AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 28 · 2 years ago

Russell S - Peace of Mind While Standing Firm In Difficulties @ Life Is Good Group 2020

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

We have rust start. We don't have. Thank you. Justin's scared they're hurting me or something. My Name's Russell, an alcoholic, remember the Celtics Group from Miami. Haven't found, I said, have a drink since January twenty five one thousand eight hundred eighty one. I was broke last night or wasn't necessary. But any then it's going to be here. And you know, this is I think the second last, last deal is going to be next week. So I'm going to talk a little bit about step eleven and ten or something. I don't know what. Who My kids? I don't know. It's gonna have something with God. Probably. This is interesting. Mama, that's an interesting thing. What's going on? What I'm watching going on around me? I was I was on the way driving up here with Daniel and John. I was on the phone. I had like a little and a phone me. You know, I've done in Anthony of New York and put together a sort of thing. We're good about fifteen, twenty people on the phone and we're talking to most of them from New York but from different parts in the United States. are like a little phone deal and I gotta tell I was nice to we had we had a good time on fun but but the truth matters, is nothing like seeing you with in person. But you know, they're all like the rest of the world. I suppose they're all sort of worried about this corona deal, you know, this super fluth and it's going on and I'm sort of watching what's going on around me. It's hard to know what the make of it, you know, and just I'm watching the sort of which seems like hysteria. I mean, I'm not saying it's wrong or it's good or it's bad, or it's probably good things. It's especially good things. Were drive running, you know, I mean to you know what. No, I knew when you complace it. What happens if they when they when they let go the reals terrorist group, the real biological deals. So you know it's a drive run. But I figure this is got to be you. It's got to be a like a real rough time for ass, you know rock. You know, I think, scarier, worried about dying, things like that. It's funny how, you know God works and how things work up. I was an atheist or agnostic for many years, or at least God had certainly nothing to do with my life and think about it and I laughed and people who were God centered and things like that. But they talk about this book. But it's funny. When I was broke to my knees and I thought I was overwhelmed and I thought I was out of control and I was scared and I thought my life was over, it's interesting how easily the thought of relying upon God came to me, as arrogant as I was and as smart as I thought I was. It's interesting how it came to me. It's it's interesting in the world, the way I see the world, of people that is sort of run away from God and trying to be their own God and make up their own sort of God so they can do whatever the hell they want to do, and especially alcoholics, you know, we don't like them told what to do. We don't want to be disciplined. We don't like people laying down rules of life and the raking about making own God, as you've been cheat on your wife, you know, and you could like God in the sky or God of the tree or something like that. It's going to have three right three wives and marry a doctor something, you know, do whatever you wanted to know, because you know your God told you that. It's you know what I'm saying. It's an interesting thing, how when you're complacent and you're pretty much like we are in this country, but certainly in this town, not in fear of dying, you know, I mean pretty much are a lot and we worried about things like losing our cell phone and, you know, behind a little bit in the ranch or you know, you know that kind of stuff. But it's we don't worry about a day to day you know, dying of ubonic plague or anything like that. So we live a pretty much life where we don't really need God because, you know, the government takes care of the God thing or, you know, our husband's wives take care of God thing, or it's find you don't like you know, our lives are. You know, it's like at all. Guy, when said me said where I'm like an amp going out on the log going down the river. Every one so along. The lag goes through a bend of the river and I think I'm steering a lag, you know, but...

...the lags going with a log's going. I can I can sort of like, you know, I can sort of wiggle around in the log and them me to here there to get less wet, which is pretty much what I do. But that's about as much control over I have. I have all my life. I mean, we don't. There's nobody in here that even those are. They're gonna be alive an hour from now. They're gonna make it home tonight, you know. But but we operating under this illusion that we're liking control. You know, I mean, you know, and of course, the literallyast little idea that we may not be in control. We don't know exactly what's gonna Happen. Go flipping bombers, you know, and full of fear. But but it is interesting, when you think about it, to watch what happens as soon as throughout the world, yours this idea of what's essentially, the way I understand it, a super fluid which I don't maybe a hundred people will kill too, you know what I mean, and or three. There's still not sure, because it's you know, and how people react and the incredible how it shuts the entire world is shut down, I mean shut down, and this is only the beginning. Stock marks of fallen everything and people are running around and the the people that will somebody's crazy. I mean it's either me of the rest of the world. It's probably me. It's probably me. You know what I mean. But you know I mean I have a lot of people that think I'm underreacting. I guess under reacting is when you don't react at all, as would that be underreacting when you told react at all? And I'm worried, you know. But and and so, when you watch what's going on, and I'm talking about with them, almost everyone around me, it's amazing the power of God and what he could do to people when he rips away they're conscious thought that they're invulnerable and then total control and put them into situation where something can kill him and they have no control over it. You know, that's how well that's that's how he's I think that's maybe how he nudge. I'm not that he's, you know, I mean he doesn't want anybody to die or anything that south, but I mean that's that sort of it's funny how that sort of put some people in the mood to maybe pray, to pray what to think about things that they would never think about. You know, it's an interesting deal. That's sort of like what we see happening in the world today. I'm not saying it's all the other vantic. I'm still trying to sort it out of my mind, because we should be prepared and stuff like that, but I'm talking about what I'm talking about is the fear and the hysteria there is. There is, you know, this planning this thing so it on. There are people that are just hysterical. I don't know when you're running into those people, who are you see him at anyway. been a lot of his jimmed up by the news, media, media, and you can't say good bad. I mean it's good that we had, it's great that we have sort of like a thing roll in the earth, you know. Well, you know, you can let everybody know on the Earth they're going to die any seconds immediately, you know, I mean, and that's probably a good it's good thing, you know, but I guess I don't know. But but it's interesting to sort of watch as the entire planet turns alcoholic and there's they turn alcoholic and there's and they got no meetings to go to and they have no meanings all. They got to sit at home and watching TV and some guy telling them they're going to die and things are getting worse. You know, that's an interesting thing, but it's sort of like way works with the with the alcohol thing out there, you know, hanging around you, hanging on top of you. You know, could come in and he second come at you. You have no control over your powers over there's just sort of hanging there, you know, and you know that as the as the dam pally sort of if you don't do this thing right, because what going to happen? It's sort of like that kind of thing where, over a period of time, this sort of sword slowly nudges you and pushes you and get you to do things like ask people a sponsor. You will go to meetings, enjoying the groups and read books and do all sorts of things. Nudges you forward and forward, but for the idea that although you're super scar and you're grade and you got total control over everything except the alcohol, which is cutting that play in the powerful and can kill you any second. It's kind of interesting that when they have to buy into that brainwashing. You know, I told my sponsor I don't this is about brainwashings as...

...well. Maybe your brain needed wash it. It's got interesting. How that that downically sort of the alcohol can can just by being there and even being worried about it. Maybe that your power was a alcohol and continue to put slowly force you, you know, two, three, four, five years down the road into doing a lifestyle that you would have never thought of before you came down cools. It over a period of ten years, twenty years, thirty years could actually get you to the poet we basically lose your mind in searching for and focusing on God, you know what I mean, just just become totally a total wack job for God, you know, that kind of thing, just because of the concept that there's one thing, and it's called alcohol, that can get any second you have no control over and your problems. It's an interesting it's an interesting deal like that's why they say, why all this insistence on any bottom, because nobody's going to do this stuff or adopt the attitudes we adopt and unless they think their life depends upon it, especially alcoholics, you know, and push them towards the God. Then so I was. I was some that. Let me read want a couple. I'm read a couple things. One thing I'm to read this book. I am well, you know because you've been here a lot. I'm I'm going to talk a lot about God, because I think that's what the whole problems about and you put much stop there. But that's what all the steps are about. But I was like to read. You can read about I think you can pick any page of alcoholics anonymous, any booking autoholics anonymous. That basically staying it stands for everything I'm talking about. That the exact the theme is trust God, Finghouse, help others, you know, make a decision for God. All sorts of remarkable things will happen to you. It says. You really don't give a crap about any better yourself. You much divery the selfishness. God makes that possible. New Basis based in trusting God and the Line on God. How do you get rocking the Fourth Dimension Existence? How do you find peace of mind? You know, the great fact is this and nothing less. God has to be simple fact in your life. You need to absolutely be certain in your heart that he lives in your heart. Mine, which is deep and pop remarkable, is do a few you could not do for yourself. And you know then, just somehow slowly pushing you into that deal. You know, Mary Code of morals or better, philossom of life. Wone help. You can't manage away out of it, no person can help you, nothing that'll work. You know, like got like who's a Roman hasn't said down on the inner organs of my line dreading was impossible. You're going to forget this thing out, archer. You're going to figure out why am I like this, how I like this? How can I get better? The more you think, that where you get you know, not until you give up the thinking. Imagine that. Listen, I was going my phd and mathematics, I became a them, became alors, I took it was all about analyzing and thinking, energy and until in my whole life was about thinking. I was smart at being smarter. And imagine the imagine the end, and I'm not bragging or anything, I'm just thinking about this. Imagine being credible type of intelligence. It takes, when you got all that going, for you to come to the realization that you don't know shit. You know, when you're like really smart and you really know a lot, and as about fact, the things that happened your life is sort of like indicates you. That's true. What has to happen to come to the conclusion that you don't know anything, to get rid of your old ideas so much that you'll listen and you the society. You don't know it. That's that's the impossible thing that this program is all about. The takes people that want to be in control, think the water and everybody and chief characteristic is the fine and gets to the point somehow, some way, I don't know how it happens. It's a miracle where they decide they don't know anything and they just stop thinking. They stop thinking, they stopped wondering, they stopped trying to figure it out and all they do is go up to somebody who they think has what they want and they say, what should I of you? And then the person sells them go make coffee. And they came from a life of them understand what making coffee has to do with staying sober. But guess you know, they do. They go make coffe. I say, go help that guy in the corner. You know, and you know they need to go and they help the guy. What does it take here to get used to you know, to to hun to UNSMART, you, you know, stop you for me in such a wife.

That something an amazing sort of thing, you know, and the result is really nil until you let go absolutely. It's a really let go of that one thing that you have that you know is the only thing that you're saving, grace, your brain, the fact that you're smarting everybody and nobody knows you better than you know. You to let go of that and just do what s ask somebody's health, but just do whatever can hell they tell you to do. I don't know. It children's some sort of faith because it's a way down in the book. It's only out of the book. It's said very, very clearly in the book. But the problem is we don't want to do it. That's really the problem. Promise, I just don't want to do it. I don't want to do it. Page wonder for forty three. This is Dr Smith when he came in the twelve step. Clarence, the broom master, says Dock Smith came in later into gower. He sat on the edge of my bed and said well, clap, Clarence was in the hospital. He was a young man who was very thin. He was amazing. It was thirty five years old, because it's not drinking. Said Dr Bob to see how Dr Bobo was that times. Doctor probably his good these or something. So Dr box sat on the edge of the Clarence's best. Clarence talk about how he was ceosed up, he said, on the edge of my bed and said well, what do you think of all this? Then he paused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know if you're ready. You're kind of young. I was down to a hundred thirty five pounds, no job, no clothes and no money. I didn't know how much more ready I could be. We called Clarence. Still I had to convince them that I was ready. Then he asked, do you believe in God, Young Fella? You always called me young fellow. When he called me Clarence, I was in trouble. I said, what does that have to do with it? Everything, everything he said and everything. He apparently didn't worry about scaring off the newcomer. You know, he told them stray said everything that's a whole in them. You know we do. That's what Dr Bob back then. You know, when they said, really, I've seen preser fail, who has thoroughly followed our path, you know, thoroughly footing you don't, we don't. We say don't tell them that, you don't tell them about the God thing, you might scare we that's what Dr Bot, Dr Bostaid. Everything you might as well put right now. Everything is a matter you could go to meet unless you got down on your knees and gave you a life to God. That's the way they did it one thousand nineteen thirty five to nineteen thirty nine, when they wrote them in the Big Book Rep really how you seen it? For the fail who was thoroughly followed our path, our path. That was their path. The books they've done absolute essential. First with a thirteen certain of the mount the book of James. Their Path was to say we lose all prejudice, we lose all prejudice against organized religion. We begin to see where they're right. We say I'm spiritually not religious and were organized schoolgon and we get mad whenever he's head. We say don't worry about the God thing, don't talk about the God thing, and we put down organized religion. Bill Wilson and Dr Bob, you know, idolize people and they they work with people like Ed Dowling, the Jesuit priest, and Sam Shoemaker and people have clergy are great friends. Those were people that turn to when they talked about the sixth step, that separate the men from the boys, people that talked about okay. They even said we encourage church membership in order to appreciate conscious contact with God. We say that that's an Anatom. When I said we say, the program doesn't say that. The book doesn't say that. The Fellowship says that. By the way, this isn't exactly well, peoples a honness, it's groups of this is the big book. This is a big book in the program which written down that, which hasn't changed, and the fellowship is...

...a huge group of people who are that all stages of illness because of alcoholism, trying to figure out how to stay sober without actually doing this shit. You know what I mean, because they're defined because part of the disease of alcoholism they is denial and trying to do it your way. So I mean, what does it take? I think it's a miracle when an alcoholics, an alcoholic one day busts lose from the crowd and actually reads the Big Book and sees what they're actually saying. I think it's American when they when a person, a actually reads the plain language of the book, does see what they're saying, does what they say to do, you know I mean, and he stops worrying about what the Banatis and next of their name is going to think about it. Really I think it's just it's an amazing thing. I think God for the fact that there are that somehow the Lord or God has given some people that ability, that courage or whatever to do something like that. I guess it's a problem attraction rather than promotion. If you see something somebody, you want what they have and you got to be willing to go to any lath to get it. And sometimes will you go to any length means staying apart from the crowd and alcoholics, anonymous and being willing to have people after you and mock you and make fun of you. And because you go to church, you go to Bobby Study and talk about God or whatever it is, and you make people untalsfortable because because they're not doing it and they don't want to do it. So if you're doing it, if it's working for you, and sort of scary because then maybe you might have to change it. They don't want to change whatever so we said. He said you believe, not, Young Fella. He always called the young fellow when you called me Clarence, and I was in trouble. What does that have to do with it? Everything, I guess. I did guessing. Nothing. Yes, nothing, you do? You Do? You don't? Well, yes, I did. That's fine, Dr Bottom Clive. Now we're getting someplace. All right, get out of bed and on your knees. You're going to pray. Well, I don't know how to pray. I guess you don't, but that's all right. Just follow what I say and that will do for now. I did what I was ordered to do. Clarence said that we're no suggestions. Dr Bottle was always positive about his face. Clarence said, if someone asked him a question about the program is usual response was, what does it say in the good book, but the Bible? Suppose who's asked? What's all this person's first to Dr Bobble, be ready with the perfect quotation. Seeking first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added on to you the Bible. And so that's how they did when they went out, when they were doing their path that we're supposed to thoroughly boble. So I was. I happened to be in a meeting my home group and they do once we the do up a twelve and twelve, reading from twelve. Were doing the eleventh step and so they were reading through the eleventh step. Now I'm you know, as I said, I've been around thirty nine years and I've realized an over and over and over and over again. But it's sort of like a miracle. It's interesting. It's a spiritual and I guess how you could read things over and over and over and over again and here them and it not really hating, you know I mean. And so they happen to read in the in the elemn step, which is quite a few page in the twelve and twelve, and they got to a hole. But they rare a small little paragraph on page one, O four of the twelve and twelve. It's five sentences. There are in five sentences and all of a sudden like hit me ban it's something that the two by four, he's final. I probably I probably fifteen thousand times, but I really started as two by four is something that is pardoned my life. That work right, something that describes my life now. You know, I guess sometimes you just have to change, you have to have let the Lord Change You. You know what is what of the call young stank he said in describing as psychic change, he said ideas, emotions and attitudes that are the guiding forces of these men's lives are a shift it to one side and they become they become dominating by a whole new set of ideas, emotions and attitudes. And sometimes you have to change your whole idea and perception of life. And how is our perception change? Accord...

...to the big book, it changes by repeated humiliations, in the final crushing of our selfsufficiency. The changes our whole ideas about sex, about women, about men, about relationships, about what's important, priorities change slowly and sometimes quickly. The same way our attitude that alcohol change. Remember how you out. I remember how your idea about how alcohol changed. You know, one day you had one idea about alcohol. In the next day you got crushed and you had another idea. In fact, you kind of stuffing it happened. It seemed to happen kind of quickly. I don't I don't take a long time working up to it, but once you get to the point. You get to that point, that spot where they called the big book, I think they called the jumping off place. You know, they say they said it said when they talk about the guy who's drinking driving moment, says I don't Miss It. Feel better. Look at it, says. We laugh at such sally. You know, will soon play the old game game because he's not happy with his sobriety. So they'll know loneliness is. You men do it'll wish for the jumping off place. They talk about the three horsemen of all sort of stuff. You know, you get to that point. You well, I got to that point on December twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty. I was winters off on. My lunch is over. It was never going to get better again and I got down on my knees and has God to help me? You know, I got to that point. I was not a God guy. Can say that it's not going to round means talk about God. I got to that point when the consequences of my drinking came out me faster than my ability to lower my standards. I got that point where I was overwhelming. You know, it takes time. Sometimes it takes time. You you crushed. Sometimes it takes a long you know, let me tell you something. They don't arrest you for driving while lusting. And there were arresting the driving. Well, being greedy, arrested for driving while gossiping or character assassin. So, though it's you can get a lot of way with a lot of crap, a lot of bad stuff that's unhealthy, unhealthy dependencies for a long time, maybe even died with him, and manage to have some sort of life. You can do that. You know, the drinking something else. You know, eventually you get a Duy. You know, you get the wars. You know, stuff happens, the life starts falling apart, maybe with the drugging even faster, but with the lusting, with the sex thing, with the sexting, with all the other stuff, you know, the being greedy and envy and all that sort of stuff. It works. So it's way. It's making me miserable and unhealthy and hungry and left wanting and and maybe illanies and unhappy, but you can sort of live with it for a long period of time without getting arrested as well. You don't want people, you don't like her I represent a lot of people that's in chargement, like stealing em bezzlement. You don't see. We see it all the time. You know, I said greedy. Lit'sten. Here's the answer. Because they're greedy. Why do people still because they're greedy, because they're lost it. You know, I got a lot of a lot of people that in trouble as first sexual things, you know, because the last pits guy. I mean, but it's not as fast as the drinking, you know, but you know someone. So I get it. I get these holder. So these ideas change over period of time and change me and slowly, maturely, I get involved in worshiping and thinking of that and focusing on God, and I don't I stopped. You know, the six step is all that settling. It says you're going to settle, you know, or you going to become are you going to come and try the way I've got your involvese. Are you going to settle other ways? They're going to set up for the fact that you're not drinking. Let's stood up in all these other errors and try to tractive away the weasel around it. You know, I mean trust me. You know if you got some really bad crack going on your life. That's either sort of bottom. You were hurting other people that you don't really want to talk about. It means there whatever heck it is. I don't know what it is. Could be a lot of things, or you know, you don't want to. I don't do the God. Then they'll just rip you apart. Just try to figure out how to get away with it. God will start feeling guilty and bad and it'll of course you do those sorts of things that change in your wife. And so here is the so I happen to read this. So I didn't read that. Actually take something else hit me, because it's not like something that I am. I am about right now. I think it's a good thing to talk about and there's nothing I do with the with the things in the book. I like you even slowly and I like thinking about what they're actually saying. I like thinking about, you know, thinking about what they're saying. Is sometimes you even real fast. I do, guys. So I think it says rarely have seen presidial who has thoroughly follow our path. You ever said you must heard that a million times. Right. Really haven't seen a person tails thoroughly follow our head.

Have you ever thought about what they're saying on that? One Line says they rarely seen a person fail who has thoroughly, thoroughly followed them head. That means you will not fail if you thoroughly follow their head. And then you think of talked about the good old times and you ask yourself, are you thoroughly following their parents? Simple was that? Somebody asked me on that phone call today. You know that we had, you know, New York people. He said, what do you think about this idea of I think they were talked about people putting down religion or making fun of religion. I said, well, let me ask is something or as and I asked him this question. I don't know then of the question. I say that if you ever heard of this enough, as anonymous, the part where it says in a we lose, which I think refers to the man. I think it refers to people that all have emotional sobriety, have been rocking the fourth dimensions. This is mature sobriety. Have you ever heard this in a, at least the big when I say the big book, I mutch. You know this is in my opinion, this is our basic text. This is what we're supposed to all agree to. Have you ever? Have you ever? Have never heard this? We lose all prejudice. What prejudice? What presudent we prayed some presidents or what would is that we do? It does say we lose some prejudice. We lose all prejudice, even against organized religion. We begin to see where religious people are rights. So I asked this question. So what am I to think of? What am I to think of? Why people, when they start putting down church or believers or religion? Why? Ask yourself this. Why do they do that? I'm not even the answer I don't answer is do they do that because they're sober? ARE THOSE PEOPLE SOBER? Are they emotionally mature, and so are they? Have they reached wherever you're supposed to reach to be that kind of person in the big book that is in that is could supposed to be a sober person. I don't care if they have fifty years. Is that? What is that? What is described as sobriety in the big book of Alcoholics? Anonymous, I've made my decision on that. So what do you want? You want to be sober, or do you want to be cool? Do you want to be sober or do you want to be cool? You know? Do you want to be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence, or you want people to like people? Design you want to be popular, or do you want to be at peace with yourself, your God? Do you want to have friends, or do or would? I mean? I mean what? What do you want? Is I do want friends, or you want to be unafraid of dying not have here? Let me take your choice. You can't have both. Now some people can never make the choice. It says in a book that you know. Says in the book that says there's some people that can't do it. He said. No one says about it. Says they seem to. They seem to be born that way. You know, that's what they say. They say they seem that. They don't even say that they're bad people. Or they said there are some people just are not born to be able to accept this deal. It's almost like it's a gift. I don't know, I don't I don't count anybody out. I'm just saying with the big book says it AA. We have found being now sisal, the five sentences in Ay. We have found the actual good. We the we have found in AI's on page one, Oh four of the twelve and twelve in AA. All listen, do it this way, but I'm going to suggest to do it this way. This is gonna this is really help you out of think if you do it this way, it helps me out. Assume that everything you hear in a bullshit, including nine to two. Send the stuff I'm saying. Maybe a hundred percent of stuff I'm...

...saying, but everybody, anything I read from this literature is the Gospel. is absolutely true. If you understand that and don't try to change it, don't try to make it says. Yeah, but you understand, I'm not like that. It's talking. This is the truth, and the benefits you're going to get from him is been depend upon whether you believe the truth or you decide to believe it's the truth or you decide to ignore it. Do you understand what I'm saying? You know what. What does it say about not on the old that? What does it say? The result was nil until we let go at intercept. To let go that, you gotta make a decision. For God in Ay. You don't have to listen, you don't have to believe in God. I'm going to help you out with this. You don't have to believe what you say. What if I don't? You say like so Shelton, say this, Shell, wake up, listen to me say this. Say, but what if I don't believe in not do it anyway. Just decide. You can believe in God anyone. Just make it said. Just make a decision. Decide that believing. You know what you said. Paul. Say, say, what if I don't want to go to work? Go to work any go to work anyway. It seems you don't want to go to work because you don't feel like all the work, because that's making sense to the work. Then you call me up the next day and say they fired him from the job. What am I going to do? If you don't want to go to work and you go to work, then then thing, you feel better and you're not fired from the job. So if you don't want, you don't want to believe in God, or you don't believe in God and you don't feel like you believe in God, are you don't understand God, design going to believe in them anyway? Is that any sense? We used to call fake it until you nay, just make a decision, you know. You know what there's that this is making the decision. You know, make a decision that you're going to be a God guy. You're not going to be a shame. You're going to make a decision. You be a god God. So what do you make that Sensei want being something. This propos tells men. Make a decision. You know, that's what I have to do. It's go work in the stats. In a we have found that the actual that the that the actual good results of prayer are beyond question, which means, this is my take on this. I don't gonna say. Is that an AA, the actual good results of a prayer are beyond question. That's what is. Anybody have any question about that? And that? No, it's end. You don't money east. I don't know what's what they're saying in a is that it is beyond question that prayer to God worse, and it gives good results. How many people want good results in their lives? Well, you don't make a decision. Believing God and prayer. The Bible says, and I think it's also a he says this praying without ceasing, not just the Lord's prayers, and not just the surenity prayer before, during, even as you walking out the door, going backwards, and we're just praying without ceasing. So what happens if you pray that? What happens if you're always talking to God or praying to God? I think about God and thank you God. What happens? What kind of person you become? You become a person who's life has centered upon your Creator. He becomes the central fact of your life because you're always thinking about it. You're not thinking about the money or the woman or what you don't have. When you thinking of that, you're creator which, interestingly enough, if you read the Big One about Bostomas, it says the Great Act is this and not the best to be rocking the fourth metsion of desistence existence. It says that our creator becomes a central fact of our lives. You get it. You know, and this is a lot of people think that this is like mysterious stuff, that it's a mystery. It's only a mystery to alcoholics because they're stupid for lack of I don't mean I'm not hearing any by feeling so I throw I'm an alcoholic. It's because they're stupid because they just don't see what's like right in front of them. You understand. So you know that's the deal. The next one is a found that the ass of the results of prayer. It's amazing how this...

...stuff is like very good here right in front of the sects, like right in front of you, but we don't even get know, we just s what's God's well, where is it? Who is is? And I don't understand. How do you do? Okay and Ay, we have found that the ass of the results of prayer are the only question. They are matters of knowledge and experience. That is apparently. Apparently experience matters. So when people say you time doesn't mean anything, I get that. You can have thirty nine years of the banana. I get that you got five weeks of again to that, going to add. But but experiential as you go through mind and as they say in the big book and the book, How would they say in big book, the way we get a new perspective by repeated humiliations in the final question of our selfsufficiency. So if you get a new perspective, good new perspective, by getting humiliated and crushed, well you're an alcoholic. If humiliation and being crushed worse. Humiliation, being crushed two thousand times probably works better. The more you get humiliating crush the problems better. And listen, if I'm going to be seventy one years old in four days, so I've had seventy one years of humiliation and Prussian. So I understand something. It's not that I'm smart, it's just I've been stupid more times than you have. Understand I matched my stupidity against yours any day of the week. You've got like young bullshit stupidden. As a matter of fact, you've got so much stupidity to know it's disgusting. You know I mean, I've apparently most of it, not all of it. Use felt bring deal the must today I've just used it. Not much to pity left a mind toil box. Don't a little bit, but not much stability. And so since I've been stupid so many times and heard so many times and I've used it up, it's very hard for me to be to continue these stupid you instead, although it is possible. I have to say it is possible. There is some stupidity left there, and the MIC quiver the air manners and knowledges and experience. All those who have persisted, nowlysis, this is not like this one. All those who have persisted, by the way, the book of Jeff James, and know it says. It says rejoice when you have trials and tribulations of every time. Rejoice because when you persist and endure my focusing on God to those try your faith grows. You get even more faith which, by the way, the eleven step has something about improving your conscious contact with God. So if you want to prove your conscious, constant contact with God, as he throws you all these opportunities for growth that you think are horrible, you know what I mean, like some of the craft is going to need it this week. You know, you know, you just persevers. You would to trust God, trust Lord and as you person you through it even grows and affect you of the less he developed, some of the equanimity. They are manners of knowledge and experience. All those who have persisted with faith have found strength, not wording early. So you'll take me on an alcoholic. I coming downcoholics, anonymous one, on thirty one years old the boards and I'm an attorney. I have a son who I see sometimes and I come to a because I'm a total basketcase. Basket case and that is not to be been arrested, Ray that stop. But emotionally, I am a basket case. I can't stop drinking. I wish I was dead. I'm scared of dying. I am a basket case. Now, mind you, I have absolutely no obligations. I've got me. The only people person I have is me and nobody else in my life. No real friends, don't real connections, no nothing. Divorce of a walk above and a good one that divorced. Okay, a basket case life on the planet Earth for me. And I'm not even on the street. I'm in and I'm in a Beautiful Town House and I am overwhelmed and disgusted and feel like I want to kill myself and that my life is over. But I'm scared of dying and I can't stop during at thirty one years old. Thirty one years old, everything lived with overwhelming powerless over alcohol, my life totally...

...unmaginable. Okay, no strength, clamilar and handle this world. I mean, I'm town him something. One more problem. I couldn't have a one more problem, not one more problem and I didn't have any problems. I need one. More over, moving problem to me would have been open up the refigerator and drawing a bead on the four. That would have been way too much. You know what I mean. I can't take it anymore. Can't handler. Can handling. So now seven win years old, can't hardly's walk. I've got a white for children, seven grandchildren, a law of the three secretors. Also, judge, is a people, sponsors, sponsees. Also to be also some more stuff going on in my life shortly. In my life, things are coming at me every day, every second of the day, and I don't even notice it. You know, I'm sort of like like sleep walking through life. This week my brother was found wandering around by the hospital a massive league on his brain and took him in. So he's in the hospital. He was watching over my eighty year old, eighty teens, eighty eight year old uncle. And so I yeah, somebody had to forgot how to take care of my brother in the hospital, get him taking care of my uncle, run my office, do all that stuff. And then there was a whole mess of other things that are going on that running. You know, one of the things you discover is just because you're sober. Life can still come after I mean, Shit happens, let me tell you. And all of a sudden that happens and something else happens and something else happens and it's all happening at the same time. Wow, you know, I thought, my life is going so well, so well, so well, they whatever. You know, I'm doing that in the back of my life. I sort of thought, you know, maybe God wasn't paying attention to just wasn't paying attention. I was like a whole, one whole, you know. And then when all this shit came back, all this time came up at the same time, I said, well, you finally noticed. He finally noticed. There's all things were good at those of love, the Lord and called to his purpose and he doesn't chastise those people that it doesn't love. If you, if you, if you love your if you want you to grow, he gives you challenges. If you pray for humility, he just beat some shit out of a little bit, just the taste. He takes some stuck away from me, a test shit. He does this, guys. I said, well, he's finally know this. So I start look at these things, even though I'm not placed with them, but things that happen. Life is sort of like ways of getting closer to God. But you see, what happens is when you look at these things as good at it instead of bad things, things that if you focus on him, you'll get closed to God, if the tragedies in your life start becoming things to rejoice about and feel good about, that it's really difficult to have a bad day. Understand what I'm saying. It's really difficult to have a bad all those who have persisted and found stray not orderly their own. They have found wisdom beyond their usual capability and they have now listen, this is the cool part, is the best part, best part, and they have increasingly found a piece of mind which can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances like that. You know, you know. Listen. I know the PROB I don't like the promises. I have the promises to but, with all the respect, the sort of bullshit compeaded that there. No, I'm serious, I'm serious. I think the kind of bullshit had been that deal, I mean one of the promises got blah, blah, blah, peace and everyone that wasn't I like this. I like this deal, and they have found increasingly and they have increasingly found a piece of mind that can stand firm in the face of difficult circumstances. I was like that, that and the others. Something, howould like that of stuff where...

...you have peace in your life. It's called that minimity. Even when all hell is going even when the coronavirus is coming at you fiftyzero miles proud. Everybody else is handling is is heavy, heavy for the bathroom wrapping themselves and mummy tape or something like that. They're all going crazy and you're in life, you have peace. They look be you like you're crazy and crazy, crazy like the Fox. And you know what all this all comes from? It all comes from focusing on God, getting closer and closer to God. And really that's what this thing is. I mean, you know, you coming here, not going to not one of the drink, to stop drink, but really, as far as I can test, that's what really wonderful to someone getting here. So thank you very much.

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