AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org
AA Speaker Recordings - Rocketed.org

Episode 43 · 1 year ago

Russell S at There Is A Solution group - Talk 12 – A form of belief without power

ABOUT THIS EPISODE

Russell S at There Is A Solution Group, Barnegat NJ. Recorded September 23, 2020

Thank you very much. Hey, guys, can you hear me? I want to always want to check on that kind I'd be heard, or so. My name is Russell. I'm an alcohol member of the South Dixie Group. Haven't had kind of dested out of drink since January twenty two, one thousand nine hundred and eighty one, and I want to share a little one the twelve step between we're which means we're going to talk about the seventh step other stuff I'm gonna I'm dangerous sometimes. I know I'm dangerous sometimes, so I'll probably puss somebody off, but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm just going to do it Hell's bells, full steam ahead. You know, I'm just going to do it. So I just sort of talk about what I believe the Lord puts on my heart and try to explain things to you. And you know, my really my chief goal is to maybe bring something to your attention that I've learned over the last almost forty years now that maybe you won't hear any other AA meetings ever. You know, I said, what can I tell them that they're never going to hear any other AA meeting ever? And I say, well, I have to tell him something never going to hear at any other A. Mean, ever, that I learned, that I learned and became evident to me. First of all, if I learned somebody and ever after forty years, if I learned something and I decided not to share it with them, would that be right? I said I wouldn't be right. I I so. But, but, but, if I'm going to share something with you that I've learned over the last forty years, I don't think it's maybe a revelation for me. I think maybe the reason you don't, you're a day meetings, is because people are scared to share it. Maybe your people are scared to share it. Do you think it's possible that an AA there are some there are speakers or people who speak at a meetings that have certain feelings, best stuff that they're scared to share. Do you think that's possible? I think it's possible. I think it's possible that people sort of like second guess themselves. They should I say this, should I not say this? But I'm seventy one years old and I don't believe they can find me from a a and I have no life. You know my life is my grandkids. They're gone and I have no life. My life is over. And so the only pleasure I have is by getting other alcoholics nervous, you know. And and that's the only fun I could possibly have in my life is twining with newcomers. Newcomers that would be people on the under thirty years and and so that's, you know, my sponsored just teinner. I said, do you get resentanc he said get them, I give them, you know. So I'm trying to do the best I can. You know what I found that some of the best meetings that I remember a meetings where guys pissed me off because they told me something that I didn't want to think about. They told me something that I didn't want to believe, they told me something that sounds crazy and I couldn't get it out of my mind. Those are the guys that I remember. That's the stuff I remember. So I'm going to start off on the twelve step by reading something from the seventh step and I'm going to sort of unpack it. I'm going to sort of like expose it. It's the expositional I'm going to take a paragraph out of out of the seventh step I'm sort of ripping apart for you and and I'm going to read a couple of times. I'm reading one time see whether you think you understand it. You may think you understand it, but and then I'm going to read it again and then I'm going to read something from scripture because, as you all know, between nineteen three five nineteen thirty nine, the books they found absolutely essential or first with the thirteen, served them out in the book of James, and so when they wrote this, the people that actually wrote this were steeped in that deal. That's what they were doing. So you can believe me and not leave...

...me. It's just a it's just my opinion that there's something that you get to see when you have studied the books that they were reading between nineteen thirty five and nineteen thirty nine in this thing that you may not see if you come at it from another angle. I'm just telling you that it's possibility, which is probably why they encourage church membership and anything. But I'm going to try to I'm going to try to unpack it for you. And you want to something, you have an open bumming, because the book does say we lose all prejudice, even against our Nice village. And doesn't it we begin to see where they might be right. If you have an open mind, maybe I'll, maybe you'll walk away from the same. Jesus, I never looked at that way. Would that be great? You ever? You ever come away from anything since man, I never thought of that way. I'd be pretty cool, right, new thought, new thing, something that has depth away. So let me read you something this. By the way, the reason I'm doing this on the twelve step is because as something to do with God. Well, here's the secret. All the steps has something to do with God. God's like a big deal in the literature of alcoholics, anonymous, not a big deal in the fellowship of Alcoholics. Anonymous. It is a big deal in the literature aboulcoholics, anonymous on basic text. Not a big deal in the fellowship of alcoholics anonymous. And that's what you have to understand, unless you get to the age of seventy one and your life is over. So what the heck? You know what I mean. So here we go. So I'm going to read this s this is on page seventy two of the twelve and twelve in the seventh step, which has to do with humility and humbly and has something to do with humbling asking God's remove your defective character, which has something to do with coming to the point in your life where you want to do total surrender to God and make them the sense the fact that we are lying, because you come to the point where you're entirely ready to have God remove all your defects of character so you may grow in the image and likeness of your Creator. And at that point, I guess, if you do that well enough over period of time, you really get to the point where you really don't give a crap what people think about you when you're talking about God. And about that time when you don't really give a crap about what people think about when you talk about God, even if they don't like it at a beans, I guess that's the point where it starts making sense. When they say we're on a new basis, the basis of trusting, relying upon God, because you are trusting in lying upon God, and I guess that's when it starts making sense. When they say we never apologize for God. We never apologize for God. All we, all men of faith, have courage. We never apologize for God. We let him demonstrate in our lives what he's doing for us. You know, and I guess all that stuff stuck sort of fitting in making sense, because it's not on something, it's not only something we read, it's something we actually practice in our lives. We're not ashamed of believing in God. We are not ashamed and we don't apologize for it. You know, we become free, free of the worry about what even a people think about you in alcoholics anonymous because we don't. We no longer need them to love us or accept us to feel like decent human beings. Why? Now, that'd be like something. That'd be like almost be rocket into the fourth dimension of existence or some that be a cool deal. So let me read this to you, okay, is on page seventy two. This lack of Anchorage, this lack of anchorage to any permanent values, this blindness to the true purpose of our lives, produces another day of result. This lack of anchorage to any part. He's they're talking about us, by the way. They're talking about you, and they there's gonna have sober alcoholics talk about do you think?...

Listen, let me suggest something to you just to Piss you off. Okay, do you do you think that there are people in alcoholics, anonymous today that don't have any relationship with God? You think that's possible that there are people that don't? Ever, do you think listens? Do you think that it's possible that there are people in alcoholics on us today who are not atheists, who say they believe in God and maybe they do believe in God, and they hold hands and they say the Lord's fair, they go through all the motions, you know, but you're allowed to do you're allowed to think it. I'm not putting that down. I did. You'll have to fake it for you make it. But you believe that there are people in a that go through all the motions, say all the stuff, say they believe in God and yet have no relationship with God? Do you think that's box? Do you think it is possible to think you believe in God and say you believe in God and do all the motions that you believe in God and talk about God, but actually have no serious relationship with God? Do you think that's possible? I want you to think about that for a second. I think it's possible. I think it's probable. I think it's probable that ninety percent of the people and they have no real relationship with God. I think that's what they're talking about in this paragraph, what it's like to believe in God and yet have no relationship with God, not the kind of relationship where he's the centerpiece of your life, in the central fact of your life. And I think there's a reason why they talk about in the seventh step, the step that Sept with the steps, part of the steps that separate the men from the boys, the people that say they believe in God and the people that put the petals to metal and and submit themselves and surrender their lives to God. I think there's a difference in quality and what you get out of it. But let me keep on reading. This lack of anchorage to any permit values, this blindness the true purpose of our lives, produces another bad result. For just so long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence, for the just that long was a working faith and a higher power in possible. Let me read that again. Let me read that again. For just so long as we were convinced that we could live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence for just that long. Was a working faith in a higher power god? Impossible, impossible, you know, impossible. So let me ask some you think there are people in Aa today that lived their lives based upon basically sort of managing their lives in their own intelligence? Do you think there are people in a a that go through their day to day lives living their lives based upon their own thoughts and their own intelligence and their own feelings? You know, I do the next right thing, you know, good early direction, or just doing, you know, just being nice and trying to do things that they think is the thing to do, just manage. You think that's possible? Don't even you know, maybe, and maybe it's not only possible, maybe it's almost natural. Maybe it's like a natural thing. Well, this desire to want to run your own life. You know, not surrender, you know, just you come to a a and now you know a lot of rules and you've done a lot of steps and have will inside into yourself. So now you can really mad as well. Now you can really do a good job, you know, and list of this this gets ready for just so long as you were convinced that we can live exclusively by our own individual strength and intelligence for just that long. Was a working faith in higher...

...power possible? This is this is here you go. This was true even when we believe that God existed. This was true even when we believe that God existed. Owas everything just said about a working faith in God, a relationship with God, you can't have it. It's a possible and this can happen to you in Aa, even when you believe God existed. Not. That's a scary thing. I mean, I understand why this place atheist, but I mean really, even if you believe God existent, we could actually have earnest religious beliefs which remain baring barren, because we were still trying to play God ourselves, still trying to manage our own lives. As long as we play self reliance first, a genuine reliance upon a higher power was out of the question. That basic ingredient of all you, all, humility, a desire to seek and do God's will, God's will, was missing. The basic ingredient of all you, mail on, the desire to seek and do God's will was missing. Want to read that and remember that deal. So now I want to read you something from just for laughs and Giggles, from Second Corinthians. This is written two thousand years ago by the Apostle Paul. This is from Second Corinthians. Is The apostle Paul talking to Timothy and trying to teach them some things and talking them about what's going to happen down the road. What's going to happen down the road, thousands of years from now, or maybe a few years from now? This is what the Apostle says is going to happen. He cautions Timothy of that. He says this, but understand this, Timothy. In the last days, terrible times will come, for men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderous, without self control, brutal, without love of good, traitorous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a four of godliness but denying its power. Turn away from such as these. Do you think it's possible to have a to be involved in a fellowship that has a form of godliness, a form of godliness, but without power? Do you think it's possible to go to an AA need too as a form of power, but really has no power? Do you think it's possible to do a program of recovery and AA that looks like it has some sort of form of power but actually has no power? I think that's possible. I don't know. I don't know that paragraphs and number seven things seems to say that you can actually be an individual and alcoholics anonymous and you could go through all the steps and go through everything and still lack the power and still not be rocking in the fourth dimension of existence. You know you can. You could do it this way. I say I'm going to be rocking in the fourth dimension existence. This is how I'm going to do it. I'm going to do the perfect first step, I'm going to do the...

...perfect second step, I'm going to do the perfect third step in the perfect fourth step. I'm really going to do the fourth step perfectly this time for the eighteen time, and this time when I come in, I'm going to do the perfect this step with the perfect guy, and then I'm going to do the perfect six steps and I'm going to do, with the perfect date step, the perfect ninth step and then I'm going to do the test step perfectly, and now I'm going to do a perfect weaven step. Now I'm going to do all that stuff. You know, you think it's possible to do these steps over and over again all over place and still not have a relationship with God? You know, maybe, maybe, sort of like the thinking goes like this. I'm doing great because of what I'm doing, not what I'm believing. Does this have to do with believe? I mean, we have a chapter says in to action. Obviously some actions necessary, but how much of this has to do with believing? How much does this has to you know, you know, you know what it says in the and there's a solution. It says the great fact is this, and nothing less. This is the great fact that God has become the central fact of our lives and we are absolutely convinced that he lives in our hearts and minds, which is which, in a way which is miraculous, is doing for us, or we can't do for ourselves. There is one who has all power, that when is God. You can't manage your life, no person can help you. Only God could. And what if he was saw it? We must get rid of this self. This we must if it kills us or kills us. God will make that possible, see to it that relationship with him is right and great, great events will come for you and countless others. You may not know us. God will determine that, because your real reliance has to be on on him. He will even show you how to create the fellowship you crave. You think it's possible for people to think that they can learn themselves into a regulationship with God or, you know, sort of fourth step themselves into a regulationship? There's all that stuff that I just read. Have to do with work in a perfect for step, working a perfect fist. That, or does it have to say, does have to do with some sort of thing called belief and faith. What if you what if you get through all those steps and go to all the meetings and you find yourself in your twenty five years sober and you're still without, without faith? What if you're still without faith? What if you still without faith in God? What did all that stuff mean? Maybe it means you stay sober, but what does it mean to have twenty five years, the Thirty Years Sobriety or twenty years sobriety or ten years sobriety and you did all the steps, but your faith is barren because you still live a life for your self, relying. What does that mean? What does it mean not to surrender to God? Why does this have anything to do with the twelve? Sir? Hey, maybe it doesn't. They would just having some fun. We're burning some time. So here's what the big book says, you know, in the twelve and twelve. This is what it says. It says it says we have to get rid of this selfishness. We must, or kills us, and says that God makes that possible. And that right after that, right after it says God makes that possible, it says once we make this decision for God, which I got to be honest with you, I'm not so sure they're talking about the third step decision. I mean everybody does that third step decision. I think the decision they're talking about for God is a little bit deeper than that. Once you make that decision for God, serious decision for God, that's six step decision for God, that total...

...surrender for God. Let me ask you something. You know they asked the Wilson what do you think about a person who doesn't drink, that doesn't drink but doesn't go to meetings. He said, I have no use for him because he has no gratitude. See what bill will say. It wasn't all the drinking thing. Was the drinking thing it was. It was the heart thing. It's what was in the heart. You know what I mean? He said, the Lord has been so wonderful to me. Turn me of this double disease that I got to keep talking about and telling other people. It was all about what was going on in your heart, because the Lord, because God, looks at the heart. He doesn't look to the appearance. He looks to your heart. What's really a motivation? What's going on? So the big book says this. It says once you make this decision for God, all sorts of remarkable things happen. Remarkable things happen, you know. You know remarkable things. If remarkable miracles aren't happening for you, maybe you haven't made the decision yet. Maybe you just haven't made the decision. So let me ask you this. Do you think that if you make a decision for God the way they're talking about they made a decision for God, do you think if they surrender to God, and it's more than just saying I believe in God, but it's actually, it's actually you're not selfrelying, you're totally God relying. Do you think a person like that worries about what other people think about them in a meeting if he talks about God? Do you think a person who's made that decision, the kind of deep decision to talk about in the big book where the central fact of your entire life is God, you do everything to God, for God. You've surrendered to God. So it's importing. You're right, you think that person worries about what you think about him if he talks about God? Not just it's just a question, you know, you just piddle around with that in your mind. But any then it says once a person makes that decision, all sorts of remark whole things happen. It's say it's being all powerful, powerful God will give that person everything he needs. How would you like to have every single thing you need and know you're going to have everything you need, not necessarily everything you want or you need? If that person stays close to God and does his work God's work. Well, that's the whole point, isn't it to stay close to God and do God's work? Well, isn't it true that we, if we're an a? I might got did I get this wrong? Doesn't a a say that everybody in Aa who believes in God is doing this? Has A new employer? How many people are employed here? How people have a job? You know you got a job, he's but well, that's not your job. If you're an a a, that's your earthly job. That's something you do to make some money and you know whatever, that's not your job. You're part of a royal priesthood. Your job. I hate to tell you this, but you got a new employer. If you're listen, I honestly don't know what a fellowship you're in. I don't know what felship you're and I don't know you guys. I'm in alcoholics anonymous. I'm employed by God. I'm a I'm a worker for God. My whole point about being here is to do God's work on the planet that he's laid out before me. Because I have a big book. I don't give a crap what they say in the meetings. I have a big book and the Big Book says I have a new employer. He's God. He wants me to be a maximum service to him and other people. I mean, you can force yourself to do twelves that work, which I did in the beginning. You can follow orders to do twelves that work, which I did in the beginning. You can think it before you make it.

You can do it and get a lot of pleasure out of it. You can do it. You can be on relay for eight years or ten years, hour long. I was on Real Ay. You can sponsored the Zillion people. You can do it all. You'll get a lot out of it. Young still aren't saying you might even like it. You understand what I'm saying. Might even like the deal. But here's the deal. But here's the deal. If God is a set to peace in your life and you've turned your life completely over to God, you won't do that because you feel like you have to do it or you're forced to do it or you're faking it. You'll do it because, because you're compete, you can't help but do it because you have this new employer and his name is God, and this is why you're on the planet and your whole life is about trying to spread this thing to other people and this you know, you're never going to leave a a. you're never gonna you're never going to be one of these guys that say yeah, but then I stopped on it. Why would you stop going to meetings? The Lost Sheet? They're all in the meetings, they're outside the mean means, they're all here. This is what God wants me. He wants me to be here with you guys saying this bullshit. You know what I mean. This is why I was put on the planet, to be here with you, not to go out to my law office and make a few boxes up. This is my whole reason for being alive instead of a dead drunk, is to be right here, right now, telling you this stuff, whether you like it or not. That's my whole deal, and I don't feel bad about it, because I got a new employer. His name is God, and I want to please him and I ain't looking to please you, you know. So that way, when I leave this meeting, even if y'all hate me, you want on some I feel great. I feel great because there's nothing you can do to her. You know what I mean, and the only person I'm interested in pleasing is God. Now I can tell you a lot of twelve step stories that you would you. Let me tell you something. You be rolling the greatest way to learn about alcoholics, the greatest way to learn about yourself. You know, there's a line in the big book talk about scripture, where it talks about it says, of course, intensive work with alcoholics is guarantee sobriety. With this line of big book it says we have to be the good submaritan every day. By the way, if you want to know what that means, if you really want to know what that means, you're going to have to go to the book a Luke in the Bible. I'm sorry, I mean you may think you know what a means, you may think they're smart ass. You may think, well, I know, looks maarian means a good person. Non, no, there's you got to unpack that. There's a lot of stuff. That's a parable by Jesus, a story by Jesus, and there are reasons. He talks about the the guy who's dying, and he talks about the priest that walks by and the LEA by that walks one by, and have to understand what Believi ite is and you have to understand what the priest it with a priest is and what they did and you got to understand what what, what the Good Samaritan is. You got understood what a Samaritan is, why I chose a Samaritan rather than a lea, by the why they have chose that. And you gotta and you gotta see exactly what he did and how he did it. I mean you don't, you can't even possibly even understand the words Good Samaritan or what that thing was all about. You just get the most superficial view of what that is by just saying well, the Good Samaritan. You don't have a clue as to what it means. Not a clue. Not a clue. Nobody in a has a clue unless they've studied and read the Good Samaritan. You know why they used to work good Samaritan when they say you must be the Good Samaritan, because that's the book they were reading when they wrote the Big Book. They knew what they were, but they knew what Good Samaritan men. They knew what the story was all about. You don't know the story. You know maybe five percent of what that whole thing means you know nothing. And you know why you know nothing? Not because was the anybody stopping you.

Because because you're closed minded and you know nothing about the second step. You just bullshit you like alcoholics always bullshit themselves. The thinking their open mind. That where. If they're really open minded, they would be running to the Bible right now saying I got to read that. Sucker, you have somebody explain it to me, but you know what it is. But you're all self reliant. Why should you do that? After all, you're not drinking, you don't have to learn anymore, you know, or any of that stuff. And besides, this Guy Russell, I you just have to put up with me for another thirty minutes. That I'm gone. Then you go back to your regular AA and a meetings, forms of forms of godliness without power. You can do that stuff. Hey, a kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You know why? I know that? Because in the big pot that says a kindly act wasn't a whole. Was that enough? I'm always let me tastes. I drive with with dollar bills stuff on my dash for it. I pull up to go. I'm always given money to people on the street. But you know, it says, it says a kindly actors once a while is enough. You know what I mean? I got I got to have my telephone jangle every night, I got to get on these meetings to do this, I got to do this stuff. This is my life. So the problem with me is this, and this is I don't really think it's a problem, but I will tell you the problem. This you might deal and how I do these steps. I used to. What happens is, if you really focus on this, deal the way I'm focusing, and believe me, I'm so far from mark. I mean I'm not even close. What happens is it changes you. The book changes you, the Bible changes you, God changes you and you change and as you change, you look at things differently. Through the repeated humiliations, through the crushing of your self sufficiency, you look at things differently. This talk, what I'm talking with, what I'm doing right now. I was doing stu, you know, listen, I've been doing steps series ever since I was five or six, series sober. Listen, I would never have done this meeting this way at twenty years or twenty five years. You know, and you know I mean, let me tell you something. There's nothing wrong with doing in any way you want to do it. I love telling Aa Stories about people I have sponsored or how I was sponsored. A lot of them are very funny. I got to be honest with you. You'll learn a lot about your disease by sponsoring people. By the by the way, the best way to learn how to sponsor people is the pass is the sponsor them. Practice on them. You can't hurt them. You can't hurt an alcoholic. Impossible. After the thermonuclear war, there's only two things living on the planet, cockroaches and alcoholics. Trust me, we're alcoholics. Are The people that get into head on collisions with and know family's off and they sort of wobble away with like a brute. You know what I mean. We cannot be killed. Alcoholics cannot be killed. Will kill ourselves, will drink ourselves to death, but we can't. Don't worry. Practice on alcoholics, you know, go in there, don't worry about it. Tell him anything, tell me, go drink whatever it is. You can't hurt him. You know what I mean. Just the you know, just go ahead and do a practice on alcoholics. They will you will learn things about this disease that will blow your mind and you'll learn things about yourself. You'll get to the point where you'll they'll break your heart, you'll worry about them, you'll get all codependent. You know, they'll use you, they'll abuse you, they'll say stupid things. It's the greatest you'll have the greatest time of your life. You'll learn so much about this disease just listening to him. Oh the excuses you'll hear, oh the stuff you'll hear. You know, it's so great. It's so much fun. Like when I got that call from Kevin, I love. I Love Kevin, one of my first sponse he's I love Kevin. I love them, you know. And he was...

...just such a great guy and and he called me up because he had like about four or five or six months and some Gallo had about three years, captured them and he was living with her and her home and the lovely Annie and and he called me up one night and he said, he said Russell, he said last night in Annie, while I was trying to go to sleep, try to stab me with scissors in my back. And I said, Kevin, I said, when a woman tries to stab you with shears when you're sleeping. That's God's way of telling you it's time to leave. And Kevin said to me those famous words that I've heard from almost everybody out sponsored. He said, no, you don't understand. And then Kevin, who, add five or six months of a was very intelligible, started explaining to me why I didn't understand. He started talking about love, he started talking about commitments, he started talking about giving people second chances, he started talking about having compassion for people who started talking about loyalty, he started talking about forgiveness, he started talking about all the things you talked about an a, and I started thinking to myself, maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe there's, maybe, I mean, you know, maybe dump the gun here. You know, by the way, that's what gets people into Alan on. Be Very, very careful about that, you know. you start buying that stuff too much, they'll put you an Alan out, which you, believe me, is a fate worse than that, you know. I mean you can get rid of the code of Henency right here in a a. and so I said okay, because he had convinced me that whatever. And you know, three days later he was drunk and then about four months later he got he got sober again. He was locked up actually in Tampa and he was locked up for about three or four months and and I went over there with my wife or over in Tampa for something else. We're going to meet him for dinner and he had moved out of the the center that he was locked up and he had been released and by the court and he had moved up, moved in with the gun named then then I forgot. Her name was like Joyce or something like that. And because he had met her in treatment, you know, because it was it was a match made in heaven, because they had something in common their sickness. They had something in common their sickness. You know, it's sort of like if you have two bad drivers and you put him together, all state, no charge, you actually less money because they have something in common, you know, and the odds of them getting an that senator or less. So he would moved them with Joyce and he wanted me to meet meet Joyce. And the truth of the matter is they had actually kicked them out of the treatment center because he started romantic relationship with Joyce and and we were supposed to meet him at Burn Steak House and Lantin and in where was in Tampa, and we went to the steakhouse and he wasn't there. And finally I called him up. I said, Kevin, where are you? And he said, Russell, you won't believe this. I was. I said what, Keaven, I said, he says it's Joyce. I said what he says? Joyce says she's on the balcony and she's got a butcher knife and she's nude and she's screaming at me. And I said, and she's got a bottle in her other hand. And I said, Kevin, what is Joyce doing on a balcony with a butcher knife, nude, with a bottle in her hand, drunk, scream at what is she screaming at you? He says she's screaming leave. Leave, and so I say, Kevin, listen to me.

Listen together, very important to listen to me. What you need to do is you need to leave. And Kevin said to me the following. He said you can't make this shit up. He said, Russell, you don't understand. He said, what about loyalty? What about love? What about giving people second chance? Is What about commitment? What about thinking of other people rather than myself. What if she commits suicide? What about? I said, what is she doing now? She says she keeps on screaming to me. Leave. I said, Kevin, you need to leave. He said, you don't understand, and of course Kevin started drinking and you got arrested again. Now let me ask you something. How can? How? Why would you want to miss out on stuff like that? You understand I'm saying. Why would you? I mean, I can't even imagine. What. What? What? Why did you go to the movies? Why would you want to spend money going to the movies when you could just call up Kevin ask him how he's doing? You know what I mean? I'll leave a message with the okay. I mean, why would you want to do that when you could just sponsor and Kevin and I got I don't know how many men I'm sponsored, three, four, five, six, hundred men, you know, and every one of them has their own story. It's like a soap opera. It's unbelievable. I could give you stories. You'd say, I can't believe but you can't make this shit up. You can make it up what they come up with, and every story is not only about them. It's about me and tells me about me, helps you find out more about myself. You know, I guess what. This is really crazy. Some of them actually make it, some of them actually amazing. It's such a great it's such a great deal. The Joy of passing this Bill Wilson, I get. Look I when Bill Wilson says the Lord has been so wonderful to me through me, its doubles these I got to keep talking about and telling other people. And he gave all credit to God. And that's the golden text and a I understand. I get that because I lived that. I understand what Bill Wilson stuft to me, the big book is just not words the book, it's my life. You know, I feel you know, I would walk up in the BILBOL sides. I know what you're talking to that I know. I feel you're talking about me. I feel the same way, you know. And so when I think of the twelve step and the joy of living, which is the theme of the joy of living, which is the theme of the twelve step, I can't even imagine why somebody would be involved in this give their lives to God and surrender and make him a new employer and then not do this stuff and then not do this the or be forced to do this stuff. But you know when that would happen? That would happen, I think when you haven't really given your life to God. I think that would happen when you really don't have a relationship with God. I think that would happen when you just superficially take a strengthening run it. Alcoholics, anonymous sort of come in thank it before until you make it and then you sort of like, you know, you sort of like that, you sort of audition a and then, after ten or fifteen years, just sort of like rest on an illarels and, you know, decide to run your own life. I think that happens to people that are really the boys, the people that really don't have any relationship with God. They just think they have relationship with God because they hold hands during the Lord's prayer where they say the serenity prayer, some sort of bullshit like that, and they actually think they have something over themselves, but you see deep down inside they know they're empty in his go. That's the that's the problem. You See, the problem is, no matter what they say, they know they don't got it. They're miserable. But that's not to condemn anythingbody, because the truth the matter is anybody who's in that position always...

...has the opportunity to make a decision. Always has the opportunity to make the decision right. Nobody. We have a breath testin a if you're breathing, you still got a chance, you know. But the bottom line is, let's face my get to these meetings and I'm talking about this stuff. The people I'm talking to or sober, most of the marina alcoholics anonymous. Most of them are working. Most of people strow the steps. Series are working the damn steps, you know, and they're trying to figure out and they're here because they want to figure out what am I doing wrong, or what more can I do, or what's happening, or what is the deal? You know what I mean. It would be criminal to me not to share what I just shared with you. That's what this deal is all about. You got to go wherever you have to go to get fed whatever you have to fed, be fed so that you can have a relationship with him. So that's all I have to say. That's my deal and I'm sticking to it and that's the deal. Becky, we're deck and Becky leave. No, I'm here. Thanks. Wrestling. That's it. Thank you, thank you,.

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