AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 10 · 2 years ago

Russell S - Going Barefoot @ West Dixie Club 2019-2020 #12

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Everybody. It's Eric at rocketed dot org. Today we have Russell's last talk at West Tixie, titled Going Barefoot. Thanks for listening. My Name's Russell spats. I'm an alcoholic and this is it. It's that I'm out of here after this. I'm gone. That's it. That's it. I'm going to be starting tomorrow. I'd starting up in Volca. I mean it's folk nights in a part. Sorry, that's what you do. You just keep on going over and over again and never give a time for you know, you gotta, you gotta keep on running. You know, you don't want to drink to catch up with you, you know, and do that up. So listen, I'm did. I said it was an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic. Just want to point that out. And so I haven't found necessary to have a drink since January twenty one thousand nineteen eighty one. So this is my birthday month at thirty nine years if I make it, and I like this group. I really do like this group. I've been doing I've been doing stepsters of this group for like twenty years, Twenty Eight, twenty nine, thirty years or something, and I always like coming here I sense. I mean, I have to tell you. I don't want you to get upset at this. I'm not trying to hurt anybody feelings, but I said, I send serious sickness when I come in here. I mean, you know, I do, I do. I just I just like hanging I just feel very comfortable one I'm here. It's like I feel like I feel like I'm talking to my twins or something, you know, and that US about do anything. So any men, you know I'm I know I'm kind of weird and I'm kind of strange and it's hard to follow and everything like that. And but unfortunately this is probably going to be like a even though my meetings are kind of weird and strange and I buy light traditions and I talk about Jesus and all that stuff. The bottom line is I think this there's a possibility, I don't plan this stuff, that this meeting might actually be totally off the chain and might this might be the last meeting I do. And alcohols anonymous. They may close me down after this meeting. It's possible. So if your faint at heart or maybe you're sensitive, you know, we got alcoholics are set sensitive. You know, if there's a possibility you might get upset. You know, you might want to cut out of here before I'm going to. I'm going to take a lot of crap, a lot of stuff, I'm going to throw it into a blenderm turn on the switch will see what the help pops out. I don't know what this is going to be about. I'm thinking maybe about the first step in the sixth step and the twelve step. You know, we're sort of like celest one. I'm supposed talk a little bit twelve step, but I don't plan if I have a feeling it's what I want to talk about. There's something I was thinking about reading. I read this thing one time. I'd one AA meeting like five years ago and three people died and so I've never read it again, but I think this group can handle it. I think you can handle it okay. And not. What was? What was that movie? The ring me? What was I never saw. That was a you watch something then it died or something. It's not that bad, but it has something to do with what I'm going to talk about, because I'm going to talk about a bunch of things and which seemed to be sort of like different and you know, when you've been around a while, when you first come day, a you when I first came to day, I should say when I first came day, you guys are probably left one of me. When I first came day, I had no idea what, how was going on. Nothing, none, zero. And you don't even understand the jargon, you know, the way they're talking. It takes months and years and you know it's time goes along, you you change. You know, you change and how you do this thing, what you think about things and your message and everything like that, and and you start maybe putting things together, put some stuff together. You know, you see, you get a little more understanding, but it's always in the rearview mirror. You never understand this crap as you're doing it. It's always like, you know, like five years down the road you sort of figure out what you were doing during the first three months, you know, or something like that. And so you know, you can imagine at thirty nine years and you know,...

I put I've connected a lot of thoughts. I you know I've connected a lot of things and I don't know what that makes sense to you or not. So what I just do is I my job is to share my experience. So I just share my experience. So whether you understand it, and I'll just throw it out there. And we're all at different for you got we got people here that have a like a week, and we got people here that have five years, got people there that twenty years and everything can we're all looking at this thing differently and and the truth of the matter is, to maybe understand some of the things I'm talking about, you just have to go through it, you know, in order to understand stuff that I learned to twenty years. It may not make any sense to you. It doesn't mean you're wrong or I'm right. You may make sense to you when you have twenty years, may make sense to you when you have twenty five years. But I'm going to sort of like try to draw a connection between the first step, the six step in the twelve step, and that's kind of weird, Huh. So you know, we take me, you should take these, but I'm going to try to. I'm going to throw a lot of stuff, as I said, into the BLENDA and we're going to see how that works out. And what I want to talk about start off talking about I'm going to read something for the Big Book and I want to start talking about on the twelve step. I'm talking about the message. Is there. They where's the twelve step? I want to make sure that. I want to make sure that that's word is in the twelve steps. Haven't asked her. Ah, we carry this message. I knew it was there. I want to talk about the message. Say anybody know what the messages you think you know what the messages so I want to talk about the message. You know. And but before I talk about the message, I'm going to I'm going to say this. Okay, I'm not going to talk about practicing principles or spiritual awakening and I'm just gonna tell about the message in a way maybe you haven't heard it before. So here's the deal. Let me find this one thing where Bill Wilson is talking about in bills story, where he's talking and it may seem here's the problem with the way I do these things. I'm just going to throw the scrap out here and I'm not going to make it easy for you other ways. I'm not I can explain to you what all I'm just going to throw it out there and you're going to have to do some work. You'RE gonna have to try to forget this thing out and the throws a bunch of things out there and we'll see whether you figure out when he can do this thing. So you need to pay attention. You don't need to pay attention. I would never tell him not Bot then you do anything. You do it if you want to do but so here's the deal. So this is on page fifteen. It's Bill Wilson during his first State, during his first eighteen months in surbriety, first ateen months, my wife and I abandoned ourselves with enthusiasm to the idea of helping other alcoholics to a solution of their problem. It was fortunate from my old business associates remained skeptical for a year and a half. That's eighteen months right during which I found little work, which that that equates to like no money. You know, no money. I know you guys aren't. You can't identify with that, but I can. Little Work and step before year and a half during which time I found little work. I was not too well at the time and plagued by waves of selfpity and resentment. Now you guys don't send this, but I personally understand what it's like be plagued by waves of selfpity and resentment. You know, this sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found then, when all other measures failed, work with another alcohol would say today. Many Times I've gone to my old hospital and despair on talking to a man there I would be amazingly lifted up and set on my feet. It is a design for living that works in rough going. It's why I like coming up here. You know, it doesn't matter how I feel on the way up here, once I get here. I'm telling you, when I leave here I'm like flying, I'm like hi, when I'm hanging out with alcoholics for lunch, breakfast, whatever it is, I hang out with my peaks. You know what I mean. I'm...

...like man, forget it, watch out, you know, I just all of a sudden I'm just feeling great because I'm hanging out with you guys. Yeah, you knows. He says I'm talking to a man there. I would be amazing to lift it up and set on my feet. It's a design for living. You know, they don't say anything about the guy. He probably committed suicide. It don't matter. It don't matter. Bill felt great. Hell, Hey, you know that. You know what date. Did you speak it West? My ammi last night says, yeah, he's just you know, they don't went out and drags as it. WHO gives a shit? You know, I got mine. I feel okay. You know. I'm having a good time, you know, and that's the deal. I told you this could be my last meeting, so I'm going to read this. Could be it. It's could be it. So I want to. I want now. I want to read this. This isn't going to make any sense whatsoever. This is not conference approved material. But I have some good news for you, because I've been around for a while. There is no such thing as conference disapproved material. You you understand what I just said. They're reading the Bible. You know what? And for and in Dr Bob, the girld timers, you know. And in nineteen thirty nine they were to book called alcoholics anonymous, and they said rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our our path. Do what we did, you'll get what we got. And they started a nineteen thirty five. So they say, you do what we did, you'll get what we want. In between nineteen thirty five in nineteen thirty nine. I can promise you they were not reading the Big Book, they were not reading the twelve and twelve, they were not reading doc about, they weren't reading a stuff. If you read Dr about the good old time, as they say, the books we found absolutely essential. You guys don't the word essential means. It means essential. You know, essentially is absolutely if essential means essential, what is absolutely essential means that's like seriously essential. So and you supposed to thoroughly fight. And those books were first Corinthians thirteen, sermon on the Mount and the book of James. Now, personally I would never tell anybody in a a that they should read sermon on the Mount First. Couldn't be a thirteen. But well, I tell my sponsees, let's say, read it because they said was absolutely essential. You'll be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. You know, it's what they read for the first four years. But I wouldn't tell you guys to read it. You guys do whatever hell you want to do, you know. But but you will never you will never find an a where they say those books or count they are conference disapproved. They just won't disapprove us. I'm going to read you something. It's not, but the reason I like this thing is because it has something to do with this. I hear somebody. Somebody says some down emotional sobriety. This has some do with emotional sobriety. This has something to do with emotional sobriety, or maybe not, I don't know. has some do with something. So I'm going to read it to you. It's it's only going to take five minutes. It's one too. I'm not going to tell you where I got it from, but I will tell you this. It's a couple hundred years old. Okay, it's written like in the eighteen hundreds or something like that. Okay, it says I arrived in the city of everywhere early one morning. It was cold. There were florries of snow on the ground. As I step from the train to the platform, I noticed that the baggage man and the red cap were warmly attired in heavy coats and gloves, but oddly enough, they wore no shoes. Repressing my impulse to ask the reason for this odd practice, I went to the station inquired the way to the hotel. My curiosity however, was increased by my discovery that no one in the station wore any shoes. Boarding the street car, I saw them. I fellow travelers were likewise barefoot, and upon arriving at the hotel,...

I found that the Bellhop, the deas clerk and all the residents were void of shoes. Unable to restrain myself any longer, I asked the manager what this strange practice meant. What practice? He said. Why? Why, I said, pointing at his bare feet. Why don't you wear shoes in this town? Ah, he said, that's just it. Why don't we? But what does the matter? Don't you believe in shoes? Believe in shoes, my friends, I should say we do. That is the first article of our creed. Shoes. They are indispensable to wellbeing of humanity, such rust by cut sores and suffering. Those shoes prevent it is it is wonderful. Well then, why don't you wear them, I asked, totally bewildered. Ah, he said thoughtfully, that's just it. Why don't we? Though, considerably nonplus, I checked in, secured my room and went directly to the coffee shop. There I deliberately sat down by an amiable looking but barefoot. Gentleman friendly enough, he suggested that we look around the city after our meal. The first thing we noticed upon emerging from the hotel was a huge brick structure of an IMP press of proportions. He pointed to this with pride, he says. You see that, said he, this is one of our outstanding shoe manufacturing establishments. Are What? I asked, an amazement. You mean you make shoes? They're well, not exactly, he said, he a bit abashed. We talk about making shoes there and, believe me, we have one of the most brilliant fellows you have ever heard. He talks most thrillingly and convincingly every week on the great subject of shoes. Just yesterday he moved the people profoundly with his exposition of the necessity of shoe wearing. Many broke down and wept. It was really wonderful. But why don't you wear them, said I insistently. Ah, that's just it. Why don't we? Just then, as we turned down a side street, I saw through a cello window a cobbler actually making a pair of shoes. Excusing myself from my friend, I burst into the little shop and asked the shoemaker how it happened that his shop was not run over run with customers. He said, nobody wants my shoes, they just talk about them. Give me what pairs you have ready, I said eagerly and paid him twice the amount he modestly asked. Hurriedly, I returned to my friend and offered them to him, saying here, my friend, one of these parents will surely fit you. Take them, put them on, they will save untold suffering. Ah, thank you, he said with embarrassment. But you don't understand. It just isn't being done. That's just that's just it. Why don't we? And coming out of the city of everywhere, over and over and over that question rang in my ears. Why don't we? Why don't we? Why don't we wear shoes? Now, that doesn't make any sense. Maybe, after this thought, maybe don't make a little thing. So what's the message? What's the message of alcoholics? Anonymous? You know, I love New People. We had some New People. When I say now, I'm talking about a couple of weeks, two, three, four weeks. I'm like that. A month, two months, that kind of thing, three four on, something like that. Whatever the deal is, I love New People. I really do. When I came in and I was...

...brand new, I had I had great I've had great sponsors. I've had for sponsors. The first three have passed away. I have the exact sponsors I needed. I had the perfect sponsors for me. They were the first two were pretty sarcastic and sometimes me. But I got to tell you something. I knew, I know, they love me. They would say they knew exactly they were like that. Sponsors are like diamond cutters. I mean what I was told once. He says he's like a giant tollbox. There's a wrenster fit every nut that walks to the door. And I had the perfect sponsors for me. I they just knew how to cut that diamond. They just knew exactly when to kick me in the ASS. They know exactly when they to say mean things to me. Are Sarcastic things to me, which worked with me, and they somehow knew how to say the right things to me at the right time so that I knew they loved me. You know, and sometimes my actions or behavior or my thoughts called for a swift kick in the ass. It's as simple as that. And sometimes that cause it called for something else. But all these guys knew exactly what they were doing and they sponsored me and they love me and I'll never ever in my mind, be as good as sponsors they were to me. Now, as I grew up and grew old and alcoholics anonymous, I required maybe different types of sponsor. My last sponsor, who passed away recently, who was had sixty three years and they was John Glenn. He was different than my first two sponsors. I the drinking had ceased being a problem a long, long time ago now. I don't say that to say gee, to cock, to be cocky and say, well, I don't have to worry about the drink anymore. I firmly believe I can't explain this to regular people. Maybe alcoholics will understand this. I believe I could be drunk in an hour. I believe I'm not just saying that. I believe I could be drunk in an hour. I believe I'm powerless out over alcoholic I believe I'm so powerless over alcoholics, over alcohol, that I do a lot of stuff. I'm going to drive seventy five miles to Boca tomorrow night and I'm do that twelve weeks in a row. And I do that because nothing will so ensure sobriety as intensive work with alcoholics and I I just don't do that for front of FROLIC. I believe that. I believe that if I stop doing that, this is scary, that there's a possibiity on my drink. I don't have it. I don't have any desire to drink. I've been I desired to drink in many, many years. Hasn't been something on my mind. But I I buy into the fact that I'm sober through God's grace and through God's grace because I'm doing God's will. And I believe what they say in the big book where it says once we make the decision, this serious decision, also, it's remarkable things happen. He will give us everything we need. We stay close to him and performance work well. So I actually believe that if I stay close to God and performers work well, and I believe that his work is actually to be a maximum service to God and other people. So I believe that this is what I need to do and I have to do now. Luckily for me, is like they say in the big book, and I'm not the only one who's done because it's what the bites says. I happen to enjoy doing it. I enjoy the fellowship, I enjoy it fires the imagine. I enjoy I've been do almost every continent. I've traveled all over. I've done a lot of stuff, except for maybe Australia something like that. But the truth of the matter is is I am so low maintenance. Now, now, I mean this isn't going to excite any of you guys. You know, when you're thirty or forty years old, or maybe even fifty years old, you're you're thinking of, you know, taking trips and going on crews and doing all sorts of stuff and, you know, being movie stars, and that's where in all the ENVA is. If I don't, that's where the if I can only have this, if I only have that, or he here's some guys, as I just came back back from switch AH, why can I be in Switzerland and you're worried...

...about how come I haven't been there and how many? So it's kind of hard to identify or even maybe even you know. It says you have to want we have. You might not even want this kind of hard to identify with a guy that doesn't have any desire to go anywhere do anything, has no hobby. You know, Somebody said what your hobby? I said, have any? Obvious I used to. I used to love football. Used to fed on it. He us the drink rout. Used to love football. Now Watch game sometimes. I like some. What's why I like going to alcoholics anonymous. I like having like like. I am abbsolutely. I am so low maintenance. I am such a my daughter's called me, since you're such a lame I said, you know, you such a boy. I said, Hey, thank God i made it and almost died out there, you know, going broke, trying to be happy, you know, and running around and and I'm going on this cruise at the end. I've anounced it on some of you guys know about the the the Ober Men's sober super bowl crews on just January, thirty one through the third with my sponsor don and a couple other guys, TV be and stuff like that. And the truth of the matter is, so they're talking to me about the ship. I've been on many for the ship and going off on an island, everything like that. Sound I'm going to leave the shy. I didn't like the idea of packing and unpacking and going and everything like that. But the only thing I'm interested in is hanging out with the guys, maybe having a few workshops, maybe having some coffee with some guy's the only thing that's that's you know, I'm forget it. I'm a total failure. Don't, don't be like but but I'm happy. I don't need to spend money to be happy. I need to buy a new coat to be happy. I don't need a new car to be happy. There's absolutely nothing I need to be I am just flipping happy all the time. I don't need anything to be all I need is like you guys, hanging out with you guys, and you're all over the place, and I do that, you know. So you're probably not. You know, I don't know. If I heard somebody like me, of course I probably would say, well, that's pretty lame. But but then again, then again, I used to end with these guys like Joe Sneider, my sponsor, Bob Sullivan, who seemed to be happy all the time and seem to be a peace with themselves. And no new freedom and new happiness. You know, no, matter how far down they they you know, that kind of stuff, and they didn't seem to have really movie star lives, you know, and they weren't spending money and traveling and flying. I'm not saying you can't do that, I'm not saying you're wrong if you do it. I'm not saying as saying, well, I just I don't need to do that. I have. I'm very pleased with my life and my existence now and that's that's a deal. But but the truth is, when I first came into alcoholics anonymous, I don't know whether you can identify with this, I had a drinking problem. I can't know. I came today because I couldn't stop drinking. I'm hoping there's some people that came here because I couldn't stop drinking, not necessarily for the coffee or anything. So what happened was what happened was some guy came up to me and this was his message and this was his message, the message he gave me. This is the message. This is one of the messages of alcoholics anonymous, and it's an incredibly great message. It's an unbelievable messages not back. It's probably the best message of alcoholics. Anonymous. Now, at my age, now, seven years old, four kids, seven grandkids or wife and all that sort of stuff, and all that stuff it it doesn't sound when I do meetings like this, and you guys have been around here, it doesn't sound like that. It's not going to sound like this was my message, but the message that I received is is. I know this sounds crazy, but you never have to drink again if you don't want to. So the guy told me I could not stop drinking. Now I had a lot of people tell me, why do you drink? Why don't you...

...stop drinking? What the Hell's wrong with you? But never nobody ever said to me, who don't have to drink if you don't want to. Because I thought I had to drink, I really, I swear. I thought I can vision life without drinking. The whole thing was about the drinking and that's not even the disease. That's the same of the disease. But you wanted some. That's exact. I didn't need to hear about God. I need to hear about emotional sobriety. I need to hear about advanced alcoholics. Anonymous. The only message I needed, and it's a pure message is you come to a you pick up a white chip, you do what you're told. You never have to drink again if you don't want to. You know, and and and you want to some and your life is going to get fantastic. You know, and your life is going to get fantastic. That was the message that I didn't I don't think I heard anything else. I don't know how long I concentrate on that message. And you know, I love it when New People come in the room, because what happens is when a brand new first comes in the room, all of a sudden people search him out. The first step and the one thing we can all agree on, we can all agree on is this. You come here, you do what they tell you to do, you never have to drink again. It's a simple, straightforward message. It is the message about it says, I hear it says, I mean how Spiritu ways run. We tried to carry this message. Two alcoholics anonymous. Right, isn't that a message? And anybody can carry that message. You know a guy with two weeks and sit next to a guy with two days and say, let me tell you something, I came here, I'm got a drinking two weeks. Nobody in a, I've never heard anybody in Aa say yeah, you can drink, ain't no problem with that. You know it is. We're all like on top of that message. Nobody argues that message. Now what happened was I got sober. I stopped drinking somewhere along the way. I don't know where it was. I don't know whether it was the six month or the seven month or the eighth month. That seemed to me that the not drinking thing is a big deal. I know, I think it's a bit. I think it's a should go through the wall. I'll put you this way. What do we do? Do we do with you? Nine months, right, and then you get one year, certainly, just certainly for the first year, when you're striving just to get that red chip and the blue chip and the gold chip and every the not drinking is the message. Somewhere around whatever it was, the year and a half, two years, when drinking was not a problem and I gone through the thing and I was working the steps and everything was the problem. Then all of a sudden I had another problem. Maybe you can identify with this. I had like money problems, I had like wife problems, I had like boss problems. I had like envy problems. I'd like feeling sorry for myself problems. I had like fear problems. I had like, you know, the being broke probably all I had. I had living on the planet earth problems, you know what I mean. And and waking up three o'clock the morning's scared problems, you know, worrying about stuff over and over go, but you can't share BECA. You're worried, what about what people think about you, even though you don't give a shit what people will think about I had. I had problems. I was restless, I was serriedable, I had problems with life. Let me tell you something. I don't know what kind of disease you have. I you know. Let me tell you something. At their first six or seven months, you start saying that yourself, if you're living this disease. Now I know why I drank. Now I know why I've drank this. This is Shit, you know what I mean. And I had problems and you want to say you know what I was suffering from. Guess what I was suffering from, alcoholism. I didn't know what alcoholism was when I came down class hons. You know what. That's what alcoholism was. I thought it was the thing where you can't stop drinking. You know what it says in the book. That says that says symptom. That's not even disease. The real disease sends our mind on your body. But you got to stop drinking to realize what the real disease looks like. So when you're running up to your sponsor, when you're running through means, I needed this meaning, or you run up to your sponsor your depressed and whatever hell is you're going through...

...and trying to foult what the Hell is wrong with me? You know you that's when you learned what the disease looks like, what it feels like. And let me tell something's also less. Until an alcohol accepts his alcoholism and all its consequences, his sobriety precarious and, if to happiness, fund none at all. And what you find out is there are thousands of different consequences. It's not just a consequence of if you're drinking and to keep on drinking. You are consequences about feeling sorry for yourself. There's a consequent wants about, you know, worrying about money. There's a consequence of ultimately learning like goals and said the real thing about emotional sobriety about it. This is unhealthy dependencies. There's a consequence because you stopped drinking. And then you say then you start worried about the fact that you're not having any sex, you don't have any romance, you don't have a partner. You look around, you start envying people. You're growing older. Why don't a have the product? The consequence of not having things that they talk about in the sixth step, the consequence of where they talk about. We don't want to deprecate material things, but nobody's ever been a worth move the money, propping and romance. And then they start. They start now they're not even talking about boos. They're talking about you being addicted to everything in the world and running after everything and worrying about everything and sucking your thumb about everything because you got to have it and you judge yourself by what you have and what you don't have. And then there's same things. You don't get it. You got to throw all that crap away and just make God the central fact of your life. And here's the deal. Even if you sort of agree with that it's it's hard to do, harder to do than the drinking thing. Because when next your disease, your disease, when your disease is you feel so shitty about yourself. A commentager said the problem with alcoholics is Crossy, says they're they're they're out to destroy themselves. When you have a disease where you're constantly measuring how you feel by how other people look on the outside, when your constants, constant comparing yourself to the world, and of course this all world has the whole disease, and you know and you're looking at the billboards and you look at the movies and you look at Your Bank account, you look at yourself. When you have a disease where you constantly feel like you're useless and your your illities and you know and you got all this other crap going on and all you do is try to bolster yourself and your how you feel about yourself by buying shit you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you don't even like, or it'scared to get next to you. When you have that disease where you're feeling constantly illities and used to drink alcohol. So now you just get another wife or another girlfriend or a new blouse, or have surgery or plastic surgery. You're running around and then they after you. Get it all and you do it all. You feel great for about what fifteen minutes? You buy another car and then all of a sudden, all of a sudden, after a month, it's it's a used car and you got car payments, and I mean it's like nothing, nothing health. You're nine years sober. You have been doing this for now years. Just sell a fucking banana. You know what I mean? You're so broke. You're still worried, you're still anxious. You say what's going on, and all of a sudden you read on the big book, the Read Disease Senses our mind, on our body, you know, and in almost every page where they say run a new basis of trust and relying upon God, it says it says you can't at it. We have that. What does it say that delusion, that delusion that we can rest happiness out of life by manage gene? Well, if I can only be rich, if I can only be famous and all and then I'll see you see these movie starts committing suicide on their seventeen marriage. You see every you see goofing as all you see in the White House scooping us. I'm not even getting political. I'm talking about you see presidents get to blow jobs in the white eyes. And what the Hell is that all about? Well, I know it's like. You know. I mean, I couldn't stop drink, I couldn't stop getting a blow job. I mean, I understand that. It's just in a day, just an addiction. It's just another addiction. It's all over the place. I mean, if us, nobody understands the accrack crap more than me.

There's no there's no solution to it. We we have a solution, actually, and they keep on trying to tell you the solution. They keep on telling you the solution. You know what they say the solution is. It says no human power can do it, you can't manage it. Only God could. Would you know? It says? It says it has to be being selfish, has to with being self centered, has to be being delutional, even though you don't think so, that's where the big book says. You know. It says that. It says, above everything, we must get rid of this selfishness, the sickness. We must our Killson. You know, the big book says, says God makes that possible, says God makes it's you know what says in there is a solution, it says. You know, here it talks about this sort of thinking. Has To be thinking of the atheist. You know, if only mere code of morals would have been we be okay, he says. It says this sort of thing. It has to be abandoned. That's why I wrote a book talk about God. God. Neither is there. He is every single page. God, God, God, God, God. But the problem is is that it's not our matter of just saying, okay, I'm gonna believe in God, although that's where we start. We take the third step. The problem is, it's like every molecule in my body, I know God is the answer. I know that's what they say. God is the answer, but I still think a million dollars would solve a lot of problems. I really do see. I know, I see. Here's the deal. I go to all these meetings and I listened all these sponsors and I read all these books and I get excited and all that sort of stuff, and I really know that the answer is I should be wearing shoes. I get excited about the idea of wearing shoes. You know what I mean. I think shoes are important. Sometimes all of him speaking else a man. I'm a wadow shoes, you know what I mean. But I just never put on the shoes. You know, I go to conventions about wearing shoes. I hear great speakers about ruin grand shoes. I read the big book about wearing shoes. It tells me how wonderful shoes are. I'm thinking that shoes with the greatest in the world. I mean my creed is wearing shoes. I go to the big I go I read the big I read these things and he says there is one who has all power that one has got. I like a shoe. I'm a shoe guy. I'm now the words. I've memorized tons of stuff in the big book. I have been done it by by because I'd forced myself. I've got this so many meetings. You know what they talk about it meetings. I go to every meet the alls talk about shoes. Every meeting I go to an alcoholics anonymous is about shoes. You wanted us. Everybody in alcoholics. Anonymous. Is that agreement? They all believe in shoes. I just don't wear the shoes. I don't wear the shoes. My sponsor used to say you can, you can talk the talk, but can you walk the walk? There's the steps. So there's another message. There's an you see, because the problem is there are people in this room right now that have fifteen years sobriety and they don't want to drink, but they're not happy with their sobriety. There are people in this room they have five years of sobriety, but they're not being rocketed into the fourth dimension of existence of which they have not even dreamed. There are people here in this room that have two or three years sobriety and you know something, they're scared and they're in fear and you know some there are people into this room that have ten years sobriety and they're lonely. You know, the big book says now and then, here and then a person being dry at the moment says feel better, look better, having better time. We laugh at such salid. You know he's going to try to hold game old game again because he's not happy with this sobriety. There are people that are physically soabing this room and have worked the steps and done everything and they're not happy with their sobriety. They're not happy and you know something. You could come up to him and you and it's important and you could talk to him like...

...a newcomer and you can talk to him you don't have to drink anymore. You could tell him you don't have to drink anymore. But you know something, that's not the message they need. You might be up to make him feel better. Says, well, I know you feeling terrible and I know you feel bad, I know you feel lonely, but at least you have that out a drink and it they sort of problem up alone and say you write having a drink. But you know that's not the message they're looking for. There's more than you know. Once you get rid of the booze, there are other messages in alcoholics anonymous. There are people that are really good, you know, and I'd like to say I'd like to take if I'm forced atted, I know how to talk to a brand newcomer and say you never have to drink again. I remember one time I went up to a guy and he was feeling all down and he was brand new and I looked at he lost his wife and lost again, everything like that, and I walk up to him and I told him the truth. I said, let me tell you something. That's how I know you feeling bad now, but I'm going to tell you something. You you, you come here and you get a sponsor and you go to meet these let me tell you something. You're never gonna have to drink again and your life is going to get incredible. And he looked at me because I said it with authority, you know, because I knew it was true, because you know it's true, right, because you see it. So he said really? I said absolutely, and I was absolutely sure of it and I am absolutely sure of it because I've seen it. And he starts fly setting. Man, thanks, like you said. I'm telling you. I know you got everybody goes through it, but it's going to be great for you. I got in my car and I'm driving office this man. What's IT GOING TO BE? fucking great for you? You know, you got nine years in your basket case. You know, I didn't need to talk about the drinking. I need the Timey to talk about what's it like to be nine years sober, have a wife and four kids, not have money in the bank, be worried and be anxious and feeling, you know, and doing the stuff, going out there like Bill Wilson, going to the meetings. Yet you know what he said? He said an eighteen months sobriety, he had waves of selfpity. He didn't say it was drinking, he said he had waves of selfpity. You know, you can have ways of self pity at at five years. You have ways of self pity at fifteen years. You could have also. This disease is a serious disease and it's subtle and it's patients and it center's in your mind, not your body. Don't think just because you are not drinking you've escaped the the gravitational pull of this disease back into your feeling sorry for us. So the deal is so that's where the sixth step comes in. When you think about it, that's the shoe step. You know what to say in the sixth step says this is the step that separates the men from the boys. This is the step that separates the guys that are wearing the shoes from the guys and gals that are barefoot. This is the step that separates the guys, that separates the people that are talking about it from the people that are doing it. This is the step. There's there, in other words, there's a message, and one of the messages is if you go to means, if you do all this stuff, help other people, you won't drink. You don't have to drink. And a lot of people get that message. Millions of people get that message, you know what I mean. But they're still cheating on their wives, or they're still feel inside where they still or they're still worrying about they're still worshiping money, or they're still trying to manage your lives so they can be a success, because they did. But there's still trying to get a trip to Europe because they know that'll make them happy. Or do you get buffed, because that'll make them happy? And I'm not putting that down, like probably use a little that. You know what I mean. But but I'm saying there are people...

...that get the not drinking message. You're with me. They get the general drinking message, but they don't get the other surrender. They don't get becoming entirely ready to have God not only move the drinking, remove the thinking, remove the horring around, remove the you know, the lasting, remove all that other stuff. I know when I talked about stuff like that, something that's probably some guy back in was his man. This guy's battle lamage ship is for drinking. And I instant and I understand if you got pissed up. You said, you know, so what is this that I'm not in church. I'm not in church, I mean here for not drinking. This is about not drinking. Well, I don't know what to tell you. Buddy. You need to read the twelve and twelve. This is they talked about drinking in the first step. Talk about drinking in the first couple of chapters. You need to read the rest of the book. You need to read about that step set. You need to read the twelve and twelve and seven. You got to read about the deal. Now you don't have to do anything. But the six step is about wearing the shoes. The six step is about going for that's the emotion, sprite. Well, you know something, it is true because for the last one of my thirty nine years sober luck, I raised four kids, seven grandkids. For the last whatever it is with. Thirty seven, thirty five years I've been dealing with life. I've been dealing with the stuff you're dealing with. I had five years. I done what five years stuff. I had seven years. I done what seven years stuff. I ten years. I done with ten. You. I had fifteen years. I done with tender. You come up to me. You come to you got fifteen years, you start telling about a problem you have. You know some I'm probably going to identify with it. I'm probably going to say I want to do that. You come up to me, you got twenty years, you tell me about a problem you have. You're not. I'm not going to say man, never had that. I'm saying, yeah, I know when you're talking about I had that. It's not Fami, my sponsors at that. You know I'm gonna identify with that. You know what I mean. She's so every year, every decade, you want to some I'm carrying a different message and the message I'm going to carry and it's not bad or good, it's just the way it is. I'm not going to carry the same message I carried when I had two weeks. When I had two weeks, I sat nice to God. There's a message I carry. Man, I'm going here for two weeks having and I haven't had a drink. Everything's cool. That's the message I carry. Six months message I carried I haven't had it necessary to have a drink. You know that. You know you know something after five years or ten years. As a different message. It's the message about not drinking, but it's also the message you don't have to at suicide, you know, feel sorry for yourself. You don't have to do that to your wife. You don't have you don't have to a lot. It's a different message. So when I speak, you know, and I talk about this when when I've done here in this group, that's how I'm always talking about like the sixth and the seventh step and emotional sobriety, because that's what I've been involved with the last twenty something years. Right, that's my message. That's a message too. There maybe you know an AA when you think about it. I'm just saying this. I'm not saying I'm right or wrong. There's really sort of like two messages. There's the message of the not drinking message, which is important because you're drink you don't have shot, and then there's the message of developing emotional sobriety. There's the message of developing emotional sobriety. It's a different type of message, but if you don't get the emotional sobriety message, you might go back to the drinking deal. Or maybe you will go back to the drinking deal. I mean there's a lot of people, I just say, they stay in AA and they don't drink and they end up dying sober, but they're miserable. They're living lives of quiet desperation. Right. So, you know, you gotta so the thing about that thing that that's why I like that shoe thing. You know, HM, you know it. That's why I like you know, my spons used to say many are called, but fewer chosen. You can talk to talk, but you can walk the walk. And I swear to God they're the first six months I had no idea what Ellie was talking about. You know, you can talk, talking the what, because I didn't know what the walk was. I know what the walk was, I didn't know what you had to do in this...

...thing. You know, if he starts talking about this stuff we're talking about right now, you know, I mean back when I had three months, I say look, I'm just trying not to drink and blow my brains out. You know what I mean and you know but that that's the deal. So there's this twelve step thing. There's different ways of carry the message. It's a giant toolbox. There are different messages. Different people need different messages. There are some people here tonight. They heard one message. Of some people at night heard a completely different message. Some people tonight, maybe you didn't hear anything at all. You know what I mean. Some person here maybe at fifteen years I need to hear that message. He heard a message, yes, and but the messages. It's not the message the guy with one year heard is different message. So thank you very much. God. Tis So time.

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