AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 14 · 2 years ago

Russell S - Seeking Leos @ Life Is Good Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Well, everyone, you're in for a tree tonight. We've we've been on a round ride Disney world. It would caught. You need ticket for this, but anybody remembers you need to be take it is any ticket ride tonight. And I'd like to introduce the guy who's going to give you the ride, and that's Russell. Come on, Russell, I have a big book. Yeah, yeah, Ley, let me let me just wear laughs and giggles and okay, boy, old age, it's not for SISTANS. I'll say you. So, my name's Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic. Guys, how are you doing? Everything wonderful. Oh well, so I haven't got a necessary of drink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one. So I just I just celebrate my thirty night. I made it, thirty nine years. made it. You have not. Now. The truth is I've been telling people, laugh, thirty nine years since June. I mean I'm going to tell him I have. I I think after a certain number of years you're allowed to round up. What's the point? I mean, who's gonna you know? And and so I'm not actually telling people I have thirty nine years because because I've got because I really do, I have that. That's like in the bag. Nobody's gonna able to take that away from it, you know. So what I think, what I'm going to do is it from not and introduce myself, and I checked out this out with my group because I want to be honest. I'm going to say I'm working on forty. I'm working on it's the truth, isn't it? Paul? I'm working I'm working on. I'm not about thirty nine. I'm working on my forty year. Okay, I am into my forty year. I like your thinking. I like your thinking. You know, don't you think that sounds better? Maybe a little more respect? I don't know. You know. So I'm going to read a couple things and do a couple things. This is the third time I'm here. Most people think it. I'm going to be on the third step. I'm going to start of do thir. You know, one of the things that happen is, you know, after you've been doing this for a lot of at least after I've been doing this for a lot of years, what I found is, you know, when I first game to alcoholics anonymous, I it's really mysterious. You know, the first few meetings you don't even know what they're talking about and they have their own leano, like turning it over and four steps. Say you don't know what you're tell about. It said, when you finally start learning what you're talking about, it's the whole step thing is mysterious. And how do you do it? I spent a month. I I stalled on the fourth step. And when this is true or not, I told myself to ree. Reason I didn't do it is because I didn't understand how you could. I didn't. I didn't know. I mean, how do you do it? I mean, you know, after I got desperate enough, I opened the book. I noticed it was a chart. But I mean, you know, I made you. I was going for my phd and a's very topology and I and I'm a lawyer, you know, and I'm not stupid and I'm sitting there from us. I said, how do you do this? How do you do this thing? You know, and starts, you know, just follow paint by numbers, you know, and and so it's all mysterious. But you know, after you do it once and then twice in six times, tenzero times, Eightyzero Times. It's when you know, what happens is you stopped with the Oh, I think I just did a third step. Oh, I did it four, so I'm doing another ten stuff with it. You stop with that and becomes sort of like it's like what is it? Wax On, wax off sort of thing, you know, become so natural that you just you'll live in the steps. You know I'm doing the steps, you're like living them. You live in the steps. You know you screw up with you screw up and do something stupid. Say I'm sorry, everything wrong. You don't think. You don't even think, Oh, I just did a tense step. You know, you don't think. I just say I'm sorry, I'm wrong. You know, I mean, you do see. I mean you just live the steps, which is a lot easier, because then you don't have to like force yourself to do it, because they brainwashed you enough. That's it's all my sponsor sis you're doing here. Brainwashing amazing. Well, maybe your brains washing, you know, and and so you just start doing the steps sort of automatically. But then we used to point in time where where you don't even think of your life or what's going on in terms of the steps, because you start seeing how step three is connected with step four and how we...

...each step, you know, propelision to the next step. The only thing that holds you back as your alcoholism, and you start really getting a real good picture of what alcoholism really looks like, at least what I the picture I have right now. I mean, if I'm able leave ten years from now, I mean I'll probably have a different picture, but you start, you start getting a better bet where you stink alcoholism had to do with drinking and you realize alcoholism has to do with just the way you look at people and the way you perceived. I mean you just it and you get to a certain point. You know, a ten years you're pretty much think you know what alcoholism is all about, what looks like and it feels like and how to get rid of it and blah, blah, blah, and then by the time you have twenty years you look like that. I don't know Shit. At ten years, you know what I mean, and you just because you just learn more and more and you put pieces together and you have these epiphanies and things happen and then some world and it actually gets simpler and simpler and simple and not more complicated and sort of like you know, at least it maybe it gets simpler. And and so what happened is you, at least I I keep on saying you. I said I should mean me. You know I mean, don't get a fence. Just don't take a fence. If you think I'm trying to put words in your mouth or anything, but I mean, you know, you get to the point where when you look at this program and you look at the steps and you look at everything, you just see all these connections between the third and the sixth and the seventh and and so when you start, when you go to go to a meeting, you have to talk about this stuff. What I found is that about, you know, five or six or seven years ago, around that time, when I would go, and I know I used the number of myself doing step three and step for that, when I'd start talking about step three, I would somehow start going into something about step seven and step and step six and then somehow I'd wind up on step eleven and then I would wind up on step four and I was going all over the place and it wasn't that it was, you know, it wasn't that. I wasn't talking about step three. Step three was all three. There's not that step threes. In every step I do you'll see God in there, because God is throughout this book, no matter what stuff you're talking about, which has to do with step three. You know and that God exists and God is God either it. That's right. In Chapter Agnostics, before they can get into this, that it says God in the Risor isn't? What's your decision going to be? MIRACLEA for morals, better philosophy of life? You know, God. This is these a takes a stand as far as atheism do. Let Atheist and a shure. The levenxus an a shore is A. is alcoholics, anonymous, promoting or or agrees with atheism? DANSWER is no. I'm sorry. The answers no. They wrote a chapter of the book on it's called Chapter. They wrote a chapter in the chapters, a chapter to the agnostics. They say the sort of thinking has to be abandoned, which I don't think is like we like this. You know what I mean. It's you know, you go through the whole thing. You can be dishonest about it. You know you can. You know you can dis honestly, sort of small slant in any way you want. Now he's going to kick you out on close meeting, you know. But the bottom line is that's I go along with what the book says. The book says the deal is. So what happens if you start seeing all these connections? So somewhere along the line I stopped worrying about I might do a step three. Am I doing step six, I'm doing step ten, I just you know, whatever the Lord l at least we talked about whatever the God. My understand it feels that I just talked about it. Just talk about it and we go where it goes. Where it goes, you know, and that's the deal. So I'm going to I have a couple stories I want to tell you. I want to read a couple things, one from big walk in, a couple things with talked about and the good old times, which I highly recommend to here. Okay, and I'm a couple of things. So so this is going to be. It's good. If, like if I had a wearing blender right now, blender, I would throw in step three, step six, at seven, step eleven, maybe step one, maybe a few other steps, you know, like a little bit of this, a little bit of that, and I just whizz it up, you know, and mean and that's what we be draged tonight. So you know, you're going to hear some people are going to see here six or seven, you're going to hear whatever. It doesn't matter what I'm talking about. It has nothing with what I say, and that's do what you hear, right, you know. So that's I learned that a long time ago. I I'll try to show it in a long story. But the tricken, how people have heard the chicken on the roof story. Well, I learned this a long time ago. You know, we have I was doing a meeting what not about thirty six years ago, thirty five years ago, was doing I mean in the homestead group step me when I first start doing these things, and I would I think, I'm not sure what stuff I'm on, it doesn't matter. I was on a some step and and it was a group and I was doing the meeting and it was the worst day meeting in the history aboutoholics, anonymous, and trust me, it was bad. And and the reason it was bad it's because, you know how I have mentioned, I do mention, I do what every I mentioned from time to time that fear people's a big thing without coholics. You know, I used to say things. I don't give a crap one of the people think about me. You know, and you know that whole thing about it. If, if you ever said, if you ever think I'm getting you a get, you don't give a crap one of the people think about you, you obviously care about what other people think about you, because you really didn't get probably of people think about you. wouldnt say I don't. You know that deal well I I you know that I don't give a crap what other people think...

...about me and that worried about what people think about you. And we're about being judged. Everything that does. That's part of alcoholism. That's a what's until not AOL steps out Pholos and olds consequences, is surprised to be precarious and the first step and and and happiness will loose them and and and the first step getting out of Gail was knowing you're in jail in the first place. So what happens is you work on the drinking but you have really no idea about the other stuff and they tell you're selfish and yourself centered. But you don't really know where you're selfish and self centered until it's pointed out to you by life or by your sponsor. You know, and I used to sit. I know its hard to leave. I used to say nothing. Today that sit quietly day means, I would say. I think I listened to other people and but then my sponsor pulled me on the side, to the side and said, you know, I noticed you don't say anything. You don't share in his I said, well, but I don't know anything important to say. And he said, he said, you know something, you're selfish. At your selfish, because I'm not sure, you know, I thought I was like humble, and well, one of us was right. I don't know. I thought I was humble. He said your selfish, you says. He says. You know, these people come in here and they share everything that's on their mind and they become transparent and they open and it's partially to tell what's going on with them, but also it's because they're thinking maybe if I say something, it might help somebody, and you selfishly just sit there and you just you just some sort of boy. You are you just taking everything they say and and you don't and you don't give anything back, he says. I mean, who the hell are you to say that? What you have to say is it's not interesting or isn't important. He says, you know some you're all taken. No good, no GAM you're selfish, and he's it's like slapping me across the face. You know, I don't think I didn't anything wrong, and all the time I start feeling guilt being such you knowing, you know, and so of course I start sharing and the rest is a history. You know, having up with shut me up. So so you know, what happens is you learn a lot of stuff. You know, you got a lot of old ideas which are, you know, wrong or incorrect. You start operating differently. So, in any event, I can remember what I was talking about. is about to tell you a story. Check it on room. So I did this very good. Thank you, guys. It's the dementia. Don't worry about it's but so I did this talk at this room, and nobody they they they weren't like you. They weren't kind to me. They were nice to me, I know they you think they give me like a little mercy laugh every once in a while. You know, just like you know, they were just it was like an oil painting and they were just staring at me and I know it was the worst things in the history of they stare aboard. So I left and as I'm driving home, you know, I'm thinking about what they're thinking about me, because I know they're thinking about me and that's not they're calling up their friends, they're saying things like I just went to the worst day even in the history of many kind and yeah, it Sky Russell. You know him is from the pillion pines groups. I'm like that. And my reputation, whatever there was, is ruined aday across the country, because whatever happens here immediately goes to Los Angeles, you know, and then and and so I'm thinking. And so the next thing I have in my mind, because I'm an alcoholic, is I'm not going back there because because we use. I'm just not because they hate me. You know what I mean? I'm going back, but here's the problem. And I'm an alcoholic. So believe if you're an alcoholic, you're an excuse a holiday. Oh, I like to make it back, but my mother, you know, is dying and you know, kill her off a couple of times, and you know I can. But I somehow knew that if I had committed to do the deal. So I knew if I didn't go back. This is what I thought because I had a very I had a horrible sponsor who screwed me up, and I thought that if I didn't go back, I might drink again. You believe that Shit? And can you believe that? Really at my sponsor tied everything into drinking. You got to body my drink again. You do this, might drink again. Keep on talking about those girls are going to drink at everything was tied into the drinking. Now I don't know whether that's right or wrong, but I know he convinced me because, you what am I doing? He's scared the crap out of me. So I knew if I didn't, if I didn't go back and I might drink again, because I don't know that he knew this, but I so much didn't want to drink that I would do anything. You know, I would do anything, as stupid as it sound, if I thought I might drink about didn't do it. You understand I'm saying so which, when you come to think of it, an AA is probably a pretty good attitude to have, you know, but I just had it. It was just a gift. I don't know. You know how I got that deal. And so I went back the next week to the worst a meeting I've ever done the history of mankind, and I think it's in the Guinness Book of World Records. Is the worst day. And and before I started the meeting, whatever I was going to do it on, some God comes up with me and he says, he says, my name is Joelian to...

...see. Says, I just want you to I'll see your last week. This is Oh, yeah, it's great, you know, and I was sitting back in them all rat he says. He says, you know, my wife left me last week and I lost my job and I know I was going to do it so good. I was going to go drink, but I decided to come to this meeting and I sounded back room. He says, you know, he says, you saved my life as you saved my life. I said, really, says yeah, he says, when you said chicken was on the roof, everything came together from me, the whole program. Now I'm thinking I'd never said the chicken was on the no, don't get me wrong. I said because I was talking some poultry there at a certain point, but I knew what he was talking about. But he got it all wrong. I said like the Turkey was in the basement. He got it wrong. You understand? You know, I didn't tell me got it wrong. So, Oh, yeah, atually on the roof, I we say that Shit. You know, I took credit for it. I mean I was I had three years, going into my fourth year, of him. But I learned something, you know, from that. You know what I learned from that? I used to think, you know, I'd go to meetings that say that if I talk somebody my drink or somebody drank, it's my faulted and good. I thought what the twelve step said is that you carry the message. That's what I thought about. That's what I thought that. The twelve step said that you carry the message. So if you go out and drink, if somebody goes out and drink home, I must have done something wrong with the meaning you say sober. Oh, I said something, you know, and I learned. I said, I said, you know, I I just did the worst meeting in alcoholics anonymous and I and and this guy comes up to me and tells me he's sober now because he heard something I said that I didn't say. And I mean it's hard to take credit for this shit, you know. And and and I said, and I said, and I said. And here's what happens. He says I went up there and I did probably the worst meeting and alcoholics anonymous history. But it was the best meaning I could do that night. And I said chicken on the roof. And if float across the room, chicken on the roof, chicken on the group, who the hell knows what the other people are hearing, chicken out of and it got to where that guy is and it, chicken on the roof, went into his ear and God does who God does best, and knew this guy needed to hear Turk in the basement or something like that, or chicken. Who knows what I said and when, but he heard what he needed to hear and I got the credit for it, you know what I mean. And and then I realized that it doesn't say I carry the message, because I don't carry the message. God cards it says. It says we try to carry the message, and all I have to do is the best job I can do that this could be like the lousest being you've emban. This could be the best one I could do tonight. You know, I'm not responsible for what you hear what's going on here, and some guys going to hear the third step, some guy's not going to hear anything at all and whatever it is. But I'm going to just do the best job I can and it's going to have something to do with the Thursday. It's gonna have something to do with God and commitment and stuff like that. So I'm going now. One of the problems is how many people here under fifty? Raise your hand, under fifty. I see. See, that's the problem. That's a problem. and well, it's not a problem for you. Let me you know. You know what happens when you're talking to a group with a lot of people, and in my age, I'm seven, and so there's a lot of people that are much younger than me, and because what happens is a lot of things that I did growing up when I was ten years old, fifteen years old, twenty years old, thirty, the shows I watched and things like that. If you guys have never heard of you understand. And so, like thirty years ago or twenty years ago and I was doing the steps and I'd say, you know, it's like that TV show so and so. Everybody was, oh, yeah, it is. Now, if I say the TV show, nobody knows what I'm talking about, you know. But I used to say I told the story like twenty years. I haven't told him like ten years, eleven years. But but when I came day a my sponsor said this God thing is very, very, very very mysterious. Here's the problem. As an alcoholic in the way I am, I really want to understand why things are the way they are. I'll drive myself crazy trying to figure out why I'm an alcoholic or why people drink. I guess why it is. This idea of doing shit because you're told to do shit but not understanding why you have to do shit is Farig into me. You understand what I'm saying? I don't like doing things unless it's explain to me. So I understand it. And the concept of faith,...

Faia, is a concept where you believe in things but you take them on faith. In other words, you accept things on faith because it's work from it, from for others and you do them even though you may not even necessarily believe in them. Do you want something very hard concept for an alcoholic? You know, because they want to say things like why? Why should I do that? Why can't I date that girl? Why they want to do why? They don't want to follow instructions, you know, and I don't know why some alcoholics can end up finally doing it and some can't. But I think it has something to do with desperation. It says, why all this insistence on hitting bottom? See, here we are in the first step, because no alcoholic is going to do this stuff. Why do I have to get on my knees? Why do I say the third step, prayer? Why does this a doing? God? You know? Why? Why? Why? Well, because you got to do it. That's as good as you're going to get, you know. And the bottom line is that we insist you hit bottom, because you're not going to do it unless you had bottom. Just not going to do it. You're going to keep on doing what you going to do because you're addicted to do it what you want to do. So the third step sort of like a mystery. But but here's the deal. What what? What? I think. I think one thing that is helpful is to not be confused. I think at least if you're not confused, it's helpful. There's a lot of things that can clear up confusion. For instance, I go I go up to what's your name? I go to Richard with a revolver. I say, Richard, I need you to get down your knees. He goes why? I pull this trigger, I blow his brains out. I go up to Michael, I say get down your knees. He fucking gets down at his knees. I don't have to pick up the revolver. There are some things that alcoholics will do quickly without asking, even though they don't necessarily believe they should have to do it. You understand saying so. One of the things that they got. Holts do shit for their own good, where you don't have to spend a lot of time, like three hours, saying why they should do it and then wind up and fucking Alan on. You know what I mean? Is Fear, fear. Now I'm sorry about the fear of thing. I'm sorry, I wish we could do this. Would love, you know what I mean, and just try to take you on the side and spend eighteen years try and explain to you why you should do things. But sometimes you just have to get an alcohol in a position where they're scared to say no. They just do it out of they just do it because they're told to do it very hard when the chief characteristic is the fine. So the first thing of what one of the things I'd like to get across is that I believe, based on what I've seen and what I believe the book says and what I believe Aa is about, is about doing certain things without question. Whether you understand it or not. You understand I'm saying. You know, because if you think that this wiggle room, if you think, if you think this really is kind of thing, like do it anyway you want. You know, you have your program I have my program there's a million different programs. It's towing people in here is tingly different program if you really believe that, because because you read something in the book and it sort of tells you, you know that that stuff about. You know, apppend, it's two and that crap. You know that whatever you want to believe in, want to believe the doorknobs God, who gives a shit, you know, and all that stuff. Now I know there's a bunch of people in here, whatever it is, will say, well, that's bullshit that. I don't care what they say. The bottom line is there are there are there are rules and how you do this and nobody gets away with anything. I watched them in here and there's sobriety and then there's sobriety. You know, everybody stops streaming their sobriety in their sobriety. And I watched the deal and there are consequences to what you choose to believe. You may stay so for thirty years, you're not going to have the same thing that they had. You know, you know, have sense. If you want what we have and you willing to go to any length to get it, then you willing to take certain steps. Really, have you seen person fail who was thoroughly done done what we did? They did certain things in the past that they don't do now in AA. They did things and they read things, they believe things in the first four years of AA and in the first ten years of a that they do not teach in Aa today. And as a result of that you have a lot of people coming day a that say so period of time and then they drink. As result of that, you have a lot of people come day a and staying in a because it's because it's less painful and it's non confrontational and it's also a lovely Dubby, you know...

...what I mean, and you can do it anyway you want to do it, and after ten years you're popping pills or they're miserable. You know what I mean, because they're not. So they don't have motion sprit, because they're not being rocking in the fourth dimension existence, because they're not experience so much of heaven and they think they're in recovery. And what they're doing is they're doing a a like because, unfortunately or fortunately for us. Fortunately for us, they wrote some materials down in the book in One thousand nine hundred and thirty nine and a little bit afterwards, where they sit down with the program was, and they were very clear about it. You know, it was a different time and a different deal and they're there and you can read it and you can decide for yourself, if you're honest, what's going on with this deal. So what do you do it? When you first came in and you later eat coming later, it's a whole different deal. But I just want to read a couple hit a couple of high points regarding this God thing and this decision thing and this this thoroughly and what they were talking about in here. So it says rarely a one of the things that says, see to it, that you're what is it? Your relationship? The last the last page, maybe in the twelve and twelve, where they see you do it, that your relationship with him. Last piagraph seed with that. Your relationship with him is right, and great events will come to past real and countless others, which is merely what they've been saying throughout the entire book. Well, the last paragraph here abandoned yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to him and to your fellows clear away. The records will you passed. You're freely. What you find, join us will show up. The shall be with you, with the fellowship of the spirit, which actually comes out of one of Paul's letters, fellowship of the Holy Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road a happy destiny. They God bless you and keep you until then, or when Dr Bob wrote in Dr Bob's nightmare. If you're an atheist agnostic, I have some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from doing what we're trying to do in this book. I feel sorry for you. You're heavenly father, when that to let you down. I mean, these guys did not fuck around. And your alcoholics aren't you, because I know sometimes you have to excuse me. Sometimes I speak how key, sometimes I don't speak churchy. I can church up if I'm in church, but sometimes I just speak Hawkey, because some alcoholics they only the truth is, they really don't understand anything truthfully, unless you speak to them in Alkey, in their native language. You know, we're all nice in here, but you go out the door and somebody cut you off and say fuck you. You know, I mean you, you just and it's not because you're Chris, it's just because that's the way you speak. And if somebody speaks to you about like that, you say you understand what they're saying. You just understand it better. You understand the feelings behind you, you know. And so the bottom line is is that's the deal. So I want to I want to talk about this now. Let me tell you a story. So I've got to tell you the Leo Story. There's so when I was about eleven years sober. Now we're getting too sort of sort of eleven step stuff, but it's not eleven step stuff. Early it's first step stuff, but it's really not first step stuff. It's really sort of third step stuff. You know. Well, it's something. I don't know you'll decide so, but it's a true story. You know, it's cool when you get sober and you stay sobing, you do these things a while, everything that happens to you becomes the story. And the reason that becomes a story is because there's a spiritual aspect everything, because every time anything happens to you you see something spiritual in so you're it's like being in kind. It's like the whole world is your college class and you just watch things happening. They just sort to learn stuff by watching people, you know. So when I was about ten or eleven years sober, I joined a church. I start going to a Bible study. Somebody TAPP down shoulders suggested it. I'm not going to go into it now. That's all other story. Maybe will get to eleven stuff I'll talk about. But I got in the big book. Happens to encourage church membership. You know, I mean it's a lot. You know, it's not conference disapproved and Bill Wilson did and bobbing a lot of the other guys did it. So I joined this baby study and I start going there. This is like, what is it, twenty five years ago, twenty nine years I'm still going there. I was are this morning, every Thursday morning, thirty I I'm there, you know, and half the people would die. I and now we have a new people and everything like that. And saw I go to spobast and it's to say, it's just like an a meeting book with the Bible and you know, we should around. We talked that stuff, but in any event, so I was I would go to the Bible study. So right where I lived at that time, there was a a I don't know how much time I had, eleven, twelve, thirteen years there was. And I used to in my book in my car and I still do now. I used to carry all these books. I have the...

...big book, the Twelve and twelve, you know, books all over the place and other different books. Let's going to meetings and everything like that, and I'd have a couple of bibles and I had this big, huge Red Bible, huge it was read big King James Feel and I'd be on the dashboard and I was driving around and and by the way, I just want to say it just because this any Christian people out there, don't use me to send example. I'm a bad Christian now. I'm not ready for Primetime Christian. I'm like a sinner. You know what I mean. I mean I just say that just in case you're may be interested, but you don't want to go there because you think the only people that are Christians are good Christians. There are bad Christians to I'm one of them. Okay. So so you can, you can be an idiot and stupid and horrible and still be a Christian. It's okay, you know, just come to me. I'll explain to how do you do it? Okay, but I don't want you to think because a lot of people don't go to church because they think everybody's good, they'll look down on them and they'll be stupid and they'll feel illities. Know we have groups of Crazy Christians, you know what I mean. We all meet, you know, where they can't find us and it but anyway. So the bottom myself, I was driving to this I was driving to this sub right next to my house was this dry cleaner and and I went and I had a drive and drive because you could drive and drop it a goose. So I drove in the dry cleaner and there was this kid there. It's like sixteen years old, the seventeen sixteen. And he comes out and he looks at me. I give my clothes are anything like that, and he says, and I can't do it, but he points this is he this is I don't know. I know you can't hear it. See this. He's pointing like he's not pointing, like he's pointing like this with for pet fingers and he says, I got one of those, and I'm looking to see where's pointing out my Bible. And I said what Bible? He says, yeah, I got one goes. I said Oh, I said, you ever read? He says yeah, yeah, I read it. I read it says you understand? He's well, I don't know. It's kind of hard done. Stays is. Well, you know, sometimes you need to do is you need to go to bottle study and you know, so where you can talk about it and tell other people about and stuff and stuff like that and explains. You know, yeah, yeah, he says. So I said, what's your name? He says my name is Leo. I said I'll table Leo. You see that house over there, because I can point to my see that house all the way over there with that. He said Yeah, I said that's my house. I said every Thursday morning at thirty I go to Bible study. If you get to my house at thirty this Thursday morning, I will take you to the bottom to study with me. He says, you'll tell me about it? I said absolutely, I'll tell you the bottom. Say It's all. Hey, thanks a lot, I appreciate this. Is No problems. I'll give them and I leave. It was like Tuesday, you know what I mean. I forgot all about it. It's just something I ran into, you know, deal and everything like that. You know, Friday carry a message or something like that, and some sixteen year old kid. And so Thursday morning I wake up, get ready to go to Bible study and I walk out at five in the morning and guess who's standing by my car? Leo and I had forgotten all about them. Then I saw him. That he's got a Bible in his hand. Everything. I said, Hey, buddy, how you know? He's a hey, get on it. So we drive over to the Bible studying. You gotta send these guys in the Bible study. They're all like seventy and eighty years old. My third sponsor and then Bible study had sixty two years recovery. Is Baptist creatures, sixteen years and a recovery. And you got sober in the church. And these guys are like in there, you know, sixty s and s. You know, I'm seven years old now. I go to you know, and S. I mean these guys dieing bibles. I mean literally. You know what happened to friend. He's dead. You know, they go to Bible study until they die and then there with the Lord. You know what I mean? And Its friends with the Lord. You know, you pray for him and that's say. We go on. Okay, next chapter and Lety just move on, you know, because we're happy, because you know, that's old thing. That's all deal about, the Christian thing. People die. Are Actually happy because nobody's good. It's good news, but it an't. I'M NOT gonna go into that. But in anyway. So, so what happened is, so I taken the Bible Study and this is sixteen year old kid and the youngest guy, I think I'm the youngest guy next to him, and I'm like fifty, you know what I mean. And and so they love seeing. It's like raw meat and they so it's going around the room. They're talking about something, everything, and he says one thing at the end. He says this. He says I think Jesus was an alien. Now I'm days of I belong to a very conservative church. This is not Lucy Goosey, you know what I mean. And you know they said to him, you know, like this they said. They said yeah, kid, hey, keep coming back. They said the same thing we say in here, you know, because you know they love people. And they said keep coming back, and is good. So driving to watch this. So what do you? What do you think when he says I'd you like you se Yass. What do you all they loved your kid, they love...

...you and everything. You were great. So John Make says, would you do me a favor? Instead of drop me off, could you drop me off at my house? So I said sure. So I said how don't how do I how do you do? Is as well drive back to your house. So I drove back, come to my house and he says, but instead of stopping your house, go go down the street. So I went down the street. He said then make a ride and then a right, he said, to make a laugh and going Ryan Ren my seven or eight nine minutes later, about eight months, six miles away, whatever it was, five miles away, he says, okay, that's my place over there. So in the meantime I'm like talking to him and I find out a little bit about him and I find out he's like sixteen a half or seventeen and he's young kid, doesn't have a father, he's got a single mother, is mother's single mother, and she's also raceeing a little three year old who from a different father. You know, one of those kind of things. He's just a it's just a good sixteen year old kid trying to figure out what the hell he's doing on the planet, you know what I mean? And and that's it. You know what I mean. It's just a good kid trying to figure out, sixteen years old, what the Hell Am I here? And you know, with a with the single mother, and so I go to drop and watch. So I asked him. I said I said, how'd you get to my house, you know, seven o'clock in the morning? And it turns out what happened was he woke up at three o'clock, three am, showered, got his Bible and he walked the six miles for my house to make sure it was there before seven because he didn't want to miss me. And so people in a a asked me. So what do you got to do? Is Stay, stay sober. You know, thirty nine years you will rarely meet a Leo in Alcoholics and Leo's do very well out and alcoholics anonymous. I don't even know how you manage your facture of Leo. I don't know how you make a Leo. I don't know how to do Leo, you know what I mean. I'd like to believe that I'm like Leo. I came to at three o'clock the morning or to recovery, three o'clock the morning on the se twenty five night to any when I got on my knees game of life, the Lord, you know what I mean. And I'm a Jewish dead from New York, but I started doing really crazy ass things out of total desperation because I just would do anything to get out of the gym I was in. I didn't give. I wasn't one of these guys that said if they talk to me about God, you know, you hear guys are said, well, they're talking to about got I'd be out of the room. That wasn't me. They you could have. You couldn't a blow me out of the room with a bazooka. You know, I mean, I had no place to go. You know, I'm just lucky that didn't fall to a place where they were doing human sacrifice or schacrise and chickens. You know, I'm just glad the heck the Christians didn't coming to get me. You know, I'd be down the airport right now with a tambourine, you know. Yeah, when I came to my sponsor said, he said, he said Russell, many are called a few or chosen. It's a now road. If you find it, run highwaymen, you go there least to death. Now our road. It's an hour road if you find them. They did a statistical study, now this is many years ago, on the work came from. I can't give you the site, but they said. One half of one percent of people to come day stay so more than twenty years, and they may die for different reasons than a lot of people say so, but they're not rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. That thing ain't going on. So so in an event. So let me real skip, real fast to the the end, the end deal on this. You know because you know how many places there are in the big book. They talked about God in the twelve and twelven out to go that. But I want to I want to skip to the end and tell you some some deal. The big book was written in Nineteen Thirty Nine, and we've done this before, but I was fairs repeied a started in nineteen thirty five. It said, really, I've seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. You do what we did, you'll get what we got, what they got. The got rocking the Fourth Dimension Existence. The great fact was this and nothing less. To Make God the simfral fact of your life. Whatever reason, the God deal was like the number one, the most one hundercent important thing. How you take people that want to say go screw yourself or I'm not going to do that. You got my how you take alcoholics like that, people like that, to find people and turn them into people that will just follow directions and do what the hell they're supposed to do without question. I don't know. They may have to be born that way, they may have to be like Leo, they may have to be beating. I don't know how that happens. You know what I mean? I don't like to point to anybody say that guy's not going to make them or that's guy's going to make some of the crazy, just lackiest, you know. You know, headstrong people end up making it and and some of the people that think got to make it...

...don't make it. But I know the people that I respect in there, that I ask to be my sponsors, they all ended up like Leo, all ended up likely on the people thought this thing, you know, didn't make it or certainly didn't have anything I wanted. So, in any event, in nineteen and they wrote a book called Dr Bottom of good old timers and with Dr got bought and, as you know, they say really have seen person fails. Slowly followed our path and their path is laid out. What they actually did. The one thing they didn't do is they can read the big book. I'm not putting down the big book, I'm just telling day to read the big book. The books they found absolutely essential, according absolutely, this is the words they used, absolutely essential, were first corinth in thirteen something on the mountain, the book of James. We're almost called the James Stuff. So I want to I want to read something to you. I want to tell you what they were doing. So next time you hear about the third step, you know where it says you get down on your knees and you say this prayer and they suggest a prayer and and I want, I want, I want to read you something. I want to read you something about what what Aa was about between you know when they say really, I haven't seen a person vail who was thoroughly off followed our path. I want to. I wanted to tell you what the pant is in alcoholics anonymous, because some of you think that this is the path. Some of you think that going to this meeting is what AA is about. And well, this is what a's about in the year two thousand and eighteen, two thousand and twenty whatever. But no, this is Aa in two thousand and twenty. But this isn't the a they were talking about when they said rarely had ever seen a person fail was thoroughly followed up path. Let me tell you what a look like in nineteen, thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight and thirty nine, when they wrote the Big Book. And maybe I want you to remember this because next time you hear these words rarely haven't seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path, maybe you'll remember this. This is from Dr Bob and the good old timers. On the other hand, we were taking them upstairs and getting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was a very important part. The surrender was more than important. That was a must. Bobby, who came in DA and February of one thou nine hundred thirty seven, we called that after five or six days in the hospital, when you had indicated that you were serious, they told you to get down on your knees by the hospital bed and say a prayer to God and maybe your palace, over alcohol and your life was unmanageable. Furthermore, you had the state that you believed in a higher power would return you to sanity. There you can see the beginning of the twelve steps he said. We call that the surrender. They demanded it. You couldn't go to a meeting until you did it. You couldn't go to a meeting until you did it. If, by accident, you didn't make it in the hospital, you had to make it in the upstairs bedroom over the Williamson's house. Dorothy Sam recalled the one thousand nine hundred and thirty seven meetings when the men would all disappear upstairs and all of us women would be nervous and worried about what was going on. After about a half an hour or so, down would come the new man, shaking white, serious and grim, and all the people who were already in a would come trooping down after him. They were pretty reluctant to talk about what had happened, but after a while they would tell us they had a real surrender. I often wonder how many people that come in now would survive and experience like that a regular old fashioned prayer meeting. That's you know, when you say really have seen the fellows third thought, that's what they're talking about. That's what they were doing. Don't, don't, don't mistake if you're doing now with what the if you're wondering how come you're not being rocking in the fourth dimension of existence? You're not experience that? Don't don't think for one second you're doing anything close to what they were doing back then, with the fervent attitude they had. You know, they was serious as a heart attack. You didn't have you know something then. You didn't hear things like well, if they told me to do that, I wouldn't be here because those guys weren't there. They where were they? They were out there drinking until they got to the point where they were willing to do that. Now, I don't know. I don't know about you, but I'll but the I'll bet the meetings were pretty they must have been pretty interesting meetings. Dr Bob, when he went to get to a twelve step. Some of you guys say. Well, you might say, well, if my sponsor can only be Dr Smith or but can match up Bill Wilson Man, I'd be able to do something you think you'd like. Dr Bob, is your sponsor? The Guy who said that you're an atheist, agnostic or of some sort of intellectual pride?...

I feel sorry for you. So this is how Dr Bob According to Clarence Snyder, was number five or six. Then Aa to the Cleveland Group. This is how Clarence Snyder Talt. This is what he said was his experience with Dr Bob Doing the during doing getting his first step when talked about came to twelve stepping doc came in, that's Dr Bob, later and looked over. He sat on the edge of my dad and said, well, what do you think of all this? To me? Then he paused and he looked at me doubtfully. He said, I don't know if you're ready yet. You're kind of young. I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, no job, no clothes and no money. I didn't know how much more read the I could be recalled clarence. Still, I had to convince them I was ready. I had to convince them I was ready. Now we run after them, begging them to be ready. Then he asked, this is the first question Dr Bob asks the first question. The founder, the Cobal Parga ask them do you believe in God? Young fellow, you know, if you ask that to somebody in here, you know they'd say you're going to scare away newcomers. They just didn't give a shit. They weren't scared away newcomers. They were getting they were pruning the trees and what they were doing is they were finding people who were serious. You know, really, I'm you know. You know it says, says, if you want we have and you will we go to in length to get then you ready to take certain steps. Let me tell you something. It's so easy to get to Ay these days. It's all in the place. You know there, and I'm not looking to change a the way it is right now. They come in here ready and they come in here not ready. You understand what I'm saying. They come in here ready and they come there are people that come in here and they want we have. There are people that come in here and want what they had. They're people that come in what will we have? But they're not will we go anyway to get there? Put the come in here and they're like Leo, they'll walk the six miles. You know what I mean, and there's nothing you're going to say or do that's necessarily going to change that. You know, maybe you know, just like the chicken on the route. You know, God will danger it or something. This is what he says. Do you believe in God? Young Fellow? He always, always called the young fellow. When he called me clowns end, I was in trouble. Then Clarence says, you're ready. The true I plays is what does that have to do with it? Do you believe we got? What does that have to do with it? And this is what Dr Bob says. Everything, one word. Everything. Let that sinking everything. You when you're telling new coming, you know it's say don't worry about it. You say don't worry about the God thing. You don't have to worry about don't worry about that. It's not really that important. He says everything. I guess. I do guess nothing. Either you do or you don't. Yes, I do, that's fine. Dr Body flied. Now we're getting someplace. All Right, get out of the bed, your hospital bed, and on your knees. We're going to pray. I don't know how to pray. I guess that you don't, but that's all right. Just follow what I say and that will do for now. I did what I was ordered to do. Clarence said there was no suggestion. Dr Bob was always positive about his faith. Clarence said, if someone asked him a question about the program his usual response was what is it say in the good book? Suppose he was asked what's all this? First things first, ball would be ready with the appropriate quotation. Seek first, the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. So you didn't know that that first things, first thing that you say, but shorthand for a seeky first, Kingdom of God and all things will be added unto you. You see, when you start really really reading this thing and getting into it, you start stripping away and you start realizing with the program recovery is really a bad you understand, you start seeing, you start learning things. That's all. you start learning different things and understanding why people slip, understand why people are unhappy, AA, why they get the focused and they get carried away by the world and the worldly clamors and stuff like that. Now I'm just going to end in one thing, because I know want a little bit over. This is what I like, not so much the mystery. This is where we sort of talk about. Well, it's sort of like connection with the city I am. I did the third step. I can't tell you what that three months of course not Nott. So I got down on my knees and I said the prayer and, you know, took all of ten seconds or whatever it takes to do it, and then I got up and I don't know whether I was see, I hate to say it this way, so I maybe I don't mean it. The third step is not the deal. There was something about...

...doing the third step that's important. It's important, but it's not the deal. I'm more or less think the six step is the deal. But that's because that's where the real third step happens, because you could actually get down on your knees and say the third step prayer and then get up and just, I don't know, horrible or around for about twenty years or something like that, a group round or it doesn't do, you know. But but what the first step with the third step was for me is once I did that. Now I quite frank that had already done it, remember, in my living room about a month before that. But but once I did that, once I made that decision and said those words, okay, it made it easier to make that decision to say the our father. It made easier to say the serenity prayer it made easier to to say the Serendy pray every day. It made it easier to make that decision every day, sometimes three or four times a day, sometimes five or six times a day. Sometimes anytime something happened that pissed me off, I would it made easier to turn to God and say the serenity prayer, in the serenity prayer and the surerenning prayer. I if you ask me how many times I prayed or I said the serenity prayer or I guess God self or say God help me not to drink today, between my first day sober and when I took my six step, you know whatever that was. You know it would probably numbered in the thousands, in the thousands. If you ask me today how many times I make a decision for God. I don't have to be in an a room or Bible, study anything, driving and that. It's my whole life. All I do is think about that. So I think so. I don't know that the third step. I don't know. I'm not saying you could put a fork in it, that you do third step and you're done, but I think the third step put me on the road, on a different road, on the narrow highway on the road of becoming a believer, where and anybody who does the third step is at least stepping on that road. Now there's some people that step on that road. You know that highway, and you get off on the first exit. You know what I mean. Blonde with Blue Eyes, you know, you go down the road and says lots of money. You know what I mean. You Got Strip club, you know what I mean. Sometimes you get on that road, you know that narrow highway, you just get off on the exit. But I know this, I should say I know this, I suggest this. If you can't even do that, if you make a conscious decision no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Okay, chance is you certainly not to be able to do the six step. You're certainly not to be able to completely give your life and everything in your life over to that deal. And you're probably not. Probably not, I think, quart the big book. If you're not going to thoroughly do this thing, you certainly not going to make your creative the central fact of your life and be absolutely certain that he lives in your hearts and minds in a way which is de Miraculous and you're not going to therefore get, you know that that we rocket in the fourth dimension of existence and experience wonder of Heaven. To me, it's just almost linear. It's so it's so clear. It's a logical of what you have to do and what you have to become in order to do that. Are Is it going to happen overnight? No, it ain't going to happen overnight. It's going to take years. It's it's something like the six step. It's repeated for a lifetime, you know. But you're giving a choice early on. There's two roads. There's the Road of atheism and the road is a road of atheism, and there's the road of agnosticism and the road of not God, and then there's a road of everything. Everything, God is everything. There's two roads and you're giving a chance at the beginning to choose which road you're going to go on. And yet you have to understand in the fellowship of Alcoholics, and it's not the program both individuals are absolutely welcome to be here. You're in a clut. You know, when I went to school, you know, if I took you know, if, if, if I took out I take Algebra before trigonometry and then anatolitical geometry before calculus or cagulous on manifolds, and then I can I just each you had you had these prerequisite you have, you had to take, you would have a classroom. All the eighth graders are in one class, the ninth grades were another class, the first graders were in another class. You know, the ten grades were in another class. In this deal, one giant classroom. You understand. You got the the twelveth grades, The ten graders, the the guys that are postgraduate, you got the people, you got the believers, you got the nonbelievers. They're all the...

...same deal. But just because we're all the same fellowship, we're all the same deal, we're not all doing the same deal. We're not all doing what they're we're not. We're not all doing this thing thoroughly the way they were talking about in the big book of Alcoholics. honess and the great thing is this is not a trust rehearsal. This is your life. It's not like an e you know, eighty years old g you know, maybe I should have tried it that way. Russell was talking about you know, and screw that up. Yes, for you know, you might want to consider reading Dr Lot of gold in the big book and make it a decision. You know what I mean. I don't know that's going to change anybody's mind, but at least you'll never be able to it. Don't be. Don't be saying ten years now, if you don't do it and you wanted them drinking again or feeling crap about don't be saying, well, I wish somebody had told me this, not on you know, they never told me this. And how I never heard this in alcohol. Yet that was that one guy, but he was crazy. It was crazy, the crazy Christian. Okay, thank you very much. All right,.

In-Stream Audio Search

NEW

Search across all episodes within this podcast

Episodes (142)