AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 14 · 1 year ago

Russell S - Seeking Leos @ Life Is Good Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Well, everyone you're in for three tonight, we'vewe've been on a rild ride. This was dysney Worl, it would cot, youneed take it for this. Anybody remembers. Yo need to be Keka, a NE. Take a ride tonight and I' like to introduce t the guy who'sgoing to give you the ride and that's Rogh come on up O. have a big book. Yeahlet me just worLau, Somios, onokay boy, all daysophacisn Il Taalot, so my name's Russell spats Om an alcoholeyi guys. How you doing is everything wonderful Ye. Well, so I I haven't: got a Necessari have drinksince January, twenty one thousand nine hundred and eighty ine. So I just just celebrated my thirty Nie. Imade it thirty nine years, Lat y. The truth is I've been telling you tolage thirty nine years since June. I E I'm going Ta tell him? U. I have LiE. I think after a certain number of years, you're allowed to round up. What's the point who's gonna you know, and and so I'm not actually telling people- Ihave thirty nine years- becauseive got tthause. I really do. Ihave that. That's like in the bad nobody's gon able to take that awayfrom it. You know so what I think, what I'm going to dois if fou now in introduce myself- and I checked out this out in my group,because I want to be honest- I'm going to say I'm working on forty, I'm woking is the truth. Isn't it PaulI'm working on I'm working on, I'm not about thirty nine, I'm working on myforty te? Okay, I am into my forty her. I like your thinking. I, like your thinking, you know, don'tyou think that sounds better anthnmaybe a little more respect. I don't know youN W, so I'm going to read a couple thingsand do a couple things. This is the third time I'm here most people think I'm going to be onThird Stef, I'm going to stort of do thin. You know one of the things thathappen is you know after you've been doing thisfor a lot of, at least after I've been doing this for a lot of years. What Ifound is, you know when I first cameDalfalsnonymus, I it's really mysterious. You know thefirst few meetings, you don't even know what they're talking about and theyhave their own lingo like turning it over and for Stepfis a you on know whatyou're taling Hout Insen. When you finally start learning what you'retalking about it, the whole step thing is mysterious and how do you do it? Ispent a month I stolve in the four step and whetherthis is true or not. I told Myself Rea Reaso I didn't do it is because Ididn't understand how you could I didn't. I didn't know I mean how do youdo it? I mean you know after I got desperate enough. I opened the book. Inoticed it was a chart, but I mean you know I mantioned. I was Gong for myPhD and I' orate Topology Yond and I M A lawyer. You know and I'm not stupidand I'm sitting there from UN AI said. How do you do this? How do you do thisthing? You know and charts. You know yeah just follow paintby numbers. You know, and and so it's all mysterious, but you knowafter you do it once and then twice and six times ten thsand times eightsandtimes it's when t you know what happens. Is You stop with the Oh? I think I justdid a third step. Oh I did it for Al, I'm doing another ten stuff ot it youstop with that and become sort of like it's like what is it wax on laxoff sortof thing you know become so natural that you just you live in the step.Your note doing the steps you're like Living Hem, you Livin e steps. You knowyou screw up and you go up and do something stupi sa. I'm sorry at'swrong. You don't think you dn't even think. Oh I just did atten step. Youknow you don't think I you jus say I'm sorry! I was wrong. You know I mean youdo so I mean you just live the steps, which is a lot easier because then youdon't have to like force yourself to do it because they brainwashed you enough.THAT'S WHA! I oll my sponsor SOS you doing here. You brain watching Meses.Well, maybe your brain es washing you know and and som you just start doingthis step sort of automactally. But then we used to point in time where,where you don't mean to think of your life or what's going on in terms of thesteps, because you start seeing how...

...step three is connected with step forand how we each step, you know Propeligen to the next step n. The onlything that holds you back is your Alcollis Im and you start reallygetting a real good picture, but what alcoholism really looks like at leastwhat I the picture? I have right now I mean if I mayle leave ten years fromnow, I mean I'll, probably have a different picture, but you start, youstart getting a better bet where you stink, alcholism had to do withdrinking, and then you realize Howballis m, as do with just the wayyou look at people and the way you perceived. I mean you just and you getto a certain point. You know a ten years. You pretty like think you knowwhat alcoholism is all about. What looks like and it feels like, and howto get rid of it and Blah Blah Blah, and then, by the time you have twentyyears, you look like Tan know, Shit at ten yeas. You know what I mean you justbecause you just learn more and more and you put Piza together and, and youhave these apiphanies and things happen and then some world and it actuallygets simpler and simpler and simple and not more complicate and sort of. Likeyou know at Leasto me it gets simpler and and so what happens is you at leastI I keep on saying you. I said I should mean me, you know I mean don't getoffense, just don't take affense if you think I'm trying t put words in yourmouth or anything, but I mean you know you get to the point where, when you look at this program, you lookat the steps and you look at everything. You just see all these connectionsbetween the third and the sixth e seventh and and so when you start whenyou go to Y, go to a meeting. You have to talk about this stuff. What I foundis that about you know five or six or seven years ago around that time, whenI would go and- and I used the number of myself doing- t step three and stepfor that. When I startd talking about step three, I would somehow start going into something about step,seven and tep step six and then somehow I wind up onstup eleven and then Iwould wind um on step for and I was going all over the place and it wasn't that it was it it was it was.You know it wasn't that I wasn't talking about setthre step. Thre wasall through thears and have TAC step three USI in every step. I do you'llsee God in there, because God is throughout this book, no matter whatStud you're talking about, which has to do with step freatant you know, andthat God exists, and God is got either. That's what intractid anostics beforethey get in this Hati is God I rasor isn't. What's the decision going to beMirocoto, FO morals, better philosophy, a like you know, God this is theseatakes Hi stand as far as atheism do at Ath, CNAA sure the lad Oxson, a shortis Aa, is Albot ononymous, promoting or or agrees with Aphism the answers? No,I'm sorry. The answers know they wrote a chapter. The Book Mon, its calledChapten. They road chapter, the chapters, a chapter, two, the agnostics.They say this sort of thinking ask be abandoned, which I don't think is likewe like this. You know what I mean it's yeah you go, though the whole thing youcan be dishonest about it. You know you can you know you can yshonestly sort ofslant it anyway. You want Tobo's going to kick you out of closed meeting. Youknow, but the bottom line is that's. I go one. What the book says. The book says the deal is so whathappens? you start seeing all these connections so somewhere along the line.I stopped worrying about I'm ig doing step three of Mi doing. Stup six I'mdoing Sep ten, I just you know whatever the Lord, like least woul talk about.Whatever H Got Min Nstand, I feel so. I sjould talk about it. Just talk aboutit and we go where it goes. Where it goes, you know and that's the deal soI'm going to. I have a couple stories I want to tell you. I want to read acouple things, one from big walk and a couple things I'v talked about and thegood old times, which I highly recommend to you: Okay and a couple of things. So so Thi's goingto be it's good. It's like if I had a wearing blender right, a blender. I would throw in step three step: sixup, seventup eleven, maybe step one, maybe a few other steps. You know likea little bit of this a little bit that and I just wizar up, you know what Imean and that's what we be drecting tonight. So you know you're going tohear some people are going to see your six or seven you're going to hearwhatever it doesn't matter. What I'm talking about it has nothing with whatI say. That's to what you hear right, you know, so that's I learned that along time ago I I'll try to shorter a long story bitthe tricker. how Ma people have heard the chicken on the roof story? Yeah waswell. I learned this long time ago. You know we hot. I was toing a meeting when I aboutthirty. Six years ago, thirty five years agowas doing mean in the homeset group seven and when I first started doingthese things, and I would, I think, I'm not sure what Stepp I' on t doesn'tmatter. I was on a some step and, and it was a group and- and I was doing themeeting and and it was the worst day n needing inthe history about foxing on I sondin Trustan, it was bad and, and the reasonit was bad is because you know how I have mentioned I do mention. I dowhatever I make from time time that fear people to breag thing withautholic.You know I used to say things. OUND give a crap. What other people thinkabout me? You know- and you know that whole thing about, if you you ever sait,if you ever think out, O video get you don't give prop ate, do think about you.You obviously care about what other people think about you, because wereally didn't give PRI problem. Do think about you wouldn't say u. Youknow that deal well.

You know that I don't give a crap whatother people think about me and that worried about when people think aboutyou and we're about being judged everything that does that's part ofalcoholism. That's Agoan, what's ental NOTFO SEPOZOPOS and all s consequencesis surprised to be precarious in the first step and happiness will lood them and and the first tet of getting out ofjail is knowing you're in jail in the first place. So what happens? Is Youwork on the drinking? But you have really no idea about the other stuffand they tell you youre, selfish and yourself centered, but you don't reallyknow where you're selfish andself centered until it's points Ed out toyou by life or by your sponsor. You know and I used to sit, I notice hard to Lieve,I used to say nothing Adayan. I said Wuitly that mean Si wouln't say thin, alisten to other peope on, but the most Spnto pold me on the side to he sideand said you know, I notice you don't say anything you know share and his Isaid well, but I don't not haveanything important to sad and he said he saidYou know something you'r selfish, your selfish because im not sit. Youknow. I thought I was like humble and well one of us was right. I don't know,I thought I was humble. He said yourself and he says he says you knowthese people com in here and they share everything son their line when theybecome transperent and they open and it's partially to tell what's going onwith them, but also it's because they're thinking. Maybe if I saysomething it might help somebody and you selfishly just sit there and youjust you just like some sort of what your you just taking everything theysay and and and you don't and you don't give anything back. He says I mean whothe hell are you to say that what you have to say is its not interesting. There isn'timportant, he says you know some you're, all Takeng, no good, no Geh, you're,selfish and hno s like slapping e across the face. You know, I think Ididt anything wrong and all of sudden I start feeling guilty bu being such aknowing you know, and so of course I start sharing and the rest of the ahistory. You know have the number shut me up so so you know what happens. Is you learna lot of stuff you? You got a lot of old ideas with Youre. You know wrong.Rin corrector, you start operating differently. So in an event, I can'tremember what I was talking about as bout tell you story check it on Rup, so I did this verygood. Thank you, guys, D. It's the dimension, don't worry about it, but soI did this talk at this room and nobody Tam. They weren't, like you, theyweren't cining, to Mer Nice. To me. I know you think they give me like alittle mercy. Laugh every once in a while, you know just like yeah: Therewere just it was like an oil painting Wen he wer just staring at me, and Iknow it was the worst ting history. They is terrible, so I left and as I'mdriving home, you know I'm thinking about what they're thinking about me,because I know they're thinking about me and that's wat they're calling uptheir friends they're, saying things like I just went to the worst day: Bein inthe histor mankime and Yeah Sky Rustle, you knowan is fom Fillon Pines fiers onlike that and my reputation, whatever there wasis ruined today across thecountry cause whatever happens here. Imediately goes to Los Angeles, youknow an and, and so I'm thinking, and so the nextthought I have in my mind, put SOM in Alcoholicis, I'm not going back, thenany cus Ecaus, because I'm just not bcaus they hate me.You know what I mean: I'm a Goin, but but here's the problem and I'm analcoholic so believe if you're an alcohol you're an excuse, a hallay. Oh,I like to make it back, but my mother, you know, is dying and kill her off a couple of times, and youknow I an, but I somehow knew that if I had committed to do the deal, so I knewif I didn't go back hisis what I thought, because I had a very I had ahorrible sponsor who screwed me up, and I thought that if I didn't go back, I'm like drink again, you believe that Shit and can you believe that really at mysponsor tied everything into drinking you got to by you my Drinkain, you dothis my drink, an keep on talking about those giyls, you Gono Tikit. Everythingwas tied into the drakon. No, I don't know whether that's right or wrong Bhut.I know he convinced me because so what am? I do? Kno E scare, the crap ot ofme, so I knew if I didn't. If I didn't go back and I mi tred again cause- Idon't know whether he knew this, but I so much didn't want to drink at. I would do anything you know, I would do anything as stupidas it sounds. If I thought I might drink about it in do it, you understandHa, I'm saying so, which, when you come to think of it in Aa, it's probably apretty good attitude to have you know, but I just had it. It was just a gift.I don't know you know how I got that deal, and so I went back the next weekto the worst, a meeting. I've never done in the history of Mankin, and Ithink it's in the ginnests book of World Records is the worst day an andbefore I started the meeting whatever I was going to do it on some guy comes upto me, and he says he says...

...my name's Joey injusiis. I just wantyou to Arser last week he says Oh yeah, it's great. You N, and I was sittingback in o rite says he says you know my wife left me last week and I lost myjob and I know what te Dois like. I was going to go drank, but sidey come tothis meeting and isouned back room a says. You know hesays you save my life. You Sav my life, chicken was on the room. Everything came together for me program N, I'm thinking ID never said thechicken was on E. No, don't get me wrong. I said becauseI was talking some poultry there at a certain point. I knew what he wastalking about, but he got it all wrong. I said like the Turkey was in thebasement. He got it wrong. You understand, you know, I didn't tell me, got it Rin,so yeah it's another roof. I woay se that Shit. You know I sood credit for it. I mean I was. Ihad three years going into my fourth year ofebut. I learned something youknow from that. You know what I learne from that. I used to think you know.I'd go to meeting Ti, say that if I talked something my drink or somebodydrank it's, my wal didn't Ge. I thought what the twelve step said is that you carry the message. That's what I thought about. That'swhat I thout, the the twelve that said that you carry the message. So if yougo out and drink, if somebody goes out and drink on, I must have donesomething wrong with the meaning you say: Sover Ol. I said something youknow and I learned T I said I said you know I just did the worst meaning inalcoholiics anonymous, and I and this guy comes up to me andtells me he's sober now, because he heard something I said that I didn'tsay and Ta Tak Credit for this shit. You knowand and and I said- and I said- and I said- and here's what happens. He saysI went up there and I did probably the worst meeting and Alcboan OMS history,but it was the best thing. I could do that night and I said Chickin on the roof and itfloated across the room chicken on the roof chicken on the grup who te knowswith the other, people are hering, she go ro and it got to where that guy is,and chicken on the roof went into his ear and God tdoes whot. God does bestand none this guy needed to hear Turk in the basement or something likethat or chic. Who knows what I said I wen, but he heard what he needed to earand I got the credit for it. You know what I mean and, and then I realizedthat it doesn't say. I care the message, because I don't care the message. Godcharge says it says we try to carry the message, and all I have to do is thebest job I can do. T like this can be like the loudest men. VEMEND is, couldt be the rest I can do tonight. You know I'm not responsible for what youhear what's going on here and some guys been hi third step, some guys not goingto hear anything at all and whatever it is, but I'm going to justdo the best job I can and its going to have something to do with the thirstit's going to have something to do with God and commitment and stuff like that.So I'm now one of the problems is how many people here under fifty rasyourhand under fift, see that's the problem. That's aproblem and Wellit's, not a problem for you. Let me you know, you know what happenswhen you'r talking to group wish a lot of people and in my age, I'm seven. Sothere's a lot of people that are much younger than me and because what happens is a lot of thingsthat I did growing up when I was ten years old, fifteen years old, twentyyears old Thirtyye, the shows I watched and things like that. You guys havenever heard of you understand and so like thirty years ago or twenty yearsago, and I was doing the steps and I'd say you know it's like that TV show soand so everybody was Oh yeah theris. Now, if I said he TV show, nobody knowswhat I'm talking about. You know, but I used to say I told the story liketwenty years o I haven't told him like ten years eleven years, but but when Icame DA, my sponsor said this got thing is very, very, very,very mysterious. Here's the problem as an Alcoholi in the way I am. Ireally want to understand why things are the way they are I'll drive myself crazy, trying tofigure out why I'm an alcohol WHY PEOPLE DRINK IEI?Why? It is this idea of doing shit, because you're told to do shit, but notunderstanding. Why you have to do shit is foreign to me. You understand what I'm saying. I don'tlike doing things unless it's explained to me. So I understand it...

...in the concept of faith. Faita is aconcept where you believe in things, but you take them on faith. In otherwords, you accept things on faith because it's worke from from frothersand you do them, even though you may not even necessarily believe in them.You unsosaing very hard concept for an alcoholic. You know because they wantto say things like why. Why should I do that? Why can't I datethat girl why they want to do why they don't want to follow instructions? Youknow- and I don't know why some alcoholicscan end up finally doing it and some cant, but I think it has something todo with desperation. It says why all this insistence on Himmin Botton seehere we are on the first of that. There's no oppolis going to do thisstuff. Why do I have to get on my knees? Why do I have say the Thir step prayer?Why does this Av to we God? You know why? Why? Why well? Because you got to do it, that's asgood as you're going to get you know, and the bottom line is t a. We insist.You hit bottom because you're not going to do it unless you hat Boe you'R, justnot going to do it you're going to keep on doing what you going to do becauseyou're addicted to do it. What you want to do so tirs av sort of like a mystery, butbut here's the deal. What I think I think one thing that is helpful is tonot be confused. I think at least, if you're not confused, ithelf there's alot of things that can clear up confusion. For instance, I go. I go up to what's your name, I go toRichard with a REVOLV, I' say Richard. I need you get downYouneiq. He goes why I pulld hi trigger Ha Bolis brainds out I go up to micae, I say get down, youNeed Hee fucking get down as neese O have to pick up the revolve. There are some things that alcoholicswill do quickly without asking, even though they don't necessarilybelieve they should have to do it. You understand I'm saying so. One of t ethings that they got halled do shit for their own good, where you don't have tospend a lot of time like three hours say why they should do it and then windup in fucking Alanon. You know what I mean is fear. Fear. Now, I'm sorry about thefear thing. I'm sorry I wish Yo could do this. Woulh love. You know what Imean and just try to take you on H, side and spend eighteen years trying toexplain you why you should do things, but sometimes you just have to get anAlcoholiin, a position where they're scared to say no. They just do it out of they just do itbecause they're told to do it very hard when the chief CHARACTERISTC is thefine. So the first thing of one of the things I'd like to get across is that I believe Bason what I've seen and whatI believe the book says and what I believe Aa is about is about doingcertain things without question, whether you understand it or not, you understand onsaying, you know, because if you think thatthere's Wigge Room, if you think, if you think this really is kind of thinglike do it anyway Gong, you know you have your program, I of my program,there's a million different programs ers too anty people in thear, there'sstill ade different program. If you really believe that becous- because you read something inthe book and it's what tells you you know that that stuff about you know appopendence to and all thatcrap you know about whatever you want to believe in want to belieave thedoornob God who goes a shit, you know and all that stuff now I know there's a bunch of people in here. Whatever it is will say,that's Cullshit! I don't care what they say. The Bo line is there e there are.There are rules, and how do you do this and nobody getsaway with anything. I watch them in here and there's sobriting and thenthere's obriety. You know everybody stops triaking this a Bridin. Thissobriety and I watch the deal and there are consequences to what you choose tobelieve. You may stay so for thirty years, you're not going to have thesame thing that they had. You know you know, have sense. If you wan't what wehave and you only go to Inlat to get it, then you willing to take certain steps.rerthy haven't seen. Persovellit was thoroughly done done. What we did, theydid certain things in the past that they don't do now in AA. They did things and they read thingsand they believe things in the first four years of aay and T in the firstten years, ovay that they do not teach in Aa today. And it's a result of that. You have alot of people coming Daya that stay so period of time. Then they drink asresulto that you have a lot of peopl come Daya and Stayin in a ecause. It'sbecause it's less painful and it's nonconfrontational and it's also lovely w.

You know what I mean and you can do itanyway. You want to do it and after ten years Youre popping pills or they'remiserable. You know what I mean because they're not so, they don't have MONTTOBOC because they're not being rocked in the Fort Dimension existence because theyd not experiencei much ofheaven and they think they're in tecoveren andwhat they're doing is ae doing, Aa like because, unfortunately ur fortunatelyfor us. Fortunately, for us they wrote some materials down in the Bo, inonethousand nine hundred and thirty nine, and a little bit afterwards where theyset down what the program was, and they were very clear about it. You know itwas a different time and a different deal and they're there and you can readit and you can decideor yourself if you're honest, what's going on whenthis dealing. So what do you doit when you first came in and you lateitycoming later? It's a whole different deal, but I just want to read a COUPAhit a couple of high points regarding this God thing and this decision thingand thes this thoroughly and what they were talking about in here. So it says rarely one of the thingsthat says see the Wath that your? What is it yourrelationship? The last last page, maybe the TWAND twelve oen see ou. No, it batyour relationship with him last tiragraph seedd with that relationshipwith him as right and great eventsman comes o bast fean copes others, whichis really what they've been saying throughout the entire book. What thelast paragraph here abandon yourself to God, as you understand God, admit yourfaults to him and to your fellows clear away the Recorde of your past Youreprely. What you find join us will shop shall be with you in the Felloshop ofthe spirit which actually comes out of one of Paul's letters fellowship of theHoly Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us asyou trudge the road of happy destiny. They God bless you and keep you untilthen Ot. When Dr Bob wrote in Dr Botes Nightmare, if you're an agist,Dagnostigraaf some sort of intellectual pride that keeps you from doing whatwe're taling to do in this book. I feel sorry for you, you're heavinly, Fahing,that to let you down these guys did not fuck around en you'r alcoholics ar O, because Iknot sometimes you have to excuse me. Sometimes I speak Ouke. Sometimes I don't speak Churchy. I canchurch up if I'm in church, but sometimes I just speak Howp, because some alcoholics they only thetruth. is they really don't understand anything truthfully unless you speak tothem in Alchy in their native language? You know we're all mice in here, butyou go out the door and something cut you off and say: Fuck you. You know, Imean you you just and it's not because your cirs is just because that's theway you speak and if somebody speaks to you aboutlike that, you say you understand what they're saying you just understand. Itbetter understand the feelings behind you you know, and so the bottom line is,is that's the deal so I want to. I want to talk about this pea. Now tell you a story, so I got to tell youthe Leo story there's so when I was about eleven years, sobernow, e're getting to sod sort of Leven step stuff, but it's not aloveon step stuff forEALLYIS. First step, STUFP UIT's really notfirst step stuff, it's really sort of third step stuff. You know! Well it'ssomething I don't know you'll decide. So, but it's a true story. You know what's cool when you get soberand say so any dot things o well. Everything that happens to you becomesa story and the reason it becomes a story is because there's a spiritualaspect: everything because every time anything happens to you, you seesomething Spiritualy, so you it's like being in kin. It's like the whole world.Is Your College class. You just launch things happening, you just sont oflearn stuff. I watching people, you know. So when I was about ten elevenyears sober, I joined a church. I started going to a Bible study.Somebody TAP DON showen suggested it I'm not going to go into. I now that'sall of he story, maybe when we get to eleven step I'll talk about, but I gotand the big book happens to encourage church membership. You know I mean it'sa lat, you know it's not conference disapproved and Govolson. Did IT INVOLBin a lot of theother, guys cated. So I joined this plabble study. Istarted going there. This is like what is it twenty fiveyears ago, twenty nine years, I'm still going there. I was ine this morning,every Thursday morning, seven thirty Oi'm there. You know and half thepeople have died and now we have a new people and everything like that, and soI go to Poteti and it's to say it's just like an ameening but with the Bible- and you know we sit around, we talk about stuff,but in any men. So I was, I would go to the spibl study so right where I livedat that time. There was a- and I don't know how much time I had eleven twelvethirteen years there was- and I used to Ain my bu in my car and I still do now.I used to Harry all these books. I got...

...the big Bok or tweand twelve. You knowbooks all over the place and othefferent books what's going tomeetings and everything like that and I'd have a couple of bibles, and I havethis big huge Red Bible, huge. It was rather than King James, deal in H andbe on the Dash border and I was driving around and and but by the way I just want to say Ijust gives Tho semthing Christian people out there. Don't use me to Samexample. I'm a bad Christian, no, I'm not ready for prime time Christian, I'm I'm like a sinner. You know what I mean,and I just say that just in case you'R may be interested, but you don't wantto go there because you think the only people that are Christians are good.Christians Theyre Are Dad Christians to I'm one of them. Okay, so so you can,you can be an idiot and stupid and horrible and Solvie Acrisian. It's okay.You know just come to me: outplaying, you Hoai, to do it, okay, but I don'twant you to think because a lot of people don't go to church because theythink everybody's, good and they'll, look down on them and Noll be stupidand they'll feel ilitys know we have groups of Crazy Christians. You knowwhat I mean we all meet, you know where they can't find us, and but anyway, so the BOM, my self I was driving to this. I was driving to this up right next tomy house, was this dry, cleaner and and I went and I had a drive in drive anyou- could drive and drive it ago. So I drove in this drivelinner and there wasthis kid there hes like sixteen years old, maybe seventeen sixteen and hecomes out and he looks at me. I you my clothes everything like that and hesays, and I can't do it, but he points this is he this is o 't know. I knowyou can't hear see this he's pointing like he's not pointing like he'spointing like this with four pep fingers, and he says I got one of those and I'm looking to see. Whar hes bode's,pointing out my Bible, and I said what Bible he says: Yeah Yeah I've got onedos, I said. Ah I said you ever reade Yeah Yeah Yeah. I read it. I reallysays you understand he said. Well, I don't know it's kind of hard Don totayI sais. Well, you know. Sometimes you need to do it. Ou need togo to bottle study and you know so wher. You can talk about t and tell otherpeople, bout and stuff and stuff like that and Isplans Yeah Yeah Yeah. Hesays so I said: What's your name, he says my name is Leo. I said ill Tabeleo,you see that house over there because I can point to Myyo see that house allthe way over there. With that e said Yeah, that's my house. I said everyThursday morning at seven thirty, I go to Ta Bible Study. If you get to my house at seventhirtythis Thursday morning, I will take you to the Bible study withe. He says: YOU'LL TEKL ME THA BOT. I said absolutely I'ltell. You Abou SS, Ohey thanks a lot n appreciate S, no problems, I go and I lete it was likeTuesday. You know what I mean. I forgot all about it, itwas just something Iran into. You know deal and everying like that. You know try to CAA message or something likethat and some sixteen year old kid and so Thursday morning I wake up, getready, Yo go the Bible study and I Walk Oun and like seven o five in themorning and guess who's standing by my Car Leo, and I have forgotten all about him.Then I sawne that he's got a Bible on Thi sand. Everything I said, heybuddyhow you Gon Sa Hey, get on it, so we drive over o the Biblestun. You got tose this guys in the Bible study you're, all like seventy and eight years old.My third sponsor I met VIBA study had th sixty two years recover his baptistcreacher sixty years and a at recovery, and you got solver in the church andand these guys are like in there you know and s. You know, I'm seven yearsold. Now I go to you know and a I mean these guys, Diein Bible StI mean literally, you know what happened to fried he's dead. You know they go to Bible study until they dieand then theye wire, the Lord. You know what I mean and is frend or the word.You know you pray for him and that' Sam go on okay next chapter and we justmove on you Kno, because we're happy, because you know that's oll thing thato deal bout. The Christian thing people die ore actually happy because noit'sgoodnes but anten, I'm not gonnointo that, but in anyting. So so what happened is so I take himthemodel study and this is sixteen year old kid and the youngest guy. I think,I'm the youngest guy next to him and I'm like fifty. You know what I meanand, and so they love seeing this like raw meet and the so it's going aroundroom they're talking about something everything and he says one thing at theend. He says this. He says I think Jesus was an alien DOLOMDASOM. I belong to a veryconservative church. This is not Lucy goosy, you know what I mean and you know they said to Hem. You gonnalike this. They said. Is it yeah kid? Hey keep coming back the said the same thing we sayin there.You Know Becaus, you knowthey, love people and they said, keep toming backand is good, so tri o said. So what you? What do you think? He says you like ss?What d you, Jo Al? They love Ikid, they...

...love you and Everythingyour. Great, soJohn Ma says. Would you do me a favor and instead of drop me off Becud? Youdrop me off in my house, so I said sure so I said how do how do I, how are yousas well drive back to your house, so I drove backcome to my house a he just,but instead of stopping your house go go down this street, so I went down thestreet. He said then make a Ridean and then arive. He Sai the Mega Aut and e'going Rin Rebin, like sever. Eight. Nine minutes later about eight monthsssix miles away whatever it was five miles away. He says: Okay, that's myplace over there. So, in the meantime, I'm like talkingto him UN, I find out a little bit about him. A I find out he's likesixtandd, a half or seventeen and he's young kid. Yodoes have a father he'sgot a single mother, his mother's, a single mother and she's, also raising alittle three year old who from a different father. You know one of thosetind of things and he's just a it's just a good sixteen year old kid tryingto figure out what the hell he's doing on the planet. You know what I mean and, and that's it you know what I mean.It's just good kid, trying to figure out sixteen years old. What that hellam I doing here and you know with a with a single mother, and so I go toJop and watch. So I ask him I said Um. I said how D you get to my house. Youknow at seven o'clock in the morning and it turns out what happened. Was Hewoke up a three o'clock? Three am showered got his Bible and he walkedthe six miles in the house to make sure he was there before seven because hedidn't want to miss it, and so people in Aa ask me. So what do yougot to do? Hi Stay Ssa, Soman, you know thirty. Nine years you will rarely meet Alido an alcoholcsanoyms Leos do very well and alcoholics an Alus. I don't evenknow how you Vanu your facture. I Leou, I don't know how you make Aleo Ion o h do Leo. You know what I mean I'd like to believe that I'm like Leo.I came to three o'clock in the morning or tolrecover three o'clock morning: oneseven twenty fifth Ik a when I got ont myknees get my life, the Lord. You know what I mean and I'm a Jewish did fromNew York, but I started doing really crazy. Askthings out of total desperation, so I just woul do anything to get outof the gym. I was an I didn't. I wasn't one of these guys. That said, if theytalke me about God, you know you hear guys an them say. Well, F. They talk meabout God, I'd be out of the room. That was a MA. You could have you cluld tobow me out of the room with a Bazuka. You know I mean I had no place to go. You know I'm just lucky that didn'tfall to a place where they were doing human sacrificeor, Chacki ion chicken.You know I'm just glad that the Christias didn't come in to get me. Youknow I'V be down at the airport right now with the tambourine. You know yeah. When I came to my sponsor said he said he said: Russell Manyer, callber feuarechosen it's a now road. If you find it onehighway, many go there eas to death. Now Road, it's an Owro, you find them.They did a a statistical study. Now this is many years ago on the work camefrom. I can't Cam me do sight, but they said one half of one percent of peoplete come pay Sthey, so mone, I twenty years and they may die for differentreasons. A lot of people say someof, but they're not rocking in the fourthdimension existence that thing ain't going on so so in anyevent, so let me reel skip real fast to t e the end andeal on this. You know,because you know how many places there are in the big book they talkd aboutGod in the twelve and twelve an ot to got. Go that, but I want to. I want toskip to the end and tell you somesome deal. The big book was Wriin, Ion thousandnine hundred and thirty nine and we've done this before, but I was parsuperiod a start. One thousand nine hundred and thirty five, it said reallyI've seen a person fail. who was thoroughly followed our path, you dowhat we did you get, what we got, what they got. Ote Got Rock in e Forttimetion existence. The great back was this and nothing less than make God tosent hefact o your life. Whatever reason, the goddeal was likethe number one, the most one hundredcent important thing: How youtake people that want to say, go screw yourself or I'm not going to do that.You got my how you take alcoholics like that people like that to find peopleand turn them into people that will just fillw directions and do what thehell they're supposed to do without question. I don't know they may have tobe born that way. Then they have to be Likeleo, they may have to be beatin. Idon't know how that happens. You know what I mean. I don't like to point. Ianybody say that guy's not going to make over that's Gut's going to makesome of the craziest lackiest. You know you know headstrong people end upmaking it and and some of the people...

...that you think gon to make a doe makeit. But I know the people that I respect in her that I asle my sponsors.They all ended up like Leo Ey all ended up likely on the peoplefort. This thing you know didn't make it or certainly didn't have anything Iwanted so in anment in Dnine Tuneen, and they wrote a bookColl Doctobon, the good old timers and with Docor got bote an as you know,they say really have seen. Pircvell slorly follow op Pant and their path islaid out. What they actually did. The one thing they didn't do is: Se canread the Big Mok, I'm not putting down the big book. I'm just tolling, Yo Deinread the big book, the books they found absolutely essential. Accordingabsolutely. This is the word Thay used absolutely scential were firstcommitbeing thirteen SOMON on the mountain book of James We're almostcalled the James Club. So I want to I want to read something to. I want totell you what they were doing so. The next time you hear about the third STAP, you know where it says you get down onyour knees, and you say this prayer and they suggest the prayer and- and I wan I wanti want. I want to read justsomething I w. I want to read you something about what what Aa was about between you know whenthey say really ive' seen personvaily was thoroughly. I followed our Hatf. Iwant to tell I want to tell you what the PAT is an alcohols, an onous, because some ofyou think that this is the path. Some of you think that going throughthis meeting is what Aa is about and well. This is what age about in theyear, two thousand and eighteen, two thousand and twenty whatever, but no. This is Aa in twothousand and twenty, but this is 't dea. They were talking about when they saidReallya Hav, we seen it or a fill, was thirly called up Han. Let me tell you what a looked like inone thousand: Nine hundred and thirty five, thirty, six, thirty, seven,thirty, eight and thirty nine, when they wrote the big book, and maybe Iwantchin Remtis, because next time you hear these words, rarely have a seeniperson fail. who was thoroughly fought, O pat, maybe you'll. Remember this.This is from Boton good old timers. On the other hand, we were taking them upstairs andgetting them on their knees to surrender, which I felt was a veryimportant part. The surrender was more than important. It was a must bobby whocame a day in Febru, onethousand, nine hundred and thirty seven. We calledthat after five or six days in the hospital, when you hade indicated thatyou were serious, they told you to get down on your knees by the hospital bedand say a prayer to God. Andmade, your powse Oer Alcohal and your life wasunmaageable. Furthermore, you had the state that you believed in a higherpower. Would we turn you to Sanby there? You can see the beginning of the twelvesteps. He said we calle that the surrender they demanded. It you couldn't go to a meeting until youdid it, you couldn't go to a meeting until youdid it. If by accident, you didn't make it in the hospital you had to make itin the upstairs bedroom over the Williamson's house, Dorothy AssamriCalle, one thousand nine hundred and thirty seven meetings when the menwould all disappear upstairs and all of us women would be nervous and worriedabout what was going on after about a half an hour or so down would come thenew man shaking white, serious and grim, and all the people who were already anda would come troopming down. After him, they were pretty reluctant to talkabout what had happened, but after a while they would tell us they had areal surrender. I often wonder how many people that come in now would survivean experience like that, a regular old fashioned prayer, Mos that', you know when you say, reallyhave scampon Fillas thror, though that's what they're talking aboutthat's what they were doing. N't. Don't don't mistake that you're doing nowwith whatther, if, if you're wondering how come you're not being rocking toheport dimension existence, you're not experienced at, don't don't think forone second you're doing anything close to what they were doing back then, withthe ferment attitude they had. You know they were serious as a heart attack.You didn't have you know something you didn't hear things like well, if theytold me to do that, I wouldn't be here because those guys weren't there ywhere were they. They were out theredrinking until they got to the point where they were willing to do that. No, I don't know, I don't know aboutyou, but I'll bet the IL bet. The meetings were pretty. They must havebeen pretty interesting meetings, Dr Bob, when he went to Ge, do a twelvestup Someo, you guys Sayn! Well, you might say well, if my sponsor can onlybe Dr Smith or but can imagine, Bil Wilson Man I'd be able to do something youthink you'd, like Dr Bob is your sponsor the guy who said you're anAthis, dignostic or some sort of...

...intellectioal pride. I feel sorry ofyou, so this is how Dr Bob, according to Clari Sneider, was number five or sixin Aa to the Cleveland Group. This is how Clarence Sniden told Tall.This is what he said was his experience with Dr Bob Doing the during doinggetting his first step when talked about came to twelve seven dot came in that stocked Tabob laterand looked over. He sat on the edge of my bed and said. Well what do you thinkof all this to me? Then he paused and he looked at medoubtfully. He said I don't know if you're ready at you're kind of young, Iwas down to a hundred and thirty five pounds: No job, no clothes and no money.I didn't know how much more ready I could be recalled. Clarence still I hadto convince them. I was read: I had o convince them. I was ready now we runafter them begging them to be ready. Then he asked this is the firstquestion. Dor Bob asked him first question Te Foundin, the CovanoPRORASSM. Do you believe in God young fellow? You know, if you ask that to somebodyin ear, you know they'd, say you're going to scare away newcomers. Theyjust didn't give a shit, they weren't scared away, Tocomers,they were getting, they were pooning the trees and what they were doing isthey were finding people who are serious. You know, really, I you know you knowatsays says: If you want we have and you wan, we got a Anlak togethe, an yourready to take certain steps. Let me tell you something: It's so easy to getto these days. It's all in place. You Know Theyre P and I'm not looking tochange a the way. It is right now they come in here ready and they come inhere, not riat. You understand what I'm saying they come in here ready and theycome. There are people that come in here and they want. We have. There arepeople that comein here and want what they have thereare people that come in involvewhat we have but they're not going to go anyway, together, therre people tocome in here and they're like Leo they'll, walk wir six miles. You know what I mean and there'snothing you're going to say, or do that's necessarily going to change that you know. Maybe you know just like thechicken on the roof. You know donall change it or something. This is what he says. You believe inGod, young fellow he always always called the young fellow. When he calledme Clarence Andyw, I was in trouble. Then then Clarence says you'e readythrough our poses. What does that have to do with it? YOU BELIEVE E got. What does that haveto do with him, and this is what Doctor Bob ses everything Wat word everything what that sekond everything you whenyou're teling you you coming, you know it say, don't worry about! You say,don't worry about the God tit! You tell he not to worry about it.Don't worry about that! It's not really that important. He says everything. I guess I do guess nothing either youdo you don't! Yes, I do that's fine, Dr Bobefli, now we're getting someplaceall right, get out of the bed, your hospital back and on your knees, we'regoing to pray. I don't know how to pray. I guess tat you don't, but that's allright, just follow what I say and that will do for now. I did what I wasordered to do. CLA said there was no suggestion. Doctobob was always positive about hisfaith. Clarence said: If someone asked him a question about the program, hisusual response was: What does it say in the good boot suppose he was asked.What's all this first things, first tockabaut would be ready with theappropriate quotation, seek first, the Kingdom of God and his righteousness,and all these things will be added onto you. So you didn't know that that first things first tin, you say butshorthand for a sixy first thing, it God and all things will be ade done toyou. You see when you start really reallyreading this thing and getting into it. you start stripping away, and you startrealizing what the program recovery is really Abad. You understand, you startseeing you start learning Tintis. That's all you start learning differentthings and understanding why people slip understand why people are in happythey why they get the focused and they getcarried away by the world and the worldly clamors and stuff like that.Now I'm just GOINTA andom one thing because I know want o a little bit over.This is what like not so much the mystery. This is where we Sart d talkabout. Well, it's sort like cannaction with the sit I am. I did the third step.I can't tell you what ha three months of porst TAT notso. I got down on myknees and I said the prayer and you know, took all of ten seconds orwhatever it takes to do it, and then I got up- and I don't know whether I was see I hate to say it this way. So I maybe Idon't mean it.

The third step is not the deal. Thereis something about doing the third step, that's important, it seemd portant, butit's not the deal, I'm more or less think the six step ofthe deal. But that's because that's where the real third step haues,because you could actually get down in Tyouknees and say the thirstep prayer and they get up and just n't n W Horribodwore around for about twenty years or something like that in Ho Round Er, itdoesn't do you know, but but what the first step whit the third step was forme is once I did that now. My Frank, I had already done it remember in myliving room about a month before that, but but once I did that once I madethat decision and Seid those words. Okay, it made it easier to make that decision to say the our father. It may be easier to say the SREN Fre itmade easier to to say this ren for every day it may iteasier to make that decision every day, sometimes ther four times aday, sometimes five or six times a day, sometimes any time something happenedthat pissed me off. I would it made it easier to turn to God and say theSerendy Prayer N, Thi Rega prayer, the sran payer. I, if you ask me how many times I prayWor, I said this ready prayer or I guess godself or say God- help me notto drink today between my first day sober and when I took my six step, youknow whatever that was. You know it Woul, probably numberd in the thousands in the thousands. If you ask Yo today how many times Imake a decision for God, I don't have Bein a room or Bible staryinthingdriving or anything it's my whole life. All I do is think about that. So Ithink so. I don't know that the third step, I I don't K, I'm not saying youcould put a fork in it. It you do the third step, Tand you're done, but Ithink the third step put me on the road on a different road on the narrowhighway on the road of becoming a believer where and anybody who does. The thirdstep is at least stepping on that road. Now, there's some people that step onthat road. You know that highway and you get off on the first esin. You knowwhat Ian Blond Wih Blue Eyes. You know you go down the road at says, Wat ofmoney. You know what I mean: Yo Got Strip club. You know what I mean.Sometimes you get on that road. You know that narrow igway you just get offon the exit, but I know this I shouldn't say no thic. I suggest this if you can't even do that, if you makea conscious decision, no, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to do that. Okay Chances. You certainly not be able todo the six at you. Certainly Not Gona, be able tocompletely give your life and everything in your life home to thatdeal and you're- probably not probably not,I think, core the big book. If you're not going to thoroughly do this thing, you'R, certainly not going to make yourcreative, the sential fact of your life and be absolutely certain that he livesin your hearts and minds and a way which ould be miraculous and you're notgoing to therefore get you know that that be rocket in the fourth dimension,rexistence the experience Wans of Heaven to me: It's just almost liviarit's! So it's so clear. It's a lotcful of what you have to do and what youhave to become in order to do that t ais it going to happen overnight. No,it ain't going to happen overnight. It's going to take years. It's it'ssomething like the six tevits repeated for a lifetime. You know but you're, giving a choiceearly on there's two roads, there's a road of atheism and the Rod is a roadof atheism and theres e road of agnosticism and the road of Bot God andthen there's a road of everything. Everything God is everything. There'stwo roads and you're, giving a chance at the beginning to choose which roadyou're going to go on, and yet you have to understand and thefellowship Afbou hols on the program. Both individuals are absolutely welcometo be here, you're in a Cli. You know when I wentto school. You know if I took you know if I, if I took out I tick AlgebraBepore, triganometry ut, then adul, litical geometry, before calculus orTagos on on Unmaniholes, and then I you know I just each you had you hade thesepret records that Jaaz you had to take s. You would have a classroom. All theeighth graders oring one class, the ninth graders ere, I another class. Thefirst graders were in another class. You know the tent graders are ininganother class in this feal, one giant classroom. You understand you got the the twelfthgraders e tenth graders, the the guys that are postgraduate. You got thepeople. You've got the believers, you...

...got the nonbelievers they're all in thesame deal, but just because we're all in the same fellwship we're on samedeal, we're not all doing the same deal. We're not all doing what therewe're,not we're. Not all doing this thing thoroughly the way they were talkingabout in the big book. Ofboutboks an hones and the great thing is this- isnot a tresh fe, Herson N. This is your life. It's not like at you know aeighty years old GE, you know. Maybe I should have tried it that way. Rulsellwas talking about. You Know Nan screw that up. Yes, Bu! You know you mightwant to consider reading doc, Modan Goldin the big book and make it adecision. You know what I mean, I don't know whe that's going to changeanybody's mind, but at least she'll never be able to said, don't be, don'tbe saying ten years now, if you don't do it and you wind, hup drinking againor feeling crab bat don't be saying well, I wish somebody had told me this. Ah, you know they never told me thisand how I never heard this and O oh yeah. That was one guy, but he wascrazy. It was CRAZYA, crazy question. Okay,thank you very much. All Right.

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