AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 10 · 1 year ago

Russell S - Going Barefoot @ West Dixie Club 2019-2020 #12

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Everybody is Therei at rapided dot ortoday we have Russel Las Talk. A Lin hit me Ta, Don Doing Fairflat andsolitening my name's rusfell spats I'm analcoholic, and this is it this. Is it I'm out of here after this I'm gone?That's it that's! I I'm going to be starting tomorrow night, starting up inVoca. I mean it's Focu, amiton apart. So that's what youdo you just keep on going over and over again and never give a time for the youknow you got to you got to keep on running. You know you don't want thedrink to catch up with you, you know and do that suff. So listen then I say was an alcoholic. I am analcoholic, just want to point that out, and so I haven't found necessarily havedrink since January. T twenty fife nineteen eighty one. So this is mybirthday month, ougt thirty, nine years. If I make it- and I like this group- I really do likethis group. I've been doing, I've been doing sepsers ot this group for liketwenty years, Twenty eight twenty nine thirty years or something- and I alwayslike coming here. I sense I mean I have to tell you. I want Tou, get upset up this, I'm not trying to hurtanybody feelings, but I said I send serious sickness when I come in here Imean you know I do I do I just I just like hang. I just feelvery comfortable when I'm here, it's like, I feel like I feel like I'mtalking to my twins or something you know that about do any so avid you know.I know I'm kind of weird and I'm kind of strange and it's hard to follow andeverything like that and but unfortunately, this is probably going no be like aeven though my meedis kind of weird and strange and I ilike traditions, and Italk about Jesus and all that stuff. The bottom lige is. I think thisthere's a possibility. I don't plan this stuff that this meaning mightactually be totally off the chain, and my this might be the last mean I do analcohol snamas. They may close me down after this meeting is possible. So ifyour think that heart or maybe you're sensitive, you know we gut alcoholics,our se O, you know, if there's a possibility,you might get upset. You know you might want to cut out of here for I'm gonna,I'm Gong to take a lot of crap a lot of stuff. I'm Gonto, throw it into ablender turn on to switch we'll see what the help bops out. I don't knowwhat this is going to be bad, I'm thinking, maybe about the first stepand the sixth stet and the twelve step. You know we're sort of like the lastOi'm supposed to talk a little bit t twelve step, but I don't plan it, but I have a feelingiss what I want to talk about, there's something I was thinking about reading.I read this thing one time at one AA meeting like five years ago and three people died, and so I've never read it again, but Ithink this group can handle it. I think you can handle it okay and whatwere you? What was that movie The ring? What was I never saw that wasn't youwatched something? Then you died or something it's not that bad, but it hassomething to do with what I'm going to talk about, because I'm going to talkabout a bunch of things and which seemed to be sort of like different,and you know when you've been around a while when you first come day you when Ifirst came day, I should say when I first came day, you guys are probablylooks more than me when I first Ben Da, I had no idea what the help was goingon. Nothing, none, zero and you don't even understand the jargon. You knowthe way, they're talking it takes months and years, and you know as timegoes along you, you change, you know you change and how you do this thing.What you think about things and your message and everything like that and and you start maybe putting thingstogether- put some stuff together. You know you, you get a little moreunderstanding, but it's always in the rear view. Marro. You never understandthis crap as you're doing it. It's always like you know, like five yearsdown the road you sort of firgure out what you were doing during the firstthree months. You know or something like that, and so you know you canimagine thirty nine years and...

...you know I put on I've, connected a lotof thoughts. You know I've connected on things and I don't know whther makes sense if youare not so what I just do is I my job is to share my experience. I just sharemy experience so whether you understand it or not, I'll just throw it out thereand were all a different thing you got. We got people here that have like aweek and we got people here that have five years got people eve that twentyyears and everything can we're all looking at this thing differently and-and the truth of the matter is to may be understand some of the things I'mtalked about. You just have to go through it. You know, in order to understand stuffthat I learned in twenty years, it may not make any sense to you doesn't mean you're wrong or I'm right.You may may make sense do when you have twenty years. They make sense you whenyou have twenty five years, but I'm going to start of like try to draw aconnection between the first step, the six step in the twelvte step and that'skind of Weird Huh. So you know we take we. U should take these, but I'm goingto try to I'm going to throw a lot of stuff, as I sed into the pledgof Eve'r,going to see how that works out and what I want to talk about start offtalking about I'm going to read something for the Big Book and I wantto start talking about on the twelve step, I'm talkg about themessage: s ther, they where's the twelve step. I want to make sure that Iwant to make sure that that's where it is in Te twelv e Havin as Fowe Carri.This message I knew it was there. I want to talk about the message. Amebody know what the Messagis, youthink you know with the messages. So I want to talk about the message you knowand but before I talkd about the message, I'm I'm going to say this:Okay, I'm not going to talk about practicing principles or spiritual,wakening, ijust, gotta telk about the message in a way. Maybe Yo haven't heard itbefore so here. Here's the deal. Let me find this one thing where Bill Wilsonis talking about in Bill's Thory, where he's so and and Itmay seem here's theproblem the way I do these things, I'm just Gotto, throw this crap out hereand I'm not going to make it easy for you. Otherwise, I'm not going toexplain to you what all I'm just got to throw it out there and you're going tohave to do some work. TYEU'RE gonna have to try to figure this thing out:Hai O throw u a diffet punch of things out there and well see whether you lookyour figure out when you can do this ten, so you need to pay attention. Youdon't need to pay attention. I would never tellm ot Bel. They need to doanything to do whatever you wantto O, but so here's the deal. So this is on page fifteen ibill, Wilson Throun his first aitenduring his first eighteen months in the Ri for site months, my wife and Iabandoned ourselves with enthusiasm. So the idea of helping other alcoholics toa solution of their problem- It was fortunate for my old businessassociates, remained skeptical for a year and a half that's eighteen monthsright, during which I found little work, which you know that that equates tolike no money. You know no money. I know you guys,aren't you can't identify with that, but I can little work and skep beforeyear and a half during which time I found little work. I was not too wellat the time and plague by waves of selfpity and resentment. Now you guysdon't unsend this by personally understand what it's like be plaged bywaves of self pity and resentment. You know this sometimes nearly drove meback to drink, but I soon found then, when all other measures failed workwith another alcohol would save the day. Many Times I've gone to my old hospitalin despair on talking to a man there. I would be amazingly lift it up and seton my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. It's whylike coming up here, you know it doesn't matter how I feel in the way uphere. Once I get here, I'm telling you when I leave here, I'm like flying, I'mlike hi when I'm hanging out with alcoholics for lunch breakfast whateverit is. I hang out with my peete. You...

...know what I mean. I'm like man forgetit watch out. You know I' just all of a Sudi'm just feeling great, because I'mhanging out with you guys Y, you know at she says I'm talking to a man there.I would be amazing to lift it up and set of my feet. It's a design forliving. You knowic that don't say anything about the guy. He probablycommitted suicide, it don't matter it. Don't matter, buill, FELP, Great Hell, Hey! You know that you know. What's TATtidn you speakin was Myai. Last night says yeah. He us you know they all wentout and dragested who gives a shit. You know I got mine, I feel, okay, you knowI'm having a good time. You know and e deal. I told you this could be my lastmeeting. So I'm going to Readto, be it is culd, be it so I want to I want now.I want to read this. This isn't going to make any sense whatsoever. This isnot conference approve material, but I have some good news for you. ECAS I'vebeen around for while there is no such thing as conference disapprovedmaterial. You understand what I just said: they're reading the Bible, youknow what Infrontan in Dok Boe Girl Time. You know an in one thousand, ninehundred and thirty nine. They were a book, Al Lapall Synommis and they saidrarely AVD. We seen a person bail who has thoroughly followed ou our path dowhat we did you'll get what we got and they started Ay Ay, one thousand ninehundred andthirty five, so they sayd you do what we did lookd at. We wantind, be t oe, tousand, nine hundred and thirty five, one thousand nine Hnde.Thirty nine. I can promise you that Wewere not reading the Big Book. Theywere not reading the twelve and twelve. They were not reading Dacabob theyweren't rea is done. If you read tack Aboutm Goodold Timesthey say the books, we found absolutely essential. You guys don't the Werd ecentral leans. It means essential, essentialist, absolute, if essentialmeans essential. What is absolutely essential mean. That's like seriouslyessential so and you're supposed to toroughly fig in those books were firstCorinthians, thirteen sermon on the Mount and the book of James Know. Personally, I would never tellanybody in AA that they should be serming on the out. First Couldn' be ancircin, but well I tell my sponsies if ay read it because they said wasabsolutely essential, you'll be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence.You know it's what they read for the first four years, but I wouldn't tellyou guys to real. You guys do whatever hell. You want to do you know, but butyou will never. You will never find an a where they say those Bush are cout.They are conference, disapproved they just ontdispruce us, I'm GNA reason something it's not, but the reason I like thisthing is because it has something to do with this. I heare some somebody saidsomething o emotional sobriety. This has something to do with emotionalsobriety. This has something to do with emotional sobriety, or- maybe not, Idon't know, has something to do with something. So I'm going to read it toyou, it's it's only going to take fiveminutes, it's one to I'm, not Goinna Tay, where I got itfrom, but I will tell you this: It's a couple hundred years old, okay, it'swridden like in the eighteen hundreds or something like that. Okay, he says I arrived in the city of everywhereearly one morning it was called there were flurries of snow on the ground. As I stepd from the train to theplatform, I noticed that the baggage man and the red cap were warmly attiredin heavy coats and gloves, but oddly enough, they wore no shoes repressingmy impulse to ask the reason for this odd practice. I went to the stationandquired the way to the hotel. My curiosity, however, was increased by mydiscovery that no one in the station wor any shoes boarding the street car.I saw that my fellow travelers were...

...likewise barefoot and upon arriving atthe hotel. I found that the Bellhop, the death clerk and all the residentswere void of shoes unable to restrain myself any longer. I asked the managerwhat this strange practice meant. What practice he said. Why why I saidpointing at his bare feet? Why don't you wear shoes in this down? Ah, he said: That's just it. Why don'twait, but what is the matter? Don't youbelieve in choose believe in shoes. My friends, I should say we do. That isthe first article of our creed shoes. They are indispensable to well being ofhumanity. Such fust, FY, cut, sores and suffering those shoes prevent it is. Itis wonderful. Well, then, why don't you wear them? I asked totally bewildered. Ah He saidthoughtfully. That's just it! Why don't? We, though, considerably NONPLUSD I checkedin secured my room and went directly to the coffee shop there I deliberatelysat down by an amiable looking but barefoot, gentlemen friendly enough. Hesuggested that we look around the city after our meal. The first thing wenoticed upon emergin from the hotel was a huge brick structure of an impressiveproportions. He pointed to this with pride. He says you see. That said He.This is one of our outstanding shoe manufacturing establishments. A what Iasked an amazement. You mean you make shoes there. Well, not exactly. He said he a bitabashed. We talk about making shoes there and believe me. We have one ofthe most brilliant fellows you have ever heard. He talks most thrillinglyand convincingly every week on the great subject of shoes. Just yesterdayhe moved the people profoundly with his exposition of the necessity of shoewearing many broke down and wept. It was really wonderful, but why don't youwear them said I incisstantly Ahh, that's just it! Why don't we just then? As we turned down a sidestreet, I saw through a cellor window a cobbler actually making a pair of shoesexcusing myself from my friend I burst into the little shop and asked theshoemaker how it happened that his shop was not run overrun with customers. Hesaid nobody wants my shoes, they just talk about them. Give me what pairs you have ready. Isaid eagerly and paid him twice the amount he modestly asked hurriedly Ireturned to my friend and offered them to him saying here my friend one ofthese parents will surely fit you take them put them on. They will save untoldsuffering. Ah, thank you. He said with embarrassment, but you don't understandit just isn't being done. That's just that's just it! Why don't we and comingout of the city of everywhere, over and over and over that question rang in myears? Why don't we? Why don't we? Why don't we wear shoes now that doesn't make any sense? Maybeafter this talk, Tey Jus make a little? U So what's the message? What's the messageabout Fox Anoymos, you know I love New People. We had some newpeople when I say now, I'm talking about a couple of weeks, two three fourweeks: Someng like that a month two months, that kind of thing threform onsomething like that. Whatever the deal is, I love New People. I really do...

...when I came in and I was brand new. Ihad ihad great I've had great sponses. I've had four sponsors. The first three havepassed away. I had the exact sponsors I needed. Ihad the perfect sponsors for me. They were the first two were pretty sarcastic andsometimes me, but I got to tell you thome. I knew I know they love me. Theywould say they knew exactly they were like at sponsors are like diamondcutters. I mean when I was told once he says, as like agiant tollbus, there's a wrench to fit every nut that walks to the door, and Ihad the perfect sponsors for me y. They just knew how to cut thatdiamond. They just knew exactly when to kick me in the ASS. They know exactlywhen thes to say mean things to me are sarcastic things to me which workedwith me and they somehow knew how to say the right things to me at the righttime. So S I knew they love me. You know, and sometimes my actions orbehavior and my thoughts calm for a swift tick in the ass. It's as simpleas that, and sometimes thit cause a call for something else, but all theseguys knew exactly what they were doing and they sponsor me and they love meand I'll. Never ever in my mind, be as good as sponsors. They were to me now as I grew up and grew old andalcohols anonyous, I required maybe different types ofsponsor. My last sponsor who passed away recently, who was had sixty threeyears. An Hem was John Blynn. He was different than my first two sponsors. The drinking had ceased being theproblem a long long time ago. Now I don't say that to say G to COP TO BECOCKY and say: Well, I don't have to worry about the drink anymore. I firmlybelieve I can't explain this is a regular people. Maybe alcoholicalunderstand this. I believe I could be drunk in an hour. I believe I'm notjust saying that I believe Lik we drunk in an hour. I believe I'm powerless outooveralcohol. I believe I'm so powerlous over out paup alcooveralcohol that I do a lot of stuff. I'm going to drive seven five miles tofocus tomorrow night, I'm dude that twelve weeks in a row- and I do thatbecause nothing will so ensure sobriety as intensive work with alcoholics, andI I just don't do that for front of e frolic. I believe that I believe thatif I stoppe doing that, this is scary that vis it possibly on my train- Idon't have it, I don't have any desire to drink. I've been a desired drinkin.Many many years has been something on my mind, but I I buy into the fact thatI'm sober through God's grace and to God's grace, because I'm doing God'swill and and I believe what they say in the big book where it says once Wo-make the decision. This serious decision, also its remarkable thingshappening. He will give us everything we need. We stay close him andperformis work. Well, so I actually believe that if I stay close to God andperformance work well, and I believe that his work is actually to be amaximum service to God, another people. So I believe that this is what I needto do, and I have to do now. Luckily, for me, is like they sayin the big bookand I'm not the only one who's done, because I what the Boin says I happento enjoy doing it. I enjoy the fellowship I enjoy it, fires theimagine I enjoy. I've been to almost every time in it.I've travelled all over. I've done a lot of stuff, except for maybeAustralia. Something like that. But the truth of the matter is, is I am so lowmaintenance. Now now I mean this isn't going to excite any of you guys. Youknow when you're thirty or forty years old, or maybe even fifty years old, you you're thinking of you, know takingtrips and going on crews and doing all sorts of stuff, and you know beingmovie stars and that's where in all the ENV is I don't that's where they I. Ican only have this if I can only have that or yo here's some guys, as I justcame frack back from sitwel. Why can I be Itpotlin and you worry about howcome I haven't been there and how so...

...it's kind of hard to identify, or even maybe even you know it says you have to want. Wehave. You might not even want Tis kind of hard to identify with a guy thatdoesn't have any desire to go anywhere. Do Anything has no HOB Heo somethonysaid: What's Your Hobby, I said, have any hobbies I used to I used to lovefootball used te better on it used to drinker. I used O Love Football Watchgame. Sometimes I like something. What's my I like going to alcoholicsanonymous ilike having lot, I like, I am absolute, I am so low maiteance. Iam such a my daughters called MIT SIS yous such a lame. I said you know yousuch a boy. I said Hey, thank God I made it. Ind was died out there. Youknow going broke, trying to be happy. You know and running around and and I'm going on this cruise at the end,I've nounced it on the sub guys know about the the the sober men's Silversut,bull cus on Jus Jenuar, thirty first through the third, with my sponsor dionand a couple of other guys, dbb and stuff like that, and the truth of thematter is so they're talkd to me about the ship. I've been on many criste shipand going off on an island everyg like that. So I'm notgonnto leave the Sho,don't even like the idea of packing and unpacking and going and everything likethat. But the only thing I'm interested in is hanging out with the guys, maybehaving a few ittle workshops, maybe having some coffee with some guy.That's the only thing: that's that's you know, I'm forget it. I'm a totalfailure, don't don't be like, but but I'm happy I don't need to spend money to be happy.I need to buy a new coat to be happy. I don't eed a new car to be happy.There's absolutely nothing. I need that. I am just flipping happy all the time. I don't need anything to be. All I needis like you guys hanging around with you guys and you're all oper to place,and I do that Dif, you know so you're, probably not you know, I don't know ifI heard somebody like me, of course I probably would say: Well, that's prettylame, but but then again then again I used toenvy these guys like Joe Sneider, my sponsor Bob Solon, who seemed to be happy all the time and seemed to be apiece with themselves and no new freedom, AF new happiness. You know nomatter how far down they te. You know that kind of stuff and they didn't seemto have really movie star lives. You know and they weren't spendingmoney and traveling and plaing. I'm not saying you can't do that. I'm notsaying you're wrong. If you do it, I'm not saying tos say wha, I just I don'tneed to do that. I have I'm very pleased with my life for my existencenow and that's that's a deal, but but the truth is when I first came intoAlcoholis anomous. I don't know what you can identify with this. I had a drinking problem. I can't know I came day because Icouldn't stop drinking, I'm hoping Thie' some people that camehere because they couldn't stop drinking, not necessalily, for thecoffee or anything. So what happened was what happened was some guy came upto me and this was his message and this was his message. The message he gave methis is the message. This is one of the messages of alcholsynomasand it's an incredibly great message. It's an unbelievable message as n. Atfact, it's probably the best message of ALCOLOSANAMAS now, my age now, seventy years old, fourkids, seven grandkids and wife, and all that sort of stuff and all that stuffit. It doesn't sound. When I do meetings like this and you guys havebeen around here, it doesn't sound like that. It's not going to sound like thiswas my message, but the message that I received is is, I know this sounds crazy, but you never have to drink again. Ifyou don't want to that's what the guy told me, I could not stop drinking now. I had alot of people. Tell me: Why do you...

...drink on't? You Stop Drinking what theHell's wrong with you, but never. Nobody ever said to me who don't have to drink. If you don'twant to, because I thought I had to drink. I really I swear thought I canvisionlife wit that drinking the whole thing was about the drinking and that's noteven the disease. That's the symp disease, but you want to some that'sexact. I didn't need to hear about God. I need to hear about emotionalsobriety. I need to hear about advanced alcoholics anonymous. The only messageI needed and it's a pure message is you come to you pick up a lihe ship. You dowhat you told you never have to drink yn. If you don't want to you know a D and You want to sum andyour life is going to get fantastic. You know an your life is going to getfantasttic. That was the message that a I don't think I heard anything else. I don't know how long I' concentrate onthat message, and you know I love it when new people come. I The roombecause what happens is when a brand wnew first comes in room. All of asudden people start teling at the first step and the one thing we can all agreeon, we can all agree on. Is this you comehere, you do W, they tell you to. Do you never have to drink you in it's asimple, straightforward, besage. It is the message about it says Rit hear itsays I mean: Has Fersways Ra, we tried to Ta this message to alcoholicsanonymous right. Isn't that a message and anybody can carry that message. YouKnow Guy Witd two weeks and sit next to a guy with two days and say: Hey. Letme take you something. I came here. I've been a drinking two weeks. Nobody in a I've never heard anybody inAA, say yeah, you can drink Ay, no problem with that. You know Iwe're all like on top of that message. Nobody arues that message. Now whathappened was I got sober. I stopped drinking somewhere along the way. Idon't know where it was. I don't know whether it was the six months or seven month of the eighthmonth. It seemed to me that the the not drinking thing is a big deal. Now. Ithink it's a bit. I think it's as Shou go though H Welli'll put you this way.What do we do? Do we do with three nine months right and then you get one year,certainly just certainly for the first year when your striving just get thatred ship and the blue chip and the gold chip and every the not raking, is the message somewhere around whateverit was a year and a half two years when drakon was not a problem, and I gone tothe thing and I was working the steps and everything was the problem. Thenall of a sudden I had another problem. Maybe you can Identifi with this? I hadlike money problems. I had like wife problems ID like boss problems. I hadlike envy proms I'd like feeling sorry for myself problems I had like fearproblems. I had like you know the being broke pro all I had. I had living onthe planet. Earth problems. You know what I mean and we get up three o'clockthe morning scared problems. You know worrying about stuff over and over go,but you can't share Eyou, worried about when people think about you, eventhough you don't give a shit when people think about I had I had problems, I was restless. I wasirritable. I had problems with life. Let me tell you something: I don't knowwhat kind of disease you have. I you know at'. Let me tell you something:afther, first, six or seven months, you start saying this yourself. If you'reliving this disease now I know why I drank now. I know I drink this. This isShit, you know what I mean and I had problems and you want to SA. You knowwhat I was suffering from yess, what I was suffering from alcoholism. I didn'tknow what alcoholism was when I came down fos S, you know what I thought Oucalls it was. I thought it was the thing where you can't stop drinking.You know what says in the book that says that says a symptom. That's noteven disease. The Real Disease Sends Ourmin Ot our body, but you got to stopdrinking to realize what the real disease looks like. So, when you runniup to your sponsor when you're runnin through me Sa, I needed this meaning oryou'r right up to your sponsor you're...

...depressed or whatever helsis you'rgoing through they trying to found what the Hell is wrong with me. You know you,that's when you learned what the disease looks like what it feels likeand let me Tay Somethingis also, unless ental an alcohol accepts s, alcoholismand all his consequences, his subriu be pretarious and if two happiness fun,none at all and what you find out is there are thousands of differentconsequences. It's not just a consequence of. If you drinkin an tokeep on drinking, there are consequences about feeling. Sorry foryourself, there's a consequence about. You know worrying about money. There'sa conseuence of ultimately learning like Boolson said. The real thing aboutemotional sobriety about thi is unhealthy. dependencies there's aconsequence because you stop drinking and then you say, then you startworried about the fact that you're not having any sex. You don't have anyromance, you don't have a partner, you look around. You start envying people,your growing older one rn. They have the Po the consequence of not havingthings hot. They trunk abound the sixth step, the consequence of where theytalk about. We don't want to deprecate material things, but nobody's neverbeen in worth the move, hef money, property and romance, and then theystart. They start now they're, not even talking about poose they're, talkingabout you being addicted to everything in the world and running aftereverything and Worryieng about everything and somthing your thumbabout everything, because you got to have it t, and you judge yourself bywhat you haven what you don't have and then tthere's same things. You youdon't get it. You got to throw all that crap away and just make God the centralfact of your life and here's the deal, even if you sort of agree with that itsis hard to do harder to do than the drinking thing, because when naxt your T, your disease,when your disease is you feel so chitty about yourself, a commentajor said. Theproblem with alcoholics is Crosshe, says terethere they're out todestroy themselves when you have a disease where you're constantlymeasuring how you feel by how other people look on the outside, when youcontot constanty, comparing yourself to the world and of course, thiis this allworld has the whole disease, and you know and you're looking at thebillboards and you look ing at the movies and your looking at yourbackgown. You look at t yourself when you have a disease where you constantlyfeel like you're useless and your your hilaties, and you know- and yougot all this other crap going on and all you do is try to bolst yourself andyour and how you feel about yourself by FYING Shit. You can't afford with moneyyou don't have to impress people you don't even like ore cared to get nextto it. When you have that disease, where you're feeling constantly ill ites and you use to drink alcohol. So now you just get another wife or anothergirlfriend or new blouse, or have surgery or plastic surger you runnngaround and thenafter. You get it all and you do it all. You feel great forabout what fifteen minutes you buy another car and then all of a sudden,all of a sudden. After a month it's Aa used car and you got car payments and Imean it's like nothing. Nothing help you're teling your solbry of a don thisfor nine years, you're still a fucking banana. You know what I mean you're sobroke you're, stil, worried you're, so anxious you say. What's going on andall of a sudden, you read on the big book to read the Se sentens or mind onour body. You know and and aner almost every page where they say run a newbasis of trusting rline upon God. It says it says you can mat. We havethat. What does it say that the lusion that Dhe Lusion, that we can resthappiness thout of life by managing? Well, if I can only be rich, if I can only befamous and all and then also you seehes movie, starts committing suicide ontheir seventeenth marriage. You see Everyhn, you see, goofiness Wat, yousee in the White House goofiess. I'm not even getting political I'm talkingabout. You see Presidents Gong to blow jobs in the Whiteeyes and what the Helis that all about. Well, I know it's like you know, I meanI couldn't stop drinking. I couldn't stop getting a blowchop. I mean Iunderstand that it's just in a day just an addiction. It's just anotheraddition. It's all over the place. I mean I nobody understands the acrackcrap more than me. There's no there's...

...no solution to it. Well, we have asolution. Actually, then they keep on trying to tell youthe solution. They keep on telling you the solution. You know what they say,the solutions it says. No human power can do it. You can't mange at only Godcould wil. You know it says it says it has, to wit, being selfish has to itbeing. SELFCENTERE has to be being delusional, even though you don't thinkso. That's what the big book says. You know at says that it says aboveeverything we must get Tir tis selfishness, this sick, this we muststart killsing. You Know Big Wot, Seys, ays. God makes that possible, so itsGod make its. You know it says in there is solution. It says you know here ittalks about this sort of thinking has the thinkingof the Athis. You know if only ber coto morals would have been woed be okay, hesays it says this sort of thing it has to be of Anden. That's why wrote booktalked about God, God need ther. Risore is every single page, God, God God, GodGod, but the problem is. Is that it's not ar matter of just saying? Okay, I'mgoing to believe in God, although that's whet, we start, we take theTHURSTAYP. The problem is it's like every molecule in my body. I know, Godis the answer. I know that's what they say. God is the answer, but I still think a million dollarswould solve a lot of problems. I really did see. I know I see here's the deal. I goto all these meetings and I listen all these sponsors and I read all thesebooks and I get excited and all that sort ofstuff, and I really know that the answer is. I should be wearing shoes. I get excited about the idea of whereitshoose, you know what I mean. I think shoes are important, sometimes all of them Speaki Ou, a man,I'm wer on shoes. You know what I mean, but I just never put on the shoes. You know I go to the conventions aboutwearing shoes. I hear Gri speakers, Bat, ruing randshoes. I read the big bookabout wearing shoes. It tells me how wonderful shoes are. I'm thinking thatchose Wuld B re SA the world. I mean my creed is wearing shoes. I go to the bigI go. I read the big, I read these things and he says there is one of usall powers that wane has got. I like a shoe, I'm a she guy I' Now the wordsI've neverized Tuns. I something to Bigler. I I haven't done it by bybecause I forced myself. I've got to so many meetings. You know what they talkabout. MABES I go to every meet dills talk about shoes, every meaning I go toan alcoholsanonymous is about shoes. You want too some everybody. An alcoholSYNAMAS is that agreement. They all believe ind shoots, a just, don't wearthe shoes, I don't wear the shoes, my sponse usedto say you: Can you can talk the top Betcan, you walk ad, walk, there's a step so so there's anothermessage: There's at you see because the problem is there are people in thisroom right now that have fifteen years sobriety and they don't want to drink,but they're not happy with their supriety. There are people in this room that havefive years sobriety, but they're not being rocken in into the fourthdimension of existence of which they have not even dream. There are peopleare in this room that have two or three years sobriety and you know Someti,they're, scared and they're in fear- and you know some, there are peopleinof, this room that have ten years sobriety and they're lonely. The O big book says now and then hereand then a person being dry at the moment says feel better look better.Having better time. If we laugh at such salad, Wou know he's Goingto, try anold, Gamig old GAM again because he's not happy with the sobriety. There arepeople that are physically sovens rom and a worth the steps, an done.Everything and they're not happy with this SVRIETY tey're not happy, and you knowsomething you could come up to them and...

...you and it's important and you couldtalk to them. Like a newcomer N, you can talk to Hem,you don't have to drink anymore. You could tell Hem, you don't have todrink anymore, but you know something: That's not the message they need. You might be able to make him feel Bettsays. Well you. I know you feeling terrible and know you feel bad. I knowyou feel lonely, but at least you havee had a drink and may sort of prop themup a little and say you wint, O Havein a Drin, but you know that's not themessage. They're looking for there's more than you know, once youget rid of the booze, there are other messages in alcoholics anonymous. There are people that are really good.You know and I'd like to see I'd like to think if I'm forced at it, I knowhow to talk to a brand newcomer and soy. You never have to drink again. I remember one time I went up to a guyand he was feeling all down and he was brandew and I looked at. He lost hiswife and lost againn. Everything like that and I walked up to him and I toldHem the truth. I said. Let me tell you something: That's how no you feel deadnow, but I'm going to tell you something you you you come here and you got to sponsor ad. You got to mee these. Let me tell you something: You're never going tohave to drink again and your life is going to get incredible and he lookedat me because I said it was authority. Youknow because I knew it was true, because you know it's true rightbecause you see it so he said really. I said absolutely and I was absolutelysure of it and I am absolutely surely because I've seen it and he startsTaliny said man. Thanks lie: Pesain, I'm telling you, I know Youre goingt,everybody goes doit, but it's going to be great for you. I got in my car and I'm driving off. Isthis man when's going to be fucking great for you? You know you got nineyears in your basket. Tase! You know I didn't need to talk about the drankon I need tho Ti need to talk about.What's it like to be nine years, sober have a wife and four kids got havemoney in the bank, be worried and at the anxious and feeling you know anddoing the stuff going out there like Bill Wilson going to the meetings yeah, you knowwhat he said. He said his eighteen months sobriety. He had waves ofSelffiti, he didn't say he was drinking. He said he had waves of self pity. Youknow you can have wags o self pity. In I a t five years you have ways of felt Sel, pityat.Fifteen years know you could have also this diseaseis a serious disease and it's subtle and it's patience and it censors in your mind. Not yourbody, don't think, just because you're not drinking you've escaped thegravitational poll of this disease back into your feeling, sire for Hem. So the deal is so that's where the sixstep kinds of when you think about it, that's the shoes, then you know what dos it sayin thes sixstep ESAs. This is the step Seprat that separated the men from the voice. Thisis the step that separates the guys that are wearing the shoes from theguys and galls that are harefoot. This is the step that separates theguys, the separates the people that are talking about it from the people thatare doing it. This is the step there's there. Inother words, there's a message. An one of the messages is, if you go to mens,if do all this stuff yo help other people you won't drink, you don't have to drink. A lot ofpeople get that message. Millions of people get that message. You know whatI mean, but they're, still cheating on theirwives or they're, still feeling site wer.They still or they're still worrying about ther're still worshipping money, or this still trying to manage yourlive, so they can be a success because they didt but they're still trying toget a trip to Europe because they know that w'll make them happy or to get bubped because that'll makethim happy and I'm not putting that down. I probably use a little of that.You know what I mean, but but I'm...

...saying there are people that get theNOTC drinking message you with me. They get the general drinking message, butthey don't get the other surrender. They don't get becoming entirely ready.Have God not only rmove the drinking move to thinking emove the the horn around remove the you know the lost thing remove all that otherstuff. I know when I talkd about stuff, like that. Some there's, probably someguy t back O, was this man. This guy's Betallinonship is for Draton, and Iunderstand that I insand. If you get Pisse ob, you said you know a what isthis that I'm not in church, I'm not in church I'm here for not drinking. Thisis about notdrakon. Well, I don't know what to tell you buddy, you need toread the twelve and twelve this is. They talked about drinking in the firststep, talk about drinking in the first couple of chapters you need to read therest of the book. You need to read about Thi step said she needn't, be thetwelve twelve and Seben you got to read about the deal now you don't have to doanything, but the six step is about wearing theshoes. The six step is abact going for that's the emotion sright! Well, youknow something. It is true because for the last hone of my thirty nine years,Olver lock, I raised four kids, seven grandkids for last, whatever it is,with thirty seven thirty five years I've been dealing with life, I've beendealing with the stuff you're dealing with I had five years. I don't whatfive years Stuf I seven years I dealt with seven years, stup ih ten years,Lik Gow with ten. I have fifteen years I deal wit Tento, you come up to me.You come to you got fifteen years. You start telling about a problem. You haveyou know some, I'm probably going to identify with it, I'm probably going tosay yeah, I wantn to do that. You come up to you got twenty years a you tellme about a problem. You have you're, not I'm not going to say man never hadthat. I'm saying yeah. I know what you're talking about. I have that asMOT AV. My sponsors at that you know, I'm Gonno, identify with that. You knowW A mea. So every year, every decade you want to some I'm tarring adifferent message and the message I'm into carry and it's not bad or good.It's just the way. It is I'm not going to carry the same message I carriedwhen I had two weeks. When I had two weeks I sat nix stoll gun theres, amessage I can then I've known Hir for two weeks. Havein and I haven't had adrink, everything's cool. That's a message: Ik ther six months, emester I carried, Ihaven't, had necessarily t have a drink. You know, you know, you know somethingafter five years of ten years as a different message. It's Te messageabout notdrinking, but it's also the message you don'thave to pit suicide. Younough feel sorry for yourself. You don't have todo that to your wife, you don't have you don't have to do a lot, it's adifferent message. So when I speak, you know- and I talkabout this n when I've done to here in this group. I Sai I'm always talkingabout like the sixth and the seventh step and emotional sobriety, becausethat's what I've been involved with for the last twenty something years right.That's my message. That's a message to there may be: You know an AA when youthink about it. I'm just saying this: I'm not sayingI'm right or wrong. There's really sort of like two messages. There's themessage of the notdrinken message, which is important because you dhink IU,O Ham, shot and then there's the message of developing emotinal sobriety is the message of developing emotionalsubrine, a different type of message. But if you don't get the emotionalsubrivig message, you might go back to the drinking dem or maybe you won't go back to thedrinking deal. I mean. There's a lot of people, I just they stay in AA and theydon't drink and they end up dying, sober but they're miserable. You livein lives of quiet desperation right, so you know you got Ta. So the thingabout that thing that that's why I like that shoe thing. You know you know,that's why, like you know my sponse used to say many are called a fewerchosen. You can talk to talk, but you can walk the walk and I swear to GodsEr the first six months. I had no idea what Elle was talking about. You know you can talk talking the WAT,because I didn't know what the walk was. I got with the walk. was I didn't knowwhat you had to do in this thing? You...

...know if he starts talking me about thisstuff, we're talking about right now. You know mean back when I had threeones. I Sai Look, I'm just trying not to drink and bow my brains out. Youknow what I mean and n. You know, but t that's the deal so there's this twelvestep thing, there's different ways of tire. The message its a Gian Toa box,there are different messages. Different people need different messages. Thereare some people here tonight. They heard one message: Some people at nightheard a completely different message. Some people tonight maybe didn't hearanything at all. You know what I mean some person here, maybe in fifteenyears. I need to hear that message. He heard a message yes and what themessages? It's not the message that the guy with one year herd thisis differentmessage. So thank you very much time.

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