AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 32 · 1 year ago

Russell S at There Is A Solution group - Talk 3

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S at There Is A Solution group, Barnegat, NJ - Russell S - 12 week Step Series Started July 8, 2020

My Name's Russ, I'm an alcoholic, I'm amember, the satiy group and I haven't found a sti O drink since January. Co,N nine unded nd eighty one and yes, that's right! That's right t! This is going to be the tragedy that is my life. I I we hada meeting before the meeting. Unfortunately, most of you guys missedit, and I did announce that H. I am going to sacrifice myself for Yalland thisill, probably the last AA meeting I ever do on the planet, notbecause I want to be the last Daymeang, but I ran my subject matter by New York,an New York office and they're pulling my license. So it's been a forty year,run pretty good, run and H. I'm sorry we're going o Hae tend tod this thisway ut. You know, you know as Thay Sayin te book pancas themselves alcohol,an men, women who have destroy themselves. So I gotto do what I got to be the JulianAssa of ourpos IA, Inane, John Dene of Ourpox, and I got I got to be thewhistle lower. So I'm goingto blow the whistle and Ou ofsan onus. I mean mygoal is when the Goam I get you know. Sometimes I meet people say: Oh I'vdone. Second tidls Beetins, you on me these PEOPLETO say ohthey're, so boringt they're all the same. They never change. You know. Maybe we all got so Idon't want this to be one of those meetings. You know where you hear thesame thing. Youve heard fifteen thousand times so I'm SACRIFICD in mylife and my reputation, which quit frankly, is so much anyway. Yourenjoyment and your amusement so we'll see how that works. I'm Gon to talk alittle bit about h, the third step and the second step andsome sort of step there'll be something in there for everybody and Uh and H soh. So let's go ahead and go and so listen.I want to tell Yo. First of all this is I want tole. I want to say this to you.This is my opinion. This is my opinion. You don't have to agree with me. Youcan be wrong if, if you want to, I mean it's a free country, you know still,but this is all my opinion so like they ta Ke, take what you like and leave therest, and if, if I disturb anybody, if I bother anybody, you know how much Ihate to do things like that. You K W. I ask my sponsor Jost Nida once he I saidyou have get presentments, he said Agato, I give Ep, you know, and you know nd, but the BOT line is youknow, then, if I bog, you know what they sai. You know the spiritulaxing is,whenever you're disturbed, no matter what the cause there's nothing wrongwith you. So I'm a I talk a little bout third, seen F, the second step and andthe fraud that is alcohol, isanonymous, the fraud that is aatenonos and I'mGongto talk to bots. I don't know whether I'm sometimes I come up withthese ideas. You L have Tocu. I want to put it inChap, but I'm scared to ou track 'caus, there's some sort of crazy stuff there,but there's this this one wine. I have that I I just loved this ine Ye, the Gutalan.I just love this line. Let me read it to you and find it it's h. let me see whether I can find it. Ishould see I'm well prepared. Let me see- and it says h if I couldfind it it was. I got it from the Oxford Group. You guys know what theOxford Group is right. So when you see if I can find this one line- and this is the lie- it says thistrthis. This is from the eight points of the osford group, which wasEvangelcilchristian Group First Century Christiani that a started in withinthat group. It says: Truly a man may look at a thing, nine hundred andninety nine times and not see it once and look for the thousandth time andsee it for the first time and H. There's another Colt Ly Tiaeliot in thefour quatrains where he says we will not cease our exploration, and when wecome to the end of our searching, we will come to a place whel. We beganhaving known the place for the first time, so I I think my experience withAa is- and I do'know this is your experience. You know we have differentgroups- Shar ifferen people in for different to different amounts of timethat, whether I'm five years ober or ten years, Ober, fifteen or twenty ortwenty five years over thirty thirty, five years old, whatever it is alongthe way, all of a sudden, open up the big bookor hear something or see something and come to a realization of something.That's important. That has been in front of me all. the Ti thetthat, never happend to you, sort olike you're, mosing Alon, whether it's I don't care whather, you want to calldenial ellusion, whatever it is, and all of a sudden at five years sober allof a sudden. You come to some sort of...

...incredible profound realization ofsomething that they've been telling you for the last five years and all of asudden you just you', get youn like a new level, a new situation. So I'm going to talk to you a little bitabout that as far as e third and a second step, I want to tell you I Ineed to tell you a little bit about my life and one of the reasons I shouldsay this is because in our big book it says our stories disclosed in a generalway, what e used to be like what what we are like now and so I'm a greatbeliever an not only the power of our testimony, the power of our stories, but I do believe they have power and Ibelieve that's what makes us unique. We we each have a different story. It'spretty much about the same disease, ind the same recovery, but but all ourstories are sort of unique and and secondly, I think that one of thereasons why a meanings whe were attracted to a meetings is I like H, I like cauthenticity- I mean I don'twant to be lectured to you know I can get into a little bit like that,because I am interested in Ay history and given opinions and I'll get into alittle bit like that, but damn it you better put a little bit of yourselfinto it. You know what I mean you Bett, to put some skin in the game. You knowtell me about yourself: what's going on with you and where you and and U KnowI'm seventy one years old, Turni and day county and married for thirty nineyears got married three months, African Daya at four kids, Groun kids raisethem sober, seven, grandkids and H, and I'm in my forties year now and doing mything and I I do a bunch of these savings, an I'm always grateful, I'mI'm a Zomoholic, I become a Zumohoulic. What can I tell you? I I've always beena a meeting oholic. I was always been a meeting sky. Of course I went throughthe faces. We'd all go through and you know how now we rest on our laurels andyou now all the face. We go trping to bad to desert time and and I'm not going to go from all thatbecause it's really hard. I I wan to talk about something else and H. It'sKindo hard to slip in seventy one years of being an alcoholic, and you know thirty, nine and a half years of beingsober and everything. That's happened and all the stories and all yourtestimony until like fifteen minutes and that's really all I want to takebfor, I get I what I actually want to talk about, but h but athat's, that'spretty much the deal. I I I I started drinking when I was atfourteen years old, I got I got drunk and I had sex andthat was it for me. You know what I mean and I, after that, every time I was with awoman. I was dricking and I don't know it's oof Wen's hands in hand, and theysay whenever you use alcohol to allow you to do anything. You lose theability to do that thing without the alcohol, whatever it is, and you know Iif I was going to meet a girl, was there be in a bar if who were goin togo out on Job Stun, O drinking and that's the deal, and so I've beenaddicted absolutely to two things in my life and that's alcohol and Wimen andsex, and that's basically it and I was a lownge lizard and I wanted what shehad and I was willing to go anyway to get it and and that's tedeal with meand up and I'm an if only earan, a guest butter. You know, I I tell myselfall the time. This is just the way. I think you know my spot. She said to me:Why do you say the things say why dot you things, you do. That's just the way, an that's mypersonality. He said your personality. Still in your rustle, I thought it wasthe booze, but he said it was my personality you got to to sover forthree or four or five months and realize how crazy you or before you really understand that linethat they say alcohols but a syntof ar disease. I came a daye when I wasthirty one years old, because I could not stop drinking. I don't have toexplain that if you're, not Bosten, Oi tol understand that I tried to stop, Icouldn't stop. My life was a mess. I heard a lot of people, you know, have afirst life walk out of marriage for my first light and a beautiful young child.I had a beautiful map, marriage beautiful thing going. I had a nicehouse, I was devision, she state stener's office. I walked down in themarriage, I told myself it's not working. We got married too youngBlabla to send e up. The bottom line was you know, sh. She had lost the Poweand she I had a lot of higher powers. In My life I had fon some higher hours.A new car is a higher power money. I spend more money, I don't have to buythings. I don't need to oppress megl. I don't like can't even imagine money's ahigher power to me. Okay, women are higher power. Sex is a e higher power that cars are high on power. You know,prestige, titles diplomas, anything that's material in this world has beena Higer aronomy or a combination of 'em. I will for myself Har Myself. I will. Iwill devou you and violate every piece of integrity I have in order to getsomething. I think I need- and I am...

...essentially a material Hor okay, andI'm not overstating that because I know what my life is about, and I know whatmoved me and somehow I I'm a rationalizer. I have dewated, I I am able you know when you'reintelligent, you can tell yourself some real great rational eyes to explain whyyou're walking ont on a marriage, where there's no reason why I should walk outon it. But unfortunately you come a day aget. So when you do much hor steps,you'l listen to a bunch of people and one day you realize that you left yourwife 'cause. She wanted to date, Onthe Liv, which doesn't sell in good reasonto brace someod, Hi's, heart and loolk out on a child. I, like the reason,that's not work when we got married too young, that's my favorite reason, butthe real reason was because I was a onpeaceful. I was an UNVACL Pie,onfainfl piece of crap and I have no integra. You know I like the. I likethe reason where it makes me look like a supersar. So but the bottom line isyou know, I'm an alcoholic, and that was my whole thing I was addicted. Idrank I did't E. I drank because I was awake. Awake was a good enough reasonfor me. I I give you also to re. I don't blame the things I did to peopleon alcohol. Many of the ways I hert people and now call as far as laidingthem down most of the decisions I made. I made him coldstone sober. I heardjust as many people after I stopped drinking the same ranum for the samereasons than before I stoppd drink it soul. I don't I don't fool myself,Believin, I'm basically a good guy, basically de down inside I'n selfish,I'm selfcentered. I understand what that's all about. It's, not a bad thingfor me to think that, because t e black, it explains to me who I could becomeand what I really am- and I got a livid reality, I'm selfish and so setten, I'mdriven by a hundred driven. I HAVE NO C without this program, without God n mylife, I have absolutely no control over the CROD. I could do the things I couldsay. F was stuff. I could do because I have a diseased that centerce in mymind, not my body and and it actually continues after I stoppe drinking as amatter of fact, all the fears, all the self pity, all the blame, all thebullshit. I was right inside me before I even took my first Trink, so thebottom line is S. I am an alcoholic I've driven undrippen by hundred formsof fear self delusion, so pity I step on those of others. They retaing singlywithout provocation, but ultimately I realized that I've made decisions,idate decisions driven by selfishness, which puts me in a position to be hearso onself will and Rihe go. I usually quite pracktarly, don't think so. Above everything. What I need to do isI need to get rid of is selfishness of selfishness that I don't even know. Iam, I don't even know I have and his wetsseeven worse. If you try to tell me inm selfish, I'm tell you to scre yourself,because my chief characteristic is undefiant and an arrogant and I'm an noatall. I must ever Desumptioni. I musord kills me. God makes thatpossible, because that's what a big book tells me, because I'm IV I've Hothirty nine years soprietin. I now actually believe that I can say it. Ican quot it because it's not something I've read out of a book, it's somethingthat I'm so sure of today that that I am selfish and I'm so sure I understandhow incredibly selfish I am, and I'm so sure I understand what God as given tome where he's lifted me where I am right now that it's just part of mylife, it's part of my existence, I mean anybody to tell me, I mean to read abook to figure it out. You know I've spent forty years of repeatedhumiliations, the final crushing of my self sufficiency over and over, to makemany many ninety different surrendors in my life, so I know who I am and whatI am and what I'm grateful for it and whatever. If you see anything in methat is attractive where you want what I have or like that trust me, it hasnothing to do with me. It has only to do I OMON SD. The Lord has been sowonderful to me. Turiny of this Toubl JSA. I got to keep talking about andtelling other people and and that's the deal, there's been a lot of lessings inmy life now took a long time to get it. Of course, the greatest blessing wasone of the greatest blessons with fonot drinking, but the truth is the easiest.The easiest thing in my life was not rat. Now it took fifteen years, it tookfifteen years and I you know se Don Rom, an O offin is last Rin and don't RobinOu Calle his desperation. It took fifteen years, but I in a real sense,became entirely raded up God wemoved the Alhol from me. You know on DecemberTwenty Fifth Nineteen Eighty Christmas morning at three o'clock morning beingall alone in my Pobachelorpett, when I thought M, I was thirty one ears oldthat Al my life was over. It was never met better again. You know I wanted todie. I kn I just I just felt torrible. I turned on the TV. ITE was a preacheron Christmas morning. He was talking about the Gospel and everything and Iwas so sick and so desperate. He said...

...one change of life put down your knees, an as God in your life. I got dowt ofmy knees. I said to sinner's prayer. I asked Christ to come into my life. Youknow, which is probably not a big thing for you, but I'm a Jewish kid forGramakmon island. You know what mean it's a big thing for me: B, T it's hardto haveslain that unless you've been there unless you've been to a pointwhere you would do anything, you know have hing of this book. If you wantwhat they had N nd you're ready to go to Anglike, I was ready to do anythingto change my wife and I got down to my knees and of course I got up and Icontinued to drink. I thought nothing had happened, an and and in January ofTetin Wan I got Nto a bear, Carar accent while I was on a Gerny and theywere willing in and toot Troen all through me. I looked up as Si Godhelped me. Then something happened to me. I had a spiritual experience. I'mnot going to go into that pottof wine is, is tat on January twent,F, Nineteen D, Eighty one, I thik o a wite chip, an o osnonymous and Ihaven't gone no shat have drink since that time and I'm watcing down costynonymous andthen t the magic began. Nond, I'm not going to go through all the magic andlike that, it's the story of the one year and the three years and the fiveyears and every year every decade, every everything you get intosituations and worries that the money it's Gote, Ahoness, just rite up therewith oxygen. You know what I mean and and somehow some way. I guess I guess the first ten years mean. How can I describe it? It's really not be a gooddescription. I guess it's sort of like inalchos anonymous I without evenknowing it. I've always been. You know I accomplished a lot in my life. Ithink mostly on sheer fear and worry, but I mean in out cost and honest. Ithink what I I would say about my sobriety is, I want to say it's Li goodsobrity. I don't know what you mean by good sobriety, you know, I'd be I'e,been scared, I'd be worried and my spots would say you know at one yearand I mysponse would say: Have you had a drink today and I'd say no andsinceyou're doing great you're exactly where you're supposed to be so the mon lineis no matter what was going on in my life, who was, if I had five years andI was I was droke and I was worried and I was scared my sponse would say:What's the PROBMEM, I tell a the promise es you're, exactly where you'resupposed to be so. I was always exactly where I was supposed to be, and all Ican Tel you is this. I know hat it's like to be anxious, have anxiety andworry and fear when you're sober. I know what it'slike to be up at three o'clock morning and a fifteen thousand voices all basshit about yourself and other people 'cause you Worrie, there's not enoughmoney in the bank. Why? Because you spend money, you don't even have and gointo dead and youonrealize that I know it's like. I know it's like to havesolverfear about everything. To me. I underst I didn't understand this beforeI lived a life of total fear, worried and anxiety about every I used to sayto my sponsor. I said I stedot, I remember weere talkingabout drinking in Bosf, I said. Listen, I don't have any fear. I don't havefear of people. I hov fear of people at all. I can be with three unde beesays.He says. Well, he says Youst Got Isibl, then whydid you always have to be drunkwhen you were around Hem you, ee, eough, fer with people. Why, whenever you werein a crowd at a bar and Wai Whyd, you always have to drink. If you werearound, I didn't have an answer for that one. You know so my life, theproblem is, is when you live a life where you let this corrosive threat offear and anxiety. I used to tell myself I don't givemacrap what other peoplethink about me. Now. I realize thafter Manyi sobriety that people hadconstantly telling themselves that they don't give a grap at other people thinkabout Hem. All they do is worry about what other people ce o matter, becausepeople that really don't give recr whet other people think about her, neversanget themselves. They don't give acrap wet other people. Think about Iust to Turnd, dowthe people and say ha a given propet other people. Thinkabout me and IUSE. I could talk myself into stuff. Tell mystelf stof thatwasn't true and believibut. The truth is i Liv the live where I was alwaysworried about what kind of car I was driving. What I looke like what peoplewere saying man I'll tell you something. I can't tell you the Times, I'm sure mthe only one said that done this- that I sat at it table when I had to go tothe Bathloor, but I didn't want to leave 'cause. I was scared. If I leftit would talk behind my back tat. Somehow I could keep him from doingthat to spice sitting at a dip. I kneen I'd be really sick and I neerit whathere's the problem when you live your entire life in stark raving fear thatsomething may happen to you so that you got Ta, live your wife watching out andcontrolling and watching, and everything defensive when you livedalike. That way, you don't even think, there's anything wrong because youdon't know any other way of living your life except that deal and that's theway I lived my life. Okay. Now I came adownhoss and honest. I stoppeddrinking. You know. All of sudden there was money on the table a lot of theconsequences that happened as e result of drinking weren't happening anymore,but you want to know something. The...

...fear was still there. The fear was therin five years. The feel was there in ten years. If it was it's, what it wasin, Alpalsnamas fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, and I wasokay for an hour dearf I go to Amena. I was okay for I,W D. I would be out there in the world running around Einfer, doing the stuffdoing everything that you're supposed to do. Then I'd go to an AA meeting and all of a sudden APTO EAN. I feelgood. You know what it's like to live your life and fear and then for an hournot be scared, feel safe. You know at its like to to be scaredand worried about things and then for one hour, because you're ot a beatingor cause you would you sponsor or maybe you're helping somebody else all of asudden feel safe? I didn't realize what fear was until one day I felt safe. Ididn't realize what fear was until one day for an hour. I didn't have her why?Why else would that w? Why else would I had tot explain wi I would always wantto go. I want to go to a me after I was done with a meeting. The meetit wouldbe great, I'd feel great, and then I get my car and I drive away and an hourlater, I'm into the fearful shit again, I'm into the worry again until I got tothe next meeting, ind the next meening in the next meeting, and so I guess Iguess if I wanted to say what my wife was like and I'm sure to short cuttingthis. It would be fear. The first ten years would be fear of fear, fear, fear,okay for an hour, okay for two hours, spare vewof, thetre, okay for threehours and Oka, say in such a way, so that Imanaged not only to somehow feel better but also not trip, and that went on forwhat about five T. Then, all of a sudden, instead of FEARF O fi, far fearan hour of O K and then fear, fe fear, foir fear. Then it became fear. Fear offear a couple of Hous, okay fearvefear, a couple o that and then it became dearthat baby, the next tin years. It was like fear, fear and then you're, okayfor three hours and then fear fear. Then Youo pay for two hours and thenone day it became OK. Ok, O K, ok, fear the became. Ok, ok, ok, ok, ok, fear,Okaotl, K Ne Monday. I don't know when this wassomewhere around twenty five years. It just became okay. Looking it becamegreat, it became great. I want to tell you it's going to begreat. You want to do this thing. You don't want to go to the a bankque andwaywith a ham sandwich. You want to be Tastin the lobster in the shut obrad.You want to be going crazy, buddy don't leave before the miracle happens. Youknow don't leave before O end. I'm not saying you have to wait twenty fiveyears. I actually believe you do, but I'm not saying you have to. I wouldnever say that to yo you' probably go aset, but the Byane is it took me awhile I had to go through the desert time. You know they do see in the bigbook. The way we get a new perspective is by repeated umiliations and thefinal question of our selfs UFFICIENCY. That repeat, humiliations. I think thatmeans more than once you know does say in the big book we learnd the value ofsuffering. You know what I mean: Weyou gotto go through the April cap. Yougotto go through the a carwash you know, and that kind of deal and I had to gothrough what I had to go through and eevery year. Every decade you learnmore and more that kind of stuff. So That's enough enemy. I wanem reach Igwant to reach a couple of things out of the and some of he literature andthat I'll I'll ask you a couple of questions. Maybe something you haven't:EARD EFOR! So we're talking about the third step. So this went on O. do I'mgoing to read you IIS one Hono Brengs, you something outof dctor Bob good all time or something I'm Goin to read the two things out ofdocupon the girl time e said: I'm been reading something out of the twelve andtwelve, and I want you to think about what I'm I think, You'e gotta, you guyslook pretty driet. I think you're going to understand this. Okay, so dikedabout. I E gold timeas. I started really getting into around ten years over when I was reallytrying to get more. You know, there's a line in alcos NOMAS number, three Nvigold Doson. I love this line, jus. So true 'cause, it's my life. He wassoberand. He said I knew there was something more something I hadn't gotsomething a person ought to have some sort of a release and I was trying toforgr out what the answer was. I used to go to meetings an met at five yearsand taears. I follow my sponses round and people around it had twenty yearsand thirty years, because I knew I was sover okay and actually doing betterthan I had done, but I didn't have wit Tay. You know, I mean it was sober andthen there was sober there was something called physically sober andthen there was emotional surpriety and- and I I was in if olier any yesputter,if only I had the money. If I only had that car, if I only had that Gal, if Ionly had that job I'd be OK, I was...

...always telling myself. If I only hadsomething I'd be OK, what I didn't realize is that whenever you tellyourself, if you only have something you'll be Oky, what you're actuallysaying to yourself is: You are just not okay and I used to tell myself: I wasn'tokay, a thousand times a day every once in a while, iht be latheringup in the shower, and I hear this voice that would say you'R an Assol. Youought to kill Yousof I bes driving in the car and all of a sudden I'v.nowhere. It says you're Ol, loser, you're, never going to get this thingwit. What's the use I turned round to see, you was saying that to me I wasthe only one in the shower. You know W t. That is that's my true reputationwith me about me and that's something called annothat isthat's something called alcoholism? That's ever happens, you don't worryabout. It just mean you're, an alcoholic. It just means you suffr fromdisease. That censers your mind, Ot your body, and you want to knowsomething. The drinking goes away like that right, but th, I'm a loser. I'mnever going to be CAMEA as well. Kill Myself, that's twenty five years!That's twenty years! That's real! THAT'S SERIOUS SHIT!THAT'S THE REAL DISEASE! That centers in your mind, not your body! That's thewhole thing! Now here's a good nose! It's a disease that comes with its ownfellowship. You know at least you don't have to feel along. You are not along.You know, I mean that's wh! That's why they ask you the gair meetings. Youdon't ask your chair, EETINGS TO TEL YO OUT WONDERFORE! You are TheAs, O Chane,so you coun say I'm fucking nuts. You know what I mean, I'm Gon ThinkingAbout Soo S. I ou believe in a a isn't. A Ag Ran Youe, walking, away meetingyou nother Guy, who guy stands up and says on the LOF, with a camel threeguys get ou Biin the cop of compy and say yea. They ti too are in love withcamels. You know what I mean, no matter what you say: There's somebody who'sgot the same yil going on. So I'm going to read you now. You know Yo read a Bocall and it says this ansess, the Buk. I think I'm doing this cract Heit says really iveav seen a persof failsthelass thoroughly followed ove hat I'm. I qoing that correctly. Some give me a thunb okay, rarly. Havewe seen up prince veo is thoroughly fought thoroughly. It does seemthoroughly right other what you do. What we did you'll get, what we gotMISSD, what they got. They got rocketin into the fourth metch of existence,they've peries, much of havving. Have you been rocking in the fourthmentioned of resistance? Are you experiencing much of heaven or are you like? Most people tell meI'm hanging in or you just youhanging in there. Are you just hanging in there?That's okay, well, you're, exactly where you're supposed to be. You know I,but not where you want to be, not where you want to be okay, you want to beRockeng in the fourt dimension and experience you much of Havin. When youknow they say the great bacticists a nothing lasts. You want that. You gotto make God. This is your Creator which could be adorop. I suppose, if youcrated by a Tordot, but you gotto forgot what I doornot wants Tou do'cause later on in the book. It says if you're serious about this deal. Alsoits remarkable things happen happen to you, because, because staying close toyour God, I know God will give you everything o Da. If you stay close tohim and perform the works, he wants you to do that's what it says in the Bakbut.That's what the big books all about. So, if you want to get everything you needand be rocket in the fourth tomention existence and experience much of Hapinand and remarkable things happen. Yavto the Bomwas Sill give you that you stayclose to him. TAT performance works well, so eno who he is and what hisworks are and I' have no idea. If your Gud is a tree or a doornot, what isworks star for you to do? I don't know what Adornon wants. You know. I don'tknow it's a mystery. You know God's a mystery to MES. I never worried aboutGod. I don't know who god is or what God is. What this thing is, I only knowabout material stuff, cerial, serious stuff, like money, but apparently innineteen, thirty, nine tawe the books called out Alsynamas when they sayrarely have we seen a person vill who has thoroughly followed o at you know,that's what they say. They don't say: Do Whatever the hell. You want to doand you'll get W. Don' say: Tha Do that in San Rally I, as seen from Spelo asthoroughly bought up that and they wroke on o an nine htded nd. Thirtynine. The problem is a Startin N, nineteen, thirty five, so bentw e Ounineteen and thirty five and nineteen thirty nine. They were joined something,but they weren't angreee. For this 'cause, I'm goingto fix you. No it big,I not put it down, but I'm just talling yo about the facts. You'R entilged yourown opinions, but I know that, but here's the thing be: Ouand, nineteenand thirty: five, nineteen Thir nine. They weren't reading the Big Book. Now,if you understand that I can't explain, t t they were doing something, but theywareit reading the PIPL. Then they wrike this book and say rarely have asseen a person fail who has thoroughly followed out at so I've got ten yearsrecovering. Now, I'm going to Bible Study CAS. Apparently somebody told mehow to go and he want to go. I wet, I met my third sponsor there. Then I renin the big book that we encuranged church membership. I understand why nowand all sot of stuff and some de with develoment consciouse Tonjacko InnoRuben in and really wantring what they have and moving on, but that comes sixstep will talk about that later, but...

...the bottom line is is ssso. I I did at that one in time I wanted more.I had read the big book, Iad read and over an I was teaching. I wassponsoring Yiu. I was doing the whole bit the service, and so I startedreading noct Abo, the good old timers, which is specific details as to whatthey were doing be t e, Ou, ND, nine huteen and thirty fife Ne HousanNinehutdre, an thirty nine. So I want to read the two things that I talkedabout. I, the girls arers, I'm not making this supper. Okay. No. I want you to think about this andturns op the third step. What is it thirst that made a decision Thatto butmade a decision whet? We make a decision. I oo have to look at. I don'tknow Tika decision, for God turn God or lives over the care of God,as we understand themsoheres. When you talk about the thirds that I want toreach you what they were doing in that yearstiss Om, one thousand nine hundredand thirty seven. This is pas one of one doctobot, the goodold times. On theother hand, we were taking them upstairs and getting them on theirknees to surrender, which I felt was very important by t ay. How many peoplehave ever heard. Anybody in a say, don't talk about God, so much you'llscare away the new come. They never heard that yeah a has. Anybody ever heard peoplesort of like waterdown God ind the meanings or you know just say, goodordery direction. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. I wasa good ordlly Brussian guy for a while ver, even Chapterin Nassic. They say ifa mere Cote of morals or a better philosophy of life would I helped us.We have been sober one time at all, but such things didn't help us, because welacked the power we had to find a power greater than ourselves, which LD Wwould help us. That's why we wrote book. We we're going to Calk ABOCT OD, whichis not Amere Code of morals and says this sortof Thinkin Actua ca stand against adnosticism chapter. The agnostis isRin into a nosix and Apeus, and you know you know what the bottom on on thechapters isthis sort of thinking must be abandoned: Godi, riserios, O. What n?I listen! I'm just sayin, I'm just sayin you're av to GE Baan, just getcall up New York, tol e rip that Shit Out of the book have been boers youthey take a scal cate. So here said Del here's, what they say: N Whon, OThere's the bottom whi e on gets Ou. So you don't get all crazy about this aa I kitzophranic where's Y. I know we have a psychiogisto your size. Second sincew, I don't know, maybe Soutonwellsi wwhat. Whathappen is whatd. You have like two personalities. Is that like sqitzo, Idon't know what it is when I's like that. AITS, like multiple personalities,there's two a eggs. There's this two AA someteme, youther's a second step ae and then there's a six step here.There's two completely separate organization within our Hos. We are ourone ro schoolhouse. I graduated college with panagalanas ND mathematics. Whenyou went when you would take a mathematics, you had what's calledthree requisites. You know I would start off with Algbra, then I go toTriganonetr, then analymical, GEOMETRC, then calculus on manofall and then onand on up and up and up the Grane, an UNTOL. The deal is you couldn't skip,you had to take one and then the other eigh, so you would have you would haveto. When I went to school we had people in the first grade. We have people inhe second grade. We have people in the third grade. Fourth Grade. I then Iwent to high school. Then I went to get hem, I mean AAIs like what does it say,a spiritual kindedoor and it's onrall nothing here, all being a specalKendergotten up imean like one day he really wantdto go to high school oneday. You want to go to college. You know what I mealet me tell you.Something here is a second step: Aa, there's a kindergare, there's a college,a a there's, a post graduating there's other shit, going on. Ok, what's goodfor some and here's the problem, we all meet in the same room in the sameschool house on any partinular day, there's a giybe with thirty days,disguited with Tukat gays, this Guy Ted with thirty years, there's a guy therein fifteen years, and they all need something. They all need something andwhat they need may be different than what the guy, when one day needs, mightbe different than what the guy meet with twenty years. NEAT, the twenty Nenyears Aggo I may need something: He may not even know what he needs 'cause. Hehas twenty years. That's another problem, you maynot even know he'sneedy, but that's anoe. So here's what they say- onge one o one of doctor,bome oold Tim at says- on the URAND. We were taking them upstairs and get himon their knees to surrender, which I felt was very important par. Thesurrender was more than appointed, it was a must. It was a must. One rememberthat hit was a must. You couldn't go to a NE. Bony Ho came to a Anfedo N, nineethirt, seven call a after five or six teets in the hospital. When you hadindicate that you were serious, they told you to get down on your knees bythe bed and say a prayer to God.

Andmite you were powes aroule and yourlife was unanageable furtherbore. You had to stay than you believed in ahigher power. Who could would return you to Sanan? He even see the beginningof the twelve steps. We'd call that best surrender. They demanded it. Youcouldn't go to a meeting until you did it. You couldn't go to me and tell youdon't a Oti Nou come you might scare Im, you couldn't go to a meeting until youdid it yef. I aske you didn't make it in the hospital you had to make it inthe upstair bedroom wit, the Williamson's house gate as Ome Recall:Thou N, nineteen, thirty seven Etins, when the men woult all disappearupstairs and all thus woman would be nervous and worried about what wasgoing on after about an hour or so down would cum the new man shaking whiteseries and grim and all the people whoalready an agg would come trumingdown after Hem they were pretty reluctant to talk about what hadhappened, but after a while they would tell us they had a real surrender,rarely Havwe Sun, a person fail who has thoroughly followed our pet. This iswhat they were doing. How about this one? This is Doctor Bob how EA twelvestep Clarence breaster. Okay, this is only twelve step. Clarice okay is Docksmith C Clarce was in thehospital. He was like a young guy in his thirties, dot smith came in laterand Ti Golrey sat on the edge of my bed and said. Well. What do you think aboutall this? Then he paused and looked at me doubtfully. I don't know if you're ready, I don't know hat it,you're ready yet you're kind of young. I was down to ahundred and thirty five pounds. No job, no clothes, no money. I didn't know howmuch more ready I could be even call Clarence. Still I had to convince them.I was ready. Thenhe asked Otobot askd. This is the first question dog aboutasked em the first question doctor Bob, thebounder ever ever think gee. If I was only sponsored by Doctor Bob and BilWilson, everything would be wonderful. No one, wouldn't nothing! BUTIR's withthe first question bout askin. Do you believe in God, Youn Fellow First, Strite up the bact, you believe, God he always holds me young fellow, when Yocalled me clace and Wnow I was in trouble. Then Clarence says this: Whathas got? What does that have to do with it? Anybody ever hears anybody in any saidto something: Don't worry about the God. Then Yos hear somody an a SI. Don't worryabout the God thing. Forget the God thing. Don't worry about the God thing.UN is whathe, says a says. What does that have to do with it? Doctor BobEverything everything I guess. I do duess nothing either youdo or you don't. Yes, I do that's fine Bob says now we're getting so we're allrightget out of your bed and on your knees, we're going to pray. I don'tknow how to pray Gol. I guess you don't, but that's all right, just follow whatI say and O we'll do it. For now I did what I was ordered to do. Claren saidthere were no suggester. OCEBAB was always positive about hispadh Clarence said. If someone asked Im a question about the program, hisusual response was what has it say in the good book suppose he was asked.What's all this first thing, first tolks about be retinappropriate wit,cotation seeke. First, the King Ov gone his richeousness and all these thingsshall be added ontoyear, I'm just saying rarely. Ive e seen aperson ball who has torly fought up at okay. So now I think I'll tone itdownbut. Now, I'm going to ask you this now you heard all that you all heardall that was anybody paying attention, cause anybody paying attention. Youknow what they were do in und in Nineten, thirty, five in Ninete, thirtyseven, you know what the wors thoroughly means. You know the wordmeans now witis. They really have a seen forss thoroughly followd, Ou, tat,th t you didn't get to a Menia unles. She did the thirds. You didn't get toamen unless you did the third step. Unless she gave your life to God, theydemanded it. No suggestion. When you went to Aa, you knew exactly what youwere buying into. They didn't trust the Alcoholi to float around fo twentyyears to try to figure it out right away. You Wad to know Yo knew exactlyyou were coming into the PRIESTOO. It was ende this Onhot religiousshipunspiritual, not religious crown. You know youere going right in there and bythe way, the bus that they found absolutely essenxual according to Wer,first Quetein, thirteen servint on the Moun. You know in the book of JamesThogh. There was none in this Waw. I'm not a religious NIG won't find we'llsee you when you're ready. Am I seeing that's the way it should be.I'm just listening. All I'm doing is unjustgiial history lesson as the wayit was Ni watch a Lis. This is step too TEP too. Now the book is poblished. Nowthe Commeta gests together here, step too here's a a today. I just I just won,knew when you see a difference, that's all step to twelve and twelve okay. Themoment they rexept to most newcomers are confronted with a dilemma. Theyhave a Dilama, a Dalamma, sometimes a...

...serious one. How aften? How often haveyou heard them crying look what you people have done to us. You haveconvinced Thas that that we are onpossib whe R. Our lives are imagialhand. We reduced us to a State of absolute helplessness. You now declarethat none put the ire outer. We move our obsession. Some of US won't believein God, others can't and still others believe that Godastes have no faithwhenever you will perform the miracle. Yet you've got us over barrel all right,but where do we go from here and then it says this: This is what it says that agrees. The sponsor is a very goodquestion. Indeed. I think I can tell you exactly how to relax. You won'thave to work at it very hard, either. Listen! If, if you will to these threestatements, first and alcohol, it's an honest does not believe it's, not the man that you believe inanything. Ause an honest is not the man, youbelieve in anything all the twelve sets are but suggestionsNoi'm, just going to ask you this as intelligent no appear to be most of you,I'm not so sure of best side, but mosty you'll get resolved. I'm just cared oyou this question. Do you see any difference in the attitude what a wasdoing between thirty five and thirty seven in those statee not even asked listy en I listen, I'mjust pointing that out to you scause, you see this is where I'mblowing the whistle on egg. Now we go to step three in step. Three is talking about makingdecision, for God, Gen Don your nees making. So here's here's the thing.This is the way I see it and ALCOLSANAMAS. So, what's with thechange, and everything like that, apparently, what I found over a period of years,when I found over a period of years, is that if you hang out around Alon- and you want to stay sober long enough and you link up with the right people'cause the person I'll be in the next five years will depend upon me thepeople you hang out with the books, you read n Oo, Boo. She read Anon, hang outwith who you listen to and if you want what we have. You findpeople in AA thirty years, forty years solder, andyou want what they have. You want what we have and you're willing's got anylagth to get any late to get, no matter how you feel after come Dae.If you want more than just mere sibrime, if you want more than just as they sayin the six step, settling you know, I'm doing great. I have a car,I have a house. I have a wife get off my ask. Get off my back. I haven't hada drink in ten years. What are you giving me? I'm Oky, I'm fine! If you,if you find it, you want more. If you find that you read things like you'll,be rocketin the Fort Tomension. You know you want peca. If you startseeing things like I, the promises like you lose fear of people and ofEconomican security, and you find yourself you're, always worried aboutmoney, you're, always woird about what people think. If you want more ten, youknow whatwill happen. You will find those people and you'll do that stuffwere ultimately you'll, make that surrender to God and you'll land up inthe place where a lot of the those guys started before they went to their firstday, amy Yo landup at a place where those Sgusand thirty seven started before they went to their first day on your knees,doing anything and trying to get g and trying to make God the sentral fact ofyour life. And if you don't want that stuff, youwon't other words. A has become, has become Te. MFOCASONA has become more like allowing you to hit bottomagain or even drink, allowing you to figure out your own deal without anydemanding at and here's the reason why I think- and I actually learned thisfrom a die I sponsor who might be on here- I'm not going to use his realname because one of the things he said and he's got a lot of time. Quitefrankly, he's got a lot of time. I I sponsored guys ttwenty five years. Twenty years.Fifteen years thirty years, soriety and they've got problems and they're notbeing rocken en teports mentioned existence. You know and they're nothappy about their abriety, and their problem is not has nothing to do withdrinking tyour promise nothing to do with drinkand has everything to do and has nothing to do withnot having acar or any of that something has everything to do with theirrelationship with got Siki perstte kingdom God sedw relationwith him is riting great evest, and you...

...know when they come to me and I workwith them. You know what I do we work on, the God thing we work on going to church o work on going to church. You know hesays I don't want to go to church. I said so. Let's look bout how's thatworking out FT, it's not one, an let's go in and be open minded, and why don'twe work on that thing? We lose all prejudice. We lose a emen againstorganized religion. We begin to see we we work on doing. I don't want to knowwhat you're doing I want to know what Yowa, what you're not do and why youaren't doing it and whether you really want to grow. Are you willing to go toany link Yeh? You know I'm not talking about getting on Yourknees one time,I'm much on BOT SI one time same, the third step, Rar and begetting up inSanlid, that's O wit. Now I'll just run my life, so I work with them. OntheGodtin, but here's the thing. Here's what'shappened to a which is fine with me, and I think it's a good thing. I I knowa Guyin Aa that had such a difficult life beforehe came Daa a horrible life of abuse before he came a doutausanonymous that hehated haten God hatin religion hated religion and here's. What I think the deal is the deal is the problem with us is that we love guys like that. We love guys like that. We, I don't know what to Dait. We loveout crazy, unbelievably horrible screwed up alcoholics that an God welove Em. We want to help Hem, I think, that's quite quite frankly, itmatches my religion, because you know my religion. You'l leave the ninetynine Yaud go after the lawsheet you go at to Lasho. You know what I mean. You know, I believe in the productalSun Story, the guy went off and went with a horse and spent all his moneyLende up in a big sty, and then he returned. His father gave hi a pardyecause he's alive again, you know Alabgan Aa Eliveaga, so you see whatthe thing is is that we are so in love with a guy who has maybe one day and can't handle the Godand even haste abopting and says I don't want to ear it that we say hey.You know something we lo, you don't worry about. It come on in anyway, come on in th e anyway, and you knowsomething that's a that's a, but what's good for the guy with oneyear come on it anyway. It's not necessarily the a a that theguy was twenty years. It's not neceay. The guyis notnecessarly with the guy with fifteen years, needs- and you know the Bungenow, so there'sTencav- that there's a six step and that's the seand step that separatesthe men from the boys in the way they describe in the twelve and twelve isthe man of those who are trying their entire life to grow in the image inlike this of of their creator, they're, not settling they're shooting forperfection, even though they know they'll, never get it their consdatit's,the motor that makes them run the motor that makes them run as they want, moreGod, more God more gone. You know what that is, that sixstep and it separates somemfor te boys, andyou know something you may find this heardtelead most people are not six tat.They aims. Tiss Bose steps are like you know why we've already been to leavingtoday. I've already done that get off my back, I'm not dragkinit, I'm fineand that's nothing wrong with that 'ca. Some of those people ultimately becomesix step, but you know there's a h, the's people that are in this. There are people that are doing theprofession. You know like this henfl there's people that are hea doing theprofessional shit and theire amateurs. There are people that are dilatants,they came here, Tha Checkin it out. You know just to see what the works and youknow- hey had too well too fast and they get their griwfriend back andtheir money back and everything like that- and maybe they've even done athird step. But when is hi matter, they got all the stuff back. They don't wantw. We have, they want what they had and they're gone and they drank and twentyyears down the road. Now they're really doing it seriously, and there arepeople in this that are really hitting it hard and we're all in the same room,we're all the same meeting together. So sometimes you get a Guy Wha's realwhite on a deal somehomes she got ite like me, that's uh, Maye a little bitmore direct. I don't know Teret, don't know, hat call direct, but the bottomline is. Is that there are really you know I used to. I don't want Ti, becomelike a bleeding deacon y. u know one of these guys that you know, even though II right now in my life R, pretty much into me. I guess you would call it theold time way of doing things and the...

...and working with guys that you know ormaybe have a lot of time and things like that. I mean I work with a newcomvern drop and the at the bottom line is S. I understand I don't want to getinto a situation where I stin same old in the good old days. You know I I'find the way it is right. Now, I'm not looking at change a 'cause. You wantToknow something the people that do it right, the people that do it the waythey were doing it be thirty, five and thirty seven. Not only are they goingto stay, sober, ok, but they're going to find incredible happiness and thepeople that don't do it they're, not hurnane to anybodysept themselves, andsomeone will drink again and come back an besides. We always have althollright. Alcohol is the greatest thing we have BOT. We don't have any policeforce in Alholsanos WIAV althall every year or so alcohol comes through andcleans out all the bullshit. You know all the guys that say I ain't going todo bad and il e Eoo Ome. So I just sort of courages the entire deal. You knowwhat I mean and it does that about. You know ten times a year and 'cause Otheican'. Imagine if or friend, woal, sick and crazy. When you want to do thisthing stuck around. Oh my God, wwould you like aunt Tefan here you know bcrazy and so that's the deal. So I don't know I don't know what the deal is. So Idon't know where you guys are if this Guy Stoll en chat he's a meeting poor,Guymeans, O Ei and Anees eight fifty seven, unbelievable, perfect Oky. Sothank you. That's it from me! Thank you very much.

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