AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 14 · 1 year ago

Russell S - Seeking Leos @ Life Is Good Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Well, everyone, you're in fora tree tonight. We've we've been on a round ride Disney world. Itwould caught. You need ticket for this, but anybody remembers you need to betake it is any ticket ride tonight. And I'd like to introduce the guywho's going to give you the ride, and that's Russell. Come on,Russell, I have a big book. Yeah, yeah, Ley, letme let me just wear laughs and giggles and okay, boy, oldage, it's not for SISTANS. I'll say you. So, my name'sRussell spats. I'm an alcoholic. Guys, how are you doing? Everything wonderful. Oh well, so I haven't got a necessary of drink since Januarytwenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So I just Ijust celebrate my thirty night. I made it, thirty nine years. madeit. You have not. Now. The truth is I've been telling people, laugh, thirty nine years since June. I mean I'm going to tell himI have. I I think after a certain number of years you're allowedto round up. What's the point? I mean, who's gonna you know? And and so I'm not actually telling people I have thirty nine years becausebecause I've got because I really do, I have that. That's like inthe bag. Nobody's gonna able to take that away from it, you know. So what I think, what I'm going to do is it from notand introduce myself, and I checked out this out with my group because Iwant to be honest. I'm going to say I'm working on forty. I'mworking on it's the truth, isn't it? Paul? I'm working I'm working on. I'm not about thirty nine. I'm working on my forty year.Okay, I am into my forty year. I like your thinking. I likeyour thinking. You know, don't you think that sounds better? Maybea little more respect? I don't know. You know. So I'm going toread a couple things and do a couple things. This is the thirdtime I'm here. Most people think it. I'm going to be on the thirdstep. I'm going to start of do thir. You know, oneof the things that happen is, you know, after you've been doing thisfor a lot of at least after I've been doing this for a lot ofyears, what I found is, you know, when I first game toalcoholics anonymous, I it's really mysterious. You know, the first few meetingsyou don't even know what they're talking about and they have their own leano,like turning it over and four steps. Say you don't know what you're tellabout. It said, when you finally start learning what you're talking about,it's the whole step thing is mysterious. And how do you do it?I spent a month. I I stalled on the fourth step. And whenthis is true or not, I told myself to ree. Reason I didn'tdo it is because I didn't understand how you could. I didn't. Ididn't know. I mean, how do you do it? I mean,you know, after I got desperate enough, I opened the book. I noticedit was a chart. But I mean, you know, I madeyou. I was going for my phd and a's very topology and I andI'm a lawyer, you know, and I'm not stupid and I'm sitting therefrom us. I said, how do you do this? How do youdo this thing? You know, and starts, you know, just followpaint by numbers, you know, and and so it's all mysterious. Butyou know, after you do it once and then twice in six times,tenzero times, Eightyzero Times. It's when you know, what happens is youstopped with the Oh, I think I just did a third step. Oh, I did it four, so I'm doing another ten stuff with it.You stop with that and becomes sort of like it's like what is it?Wax On, wax off sort of thing, you know, become so natural thatyou just you'll live in the steps. You know I'm doing the steps,you're like living them. You live in the steps. You know youscrew up with you screw up and do something stupid. Say I'm sorry,everything wrong. You don't think. You don't even think, Oh, Ijust did a tense step. You know, you don't think. I just sayI'm sorry, I'm wrong. You know, I mean, you dosee. I mean you just live the steps, which is a lot easier, because then you don't have to like force yourself to do it, becausethey brainwashed you enough. That's it's all my sponsor sis you're doing here.Brainwashing amazing. Well, maybe your brains washing, you know, and andso you just start doing the steps sort of automatically. But then we usedto point in time where where you don't even think of your life or what'sgoing on in terms of the steps, because you start seeing how step threeis connected with step four and how we...

...each step, you know, propelisionto the next step. The only thing that holds you back as your alcoholism, and you start really getting a real good picture of what alcoholism really lookslike, at least what I the picture I have right now. I mean, if I'm able leave ten years from now, I mean I'll probably havea different picture, but you start, you start getting a better bet whereyou stink alcoholism had to do with drinking and you realize alcoholism has to dowith just the way you look at people and the way you perceived. Imean you just it and you get to a certain point. You know,a ten years you're pretty much think you know what alcoholism is all about,what looks like and it feels like and how to get rid of it andblah, blah, blah, and then by the time you have twenty yearsyou look like that. I don't know Shit. At ten years, youknow what I mean, and you just because you just learn more and moreand you put pieces together and you have these epiphanies and things happen and thensome world and it actually gets simpler and simpler and simple and not more complicatedand sort of like you know, at least it maybe it gets simpler.And and so what happened is you, at least I I keep on sayingyou. I said I should mean me. You know I mean, don't geta fence. Just don't take a fence. If you think I'm tryingto put words in your mouth or anything, but I mean, you know,you get to the point where when you look at this program and youlook at the steps and you look at everything, you just see all theseconnections between the third and the sixth and the seventh and and so when youstart, when you go to go to a meeting, you have to talkabout this stuff. What I found is that about, you know, fiveor six or seven years ago, around that time, when I would go, and I know I used the number of myself doing step three and stepfor that, when I'd start talking about step three, I would somehow startgoing into something about step seven and step and step six and then somehow I'dwind up on step eleven and then I would wind up on step four andI was going all over the place and it wasn't that it was, youknow, it wasn't that. I wasn't talking about step three. Step threewas all three. There's not that step threes. In every step I doyou'll see God in there, because God is throughout this book, no matterwhat stuff you're talking about, which has to do with step three. Youknow and that God exists and God is God either it. That's right.In Chapter Agnostics, before they can get into this, that it says Godin the Risor isn't? What's your decision going to be? MIRACLEA for morals, better philosophy of life? You know, God. This is these a takesa stand as far as atheism do. Let Atheist and a shure. Thelevenxus an a shore is A. is alcoholics, anonymous, promoting oror agrees with atheism? DANSWER is no. I'm sorry. The answers no.They wrote a chapter of the book on it's called Chapter. They wrotea chapter in the chapters, a chapter to the agnostics. They say thesort of thinking has to be abandoned, which I don't think is like welike this. You know what I mean. It's you know, you go throughthe whole thing. You can be dishonest about it. You know youcan. You know you can dis honestly, sort of small slant in any wayyou want. Now he's going to kick you out on close meeting,you know. But the bottom line is that's I go along with what thebook says. The book says the deal is. So what happens if youstart seeing all these connections? So somewhere along the line I stopped worrying aboutI might do a step three. Am I doing step six, I'm doingstep ten, I just you know, whatever the Lord l at least wetalked about whatever the God. My understand it feels that I just talked aboutit. Just talk about it and we go where it goes. Where itgoes, you know, and that's the deal. So I'm going to Ihave a couple stories I want to tell you. I want to read acouple things, one from big walk in, a couple things with talked about andthe good old times, which I highly recommend to here. Okay,and I'm a couple of things. So so this is going to be.It's good. If, like if I had a wearing blender right now,blender, I would throw in step three, step six, at seven, stepeleven, maybe step one, maybe a few other steps, you know, like a little bit of this, a little bit of that, andI just whizz it up, you know, and mean and that's what we bedraged tonight. So you know, you're going to hear some people aregoing to see here six or seven, you're going to hear whatever. Itdoesn't matter what I'm talking about. It has nothing with what I say,and that's do what you hear, right, you know. So that's I learnedthat a long time ago. I I'll try to show it in along story. But the tricken, how people have heard the chicken on theroof story. Well, I learned this a long time ago. You know, we have I was doing a meeting what not about thirty six years ago, thirty five years ago, was doing I mean in the homestead group stepme when I first start doing these things, and I would I think, I'mnot sure what stuff I'm on, it doesn't matter. I was ona some step and and it was a group and I was doing the meetingand it was the worst day meeting in the history aboutoholics, anonymous, andtrust me, it was bad. And and the reason it was bad it'sbecause, you know how I have mentioned, I do mention, I do whatevery I mentioned from time to time that fear people's a big thing withoutcoholics. You know, I used to say things. I don't give acrap one of the people think about me. You know, and you know thatwhole thing about it. If, if you ever said, if youever think I'm getting you a get, you don't give a crap one ofthe people think about you, you obviously care about what other people think aboutyou, because you really didn't get probably of people think about you. wouldntsay I don't. You know that deal well I I you know that Idon't give a crap what other people think...

...about me and that worried about whatpeople think about you. And we're about being judged. Everything that does.That's part of alcoholism. That's a what's until not AOL steps out Pholos andolds consequences, is surprised to be precarious and the first step and and andhappiness will loose them and and and the first step getting out of Gail wasknowing you're in jail in the first place. So what happens is you work onthe drinking but you have really no idea about the other stuff and theytell you're selfish and yourself centered. But you don't really know where you're selfishand self centered until it's pointed out to you by life or by your sponsor. You know, and I used to sit. I know its hard toleave. I used to say nothing. Today that sit quietly day means,I would say. I think I listened to other people and but then mysponsor pulled me on the side, to the side and said, you know, I noticed you don't say anything. You don't share in his I said, well, but I don't know anything important to say. And he said, he said, you know something, you're selfish. At your selfish,because I'm not sure, you know, I thought I was like humble,and well, one of us was right. I don't know. I thought Iwas humble. He said your selfish, you says. He says. Youknow, these people come in here and they share everything that's on theirmind and they become transparent and they open and it's partially to tell what's goingon with them, but also it's because they're thinking maybe if I say something, it might help somebody, and you selfishly just sit there and you justyou just some sort of boy. You are you just taking everything they sayand and you don't and you don't give anything back, he says. Imean, who the hell are you to say that? What you have tosay is it's not interesting or isn't important. He says, you know some you'reall taken. No good, no GAM you're selfish, and he's it'slike slapping me across the face. You know, I don't think I didn'tanything wrong, and all the time I start feeling guilt being such you knowing, you know, and so of course I start sharing and the rest isa history. You know, having up with shut me up. So soyou know, what happens is you learn a lot of stuff. You know, you got a lot of old ideas which are, you know, wrongor incorrect. You start operating differently. So, in any event, Ican remember what I was talking about. is about to tell you a story. Check it on room. So I did this very good. Thank you, guys. It's the dementia. Don't worry about it's but so I didthis talk at this room, and nobody they they they weren't like you.They weren't kind to me. They were nice to me, I know theyyou think they give me like a little mercy laugh every once in a while. You know, just like you know, they were just it was like anoil painting and they were just staring at me and I know it wasthe worst things in the history of they stare aboard. So I left andas I'm driving home, you know, I'm thinking about what they're thinking aboutme, because I know they're thinking about me and that's not they're calling uptheir friends, they're saying things like I just went to the worst day evenin the history of many kind and yeah, it Sky Russell. You know himis from the pillion pines groups. I'm like that. And my reputation, whatever there was, is ruined aday across the country, because whatever happenshere immediately goes to Los Angeles, you know, and then and and soI'm thinking. And so the next thing I have in my mind, becauseI'm an alcoholic, is I'm not going back there because because we use.I'm just not because they hate me. You know what I mean? I'mgoing back, but here's the problem. And I'm an alcoholic. So believeif you're an alcoholic, you're an excuse a holiday. Oh, I liketo make it back, but my mother, you know, is dying and youknow, kill her off a couple of times, and you know Ican. But I somehow knew that if I had committed to do the deal. So I knew if I didn't go back. This is what I thoughtbecause I had a very I had a horrible sponsor who screwed me up,and I thought that if I didn't go back, I might drink again.You believe that Shit? And can you believe that? Really at my sponsortied everything into drinking. You got to body my drink again. You dothis, might drink again. Keep on talking about those girls are going todrink at everything was tied into the drinking. Now I don't know whether that's rightor wrong, but I know he convinced me because, you what amI doing? He's scared the crap out of me. So I knew ifI didn't, if I didn't go back and I might drink again, becauseI don't know that he knew this, but I so much didn't want todrink that I would do anything. You know, I would do anything,as stupid as it sound, if I thought I might drink about didn't doit. You understand I'm saying so which, when you come to think of it, an AA is probably a pretty good attitude to have, you know, but I just had it. It was just a gift. I don'tknow. You know how I got that deal. And so I went backthe next week to the worst a meeting I've ever done the history of mankind, and I think it's in the Guinness Book of World Records. Is theworst day. And and before I started the meeting, whatever I was goingto do it on, some God comes up with me and he says,he says, my name is Joelian to...

...see. Says, I just wantyou to I'll see your last week. This is Oh, yeah, it'sgreat, you know, and I was sitting back in them all rat hesays. He says, you know, my wife left me last week andI lost my job and I know I was going to do it so good. I was going to go drink, but I decided to come to thismeeting and I sounded back room. He says, you know, he says, you saved my life as you saved my life. I said, really, says yeah, he says, when you said chicken was on the roof, everything came together from me, the whole program. Now I'm thinking I'dnever said the chicken was on the no, don't get me wrong. I saidbecause I was talking some poultry there at a certain point, but Iknew what he was talking about. But he got it all wrong. Isaid like the Turkey was in the basement. He got it wrong. You understand? You know, I didn't tell me got it wrong. So,Oh, yeah, atually on the roof, I we say that Shit. Youknow, I took credit for it. I mean I was I had threeyears, going into my fourth year, of him. But I learned something, you know, from that. You know what I learned from that? I used to think, you know, I'd go to meetings that say thatif I talk somebody my drink or somebody drank, it's my faulted andgood. I thought what the twelve step said is that you carry the message. That's what I thought about. That's what I thought that. The twelvestep said that you carry the message. So if you go out and drink, if somebody goes out and drink home, I must have done something wrong withthe meaning you say sober. Oh, I said something, you know,and I learned. I said, I said, you know, II just did the worst meeting in alcoholics anonymous and I and and this guycomes up to me and tells me he's sober now because he heard something Isaid that I didn't say. And I mean it's hard to take credit forthis shit, you know. And and and I said, and I said, and I said. And here's what happens. He says I went upthere and I did probably the worst meeting and alcoholics anonymous history. But itwas the best meaning I could do that night. And I said chicken onthe roof. And if float across the room, chicken on the roof,chicken on the group, who the hell knows what the other people are hearing, chicken out of and it got to where that guy is and it,chicken on the roof, went into his ear and God does who God doesbest, and knew this guy needed to hear Turk in the basement or somethinglike that, or chicken. Who knows what I said and when, buthe heard what he needed to hear and I got the credit for it,you know what I mean. And and then I realized that it doesn't sayI carry the message, because I don't carry the message. God cards itsays. It says we try to carry the message, and all I haveto do is the best job I can do that this could be like thelousest being you've emban. This could be the best one I could do tonight. You know, I'm not responsible for what you hear what's going on here, and some guys going to hear the third step, some guy's not goingto hear anything at all and whatever it is. But I'm going to justdo the best job I can and it's going to have something to do withthe Thursday. It's gonna have something to do with God and commitment and stufflike that. So I'm going now. One of the problems is how manypeople here under fifty? Raise your hand, under fifty. I see. See, that's the problem. That's a problem. and well, it's nota problem for you. Let me you know. You know what happens whenyou're talking to a group with a lot of people, and in my age, I'm seven, and so there's a lot of people that are much youngerthan me, and because what happens is a lot of things that I didgrowing up when I was ten years old, fifteen years old, twenty years old, thirty, the shows I watched and things like that. If youguys have never heard of you understand. And so, like thirty years agoor twenty years ago and I was doing the steps and I'd say, youknow, it's like that TV show so and so. Everybody was, oh, yeah, it is. Now, if I say the TV show,nobody knows what I'm talking about, you know. But I used to sayI told the story like twenty years. I haven't told him like ten years, eleven years. But but when I came day a my sponsor said thisGod thing is very, very, very very mysterious. Here's the problem.As an alcoholic in the way I am, I really want to understand why thingsare the way they are. I'll drive myself crazy trying to figure outwhy I'm an alcoholic or why people drink. I guess why it is. Thisidea of doing shit because you're told to do shit but not understanding whyyou have to do shit is Farig into me. You understand what I'm saying? I don't like doing things unless it's explain to me. So I understandit. And the concept of faith,...

Faia, is a concept where youbelieve in things but you take them on faith. In other words, youaccept things on faith because it's work from it, from for others and youdo them even though you may not even necessarily believe in them. Do youwant something very hard concept for an alcoholic? You know, because they want tosay things like why? Why should I do that? Why can't Idate that girl? Why they want to do why? They don't want tofollow instructions, you know, and I don't know why some alcoholics can endup finally doing it and some can't. But I think it has something todo with desperation. It says, why all this insistence on hitting bottom?See, here we are in the first step, because no alcoholic is goingto do this stuff. Why do I have to get on my knees?Why do I say the third step, prayer? Why does this a doing? God? You know? Why? Why? Why? Well, becauseyou got to do it. That's as good as you're going to get,you know. And the bottom line is that we insist you hit bottom,because you're not going to do it unless you had bottom. Just not goingto do it. You're going to keep on doing what you going to dobecause you're addicted to do it what you want to do. So the thirdstep sort of like a mystery. But but here's the deal. What what? What? I think. I think one thing that is helpful is tonot be confused. I think at least if you're not confused, it's helpful. There's a lot of things that can clear up confusion. For instance,I go I go up to what's your name? I go to Richard witha revolver. I say, Richard, I need you to get down yourknees. He goes why? I pull this trigger, I blow his brainsout. I go up to Michael, I say get down your knees.He fucking gets down at his knees. I don't have to pick up therevolver. There are some things that alcoholics will do quickly without asking, eventhough they don't necessarily believe they should have to do it. You understand sayingso. One of the things that they got. Holts do shit for theirown good, where you don't have to spend a lot of time, likethree hours, saying why they should do it and then wind up and fuckingAlan on. You know what I mean? Is Fear, fear. Now I'msorry about the fear of thing. I'm sorry, I wish we coulddo this. Would love, you know what I mean, and just tryto take you on the side and spend eighteen years try and explain to youwhy you should do things. But sometimes you just have to get an alcoholin a position where they're scared to say no. They just do it outof they just do it because they're told to do it very hard when thechief characteristic is the fine. So the first thing of what one of thethings I'd like to get across is that I believe, based on what I'veseen and what I believe the book says and what I believe Aa is about, is about doing certain things without question. Whether you understand it or not.You understand I'm saying. You know, because if you think that this wiggleroom, if you think, if you think this really is kind ofthing, like do it anyway you want. You know, you have your programI have my program there's a million different programs. It's towing people inhere is tingly different program if you really believe that, because because you readsomething in the book and it sort of tells you, you know that thatstuff about. You know, apppend, it's two and that crap. Youknow that whatever you want to believe in, want to believe the doorknobs God,who gives a shit, you know, and all that stuff. Now Iknow there's a bunch of people in here, whatever it is, willsay, well, that's bullshit that. I don't care what they say.The bottom line is there are there are there are rules and how you dothis and nobody gets away with anything. I watched them in here and there'ssobriety and then there's sobriety. You know, everybody stops streaming their sobriety in theirsobriety. And I watched the deal and there are consequences to what youchoose to believe. You may stay so for thirty years, you're not goingto have the same thing that they had. You know, you know, havesense. If you want what we have and you willing to go toany length to get it, then you willing to take certain steps. Really, have you seen person fail who was thoroughly done done what we did?They did certain things in the past that they don't do now in AA.They did things and they read things, they believe things in the first fouryears of AA and in the first ten years of a that they do notteach in Aa today. And as a result of that you have a lotof people coming day a that say so period of time and then they drink. As result of that, you have a lot of people come day aand staying in a because it's because it's less painful and it's non confrontational andit's also a lovely Dubby, you know...

...what I mean, and you cando it anyway you want to do it, and after ten years you're popping pillsor they're miserable. You know what I mean, because they're not.So they don't have motion sprit, because they're not being rocking in the fourthdimension existence, because they're not experience so much of heaven and they think they'rein recovery. And what they're doing is they're doing a a like because,unfortunately or fortunately for us. Fortunately for us, they wrote some materials downin the book in One thousand nine hundred and thirty nine and a little bitafterwards, where they sit down with the program was, and they were veryclear about it. You know, it was a different time and a differentdeal and they're there and you can read it and you can decide for yourself, if you're honest, what's going on with this deal. So what doyou do it? When you first came in and you later eat coming later, it's a whole different deal. But I just want to read a couplehit a couple of high points regarding this God thing and this decision thing andthis this thoroughly and what they were talking about in here. So it saysrarely a one of the things that says, see to it, that you're whatis it? Your relationship? The last the last page, maybe inthe twelve and twelve, where they see you do it, that your relationshipwith him. Last piagraph seed with that. Your relationship with him is right,and great events will come to past real and countless others, which ismerely what they've been saying throughout the entire book. Well, the last paragraphhere abandoned yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to himand to your fellows clear away. The records will you passed. You're freely. What you find, join us will show up. The shall be withyou, with the fellowship of the spirit, which actually comes out of one ofPaul's letters, fellowship of the Holy Spirit, and you will surely meetsome of us as you trudge the road a happy destiny. They God blessyou and keep you until then, or when Dr Bob wrote in Dr Bob'snightmare. If you're an atheist agnostic, I have some sort of intellectual pridethat keeps you from doing what we're trying to do in this book. Ifeel sorry for you. You're heavenly father, when that to let you down.I mean, these guys did not fuck around. And your alcoholics aren'tyou, because I know sometimes you have to excuse me. Sometimes I speakhow key, sometimes I don't speak churchy. I can church up if I'm inchurch, but sometimes I just speak Hawkey, because some alcoholics they onlythe truth is, they really don't understand anything truthfully, unless you speak tothem in Alkey, in their native language. You know, we're all nice inhere, but you go out the door and somebody cut you off andsay fuck you. You know, I mean you, you just and it'snot because you're Chris, it's just because that's the way you speak. Andif somebody speaks to you about like that, you say you understand what they're saying. You just understand it better. You understand the feelings behind you,you know. And so the bottom line is is that's the deal. SoI want to I want to talk about this now. Let me tell youa story. So I've got to tell you the Leo Story. There's sowhen I was about eleven years sober. Now we're getting too sort of sortof eleven step stuff, but it's not eleven step stuff. Early it's firststep stuff, but it's really not first step stuff. It's really sort ofthird step stuff. You know. Well, it's something. I don't know you'lldecide so, but it's a true story. You know, it's coolwhen you get sober and you stay sobing, you do these things a while,everything that happens to you becomes the story. And the reason that becomesa story is because there's a spiritual aspect everything, because every time anything happensto you you see something spiritual in so you're it's like being in kind.It's like the whole world is your college class and you just watch things happening. They just sort to learn stuff by watching people, you know. Sowhen I was about ten or eleven years sober, I joined a church.I start going to a Bible study. Somebody TAPP down shoulders suggested it.I'm not going to go into it now. That's all other story. Maybe willget to eleven stuff I'll talk about. But I got in the big book. Happens to encourage church membership. You know, I mean it's alot. You know, it's not conference disapproved and Bill Wilson did and bobbinga lot of the other guys did it. So I joined this baby study andI start going there. This is like, what is it, twentyfive years ago, twenty nine years I'm still going there. I was arethis morning, every Thursday morning, thirty I I'm there, you know,and half the people would die. I and now we have a new peopleand everything like that. And saw I go to spobast and it's to say, it's just like an a meeting book with the Bible and you know,we should around. We talked that stuff, but in any event, so Iwas I would go to the Bible study. So right where I livedat that time, there was a a I don't know how much time Ihad, eleven, twelve, thirteen years there was. And I used toin my book in my car and I still do now. I used tocarry all these books. I have the...

...big book, the Twelve and twelve, you know, books all over the place and other different books. Let'sgoing to meetings and everything like that, and I'd have a couple of biblesand I had this big, huge Red Bible, huge it was read bigKing James Feel and I'd be on the dashboard and I was driving around andand by the way, I just want to say it just because this anyChristian people out there, don't use me to send example. I'm a badChristian now. I'm not ready for Primetime Christian. I'm like a sinner.You know what I mean. I mean I just say that just in caseyou're may be interested, but you don't want to go there because you thinkthe only people that are Christians are good Christians. There are bad Christians toI'm one of them. Okay. So so you can, you can bean idiot and stupid and horrible and still be a Christian. It's okay,you know, just come to me. I'll explain to how do you doit? Okay, but I don't want you to think because a lot ofpeople don't go to church because they think everybody's good, they'll look down onthem and they'll be stupid and they'll feel illities. Know we have groups ofCrazy Christians, you know what I mean. We all meet, you know,where they can't find us and it but anyway. So the bottom myself, I was driving to this I was driving to this sub right next tomy house was this dry cleaner and and I went and I had a driveand drive because you could drive and drop it a goose. So I drovein the dry cleaner and there was this kid there. It's like sixteen yearsold, the seventeen sixteen. And he comes out and he looks at me. I give my clothes are anything like that, and he says, andI can't do it, but he points this is he this is I don'tknow. I know you can't hear it. See this. He's pointing like he'snot pointing, like he's pointing like this with for pet fingers and hesays, I got one of those, and I'm looking to see where's pointingout my Bible. And I said what Bible? He says, yeah,I got one goes. I said Oh, I said, you ever read?He says yeah, yeah, I read it. I read it saysyou understand? He's well, I don't know. It's kind of hard done. Stays is. Well, you know, sometimes you need to do is youneed to go to bottle study and you know, so where you cantalk about it and tell other people about and stuff and stuff like that andexplains. You know, yeah, yeah, he says. So I said,what's your name? He says my name is Leo. I said I'lltable Leo. You see that house over there, because I can point tomy see that house all the way over there with that. He said Yeah, I said that's my house. I said every Thursday morning at thirty Igo to Bible study. If you get to my house at thirty this Thursdaymorning, I will take you to the bottom to study with me. Hesays, you'll tell me about it? I said absolutely, I'll tell youthe bottom. Say It's all. Hey, thanks a lot, I appreciate this. Is No problems. I'll give them and I leave. It waslike Tuesday, you know what I mean. I forgot all about it. It'sjust something I ran into, you know, deal and everything like that. You know, Friday carry a message or something like that, and somesixteen year old kid. And so Thursday morning I wake up, get readyto go to Bible study and I walk out at five in the morning andguess who's standing by my car? Leo and I had forgotten all about them. Then I saw him. That he's got a Bible in his hand.Everything. I said, Hey, buddy, how you know? He's a hey, get on it. So we drive over to the Bible studying.You gotta send these guys in the Bible study. They're all like seventy andeighty years old. My third sponsor and then Bible study had sixty two yearsrecovery. Is Baptist creatures, sixteen years and a recovery. And you gotsober in the church. And these guys are like in there, you know, sixty s and s. You know, I'm seven years old now. Igo to you know, and S. I mean these guys dieing bibles.I mean literally. You know what happened to friend. He's dead.You know, they go to Bible study until they die and then there withthe Lord. You know what I mean? And Its friends with the Lord.You know, you pray for him and that's say. We go on. Okay, next chapter and Lety just move on, you know, becausewe're happy, because you know, that's old thing. That's all deal about, the Christian thing. People die. Are Actually happy because nobody's good.It's good news, but it an't. I'M NOT gonna go into that.But in anyway. So, so what happened is, so I taken theBible Study and this is sixteen year old kid and the youngest guy, Ithink I'm the youngest guy next to him, and I'm like fifty, you knowwhat I mean. And and so they love seeing. It's like rawmeat and they so it's going around the room. They're talking about something,everything, and he says one thing at the end. He says this.He says I think Jesus was an alien. Now I'm days of I belong toa very conservative church. This is not Lucy Goosey, you know whatI mean. And you know they said to him, you know, likethis they said. They said yeah, kid, hey, keep coming back. They said the same thing we say in here, you know, becauseyou know they love people. And they said keep coming back, and isgood. So driving to watch this. So what do you? What doyou think when he says I'd you like you se Yass. What do youall they loved your kid, they love...

...you and everything. You were great. So John Make says, would you do me a favor? Instead ofdrop me off, could you drop me off at my house? So Isaid sure. So I said how don't how do I how do you do? Is as well drive back to your house. So I drove back,come to my house and he says, but instead of stopping your house,go go down the street. So I went down the street. He saidthen make a ride and then a right, he said, to make a laughand going Ryan Ren my seven or eight nine minutes later, about eightmonths, six miles away, whatever it was, five miles away, hesays, okay, that's my place over there. So in the meantime I'mlike talking to him and I find out a little bit about him and Ifind out he's like sixteen a half or seventeen and he's young kid, doesn'thave a father, he's got a single mother, is mother's single mother,and she's also raceeing a little three year old who from a different father.You know, one of those kind of things. He's just a it's justa good sixteen year old kid trying to figure out what the hell he's doingon the planet, you know what I mean? And and that's it.You know what I mean. It's just a good kid trying to figure out, sixteen years old, what the Hell Am I here? And you know, with a with the single mother, and so I go to drop andwatch. So I asked him. I said I said, how'd you getto my house, you know, seven o'clock in the morning? And itturns out what happened was he woke up at three o'clock, three am,showered, got his Bible and he walked the six miles for my house tomake sure it was there before seven because he didn't want to miss me.And so people in a a asked me. So what do you got to do? Is Stay, stay sober. You know, thirty nine years youwill rarely meet a Leo in Alcoholics and Leo's do very well out and alcoholicsanonymous. I don't even know how you manage your facture of Leo. Idon't know how you make a Leo. I don't know how to do Leo, you know what I mean. I'd like to believe that I'm like Leo. I came to at three o'clock the morning or to recovery, three o'clockthe morning on the se twenty five night to any when I got on myknees game of life, the Lord, you know what I mean. AndI'm a Jewish dead from New York, but I started doing really crazy assthings out of total desperation because I just would do anything to get out ofthe gym I was in. I didn't give. I wasn't one of theseguys that said if they talk to me about God, you know, youhear guys are said, well, they're talking to about got I'd be outof the room. That wasn't me. They you could have. You couldn'ta blow me out of the room with a bazooka. You know, Imean, I had no place to go. You know, I'm just lucky thatdidn't fall to a place where they were doing human sacrifice or schacrise andchickens. You know, I'm just glad the heck the Christians didn't coming toget me. You know, I'd be down the airport right now with atambourine, you know. Yeah, when I came to my sponsor said,he said, he said Russell, many are called a few or chosen.It's a now road. If you find it, run highwaymen, you gothere least to death. Now our road. It's an hour road if you findthem. They did a statistical study, now this is many years ago,on the work came from. I can't give you the site, butthey said. One half of one percent of people to come day stay somore than twenty years, and they may die for different reasons than a lotof people say so, but they're not rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. That thing ain't going on. So so in an event. So letme real skip, real fast to the the end, the end deal onthis. You know because you know how many places there are in the bigbook. They talked about God in the twelve and twelven out to go that. But I want to I want to skip to the end and tell yousome some deal. The big book was written in Nineteen Thirty Nine, andwe've done this before, but I was fairs repeied a started in nineteen thirtyfive. It said, really, I've seen a person fail who has thoroughlyfollowed our path. You do what we did, you'll get what we got, what they got. The got rocking the Fourth Dimension Existence. The greatfact was this and nothing less. To Make God the simfral fact of yourlife. Whatever reason, the God deal was like the number one, themost one hundercent important thing. How you take people that want to say goscrew yourself or I'm not going to do that. You got my how youtake alcoholics like that, people like that, to find people and turn them intopeople that will just follow directions and do what the hell they're supposed todo without question. I don't know. They may have to be born thatway, they may have to be like Leo, they may have to bebeating. I don't know how that happens. You know what I mean? Idon't like to point to anybody say that guy's not going to make themor that's guy's going to make some of the crazy, just lackiest, youknow. You know, headstrong people end up making it and and some ofthe people that think got to make it...

...don't make it. But I knowthe people that I respect in there, that I ask to be my sponsors, they all ended up like Leo, all ended up likely on the peoplethought this thing, you know, didn't make it or certainly didn't have anythingI wanted. So, in any event, in nineteen and they wrote a bookcalled Dr Bottom of good old timers and with Dr got bought and,as you know, they say really have seen person fails. Slowly followed ourpath and their path is laid out. What they actually did. The onething they didn't do is they can read the big book. I'm not puttingdown the big book, I'm just telling day to read the big book.The books they found absolutely essential, according absolutely, this is the words theyused, absolutely essential, were first corinth in thirteen something on the mountain,the book of James. We're almost called the James Stuff. So I wantto I want to read something to you. I want to tell you what theywere doing. So next time you hear about the third step, youknow where it says you get down on your knees and you say this prayerand they suggest a prayer and and I want, I want, I wantto read you something. I want to read you something about what what Aawas about between you know when they say really, I haven't seen a personvail who was thoroughly off followed our path. I want to. I wanted totell you what the pant is in alcoholics anonymous, because some of youthink that this is the path. Some of you think that going to thismeeting is what AA is about. And well, this is what a's aboutin the year two thousand and eighteen, two thousand and twenty whatever. Butno, this is Aa in two thousand and twenty. But this isn't thea they were talking about when they said rarely had ever seen a person failwas thoroughly followed up path. Let me tell you what a look like innineteen, thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight and thirtynine, when they wrote the Big Book. And maybe I want you to rememberthis because next time you hear these words rarely haven't seen a person failwho has thoroughly followed our path, maybe you'll remember this. This is fromDr Bob and the good old timers. On the other hand, we weretaking them upstairs and getting them on their knees to surrender, which I feltwas a very important part. The surrender was more than important. That wasa must. Bobby, who came in DA and February of one thou ninehundred thirty seven, we called that after five or six days in the hospital, when you had indicated that you were serious, they told you to getdown on your knees by the hospital bed and say a prayer to God andmaybe your palace, over alcohol and your life was unmanageable. Furthermore, youhad the state that you believed in a higher power would return you to sanity. There you can see the beginning of the twelve steps he said. Wecall that the surrender. They demanded it. You couldn't go to a meeting untilyou did it. You couldn't go to a meeting until you did it. If, by accident, you didn't make it in the hospital, youhad to make it in the upstairs bedroom over the Williamson's house. Dorothy Samrecalled the one thousand nine hundred and thirty seven meetings when the men would alldisappear upstairs and all of us women would be nervous and worried about what wasgoing on. After about a half an hour or so, down would comethe new man, shaking white, serious and grim, and all the peoplewho were already in a would come trooping down after him. They were prettyreluctant to talk about what had happened, but after a while they would tellus they had a real surrender. I often wonder how many people that comein now would survive and experience like that a regular old fashioned prayer meeting.That's you know, when you say really have seen the fellows third thought,that's what they're talking about. That's what they were doing. Don't, don't, don't mistake if you're doing now with what the if you're wondering how comeyou're not being rocking in the fourth dimension of existence? You're not experience that? Don't don't think for one second you're doing anything close to what they weredoing back then, with the fervent attitude they had. You know, theywas serious as a heart attack. You didn't have you know something then.You didn't hear things like well, if they told me to do that,I wouldn't be here because those guys weren't there. They where were they?They were out there drinking until they got to the point where they were willingto do that. Now, I don't know. I don't know about you, but I'll but the I'll bet the meetings were pretty they must have beenpretty interesting meetings. Dr Bob, when he went to get to a twelvestep. Some of you guys say. Well, you might say, well, if my sponsor can only be Dr Smith or but can match up BillWilson Man, I'd be able to do something you think you'd like. DrBob, is your sponsor? The Guy who said that you're an atheist,agnostic or of some sort of intellectual pride?...

I feel sorry for you. Sothis is how Dr Bob According to Clarence Snyder, was number five orsix. Then Aa to the Cleveland Group. This is how Clarence Snyder Talt.This is what he said was his experience with Dr Bob Doing the duringdoing getting his first step when talked about came to twelve stepping doc came in, that's Dr Bob, later and looked over. He sat on the edgeof my dad and said, well, what do you think of all this? To me? Then he paused and he looked at me doubtfully. Hesaid, I don't know if you're ready yet. You're kind of young.I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, no job, no clothesand no money. I didn't know how much more read the I could berecalled clarence. Still, I had to convince them I was ready. Ihad to convince them I was ready. Now we run after them, beggingthem to be ready. Then he asked, this is the first question Dr Bobasks the first question. The founder, the Cobal Parga ask them do youbelieve in God? Young fellow, you know, if you ask thatto somebody in here, you know they'd say you're going to scare away newcomers. They just didn't give a shit. They weren't scared away newcomers. Theywere getting they were pruning the trees and what they were doing is they werefinding people who were serious. You know, really, I'm you know. Youknow it says, says, if you want we have and you willwe go to in length to get then you ready to take certain steps.Let me tell you something. It's so easy to get to Ay these days. It's all in the place. You know there, and I'm not lookingto change a the way it is right now. They come in here readyand they come in here not ready. You understand what I'm saying. Theycome in here ready and they come there are people that come in here andthey want we have. There are people that come in here and want whatthey had. They're people that come in what will we have? But they'renot will we go anyway to get there? Put the come in here and they'relike Leo, they'll walk the six miles. You know what I mean, and there's nothing you're going to say or do that's necessarily going to changethat. You know, maybe you know, just like the chicken on the route. You know, God will danger it or something. This is whathe says. Do you believe in God? Young Fellow? He always, alwayscalled the young fellow. When he called me clowns end, I wasin trouble. Then Clarence says, you're ready. The true I plays iswhat does that have to do with it? Do you believe we got? Whatdoes that have to do with it? And this is what Dr Bob says. Everything, one word. Everything. Let that sinking everything. You whenyou're telling new coming, you know it's say don't worry about it.You say don't worry about the God thing. You don't have to worry about don'tworry about that. It's not really that important. He says everything.I guess. I do guess nothing. Either you do or you don't.Yes, I do, that's fine. Dr Body flied. Now we're gettingsomeplace. All Right, get out of the bed, your hospital bed,and on your knees. We're going to pray. I don't know how topray. I guess that you don't, but that's all right. Just followwhat I say and that will do for now. I did what I wasordered to do. Clarence said there was no suggestion. Dr Bob was alwayspositive about his faith. Clarence said, if someone asked him a question aboutthe program his usual response was what is it say in the good book?Suppose he was asked what's all this? First things first, ball would beready with the appropriate quotation. Seek first, the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. So you didn'tknow that that first things, first thing that you say, but shorthand fora seeky first, Kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you. You see, when you start really really reading this thing and getting intoit, you start stripping away and you start realizing with the program recovery isreally a bad you understand, you start seeing, you start learning things.That's all. you start learning different things and understanding why people slip, understandwhy people are unhappy, AA, why they get the focused and they getcarried away by the world and the worldly clamors and stuff like that. NowI'm just going to end in one thing, because I know want a little bitover. This is what I like, not so much the mystery. Thisis where we sort of talk about. Well, it's sort of like connectionwith the city I am. I did the third step. I can'ttell you what that three months of course not Nott. So I got downon my knees and I said the prayer and, you know, took allof ten seconds or whatever it takes to do it, and then I gotup and I don't know whether I was see, I hate to say itthis way, so I maybe I don't mean it. The third step isnot the deal. There was something about...

...doing the third step that's important.It's important, but it's not the deal. I'm more or less think the sixstep is the deal. But that's because that's where the real third stephappens, because you could actually get down on your knees and say the thirdstep prayer and then get up and just, I don't know, horrible or aroundfor about twenty years or something like that, a group round or itdoesn't do, you know. But but what the first step with the thirdstep was for me is once I did that. Now I quite frank thathad already done it, remember, in my living room about a month beforethat. But but once I did that, once I made that decision and saidthose words, okay, it made it easier to make that decision tosay the our father. It made easier to say the serenity prayer it madeeasier to to say the Serendy pray every day. It made it easier tomake that decision every day, sometimes three or four times a day, sometimesfive or six times a day. Sometimes anytime something happened that pissed me off, I would it made easier to turn to God and say the serenity prayer, in the serenity prayer and the surerenning prayer. I if you ask mehow many times I prayed or I said the serenity prayer or I guess Godself or say God help me not to drink today, between my first daysober and when I took my six step, you know whatever that was. Youknow it would probably numbered in the thousands, in the thousands. Ifyou ask me today how many times I make a decision for God. Idon't have to be in an a room or Bible, study anything, drivingand that. It's my whole life. All I do is think about that. So I think so. I don't know that the third step. Idon't know. I'm not saying you could put a fork in it, thatyou do third step and you're done, but I think the third step putme on the road, on a different road, on the narrow highway onthe road of becoming a believer, where and anybody who does the third stepis at least stepping on that road. Now there's some people that step onthat road. You know that highway, and you get off on the firstexit. You know what I mean. Blonde with Blue Eyes, you know, you go down the road and says lots of money. You know whatI mean. You Got Strip club, you know what I mean. Sometimesyou get on that road, you know that narrow highway, you just getoff on the exit. But I know this, I should say I knowthis, I suggest this. If you can't even do that, if youmake a conscious decision no, I'm not going to do that. I'm notgoing to do that. Okay, chance is you certainly not to be ableto do the six step. You're certainly not to be able to completely giveyour life and everything in your life over to that deal. And you're probablynot. Probably not, I think, quart the big book. If you'renot going to thoroughly do this thing, you certainly not going to make yourcreative the central fact of your life and be absolutely certain that he lives inyour hearts and minds in a way which is de Miraculous and you're not goingto therefore get, you know that that we rocket in the fourth dimension ofexistence and experience wonder of Heaven. To me, it's just almost linear.It's so it's so clear. It's a logical of what you have to doand what you have to become in order to do that. Are Is itgoing to happen overnight? No, it ain't going to happen overnight. It'sgoing to take years. It's it's something like the six step. It's repeatedfor a lifetime, you know. But you're giving a choice early on.There's two roads. There's the Road of atheism and the road is a roadof atheism, and there's the road of agnosticism and the road of not God, and then there's a road of everything. Everything, God is everything. There'stwo roads and you're giving a chance at the beginning to choose which roadyou're going to go on. And yet you have to understand in the fellowshipof Alcoholics, and it's not the program both individuals are absolutely welcome to behere. You're in a clut. You know, when I went to school, you know, if I took you know, if, if, ifI took out I take Algebra before trigonometry and then anatolitical geometry before calculus orcagulous on manifolds, and then I can I just each you had you hadthese prerequisite you have, you had to take, you would have a classroom. All the eighth graders are in one class, the ninth grades were anotherclass, the first graders were in another class. You know, the tengrades were in another class. In this deal, one giant classroom. Youunderstand. You got the the twelveth grades, The ten graders, the the guysthat are postgraduate, you got the people, you got the believers,you got the nonbelievers. They're all the...

...same deal. But just because we'reall the same fellowship, we're all the same deal, we're not all doingthe same deal. We're not all doing what they're we're not. We're notall doing this thing thoroughly the way they were talking about in the big bookof Alcoholics. honess and the great thing is this is not a trust rehearsal. This is your life. It's not like an e you know, eightyyears old g you know, maybe I should have tried it that way.Russell was talking about you know, and screw that up. Yes, foryou know, you might want to consider reading Dr Lot of gold in thebig book and make it a decision. You know what I mean. Idon't know that's going to change anybody's mind, but at least you'll never be ableto it. Don't be. Don't be saying ten years now, ifyou don't do it and you wanted them drinking again or feeling crap about don'tbe saying, well, I wish somebody had told me this, not onyou know, they never told me this. And how I never heard this inalcohol. Yet that was that one guy, but he was crazy.It was crazy, the crazy Christian. Okay, thank you very much.All right,.

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