I get down and you said there were no suggestions. I've I did what I was I did what I was told to do. You came day between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine. That's what Aa was all about. That's what they were doing. I guess they were doing it all wrong. If you get my email, read that, that essay from the S, which is called a strong cup of tea. You know, it's all about what's happened to a ever since, ever since it first started, the changes that have happened in alcoholics anonymous. But here's the good news. The good news is, and I promise you this, there are people in a a that are doing it the way it was being done in nineteen thirty nine. probabise you. There are the survivors. They're the six step, they're the ones that separate the men from the boys. They're the ones that are tried repeatedly, repeatedly, to do everything you can do so that it can drow and the image and like is there. I'm not making this stuff off. This is our text, this is our I don't want program you have. That's our program, constantly trying to grow in the image likeness of your Creator. I don't know your Creator is. It's probably the DOORKNOB, you know. I mean with me would be a fact or KNOB. You know what I mean. What can I tell you? I mean, I don't know what the deal is, but I know what the book says about the whole thing. So one of the things I'm going to do, I think, is I'm going to tell a couple of stories. You know, you can't. You know, after you know you come today, have no stories. It says our stories disclose in the drum way. We'll us. Do you know what we have? He's like a giant toolboxes arrench that every nut that walks through the door. You know what I mean? You know if I was until I remember one time because I was speaking around the surgeon and everything and just for the heck of it, you know, because the problem with God, you know, you learned your alcoholic and say you're a good any you're crazy or something like that. The way we get is you got to flank them. You know, you're you're in a room, you hear some guy talking, some gal talking, some guy talking. You say to yourself that guy is nuts and then all of sudden you say, Holy Shit, I was doing that last week. You know what I mean. It just other people tell your story and you think that crazy thing. You say, wait a second, that's what I was doing, you know, and that's how you learn how crazy and every day what would doubt this? Think stories happen. You go to you a grip. You wouldn't believe what happened. This happened and that happening. And my you know, my wife did this and by someone so did that, and I did and I would usually yelled and I didn't yell and scream or something happened or or you know, not in my spots. You say, note out of ten things that you think you're going to happen aren't going to happen, and thene thing's gonna happens. Gave and different thing you happen and you know, you know, your boss is going to fire you. You know it's going to fire you, and your can't sleeping about a week and you finally get on your knees. You pray to God, God, please help next day and he gives you a race. He's Oh my God, there is a God. You can't wait say you go, God exists, God is here until next Tuesday, and then you're worried again about something else, and then next Wednesday, and you do that for about thirty years, until you become convinced, like it says in the big book, and God becomes the central fact of your life, because in order to be rocket in the fourth dimension of existence and experience much for heaven. The great fact is this, and nothing less, which I think means nothing less, that God has become the central factor to life, number one the most important things, the central fact, which means you think about him all the time, you praise him all the time, you'll talk about him all the time. Bill Wilson said, the Lord has been in, Bill Wilson said, and I'll boss dound some of three. Look it up. I'll follow some of these number three build dots in. The guy in the bed said I knew there was something more, something that hadn't got, something a person ought to had, and I was trying to find the answer and I was sitting in my house with bill will said, Bill Wilson Talk, looked at my wife and said, Henrietta, the Lord has been so wonderful to me, curing me of this terrible disease. I got to keep talking about and telling other people, he says. I got the answer. Bill Wilson was very, very grateful for everything had happened to him, and he gave all credits to God. I got the answer. Called it. You call this these the golden text Mester, that's the golden text. gave all credits to God, all credits to God, the God, the God of the Bible. And you want to know something? Because that's what they were studying there. They knew what they were talking about. You come a day A, you got down on your knees, you walked in. There they're reading the Bible. There was no mistake as to what they were talking about. When he said the Lord has been so wonderful to me, they were what they were. You and fly. There was no mist think about the deal back then, and that's...

...the deal. The Lord has been some one to me, jour me, and I'm in a group of people, everybody sitting on their hands, scared to say anything about God because people might laugh at them. And I'll tell you here's the secret. If you're worried about if you're ashamed of God and you're worried about talking about God, trust me on this. You will never you will never realize the promise of losing fear of what other people think about you. You know that probably says the promises. It's such a lose. Fear of financial insecurity and fear of fear. What does it say? Fear of people and Economic in security if you're because economic insecurities. Fear people, because when I used to worry about losing the car, losing the house, in the back of my mind side it was always what will people think if I'm not driving a Mercedes? What will people think if I lose my house? What will people think? It's all about fear of people. You understand what I'm saying, and the bottom line is, you know, I'm not my shoes, I'm not my clothes, I'm not my car, I'm not any of that stuff anymore. I'm not saying not perfect, but I understand what the fears. I understand who I am. Now you understand who I am and who he is. And the bottom line is is that you, if you are, if you are sitting in an AA room, reading the AA big book and sober because of God and reading the words that they have the big book, God is everything or he is nothing. He is everything or he is not. Listen, here's your choice. What is your choice? That he is everything or he is not. That's in dot that's in chapter of the agnostics. I'm going to give you a hint. It's a hint chapter the agnostics that have alcoholics. There's a hint in the chapter when it talks about alcoholics and then an agnostics and atheists. It says this sort of thinking must be abandoned. I'm thinking there's a possibility. When they say God's everything or he's nothing, I'm thinking there, there, I think. And they're coming down on the everything tough side. You understand? I mean, you may not say it, but I pretty think that, especially when Dr Bob and Doctor Bout Nightmare says if you're an atheist and agnostic, have some sort of intellectual problem which keeps you from understanding what we're trying to tell you. I feel sorry for Your heavenly bother will never let you down. I mean sometimes they weren't so nice about it. They're pretty blunt. And people are still wandering around, you know, trying to figure out what's this thing all about? How am I going to change my personal I am going to talk to me, worry about what people think about me? And they're never going to do it. You know why? Because if you can't give your heart to God and you can't say, if you can't say I am nothing, he is everything and tell other there's a one thing to say the Lord's prayer. There's another. There's another thing, you know what I mean, to say the serenity prayer. It's another thing to say, Oh yeah, I believe in God. Even the seventh step says you can say you believe in God and your belief will be barren because he's doesn't really encompish your entire life in life, isn't wrapped around them. And it's a whole other thing to proclaim God. It's a whole other thing. You know why? I can proclaim got memitarism. I don't talk much different. Anybody knows me, some of you guys have been at by means, knows that I talk like this at regular a meanings that's right. You know that. You know what. I talk like this at regular a meetings. You know why? Because I'm not scared of them. I don't think and you know, if they laugh at me, if they roll their eyes, what everything? I don't. I don't. I don't judge myself. I what a couple of people in a an AA meeting. You don't even pay my piece of bill or thinking about you know what I mean. We're going to be drunking three weeks anyway. You know what I mean. I'm not worried about them. How do you get there? How did I get there? Because I'm smarter. When I was the smartest guy that realizes the drunkest guy in the room. Okay, we only get twenty minutes left, so I'm going to tell you to I'm taking a couple stories, because our stories, this goes into general way, what we used to be like. What happened? I made a list one day I was doing nothing, that I had been speaking around and you know, the hardest part for me is they have to forty years think that this way. And you guys do this. There's some guys who have a lot of time, some of the little time. You know, that every day something happens to you. When you're trying to work this program, he's trying to work to have, something happens to you and all of a sudden you come out of the other and it's like a miracle. You can't wait to go to meet and tell him this happened, that happened. You wouldn't believe what happened, this happened. God is Great. You know what a he you know that. And and so you constantly are accumulating stories, your own personal stories about your life. And when you got appear in this year, you connect on stories. The problem doesn't doesn't come knowing to start. The problem that has you have too many stories. You want to tell them this story, you want to tell them that story, you tell the three stories and the time is over, and so, oh, I want to tell you this other story. You know what I mean. They're like children. Oh my God, I love that left the baby over there, you know. And my problem is I got room for like five stories and then that's it. It's a Yos Muchacho, you know. And I got I got one story I called the fifty year story. It's a story that's the most rashless change in my life, miraculous change in my life, and it's a story and it took me fifty years to get it. Fifty...

...years. I'm not going to tell now because I don't really have Tom tell the fifty year story, but I mean it takes a whole hour to tell the fifty year story. Believe it or not. You know I'm not going to tell but but I want to tell you a couple stories because our stories are testimony, are Testa we let. That's what it says to the big book. It says we don't plosives God. We let our we let what we we let ourselves and our stories demonstrate what God has done for us. You understand and you know why. They asked Jesus once why was this man crippled? Why was this man made to be an alcoholic? You know, I now know why I am an alcohol you know alcoholics, when they first come in, they ask themselves a lot of questions that are not good questions because I'll never understand them. You know they'll never understand them. They asked why am I an alcoholic? They worry about why am I an alcohol why am I not? It's just driving them crazy. You can't explain to him, just like you can't explain to him. Like it says in the big book for later on as you get mature. It says things. We learn the value of suffering that we hear. That's in that we learn the value. You ever hear this thing the big book, the way we get a new perspective by repeat humiliations, the final crushing of our selfsufficiency? You ever seen in the big book in his Voltib it says it says, it says pain is necessary. It's the growth point by pain. Yet trying to tell that to a guy who's got one week, whose wife left him and kid left them and he's broke and he's living on the street. Say, Oh, you're learning the value of suffering. See how that's working out. You know what I mean? No, they need encouragement. They say, listen, you haven't had a drifting and you're a winner. They didn't. But you know, the reach is the point in time after you go through stuff, just like in book of James, which is one of the primary books I use, where you understand that the trials and the tribulations as you rejoicing and you do them and you persevere in your focus on God. You become closer to him and you grow when you get stronger. So by the time you know how you learn how to be broke and not drink, to be broke and not only not drink, but to help other people while you're dro broke. You know how you learn how to Broughke, be broke and not drink and help other people. In love on other people and don't let it keep you up at night. And turn it over to you. Now you you got to be broke. I'm see. You got to be broke. Not One time, not three times, maybe over ten to twenty or thirty years, about five self the times before. It is all. It's that thing. Yes, a little big deal. You know, you got to you got to go through, you got to go through the jungle, you got to get beat up. You know, that's the deal. That's what has to happen. So they used to say. When it came in and says well, after five years ahead comes out of graphs or something like that, pops out. My sponsor said, I don't continue his tell us sobers, you have twenty, ten years and I got ten years. They said, well, I'm sober NOWI's is not. I at twenty, you know what I mean. And I go to meetings where guys say something and I understand that. They say, I didn't realize what this thing was really bad until I had twenty five years. I go to meetings where guys say, I didn't realize what was going on here until I had twenty five years. And don't have a guy come up to me and I'll have five or ten years and they'll start worrying and crying about something that's going on in his life that he really can't share it any means because he's got ten years and everybody looks up. Too many sponsors people and they'll say. I say, listen, don't worry about you're gonna be okay, you'll be you just don't drink and go to meets and you do what you're doing. You're doing the whole thing a dude. I yet I said you're going to be okay. So, yeah, yeah, ten, fifteen years it's going to be. It's going to go away. This trust me kind of fifteen years, you'll be fine. You know, I thought a giggle. They think that maybe I'm wanting that. It's sort of like a nervous kid below you know what I mean. The thinking he may be tones because it doesn't work like Scotch. Here's the way Scotch works. Whack, whack. I'm King of the jungle. I walk into a I walk into a bar, there's a hundred people. I'm worried about what they're going to think about me, but they're going to like me with they're not going to like me. Whether going to be accepting the group. Whack. I feel like I owned the freaking groups. You know, I'm in sure I'm the president of the group. You know, there's a goodlooking gal there. I want to ask her to dance. I want to ask you to do a whole bunch of other things, as I want what she has. I'm will to go anyway to get it. But I'm scared that she's gonna Laugh at me. I'm scared she's gonna leave me. I take that Scotch to go. Whack. I go churches, get out of here. I say, Hey, you're a loss, honey. You know I mean. It's the greatest stuff of the world it I'll tell you something. You may have to go to fifty or sixty meetings to get the same effect of like one jigger. Of Scotch. You know. Okay, fifteen minutes, but two stories. Don't know what this thing two stories, because every story has truth in it. So I'm going to call this looking for Leo's and following the miners. These are these are true stories. It has to with my life and it has to alcoholism, and you know, you'll get out of whatever. You'll get out of it. But I can tell you that. Well, I can tell you this the truth. And I was just thinking about these things. I and involves and you know something, and it is and it's about alcoholism and it's about recovery and it's about what it takes and how to do it. And I'm not even sure it involves alcoholics. Or maybe it does. I don't know. You'll figure it out, you know, maybe to mean something too, maybe you'll...

...never forget it. Maybe ten years now you'll still be saying, remember, this guy told the story about the minors, about Leo. You know what I mean. Maybe I never know right. Maybe it'll piss you off. That's even better. You know, if I'm not piss off twenty sent people, I'm talking. I'm not saying Shit. You know what I mean? I say anything. Nine percent of the growth I had in the epiphanies I had was walking out of me and said that guy's an answer. WHO THE HELL invited I? Because what happens when you hate somebody, and you know what has to happen, is you're going to drink unless you somehow resolve that you do a force the bone, because whenever you're disturbing ut of what the course the sum wrong, when you you talk to your sponsor, you get that you knee to try to use all he say. Holy Shit, that got was right, you know, and things I think you guys come on you, since I used to hate you, but now I love you, you know. And so here's the deal. So in the s and the at is a true story, by the way. You can look it up. I forget some of the names, like Henry featherway, fair weather, and there was all these names of people and I forget them. I should look them up one day. But there was in Virginia City and it was actually Bana, Banta, Montana. There was this was after the California Gold Strike. There was a secondary gold strike in Montana and Batta, Montana, around with the Virgins City area was and they it was one of the said largest gold and silver strikes in the United States. And there was it was next to Indian territory where the crows were and white men and, you know, Nonindians were allowed to go there. And there were these these three hundred miners that went up there to mind for a gold and there with the said my seven minders. I forgot. One guy's name was Barney. The other guy, sad was henry, fair weather or stuff like that, and and they didn't get with the three hundred, so they left. You know, after the three hundred left, they left following them and they got captured. His true story. They got captured by inching Indians. You look up Grasshopper Creek. That's where they found. They started finding to go. They got captured by the Crow Indians and what happened was they've got held there and then they escaped, except one guy was like a half gree to stay behind your some but they escaped and they were going back to batter and Montana to get supplies and every like that, and they camped at the spot and was called Grasshopper Creek, and so they were just sitting there and one of the miners, I think it was fair weather Barney want to start sort some rimrock, sort getting it, and he found gold. And so for the next three or four hours they look at it. Thing they and they found like about the thousand dollars with gold. No, I mean I know how what that means and that's one of thousand dollars. Was a thousand dollars, and I don't I don't know what that means to you. If you want into your back Rood Yard and found a thousand dollars lying on the ground, you know what I mean. But it was a big deal because they knew they had hit a motherload of major vain. But they also knew that unless they unless they work the claim somebody, they could lose it. So they had to get back in the BANNON and they had to get tools and utensils and come back and they gave everybody, gave a solemn promise that they wouldn't say anything anybody. You got it? So they go yeah, Henry Chaff Conte used to say a Zam fiels of God, the only way to keep a secret among three people is to have to die. So the so they went back to they went back to Bantam Montalna, they load up with supplies. They said they were going to be the old oak tree. They went to the old oak tree and three hundred miners followed them and he knew. Fair weather. Knew somebody has filled the beans. So he goes up to the lead guy who's leading the three Hundwo people, and he says who spilled the means? He says who told you? Says nobody. He said nobody. He said nobody. Says No, we can see it in your eyes. We knew you would hit the mother load. We could just look at you and we knew you would hit the mother lode. You know, the secret of my surprite is I've been following the miners for forty years. That's right, I've been following the minit. I don't follow the snickers. I don't find the guys in the parking louder smoke and talk about an laid. I don't follow all the bullshit artists and here all the alcohol. You know the same. Well, people's anonymous of your free that out, you know. I followed the men, you know who are, who I am. Followed the men who are talking to talk and walking the walk and try. I followed the servants. You know because that's the leaders, because there are leaders in here. You may not like it, they're trusted, sir. There's you can always spott a leader. They serve, they serve. That's what they do leaders, sir. They carry God's message and they serve and they don't worry about anything else. They don't hang out with the bullshit, you know. I mean that's what it is, and I all the miners. That's that, that's that, and that's the truth, you know. And when I first came in there, I thought, well, this is all about Osmosis. I just hang around the right guys and it's true. And then I realized no, you got actually do shit, you know, and if you follow the right guys, you will do the stuff, because they won't allow you to get away with not doing this stuff, you know what I...

...mean? Before step, the fifth step, you'll have to do what you got to do. And so that's what the situation is. And the second story is so I'm always looking for the miners, I'm always looking for the men who I want. What it says? What is it? You know, this is steps for the steps. Did you know that, if you want what we have and you're willing go to any late to get it and you're ready to take some hey, listen, you don't have a weed, you don't have somebody. You want what they have there. You don't want what they have, you want what used to have. You want what you used to have where. You're not ready to willing to go to any length to get it. You don't Nevel. You got to find yourself a we in here. I don't care it is. Say I want with that. I had a lot of weeds, because who you following, who you hang around, and that's five years, going to be where you're going to be. It's going to it's going to term the books you read and where you going to be. So one day, one day, I'm I'm you know, and when I was about ten or eleven years sober, I start going to Bible sutting and I'm a Jewish kid. I'm not even going to go to so I'm a Jewish kid from great night one island, but I start going to Bible study. Except the Jesus in my life it's hold. That's a whole other story. It's three hours long and I'm going to do it, but now I can. But here's the deal. I have to tell it. You know, you can see it, but the I don't want to tell it. I can die demonstrate it. You know I'm standing up here talking about it. I'm demonstrate. What am I gotta Tell You? Got On my knees, gave a life to Jesus at the CEMER twenty two, one thousand nineteen eighty. All you got to do see me talk, listen to me for five minutes. You know where I'm coming from. You know, to tell anybody if you love the Lord and you love people and you filled with the Holy Spirit enough to say, Oh, let me explain this to you. You know he's you got guys in there saying, what the Hell is going on with that son of a bitch. You know what I mean? Come on the belief. That's crazy stuff. You speak with an unction, you know, because you're not, because it has nothing to do with you. That's nothing to do with you. So I'm I'm driving in my car and you know I used to go to meets. You see us. I used to go to meets because I didn't want to drink, and there is nothing, nothing wrong with going to meetings because you don't want to drink. I probably spend five to ten years going to means because I didn't want to drink. I'm say things like I needed this meeting. And you know, some I still go to means because I don't want to drink. But that's not the primary doesn't. I go to means. It's not because I'm a big shot or I think I will ever drink down this month that I absolutely believe that with my disease, I can be drunk in an hour. I could walk out of here in an hour later to be drunk if that happened, you said, well, it's just like he said. You know what I mean. If I'm not in God's grace and I'm not doing what he what I believe it says, he'll give me everything or things for stay close him. Informers work. Well, I know what his work is. It's work is very simple, says, be a mass up service to him and other people carry this message. Other people love another. People assume everybody. You know, treat everybody like they have a broken heart, because they probably do. You know they have a broken heart. You know love on them. Sometimes love on them could be like what I call loving sarcasm. You know, I called my sponsors. I got a flat. Hire. I'm little Russa and I have a flat. Sighs. Oh, you have a car, you know all my bosses and ass he's as well. You have a job. I stopped calling the son of a bitch and I know, I know what he's going to say. So I'm driving around in my car. So I started going to a Bible study because I wanted more, because I hit the glass ceiling. I was going to a million means sponsoring a million guys. Thank what chairman for two years in a row, eight years on the relay, you know, going to meetings, you know, speaking, and different parts of the country are doing all that bid. I was doing it and I had hit. I had hit a hit a ceiling where where I wasn't drinking, but it wasn't I felt stuck. Some guys suggest that I go to Bible Studies and I don't going to Bible Studies, because isn't that? I don't think they approved that. An A. I don't even know where I got that from. I got it from some guy who sort of rolled his eyes, I guess, because I'm still worried about what people think about me. But somehow I got into my head some sort of spiritual epiphany that I should never starts. Should never not do something because I'm scared. Because I'm scared. So I went to the Bible study. It's okay, I like children and A. My mom was an alcoholic, you know, and I love to see mommies and daddy's and a doesn't bother on of me Bosby when they're not here. But but any even so, I went to this. So I was going to Bible study. So I had in my car I'd have the big bought the twelve and twelve. I'd have a huge Bible sending them out. And I pulled up to this dry cleaner which was at my house, next to my house at that period time. You can see my house from dry cleaner. I pull up the drive it and there's this kid there. He's like sixteen years old and he I can't even explain this to you. I still don't understand today when I see it, and he was wearing his jeans by his knees. The same body. Ever seen this? Have you ever seen it? I don't even understand how they hold them up. You know, my stuff starts moving down because I'm fat and I might style, you know, and I got to pull it up. You know, how did how do they keep somebody's gonna have to explain to me the secret of that. And they they they're literally on their knees and they're walking around with it. You know, he...

...was doing that and he and I was freaking on my and he says, he says, Hey, man, I got one of those. Who was you see what I'm doing? He was pointing, I got one of those. I said, what am I say? Is One of those? And he was pointing. I have big Red King James Bible there. You mean a Bible? He says. Yeah, he says. I said you ever read it? He said, Oh yeah, yeah, really, I don't really understand a much. I said, what's your name is? Says My name is Leo. I said Leo, you see that House over there, over all, they staid. He's, Oh, yeah, that's my house. I said, every Thursday morning at thirty I go to a Bible study. I said, if you're at my house tomorrow morning, which is Thursday morning at thirty, I will take you to the Bible study where they read it and you can learn some stuff. He said, realize that absolutely. And then I left and I forgot all about Leo, forgot all about them. Okay, it's true story. So I'm because, let me tell you something, I'm out there to try to love on other people and try to help other and be a backroom service. You don't have to have a day in your pocket for me to love you, for me to try to help you. You know, I mean, that's just the way it is, you know. And and and so I the next morning I wake up, it's around seven fifteen, and I'm walking out the door and I've forgotten all about Leo. And there's Leo. He's sitting by my car. You know, he's got like a Bible and he's sitting by my car. I said, hey, how are you doing? He's a fine I said, actually, ready for the Bible stay? Says Yeah. So I drove them over the Bible study. There's about thirty guys there. These are mostly old guys. You know, I was the youngest guys, like forty, forty five. So I'm like that, you know, something like that. And he's a guy's like are seventy eighty, hardcore, you know, serious, you know, Christians and everything like that. And my sponsor was here at John Glenny of like sixty years in the program, but he was, you know, they're use. Are Serious guys, and so I said this guy down now you want to stand. These guys are all read, they're red, their bands are packed there, ready to go. You know what I mean? It's audios, you know I'm it's they're serious contenders. They know the back Bible, back of the here the kid box, he's like sixteen years old, is like he's like red meat. You know what I mean? They're like so excited to say him. And so he sits there and we go through the entire I don't know what we reading. Go through the entire thing. Everybody talks or whatever it is. They read the deal and at the very end he raised this and he says, yeah, he's just I think Jesus was an alien and said yeah, yeah, he's just. So they you know what they said? They say, hey, keep coming back. You know what I mean, is the Christians, you know, they keep coming back here. You know I love the Kid. So the kid gets in my car and I'm driving away and he said, so we got I do? I says that I said they loved you, they loved your kid. Then you were great. You're fantastic. So I'm I'm driving them back and he says, could you do me a favor? I said sure, no problem. He says, would you instead of taking back you, would you take me over to my house? I said, tribe, I have no problem that. I said, you have to tell me how to get there, and he said so we start driving and he starts telling me about himself, that he's young kid. You know, he's just a young, sixteen year old kid. You know, he's got he's got a single mother, he's got a three year old sister from mothers, has said, from another guy. It's not married. You know, it's like one of those deals and he's working at the deal and he doesn't have any men in his life. You know, the guy them just a young, sixteen year Ol kid trying to find out what about rick is going on in the world, you know what I mean, and trying to figure things out and and do this kind of stuff. So I said okay, so how do I got, he says, and he said well, make all your way. I've get the houses will keep on going down over the stops. How you go down, the stuff, Si just will make a right. So I make a ride and he says going out of they make a laught and you go the right, left, ride left, and we do this for about ten minutes and about seven miles down the road. You know, tend food seven miles down the road, because that's my town house over there. And so you know, you just so. I say, they kid. I said so I had to get to my house. He said, I walked you got up thirty in the morning, he showers and he walked in. He actually got to my house like a forty five minus earlier because he didn't want to miss me. And I got guys in egg you know, they'll say, you know, you be mysel. I say sure, you so much. Come down to my group. It's done in Miami. Says that's too far. They want to know what it takes to get this thing. They want to what it takes to get this thing. I'll take what it gets, you gets. You got to have the heart of a Leio, you know me, and and you got to hang out with the miners. You gotta have a heart of the woolios. I'm always looking for the whiels. I'm always hanging out with the miners. So God bless you. Thank you very much, everybody. Steven be recovering alcoholic. This is my home group, the golden text groups. So honored to have Russell here and great to see some of the guys that we know online. The great to have a Michael Charn alone coming in from the Ukraine and I send New Jersey Shore. So this is what I want to share with you. Twenty years ago,...

...it in January. I had a slid into Christmas and I got high one more time underneath the stairs in my house. My parents found me. There was January second and and I caught a six felony car crash deal and I said to my dad has said, Dad, take me down to this meeting that I had been at while I was in treatment down there, because there was this Guy Russell and he was doing a step series and I knew there was something different. I had just had seven years, but I just knew there was something different and what Russell was saying. And when I walked in that room that day and I sat down and I was only a couple hours ober and I had just as I said, I just relapsed. Russell opened up the Bible in an a meeting, I knew it was going to be bad stuff. I now that I've seen. I've seen people. Johnny seen that, we've seen a pat seeing people up up the Bible and a and that's it. They take them outside and they tar and feather and hanging up. And Russell started talking about you have to act a good Samaritan and the Good Samaritan is from our twelve step. You got to act a good Samarian every day. But he read the Good Samaritan out of the Bible and my jaw dropped and I realize I had been in a different a for six and a half years. I had been in a with a god of my meant my understanding, which was misunderstand and I knew right there and there, right then, that I wanted what he had and I started following him from my halfway house in a rented car up here in Davy Road and ninety five and I started following him and going down there and go into Bible studies with these old guys and traveling to California with these guys, traveling to California with his sponsored good John Glen, and found wherever he said go. Even on the week that my grandmother passed away, may God rest her soul was the same week that we were going on a conference celebraty recovery twenty years ago, and Russell said you could still make it, and I flew out there by myself and not with all the guys, and I've been following him around for the last nineteen and a half years. God willing, it will be a twenty in January. This is what I want to tell you, as I always tell you every single week, this is not for the people that are trying to get this by us, Moses or asthmosis or but Moses. This is for the people that want to follow and and know that you're a minor, and that's why your face as you're a minor or, saying to James that they'll never sit in the same row with me again after we're just happened here. But when you know that, you know that, you know that for for me, that Jesus is my Lord and Saber. Okay, this is a a, but this is our a group in that in our group, our deal here is we just say when you know God, the Real God, the God that Russell described, you're not going to be able to contain yourself. You're going to be so excited to be around people like this because they're telling the truth, and the truth will always say as free and Russell says that he'll put you up for Piss you off first. Well, I'll tell you this. If you're not excited about the Lord, if you're not excited about God, why are you following the God you're following? I mean really, if you're thirty, forty, fifty, sixty years old this sat address rehearsal and you're not, it's so excited about God, that what he's done for you that you can't help but talk about it. And I feel sorry for you if you're not proclaiming of you're not. If you I feel sorry for you if you're not excited about your God, so excited that you're talking about and what it means is you don't really believe. You have with God and Russell's if you believe, you out of God. You'd be going nuts, and that's a different type of a. How long did you mom have what? Twenty five years? My mom had night, nineteen years. Nice. Listen, his mom HADC areous and alcohol. She's atheists in alcoholics, and I'm famous person atheist and alcoholics. Anonymous in the in the what do they call that group? The free think are you thinkers? There anything but anything, but there is if I could throw him. So let me just say we could go in the show on the road with just me just throwing him all his own stories. Right. So let's thank Russell once again.

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